התמלול המלא של Sara Chatwin: How do you help your kids through exam stress?

drive in, I gather, because there was lightning. 00:03:36 Speaker 4: Lightning, thunder, torrential rain. I've actually never seen forked lightning like this. 00:03:41 Speaker 3: I tried to get a shot. Well, my daughter tried to get a shot of it as I drove. 00:03:44 Speaker 1: We tend to have more sheep lightning that you don't really see, don't you? 00:03:48 Speaker 2: Scary, yes. 00:03:49 Speaker 4: So we arrived at the studio. And we got ourselves inside Tootsuite. 00:03:53 Speaker 3: A little bit scary. Yeah, it was scary. 00:03:56 Speaker 1: I watched a video randomly. It popped up with lightning strikes. And there's a guy sitting reading his paper in a deck chair. And he's on a farm. And there's a pig just only about. you know, 15 feet away from her, and there's a lightning strike, and it hits the pig. 00:04:09 Speaker 5: Oh, please. 00:04:10 Speaker 1: Not the little piggy. It wasn't a little piggy. It was a big one ready to be bacon, but, you know. 00:04:14 Speaker 2: Ouch. 00:04:15 Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway. 00:04:16 Speaker 3: It is scary. Yeah, it was very, very extreme weather conditions, I've got to say. 00:04:20 Speaker 1: And it's predicted to continue, which is irritating me. But anyway. 00:04:24 Speaker 4: Exams. 00:04:25 Speaker 6: Stress. 00:04:25 Speaker 1: You have four. 00:04:27 Speaker 5: Four. 00:04:28 Speaker 7: Five. 00:04:28 Speaker 4: No. 00:04:29 Speaker 1: How did yours cope with that? exam stress. In fact, you've got one who's still going through exams. 00:04:39 Speaker 4: My wee girl is sitting just outside the studio. 00:04:43 Speaker 3: She's 19. 00:04:43 Speaker 1: Oh, so she's doing varsity. 00:04:46 Speaker 7: Yes. 00:04:47 Speaker 3: So she's just. 00:04:47 Speaker 4: Finishing her varsity exams, actually. And I mean, she's fantastic, but she does a lot of work. I got to hand it to her, though. Every time I peek in the bedroom door, she is sitting at the desk. 00:04:59 Speaker 3: Doing the study. 00:04:59 Speaker 4: So I think three of mine welcomed it and were kind of cool with the situation and then one didn't like exams at all and really stressed out so i mean everybody handles that kind of situation quite differently. 00:05:11 Speaker 1: How do you well how do you deal with how do you help them put it in context for exams and can you possibly do it or you just have to i don't know encourage them to finish studying so they can unwind so they can get to sleep and you know do all the other things that can help with help them with that Well. 00:05:27 Speaker 4: The really interesting thing is that we have identified that exams are very stressful, particularly for teenagers who obviously know what the situation is and they feel pressure. It might be external pressures from mums and dads and expectations from. 00:05:45 Speaker 3: The peer group, even peer group comparison. 00:05:48 Speaker 4: But the one thing that I think a lot of listeners may not know, and it's really interesting, is that the adolescent brain

is, specifically the prefrontal cortex, which we call the operator of the executive function, so responsible for emotional regulation and decision-making, is still very much in the developmental stage during the teen years. So that's between, say, 11 to 18. And therefore, of course, they are more vulnerable to stress and to feeling the effects of stress and anxiety and pressure because their brains are not totally... fit it out and kit it out to absorb and cope. So physiologically, there's a reason why teens get quite stressed or can get, because that's not everyone, but can get quite stressed. And then psychologically, you know, there's a lot riding on things today because it's hard out there in the job market. And I think, you know, as a 16, 17 year old, 18, you know, you're looking to your future. 00:06:48 Speaker 2: It's funny. 00:06:49 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know what things were like when I went through, but I never gave, I mean, I was just a teenage boy. I never gave a single thought to jobs or anything. I just sort of thought- Times are a-changing. I was like a goldfish. 00:07:00 Speaker 3: Times are a-changing, Tim. 00:07:01 Speaker 1: No, but I mean, I didn't know what to do with my life. I thought, oh, maybe I'll go to university because my brothers did, pretty much. I just followed that. I didn't think for myself for years. I mean, that's interesting. 00:07:13 Speaker 4: It's interesting because I think kids, well, I've definitely heard, and I have some teenagers in my clientele, but also- I'm around teenagers a lot and have been for many years with my kids. And I do think that there's kids out there 16, 17 who perhaps don't want to do that year 13 because they're not that interested in that. They might want to go into a trade. They might want to just get their lives firing a bit. And they are looking at the job market and they're very aware of the economy or. 00:07:43 Speaker 3: Lack of it. 00:07:44 Speaker 1: Well, there's so much information floating around these days that I guess there are a There are fewer excuses not to be informed about it, I guess, because everyone's sharing their progress updates and their degrees and this. Whereas back in the old days before social media, I mean, you might go to someone's place and see a photo of them graduating on a wall, but that was about it. 00:08:06 Speaker 5: Yes. 00:08:07 Speaker 4: Well, there was a limit, wasn't there? There was a ceiling in terms of what images and information we could get hold of. But now it's so open and you can, you know, delve into whatever you want, whenever you want, if that's the case in a lot of families. 00:08:22 Speaker 1: And it depends on the school as well, because there are some, I mean, maybe the school I went to or was, I mean, well, I wouldn't say the school I went to was driven by academic success. You know, I'm not sure we compared ourselves to each other too much. But there are schools where, you know, and the school my girls go to, I think

that everyone knows how everyone else is doing. and there is more an awareness in that environment about where you sit next to everyone else. 00:08:50 Speaker 4: Yeah, and I also think that, you know, with ERO reports and accountability in terms of the educational landscape, we do know where schools are sitting and, you know, what's going on within schools. We have talked about preschool and early childhood education environments. So we do know a lot about what's going on, what is happening for kids and what isn't happening, what they need and perhaps what they need less of, which in my view is social media, of course. But yeah, there's a lot of information flowing and I think kids are more aware today. I mean, we're very rarely disconnected these days. 00:09:29 Speaker 3: There's a lot of connection. 00:09:31 Speaker 1: Are parents more, hmm, parental expectation? Because it's always been there, I guess, you look at any teenage movie and there were the stereotypes of the parents who were driven to this is what you're doing with the rest of your life in fact for some reason i'm remembering the dead poet society about the which is a you know an amazing poignant movie but you know there's a parental expectation there so it's nothing new but is it more common that parents are a little too invested in how well little tommy or little sarah is doing or sarah. 00:10:04 Speaker 4: Thank you i'd going to say Sarah for that one, but you call me Sarah. No, I think you will always have a percentage of parents who are invested in what their children are doing. You will always have a great percentage of parents who are supportive of what their children are doing. Many parents just want their children to do what makes them happy and what they're good at and what they feel that they can cope with. And then there are some parents who don't necessarily care too much. And then, of course, you go back to the first one and there are parents who live vicariously through their children and perhaps they try to live their dreams out through their children. So perhaps they didn't do exactly what they wanted to do. So they really do put some pressure on their children to get absolutely moving in the right direction. 00:10:51 Speaker 1: So what was your approach as a mum dealing with exams? Did you just watch it all sort of happen and just, were you heavily involved? 00:10:58 Speaker 4: Not heavily involved, but there were rules and regulations, for example. You know, friendship, gatherings, parties, anything like that took a bit of a nosedive during the build-up to exams. 00:11:10 Speaker 1: They took a bit of a nosedive because of your decisions, yeah. I think that I was- Like you're not going to that party or you're not going to do this. 00:11:17 Speaker 4: You're going to- I probably wouldn't speak like that, but I would say, hey, you know, so what's going on with these exams? How are you going to, you know, put a plan together? You probably need to put a bit of a study

plan in place. If I knew that, like a couple of my kids are morning people, couple aren't. So, you know, you would capitalise, you would encourage them and support them to capitalise on the time of day that was good for them to study. So- Yeah, I suppose I was there to just communicate a plan. I'm all about pathways of communication, remaining open and trying to get that healthy relationship sorted with your children so that when things crop up, there's always a place to go with regard to communication. 00:12:00 Speaker 3: You can always just communicate. 00:12:02 Speaker 1: I mean, how much allowance do you have to make? So let's have a couple of contrasts. There's the student or the child who is really uptight. 00:12:11 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:12:12 Speaker 1: And they're really organizing everything and they've got, you know, everything down as to when they're going to study this and when they're going to study that. And they're really right into the schedule. But it really is something where the stakes feel very high for them. 00:12:23 Speaker 2: Yes. 00:12:23 Speaker 1: And what about if you've got another child who's, they don't care and they back themselves and they're like, I'm just going to study the day before and, you know, I'm going to rip into it. I mean, how much do you let them fulfill their own destiny? 00:12:36 Speaker 4: You can let them fulfill it a little bit, but you mentioned cramming before and you said, oh, I used to cram the night before and all the rest of it. 00:12:45 Speaker 1: I'm sure I did a day and a half at least. 00:12:47 Speaker 4: I'm sure you probably did a little more than that because you got a law degree and they're not that easy. Psychologically and cognitively, cramming is not necessarily a great study strategy because that heightens anxiety. 00:13:02 Speaker 3: It puts that you know, that edge on. 00:13:04 Speaker 4: You feel pressure with cramming, whereas if you take a more measured, planned approach, and that's probably what I was trying to convey to my kids. You know, if you just step back, you know, a little while before the actual exam, so, you know, you're talking... couple months out, you might be having the conversation. A month out, you're saying, okay, how's your plan going? And then you're supporting and watching and just being available in that month lead up to exams. So I think cramming is a strategy that perhaps adds to the stress. So I would say if you think that cramming is going to get you what you want, it may not. But I definitely think just stepping things out, having a plan, committing to times, diarising things. 00:13:50 Speaker 1: I think I wish, I mean, we didn't get that from our school. We were just sort of, I don't remember what we were given, but I don't particularly think it was very helpful. But it's funny, I do think I didn't cram for law. In fact, I worked pretty hard for it, but I still remember, because I had a Mark 140 escort. And you'd go to the exam and you had all your

books and the things that you'd learnt to study. And as soon as the exam went over, I would toss them into the back seat and leave them. And after I'd done six exams or whatever, the back seat would just cover in paper and then I threw it all in the bin, I think. But it was like a mental binning of everything and going, right, that one's over. But yeah, it was a lot of hard work. But I didn't have a plan in my schedule. See, this is why I'm wondering if one of the things is to help your children plan, okay, so what subjects, what have you got difficulty with? Then let's spend, why don't you focus on that? Then what's something that's easier? Maybe after lunch, you can do something you're more comfortable with, but do the stuff and help them have a strategy. I think, well, I haven't helped that and done that with my kids because they're getting such good advice from school. 00:14:50 Speaker 3: Well, okay. 00:14:51 Speaker 4: So we've, excuse me, we forgot to mention that there are a lot of teachers who give amazing advice. And so some kids go into that exam situation, you know, fully informed about how to get through these exams, which is neat. 00:15:06 Speaker 3: But I think as a parent, it's always nice. 00:15:07 Speaker 1: To, Check in? 00:15:08 Speaker 4: Yeah, to check in, to know what your kids are doing. And if they want to ask questions, you're available. 00:15:14 Speaker 1: Okay. Look, let's take some calls. 00:15:16 Speaker 7: 0800 80 1080. 00:15:16 Speaker 1: And how have you helped your kids deal with exam stress? Because there is a school of thought. Somebody texted saying, don't, I think they mean don't interfere. It says pressure makes diamonds. Don't feed into an ableist society. I don't know what that means, but I think this person means you should let them suck up the pressure and deal with it and they'll turn out all right. But anyway. We'll dig into that with Sarah after this call. Andre, hello. 00:15:40 Speaker 5: Hello, guys. Look, I'm already in my high school days in Auckland Grammar School. 00:15:45 Speaker 1: Auckland Grammar, yeah. 00:15:46 Speaker 6: Nice. 00:15:47 Speaker 5: They were a blast. And I had one complaint. I smoked marijuana, which I shouldn't have done. 00:15:53 Speaker 6: Oops. 00:15:53 Speaker 5: Got me into the wrong crowd, lost all my friends. And one complaint I did have at the last hurdles of high school were mental health problems, especially with studies. 00:16:05 Speaker 2: I appreciate that. 00:16:06 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah? Oh, with studies, you struggled with it? 00:16:09 Speaker 5: Yeah, mental health. 00:16:10 Speaker 1: You didn't smoke marijuana at that time, did you, while you were doing your. 00:16:13 Speaker 3: There could be a linkage there. 00:16:14 Speaker 1: Well, Chris, I mean, actually, the mental health thing as well, were you sort of self-medicating or something, or what? 00:16:19 Speaker 5: Well, I don't know, just the last latter days of high school. 00:16:23 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:16:23 Speaker 5: I feel like I'm using my mind. Oh, okay. Studying for too much. 00:16:27 Speaker 1: Oh, and how did you... Did you do all right in the end, or do you look back and go, I got this wrong? 00:16:32 Speaker 5: I did, but I don't know, looking back, I don't know how I got through it. 00:16:36 Speaker 4: Yeah. 00:16:37 Speaker 1: What advice would you have for you? Did you learn anything from it that you'd pass on to someone else who was getting ready for exams? 00:16:43 Speaker 5: Oh, I don't know. Just do your best. 00:16:46 Speaker 7: Yeah. 00:16:46 Speaker 1: Okay. Cheers, Andre. 00:16:49 Speaker 7: Right. 00:16:49 Speaker 1: We're going to take a quick break. Thanks for your call. And we'll be back in just a tick. We'd love your calls, though. Have you got any questions? If you've got teenagers who are studying for their first exams, second exams, third exams, the ones that really matter, like they want to get into med school and they're going to have to get you know, 102% to get in. 0800 80 1080, text 9292. It is 23 and a half past five. We're with Sarah Chapman back in a moment. Newstalk ZB with Tim Beveridge. Right, we're talking about parenting and helping your kids with exam stress. And the number is 0800 80 1080 and text 9292. What do you make? Now, I mentioned that text, Sarah, before we got into the show. And the thing about diamonds making, what is it? Pressure makes diamonds. 00:17:40 Speaker 5: Yes. 00:17:41 Speaker 1: Which isn't easy. It's a fun thing to throw out there. 00:17:44 Speaker 4: Well, I guess that's one strategy. And perhaps that person who texted in was successful in using that strategy. I personally think that that's one end of the continuum. And, you know, there are children, if you treated them like that, they might just. 00:18:00 Speaker 3: Well, because pressure. 00:18:01 Speaker 1: Can ruin them as well if they don't cope with it. 00:18:03 Speaker 3: That's right. 00:18:03 Speaker 4: But again, if you're a parent and you're able to have conversation, keep those pathways open. Identify when your child is exhibiting stress signs. They might withdraw. They might be a little manic. So there are things that you will see with your kids that indicate that something's going on for them during this time, during an exam time, where you could perhaps... Have a sit down, have a chat, check in, see if they're okay. Ask them if they need any help to plan. And you made a really good point before when you said, you know, for subjects that they feel confident in, well, then you put the study for that, you. 00:18:43 Speaker 3: Know, in its space. 00:18:44 Speaker 4: But for other subjects that perhaps they're not feeling so confident, you make extra time. 00:18:51 Speaker 1: On the serious side of things, what would the, I mean, look, I know with teenagers and, you know, there can be tears and all sorts of things. And there's actually sometimes tears can just be, you know, that's the venting mechanism. How, I

mean, what would the signs be where you should actually worry about how your child's coping with stuff? And look, that may be in extreme circumstances, but it happens. 00:19:16 Speaker 4: Well, I mean, most of the research indicates, so we know that a large majority of young people and teenagers have feel pressured by exams. So you will notice, you might notice a huge amount of effects. There might be panic, self-doubt, excessive worry. You might notice physiological things like inability to concentrate, sweating, any of those things. They might have headaches, nausea. They might be a bit shaky. And also, often, sleeping patterns are affected. So they might have insomnia, trouble sleeping, waking during the night, all of that kind of stuff. 00:19:54 Speaker 3: And of course, you will have the. 00:19:57 Speaker 4: Behavioural changes, avoidance, disengagement in the educational context, perhaps panic attacks and. 00:20:05 Speaker 3: Burnouts at the extreme end of things. 00:20:07 Speaker 4: So I think as a parent, again, if you have that relationship with your child. 00:20:11 Speaker 3: Where you are available. 00:20:13 Speaker 4: you are around, you are keeping those communication pathways open, you might notice any one of those. 00:20:19 Speaker 1: Well, say, you know, I think most parents would like to think they know their kids. Funny thing is the whole tears thing. I think a good cry is fantastic. 00:20:27 Speaker 3: Well, it's a form of catharsis. So, yeah, I never say to people, don't. 00:20:32 Speaker 4: If you feel like you want to cry, in fact, across the lifespan, across the. 00:20:36 Speaker 3: Board, let it out. Oh, I love a good cry. 00:20:37 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely. 00:20:38 Speaker 5: Absolutely. 00:20:39 Speaker 4: The one thing that research also does indicate is that– high academic pressure at a young age for a protracted period of time can lead to other things, for example, self-loathing, self-harm. So you do need to watch that that kind of pressure doesn't continue for a protracted period. And as a parent, you might have to dive in there and just allow them to disconnect and chill out and have a cry, do whatever they need to do, rest, sleep. 00:21:11 Speaker 7: Yeah. 00:21:12 Speaker 1: But if your child does have a bit of a cry, I guess, well, I guess you've got to see other signs. What would the other signs be where you're thinking, oh, this is, we need to help, get them a little bit of help? 00:21:24 Speaker 4: Often I've noticed this, and I might be making a gender-based statement here, but I noticed that boys can. 00:21:32 Speaker 3: Be a little angry. 00:21:33 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:21:35 Speaker 3: You know, physicality, they can explode. But I'm the mother of three boys. 00:21:39 Speaker 4: So, you know, I did see frayed tempers around exam time and things like that. 00:21:44 Speaker 3: Whereas my daughter doesn't do that. 00:21:46 Speaker 1: She's here today. She does seem fairly chilled. 00:21:48 Speaker 3: She's very chill. 00:21:49 Speaker 4: And I think that's her personality type. But I've got to say, she puts in a lot of hard work for exams. So it's not about fun and playing up. It's about actually getting the job done. 00:21:58 Speaker 1: I've just remembered there was a movement where people were taking beta blockers for the nerves. 00:22:04 Speaker 3: Was that a thing. 00:22:06 Speaker 1: Back in the 80s or something or 90s? 00:22:09 Speaker 3: Well, it wouldn't be anything I'm doing because. 00:22:11 Speaker 1: No, no, I'm not recommending it. 00:22:12 Speaker 3: No, no, please don't. I think that. 00:22:15 Speaker 1: No, sorry, that wasn't a recommendation. 00:22:17 Speaker 4: I think that a lot of medications that are prescribed for a particular person or individual... have made the rounds, you know, for people and it's just, I just find that a little silly and not advisable because your physiology and your genetics are completely different from anyone else. 00:22:35 Speaker 1: I sort of apologise for mentioning it actually. I was just thinking about the things, the trends that went round and the dumb ideas that people have. Right, let's take some more calls. Michael, hi. 00:22:45 Speaker 6: Oh, hi Tim. I was just reflecting, listening to you guys talk about this. I didn't get Any advice from my parents? I don't know if they even knew what I was doing, really, but I was lucky. I had an older sister, and she had been through the mill, and she was at university, and she gave me some really, really good advice. That's nice. 00:23:10 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:23:11 Speaker 4: Well, I mean, we can take direction from our siblings. 00:23:15 Speaker 3: You said it yourself, Tim. 00:23:16 Speaker 1: What did she say? 00:23:18 Speaker 6: Well, she gave me, the best thing I remember was, Actually, not so much about the study and what have you beforehand, but she gave me advice about what I do when I actually enter the exam room and what I actually did in the first few minutes. And once we were allowed to get going, I remember she told me to, it's counterintuitive, but to stop and spend two or three minutes going through the exam and seeing what um, what's required of me and what choices I, what options I had, you know, whether I had to do, uh, answer all seven of these or whether I had to do five of the seven or, you know, um, to make a, make a little time plan on the side. Uh, so how much, um, time I would allocate to each question, do that in advance. And, um, The other thing she told me to do was anything I had remembered was some things I'd done through mnemonics and things like that. And I'd write my mnemonics down the side in notes and make little notes under each question. 00:24:30 Speaker 1: Love a good mnemonic. 00:24:33 Speaker 6: You know, and so I had all this stuff in my head. So when I went through and made notes on the side, when I actually started, I might have taken three or four minutes And other people are ripped into it, you know, but I

then knew. And then I'd take the hardest thing first. 00:24:52 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:24:52 Speaker 6: And it might be out of order. I'd do the hardest thing first and get that sort of weight off my mind. 00:24:58 Speaker 4: I like the plan. I think it's great. You got some great tips from your sister. 00:25:03 Speaker 7: Fantastic. 00:25:03 Speaker 6: Yeah, and it really worked because whatever I had learnt or whatever I had, you know, studied, at least I gave myself a shot by it. making sure I answered all the questions, making sure I gave them enough time, making sure I didn't run out of time, because there's nothing worse than having the knowledge and not getting it down. 00:25:24 Speaker 7: Yeah. No, you're right. 00:25:26 Speaker 1: You're right, Michael. 00:25:27 Speaker 6: Yeah, no. 00:25:27 Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for your call, mate. We're going to keep it moving, but I really appreciate your call. Actually, it reminds me of something, and I'm not sure how much to give my daughter this advice, but the one thing that I think everyone has the idea about how much they should write, especially in an English exam or an exam where you've got to write a lot. And I still remember, and I don't know if this has helped anyone listening, when I did one of my law exams, there was a guy there, I'll just give his first name, Paul. And Paul had a degree in class, he had an honours degree in classical Greek. And he was a very bright guy, he ended up lecturing. And he used to get his exam papers back after they were done because he wanted to see what, and he got A's all the time. and his essays were so short, I couldn't believe he'd got the marks for it. But all he did was he just stuck to what needed to be. He'd be like, in a law exam he would, instead of going, blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah, therefore this blah-blah-blah and blah-blah-blah, he'd just go, the issue here is this case. The issue here is this. The argument against it is this case, case, case. And I remember thinking, and I tried it, and it's the one time I got, it was my top mark I ever got because I tried to keep it brief and to the point. And it was, I don't know if that's advice you'd give to kids necessarily. 00:26:41 Speaker 4: Well, you do have to pay attention to content in any exam because you need to answer a question. 00:26:46 Speaker 1: You need to define it. Don't pad. 00:26:47 Speaker 4: Yeah, you need to define it and show the examiner who's marking your paper that you understand it. 00:26:52 Speaker 3: So that's neat. 00:26:52 Speaker 4: But Michael unpacked quite a bit there and his sister was obviously incredibly helpful and those things were valuable in terms of the exam setting. 00:27:02 Speaker 7: Yeah, right. 00:27:02 Speaker 1: Let's go to some more calls. Cherry, hello. 00:27:05 Speaker 3: Hello. 00:27:06 Speaker 2: I'm a I'm a retired school teacher, and the information I'm going to talk about is 30 years old, but I think it's valid today as it was then. We used

to take a group of students, hand-picked, they were the sort of borderline ones, out to a marae for four days prior to school certificate exams. Now, we had unlimited fruit. that kids could just help themselves to whenever they wanted to. We had some parents who came out and cooked very nutritious meals. Over a period of about 10 years, a colleague and I had worked out that kids actually didn't fail school certificate through lack of knowledge. They failed school certificate because they couldn't write fast enough and they couldn't allocate time. time per question and so we actually spent the four days in the morning they did do study and every hour they stood up and congratulated each other individually for what they've achieved and then in the afternoon we just spent time writing and I would say write something about mountains go and stop them after five minutes to see how many words they had written, and we built it up. We also got them to realise that in their writing, they would get to three quarters of a page if it was asking for a hundred word question. So they didn't have to constantly be counting words. I've marked school certificate and... you'd see a little number in the margin, and they'd got to 98, and then there'd be obviously an added-on sentence, which didn't add to the context. 00:29:12 Speaker 6: Of the essay. I'm thinking of English here. Yeah. 00:29:16 Speaker 2: To get it up to the number. So we spent time increasingly writing speed, going through and saying, we'll start with the comprehension and the essays because those are the two 20-mark questions and if you've got a three-hour exam, how much time are you going to allocate to that? And make sure you've covered the whole paper. Don't just start writing and keep writing until you think you've finished. Be very, very severe on yourself to stick to the time limit so then at least you've attempted every question. 00:29:55 Speaker 1: Yeah, good stuff. 00:29:57 Speaker 2: We had wonderful success. It was really rather sad because people would start trying to... persuade you to choose their child to go on camp halfway through the year, but we only took 20. 00:30:12 Speaker 6: So there you are. 00:30:14 Speaker 1: Good stuff, Cherry. 00:30:15 Speaker 6: Thanks for that. 00:30:16 Speaker 4: Great plan started many, many years ago. 00:30:18 Speaker 1: Actually, I just remember, I think with exams, the thing it used to throw me, they'd say, write about 250 words on such and such. And I always got, you know, it's like, oh, I don't know how many is 250 words. I don't know if they do that these days. Hopefully not. Anyway, let's take, we need to take a break. We'll come back with more calls in just a tick. 0800 8010 80 is the number. I'm with Sarah Chatwin. It's 226. 00:30:41 Speaker 7: Right. 00:30:42 Speaker 1: Just before we go to Morrie, we're talking about exam stress with Sarah Chatwin. Here is a question on the text for you, Sarah. How do you encourage a kid to actually study when they keep putting it off and then end up a stressed, crying mess when they realize they're not going to do great? Lead a horse to water and all that. I can support and help them study as much as possible. But it's on him at the end. 14 years old. Any advice would be great. 00:31:03 Speaker 3: Oh, look, plenty of advice. 00:31:05 Speaker 4: I would say that before they end up, you know, a sobbing, crying mess and a heap on the floor before the, you know, the night before the exam, definitely start your planning process early if you have that kind of child. So maybe two months before the exams, you say, hey, you know, in November, you're going to have these exams, the NCAA one or whatever they're doing, IB, Cambridge, whatever it is. And just get the conversation flowing, get the vibes, get them a little bit focused on the fact that on X date, they are going to have exams. So introduce the narrative early and then talk to them about things that were helpful for you. Perhaps even if they weren't just talk through some strategies that you've heard from other parents that have worked for their children, but certainly making them fully aware that on this date, you know, you got your exams. We don't want to go through the process of being majorly stressed out. 00:31:59 Speaker 3: So, Hey, That's in November. It's September, mid-September. 00:32:03 Speaker 4: Let's talk about, okay, for these weekends, October weekends, I'll help you do this. 00:32:08 Speaker 3: What do you think you're going to struggle with? What do you think you're going to do well in? What's your feeling? 00:32:13 Speaker 4: Get that conversation going so that they are hooked into the conversation. 00:32:18 Speaker 3: They're part of it. 00:32:18 Speaker 1: And sometimes, I mean, if they don't buy into it, then they may learn a lesson the hard way and then hopefully your job's easier next year. 00:32:24 Speaker 4: Yeah, but you don't want them doing that every year. That's just not acceptable for every year. So just try and keep trying, hang in there, be available and start the conversation early if you have a child that is slow to act. 00:32:37 Speaker 1: Okay, let's take some more calls. Morrie, g'day. 00:32:41 Speaker 7: Oh, afternoon, folks. Um, I thought I'd add the, uh, the young fellow, um, speaking, uh, on his sister's recommendations on, uh, techniques and exams. Uh, I had a grand, I've done a lot of exams in my time, uh, both engineering and aviation and, um, had a grand old pilot instructor, and the first thing that he would do before every lesson, and particularly before exams prior to the major exams, he would write in huge letters on the blackboard, a chalkboard, you know, to tell you how old I am, and he would. 00:33:18 Speaker 5: Write, R-T-F-Q. Read the... Ah, yes, something, question. expletive question. 00:33:26 Speaker 7: Yeah. 00:33:27 Speaker 5: Yep. 00:33:28 Speaker 7: Apparently, there is a lot of time wasted writing stuff that is not answering the question. 00:33:33 Speaker 1: Morrie, that is brilliant advice because I know, in fact, I might have even done it myself at a law exam where I completely answered the wrong question. Funny enough, I think the lecturer recognised it and marked me accordingly. But yeah, read the question. 00:33:51 Speaker 5: Exactly. 00:33:51 Speaker 1: Yep. 00:33:52 Speaker 7: And it certainly helped my examinations. 00:33:58 Speaker 3: For clarity, that's a really good, yeah, it is a good strategy. 00:34:01 Speaker 1: Good stuff. Anything else, Morrie? 00:34:03 Speaker 7: No, no, thanks for your time. 00:34:05 Speaker 4: Thanks, Morrie. 00:34:07 Speaker 1: So, yeah, I mean, I don't want to try and wrap this up in a nice little bow, but let's have another test, text, should I say. A study can be done at any time. My mum went to uni at 75. Remember, the whole point is enjoying life. Well, that's enjoying your education when the stakes aren't so high. But, Just let's talk about one thing. Okay, they're cramming, you know, whatever they're cramming, they're working hard. Bedtime, I don't know, what's the general rule when you need to stop? Because you can't study, study, study, head on the pillow. 00:34:38 Speaker 4: No, no, that's definitely, I mean, and also that leads to, you know, classic burnout and things like that. So you do need to encourage and support sleep, rest, exercise. little bit of fun, good nutrition, make sure that they're drinking lots of water. 00:34:52 Speaker 3: All of that helps the. 00:34:53 Speaker 4: Brain and mobilizes everything that needs to be mobilized with regard to learning. But no, they need rest and they need sleep. I think though the exam timeframe is very short. So The lead up is probably more of a concern than doing the actual exams because if you haven't got it mostly covered by the exam, well. 00:35:16 Speaker 1: How did you go on your exams? 00:35:18 Speaker 4: I didn't like exams at all and I was quite stressed. 00:35:21 Speaker 1: Did you sail through? 00:35:22 Speaker 5: I think. 00:35:24 Speaker 3: I kind of sailed through. 00:35:26 Speaker 1: Don't worry, I was just giving you a chance to brag. 00:35:28 Speaker 3: I worked very hard, Timothy. 00:35:29 Speaker 4: I'm calling you Timothy for being like your mum. 00:35:34 Speaker 1: Yes, I get called that when I've been very good or very bad or very, very good. Anyway, hey, great to see you, Sarah. Thanks so much for joining us. 00:35:41 Speaker 3: Thank you. 00:35:42 Speaker 1: We'll be back to Rapsport. Nathan Lim's with us in just a tick. It's 12 minutes to 6, Newstalk ZB. For more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to News Talk ZB weekends from 3 p.m. or follow the podcast on iHeartRadio.