KOPYA NG SALIN 🔗
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Hey, are you someone who's read a stack of self-help books?
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You've journaled about the same anxiety at midnight more times than you could count.
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Maybe you've even had one of those breakthroughs.
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You were on a walk or in the shower or mid-session with your somatic practitioner, where something clicks and you think, okay, this is it.
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This is the thing that finally changes everything.
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And then a week goes by, or maybe a month, and you're standing in the exact same spot, having the exact same reaction to the exact same person, place, or thing, thinking, how do I understand myself so well and still be stuck?
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But the thing is, that's not a sign you're doing things wrong.
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It's usually a sign you're doing one of five very specific, very common things that feel like progress, but don't actually reach the root.
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And just so you know where I land on this, the fix isn't fixing anything or removing anything.
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It's meeting what's underneath directly in your body until it stops running all your programming.
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So let's go through the five.
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I'll tell you why each one makes total sense that you tried it, why it stalls out anyway, and what actually works instead.
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I'm Leslie Turner, somatic practitioner and intuitive coach.
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I work in the body, I work intuitively, and I have a pretty uncanny ability to see what's actually running underneath.
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The stuff that therapy touched but never quite moved.
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Because understanding why you do something and actually stopping it are two completely different things, and that's exactly where we work.
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We cover people pleasing, mom burnout, perimenopause, relationships, money, and what it actually costs the woman who's always been the responsible one.
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Short episodes, real stories, specific enough to stop you in your tracks.
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Let's get into it.
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Mistake number one: trying to think her way out of it.
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Now, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, the last two episodes, episode 38 and 37, go into this in detail.
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But let me explain.
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This is the one that trips up the smartest, most self-aware women that I work with.
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And it makes sense because thinking has worked for you in literally every other area of your life.
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You research it, you can tell me exactly why you do the thing, the year it started,
Load full transcript
which parent it traced back to.
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You could probably out-explain your own therapist at this point.
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And somewhere in there, understanding that the issue quietly became the finish line.
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And that's not because your insight doesn't allow integration.
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You can know exactly why you flinch and still flinch every single time.
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I work with clients all the time who could out-explain almost anyone in the room.
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They're really self-aware, brilliant, articulate.
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They've had years of their own therapy, and none of that on its own moves them an inch.
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It's not until we get underneath all the explaining into what they actually value, what's sitting in their body, what they're still holding that anything actually shifts.
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We ask the right questions, and decisions they've been circling for months suddenly get an instant clarification.
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They walk out of every single session lighter than years of understanding themselves ever made them feel.
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It's a little annoying, honestly, when you think about how much time you spent explaining and doing talk therapy instead.
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If any of that sounds familiar, go back and listen to those last two episodes.
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I promise you will understand this more.
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Your nervous system isn't persuaded by a good explanation.
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It's just not, no matter how airtight that explanation is, it responds to what's actually happening in the moment.
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It's felt in your body, not just narrated after the fact, once you're safely back to being quote unquote fine.
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So if you've spent years getting sharper and sharper at understanding yourself and you're still landing in the same place, you didn't miss something, but it means you haven't gone deep enough.
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The tool you were using was never built to reach this.
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Okay, mistake number two.
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You wait for a crisis to force the change.
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Nobody sets out to wait for a breaking point, by the way.
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Nobody's sitting there thinking, you know what would be great?
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Waiting until my body forces the issue.
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But most of us were only ever taught to act once things got bad enough, when the marriage was in real trouble, when the body finally gave out, when it hurt too much to keep ignoring.
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So somewhere along the way, a part of you learned that pain is the permission slip.
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Discomfort alone was
never quite enough.
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It had to get unbearable before you were allowed to do something about it.
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And what this actually looks like, see if it sounds familiar.
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So this is an example.
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It might have been my example.
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I don't know, maybe, perhaps.
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You're not building much rest into your day, but you're getting so much stuff done, so no one's complaining.
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And then a little tension in your shoulders creeps up, but it's nothing a good sleep won't fix, except sleep doesn't really come.
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You have a couple nights in a row and you're still pushing the same output, even on that lack of sleep, because the to-do list doesn't know that you're tired.
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And then a headache starts showing up.
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It's small.
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Advil can handle that, no big deal.
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You're running a business, you're parenting, you're holding a house together without a ton of help, so you keep going.
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The headache turns into more of a constant thing.
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Sleep stays rough.
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Your body starts feeling a little inflamed, and suddenly you're reaching for the pain meds a lot more than you used to.
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And at no point in that whole chain did you stop and go, okay, buddy, I hear you.
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Let's listen.
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Let's slow down here.
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I love you.
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I'm sorry that I've been pushing through.
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You didn't listen to the shoulders.
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You didn't listen to the headache.
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You listen once your body shuts the whole operation down and takes the decision out of your hand.
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That's the actual problem with waiting for crisis.
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You're always working from behind, cleaning up instead of building.
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But the better way isn't waiting for a bigger signal.
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It's trusting the small one you already have.
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That little discomfort is already enough of a reason to act.
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You don't need a breaking point's permission to make your take yourself seriously.
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Mistake number three: treating the symptom instead of the source.
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We're constantly doing this.
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So you have anxiety and you use a breathing technique.
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You fix the exhaustion with more sleep or less caffeine and another supplement.
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And for a minute, it helps, which is exactly why this one is so easy to keep doing.
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Symptom management works just well enough to convince you that's the whole solution.
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But the anxiety and the exhaustion are downstream.
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They're your body's response to something underneath that hasn't been touched.
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And no amount of managing the response changes what's being generated in the first place.
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There's a lot of nuance that online scrolling conveniently leaves out because half of what gets sold to you is basically that you're one technique away from total nirvana.
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Like the right four-count breath is going to undo four decades of trauma in six minutes.
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Techniques are not the mistake.
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Let's be clear with that.
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Breath work, body work, a solid regulation tool.
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Those genuinely work and they usually work best stacked together, but they're built to get you back into your body for a moment, not hold your whole system safe long enough to actually see what the anxiety or the fear or the burnout has been protecting you from.
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That part takes time.
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It's not one more technique that'll solve it.
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So think of it as the technique gives you relief.
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It was never built to give you a whole resolution.
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So the better way is using techniques for exactly what they're good for, getting you back into your body, creating a bit more safety in your nervous system.
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And while you do that, you can go deeper.
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You can see the patterns underneath.
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If you've cycled through technique after technique and keep landing back in the same spot, that's not a sign that you haven't found the right one yet.
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It's a sign that no technique on its own was ever going to reach what actually is asking to be seen.
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Mistake number four.
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Expecting the change to feel logical.
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But this one's a bit subtler, a bit quieter.
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You wait for the shift to make sense before you'll trust it.
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You want the timeline to add up, the cause and effect to line up neatly, the story to resolve in a way that good stories are supposed to.
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But integration doesn't check your calendar first.
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It very rarely explains itself in a way that your logical brain can fully account for.
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Let me explain this because this is kind of a bigger concept.
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So you're watching something totally forgettable, a commercial, a random scene in a show, and out of nowhere, you burst into tears.
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Hard.
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And you're like, okay, that's weird.
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Why am I like that right now?
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Or you've been fine, fine, fine, fine.
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And then something tiny tips you over it and it actually all comes out at once because you finally hit the point where something had to give.
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And this is the part that's kind of worth sitting with.
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You don't actually have to know why.
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There was a moment that you needed a release and you happened to be safe enough or hit your max capacity enough for it to move.
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The mistake is what happens next.
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Reaching immediately for the explanation, trying to build a tiny little story around it so it makes sense to you or to whoever's watching you cry at a car insurance ad.
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That instinct to explain can actually yank you right out of the processing and you trade integration for a narrative for and the narrative was never the point.
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The better way is staying with whatever's actually moving through your body without rushing to name it or judge it.
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Let it finish before you try to explain it.
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The explanation, if you need one, can come later, but it's never doing the actual work.
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Mistake number five.
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I make this one all the time.
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As an eldest daughter, I try to do it alone.
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And this is the one I see the most.
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It's usually called independence or not wanting to burden anyone or plain old pride.
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So picture the version of you that prides herself on never needing anyone to catch her.
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The one who researches, plans, solves, handles it, and never asks for the assist.
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She's earned a lot running things that way.
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But if she's still the one in charge, this stays a solo project.
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And some things were never going to move as a solo project, no matter how capable the solo operator is.
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I do this work for a living.
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I go into the deep emotional patterns, conditioning, and I still need someone to help me do it because we all have blind spots.
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Doing it alone was never actually the requirement.
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That's the habit.
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Sometimes it's a trauma response.
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Support was on the table this whole time.
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Reflection, a guide, a room full of women doing the same work.
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At some point, the version of you that solves everything alone, the fixer, has to be allowed to clock out.
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Do we need the permission?
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Oh, I'm telling you now.
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You can clock out.
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Let's name the mistakes one more time because hearing the whole list together hits differently than hearing them one at a time.
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So thinking your way out of things, waiting for a crisis, treating the symptom instead of the source, expecting the change to feel logical, and doing it alone.
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Which one felt like you?
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Look at that list for a second.
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Almost every woman I know, including myself, has lived at least three of these.
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Most of us have done all five, let's be honest.
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Some of us are living two of them right now today.
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While listening to this, no one handed you a manual for doing this differently.
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You found the tools that you needed to find at the time in the moment that you needed them.
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And you use them as well as you knew how.
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There's no flaw in this.
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That's just what almost everyone does with what they're given.
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These are not wasted efforts either.
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They were real strategies and they worked, or they wouldn't have stuck around this long.
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But every single one of them was built to manage what's on the surface, not to reach what's underneath it.
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That's the actual difference between what you've been doing and what actually moves something deeper.
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And that, conveniently, is what the rest of this is for.
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I want to thank you for being here.
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If you're here and listening, you're already doing this work.
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Until next time.
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Doors are open right now.
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Go grab your spot at Leslie Turner.ca slash the intuitive circle.
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And if this was the episode that made you pull over and think, wait, is she talking about me?
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Please subscribe, leave a review, and send it to the woman in your life who needs to hear it.
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You know exactly who I'm talking about.
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You can find me on Instagram at the Leslie Turner.
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Until next time, the fact that you're here and listening means you're already doing this work.