התמלול המלא של EP 13: Findiny Yourself in Tuscany

the Spanish language and like music and culture and flavors and everything that just elicited such a sense of home. I would go on to date mostly Latino young men in high school and college and beyond. And I moved to Los Angeles and had a bilingual job for a television show in LA. And then I moved to Chile and I taught English in Chile. And so there was just this thread of me kind of following a frequency that felt like home because where I grew up and what I grew up in never felt like it. And I wanna emphasize the word frequency. Feeling, right? Because it's to me, home starts as a frequency that we feel. And when we're really in touch with that resonance, then we can find it outside of ourselves in a physical place or in relationship or in a culture. But yeah, for me, home was something so much more vibrant and alive than growing up in suburban North Carolina. I just, yeah. Yes, girlfriend, I can understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean aliveness, right? Like, and and part of that is because America is such a new country, right? So when you're living an existence in like new construction, whether it's a target or a a mall or like you know a home built in the 1980s, whatever, it's like there's not aliveness permeating those. buildings and that impacts us on a psychological level. The other day I went for a walk in my neighborhood here in Florence and see this beautiful park and at the top of the park is a church and I looked at the little like placard outside of the church to read more about the history and it said that it was built in 1332. That was just like I think the oldest shit you can find in the United States is like the 1600s but really you're stretching for that. And And so it's just so powerful to be in Europe where we can feel thousands of years of people's life happening. Yeah, there's so many stories that hold space in those buildings. And there is a level of nostalgia. And for me, especially in Prague, I mean, gosh, the Prague Castle, I think it was built in 990 AD and it's still standing. my god. What? Yes, a lot of the and even in Wensterspa Square in Prague, I don't know if you spent time in Prague, these buildings are dating back to the to the twelve hundreds, eleven hundreds, and the Prague castle has been so well maintained. It's the the pride that they put in their architecture is just next level. And there is just this sense that I've been in these places before and I probably have, but I feel most in my element, like I was saying earlier, in Europe. So I can completely resonate. And listen, I'm from America. There are elements of America that are amazing. We are lucky to be from this country in terms of abundance, convenience, opportunities. There's processes here. There's systems. Everything just it works, right? I'm not saying it doesn't work in other countries. It's just I know for me, navigating the Italian bureaucracy, it has been super complicated. And it's hard everywhere, but Italians have a different outlook. Life and

that's fine. But if you're trying to navigate the bureaucracy, you better be the a saint of patience. For real. For real. Mm-hmm. For real. I wanted to ask you, when did you first realize the conventional version of life wasn't going to work for you? I mean childhood. But for real, for real, when I was psychotherapist in San Francisco. I was working in a community mental health agency. And I had a moment where I was watching one of my clients be restrained by a teacher of his because he was having a physical outburst and I had been hired to support him with his behavioral outbursts. And it was like in that moment I was watching my client scream as he was being held by his teacher And I just shook my head and I said, I cannot participate in this. This is not healing. This is trauma. This is abuse. This is no. And I remember going home to my tiny little apartment that night and understanding I was gonna have to quit my job. And if I was ever going to offer true mental health support to people, it would be because I created my own system. I wasn't gonna be able to create change within the current system that existed. And and so I began that journey of creating my own work in the world. And when I woke up to what was going on in the mental health system in America, it also woke me up to what was going on in just about every system. And understanding at a core level that I'm somebody who came here to create new systems and be a trailblazer. And that can sound really like seductive. But it can actually be quite lonely. Right. Well, when we rise to the top and we take a different path, it's like the road less traveled. There's not a lot of people on that road where we're living out higher timelines, really tapping into our evolution. It's comfortable to just stay where you are. And not to say that there's anything wrong, I'm not judging that, but when you take this trajectory of really Trailblazing your own path and breaking free from all the conditioning and all the conventions that you've been race around and that you know it's brave. You're brave to be doing what you're doing. And I really respect the work that you've done so far, for sure. Thank you so much for saying that and for seeing that. And I'll just say that you can see it in me because it exists in you. So I love those pretty reflections. So you've lived and traveled in different parts of the world, as we've been talking about a little bit. What were you actually looking for? And even let's date back to when you were in Chile. What were you actually looking for? I mean, when we go to these different cultures, we're searching for something, right? Yeah, I mean, as cheesy as it sounds, I was searching for home, which is why that's the title of my work in the world and my book. Because if I knew what home was not. which was my family of origin and my roots in North Carolina, and just like American lifestyle, then I was gonna be damned if if I was gonna stay in that, right? I was gonna go searching for what home was. And all I knew internally was this kind of GPS of what it what I thought it should feel like. And then when I touched it in Chile, I was like, yeah. This more of this, please. It kind of just sent me on on the path to more of that. And I guess it should back up. Home for me really started with dance. I felt the frequency of home in my body when I was dancing, and I put my first pair of ballet slippers on at age three. Was always in dance classes, performing in musicals, you name it, until I graduated college and then I mean high school. And then I got into acting school at Emerson College in Boston. And so the arts was like this physical sensation of home in the body. And I kind of allowed the craft to then be the professional guide around the world to help me find the thing I was looking for in language, country, culture, family, community, all of that. And so I feel very blessed that performing arts and And now my book has been the vehicle for me exploring the world. But if I had to synthesize all of it and I really tune into like what was I searching for? I think it comes down to two things. The first one being values. I really do not adhere to American values. Mm-hmm. I don't believe in working or living to work. I work To live. my body needs a much slower pace and I value presence. Like it is not a badge of honor for me to talk about how busy and overworked I am. I think that's bullshit. I came here for presence and for balance and real connection and love and health. And it's not lost on me that the wealthiest nation in the world is also the one with like Highest suicidality and addiction rates. when that well, people. Yeah, fucking broken. And it turns out that most other people around the world know how to live healthfully. So, like, that was the first thing was values. How can I live? Where can I live in accordance with my values? And then love. Meaning, where do people around the world love the way I love? And to me, that was always reflected back in Latino culture. So I think Chile was the first place where I could explore that and feel that. And then there is, I feel like Italy is the original Latin culture. So I think that's why I resonate so deeply here with Italians. And it's not to say that there isn't a bunch of fucked up things going on here relationally, but at the end of the day, this is a culture that values family. Absolutely. And community. And that's my next question. We talked a little bit earlier about. what led you to Italy, but ultimately why Italy, you know, what is happening in your life right now that has you wondering whether this could actually become home. There are moments when I walk around Florence and I feel like it is a synthesis of all the places I've ever loved. I look out at the Tuscan Hills and they look so much like the Blue Ridge Mountains that I grew up around in North Carolina. It also reminds me so much of the Bay Area and All of my travels between San Francisco and wine

country, and there's a lot about the land here that feels similar. But what is different about Italy than California is economics. And so it's so much more sustainable in Italy to have the life that I deserve to be having that I couldn't have in California. But I think what feels most important. To share is that it's not just anywhere in Italy that I've landed, it's Florence, which is the seat of the Renaissance. And so there's a frequency here that I get to tap into that is of creativity and rebirth and invention. There's an openness here, there's a diversity here. I feel like becoming the woman I'm meant to become is possible here. And actually just even in the last year of being back and forth between Florence and other parts of the world, I've had my own renaissance. And I feel like that's the thing I'll I'll forever be able to tap into here. And there's a story attached to that, but I'll leave it at this for right now. That's amazing. And what has living abroad given you that America couldn't? So much. Well For example, my monthly budget for all of my expenses in Italy is what it would cost me just to have a one-bedroom apartment in North Carolina. I'm glad you prefaced this because I think there is an interesting contrast between the cost of living in America as opposed to the cost of living in Europe. And yes, you can choose those expensive European cities, but for me Because everybody in my life is like, why are you going back to Sicily? Why do want to back to Italy? And I always say I haven't built myself up in a way to be able to sustain in America. Not that I don't I mean, could if I wanted to. I'm educated. I have a great work ethic, but I've never wanted to. Yes. And I'm a free spirit and I'm an artist. And I ki America kind of like throws people out of the country who are like that, if that makes sense. The conventional people are the people that are able to coast in America. The unconventional people. I mean, yes, in the bigger cities you see them, you can navigate the terrain to a point. But I just feel, at least for me, and I'm sure you feel this way too, in Europe, I can be whoever the fuck I want. Reach. Literally, literally, literally. I I I couldn't have said it better myself. I actually get to be the woman I was put on this earth to be here. I physically can't afford to be the woman I came here to be in my own country. I can't afford to. It's really hard. It's so hard. And then it just becomes this catch 22 of like when I'm living in the States, I'm constantly worried about survival. And so then I don't really have a lot of time or energy left to do the thing I really came to do, which is to be an author, write my books, And teach and like facilitate things. And and to be an artist, let's be very clear, to be an artist means you're not just working when you are painting the painting or writing the book. There is so much time and space required to sit and contemplate, think, meditate, receive, allow, be in communion with God.

Like there's a whole process that has to happen that is unpaid. Before pen ever hits the paper. And and I can afford to be in that process in Italy. I go into debt to be in that process in America. It's really hard not to, especially with the current state of our administration and everything is just getting more expensive. And you obviously haven't been living in America for a couple of years. And girlfriend, when you get back in November, you're gonna see. LOL. LOL. Anyways, and I'm glad it'll be temporary for you, obviously. But it'll also, I think there is something to be said about like the land that you're from. And even though America is what it is, I know for me, my mother's here, my sister's here, my brother's here, those are really valuable pieces to me. And I almost wish sometimes that I could to transport everybody with me, but unfortunately I can't do that. America has given me a lot, but I'm very much in alignment with you that I am way more authentic and way more myself and allowed to be who I want to be in Europe. And my last question around leaving and finding home is for you, what is much harder about it? Obviously, transitioning abroad, forging a life on your own in a different country, on Well, people obviously see you on Instagram thinking you're living your best life, which you are, but what's the alter side of that? We know that it is harder than what Instagram portrays it as. Can you talk a little bit just about that process and how can someone who wants to embark on what you're doing? What's maybe a little toolkit that can help sustain them in the beginning? a great question. yeah, okay, so I I think the hardest part for me is that I'm I'm 40 and I'm single. So I do this process alone, air quotes. So I can really experience decision fatigue every once in a while. It's like to live the way I've been living on tourist visas 90 days on, 90 days off. constantly making decisions about well, where am I sleeping this week or this month or where's my next client gonna come from? And like, how am I gonna do all of this in a country where I'm lucky because I speak Spanish and Spanish and Italian are so similar, I can really get by. But sometimes in small town Italy, nobody's speaking Spanish either, and you gotta fucking sign language that shit to figure out how to get to the right train station or whatever. And then I'm doing it as a one woman show. And it gets exhausting every once in a while, especially when I'm like around my cycle and I'm about to bleed. I'm like, I just wish there was this big strong man who was like, baby, I got your luggage and I got you and get into bed, you know. I know, I know. And not to say and I want to transition into love overseas next, not to say that we can't meet a love when we're traveling. But I know for me, and I've been to all the different countries that you have and navigating it by myself, I am finding realistically, the more rooted I am is when I'm more likely to have a partner in my life. And there's just I wouldn't say there's a lot of people traveling the road less traveled where they're living from Airbnb to Airbnb. And that has its time and place and I did it and I loved it. Do I want to go back to it? Probably not. Why I'm just gonna root myself in Sicily and then have that be my launching pad. But I can totally understand the decision fatigue because that is a real thing when you're doing it by yourself, right? Girl, so r so real. And I just want a present that on the outside looking in, I am doing it alone or you have done it alone. And yet If I could impress one thing upon your listeners in this podcast, is that we are truly never alone. And I think the biggest difference between America and Europe for me is that in America we are so programmed to be afraid of each other. We're so programmed to be afraid of life. But if if Europe has taught me anything, it is that people are so much more kind, generous, safe. open, compassionate, abundant than anywhere. And if I need something, trust and believe there's an angel along the way that's like, hey girl, I see you. Let me help get your luggage or let me pay for that coffee or let me get you directions or here's my Wi Fi code so you can figure out where you're going. Like I have met the most incredible people along my travels every step of the way, lifelong friends and soul family. half the times I'm not even paying for an Airbnb because I met somebody somewhere and they said, come stay in my home. And then and then I'm at home with them. And I just and I've also met several lovers along the way and have gotten a crash course education in Italian men over the last year and and international travel men. And I'm actually going on a date tonight with somebody who He's not Italian, he's from the Middle East, but was here on a business trip. and I met him about five months ago, and he's just a global person like I am. And he was like, hey, I'm gonna be back in town. Can I take you to dinner? And I said, absolutely, absolutely. Like, look at how abundant I am with connection. Yeah, they're little magical moments that we have to really revel in because obviously they don't happen all the time, but I feel like they're much more liable to happen in different parts of the world, especially Europe and all the people that come and go through Europe. It's it to me, it's the center of the universe, right? And I think that I love that you're talking about dating because that will be my next topic for you about Does love feel different outside of America? you and I have experienced this firsthand, and I just wanted to get your insight because you are living in Italy right now, what that looks like for you. My God, it's so different. I wish you could see my face right now. I okay, I think dating is different in Europe for a lot of reasons. That number one is that people talk to each other here. So meaning I've never used a dating app in Europe, and I won't. It's not necessary. if you are

just a human being breathing and paying attention to life while you're out in the world working in or walking in markets or at a coffee shop or whatever, Europe is a place where you naturally start conversation with random strangers. And that's just part of my nature too. Like I do that anywhere I am in the world, but it's easier here because people are also like that here. And Italian men For better or for worse, are very romantic and sensual and sexual and they're good lovers. I'm not gonna say they're good partners at all, but they are good lovers. And so it's a great place to practice the art of seduction, the art of loving and being brave and bold and having new conversations and doing fun things like Hopping on the back of a Vesba and driving through the Tuscan Hills to get to a beach and doing all kinds of things that I've done. All those magical things that we do in Italy. Yes. But I would also say communication is different. And so it's not all rainbows and unicorns. So I mean there's the obvious communication. Like a lot of times I'm using Google Translate to try to figure out what my potential lover or partner is saying to me. But I think in America we are much more used to direct communication when it comes to dating. Italian men and Spanish men are they're much more laissez-faire. They don't plan, they don't organize shit. They're not gonna say on a Tuesday, can we go out on a Friday? You'll be lucky if Friday afternoon they say, Hey, are you free in an hour? You know, and it's like, wait a second. Italian men are very in their feminine, which forces an American woman to be in her masculine to make shit happen. But I would say out of all my travels, the men that I really jive with the most are the Portuguese. Portuguese men are so stand-up. They're like good men. And they are proud of being good men. I think Italian men are proud of being like good in bed, but they don't really give a shit if they're good to you or not. Portuguese men, they take the duty of being a good man very seriously. And I've enjoyed going on dates with Portuguese men as a result, deeply. I'm like, can I find a Portuguese man who wants to marry me in Italy? Let's go. Absolutely. That's really interesting. I've never dated a Portuguese man, but it is a co when I get back to Italia, I definitely want to spend more time in Portugal. I have this draw to it, and Continental Confessions has Done some stuff with Portugal over the summer, and I'm definitely looking to explore Portugal more, no doubt. And my next question for you: have you ever stayed somewhere longer because of love? Yes and no. I'm the kind of woman who has flown all over the world for love. And so I've gone places for love. Like I met somebody in Sardania last year, and he lived in London, and he invited me to London. So I hopped on a plane and I went. London and it didn't work out with him, but then I got to know London because of him, and I've done that quite a bit actually, different countries and

different places. So I think I'm ready for the man who's willing to get on the plane for me. But I will say that here in Italy, I've stayed in parts of Italy longer because I met a man. I met two lovers in the city of Lucca. And I was willing to stay in Luca for longer because I was like, well, this might be something. And I want to get married and I want to have a baby. And I want to root. Like, I don't want to be on the road all the time. Like the whole purpose of my travels for the last two, two and a half years has been to find the place I want to plant my roots. And so when I meet somebody and I feel a resonance with them, I take that very seriously. But there isn't anywhere that I've stayed where I felt like I stayed too long. So I am proud of myself for that. Yeah, go girlfriend. That's amazing. And we were talking as we wrap this up a little bit on love and the everything that it comes with: the good, the bad, the ugly. You're living this unconventional life at the moment. Or I guess maybe it looks unconventional, but maybe it's not unconventional to you, obviously. But I wanted to ask you, do you think you can build a completely unconventional life and still have partnership? 1000%. In fact, I've always said to my like dearest friends, my personal mantra is rooted freedom. We need roots to have freedom, because freedom without roots is chaos. And so I've always believed that I wanted something very traditional, i.e. partnership and family. But I wanted it in an untraditional way. Yeah. And it's I know that that's possible for me on the outside because that's who I am on the inside. Like if you meet me in person, like I'm really grounded. And I have to be in order to travel the world and run an online business and do everything on my own and meet people, just to do everything I do. And so how could it not? How could I not have this beautiful global life with a home base in Italy and a man that I love and a child that I get to take with us at wherever we go? Like, how could that not be possible? And and part of the reason I know that that's possible is because I've met other people along the way who have done it. Right. And that's been one of the greatest gifts of traveling is meeting other couples who met each other while they were traveling and then they, got pregnant and they were like, okay, well let's do this thing. And then they just found a way to incorporate alternative ways of being within a traditional structure. And so with that, I guess the last thing I would just say to your audience is that living a global life and living a life that actually feels like it's home to you, like your definition of home, no one else's, will require you to walk With more faith than you ever thought possible. Like let's make no mistake, faith is the one skill that you must cultivate. But when you learn how to truly leap and then allow the net to appear, what you're really signing up for is a life of miracles. And there's not a day that goes by when

I'm traveling where I don't experience a miracle. It's unnerving. It's not comfortable, but it's real. Yeah. And I think that you're also, I don't want to say you're looking for miracles, but you are the kind of person you expect them. And that's how we should all be living. And that obviously transitions me into your work centered around homecoming. What does coming home to yourself actually mean to you? So there's a feeling. that all of us are born with, where we know what wholeness is inside of us, like the truth of who we are. And from a very young age, we often have to divorce that sense of knowing, that sense of being in order to fit into our family systems, our social circles, our school systems, what have you. When we come home to ourselves, we gather all the energy that's been floating around the world trying to belong. To other people, and we start belonging to ourselves. But here's the caveat: without apology, there is an unapologetic quality to a human being who is at home. And this is really crucial for women because women are socialized to apologize for themselves, just for their existence. The work of homecoming is learning how to remember who you really are. And basic shit. what is your preference? for your favorite foods and your fashion, your personal style and aesthetic. How do you want to decorate your home? Like what is your natural rhythm for going to bed and waking up in the morning? Like what brings you joy in your day? Like basic things that then we start talking about bigger things. When you get really dialed in on all that is you. And then you stop fucking apologizing for it. You start creating a life that feels like you. And everything changes, Nicole. The way we make every decision changes. And that's everything, because then we change the world. Yeah, it's beautiful. And also, you've been a psychotherapist, a doula, an author, a mentor, and a traveler. Do you think women put too much pressure on themselves to choose one identity? Way too much. I know. Especially in America, it's like we have to do one thing and we have to stick with it and it has to be a linear path, and I just cannot with that mentality. It's bullshit because it's also not how we're biologically wired, okay? Men are wired that way. Women are biologically wired to be the nurturers of community, right? So what does that mean? In community, traditionally, women were the ones who were. Not only, making the food, weaving the fabric for the clothing, and taking care of other people's babies and whatever, but then they were like helping bring those babies into the world. Like you didn't hire somebody to be your fucking doula or midwife. It was just your sister down the street, because that's what women did for each other. And by the way, that sister also happened to be a great herbalist and a wonderful cook and fill in the blank. Like we are Multimodal, multi-facet faceted human beings. Yeah. Because that's how we've survived for generations. And so if there is a woman listening to this podcast who feels like, gosh, I've been in marketing my whole life, but really the thing I want to do is design these like super niche ceramic pots, fuck them go for it, girl. Just fuck them Go and do it, girl. Right. yeah. Because we don't know. We don't. Where that inspiration is gonna lead you and the lives are gonna change because of that. And by the way, if you still wanna work part-time in marketing to pay your bills, great, nobody cares. Do what lights you on fire. Yeah, for sure, because we are here temporarily and we know that time is infinite, right? But in this current incarnation, time is finite, right? We are limited to a certain extent. And I feel like if there's something calling you, and yes, there are logistics that go behind things in the planning aspect. But I feel like if there's something a deeper calling for us where things aren't currently aligning for us and we want to be on the other side of something else, we have to take the steps to get there. And there is support along the way, but the reality of it is you will be walking the path on your own. At least for a while until you find your people, right? Yeah. Yeah. And actually that's a chapter in my book, Homecoming, is called Gather Your People. And Gather Your People, so my book is divided into what I call sacraments. And the fifth sacrament is connected to the fifth chakra, which is our our throat chakra. When we are really connected to our authentic voice and expression in the world, the most natural thing is that we are. Then going to attract people who vibrate on that same level. And so I have found in my process that as soon as I say, okay, I I want to go do this thing, all it takes is me taking the first step in the direction of that and maybe speaking it aloud to one other person. And then boom, the next thing I know, life is populating my path with so many different people to support that decision. Amazing. And this actually ties in beautifully as we wrap up here to Italy. And you're planning a women's retreat in Sicily in 2027. Why Sicily? Just because I have to know because I love my Sicily. And what do you want women to experience there? My goodness. I fucking love Sicily too. I love Sicily because it is an island of alchemy. There's an active volcano, Mount Etna. And that energy plus just being surrounded by water provides the perfect earth grid and energy for change, transformation, illumination, revelation, and alchemizing all of it into the process of letting go what no longer serves. In being courageous enough to finally step into what does. And you're surrounded by beauty, right? You know, the architecture and the water and all of that, and such good food to nourish the process along the way. And and so these retreats, they're not wellness retreats. I'm calling them truth telling retreats. Yeah, because I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but what happens when women gather to tell the truth, I think, is more exponential than what happens. When a patient comes into a therapist office, and I can say this as a former therapist, when we're just like pouring a glass of wine with our best friend, or we're sitting having a coffee somewhere or whatever, and we start telling our stories to a woman in our life that we love, that is more healing than years of therapy on the couch. And so imagine getting together with incredible women, drinking good wine. Harvesting olive oil in Sicily, having a little Mona prepare daily food and teach us how to make the pasta. And all the while every day I'm guiding you with prompts through the homecoming process on how to share your story. And then to dismantle what stories no longer serve you by speaking the truth about it, and then to start to rewrite the new stories you want to learn. Beautiful. I'm definitely looking forward to that retreat and praying that I'm in Sicily by then as well. Yes. Okay, so I just want to wrap up with one more question. If we record another episode a year from now, where do you hope you'll be sitting? girl. I'm gonna be sitting in my brand new home in Fietsole, overlooking Firenze. I will be six months pregnant. And my second book will Be published and my third one will be on the way. And I'll be living inside of the answer to my ancestors' prayers. Beautiful. I love that. And I will be supporting you and being your cheerleader along the way, girl. And I really appreciate you coming on the show today, especially with your knowledge base around sisterhood and what it's like to forge a path that. doesn't make sense to anybody else and it doesn't ever have to make sense to anybody else. It has to make sense to you. And guys, if you're interested in Sarah's book, it lives on Amazon Homecoming. She's got two more books, as I was saying at the beginning of the episode, that are releasing. Sarah, is it next year, did you say? Mm-hmm. Yep, spring of 2027. Beautiful. And also, as you know, guys, travel is my vehicle for Continental Confessions, but it is a female-based platform around sisterhood and global living. And I offer a bunch of fabulous services on my website from travel guides to packing lists. I can even plan your trip. I can plan the style around your trip. And I will see you guys in the next episode. Sarah, thanks so much. Kisses to you. Wow. Thank you so much.