התמלול המלא של Why Chasing Your Full Potential Can Leave You Unfulfilled | Josh Zolin

00:02:30.960 Right. 28 00:02:31.220 --> 00:02:45.693 We talked about achieving our potential, implying that there's an end point, that there's a goal, that there is a threshold or a finish line or something that will look back and say, I achieved this. 29 00:02:46.333 --> 00:02:46.534 Right. 30 00:02:46.554 --> 00:02:49.296 A tangible end point. 31 00:02:50.557 --> 00:02:50.957 And so. 32 00:02:52.232 --> 00:03:01.214 the question I came up with was, what if we're chasing something that isn't possible to fully achieve, which leads me into the problem that I want to talk about today. 33 00:03:01.274 --> 00:03:04.375 One of the problems I want to talk about today, which is the paradox of potential. 34 00:03:06.255 --> 00:03:12.977 So the way I see it is, if I'm zooming out a little bit more from the last conversation that we had, is potential exists in multiple competing areas, right? 35 00:03:12.997 --> 00:03:17.738 So when you say, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I 36 00:03:18.193 --> 00:03:20.714 I want to fulfill my potential before I die. 37 00:03:21.154 --> 00:03:22.634 Like, what is it that you're talking about? 38 00:03:22.714 --> 00:03:23.894 What is your potential? 39 00:03:23.914 --> 00:03:25.935 Do you have to choose one specific thing? 40 00:03:25.955 --> 00:03:27.515 Because you could be talking about business. 41 00:03:27.535 --> 00:03:29.455 You could be talking about parenting. 42 00:03:29.475 --> 00:03:36.337 You could be talking about marriage or health or personal growth or religion or spirituality, whatever it may be. 43 00:03:36.377 --> 00:03:42.138 There's a whole lot of different areas where you can have this potential and you can chase this potential and achieve it. 44 00:03:43.698 --> 00:03:45.040 But you can't achieve all of it. 45 00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:49.646 You can't choose every single one as your potential and then just do them all. 46 00:03:49.666 --> 00:03:49.806 Right. 47 00:03:49.846 --> 00:03:51.028 We have a limited time. 48 00:03:52.069 --> 00:03:54.252 Every yes requires a no. 49 00:03:54.592 --> 00:03:54.732 Right. 50 00:03:54.752 --> 00:03:57.116 So if I'm saying yes to this, what am I saying no to? 51 00:03:57.236 --> 00:03:59.799 If I want to build a billion dollar business. 52 00:04:00.970 --> 00:04:02.772 What do I have to give up in order to do that? 53 00:04:03.252 --> 00:04:03.392 Right. 54 00:04:03.453 --> 00:04:04.874 Elon Musk has talked about this. 55 00:04:05.454 --> 00:04:08.377 He's publicly come out and said that you don't want to be him. 56 00:04:08.978 --> 00:04:09.118 Right. 57 00:04:09.138 --> 00:04:12.841 Because he is hyper obsessed with one thing and it's what he's building. 58 00:04:13.282 --> 00:04:14.723 So to him, that's his potential. 59 00:04:15.144 --> 00:04:15.344 Right. 60 00:04:15.644 --> 00:04:17.386 Everything else falls by the wayside. 61 00:04:18.694 --> 00:04:24.359 But that definition and that motivation can be completely different for somebody else. 62 00:04:25.080 --> 00:04:29.603 Like for me, for example, I used to want to build a billion-dollar business. 63 00:04:29.624 --> 00:04:32.686 When I was younger, when I was in my 20s, that was the goal. 64 00:04:32.746 --> 00:04:35.208 I wanted to build a billion-dollar business. 65 00:04:37.150 --> 00:04:45.938 And then as I got older and maybe wiser, I don't know, I progressively lowered my expectations. 66 00:04:47.395 --> 00:04:48.976 for better or worse, right? 67 00:04:48.996 --> 00:04:53.357 But my potential at one point in time was a billion dollar business in my mind. 68 00:04:54.217 --> 00:05:05.982 Then as I grew up and I got married and I started to have outside interests aside from just one thing, which was business, that became 500 million. 69 00:05:09.611 --> 00:05:24.698 And then as I got even older and I had kids, those who are parents out there will know that immediately when you have kids, your purpose, your definition of success, your idea of fulfillment, all of this stuff changes in an instant. 70 00:05:25.478 --> 00:05:30.521 So when I had kids, I lowered that expectation again to, you know, 250 million. 71 00:05:31.581 --> 00:05:33.282 And then I was able to, uh, 72 00:05:34.819 --> 00:05:42.204 I was blessed to be able to write a book and get it into high schools across the country about the value of the blue collar skilled trades. 73 00:05:43.104 --> 00:05:49.409 And then my expectations for my business lowered even more because I wanted to put energy towards that. 74 00:05:50.189 --> 00:05:57.594 So what changed for me along this path of wanting to build a billion dollar business? 75 00:05:58.915 --> 00:05:59.455 And it's simple. 76 00:05:59.635 --> 00:06:02.057 It's understanding the cost. 77 00:06:03.713 --> 00:06:05.435 What's the cost of doing that? 78 00:06:06.355 --> 00:06:10.459 And how successful do I want to be in what areas of my life? 79 00:06:11.140 --> 00:06:12.341 What impact do I want to make? 80 00:06:12.661 --> 00:06:18.166 Am I okay making a smaller impact in a lot of different areas rather than a huge impact in one area? 81 00:06:18.707 --> 00:06:24.211 These are things that we've got to confront and we have to answer truthfully and honestly for ourselves. 82 00:06:25.488 --> 00:06:30.512 Ultimately, for me, it was I wanted to be present for my kids, for my family. 83 00:06:30.532 --> 00:06:33.974 I wanted to be, you know, I wanted to tuck them in at night. 84 00:06:34.014 --> 00:06:35.535 I wanted to be home for dinner. 85 00:06:35.575 --> 00:06:40.558 I wanted to sit across the table and teach them lessons and hear about their day. 86 00:06:40.618 --> 00:06:47.003 And, you know, I can't be that present of a father if I'm focusing all of my energy into something else. 87 00:06:50.077 --> 00:06:52.939 Another good example for me would be the

guitar. 88 00:06:52.959 --> 00:06:55.020 I played guitar when I was in my 20s. 89 00:06:55.940 --> 00:06:58.341 And I really enjoyed it, but I stopped. 90 00:06:58.641 --> 00:07:01.363 I haven't played guitar now in, I don't know, five or six years. 91 00:07:03.583 --> 00:07:11.585 And, you know, I never really understood why it just kind of fizzled like many things do, you know, but in the spirit of this conversation, why did it fizzle? 92 00:07:11.905 --> 00:07:14.606 Well, if I look back, it's like, so I had a choice. 93 00:07:15.346 --> 00:07:22.868 I could sit in and practice the guitar or I could, you know, finish that spreadsheet and make sure that my business was financially viable. 94 00:07:23.688 --> 00:07:33.751 Or I could play the guitar or, you know, sit, you know, at dinner with the family and have a discussion, you know, and some might argue I could meld those things together. 95 00:07:33.791 --> 00:07:39.293 And I have, you know, with different areas of my life, but I'm constantly making a choice. 96 00:07:40.394 --> 00:07:43.895 And ultimately with the guitar, like one of the things that I realized is that. 97 00:07:44.675 --> 00:07:48.678 Even though I enjoyed playing it, like I was never going to be great at it. 98 00:07:48.858 --> 00:07:52.920 Not unless I played it 10 hours a day, which I was just completely unwilling to do. 99 00:07:53.581 --> 00:07:54.721 I didn't want to be a rock star. 100 00:07:55.402 --> 00:08:01.326 I didn't want to play the guitar and practice in private, you know, seven days a week, 365 days a year. 101 00:08:02.206 --> 00:08:03.527 It's just not what I wanted. 102 00:08:04.147 --> 00:08:06.289 So it fell by the wayside and I made a different choice. 103 00:08:07.970 --> 00:08:08.110 So. 104 00:08:11.083 --> 00:08:18.290 That kind of leads me into is fulfilling our entire potential even possible? 105 00:08:20.051 --> 00:08:33.724 We talked about all of this stuff in the last episode, but I failed to address whether or not we're even capable of, quote unquote, fulfilling our entire potential. 106 00:08:36.320 --> 00:08:47.769 And so, you know, that kind of strings into this other question of what if the pressure comes from refusing to accept that some potential must remain unrealized? 107 00:08:48.649 --> 00:08:56.095 We have to make a choice to not live up to the potential that maybe even we want in that moment. 108 00:09:01.481 --> 00:09:02.522 It's intentionality. 109 00:09:04.343 --> 00:09:11.928 It's taking a step back and understanding that, yes, we can have this, but it means we can't have it in another area of our life. 110 00:09:12.248 --> 00:09:14.350 It is a zero-sum game. 111 00:09:15.090 --> 00:09:17.332 It is a zero-sum game. 112 00:09:18.172 --> 00:09:22.433 We cannot say yes to everything without saying no to something else. 113 00:09:23.273 --> 00:09:31.835 As much as we want to think that we can, as much as we want to tackle the world and take on every little thing because, well, I mean, listen, there's a ton of reasons, right? 114 00:09:32.055 --> 00:09:33.195 Maybe we just enjoy it. 115 00:09:33.215 --> 00:09:34.615 Maybe we're trying to prove ourselves. 116 00:09:34.655 --> 00:09:37.216 Maybe we want everyone to see how impressive we are. 117 00:09:37.296 --> 00:09:39.636 Maybe, I don't know, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. 118 00:09:39.656 --> 00:09:46.838 You could go down the list of all these different reasons why we would choose to spread ourselves so thin, but the fact of the matter is... 119 00:09:49.019 --> 00:09:51.081 You're going to have to choose something to let go. 120 00:09:52.543 --> 00:09:59.370 So then let's talk about real quick the distinction between purpose and potential as I see it. 121 00:10:00.973 --> 00:10:03.715 So potential is what am I capable of doing? 122 00:10:04.415 --> 00:10:06.656 Purpose is what's worth doing. 123 00:10:07.637 --> 00:10:09.698 Probably fair to mention a goal in here too. 124 00:10:09.738 --> 00:10:11.499 I mentioned goals just a couple of minutes ago. 125 00:10:12.099 --> 00:10:15.341 Goals are specific, measurable outcomes, right? 126 00:10:15.381 --> 00:10:24.006 And sometimes when we talk about fulfillment, like fulfillment of purpose, fulfillment of potential, it implies an endpoint, it implies a goal. 127 00:10:24.046 --> 00:10:29.950 So that's why I kind of wanted to bring goals into the conversation as well, because I just said that maybe we can't, 128 00:10:31.279 --> 00:10:31.860 fulfill it. 129 00:10:31.940 --> 00:10:33.741 Maybe there isn't an endpoint. 130 00:10:34.021 --> 00:10:35.923 And I'll get kind of more into this in a minute. 131 00:10:36.363 --> 00:10:46.691 But you know, everywhere you look and whatever you read, it's all about fulfillment, fulfilling your potential, fulfilling your purpose. 132 00:10:47.752 --> 00:10:53.677 But again, to me, that implies a specific measurable outcome. 133 00:10:55.513 --> 00:11:00.515 So like an example I would give is feeding a million starving children. 134 00:11:01.496 --> 00:11:01.656 Right? 135 00:11:01.676 --> 00:11:02.616 You've got a goal. 136 00:11:03.197 --> 00:11:04.457 One million is the goal. 137 00:11:05.258 --> 00:11:07.479 I want to feed a million starving children. 138 00:11:07.559 --> 00:11:07.759 Right? 139 00:11:07.779 --> 00:11:14.262 Tony Robbins is famous for this, well, a bunch of people, but he talks about it a lot. 140 00:11:14.502 --> 00:11:17.624 I think he's up to a billion now or something crazy. 141 00:11:18.284 --> 00:11:20.265 Anyway, the goal, feed a million children. 142 00:11:21.399 --> 00:11:23.381 The purpose is different. 143 00:11:23.421 --> 00:11:28.485 The purpose is help feed hungry children, right? 144 00:11:29.726 --> 00:11:35.612 So the question is, does feeding one child fulfill that purpose in the moment? 145 00:11:37.994 --> 00:11:40.736 So the potential is 1 million. 146 00:11:41.237 --> 00:11:43.859 The purpose is feeding starving children. 147 00:11:45.921 -->

00:11:47.222 The goal is also 1 million. 148 00:11:48.510 --> 00:11:50.852 So goal and potential being similar. 149 00:11:51.592 --> 00:12:01.379 And then what if you are feeding starving children, you have the resources to feed a million, but you only feed a thousand. 150 00:12:02.559 --> 00:12:07.803 Where does that land in fulfilling your potential? 151 00:12:08.223 --> 00:12:09.384 Have you done enough? 152 00:12:12.246 --> 00:12:12.926 Can you stop? 153 00:12:12.946 --> 00:12:13.647 Should you stop? 154 00:12:16.686 --> 00:12:19.108 You know, this is all in theory. 155 00:12:20.810 --> 00:12:25.815 All that to say, is purpose a destination or is it a practice? 156 00:12:26.135 --> 00:12:32.621 You know, we often put that word fulfill in front of purpose as well as potential. 157 00:12:33.402 --> 00:12:36.004 But if it's a practice, then there is no fulfillment. 158 00:12:37.446 --> 00:12:39.448 It's just an ongoing thing that we do. 159 00:12:41.048 --> 00:12:45.812 Over and over and over again, getting the same satisfaction every single time we do it. 160 00:12:46.713 --> 00:12:46.853 Right. 161 00:12:46.873 --> 00:12:54.959 And then being able to die happy, just doing it over and over and over again, not working toward a specific number or a finite amount or whatever it may be. 162 00:12:56.200 --> 00:13:00.964 So if that's what purpose is, can you ever truly finish it? 163 00:13:01.004 --> 00:13:03.046 Can you ever truly fulfill it? 164 00:13:06.858 --> 00:13:12.645 Or maybe purpose helps us choose which potential is worth pursuing. 165 00:13:14.067 --> 00:13:14.668 I'll say that again. 166 00:13:14.688 --> 00:13:21.095 Maybe purpose helps us choose which potential is worth pursuing. 167 00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:26.161 But then in the pursuit... 168 00:13:27.080 --> 00:13:27.580 of this. 169 00:13:28.321 --> 00:13:29.722 And this is what I found in my life. 170 00:13:29.962 --> 00:13:31.243 Purpose can change. 171 00:13:31.643 --> 00:13:35.485 We often talk about purpose as this thing that we find, right? 172 00:13:35.526 --> 00:13:46.853 It's like, uh, it's like this thing that's floating out in the universe and, uh, waiting for us to see it, realize it, reach out and grab it because it's been there all along and it's going to be there long after we're gone. 173 00:13:48.626 --> 00:13:49.706 That's not my experience. 174 00:13:50.187 --> 00:13:53.928 My purpose has changed a million times since I was a kid, right? 175 00:13:53.948 --> 00:14:01.871 I mean, when I was a teenager, it was undoubtedly recognition, acceptance, wanting to matter in one way, shape, or form. 176 00:14:01.951 --> 00:14:06.833 I strived in any way that I could to be cool like so many of us did, right? 177 00:14:07.433 --> 00:14:12.895 And so whether that meant working out or dyeing my hair blonde, looking like a 178 00:14:13.095 --> 00:14:16.538 Eminem or wearing the the what I thought were the coolest clothes. 179 00:14:16.558 --> 00:14:19.080 But then I look back at pictures and I'm like, what the fuck was I wearing? 180 00:14:20.061 --> 00:14:23.665 All of these things in pursuit of what my purpose was, which is to be accepted. 181 00:14:24.986 --> 00:14:29.049 And to be part of something and to be looked at and looked up to, you know, 182 00:14:30.344 --> 00:14:33.967 And then fast forward when I was a stuntman, my purpose changed again. 183 00:14:34.027 --> 00:14:34.248 Right. 184 00:14:34.568 --> 00:14:35.749 I wanted to become the best. 185 00:14:36.650 --> 00:14:38.751 I wanted to be the best stuntman that there was. 186 00:14:38.771 --> 00:14:40.093 I wanted to chase that dream. 187 00:14:40.213 --> 00:14:42.074 I was still seeking status. 188 00:14:42.154 --> 00:14:42.395 Right. 189 00:14:42.415 --> 00:14:45.177 There's this ego of like, yeah, what do you do? 190 00:14:45.217 --> 00:14:45.878 You're an accountant. 191 00:14:45.898 --> 00:14:46.338 That's cool. 192 00:14:46.358 --> 00:14:48.220 I let myself on fire for a living. 193 00:14:48.900 --> 00:14:49.621 What do you do? 194 00:14:49.741 --> 00:14:50.562 Oh, you're an attorney. 195 00:14:50.602 --> 00:14:52.163 That's that sounds cool. 196 00:14:52.283 --> 00:14:53.745 I jump off of buildings. 197 00:14:55.910 --> 00:14:57.592 Or, or, Hey, you're a street sweeper. 198 00:14:57.632 --> 00:14:58.993 That's, that's pretty awesome. 199 00:14:59.053 --> 00:15:01.936 Like, like, yeah, no, I, I roll cars. 200 00:15:04.499 --> 00:15:15.029 So my purpose when I was a stunt man was, was, uh, it actually was pursuit and, and trying to accomplish goals and, and, you know, stuff like that. 201 00:15:16.010 --> 00:15:17.131 But what did I actually want? 202 00:15:18.445 --> 00:15:23.368 I don't know, because then you fast forward and then I started working at Windy City, right? 203 00:15:23.428 --> 00:15:38.137 And as a technician of food equipment service and in the most unlikely of places, I found purpose in being able to help people run their businesses and live their livelihoods, right? 204 00:15:38.157 --> 00:15:47.042 When I would go in and fix a fryer or an oven or a stove for a small business on a Friday night when they couldn't cook their product and they had patrons in the dining room waiting, right? 205 00:15:48.112 --> 00:15:56.825 And I did, and they were able to fire that thing up and cook that food, and they basically hugged me on the way out and said, thank you so much for what you do. 206 00:15:57.326 --> 00:16:01.232 I had another switch flip in my mind of, whoa, whoa. 207 00:16:03.066 --> 00:16:04.387 Maybe purpose is different. 208 00:16:05.387 --> 00:16:13.850 Maybe it wasn't what I thought it was growing up, you know, and then that morphed and there's motivations through all of this. 209 00:16:13.910 --> 00:16:14.050 Right. 210 00:16:14.070 --> 00:16:17.891 And there's threads that I can't win enough time to get into today, but. 211 00:16:18.952 --> 00:16:29.845 That morphed eventually into skilled trades advocacy, helping others

realize their potential and their purpose, finding success where they didn't know to look for it. 212 00:16:31.367 --> 00:16:36.453 And that spawned into, obviously, the book and the academy and eventually this podcast podcast. 213 00:16:36.873 --> 00:16:50.678 you know, where I was able to give people a voice in the skilled trades and, you know, talk to them about their stories and, and share knowledge and then learn myself, which as you guys know, the evolution of this podcast hasn't stopped, right? 214 00:16:50.698 --> 00:17:02.362 We, we started as a skilled trades advocacy podcast, and now we've morphed into something bigger into this, this not only business and leadership as a whole, but like personal development, uh, 215 00:17:03.302 --> 00:17:07.923 you know, platform that people come to, to, to understand how to better themselves. 216 00:17:08.483 --> 00:17:11.564 So my purpose has changed countless times over the past. 217 00:17:11.584 --> 00:17:14.284 And I, and I don't doubt that it's going to change again. 218 00:17:14.704 --> 00:17:14.844 Right. 219 00:17:14.864 --> 00:17:16.385 And then throw family into the mix. 220 00:17:16.425 --> 00:17:18.245 Like I, this, these are just ambitions. 221 00:17:18.265 --> 00:17:21.426 These are just professional, professional potential. 222 00:17:22.046 --> 00:17:22.166 Right. 223 00:17:22.186 --> 00:17:32.508 But then, you know, as a, as a husband and like how, what I work towards, you know, being a great husband and, and a dad to my, my two daughters and like, you know, I'm a, I'm a 224 00:17:32.768 --> 00:17:49.312 challenging myself every day to, to make sure that, you know, I am providing a platform for, you know, them to feel safe and secure and happy and live, you know, uh, truthful, awakened, joyous lives. 225 00:17:50.232 --> 00:17:54.654 It's, it's never ending and it's ever changing is all I'm trying to say. 226 00:17:54.674 --> 00:17:55.554 Okay. 227 00:17:56.543 --> 00:18:03.407 But what I did notice along the way is a shift from self-centered ambition toward serving others. 228 00:18:04.168 --> 00:18:12.673 So in this conversation about purpose, values, priorities, they evolve as we evolve. 229 00:18:15.915 --> 00:18:21.158 But what happens when our goals don't evolve with our purpose? 230 00:18:24.466 --> 00:18:25.306 I'll say that one more time. 231 00:18:25.326 --> 00:18:29.147 What happens when our goals don't evolve with our purpose? 232 00:18:31.908 --> 00:18:33.728 I think that's when the trap comes in, right? 233 00:18:33.768 --> 00:18:40.810 When purpose becomes yet another scoreboard, yet another thing to keep track of, yet another KPI. 234 00:18:42.570 --> 00:18:50.612 So then we ask, can purpose create that same pressure as potential that we were talking about before? 235 00:18:53.227 --> 00:18:55.168 Can it morph into potential? 236 00:18:55.188 --> 00:18:56.908 Can purpose morph into potential, right? 237 00:18:56.928 --> 00:18:58.449 This is the trap. 238 00:18:58.489

--> 00:19:02.270 This is where I wanted to get to when people were saying, what if it's not potential? 239 00:19:02.290 --> 00:19:02.970 What if it's purpose? 240 00:19:02.990 --> 00:19:04.290 Because ultimately they're right. 241 00:19:04.811 --> 00:19:09.612 But in reverse, what if it's the same thing? 242 00:19:10.312 --> 00:19:11.232 We just don't know it. 243 00:19:14.594 --> 00:19:19.175 So let's use that feeding starving children example, right? 244 00:19:21.010 --> 00:19:26.596 If you feed 1,000, but you have the ability to feed a million, is that success or is that failure? 245 00:19:27.296 --> 00:19:31.420 Undoubtedly, some of you listening are going to be, oh, yeah, you're going to be on the side of success. 246 00:19:32.101 --> 00:19:32.742 Absolutely. 247 00:19:32.902 --> 00:19:34.403 You fed 1,000 children. 248 00:19:34.443 --> 00:19:35.644 There's honor in that. 249 00:19:35.765 --> 00:19:36.846 There's pride in that. 250 00:19:36.866 --> 00:19:37.406 Right. 251 00:19:38.527 --> 00:19:39.929 Truly, there's leadership. 252 00:19:39.949 --> 00:19:40.930 There's all these things. 253 00:19:41.171 --> 00:19:42.012 And yes, you're right. 254 00:19:42.693 --> 00:19:55.028 And then there's going to be the side of you that say, no, if you have the potential, if you have the resources, if you have the means to feed a million, but you only, but you stopped at a thousand, you didn't succeed. 255 00:19:56.330 --> 00:19:56.851 You failed. 256 00:19:58.044 --> 00:20:02.668 And sometimes these voices aren't external, they're internal, right? 257 00:20:03.088 --> 00:20:13.416 The side that some of you are on and that it's a success, the side that others are on, that it's a failure, sometimes that's internal. 258 00:20:14.637 --> 00:20:17.179 And both can be true for us at any given point in time. 259 00:20:17.199 --> 00:20:21.002 And we're stuck here trying to convince ourselves which one is true. 260 00:20:22.668 --> 00:20:28.352 And we get caught in that trap for hours, days, months, years sometimes. 261 00:20:29.693 --> 00:20:30.374 So I don't know. 262 00:20:30.894 --> 00:20:36.998 I guess it's just wondering when a noble purpose can become yet another obligation. 263 00:20:38.539 --> 00:20:44.704 And what needs to be done to zoom out and understand whether or not it's a success or a failure. 264 00:20:47.046 --> 00:20:50.148 So if we revisit those four original motivations... 265 00:20:53.293 --> 00:20:54.433 kind of calls into question. 266 00:20:55.713 --> 00:21:01.335 I mentioned impact is driven by love because you're doing it selflessly. 267 00:21:02.475 --> 00:21:07.456 But can it also be fueled by ego or desire for recognition? 268 00:21:10.156 --> 00:21:14.337 And does selfish motivation invalidate a positive outcome? 269 00:21:15.157 --> 00:21:18.778 Why do you want to feed a million starving children? 270 00:21:20.526 --> 00:21:21.747 Give me all the reasons. 271 00:21:21.807 --> 00:21:24.748 Don't give me the reason that you tell everybody. 272 00:21:25.208 --> 00:21:26.489 Give me all the reasons. 273 00:21:27.669 --> 00:21:31.571 And tell me where ego is present and ego is not. 274 00:21:31.731 --> 00:21:33.432 But does it invalidate the result? 275 00:21:33.712 --> 00:21:33.872 Right? 276 00:21:33.892 --> 00:21:44.017 Because clearly, like, I had a conversation just a little bit ago on the podcast, Jolene Goring, and she said that she wants a Nobel Prize. 277 00:21:44.417 --> 00:21:45.137 It's a great example. 278 00:21:45.497 --> 00:21:46.518 She wants a Nobel Prize. 279 00:21:47.583 --> 00:21:50.705 And she said in the interview, she said, it's ego. 280 00:21:51.565 --> 00:21:53.346 Yeah, I want a Nobel Prize. 281 00:21:53.367 --> 00:21:55.728 Like, I want that for me. 282 00:21:57.449 --> 00:22:00.651 But you can't win a Nobel Prize without doing some good in the world. 283 00:22:03.209 --> 00:22:04.991 It's literally the Nobel Peace Prize. 284 00:22:05.271 --> 00:22:13.320 Like, I guess my point in this is that I think that we sometimes can get too caught up with what's underneath, especially in this day and age. 285 00:22:13.380 --> 00:22:16.143 Especially, listen, I have a personal development podcast. 286 00:22:16.163 --> 00:22:22.709 Like, these are the questions that we're supposed to be asking and answering on the show, you know, and it can get confusing. 287 00:22:23.310 --> 00:22:32.055 Because, of course, you want to sit here and say, oh, I am an egoless being and, you know, ego is not the ego is not the way and all this. 288 00:22:32.075 --> 00:22:34.356 And then you read, you know, Brian Holiday's book. 289 00:22:35.057 --> 00:22:35.977 Ego is the enemy. 290 00:22:36.457 --> 00:22:37.558 You know, what if it's not? 291 00:22:38.879 --> 00:22:39.619 What if it's a tool? 292 00:22:39.639 --> 00:22:40.640 What if it's a catalyst? 293 00:22:41.260 --> 00:22:51.466 I mean, what if there's countless fucking truths out there that we need to individually see in ourselves to give meaning to, to give purpose to? 294 00:22:53.648 --> 00:22:56.290 So, all right, I think I'm starting to go off on a tangent. 295 00:22:56.390 --> 00:22:57.330 So let me bring it back in. 296 00:22:58.871 --> 00:22:59.571 What about desire? 297 00:23:00.252 --> 00:23:02.233 Desire versus purpose, just for a second here. 298 00:23:02.613 --> 00:23:09.097 So do I want to achieve something because it matters or do I want to achieve it because I need to prove that I can achieve? 299 00:23:09.857 --> 00:23:10.977 do it, right? 300 00:23:11.017 --> 00:23:17.859 This is, this was kind of the underlying question in that first video that I did is, is it about the proof? 301 00:23:18.399 --> 00:23:27.921 And then if it's about the proof, does that actually take away from the outcome or, you know, the, uh, the goal? 302 00:23:32.663 --> 00:23:33.023 I don't know. 303 00:23:35.437 --> 00:23:39.118 I think different fuel is used at different stages of life. 304 00:23:39.578 --> 00:23:48.680 So I

think that in order to get where I was as a stuntman, I had to use the fuel of proof. 305 00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:53.541 Actually, if I'm being honest, in order to get to where I was today, I had to use the fuel of proof. 306 00:23:53.901 --> 00:23:56.041 But now it calls for a different fuel. 307 00:23:56.561 --> 00:23:59.762 So I'm not going to sit here and say one fuel is better than the other. 308 00:23:59.782 --> 00:24:00.882 I've talked about this enough. 309 00:24:01.322 --> 00:24:03.263 I don't want to beat this dead horse, right? 310 00:24:03.323 --> 00:24:03.503 But... 311 00:24:05.331 --> 00:24:19.854 Um, I think sometimes we, we give a little bit too much power to the things that we read, see, hear, and even feel without checking in with ourselves and, um, understanding if we're truly in alignment with it. 312 00:24:20.454 --> 00:24:25.075 Because I'll tell you what, a lot of people have accomplished a lot of cool stuff with a lot of shitty fuel. 313 00:24:26.195 --> 00:24:31.877 And then if their fuel changes one day, they change with it or they don't. 314 00:24:32.017 --> 00:24:33.717 And then they live in misalignment forever. 315 00:24:36.732 --> 00:24:38.453 All right, so moving on. 316 00:24:40.515 --> 00:24:43.897 Striving versus the contentment, right? 317 00:24:43.917 --> 00:24:49.581 That's kind of where I led this to is, do we continue to strive? 318 00:24:49.661 --> 00:24:51.662 When are we pleased? 319 00:24:52.182 --> 00:24:56.866 When are we able to sit back and say, okay, I feel good about this? 320 00:24:58.162 --> 00:25:01.924 How do we pursue more while appreciating what we already have? 321 00:25:02.244 --> 00:25:04.206 This is a question I wrestle with all the time. 322 00:25:04.246 --> 00:25:12.891 And I know that the answer probably lies in gratitude somewhere because that's what you hear on every single podcast, every single interview, and every single magazine article and every single book. 323 00:25:13.231 --> 00:25:14.652 And that's fine and that's important. 324 00:25:14.672 --> 00:25:16.573 I'm not taking anything away from gratitude. 325 00:25:16.613 --> 00:25:17.513 Believe me, I'm not. 326 00:25:18.014 --> 00:25:19.995 Gratitude is wildly important. 327 00:25:22.796 --> 00:25:25.538 But it doesn't eliminate ambition. 328 00:25:27.596 --> 00:25:27.816 Right. 329 00:25:28.196 --> 00:25:34.718 You can't stop and have gratitude and then suddenly be content. 330 00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:41.740 It's more of a balancing act, and I don't think that we can do both at the same time. 331 00:25:42.301 --> 00:25:52.244 I think that it ebbs and flows back and forth, ambitious gratitude, driving, stop and smell the roses, you know, forging ahead. 332 00:25:53.642 --> 00:25:54.642 being present. 333 00:25:55.083 --> 00:26:02.545 I think all of these pull in both directions and to be still is to be dead. 334 00:26:04.126 --> 00:26:05.826 If there's no tension, there's no life. 335 00:26:06.046 --> 00:26:16.230 If there's nothing pulling us in those directions, then I don't know that that's truly enlightenment or whatever the hell you want to call it. 336 00:26:16.250 --> 00:26:17.310 Um, um, 337 00:26:19.082 --> 00:26:20.263 Because there's beauty in both. 338 00:26:21.223 --> 00:26:28.749 There's such beauty in presence and gratitude and enjoying the moment and being here and now, obviously. 339 00:26:28.849 --> 00:26:30.290 And it's something I want to do more of. 340 00:26:31.390 --> 00:26:44.099 There's also beauty in wanting to be better, to do better, to give back, to make an impact, to live with joy. 341 00:26:44.559 --> 00:26:46.401 And all this shit takes work, man. 342 00:26:47.957 --> 00:26:52.121 I'm just going to like, you have to work. 343 00:26:52.161 --> 00:27:01.009 You can't reasonably expect that if you live a life in the present moment and just be grateful that everything is going to come to you. 344 00:27:01.029 --> 00:27:02.510 That's not how the universe works. 345 00:27:02.870 --> 00:27:06.293 A lot of books, you know, a lot of things say that's how it works. 346 00:27:06.734 --> 00:27:13.380 I think there's elements of that, like synchronicity and making space for things to, uh, to, to, 347 00:27:14.755 --> 00:27:23.137 appear, if you will, and opportunities that then you have to reach out and take advantage of, but you still have to reach out and take advantage of them. 348 00:27:23.157 --> 00:27:25.277 You still have to grasp. 349 00:27:25.858 --> 00:27:28.738 And in some cases, yeah, that means you have to strive. 350 00:27:30.719 --> 00:27:37.140 But then you've got to take a step back and you've got to recognize and realize that striving is not sustainable forever. 351 00:27:38.421 --> 00:27:44.122 So maybe the closer we get to the end of our lives, the more gratitude we let in, the more presence we let in, 352 00:27:46.102 --> 00:27:49.104 the more here and now we choose to recognize. 353 00:27:51.266 --> 00:27:56.490 And the goal in middle age, or even slightly before, is to strike that balance. 354 00:27:58.651 --> 00:28:01.453 And when we're younger, we strive. 355 00:28:01.814 --> 00:28:02.414 That's what we do. 356 00:28:03.595 --> 00:28:06.897 We continually work toward being the best version of ourselves. 357 00:28:08.238 --> 00:28:10.500 Not only for ourselves, but for the people around us. 358 00:28:15.880 --> 00:28:16.441 I'm grateful. 359 00:28:16.461 --> 00:28:27.289 I'm grateful for my family, for my business, for the life that I have, for this podcast, the people that surround me, all of the connections and friends that I have. 360 00:28:29.331 --> 00:28:29.971 So grateful. 361 00:28:31.413 --> 00:28:33.314 Sometimes that gratitude is overwhelming. 362 00:28:36.036 --> 00:28:36.877 With all that I have. 363 00:28:36.897 --> 00:28:38.779 I didn't even mention my beautiful wife. 364 00:28:38.879 --> 00:28:42.041 I mean, unbelievably grateful. 365 00:28:44.964 --> 00:28:45.444 But it doesn't. 366 00:28:48.459 -->

00:28:49.399 take away from my ambition. 367 00:28:50.340 --> 00:28:52.541 I still, I'm still driven to accomplish more. 368 00:28:53.301 --> 00:28:56.722 It's just now I ask myself why a lot more often. 369 00:28:58.723 --> 00:29:04.105 So I guess, you know, I wanna kinda move forward here. 370 00:29:05.105 --> 00:29:10.127 The question that's coming up is, can we be fulfilled and also unfinished? 371 00:29:13.048 --> 00:29:16.570 We look at fulfillment as a goal, as an endpoint, as a finish line. 372 00:29:17.687 --> 00:29:21.069 But can we be fulfilled and unfinished? 373 00:29:22.169 --> 00:29:25.391 Maybe fulfillment doesn't actually require completion. 374 00:29:26.291 --> 00:29:33.134 Maybe it requires being comfortable with the choices that we make on a daily basis. 375 00:29:34.215 --> 00:29:39.017 Being in alignment with ourselves and our decisions. 376 00:29:43.179 --> 00:29:46.981 Maybe it's just living intentionally. 377 00:29:54.025 --> 00:30:01.652 Recognizing that there are countless versions of ourselves that we need to constantly choose between, choose for. 378 00:30:04.035 --> 00:30:07.658 And that we're going to ebb and flow through that our entire lives. 379 00:30:09.840 --> 00:30:16.046 And there's going to be versions of us that never, ever scrape the surface of the potential that they have. 380 00:30:17.307 --> 00:30:17.948 And that's okay. 381 00:30:27.491 --> 00:30:31.754 So instead of asking, am I achieving my potential? 382 00:30:32.714 --> 00:30:35.716 Let's ask, am I living deliberately? 383 00:30:37.658 --> 00:30:41.940 Am I choosing wisely every day who I want to be? 384 00:30:43.421 --> 00:30:46.924 Moving gracefully toward that version of ourselves. 385 00:30:50.486 --> 00:30:51.487 Until reality... 386 00:30:53.012 --> 00:31:04.258 demands us to be someone else or the universe lightly taps us on the shoulder and says, Hey, have you checked out this version over here? 387 00:31:06.479 --> 00:31:15.263 Maybe you could integrate a little bit of that guy into this or however it presents for you. 388 00:31:17.273 --> 00:31:19.974 It could be abrupt death, disease, divorce. 389 00:31:19.994 --> 00:31:27.496 It could be gradual, countless personal development books, self-help books, consuming podcasts. 390 00:31:28.057 --> 00:31:35.759 Maybe something somebody says will create an epiphany for you and maybe the version of yourself that you didn't know was there was also listening. 391 00:31:37.140 --> 00:31:42.021 And as soon as his ears perk up, something in you shifts. 392 00:31:42.841 --> 00:31:44.062 Take that as a sign. 393 00:31:45.927 --> 00:31:47.147 It doesn't have to be potential. 394 00:31:47.167 --> 00:31:50.508 It doesn't necessarily have to be purpose. 395 00:31:51.448 --> 00:31:52.788 It just needs to be deliberate. 396 00:31:53.348 --> 00:31:54.509 It needs to be chosen. 397 00:31:56.589 --> 00:32:01.950 And then it needs to be understood that you can choose as many fucking times as you need to. 398 00:32:07.911 --> 00:32:10.191 So, three questions to leave with here. 399 00:32:11.112 --> 00:32:13.172 Am I pursuing this, whatever this is? 400 00:32:15.212 --> 00:32:19.575 Out of purpose, desire, or obligation? 401 00:32:22.277 --> 00:32:24.779 Am I pursuing this out of purpose, desire, or obligation? 402 00:32:26.340 --> 00:32:30.523 Number two, what am I saying no to by saying yes to this? 403 00:32:33.104 --> 00:32:36.727 And number three, what am I willing to leave undone? 404 00:32:39.697 --> 00:32:42.218 We can't become every possible version of ourselves. 405 00:32:42.719 --> 00:32:45.120 We have to choose which version is worth pursuing. 406 00:32:47.421 --> 00:32:51.063 But can we make peace with the versions that we'll never become? 407 00:32:55.605 --> 00:32:56.966 So, final thought. 408 00:33:00.348 --> 00:33:08.792 What if the goal isn't to become everything that we're capable of becoming, but to become the person we consciously choose to be? 409 00:33:13.967 --> 00:33:15.127 I'm going to journal about this later. 410 00:33:15.908 --> 00:33:17.148 Maybe I'll let you know what I come up with. 411 00:33:17.888 --> 00:33:19.068 Appreciate you guys listening. 412 00:33:19.148 --> 00:33:24.850 Appreciate you supporting the show, reaching out to me to give your feedback, good or bad. 413 00:33:24.870 --> 00:33:26.210 That's always welcome. 414 00:33:26.650 --> 00:33:29.411 This has been another solo episode of Everything They Don't Tell You. 415 00:33:29.811 --> 00:33:30.871 Appreciate all you. 416 00:33:31.152 --> 00:33:32.132 If you like the show... 417 00:33:33.092 --> 00:33:37.876 Please consider rating it, sharing it, leaving a review, whatever. 418 00:33:37.936 --> 00:33:39.017 Do all the things, guys. 419 00:33:40.338 --> 00:33:44.041 I truly love it, and I hope that it helps somebody out there. 420 00:33:44.342 --> 00:33:44.802 Just somebody.