התמלול המלא של Quick Chat: Learning to Trust Myself Again

Dana Kadwell (01:30) Right everybody, so excited to be here today. We are going to be doing another quick chat about our interview with Kelsey from two weeks ago. If you haven't heard, make sure you go check it out. Last week we had a quick chat talking about what if you fail? And... It was a moment in the interview when, when she said the thing that I love and I literally, have it on my dry erase board. It's like, if I fail, I'll just start something new. ⁓ which I love so much. If you haven't heard that, make sure you go check it out, as well. So today we're going to be talking about something else that me and Kelsey really kind of dove into in the podcast. I wanted to talk a little bit deeper about, which is, ⁓ when we were talking about your gut instinct and she was saying how the times when she regrets and her biggest mistakes and failures had been from when she just didn't trust herself for gut instinct. And I asked her, I said, what caused you to go against that instinct? Like what, was the thing? And she said it pretty quickly, empathy. And I like love like digging into that and it really, and I jotted it down immediately, when you are empathetic, does it go against your gut instinct? And we kind of talked about it a little bit, but I wanted to kind of dig a little deeper into it here. So it really made me kind of think back to my, the moments where I regretted the most. And I don't want to say a failure because I don't, I don't really feel like there were always failures. There were just moments that I regret and things that I regret doing, saying, being all that stuff. And, and really going back to the question, the going back to, talked about a little bit like last week of like questioning my life choices. And in those moments when I questioned my life choices, I agree it's most of the time it's because I did not follow my gut. I made a decision. ⁓ where I let empathy rule the conversation. And there's lots of those in my life, like so many of them. And I said it then at the podcast that I can't tell how I feel about it because there's a part of me that like loves the fact that I'm empathetic and I think it makes me super human and approachable. And it's a thing that I'm actually very proud of the fact that like I can look at somebody and and and take the heat or take you know, be the one that is, I don't know, I was actually saying this some of the other day when I talked a little bit about like, you know, my partnership and that dissolving. said, there was a moment when I felt like screaming as Taylor Swift lyric, like I would have died for your sins. Like I would have died on the sword for you. Like I would have, you know, out of just sheer amounts of love for you. at the detriment to myself. And so there's so much of like, where I look at moments of... ⁓ in my, in the past, you know, especially in probably the past, like four or five years of my life, that I really regret, like, things that I've allowed to happen and things that I ⁓ didn't handle or, or even decisions that I made. And when I go back to it and, I can look in the, can look at that moment and I'm not going to rewrite history and tell you, my God, I knew, I don't think that's true at all. I think I had a guttural instinct of what was right and what was wrong and what I should do and what I shouldn't do. But I, always filtered it through somebody else. Well, how would this make this person feel? Like, is this gonna be a good thing? Is this gonna hurt their feelings? Is this gonna be hard? Is this gonna, like, should I, like, should I, should I consider the fact that like, yeah, maybe I should say something, but like, also they're going through like a really hard time and like, and this happened and this happened and like, maybe I should just like, let it go, right? And that consistent feeling of, no, I should speak up for myself. I should stand up for the situation, but. Instead, I'm just gonna let it go, let it go, let it go because of my empathy for somebody else. I honestly can't think of a situation where it has ended well, like truly. And I'm not saying that's the case for every single situation. There have been situations where I have wanted to like bite back and stand up for myself and be defensive, but gutterily I'm like, this is not the right move. This is not the time. Like I should not say this. This is not the right. moment, I need to wait a week, I need to sleep it off. And I've trusted those instincts and those instincts have totally paid off. ⁓ And I think, you know, there was that and it was also wrapped into this idea of empathy, like because the thing that God really told me this wasn't the right move is because this person can't hear you right now because of all this stuff going on. But it's those moments where you're like, and I want to be kind of clear here that I think some of these decisions that were made, I want to tell myself it was empathy. And I think there was a piece of it, but there's also a little bit of cowardliness to it. Like I just didn't want to deal with it either. Like I just didn't want to handle it. ⁓ I just wanted to make it easy. I just wanted the problem to go away. I just wanted to pretend like it didn't happen or I just wanted this to be the easy solution. And Kelsey talked a lot of the situation she was talking about was a hiring somebody and that. And I've had that situation where I'm just like, I just want to get to the end of this. Like I just want to get to like passing off this things on my plate because I am literally drowning. And even though against my better instinct, I want to give this person a chance because I like them because I like their vibe. I like who they are. Even though gutturally I'm like, I don't think that they're going, like my first instinct is I don't know if they're the right fit. but then you go into this, well, but I like them, but they're nice, but they're kind, but they're gonna work hard or whatever excuse you