अनुलिपि 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:04.639
Hey, are you someone who's read a stack of self-help books?
00:00:04.799 --> 00:00:09.599
You've journaled about the same anxiety at midnight more times than you could count.
00:00:09.839 --> 00:00:11.919
Maybe you've even had one of those breakthroughs.
00:00:12.080 --> 00:00:20.239
You were on a walk or in the shower or mid-session with your somatic practitioner, where something clicks and you think, okay, this is it.
00:00:20.399 --> 00:00:23.359
This is the thing that finally changes everything.
00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:38.719
And then a week goes by, or maybe a month, and you're standing in the exact same spot, having the exact same reaction to the exact same person, place, or thing, thinking, how do I understand myself so well and still be stuck?
00:00:39.119 --> 00:00:42.320
But the thing is, that's not a sign you're doing things wrong.
00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:50.719
It's usually a sign you're doing one of five very specific, very common things that feel like progress, but don't actually reach the root.
00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:56.320
And just so you know where I land on this, the fix isn't fixing anything or removing anything.
00:00:56.479 --> 00:01:04.000
It's meeting what's underneath directly in your body until it stops running all your programming.
00:01:04.239 --> 00:01:05.760
So let's go through the five.
00:01:05.920 --> 00:01:14.239
I'll tell you why each one makes total sense that you tried it, why it stalls out anyway, and what actually works instead.
00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:27.200
I'm Leslie Turner, somatic practitioner and intuitive coach.
00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:33.840
I work in the body, I work intuitively, and I have a pretty uncanny ability to see what's actually running underneath.
00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:36.959
The stuff that therapy touched but never quite moved.
00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:44.079
Because understanding why you do something and actually stopping it are two completely different things, and that's exactly where we work.
00:01:44.239 --> 00:01:52.879
We cover people pleasing, mom burnout, perimenopause, relationships, money, and what it actually costs the woman who's always been the responsible one.
00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:57.599
Short episodes, real stories, specific enough to stop you in your tracks.
00:01:57.760 --> 00:01:59.280
Let's get into it.
00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:04.239
Mistake number one: trying to think her way out of it.
00:02:04.480 --> 00:02:14.719
Now, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, the last two episodes, episode 38 and 37, go into this in detail.
00:02:14.879 --> 00:02:16.080
But let me explain.
00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:21.599
This is the one that trips up the smartest, most self-aware women that I work with.
00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:29.280
And it makes sense because thinking has worked for you in literally every other area of your life.
00:02:29.599 --> 00:02:37.199
You research it, you can tell me exactly why you do the thing, the year it started,
Load full transcript
which parent it traced back to.
00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:41.680
You could probably out-explain your own therapist at this point.
00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:48.000
And somewhere in there, understanding that the issue quietly became the finish line.
00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:53.599
And that's not because your insight doesn't allow integration.
00:02:53.840 --> 00:02:58.800
You can know exactly why you flinch and still flinch every single time.
00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:04.400
I work with clients all the time who could out-explain almost anyone in the room.
00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:07.439
They're really self-aware, brilliant, articulate.
00:03:07.599 --> 00:03:13.599
They've had years of their own therapy, and none of that on its own moves them an inch.
00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:25.280
It's not until we get underneath all the explaining into what they actually value, what's sitting in their body, what they're still holding that anything actually shifts.
00:03:25.520 --> 00:03:32.960
We ask the right questions, and decisions they've been circling for months suddenly get an instant clarification.
00:03:33.199 --> 00:03:39.199
They walk out of every single session lighter than years of understanding themselves ever made them feel.
00:03:39.439 --> 00:03:45.919
It's a little annoying, honestly, when you think about how much time you spent explaining and doing talk therapy instead.
00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:50.479
If any of that sounds familiar, go back and listen to those last two episodes.
00:03:50.560 --> 00:03:52.560
I promise you will understand this more.
00:03:53.199 --> 00:03:56.639
Your nervous system isn't persuaded by a good explanation.
00:03:56.800 --> 00:04:03.599
It's just not, no matter how airtight that explanation is, it responds to what's actually happening in the moment.
00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:13.919
It's felt in your body, not just narrated after the fact, once you're safely back to being quote unquote fine.
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:24.959
So if you've spent years getting sharper and sharper at understanding yourself and you're still landing in the same place, you didn't miss something, but it means you haven't gone deep enough.
00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:28.240
The tool you were using was never built to reach this.
00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:30.959
Okay, mistake number two.
00:04:31.439 --> 00:04:35.120
You wait for a crisis to force the change.
00:04:35.839 --> 00:04:38.959
Nobody sets out to wait for a breaking point, by the way.
00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:41.920
Nobody's sitting there thinking, you know what would be great?
00:04:42.160 --> 00:04:44.879
Waiting until my body forces the issue.
00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:55.759
But most of us were only ever taught to act once things got bad enough, when the marriage was in real trouble, when the body finally gave out, when it hurt too much to keep ignoring.
00:04:56.000 --> 00:05:01.279
So somewhere along the way, a part of you learned that pain is the permission slip.
00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:03.519
Discomfort alone was
never quite enough.
00:05:03.680 --> 00:05:06.879
It had to get unbearable before you were allowed to do something about it.
00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:09.839
And what this actually looks like, see if it sounds familiar.
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:11.120
So this is an example.
00:05:11.279 --> 00:05:12.639
It might have been my example.
00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:14.639
I don't know, maybe, perhaps.
00:05:14.959 --> 00:05:21.120
You're not building much rest into your day, but you're getting so much stuff done, so no one's complaining.
00:05:21.439 --> 00:05:29.040
And then a little tension in your shoulders creeps up, but it's nothing a good sleep won't fix, except sleep doesn't really come.
00:05:29.199 --> 00:05:37.519
You have a couple nights in a row and you're still pushing the same output, even on that lack of sleep, because the to-do list doesn't know that you're tired.
00:05:37.759 --> 00:05:39.519
And then a headache starts showing up.
00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:40.079
It's small.
00:05:40.319 --> 00:05:42.560
Advil can handle that, no big deal.
00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:48.480
You're running a business, you're parenting, you're holding a house together without a ton of help, so you keep going.
00:05:48.959 --> 00:05:51.600
The headache turns into more of a constant thing.
00:05:51.759 --> 00:05:53.759
Sleep stays rough.
00:05:54.000 --> 00:06:00.000
Your body starts feeling a little inflamed, and suddenly you're reaching for the pain meds a lot more than you used to.
00:06:00.240 --> 00:06:05.680
And at no point in that whole chain did you stop and go, okay, buddy, I hear you.
00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:06.959
Let's listen.
00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:08.319
Let's slow down here.
00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:09.040
I love you.
00:06:09.120 --> 00:06:11.360
I'm sorry that I've been pushing through.
00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:13.279
You didn't listen to the shoulders.
00:06:13.439 --> 00:06:15.439
You didn't listen to the headache.
00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:20.959
You listen once your body shuts the whole operation down and takes the decision out of your hand.
00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:24.000
That's the actual problem with waiting for crisis.
00:06:24.079 --> 00:06:28.399
You're always working from behind, cleaning up instead of building.
00:06:28.639 --> 00:06:31.279
But the better way isn't waiting for a bigger signal.
00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:34.240
It's trusting the small one you already have.
00:06:34.800 --> 00:06:38.560
That little discomfort is already enough of a reason to act.
00:06:38.959 --> 00:06:42.639
You don't need a breaking point's permission to make your take yourself seriously.
00:06:44.079 --> 00:06:48.639
Mistake number three: treating the symptom instead of the source.
00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:51.680
We're constantly doing this.
00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:56.319
So you have anxiety and you use a breathing technique.
00:06:56.560 --> 00:07:01.360
You fix the exhaustion with more sleep or less caffeine and another supplement.
00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:07.680
And for a minute, it helps, which is exactly why this one is so easy to keep doing.
00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:13.680
Symptom management works just well enough to convince you that's the whole solution.
00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:17.680
But the anxiety and the exhaustion are downstream.
00:07:17.920 --> 00:07:22.480
They're your body's response to something underneath that hasn't been touched.
00:07:22.720 --> 00:07:29.279
And no amount of managing the response changes what's being generated in the first place.
00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:43.600
There's a lot of nuance that online scrolling conveniently leaves out because half of what gets sold to you is basically that you're one technique away from total nirvana.
00:07:43.839 --> 00:07:50.240
Like the right four-count breath is going to undo four decades of trauma in six minutes.
00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:53.360
Techniques are not the mistake.
00:07:53.519 --> 00:07:54.319
Let's be clear with that.
00:07:54.480 --> 00:07:56.800
Breath work, body work, a solid regulation tool.
00:07:56.879 --> 00:08:13.600
Those genuinely work and they usually work best stacked together, but they're built to get you back into your body for a moment, not hold your whole system safe long enough to actually see what the anxiety or the fear or the burnout has been protecting you from.
00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:15.199
That part takes time.
00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:18.720
It's not one more technique that'll solve it.
00:08:19.279 --> 00:08:22.319
So think of it as the technique gives you relief.
00:08:22.560 --> 00:08:25.839
It was never built to give you a whole resolution.
00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:35.360
So the better way is using techniques for exactly what they're good for, getting you back into your body, creating a bit more safety in your nervous system.
00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:38.879
And while you do that, you can go deeper.
00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:41.840
You can see the patterns underneath.
00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:51.279
If you've cycled through technique after technique and keep landing back in the same spot, that's not a sign that you haven't found the right one yet.
00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:58.000
It's a sign that no technique on its own was ever going to reach what actually is asking to be seen.
00:09:00.159 --> 00:09:01.360
Mistake number four.
00:09:01.759 --> 00:09:04.799
Expecting the change to feel logical.
00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:08.960
But this one's a bit subtler, a bit quieter.
00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:12.639
You wait for the shift to make sense before you'll trust it.
00:09:12.879 --> 00:09:22.080
You want the timeline to add up, the cause and effect to line up neatly, the story to resolve in a way that good stories are supposed to.
00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:26.080
But integration doesn't check your calendar first.
00:09:26.399 --> 00:09:32.159
It very rarely explains itself in a way that your logical brain can fully account for.
00:09:33.120 --> 00:09:36.159
Let me explain this because this is kind of a bigger concept.
00:09:36.399 -->
00:09:44.639
So you're watching something totally forgettable, a commercial, a random scene in a show, and out of nowhere, you burst into tears.
00:09:44.960 --> 00:09:45.600
Hard.
00:09:45.759 --> 00:09:48.000
And you're like, okay, that's weird.
00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:49.919
Why am I like that right now?
00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:52.879
Or you've been fine, fine, fine, fine.
00:09:53.039 --> 00:10:01.360
And then something tiny tips you over it and it actually all comes out at once because you finally hit the point where something had to give.
00:10:02.240 --> 00:10:04.559
And this is the part that's kind of worth sitting with.
00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:07.120
You don't actually have to know why.
00:10:07.679 --> 00:10:17.759
There was a moment that you needed a release and you happened to be safe enough or hit your max capacity enough for it to move.
00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:20.000
The mistake is what happens next.
00:10:20.159 --> 00:10:30.399
Reaching immediately for the explanation, trying to build a tiny little story around it so it makes sense to you or to whoever's watching you cry at a car insurance ad.
00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:41.600
That instinct to explain can actually yank you right out of the processing and you trade integration for a narrative for and the narrative was never the point.
00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:49.279
The better way is staying with whatever's actually moving through your body without rushing to name it or judge it.
00:10:49.600 --> 00:10:52.559
Let it finish before you try to explain it.
00:10:52.799 --> 00:10:59.440
The explanation, if you need one, can come later, but it's never doing the actual work.
00:11:01.360 --> 00:11:03.279
Mistake number five.
00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:06.000
I make this one all the time.
00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:09.679
As an eldest daughter, I try to do it alone.
00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:12.000
And this is the one I see the most.
00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:20.960
It's usually called independence or not wanting to burden anyone or plain old pride.
00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:26.720
So picture the version of you that prides herself on never needing anyone to catch her.
00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:33.519
The one who researches, plans, solves, handles it, and never asks for the assist.
00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:37.200
She's earned a lot running things that way.
00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:41.519
But if she's still the one in charge, this stays a solo project.
00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:48.480
And some things were never going to move as a solo project, no matter how capable the solo operator is.
00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:50.879
I do this work for a living.
00:11:51.039 --> 00:12:01.279
I go into the deep emotional patterns, conditioning, and I still need someone to help me do it because we all have blind spots.
00:12:01.679 --> 00:12:04.240
Doing it alone was never actually the requirement.
00:12:04.480 --> 00:12:05.679
That's the habit.
00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:08.000
Sometimes it's a trauma response.
00:12:08.480 --> 00:12:10.799
Support was on the table this whole time.
00:12:11.039 --> 00:12:14.879
Reflection, a guide, a room full of women doing the same work.
00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:22.399
At some point, the version of you that solves everything alone, the fixer, has to be allowed to clock out.
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:23.840
Do we need the permission?
00:12:24.080 --> 00:12:25.200
Oh, I'm telling you now.
00:12:25.519 --> 00:12:26.879
You can clock out.
00:12:28.399 --> 00:12:34.639
Let's name the mistakes one more time because hearing the whole list together hits differently than hearing them one at a time.
00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:45.759
So thinking your way out of things, waiting for a crisis, treating the symptom instead of the source, expecting the change to feel logical, and doing it alone.
00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:48.240
Which one felt like you?
00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:50.240
Look at that list for a second.
00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:55.360
Almost every woman I know, including myself, has lived at least three of these.
00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:58.480
Most of us have done all five, let's be honest.
00:12:58.639 --> 00:13:01.039
Some of us are living two of them right now today.
00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:06.399
While listening to this, no one handed you a manual for doing this differently.
00:13:06.639 --> 00:13:11.039
You found the tools that you needed to find at the time in the moment that you needed them.
00:13:11.279 --> 00:13:13.759
And you use them as well as you knew how.
00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:15.679
There's no flaw in this.
00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:19.679
That's just what almost everyone does with what they're given.
00:13:20.240 --> 00:13:22.639
These are not wasted efforts either.
00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:27.759
They were real strategies and they worked, or they wouldn't have stuck around this long.
00:13:28.000 --> 00:13:33.120
But every single one of them was built to manage what's on the surface, not to reach what's underneath it.
00:13:33.360 --> 00:13:38.799
That's the actual difference between what you've been doing and what actually moves something deeper.
00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:42.720
And that, conveniently, is what the rest of this is for.
00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:45.279
I want to thank you for being here.
00:13:45.440 --> 00:13:48.639
If you're here and listening, you're already doing this work.
00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:50.320
Until next time.
00:14:14.399 --> 00:14:15.679
Doors are open right now.
00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:20.320
Go grab your spot at Leslie Turner.ca slash the intuitive circle.
00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:25.039
And if this was the episode that made you pull over and think, wait, is she talking about me?
00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:29.759
Please subscribe, leave a review, and send it to the woman in your life who needs to hear it.
00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:32.159
You know exactly who I'm talking about.
00:14:32.399 --> 00:14:35.759
You can find me on Instagram at the Leslie Turner.
00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:40.639
Until next time, the fact that you're here and listening means you're already doing this work.