Transkrip lengkap untuk 13: A Conversation with Justin Patrick Cochrane Part 1: From the Depths of Hell to the Light of Christ

God and the light of Christ, and knowing that Christ has never ceased being God, and that kind of helps filter it in a way that kind of keeps you centered where you should be and not all the noise from left and right. 00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:36.959 So glad you mentioned that, Julie. 00:05:37.199 --> 00:05:48.959 And before we get into more about your story, Justin, and some questions that we're so excited to hear, I want to share how we met. 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:59.279 And, you know, also I need to mention that I've heard Justin tell his story so many different ways now. 00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:03.040 And I've known Justin for almost over a year and a half. 00:06:03.920 --> 00:06:10.000 And there's rare occasions that he's not crying through it. 00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:19.519 So I do want to just share with the audience that this is this is some really intense experiences. 00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:26.399 And like I said, it's there's no what Justin says too, there's no words. 00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:28.959 It's you know, we call it love. 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:31.439 That's our description of it. 00:06:31.600 --> 00:06:43.120 But I think that there are we can't comprehend love um and how much love is available to us through God. 00:06:44.319 --> 00:07:04.160 So I met Justin through the Sober Girls, Two Sober Girl Mastermind community, and he has been connected to Aaron, which is one of the hosts of Two Sober Girls, and just right there that filter through Aaron. 00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:10.480 And Aaron is somebody that I deeply trust and love dearly. 00:07:10.720 --> 00:07:17.839 And she had Justin come on to one of our private um community meetings. 00:07:18.800 --> 00:07:34.240 And I remember the weather, I remember what I was wearing on this day, which doesn't seem significant, but when you have these moments of recognition, you just remember those moments. 00:07:34.319 --> 00:07:56.959 And I remember it was pouring down rain, and I don't even think I had my camera on during these Zoom meetings, and just and Justin shared his story, and all I can remember is I finally felt this breath of fresh air. 00:07:57.519 --> 00:08:18.720 Like it was so grounding to hear somebody have an experience with Jesus, though my experience, I did not see him, I did not hear him, but I felt him. 00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:26.079 Though I didn't at the time know it was him. 00:08:26.879 --> 00:08:39.200 It was months down the road, and it was through um hearing in some way, I don't even remember how the story was was said, but it was his parable of the lost sheep. 00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:56.000 And when that story hit my soul, it was it activated something within me and a remembrance and knowing that this love um through him was always available to me. 00:08:56.240 --> 00:09:01.679 And so when I heard this story through Justin, it just reinforced my faith. 00:09:01.919 --> 00:09:03.919 It reinforced everything. 00:09:04.240 --> 00:09:22.879 And like I said, it's been over a

year and a half, and I continue to walk this path with God, and I'm meeting people that have experienced stories and personal experiences with Christ. 00:09:23.840 --> 00:09:31.279 And I constantly am hearing these stories, and I just feel like my faith just grows with it through this process. 00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:36.799 And a lot of it is through this topic of this conversation, prayer. 00:09:37.919 --> 00:09:43.919 And we're gonna get into it because I, you know, that's this is what Justin does. 00:09:44.240 --> 00:09:51.679 And it's helped me working with him and praying with him and other people that's connected with him. 00:09:52.320 --> 00:10:05.279 It's constantly reminding me how when I have a life of devotion with prayer and connecting with God, with Christ, with Mary, I'm never alone. 00:10:05.600 --> 00:10:09.840 And it's it's just, you know, there's no no words for this. 00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:15.840 So that's why I'm just so excited for for this to be shared to others. 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:18.240 So thank you again, Justin, for being here. 00:10:18.399 --> 00:10:32.639 We're so grateful for for your time and your energy and all of the prayers that you have have done for us, um, and just helping me remember how important it is to keep that constant dialogue. 00:10:32.799 --> 00:10:35.679 Like the goal is to just be a walking prayer. 00:10:37.679 --> 00:10:38.639 So thank you. 00:10:39.120 --> 00:10:40.399 It's a true pleasure. 00:10:40.559 --> 00:10:46.159 Um, thank you for all that you do and all that you pray for. 00:10:46.480 --> 00:10:51.600 I know maybe it's hard to understand sometimes, but they're they're seen and felt. 00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:54.720 And uh yeah, you didn't have your camera on that day. 00:10:54.879 --> 00:10:56.799 I remember it very clearly. 00:10:57.039 --> 00:11:02.799 Um so there's some things that happen sometimes when I know I'm gonna do work with someone. 00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:25.519 There was, I don't know how many women were on that day, but there was a tile and like I see Kylie's little window on the Zoom screen, and it was the same way I was even guided early on with uh my dear sister Erin, the host of Two Sober Girls, and uh I Know When God or When St. 00:11:25.679 --> 00:11:26.799 Michael was present. 00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:42.879 There's like, I can't trying to put this into words, but there's almost like this iridescent blue and purple aura around person, like hovering over them around it, and it was just circling her Kylie's screen. 00:11:43.919 --> 00:11:46.480 And Erin always, but like it was circling that screen. 00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:49.039 I was like, okay, don't know what it is yet. 00:11:49.120 --> 00:11:50.960 And I don't, it's like I'm not I'm not psychic, right? 00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:56.480 I can't see the future, even if I have a prophetic dreamer, we all you know can all have that. 00:11:56.960 --> 00:12:00.720 Um I just pay attention to it and it's for a reason. 00:12:00.799

--> 00:12:02.480 And I go, okay, I don't know what it is yet. 00:12:02.639 --> 00:12:18.080 And somehow, and then it was a couple weeks later, Aaron had reached out to me and said, you know, one of the girls from uh the mastermind class uh you know was kind of seeking more of this prayer, and uh had suggested to connect with Justin. 00:12:18.159 --> 00:12:19.360 He'd kind of give her your number. 00:12:19.440 --> 00:12:20.320 I was like, absolutely. 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:22.320 And I was like, which one was it? 00:12:22.960 --> 00:12:24.080 Because I already knew. 00:12:25.039 --> 00:12:25.840 I just like, oh kind. 00:12:26.080 --> 00:12:27.360 It was like, okay, good, perfect. 00:12:27.519 --> 00:12:29.120 I was like, yeah, we were waiting. 00:12:29.919 --> 00:12:33.039 Oh beautiful, yeah. 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:36.879 So cool that oh no, thanks for sharing. 00:12:37.039 --> 00:12:44.240 Um, so Justin, we want to know the details of when God entered the chat for you. 00:12:46.480 --> 00:12:48.399 What a question that is. 00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:51.919 Um you know, when does God enter the chat? 00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:54.000 Like, you know, God was always there, right? 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:57.039 We just we didn't know we were hearing God the whole time. 00:12:57.360 --> 00:13:00.879 God was there from the beginning. 00:13:01.120 --> 00:13:04.240 He was there through all of it, through all of my darkness, through everything. 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:17.440 Um but when what was the the the big catapult was was in, I think it was probably in 2018. 00:13:19.360 --> 00:13:21.200 Well, we'll go a little forward to that. 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:28.480 I would say that I didn't realize at the time, you know, it was months later when I realized it, but it was at the end of 2016. 00:13:28.879 --> 00:13:35.360 Um I had relapsed like six months before that, some things had happened. 00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:43.360 I and I have you know struggled with with alcohol and drug addiction the majority of my adult life, you know, on and off. 00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:46.240 I'd be like really good, or you know, then relapse. 00:13:47.120 --> 00:14:10.559 And uh it was during a period of a lot, like it seemed like everything was going wrong in life, you know, failed relationships, lost jobs, like just everything all happened in like one week, like and then I like had relapsed, and then I went on this roller coaster for a couple of years and I was doing really good in 2016, and then I had a pretty traumatic thing happen. 00:14:10.720 --> 00:14:20.399 Um and I'm not gonna go into that because it that's not the point, and just to save, you know, not to talk or gossip about others. 00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:23.360 I don't like to talk about others if they're not present, you know. 00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:25.039 If we're they're there, that's okay. 00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:29.039 But you know, what whatever's meant to be in private is meant to be in private. 00:14:29.360 --> 00:14:42.240 But so that had kind of was this you know, the straw that you know broke the camel's back moment, and and I went on a like six-month bender, and it was like really, really bad. 00:14:43.440 --> 00:14:47.360 And I was fully, I was I was possessed. 00:14:47.519 --> 00:14:57.679 I was just completely, I was like, remember like sitting in the backseat, like unable to control what was happening, and uh fast forward to the end of 2016. 00:14:57.919 --> 00:15:21.120 Um I overdosed in a hotel in Boston, and I remember feeling my heart um like skipping beats and stopping, like it was a really erratic thing, and uh it would stop and then I couldn't breathe, and then it would like kick back in, and then it would stop and couldn't breathe. 00:15:21.200 --> 00:15:37.759 And at this point I was so heavily addicted, like I was drinking like probably a liter to a handle of like vodka or tequila a day and doing massive amounts of cocaine. 00:15:38.080 --> 00:15:43.279 Like I just I was numbing, like it was the only thing I knew to numb the pain that I was in. 00:15:44.960 --> 00:15:55.039 And it was there's I shouldn't be here, but you know, it was all God's will, and it hit a certain point where my heart then just stopped. 00:15:55.279 --> 00:16:25.200 I was no longer breathing, and next thing I know I was laying in this bed in in this hotel room, and my dead grandfather was sitting in the chair next to me weeping, and the room filled with all these shadow figures and demons, and I died, and I got pulled down through you know what we would call the great hell here on this earth, like the fire and brimstone, like being like ripped apart. 00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:46.240 It was like feeling every cell in your body being gutted at the same time burning, agony, and things I don't want to describe that you will that because there's there's no reason to kind of focus on the darkness, you know, focus on the light, but really horrific. 00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:51.120 Like whatever you could think hell is doesn't come close. 00:16:51.519 --> 00:16:56.080 Just make it ten times, a hundred times worse than whatever you could comprehend a theme. 00:16:56.799 --> 00:17:02.080 And I was there, I don't know, time disappears, time's not even real, you know. 00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:08.559 This linear time that we live on is it's like this could have happened in you know moments, hours. 00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:22.480 It's time is so different, and that horrible place wasn't even the worst yet, because then I went through that, and then I went to a place that was the void, completely absent of light. 00:17:23.039 --> 00:17:26.480 And it was like you were falling in complete darkness. 00:17:26.640 --> 00:17:41.759 There was no light, but it wasn't a state where you know, in in like Eastern and like Hindu cultures, like the yogis, like they would call a place like a samadhi type of meditation where you're kind of in between, and it's like a nothingness. 00:17:41.920 -->

00:17:48.160 Well, that's a I've achieved those kind of states through meditation before. 00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:52.400 That's different than what this was, like that's a in-between or nothing. 00:17:52.640 --> 00:18:02.160 This was the depths of darkness, it was a dimension of crushing despair, sadness, depression. 00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:10.319 And I remember being like, I deserve this, like I did this, and I knew it, like it was my fault, I did it. 00:18:10.559 --> 00:18:16.960 There was no blame, and I remember just saying I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. 00:18:19.279 --> 00:18:32.799 I came back and I didn't realize it at the time how much that um you know it was weeks later when because a couple days later, I I got sober and started this this journey. 00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:48.559 Um so I'll say that's probably when God really like entered the chat because and it's not it's not what we're gonna get into, the real beautiful um ecstasy mystical stuff that you know there's no words for, but it was that it was that. 00:18:49.200 --> 00:18:55.759 Because I when I came back, I was like, no, like everything changed, and I but I was still so toxic. 00:18:55.839 --> 00:18:58.480 Like I didn't have that moment where it was removed from me right away. 00:18:58.559 --> 00:19:00.400 Like Kylie was talking about. 00:19:00.640 --> 00:19:05.680 I was so toxic and addicted at that point, like I couldn't function without it. 00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:07.279 Like it was like all day. 00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:10.880 It wasn't just like, oh, I go to drink after work, like I would start the day. 00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:19.839 I'd have to have like eight shots of like liquor before I could leave the house just to stop the seizures and the tremors. 00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:21.680 And people couldn't even tell. 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:23.759 And they're like, we couldn't even tell that you were that bad. 00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:49.839 Like you were there's people who have addiction problems, like, and they're like the village drunkard and everyone knows, and then there's the functioning ones, and they're were more dangerous in a way because you can function and and still go on with your day, and while you're completely dying inside, and just put on a face and just run through the motions, go to work and do whatever, burning the candle at uh both ends and in the middle, you know. 00:19:50.079 --> 00:20:06.559 And uh that was probably it's not when you know Jesus fully entered the chat yet, but that's when that was the the the catalyst where like if I go any further this way, like I'm I'm dead. 00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:08.960 Like there's no there was no more chances. 00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:10.640 Like I just knew there was no more chance of this. 00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:12.799 This wasn't the first time I had overdosed in my life. 00:20:12.880 --> 00:20:22.240 Like I did it in my 20s, and it was it was just the calling was so strong and what I witnessed in that. 00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:24.400 I wasn't I wasn't even afraid either. 00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:27.200 Wasn't like, oh, I was afraid to like die and do that. 00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:30.160 It was like I understood that that was my fault. 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:33.440 Like when you go, there's no there's no blame. 00:20:33.519 --> 00:20:35.359 It's like, oh, someone else's fault did this. 00:20:35.440 --> 00:20:41.119 You're like, oh it's it's this this is what we talk about with humility. 00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:42.720 You just knew everything. 00:20:42.799 --> 00:20:46.880 Like when you leave here, there's no human part of it. 00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:51.680 Like you get to see everything you did, and you just go, I oh, I I deserve this. 00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:55.599 Like God doesn't send anyone, God doesn't judge anyone, we do it ourselves. 00:20:55.839 --> 00:20:57.920 God doesn't say you messed up, you go to hell. 00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:59.279 God loves everyone. 00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:03.759 You go, oh, I did this, I deserve this, and I'm gonna go there. 00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:20.880 And that that just then, you know, a couple days later, I got sober and I went on a full like detox and heavy juice detox diet and doing all the things I knew how to do. 00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:35.359 I'd you know, studied all this herbal medicine, but like I didn't have just still had the void, even though I was on this path of sobriety and recovery and really diving into meditation and just healing the body and but prayer but without understanding it yet. 00:21:35.680 --> 00:21:38.880 Um and then kind of fast forward to the next. 00:21:39.119 --> 00:21:46.079 I did relapse one time, like six weeks later in February, um, when I was on the road on a tour. 00:21:46.319 --> 00:21:49.839 And I remember, and I didn't even do it like a little bit. 00:21:49.920 --> 00:21:53.680 I was sitting at a hotel bar and eating. 00:21:53.839 --> 00:21:56.880 I remember very specifically, I can remember the how the weather was. 00:21:57.119 --> 00:22:02.000 I remember like there was there was uh golf on the The TV playing. 00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:10.799 And I was eating buffalo cauliflower, sitting at the hotel bar, and was there for like 45 minutes, just fighting it, fighting it. 00:22:10.960 --> 00:22:15.039 And I just turned to the bartender and said, Makers on the rocks, keep them coming. 00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:16.880 Like it wasn't like I had a drink. 00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:20.000 I just said makers rocks, whiskey, keep them coming. 00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:23.599 And I don't know how many I pounded, and then drank like two bottles of wine. 00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:29.599 And I remember one, yeah, just being so ashamed of being in that back seat again. 00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:31.200 Like I'm completely not in control. 00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:34.640 And like the darkness just took over, and I was a complete monster that day. 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:41.839 And all I wanted to be was like, and

then when I woke up, I was like, oh, I remember why I don't do this. 00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:44.799 I hate the person that I am when I'm like this. 00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:56.799 This is like the I don't want to use the analogy, but like if you've ever dated someone that was maybe a toxic relationship in your life, and you should go your separate ways because it was healthy for both of you to go the other separate ways. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:23:00.720 And then somewhere down the line you run cross paths and you run into each other. 00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:05.279 You're like, oh hey, we should go out, we should get coffee, we should go get drinks, or do something. 00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:09.279 And then you hang out and you realize you both realize, oh, I remember why we're exes. 00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:11.119 Like, I don't like you. 00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:14.480 So that was my relationship with alcohol. 00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:16.240 I was like, oh, I don't like you. 00:23:16.480 --> 00:23:18.640 I don't like you, but you taught me a lot. 00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:21.599 Like that, that I learned so much from it. 00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:23.599 And and that was it. 00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:26.880 And I like then it was just marched forward. 00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:30.079 It was sobriety, it was meditation, it was prayer. 00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:35.599 Uh it was all the every I was searching for every healing modality that I could do. 00:23:35.680 --> 00:23:52.240 You know, it was like doing yoga, I was doing transcendental meditation, I was you know, studying this book and that book and this, seeking all this knowledge, and just because I was just, I knew I was there was still, I was sober, I was feeling great, I was looking great, I was like, my my my health was great. 00:23:52.960 --> 00:24:28.559 And but there's still there was this hole, there was this void, no matter what I did, no matter how like positive I was and doing this meditation and you know, studying whatever this yogic text or this Buddhist text, and and there's great knowledge, it's not the it's not a judgment of anything at all, but like nothing, only Christ can fill it, and I didn't know it yet, and that you know, then about a year later, I don't remember because it was so blurry, but I was uh okay. 00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:39.440 So I had in this seeking and searching, I had you know done a seven-day water fast. 00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:58.000 And I was also like going to the Russian sauna and like doing 220-degree saunas and cold plunges and just this cleansing, detoxing, and I was doing a uh parasite heavy metal cleanse as well, taking herbs, just trying to detox the temple, clean the vessel completely out of anything. 00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:16.720 And I ended with it um in a in a quite hesitant to say it, but like I it was a plant medicine meditation, and I was sitting in this meditation for hours. 00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:21.519 I and I well, like it wasn't like anything I'd experienced before.

00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:38.000 Like I had seen things, I had since I was a kid, I've always seen stuff, and I had you know done psychedelics as a kid and all these other things, and uh so I had experiences, but I saw this stuff before I ever took a plant medicine, quote unquote plant medicine or something like that. 00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:40.559 And this wasn't that, it was it was different. 00:25:40.880 --> 00:26:02.480 And I was there and I was seeing all these things like I, you know, like I had been in this transcendental meditation that I had been practicing, in this breath work and doing this stuff, and I just kept feeling this pull to like go farther, and I would see beings or I would see this place, like it was almost like another planet you'd be on, and it was like, no, let go, no, let go, no, let go. 00:26:02.559 --> 00:26:08.000 And I kept hearing it over and over, and it was like, don't look at any of that, it doesn't matter. 00:26:08.240 --> 00:26:10.559 Just let go, just let go. 00:26:11.839 --> 00:26:19.359 And if I in I remember the the state I was in, like the last thought I had was like, if I let go anymore, I'm not coming back. 00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:21.839 Like if I go any farther, I'm gonna die. 00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:24.559 Like that's that's what I felt. 00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:42.319 And um and I finally just listened and I said, okay, and I surrendered and I just let go and I stopped trying to hold on to anything from here, hold on to me, whatever I was seeing, and I was sucked through like I can't explain it. 00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:46.480 Um it was like a a portal, I guess, of some kind. 00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:58.079 And I went, it was like being a high person, I can't explain, but then I was just in this room that was like a living cathedral, you know. 00:26:58.160 --> 00:27:06.400 Like if you looked up, it was like a cathedral that was as tall as like skyscrapers, and the most beautiful, intricate, ornate cathedral you could ever imagine. 00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:10.960 And it was like, don't worry about all that. 00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:14.880 It was like really clear, like it didn't, it was the most beautiful thing I think I'd ever seen. 00:27:14.960 --> 00:27:17.119 I was like, this is there's no words for this. 00:27:17.440 --> 00:27:25.359 And then the next thing I know, I'm sitting before Christ. 00:27:28.960 --> 00:27:34.880 And uh I couldn't comprehend it. 00:27:38.079 --> 00:27:58.720 I was like, Oh you know, like unconditional love I didn't deserve it. 00:28:01.839 --> 00:28:08.079 Like I didn't like how much of a love I was a monster. 00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:20.480 It's just love. 00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:30.880 And it was like everything was okay, and I could and I've shared this story. 00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:32.160 People was like, oh, what did he say? 00:28:32.400 --> 00:28:35.680 Like, what everyone wants to know all the words, everyone wants to know what the conversation is. 00:28:35.759 --> 00:28:42.160 It's like there's no conversation there, there's no need for words, it's just love. 00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:57.440 Like, if you've ever shared with a friend or a family member, like if you were out at a gathering or something, you like you share a gaze across in someone and you just acknowledge and you go, and there's like a gentle nod and the soft gaze, and you just know that oh, that's my I love that purse. 00:29:00.319 --> 00:29:06.319 And now try to put it into like perspective of a hundred thousand lifetimes of love, and you've never come close to it. 00:29:08.960 --> 00:29:17.759 And he's the only thing he did tell me that was told me, and it was like it wasn't like we didn't use our mouse where we were, it's just it was just knowing he just told me, Yes, this is what you need to do. 00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:23.759 And it wasn't because I thought about oh, the water fast and all things like no, none of that. 00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:28.079 Yeah, this is that's good for the soul, like all these things. 00:29:28.160 --> 00:29:29.440 It's none of that. 00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:31.279 This is what you need to do. 00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:33.920 Stay here and love everything. 00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:35.599 Amen. 00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:38.880 Stay in your heart and love everything. 00:29:40.640 --> 00:29:43.599 And I was like, that's the mission, okay. 00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:49.920 And then you know, I sat there in his presence for uh stars using. 00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:58.559 We're getting into it now, and uh, you know, I was there for it. 00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:02.640 Only felt like a brief moment, like it was I was you know, there for a couple minutes. 00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:13.039 It felt like because time stood still, it was just in the presence of it, and now people also want to know what Christ looks like. 00:30:13.359 --> 00:30:34.559 Um, everyone's always arguing down here about his race and this and that, or all these putting these boxes, like you're trying to put a box on God, and it's like because Christ has never sees the word of God, like he is part of this trinity, and he has been since the beginning before any of our souls are created, before everything else is created, this being existed. 00:30:34.880 --> 00:30:49.759 But here, when he was on this planet, yeah, like there's no you can't describe it, like his hair, his eyes, like, yeah, it's brown, but it's like shimmering, it's like iridescent, like gold in his eyes. 00:30:49.920 --> 00:30:52.799 That's his eyes like sparkle a gold, like it's not. 00:30:53.039 --> 00:31:14.960 But then also, like, you know, something I found later, he was like a kaleidoscope of every form he took on on every other planet, because there's not just one Earth that God stopped here, and this is where God did all the work, was just planet Earth, this spot, and that we have this big universe, like this is the only place God did it. 00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:16.799 And it's no, it's not true. 00:31:17.039 -->

00:31:23.359 I'm sure that you know that that gets a lot of hate from some of the Christian community, but whatever. 00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:25.519 I don't judge, and hopefully they don't. 00:31:26.640 --> 00:31:37.519 And uh, but like, yeah, the other forms, like, you know, but but he was always this, you know, what I would know here, but like it was all of it at once. 00:31:37.920 --> 00:31:48.960 So imagine like this fast-moving kaleidoscope, like this reel that's moving, where you see all the you could see every frame, but then it's still just the one, just the one image. 00:31:49.119 --> 00:31:56.079 And uh he just told me it's okay, you have to go back now. 00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:57.599 And I didn't know what that meant. 00:31:57.839 --> 00:31:58.960 I was like, what do you mean? 00:31:59.119 --> 00:32:00.720 Why would I ever leave here? 00:32:01.599 --> 00:32:04.079 Why would I why would I go anywhere? 00:32:04.319 --> 00:32:07.759 I don't why would I ever want to leave this place? 00:32:07.920 --> 00:32:12.160 Like I a dimension of play like love beyond comprehension. 00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:15.440 Like I didn't know love like that existed. 00:32:15.839 --> 00:32:17.759 I still can't comprehend it. 00:32:20.079 --> 00:32:22.559 And then he said again, he's it's okay. 00:32:22.799 --> 00:32:30.559 It's okay, but you've been gone too long, you have to go back now, and still had no idea what he meant. 00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:38.720 Um and then it's like a third time, he's like, You have to go back now, you've been gone too long. 00:32:38.799 --> 00:32:41.440 And I was like, and it was like very focused this time. 00:32:41.519 --> 00:32:45.599 And I went, I have a body because I I didn't exist. 00:32:45.759 --> 00:32:48.720 There was no memory of a body, there was no memory of anything. 00:32:48.799 --> 00:32:58.480 Like it was just there was no Justin, like I didn't exist, I was just in the presence of the word of God in a very real, tangible, physical way. 00:32:58.640 --> 00:33:01.759 And as soon as I remembered I had a body, I shot back down. 00:33:01.839 --> 00:33:08.720 I hit my body, and I thought I was sitting there as way, you know, cross-legged position, like across, like sitting upright. 00:33:08.960 --> 00:33:12.480 It turned out I was completely laid out on the floor as if I was dead. 00:33:12.640 --> 00:33:16.960 And when I hit my body, I took the biggest breath that I could. 00:33:17.039 --> 00:33:18.880 Uh it was like being in the ocean. 00:33:19.039 --> 00:33:20.480 I've described this to Kylie. 00:33:20.640 --> 00:33:28.880 It's like, if you've ever been in the ocean and you get hit by a wave and you're like turning under and you go to the surface to get air, and another wave hits you, and you're like, and it happens again. 00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:31.359 And you're like, if I don't get a breath now, that's it. 00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:33.599 Like there's no more, like I have to breathe now. 00:33:33.759 --> 00:33:34.400 And it was

like that. 00:33:34.559 --> 00:33:35.200 I went, God. 00:33:36.559 --> 00:33:37.200 Yeah. 00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:41.279 And I thought 20 minutes had passed and six and a half hours had passed. 00:33:42.480 --> 00:33:43.119 Wow. 00:33:44.319 --> 00:34:04.319 And that was when God really entered, and I felt my hands and knees, and I wept, and I wept, and I literally I remember just I can remember just being throwing my hands up, looking around, God, whatever you are, whatever this is, I have no idea what I'm doing. 00:34:04.559 --> 00:34:19.760 I need a teacher because I just knew I wasn't gonna get an answer to that from church, from even picking up the Bible, from a yoga class, from some guru. 00:34:20.079 --> 00:34:27.039 Like I just knew, like, I just I go, I I need a teacher, and I need you to send me whatever just happened, I can't explain it. 00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:32.079 And I just felt so it was so clear at this calling that I needed, I need a teacher. 00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:36.000 Please send me to wherever you want me to go, I'll do whatever. 00:34:36.159 --> 00:34:39.599 And I go, I surrender, I surrender, I surrender. 00:34:39.760 --> 00:34:46.400 And I gave up, gave up trying to find all this stuff, and I went to sleep. 00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:50.239 And a couple hours later I got woken up by a loud voice. 00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:54.400 Um, and I I have always like lucid dreams since I was a kid. 00:34:54.719 --> 00:35:09.679 And to anyone who's never lucid dream or doesn't understand it, it's like being away on an living a whole nother reality, aware that your body's still sleeping in a bed and you're aware of both realities at the same time. 00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:18.800 So it's like your body's organs are resting, but you here or here, your soul and consciousness are doing a whole nother thing. 00:35:19.519 --> 00:35:21.920 People say, Oh, that sounds that sounds amazing. 00:35:22.079 --> 00:35:23.599 It's absolutely exhausting. 00:35:23.679 --> 00:35:25.440 Um as we laugh. 00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:27.039 How's do you sleep? 00:35:27.199 --> 00:35:27.599 Yeah. 00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:31.679 Um and I heard this voice say, get up and call Michael. 00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:34.800 And I was like slow to kind of rise. 00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:38.000 I was like, oh, I'm fighting to stay in the dream. 00:35:38.079 --> 00:35:38.960 Do I want to get up? 00:35:39.119 --> 00:35:40.239 Oh, I want to stay in the dream. 00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:41.840 And then I heard it again. 00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:46.880 And I sat up because I realized it wasn't in the dream or in my head, it was in the room. 00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:48.320 Like it was audible. 00:35:48.639 --> 00:35:52.880 It was in the room, like somebody was standing in the room, said, get up and call Michael now. 00:35:54.000 --> 00:35:59.119 I sat up and I was like, you know, just like, what? 00:36:00.960 --> 00:36:06.719 And and then again, and now I'm now I'm fully alert, I'm fully present in this

body and awake. 00:36:06.800 --> 00:36:08.000 And I hear it again. 00:36:08.159 --> 00:36:09.280 Call Michael now. 00:36:09.360 --> 00:36:12.079 And it's like getting hit in the back of the head, and it was so clear. 00:36:12.159 --> 00:36:20.000 And I grabbed my phone and I was like, uh, I remember like having to stop being like, uh I I live in New Jersey. 00:36:20.159 --> 00:36:20.800 What Michael? 00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:21.920 What Michael? 00:36:22.800 --> 00:36:24.079 Oh Michael and Anthony's. 00:36:24.159 --> 00:36:25.039 Everyone's a Michael. 00:36:25.199 --> 00:36:26.880 I got like five Michaels in here. 00:36:27.119 --> 00:36:30.159 And uh as soon as I said it, I was like, oh duh, that Michael. 00:36:30.239 --> 00:36:31.119 Like it was just clear. 00:36:31.280 --> 00:36:38.800 Like my eyes was I my I was forced to look at that name, and I texted my friend. 00:36:38.960 --> 00:36:45.280 And you know, I to be honest, I hadn't I hadn't talked to this guy, my friend, in probably a year and a half. 00:36:45.440 --> 00:36:48.480 Um, not through any like means, just like life going on. 00:36:48.639 --> 00:36:50.960 I was traveling um for work. 00:36:51.039 --> 00:36:54.400 I was on the road doing like lighting technician concert production. 00:36:54.639 --> 00:36:59.599 So I would be gone for months and weeks at a time, you know, gone 11 months out of the year. 00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:16.159 And, you know, the last time we talked, we were working together in a town in Asbury at a venue he worked at, and we had just like a work disagreement, not an argument or anything, nothing crazy or bad, but it wasn't the best conversation that we ever had in our years of friendship. 00:37:16.400 --> 00:37:19.199 And uh, you know, you have arguments with your friends sometimes. 00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:21.119 And that was the last time I talked to him. 00:37:21.199 --> 00:37:25.440 And I realized like early in the morning, I just sent him a text like, hey, thinking about you. 00:37:25.599 --> 00:37:26.480 Hope all is well. 00:37:26.559 --> 00:37:31.039 Because I didn't, and I didn't call, I just texted, I didn't know what to do, and he called me right back. 00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:33.519 Bro, what's going on? 00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:40.320 And within like a minute of him just talking about it, he's like, You gotta meet this guy. 00:37:40.639 --> 00:37:42.880 I was like, Meet who? 00:37:43.039 --> 00:38:07.360 And he starts telling me about this guy who is my mentor, and uh his name is is he's also Michael, his name's Oliver Michael, Oliver Michel, I would suppose, because he's French, and um everything he told me about this guy, like that he had met through his girlfriend, and I just I was like, this is it, like okay. 00:38:07.519 --> 00:38:17.920 I you asked for a teacher, and like here you go, get up and now, and everything from that moment, like the way the synchronicity of how life lined up. 00:38:18.159 --> 00:38:28.079 I was still traveling on the road, and

they were in Rhode Island, and I happened to have like I don't even remember when the first it's probably 2018 that I met him. 00:38:29.920 --> 00:38:44.159 And uh we went through I I but went one day, I was had off and I was able to connect with them, and we all went out to dinner and went out with uh my friend and his girlfriend, and my mentor and his wife. 00:38:44.320 --> 00:38:56.480 And uh I the second I met him, like we met up at the restaurant, and I've never had another human like look through me this way. 00:38:57.360 --> 00:39:01.840 Like, you ever have someone like call it like body scanning? 00:39:01.920 --> 00:39:11.440 Like they're looking at you, but they're like looking through you and going like all through you, like they're not like the physical thing is like so secondary or not even present at all. 00:39:11.599 --> 00:39:19.920 And I could feel him like going through me, and I realized in that moment I was like, Oh, I can't hide anything from this person. 00:39:20.880 --> 00:39:26.239 Like, I've never felt so vulnerable and naked and exposed in my life. 00:39:26.480 --> 00:39:29.840 And I remember being like, I don't like it, I don't like it, I don't like it. 00:39:32.000 --> 00:39:34.800 And it stopped instantly, and it instantly stopped. 00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:42.480 And um, so then we were sitting down to dinner and we were just talking and we were having conversations about everything. 00:39:42.559 --> 00:39:50.079 And I was the whole while like this anxious, nervous little puppy, like, uh I gotta share this experience. 00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:52.800 I don't know why, but I'm so called, I'm supposed to meet you. 00:39:52.880 --> 00:39:55.519 Like, I'm supposed to meet I'm this is all supposed to happen. 00:39:55.760 --> 00:40:01.920 And like he knew it, but he just, you know, very graceful and gentle about everything. 00:40:02.079 --> 00:40:09.840 And we were talking about things, and you know, I was kind of sharing my story of even when I was a kid and how I've been hypersensitive. 00:40:09.920 --> 00:40:19.920 He's like, Yeah, you're hypersensitive to like everything, and you know, I've been seeing and experiencing stuff since I was a kid, and then you know, went through a lot of addiction, and but I've been sober, traveling. 00:40:20.079 --> 00:40:22.800 I was like, I can't even drink coffee anymore, caffeine. 00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:25.440 He goes, Ooh, no caffeine for you. 00:40:25.519 --> 00:40:26.480 And then he does this. 00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:30.000 No words, he just goes and did that. 00:40:30.800 --> 00:40:32.559 So I'm here in New Jersey, right? 00:40:32.639 --> 00:40:34.159 And it's like I'm part Italian. 00:40:34.239 --> 00:40:38.960 We talk with our hands, because everything's got to be done with your hands, as I'm sure I've been doing the whole time. 00:40:39.119 --> 00:40:44.800 But I used to describe to people when I stopped drinking caffeine, they're like, Oh, do you want a coffee? 00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:46.239 It's like, oh, I can't drink caffeine anymore. 00:40:46.320 --> 00:40:48.239 I was like, Well, what do you do like to wake up? 00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:52.159 I was like, Well, one, when you stop drinking caffeine, you don't need it to wake up anymore. 00:40:52.559 --> 00:40:54.320 Like, you're just that's the addiction of it. 00:40:54.480 --> 00:40:55.199 That's that's it. 00:40:55.280 --> 00:40:58.960 Like, if you want a boost, take a ginger shot or drink a green juice. 00:40:59.199 --> 00:41:04.639 And but I would describe people if I drink a coffee, go, Oh, I feel like I'm having a panic attack, I'm digging at my chest like this. 00:41:04.800 --> 00:41:06.559 This is how I describe it to everyone. 00:41:06.639 --> 00:41:10.880 And he just went, Wow, like no words. 00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:16.480 And I was like, Okay, I'm listening. 00:41:17.199 --> 00:41:22.239 And uh, you know, just like I couldn't explain it. 00:41:22.320 --> 00:41:34.159 And then at one point, you know, we were talking, and he was explaining things in ways I didn't understand yet, but it was probably towards the end of like the dinner. 00:41:34.239 --> 00:41:36.719 I had this like continuing thought. 00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:42.159 I was like, Oh, I'm supposed to be doing some type of healing work and helping others, and I didn't know what that meant, you know. 00:41:42.320 --> 00:41:50.159 I thought it was going to be through like juicing and detox and recovery work or some type of you know, become a quote unquote a healer. 00:41:50.320 --> 00:41:52.880 Um, you know, because I didn't understand anything at the time. 00:41:52.960 --> 00:42:02.079 And and I was just like talking to myself as we all do, like, but I have like open dialogue in my head, so it's like the it's a party up there sometimes. 00:42:03.280 --> 00:42:03.840 Right. 00:42:05.119 --> 00:42:09.119 And he just pulled me, he just leaned over and just said, He's like, I can help you with that. 00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:11.599 I go, help me with what? 00:42:13.280 --> 00:42:16.800 He's like the question you just asked, and I was like, I didn't ask any questions. 00:42:17.039 --> 00:42:17.679 Like, yes, you did. 00:42:17.760 --> 00:42:19.119 I was like, I didn't say anything. 00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:21.199 He's like, you don't have to. 00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:21.760 Wow. 00:42:22.000 --> 00:42:26.159 And it was like, okay, here I am, here I am, God. 00:42:26.639 --> 00:42:27.440 Here I am. 00:42:27.760 --> 00:42:52.719 And that had that was like 2018, and then just led into you know, still kind of doing everything on my own because like but I just knew that there was a connection, and you know, and by the grace of God, we were all locked down in COVID, and that's when everything really like that's when the rocket ship and the roller coaster really took off. 00:42:52.960 --> 00:43:01.039 Like life had already been a roller coaster and I dealt with I don't know. 00:43:03.599 --> 00:43:04.800 We're still

recording. 00:43:05.199 --> 00:43:05.760 Yeah, I know. 00:43:05.920 --> 00:43:06.320 Sorry. 00:43:06.800 --> 00:43:11.760 Um I thought I had all alerts turned off and there was a call coming through. 00:43:12.000 --> 00:43:12.639 Sorry about that. 00:43:12.800 --> 00:43:13.440 My apologies. 00:43:13.760 --> 00:43:14.559 Oh you're good. 00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:30.320 Um and uh we were all in lockdown, and we started every day he started hosting um an afternoon meditation, and every evening we started praying the rosary. 00:43:30.480 --> 00:43:35.599 And you know, I had started, I was like searching for a rosary. 00:43:35.679 --> 00:43:37.440 I was like, do I even have a rosary anymore? 00:43:37.519 --> 00:43:40.880 I was like, When you know, I was born and and into a Catholic family. 00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:48.079 I made my communion confirmation, but I I had some things happen that I went so far away from it, so far away from any of it. 00:43:48.159 --> 00:43:51.119 And this connection is so beyond religion. 00:43:51.519 --> 00:43:52.800 People always ask, they want to know. 00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:54.000 It's like, well, are you Catholic? 00:43:54.079 --> 00:43:54.480 Are you this? 00:43:54.559 --> 00:43:55.760 I'm like, I'm nothing. 00:43:56.239 --> 00:43:58.079 Like, well, it's like you go to a Catholic church. 00:43:58.159 --> 00:44:03.360 I'm like, yeah, I might, but like I've I've Gone to a Russian Orthodox church, or I'll just go pray at the beach. 00:44:03.440 --> 00:44:07.599 Like wherever you go, like God can be present everywhere. 00:44:08.159 --> 00:44:13.199 I do find comfort in Catholic churches with because of my devotion to Mother Mary. 00:44:13.360 --> 00:44:21.280 And it's a place where I can go and you know pray the rosary and you know have peace doing it and not be uh attacked for it. 00:44:21.519 --> 00:44:31.039 Um because the the Christian community can be pretty dark, you know, you know, being honest can be really, really dark. 00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:31.599 Yeah. 00:44:32.159 --> 00:44:59.840 This darkness is really good at its job, but uh so we start praying the rosary every night, and now and I at this point was like sober for a couple years, three years, and thought I was doing all this work, and you know, you know, just doing mindfulness practices and meditation and you know, being kind and trying to do all that, and still not realizing how strong darkness was like attached. 00:45:00.400 --> 00:45:14.559 And we were praying and the next like the first couple days, and I I can the things I went through during the the rosary with my mentor. 00:45:14.639 --> 00:45:17.840 Um it was like nothing short of an exorcism. 00:45:18.079 --> 00:45:32.400 If I'm like that's the only way to kind of put it into words, and I can remember laying on the ground um in one of the early sessions, like in agony, like I was on fire. 00:45:32.880 --> 00:45:37.599 And at this point, like I had mollybecause I still had all this stuff in like ripping

like molly beats. 00:45:37.679 --> 00:45:40.639 There was things physically flying across the room. 00:45:41.039 --> 00:45:43.440 And I had seen and experienced this stuff as a kid. 00:45:43.519 --> 00:45:54.400 Like I grew up like in a I basically lived like the movie poltergeist and like exorcist, like you know, it seems like Hollywood, but that's all very real, that stuff. 00:45:54.960 --> 00:46:04.559 Um, so it wasn't something new to see an an inanimate, quote unquote inanimate object fly across a room and like smash into a wall or something like that. 00:46:05.679 --> 00:46:22.880 And uh, you know, I had my camera off and the mic was off because he was hosting and leading the meditation and prayer, and I could just always he never like singled me out and was so gentle and just compassionate. 00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:30.719 And him just I remember like, and I don't even know if he was talking on the mic or just directly to me. 00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:32.559 Like I honestly I can't tell you. 00:46:32.639 --> 00:46:36.639 Like, was he just in the room with me and talking to me, or was he just talking to the mic? 00:46:36.800 --> 00:46:42.320 But he's like, and if this is uncomfortable, I remember him just telling him, you know, just try to be still. 00:46:42.480 --> 00:46:50.000 I know this could be painful, you know, just be as still as possible and just try to breathe and let whatever's gonna happen happen. 00:46:50.159 --> 00:46:58.719 And and then I remember like doing that, and it was like a couple nights of this, and I felt this pressure like building resource to my stomach. 00:46:58.800 --> 00:47:08.480 Then it like got up to my chest, and you know, this was like again, it was COVID time, so like this was like one of these symptoms where you have chest pains or pressure in your chest. 00:47:08.639 --> 00:47:16.559 And like, I don't even believe in like illness the way that like regular people do, or I don't say regular people, whatever, the way many do. 00:47:16.800 --> 00:47:17.199 Yes. 00:47:17.440 --> 00:47:21.920 So I knew it wasn't that, but like I had shared this with a family member, and they're like, Oh, you you got COVID. 00:47:22.079 --> 00:47:23.119 I'm like, I don't have COVID. 00:47:23.199 --> 00:47:32.719 I'm trying to clean up like there's I'm going through like an exorcism, and I was like, all right, this is don't share this stuff with people, like it's even family, because they just think you're crazy. 00:47:32.960 --> 00:47:44.480 And um I went through this, and then like the next day it was like this release, it was like okay, it was like it's like went and just like exploded and shot out of me. 00:47:44.559 --> 00:47:57.519 And I was I had never felt so light, full of, you know, physically light and like full of light and love, not the the light and love tossed around version, but like beyond comprehension. 00:47:57.760 --> 00:48:04.719 And the next day we were doing the afternoon meditation and he just smiles, he's like, How's everyone doing today? 00:48:05.039 --> 00:48:13.440 And I still was like, you know, I guess probably self-conscious why I didn't have the the camera on, like being hidden behind the camera as if that mattered. 00:48:13.599 --> 00:48:19.440 And I was just like, and I just did that like laughing, and he just goes like this. 00:48:24.559 --> 00:48:30.320 No, he's making hand gestures of what he's experiencing, brain exploding, yeah. 00:48:30.559 --> 00:48:33.360 The brain exploding where you put your hand to your head and you go. 00:48:33.679 --> 00:48:37.840 So he does the exact hand gesture that like I had did with the camera off. 00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:45.440 And it was like, if you need how many more God winks and synchronicity, how much more do you need to like fully believe? 00:48:45.599 --> 00:48:51.760 And it was like, okay, this is this is all real, like this is the realest thing I've ever experienced. 00:48:51.920 --> 00:48:55.280 And that's when the real work started happening after that. 00:48:55.519 --> 00:49:01.280 And I don't know. 00:49:05.679 --> 00:49:14.000 So the following weeks, and this was every day we were doing like afternoon meditation, evening, because it was I think that was such a blessing for us. 00:49:14.159 --> 00:49:23.039 So I know it was really hard, and you know, we lost a lot of lives and people lost businesses, and it it fractured a lot of society that lockdown period. 00:49:23.360 --> 00:49:23.679 Right. 00:49:23.920 --> 00:49:38.480 But for a uh many, you know, it was a it was a period where you know, if you wanted to shift trajectory in your life or do something, that was that was time you were given is uh you know, a lot of times the blessings we receive are not how we want, but they're what we need. 00:49:38.559 --> 00:49:48.480 And even though it was a lot of suffering and pain endured in that, you know, that those are the biggest, you know, shifts we can have in life. 00:49:48.559 --> 00:49:50.639 That's usually like the most powerful time. 00:49:51.280 --> 00:49:55.440 So we're I was blessed to be in that and be able to pray and devote. 00:49:55.519 --> 00:49:57.280 It was just that was the devotion every day. 00:49:57.360 --> 00:49:59.119 There was no need for I didn't have any work. 00:49:59.199 --> 00:50:01.119 The concert industry disappeared, right? 00:50:01.519 --> 00:50:02.800 It was just gone for two years. 00:50:02.880 --> 00:50:07.840 It wasn't even the lockdowns, like it literally, there was no concerts, like for two years and stuff. 00:50:08.159 --> 00:50:31.119 And now we were praying, and I was in this place, and I started experiencing things that I remember like falling one night out of the chair and like being caught, but like hit by this like glowing white cross and then thrown back into the chair, like physically, and like the chair rocking, and was like, what you know, like what's that? 00:50:31.280 --> 00:50:32.719 What's that all about? 00:50:33.199 --> 00:50:40.960 And

then I started, then this one week happened and sorry. 00:50:47.280 --> 00:50:50.800 Um I have a hard time talking about her. 00:50:53.679 --> 00:50:55.039 A blessed virgin. 00:51:03.119 --> 00:51:12.320 She makes me like like she's not God, and people this would people have a hard time with, especially like the rosary or the it's idol worship. 00:51:12.480 --> 00:51:14.159 Where did God say to worship Mary? 00:51:14.239 --> 00:51:30.639 It's like we don't, but there's you know, it's it's Christ, obviously, but like after that, like she's the next the highest being of all creatures, like of all beings after that, and there is no love like hers. 00:51:32.480 --> 00:51:45.039 And she's the one there were things that happened that I was in my life, and she was always there, and she's the one that brought me to Christ. 00:51:46.480 --> 00:52:21.840 And I started having visions of her during the prayer, and I remember her like one of the earlier visions, you know, and these were all like meditatively closed eye, like you know, dreams that like so closed eye vision, and she appeared and she was like this uh iridescent, beautiful light, and she was holding a baby Jesus, and and then she like turned into like this vortex that Kylie knows very well now. 00:52:21.920 --> 00:52:28.239 This maybe you can't see it, but this this you can feel this energy circling you, it's like being in a tornado. 00:52:28.880 --> 00:52:34.000 But it was like this spiraling blue flame, this brilliant blue flame that was like a tornado. 00:52:34.880 --> 00:52:47.599 And uh then the next nine mentor is like and if you can now, if you could try to envision us all sitting around holding hands in prayer around a blue flame. 00:52:48.800 --> 00:52:50.159 Oh my gosh. 00:52:51.119 --> 00:52:53.840 And I'm just like, okay, no problem. 00:52:57.360 --> 00:52:58.000 Wow. 00:52:58.400 --> 00:53:10.239 And so those visions kept happening until um sorry. 00:53:10.480 --> 00:53:19.840 Um and I don't know the day, I don't remember anything else of that day. 00:53:20.239 --> 00:53:29.199 I couldn't I couldn't tell you what the weather was like, I couldn't tell you what I was wearing, I couldn't tell you what day of the week it was, what time of the year it was, time it stood still for many of us anyway. 00:53:31.039 --> 00:53:46.719 The only thing I can remember of that day is this experience, and we were praying and the next thing I know, I was in the prayer and I was I started rocking. 00:53:46.800 --> 00:54:09.440 Like I could feel this forth and I was like rocking back and forth, and the next thing I know is Mother Mary is just she's just standing in front of me in the room. 00:54:10.719 --> 00:54:19.119 Not a vision, not like a meditative thing, not a like fully present embodied, like fully this apparition in front of me. 00:54:19.360 --> 00:54:32.719 Um there's no words for the the presence, the love, and and the power of the light. 00:54:36.480 --> 00:55:02.559 We know maybe I think we

I think a lot of people seek and they want to see something, experience something, you know, they want to know and they're seeking in life, but I don't think a lot of people understand what it means to be in the presence of these beings, and it's not something that like I'm some special advanced being or anything like that. 00:55:03.119 --> 00:55:12.559 Um, but when you're in the presence of a being like this, like and they're not just a vision or you can not feel it, it feels like lightning is going through you. 00:55:13.440 --> 00:55:15.840 Like you can't move, like you're paralyzed. 00:55:16.000 --> 00:55:23.519 It's like you grabbed onto like a lightning, a continuous lightning bolt, and it's flowing through you, and you feel every cell vibrating. 00:55:23.679 --> 00:55:26.639 Everything around is just vibe, you're just it's everything's vibrating. 00:55:26.719 --> 00:55:39.440 It's not like a little, and you hear it and you feel it, and you know, I I probably looked, you know, thought I was praying, and I probably looked something like you know, like I was having a seizure. 00:55:39.679 --> 00:55:49.440 And you know, if you do any research into any of the Marian apparitions um around the world, you know, they call it this state of ecstasy when you're in the presence of everyone. 00:55:49.519 --> 00:55:56.960 Um, so many of the the Marian visionaries, you know, who have witnessed this have all described pretty much the same experience. 00:55:57.199 --> 00:56:03.840 It's like this state of ecstasy that's beyond our comp physical understanding. 00:56:04.559 --> 00:56:16.639 You know, when they've witnessed others in it, they're like locked and they go to move these people and they can't, like physically doctors can't explain it that they're it's like because it's like being electrocuted and so every muscle locks up. 00:56:18.159 --> 00:57:05.519 But what's flowing through you is the most nurturing unconditional love that it it's it's crushing, like it's painful, it's a love that's so deep that's like it's painful, and then that sounds you know, might sound not good or it's but it's it's in the most beautiful way possible, you know. 00:57:05.599 --> 00:57:22.639 It's like you just like you love your child, like, oh it's crushing if anything were to happen, and that's if you were to take every mother, every father on this planet and every other planet, and that loves their child and put all that love together into one thing, it wouldn't come close, it wouldn't come close to it. 00:57:23.599 --> 00:57:38.639 And but she was she was in the room, she was there, she was right in front of me, and she was glowing like this brilliant light, and light was coming out of her hands. 00:57:38.800 --> 00:57:51.119 Um, the way that she's depicted on the miraculous metal, and the next thing I know, like the walls like separated, and then Christ was floating above her on a glowing white cross. 00:57:57.199 --> 00:57:59.840 And there's just there's just no words

for it. 00:58:01.679 --> 00:58:06.639 I could spend a hundred thousand lifetimes trying to explain it, and I'll never do it justice. 00:58:08.480 --> 00:58:10.079 We are so loved. 00:58:11.199 --> 00:58:12.320 So so loved. 00:58:15.599 --> 00:58:29.760 And the way the way that you're so emotional makes me it makes me emotional number one, but also makes me know how real it was for you in that moment because you're still emotional. 00:58:30.639 --> 00:58:31.599 Every time I go back to it. 00:58:32.159 --> 00:58:33.199 This was years ago. 00:58:33.519 --> 00:58:35.199 It was like six years ago now, yeah. 00:58:36.159 --> 00:58:40.639 Yeah, he he cries every time I hear stories like this. 00:58:45.920 --> 00:58:48.400 I don't know how long I was in it. 00:58:49.440 --> 00:59:07.119 And again, if like these play, like if you sustain it any longer, like if you get too much of this power, like it would actually be detrimental to you, destroy, like to be in the presence of the the light in that way because it's like unfiltered and it's right, it's so powerfully intense. 00:59:08.400 --> 00:59:18.960 And uh the next thing I know, my my mentor stopped the prayer, and I'm assuming like, oh, we're all like I guess everyone's experiencing this, right? 00:59:19.119 --> 00:59:27.039 Um apparently it wasn't they didn't, um right, and it's not you know, I'm not anything special. 00:59:27.119 --> 00:59:32.320 I'm as Kylie said mentioned earlier, like on the lost sheep, the 99, they're fine. 00:59:32.400 --> 00:59:34.079 It's the one who's in trouble. 00:59:34.639 --> 00:59:35.440 Like that's me. 00:59:35.519 --> 00:59:50.559 I was you know, I was in the depths of darkness, and that's heaven celebrates that one the best, and uh you know they they rejoice when they get that one lost sheep back because it's so monumental, like the other 99, they're fine, they're they'll they'll get there, they're good. 00:59:50.639 --> 01:00:02.320 Yeah, no, it's that one, that one in the depths of darkness over there, and um so then my mentor stopped the prayer, and you know that happened often. 01:00:02.480 --> 01:00:07.360 A lot of times, like I remember him stopping, and I wasn't breathing or doing something, and I would breathe, and then he would start the prayer. 01:00:08.000 --> 01:00:09.519 And like this happened all the time. 01:00:09.599 --> 01:00:13.599 And others who were part of that prayer group to like, that's you, he's stopping for all the time. 01:00:14.400 --> 01:00:15.360 I think so. 01:00:16.079 --> 01:00:23.519 And um, but then he just stopped and he just goes, Mother Mary's present with us right now. 01:00:24.719 --> 01:00:44.800 And if I needed any more confirmation than what I was already what I was in and experiencing, like I didn't need it, but I got it because you know the the being that was being gifted this power, authority, you know, to allow this to happen through them, to then happen to me. 01:00:46.639 --> 01:01:00.480 And he spoke with her and them

and whoever, because it's like she's around, and like like I said, it's like she appeared, but then Christ was floating on a cross above, like a glowing white, like it's like can't describe it. 01:01:00.559 --> 01:01:12.159 Like it's lit, it's alive, the light is alive, it's like iridescent, it moves, it's not just like oh, light sun, it's and it's so brilliant, but like it's not blinding in a way, yeah. 01:01:12.400 --> 01:01:16.159 But it can be, you know, people want to know what it's like. 01:01:16.239 --> 01:01:22.320 We're just getting a little sliver, like no one can even see God's full glory, like it would destroy you. 01:01:22.480 --> 01:01:25.360 Oh yeah, oh yeah, it would absolutely destroy you. 01:01:25.920 --> 01:01:40.639 And he so my mentor had said she's present with us, and he spoke with her and then said something else in French or sometimes Sansi, I don't know, sometimes other like I don't know, I don't know what he said, but then I was released from it. 01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:51.280 Like I was fine, it was like it the ecstasy or whatever you want to call it, like stopped, and uh I cried harder than I've ever cried in my life. 01:01:52.000 --> 01:01:55.920 And I wept and I wept and I wept till there was nothing left. 01:01:56.239 --> 01:02:07.440 And then I took a breath because I like my ribs hurt, like when you cry so hard that everything hurts, you're like, I might have, I think I had a stroke, it's everything hurts so bad, every my ab like the muscles, the ribs. 01:02:08.159 --> 01:02:11.119 And then I took a breath and I cried even harder. 01:02:11.440 --> 01:02:13.519 And then happened one more time, and I cried even. 01:02:13.599 --> 01:02:19.280 I was like, there's nothing left in the tank, I got nothing left, and I cried even harder. 01:02:20.559 --> 01:02:27.440 And then there's there's just no words for it. 01:02:29.519 --> 01:02:47.360 So beautiful to know too, like when you met with Jesus, the love that you felt then, you know, right after you got sober, and then years down the line, experiencing even more love from Mary. 01:02:48.079 --> 01:02:50.400 You know, and it's the same love, right? 01:02:51.280 --> 01:02:54.719 But it's it's magnified, it's multiplied. 01:02:54.960 --> 01:03:05.519 There's a reason that she is such a prominent figure in Catholicism, but you know, just in spirituality, it's the mother of God. 01:03:10.559 --> 01:03:23.039 And when you discussed, you know, a a love that's so deep you can't even all of all of the love on earth wouldn't even be able to to match it, that feeling. 01:03:23.119 --> 01:03:30.639 But when you mentioned like feeling that love, when I became a mom, so my baby is she's six months old now. 01:03:30.719 --> 01:03:32.800 And she if she heard her crying, I'm sorry. 01:03:32.880 --> 01:03:36.079 I didn't even I was like, I'm so zoned. 01:03:37.760 --> 01:03:38.719 I didn't even hear it. 01:03:38.960 --> 01:03:43.599 It was like I didn't even know, but uh thank God she's with her daddy. 01:03:43.760 --> 01:03:51.519 But you know, when I gave birth to her, I had a very similar crying, weeping. 01:03:51.679 --> 01:04:06.880 I was weeping right after I gave birth, and it was like I couldn't even catch my breath because that love of a mother is the the purest love you could ever experience. 01:04:06.960 --> 01:04:15.519 And the beauty of it is that we all have a mother not only in our physical world, but in Mary. 01:04:16.559 --> 01:04:21.840 She's our mother who loves us so deeply. 01:04:22.639 --> 01:04:34.239 Um, so thank you for sharing that because that was just beautiful. 01:04:34.400 --> 01:04:35.840 It's beautiful to think about. 01:04:42.719 --> 01:04:43.360 Yeah. 01:04:43.760 --> 01:04:46.719 Justin, your connection to the divide. 01:04:47.039 --> 01:04:53.519 I mean, like, we're sorry, there's a lot of long pauses, and it's mostly us just looking at each other and crying. 01:04:56.000 --> 01:04:57.840 It's so beautiful. 01:04:58.559 --> 01:05:02.320 No, it's it's the spaces that make the song, everyone. 01:05:02.480 --> 01:05:15.039 The spaces make the song, so there needs to be some breathing room sometimes because I am this is a lot the process, like like you said, this is six years ago to me, and it doesn't matter. 01:05:15.119 --> 01:05:41.039 Like, I'm right in it like every time, every time I go back to it, it's I can feel the presence, I can feel it, and that that is like you know, and everything has just gotten more and more like what's been happening over the last six years, and you know, Kylie jumped in at a really great time, and then so grateful that you you were able to join us the other night and now now be a part of the team. 01:05:41.199 --> 01:05:44.400 And I just tell I just tell everyone buckle up. 01:05:44.719 --> 01:05:45.360 Yeah. 01:05:48.079 --> 01:05:55.679 Thank you so much for listening to part one of part two um and listening to Justin's story. 01:05:56.000 --> 01:06:05.360 Part two will launch next week, and it's going to be all about prayer and his devotion to prayer. 01:06:05.760 --> 01:06:14.320 And there's probably gonna be several episodes about prayer because it's changed Julie and I's life so much. 01:06:14.480 --> 01:06:19.199 And um, we're just so grateful for you to listen, and we'll see you next week.