התמלול המלא של 046: harry baker, heated rivalry, & loving so much it hurts

you come back, you know. 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:06.480 I don't know. 00:02:06.719 --> 00:02:07.840 I could we could make it work. 00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:09.360 It grinded my ears though. 00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:10.960 That's like crazy. 00:02:11.120 --> 00:02:11.360 Yeah. 00:02:11.520 --> 00:02:12.879 That's a crazy word. 00:02:13.439 --> 00:02:14.159 Whoa. 00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:15.360 Wow. 00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:17.039 Triangulate on our tears. 00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:18.319 That's what we're here to do today. 00:02:18.560 --> 00:02:20.479 That should be our new catchphrase, I think. 00:02:20.879 --> 00:02:22.080 Nah, I wouldn't listen. 00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:22.719 Yeah. 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:23.360 No. 00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:25.039 I wouldn't either. 00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:27.360 Um, if you're new here, welcome. 00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:28.800 If you're old here, welcome back. 00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:30.960 Cry babies, love to have you. 00:02:31.280 --> 00:02:34.000 If you don't already follow us, what are you doing? 00:02:34.240 --> 00:02:37.120 We are at beerbecrying.podcast on all socials. 00:02:37.280 --> 00:02:41.520 Send us your cry recommendations, any things that made you cry. 00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:44.080 Rate us five stars, you know, do all the things. 00:02:44.159 --> 00:02:45.280 This is me plugging us. 00:02:45.919 --> 00:02:47.280 You gotta be your own biggest fan. 00:02:47.520 --> 00:02:47.840 Yeah. 00:02:48.159 --> 00:02:51.120 I already reviewed myself, so I can't do it anymore. 00:02:51.599 --> 00:02:55.439 I need to leave that responsibility to you if you could do us a favor. 00:02:55.680 --> 00:02:56.879 Um, yeah, leave us a review. 00:02:56.960 --> 00:03:01.439 We're really funny and cool and um vulnerable. 00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:02.479 Sorry. 00:03:03.520 --> 00:03:04.560 That's the strongest. 00:03:04.879 --> 00:03:05.039 Yeah. 00:03:05.520 --> 00:03:06.560 We are two things. 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:07.120 Cool. 00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:07.759 What did you say? 00:03:07.919 --> 00:03:08.800 Funny, cool, and vulnerable. 00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:09.840 Okay, we're three things. 00:03:10.000 --> 00:03:10.159 Yeah. 00:03:10.400 --> 00:03:11.520 Funny, cool, and vulnerable. 00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:12.159 Yes. 00:03:13.439 --> 00:03:14.240 What's up? 00:03:14.400 --> 00:03:15.120 Let's move on. 00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:15.840 How are you? 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:16.960 I'm good. 00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:17.680 Yeah. 00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:20.800 Just I I feel like neutral today. 00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:21.360 Okay. 00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:24.639 Which is like a great place to be. 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:25.360 You know? 00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:26.240 You know what I mean? 00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:26.800 Yeah. 00:03:26.960 --> 00:03:29.280 There are definitely worse places to be than neutral. 00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:30.159 It's a Monday. 00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:31.759 We're recording on a Monday today. 00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:35.120 And it's like, uh, okay. 00:03:36.080 --> 00:03:36.639 You know? 00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:37.199 Yeah. 00:03:37.439 --> 00:03:39.199 She's so happy to be here, guys. 00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:40.159 She can't wait. 00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:43.520 I've I've come here with worse energy, you know? 00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:46.879 So I'm in a neutral, I'm in a neutral place. 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:49.680 I love coming here with like a pounding headache. 00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:53.360 I can hardly see straight, and I'm like trying to read off my fucking iPad. 00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:54.159 Crazy. 00:03:54.400 --> 00:03:55.599 Uh how about you? 00:03:55.919 --> 00:03:57.520 I'm a little hot right now. 00:03:58.719 --> 00:03:59.919 Spring weather. 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:01.280 This is a bit thick. 00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:03.919 Are you hot? 00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:04.719 But you know what? 00:04:05.280 --> 00:04:07.439 We're here for the vibes, so we can't change. 00:04:07.599 --> 00:04:07.840 Yeah. 00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:08.240 No. 00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:09.680 I like your little clips today. 00:04:10.000 --> 00:04:10.240 Thanks. 00:04:10.319 --> 00:04:11.039 They're saunas. 00:04:11.199 --> 00:04:11.439 Oh. 00:04:11.599 --> 00:04:14.960 They're like a gift from the Philippines, and I was rifling through it. 00:04:15.039 --> 00:04:19.439 And she doesn't like putting clips in her hair, so I was like, okay, well, I'm gonna put these little lemon clips in my hair. 00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:20.240 Oh, is that what they are? 00:04:20.399 --> 00:04:21.360 I'm gonna wear my glasses. 00:04:21.519 --> 00:04:22.160 Yeah, I can't see. 00:04:22.399 --> 00:04:23.360 They're yellow blobs. 00:04:23.519 --> 00:04:24.000 I love it. 00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:25.360 Yeah, they're they're lemons. 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:27.439 Yeah, I'm I'm chilling. 00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:28.000 Right? 00:04:28.399 --> 00:04:29.759 That's just like, okay. 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:31.040 We're here to do the thing. 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:31.680 Yeah. 00:04:31.920 --> 00:04:37.199 But you know, whenever I feel this way, I feel like we always end the recordings feeling like, yeah, that was good. 00:04:38.319 --> 00:04:44.639 Even when I'm in a shitty, like shitty state of mind, I always like feel better after. 00:04:44.879 --> 00:04:45.120 Yeah. 00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:46.959 So we're already like a leg up. 00:04:47.120 --> 00:04:47.439 Yeah. 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:47.920 You know? 00:04:48.160 --> 00:04:48.720 Yeah. 00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:50.319 Yeah, okay. 00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:55.199 Should we do it? 00:04:55.920 --> 00:04:56.879 Do it. 00:04:57.519 --> 00:04:58.160 Yeah. 00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:00.079 Oh my god. 00:05:00.639 --> 00:05:02.000 What the fuck is happening? 00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:02.480 Okay. 00:05:02.879 --> 00:05:04.720 I swear to God, we're really happy to be here. 00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:05.120 We really are. 00:05:05.439 --> 00:05:06.639 Sure, just roll the transition case. 00:05:06.879 --> 00:05:07.360 Yeah,

yeah, yeah. 00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:08.000 Yeah. 00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:16.560 Alright, I have to begin my story today with an announcement. 00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:20.319 I recently did something huge. 00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:22.160 Monumental. 00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:25.759 Maybe one of the craziest things I've ever done in my life. 00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:28.160 I quit my job. 00:05:28.399 --> 00:05:29.199 Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:05:29.439 --> 00:05:29.680 Yeah. 00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:30.720 I heard about that. 00:05:30.959 --> 00:05:31.920 You heard about this. 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:37.759 Crybabies, not tea for nin, but maybe tea for you. 00:05:38.079 --> 00:05:41.920 If you're looking for like the drama, I'm sorry to disappoint you. 00:05:42.079 --> 00:05:44.079 It was not because of any ill will. 00:05:44.319 --> 00:05:47.519 Because they kept saying, let's triangulate on this. 00:05:47.920 --> 00:05:49.439 I had to leave because of the triangles. 00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:51.199 It was it was too much. 00:05:51.759 --> 00:05:56.000 Um, there was no storming out, no slamming doors. 00:05:56.160 --> 00:05:58.480 In fact, it was actually quite the opposite. 00:05:58.639 --> 00:06:06.720 It started out as this nagging feeling that honestly I felt a long time ago, way before this job, too. 00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:14.000 I've always known that being in accounting and finance, not my jam. 00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:14.879 Really? 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:20.079 You didn't feel like this is why I'm on this earth. 00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:23.279 Play around with this little spreadsheet. 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:27.920 No, you know, some people though genuinely love it. 00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:31.759 From the beginning, I was always just complaining. 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:37.920 Like, you know, I was always the one who was like, this is so boring, you know, and everyone's like, shut the fuck up, I'm here to do my job, right? 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:38.720 Like, we all know. 00:06:38.879 --> 00:06:42.720 Anyway, so this was a very long time coming. 00:06:42.879 --> 00:06:44.879 Me exiting the corporate world. 00:06:45.199 --> 00:06:47.839 But of course, I stifled that. 00:06:48.399 --> 00:06:54.240 And once we started this podcast, that was when I knew I was like, oh, this is the thing. 00:06:54.399 --> 00:06:57.040 Because I was like, I want to leave, but what what am I gonna do? 00:06:57.120 --> 00:06:58.240 Like, what is the thing? 00:06:58.480 --> 00:06:59.920 This is the thing. 00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:06.480 But I was still unwilling to let go of my nine to five, the steady paycheck. 00:07:06.800 --> 00:07:16.720 And it wasn't until the past few months when my intuition told me that there's something more and I can't ignore it anymore. 00:07:17.040 --> 00:07:20.000 But the catch was I had to be the one to make the first move. 00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:34.079 I had to show the universe that I was ready to take a chance on myself, and I couldn't wait anymore to start

living how I want to live, and to start filling my days with what I love and nothing else. 00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:36.639 So I left. 00:07:37.439 --> 00:07:45.120 During my last week of work, there were a lot of emotions, lots of grieving, lots of processing. 00:07:45.439 --> 00:07:48.879 And then at the end of February of this year, I was done. 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:52.800 But of course, I couldn't stay away long. 00:07:53.360 --> 00:07:57.360 After five years at this job, these people had pretty much become like my family. 00:07:58.160 --> 00:08:01.839 So just one month later, I was back to visit. 00:08:02.480 --> 00:08:06.240 Got some bagels, got some cream cheese, you know. 00:08:06.560 --> 00:08:20.160 And during the team meeting that they they happened to be having when I went, my old boss gave me a belated going-away gift that came right after I left. 00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:21.600 And so she was just waiting for me. 00:08:21.759 --> 00:08:26.000 Which I'm like, wow, like she knew I was gonna come back and visit because she just like had it ready. 00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:33.039 And it was a book of poems titled Wonderful by Harry Baker. 00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:41.600 And she read a poem from the book and said, and I quote, I better get featured on your podcast. 00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:44.559 So hey Teresa, you're featured. 00:08:44.879 --> 00:08:49.200 Because today I am going to talk about one of those poems called Sunflowers. 00:08:49.679 --> 00:08:52.240 But first, some context. 00:08:53.679 --> 00:08:55.120 Let me get the book. 00:08:56.000 --> 00:08:56.720 Wonderful. 00:08:57.039 --> 00:08:58.799 Wonderful by Harry Baker. 00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:00.639 Yeah, it's wonderful. 00:09:00.960 --> 00:09:12.320 All right, so per Harry Baker's author's note at the beginning of the book, he writes Harry Baker is a poet and maths graduate based in Margate. 00:09:12.639 --> 00:09:18.559 He became the world poetry slam champion in 2012 and has been the people's champion ever since. 00:09:18.799 --> 00:09:26.480 He's a big fan of playfulness and vulnerability, and tries to combine both in his work as much as in his day-to-day life. 00:09:27.039 --> 00:09:31.120 When I read that, I was like, playfulness and vulnerability. 00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:34.399 Do we need to fly him out here and have him on the podcast? 00:09:34.639 --> 00:09:37.120 Well, no, because we're only cool, funny, and vulnerable. 00:09:37.440 --> 00:09:37.840 That's true. 00:09:38.240 --> 00:09:38.639 Oh my god. 00:09:40.799 --> 00:09:41.759 It's really not. 00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:42.720 Never mind. 00:09:43.120 --> 00:09:44.080 No overlap. 00:09:44.639 --> 00:10:01.120 Um, and then in the intro of the book, he writes As much as I think every writer aspires to improve on a technical level, the thing I have really been putting the hours into is cultivating my sense of wonder to not just be amazing, but to be amazed. 00:10:02.879 --> 00:10:06.080 I was like, also, the the front of this book. 00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:09.039 You know there's quotes on the front of books from other people. 00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:10.399 Really bloody good. 00:10:10.559 --> 00:10:11.440 Couldn't put it down. 00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:14.879 I laughed, I cried, I took it to the loo with me when I needed a Wii. 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:19.360 And I was like, yeah, I was like, yeah, this is my fucking book. 00:10:19.679 --> 00:10:21.120 Also, that sounds so British. 00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:21.919 Give it to me. 00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:24.240 Everything is so British about this. 00:10:24.480 --> 00:10:25.279 You will love it. 00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:26.000 You will. 00:10:26.480 --> 00:10:31.519 Um, so Harry Baker states that his work is best experience in person. 00:10:32.320 --> 00:10:34.159 But we're a little tied up right now. 00:10:34.399 --> 00:10:37.759 You know, we can't really fly to, you know, the UK. 00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:42.799 So I figure the next best thing is showing you one of his performances on YouTube. 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:47.519 This is a love poem about prime numbers. 00:10:47.679 --> 00:10:49.679 Remember, he's a math, a maths graduate. 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:53.679 It's a love poem about prime numbers titled 59. 00:10:54.799 --> 00:11:00.559 So, on top of being really talented, great writer, he's so smart. 00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:01.759 It's too much. 00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:02.000 Okay. 00:11:02.320 --> 00:11:03.600 There's really no overlap there. 00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:05.120 No, I don't know what to tell. 00:11:05.519 --> 00:11:06.399 There really isn't. 00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:08.480 So, okay, we're gonna pause here. 00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:14.399 We're gonna watch the first four minutes of it's a Ted X talk, and this is him performing his poem. 00:11:14.720 --> 00:11:16.240 I will link this in the show notes. 00:11:16.480 --> 00:11:17.279 Cry babies. 00:11:20.960 --> 00:11:27.440 Alright, so I just played for Nin's a little four-minute video of Harry Baker performing his poem, 59. 00:11:27.919 --> 00:11:30.960 So in this video, we catch some of Harry's vibes. 00:11:31.200 --> 00:11:47.039 Charming, playful, and the best part of his intro, like he doesn't sound like every fucking, you know, like the Ted X or the Ted talk, how they're all like, God, I just saw this video where they were just like making fun of how Ted Ted like like they say catchphrases, right? 00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:48.080 Like God. 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:50.159 And my eyes immediately glaze over it. 00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:50.799 Yeah. 00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:55.679 See, the thing is, every single one of you. 00:11:56.159 --> 00:11:58.639 Anyway, but yeah, charming, playful. 00:11:58.879 --> 00:12:03.200 And after his introduction, he performs the poem titled 59. 00:12:03.840 --> 00:12:08.080 In this poem, the number 59 has a crush on the number 60. 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:10.799 But 60 thinks he's odd. 00:12:11.600 --> 00:12:17.279 But eventually he meets 61 and realizes

that actually number 61 is his true love. 00:12:17.519 --> 00:12:19.360 This is a very short excerpt. 00:12:19.679 --> 00:12:22.399 61 was clever, see, not prone to jealousy. 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:27.120 She looked him in the eyes and told him quite tenderly, You're 59, I'm 61. 00:12:27.200 --> 00:12:30.559 Together we combine to become twice what 60 could ever be. 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:35.840 At this point, 59 had tears in his eyes, was so glad to have this one-of-a-kind girl in his life. 00:12:36.080 --> 00:12:42.000 He told her the very definition of being prime was that with only one in himself could his heart divide. 00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:47.039 When I was listening to this, I was like, oh my God, I need to listen to this again. 00:12:47.120 --> 00:12:49.360 Like it's so clever. 00:12:49.519 --> 00:12:51.279 It's so fucking smart. 00:12:51.519 --> 00:12:54.399 And again, crybabies, I link this in the show notes. 00:12:54.480 --> 00:12:55.840 It's only four minutes long. 00:12:56.240 --> 00:12:58.559 But clearly, he's a genius. 00:12:58.879 --> 00:13:02.720 But the best part is that he's just as heartwarming. 00:13:02.799 --> 00:13:07.200 Like his content and what he's what he's sharing, what he's writing is just as heartwarming as it is clever. 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:11.440 And another thing I love about Harry Baker, his social media. 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:13.519 He's so funny. 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:15.039 So British. 00:13:15.279 --> 00:13:19.279 You know how the you know how we always talk about how like British people are the fucking funniest people ever? 00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:20.320 Every British person. 00:13:20.799 --> 00:13:21.440 So funny. 00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:23.279 He is no exception. 00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:29.679 In fact, I feel like him being so smart just like amplifies the humor a little bit. 00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:36.799 He recently posted a video on Instagram about how some journalist attended one of his gigs. 00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:40.240 They reached out to him and so he gave him a free ticket. 00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:46.480 But in this unexpected twist, the journalist fucking obliterated him. 00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:47.840 Obliterated Harry. 00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:50.159 He was like, I don't see what the big deal is about. 00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:51.200 Yeah, no. 00:13:51.279 --> 00:13:52.000 Oh, yeah. 00:13:52.240 --> 00:13:53.039 It was weird, right? 00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:53.519 Okay. 00:13:53.759 --> 00:14:00.480 And so in this video, Harry's like walking outside and just talking to the camera, talking about like how much you know this journalist like shitting on him. 00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:03.039 A bird fucking shits on his shoulder. 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:04.799 Crazy, crazy. 00:14:04.960 --> 00:14:08.879 And then like in the end of the video, he's talking about like the article came out on Good Friday. 00:14:08.960 --> 00:14:17.120 So he was like, even though the article came out on Good Friday in an attempt to

editorially crucify me, I too, like Jesus, will rise again. 00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:18.399 Who is he? 00:14:18.720 --> 00:14:20.240 Also fuck this journalist. 00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:20.799 Yeah. 00:14:21.120 --> 00:14:23.039 But like thanks for giving him content. 00:14:23.279 --> 00:14:25.440 No, no, literally, yeah, yeah. 00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:29.279 But all this to say, I'm a little bit in love with Harry Baker. 00:14:29.519 --> 00:14:29.840 Yeah. 00:14:30.320 --> 00:14:32.559 Smart, talented, funny, empathetic. 00:14:32.799 --> 00:14:33.279 British. 00:14:33.519 --> 00:14:34.080 British. 00:14:34.399 --> 00:14:36.000 So funny, so funny. 00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:46.159 He also happens to have his own podcast called Something Borrowed, where it's more of like a live show format where he happens to record it and he'll invite other poets and artists to come. 00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:49.279 And it's usually filmed live in Margate where he's from. 00:14:49.519 --> 00:14:53.120 And they'll talk about like something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. 00:14:53.200 --> 00:14:58.080 Like they'll recite like old poetry or like a new piece or something like that. 00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:00.240 So that is on Apple and Spotify. 00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:02.879 And I will also link that in the show notes if anyone wants to check it out. 00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:09.759 So I could keep going about this man, but I feel like the best way for you to get to know him is again through his work. 00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:13.759 So I'm going to play you a couple more of his performances. 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:16.720 The first one is a more recent poem. 00:15:17.039 --> 00:15:19.039 Harry is a new dad. 00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:23.679 So of course, of course, he wrote new content. 00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:29.360 A hundred poems for the first a hundred days of his son's life. 00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:30.559 Got it. 00:15:32.080 --> 00:15:32.879 Like, what the fuck? 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:34.240 What the fuck did my mom do? 00:15:34.399 --> 00:15:36.799 What the fuck did my parents do? 00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:46.240 Okay, so these poems are encapsulated in his newest book called Tender, which was just released in February 2026. 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:54.320 So the poem I'm gonna play for you is about one of those really hard days that you have in early parenthood. 00:15:54.480 --> 00:15:58.000 It's titled, There's no use crying over spilled milk. 00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:02.159 It's about a minute and a half long, and I will link this in the show notes too. 00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:05.120 I'm playing this on uh this is from his Instagram page. 00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:09.919 So I'm gonna read a little snippet. 00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:12.559 But even on God. 00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:18.320 Should I take out like a stringed instrument while you read this? 00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:24.480 The thing is, the hard part about writing this story, I was just crying, it was just nonstop

tears. 00:16:24.559 --> 00:16:24.720 Okay. 00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:29.120 Every time I would watch one of his videos, especially the ones on new parenthood. 00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:32.399 So I'm gonna read a little snippet. 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:33.840 I'm gonna hold it together. 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:35.279 This isn't even like my story. 00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:36.879 Like this isn't even the thing I'm gonna talk about. 00:16:37.120 --> 00:16:37.440 Okay. 00:16:38.320 --> 00:16:41.679 But even on those why is this so hard? 00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:49.519 But even on those days when your mom is unsettled, because I am unsettled, because you are unsettled. 00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:52.799 When I love you feels like a plaster. 00:16:53.279 --> 00:16:55.519 When a hug feels like an IO you. 00:16:56.159 --> 00:17:02.399 Even on those days, you and I get to have a bath together, and we both get to use our favorite towels. 00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:07.200 And you are your croc sleepsuit that is so thick you pass out in a starfish position. 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.079 And I love you so much that I could burst. 00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:11.440 That's it. 00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:12.720 That's all I'm gonna read. 00:17:12.960 --> 00:17:14.640 And I'm not gonna say anything else about it. 00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:15.759 We're gonna move on. 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:16.319 Okay. 00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:24.960 So the second performance I want to show you is of a poem titled Wonderful, which is the name of the book, and it's the last poem featured in the book. 00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:30.160 This is the poem that my boss read an excerpt from when she presented me with the book. 00:17:30.400 --> 00:17:35.359 And that's the moment she started reading it out loud, I was like, yeah, I'm gonna talk about this on the podcast. 00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:38.400 So it's the first she had a whole plan. 00:17:39.519 --> 00:17:40.480 She played the long game here. 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:48.720 She was like, Okay, so it's the first poem Harry ever wrote for his son when he found out his wife was pregnant. 00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:51.279 I don't need to hear like just No, no, no. 00:17:51.440 --> 00:17:56.000 This one, this one is not as This one's not as heavy. 00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:57.440 It's yeah. 00:17:57.599 --> 00:17:58.960 It's about two and a half minutes long. 00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:00.319 I'm just gonna I'm just gonna play it for you. 00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:01.440 I'm just gonna play it for you. 00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:06.799 She read that to you. 00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:09.440 The fuck? 00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:11.279 Like in front of people. 00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:12.799 Yeah, at the beginning of the team meeting. 00:18:12.880 --> 00:18:14.319 She's like, oh, I'm just gonna read this little poem. 00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:16.240 I was like, uh, okay. 00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:21.039 I'm just gonna share really quick some of my favorite lines from this. 00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:23.039 Really short, really shorts in a bit. 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:30.880 And when it all feels too much and there is little you can do, may you still see the best in people, and may people include you. 00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:36.559 All right, all right, let's just get to it. 00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:39.039 God, am I even gonna read these words? 00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:43.920 If I had it my way, we would just sit here and watch three hours of performances. 00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:45.680 This meeting could have been an email. 00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:46.400 Yeah, yeah. 00:18:46.640 --> 00:18:50.240 But I do hope that these give you a sense of his work. 00:18:50.559 --> 00:18:50.799 Yeah. 00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:52.000 God, so good. 00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:52.880 I know, I'm sorry. 00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:57.680 I'm being very like angry about this, but obviously it's very beautiful. 00:18:58.960 --> 00:18:59.200 Yeah. 00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:01.759 If you're new here, just how do you do it? 00:19:02.400 --> 00:19:03.200 You get used to it. 00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:05.200 We talk shit about things we really love. 00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:08.079 It's like a quirky thing we do. 00:19:08.319 --> 00:19:12.480 And like when people do like amazing, incredible gestures, I sit there like, what the fuck? 00:19:12.799 --> 00:19:14.880 Yeah, we're like, we're like, shut the fuck up. 00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:15.759 Yeah. 00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:26.160 Um, but I I wanted to show you specifically his performances because it is true, it is different when he's the one sharing his words. 00:19:26.319 --> 00:19:31.440 It's so magical when someone is sharing their words the way they were meant to be shared. 00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:34.079 All right, so now we're gonna get into today's poem. 00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:36.160 It's called Sunflowers. 00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:47.200 In the intro, Harry Baker says that his wife's grandparents had recently passed, so he's been going to a lot of funerals, and it made him think about what he wants to happen when he dies. 00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:56.720 So, as an FYI, I'm going to read most of the poem, but I will probably omit a few passages just for brevity. 00:19:56.960 --> 00:20:03.759 So if you want to listen to or watch the whole thing, I will link it in the show notes. 00:20:04.079 --> 00:20:06.079 I'm not gonna do it in a British accent. 00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:06.960 I'm so sorry. 00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:08.319 I know you're really hoping I would. 00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:11.759 Sunflowers by Harry Baker. 00:20:12.319 --> 00:20:17.839 Ideally, I would like a hundred benches, every single one of them facing the sea. 00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:22.400 If that's too much faff, I'd settle for the one somewhere in Margate. 00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:26.079 Somewhere you can come and sit and think and be. 00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:30.559 I don't need a fancy pot to keep my ashes. 00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:33.759 Just find a decent spot where there's a breeze. 00:20:34.000 -->

00:20:41.440 So the next time someone gasps at all the wonder in the world, a part of them is breathing in a part of me. 00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:45.440 At my funeral, I'd like there to be sunflowers. 00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:48.319 A truly inconvenient amount. 00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:56.000 For I too will have spent a lifetime searching for the light, and I don't see a reason why that should stop now. 00:20:58.240 --> 00:21:00.720 Don't let anyone apologize for crying. 00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:03.519 It is honestly my favorite thing to do. 00:21:03.839 --> 00:21:07.839 Just make sure everybody knows how much I loved being alive. 00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:10.880 The only thing that I loved more was loving you. 00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:16.240 Speaking of which, if you are free, then I would love for you to be there. 00:21:16.480 --> 00:21:19.680 But if you can't, because you're dead, that's not your fault. 00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:24.160 To be honest, neither of us quite makes sense without the other. 00:21:24.880 --> 00:21:27.279 I still think we'd die together like a cult. 00:21:28.240 --> 00:21:34.480 And if anybody says I have gone to a better place, that is a kind and very well-intentioned lie. 00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:39.039 For there can be no better place than in a room with all my friends. 00:21:39.359 --> 00:21:41.920 Just promise we'll do this again, the other side. 00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:45.920 Side note, let's also do this loads before we die. 00:21:47.519 --> 00:21:53.200 And by the time it comes around, maybe I'd hate it, but I'd live for ages, and my taste will change with time. 00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:58.799 But one thing that I know I will always find amazing is what a thing it is to live a life. 00:21:59.119 --> 00:21:59.519 P.S. 00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:02.640 Let's also do this loads before we die. 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:10.000 As you can imagine, this is a very popular funeral poem. 00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:18.000 I would say most of us try not to think about our own deaths, let alone the logistics of our funeral. 00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:23.440 We're always too busy trying to figure out how to live to bother worrying about what comes after. 00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:28.319 It's also kind of uncomfortable, and like practically speaking, it's like I'm not even gonna be there. 00:22:28.400 --> 00:22:31.599 Like, why do I wanna, you know, why do I wanna like think about this? 00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:40.240 But Harry Baker's approach to his imagined funeral is gentle and playful, and actually not very much about him. 00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:52.400 It's not like I'd like a 12-minute slideshow of all of these photos of my life and dozens of flower arrangements with the ribbon across saying who donated them for the cause. 00:22:52.559 --> 00:22:54.880 You know how it is at funerals. 00:22:55.200 --> 00:23:04.240 Instead, it's seeing the world through his eyes, feeling all the things that he felt, searching and finding wonder everywhere you look, just like he did. 00:23:04.480 --> 00:23:08.880 Ideally, I would like a hundred benches, every single one of them facing the sea. 00:23:09.119 --> 00:23:13.359 I don't need a fancy pot to keep my ashes, just find a decent spot where there's a breeze. 00:23:13.440 --> 00:23:19.200 So next time someone gasps at all the wonder in the world, a part of them is breathing in a part of me. 00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:23.680 At my funeral, I'd like there to be sunflowers, a truly inconvenient amount. 00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:29.920 For I too will have spent a lifetime searching for the light, and I don't see a reason why that should stop now. 00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:33.039 Just those passages alone, I was like, the what? 00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:36.559 Like, come on, what are we doing? 00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:39.839 God, like the sunflower metaphor. 00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:40.640 Yeah. 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:42.960 I fuck is this? 00:23:43.200 --> 00:23:43.839 What is this? 00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:49.039 I was like, I could write an essay about like what an incredible metaphor. 00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:56.960 But then I was like, like, what an insult that I would be using like a thousand words to say what he said so beautifully. 00:23:57.200 --> 00:23:57.599 In 20. 00:23:57.920 --> 00:23:58.480 In 20. 00:23:58.720 --> 00:24:00.000 Exactly, exactly. 00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:10.400 In the middle passages, he's kind of joking about like the music, dynamite by Tyo Cruz, and like the readings and like serving vegetables and stuff. 00:24:10.480 --> 00:24:12.240 Like if I have to pretend like it's what you. 00:24:12.799 --> 00:24:22.720 But then he kind of rounds it out by coming back to the living and how death gives us a reason to celebrate how we lived and what we lived for and who we lived for. 00:24:23.279 --> 00:24:25.279 Don't let anyone apologize for crying. 00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:27.359 It is honestly my favorite thing to do. 00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:30.720 Just make sure everybody knows how much I love being alive. 00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:33.200 The only thing I loved more was loving you. 00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:39.200 Every day we are finding millions of ways to not be present. 00:24:39.680 --> 00:24:42.960 Maybe it's like an existential crisis one day. 00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:44.799 Like, am I leaving my mark? 00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:47.519 You know, like am I doing something that's worth remembering? 00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:54.799 Or maybe it's like lamenting about something that's passed, something that you regret, something that you like going over it in your mind, like wishing you did it differently. 00:24:54.960 --> 00:25:00.240 Or maybe it's literally just like thinking about your to-do list and all like the millions of things you have to get done. 00:25:00.559 --> 00:25:09.759 But whatever it is, Harry Baker's words pull us out of that orbit, even just for a moment, like even just for the duration of this poem. 00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:19.359 First, with death, because there's

nothing like mortality that makes you zoom out and remember, oh, that's right, this is what actually matters. 00:25:19.599 --> 00:25:23.680 And then second, by bringing us quite literally back to life. 00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:32.000 Towards the end of the poem, Harry writes, and if anybody says I have gone to a better place, that is a kind and very well-intentioned lie. 00:25:32.319 --> 00:25:36.000 For there can be no better place than in a room with all my friends. 00:25:36.319 --> 00:25:38.960 Just promise we'll do this again the other side. 00:25:39.200 --> 00:25:42.480 Side note, let's also do this loads before we die. 00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:50.880 I I love this because it's like he's saying, Yes, yes, I know we're here to talk about death, but can we just like can we go on to the life part? 00:25:51.039 --> 00:25:52.799 Can we come back to the living? 00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:55.759 Because there's so much magic right here, right now. 00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:59.039 So much magic just being surrounded by people you love. 00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:05.119 So much magic in being able to bask in it as it's unfolding. 00:26:05.839 --> 00:26:08.240 It's inevitable as humans, you know. 00:26:08.319 --> 00:26:15.200 Well, of course we're gonna get caught up in the existential crises, the regrets, the to-do lists. 00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:23.599 But how can we live in such a way that the primary objective of our day-to-date is just like being present, being here? 00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:45.039 Maybe it's as dramatic as quitting your nine-to-five, deciding to bet on yourself, trusting in the universe, or maybe it's as simple as making the conscious choice to exist beyond our worries and instead to soak in that magic of right now. 00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:48.480 Because there are a million things that I could worry about right now. 00:26:49.039 --> 00:26:52.400 What's my daughter gonna eat when she wakes up from her nap? 00:26:53.119 --> 00:26:57.519 Where am I gonna take her on this whole week that she's on spring break and I have to like entertain her? 00:26:57.599 --> 00:27:01.119 Like, there's so many things that's running on in the background of my mind. 00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:24.559 But what if I could just accept that the worries will always be there and just enjoy like being on this couch sitting across from my best friend in the whole world, like pouring our hearts out to each other, marveling that we get to exist in this universe again. 00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:30.880 Harry said it best, for there can be no better place than in a room with all my friends. 00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:33.440 Just promise we'll do this again the other side. 00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:36.640 Side note, let's also do this loads before we die. 00:27:37.279 --> 00:27:42.240 So thank you, Harry Baker, for sharing the gift of your words. 00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:46.799 You are an extraordinary poet, but an even more extraordinary human. 00:27:47.359 --> 00:28:02.799 And for all of you listening, I hope I hope this pulls you out of your orbit even for a little bit and helps you also remember like what are the things that that we're really truly living for. 00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:07.839 That was wonderful. 00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:11.039 Yeah. 00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:22.480 I was thinking after you had read the 59 poem, I was like thinking, I love how he is a maths major. 00:28:22.720 --> 00:28:26.720 Like what graduate, he did graduate smart dude. 00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:34.240 But what I love about that is like there are people walking around this earth that are so fucking smart. 00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:43.920 They can pull, you know, facts off the top of their head, they can explain really complex systems and whatever. 00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:54.640 But I think that what matters is like being able to have all this knowledge and then pull out like meaning. 00:28:55.119 --> 00:28:55.680 Yeah. 00:28:56.079 --> 00:28:58.079 Like purpose, genius. 00:28:58.319 --> 00:29:07.359 And for me, that is the genius to be able to take the fucking the hard facts and the reality and to like make it this love poem. 00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:08.160 Yeah. 00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:12.960 And like like to use it as a tool to like to create art? 00:29:13.119 --> 00:29:17.519 Yes, it's it's too much for my little brain, it's too much for me. 00:29:17.759 --> 00:29:20.480 Yeah, it's beautiful, yeah. 00:29:20.799 --> 00:29:21.440 I know. 00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:32.960 Do you love when people can convey we already said this, can convey things in one tenth of the time it would take us to do it. 00:29:34.799 --> 00:29:36.880 Listen, I've never been succinct. 00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:38.799 Why change? 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:39.200 You know? 00:29:39.519 --> 00:29:41.119 Cool, funny, vulnerable. 00:29:41.359 --> 00:29:41.920 That's it. 00:29:42.079 --> 00:29:43.039 That's it. 00:29:43.519 --> 00:30:01.279 I I also do want to give a huge shout out to your coworkers whom I've not met, but I feel like I know them because of how much you talk about them and how much love you clearly have for them. 00:30:01.519 --> 00:30:08.559 And you've always told me how supportive they've been for you on this journey for us and this show. 00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:17.039 But I think that's such a beautiful thing that they have been part of the reason why you enjoy life so much. 00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:18.319 Yeah. 00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:21.440 And Sharice was like, and don't you forget it. 00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:22.319 Yeah. 00:30:22.559 --> 00:30:23.680 Shout out Teresa. 00:30:23.839 --> 00:30:24.640 Shout out Charice. 00:30:24.799 --> 00:30:28.880 Like, what a wonderful boss to have been able to work with. 00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:29.440 Yeah. 00:30:29.599 --> 00:30:34.640 And I felt so seen when she shared this with me because I was like, oh, she really does understand me. 00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:37.519 Like she knows that like this is something that would touch me. 00:30:37.759 -->

00:30:39.519 Yeah, that's a beautiful thing. 00:30:39.680 --> 00:30:40.799 Yeah, it really is. 00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:41.839 I am so grateful. 00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:47.680 And that's why I made it so hard to leave because it's not like I was leaving a toxic place. 00:30:47.920 --> 00:30:50.880 Like it was having to say bye to people you love. 00:30:51.680 --> 00:30:52.079 You know? 00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:52.880 But you're right. 00:30:53.039 --> 00:30:57.440 Like when I think of that passage of just being in a room with the people you love, like they're there too. 00:30:57.680 --> 00:30:58.240 Like that's them. 00:30:58.400 --> 00:30:58.640 Yeah. 00:30:59.039 --> 00:30:59.279 Yeah. 00:30:59.519 --> 00:31:00.559 It's a great thing. 00:31:00.720 --> 00:31:03.680 And I'm really happy that you have people like that in your life. 00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:04.319 Yeah. 00:31:04.640 --> 00:31:05.599 Thanks. 00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:07.599 Love you guys. 00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:09.279 Miss you guys. 00:31:09.920 --> 00:31:10.559 Yeah. 00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:14.000 He's on tour right now for his new book, Tender. 00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:16.160 They're all in the UK. 00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:18.480 I'm like, well, he can send us an invite. 00:31:18.640 --> 00:31:22.799 We can go to the show and then he can talk major shit about this podcast. 00:31:24.400 --> 00:31:25.839 I'll take the press. 00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:26.960 Fuck it. 00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:29.680 Oh my god. 00:31:30.960 --> 00:31:32.559 A gift of a man. 00:31:32.799 --> 00:31:33.359 Shout out. 00:31:33.599 --> 00:31:35.599 Shout out Harry Baker. 00:31:35.920 --> 00:31:37.599 I'm gonna see you live one day. 00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:38.240 Mm-hmm. 00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:39.200 Meet it. 00:31:39.440 --> 00:31:40.960 Our emails are in the show notes. 00:31:41.200 --> 00:31:44.240 If you want to send us some tickets, watch. 00:31:44.319 --> 00:31:49.119 It's like$100 for the ticket, but we have to like pay like$1,200 to get to the UK. 00:31:49.440 --> 00:31:50.079 Yeah, it's fine. 00:31:50.319 --> 00:31:51.039 Worth it. 00:31:51.279 --> 00:31:52.640 I'm not worried about that. 00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:54.079 I'm just in the moment, you know? 00:31:54.319 --> 00:31:54.720 Yeah. 00:31:54.960 --> 00:31:56.000 I'm living now. 00:31:56.319 --> 00:31:57.200 Living now. 00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:06.000 Okay. 00:32:07.519 --> 00:32:08.720 Long one today. 00:32:09.039 --> 00:32:09.359 Okay. 00:32:09.839 --> 00:32:14.880 God, this took me, I don't know why it took me so long to write. 00:32:15.119 --> 00:32:20.079 Like, I think there was just a lot that I had to first consume. 00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:25.039 And then I was like, oh my God, what what do I even say? 00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:25.680 You know? 00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:26.160 Yeah. 00:32:26.319 --> 00:32:26.400 Yeah. 00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:27.440 It's like, holy shit. 00:32:27.519 --> 00:32:30.559 And then I had to like sit on my lap. 00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:31.680 You

know, like, I don't know. 00:32:31.759 --> 00:32:35.839 It just was so hard to pull this story out of me, but it so needs to be talked about. 00:32:36.079 --> 00:32:36.400 Okay. 00:32:36.559 --> 00:32:37.119 All right. 00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:39.440 So here I go. 00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:46.079 Every once in a while, the world is blessed with a TV show. 00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:46.640 Okay. 00:32:47.279 --> 00:32:59.359 That shakes pop culture with such a tour de force that for a moment in time, it is all anyone can think about or talk about or post about. 00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:04.400 It's to me, it's like one of the best things about having internet. 00:33:04.880 --> 00:33:14.480 Because like you'll watch the thing and then you'll like go online and like the memes that come from TV, it's better than therapy sometimes. 00:33:14.799 --> 00:33:18.480 In those moments where I'm scrolling, living in the moment scrolling. 00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:21.440 I'm healed, you know? 00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:22.799 Healed. 00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:23.279 Okay. 00:33:23.920 --> 00:33:28.160 Moments from TV shows that I still remember watching for the first time. 00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:34.079 The first one, the first one that came to mind was Kelly Clarkson winning American Idol. 00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:34.559 Yeah. 00:33:34.799 --> 00:33:35.599 You know what I mean? 00:33:35.759 --> 00:33:36.160 Yes. 00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:37.519 Like we were what? 00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:38.079 Eight? 00:33:38.319 --> 00:33:38.720 Eight. 00:33:38.960 --> 00:33:39.279 Yeah. 00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:40.720 You still fucking remember. 00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:42.880 I remember exactly where I was what I was doing. 00:33:43.119 --> 00:33:45.039 Uh season finale of friends. 00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:46.559 I don't think you were big friends, girly. 00:33:47.039 --> 00:33:50.559 I wasn't, but um, but I remember, I still remember the finale though. 00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:51.359 You know? 00:33:51.839 --> 00:33:53.200 Red Wedding, Game of Thrones. 00:33:53.519 --> 00:33:54.799 I was gonna say that was the one that came to mind. 00:33:54.960 --> 00:33:55.279 Was it? 00:33:55.359 --> 00:33:55.440 Yeah. 00:33:55.599 --> 00:33:55.759 Okay. 00:33:55.839 --> 00:33:58.319 I was gonna ask you, like, fuck that shit, dude. 00:33:58.559 --> 00:33:59.200 That fucked me up. 00:33:59.359 --> 00:34:08.239 But like all of these iconic moments from these legendary shows, when you watch them, you're so affected, you never forget it or how it made you feel. 00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:16.800 So today I want to talk about one such show that has been a sweeping sensation since its release. 00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:22.639 I genuinely cannot overstate like how successful and how popular the show has been. 00:34:22.880 --> 00:34:26.239 And to be honest, I'm a little late to the game here. 00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:35.119 And if I'm being really honest, I did not seek out to watch the show because I thought I could make a story out of it. 00:34:35.360 --> 00:34:36.000 I see. 00:34:36.320 --> 00:34:40.320 I was like, I just want to know what everyone's talking about on TikTok. 00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:42.480 Yeah, I was just curious about it. 00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:43.840 The people looked really hot. 00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:46.239 I thought, great, I I can hop on this train. 00:34:46.639 --> 00:34:47.039 Sure. 00:34:48.320 --> 00:35:01.039 So I knew almost nothing about the show, got myself ready to watch this low stakes, fun, spicy little story about two queer hockey players. 00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:09.440 So imagine my surprise when I find myself completely undone by the end of it. 00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:11.199 Cry babies. 00:35:11.519 --> 00:35:13.599 It's time we talk about heated rowry. 00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:15.119 I knew it. 00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:17.039 I haven't watched this yet. 00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:17.920 I know. 00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:22.159 I intentionally was not yet because someone told me, like, you gotta watch it. 00:35:22.239 --> 00:35:23.280 You're gonna cry so hard. 00:35:23.360 --> 00:35:24.719 And I was like, I'm not ready. 00:35:25.039 --> 00:35:26.159 No one fucking told me this. 00:35:26.639 --> 00:35:27.280 I knew that, yeah. 00:35:27.920 --> 00:35:29.119 No one fucking told me this. 00:35:29.280 --> 00:35:30.159 I was like, okay, look. 00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:33.920 I almost watched it with the intention of talking about it, but then I was like, ah, that sounds hard. 00:35:34.079 --> 00:35:34.239 Yeah. 00:35:34.480 --> 00:35:35.360 So thank you. 00:35:35.599 --> 00:35:37.440 I actually am going to watch it though. 00:35:37.519 --> 00:35:40.559 Like, this is very much on my list to watch. 00:35:40.719 --> 00:35:41.760 I've just been. 00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:43.599 No, I swear to God. 00:35:44.159 --> 00:35:45.360 I swear to God. 00:35:45.440 --> 00:35:46.480 I swear. 00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:47.599 Okay, sure. 00:35:47.840 --> 00:35:50.800 How about we watch the first episode after we record? 00:35:51.360 --> 00:35:51.679 Okay. 00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:53.840 Like, well, you're gonna know what's gonna repeat. 00:35:56.480 --> 00:35:59.519 This is really on my list of fuck. 00:35:59.920 --> 00:36:00.960 All right, that's fine. 00:36:01.119 --> 00:36:01.440 Okay. 00:36:01.679 --> 00:36:02.000 All right. 00:36:02.239 --> 00:36:08.079 Sources for today, aside from the show, is the book on which it's based. 00:36:08.239 --> 00:36:21.840 Um, 2019 novel by the same title Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reed, a 2023 Washington Post article by Rachel Cursius, and an article for Episodic Medium by Miles McNutt. 00:36:22.559 --> 00:36:22.880 Okay. 00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:27.039 You know, before we jump in, I gotta edgy with that context. 00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:29.360 Yep. 00:36:29.599 --> 00:36:29.920 All right. 00:36:30.239 --> 00:36:38.800 Heated Rivalry, the TV show, is an adaptation from the 2019 novel written by Canadian author Rachel Reed. 00:36:39.119 --> 00:36:52.079 It

is part of a larger game changer series, which began in 2018 and primarily focuses on different queer stories within the world of professional hockey. 00:36:52.320 --> 00:36:59.440 In this 2023 article by The Washington Post entitled Hockey Romance Novels Are in the News. 00:36:59.599 --> 00:37:01.360 Here's why they're so popular. 00:37:02.159 --> 00:37:06.800 Rachel Reed was asked what inspired her to write the series. 00:37:07.119 --> 00:37:09.599 Now, obviously, she is Canadian. 00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:10.960 Shout out Canada. 00:37:11.119 --> 00:37:12.559 By the way, our favorite country. 00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:13.679 Fucking love Canada. 00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:14.639 Vegas fans. 00:37:14.960 --> 00:37:18.880 She's Canadian, so we know she likes hockey too. 00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:21.039 From what I've heard. 00:37:21.280 --> 00:37:22.400 Maybe dabbles. 00:37:22.800 --> 00:37:30.079 So it makes sense that her love for writing and her love for hockey morphed into this project of hers. 00:37:30.400 --> 00:37:45.280 But she says, quote, game changer came from a place of me being angry at hockey culture and how clearly homophobic it was and is, and all the other things that made me really ashamed to be a hockey fan. 00:37:45.519 --> 00:37:49.760 That whole series attacks the NHL and hockey culture quite a bit. 00:37:50.400 --> 00:37:52.480 An attack she does. 00:37:52.960 --> 00:38:08.079 But from the ashes of the alpha male toxicity she so eloquently takes down comes a series of stories showcasing men being tender, vulnerable, and emotional. 00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:14.480 Insert big shock as to why this resonates with so many women. 00:38:15.039 --> 00:38:15.599 So weird. 00:38:15.760 --> 00:38:16.079 What? 00:38:16.239 --> 00:38:16.400 Yeah. 00:38:16.559 --> 00:38:17.039 Yeah. 00:38:17.679 --> 00:38:27.119 So the TV adaptation, literally a day after the Washington Post article I referenced came out back in 2023. 00:38:27.679 --> 00:38:39.599 Canadian actor, director, screenwriter, producer Jacob Tierney reached out to Rachel Reed, the author, and was like, I need to make this into a show. 00:38:40.079 --> 00:38:46.639 And I just want to highlight Jacob Tierney here for a second because I have not read this book. 00:38:47.199 --> 00:38:50.000 I have not read anything within the Game Changer series. 00:38:50.079 --> 00:38:53.599 I'm solely going off of my experience watching this show. 00:38:53.920 --> 00:39:10.559 But from what I've gathered from fan reactions and people who are big fans of the book, it sounds like Jacob Tierney understood Rachel Reed's story and these characters so intimately that he knew exactly how to bring it to life. 00:39:10.800 --> 00:39:20.400 He really, really advocated for the authenticity to the story and just created magic, basically, on the show. 00:39:21.039 --> 00:39:28.719 So in January 2025, the show was finally greenlit by Canadian streaming platform Crave and Bell Media. 00:39:28.960 --> 00:39:36.400 And then in

November of 2025, Heated Rivalry is released on both Crave and HBO. 00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:40.480 Q worldwide phenomenon. 00:39:41.119 --> 00:39:42.639 Okay, plot. 00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:46.159 Obviously, spoilers, blah blah blah blah. 00:39:46.800 --> 00:39:48.320 Let's puck and go. 00:39:48.719 --> 00:39:48.960 Wow. 00:39:50.559 --> 00:39:52.000 She really said that. 00:39:52.559 --> 00:40:01.840 So Heated Rivalry focuses on two professional hockey players, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rosnoff. 00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:08.559 Shane Hollander, played by Hudson Williams, is the Canadian golden boy. 00:40:08.880 --> 00:40:19.280 Half Japanese, half white, goody two shoes, who is deeply loved and sheltered by his super involved, happily married parents. 00:40:19.679 --> 00:40:20.880 What is that like? 00:40:21.920 --> 00:40:29.440 Serious, disciplined, uptight, often described as boreding by Ilya. 00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:41.280 He's also endearingly awkward, and despite being one of the greatest hockey players of his generation, really insecure in social settings, but like so nice. 00:40:41.760 --> 00:40:47.840 Like every time he gets ragged on, he's one of those people where like his only quit back is fuck you. 00:40:48.159 --> 00:40:48.880 I can hear it. 00:40:49.039 --> 00:40:49.519 Fuck you. 00:40:49.760 --> 00:40:50.000 You know? 00:40:50.239 --> 00:40:53.760 Like not funny or like quick, but he's boring and we love it. 00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:54.559 Yeah. 00:40:54.800 --> 00:40:58.880 Also, I looked up his supposed birthday, May 10th. 00:40:59.119 --> 00:40:59.519 Taurus. 00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:00.400 Taurus. 00:41:00.559 --> 00:41:02.800 Yeah, it's like grounded, you know. 00:41:03.119 --> 00:41:03.920 Makes sense. 00:41:04.159 --> 00:41:05.920 Then we have Mr. 00:41:06.079 --> 00:41:07.920 Ilya Horosenoff. 00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:11.519 Terrible Russian accent, by the way. 00:41:12.480 --> 00:41:15.519 Russian hockey's bad boy. 00:41:16.400 --> 00:41:17.599 June 15th. 00:41:17.840 --> 00:41:18.480 Gemini. 00:41:18.960 --> 00:41:20.159 This dude is nuts. 00:41:20.639 --> 00:41:20.960 Okay. 00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:30.320 Born to a powerful but whack as fuck family in Moscow, Ilya lives a very privileged life. 00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:35.519 But his relationship with his brother and his dad are very, very complicated. 00:41:36.239 --> 00:41:49.920 So to bury that pain, Ilya projects this incredibly cocky, douchey, bad boy persona that you can only get away with if you're one of the fucking goats in hockey. 00:41:50.559 --> 00:41:51.440 Very good. 00:41:51.920 --> 00:41:53.119 Or so I hear. 00:41:53.360 --> 00:42:00.159 He smokes, he parties, he's a bit of a playboy and has a reputation for being a ladies' man. 00:42:01.119 --> 00:42:11.360 In the first episode, we see Shane and Ilya meet at this International Prospects Hockey Championship final between Canada and Russia. 00:42:11.599 --> 00:42:16.079 It's like the big tournament right before they get drafted to play professionally. 00:42:16.880 --> 00:42:24.480 They are the best players on their respective teams and therefore the top two picks for the upcoming draft. 00:42:24.719 --> 00:42:33.679 Six months later, Ilya is drafted first to the Boston Raiders, and Shane is picked up second by the Montreal Metros. 00:42:34.079 --> 00:42:40.000 And Shane is like a little butthurt about this because Ilya always seems to just beat him. 00:42:41.119 --> 00:42:49.199 And the world starts to notice this as they both begin to play professionally, this budding rivalry between these two rookies. 00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:55.840 So throughout the first episode, they meet each other a few times during the season. 00:42:56.079 --> 00:43:02.719 There are some furtive glances and a palpable sexual tension during a joint workout at a hotel gym. 00:43:02.960 --> 00:43:04.159 I can't wait to watch this. 00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:04.960 God damn it. 00:43:06.079 --> 00:43:07.280 You snooze, you lose. 00:43:07.920 --> 00:43:08.239 You know what? 00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:09.519 It really is my fault. 00:43:09.679 --> 00:43:10.960 I really did snooze. 00:43:11.599 --> 00:43:14.400 They play each other throughout the season as well. 00:43:14.639 --> 00:43:21.840 So they see each other at games, they also see each other at events, the life of a celebrity, you know? 00:43:22.079 --> 00:43:23.280 Yeah, it's hard. 00:43:23.599 --> 00:43:27.360 At the end of this episode, I'll just jump to the chase. 00:43:27.599 --> 00:43:29.360 I got five more episodes to cover. 00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:30.960 They start hooking up. 00:43:31.199 --> 00:43:31.840 Ooh, okay. 00:43:32.079 --> 00:43:32.880 In secret. 00:43:34.159 --> 00:43:42.320 Then over the next three years, they have a little situation ship. 00:43:42.639 --> 00:43:47.760 Sexting back and forth, meeting up whenever they're scheduled to play against one another. 00:43:49.119 --> 00:43:49.599 Three years. 00:43:50.159 --> 00:43:51.840 I w I would go crazy. 00:43:52.079 --> 00:43:54.239 I would lose my fucking mind, actually. 00:43:54.559 --> 00:43:55.599 Are you out of your mind? 00:43:55.760 --> 00:43:56.079 Okay. 00:43:56.880 --> 00:43:59.760 I do want to pause here for a second and talk about. 00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:04.960 The explicit sex scenes that are part of this story and this show. 00:44:06.559 --> 00:44:12.239 Since the start of humanity, we have been obsessed over the salaciousness of sex. 00:44:12.880 --> 00:44:19.280 Did you know it sells what you don't say? 00:44:19.920 --> 00:44:21.360 It gets people talking. 00:44:21.519 --> 00:44:22.320 We know this. 00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:32.000 But even so, the novelty of watching gay sex in mainstream media is still new to a lot of audiences. 00:44:32.320 --> 00:44:50.079 So the discourse around it, I feel, has almost overshadowed what the show is actually doing, which is showing male intimacy as something tender and vulnerable and deeply human, not just physical. 00:44:50.400

--> 00:45:04.320 And I really want to highlight the way that Jacob Tierney, the creator, crafted these sex scenes, not at all gratuitous or for the sake of just getting people all horned up, which I will admit is a byproduct. 00:45:04.559 --> 00:45:09.920 But um, in fact, the most nudity that we see on the show is just ass. 00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:13.440 Incredible ass, though, by the way. 00:45:13.679 --> 00:45:15.679 Can we just say, can we just put it out there? 00:45:15.840 --> 00:45:18.960 Connor's story sculpted by God herself. 00:45:19.199 --> 00:45:19.519 Okay. 00:45:20.239 --> 00:45:30.639 But again, I do want to emphasize this point that these intimate moments that we see between Shane and Ilya are so much more than horn dog smut. 00:45:31.039 --> 00:45:34.719 These scenes reveal who these characters are deep down. 00:45:35.119 --> 00:45:41.920 In an article for Episodic Medium, the creator, Jacob Tierney, says, Sex is character development. 00:45:42.079 --> 00:45:44.719 It's not just a random sex scene in every episode. 00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:48.639 They learn about each other and they learn about themselves through this. 00:45:49.199 --> 00:45:57.039 For Shane, we see him navigating this uncharted territory, having never done this with another man before. 00:45:57.199 --> 00:46:01.840 And here is Ilya offering him safety and security through it all. 00:46:02.400 --> 00:46:12.800 For Ilya, with each meeting, more and more of his protective shell becomes undone until sex becomes not a physical act, but an intimate one. 00:46:13.679 --> 00:46:15.280 But we're not there yet. 00:46:15.519 --> 00:46:18.159 We're only three years into this situationship. 00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:25.920 At this point, for Ilya, these clandestine meetings are strictly an escape and a distraction from the perils of his real life. 00:46:26.159 --> 00:46:30.320 During the off seasons, Ilya has to go back to Russia. 00:46:30.639 --> 00:46:36.719 His father, a former police officer, is super controlling and demanding of Ilya. 00:46:37.119 --> 00:46:48.239 And his piece of shit, older brother, basically demands that Ilya fund their entire family's lifestyle, which for his brother includes a lot of coke. 00:46:48.559 --> 00:46:49.199 Nice. 00:46:49.760 --> 00:46:50.719 It's not. 00:46:51.039 --> 00:46:52.239 We don't like that. 00:46:52.960 --> 00:47:01.119 It's complicated and messy and lonely, but it's like not really in line with like Ilya's brand. 00:47:01.440 --> 00:47:03.840 So he doesn't talk about it. 00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:05.360 Doesn't go to therapy. 00:47:05.440 --> 00:47:05.840 It's fine. 00:47:06.079 --> 00:47:06.480 It's fine. 00:47:06.639 --> 00:47:06.960 It's fine. 00:47:07.119 --> 00:47:07.679 It's fine. 00:47:07.920 --> 00:47:14.639 But whenever Shane attempts to know Ilya beyond just his body, Ilya shuts down and pushes him away. 00:47:14.960 --> 00:47:20.719 I want to show you a couple of scenes highlighting this hot and cold dynamic. 00:47:21.119 --> 00:47:24.320 This first scene is the end of episode one. 00:47:25.119 --> 00:47:30.239 At the end of their rookie season, Shane and Ilya are at an awards show. 00:47:30.559 --> 00:47:37.440 Shane wins Rookie of the Year, and Ilya ignores him all night at the after party. 00:47:37.920 --> 00:47:48.480 Shane thinks that Ilya is just being a sore loser, but really Ilya's thinking about how now that the season is over, he has to go home in a few days. 00:47:48.800 --> 00:47:52.159 So again, this is at the end of episode one. 00:47:56.800 --> 00:47:58.079 I'm just gonna keep going. 00:47:58.239 --> 00:47:58.719 Keep going. 00:47:58.880 --> 00:48:00.079 I'm just gonna keep going. 00:48:00.639 --> 00:48:02.000 Um, okay. 00:48:02.239 --> 00:48:05.119 So I'm gonna introduce another scene for you. 00:48:05.360 --> 00:48:10.239 In episode two, we actually spend a lot of time in Russia. 00:48:10.719 --> 00:48:11.599 Never been. 00:48:12.079 --> 00:48:18.719 Uh there's like the Winter Olympics in Sochi, and then this whole offseason. 00:48:18.960 --> 00:48:26.480 So all this time that Ilya is back home really messes with him, and he's just like not himself. 00:48:26.800 --> 00:48:31.519 So he basically stops responding to Shane for like six fucking months. 00:48:31.679 --> 00:48:33.519 Like just straight up ghosts him. 00:48:33.679 --> 00:48:35.199 Shane is like, what the fuck? 00:48:35.360 --> 00:48:38.800 Like, again, I I'd lose my mind. 00:48:39.039 --> 00:48:40.480 I'd lose my fucking mind. 00:48:41.440 --> 00:48:56.000 And there are even moments during the Olympics when Shane is just trying to offer any sort of olive branch, like even just checking in to see if he's okay, like just purely from a friendship platonic stance. 00:48:56.159 --> 00:48:59.599 And even then, Ilya just rejects every attempt. 00:48:59.840 --> 00:49:02.639 So Shane is like, okay, bye. 00:49:02.960 --> 00:49:04.239 Yeah, I guess. 00:49:04.480 --> 00:49:20.880 So I want to play you this next scene where after six months of basically silence, Shane and Ilya finally reunite at the next season's award show where they have to present together and they finally talk when they run into each other in the bathroom. 00:49:21.199 --> 00:49:24.719 This is about halfway through episode two. 00:49:29.840 --> 00:49:30.159 Okay. 00:49:31.119 --> 00:49:41.440 So in this scene, after they present at this award show, Shane goes to collect himself in the bathroom because what the fuck? 00:49:41.519 --> 00:49:43.519 He just saw his ex-situation shit. 00:49:43.920 --> 00:49:44.960 Understandable. 00:49:45.199 --> 00:49:46.400 I would throw up. 00:49:46.639 --> 00:49:46.960 Okay. 00:49:47.599 --> 00:49:53.760 Ilya finds him, and they have this heated exchange in the bathroom. 00:49:54.079 --> 00:49:59.199 Shane is so clearly upset, like, where the fuck have you been? 00:49:59.920 --> 00:50:02.480 How could you just drop me like that? 00:50:02.719 --> 00:50:07.039 And Ilya is again guarded, kind of

laughing it off. 00:50:07.679 --> 00:50:19.760 Doesn't tell him what's been really bothering him, but in his own way, he apologizes in the form of dirty talk, yes. 00:50:20.559 --> 00:50:31.119 But underneath that, you know, and Shane knows, what he's really saying is, I'm sorry, I missed you. 00:50:33.440 --> 00:50:39.199 So now I'm gonna jump to fucking three more years of this back and forth. 00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:42.000 They started hooking up in 2010. 00:50:42.239 --> 00:50:44.639 At this point, it is now 2016. 00:50:44.880 --> 00:50:45.280 Nice. 00:50:45.519 --> 00:50:47.519 Again, I'm fucking crazy. 00:50:47.760 --> 00:50:50.639 Okay, they are still doing this shit. 00:50:50.960 --> 00:51:02.800 Shane is in Boston playing against Ilya, and while he's in town for the weekend, he is invited to visit Ilya at his Boston home. 00:51:03.039 --> 00:51:14.800 And after six fucking years of hooking up, the two actually decide to spend the whole day together instead of just going home in the middle of the night as soon as they're done. 00:51:15.199 --> 00:51:25.920 They start doing things that they have never done before, like sharing a meal together, talking to one another for more than five minutes. 00:51:26.159 --> 00:51:28.480 They actually just hang out. 00:51:29.440 --> 00:51:38.239 And while they're chilling on the couch, watching TV, Ilya pulls Shane to rest on his chest. 00:51:39.119 --> 00:51:44.320 One thing leads to another, and they have a little hanky panky on the couch. 00:51:45.039 --> 00:51:59.519 But it's not hanky panky because this time they're holding one another, caressing each other's faces, looking into each other's eyes for the first time ever. 00:52:00.400 --> 00:52:07.360 Instead of calling each other Hollender and Rosanolf, they call each other by their first names. 00:52:07.840 --> 00:52:10.000 Shane, Ilya. 00:52:11.440 --> 00:52:19.039 In the aftermath, overcome by his feelings, Shane is immediately like, yo, what the fuck? 00:52:19.360 --> 00:52:21.119 Ref timeout, okay? 00:52:21.360 --> 00:52:22.239 Too much. 00:52:22.480 --> 00:52:27.119 It's moving too fast, panics, abruptly leaves. 00:52:27.440 --> 00:52:32.639 Because God forbid, we actually are honest with our feelings. 00:52:32.880 --> 00:52:33.599 Fuck that. 00:52:33.760 --> 00:52:34.400 You know what I mean? 00:52:35.199 --> 00:52:35.840 Losers. 00:52:36.320 --> 00:52:36.960 Yeah. 00:52:38.239 --> 00:52:39.920 So what do we do instead? 00:52:40.079 --> 00:52:42.719 What does Shane Hollander, Mr. 00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:45.760 Canada himself, decide to do? 00:52:47.199 --> 00:52:49.199 He finds a girlfriend. 00:52:52.960 --> 00:52:55.920 Movie star actress Rose Landry. 00:52:57.360 --> 00:53:05.280 Okay, to be fair, she's cool, she's fine, but denial is a river in Egypt. 00:53:05.519 --> 00:53:05.840 Okay? 00:53:06.239 --> 00:53:15.519 Because throughout this entire, basically PR relationship, Shane comes to terms with this realization that he is gay. 00:53:16.239 --> 00:53:20.159 He's not bisexual the way that Ilya is. 00:53:20.639 --> 00:53:36.079 And even with this beautiful, famous, and actually really kind of kind and funny woman standing in front of him, Shane realizes that not only is he gay, but he is starting to fall in love with just one other person. 00:53:36.719 --> 00:53:46.079 Which is pretty good timing because at this point, the media circus is going crazy over this relationship with Shane and Rose. 00:53:46.239 --> 00:53:48.400 And Ilya is straight up crashing out. 00:53:48.559 --> 00:53:50.719 Like he's watching all this play out on the case. 00:53:51.920 --> 00:53:52.719 He thinks it's real. 00:53:53.119 --> 00:53:53.440 Okay. 00:53:53.599 --> 00:53:54.239 Yikes. 00:53:54.880 --> 00:53:57.760 Insanely jealous, can't focus, can't play. 00:53:57.840 --> 00:53:58.719 It's fucking him up. 00:53:59.360 --> 00:54:03.920 And like, as someone who loves yearning, like I hate to say it, I love that. 00:54:04.159 --> 00:54:04.800 You know? 00:54:05.519 --> 00:54:06.239 Sorry. 00:54:07.440 --> 00:54:10.480 You're like eating the popcorn. 00:54:10.880 --> 00:54:12.320 I'm gonna eat that shit up. 00:54:12.480 --> 00:54:13.599 We love pining. 00:54:13.760 --> 00:54:14.639 We love yearning. 00:54:14.880 --> 00:54:16.000 Yeah, yeah. 00:54:16.960 --> 00:54:23.119 So I want to show you the scene of Ilia and Shane reuniting at the Allstorm game. 00:54:23.519 --> 00:54:29.280 At this point, Shane has realized that this thing with him and Rose is not gonna work out. 00:54:29.360 --> 00:54:31.039 They're not together anymore. 00:54:31.360 --> 00:54:38.639 And Shane and Ilya are spending the entire weekend in Tampa Bay at the same resort because of this all-star whatever. 00:54:38.880 --> 00:54:42.400 I wouldn't know I'm not a professional athlete, so like I don't usually attend. 00:54:42.639 --> 00:54:44.239 Yeah, it's pretty cool. 00:54:45.679 --> 00:54:48.960 Um, but after the All-Star game, they have a little chat. 00:54:49.280 --> 00:54:53.599 This is episode five now at the 19-minute mark. 00:54:56.960 --> 00:55:01.760 So in this scene, Shane and Ilya are in a hotel room. 00:55:02.000 --> 00:55:10.000 And ladies and gentlemen, after seven years, we are finally sharing our feelings. 00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:11.679 We did it. 00:55:11.760 --> 00:55:13.519 We fucking did it, okay? 00:55:14.079 --> 00:55:17.760 Because Shane opens up about everything. 00:55:18.079 --> 00:55:19.760 You know this is different. 00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:22.480 These aren't just heartless hookups. 00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:26.079 Being with you has made me realize that I'm gay. 00:55:26.480 --> 00:55:33.440 And Ilya is still deflecting and kind of being an asshole, like, okay, you're gay, so what? 00:55:33.920 --> 00:55:35.280 We fuck and that's it. 00:55:35.519 --> 00:55:35.920 Wow. 00:55:36.159 --> 00:55:37.119 Good, right? 00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:38.480 Impeccable. 00:55:39.519 --> 00:55:44.159 And Shane says, Well, it's

kind of a big deal to me at least. 00:55:44.480 --> 00:55:46.880 Sorry that I'm being boring again. 00:55:47.199 --> 00:55:49.119 It's not just being gay. 00:55:49.360 --> 00:55:50.320 It's you. 00:55:50.559 --> 00:55:51.519 It's this. 00:55:52.159 --> 00:55:57.280 Being gay is one thing, but this fucking your arch rival is another thing. 00:55:58.559 --> 00:56:02.559 Last time, and for the record, I'm sorry about last time, okay? 00:56:02.719 --> 00:56:04.639 I'm sorry I freaked out. 00:56:05.039 --> 00:56:07.199 But before that, it was nice. 00:56:07.519 --> 00:56:09.599 And it felt like we were something. 00:56:11.119 --> 00:56:16.719 Ilya gets this distant look in his eyes and says, We can't be something, Hollander. 00:56:17.119 --> 00:56:20.960 And Shane says, Would you want to be if we could? 00:56:21.679 --> 00:56:22.480 We can't. 00:56:22.880 --> 00:56:24.239 That's not what I asked. 00:56:24.880 --> 00:56:26.559 What does it fucking matter? 00:56:27.440 --> 00:56:30.639 I don't think I can keep pretending I don't like you anymore. 00:56:31.760 --> 00:56:38.639 And for a second, Ilya's Russian defenses begin to crumble. 00:56:39.679 --> 00:56:46.000 He tells Shane the truth about his family, about the dangers of going home if he were to ever come out. 00:56:46.320 --> 00:56:52.400 He tells Shane about his dad's declining health, the weight he carries having to take care of them all. 00:56:52.800 --> 00:57:03.840 And then Ilya does the most shocking, the most outrageous, the most unbelievable thing a macho alpha male could ever do. 00:57:04.559 --> 00:57:06.320 He starts crying. 00:57:07.039 --> 00:57:14.960 And Shane wraps him up in his arms, and the two then do the most intimate act humans are capable of. 00:57:15.440 --> 00:57:17.039 They hold each other. 00:57:18.320 --> 00:57:23.679 After this night, Shane and Ilya are done pretending, at least with each other. 00:57:24.079 --> 00:57:26.880 They care about each other, they like each other. 00:57:27.199 --> 00:57:34.559 But as we all know very well on this pod, feeling your feelings takes time and practice. 00:57:35.119 --> 00:57:40.880 There is a lot of unlearning, a lot of understanding how to feel safe in your own body. 00:57:41.519 --> 00:57:48.320 And then we're gonna throw in another wrench into the mix because, oh fuck, Ilya's dad dies. 00:57:49.760 --> 00:58:02.559 Ilya immediately goes home to Russia and in the wake of his grieving has some fucking god-awful conversations with his piece of shit brother, and it's all just too much for Ilya. 00:58:03.199 --> 00:58:09.280 And now I'm going to play you one of the most beautiful scenes in this entire show. 00:58:09.599 --> 00:58:15.280 And it is a phone call between Ilya and Shane while Ilya is away. 00:58:15.519 --> 00:58:19.840 And this is episode five at the 35-minute mark. 00:58:23.039 --> 00:58:35.679 So in the scene, Ilya calls up Shane while Ilya's in Russia, and Shane is obviously very concerned about Ilya and wants to help

him through his grief. 00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:41.679 But as Ilya's trying to tell him like what's going on and how he's feeling, he's like, Oh, it's too much. 00:58:42.000 --> 00:58:44.159 English is too hard right now. 00:58:44.400 --> 00:58:47.519 So Shane says, I have an idea. 00:58:47.679 --> 00:58:51.440 How about you tell me everything that's on your mind, but in Russian? 00:58:51.679 --> 00:58:54.800 I won't understand, but maybe it'll help. 00:58:55.440 --> 00:59:09.280 So then Ilya shares this incredibly poignant monologue, lamenting about his family, feeling his grief, and saying that he has no one aside from this lifelong friend of his, Fedlana. 00:59:09.840 --> 00:59:15.519 They love each other, sure, but he doesn't love her the way he loves Shane. 00:59:16.719 --> 00:59:20.559 Quote, and that's the worst fucking part of all of this. 00:59:20.800 --> 00:59:22.480 That all I want is you. 00:59:22.719 --> 00:59:24.000 It's always you. 00:59:24.239 --> 00:59:27.599 I'm so in love with you, and I don't know what to do about it. 00:59:28.079 --> 00:59:30.400 But again, this is in Russian. 00:59:30.639 --> 00:59:35.280 So Shane has no idea what Ilya just said on the other end of the line. 00:59:35.920 --> 00:59:41.280 Shane's like, word, word, hmm, maybe I should learn Russian. 00:59:41.679 --> 00:59:44.880 And then immediately cut to jokes to light in the moon. 00:59:45.039 --> 00:59:48.480 Ilya's like, yeah, I'll teach you how to say all this dirty shit in Russian. 00:59:48.719 --> 00:59:49.199 Ha ha ha. 00:59:50.320 --> 00:59:55.760 And then Shane says, or how about I wish you were here right now? 00:59:56.239 --> 01:00:00.559 And Ilya responds in Russian, I wish I was too. 01:00:02.320 --> 01:00:19.039 So in all of these scenes that I have shared with you, I feel like the common theme amongst all of them is Shane and Ilya are just always so stilted in what they say. 01:00:19.760 --> 01:00:25.119 When in reality, they have an ocean of thoughts and feelings underneath. 01:00:25.360 --> 01:00:28.400 They just don't feel safe expressing it. 01:00:28.960 --> 01:00:31.760 At first, definitely not with each other. 01:00:32.079 --> 01:00:39.440 But over time, once they slowly build that trust, they realize they need to also feel safe within themselves. 01:00:40.880 --> 01:00:45.199 This is something that every single person can relate to. 01:00:45.920 --> 01:00:55.440 But I also don't want to overlook how Shane and Ilya's sexuality adds a very real layer of fear and complexity to it all. 01:00:56.239 --> 01:01:02.719 Straight couples have such a privilege when it comes to navigating relationships, at least publicly. 01:01:02.880 --> 01:01:04.960 There isn't any hiding that needs to be done. 01:01:05.119 --> 01:01:09.920 There isn't any confession or coming to terms with. 01:01:10.960 --> 01:01:19.280 Shane and Ilya do not have that luxury, which probably explains why it took so long to finally get here. 01:01:19.840 --> 01:01:36.079 And in this

conversation, yes, Ilya is still somewhat hiding behind this Russian language, still not quite ready to fully, fully lay out every single thought and feeling for Shane to see. 01:01:37.599 --> 01:01:54.159 But at this point, after all the pretending, all the masking and skirting around and hiding the truth, it doesn't fucking matter what is said or not said in English or in Russian. 01:01:54.639 --> 01:02:09.599 Because regardless of what you say or don't, all Shane needs to say back is, I hear you, I know you, I know how you feel, and I will listen to you, and I will hold you. 01:02:11.360 --> 01:02:17.199 And maybe that's what makes the story between Shane and Ilya so alluring to watch. 01:02:17.440 --> 01:02:24.880 Not the grand declarations, but the unspoken understanding that builds in spite of everything left unsaid. 01:02:25.440 --> 01:02:37.119 It's the way they learn, slowly and painfully, that being known doesn't require perfect articulation, just the courage and patience to stay. 01:02:37.599 --> 01:02:46.079 And after years of hiding from the world, from each other, from themselves, they finally stop playing this game. 01:02:46.800 --> 01:02:50.559 They choose honesty, even when it's incomplete. 01:02:50.960 --> 01:02:58.719 And in that choice, in that stillness, after all the noise, they find something that was always waiting for them. 01:02:59.039 --> 01:03:02.400 A love that just can't be rivaled. 01:03:06.000 --> 01:03:09.360 I love that you didn't show me a single hockey scene. 01:03:09.760 --> 01:03:11.199 There's not that much hockey in it. 01:03:11.440 --> 01:03:14.400 If I'm being like completely honest, there's not that much. 01:03:14.639 --> 01:03:21.440 Like if I didn't know what this is about and I didn't get all the context, I would just think it's a drama between, you know. 01:03:22.079 --> 01:03:24.880 And honestly, I have to be so straight up, Arnes. 01:03:25.440 --> 01:03:27.360 There's so much on this show. 01:03:27.519 --> 01:03:27.760 Yeah. 01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:35.599 And there was this entirely, completely other scene that I wanted to cover too, but I was like, it's just too much. 01:03:35.760 --> 01:03:35.920 Yeah. 01:03:36.159 --> 01:03:38.079 And it sounds like you actually really do want to watch it. 01:03:38.239 --> 01:03:39.039 No, I'm gonna, yeah. 01:03:39.199 --> 01:03:42.239 So I feel like maybe it's a good thing I don't spoil. 01:03:42.400 --> 01:03:42.559 Yeah. 01:03:42.800 --> 01:03:46.559 But just for anyone listening, the end of episode five, what the fuck? 01:03:46.880 --> 01:03:47.519 Balling. 01:03:47.599 --> 01:03:47.920 Okay. 01:03:48.079 --> 01:03:51.920 But I just I was like, there's more to say about this. 01:03:52.239 --> 01:03:52.559 Yeah. 01:03:52.880 --> 01:03:55.199 Should we do a follow-up episode after I finish? 01:03:55.360 --> 01:03:56.400 We fucking could. 01:03:57.039 --> 01:03:58.320 At least in our bullshit intros. 01:03:58.719 --> 01:04:02.559 We could talk about it because truly so good. 01:04:02.880 --> 01:04:04.079 Yeah, I know. 01:04:04.320 --> 01:04:14.400 I I had a feeling too when I saw in the group chat that you were watching it, I was like, oh, she's probably gonna cry, and then she's probably gonna talk about it. 01:04:14.639 --> 01:04:15.199 Yeah. 01:04:15.519 --> 01:04:16.159 Yeah. 01:04:16.559 --> 01:04:25.280 Oh, I am so excited to watch it, but also like they're so real, like the way they're interacting with each other. 01:04:25.519 --> 01:04:29.679 Like it just feels like I'm already in love with them, you know? 01:04:29.760 --> 01:04:35.760 Like it's it just feels like I'm actually watching two people, like having this stilted. 01:04:35.840 --> 01:04:40.880 I love that word you use, and also like sometimes like awkward and like you're not really sure. 01:04:41.039 --> 01:04:45.599 And I don't know, it's just like I can feel my chest constricting. 01:04:45.679 --> 01:04:45.840 Yeah. 01:04:46.079 --> 01:04:49.679 Like the scene that you showed me where they were in the hotel. 01:04:49.920 --> 01:04:50.559 They're all in the hotel. 01:04:51.280 --> 01:04:52.960 Every single one of these in a hotel. 01:04:53.119 --> 01:04:57.360 Um, but the scene where Shane gets in Ilya's lap at the end after. 01:04:57.840 --> 01:05:02.639 I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna fucking ball when I watch this. 01:05:02.800 --> 01:05:08.159 Like I oh it was in a safe space in my living room. 01:05:08.880 --> 01:05:09.920 Yes, exactly. 01:05:10.079 --> 01:05:11.679 Like it's just it feels so real. 01:05:11.760 --> 01:05:14.000 It feels so tense. 01:05:14.239 --> 01:05:17.519 Yeah, like it's just like you are so gripped by this. 01:05:17.679 --> 01:05:19.199 Oh my god, what the fuck do I do? 01:05:19.360 --> 01:05:20.559 What the fuck do I say? 01:05:20.719 --> 01:05:23.360 I can't say it, I'm too scared to say it. 01:05:24.320 --> 01:05:38.320 But I just I love that this whole show takes you on this journey of like you don't have to say it because I know, yeah, because I feel it too, you know? 01:05:38.480 --> 01:05:53.760 Yeah, and I think that uh I think that finding someone that can hear you when you're not saying anything, like that's 59 and 61, dude. 01:05:54.000 --> 01:05:56.320 Like you know what I mean? 01:05:56.559 --> 01:05:57.679 Yeah, yeah. 01:05:58.079 --> 01:05:58.960 Oh my god. 01:05:59.119 --> 01:05:59.760 I mean, obviously. 01:06:00.239 --> 01:06:02.719 Like I know all the discourse around it, right? 01:06:02.960 --> 01:06:05.599 Even though I haven't because, like you said, cultural phenomenon. 01:06:05.679 --> 01:06:05.920 Yeah. 01:06:06.159 --> 01:06:20.400 But like I I remember hearing about how they were playing like the music and stuff, like at hockey games, and how like everyone was like singing along, you know, like everyone was just and like thank you for sharing this story. 01:06:20.559 --> 01:06:40.239 And I know it was probably a hard one to write because that seems like there's

so much in these six episodes, but also the author too, and everyone making this whole production, like I just think that's so cool. 01:06:40.559 --> 01:06:56.559 And I know we've talked about this before, but like, you know, sharing the stories that are not always front and center or narratives that aren't the popular one, I feel like is such a like all of it, such a brave thing to do. 01:06:56.800 --> 01:06:58.239 And like even though it shouldn't be. 01:06:58.480 --> 01:07:06.719 Crazy that it is, crazy that we have to be brave to like talk about a gay couple, but like still the world needs it. 01:07:06.880 --> 01:07:09.920 Clearly, yeah, clearly, yeah. 01:07:10.880 --> 01:07:19.760 I have more to say, and I purposely did not transition into my official clothes because I knew you were gonna go there. 01:07:20.320 --> 01:07:23.360 And this is the per like I that's I was like, I don't want to write this, she'll say it. 01:07:24.239 --> 01:07:25.599 I didn't even know where I was gonna go. 01:07:25.920 --> 01:07:32.880 I want to close by acknowledging this huge phenomenon that this show has been for so many reasons. 01:07:33.199 --> 01:07:41.119 Obviously, widely popular novel and series on which is based, the incredible job Jacob Tierney did bringing it to life. 01:07:41.360 --> 01:07:48.480 And as you mentioned, also the actors, Hudson Williams, Connor Story, fucking incredible. 01:07:48.639 --> 01:07:51.199 They there were like no names in Hollywood. 01:07:51.760 --> 01:07:57.519 We just found these fucking perfect gems, the most charismatic, the most charming people. 01:07:57.679 --> 01:07:58.480 I'm doing that thing. 01:07:58.559 --> 01:08:04.880 You know, like when you watch a show and then you're like, okay, well, now I'm gonna watch every edit, every interview, every BuzzFeed promo. 01:08:05.119 --> 01:08:05.599 You have to. 01:08:05.760 --> 01:08:07.039 You have to do that, right? 01:08:07.360 --> 01:08:12.559 So every single thing that I watched them in, I'm so in love with them. 01:08:12.719 --> 01:08:13.199 Yeah. 01:08:13.440 --> 01:08:14.960 I'm s it's crazy. 01:08:15.920 --> 01:08:17.439 Um, throw them with Harry. 01:08:17.680 --> 01:08:20.239 Like it's just yeah, you know what I mean? 01:08:21.039 --> 01:08:33.920 But obviously, the most poignant part in all of this is that this story allowed people to see themselves in a kind of love that is so rarely given this level of care. 01:08:34.479 --> 01:08:50.399 It didn't just normalize queer relationships, it showcases them, giving male intimacy, vulnerability, and devotion the same depth and softness that audiences have always seen in straight romances. 01:08:51.279 --> 01:08:55.600 And for so many viewers, that recognition feels personal. 01:08:56.880 --> 01:09:07.439 I want to take a moment to shout out at one of our crybabies, Justin from Chicago, who had this to say about the show. 01:09:09.279 --> 01:09:23.279 Crying constantly because the emotions and feelings that Shane and Ilya are going through felt like a buildup of all the anxiety, fear, love, hopes, and dreams I felt ever since I was a kid. 01:09:23.600 --> 01:09:27.119 Yeah, not the same exact scenarios, obviously. 01:09:28.079 --> 01:09:30.880 Justin is not a professional hockey player, okay? 01:09:31.199 --> 01:09:32.479 He's a dentist. 01:09:34.560 --> 01:09:37.840 But just the way it let me feel all of it again. 01:09:38.079 --> 01:09:41.119 Reliving parts of my own story was scathartic. 01:09:41.520 --> 01:09:52.479 I hid my relationship from my family for years and actually apologized to my parents when I came out, only to have the most love and support from them. 01:09:53.199 --> 01:09:58.560 This show is now my go-to for that ugly cry that just feels so good. 01:09:59.039 --> 01:10:02.079 The booties featured are just an added plus. 01:10:03.199 --> 01:10:08.800 So yeah, I just wanted to share one example of the impact that this show has had. 01:10:09.199 --> 01:10:10.079 Justin. 01:10:11.119 --> 01:10:14.079 Oh God. 01:10:14.960 --> 01:10:16.239 I love that. 01:10:17.840 --> 01:10:18.800 How special. 01:10:19.039 --> 01:10:19.359 I know. 01:10:19.600 --> 01:10:20.479 Beautifully said. 01:10:20.640 --> 01:10:21.439 I have nothing. 01:10:21.600 --> 01:10:22.640 What else can I add? 01:10:22.960 --> 01:10:24.880 Again, me saying words. 01:10:25.039 --> 01:10:25.359 Yeah. 01:10:25.680 --> 01:10:26.720 Someone's already said them. 01:10:26.960 --> 01:10:27.439 Yeah. 01:10:27.680 --> 01:10:28.640 I will say this. 01:10:28.880 --> 01:10:33.520 You are in for a treat because I I fucking barely talked about the show. 01:10:33.600 --> 01:10:33.920 Yes. 01:10:34.079 --> 01:10:34.640 It's been what? 01:10:34.800 --> 01:10:35.119 Thank you. 01:10:35.359 --> 01:10:36.159 It's been what? 01:10:36.399 --> 01:10:38.000 How long have I been recording now? 01:10:38.319 --> 01:10:39.119 Thank you. 01:10:39.520 --> 01:10:40.399 I appreciate that. 01:10:40.560 --> 01:10:45.600 I appreciate you having known that I haven't watched it yet and not wanting to completely spoil it for me. 01:10:45.760 --> 01:10:46.079 Yeah. 01:10:46.479 --> 01:10:47.600 I will watch it. 01:10:47.760 --> 01:10:49.119 I will I will start tonight. 01:10:49.279 --> 01:10:49.520 Okay. 01:10:49.760 --> 01:10:51.520 What's your HBO login though? 01:10:52.960 --> 01:10:53.439 Wow. 01:10:53.680 --> 01:10:54.640 Beautiful. 01:10:55.760 --> 01:10:57.439 I love hockey. 01:10:59.199 --> 01:11:00.079 Biggest fan. 01:11:00.239 --> 01:11:01.359 We always said. 01:11:01.920 --> 01:11:03.359 We always said. 01:11:04.880 --> 01:11:06.319 Wonderful job. 01:11:06.640 --> 01:11:13.039 Should we call this episode like male vulnerability or like us women splaining male vulnerability? 01:11:13.439 --> 01:11:13.760 Wow. 01:11:14.000 --> 01:11:14.399 You know? 01:11:14.640 --> 01:11:16.560 Women's splaining does not happen enough. 01:11:16.720 --> 01:11:17.600 It doesn't. 01:11:17.920 --> 01:11:19.840 But we are here to change that. 01:11:20.079 --> 01:11:21.119 We're here. 01:11:22.399 --> 01:11:22.960 Alright. 01:11:23.840 --> 01:11:26.560 Well, that's what we got for you today. 01:11:26.800 --> 01:11:28.159 That's all we got. 01:11:28.399 --> 01:11:29.439 Hope you enjoyed it. 01:11:29.680 --> 01:11:31.199 Thank you everyone for listening. 01:11:31.439 --> 01:11:33.920 Yeah, we hope you shed some tears. 01:11:34.239 --> 01:11:34.560 Maybe. 01:11:34.960 --> 01:11:36.000 Maybe laughed a little. 01:11:36.319 --> 01:11:36.720 Mm-hmm. 01:11:36.960 --> 01:11:37.680 Learned a little. 01:11:37.920 --> 01:11:38.079 Yeah. 01:11:38.159 --> 01:11:40.239 Maybe have more content for you to consume. 01:11:40.399 --> 01:11:44.159 If you like me are so late to the game, maybe we can watch it together. 01:11:44.960 --> 01:11:53.600 Let us know what you think about the episode, any thoughts, any uh things that I did not cover but have should have. 01:11:54.479 --> 01:11:55.359 But say it nicely. 01:11:55.439 --> 01:11:57.520 Don't be like, ugh, you totally forgot this. 01:11:57.680 --> 01:11:58.079 Yeah. 01:11:58.399 --> 01:11:59.920 Be gentle with it, you know? 01:12:00.960 --> 01:12:02.159 Just don't be a dick. 01:12:02.239 --> 01:12:03.359 Don't be a dick. 01:12:03.600 --> 01:12:04.640 It's not hard. 01:12:04.800 --> 01:12:07.039 It's it's really not that hard. 01:12:07.600 --> 01:12:09.920 Sorry, I know this outro really got away from us. 01:12:10.960 --> 01:12:12.159 Opened up a can of worms there. 01:12:12.319 --> 01:12:17.199 But like now I'm like pissed off for like a comment we did not get. 01:12:19.920 --> 01:12:21.119 Calm down, okay? 01:12:21.439 --> 01:12:21.760 God. 01:12:22.239 --> 01:12:23.199 Anyway, all right. 01:12:23.359 --> 01:12:25.439 So we got that's all we got. 01:12:25.600 --> 01:12:27.439 We will see you next time. 01:12:28.000 --> 01:12:30.720 But until then, beer bee crying.