התמלול המלא של Stop Explaining Yourself - Own The Room

stated the things that I recommend without over-explaining. 00:04:54.560 --> 00:05:02.240 So that explained that that that was the the moment that I said, you know what, my opinion has value, my experience has value. 00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:11.920 And that was a major shift for me from um pivoting that I knew something to communicating in a way that moved people to action. 00:05:12.879 --> 00:05:16.319 Yeah, it's kind of like in journalism we joke about burying the lead. 00:05:16.480 --> 00:05:20.639 It sounds like what you're saying is don't bury your opinion in a bunch of explanation. 00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:23.279 You just need to be able to state it simply and clearly. 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:24.480 Absolutely. 00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:25.759 I love that. 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:28.160 So you work with a lot of high-performing women. 00:05:28.240 --> 00:05:36.480 We those are our listening audience, um, those who are on with us right now and listening later, um, who are already accomplished incredible. 00:05:36.720 --> 00:05:45.519 What's the most common consuming communication pattern that you see holding the women that you work with back from the level of influence that they really do deserve? 00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:49.439 Well, I see a lot of them minimize what they already know. 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:58.000 It's like they want to keep up with the next best thing, but just hone into the thing that you know that you have the experience and expertise in. 00:05:58.160 --> 00:06:00.879 And these are accomplished women that do this all the time. 00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:04.160 They have all the credentials, experience, results, and expertise. 00:06:04.240 --> 00:06:11.680 But sometimes they wouldn't like really show up fully and communicate what they knew. 00:06:11.759 --> 00:06:18.079 They'll say things like, Um, I'm not sure, but this may be silly, this may be a silly question. 00:06:18.160 --> 00:06:19.199 You know, we heard that sometimes. 00:06:19.279 --> 00:06:21.360 We probably did that sometimes too. 00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:25.279 But they're credible before they even open up their mouth. 00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:29.120 Their language starts negotiating away their credibility. 00:06:29.279 --> 00:06:34.000 So I tell women, stop shrinking the sentence before you even finish saying it. 00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:35.360 Yeah, exactly. 00:06:35.519 --> 00:06:39.839 I wonder how much of it, too, is like a desire to remain relevant. 00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:43.839 A lot of our members have like 20 years of experience, which is a lot. 00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:50.399 And they are like the the MO of our members is like in our community is people who are consistent learners, right? 00:06:50.480 --> 00:06:53.279 We always want to be learning and growing, which is fantastic. 00:06:53.439 --> 00:07:01.519 But I do worry, and I don't know if you see this as well or if you have thoughts on it, that some of that stems from, you know, as we get older as women, we get more marginalized still. 00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:03.120 We become more invisible still. 00:07:03.279 --> 00:07:10.240 And so there's like this desire to feel like you have to keep up with everything because it is about staying relevant yourself. 00:07:10.639 --> 00:07:24.079 So my thought on that is um women shouldn't feel like they seem more invisible as we go along because I feel like a lot of that is done because we're in the rooms that we don't necessarily need to be in. 00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:26.240 We don't have to be in every room. 00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:31.680 You just need to be in the room that's important for you and the people that you're trying to serve. 00:07:32.399 --> 00:07:33.360 I love that. 00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:35.120 You're hitting on something really important there, Dr. 00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:35.519 Rita. 00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:43.519 I think women too, we often get conditioned that doing is leading and being everywhere and doing everything is leading. 00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:44.240 Right. 00:07:44.480 --> 00:07:49.680 And you're saying, no, like you don't don't do be doing it all, don't be in every room. 00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:51.519 Um, be selective, right? 00:07:52.079 --> 00:08:00.399 If you're in the room with those three main people that need your services, that need your wisdom and expertise, you're in the right room. 00:08:00.560 --> 00:08:02.639 You're not invisible to them. 00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:03.439 Yeah. 00:08:03.600 --> 00:08:05.120 You're very visible to them. 00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:07.279 So be visible for them. 00:08:08.319 --> 00:08:09.279 I love that. 00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:15.199 So, how do you coach women to move from seeking permission and validation to just simply stating their position with authority? 00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:18.399 Because I can imagine those are hard habits to break. 00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:19.120 Yeah. 00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:24.240 I teach them to separate um confidence from consensus. 00:08:24.399 --> 00:08:30.240 Like you don't need everyone to agree with you before you can clearly state what you believe. 00:08:30.399 --> 00:08:34.399 Instead of, would it be okay if you if we consider this? 00:08:34.639 --> 00:08:37.120 Doing all of that, that's that's so much extra work. 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:48.799 Or what questions do you have instead of, I just wanted to add, you know, smaller language shifts can completely change how people experience your authority. 00:08:49.919 --> 00:08:50.399 Love it. 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:51.440 That's great advice. 00:08:51.679 --> 00:09:03.679 It also kind of reminds me of um Adam Grant's uh give and take book out there that talks about disagreeable givers and how you have like agreeable givers who kind of, you know, tell everybody what they want to hear. 00:09:03.919 --> 00:09:07.759 You've got your disagreeable takers who everybody knows those guys, they suck. 00:09:07.919 --> 00:09:11.840 And then you've got your agreeable takers who are a little

more sketched, right? 00:09:11.919 --> 00:09:16.399 You really have to watch because they're gonna tell you what they want to hear, but they're doing it from a place that they want to take. 00:09:16.639 --> 00:09:21.440 Whereas I really try to encourage people and I even myself to be a disagreeable giver. 00:09:21.600 --> 00:09:33.360 And that really does mean sharing my opinions, thoughts, and voice, even when it's not in agreement, but it's in the spirit of giving, of making the work better, the situation better, the environment better, whatever that might need to be. 00:09:34.320 --> 00:09:34.799 Right. 00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:37.840 I love that because you know what? 00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:39.919 We we can't please everybody. 00:09:40.240 --> 00:09:40.960 No, yeah. 00:09:41.200 --> 00:09:43.120 We we we just can't please everybody. 00:09:43.360 --> 00:09:49.279 And so my thing of it, just be the best you and those people will gravitate to you. 00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:52.559 People want to know that you care before they care about what you know anyway. 00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:54.320 So build relationships first. 00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:55.519 I love it. 00:09:55.679 --> 00:10:00.320 Yeah, that relational one-on-one is absolutely necessary. 00:10:00.480 --> 00:10:06.960 You're right, you have to earn a little bit of that trust, you know, with others one-on-one before you can just like walk into the room. 00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:09.759 Unfortunately, I don't think we always have that privilege, right? 00:10:10.879 --> 00:10:12.159 Um, you know what? 00:10:12.240 --> 00:10:13.919 You don't have to wait to be invited. 00:10:14.000 --> 00:10:15.840 You can always create your own room. 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:17.120 That as well. 00:10:17.279 --> 00:10:18.720 Yes, absolutely. 00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:20.799 Absolutely love it. 00:10:20.960 --> 00:10:30.720 Okay, could you give us um maybe a concrete example of how women re-a woman that you've worked with, or even you, repositioned herself um as a decision maker rather than just a contributor? 00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:35.200 Because again, that's another pivot for women who are in middle management struggle with, right? 00:10:35.600 --> 00:10:36.159 Absolutely. 00:10:36.240 --> 00:10:40.000 And I've been at the same corporation for 22 years, so I understand. 00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:49.519 So I've worked with women who are already doing like leadership level work, but they um kind of communicate like they're supporting the staff in the room. 00:10:49.679 --> 00:10:53.759 They're they're acting like they're part of the staff, but sometimes it can be a problem. 00:10:53.919 --> 00:11:02.799 So one woman would come into a meeting, prepare the um with the solutions for the day, but she presented everything as suggestions. 00:11:02.960 --> 00:11:11.039 She would give everyone in the room uh an opportunity to validate the idea that she brought instead of just owning it herself. 00:11:11.200 --> 00:11:12.799 So we changed one thing first. 00:11:12.960 --> 00:11:14.320 First, we have to change the language. 00:11:14.399 --> 00:11:24.960 So instead of saying, maybe we should consider doing this, she began saying, based on what we've been seeing, my recommendation, this is how we're gonna be moving forward. 00:11:25.200 --> 00:11:30.639 So the same woman, same expertise, same information, but different positioning. 00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:33.039 And people began responding to her differently. 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:40.720 And then finally, she communicated herself on the level that she has been presenting herself or wanted to be seen all along. 00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:42.240 Great example. 00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:42.879 I love that. 00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:47.919 Those small language shifts make such a big difference, and that's something you can start to practice right away, right? 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:49.279 You don't have to wait tomorrow. 00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:51.759 You don't have to be in leadership to do it either. 00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:52.720 Exactly. 00:11:52.879 --> 00:11:54.240 Yes, yes, yeah. 00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:58.080 The whole waiting for permission thing, I feel like is another struggle for us, right? 00:11:58.240 --> 00:12:03.919 We just kind of wait to be given the opportunity or handed it or asked to do it versus just stepping into it. 00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:04.960 I love that. 00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:07.039 All right. 00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:16.879 Um, what specific communication strategies seem to help women show up with uh precision, whether it comes to being in meetings or boardrooms or even virtual environments like these? 00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:18.159 Yeah, absolutely. 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:20.480 I would give them four things to think about. 00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:24.000 Like first, know your point before you start talking. 00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:29.279 So if you don't know where you're going, everyone else has to travel through your thoughts with you. 00:12:29.360 --> 00:12:30.559 And that's that could be a maze. 00:12:30.639 --> 00:12:32.080 So we don't want to be doing that. 00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:36.240 And then second, we want to lead with the headline. 00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:42.799 So give me the most important information first, because you know how our attention spans can be, right? 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:46.559 And then third, remove unnecessary qualifiers. 00:12:46.799 --> 00:12:50.639 Words like just maybe, kind of, hopefully. 00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:56.480 I think we can weaken a strong statement, you know, make it feel comfortable for everybody. 00:12:56.639 --> 00:12:57.279 Don't do it. 00:12:57.360 --> 00:12:59.200 We don't want to overuse those words. 00:12:59.360 --> 00:13:02.320 And then the fourth thing is in clearly. 00:13:02.639 --> 00:13:04.240 What do you recommend? 00:13:04.480 --> 00:13:05.600 What do you need? 00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:07.519 What decisions need to be made? 00:13:07.759 --> 00:13:08.799 That's

precision. 00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:15.200 Clarity is not about saying more, it's just making what matters impossible to miss. 00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:18.639 That right there, that's such a powerful line. 00:13:18.879 --> 00:13:26.159 And I think that oftentimes, you know, we had a workshop recently and we were talking about this more in the context of even our home lives. 00:13:26.240 --> 00:13:27.679 Like even what you're describing right now, Dr. 00:13:27.759 --> 00:13:30.080 Rita, like this could be used at home with your kids, right? 00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:33.440 You say, I help clean the kitchen. 00:13:33.679 --> 00:13:48.960 But if you don't paint the picture and make that point, make it clearly and you know, finish on that means I want the dishwasher emptied and refilled, the counters wiped, the handles wiped down everywhere, and the floor swept, you know? 00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:51.759 Because clean means something different to everyone. 00:13:52.080 --> 00:13:52.639 Exactly. 00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:55.919 Especially to a kid, and maybe even to a guy. 00:13:56.080 --> 00:14:02.960 And so it's like if you don't paint that picture, you know, it's like you can't expect to have what you need done the way you want it done. 00:14:03.039 --> 00:14:05.759 And then I think again, that's what the trap we fall into, right? 00:14:05.919 --> 00:14:19.360 Is that we don't explain ourselves clearly, we don't say it firmly, and then we look at the kitchen just as a continue of that reference, and then we say, it wasn't done well, and now I need to go back and do it again. 00:14:20.399 --> 00:14:23.679 Absolutely get frustrated when we did we weren't clear in the first place. 00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:24.720 Exactly. 00:14:24.879 --> 00:14:25.120 Yeah. 00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:31.120 So owning that little bit and using some of the tools you're talking about here is is really going to help save us too, right? 00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:34.240 From feeling like we have to come in and save the day on these projects. 00:14:34.320 --> 00:14:38.320 And that gives the autonomy, clarity, and opportunity to our team, right? 00:14:38.480 --> 00:14:39.120 Delegation. 00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:40.080 Oh my gosh. 00:14:40.240 --> 00:14:40.879 Delegation. 00:14:40.960 --> 00:14:42.799 That could be a whole other episode. 00:14:44.399 --> 00:14:44.720 All right. 00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:48.559 There is often an underlying fear when women are trying to own the room. 00:14:48.720 --> 00:14:54.399 Um, fear is kind of for being seen as aggressive, unapproachable, unkind. 00:14:55.440 --> 00:15:00.159 I've heard a lot of these words thrown at me and other women that I've talked to within our community. 00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:08.720 How do you help them navigate that tension between that um looking to kind of establish their confidence, but also remain, remain connected? 00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:09.360 Yeah. 00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:14.080 I just remind women that confidence and kindness, they are

not, you know, opposites. 00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:16.080 You can be warm and still be clear. 00:15:16.240 --> 00:15:18.480 You can listen and still disagree. 00:15:18.720 --> 00:15:22.159 You can empathize with people and still have boundaries. 00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:27.759 And you can say no without a five-paragraph explanation for no. 00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:32.480 So owning the room is not dominating the room, it's being fully present in it. 00:15:32.559 --> 00:15:40.799 And so I tell women: don't trade clarity for likability, but don't trade human humanity for authority either. 00:15:41.039 --> 00:15:42.399 You can have both. 00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:43.519 I love that. 00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:44.639 That's so fantastic. 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:47.120 We're gonna have some good sound bites from today's conversation. 00:15:47.200 --> 00:15:48.080 I can tell already. 00:15:48.159 --> 00:15:49.120 I love it. 00:15:49.440 --> 00:15:50.000 All right. 00:15:50.159 --> 00:15:53.279 Um, so your work spans in both in-person and digital spaces. 00:15:53.440 --> 00:16:00.240 What does the challenge of communicating with authority shift when we're on something like a Zoom call versus an actual conference room? 00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:02.240 And what are some things that stay the same? 00:16:02.559 --> 00:16:06.879 Yeah, digitally, um, everything becomes more like concentrated. 00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:10.240 But on Zoom, people see your face, right? 00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:14.399 They can hear your voice, they can notice your energy in the very small frame. 00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:18.639 But you don't have the same physical present when you're walking into a conference room. 00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:32.639 So digitally, you have to be more intentional about you know, um, eye contact with the camera, even now while I'm talking with you, making sure I'm in and looking at the camera, vocal energy, posture, you're all that. 00:16:33.120 --> 00:16:37.039 But what stays the same is the foundation, right? 00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:43.759 You do know what you want to say, you do believe what you are saying to be true, right? 00:16:43.919 --> 00:16:45.919 And you can communicate clearly. 00:16:46.000 --> 00:16:52.480 So technology can change the room, but it doesn't change the uh requirement for presence. 00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:53.840 Yeah. 00:16:54.159 --> 00:17:05.119 I do agree, and I think it is easy for people to sort of fall prey to like the the tendency, the desire, the I don't know, the pull to multitask. 00:17:05.519 --> 00:17:09.519 I think sometimes too when they're on digital and not as actively listen. 00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:13.119 And like you said, uh camera eye contact, all of that stuff. 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:28.720 And it's but it's such good practice, you know, and it's good for when you're in person too, but yeah, even more so when you're in the virtual environment because I I don't know, I think we can people pick up on a lot more than what we realize, both

in person and virtual. 00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:30.400 So yeah, exactly. 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:31.039 I love it. 00:17:31.119 --> 00:17:32.000 That's good advice. 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:39.839 All right, for women who are just beginning to claim their experience and authority, what's the first shift in their mindset or a behavior that you would encourage them to make? 00:17:40.000 --> 00:17:41.839 Say they're earlier in their career. 00:17:42.240 --> 00:17:46.240 Yeah, this is stop feeling like you have to be completely ready. 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:56.319 There's always going to be another credential you can earn, uh, another class you can take, probably another book you can read, another person you can compare yourself to. 00:17:56.480 --> 00:18:00.720 But at some point you have to acknowledge what you've already known. 00:18:01.039 --> 00:18:14.880 And um, I would ask, what have you earned the right to speak about because you've lived it, learned it, and led through it, or produced results in it and start there. 00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:17.599 And you are not claiming to know everything. 00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:22.880 We don't know everything, but you are simply refusing to pretend that you don't know anything. 00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:23.680 Yes. 00:18:24.559 --> 00:18:25.279 That's great. 00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:26.000 I love it. 00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:32.240 Yeah, I think that's a that's a it's an interesting thing, you know, because not all, I guess that's a follow-up to that question. 00:18:32.559 --> 00:18:45.519 How do you how do you work for that when you are in an environment that doesn't really invite that sort of thing where they kind of do, like say you are an intern or maybe you are first year out of college and and going out there? 00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:51.440 Um what are some other ways, maybe even outside of work, that you can start to get that practice? 00:18:51.759 --> 00:18:55.920 I think it's very important for have a mentor or a coach. 00:18:56.079 --> 00:18:57.440 Even coaches need coaches. 00:18:57.519 --> 00:18:58.079 I have a coach. 00:18:58.319 --> 00:18:59.519 Okay, I have several coaches. 00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:01.039 So I think that's very important. 00:19:01.119 --> 00:19:14.160 And it's also also very important to have an accountability person where you can share your true thoughts and be vulnerable, um, be transparent and get the advice that you need and don't and they can encourage you, right? 00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:26.880 They can see that you're you're being frustrated, you're being challenged, and how to work through that without losing your reputation and using losing your professional posture while you're growing. 00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:29.680 I love that professional posture. 00:19:29.839 --> 00:19:30.480 I like that. 00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:31.440 That's a really good word. 00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:32.079 I like that phrase. 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:35.440 I'm gonna borrow that because I do think it does take exercise and practice. 00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:49.839 And that's one thing I would have to say that I love about our together digital community is I noticed that between our Slack community, our peer groups, speaking events, um, our mentorship program, all of that, like it's almost like it's like a it's a safe space, right? 00:19:49.920 --> 00:19:50.960 Like that's what you're describing. 00:19:51.039 --> 00:20:04.880 A safe spaces for you to kind of build exercising that muscle of exercising your voice, because a lot of us have been in spaces and places where questions weren't welcome, thoughts and ideas weren't welcome, opinions definitely weren't welcome. 00:20:05.039 --> 00:20:09.200 And so it's really easy to kind of just silence ourselves before it's even happened. 00:20:09.279 --> 00:20:19.440 So finding places where you can sort of stretch those legs, essentially, um, I think is always good to help you get more confident and comfortable with speaking your truths, you know? 00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:21.759 Absolutely, I agree. 00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:23.039 Yeah, I love it. 00:20:23.279 --> 00:20:28.640 All right, as you look to the future of leadership and communication, what is your biggest hope for how we show up differently? 00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.720 That we probably stop confusing visibility with performance. 00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:38.480 Because I see a lot of people doing that and they're not authentic. 00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:43.920 I want to see leaders who can communicate with clarity without creating a character, right? 00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:46.799 That they have to become every time they walk into the room. 00:20:47.039 --> 00:20:56.480 I want women to be able to own their expertise, use their voices, make decisions, set boundaries, and lead without constantly asking, am I too much? 00:20:56.640 --> 00:20:57.680 Because I get that sometimes. 00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:00.880 The future needs leaders like us, right? 00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:04.880 Who are clear, courageous, connected, and human. 00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:06.160 Right, right. 00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:07.200 I love that. 00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:10.240 Because yeah, at first I was gonna ask you, I'm like, oh, explain that a little bit more. 00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:16.640 But I do think that there's this is why I have the issue with the term, which is why I liked your professional posture better than executive presence. 00:21:16.799 --> 00:21:24.319 The term, I don't know about you, but the term of executive presence always got under my skin because I think to me it is veiled feedback when women get told. 00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:25.920 I don't know a man who has ever been told. 00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:35.359 If there's a guy listening and you have been told, please message me, email me, whatever, and tell me if you've been ever told that you need to work on your professional, like your executive presence. 00:21:35.519 --> 00:21:40.720 Because I feel like it's only ever been women

when I'm in the corporate or like agency environment. 00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:51.839 And to me, it just sounds like I have seen and heard from men who have said they have been told the same thing too. 00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:52.640 Yeah. 00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:59.680 Um so it it happens on both ends, maybe not as much on one end as the other, but it happens on both ends, and I contributed. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:04.000 All of this to a heart issue, and that's a whole nother segment. 00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:06.160 A heart issue? 00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:07.599 Yes, a heart issue. 00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:19.440 How people, um, their values and how they see other people um not as um property, not as um more than just an employee, but uh extension of themselves. 00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:19.920 Yes. 00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:20.480 Mm-hmm. 00:22:20.720 --> 00:22:28.640 Well, because I think oftentimes, right, when we when I I guess just when I hear you need to work on your executive presence, I have nothing wrong with professionalism, don't get me wrong. 00:22:29.039 --> 00:22:34.079 I think it just it feels more like a performative box you're asking somebody to exist in. 00:22:34.160 --> 00:22:37.440 And it like to your point earlier, it doesn't feel like authentic leadership. 00:22:37.599 --> 00:22:44.720 It feels like look like, speak like, sound like, act like your atypical leader, which is usually why it says male. 00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:51.519 So yeah, doesn't create a whole lot of opportunity for unique and diverse voices when that feels like we're all being kind of pushed into that box. 00:22:51.599 --> 00:22:53.200 But that's just me and my little soapbox. 00:22:53.279 --> 00:22:54.559 So it is okay. 00:22:54.720 --> 00:22:57.119 It is okay because we all had different experiences. 00:22:57.279 --> 00:23:04.319 I've just had an experience where I've just been accepted um based on my performance and nothing else. 00:23:04.480 --> 00:23:05.599 So that's fantastic. 00:23:05.759 --> 00:23:13.920 That's and I think that just goes to say a lot about again, like your courage, your ability to communicate yourself really well and to show up. 00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:18.960 I mean, that's half the battle, is just like doing it and showing up and being like, yeah, I belong here. 00:23:19.119 --> 00:23:19.759 Absolutely. 00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:22.319 This is my room, you know, and I I know that that's it. 00:23:22.480 --> 00:23:35.039 And if I can't stay in this room because I don't have everything I need, then I take that responsibility on myself to learn more, to get out there, to ask for help so I can be in the room and there's no excuse why I can't. 00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:36.000 I love it. 00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:37.440 That's such a great mindset. 00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:41.599 That's the right mindset, I think, that all of us could take away and learn from today. 00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:44.240 All right, we're gonna get into our power around questions. 00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:49.200 I'm gonna check our live listener chat too, just to see if there's any comments or questions. 00:23:49.279 --> 00:23:50.960 I think we're good there right now. 00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:53.599 And then um we're gonna go to our power around questions. 00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:56.319 So these are our fun little like rapid fire questions. 00:23:56.400 --> 00:23:59.359 But live listening audience, if you do have questions for Dr. 00:23:59.519 --> 00:24:00.960 Rita, please drop them into the chat. 00:24:01.039 --> 00:24:02.400 That's why we love having you here with us. 00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:07.920 We want to make sure we get all the bases covered, that we get all of the wisdom and genius out of Dr. 00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:09.359 Rita as we can. 00:24:10.079 --> 00:24:11.680 Ooh, give me a second, hold on. 00:24:12.480 --> 00:24:13.839 Clear my throat. 00:24:15.440 --> 00:24:16.079 All right. 00:24:16.799 --> 00:24:18.480 All right, on to the power round. 00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:24.559 What is one phrase that women say most often that immediately underf undermines their authority? 00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:26.480 I'm sorry. 00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:27.839 I hate that phrase. 00:24:28.160 --> 00:24:30.720 Uh sorry, not sorry. 00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:33.759 Yes, overapologizing is huge. 00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:34.799 I'm so guilty. 00:24:34.960 --> 00:24:36.000 I've tried to get better. 00:24:36.160 --> 00:24:37.839 In fact, oh, here's my trick for that, Dr. 00:24:37.920 --> 00:24:39.200 Rita, and tell me what you think. 00:24:39.440 --> 00:24:46.960 Um, I instead, because I'm so so say somebody tells me, oh, hey, Amy, you left the attachment off of an email. 00:24:47.119 --> 00:24:48.480 How many times have we done that, right? 00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:50.319 And you're always like, I'm so sorry. 00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:52.240 And then you send the the attachment. 00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:54.720 I always say thank you instead of sorry. 00:24:54.960 --> 00:24:56.480 Thank you for pointing that out to me. 00:24:57.119 --> 00:24:59.119 That's my trick to keep me from saying sorry. 00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:01.440 I love that perfect, perfect response. 00:25:01.519 --> 00:25:02.720 I have nothing to add. 00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:04.559 I love it. 00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:09.680 And then if you could give one piece of advice to your younger self as a leader, what would it be? 00:25:10.559 --> 00:25:14.319 Stop waiting for permission to become who you already know you're capable of being. 00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:15.920 Yes, let's go. 00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:16.559 I love it. 00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:17.920 Finish this sentence. 00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:27.440 Precision in communication means saying what needs to be said in a way that needs to be heard without burying a message. 00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:28.960 Love it. 00:25:29.759 --> 00:25:37.279 And then last but not least, the most powerful question you ask when coaching a woman who is ready to own her

expertise. 00:25:38.480 --> 00:25:43.599 What would you say differently if you stopped worrying about whether everyone in the room approved of you? 00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:46.960 Oh say that one again. 00:25:47.759 --> 00:25:56.319 What would you say differently if you stopped worrying about whether every woman in the or every person in the room approved of you? 00:25:56.720 --> 00:25:59.359 That is such a good question. 00:25:59.519 --> 00:26:00.160 I love that. 00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:05.039 Sorry, I just want to make sure that they got that because they, oh, y'all, don't lose that. 00:26:05.119 --> 00:26:06.319 That's an important one. 00:26:06.559 --> 00:26:06.960 All right. 00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:10.000 I don't see anything in the chat. 00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:11.920 Um, this was amazing. 00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:12.319 Dr. 00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:14.319 Rita, I'm so glad that you were here with us today. 00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:16.240 This conversation was very much needed. 00:26:16.400 --> 00:26:22.319 I know for me, great reminders for our live listeners, for our listeners of the podcast. 00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:23.440 Um, it's so good. 00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:25.920 If you want to connect with uh people want to connect with you, Dr. 00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:28.240 Rita, what is the best way to do that? 00:26:29.119 --> 00:26:30.480 All platforms at Dr. 00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:31.680 Rita Renee. 00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:33.519 Okay, fantastic. 00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:34.720 Thank you all for listening. 00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:38.720 And if you're ready to refine your message, claim your expertise, and show up with clarity and precision. 00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:41.279 We'd love to see you within the Together Digital community. 00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:42.880 Also connect with and reach out to Dr. 00:26:42.960 --> 00:26:43.359 Rita. 00:26:43.680 --> 00:26:49.839 Head on over to the Together in Digital website to join us if you're looking for connection and community. 00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:57.599 You'll also find all this and every other episode of the Power Lounge available free on YouTube and wherever you stream podcasts. 00:26:57.759 --> 00:26:58.000 Dr. 00:26:58.160 --> 00:26:59.759 Rita, thank you again so much. 00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:01.200 This was delightful. 00:27:01.839 --> 00:27:02.799 Thank you. 00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:04.319 All right, everyone. 00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:05.440 Thank you for joining us. 00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:06.880 We appreciate you taking the time today. 00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:08.400 We hoped you took away something good. 00:27:08.559 --> 00:27:10.319 Please be sure to share on social, tag Dr. 00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:11.279 Rita, tag Dr. 00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:13.440 Digital, or Dr. 00:27:13.599 --> 00:27:15.279 Digital, together digital. 00:27:15.359 --> 00:27:15.680 Good. 00:27:15.839 --> 00:27:17.759 I'm so glad it's Friday, y'all. 00:27:18.319 --> 00:27:20.319 Everyone, have a wonderful weekend. 00:27:20.559 --> 00:27:24.000 Until next time, keep asking, keep giving, and keep growing. 00:27:24.160 --> 00:27:24.799 Thanks all.