התמלול המלא של How Postpartum Depression Reshaped Me with Lauren Walsh

raise you. And then my son came along, and it's changed me in a way that I don't know that any of my work. Lauren Walsh [00:03:09]: And listen, I've had really big jobs and really big titles, and I've worked with the biggest name celebrities and music artists in the game. However, there will not be a single piece of work that will ever compare to what I do in motherhood and the way that I raise my children. And I always say that if the. At the end of the day, if what I do is raise two humans who are the best versions of themselves, and what I instill in them allows them to go out in the world and make an impact, their impact can be a million times greater than anything that I ever leave behind. And so it has changed my life. It has changed my perspective on everything, and it has 100% made me not just a better person, but honestly, a better version of myself. Because I think when you have something that's rooted so much deeper, you know, and my why is truly to get up every single day and leverage my story to impact other people. Because my story of becoming a mother, which also included some really, really hard times, I had debilitating postpartum depression after my son. Lauren Walsh [00:04:17]: I mean, every single day I can still remember now, it almost feels like when I say this, when I'm about to say out loud, it almost feels like I'm watching it as a movie. But I could put myself back in the car, driving my kids to school. And I'm gripping with two hands, I'm gripping that steering wheel because the voices in my head are telling me to drive off the side of the road. And I remember, I would be like, okay, we can do this. Just, like, put something on, call someone, put on a song, and just get to school. We can do this. And every single day for months, I had to battle through that and go through that. And I always say my son, in that time, saved my life because he would cry. Lauren Walsh [00:04:59]: And, you know, I love my kids. So even though I was like, the last thing I want to do is get out of bed right now, I am a source of nutrition, and I need to get up and feed him because this is bigger than me. And the added layer of resilience started then. And then it, you know, just kept getting tested and tested from there on out, because then my son, a little bit before he was 2. All of a sudden he stops eating solid foods and all he wants are smoothies. And he couldn't quite talk at the time, but he, you know, he would point to things and do that. And I remember, I was like, what's going on? And I kept going to the doctor and kept going. And she's like, it's just a phase, don't worry. Lauren Walsh [00:05:41]: I'm like, this is not a phase. My kid is not the same kid. And I had to fight these doctors so hard. Listen, I'm someone who's already very convicted. I'm someone who already believes in advocating for yourself. But then when you have to advocate for a child who can't even speak and doesn't have the words, that takes it to another level. So I'm in there like fighting with these doctors. I'm ordering tests. Lauren Walsh [00:06:05]: They're like, but your insurance doesn't cover it. I don't care. Send me the mail. Like, do you think I care? You know, we need to get these blood tests. And then to get to the point where, you know my hunch. And I'll tell you, it's totally that motherly gut instinct. And my instinct was right. And we ended up in the er and he had a cyst the size of a golf ball that was literally pushing on everything and he could hardly breathe. Lauren Walsh [00:06:28]: And like within 12 hours of that happening, you know, they're cutting them open, taking it out. Then there was another surgery, like this intense five hour surgery. And again, like through all of that, it also then gave me again this other perspective of what really matters. Like, I went through a major reflective point because I had a huge, huge campaign with my work launch at the same time that all this was happening. And I'll never forget, I was supposed to be in LA and the night before we ended up going to the er. I still remember I gave him a bath, I put him to bed. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, I can feel it in my gut. I'm like, you can't go. Lauren Walsh [00:07:09]: Like, you cannot get on that plane tomorrow. And I remember texting my boss and I said, listen, this may sound crazy, I know this is like the biggest thing and we have been working on this and I'm point on this, like for the last couple of months. But I said, I will not forgive myself if I get on a plane tomorrow and fly to LA to launch this project and something happens to him. I will never forgive myself. And she was like, all good, I understand. We have enough people, like, we'll figure it out. And literally the next day, you know, we're in the hospital then for the next two weeks. So I just think, of course, with motherhood comes resiliency, and you gotta figure out, you know, the time, the work, life, balance, and all the things, but forget all of that. Lauren Walsh [00:07:54]: The version of myself and who I am and who you all are meeting today versus who I was before is a completely different, more enhanced version and someone with a greater purpose and someone who, again, takes so much pride in what goes on in my household and the way that my kids act and the little humans that I'm creating. Because at the end of the day, again, like, there's nothing that I could do that will compare to instilling the right values and systems in them to allow them to go out and enter into this crazy world that we live in. Erika Hanafin [00:08:32]: Wow. I mean, oh, my gosh, Lauren, like, the tears, the goosebumps, all the feels are coming through. You're so true. We've had, as you know, Kanika Chattagupta on our thing. She calls that gut, like your mom sense. Like, trust your mom sense. And it's so incredible that as mothers, we have that innate mom sense and in. In ourselves that we never thought we had. Erika Hanafin

[00:08:57]: I wonder you if we can double click into your postpartum depression. You mentioned that. I know you've openly discussed experiencing that. What was that like for you? Tell us about what you did in your healing to get you through that season of your life. Lauren Walsh [00:09:17]: I could talk about this all day. And this is. This is also a big proponent of a lot of the work that I'm focused on now because I'll never forget. So I had my son September 2020. Not only am I battling my own postpartum depression, but we're in literally the midst of a global pandemic. Obviously, mental health and mental wellness is, I mean, shooting through the roof. Depression, all the things. And we're experiencing it as a collective. Lauren Walsh [00:09:44]: But also on top of that, then I have this feeling and the hardest part of that process was that nobody believed me. And I remember for the first couple of months now, mind you, coming into this second pregnancy, I was determined, okay? I already had a meditation practice. I worked out. I did yoga, I journaled. I had a therapist. I did all the things. I was married, you know, like, we weren't married the first time around. We got married after we had our daughters. Lauren Walsh [00:10:16]: So I was like, oh, I got this. We have everything. And then a couple of days, couple weeks, I was like, ooh, I am not okay, because I also was more in tune with my body, and I knew I wasn't okay. Finally, a couple months in is when I'm attempting to kind of go back into this new life, you know, of work. And now schools are slowly starting to open up, and different things are happening where we can get out. I can get out of the house. And that's when it was like, oh, my gosh. Like, this is not okay. Lauren Walsh [00:10:46]: What's happening inside my head is not okay. And the hardest part that I think a lot of women go through is that for me, I was someone who, on the outside, I mean, I had this amazing company, and I'm working with athletes and celebrities, and one of my clients just wrote this New York Times bestselling book. And then on the inside, I'm like, I can't even function, you know? And I remember Googling. I sat down. I remember it was the night before my birthday, and I sat at my computer, and for the first time, I googled postpartum depression. And I remember sitting at the computer just, like, crying by myself. Like, I'm just. Both my kids are sleeping. Lauren Walsh [00:11:24]: My husband at the time was traveling. He was always traveling for work. He's not there. I'm by myself, and I'm reading these articles, and I'm like, oh, my gosh. I'm crying for two things. One, I'm just straight up depressed and so sad. But two, I was like, oh, my gosh, this is what it is. It was, like, relief of, like, you're not alone. Lauren Walsh [00:11:43]: And immediately, I start copying pasting all these articles, and I'm sending them to my family. I'm sending them to my husband. And I told them, I don't know how to

completely articulate what's happening. All I know is that I'm not okay. But I think some of these articles will help you understand what's happening. And so I started sending these articles, and no one's getting it. I'm thinking, like, the alarm's going to go off, and people are going to show up in my door, fly in. I don't know nothing. Lauren Walsh [00:12:13]: And so then I'm like, well, let me take it a step further. Let me find some articles that husbands have written about their wives who've taken their lives. And I take these because I'm like, this is really serious. I'm really not okay. I started sending those again. Nothing. I think the hardest part was, like, one, I had called attention to it. I knew deep down. Lauren Walsh [00:12:34]: And listen, I am such an independent woman, but I knew That I couldn't do this on my own. And it was really confusing because the people I wanted to help me and this is not their fault. I don't hold it against them. They couldn't understand. They literally couldn't wrap their minds around what I was going through. Not to mention everyone's also going through their own something because it is still the pandemic. There's still things going on. I then eventually I made an appointment. Lauren Walsh [00:13:02]: I go in. I remember I was so annoyed because she opened up her computer and she starts asking me these questions and I'm like, wait, what's going on? She's like, oh, I have this survey. I'm like, wait, your survey? You're going to type in my answers and then your multiple choice survey is going to tell you whether or not I have this. I'm like, we go through it. She's like, okay, based on your answers, you're here and you know you're eligible for medication and you can do this and that. And I was like, okay, whatever. I was like, no one's understanding what's going on. I'm by myself. Lauren Walsh [00:13:30]: I'm on an island trying to take care of these kids, trying to take care of myself, trying to run a company, pay the bills, just give me whatever, whatever you can do. I want to take it. So she prescribes me this antidepressant and she's like, keep talking to your therapist. Keep doing this. And I remember going home that night and I'm. I'm someone, listen, I love modern medicine. Modern medicine saved my son's life multiple times. Literally saved his life, has saved so many members of my family. Lauren Walsh [00:13:55]: However, I don't even take Advil. I don't take anything. I just don't. And so when she gave it to me, I was like, I don't want to take this, but I also don't know what else to do. And I remember that night, I sat down, I read the whole pamphlet. I'm like, why does the number one side effect increase suicidal thoughts when I already have these? I was like, this doesn't make sense. But anyways, I said, you know what? I'm just. I'm going to pray so hard. Lauren Walsh [00:14:17]: I'm going to take it before bed. I'm going to pray. And depending on how I wake up in the morning, I will

know whether or not this is the right move for me. And I woke up the next day and I felt so sick. Sick, like physically sick. My body was rejecting this thing. And so now I wasn't Just battling with the mental side. Now I'm physically sick the whole day. Lauren Walsh [00:14:39]: And I'm like, okay, well, there's my answer. And I remember some people around me were very upset with me because they were like, no, this is what you need to do. I was like, no, first of all, you didn't want to help me. I tried to help myself. This is not the right answer. My body's saying no. So I'm going to go on this journey and I'm going to figure it out. And I committed so hard. Lauren Walsh [00:14:59]: This is where I got really good at being productive. I figured out how to get all of the work I needed to get done in my day. I don't maybe two, three hours. I spent every other waking minute that I wasn't feeding my son or taking care of my daughter. Focus on myself. I tried every modality you can. Meeting, sound, healing, different kinds of yoga, journaling. I would do these sessions where I would, like, write out the thoughts in my head on a piece of paper. Lauren Walsh [00:15:24]: And then I would burn it, like, physically would, like, light a fire in the backyard in our fire pit, and, like, watch it burn. And would visually be like, those thoughts are gone. Like, you're done. You're out of my head. You're gone. We're burning you. And I just kept doing these things. Working with my therapist, she knew. Lauren Walsh [00:15:39]: I'm like, listen, I need you on board for this. I'm gonna have to talk to you more than I was before. And I told her, I said, listen, I know I have regular suicidal thoughts, but I am someone who is so mentally strong. I was like, I'm not worried about anything actually happening or anything actually happening to my kids. I just have to figure out how to talk back to these thoughts and be able to move on from them. So it was a combination of all the things. Like I said, working out, therapy, mindfulness meditation, also really, really focusing on regulating my hormones. There are so many foods, teas, the time of day that you eat, like, eating at the same time every single day to help regulate your cortisol levels and regulate your hormones. Lauren Walsh [00:16:23]: And these are all things that you can simply find on the Internet. I had to simply sit down because I also couldn't go hire, like, a nutritionist, a trainer, all these things. So I literally researched all these things on my own. Would just take all these notes, and then I would test them. I'd try to figure out, okay, let me try Ashwagandha. Let me see if it makes me feel better. You know, let me try upping My vitamin B's, it was all, you know, natural things. And I was so committed to it. Lauren Walsh [00:16:49]: But also, I'll never forget this. And if anyone goes through this, there's other options. I remember signing up for this support group, and it was through the hospital where I'd given birth. And I remember showing up to this, and I was so mad because, one, no one turned their camera on, just me. I'm like, come on, if we're not going to meet in person, can we at least see each other? Because we're sick, sitting at home all just depressed by ourselves with our kids. Number two, they let everyone go around the room and share what was going on. And then the call ended. Not once did anyone offer. Lauren Walsh [00:17:22]: Here is something that you could try to do today. Hey, maybe you should go outside and go for a walk. Hey, have you ever heard of breathwork? Do you know how to meditate? Hey, here's an app. Do a free five minute meditation. I remember emailing the lady after. I was like, first of all, very disappointed in you. There's no camera. Second of all, why aren't you offering advice to these women? You know, like, this is just crazy. Lauren Walsh [00:17:46]: And I realized that there's just not. And if anyone has it and you hear me on here, like, please send me the resources. But there really are not a lot of positive resources to help women as they're going through the process. And I still think that there's totally this stigma that if you've gone through it or you're depressed that you're weak and you can't handle all these things. But for me, it changed me in so many ways, obviously, you know, making me more resilient, but made me so much more in tune with my body and healing my body through all the things that I call it now, my secret sabbatical. Because I say I went on sabbatical without having to, like, completely leave my life, like, every day. And still every day was my sabbatical. But the practices that I instilled in my life, I still do to this day. Lauren Walsh [00:18:36]: I just do them in different ways. But it was really building up my toolkit to be able to help myself. Because I think the biggest thing that I realized, and this goes for so many things in life, is that really nobody's coming to save you. And I think that yes, there are doctors and yes, friends, family, spouses, all these people, but no one can get inside our head or get inside our body. And so even if someone comes from the outside and really tries to come in and help us. I really think that the more that we can turn inward, I think the more that we can get in tune with ourselves. And I also think going through something like this, I also had to really take a big step back and ask myself, was it only postpartum depression? Was it only the hormone imbalance? And the answer is no. I was also in a really toxic marriage. Lauren Walsh [00:19:31]: I was in a really bad situation. I had zero work life balance. I had some clients that were not in alignment with my values. And at the time, I wasn't saying at the time it was like postpartum depression, like that's what it is. I just had a baby, so I have to fit in this little box. But I also think that when we go through things, it's a good time to step back and also say,

well, hold on, are there other things? Are there traumas? Are there different things that we have been pushing down and finally everything has come to a head. And obviously I'm not a doctor, you know, disclaimer, but that was another big revelation for me too, was coming to terms with the fact that yes, that was happening, but there were all some other other things that I had to deal with. And I will tell you, I don't know that I would have faced them head on had I had a medication that was also helping because the medication would have been treating a lot of my symptoms. Lauren Walsh [00:20:25]: And I don't know if I would have gone as deep on some of the other issues that I really, really needed to deal with. Erika Hanafin [00:20:34]: Hi, it's Erika and Amri from Leaning Into Being. And we know growing a tiny human is no small feat, which is why. Amri Kibbler [00:20:40]: We partnered with our friends at Motherhood Maternity because. Because every mama deserves to feel held, seen and yes, confit. Erika Hanafin [00:20:48]: From belly to baby and beyond, their pieces move with you so you can focus on what matters most. Being present. Amri Kibbler [00:20:55]: You can shop their Latest looks at KohlsCohls.com, amazon, Babies R Us Canada and Motherhood.com Be you, be present. Erika Hanafin [00:21:04]: Just be Erika. Amri Kibbler [00:21:07]: How hard is it to create content while running a company? Erika Hanafin [00:21:09]: Let's be real, Amri. It's really hard. You've got the ideas, but turning them into consistent, strategic content, that's a whole other job. Amri Kibbler [00:21:17]: Enter the Content Catalyst from Share Your Genius. In just one 90 minute session, they help you turn your ideas into three months of high impact content. Videos, articles, social posts and more. Erika Hanafin [00:21:27]: We use them, we love them. And this is your sign to finally get your content off the vision board. Reach out and tell them we sent You. Amri Kibbler [00:21:36]: Wow. Oh my gosh, what an incredible journey of self discovery, self reflection, growth. I mean, you were literally like clawing up the mountain by yourself and figuring all of this out. You learn to trust your intuition and like, coming out of a time when you were feeling so overwhelmed and just so many things. I don't even know what to say besides, wow, it's just so inspiring and incredible and powerful and motivating. I mean, for any woman who is facing any of those challenges and feelings of mental health issues and depression and all of that. I went through a period of really bad postpartum anxiety and, you know, I didn't figure out what it was until like years later when I was like, oh, because you're so in the midst of all of that angst and feeling and like, you can't articulate what it is that you're feeling and why you're not feeling good. And it just seems like the lights have dimmed on everything and you're, you're just like scared and angry and tired and all of those things

all at once. Amri Kibbler [00:22:50]: So kudos to you. Like, I can't imagine trying to do all of that on my own. And I'm going to ask you this question that we ask everyone, but you just talk through so many different modalities and things that you tried and tested in all these things. We like to talk about your place of being, of being in your authentic self through all of your self discovery and the work that you did, where did you find that your real place of center and your place of being really is. Lauren Walsh [00:23:17]: It is being okay to just be with myself. So I was scared to be alone for so long and I was scared to turn inward because I didn't like what was coming up and I didn't like what my head had to say about things. And so now I will say that truly finding that sense of being is that I have become friends with myself. I have also gone back and done some work on healing the past versions of myself and I've also grieved those versions of myself that have had to die, you know, and are no longer here. Erika Hanafin [00:24:03]: I think it's so inspirational for our listeners to hear what you're saying and your experience and more so that connection that sometimes, like, you don't have to do motherhood in isolation. You're not going through this alone. And as you said, even though you felt like you were going alone, like, how, how important has community been for you to mitigate some of that loneliness? Lauren Walsh [00:24:32]: Yeah. I mean, it's been everything and also it's been being really intentional with who that community is. And it's also been being open. You know, that's my thing too, is I'll strike up a conversation, I mean, with anyone, whether it's the person, you know, saying hi and actually intentionally asking, how are you? To the person at the grocery store, you know, because I just think about myself and we never know where someone is in their journey. We never know how lonely they are and we never know what they're battling. We never know what they may want to go home that night and do, you know, to themselves. And so for me, I take every single opportunity as a chance to connect with people because one, it really fills me up to have real, deep, genuine connections. Those are really my best people to this day. Lauren Walsh [00:25:24]: And that's also. I will tell you how I have found a lot of success in the work that I do, because I don't go into anything just to get something out of someone. Even if I'm working on a brand deal and I'm pitching, I will get on a zoom and genuinely say, tell me about yourself. You know, like, let's find a way to connect. And whether it's motherhood or we talk about postpartum depression or different things that have come up and it has become something where I'm very intentional about making the time, you know, for the people that need to and just checking on my people. I think when someone texts me and is like, you're on my mind, I'm like, that means the world to me. And the fact

that you followed through with your gut and texted me, it's been everything. And I'm also constantly, I think, evolving it. Lauren Walsh [00:26:11]: I have this beautiful, beautiful community near and far. And I'm also always, again, like, whether it's meeting a new mom friend at school, there's something also always open to new opportunities with that as well. Amri Kibbler [00:26:25]: Lauren, you've had an incredible career in a male dominated field. Talk to us a little bit about, like, what it's been like to juggle all of that while you're facing these challenges in this male dominated field. I know that you are really a powerful advocate for being authentic in your work as well. Like, how are you combining all of these things that you're learning internally into the woman that you are when you're stepping into the workplace. Lauren Walsh [00:26:54]: I think the biggest thing for me that I did not have early on is that getting to know myself, from the high highs to the low lows and the flaws and everything in between. And as I mentioned, Becoming friends with myself, that has given me this added level of confidence that I don't mind walking into a room where I am the only female and being able to say, what you see is what you get. And at the same time, I also understand that not everybody is going to like that. And there are people who don't like that. There are people in the industry who don't love that I'm vulnerable or share certain things, or it's a big joke of like, which is why you need to put it on her Instagram, you know, and it's like, that's okay. We don't have to be friends also to be able to do business together. So I think that's the biggest thing. I used to try to show up as versions of myself that I thought those individuals needed or wanted me to be. Lauren Walsh [00:27:48]: And when I did that, not only was I inauthentic, but I lost my sense of self. Because trying to be something that you're not is really, really exhausting, especially when you're also trying to raise children and keep yourself in check. Like, I don't even have the time anymore to be versions of myself. But I will say that now it's at the point where it's just accepting not everyone's going to like it. And it really, really has given me that added layer of confidence where I know who I am, I know what I'm good at, I know what I'm not good at, and I also know what rooms that I want to be in. And I know that there are now rooms and even tables to sit at. That, to be honest, even if I got invited, I probably wouldn't even show up to these days. Erika Hanafin [00:28:33]: You've definitely accomplished so much. I can't believe we're already almost at time. I could just continue this conversation for hours with you. We kind of talked about what's on the horizon before we came on. Tell us about what you're working on personally and professionally. What's upcoming for you, and what are you most excited about? Lauren Walsh [00:28:54]: Yeah, so I think personally

I'm trying to undo three years of corporate life, of being an executive in the entertainment industry. But at the same time, I'm very excited to be able to continue a lot of my work in branding and marketing, particularly with businesses. I have some amazing consulting clients that I'm working with now. And probably the two things that I'm most excited about for next year is that I have a Pilates studio that will be opening in the next three to four months. Just get certified. But doing Things the way I do, it always is. I'm also opening a studio in a few months and then I've also started the process to write and publish my first book. Amri Kibbler [00:29:37]: Oh, my gosh. So excited for all of those things. We have one last question that we always ask and it's what's one moment that you can't believe you survived or you're still laughing about? You may have shared what you can't believe you survived? I feel like, is there something that, like some crazy moment, it could be a motherhood moment that you're still kind of laughing about, like, oh, my gosh. Lauren Walsh [00:30:01]: I think one thing that now I laugh about is that I had. Speaking of, like, being a female in a male dominated industry, I had one of the most awkward encounters with these sports agents years and years ago. I had just had. My daughter was so lost in who I was and I was in this meeting with them. They're asking me these basic questions like, oh, how old is your daughter and where do you live and what's your husband do? And all these things. And it was like I had moved back in with my parents when I got pregnant. We weren't married, you know, all these things. And I froze. Lauren Walsh [00:30:36]: I couldn't even have a conversation with these guys. And it's like so weird because that's just not who I am, my personality. But it also goes to show that I just was so lost. But the reason it's so funny is because then fast forward a couple years later, I end up like running into this guy one night, it was at the the NBA combiner running into him and I'm like, oh, you remember me? He's like, how could I forget you? He's like, everybody in the whole office still talks about that because, mind you, I didn't land their business. Okay. He was like, everybody still talks about how that was like the most awkward encounter and we were so excited about you and what you had to present. And then it became this thing that, like, we became friends and you know, like, we laughed about it later, but yeah, at the time it was so awkward. Erika Hanafin [00:31:18]: Well, Lauren, thank you so much for sharing your story, for making the time to be with Amri and I and our listeners. We wish you all the best and can't wait to celebrate all the successes that you have ahead. Amri Kibbler [00:31:32]: And thank you for being so vulnerable and open and sharing everything with us. We adore you. Lauren Walsh [00:31:38]: Oh, thank you. I really don't know how else to be anymore, so this is how it is, but thank you guys so much. I really, really appreciate this opportunity. Erika Hanafin [00:31:48]: Mama, you are doing enough. You are enough. Amri Kibbler [00:31:52]: So take a breath, lean in and just be. Erika Hanafin [00:31:55]: Be you. Amri Kibbler [00:31:56]: Be present. Erika Hanafin [00:31:57]: Just be.