KOPYA NG SALIN 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.719 --> 00:00:04.639
She didn't know, but she's right and strong.
00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:07.599
Because the life wasn't yours.
00:00:07.919 --> 00:00:09.039
You belong.
00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:11.439
She didn't know.
00:00:14.560 --> 00:00:15.679
She didn't know.
00:00:19.440 --> 00:00:22.480
Welcome back to SDK Wednesdays with your girl Ash.
00:00:22.719 --> 00:00:24.640
Today we have Trish with us.
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:26.160
Welcome to the show, Trish.
00:00:27.519 --> 00:00:28.719
Thanks, Ash.
00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:32.079
Well, I will go ahead and let you tell your story.
00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:34.240
All right.
00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:35.679
Thank you for having me, Ash.
00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:38.000
My name is Trish Lacey.
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:39.359
I'm a mother.
00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:42.079
I'm a leader in people and culture.
00:00:42.240 --> 00:00:43.600
I am an author.
00:00:44.240 --> 00:00:52.960
But before any of those titles, I was a woman sitting in her own life trying to understand why something didn't feel right.
00:00:54.240 --> 00:01:04.079
She didn't know, like in the theme of your of your podcast, she didn't know that you can look like you have like you have it all together and still feel like you're falling apart.
00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:05.280
Absolutely.
00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:10.640
She didn't know that you can be loved and still feel completely alone.
00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:17.359
She didn't know that the life she was trying to hold together was quietly breaking her.
00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:20.480
But I know her because she was me.
00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:25.680
So she didn't know that it wouldn't start with pain.
00:01:26.159 --> 00:01:31.680
It really started with a connection, a strong connection with attention, with feeling chosen.
00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:40.159
And if you spent your life being strong, being the one everyone depends on, that kind of attention feels like relief sometimes, you know?
00:01:40.799 --> 00:01:42.719
It feels like finally.
00:01:44.719 --> 00:01:52.400
So she didn't know that what she felt, what felt like being seen would slowly turn into being questioned.
00:01:52.640 --> 00:01:54.719
Like there were little things at first.
00:01:55.120 --> 00:02:02.560
Conversations that quite didn't sit right, moments where I walked away thinking, why do I feel off?
00:02:03.439 --> 00:02:07.200
But I just brushed it off because nothing really looked bad enough.
00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:12.000
Um, how confusing things will become sitting in silence.
00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:18.879
I started replaying conversations, just trying to figure things out, like what just happened.
00:02:19.520 --> 00:02:20.800
She didn't know.
00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:31.120
She didn't know that she would start second guessing herself, her tone, her delivery, her um, her intentions.
00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:33.599
I just didn't know.
00:02:33.759 --> 00:02:43.120
I didn't know that I would be the one that would start apologizing, just an intention in the house, not because I was wrong, but because I was just tired.
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:44.400
Does that make sense?
00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:45.520
Absolutely.
00:02:45.680 --> 00:02:48.639
I absolutely understand exactly where you're coming from.
00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:49.919
Yeah.
00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:54.080
Um, she didn't know how well she was hiding everything.
00:02:54.400 --> 00:03:01.439
Because on the outside, I was still successful, I was still leading, I was still showing up.
00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:08.639
People saw strength, they saw my confidence, they saw someone who had it together.
00:03:09.280 --> 00:03:14.400
But behind closed doors, I was questioning everything about myself.
00:03:14.719 --> 00:03:22.719
I remember looking at pictures, smiling, I was present, I was put together, and I was thinking no one would ever know.
00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:27.439
And the truth is, I didn't know either.
00:03:29.199 --> 00:03:42.479
She didn't know that the moment would be quiet, it wasn't loud, it was not dramatic, it was just the moment when something in me finally said, This doesn't feel like love.
00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:48.080
And that thought, it honestly, it changed everything for me.
00:03:48.560 --> 00:03:54.400
Because once you allow yourself to feel that, you you can no longer go back to just ignoring it.
00:03:55.280 --> 00:04:03.039
So she didn't know that the hardest truth wasn't what was happening to her, it was what she had been accepting.
00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:14.080
That I had been shrinking myself to make something else work, that I had been extending grace over and over again while I was abandoning myself.
00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:18.079
And when I realized that, that really hurt.
00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:20.639
It really wakes you up.
00:04:22.560 --> 00:04:30.800
I didn't know how hard it was gonna be to choose myself because leaving, leaving didn't mean just leaving a person.
00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:43.439
It was leaving a a version of myself that learned how to survive something, something that not only myself but my child never had to endure, should have never had to endure.
00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:49.439
It's walking into the unknown without a clear picture of what comes next.
00:04:49.839 --> 00:04:53.360
But knowing you can't stay where you are.
00:04:54.800 --> 00:05:07.759
Um, she didn't know that one day she would have the courage to put her story into words, to stop hiding it, to stop minimizing it, to finally start telling my truth.
00:05:08.000 --> 00:05:21.920
And that's why I wrote my book, Erased in My Home, because what I experienced wasn't just something I went through, it's something so many people are still trying to understand while they're still living in it.
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:24.959
And that's why I needed to give it a voice.
00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:29.759
So for people I think listening to your podcast, she didn't know.
00:05:31.040 --> 00:05:34.079
She didn't know
Load full transcript
that she deserved peace.
00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:39.120
She didn't know that love was never supposed to cost her her identity.
00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:45.279
Um, she didn't know that choosing herself would be the moment everything changed.
00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:50.560
But now she does, and now I do.
00:05:51.519 --> 00:06:03.439
And if you're listening to this and something in you feels oddly familiar, let me tell you um what she didn't know or what I didn't know that you need to hear today.
00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:12.399
Um, you're not too much, you're not the problem, and you do not have to disappear to be loved.
00:06:13.759 --> 00:06:17.839
She didn't know, but maybe you do.
00:06:21.040 --> 00:06:28.959
So I encourage everybody else to go out and um purchase my book, um Erased in My Home on Amazon is out now.
00:06:29.600 --> 00:06:47.439
But really being in relationships, Ash, that don't feel like love, that are not grounded, that are heavy, that are I would say abusive, but there are no physical scars, are some of the toughest ones to overcome and to get over.
00:06:48.079 --> 00:06:49.519
I absolutely agree.
00:06:49.759 --> 00:06:56.319
And especially if you're staying in a situation like that, you're losing yourself every single day.
00:06:57.439 --> 00:06:58.720
Absolutely.
00:06:59.279 --> 00:07:00.079
Absolutely.
00:07:00.319 --> 00:07:08.560
So that's I think that's what's beautiful about your podcast because you give people the space and the opportunity to tell their stories um to people who are listening.
00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:14.560
And even though um you don't necessarily have to have a face, right?
00:07:15.360 --> 00:07:18.800
But everyone can feel and everybody has their own journey.
00:07:21.360 --> 00:07:34.319
And I also and I also wanted to know, so you said you wrote a book, so was your book specifically about the situation, or was it just an overall of relationships that you have been in?
00:07:35.439 --> 00:07:39.519
No, my book was very specific about my 15-year marriage.
00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:52.800
I was married to a malignant narcissist, and um within that time frame, I watched myself completely deteriorate from the inside out.
00:07:53.279 --> 00:08:07.040
You know, like I had zero um sense of self, zero self-confidence when I would say when I realized what was happening to me, I I eventually left the situation.
00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:13.519
I had I sought therapy, got a life coach, and I started to repair my life for myself and for my child.
00:08:13.759 --> 00:08:20.399
But once, you know, once you realize what's happening, it's almost like it's it's it's too many, it's too late.
00:08:20.639 --> 00:08:33.200
And I'm grateful that I had the support system that I do have and that I had, because so many people don't make it out of those situations, especially when you are not brave enough to tell other people what's happening inside your house.
00:08:33.440 --> 00:08:45.039
You know, for for years, I think growing
up, or um, you know, I think my grandparents, great-grandparents, you know, you grew up saying what happens in your home stays in your home.
00:08:45.279 --> 00:08:45.840
Yes.
00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:47.279
Yes, they do.
00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:52.960
And so for me, it was like a very being a very private person for that reason.
00:08:53.039 --> 00:08:54.559
And there was just so much shame.
00:08:54.639 --> 00:09:01.360
Like, how could I have allowed a person to treat me a certain way or to make me feel a certain way about myself?
00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:11.200
And a part of that was just not having self-worth and then being ashamed of myself for not having self-worth, you know.
00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:18.480
So there was a lot that that comes along with that, but just learning to love yourself.
00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:22.080
That's number one, and building from there, that's the start, exactly.
00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:28.399
And everything else changes once you start to love yourself, everything in your life changes.
00:09:28.879 --> 00:09:32.559
Professionally, you can start to see changes in your home life.
00:09:32.639 --> 00:09:34.320
You you can become a better parent.
00:09:34.480 --> 00:09:36.639
Like your children deserve better from you.
00:09:36.799 --> 00:09:40.240
And and when you start to love yourself, they start to feel it too.
00:09:40.879 --> 00:09:44.240
And they definitely I'm sorry, go ahead.
00:09:44.399 --> 00:09:44.879
Yeah.
00:09:45.120 --> 00:09:45.919
Oh, go ahead.
00:09:46.159 --> 00:09:55.200
I was gonna say there's a lot of people I know that stay together just for the kids, and it's doing more damage than it is helping them.
00:09:55.759 --> 00:10:13.840
Oh my goodness, you won't believe how many times I have had to tell people that you you say you think you're doing a good thing by staying for the children, and so there's so many times you're doing the kids a disservice by staying, by putting them in, uh leaving them in that toxic environment.
00:10:14.080 --> 00:10:28.240
But not every case is the same, not all of them are are 100% the same, but majority of the time the kids can sense what's happening, and they're picking up um habits that you don't necessarily want them to carry with them and through through life from being in that environment.
00:10:28.559 --> 00:10:29.759
Absolutely not.
00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:34.159
Yeah, and so that is my story.
00:10:34.720 --> 00:10:37.279
And thank you so much for telling it.
00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:40.960
Um, is there a way that people can contact you?
00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:45.600
Yes, people can contact me on trishlacey.com.
00:10:45.679 --> 00:10:50.559
That's T-R-I-S-H-L-A-C-Y.com.
00:10:50.799 --> 00:10:56.320
They can reach out to me also on TikTok at I am uneased.
00:10:56.559 --> 00:11:02.320
I'm also on IG at sincerely underscore Trish as well.
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:07.679
So definitely um reach out, purchase the book also on Amazon for more.
00:11:08.320 --> 00:11:14.000
Thank you so much, and I will leave all of that information in the description of this episode.
00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:18.799
And so with that, SDK fam, I will see you next Wednesday.
00:11:27.679 --> 00:11:32.559
Y'all it's ash on the mic, we out, that's the end.
00:11:32.799 --> 00:11:35.279
If you felt this one, hit share, tell a friend.
00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:36.480
Thanks for riding with me.
00:11:36.720 --> 00:11:38.080
Every take every chance.
00:11:38.480 --> 00:11:40.879
See you next Wednesday, SDK fan.
00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:46.720
See you next Wednesday, talk in on my friends.
00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:48.720
Thank you for the day one.
00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:52.240
See you next Wednesday, SDK Fan.