התמלול המלא של Resilience Isn't Bouncing Back and What Your Dirty Laundry Has to Do With It (S2E12)

00:06:01.694 I think that one version of resilience is really being honest enough to admit when something isn't working anymore. 00:06:01.774 --> 00:06:05.774 And I think sometimes resilience, the word itself gets used against people. 00:06:07.004 --> 00:06:07.283 Yeah. 00:06:08.379 --> 00:06:09.899 Resilient people still fall down. 00:06:10.944 --> 00:06:11.345 Yeah. 00:06:12.137 --> 00:06:15.237 I think it's recognizing what it is you need to become, right? 00:06:15.257 --> 00:06:21.307 So, you kept thinking you need to get back to your normal, your life, get back to yourself. 00:06:21.317 --> 00:06:22.396 I've been there too. 00:06:22.637 --> 00:06:24.396 Like, I just wanna be myself again. 00:06:24.656 --> 00:06:31.726 But something happened, and after that thing happened, there is no getting back to that old version of you. 00:06:32.197 --> 00:06:34.416 That's where you have to be the coffee bean. 00:06:34.836 --> 00:06:51.726 You were trying really hard keep being this version of yourself that you felt you were or needed to be, and now comes the moment, the realization that that Sherry is not gonna be that Sherry ever again. 00:06:53.480 --> 00:06:53.910 Yeah. 00:06:53.992 --> 00:06:56.483 Sometimes the answer isn't that you get stronger. 00:06:56.523 --> 00:07:09.793 You recognize you're in a situation that isn't safe, or the thing that you keep on enduring is something that should've changed a long time ago and nobody is changing it. 00:07:10.523 --> 00:07:14.822 And if you're being told to be resilient about that, that isn't help. 00:07:14.833 --> 00:07:16.653 That's how people get talked into staying. 00:07:16.663 --> 00:07:22.072 You brought this up in another episode when it comes to, um, safety. 00:07:22.773 --> 00:07:24.783 Like when you're in an unsafe situation. 00:07:25.413 --> 00:07:36.353 So sometimes before you even go looking for more strength, it's asking yourself whether the thing that you're enduring is a thing that you're supposed to be enduring at all. 00:07:37.043 --> 00:07:46.632 And so I, I think that's the part of resilience that we skip over sometimes and try to tough it out through things that we shouldn't be trying to tough out. 00:07:47.615 --> 00:07:48.274 100%. 00:07:48.415 --> 00:07:52.925 I mean, you think about it, like pain is a signal to our bodies, right? 00:07:52.944 --> 00:07:55.535 That something's wrong and we need to stop and check it. 00:07:55.964 --> 00:07:58.855 But people they're like,"I've gotta push through the pain. 00:07:58.855 --> 00:08:08.305 Pain don't hurt." And then something absolutely horrific happens because the body's screaming,"Stop, stop, stop." 00:08:08.365 --> 00:08:12.165 We try to quiet the signals, and then the signals just get louder. 00:08:14.499 --> 00:08:28.158 So, you ask about my story and before I do say any of that, I do want to say first that you and I and we and the listeners, no one's had the same life. 00:08:28.338 --> 00:08:38.778 So recognize and understand that

some people are carrying things that I have never had to carry, things that I can't imagine, and I'm not gonna pretend that I can. 00:08:39.339 --> 00:08:52.678 And some of you are carrying something that looks, quote-unquote, small from the outside, and sometimes hold that as something that you would be, like, embarrassed to say out loud. 00:08:53.568 --> 00:08:58.139 But I want both listeners to stay with us because here's what we're trying to do for each other. 00:08:58.149 --> 00:09:07.038 Somebody tells you what they're going through, and sometimes the first two words out of our mouth are,"Well, at least it wasn't..." Fill in the blank. 00:09:07.458 --> 00:09:08.649 At least it wasn't worse. 00:09:08.729 --> 00:09:10.139 At least you still have your job. 00:09:10.239 --> 00:09:10.928 At least... 00:09:11.458 --> 00:09:13.349 And we mean it well. 00:09:13.729 --> 00:09:20.649 We say it like it's comfort, but that's not often how it's received. 00:09:21.038 --> 00:09:24.298 It more often feels like a door closing. 00:09:24.698 --> 00:09:34.413 It tells the person that- Well, this conversation's over and I should just be grateful When what a person... 00:09:34.460 --> 00:09:34.970 pain 00:09:36.243 --> 00:09:43.263 Yeah, and what a person may really need is to be able to be honest about their feeling in that moment. 00:09:43.263 --> 00:09:45.673 And I'm definitely not knocking gratitude. 00:09:45.993 --> 00:09:48.403 Gratitude matters, and it matters a lot. 00:09:49.222 --> 00:09:53.462 But it's something you find your own way to. 00:09:54.133 --> 00:10:00.932 I don't think anybody can hand it to you in the middle of your worst times. 00:10:00.932 --> 00:10:09.019 And I think we say it to ourselves harder than anybody, though, says it to us individually. 00:10:09.610 --> 00:10:10.220 I did. 00:10:10.980 --> 00:10:14.809 And I know that when my career ended, I was embarrassed. 00:10:14.809 --> 00:10:26.649 I, I looked around at what other people were getting through, and I somewhere in there decided that mine didn't count, so I didn't really say anything for a long time. 00:10:27.639 --> 00:10:35.245 And that's the part about this conversation that I wanted to make sure we had today. 00:10:35.596 --> 00:10:36.696 It's not a ranking. 00:10:37.755 --> 00:10:43.904 No, all hard is not the same size, and we're not gonna be here today and tell you that it is. 00:10:43.924 --> 00:10:46.745 There are things that are just unfathomable. 00:10:48.075 --> 00:10:49.294 But no one needs- 00:10:49.414 --> 00:10:50.605 But it's not just the unfathomable. 00:10:51.634 --> 00:10:56.034 Yeah, your hard doesn't have to beat someone else's to count. 00:10:56.164 --> 00:11:00.205 I wanna specifically loop back to an episode that we did last season. 00:11:01.004 --> 00:11:03.605 It was one that we think is one of our best. 00:11:03.995 --> 00:11:09.044 We had shared someone's story with their full blessing, the intention was pure. 00:11:09.684 --> 00:11:12.804 But I

have to say that I really had a hard time after it. 00:11:13.215 --> 00:11:16.174 And it wasn't because of how the audience received it. 00:11:17.664 --> 00:11:19.605 They were pretty incredible. 00:11:21.544 --> 00:11:27.625 But I kept wondering how it looked to people closest to that story. 00:11:28.485 --> 00:11:37.335 And I couldn't get past the fact that it somehow felt like I was using someone else's pain to build something for myself. 00:11:38.995 --> 00:11:44.304 And I wanna be clear that everything that we're building here is for our listeners. 00:11:45.245 --> 00:12:04.934 What the purpose has been from the beginning, before it was even a podcast really, was the want to connect people to tools and inspiration so that you can see what you're already capable of because every one of us is capable of hard things. 00:12:05.634 --> 00:12:07.945 But sometimes in the middle of it, we forget that. 00:12:08.575 --> 00:12:09.485 And that's the purpose. 00:12:09.485 --> 00:12:19.465 We forget our own power, and that's what we're here for, Jodi and I, is to remind anyone who's listening, to remind them of that, of your own power. 00:12:20.958 --> 00:12:21.249 And 00:12:21.354 --> 00:12:21.964 You're not alone. 00:12:23.129 --> 00:12:45.168 Yes, and to that note, when we do bring in other voices in this season, those will be people who are already out there telling their own stories because in order to move forward in a way that feels like inspiration, not exploitation in some way, that's the way forward for us. 00:12:45.269 --> 00:12:47.969 I guess I have to tell where I fell from. 00:12:48.149 --> 00:12:48.600 Yeah. 00:12:49.778 --> 00:12:53.328 Okay, so this goes back to 2019. 00:12:53.339 --> 00:13:01.688 It actually goes back before that, but the part that changed the trajectory was in 2019. 00:13:01.979 --> 00:13:13.649 I was already dealing with excruciating nerve pain, which is 24 hours a day, seven days a week, burning in my face like a beehive or getting slapped with a wet towel and it never stopping. 00:13:14.448 --> 00:13:35.958 And I was teaching at the time, and that meant talking all day, which really turned the intensity up on the thing that I was going through, and I could get through the workday mostly because it's a very busy day, and you're not gonna stand in front of a classroom and fall apart. 00:13:36.778 --> 00:13:39.599 But the car ride home, that was another story. 00:13:40.068 --> 00:13:44.599 There was nothing there to distract me from it anymore. 00:13:46.259 --> 00:13:57.489 In the car, it was just me and the pain and the knowing that I still had a house full of people who needed me on the other side of that driveway, a husband, kids, other family members. 00:13:57.509 --> 00:14:07.509 And all I wanted to do was go home, go to sleep so that I would be okay enough to do it all again the next day. 00:14:07.879 --> 00:14:09.028 And that was the cycle. 00:14:10.089 --> 00:14:19.028 And that's when I found myself crying in the car a lot, because that was the only space where I felt that I didn't have to perform at some level. 00:14:20.678 --> 00:14:24.759 But Jodi, like you said earlier, I kept going because what else are you gonna do? 00:14:25.119 --> 00:14:25.889 I had a career. 00:14:26.038 --> 00:14:27.078 I had an identity. 00:14:27.239 --> 00:14:32.839 I had a plan, you know, for my life And, 00:14:32.889 --> 00:14:35.928 I think a lot of people know what that feels like. 00:14:37.852 --> 00:14:40.962 And that's exactly why I'm telling it. 00:14:41.663 --> 00:14:48.763 I had an MRI scheduled to look at surgical options, which I was terrified of, but I had reached that point. 00:14:48.863 --> 00:14:52.493 I never made it to that appointment because I went to the ER. 00:14:53.673 --> 00:14:56.363 I went to the ER because my baby finger was turning black. 00:14:56.393 --> 00:14:56.952 That's it. 00:14:57.883 --> 00:14:59.373 That's the whole reason why I went. 00:15:00.643 --> 00:15:11.293 It was like that for a couple days, and on my list of to-dos, after I did all the other to-dos that a mom's doing, like the week before school, uh, I went. 00:15:11.543 --> 00:15:24.753 And they ended up doing a CT scan and found a massive blood clot in my subclavian artery, which is, that's the artery that runs through your shoulder and feeds your entire arm and connects directly to your brain's blood supply. 00:15:25.893 --> 00:15:30.643 And that type of situation apparently happens in, like, less than 1% of people. 00:15:31.413 --> 00:15:40.373 But they admitted me immediately, and a couple days later, the clot led to strokes. 00:15:40.763 --> 00:15:49.513 It wasn't catastrophic, but it was enough to trigger a life change that I was not ready for, but that I came to find out I desperately needed. 00:15:49.513 --> 00:15:57.113 It's the thing where you mentioned earlier about your body's giving signals, 00:15:57.692 --> 00:15:58.082 Right. 00:15:58.192 --> 00:16:00.972 And yours had been screaming at you. 00:16:02.081 --> 00:16:03.730 Yeah, and, and that happens a lot to... 00:16:03.753 --> 00:16:04.682 that something needs to change. 00:16:05.530 --> 00:16:05.821 Right. 00:16:05.831 --> 00:16:10.890 Our bodies tell us things, but our minds aren't always ready to accept it yet. 00:16:12.280 --> 00:16:16.240 And I know how people like me are wired, and you. 00:16:16.630 --> 00:16:33.591 We're conditioned to push through, and I probably would have gone back to teaching, kept moving, told myself I was fine, but my body already made the decision for me because some more things happened over the next several days. 00:16:34.520 --> 00:16:49.490 And looking back now, going back would've been probably the most dangerous thing that I could have done, and I stopped trying to go back, and that's when I was intentional about falling forward instead. 00:16:51.647 --> 00:16:58.826 I realized I t- I almost talked myself out of my own emergency because I had that to-do list. 00:16:59.397 -->

00:16:59.817 You know? 00:16:59.836 --> 00:17:05.527 I tackled the to-do list, I did all the errands before I took myself to the hospital that day. 00:17:06.136 --> 00:17:06.537 And 00:17:06.537 --> 00:17:07.666 So many people do that. 00:17:09.183 --> 00:17:09.844 We do. 00:17:10.067 --> 00:17:12.644 Right Yep. 00:17:12.724 --> 00:17:17.615 I try not to ruminate on things, but you also have to have an accurate picture of your reality. 00:17:18.015 --> 00:17:22.775 And for me, Early expiration runs in my family. 00:17:22.825 --> 00:17:24.835 I don't know a nicer way to say it. 00:17:25.255 --> 00:17:26.184 On both sides. 00:17:26.654 --> 00:17:27.295 That's a nice way. 00:17:28.201 --> 00:17:50.211 My grandfather in his 50s and then cancer took my dad at 59, and and two of his brothers, too young on one side, and then on the other, seven people under the age of 55 lost to diabetes, pulmonary embolisms, and substance abuse. 00:17:51.372 --> 00:17:55.061 And there I was with a clot in the same artery that kills people. 00:17:57.271 --> 00:18:11.122 And once I took the time to kinda put that front and center instead of pushing it away, I realized really that having strokes at that time were a blessing. 00:18:12.852 --> 00:18:21.112 And it was that shift in perspective that made me realize that I got the chance to break the pattern. 00:18:21.751 --> 00:18:22.461 They didn't. 00:18:24.031 --> 00:18:33.092 If someone is listening right now and something isn't working, that's why we're here, to remind you that you do have it within you. 00:18:34.362 --> 00:18:49.721 And, but I-- try to be careful with that too, though, because falling forward can make it sound like everybody who ended up somewhere better just decided to, and it's not something you can just decide your way to. 00:18:50.362 --> 00:18:52.692 It does require a shift in perspective. 00:18:53.531 --> 00:18:55.852 Some people don't get the chance that I got. 00:18:56.432 --> 00:18:59.701 Some people fight harder than I ever had to, and it takes them anyway. 00:19:00.761 --> 00:19:10.942 And that's not a failure and it deserves to be said out loud before we go any further. 00:19:10.942 --> 00:19:15.602 Because there's people listening right now who are in the middle of that and still pushing through. 00:19:18.008 --> 00:19:18.428 You know? 00:19:19.659 --> 00:19:20.128 Yeah. 00:19:22.175 --> 00:19:24.006 Not sure what's coming next. 00:19:27.909 --> 00:19:33.138 And you don't have to have the immediate answer when, when you're faced with something like this. 00:19:33.148 --> 00:19:36.558 Because I think that's where the strength starts to grow, you know? 00:19:36.628 --> 00:19:40.378 I think when we take that minute to sit back and look at where we're at. 00:19:41.875 --> 00:19:44.695 Yeah, you might realize that you're just hanging in there like a booger. 00:19:45.326 --> 00:19:46.665 That's what I like to say. 00:19:46.976 --> 00:19:49.605 You know, sometimes, like, well, I'm hanging in there. 00:19:50.036 --> 00:19:52.816 Might be hanging in there like a booger, but I'm still hanging in there. 00:19:52.895 --> 00:19:53.465 That's right. 00:19:53.740 --> 00:19:55.470 Sometimes that's all you can do. 00:19:56.190 --> 00:20:00.220 You know, until you find your next right thing, next little thing that you can do. 00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:03.559 My plate was full, and it was cracking. 00:20:04.390 --> 00:20:11.519 Um, like many families, I had four kids at home who needed me, and we'll get into that at some other time. 00:20:12.099 --> 00:20:15.480 But multiple health concerns were surfacing all at once. 00:20:15.509 --> 00:20:17.069 I was still grieving my dad. 00:20:17.069 --> 00:20:28.180 I was navigating my sister's substance use and learning what I had the capacity for, making peace with what didn't, and that was a whole other episode. 00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:31.089 But I was barely surviving at that time. 00:20:32.880 --> 00:20:35.079 But they needed me to show up, so I did. 00:20:35.230 --> 00:20:36.750 And it wasn't because I was strong. 00:20:36.779 --> 00:20:38.359 It was because I didn't have a choice. 00:20:39.173 --> 00:20:47.530 But not having that choice Being forced, you did still find resilience. 00:20:47.550 --> 00:20:48.911 You found your pivot. 00:20:50.280 --> 00:21:02.310 You found your way forward by accepting what you had and accepting that you needed to accept help and be open and honest with the people around you, right? 00:21:03.688 --> 00:21:04.107 Yeah. 00:21:04.468 --> 00:21:06.107 I think that's kind of the point. 00:21:08.218 --> 00:21:29.871 It's hard to see that if we can't get still and we don't let ourselves get still because it's uncomfortable and I think the only reason it worked the way that it did, because I didn't, I didn't choose any stillness, it was forced on me medically. 00:21:30.891 --> 00:21:43.510 So I was forced to be with myself, and from there something shifted, and I don't really know where I would be today if I hadn't been forced to stop. 00:21:44.080 --> 00:21:47.681 I had to get honest with myself, and I... 00:21:48.661 --> 00:21:53.861 Like, I'm just trying to put myself where the listeners are right now with that,'cause most, most people don't get forced. 00:21:54.090 --> 00:21:56.730 No, and honestly, it doesn't have to be that. 00:21:56.760 --> 00:22:02.921 If you're feeling, I mean, there could be somebody out there right now just feeling just a little bit of pressure, right? 00:22:02.941 --> 00:22:06.280 And, and you don't know where it comes from. 00:22:06.760 --> 00:22:13.990 And I think I wrote a story about this, an essay not too long ago, um, where I knew that I needed a break. 00:22:14.040 --> 00:22:25.790 I just knew I needed a break, and I was sort of feeling very disorganized and all over the place, and I, I took a bunch of old, like, s- I have a billion journals, and my to-do lists are all over the place. 00:22:25.800 --> 00:22:32.590 And I just collected all of

them, and I took a weekend by myself with all of my journals and my books and my calendar. 00:22:32.861 --> 00:22:43.300 And what I started to notice, is that in those moments when I was really out there, even my handwriting 00:22:44.174 --> 00:22:44.434 Yep. 00:22:44.441 --> 00:22:45.270 was erratic. 00:22:45.441 --> 00:22:49.300 I couldn't read my own notes because it was like... 00:22:49.300 --> 00:22:54.631 I s- it looked like a crazy person had wrote out my to-do list on certain days. 00:22:54.941 --> 00:23:10.371 And I, I took the ti- I forced myself to take the time to sit with that and reorganize it, and I thought,"I need to conduct myself in a better way, or I'm gonna end up in a really bad place." that was how I noticed. 00:23:10.371 --> 00:23:12.171 I started noticing it's my handwriting. 00:23:12.171 --> 00:23:23.550 When I start to not make sense and I start to notice myself drifting in certain ways, that's when I, I have to catch myself and say,"You're headed to... 00:23:23.911 --> 00:23:27.351 You're gonna crash through a wall." And I literally 00:23:27.371 --> 00:23:27.961 that's... 00:23:28.211 --> 00:23:28.641 did before, too. 00:23:29.931 --> 00:23:32.740 But you recognize that as a, as a signal. 00:23:33.351 --> 00:23:40.500 And we were talking about the body giving you signals, like that's another signal, and that's back to the first thing we talked about this season, which is self-awareness. 00:23:40.500 --> 00:23:44.740 And you recognize that you know, that's a clue. 00:23:45.053 --> 00:23:47.732 It doesn't mean that I'm never gonna have those experiences again. 00:23:47.732 --> 00:23:48.133 Guess what? 00:23:48.133 --> 00:23:49.133 It still happens. 00:23:49.681 --> 00:23:50.320 Yeah, it's life. 00:23:50.320 --> 00:24:01.411 I think our very first episode we talked about do you have those moments when you're, you know, you get in your car to go to work and suddenly you're at work, and you're like,"Whoa, I don't even remember the drive here"? 00:24:01.871 --> 00:24:02.701 That's a clue. 00:24:03.560 --> 00:24:04.530 It's a signal. 00:24:06.220 --> 00:24:06.660 It is. 00:24:06.711 --> 00:24:15.193 Trust me, because that is exactly what happened to me two winters ago when I did literally crash my car into the garage door. 00:24:15.243 --> 00:24:15.554 Uh-huh. 00:24:18.181 --> 00:24:20.070 'Cause I wasn't paying attention to the signals. 00:24:20.111 --> 00:24:22.550 They, apparently they weren't quite loud enough. 00:24:22.691 --> 00:24:22.971 That 00:24:23.150 --> 00:24:24.460 That's what happens. 00:24:24.460 --> 00:24:29.539 If we're not listening to those small signals, they will get louder and louder and louder until you're forced. 00:24:30.391 --> 00:24:30.820 Right. 00:24:31.642 --> 00:24:32.142 And 00:24:32.300 --> 00:24:34.201 the resilient person stops. 00:24:34.221 --> 00:24:36.080 You recognize it and you stop. 00:24:36.131 --> 00:24:36.911 Not keep going. 00:24:38.430 --> 00:24:38.670 Yeah. 00:24:38.710 --> 00:24:47.200 Well, I mean, I have to say that is in the tagline, keep going and keep growing, but you can't, you can't, you don't, you don't keep going recklessly. 00:24:47.579 --> 00:24:51.210 You keep going with intention, and that's the difference. 00:24:51.259 --> 00:24:51.529 Right. 00:24:51.529 --> 00:24:57.430 It's not like I'm saying,"Oh, I'm having a bad day," which is stop, call off work, don't do anything. 00:24:57.480 --> 00:24:58.279 I mean, that's not... 00:24:58.900 --> 00:25:01.589 It makes sure you're stopping productively, you know? 00:25:01.589 --> 00:25:01.940 Like 00:25:02.698 --> 00:25:02.988 Right. 00:25:03.407 --> 00:25:03.788 Right 00:25:04.019 --> 00:25:09.150 Blowing off your responsibilities to binge Netflix or play on your phone isn't, isn't a thing 00:25:09.665 --> 00:25:10.056 Yeah. 00:25:10.056 --> 00:25:12.895 The key part about it is getting honest with yourself. 00:25:13.445 --> 00:25:13.915 You know? 00:25:13.986 --> 00:25:14.425 Like, 00:25:14.634 --> 00:25:15.384 truthfully 00:25:15.655 --> 00:25:15.976 Yeah. 00:25:16.296 --> 00:25:24.665 And that's, that's what I had to do'cause what I really grappled with was I, I was, stuck on the fact that, like, here I, I had a master's degree. 00:25:24.895 --> 00:25:35.885 I built my whole identity around being an educator, and I had to come to terms with the fact that that wasn't sustainable anymore, and it wasn't because I failed it. 00:25:36.756 --> 00:25:38.596 My body just couldn't do it anymore. 00:25:39.256 --> 00:25:46.766 And then that was a really hard thing to sit with because it was like, well, who am I if it's not this? 00:25:47.925 --> 00:25:55.395 And in that stillness, I started to look at my family history differently. 00:25:56.175 --> 00:26:04.286 I'm up against some terrible genetics, and I realized that I didn't wanna look at it through the lens of doom and gloom. 00:26:05.516 --> 00:26:22.645 I would rather look at it and use it as fuel, and that was the shift in perspective where I decided that if I'm going to have a chance, I have to show up differently than the pattern that I inherited. 00:26:24.145 --> 00:26:30.945 And I couldn't do that while I was forcing something that was slowly killing me. 00:26:32.016 --> 00:26:37.016 And I wanna say something to anyone who's sitting in that space right now. 00:26:38.326 --> 00:26:42.385 Changing direction is not the same as giving up. 00:26:43.066 --> 00:27:00.023 Sometimes that is the first honest thing that you do for yourself in a long time, so you don't find yourself in, you know, these medical situations or absentmindedly r- wrecking into the garage door. 00:27:00.023 --> 00:27:00.653 You know what I mean? 00:27:00.653 --> 00:27:08.751 It's like listening to yourself and giving yourself, um, the space to To check your perspective, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. 00:27:08.971 --> 00:27:11.672 And yeah. 00:27:12.721 --> 00:27:25.751 So, and I, I do also I keep talking about perspective, and the

perspective that kept me grounded and upright through it all is that recognizing that when I fell, I had things underneath me to support me. 00:27:25.771 --> 00:27:35.862 I had insurance, I had a hospital that admitted me that day, I had a husband bringing home an income, I had a roof that stayed over my head while I figured it out. 00:27:36.241 --> 00:27:37.422 I still had my degree. 00:27:37.422 --> 00:27:38.832 Nobody could take that back. 00:27:39.301 --> 00:27:45.481 Not everybody has that, and some people can't change direction that simply. 00:27:46.619 --> 00:27:46.900 Right. 00:27:47.869 --> 00:27:49.769 If there's nothing underneath you if you do. 00:27:50.049 --> 00:28:00.069 So again, I want to be direct that I'm not gonna sit here and act like I didn't have a net under me as I was falling, because I did. 00:28:00.730 --> 00:28:03.779 But that doesn't make what I went through any less real. 00:28:04.599 --> 00:28:17.400 It means I want to use what I went through to share the truth about how I got through it, because that's really what the focus is, is not what happened, it's how I got through it, like Jodi was saying earlier. 00:28:18.089 --> 00:28:19.740 It completely shifted my life. 00:28:19.750 --> 00:28:27.369 Like, when I was recovering, I wasn't doing much else except for all these various therapies coming to the house and this and that. 00:28:28.329 --> 00:28:42.700 And so I was home a lot, and I started to notice how out of control things had gotten around me, and I was like,"Wow, our environment really is a reflection of our state of mind." And mine was telling me something. 00:28:43.079 --> 00:28:53.960 So, nothing else to do in that time, so I started getting it together and slowly, on my own terms, and then recognizing when to ask for help. 00:28:54.299 --> 00:29:09.500 So I hired somebody to do my garage, and somewhere in that process, I realized,"Hmm, kinda good at this." So I started working with another home organizer as an assistant while I was figuring out what kind of work I could do that were within my medical limits. 00:29:10.180 --> 00:29:12.930 And it turned out that the answer was right in front of me the whole time. 00:29:13.289 --> 00:29:18.420 I just couldn't see it because I was too busy staying busy. 00:29:19.509 --> 00:29:23.069 And that's what that stillness did for me. 00:29:23.069 --> 00:29:27.809 It let me finally look up and see the real life around me. 00:29:29.549 --> 00:29:36.930 And I am not, I am not your typical Type A, color-coded, label everything organizer. 00:29:37.150 --> 00:29:38.329 I was a messy kid. 00:29:38.609 --> 00:29:41.099 My dad used to pay my cousin to clean my room. 00:29:41.769 --> 00:29:43.150 That really pissed me off though. 00:29:45.050 --> 00:29:47.881 So funny and ironic now where I landed. 00:29:48.055 --> 00:30:05.404 I think the important part of it is, so yes, you had the resources, but if you're somebody out there right now that doesn't, and you are facing something and you're not really sure, give yourself space and think about just that one next step. 00:30:05.846 --> 00:30:06.767 one single thing. 00:30:06.777 --> 00:30:15.037 And know this, there's probably more resources available to you than you think, it is work to find them. 00:30:16.616 --> 00:30:20.808 We do try to provide a lot of information and free resources. 00:30:20.898 --> 00:30:26.358 I do believe that people are placed in our sights for a reason. 00:30:26.368 --> 00:30:28.088 So maybe the 00:30:28.313 --> 00:30:28.452 Yeah 00:30:28.598 --> 00:30:43.808 is to try to get comfortable being honest with people around you, because The more you open yourself up, the more things will come in your sights that might help you keep moving that needle just one little step. 00:30:44.578 --> 00:30:48.778 Yeah, it is the synchronicities about when you let yourself be open, 00:30:49.525 --> 00:30:50.134 Yes. 00:30:50.189 --> 00:30:52.929 Things arrive along your path. 00:30:53.439 --> 00:30:57.499 And you're kind of foreshadowing our next guest coming up, Dr. 00:30:57.499 --> 00:30:58.318 Cindy Zurchin. 00:30:58.929 --> 00:31:04.358 There's an interesting thread on that, I'll save for next time, but that's exactly what happened there. 00:31:04.888 --> 00:31:05.759 I love that. 00:31:06.328 --> 00:31:08.249 All right, but I don't want this coming out wrong. 00:31:08.568 --> 00:31:09.848 You gotta work hard. 00:31:09.919 --> 00:31:11.459 That is not up for debate. 00:31:12.459 --> 00:31:19.878 If you want more than what you have, you have to work for it, and you have to take some chances, and you have to be the kind of person who doesn't quit. 00:31:21.409 --> 00:31:22.348 I am that person. 00:31:22.348 --> 00:31:23.699 I've always been that person. 00:31:25.269 --> 00:31:30.469 But when I say resilience isn't toughing it out, I don't mean don't be tough. 00:31:30.808 --> 00:31:31.429 Be tough. 00:31:31.469 --> 00:31:41.778 You need it but look at what you're being tough about I mean, I had had a blood clot and a black finger, and I ran my errands first. 00:31:42.318 --> 00:31:43.858 Groceries, week before school. 00:31:44.199 --> 00:31:46.189 I wasn't gonna let anything drop. 00:31:48.368 --> 00:31:56.298 That same drive got me a lot of good things in my life, but that day it almost killed me. 00:31:56.858 --> 00:32:02.848 And it wasn't because I worked too hard, it was because I was working that hard on the wrong thing. 00:32:05.520 --> 00:32:11.990 So I still have that drive, but I put it somewhere that's actually good for me now. 00:32:12.020 --> 00:32:13.000 Here's how I look at it. 00:32:13.050 --> 00:32:15.401 You can't go wrong if you always do your best. 00:32:18.636 --> 00:32:19.457 But here's the part. 00:32:20.366 --> 00:32:22.676 Your best isn't the same every day. 00:32:23.126 --> 00:32:28.817 Your best in one season of your life is going to look nothing like your best in another one. 00:32:29.747 --> 00:32:31.606 Some days your best

is a whole lot. 00:32:32.287 --> 00:32:38.656 Some days your best is just getting up, and some days doing your best means you rest. 00:32:40.297 --> 00:32:41.676 But don't quit on yourself. 00:32:43.497 --> 00:32:50.507 So let me tell you where I actually landed because I did skip right past that, and that's where I want the focus to be, not on the fall. 00:32:50.507 --> 00:32:58.946 I started working with another organizer while I figured out what my body could handle, and while I was in people's homes, I kept seeing the same thing over and over. 00:32:59.797 --> 00:33:01.457 Everybody's drowning in laundry. 00:33:02.686 --> 00:33:04.836 Not the washing, the processing. 00:33:05.146 --> 00:33:08.027 Running the same load three times because you keep forgetting it. 00:33:08.527 --> 00:33:14.247 That and clutter, and the two of those together are enough to make the whole house feel out of control. 00:33:16.494 --> 00:33:19.595 And, when I was forced to be still medically, I felt the same. 00:33:19.644 --> 00:33:22.134 I noticed those same patterns. 00:33:23.785 --> 00:33:26.065 So I built a business around exactly that. 00:33:26.694 --> 00:33:32.805 Somebody who comes in on a schedule and keeps it moving from the floor to the drawer because that's where it bottlenecks. 00:33:32.805 --> 00:33:42.055 And I was surprised that what I found at the bottom of a laundry basket was peace and purpose. 00:33:43.535 --> 00:33:48.005 Because when that perpetual stuff stops piling up, you get your time back. 00:33:48.424 --> 00:33:49.805 You get your presence back. 00:33:50.224 --> 00:33:55.035 Most kids aren't gonna look back and wish their baseboards were cleaner. 00:33:55.035 --> 00:33:56.684 They're gonna wish that they had more of you. 00:33:57.979 --> 00:34:00.608 That's the whole why behind what I'm doing now. 00:34:02.148 --> 00:34:09.789 I've been in a lot of houses since doing this type of work, And I think a house gets away from you for one of two reasons. 00:34:10.329 --> 00:34:18.188 Either it's how your brain works, you mean to and you forget, and then you feel bad about it, or it's just time. 00:34:18.568 --> 00:34:19.478 There isn't any. 00:34:20.778 --> 00:34:25.108 Two jobs, kids going three or four directions, and it gets away from you. 00:34:25.869 --> 00:34:27.778 I've lived both of those at the same time. 00:34:29.159 --> 00:34:34.168 A house full of executive function challenges, mine included, and no time. 00:34:34.739 --> 00:34:43.898 Four kids, teaching all day, nerve pain around the clock, grieving my dad, watching my sister struggle, and a house that was getting away from me the whole time. 00:34:45.369 --> 00:34:50.599 So on the rare day that I did have an hour, I'd stand in the middle of the room and not know where to start. 00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:58.509 That's why I'm not building systems for an imaginary tidy person. 00:34:59.148 --> 00:35:02.028 I'm building them for the house that I was living in. 00:35:03.092 --> 00:35:12.411

People who mean to and forget, people who don't have a spare hour in the week, usually both, and in the same kitchen. 00:35:12.411 --> 00:35:16.382 And either way, you end up staring at the same pile thinking it says something about you. 00:35:17.601 --> 00:35:18.222 It doesn't. 00:35:19.322 --> 00:35:20.092 That's my why. 00:35:23.492 --> 00:35:30.913 One thing that I struggled with was that I was wasting my degree, and I didn't waste the degree either. 00:35:30.922 --> 00:35:33.012 An educator doesn't teach to one person. 00:35:33.012 --> 00:35:38.882 You learn how to build something that works for everybody in the room, and that's my job again. 00:35:39.503 --> 00:35:46.123 It's building a system that has to work for everyone in the house, not just the person who called me for support. 00:35:46.123 --> 00:35:50.702 The strokes were in 2019, and I didn't start this business until 2021. 00:35:50.702 --> 00:35:53.543 And when I started it, it looked nothing like what it is now. 00:35:54.152 --> 00:36:00.262 It's changed more than once since, and that pivot is its own story, and that's for another time. 00:36:00.262 --> 00:36:10.282 But, I don't want listeners doing math on themselves and thinking that you're coming up short if you're whatever number of weeks into your hard thing and you don't have it all figured out. 00:36:11.393 --> 00:36:13.972 I'm sharing mine because it took me years. 00:36:14.333 --> 00:36:20.503 And I wanna tell you what it looks like now because I think that matters a whole lot more than the details of the fall. 00:36:20.503 --> 00:36:21.913 I don't cry in the car anymore. 00:36:22.632 --> 00:36:24.742 That's the first thing I'd want people to know. 00:36:25.492 --> 00:36:28.693 For years, that drive home was the only place that I could fall apart. 00:36:30.713 --> 00:36:38.112 And now I make the drive, but I get to put on favorite jam and think about what's for dinner like a regular person. 00:36:39.512 --> 00:36:40.693 Yeah, I'm a little slower. 00:36:40.722 --> 00:36:42.293 I'm quieter than I used to be. 00:36:42.862 --> 00:36:44.742 And no, the pain didn't go away. 00:36:44.802 --> 00:36:49.813 I'd be lying if I said it doesn't run things, because plenty of days it does. 00:36:49.813 --> 00:36:54.193 What changed is I stopped fighting it and learned to work around it. 00:36:55.422 --> 00:36:58.393 I'm doing a lot more living now and a lot less avoiding. 00:36:59.045 --> 00:37:09.244 My brain does work a bit differently than it did, and I've stopped apologizing for that because it turns out that that's what makes me good at what I do now. 00:37:09.753 --> 00:37:18.284 So, I just stopped expecting myself to live everyday the same way I was living before I had this issue. 00:37:20.320 --> 00:37:23.342 I've adjusted what my win for the day looks like. 00:37:23.679 --> 00:37:29.179 But now I go into people's houses and I help them dig out And it's not because I'm organized by nature. 00:37:29.239 --> 00:37:31.079 I just told you I was the messy kid. 00:37:31.559 --> 00:37:36.478 But I know what it feels like from the inside, So I'm not judging anybody's mess. 00:37:36.528 --> 00:37:39.548 I've been in the middle of my own. 00:37:40.501 --> 00:37:47.021 So I'm sitting here doing this, talking to you, and right here is the purpose behind this whole damn thing. 00:37:48.192 --> 00:37:52.282 None of it was the plan, and it ended up better than the plan. 00:37:52.282 --> 00:37:53.632 I don't cry in the car anymore. 00:37:54.668 --> 00:37:56.039 One more thing before we go. 00:37:57.188 --> 00:38:06.878 Everything we talked about today, stopping, changing direction, becoming something else, none of it works without hope; even the smallest possible version of it. 00:38:07.768 --> 00:38:13.688 You don't stop forcing something unless some part of you believes there's something on the other side of stopping. 00:38:14.559 --> 00:38:16.878 Without that, stopping is just quitting. 00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:19.358 Hope is the difference between the two. 00:38:19.764 --> 00:38:23.673 And I wanna talk directly to young people for a minute, not about you, to you. 00:38:24.483 --> 00:38:27.083 You are the most resilient group I have ever watched. 00:38:27.713 --> 00:38:30.833 I spent my whole career in schools, and I saw it up close. 00:38:32.498 --> 00:38:34.597 You got handed a lot early in life. 00:38:36.047 --> 00:38:41.898 Every generation does get its hard thing, and every generation finds its way through. 00:38:42.688 --> 00:38:44.197 I have no doubt about yours. 00:38:44.443 --> 00:38:49.353 You're honest about what is hard in a way that my generation never was. 00:38:49.954 --> 00:38:51.233 You take care of each other. 00:38:51.233 --> 00:38:53.333 So I'm not worried about whether you're tough enough. 00:38:53.353 --> 00:38:54.503 You already settled that. 00:38:54.503 --> 00:38:57.574 But what I do worry about is that it does not let up. 00:38:57.594 --> 00:38:59.173 There's no off switch on it. 00:39:00.293 --> 00:39:05.224 You're carrying something that just runs all the time, and nobody was built for that for all the time. 00:39:07.364 --> 00:39:10.653 So here is what I want you to hear It does not stay like this. 00:39:11.844 --> 00:39:17.623 Not because somebody is going to hand you a different world, but because you will not be the same person carrying it. 00:39:18.423 --> 00:39:23.273 You're going to get stronger and smarter, and that is not a maybe. 00:39:23.273 --> 00:39:27.733 That part does happen, and where it is a maybe, that is enough. 00:39:27.733 --> 00:39:28.864 Maybe it gets better. 00:39:29.273 --> 00:39:31.824 Maybe I'm made for something I can't see from here. 00:39:32.103 --> 00:39:33.614 You don't have to be sure. 00:39:33.884 --> 00:39:35.603 The secret is in the maybe. 00:39:36.474 --> 00:39:37.443 And rest counts. 00:39:37.483 --> 00:39:38.474 I meant what I said. 00:39:39.634 --> 00:39:40.974 Resting is not giving up. 00:39:40.974 -->

00:39:45.443 Sometimes the most resilient thing you can do is nothing. 00:39:45.934 --> 00:39:46.643 Take a beat. 00:39:47.673 --> 00:39:49.423 When you're tired, hope is a maybe. 00:39:49.797 --> 00:39:51.657 But faith, faith is different. 00:39:51.717 --> 00:39:56.887 Faith is trusting there's more to your story, even when you can't see what comes next yet. 00:39:58.686 --> 00:40:03.755 I'm not gonna tell you what to believe, but I will tell you I believe we were all made for something. 00:40:03.775 --> 00:40:08.976 I believe there's a reason why we're here and that sometimes we haven't gotten to see it yet. 00:40:09.735 --> 00:40:11.925 I believe people get put in our paths. 00:40:12.326 --> 00:40:22.306 I've watched that happen in my own life too many times to call it luck, and I believe what is waiting on the other side of this is bigger than anything you can picture from where we're sitting right now. 00:40:23.755 --> 00:40:25.266 You already have what it takes. 00:40:25.465 --> 00:40:28.755 I just want you to make it to the part where it gets easier. 00:40:28.806 --> 00:40:30.815 Falling forward usually isn't graceful. 00:40:30.815 --> 00:40:31.826 It's probably messy. 00:40:32.365 --> 00:40:33.536 It's probably slow. 00:40:34.405 --> 00:40:42.146 It might be crying in the car and hanging in there like a booger, and it might even be finding your purpose at the bottom of a laundry basket. 00:40:42.146 --> 00:40:50.766 It can be a lot of days where you did the best you had, and then you look up and you're somewhere else, and it's better. 00:40:51.038 --> 00:40:51.487 Yeah. 00:40:52.860 --> 00:40:55.230 Okay, next episode, we're sitting down with Dr. 00:40:55.230 --> 00:40:59.130 Cindy Zurchin, who has come through things I'm not gonna describe here. 00:40:59.130 --> 00:41:00.230 I'll let her tell you. 00:41:00.719 --> 00:41:04.789 But what I will say is that everything that we talked about today, she's the proof of. 00:41:04.789 --> 00:41:08.230 And she didn't stop at just coming through it. 00:41:08.550 --> 00:41:10.130 She figured out how to teach it. 00:41:10.969 --> 00:41:13.409 She says resilience is something you can learn. 00:41:14.364 --> 00:41:15.034 Next time. 00:41:16.693 --> 00:41:19.534 And from here on out, we're closing with an intention. 00:41:20.554 --> 00:41:24.313 Just for today, I'll do the best I can with what I have right now. 00:41:25.603 --> 00:41:34.664 This is it! Before we go, hit follow so you don't miss the next one, and if somebody came to mind while you were listening, send it to them. 00:41:35.485 --> 00:41:38.315 And thank you to everybody shopping through our Amazon link. 00:41:39.315 --> 00:41:43.605 It's linked in the show notes and also at thrivingyinzers.com. 00:41:44.945 --> 00:41:46.164 It helps us keep going. 00:41:46.164 --> 00:41:51.925 This podcast is meant to be informational and inspirational, but it is not a substitute for professional advice. 00:41:52.269 --> 00:41:58.000 We are not licensed therapists or medical professionals, and what we share here comes from personal experience only. 00:41:58.539 --> 00:42:02.349 If you or someone you love is struggling, please reach out to someone trained to help. 00:42:02.619 --> 00:42:08.030 And if you're in crisis, you can call or text 988 The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. 00:42:08.300 --> 00:42:09.940 It is available 24-7.