Transkrip lengkap untuk EP: Susie Hall - Blessed Disruption: From Coach's Daughter to Transforming Trauma into Triumph

to say that and you're 33 00:02:12.107 --> 00:02:18.915 Just expose yourself in a way that really puts yourself out there because we just as humans, we don't like to be judged. 34 00:02:19.296 --> 00:02:25.003 So what was this whole thing for you about wanting to write this book at this point in time in your life? 35 00:02:25.716 --> 00:02:29.901 Yeah, so I, and I know we'll get into the UW connection and all that. 36 00:02:29.921 --> 00:02:33.706 So was raised daughter of a major college football coach. 37 00:02:33.726 --> 00:02:39.173 And first section of my book is called The Show, which is all about looking good, achieving, performing, and that sort of thing. 38 00:02:39.794 --> 00:02:43.078 And then I ended up going through two marriages and divorces. 39 00:02:43.740 --> 00:02:50.066 And when the second marriage ended, I write about that in my book in detail, and I call that my halftime explosion. 40 00:02:51.027 --> 00:02:55.891 And that's the point when I chose to transform myself and my life, which I know we'll get into. 41 00:02:57.332 --> 00:03:03.338 And so after that 10-year journey, I'd say in quarter four, because I use a lot of football metaphors, right? 42 00:03:03.358 --> 00:03:03.458 Yeah. 43 00:03:04.178 --> 00:03:08.159 In quarter four of that journey, I co-chaired an event called EO Talks. 44 00:03:08.199 --> 00:03:09.820 It's like a TED Talk style event. 45 00:03:10.020 --> 00:03:14.301 And my co-chair that year was like, hey, Susie, you sure you don't have anything to say? 46 00:03:14.781 --> 00:03:17.102 And I thought I was going to be a newscaster in college. 47 00:03:17.342 --> 00:03:20.803 I did an internship at KCPQ, Channel 13 in Tacoma. 48 00:03:21.583 --> 00:03:22.744 But I talked myself out of it. 49 00:03:22.764 --> 00:03:24.444 I played small for a lot of my life. 50 00:03:24.664 --> 00:03:29.566 And so when he nudged me, it was finally like this voice inside said, Susie, it's time. 51 00:03:29.926 --> 00:03:32.667 It's time for you to connect the dots of your life. 52 00:03:33.597 --> 00:03:38.120 and your story so that you can make sense of everything that's happened. 53 00:03:38.680 --> 00:03:52.369 And so from that point, and that was in early 22, from that point on, especially I started to connect those dots of my life and it was painful and powerful and working with speaker coaches. 54 00:03:52.409 --> 00:03:59.333 And I know you just did a TEDx talk to connect with the deeper truths and the underlying architecture. 55 00:04:00.343 --> 00:04:03.486 of my life and it was jaw-dropping. 56 00:04:03.586 --> 00:04:14.515 So when I gave that first talk in Orange County to like 800 entrepreneurs, I had 50 of them come up like I'm sure you have just in tears crying, thank you for being so vulnerable. 57 00:04:15.177 --> 00:04:22.902 and for standing up there in front of us and showing us all what's the real real, you know, pull the curtain back on it all. 58 00:04:23.402 --> 00:04:27.004 Because I had learned and still learn how important vulnerability is. 59 00:04:27.865 --> 00:04:32.728 And that wholeness only comes from us facing what's really true deep down inside. 60 00:04:33.773 --> 00:04:34.694 So give me one. 61 00:04:34.734 --> 00:04:35.475 I agree with that. 62 00:04:35.655 --> 00:04:38.918 And I didn't really figure a lot of this out until I was around 50, by the way. 63 00:04:38.938 --> 00:04:39.138 Yeah. 64 00:04:39.378 --> 00:04:50.828 You know, it took me like more than half my life to wake up and really, you know, because you get into this and people that are listening to this right now, I know you're going to relate to this, but, you know, it's this whole notion of how are you doing? 65 00:04:50.868 --> 00:04:51.108 Great. 66 00:04:51.128 --> 00:04:51.569 How are you doing? 67 00:04:51.629 --> 00:04:51.889 Great. 68 00:04:52.109 --> 00:04:52.389 Great. 69 00:04:52.449 --> 00:04:52.649 Great. 70 00:04:52.669 --> 00:04:52.870 Great. 71 00:04:52.890 --> 00:04:53.130 Great. 72 00:04:53.190 --> 00:04:53.891 You know, fine. 73 00:04:54.051 --> 00:04:54.351 Awesome. 74 00:04:54.491 --> 00:04:57.594 You know, there's never like, well, let me tell you what's really going on. 75 00:04:58.114 --> 00:04:59.575 What, what is like, like, 76 00:05:02.378 --> 00:05:06.961 I'm looking to go down one more level with you on this, if you're willing to do that. 77 00:05:07.582 --> 00:05:16.429 And so when you have this awakening and you're walking around and we all have our own feelings and thoughts inside of ourselves, right? 78 00:05:16.609 --> 00:05:30.760 And then becomes the realization from spending some time on like, let's take a look back on my life and what's been going on, what's not working, what is working. 79 00:05:31.400 --> 00:05:40.411 And what are probably some key things that are consistent behaviors that have led me to a life that's not 100% fulfilled? 80 00:05:41.713 --> 00:05:49.262 Is there one thing that jumps out at you that you can share that you had to come to terms with about maybe something that you need to work on? 81 00:05:50.713 --> 00:05:51.613 Well, there's so many. 82 00:05:54.674 --> 00:05:59.335 I had learned after a trauma I endured at age 14 to disconnect. 83 00:05:59.995 --> 00:06:06.737 I disconnected from myself and I also disconnected from others to the point where I could lead a meeting. 84 00:06:06.777 --> 00:06:08.157 I could run a business. 85 00:06:08.297 --> 00:06:09.897 I could succeed in school. 86 00:06:09.917 --> 00:06:12.238 I could play on a sports team and captain it. 87 00:06:12.798 --> 00:06:29.473 But that emotional connection with people close to me, like my family and later my husbands and even later my children, which I write about, I would say is probably the longest deep seated thing that I continue to work on. 88 00:06:29.553 --> 00:06:32.136 Because for me, it was just like, OK, armor up. 89 00:06:32.556 --> 00:06:39.919 Something's uncomfortable, you know, when you've suffered a couple of

traumas or losses, it's much easier to just step back and be like, I'm going to keep my distance. 90 00:06:40.139 --> 00:06:41.200 I'm not going to go there. 91 00:06:41.240 --> 00:06:43.160 I'm not going to pursue a hard conversation. 92 00:06:43.180 --> 00:06:55.806 And now when I am with those who I'm close to and my circle has gotten smaller, the people that are really in my inner circle, and they challenge me and they say, hey, and even my kids, they're like, hey, are you avoiding this? 93 00:06:56.346 --> 00:06:58.567 Are you, you know, are you fully in? 94 00:06:58.707 --> 00:07:00.748 Are you sure that this is this is you? 95 00:07:01.468 --> 00:07:06.552 And so that's taken me years, but I didn't realize it back then, how disconnected I was. 96 00:07:07.453 --> 00:07:18.722 And I think especially for high achievers and people who are used to performing and speaking in front of crowds, we get our scripts, we got our messaging down, we got our, everything's got to look just great. 97 00:07:19.442 --> 00:07:22.605 And it's easy to stay at that level up there. 98 00:07:23.245 --> 00:07:30.331 But then, you know, sometimes, and I don't know if you've experienced this as a player, but you come crashing down after all the adrenaline and then it's like, 99 00:07:31.007 --> 00:07:31.968 Oh, what's left. 100 00:07:33.108 --> 00:07:41.612 And that's what I really had to do on a day to day basis is learn to sit with myself and I began meditating and embracing mindfulness and journaling. 101 00:07:41.652 --> 00:07:47.975 I kept 10 years of journals during this transformation journey and just writing about what the real, real was. 102 00:07:48.115 --> 00:07:50.096 And it was, yeah, it was transformative. 103 00:07:50.485 --> 00:07:50.765 Yeah. 104 00:07:50.885 --> 00:07:57.049 So I want to tie back into how I directly and indirectly know you. 105 00:07:57.129 --> 00:08:03.953 So your dad was a longtime assistant coach at the University of Washington, where I happened to be there. 106 00:08:03.993 --> 00:08:10.017 Your dad was there from 1975 or six to 86, 87, something like that. 107 00:08:10.237 --> 00:08:12.679 And I was up there during those years. 108 00:08:13.259 --> 00:08:16.081 Don James was the head coach, legendary Hall of Fame. 109 00:08:17.401 --> 00:08:25.705 your dad was a key piece and really is what I remember, kind of the right hand man to Coach John James, you know, up there. 110 00:08:25.805 --> 00:08:32.629 And so you were around a lot of that just discipline and, you know, the coach's daughter and all that kind of stuff. 111 00:08:32.649 --> 00:08:33.729 So you saw a lot. 112 00:08:33.769 --> 00:08:38.311 You probably went to a lot of those bowl games that we all went to because the families would always show up. 113 00:08:39.832 --> 00:08:47.218 What was it about, and none of this is on your dad at all, because this is just, you know, he is who he is. 114 00:08:47.238 --> 00:08:47.979 He's a good guy. 115 00:08:47.999 --> 00:08:49.060 He's a great guy, actually. 116 00:08:49.080 --> 00:08:50.020 Great guy, yeah. 117 00:08:50.281 --> 00:08:54.664 Yeah, and you'd go on to become the head football coach at Boise State, Skip Hall. 118 00:08:54.764 --> 00:09:05.293 But what was it in there that made you feel like, and I don't know if these are the right words, but the show or be that perfect daughter or like, why did you feel like you needed to be that? 119 00:09:06.028 --> 00:09:08.050 Yeah, that's a great question. 120 00:09:08.070 --> 00:09:15.899 And I think a lot of us, again, in that realm, kind of at one point or another in our life, we come to terms and we face that question. 121 00:09:15.959 --> 00:09:17.040 So for me, there were two. 122 00:09:18.006 --> 00:09:19.747 really strong constructs in my life. 123 00:09:19.927 --> 00:09:25.828 One, you talked about the college football, you know, that world of elite college football at the time, that was big time. 124 00:09:25.848 --> 00:09:26.889 Yeah. 125 00:09:27.069 --> 00:09:36.611 And then the church, I was raised in the church, very strict Baptist church at the time, very much about black and white, you do this, you don't do this, you do this, you don't do this. 126 00:09:37.192 --> 00:09:41.873 And so those two combined for me, it was like, 127 00:09:42.533 --> 00:09:43.773 Everything was laid out for me. 128 00:09:44.334 --> 00:09:48.675 And as a natural high achiever, I responded pretty well to that. 129 00:09:49.315 --> 00:09:58.798 But there were times like when I was pitching for my softball team in the Kingco Championship, my senior year of high school, all of a sudden I couldn't pitch a ball anywhere near the strike zone. 130 00:09:59.519 --> 00:10:00.899 And I write about this in my book. 131 00:10:01.199 --> 00:10:03.800 And finally, my longtime coach walks out to the mound. 132 00:10:04.100 --> 00:10:05.261 Never happened before. 133 00:10:06.121 --> 00:10:07.981 And he's like, Susie, what is going on? 134 00:10:08.322 --> 00:10:09.602 And I'm like, I have no idea. 135 00:10:10.486 --> 00:10:13.952 And I went out to center field and I was just so filled with shame. 136 00:10:14.965 --> 00:10:18.027 And it turns out that that was like an anxiety thing. 137 00:10:18.067 --> 00:10:22.109 It was like almost a panic attack, but I don't know where it was coming from. 138 00:10:22.209 --> 00:10:25.551 And so in my life, things like that started manifesting. 139 00:10:26.431 --> 00:10:29.133 And I would just kind of, I call it shoving it down in my suitcase. 140 00:10:29.173 --> 00:10:32.435 Like I didn't really try to open it up and say like, why did that happen? 141 00:10:32.475 --> 00:10:34.676 Or talk to somebody about it or any of that. 142 00:10:34.716 --> 00:10:36.977 It was just like, oh, that happened. 143 00:10:36.997 --> 00:10:37.818 I don't want to talk about it. 144 00:10:37.838 --> 00:10:39.038 I want to disconnect from it. 145 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:41.460 And so anytime I had like a, 146

00:10:42.157 --> 00:10:44.339 a weakness, something like that, or a failure. 147 00:10:44.739 --> 00:10:46.040 It was more in my mind. 148 00:10:46.120 --> 00:10:48.662 It wasn't anyone else come to find out, right? 149 00:10:49.082 --> 00:10:51.224 It was the pressure I placed upon myself. 150 00:10:51.904 --> 00:10:57.969 So whenever I failed something like that, then that caused me to disconnect even more. 151 00:10:58.649 --> 00:11:01.952 And so I wanted to always live up to those expectations. 152 00:11:01.972 --> 00:11:06.675 And, you know, I was most likely to succeed in high school and Dean's Scholar of the Business School in college. 153 00:11:06.695 --> 00:11:08.417 Like, that made me feel good. 154 00:11:09.137 --> 00:11:14.724 Because if I didn't have those labels or those accomplishments, it's kind of like, who's Susie Hall? 155 00:11:15.365 --> 00:11:17.648 I didn't have that independent identity yet. 156 00:11:20.294 --> 00:11:24.718 which I guess would lead to, you've gone through a lot of life, right? 157 00:11:24.998 --> 00:11:30.262 And would lead to the question then, do you feel like you have that, you found that person? 158 00:11:30.422 --> 00:11:33.144 Do you feel like you're, you're comfortable in your own skin? 159 00:11:33.344 --> 00:11:34.905 You're talking about all this different stuff. 160 00:11:35.045 --> 00:11:36.406 You've made a bunch of discoveries. 161 00:11:37.027 --> 00:11:40.870 Do you feel like you've, you've plateaued there or are you still continuing to grow in that direction? 162 00:11:41.630 --> 00:11:45.813 Still continuing to grow, but yes, definitely have reconnected to Susie. 163 00:11:45.873 --> 00:11:49.236 I call it seeking Susie in my book and, um, 164 00:11:49.893 --> 00:11:52.434 Section three of my book is all about intentional disruption. 165 00:11:52.855 --> 00:11:54.535 Section two is unintentional disruption. 166 00:11:54.555 --> 00:12:01.079 It's all the trauma and the losses and the pain and the grief and things that happened to us and playing for the losing team. 167 00:12:01.559 --> 00:12:09.603 And so that halftime of my life, I chose to lean into disruption and I disrupted the five key areas of my life and starting with myself. 168 00:12:10.008 --> 00:12:14.611 So it's disrupting yourself, your story, your path, your mindset, and your belief systems. 169 00:12:15.292 --> 00:12:20.395 And so going through that process, I really reclaimed who I was. 170 00:12:20.976 --> 00:12:25.099 And I threw off, you know, roles like victim that didn't really fit. 171 00:12:25.119 --> 00:12:27.720 And I was, you know, a single mom for many years, raising kids. 172 00:12:27.760 --> 00:12:29.361 And I never embraced that. 173 00:12:29.462 --> 00:12:33.684 I mean, I think our society likes to label people and put them in boxes. 174 00:12:33.785 --> 00:12:34.405 And I'm like, 175 00:12:35.183 --> 00:12:36.984 okay, I'm single and I'm a mom. 176 00:12:37.164 --> 00:12:40.326 It doesn't mean, you know, I

need to fit into this role. 177 00:12:40.366 --> 00:12:44.169 So I kind of threw that out the window and all my kids are thriving now. 178 00:12:44.529 --> 00:12:47.551 I mean, it's so awesome to see because those they were. 179 00:12:47.571 --> 00:12:57.618 And I know we share this in common, like they were my why during those years of like, okay, I want to I need to reconnect to who I am and fully show up as myself. 180 00:12:58.265 --> 00:13:01.066 so that they can be all of who they were created to be. 181 00:13:01.447 --> 00:13:03.848 And it's really cool to experience that. 182 00:13:04.868 --> 00:13:06.129 We just had a lunch yesterday. 183 00:13:06.189 --> 00:13:10.311 My son's actually driving to San Francisco today for his big time job at an accounting firm. 184 00:13:11.132 --> 00:13:16.174 And, um, my dad was there and I picked him up and drove him home and I told him I was going to come on the show. 185 00:13:16.234 --> 00:13:19.536 And he's like, I can still see Mark running down the field. 186 00:13:20.036 --> 00:13:27.420 Like it was just so cool how those memories, um, just surface and being able to experience those real time now with my children. 187 00:13:27.993 --> 00:13:29.553 My grandchildren is so cool. 188 00:13:30.293 --> 00:13:40.655 Yeah, I think there's definitely something around too about, and you've done a great job with this, even if you haven't discovered yourself, like in a way you've always been driven. 189 00:13:41.475 --> 00:13:53.998 And I think it definitely shows your children, like there's a path and you serve as an inspiration, not only the other people, but I think, you know, the most important people are your kids and you serve as an inspiration. 190 00:13:54.358 --> 00:13:55.018 Let me ask you this. 191 00:13:56.278 --> 00:14:13.107 Your dad, you know, he was always a very good coach, defensive guy, always looked super sharp, perfect haircut, well dressed, you know, he was on time, like he did it, you know, all the right ways. 192 00:14:14.668 --> 00:14:16.190 And really a life of discipline. 193 00:14:16.670 --> 00:14:25.197 How difficult was that for you to, you know, the first thing is just coming to grips with yourself and what you're willing to bear out there in the public. 194 00:14:25.738 --> 00:14:29.661 And then having at some point in time to sit down and knowing him, he probably read this book. 195 00:14:30.402 --> 00:14:36.367 And there's probably some things in there that maybe were uncomfortable for not only yourself, but for him as well. 196 00:14:37.048 --> 00:14:40.791 How did that go down in terms of when you guys ultimately talked about it or... 197 00:14:42.132 --> 00:14:47.195 you know, the reaction around this book that you have. 198 00:14:48.175 --> 00:14:48.475 Yeah. 199 00:14:48.615 --> 00:14:56.619 And so going back to the like how I was raised and the discipline and all that sort of thing, like part of me, like I'm a split down the middle, left brain, right brain. 200 00:14:56.820 --> 00:14:59.101 And so it's part of me that really responds well to that. 201 00:14:59.141 --> 00:15:00.261 But I'm also a creative. 202 00:15:00.321 --> 00:15:01.562 I'm a designer. 203 00:15:01.662 --> 00:15:02.903 You know, I'm a musician. 204 00:15:02.963 --> 00:15:03.363 So there's 205 00:15:03.896 --> 00:15:05.637 that part that's a little bit freer. 206 00:15:05.737 --> 00:15:12.403 So there was always that challenge of responding to that really strict rule following when I wanted to be more expressive, say. 207 00:15:12.963 --> 00:15:15.505 And so that was an undercurrent for sure, most of my life. 208 00:15:16.066 --> 00:15:24.592 And then when I gave my first talk in Boise, TED Talk style, before the Orange County one I referenced, my whole family was there. 209 00:15:25.673 --> 00:15:30.517 And I hadn't yet really talked directly to them, because that's something our family didn't do. 210 00:15:31.355 --> 00:15:39.537 It was more like, oh, get up on a stage and talk or go on a podcast or go on a show or write a book, you know, but you don't really have, we didn't really have those conversations back then. 211 00:15:39.657 --> 00:15:41.237 It's not as threatening, right? 212 00:15:41.537 --> 00:15:49.359 Surprisingly, being in front of a lot of people and talking about some crazy stuff is less threatening than getting in front of one, your parent or your kid or something. 213 00:15:49.999 --> 00:15:50.739 Right, right. 214 00:15:51.380 --> 00:15:56.621 And so that was a big deal, gave a talk 20 minutes from memory and started to open up 215 00:15:58.115 --> 00:16:00.217 you know, the book of my life, if you will. 216 00:16:00.737 --> 00:16:05.020 And they were all really supportive at that time, including my younger brother, Chris, and his wife were there. 217 00:16:05.641 --> 00:16:08.103 And then after the Orange County talk, 218 00:16:08.598 --> 00:16:10.639 And then the 50 people came up to me. 219 00:16:10.779 --> 00:16:11.800 It became a calling. 220 00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:15.542 You know, I heard God say, okay, Susie, it's time for you to share your story to help others. 221 00:16:16.023 --> 00:16:23.988 Because that's what helped me through my journey is reading and hearing about people who would overcome adversity and pain and loss. 222 00:16:24.248 --> 00:16:26.429 And so that's when I started writing. 223 00:16:27.570 --> 00:16:29.551 And I worked with a writing coach. 224 00:16:30.231 --> 00:16:31.652 You and I had talked about this before. 225 00:16:31.873 --> 00:16:33.053 But I did the writing. 226 00:16:33.073 --> 00:16:35.135 I was an English writing major my freshman year of college. 227 00:16:35.155 --> 00:16:35.875 And I was like, oh, my God. 228 00:16:36.314 --> 00:16:41.236 Through that process of writing, I was like, you know, this is so personal and so deep. 229 00:16:41.336 --> 00:16:45.037 And I'm writing about the fathers of my children who I'm not married to anymore. 230 00:16:45.857 -->

00:16:50.739 And my dad being a public figure, it was very sensitive material. 231 00:16:51.479 --> 00:16:54.880 And I knew I didn't want it to be racy or scandalous or anything like that. 232 00:16:54.920 --> 00:16:57.041 That's not how I write or who I am. 233 00:16:57.121 --> 00:16:59.602 But I worked with my longtime therapist. 234 00:16:59.622 --> 00:17:00.662 He's a published author. 235 00:17:00.742 --> 00:17:03.603 And then I had 10 book reviewers. 236 00:17:04.299 --> 00:17:09.705 who read it through for me and gave me constructive feedback before I even brought it to the family. 237 00:17:10.346 --> 00:17:16.052 Because I really felt like my story was all over the place and I didn't know what I wanted to share and how to share it. 238 00:17:16.512 --> 00:17:17.974 So those 10 people really helped me. 239 00:17:18.735 --> 00:17:22.058 Well, my dad and brother didn't really understand why I did that. 240 00:17:22.198 --> 00:17:26.163 And they took a kind of offense to, well, why would you go outside the family? 241 00:17:28.072 --> 00:17:28.973 to share your story. 242 00:17:29.693 --> 00:17:35.335 And so there were some challenges with that and deeper challenges. 243 00:17:35.375 --> 00:17:41.318 I read at the end of the book, my brother ended up sending my manuscript to my daughters without my permission before I was ready. 244 00:17:42.178 --> 00:17:46.140 And that caused my dad, the coach, so you'll understand this story. 245 00:17:47.330 --> 00:17:49.711 I chaired this big festival of trees three years ago. 246 00:17:49.771 --> 00:17:53.693 It was a year-long fundraiser for cancer, and I was the chair. 247 00:17:54.434 --> 00:17:57.915 I was only the second single woman in 38 years of history to chair it. 248 00:17:59.256 --> 00:18:04.799 Two or three weeks before that, and I had shared my manuscript with my brother, and this all blew up. 249 00:18:05.800 --> 00:18:10.022 And then I was sicker than a dog from shaking all those hands and hugging thousands of people, 250 00:18:11.152 --> 00:18:22.199 But my dad said, okay, I want you to flag every single place in your book that you write about mom, because that was one of the sensitive topics in my brother's eyes, and I want you to come read it to us. 251 00:18:23.079 --> 00:18:25.481 And I thought, you know, I'll do that. 252 00:18:26.528 --> 00:18:30.873 because I wanted to be able to share my story with my parents in my own words. 253 00:18:31.094 --> 00:18:31.274 Yeah. 254 00:18:31.474 --> 00:18:32.936 And you know, my mom was in a wheelchair. 255 00:18:32.996 --> 00:18:35.359 She had had a severe stroke several years ago. 256 00:18:35.839 --> 00:18:38.342 So I did it three different times. 257 00:18:38.362 --> 00:18:40.966 I drove over to my parents' house with my manuscript. 258 00:18:40.986 --> 00:18:42.267 Was this when your mom was still alive? 259 00:18:42.668 --> 00:18:42.848 Yeah. 260 00:18:43.108 --> 00:18:43.349 Yeah. 261 00:18:43.369 --> 00:18:44.190 So this was December

23. 262 00:18:44.210 --> 00:18:44.310 Yeah. 263 00:18:46.405 --> 00:18:49.726 And three different times I had all the pages flagged, and I was like so nervous. 264 00:18:49.786 --> 00:18:54.107 And you know, so I go in there and dad's in his recliner, mom's in her wheelchair, and I'd read through. 265 00:18:54.687 --> 00:18:56.748 Dad would sit back and he'd say, Virginia. 266 00:18:57.288 --> 00:18:59.809 And every single time she would go thumbs up. 267 00:19:00.729 --> 00:19:03.170 She didn't have one complaint about anything. 268 00:19:04.250 --> 00:19:06.590 And there's only one small thing my dad asked me to change. 269 00:19:06.610 --> 00:19:09.451 And sometimes he'd sit back and be like, oh, that's so good. 270 00:19:09.471 --> 00:19:15.833 And so through that process of blessed disruption, right, the theme of my life, 271 00:19:16.552 --> 00:19:19.777 I was able to forge a deeper relationship with my parents. 272 00:19:21.659 --> 00:19:23.402 And that was so powerful. 273 00:19:23.482 --> 00:19:27.567 Not the path I would have chosen, but I went through it instead of around it. 274 00:19:27.808 --> 00:19:29.951 And that's what I coach and encourage people to do now. 275 00:19:30.262 --> 00:19:31.243 It's the biggest thing ever. 276 00:19:31.263 --> 00:19:32.083 You can't go around it. 277 00:19:32.243 --> 00:19:33.184 You always have to go through it. 278 00:19:33.464 --> 00:19:37.647 And, you know, when you come out the other side, you would, you know, ultimately everybody does you. 279 00:19:37.667 --> 00:19:39.368 Hopefully you're going to come out better. 280 00:19:39.828 --> 00:19:41.369 I was thinking what you were talking about. 281 00:19:41.529 --> 00:19:47.213 And, you know, I think one of the things that I've tried to learn as a parent myself is 282 00:19:48.213 --> 00:19:58.081 is try to really not be judgmental to my own children in terms of what they're going through, because it's their life experiences and through their eyes, right? 283 00:19:58.641 --> 00:20:02.144 It's not my interpretation of what they think they should be going through. 284 00:20:02.244 --> 00:20:03.705 It should be their interpretation. 285 00:20:03.825 --> 00:20:05.567 And therefore I just need to sit back. 286 00:20:06.067 --> 00:20:07.788 And if it's critical of me, then it is. 287 00:20:07.828 --> 00:20:17.396 Now they haven't written a book or this, but I'm just sort of paraphrasing what you were just talking about as you're narrating this book and reading it back to both your parents. 288 00:20:18.010 --> 00:20:26.034 And it sounded to me at least like, you know, you were doing this because you're speaking your truth, but at the same time you're looking for validation at some level. 289 00:20:27.115 --> 00:20:30.617 You know, it would have been awful if your dad said this sucks and it's never going out. 290 00:20:30.717 --> 00:20:31.477 I would have cut, right? 291 00:20:31.497 --> 00:20:32.878 So, so... 292 00:20:33.058 --> 00:20:36.960 I think

he would have, to be honest, if he thought that, I think he would have. 293 00:20:37.701 --> 00:20:38.441 Yeah, yeah. 294 00:20:38.521 --> 00:20:40.742 But, but anyways, it worked out. 295 00:20:42.850 --> 00:20:44.351 The way it had to. 296 00:20:44.472 --> 00:20:50.978 OK, so one of the things that you talk about again, this let's let's go back to what ultimately led. 297 00:20:51.378 --> 00:20:54.701 And I think everybody ultimately gets to some pressure point. 298 00:20:55.021 --> 00:20:55.642 I certainly did. 299 00:20:55.722 --> 00:20:56.943 I have a couple of times in my life. 300 00:20:57.484 --> 00:21:01.508 But what you call it, you know, metaphorically speaking, is this halftime explosion. 301 00:21:02.008 --> 00:21:03.730 So what does that mean? 302 00:21:03.770 --> 00:21:06.052 Halftime explosion, halftime midlife crisis? 303 00:21:06.332 --> 00:21:06.913 What is that? 304 00:21:07.532 --> 00:21:07.752 Yeah. 305 00:21:08.373 --> 00:21:13.937 And without giving too much of the book away, and I encourage people to read it because I write about so many universal themes. 306 00:21:14.117 --> 00:21:16.199 Where do we find the book, by the way? 307 00:21:16.399 --> 00:21:17.820 Oh, yeah, it's really anywhere. 308 00:21:18.500 --> 00:21:25.225 You can go to my website, suziehall.com, S-U-Z-I-E-H-A-L-L.com, and it's available all formats there, but Amazon, Audible. 309 00:21:26.807 --> 00:21:30.289 Barnes and Noble, Goodreads, all the places you can find it. 310 00:21:30.309 --> 00:21:31.369 Yeah, Blessed Disruption. 311 00:21:31.409 --> 00:21:34.351 And it makes for a great gift too, by the way. 312 00:21:34.971 --> 00:21:42.916 So Halftime Explosion was, I was in my 50s and I was married for the second time to the man I was in love with. 313 00:21:43.036 --> 00:21:45.198 And my two girls were his stepdaughters. 314 00:21:45.218 --> 00:21:46.198 We had a son together. 315 00:21:46.218 --> 00:21:47.159 We were raising kids. 316 00:21:47.179 --> 00:21:48.239 We built our dream home. 317 00:21:48.259 --> 00:21:49.480 We're building our careers. 318 00:21:50.001 --> 00:21:51.201 He was a golf pro. 319 00:21:51.261 --> 00:21:52.842 Like we had the sports connection. 320 00:21:52.862 --> 00:21:53.823 And it, 321 00:21:56.913 --> 00:21:57.653 He betrayed me. 322 00:21:57.873 --> 00:22:01.116 I mean, he had an affair and not just one. 323 00:22:02.037 --> 00:22:14.988 And so at the after that point, I was devastated and I had put so much work in with him to repair the first time that the second time I was like done. 324 00:22:15.008 --> 00:22:23.575 And I had, I had, you know, like you, like we put everything who we are and all of what we are, what we have into what we're doing. 325 00:22:23.635 --> 00:22:23.835 Right. 326 00:22:24.725 --> 00:22:26.746 And after that, it's like I had nothing left. 327 00:22:27.487 --> 00:22:30.889 And I was spent and shocked and devastated. 328 00:22:30.949 --> 00:22:35.832 I didn't want to be, you know, a single mom, had a household, all that stuff. 329 00:22:35.872 --> 00:22:41.716 And I was just, yeah, in shock and devastation and lost like 20 pounds in three weeks. 330 00:22:41.756 --> 00:22:42.857 I mean, it was terrible. 331 00:22:44.178 --> 00:22:50.162 But I had a choice in being raised the way I was and having it in my DNA to never give up. 332 00:22:51.249 --> 00:22:55.371 That's the moment I chose, even though I couldn't see the path forward at all. 333 00:22:55.671 --> 00:22:58.833 I mean, I had a business at that time, but it was more a lifestyle business. 334 00:22:58.873 --> 00:23:01.494 So I could raise my kids, go to all their games. 335 00:23:01.534 --> 00:23:05.816 They're all athletes, you know, support my husband, do all the things together. 336 00:23:05.836 --> 00:23:09.858 And at this point, it was like the rug had been pulled out from under me. 337 00:23:10.659 --> 00:23:11.759 There was no safety net. 338 00:23:11.859 --> 00:23:12.780 There was nothing. 339 00:23:13.780 --> 00:23:17.702 And the way I was raised in the church, a woman always needs a man. 340 00:23:19.063 --> 00:23:20.884 If you don't have a man in your life, you're a failure. 341 00:23:23.186 --> 00:23:24.687 And so there was that too. 342 00:23:25.207 --> 00:23:32.488 And it being very public because people knew who we are, knew who my parents were, going through that and being super depressed. 343 00:23:33.028 --> 00:23:38.570 And I mean, I had struggled with depression from teenage years on, undiagnosed, which I write about. 344 00:23:39.450 --> 00:23:41.750 And then this was like the granddaddy of them all, right? 345 00:23:42.310 --> 00:23:43.771 So you add that into the mix. 346 00:23:44.011 --> 00:23:46.711 And just trying to get out of bed in the morning was really hard. 347 00:23:47.551 --> 00:23:49.812 And three kids and so slowly, 348 00:23:50.416 --> 00:23:51.857 you know, step at a time. 349 00:23:52.637 --> 00:23:55.378 People close to me came around me and helped support me. 350 00:23:56.219 --> 00:23:59.020 And it just got a little bit better every day. 351 00:23:59.080 --> 00:23:59.980 Some days were terrible. 352 00:24:01.081 --> 00:24:05.083 And, you know, I still see this woman at my club. 353 00:24:06.223 --> 00:24:14.047 I mean, and I can tell you that transformation is, yeah, there's there's forgiveness in it, but transformation is when you don't get triggered anymore. 354 00:24:14.730 --> 00:24:22.577 by someone or something that totally hurt you, totally devastated you, totally betrayed you and never apologized. 355 00:24:23.117 --> 00:24:23.397 Yeah. 356 00:24:24.518 --> 00:24:24.779 Yeah. 357 00:24:24.839 --> 00:24:26.920 I think also too, part of that is, is, um, 358 00:24:29.262 --> 00:24:33.583 You know, a lot of times, you know, Mel Robbins has this whole thing about letdown. 359 00:24:33.603 --> 00:24:35.123 That's her big new book out right now. 360 00:24:35.143 --> 00:24:41.545 And I don't know if you've read that, but it's really

about so often when there's these negative reactions, you look internally like, what did I do wrong? 361 00:24:41.565 --> 00:24:42.325 Did I say something? 362 00:24:42.345 --> 00:24:51.167 Did I wear the wrong dress, you know, or shoes or, you know, was there a comment that I made that I was like, you start to analyze yourself and tear yourself up. 363 00:24:51.307 --> 00:24:56.908 And a lot of it is just other people's stuff on what their insecurities are and then what 364 00:24:59.509 --> 00:25:07.631 you know, you're taking on that, that, that, that reaction or that negativity, um, in, in, in your life and, and it goes for everybody. 365 00:25:07.651 --> 00:25:11.152 And so her whole thing is let them, if they want to be pissed, let them be pissed, whatever. 366 00:25:12.233 --> 00:25:13.753 That's not your, that's not your issue. 367 00:25:13.953 --> 00:25:14.173 Right. 368 00:25:14.713 --> 00:25:16.774 But you seem to be on the other side of it. 369 00:25:16.834 --> 00:25:18.114 You're, you're the butt of that. 370 00:25:18.434 --> 00:25:19.795 And, and that's not fun. 371 00:25:20.455 --> 00:25:20.795 And so, 372 00:25:21.695 --> 00:25:42.230 the question is you know like so how do you how do you build that resilience and that in that going back to that shield um of of repelling those things back and go you know you go work that out but at the same time internalizing that in a way i think that can make you grow and make you like more and maybe this is what what you're talking about when you wrap it all into a little bow 373 00:25:42.870 --> 00:26:03.043 is that you're way more self-aware today because of all the work and all the meditation and all the writing with this book and things like that that have really helped propel you, you know, in a way that you just can handle these things without being maybe so self-critical, yet also being able to share certain things with those who are close around you. 374 00:26:03.867 --> 00:26:04.347 Exactly. 375 00:26:04.667 --> 00:26:11.812 And section three of my book, I'm just looking to see if I have the page number, but it has what I call the staircase of personal transformation. 376 00:26:12.392 --> 00:26:22.257 And so the 10 years that I document in here from 2013 to 2023, three steps forward, two steps back, lots of failures and misses, but I kept going. 377 00:26:22.798 --> 00:26:26.640 And so when I looked back, I realized I had built this staircase, right? 378 00:26:27.272 --> 00:26:34.014 And so from what I write about and show a foundation of faith, and then the first step is awareness. 379 00:26:34.775 --> 00:26:38.436 And awareness is where that armor starts to fall off. 380 00:26:38.636 --> 00:26:40.417 And it's like, okay, who am I really? 381 00:26:40.437 --> 00:26:41.617 How am I? 382 00:26:42.397 --> 00:26:43.358 Who do I want to be? 383 00:26:43.918 --> 00:26:50.000 And then the desire and commitment comes in because, okay, you can be aware of things, but if you don't have a true desire to change, 384 00:26:50.810 --> 00:26:52.972 and commit to that, nothing's going to happen. 385 00:26:53.512 --> 00:26:55.414 And then introspection is the deep one. 386 00:26:55.454 --> 00:26:59.457 That's where I really got into the mindfulness and did it day after day. 387 00:26:59.477 --> 00:27:00.839 It's like, you know, practice, right? 388 00:27:01.659 --> 00:27:10.907 And putting time in the gym and then intentional disruption, which the five areas I talked about, and then trauma taming, which is a big one. 389 00:27:11.007 --> 00:27:13.069 And, you know, trauma is not a warm and fuzzy word. 390 00:27:13.571 --> 00:27:14.892 But trauma happens. 391 00:27:15.092 --> 00:27:19.995 And what do people talk about on their deathbed or when they're going through a divorce or anything like that? 392 00:27:20.275 --> 00:27:21.196 It's the hard stuff. 393 00:27:22.277 --> 00:27:26.199 Well, I don't think we should be afraid to talk about the hard stuff because it happens. 394 00:27:27.040 --> 00:27:27.340 Right? 395 00:27:27.920 --> 00:27:30.202 And so that step is trauma taming. 396 00:27:30.682 --> 00:27:33.864 And then become the head coach of your life and create your game plan. 397 00:27:33.924 --> 00:27:35.545 And then ongoing implementation. 398 00:27:36.217 --> 00:27:44.043 And so now I coach, I have these mini workshops for each of those steps, and I coach high achievers, entrepreneurs, leaders, and teams through that. 399 00:27:45.137 --> 00:27:51.059 And that staircase is what I built during those 10 years, even though I didn't know it at the time. 400 00:27:51.599 --> 00:27:54.120 And now I wanna just give it back to people and say, hey, you can do it. 401 00:27:54.140 --> 00:27:55.561 And here's a framework you can use. 402 00:27:55.581 --> 00:27:57.641 I love the framework. 403 00:27:58.401 --> 00:28:01.403 It's powerful and it doesn't matter who you are. 404 00:28:01.663 --> 00:28:07.965 And I've gotten to know a lot of pretty famous people and people in high spots and companies, I know you have too. 405 00:28:08.765 --> 00:28:11.266 And at the end of the day, we all put our pants on the same way. 406 00:28:11.646 --> 00:28:12.746 And that's just the reality. 407 00:28:13.146 --> 00:28:14.507 You know, you talked about earlier, 408 00:28:14.848 --> 00:28:15.072 that 409 00:28:16.102 --> 00:28:25.629 how you kind of were able to really start to reset your mind, your body and your soul was was through meditation and some therapy and doing a lot of journal writing. 410 00:28:26.250 --> 00:28:28.431 I was doing my therapy happened to be in the mountains. 411 00:28:28.632 --> 00:28:40.780 And so I think the point of all that is that whether you're a runner or a walker or me being out in nature and being tethered on these these crazy rope lines that are 50 yards or 50 feet apart, 412 00:28:45.776 --> 00:28:47.796 you're just there, there's no internet. 413 00:28:47.856 --> 00:28:52.878 So you're just thinking, right, about life and

the things that swirl around and then you internalize these things. 414 00:28:52.958 --> 00:29:02.400 And when you have nature and birds and it doesn't have to be that, like, you know, there's, I don't even know what the infinite amount of ways that somebody can reset and really get clear. 415 00:29:03.620 --> 00:29:06.581 I think part of that is you have to get quiet at some level 416 00:29:07.361 --> 00:29:16.323 and not have all this noise around you with people chirping at you, or maybe you're in a New York City type place where there's just toilet chaos going on at all times. 417 00:29:17.603 --> 00:29:34.607 Not that New York is a bad place, but if you're going through something, you know, I think listening to your own inner voice and being able to be really truthful with not only yourself, but with others when you can, when you feel like you're ready to do that, can be really healing in so many different ways. 418 00:29:35.378 --> 00:29:35.918 So healing. 419 00:29:36.278 --> 00:29:36.458 Yep. 420 00:29:36.999 --> 00:29:37.859 I totally agree. 421 00:29:38.159 --> 00:29:38.479 Yeah. 422 00:29:38.699 --> 00:29:39.059 Yeah. 423 00:29:39.120 --> 00:29:40.780 So, okay. 424 00:29:41.961 --> 00:29:44.782 So we've, we've talked about this halftime explosion. 425 00:29:44.842 --> 00:29:49.904 There's a lot of stuff going on when you're a kid, we know you're, you're, you're a high achiever. 426 00:29:49.944 --> 00:29:55.046 The last thing, I didn't understand what this max I wrote it down, but the Scarlet Leto from church, what did that mean? 427 00:29:55.066 --> 00:29:55.166 Yeah. 428 00:29:56.060 --> 00:29:56.500 Yeah. 429 00:29:56.560 --> 00:30:08.747 So that, um, when I left my first husband and again, I write in detail about this, but I tried to be very sensitive about it, but I just, I just wasn't happy in that marriage. 430 00:30:08.767 --> 00:30:09.708 And I didn't know why. 431 00:30:09.888 --> 00:30:16.451 Now I understand it's a lot of it is because of how disconnected I was from myself and him. 432 00:30:17.412 --> 00:30:22.995 So, and we were very involved in our church when I left him and refused to go back to him. 433 00:30:24.518 --> 00:30:29.821 My church sent me a letter in the mail and there's part of it in my book. 434 00:30:30.602 --> 00:30:35.244 And I found a file in my parents' file cleaning out their house when they moved a couple of years ago. 435 00:30:35.805 --> 00:30:47.752 And they sent it to me and said, if you don't turn away from your sin, because I was dating my second husband, your sin will be publicly announced at church on April 30th of 2000. 436 00:30:47.772 --> 00:30:47.872 Yeah. 437 00:30:50.387 --> 00:30:51.828 And it was like, what? 438 00:30:52.348 --> 00:30:54.429 This isn't, I mean, it didn't feel like love. 439 00:30:54.730 --> 00:31:01.113 It didn't feel like a loving church and wanting to come around and really understand truly what was going on inside. 440 00:31:01.133 --> 00:31:05.256 They were more

concerned about the external, you know, appearances. 441 00:31:05.476 --> 00:31:06.856 At least that was my take on it. 442 00:31:07.557 --> 00:31:09.078 And so I call that the scarlet letter. 443 00:31:09.278 --> 00:31:14.161 Later, I found my mom's notes, how she had defended me against the elders. 444 00:31:14.181 --> 00:31:19.744 Like, it became this big battle that I didn't realize at the time because I was just drowning in my own life. 445 00:31:20.365 --> 00:31:24.147 you know, going through a divorce and leaving the church and all of that. 446 00:31:24.187 --> 00:31:26.107 So that was a really deep rift for me. 447 00:31:26.668 --> 00:31:28.288 Yeah. 448 00:31:28.308 --> 00:31:38.012 Look, we could go on and on for another two hours on the subject, having been literally on all seven continents and around the world and all these different religions that I've been exposed to. 449 00:31:38.272 --> 00:31:46.336 And, you know, just the core, whatever, you know, whether it's the Koran or the Bible or these other, you know, Buddha, all these things. 450 00:31:47.596 --> 00:31:59.585 You know, if the core of a religious is not just at the basics, just pure love and acceptance, then it's not a church or whatever religious sect that you want to call it. 451 00:31:59.685 --> 00:32:08.012 Because that is not what all, you know, everybody should be invited to come regardless of whatever you wear on your sleeves. 452 00:32:08.192 --> 00:32:10.534 And we all go through certain things and it's hypocritical. 453 00:32:11.254 --> 00:32:19.416 And so I can't believe that somebody would actually like even have it come out of their mouth, let alone send you that letter. 454 00:32:20.016 --> 00:32:20.276 Oh, yeah. 455 00:32:20.376 --> 00:32:21.656 And so I still have a copy of it. 456 00:32:21.696 --> 00:32:29.258 And years later, of course, several of those elders and pastors were dismissed, you know, for sexual harassment or sins of their own. 457 00:32:29.518 --> 00:32:37.040 But in my in that day and age that was 25 years ago, you know, women, women weren't we were supposed to behave. 458 00:32:37.617 --> 00:32:37.957 Yeah. 459 00:32:38.857 --> 00:32:48.541 Well, again, I think at the end of the day, going back to what I said before about that book with Mel Robbins is just let them, you know, if somebody is going to be a certain way, then they're going to be a certain way. 460 00:32:48.781 --> 00:32:49.001 Right. 461 00:32:49.041 --> 00:32:55.484 But you want to live your life, which you've, you know, you know the truth, you know what happened, you know, all these different things. 462 00:32:55.524 --> 00:32:55.904 And so. 463 00:32:56.764 --> 00:33:05.386 you know, you know, more power to you for actually overcoming all this stuff and being, you know, the person and the woman you are today. 464 00:33:05.406 --> 00:33:07.987 And it's big, you know, it's huge. 465 00:33:08.107 --> 00:33:16.269 It's it's, you know, you're you're successful and not just successful on the outside, but successful on the inside and being able to share these different things. 466 00:33:16.369 --> 00:33:24.391 And at the end of the day, even if it's one person that you can benefit and you can help along like, you know, that that that's all that's what it's worth. 467 00:33:25.128 --> 00:33:25.588 Exactly. 468 00:33:25.748 --> 00:33:26.028 Yeah. 469 00:33:26.068 --> 00:33:26.769 Thank you so much. 470 00:33:26.969 --> 00:33:32.510 And it's now like the year I chaired the Festival of Trees, I had my biggest year in business and I was writing my book. 471 00:33:32.570 --> 00:33:38.873 It's like you can do big things and more at once when you're aligned and when you're clear and when you're whole. 472 00:33:39.633 --> 00:33:44.294 And so for years, I would, you know, the succeeding and the achieving came at a cost. 473 00:33:45.095 --> 00:33:48.976 And now they come from the heart and the soul that are aligned. 474 00:33:49.700 --> 00:33:50.981 And it's not a cost. 475 00:33:51.021 --> 00:33:52.682 It's like a joy to give. 476 00:33:53.283 --> 00:33:55.885 And that's a big part of the transformation. 477 00:33:56.345 --> 00:33:58.326 Well, you've certainly figured that out. 478 00:33:58.447 --> 00:33:59.387 Okay, one more time. 479 00:34:01.789 --> 00:34:03.290 Give the website again. 480 00:34:03.891 --> 00:34:09.695 The book I'm going to say, because I've got right in front of me, Blessed Disruption, Transforming Trauma into Triumph. 481 00:34:09.735 --> 00:34:10.695 And certainly you've done that. 482 00:34:11.036 --> 00:34:13.938 And the website that people can find, Suzy Hall at, is what? 483 00:34:14.698 --> 00:34:15.839 Yep, suzyhall.com. 484 00:34:16.019 --> 00:34:18.041 S-U-Z-I-E-H-A-L-L.com. 485 00:34:18.912 --> 00:34:19.532 All right. 486 00:34:19.593 --> 00:34:20.533 A bunch of different pages. 487 00:34:20.713 --> 00:34:21.094 Yeah. 488 00:34:21.194 --> 00:34:21.654 I love it. 489 00:34:21.794 --> 00:34:22.815 Go out and read this book. 490 00:34:22.915 --> 00:34:23.695 Pick this thing up. 491 00:34:23.855 --> 00:34:25.256 It's going to transform your life. 492 00:34:25.376 --> 00:34:28.178 I think a lot of us go through the same stuff without actually admitting it. 493 00:34:28.278 --> 00:34:30.440 And now you can secretly read it and then transform. 494 00:34:30.460 --> 00:34:31.100 Yeah. 495 00:34:31.140 --> 00:34:33.462 Or listen to it while you're working out and no one needs to know. 496 00:34:33.942 --> 00:34:34.222 Yeah. 497 00:34:34.282 --> 00:34:35.583 On Audible. 498 00:34:35.923 --> 00:34:36.164 Yeah. 499 00:34:36.224 --> 00:34:37.164 That's just the way it is. 500 00:34:37.244 --> 00:34:41.287 I like to walk and listen on the way I consume a lot of my content. 501 00:34:41.327 --> 00:34:45.410 But on that note, Susie, thank you so much for coming on today. 502 00:34:45.430 --> 00:34:45.870 Thank you, Mark. 503 00:34:46.130 --> 00:34:47.373 Yeah, you're a blessing. 504 00:34:47.654 --> 00:34:50.259 And, you know, we need more people like you out there. 505 00:34:51.081 --> 00:34:51.762 Thank you so much. 506 00:34:52.063 --> 00:34:52.424 All right. 507 00:34:52.444 --> 00:34:52.945 There she is. 508 00:34:52.985 --> 00:34:55.270 The one, the only Susie Hall.