TRASCRIZIONE 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.720
If I can be very honest with you all, I'm gonna beat them anyways.
00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:04.559
I wasn't really asking, I was kind of telling.
00:00:04.879 --> 00:00:09.519
Most of us are professionals at saying that we are fine and we're not.
00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:16.399
Education needs people who are truly present, not just in the building.
00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:20.239
I'm Ember DeShazer, and welcome to Homeroom Attendance.
00:00:20.480 --> 00:00:21.839
Your C listen.
00:00:28.559 --> 00:00:29.760
What's going on, Pod?
00:00:30.960 --> 00:00:32.719
Welcome to Homeroom Attendance.
00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:40.399
I'm your host, Eber DeShazer, and today I am asking, are you present or are you absent?
00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:42.079
Let's begin.
00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:46.640
I want you to count something this week.
00:00:46.880 --> 00:00:50.320
Or let's go back to this last week and think if we can think through and count it.
00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:59.119
How many times count how many times someone in your building asks, How are you doing?
00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:02.560
And you answer, I'm fine.
00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:09.120
Whether it was in the hallway on those drive-by greetings, or you both blow past it, hey, how are you doing?
00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:09.439
I'm fine.
00:01:09.519 --> 00:01:10.799
You just both keep walking.
00:01:10.959 --> 00:01:19.280
Maybe it's the teacher's lounge, maybe it's the car line, maybe it's the staff meeting, maybe it's in the teacher's lounge where you're grabbing a cup of coffee.
00:01:19.519 --> 00:01:24.959
Now count how many of those times you actually were fine.
00:01:26.879 --> 00:01:31.920
We have built a whole culture in education around that one word.
00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:42.079
Teachers say it to each other, staff say it to the principal, the principal says it to the school board, the kids watch us all say it.
00:01:43.680 --> 00:01:54.400
RAN's 26, 2026 survey found that 55% of teachers deal with frequent job-related stress.
00:01:55.519 --> 00:01:59.200
For similar working adults outside of education, that number is 34%.
00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:05.359
And 18% of teachers said they were likely to leave their job by the end of last school year.
00:02:06.079 --> 00:02:13.520
So if you put those numbers next to each other, this means that someone in your building said I'm fine and didn't mean it.
00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:14.879
Maybe it was you.
00:02:15.039 --> 00:02:16.319
Maybe it was them.
00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:18.240
Maybe it was both of us.
00:02:19.439 --> 00:02:23.520
Um what I would like to do, pause here for a second.
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:28.000
If you are listening on a podcast platform, please, please, please leave a review.
00:02:28.080 --> 00:02:30.560
If you're watching on YouTube, smash a little thumb button.
00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:34.719
Uh it helps us keep in front of dynamic educators like yourself.
00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:39.120
But if I can be very
Load full transcript
honest with you all, I'm gonna be it in anyways.
00:02:39.199 --> 00:02:40.960
I wasn't really asking, I was kind of telling.
00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:46.080
Most of us are professionals at saying that we are fine and we're not.
00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:48.319
I want you to introduce you to someone.
00:02:48.560 --> 00:02:50.479
Her name is Miss Carter.
00:02:51.520 --> 00:02:54.879
Miss Carter is in her eighth year of teaching.
00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:57.919
She is the first car in the lot.
00:02:58.400 --> 00:03:01.439
She covers classes when a sub doesn't show.
00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:06.400
She is the one new teachers go to when they are drowning.
00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:12.319
Somebody passes Miss Carter in the hallway and they say, Miss Carter, how you doing?
00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:14.400
She smiles.
00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:17.840
I'm fine, blessed and highly favored.
00:03:18.319 --> 00:03:22.000
Everyone laughs, everyone keeps moving.
00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:25.520
Meanwhile, Miss Carter is sleeping five hours a night.
00:03:25.759 --> 00:03:27.599
Miss Carter is exhausted.
00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:33.039
Miss Carter sits in her car on Monday mornings for 10 minutes before she can even walk into work.
00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:38.960
And back in November, Miss Carter quietly updated her resume because she's exhausted.
00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:40.479
Nobody knows.
00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:44.080
And every time someone asks Miss Carter, How are you doing?
00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:46.639
She says, I'm fine.
00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:53.039
And every time that she said fine, they believed her because she was so good at it.
00:03:53.280 --> 00:03:55.039
So why do we do that?
00:03:56.319 --> 00:03:57.919
Part of it is who we are.
00:03:58.159 --> 00:03:59.599
Educators are caregivers.
00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:10.719
We are wired to take care of everyone else first, and admitting that we're not okay can feel like we're taking something away from the kids.
00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:15.759
The other part is that nobody wants to be the one who can't handle it.
00:04:16.160 --> 00:04:19.759
You look down the hallway and everyone else seems to have it all together.
00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:22.480
So you keep your face on too.
00:04:22.959 --> 00:04:30.639
What I've learned is that they're looking down the hallway at you thinking the exact same thing.
00:04:37.279 --> 00:04:43.199
And all these other people in the building are looking down the hallway at you like he or she has got it together.
00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:44.639
And we don't.
00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:47.120
News flash.
00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:50.160
The majority of adults don't have it together.
00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:52.639
Some of us are hanging on by a thread.
00:04:53.439 --> 00:05:00.240
Fine, the word fine, air quotes, for those that can't see me, costs you something.
00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:05.759
46% of teachers said their job left them too tired for a personal life.
00:05:06.079 --> 00:05:09.360
For similar adults, 13% that's only 13%.
00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:13.519
Fine at school turns into empty at home.
00:05:13.759 --> 00:05:17.600
And the people we love the most get whatever is left.
00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:28.399
How many of you have pulled into your driveway after school and just sat there, engine off, phone in your lap, quiet, no music for five to ten minutes?
00:05:31.040 --> 00:05:38.560
Those minutes in the car are what all those fines are adding up to.
00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:40.480
It costs the kids too.
00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:43.120
Students read us better than we think.
00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:47.920
When the adults in our building are pretending, kids pick up that pretending is the rule.
00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:52.959
Then we wonder why a student tells us everything is fine before everything falls apart.
00:05:53.600 --> 00:05:55.120
They have learned from watching us.
00:05:55.199 --> 00:06:00.959
Our kids at home have learned from watching us, pretending that everything is fine.
00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:07.439
The teacher who said fine in September is often the one whose resignation letter surprises everyone come March.
00:06:07.600 --> 00:06:08.160
That's Mrs.
00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:09.040
Carter.
00:06:09.279 --> 00:06:10.959
It shouldn't have been a surprise.
00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:13.920
We just never got the real answer from her when we asked.
00:06:14.079 --> 00:06:15.680
Blessed and highly favored, dear.
00:06:15.839 --> 00:06:17.920
We all know that teacher that says that.
00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:21.360
But is that actually where they're at?
00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:29.279
Yes, we may be blessed and highly favored, but fine is not fine if you're not fine.
00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:44.560
I want people to understand that I can't, or I want you to understand that I can't change your schedule from behind this microphone.
00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:49.199
But you control more of it than you may think.
00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:52.399
Start by changing the question that we ask.
00:06:52.639 --> 00:06:53.759
How are you?
00:06:54.240 --> 00:06:55.680
Is a greeting.
00:06:56.319 --> 00:06:59.759
Nobody treats it like a real question, so nobody gives a real answer.
00:06:59.839 --> 00:07:00.639
It's just like our default.
00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:02.160
You get an elevator, like, hey, how are you doing?
00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:02.959
Hey, I'm I'm fine.
00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:03.439
How are you?
00:07:03.600 --> 00:07:07.519
Like that is just it's like a salutation for us.
00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:11.920
So try something more specific when you're walking past teachers.
00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:15.759
Ask them, you know, what has been the heaviest part of your week?
00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:18.399
Were you really on a scale of one to ten?
00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:25.759
Sometimes we have to ask the honest questions so we can get the honest answers from the people that are around us.
00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:31.680
A specific question tells the other person you
actually want to hear the answer.
00:07:34.319 --> 00:07:40.480
Try asking what's something you need right now that you haven't asked for.
00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:42.079
Then wait.
00:07:42.240 --> 00:07:43.680
Don't feel a silence.
00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:47.680
The first answer is probably gonna be nothing.
00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:48.720
I'm good.
00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:51.120
And stay there for a second longer.
00:07:51.360 --> 00:07:54.319
Because that second answer that comes after that is usually the real.
00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:58.639
Then give one person the honest answer.
00:07:58.800 --> 00:08:04.480
A few episodes, maybe three or four episodes back, talked about you are doing enough.
00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:12.160
I talked about us finding one person who gets the honest version of us every single day.
00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:14.319
This is where that pays off.
00:08:14.560 --> 00:08:17.920
You don't have to tell the whole staff lounge that there's a challenge.
00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:20.000
You just need that one person in your building.
00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:23.519
And when that person asks, you have to tell them the truth.
00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:31.920
Now let's talk about the entire building because this can't rely on one good listener in the hallway.
00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:36.480
It has to be built in how our schools feel and how our schools run.
00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:42.159
If you lead anything, maybe it's a grade level team, a department, a whole school, whatever it is, maybe it's just your classroom.
00:08:42.320 --> 00:08:43.600
You have to go first.
00:08:45.279 --> 00:08:51.039
People won't be honest with you until they have watched you be honest with them.
00:08:51.679 --> 00:08:56.320
So I want you to picture a principal at that October staff meeting.
00:08:58.080 --> 00:09:02.159
Before she touches the agenda, she says, I want to be honest with you all.
00:09:02.480 --> 00:09:05.200
This month has been difficult for me.
00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:14.000
I've been taking work home, I've been short with people that I care about, and if I've been short with you, I am sorry.
00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:19.200
Then she sits down, the entire room goes quiet.
00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:27.360
And then after the meeting, over the next couple days, a couple teachers stop, a couple people and staff members from building stop in her office.
00:09:27.919 --> 00:09:32.639
Each one of them has a version that sounds like, I've been feeling the same.
00:09:33.039 --> 00:09:42.240
So one honest minute in front of an entire room gave everyone else permission to be honest and a space to say, your feelings are validated.
00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:46.080
Your honesty can be, can be um safe here.
00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:48.240
We are here to support you.
00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:56.159
Open your team meeting with a two-minute round where everyone answers one real question.
00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:57.759
Nobody fixes everything.
00:09:57.919 --> 00:09:59.120
We are just listening.
00:09:59.279 --> 00:10:03.519
If you're not in charge of that meeting, you can do this with your grade level team or at your lunch table.
00:10:03.679 --> 00:10:09.600
And when someone finally gives you the real answer, we have to stop trying to rush to fix it.
00:10:09.840 --> 00:10:12.320
Just say, thank you for telling me.
00:10:12.799 --> 00:10:20.639
As educators, as people, oftentimes when people have a problem, our initial instinct is that we have to fix and solve that problem.
00:10:21.279 --> 00:10:23.519
In this moment, I'm not asking you to fix it.
00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:25.759
I'm just asking you to hear it and acknowledge.
00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:28.080
Thank you for telling me that.
00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:34.559
A building where the adults can tell the truth about how they're doing is a building where the kids can too.
00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:39.519
So this week, I want you to notice when you say fine, even though you're not.
00:10:39.759 --> 00:10:45.120
And I want you to notice when you hear it, because I guarantee you you hear it multiple times a day and we don't even realize it.
00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:49.679
And then I want you to pick one person to ask that better question to.
00:10:49.919 --> 00:10:53.279
And here's where I'll leave you for this episode.
00:10:54.399 --> 00:11:00.799
If the people in your building told you the truth tomorrow, what do you think that you would hear?
00:11:02.960 --> 00:11:06.240
And the follow-up question is what would you tell them?
00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:16.159
If this episode landed for you, uh send it to someone in your building, share this with an educator, um, like, subscribe, leave reviews.
00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:22.960
Again, that always gets me up an algorithm for more educators like yourself to find us.
00:11:23.200 --> 00:11:28.240
But I am encouraging you if you're not doing fine, stop telling people that you're doing.
00:11:29.039 --> 00:11:30.720
Thank you for spending this time with me.
00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:33.039
You have been present for homeroom attendance.
00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:36.159
Class is dismissed.