התמלול המלא של 25- Transformative Tales: The Life-Changing Power of the Rebel and Be Well Women's Retreat Part #1

expect at all because I had like seen it briefly on her page and I was like, oh, that's cool, But it just like, well, we're about to go into my theme of money for a minute And I was like I just don't have the funds right now. So Mandy, being the little soulmate that she is, gifted me a session And I would say it was kind of like a saw. Actually, we went way over an hour but it was a solid session, If almost, on spiritual health, financial health coaching. It was really interesting. It was we. She spoke to me in a way where I actually listened in dinkin attitude. Speaker 1: 9:50 Wow, holy crap. Speaker 2: 9:56 Well, right there. Speaker 1: 9:58 OK. Speaker 2: 9:58 Well, i have my little notes here. Came out like the theme of the session was quote, unquote my way. So we started talking about like my relationship with money and not necessarily like how I spend it or don't, or the debt that I have, blah, blah, blah. How much I make. Right, it was just like my attitude towards money in general And she had me kind of do these different visualizations like OK, think of all the things that you like bring to the table, and like you're sitting at a table of all of your tools, resources, people, things that you need to kind of start with, start your business. She was like where is money? And I was like they weren't even invited. Wow, ok, they're not at this party and they certainly don't get a seat at the table. Speaker 1: 10:51 Whoa, whoa. Speaker 2: 10:53 And I said it's, it's like it's not about. for me, it's like this overall, which we know, this overall frustration I have with how we have to exist within a capitalist system. Like in my mind, health, spiritual health should be free. It should be a right, a service that everyone has access to and participate in. And so, even as a trainer who's been asking people to invest my whole life, i still it just still doesn't sit right with me. I don't like it. So we kind of kicked off, like we're kind of like swirling around. and in my other question, if you remember, back to when we talked to Asia too about kind of this Am I able, as a female business owner, to stay balanced in my feminine and masculine energy? Speaker 1: 11:48 Yeah, like, like, how do I not let this whole thing take over me again? Speaker 2: 11:52 and Yeah, hard to lean back in, and that was kind of like I started getting an attitude about that because I immediately went right, like right back into that because that was where I was comfortable And that's where I know how to just get shit done Right. That was kind of like the two pieces of the conversation And really what we came up with is two things. One, the only way I can continue to develop my business is with that and trusting that feminine wisdom. So like leading with my gut, going on how I feel, like yes, logic will come into it, and planning And I mean my career is in operations I know how to Right, i know how to get shit done Right, but in a way that I don't have to sacrifice or change anything that I have become to like get where I am right now, that's so good. So that was kind of our first conversation. And then the other was about my attitude towards money and letting it have a seat at the table, because, amanda, you actually reinforced this last weekend about the exchange. That happens, right, if I provide a service, i'm giving, in order to stay balanced, i have to receive. Yeah, it's the law. Speaker 1: 13:14 Yeah Right, so the giving of a thing, regardless of what it is, whether it's time, energy or something actually like a value, like that is represented with money, right, the giving it away creates a debt. Yes, so if you're not receiving something in exchange for that, we absorb the debt. Speaker 2: 13:36 Yep, right, and absorb it and it comes, and then it comes out in weird ways, yeah. And then you're like, well, what's this thing? And really we can trace it all the way back to that. Speaker 1: 13:45 I'm like oh, why am I always broke You count? Yeah, because I'm just constantly absorbing these debts. Yes, right, and then yes, ok. Speaker 2: 13:55 So she came and it was funny. Of course I shouldn't say it's funny, because here we are, but this is something that I have been swirling on, and actually for a while. I was contracting for someone who also kind of set me on this mission to solve this thing, which I couldn't solve at the time, still can't, but I guess I'm going to according to the slingshot, but we came up with an order for me because of my beef with capitalism And because of my want to serve the people who really need it. Like I'm looking at, my clients will be. This is an intervention. This is something we have to do to save your life, so it's not going to probably be like the mom that needs to lose 10 pounds. This is like do or die. Speaker 1: 14:44 Yeah. Speaker 2: 14:45 And a lot of them haven't taken action because they don't have the resources which I totally get. So she said that I would have to find a way to get funding for these clients, whether it is grants, working with insurance companies, partnering with physicians which is something that I had kind of swirled on, but like maybe even like a nonprofit dude. Speaker 1: 15:09 Have you ever thought about that? Yes, sorry, i'm asking you that live on the podcast right now in real time, but this is good. But I'll donate, i'll throw a fundraiser, a gala. Oh, you're just talking about that. I'm psychic, did you forget? Speaker 2: 15:30 So that's kind of where my arse came into and she told me, like kind of this little mantra or like as I start to have visceral reactions to things around finance, that the little mantra was for the energy of money You can say thank you for circulating through me. I desire to create beauty and a better world with you. So I liked that kind of reframe and that grounding moment I can have where I

reframe this blocker for me and allow money to have a seat at the table. Speaker 1: 16:14 I am fully windblown by what you just shared. What I saw like in my mind's eye as you read that was like you welcoming the energy of money, like with open arms and almost like it coming right through you to be filtered and cleansed into something else, to be wow, wow, wow, wow. That's so powerful. Speaker 2: 16:41 It was so good. How do you? Speaker 1: 16:43 feel. Then now, weeks later, right, as you've been having to put that to the test in the real world, do you feel like you really feel differently about it, a little bit like making baby steps towards, like actually feeling that instead of just like you know it's like one thing when we talk about it, right, but like putting it into practice. How does that feel for you? Speaker 2: 17:05 I started off strong And then in the last week I am definitely getting a do you mean what you say? I have had a couple really challenging financial things come into my life where I just like I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do, but simultaneously, starting out my business, getting my first event on the books, and I wasn't sure and I was trying to figure out what are hosted and all this stuff, and then Things, people, connections, have just been pouring in so like I even I had message Mandy before The retreat because I had a whole day where everywhere I went, someone somewhere asked me like what I do, and I started Introducing myself as I own this wellness business instead of like My other career. Right, and that kicked off. I partner locally. Oh, i offer discounts. Oh, let me put up a flyer with your information. So like At the same time or like all the stuff came through and I was like, see, this is why you don't put money at your table. All this other stuff came in and reminded me that to keep going, This is gold. Speaker 1: 18:34 Thank you for sharing that. So, so that's the sort of like theme that you've been sitting in as you were preparing to head up to the retreat. So how do you think that sort of set the stage for, ok, like I'm headed up here to serve and be at this retreat and like, but like in the back of my mind, this is what I'm personally going to sort of like work through? Do you think it was that stuff that showed up for? Speaker 2: 19:01 you, i think so. I even had a moment during our first day when people were arriving and getting settled in and everyone's kind of nervous And a lot of women came completely by themselves. I know what you're like. It's amazing. Speaker 1: 19:17 Yeah. Speaker 2: 19:17 Like you have to really be, like I am doing this And so, just like, as I was kind of meeting everyone and helping get set up, i had this moment where I was like I love this, like this is a true passion of mine, and so I have to just be patient and know that everything is is aligning how it should And again, keep going like I got a whole. I basically got four days living in the space where I want to be. Yes, Yes. So just to like have that it made the other stuff be like you know what it's going to work out. It's not a big deal. Yeah, i'm still here Like I have. I'm in a good position to like about to be in a lot of debt, but it's fine. So, like I don't know, it was just I had a few months ago. Speaker 1: 20:10 No, you're a filter. You're a filter for money to to alchemize into something powerful. We'll talk about that one. You know, what's interesting is, as you're sitting here, i'm like, ok, you guys have, i mean, you've been listening along enough out there in the world. You all know I'm always like I got to get out of this, like I got to figure out a way I got to get out of here. Let me offer this thing I'm constantly trying to. And then we get up to retreat and, like you know, the freaking doors get kicked open, all these women show up and suddenly everything just feels exactly the way life ought to be lived nonstop for four days, even though it's like the most exhausting, you know, because we don't listen. We try to like talk like we're responsible, like we're going to be balanced, like we're going to like make good decisions, right, like I'm going to prioritize sleep and hydration, like I always have. And then we get up there and it's like go, go, go, go go. And so we don't go up there and just like kind of practice, temperance, right, like we go balls to the wall, 110% the entire time, and that's probably like for the long game, like not the move Eventually, like we're going to have to get better at least me, i'll speak for myself like better at bouncing that. But like what you just said about, like that initial, like all the ladies showing up and just really don't you feel like we just settle into something else. Yes, for a few days, like the word alignment just like isn't enough. It feels like in flow, like this is literally what I meant to do. Yes, and it's the most special feeling you know. Speaker 2: 22:09 Oh, it's like I even I was texting Poopsie. I was like can you remind me when I get home how much I love this? Because then we talk about leader treats is hard, because then you do go back to bills and emails and screaming children and all the things and like how do you maintain this kind of flow that you found when you go back and plug in? Speaker 1: 22:31 Right. I would say to I don't know how you feel and we're kind of jumping ahead, but that's okay, it'll all come together. But I feel like this retreat, like reintegration going home, was the best I've ever felt after a retreat. It was and it was. That's that's saying a lot, because this retreat was like a big one. There was a lot that happened, and we always have the inevitable, like couple of days where we're so exhausted, where we're like we're never doing this again, right, but then it kind of like it just always like circles back and then it's just like such a special, unique thing we

get to be a part of that it's it's unlike anything else and I'm always willing to go back again. It's kind of like giving birth, you know, like you forget. Like there's that psychological Jesse's like mm. Hmm, sure, i really did make like serious eye contact with you right then when I said that Like I know what you're talking about, but it's like that. There's like that I don't know what the proper name is for it but the thing that we're like a woman forgets how painful birth is and like is willing to do it again For the sake of creation, like that's the thing You know, like we forget the birthing pains, right, because that's that's what's going on up there, like when you're talking about energy and holding space for people in a really like concentrated, condensed Environment, like to lead in a retreat. Space is intense, because we're creating community and rapport within hopefully hours. And you would not. You would, i mean, you would be so surprised how quickly human beings, without any other distractions available and a willingness quickly become community, like without fail. Every time we said, like a magical thing, that happens, you know, mm. Hmm. Speaker 2: 24:24 So I was going to ask you because, like, knowing a little bit about your slingshot, like do you think we'll tell us about yours, but like do you think that also helped you stay energized? Speaker 1: 24:36 and yeah, Okay, so, okay, perfect segue, Thank you. So your and yours too, is so perfect for, like what inevitably happened at retreat for you and both for me. so, going back to my slingshot ceremony, which is, you know, the same week that Rachel had hers, which would have been like three weeks before our retreat, right? so these are the themes that we're going into this with, and I don't have notes because I basically cried the whole time and we're going to have to have Rhianna and on to talk to her about this, because we're basically dedicating this whole episode to her, like unintentionally, but it was so powerful and she's so authentic in her leadership, like what she provides, that it really was just so easy to like relax and receive the message, right. So she only hadn't had met me the year before, right, and we stayed connected on Instagram and stuff, but this is not somebody in friends with, like all the time. But as soon as we jumped on the zoom, she's like whoa, are you okay? And I was like yeah, why? she's like you know, i just been like get my ass kicked at the factory, you know, like just in a different space, right. And she's like whoa, whoa, whoa. Like we got to talk about like where you're light, where your energy is, what's going on, And she like didn't know that I, you know of all the things and so basically I kind of you know, go into all that, but then it basically, you know, ends up at that where everybody who listens along knows, like what I've been carrying around, okay, and I won't, you know, bore you guys to death. I know I have a tendency

to ramble on, but in a nutshell, i ended in that place with being so like really sharing my resentment with her, like the whole thing with me. My resistance and frustration with like the whole factory thing has been not really about working there. The job is fine, the guys are great, i got a Falcon who you know. I see my making tuna casserole, yeah, like I see Mikey every single day is actually kind of like deluxe really. But I've had this whole other resistance because it's been this big ego death for me. It's like kind of forced me to like face the resentment I've had towards like people in leadership and you know, blah, blah, blah, like kind of like your same, like beef with capitalism, but it's been more in like the posture of like But well, money, but also like just with like leadership, really, and like feeling like not qualified and how am I supposed to, you know, move up in a world where it's like impossible it to move up in a world without like certain privilege? right, and feeling stuck in that and fucking mad? Right, and if you go back and listen to all the episodes of spoolyard gets podcast, you will be able to see the theme of that reoccurring consistently over and over and over and over again from your girl. So one of the things that ran and hit me with out the gate was, you know, we kind of talked about what lights me up and blah, blah, blah and kind of reframing my situation, and she said, well, i'm going to invite you To consider this time as a time for you to learn how to like flip the script and love, like, learn how to love and soften your heart towards these people in these positions. Right, because and I'm like good luck, that's interesting, you know, noted right attitude and she was like you know, and this, this is all going to tie together. I'm trying to think of the best way to like not freak out because I can feel it bubbling within, but she basically told me she's like you cannot fight force and greed with force and greed. Right, like recognizing that, like like there is a fight within me, right, that's worthy, righteous, right, the wanting to, you know, put a spotlight on the people who are unseen, you know that whole thing, like that's worthy. But like I cannot battle force and greed with more force and greed. And I was like, of course, me resisting. In that moment I'm like, well, i'm, how am I greedy? I'm not sitting around with like a vacation home, somewhere that I use once a year. And she was like, well, consider the greed of the ego, the need to be right. And I was like right. And so I was like, yeah, like oh, wherever you go, there you are. And suddenly, okay, it's it kind of, and this is like this all ties together, right, so you're being asked to invite money to sit at your table. I'm being asked to soften my heart, my heart towards those who use force and greed to hurt and retain resources and opportunity from people who deserve it. And so we're both sitting here in these like impossible situations Do you know what I'm saying? And so I was challenged to reframe that and kind of work on that with my slingshot, because wherever it is that I'm headed, that's what's required, right, i can't just choose to only show love and grace and kindness and oneness with people whom I deem are worthy, right? So then, like the very next day and you guys know I've been struggling with this It's been bleeding into all the areas, so not just like the capitalist cog, but then also I'm realizing, oh well, that's cool, i'm sitting around judging everyone everywhere, at all times. You know, like I've had beef with, like you know, and I think that this is a little bit of like unhealed church trauma or whatever But I've had, like some, some frustration dealing with, like you know, what does this mean to have ethics in the spiritual leadership space? Like I've talked about that on this podcast a few times. So it was important for me to talk about this part too. When I got a gentle spanking from the universe because the next day after my slingshot with her and I was kind of like processing this And I mean it was a lot more, but this was the main theme I saw a quote on Instagram that said other people's integrity is none of your business, right, because she basically told me that I don't have to worry about other leaders being in their integrity. Like that's pretty much up to the universe, they can handle it. Right, like, who am I? It'll be like, excuse me, don't you see what's happening over here? Like right, she gently told me. Like you don't have to worry about that, because the people who are meant to be in real leadership are getting their ass kicked into integrity, just like you are right now. And that was my reframe. Right, i needed to hear that, like, the factory in all its glory has also been a great tool in putting me and keeping me in my integrity with humility, right. So the next day I see that quote other people's integrity is none of your business. And I swear to you it's like literally unlocked some like resentment that I've been like holding onto Like so tightly, as like this is all I have. If I let this go, everyone gets away with it. Right, and so now I just like was I know it's exactly what I needed Right, because you asked me how do my sync shots set me up to head up, to retreat? Right, and it was like in finally like releasing that resentment and just accepting that this is like where my life is going, you know, and that I don't have to have weird shame about what qualifications or whatever I have because, like, that really doesn't matter, right, because I'm the one making it an issue. So that's why I keep creating it as an experience. Speaker 2: 33:17 When we, when we were at the retreat to because you and I have had this conversation before like we don't really have we, we couldn't really name any leaders in our space that have that, that are authentic and have integrity and are leading from a place of love, like we just and so we kind of just

like gave up, looking like we just always assume the worst because that's been the experience that we've had, right, and then I think, when we just went up to the point, you actually even turned to me at one point And Krista, jamie and Mariah, krista in particular, who will like well when we do our recap, but she really is the leader that we've been waiting for. Yeah, i'm looking for, absolutely. Speaker 1: 34:06 It was. She's been there all along, yes, but, ok, would you agree that some of these things that we saw with our eyes and took away, and like, when we were debriefing in the car on the drive home, like I would not have been in a position to see and receive had I not been leading up all this stuff to like to that moment, right, so then here's my, here's my full circle. Ok, so we are at retreat And we are in the trenches. Okay, we are people. I mean, every single brave ass woman showed up, fully, every single one. There was not one woman who I felt like was maybe a little on the fence or kind of like held back a little bit, like it happens, right, i understand everybody's comfort level is, you know, it varies, but I feel like everybody just really just leaned in and just like took a huge bite and was just chewing on it the whole time. Together We were really working on something collectively and it was so special, like it was just so intense. And we're talking about all these important things, right, not just like what you'd imagine we talk about at wellness retreats, like, yes, we talk about movement, nutrition, meditation and journaling, all the things, but like deeper, deeper layers of all those things We got into this really intense. You know, conversation about body image And you know it kind of in one in the time where I got to stand. You know, stand and share my story. You know I always say, and I passionately believe this and I believe it to my core And anybody who knows me knows that I believe this. I've said it on this podcast, i've written it in lots of blog posts, like it is one of my personal pillars, okay, and I always say this you cannot hate your body into a body that you will eventually love. Right, when we think about like existing in a body that's like used to exercise and movement and being nourished with really good food, and like making peace with a body that we feel, you know, excited to dress up in certain ways and not ashamed to take pictures in, like we are vibing in our vessel, right, you can't hate yourself into that place, right, and I passionately believe that. I preach that everywhere I go because I've 100% lived it. I've 100% lived it. Nobody can ever take that away from me. I have loved this vessel from one state of being into another, right, so tell me why. Tell me why spirit comes in and hits me with can you love a job, or can you hate your job into a job you will love? Can you hate your money into money you will love. Can you hate your blank into whatever blank you will love? Like it's the same concept, yep, like. Why do I think that that like applies only to like your body and your self-acceptance? Like, do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, like, i'm never gonna like be in a position with, like a job or a career that I am like thriving and loving and in full like alignment with It can't come from a place of hate. Like it has to start with loving the body. Quote unquote. I'm in now, just like I would do coach anybody who I was working with as a client. Like in my 400, whatever pound body. It wasn't ideal, right, it was painful. Like there, it wasn't ideal, right, but like finding ways to be like okay, this body is working for me. You know, after all this abuse all these years, my body still shows up like okay, girl, we got this And baby stepping into, why can't I apply that same thing to my current job or my current whatever? And so that's where. So that's kind of like where my mind was blown right And it's kind of changed everything now. So it's like cause, i mean, i'm not there. Obviously you can't just like flip a switch right, but it was like, you know, when you really start to understand something like this concept of a download, where you feel like oh, oh, something's happening, something's happening, i'm starting to make sense of something that I didn't understand before And I don't really like nobody breathed. I don't want it to disappear, like we just got to let it settle in and take root. That's how I feel right now, like I feel like okay, all right, so obviously I've just had a bad fucking attitude this whole time. Great, great, great guy. Speaker 2: 39:06 Same right. Speaker 1: 39:08 What's our problem? But it's really started to change stuff. Like I felt like a release of keeping you know, keeping almost like unintentional tabs on, like how everyone else. You know that sounds weird, but you know what I mean. This like putting that attention and that judgment was really just mirroring back the judgment I was giving to myself. Right, my integrity is my only business, so like I just have to mind that, right. So that's what. So I'm Mind your business, mind your business, boo. So that, listen. I feel like that's a good stopping point because I like to leave a little teaser for the people. You know what I'm saying. They're going to be pissed, they're going to think they're going to hear all the wild stories, but really, we had us at a stage, you guys, we had to have a little foreplay here. So please forgive us, because we wanted you to know all of our juicy little things first before we share with you next week on the real recap because, listen, it deserves an entire episode. So please, please, come back next week to hear all about it. And we love you so much. And thank you, rachie, thank you for sharing all that. I'm excited for you. Speaker 2: 40:27 Well, thank you for gifting it to me. It helped me prepare for one hell of a weekend. Speaker 1: 40:35 Stay tuned, come on.