התמלול המלא של Benchmarks are BS

00:04:44.029 My life is not about accumulating stuff. 00:04:44.338 --> 00:04:47.959 It's about making intentional choices about the kind of life I want to have. 00:04:48.620 --> 00:04:49.889 That's the ideal life. 00:04:49.918 --> 00:04:51.889 That's the vida más chévere. 00:04:51.889 --> 00:05:03.899 Making intentional choices about the kind of life you want to have and recognizing that not all of those choices are life sentences, just to get back to what we said in the last episode, because they're not. 00:05:04.369 --> 00:05:06.730 Decisions are not life sentences. 00:05:06.740 --> 00:05:08.319 You can change your mind. 00:05:09.389 --> 00:05:13.338 But if you want to design your best life, you need to know what works for you. 00:05:13.658 --> 00:05:15.990 Not for your best friend, not for your frenemies. 00:05:16.420 --> 00:05:17.588 For you. 00:05:19.319 --> 00:05:24.759 For example, and speaking to keeping up with the Joneses, these kids know we only have one car. 00:05:25.178 --> 00:05:29.319 That's right, living in Greater LA, we only have one car that we share. 00:05:29.369 --> 00:05:31.939 It's also over 13, 14 years old? 00:05:31.939 --> 00:05:33.220 I don't even know. 00:05:33.608 --> 00:05:35.910 And yes, that's the privilege of working from home. 00:05:36.970 --> 00:05:40.069 They know that we live within walking distance of the things we like to do. 00:05:41.009 --> 00:05:45.930 And that's because we made intentional choices to preserve our happiness. 00:05:45.978 --> 00:05:47.389 One, we didn't have kids. 00:05:47.559 --> 00:05:53.509 Two, we live in an urban core that when we moved here had all the things we wanted to do right in front of us. 00:05:54.220 --> 00:05:57.790 Great neighborhood parties, lots of restaurants, and breweries. 00:05:58.588 --> 00:06:03.069 Yeah, the pandemic changed a bit of that, and then we moved to Puerto Rico, and then we moved back. 00:06:03.749 --> 00:06:07.449 But because of the choices we made, we were able to do those things. 00:06:08.709 --> 00:06:12.220 That's what a happiness unit actually is. 00:06:12.738 --> 00:06:13.798 Not what you own. 00:06:15.119 --> 00:06:17.949 It's how you feel about what you've built in this life. 00:06:18.939 --> 00:06:24.838 The only one of these decisions that was more face tattoos than Brussels sprouts is the not having kids part. 00:06:25.819 --> 00:06:28.829 Everything else was malleable. 00:06:29.269 --> 00:06:30.759 Nothing was set in stone. 00:06:32.259 --> 00:06:38.668 Also, part of designing your best life, your vida más chévere, is who you surround yourself with. 00:06:39.499 --> 00:06:42.199 You should have a circle of friends you don't have to compete with. 00:06:43.259 --> 00:06:49.939 Because when you're satisfied, when your happiness bank is full, you don't bother comparing yourself to other people. 00:06:50.569 --> 00:06:54.369 You just enjoy each other's company exactly as you are. 00:06:56.538 --> 00:06:59.627 Now, back to the argument that you should be married by 30. 00:06:59.997 --> 00:07:01.867 Ay yay yay. 00:07:01.867 --> 00:07:04.278 Did you know that I was 38 when I got married? 00:07:04.898 --> 00:07:10.908 My husband, he was 29, but that's just back to the argument that we are each on our own paths. 00:07:11.398 --> 00:07:20.458 I blew way past that 30 deadline, and I had a really good life as a single woman deep into my mid-30s when he showed up. 00:07:20.937 --> 00:07:23.956 And I really liked my solo girl adventures. 00:07:24.617 --> 00:07:29.766 And then I found an adventure partner who not only added to the experience, he enhanced the fun. 00:07:30.297 --> 00:07:32.656 It didn't feel like I had to make room for him. 00:07:33.547 --> 00:07:37.637 But if I hadn't met him, I'm not sure I would've gotten married at all. 00:07:38.536 --> 00:07:46.646 There's a version of me in a parallel universe that didn't give him my number the night we met, and she is still living her best life anyway. 00:07:47.567 --> 00:07:48.206 Benchmarks? 00:07:48.336 --> 00:07:50.367 We don't need no stinking benchmarks. 00:07:51.487 --> 00:07:57.067 To drive this home, let's talk about another Latina whose life didn't appear to adhere to a plan. 00:07:57.656 --> 00:08:06.427 The one that springs to mind immediately is the one and only Magdalena Carmen Frida Kahlo y Calderón, or you might call her Frida Kahlo for short. 00:08:07.137 --> 00:08:11.257 Talk about someone who never tried to fit her life into anyone else's mold. 00:08:12.016 --> 00:08:13.648 She derided beauty standards. 00:08:13.656 --> 00:08:15.918 She lived in pain and turned it into art. 00:08:16.798 --> 00:08:20.127 She wanted to become a doctor, but she became an artist instead. 00:08:21.026 --> 00:08:26.377 She had a tumultuous marriage that she left and then she came back to, affairs with men and women. 00:08:26.567 --> 00:08:28.096 She even became a communist. 00:08:28.877 --> 00:08:33.937 By every sanitized, quote-unquote, metric, she failed at life. 00:08:34.298 --> 00:08:35.197 She didn't go to college. 00:08:35.206 --> 00:08:37.346 She didn't have a stable marriage, let alone any kids. 00:08:37.798 --> 00:08:38.817 Not for this lady. 00:08:39.386 --> 00:08:45.807 Instead, she had a unibrow and the desire to not live by anyone else's rules but her own. 00:08:46.417 --> 00:08:48.836 You know, here's what I want you to take away from this episode. 00:08:49.376 --> 00:08:52.527 Live your life according to your rules, nobody else's. 00:08:52.807 --> 00:08:57.626 You get to make the rules, baby girl, because only you get to live this one life. 00:08:57.947 --> 00:09:00.187 So make it one worth living. 00:09:00.336 --> 00:09:04.086 Make it the kind of life that would have Frida Kahlo wanting to have a drink with you. 00:09:04.486 --> 00:09:12.727 Make it the kind of life where I'd want to have a drink with you,'cause I will always save a glass to cheers a woman who is forging her own path on her own timeline. 00:09:13.418 --> 00:09:17.288 A woman who recognizes she can make mistakes and not judge herself for them. 00:09:17.817 --> 00:09:22.256 A woman that realizes she's her own boss of her life, and she can do whatever the fuck she wants. 00:09:22.537 --> 00:09:27.168 And if she's happy and her immediate needs are met, then congratulations, baby. 00:09:27.986 --> 00:09:29.567 Her happiness bank is full. 00:09:31.501 --> 00:09:39.361 Because what if instead of living a life chasing after bullshit metrics, we designed lives that made women like Frida Kahlo proud? 00:09:40.131 --> 00:09:46.431 What if we lived our lives in such a way that made other Latinas look up to us as not settling for bullshit? 00:09:47.072 --> 00:09:49.711 That is what I want for you. 00:09:50.921 --> 00:09:53.291 And if you are already doing that, I want to hear from you. 00:09:53.431 --> 00:09:55.640 If you are working on doing that, I want to hear from you. 00:09:55.822 --> 00:09:56.692 Send me a text. 00:09:56.741 --> 00:09:58.101 It's right there at the top of the show notes. 00:09:58.780 --> 00:10:01.520 I got a listener text just last week, and it made my whole day. 00:10:02.301 --> 00:10:05.381 So if you've been on the fence about reaching out, this is your sign. 00:10:05.421 --> 00:10:11.520 Hit that text link at the top of the show notes and tell me how you are living a life worth having a drink to. 00:10:12.551 --> 00:10:15.860 I'd really love to know how you're filling your happiness bank. 00:10:16.400 --> 00:10:19.931 And while you're in the show notes, don't forget to get your copy of Benchmarks Are Bullshit. 00:10:20.711 --> 00:10:23.111 And that's a burrito.