התמלול המלא של Stop Making Excuses And Choose Better Men

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WEBVTT 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:04.559 You know, there's a few things I'm getting tired of hearing from women. 00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:09.919 I've heard women say, Oh, I only stayed in a relationship because of the kids. 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:12.160 I grew up in a broken home. 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:13.919 It's been 21 years. 00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:17.039 I left the relationship and I'm never going back. 00:00:17.679 --> 00:00:25.039 Or even things like, well, you know, I'm not perfect, so I can't expect my partner to be perfect. 00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:33.439 Logically, these things make sense, but ultimately, you have the power to change the direction of your life. 00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:37.759 You cannot get better until you believe you deserve better. 00:00:37.920 --> 00:00:41.840 If you're a woman who recently had a narcissistic breakup, check out the F Then workbook. 00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:48.960 Over the past two years, I've spoken to about a hundred women, and in the workbook, I detail the most common ways women end up in narcissistic relationships. 00:00:49.119 --> 00:00:53.520 If that's something that interests you, you can find a link to the workbook in the description below. 00:00:53.920 --> 00:00:58.479 I'm going to share a story with you that really hits close to home for me. 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:07.760 I was speaking to someone and she informed me that she did stay in her relationship for a long period of time because of the children. 00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:22.799 And I personally have grown up in a pretty healthy household, but I have seen the impact that a negative parent or a negative relationship, how that can affect the children. 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:28.480 When I was 14 years old, I stopped going to my father's house. 00:01:28.719 --> 00:01:32.239 My father had been locked up periodically throughout my childhood. 00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:33.519 He wasn't absent. 00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:35.680 He just was locked up. 00:01:35.920 --> 00:01:41.040 And even from his jail cell, my father was taking care of me financially. 00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:44.959 He had people on the outside that helped take care of business. 00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:53.599 When he got out at the age of 14, I remember weekend after weekend, I would go and spend time at my siblings' house. 00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:55.200 Their mother would pick me up. 00:01:55.359 --> 00:01:56.879 Both our parents grew up with each other. 00:01:56.959 --> 00:01:58.879 They'd known each other since they were in grade school. 00:01:59.040 --> 00:02:03.439 But their mother, my stepmother, would pick me up and I would go spend time with my siblings. 00:02:03.680 --> 00:02:10.879 Well, when my father got back, the effect that he had over the family was extremely negative. 00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:13.680 We used to joke around, we used to play. 00:02:13.840 --> 00:02:14.960 It was a great experience. 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:16.560 I had a great time with my siblings. 00:02:16.639 --> 00:02:19.120 But when he got out, he was toxic. 00:02:19.280 --> 00:02:20.639 He was negative to everybody. 00:02:20.800 --> 00:02:23.039 My siblings, the women he was with. 00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:26.400 And I was observing this at the age of 14. 00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:30.400 And I knew, okay, I'm at the age where I'm becoming a man. 00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:33.520 I'm developing more masculine traits. 00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:44.240 And something within side of me, the God with inside of me, my subconscious, was telling me, if I stay in this environment, I'll never become the person that I want to become. 00:02:44.479 --> 00:02:45.759 My father won't allow it. 00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:48.879 My father won't allow me to build my confidence and my strength. 00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:51.840 So I stopped going over to my siblings' house. 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:54.240 Fast forward to the age of 18. 00:02:54.800 --> 00:03:00.319 My father actually called my mother one night and he asked her, he's like, hey, why doesn't my son want to spend time with me? 00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:06.400 Because throughout those last four years, my father would ask me, Hey, you want to come stay with me for the weekend after a football game? 00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:09.280 He was like, Hey, you want to come home, come over with us and stay with us? 00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:10.800 I would say no every time. 00:03:10.879 --> 00:03:11.840 I said, No, I'm good. 00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:12.400 I'm cool. 00:03:12.560 --> 00:03:14.719 So he reached out to my mom when I was 18. 00:03:14.960 --> 00:03:18.479 He asked her, Why doesn't my son want to spend time with me? 00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:24.240 She knew the answer, but she felt it was best that the two of us speak. 00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:29.039 So my mother hung up the phone with my father, told him to call me. 00:03:29.199 --> 00:03:33.199 My mother walked to my room and she said, Hey, your father's going to give you a call a call. 00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:34.719 And this is what he asked me. 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:36.240 And I said, Why didn't you tell him? 00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:38.400 She said, You should talk to him about it. 00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:40.800 So my father did call me. 00:03:40.960 --> 00:03:42.719 I remember I was on my bed. 00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:47.439 I had my PlayStation controller in my hand, and I was playing John Madden at that time, right? 00:03:47.680 --> 00:03:51.919 So this is around 2006, 2005. 00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:55.680 My father, he asked me, like, hey man, so what's going on? 00:03:55.759 --> 00:03:58.719 You know, you don't ever come and stay with me and wondering what's bothering you. 00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:01.520 And I asked him, Do you really want to know? 00:04:01.919 --> 00:04:03.919 He said, Yeah, I really want to know. 00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:05.520 And I was like, You sure? 00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:07.599 He's like, Yes, I'm sure. 00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:09.759 And I told my father the truth. 00:04:10.000

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--> 00:04:17.040 I told him that I feel like you show out more for the people who don't matter than the people who do matter. 00:04:17.199 --> 00:04:22.800 I feel like you want to get a lot of attention from people and pretend to be someone that you're not. 00:04:23.199 --> 00:04:25.199 And then we suffer from that. 00:04:25.360 --> 00:04:27.439 I didn't like the way that you treated my siblings. 00:04:27.519 --> 00:04:30.160 I don't like the way you speak to the woman that you're seeing. 00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:35.040 And I'm also becoming a man, and I feel like you will get in the way of that. 00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:37.040 He cussed me out. 00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:43.600 I put the phone on the bed, but I can hear him cussing me out as the phone is on the bed and I'm just playing my PlayStation. 00:04:43.839 --> 00:04:48.560 When the phone stopped shaking, I stopped hearing the sounds coming out of the phone. 00:04:48.800 --> 00:04:51.920 I picked it up and he's like, Hello, you hear me? 00:04:52.319 --> 00:04:54.639 I was like, Yeah, I heard you, which I didn't. 00:04:54.879 --> 00:04:56.319 He said, All right, and he hung up. 00:04:56.480 --> 00:04:58.639 A few days later, his my stepmother called me. 00:04:58.720 --> 00:05:01.680 She said, You know your father cried after that conversation. 00:05:03.040 --> 00:05:03.680 He cried. 00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:05.519 So I knew it meant something to him. 00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:06.240 It mattered to him. 00:05:06.399 --> 00:05:14.160 Even though he did not know how to communicate himself in an effective way at that time, I still knew in my heart my father cared. 00:05:14.240 --> 00:05:21.120 And I learned years down the road, years later, after we had another conversation, what was really going on within him. 00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:23.040 You know, and it was a part of my healing. 00:05:23.279 --> 00:05:32.800 With that being said, fast forward years later, I'm speaking to my stepmother, and then she's talking to me about the children, the children that my father spent the most time around. 00:05:32.959 --> 00:05:34.560 And she said, look at your siblings. 00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:39.360 Your siblings that spent time with their father, look at the impact he's had on their life. 00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:42.560 Look at their self-confidence, look at the things that they achieved. 00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:48.079 Basically saying that they didn't achieve much, but you look at his kids that did not grow up under his roof. 00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:49.759 We're all doing well. 00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:52.560 So I say that to say this. 00:05:54.800 --> 00:06:03.279 Staying in an unhealthy, abusive, toxic relationship because of the children, you don't do this because of the children. 00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:08.079 You do this because you don't truly believe you deserve better. 00:06:08.560 --> 00:06:12.959 And you're using this as a as an excuse to not become better. 00:06:13.519 --> 00:06:28.079 I don't know when this happened, but at some point in time, whether it was society, whether it was your family, or just other children, someone gave you an identity. 00:06:28.959 --> 00:06:32.399 And that identity told you that, hey, this is the best that I can do. 00:06:33.439 --> 00:06:35.120 This is what I deserve. 00:06:35.680 --> 00:06:37.199 Maybe you grew up seeing it. 00:06:37.279 --> 00:06:41.040 You grew up seeing toxicity within a relationship. 00:06:41.360 --> 00:06:50.399 Even if you watch relationships on television, you're either going to see a single parent or you're going to see two people arguing all the time. 00:06:50.639 --> 00:06:52.560 A lot of relationships, you have drama. 00:06:52.639 --> 00:06:54.720 That's the whole point of drama, it's entertainment. 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:56.160 But those are our references. 00:06:56.319 --> 00:07:01.439 If we don't see it modeled in our home, we're going to get our idea of a relationship from the media. 00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:06.639 You may have already heard this before in many different ways. 00:07:07.519 --> 00:07:10.000 But ultimately, you have the power to change. 00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:12.959 You are not your mind, you're not your body. 00:07:13.120 --> 00:07:18.079 You own your mind and you own your body, but you need to find out who you really are. 00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:22.160 And the you is your connection with God. 00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:29.839 It's your spirit, it's your subconscious mind, it's your connection to the universe and everything it has to offer. 00:07:30.079 --> 00:07:34.079 A relationship with someone else is not going to make you a happier person. 00:07:34.319 --> 00:07:43.199 If you were to leave your relationship and jump into another one, there's a very good chance you will still attract the same kind of person because you're operating at a certain vibration. 00:07:43.439 --> 00:07:51.199 Claiming your I am, raising your confidence, getting your power is going to help you attract somebody that's a lot healthier. 00:07:51.360 --> 00:07:55.759 Your life isn't changing because you're living in these mental chains. 00:07:56.319 --> 00:07:58.800 You make excuses for your actions. 00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:09.439 You make excuses for their actions, but on a very deep level, you're making these excuses because you don't truly believe that you can change and that you can get something better. 00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:10.560 You know, it's weird. 00:08:10.879 --> 00:08:18.480 A lot of women, they'll get in these bad relationships because they don't want to deal with their own stuff. 00:08:18.800 --> 00:08:24.959 When I was 18, late teens, early 20s, I would intentionally get in relationships I knew were short-term. 00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:30.800 When I really liked a woman and she really liked me, I never invested into that. 00:08:30.959 --> 00:08:34.559 I never dated her, didn't do anything with her because I felt uncomfortable. 00:08:34.720 --> 00:08:39.519 On a very deep level, I didn't

believe I deserved to be loved in that kind of way. 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:42.399 So I dabbled in short-term relationships. 00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:45.919 And in some way, shape, or form, you're doing the same thing. 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:50.960 You're spending time with men you know who need help. 00:08:51.200 --> 00:08:52.720 You know they're broken. 00:08:52.879 --> 00:08:57.519 You know they're chaotic, but you've become comfortable in chaos. 00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:01.919 You know there's things that you need to work on within yourself personally. 00:09:02.799 --> 00:09:10.080 But instead of working on your own stuff, you invest into another person who has junk that they haven't dealt with. 00:09:10.240 --> 00:09:18.720 And this becomes your excuse and your distraction from healing, from doing the work that you really need to do to change your life and your relationships. 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:20.559 These are only excuses. 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:29.440 Another thing that I commonly hear is I'm just waiting on God to find me a man, to bring the right man into my life. 00:09:29.840 --> 00:09:32.399 God is not going to save you. 00:09:33.039 --> 00:09:34.879 You have to save you. 00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:41.279 God gave you all the tools that you need to live a prosperous life. 00:09:42.559 --> 00:09:48.639 There are people who are in better conditions, but I promise you, everybody has trials in life. 00:09:48.799 --> 00:09:53.919 And those trials that we experience are there to help us grow. 00:09:55.840 --> 00:10:01.759 God's intention is not for you to be somebody else's punching bag, to live life on a lower level. 00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:07.200 Think of it like this a part of God exists in each and every one of us. 00:10:07.919 --> 00:10:15.919 You have an ocean that's at one size, you have a lake that's at another size, and you have a cup of water that fits at another size, right? 00:10:17.200 --> 00:10:20.720 All three of those have components of water. 00:10:21.200 --> 00:10:27.360 The same components of water, the same components in that cup are the same components that are in that lake. 00:10:27.600 --> 00:10:30.720 It's the same components in that lake are the same components in that ocean. 00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:35.440 And it works the same way with our connection to source energy. 00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:41.759 God created the universe, the planets, the trees, everything around you. 00:10:41.919 --> 00:10:46.559 But we also have that same source energy that allows us to create. 00:10:46.879 --> 00:10:48.720 God isn't going to create for us. 00:10:49.039 --> 00:10:54.879 God gives us the opportunity to build a relationship with Him. 00:10:55.759 --> 00:11:04.639 And you build a better relationship with God by building a relationship with that God energy within you, listening to it, living from it, and walking in it. 00:11:04.799 --> 00:11:06.720 There's no reason for you to be fearful. 00:11:06.879 --> 00:11:08.639 There's no reason for

you to have anxiety. 00:11:08.799 --> 00:11:12.000 You have to walk as if God is walking right beside you. 00:11:12.159 --> 00:11:14.480 You don't need anybody else's approval. 00:11:14.639 --> 00:11:18.960 You don't need men in your life to make you feel like you're valuable. 00:11:19.360 --> 00:11:21.519 Value comes from the inside. 00:11:21.759 --> 00:11:28.159 And once you understand that, you'll no longer be in these relationships where you need somebody to fill a void for you. 00:11:28.399 --> 00:11:31.360 You attract somebody else who is whole because you're whole. 00:11:31.519 --> 00:11:33.679 You have to make the decision to change your mind. 00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:36.080 You have to make the decision to change your mind. 00:11:36.399 --> 00:11:37.759 I had to do it. 00:11:38.000 --> 00:11:42.879 I'm actually, I didn't even expect myself to be in this position 10 years ago. 00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:48.159 But you have to take those first steps to actually change your outcome. 00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:53.039 Your inputs affect your outputs. 00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:54.799 What does that mean? 00:11:55.200 --> 00:12:15.120 That means what you're watching, what you're listening to, the books you're reading, if you're reading books, everything that you're receptive to is going to have a direct impact on who you become, who you are, your I am. 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:22.799 If you're unhappy with the type of relationships that you've been in, the people that you're attracting, take a break. 00:12:23.039 --> 00:12:28.960 If you find yourself dealing with these narcissistic men, the only thing they have in common is you. 00:12:30.240 --> 00:12:37.200 So what you really have to find out is what is it that you're doing that's attracting these kinds of men? 00:12:37.440 --> 00:12:42.080 What is it that you're doing that makes you receptive to these types of men? 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:49.919 Because if it happened more than once, there's definitely something within you that likes these men. 00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:54.320 One thing I commonly see is that these women are love-bombed. 00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:56.080 So maybe you've been love-bombed. 00:12:56.320 --> 00:13:00.399 Maybe for you to feel good about yourself, you need male attention and validation. 00:13:00.639 --> 00:13:10.799 So the type of man who is insecure and needs that attention and validation as well, he's going to be texting you all the time because he doesn't have anything else going on. 00:13:10.960 --> 00:13:14.639 He's going to become whoever you need him to become. 00:13:14.879 --> 00:13:23.519 Because in the most cases, a lot of cases, people have a vision of the type of relationship that they want and they start to visualize the relationship with this person. 00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:29.279 And that person will sense that and they'll become the person they believe they need to be to make that relationship work. 00:13:29.519 --> 00:13:31.840 Maybe you're sleeping with people too fast.

00:13:32.799 --> 00:13:35.519 These are the types of questions that you need to ask yourself. 00:13:35.679 --> 00:13:38.320 What kind of relationship did you see modeled growing up? 00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:42.720 What obvious toxic traits are you bringing to the relationship? 00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:45.039 Are you verbally and mentally abusive? 00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:46.480 Are you manipulative? 00:13:46.799 --> 00:13:49.679 I had a conversation with a woman. 00:13:49.919 --> 00:13:56.399 She told me that the guy she was with, things started off great. 00:13:57.039 --> 00:14:01.919 Text her multiple times a day, saw each other at least twice a week. 00:14:02.399 --> 00:14:09.600 Things were cool for the first few months, but then after three to four months, it got very toxic, abusive. 00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:19.519 He accused her of the things that he was doing, basic narcissistic traits, lying, being very verbally harsh to her. 00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:23.360 And she didn't understand why it happened. 00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:25.840 The relationship ultimately fell apart. 00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:31.600 But there's something in her that is on the same vibration as this person. 00:14:32.399 --> 00:14:39.120 Now, I've had a few, actually three women so far, reach out to me about their businesses. 00:14:40.399 --> 00:14:57.919 Rather than reach out to me directly and send me an email saying that they wanted to talk about business, they went to my link, the link that I use for people to schedule meetings for my program, and they use that link to show up to basically promote their business. 00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:02.960 So when I jump on the call, I'm expecting a conversation about the Choose Better Method program. 00:15:03.279 --> 00:15:04.879 Instead, we're talking about their business. 00:15:05.039 --> 00:15:07.120 That's a very subtle sign of manipulation. 00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:09.200 I bet it's completely unconscious. 00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:15.200 My point is this that there's things that you're doing that are in your everyday life. 00:15:15.279 --> 00:15:21.679 It may not even be related to a relationship where you're showing up dishonestly, where you're being manipulative. 00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:26.720 And somewhere in your life, you're vibrating on that same level as that guy is. 00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:28.879 You need to figure out what that is exactly. 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:29.759 Are you lying? 00:15:29.919 --> 00:15:32.399 Do you lie in different situations outside of a relationship? 00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:36.159 Maybe you lie within the relationship, but do you lie outside of it? 00:15:36.399 --> 00:15:40.080 You have to be honest with yourself and you have to want to change. 00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:43.679 Most people, period, do not want to change. 00:15:43.759 --> 00:15:47.440 They want to change their outcome, but they don't want to change their actions. 00:15:47.679 --> 00:15:49.519 And it doesn't work that way. 00:15:50.240 --> 00:16:01.840

You can't, if you want to play a classical piece on a piano, you're going to have to do the work to develop the skills to play that classical piece on the piano. 00:16:02.080 --> 00:16:05.759 See, a lot of you, you just want to play the cat classical piece. 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:16.159 You don't want to do the work that involves finger place placement, chord progression, understanding the keys, feeling the music. 00:16:16.399 --> 00:16:20.080 You have to feel, you have to be on the same vibration. 00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:26.480 You have to feel and be in tuned with a certain type of person in order to attract that person. 00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:29.759 If you don't do that, it will never happen in your life. 00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:35.200 There's another thing I want to go over with you, something called the, it's called hypnotic rhythm. 00:16:35.519 --> 00:16:38.720 I got this phrase from the book, Outwitting the Devil. 00:16:39.039 --> 00:16:45.919 Hypnotic So the way hypnotic rhythm works is that there's a certain way in life that we naturally operate. 00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:57.200 You can expect as that that could be in the sign of maybe you had a relationship where you can time how long things will go well, how long things will go bad, how long things will go well right before they go bad. 00:16:57.279 --> 00:17:00.879 It's like we all we automatically have a rhythm to our life. 00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:03.279 What we eat, how often we work out. 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:06.240 There's things that we do on an automatic process. 00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:14.559 And you need to get control of your hypnotic rhythm, your unconscious, automatic processes. 00:17:14.960 --> 00:17:22.079 And the only way you can do that, you have to make the conscious decision that you want to have a different outcome in your life. 00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:29.440 You have to fill your mind with the images of what you want your life to look like, what you want your relationship to look like. 00:17:29.599 --> 00:17:30.960 How does that person feel? 00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:32.799 How do they wake up in the morning? 00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:34.400 What is their hobbies like? 00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:35.599 What do they look like? 00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:38.720 And you have to think about that every day. 00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:42.640 Make sure you do it before you sleep, make sure you do it when you wake up. 00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:47.200 You have to become that person, become the person that you want to attract. 00:17:47.599 --> 00:17:50.799 Once you've done that, it's going to change your vibration. 00:17:50.960 --> 00:17:56.079 It's going to change your hypnotic rhythm, and it'll be a part of your everyday process. 00:17:56.319 --> 00:17:58.559 You have to want better for your life. 00:17:59.119 --> 00:18:01.599 I have conversations with people, they just want a vent. 00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:04.799 Nobody's trying to really invest into their self-improvement. 00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:12.720 You invest into your career, you invest into your education, but you don't invest into your spiritual health. 00:18:13.039 --> 00:18:19.119 The most important relationship you'll ever have in your life is not the relationship with another man, it's a relationship with yourself. 00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:21.759 Anyways, I'm Coach Jeron Brown. 00:18:22.079 --> 00:18:22.960 Leave a comment. 00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:24.720 I'd like to hear your thoughts. 00:18:24.960 --> 00:18:26.559 I'll catch you next time. 00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:27.680 Peace.

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