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Today we're going to talk about something that's not clinical, it's not systems, it's definitely not marketing, but it's probably the most important leadership skill that you've never thought about and I know that is a bold claim, right, but I'm serious.
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If you want your practice to run smoother and you want better team culture, you want less drama, less resistance and more buy-in from your team, because, let's face it, buy-in from the team is what gets your systems from an idea to execution.
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So, if you want that, this is the lever that you need to pull.
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It's called validation.
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It is not praise, it is not problem solving, it is not agreement.
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We are not agreeing, we are validating.
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We are validating our team, we are validating our patients, and that is the part of leadership that I want to talk about today.
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And for those who don't know, I am Dr Paul Edgison.
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I'm the author of two books on dental practice management, a dental coach and the owner of a large five doctor practice in the South suburbs of Chicago.
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This is the Dental Practice Heroes podcast, and we're here to teach you how to create a practice that is team-driven, so you can stress less and make more and, while you're at it, practice less days.
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So thank you so much for listening today.
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I really appreciate it.
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Let's get into it Now.
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I'm going to share a tale with you.
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As old as time.
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Have you ever had a conversation with your spouse?
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I don't want to pick males or females, but it typically goes something like this is that a wife is telling their husband something and husband goes into problem solver mode and she just wanted him to listen.
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This has happened to me over and over again and I know this process.
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So the next time my wife comes to me and brings me something, I still go into problem solver mode.
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I can't help it.
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But you know what that means, right?
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They're just looking for validation.
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So let's talk about validation.
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What does that mean?
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It means that you're showing someone that you are there, you get it and you care about them.
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That's it.
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It's not praise Like praise with your team.
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That might be like hey, I really like how you handled that.
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That's a judgment.
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Validation is more like.
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I can see why that situation was tough, I can see why that bothered you, and it's definitely not problem solving.
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I mean, gosh, problem solving is you know what you should do next time or you know you should have done.
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We're shouldn't all over people.
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We don't need to do that.
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It's more like validation, saying, yeah, that's totally frustrating.
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I would feel the same way if I was in your position, and it's definitely not agreeing with people.
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There's a lot of people that say, well, how am I supposed to do this when I don't agree with the person?
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And the thing is is it's not agreeing with them?
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You're just.
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You can validate someone's feelings, even if you disagree with their opinion.
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You can say I understand why you would see it that way, I understand why you would feel that way, but it doesn't mean that you agree with the way they feel.
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All right, while it does, it says that you understand how they got there, they are heard, you see them, you care, you see how they arrived at that conclusion or whatever they're feeling, and that changes everything.
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Think about it.
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How often are we in situations where we really wish we could change someone's behavior, but we just go in there and we try to tell them what we want and we change it, instead of validating why they did what they did or validating where they're at.
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You know, we'd have a lot more success if we could just validate that and then ask for the behavior change.
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So why is this so powerful?
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Well, builds trust.
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It lowers defenses.
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You've heard me talk about psychological safety in the past.
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That is a big thing.
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It creates a safe space.
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It makes people feel like they can talk to you, they can share their feelings and that you will be understanding, no matter what happens.
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And when people feel safe, they're open to feedback and they're open to change.
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But if you don't validate them, they're going to close up, they're going to get defensive and they're going to throw their armor up.
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So think about your team.
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Think about those hard conversations that you sometimes avoid or those little conflicts that spiral out of control.
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Load full transcript
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Validation is the way that you diffuse that stuff before it blows up.
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You've heard me talk in the past about how to deal with upset patients.
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The first step is empathize with them.
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Right, say, hey, I totally understand why you feel that way.
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I totally understand why you're frustrated.
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That is validation.
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That is the first step to diffusing a patient.
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It's also the first step to diffusing an upset team member.
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We want our team to feel safe and okay to bring us problems so that we know what's going on in our practices.
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Otherwise, we're just hiding from the problems and, honestly, it's not just for our team and it's not just for the patients, it's also for ourselves.
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We also need some validation.
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More on that in a little bit.
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So I want you to realize that validation drives change.
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Here's the part that people miss.
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Validation isn't just like I'm being nice to someone, I'm making them feel good.
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It's about change.
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People don't change because we tell them to.
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They change when they feel seen and when they feel understood, and neuroscience backs this up.
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Validation activates the reward centers in the brain.
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You know the same stuff that dopamine hit that lights up when we get food or money or sex.
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Or we win something that dopamine, so or we win something that dopamine, so when people feel validated, they get that dopamine hit.
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They're more open, they're more coachable, they're more willing to collaborate with you.
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So if you want a team that listens and a team that grows, start here.
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Look at situations that you've had with your team in the past and say man, was that a situation where I just went in with what I wanted or what they did wrong when I should have validated first?
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Think about that All when I should have validated first.
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Think about that.
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All right.
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How do we do it?
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Because I've coached enough dentists to know that they feel weird doing this which, by the way, if you are looking for coaching or you want to join our September mastermind, that will teach you how to have a leadership team, lead your team and get to a team driven practice where you have to do barely anything.
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We're doing that in our mastermind that kicks off in September.
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Go to dentalpracticeheroescom for more information on that.
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It will be transformational for your practice.
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All right, how do we do it?
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So we got to be mindful, right, be present.
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We need to listen and I want you to ask yourself why does this matter to the person?
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Why is this important?
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And you don't really say that out loud, you just want to get in that frame of mind.
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I'm looking for why this matters to this person and we're trying to find the logic in what they are saying.
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Now, remember, we're not agreeing with them.
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We're finding the logic in what they're saying.
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It's not your logic.
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We need to normalize their logic.
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Like, yeah, I totally understand why you would feel that way.
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Honestly, I would have reacted the same way in your shoes.
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It shows that you're not judging.
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You're human too.
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You're looking at it from their perspective and you can see how they arrived at the conclusion they arrived at.
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I totally understand your perspective Doesn't mean you agree with the perspective, right?
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Just means I understand your perspective.
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So you got to do it genuinely.
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People can smell that fakeness from a mile away.
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Really put yourself in those shoes, and I think this is one of those things that is really hard for us to do.
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Sometimes as dentists, we only see it from the perspective of the practice owner.
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You've heard me talk in the past.
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My wife is a hygienist.
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So before I was a dentist I was married to a hygienist.
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So I got to see the team perspective for a long time and I had a whole lot more respect for my wife's boss once I started owning my own practice.
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But the majority of our team doesn't ever even look at it that way.
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So we need to see it from their perspective.
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So what I want you to do is listen to what they're saying.
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You don't have to agree with them, but find the kernel of truth.
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Look at what's true, no matter what.
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If you don't agree with how they got there, the way they're feeling, whatever, you need to find
that truth.
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If you believed what they believed and you experienced what they experienced, could you possibly see that you would feel the same way and can you express that to that person.
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That's what we need to do.
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So next time you have a conversation with someone, try that out.
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Try giving that validation.
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See how it goes.
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And look leading people.
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It's not about being the smartest person in the room.
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It's about creating an environment where people can thrive.
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That's what we teach you in our coaching.
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That is what is the most effective.
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If I can teach you how to lead, I can teach you how to do anything at your practice.
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So that's part of every program that we have at Dental Practice Heroes.
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Validation is key to being a good leader.
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It lowers those walls, it builds the trust, it creates psychological safety, it opens people up to feedback and growth and change and collaboration.
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And yes, I said it earlier it works on yourself too.
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Try to not beat yourself up so much.
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When you tell yourself you're so stupid, you need to be better.
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That's shaming.
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That is shaming yourself.
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How has that been working for you?
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Does anybody get behavior change from anyone on their team?
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If they shame them, why do we expect that we can shame ourselves?
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Maybe we need to do some self-validation.
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Say you know what?
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Of course, I do feel overwhelmed.
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I'm handling a lot Instead of what I did for much of my career.
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I said quit being a P.
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Okay, quit being a P.
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Toughen up, suck it up.
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This is what you signed up for.
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Quit being a P no, that doesn't work and it doesn't help.
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Validate your feelings.
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You are human and you deserve to be acknowledged.
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Take away for today.
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You don't have to fix everyone's feelings, you just have to see them.
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I'll say it one more time you don't have to fix everyone's feelings, you just have to see them, and that will help you build the practice that people actually want to stay working in.
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So thank you so much for listening.
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Check out that mastermind.
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We're a little over half full, so talking to a lot of people, those spots are not going to be around for very much longer.
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Please join us this next year If you want to transform your practice and transform your life.
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We will help you do it All right.
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Thank you so much for listening.
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We'll talk to you next time.