התמלול המלא של The Why Beneath the Why

enjoying make money for me? 00:05:09.519 --> 00:05:21.439 And of course, a little bit of that has to do with the fact that I'm sure a vast majority of us are living in this economy and trying to sort up from down and left from right and figure out what our next step is. 00:05:21.759 --> 00:05:44.160 So trying to make the things that we enjoy when there is such limited time for joy, so much is dedicated to working and surviving, when there's so little joy, when you find something you do enjoy, for me, there's always been an inkling of, and how do I assign my joy a metric and make my joy work for me? 00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:46.079 Not necessarily a bad idea. 00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:51.279 I mean, I grew up with the adage, if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. 00:05:51.439 --> 00:05:56.560 And then I started loving a lot of things and trying to make them be work. 00:05:56.959 --> 00:06:18.160 I think that both of those things, whether it's pursuing and doing this work for the love of the game, which absolutely exists, and also trying to put one foot in front of the other and create something that I can offer to the world, give to the world, and it be of consequence, is also an important factor. 00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:21.040 I think both of those things can be true and can exist. 00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:27.839 And there's nothing inherently wrong about the why beneath the why of either of those options. 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:28.639 I don't think. 00:06:28.879 --> 00:06:40.160 What's that um Twilight quote of I never gave, I never gave any thought to the way that I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love feels like a good way to go, something like that. 00:06:40.399 --> 00:06:42.639 That's what what I want to create. 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:45.040 That's what my initial why feels like. 00:06:45.199 --> 00:06:52.560 It feels like it's not a bad thing to be afraid of not leaving an impact on the world. 00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:55.120 This is my heart I'm putting out here. 00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:58.399 This is my soul that I put into these episodes. 00:06:58.639 --> 00:07:05.839 And I try to package them in a way that they are a true expression of myself, but also a love letter to you. 00:07:06.160 --> 00:07:11.040 Also a community building and space that I'm trying to have for you as well. 00:07:11.279 --> 00:07:16.560 And so giving my heart to you in this way doesn't feel shameful. 00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:21.279 It doesn't feel like a less important reason than me pursuing my pleasure. 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:23.519 It actually feels selfless. 00:07:23.759 --> 00:07:31.120 If you can't see I'm flipping my hair, and I'm basically the mother Teresa, is how that inconsequential piece feels. 00:07:31.279 --> 00:07:45.040 I think the icky part comes from feeling like my passion or my pleasure has to be assigned some sort of metric and has to serve a purpose beyond my own contentment. 00:07:45.199 --> 00:08:06.319 And in doing so, I assign these arbitrary metrics of success that either stop me from having any joy or passion or pleasure or contentment in the thing that I am doing, or that put me in this waiting game of feeling like I can't start until it's perfect. 00:08:06.639 --> 00:08:09.759 I can't do this until I hit this moment. 00:08:10.240 --> 00:08:16.079 And I think that's where the icky part comes from, where the messiness happens. 00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:18.800 I think I've had to juggle that a little bit this week. 00:08:18.959 --> 00:08:23.120 It's been such a ridiculously chaotic week. 00:08:23.279 --> 00:08:31.519 It's been frustrating, it's been full of micromanaging and just irritating people. 00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:43.200 And I usually try to have this episode recorded by Wednesday night at the latest so I can record it, cut my clips, and start advertising it on Thursday. 00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:51.039 And I've been fairly consistent doing that, getting this episode out Thursday morning-ish, early afternoon, so that way you guys can enjoy it. 00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:55.519 But I have been so tired and so burned out this week. 00:08:55.679 --> 00:08:59.360 And if this is my love letter to you, I don't want to half-ass it. 00:08:59.519 --> 00:09:04.639 And yesterday I made the decision to go to bed early-ish, early for me. 00:09:04.879 --> 00:09:23.600 I made the decision instead of to push through and try to make this come together so that way I could follow arbitrary schedule that I set for myself and that I've convinced myself I'm too big or too in progress or too whatever to have diverted from. 00:09:23.759 --> 00:09:30.480 And I had to stop myself and just remember whichever the why beneath the why is, I'll try to stop saying it after. 00:09:30.559 --> 00:09:31.919 That'll be the last time, hopefully. 00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:34.399 Whatever the, okay, I'm about to say it again. 00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:43.360 Why beneath the why is, I'm losing the joy, I'm losing the contentment, I'm losing the passion that comes behind it. 00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:54.639 If I am so beholden to making this work and the purpose of this work tied to a metric, like releasing an episode every Thursday. 00:09:54.879 --> 00:09:59.679 I think the question is bigger than do I love it, love it? 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.240 Or am I afraid of not having it? 00:10:02.399 --> 00:10:13.200 Am I afraid of what happens if I don't assign this purpose, assign this internal, external validation to this thing that I want to do, to my passion? 00:10:13.440 --> 00:10:15.600 I think it's a bigger question than that. 00:10:15.840 --> 00:10:19.039 I think it's whether or not it costs me anything. 00:10:19.279 --> 00:10:26.399 If it costs me the enjoyment and the contentment that this thing that I'm passionate about is supposed to bring me. 00:10:26.559 --> 00:10:41.600 So whether you're running from obscurity or you're running towards notoriety, whatever your version of that is and however it

shows up in your life, I think we all have goals and things that we're chasing after. 00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:46.000 I think we all have the why that we tell ourselves. 00:10:46.159 --> 00:10:58.639 And I think when you have a why or you have a dream or you have any sort of goal that you're pursuing, it's so easy to stop living for today. 00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:04.159 So easy to lose sight of the journey, to like lose the plot. 00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:38.480 And for me personally, my drive can get me so stuck and so beholden to whatever metrics, so beholden to looking at where I want this journey to go, looking at what success looks like for me, assigning it this weight that extends beyond the most important form of self-love and self-expression that I could ever have, which is to constantly be in pursuit of what brings me joy, of what brings me pleasure, what ignites my passions. 00:11:38.639 --> 00:11:47.120 A couple of years ago, I was going through this whole like revamp of my life leading up to the new year. 00:11:47.279 --> 00:11:51.360 This is probably, if I had to guess, maybe 2023 or 2024. 00:11:51.679 --> 00:11:56.960 All of December, I was taking every personality test that you could think of. 00:11:57.200 --> 00:12:02.799 I was looking at my birth chart and my like astrology and my zodiac. 00:12:02.960 --> 00:12:10.399 I was looking at um what kind of uh like manifesting generator I am, I can't remember what they're called. 00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:38.559 I was looking up all of these different things about my myself, my Enneagram, anything that I could think that might help me figure out what I wanted to pursue, what I wanted for the following year, and be able to set systems up and have things in place to get me to this unnamed summit that I knew I wanted to get to, but didn't know the right path, what was even at the top of the summit, nothing. 00:12:38.720 --> 00:12:40.000 I had none of that information. 00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:42.480 And so I was like, I'm starting from scratch. 00:12:42.960 --> 00:13:09.519 And in starting from scratch, I was talking to a friend who so beautifully reminded me that the challenge of life, the challenge of living, is enjoying the moment and being in the moment, appreciating the journey, like finding beauty and finding joy and finding love in the mundane, that the fulfillment of life doesn't come from hitting the next milestone. 00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:13.200 It doesn't come from accomplishing that goal. 00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:21.919 The difficult work in life is to find fulfillment in the day-to-day to that goal, in the journey to that goal. 00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:31.200 And especially because every attainment to the summit moves the moves the goalpost, moves the summit further away. 00:13:31.840 --> 00:13:39.039 So if you can't enjoy the journey to whatever your goal is, you'll get to that goal, accomplish it. 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:46.480 The joy will be fleeting because you didn't allow yourself to feel it in the moments that it mattered, in the day-to-day. 00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:49.120 You held it away from yourself. 00:13:49.279 --> 00:14:00.159 You held yourself back from the joy, from the contentment of the journey, and told yourself that once you got there, once you got to that place, then you could celebrate. 00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:03.759 Once you got to that place, then you could have a little bit more joy. 00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:06.559 Once you got to this place, things would be better. 00:14:06.720 --> 00:14:20.000 And I think, and I'm working on trying to learn, like I said, this is to me, this is probably the most challenging part about living is to be present and in the now. 00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:39.440 But I think that with joy and with pleasure and with contentment in the mix, the journey becomes about a larger pursuit of pleasure and passion and the things that like set your soul on fire, and way less about the fear of being inconsequential. 00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:50.159 So, for anyone that is moving so fast that they haven't stopped to really brutally be honest about the why beneath your why. 00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:52.240 I'm sorry, I had to say it again. 00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:55.279 You haven't asked yourself, why do I want this? 00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:57.200 Why do I truly want this? 00:14:57.360 --> 00:14:58.879 Why am I doing it this way? 00:14:59.039 --> 00:15:05.200 If you haven't asked yourself, what does today offer me that might just last today? 00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:30.240 And if I'm so focused on what I might gain or what might be there waiting for me in the future and in what seems currently unattainable in the thing that you're working towards, what is the thing that you're gonna miss out to that already miss out on that already exists today that you can't see if you are not looking on your level, if you're only looking up into the future? 00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:34.240 Then ask yourself, how can you bring that contentment? 00:15:34.480 --> 00:15:36.000 How can you bring that pleasure? 00:15:36.159 --> 00:15:52.480 How can you bring that joy into this exact moment on your path towards your goals, on your path to wherever you see yourself at next, whether you are on your path toward something or on your path away from something? 00:15:52.639 --> 00:16:09.279 What I'm inviting you to notice is the day-to-day opportunities for that joy or finding contentment, even if it's in the little moments, even if you are content for 10 minutes a day drinking a coffee, like find that. 00:16:09.519 --> 00:16:11.200 Focus on those moments. 00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:18.720 And maybe if we stop asking ourselves these big life-altering questions, like, am I happy? 00:16:18.960 --> 00:16:21.440 Or what do I want to do with my life? 00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:28.799 We'll stop being so blocked from the task of pursuing pleasure every day in little ways. 00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:45.679 I'm starting to think, and I'm curious to find out as I

work on this, and maybe you'll be with me on this journey working on finding the little moments every day in a real way, not in a prescriptive, like meditate way, unless that's the way that you find contentment. 00:16:45.840 --> 00:17:11.759 I just mean instead of trying to see the big picture, or instead of letting a bad day or a too good day put you in a blue sky scenario in which you're only looking at how things could be better, and instead try to find ways to be so grounded in your body and in the moment that even on your worst days, you're like, but I'm here and I'm vibing. 00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:16.000 And I found a parking spot, and that was enough for today. 00:17:16.240 --> 00:17:23.039 It's making me, it's making me think of the cheetah girls and their song Cinderella. 00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:26.880 I can slay my own juggle. 00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:28.640 You know the vibes. 00:17:28.799 --> 00:17:36.319 It's making me think of um when they say my knight in shining armor is me and I'm gonna set me free. 00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:44.160 Like, yes, come on, Disney Channel, bringing it in hot and heavy, that's exactly what I'm talking about. 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:48.079 And that's exactly what I am working on and trying to do. 00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:56.079 It's such a difficult thing to be both driven and grounded in the present moment, to be moving forward. 00:17:56.480 --> 00:18:01.200 Hey, come on, come on, witcher, not Witcher, come on, wicker, bring it back. 00:18:01.359 --> 00:18:09.440 To be moving forward and away from something and simultaneously right here, everywhere, all together, all at once, upside down. 00:18:09.519 --> 00:18:13.119 Like all of that is so difficult to do at one time. 00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:40.400 And I think maybe it happens in the little moments where we are pursuing pleasure for the sake of pleasure, passions for the sake of passions, contentment, finding contentment for the sake of being content, instead of having to assign some metric, instead of having to double down and ask our question of Am I doing this for love, for the love of the game? 00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:42.480 Is this really what I want? 00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:47.119 Or am I afraid of what I could end up not being? 00:18:47.680 --> 00:18:48.240 Yikes. 00:18:48.559 --> 00:18:50.160 Pause, pause a little bit on that. 00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:51.279 Am I afraid? 00:18:51.440 --> 00:19:01.119 Am I running from the thing that I could end up not being and missing all of the great, glorious, wonderful things I am right now? 00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:10.000 I think that the best form of self-care is finding the things that spark joy, is finding the things that bring you pleasure. 00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:18.720 I think that is the biggest form of self-care is having those moments and maintaining those moments, even finding those moments in the mundane. 00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:24.480 And I think that that's like the best way to fall in love with yourself. 00:19:24.720 --> 00:19:31.839 Like let your passions, let your pleasure, let all of that romanticize who you are in this moment. 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:37.039 I think if I love myself, there's no running from being unknown. 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:40.480 And there's no need to run towards being known. 00:19:40.799 --> 00:19:47.599 Because if I love myself, then the best person already knows and loves me. 00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:48.640 And that's me. 00:19:48.799 --> 00:20:07.039 I think this episode is all coming together to say, have your goals, do your thing, pursue your passions, let some of them exist outside of a metric of success, let some of them exist without feeling like they need to be monetized or for public consumption. 00:20:07.279 --> 00:20:12.000 Let some of them be for the sake of being and for yourself. 00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:22.799 And I think when you are looking at those things, when you are looking at all the areas in your life that have some sort of future thinking tied to them. 00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:32.000 And when you were asking yourself what the why beneath the why is, give yourself the space to be honest about what that is. 00:20:32.480 --> 00:20:47.680 I'm still learning and having a hard time putting myself out there and saying, not only do I want to create something and leave this world with something from me, like leave the world with something from me. 00:20:47.920 --> 00:21:00.640 Not only do I want to leave my footprints on the sands of time, I am also trying to be honest and open about what comes with that for me, what that looks like for me. 00:21:00.799 --> 00:21:05.359 And it is not a post-humorous acknowledgement. 00:21:05.519 --> 00:21:07.039 That's just the truth. 00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:14.799 I want to earn my flowers and I want them to be given to me while I am here on this earth. 00:21:14.960 --> 00:21:18.720 And I'm still learning to be comfortable enough with saying that. 00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:22.960 So when you're asking yourself that question, what is the why beneath the why? 00:21:23.200 --> 00:21:26.079 Give yourself the space to be honest. 00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:27.920 Like this is for you to know. 00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:31.440 Talk your shit, be honest about what you want and why you want it. 00:21:31.599 --> 00:21:36.000 Then leave a little bit of space for the fact that there's probably another why beneath that. 00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:38.400 Like we can keep digging and digging and digging. 00:21:38.640 --> 00:21:44.400 The duality of the path, whether you're coming or going, all depends on who's walking it. 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:49.119 And from the inside, you might not even know which way you're facing. 00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:50.480 And that's okay too. 00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:53.279 Yesterday I needed to rest. 00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:59.519 And yesterday I needed to decompress and hang out on the couch watching traders and real. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:02.000 Housewives of Atlanta with my

roommate. 00:22:02.319 --> 00:22:07.759 Something that I am realizing is a guilty pleasure of mine is Real Housewives of Atlanta. 00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:09.519 And I needed that contentment. 00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:11.039 I found it yesterday. 00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:15.279 And today I'm here and I'm present and I'm showing up. 00:22:15.440 --> 00:22:21.759 And neither, neither of those days, neither of what happened takes away from the journey. 00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:23.440 It is the journey. 00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:47.359 And I can hold them both equally with the same weight, with the same appreciation for how I showed up both days, without letting the fear of being inconsequential, without letting the fear of being unknown, without letting the fear of maybe never getting to where I see myself get in the way of that or push me beyond where is good and healthy and purposeful in my life. 00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:57.440 And I'm not, and I did not let the arbitrary metrics or stats or whatever suck the joy out of this process of being here with you. 00:22:57.680 --> 00:23:12.960 I didn't let a little bit late publishing today stop me from feeling like I'm going towards my purpose, that I'm so lucky to be going towards something that I'm passionate about and the opportunity to do it all the days of my life. 00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:26.000 Since I'm still doing listener questions, my question for you to take with you into the week as I take it into mine is what does today have to offer you that might just last today? 00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:36.160 My answer to this question is I'm trying to enjoy the moments that I get home from being out, like out drinking with my friends. 00:23:36.319 --> 00:23:40.319 I usually try to eat before, unless we're going to go get dinner. 00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:45.279 If I eat before, I'll get something extra for later. 00:23:45.680 --> 00:24:04.640 And right now, the thing, the part of my journey that I'm in right now that's bringing me a lot of pleasure and making me feel real content is getting home early, late at night, early morning the next day, and eating like leftover chicken nuggets. 00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:07.440 I know that there will one day come a day. 00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:15.200 There will come a time where this body is not going to be able to process fried foods at one o'clock in the morning, at 2 a.m. 00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:25.119 So I'm sitting in that contentment and being appreciative of where I am in my journey right now, that I can eat chicken nuggies in the middle of the night. 00:24:25.359 --> 00:24:27.279 That is the stuff I'm talking about. 00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:35.759 You can add a little bit more weight and care behind that, but this is a live recording for me. 00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:37.440 This is a live recording for me. 00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:39.839 And so that's the example that came up in my mind. 00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:45.680 I was sitting on the couch maybe about two weeks ago eating leftover fries from McDonald's. 00:24:45.759 --> 00:24:48.880 And I was like, wow, one day I won't get to do this. 00:24:49.039 --> 00:24:51.200 One day I won't be able to. 00:24:51.359 --> 00:25:04.079 Whether it's I'm a parent and can't be out that late, whether someone is also on the couch with me and in my space when I just want to decompress and be antisocial for a little while after being out. 00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:07.359 Like I will never be in this moment again. 00:25:07.599 --> 00:25:11.359 And I want to honor it and enjoy it and find contentment in it. 00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:13.839 Thanks so much for listening to this episode. 00:25:14.079 --> 00:25:19.200 While I've got you, I want to quickly mention once again that I have a Substack. 00:25:19.359 --> 00:25:21.440 I'm going to work on getting a newsletter out. 00:25:21.519 --> 00:25:32.160 So if you want to be a part of conversations with me even more, you can find me on Substack at while I've got you pod, pod.substack.com, and you can subscribe to my newsletter. 00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:33.200 You can follow me over there. 00:25:33.359 --> 00:25:42.799 You're gonna also listen to this episode and all 20 of my other episodes wherever you get your podcast and streaming with video on the YouTube. 00:25:43.359 --> 00:25:47.759 I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I will see you next week. 00:25:48.319 --> 00:25:48.960 Bye.