התמלול המלא של EP 163: When Parenting Feels Relentless: Easter Survival for ADHD Mums

it's all on your shoulders, then this episode is for you. 00:02:54.560 --> 00:02:57.680 So I want to start by saying something really clearly. 00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:01.199 Parenting a neurodiverse child can be relentless. 00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:04.240 And I do not say things like that lightly. 00:03:04.479 --> 00:03:14.719 It's not just parenting, it's the constant thinking, the anticipating, the advocating, the managing of emotions, theirs and your own. 00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:25.120 It's the emails, the school battles, the appointments, the feeling that you're always one step behind or one step away from the next challenge. 00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:29.840 And what makes it even harder is that most people do not see it. 00:03:30.159 --> 00:03:36.159 They might see a snapshot, maybe a moment, a behavior, but they don't see the full picture. 00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:39.919 And so many of the moms I speak to say the same thing. 00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:42.560 I feel so alone in this. 00:03:43.039 --> 00:03:47.520 And here's the truth: you're not alone, but it certainly can feel that way. 00:03:47.680 --> 00:03:53.759 I know I felt very alone because the depth of what you're carrying is not visible to the outside world. 00:03:54.319 --> 00:03:56.800 I often think of it as an invisible load. 00:03:57.039 --> 00:04:00.800 You're holding so much, but no one can see the weight of it. 00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:06.240 And over time, that takes its toll, not just physically, but emotionally. 00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:10.159 And you start to question yourself Am I doing enough? 00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:11.759 Am I getting this wrong? 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:13.919 Why does this feel so hard? 00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:17.279 And then there is the comparisons that we all make. 00:04:17.600 --> 00:04:24.959 Looking at other families, other children, and wondering why everything feels so much more complicated to you. 00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:32.399 But here's what I want to gently remind you: you're not parenting a typical child in a typical system. 00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:36.000 You're navigating a world that was not designed for your child. 00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:42.480 And that requires a completely different level of energy, awareness, and resilience. 00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:50.000 So as we go into these holidays, I do not want you to add more pressure to yourself. 00:04:50.240 --> 00:04:53.839 I do not want this to become, I need to get this right. 00:04:54.079 --> 00:04:57.199 I need to make this magical, I need to cope better. 00:04:57.519 --> 00:04:59.920 Because that is what so many of us do. 00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:02.959 Instead, I want to offer you a different goal. 00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:06.800 Not perfection, not control, but this. 00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:10.319 Do not lose yourself completely in it. 00:05:10.560 --> 00:05:11.600 That's the goal. 00:05:12.079 --> 00:05:17.120 Because when everything becomes about managing, fixing, holding, you disappear. 00:05:17.279 -->

00:05:18.720 And you matter too. 00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:22.879 You're not just the regulator, the organizer, the advocate. 00:05:23.199 --> 00:05:25.759 You are a person within this. 00:05:26.319 --> 00:05:29.920 So let me give you something as simple to take into this week. 00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:34.319 Not a routine, not a strategy, just one anchor. 00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:40.000 One small moment each day where you come back to yourself. 00:05:40.319 --> 00:05:49.360 It might be a minute of breathing in the bathroom, or dare I say, run yourself a bubble bath and give yourself 15 minutes to yourself. 00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:59.519 Maybe getting up a bit earlier and having a quiet cup of tea before the house wakes up, stepping outside for a five or 10 minute walk by yourself, or longer if you can. 00:05:59.759 --> 00:06:04.160 It doesn't need to be big though to matter, because this is how we refill. 00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:10.800 Not in grand gestures, not in spa weekends away, but in the small, consistent pauses. 00:06:11.120 --> 00:06:15.680 And if everything feels overwhelming, just come back to your breath. 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:26.160 One really grounding breath work that I found really helpful is taking a deep breath in for six, holding it for four, letting it out for six. 00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:31.120 And if you repeat that three times, it activates your parasympathetic system. 00:06:31.519 --> 00:06:36.720 And remind yourself, this is hard and I'm still here doing it. 00:06:36.959 --> 00:06:45.040 And I want you to leave with this it's okay if part of you is looking forward to the holidays and part of you is dreading them. 00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:47.600 Both can exist at the same time. 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:57.680 You are allowed to feel tired, you're allowed to need support, you're allowed to not have all the answers, but you're also doing more than you give yourself credit for. 00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:02.240 Every single day, you are showing up, and that matters. 00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:07.120 So as you go into this week, be gentle with yourself, even in the chaos. 00:07:07.600 --> 00:07:11.439 You still matter and you're not alone in this. 00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:18.399 No, it's not chocolates. 00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:24.800 It's a couple of moments to take for yourself a meditation that I've recorded. 00:07:25.120 --> 00:07:28.560 So if you're driving, please don't listen to this now. 00:07:28.720 --> 00:07:34.160 Um, but rather find a place where you can be quiet and by yourself. 00:07:34.319 --> 00:07:38.560 Um, either lock yourself in the bathroom or maybe lie down on your bed upstairs. 00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:40.399 It takes about seven minutes. 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:49.839 Put in some earbuds, or you can just sit upright as well, with your feet flat on the ground, hands on your thighs, and listen to the meditation. 00:07:50.079 --> 00:07:55.040 I'm also going to include it in the show notes so that you can play it separately from this

podcast. 00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:56.399 I hope you enjoy it. 00:07:56.480 --> 00:08:04.480 It's a place for you to just reflect and be calm and have a space for yourself. 00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:10.240 So find that quiet place and then listen to the following meditation. 00:08:17.279 --> 00:08:22.319 Close your eyes if that feels comfortable, or just soften your gaze. 00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:31.519 Let your shoulders drop, unclench your jaw, and allow your body to be supported by the chair beneath you. 00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:40.799 I want you to take a slow deep breath in through your nose and a long breath out through your mouth. 00:08:42.960 --> 00:08:45.200 And I want you to do that again. 00:08:45.679 --> 00:09:01.759 Deep breath in through your nose, out through your mouth, and one more time in through your nose, out through your mouth. 00:09:03.360 --> 00:09:07.919 Now just begin to notice your breathing without changing it. 00:09:08.799 --> 00:09:13.360 Notice the rise of your chest, the fall of your shoulders. 00:09:14.320 --> 00:09:19.519 You don't need to do this perfectly, just being here is enough. 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:24.159 You are caring a lot. 00:09:25.679 --> 00:09:35.120 The constant thinking, the anticipating, the advocating, the holding it all together. 00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:40.480 Parenting a neurodiverse child can feel relentless. 00:09:41.440 --> 00:09:48.799 And what makes it even harder is that so few people truly understand what your day looks like. 00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:56.080 The decisions, the battles, the exhaustion that no one sees. 00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:03.759 So for just a moment, we're gonna put it down. 00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:10.159 Not fix it, not solve it, just put it down. 00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:22.159 Take a deep breath in, and as you breathe out, imagine placing everything you are carrying beside you. 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:30.159 The school worries, the emails, the what ifs, the guilt. 00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:32.480 Just set it down. 00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:39.679 It will still be there later if you need it, but right now you don't have to hold it. 00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:46.799 Now imagine a place where you feel safe. 00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:51.840 It might be somewhere real or somewhere your mind creates. 00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:55.039 It could be by the sea. 00:10:56.639 --> 00:10:58.240 A quiet room. 00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:01.679 A calm space just for you. 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:05.919 Notice what it feels like to be there. 00:11:06.879 --> 00:11:13.919 The sounds you hear, the temperature, the stillness. 00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:18.720 In this space, there are no demands. 00:11:19.840 --> 00:11:22.879 No one needs anything from you here. 00:11:24.639 --> 00:11:29.360 You are not needed, you are simply allowed to be. 00:12:42.799 --> 00:12:46.000 Not everything, just a little. 00:12:49.440 --> 00:12:54.320 Like your bucket of being gently refilled, one drop at a time. 00:12:55.759 --> 00:13:00.879 A breath, a moment, a pause like this. 00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:03.919 This is how we refill. 00:13:07.039 --> 00:13:11.759 And when you're ready, bring awareness back to your body. 00:13:12.879 --> 00:13:17.759 Notice your feet on the ground, your hands resting where they are. 00:13:19.200 --> 00:13:26.720 Take one deeper breath in and out through the mouth. 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:33.840 Gently wiggle your fingers and your toes. 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:45.600 And when you're ready, softly open your eyes and just notice what feels even slightly different. 00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:54.000 Take a moment and notice how you feel in your body right now. 00:13:55.120 --> 00:13:57.279 There's no right or wrong here. 00:13:58.399 --> 00:14:04.000 If you could describe how you feel now, in what word would that be? 00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:21.919 I hope that was one small moment that you've been able to take today, and one that you can repeat over the holiday season when you need just to get back to being yourself and to let yourself breathe. 00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:26.240 You're doing better than you think you are, and thank you for showing up today. 00:14:26.559 --> 00:14:34.960 If this has been helpful for you, please pass on to any other parents or moms that you know might need a bit of calm in this holiday period. 00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:42.559 Also, please feel free to check out our membership community for ADHD Warrior Moms. 00:14:42.799 --> 00:14:46.320 They're not just ADHD, we have pretty much every neurodiversity in there. 00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:48.240 It's a place where we can support each other. 00:14:48.399 --> 00:14:53.360 I offer weekly group coaching, and um there's links in the show notes to that. 00:14:53.519 --> 00:14:59.600 I'll also put links to this meditation, so if you just want to listen to it on its own, you'll be able to do so. 00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:03.919 Hope you have a nice holiday period ahead. 00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:06.080 And if you don't, that's okay too. 00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:07.600 Take the good with the bad. 00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:08.799 See you next week.