התמלול המלא של Outside the Frame

validation, it's not the enemy. 00:02:53.120 --> 00:02:56.319 It can become a mirror that you've outgrown. 00:02:56.479 --> 00:03:04.240 And the problem isn't that people are watching, the problem is that we're still using their reaction to assess what's best for us, and that can keep us small. 00:03:04.400 --> 00:03:11.439 And I want to say not always, because if you listened to the episode with Adam Drake, beautiful, beautiful episode. 00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:18.560 I loved that he talked about the young people he worked with, loving him before he loved himself. 00:03:18.719 --> 00:03:26.319 He was still out there, still doing the work and acknowledges now that he was still very much under construction. 00:03:26.400 --> 00:03:30.879 And they were giving him and being a mirror for him that he needed at that time. 00:03:31.120 --> 00:03:38.159 The difference between a fear of failure and fear of being seen in the change are quite different. 00:03:39.280 --> 00:03:45.199 Now there is a photo that exists, it is, of me delivering a national address at the United Nations. 00:03:45.360 --> 00:03:54.719 And there are people who have seen it, it's been chatter about it, and people who watched me deliver that national address, and I looked and felt powerful and confident and composed. 00:03:54.800 --> 00:03:57.599 It was really surreal and significant. 00:03:58.400 --> 00:04:02.800 But there was something else that was actually happening in my body that week. 00:04:03.360 --> 00:04:10.879 I was in the middle of coming off medication that I'd been on for a brief period, but my body was really loud. 00:04:11.199 --> 00:04:16.160 My mind probably had about six tracks running at the same time. 00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:22.800 Within the fortnight that followed, I'd lose something I hadn't even told anyone I had. 00:04:25.600 --> 00:04:33.199 So the point of me sharing this isn't because I want to say, here, look at what I've survived. 00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:35.439 Feel sorry for me. 00:04:35.839 --> 00:04:49.360 But it's because that photo or the story that people responded to was of somebody who was already in the middle of something that I couldn't show you. 00:04:51.519 --> 00:04:53.600 And that's where the work is. 00:04:53.759 --> 00:05:02.319 It's in that understanding that really, really, realistically, we're all under construction all the time and still showing up. 00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:07.439 We're still showing up to go to work and do the things that other people expect us to do. 00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:13.120 We're still showing up in our families to be the person and to show up as other people expect us to do. 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:32.800 And I think that the more that we recognize that we already do that, the less important it will be for us to be constantly trying to audit against our own anticipation of people's likely reactions to us. 00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:36.240 I think this is particularly important for women. 00:05:36.399 --> 00:05:46.160 We have so many cycles in life, and I don't mean that menstrually, although, although, you know, we just get cycles. 00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:55.040 We understand cycles of life, major stages, major shaping of identity through those stages of life and through society. 00:05:55.680 --> 00:06:10.639 And so many opportunities, if we take them to reassess where we're at, how we're showing up, readjust those sales, and show up as the person that we just are. 00:06:12.319 --> 00:06:15.920 And external validation, it's not bad, and looking for it is not bad. 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:18.800 And certainly if you are in business, really important. 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:30.800 But it is a stage of the becoming, it's a season that's there when you need it, and there are periods in life when you have to stop using them. 00:06:30.959 --> 00:06:35.680 So for me, 39 is not going to be the year that I stop putting myself out there. 00:06:36.000 --> 00:06:45.519 It is, and I give you my undertaking, and I hope you join me in this, it's the year that I stopped putting the right version of myself out there. 00:06:45.759 --> 00:06:49.279 The version that's been pre-audited for response. 00:06:50.800 --> 00:07:00.319 So I really would love for you to think about if no one was going to respond to it, what would you make? 00:07:00.959 --> 00:07:02.319 Who would you be? 00:07:03.199 --> 00:07:06.480 What part of you would you stop editing? 00:07:07.519 --> 00:07:11.439 So this week, just notice one place where you're auditing yourself. 00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:16.879 Don't fix it, just notice who you're doing that for. 00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:28.639 And if you're on the edge of doing something, the version of you that's still being made is absolutely a version of you that's worth showing up as. 00:07:29.439 --> 00:07:35.199 So whatever remains wild in you this week, let it show. 00:07:35.920 --> 00:07:39.360 I hope I haven't put the frozen song in your head now. 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:41.839 But have a beautiful week. 00:07:41.920 --> 00:07:52.000 And if you do struggle with mental health, pregnancy loss, you can contact Lifeline on 131114 or go to lifeline.org.au. 00:07:52.720 --> 00:08:05.040 In terms of pregnancy loss here in the Northern Territory, Amber MT are an incredible resource and they do absolutely really important, significant work. 00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:11.759 And you can contact them or Sands Australia on 1-300-308-307. 00:08:12.639 --> 00:08:26.240 Thank you for joining me, and I really look forward to coming back with more fantastic conversations with people from all walks of life who show up every day. 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:35.360 And if there is somebody in particular that you'd really like to hear from or a theme that you'd like me to dive into with a guest, please feel free to get in touch with me. 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:38.080 And thanks for joining me at What Remains Wild.