KOPYA NG SALIN 🔗
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Talking our kids through things they're exposed to is a challenge, especially when you're trying to be a loving parent who's modeling compassion and you're trying to be a discerning parent who's modeling thoughtfulness and telling the truth to your kids.
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There is pretty often situations where our kids, through no fault of ours, will be exposed to things that are unbiblical, whether it is all types of folly or perversion and otherwise.
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And so my own heart has changed by virtue of being a father.
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And I think that's by God's design.
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For example, before I had kids, if I saw someone who was trans, say a man presenting as a woman, the primary lens that I would see that person through is compassion.
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This is a person who is being oppressed by the spirit of the age.
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They're not necessarily victims, but they are uh victimizing themselves by going along with the lies of the spirit of the age that have told them that you can be born in the wrong body, that have sold them the lie that whatever the discomfort you're feeling with your body on the inside, that can be solved by presenting or lying about your gender.
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And so uh knowing the data, knowing the research, understanding the comorbidities of gender dysphoria or transgender things with other mental health issues, I would generally see a person and my personal reaction was compassion, like sheep without a shepherd, harassed and helpless, the spirit of the age got to them.
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And I, my first goal and motive was to represent Christ's love to them, perhaps build a relationship with them, and then desire to help them eventually come into congruence with their bodily design as came from God.
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But then once I had children, uh the game changed a bit.
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Now I have a different ordering of loves that I'm required to steward, right?
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So my I'm called to love the Lord Jesus first.
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My second order on my rung is my wife, my third order on my rung is my kids.
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Um, and then a stranger is somewhere else down that list.
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Maybe it's three, four, or five, depending on what you have going on.
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And so when I walk with my child, who, you know, at the time is four or five years old, and we're checking in at the zoo, and this man is trying to present as a woman with a sticker on their shirt that says she, her.
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Um, but my son, who's uh aware of reality, looks and is confused.
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He's maybe late four, early five.
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He kind of looks at me, looks at the person.
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You know, and I now as a father have a different type of reaction, right?
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So this person is not just having a personal struggle, but now with my child being in development, this person's is inviting my child to buy into their personal struggle.
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This is a different type of problem now, where uh this person is not just communicating I am she when in fact it is a he.
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So it's not just a lying, but now this person is asking my child to believe and participate in and testify the lie.
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Call me she, her, when in fact I am he, him.
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And so I can see the confusion merge or begin to emerge in my son.
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And I have a choice to make in that moment.
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Do I allow my child to be gaslit by the one who's trying to get them to confess that which is not reality?
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Or do I intervene and prioritize my child's sanity, uh, reinforce that they are smart and they are discerning and tell them the truth about what's going on in a way that's maybe socially unacceptable.
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And so my move is I want to tell my son, you know, this is a boy who's struggling and we should have compassion for him.
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Um, but he wants to be called girl, but he's not.
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Because my goal in that moment is to order, have my loves rightly ordered, which means I want to first bear witness to the truth of God in Christ, the creator, that there's an order to nature.
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But then I also in that moment am going, my first ministry is to my children.
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And if I allow him to be gaslit by someone who is bearing false witness about their bodily sex, then I am actually hanging my son out to dry and causing him to uh begin to question himself and his rational faculties and his ability to discern things.
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And so I'm in that moment gonna pull him aside and say, like, hey, were you confused?
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And he's gonna say, Yeah, and yeah, that was a boy who thinks he was a girl.
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That's pretty hard.
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Uh, it's not dissimilar from when he has maybe a kid in one of his classes or we read a book that talks about a child with two moms.
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And I want to be able to say, okay, son, okay, now my daughter, she's uh mid-four years old.
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I want to be able to say, listen, God made it such that whenever any mammal is reproducing, it requires a male and a female, a man and a woman.
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And when those two come together, that's how you have offspring.
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That's how you have children.
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And so every person has a biological
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mom and a biological dad.
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And so, what do you think when you hear that someone has two moms?
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And my son already at the age of five or six, late five, early six at this time, is able to go, like, where's their dad?
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I go, that's a great question.
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Isn't it so sad that someone would be raised apart from their father?
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Now that's true for all adoptions, that's true for all of these types of situations.
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But my goal is to reinforce to them reality, God's design, congruence with creation, and compassion for the one whose it's not their fault or the one who's been taken captive by the spirit of the age.
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So the girl in your class or the girl that you saw at the library that has two moms, is that kind of sad?
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She doesn't have a where's her dad?
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We don't know.
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We don't know where her dad is.
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Or that wouldn't it be a bummer if you only didn't, if you didn't have a dad?
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Yeah, that'd be dad.
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What would be sad about that?
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And so trying to reinforce some measure of compassion while at the same time, uh, clearly and unapologetically, and not beating around the bush on what I know to be true and what I know to be real.
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And so we're trying to do conviction and compassion.
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Uh, but what happens when you do conviction and compassion, those who are in error or who are in sin will only hear your conviction and say you are heartless or that you're bigoted or you're transphobic or anything like that.
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And I want to go, I'm okay with this person thinking I'm hateful, if that means that my child looks back and says, my dad told me the truth and taught me to love, and some people hated him for it.
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And so I am choosing to prioritize ministry to my child over ministry to the other in that moment.
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And I feel no shame or guilt about that.
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Now, if I could perfectly thread the needle every single time and make sure everybody felt perfectly seen and understood, I would, but that's not how it works.
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It's never how it works.
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But I want my children to remember the fact that I told them the truth, that I acknowledge reality.
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And sometimes dad was hated for telling the truth, but he was willing to tell the truth.
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And he did so as best as he could compassionately.
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And not everyone always thought it was compassionate, but he was kind of trying to do that.
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And so I want to prioritize truth telling to my kids over and against compassion to the other.
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Uh, not a complete expense over, but if I'm gonna have an emphasis, I'm gonna emphasize my responsibility to my kids over my responsibility to a stranger every time.