KOPYA NG SALIN 🔗
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Hey girl, you are now tuned into the Allow Yourself Grace podcast, the space where we get real, we get raw, and give ourselves permission to rise anyway.
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I'm your host, Courtney Kristen, and I'm here to walk with you through the moments that demand change, the seasons that force us to pivot, and the experiences that invite us to shift, not just our mindset, but our entire way of showing up in the world.
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This space is for anyone learning to release perfection, embrace the process, and find power in the pause.
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Because growth isn't always pretty, but it's always possible when you allow yourself grace.
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So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's get into the episode.
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Because look, I was getting a little bit too much idle-minded over here on my break.
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And that's how I know it was time for me to get back behind this mic.
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So, girl, I need y'all to enter the chat real quick because apparently we need to talk about this.
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We need to talk about this thing called loyalty.
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So I made a post recently, and I realized people have a very different way of thinking about loyalty, and we all have different definitions of what loyalty looks like for us.
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So today I want to talk about it.
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Not from a place of hate, not from a place of drama, because I'm always receptive to feedback.
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I love interacting with you guys, um, in the comments, seeing what you think, seeing what your thoughts are, you know, poking the bear a little bit.
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I love it.
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I love it.
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I love it.
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I love the interaction.
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So today I want to talk about loyalty, um picking fights, you know.
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I want to talk about all that.
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I don't want to pick fights.
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I don't want to, I don't want to do that.
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I don't want to do that, okay?
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But from the perspective of relationships, is where I want to come from.
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Boundaries, accountability, and knowing where you stand with people.
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Do these people really have my best interests at heart?
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Are they really loyal to me as a person?
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So I want to dive right in.
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The first thing is what does loyalty actually mean?
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Because the way some people were coming at me in my comments, honey, I think, man, I think my definition might be a little twisted.
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So let's talk about how loyalty isn't automatically agreeing with everything someone does.
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So I want to be clear on that.
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Just because I'm loyal to my sister, my aunt, my cousin, because that was the post, doesn't mean that I agree with everything that they do, everything that they say.
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Okay.
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You can be loyal and still say, girl, you're wrong.
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Because one thing about me, I'm going to let my sister, I'm going to let my cousin, I'm going to let whoever know, like, hey, you're wrong, boo.
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Like, maybe you could look at it from this standpoint.
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Or have you thought about this?
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You know, I might say it in a different way, but I'm always gonna address it.
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I'm never gonna let them side because one thing about me, I'm big on accountability.
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I'm big on people learning from their mistakes for for people like looking at things from a different perspective and going back and reflecting on situations and being like, okay, how could I have handled this different?
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What did I do wrong in this scenario?
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What can I choose as far as my action goes moving forward with and when I enter new relationships, when I enter new friendships, those are the things that, yeah, I'm gonna call you out on as a family member, as a friend, as a cousin, as an aunt, all those things.
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I'm gonna make sure I hold you accountable.
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Now, the one thing I'm gonna do is address it in front of people.
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I'm not gonna address it in front of social media because I have your number.
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We have that type of relationship.
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If I'm loyal to you, I have a relationship to where your number is in my phone.
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I can text you, I can call you, we can meet up, I can even drive to your house because I know where you live.
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Those are the people that I'm most loyal to.
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So that's where I was coming from when I made the post.
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And, you know, everybody had their difference of opinions, which is cool.
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But the second thing I want to talk about is loyalty versus liking someone.
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You know, I me personally, I feel like those are two separate things, they are very much different.
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Um, I'm gonna use the example that I used on social media where I said specifically, if it comes down to you and my sister, my loyalty is with my sister.
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Period.
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Load full transcript
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Okay, that's my sister.
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So that doesn't automatically mean I hate you, right?
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It doesn't mean I dislike you, it doesn't have anything to do with you as a person.
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I don't have anything bad to say about you, but at the end of the day, the day gotta end.
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And if I'm riding out, I'm riding out with my sister.
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So this is where I say things like, I can wish you well and still understand where my loyalty lies.
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And I don't know if it's the Taurus in me because I've been seeing a lot of things about Taurus as being the most loyal sign.
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I don't know.
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I'm just going off of what I've seen.
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And we just take loyalty to a whole nother level.
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But I want you guys to enter the chat and comment down below and let me know.
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Like, start interacting.
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Um, I really want AYG to get to a point where you guys are chiming in on the conversation.
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And yesterday, um, I was just thinking as I was getting ready to record this episode, preparing.
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I'm like, man, I really would like to know your thoughts.
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So I think that loyalty should include accountability, like they go hand in hand.
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This could be one of your strongest points, right?
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Loyalty isn't helping the people you love stay wrong.
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Okay, because I know sometimes my sister could be wrong, sometimes my cousin could be wrong, sometimes my aunt, they could be wrong.
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We're all human, sometimes we're wrong.
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And sometimes real loyalty is pulling them aside privately, like I mentioned, and saying, no, ma'am, you were wrong for that.
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Key word privately.
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And I think we owe that to our friends, we owe that to our loved ones to hold them accountable, to let them know when they're wrong.
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But I also feel like it's kind of like a marriage.
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There's a time and a place.
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Like, if my husband does something wrong, I'm not, I'm not gonna address him in front of people.
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But when we get home or when we get in the car and it's just the two of us, you better believe I'm gonna address them and let him know, like, hey, babe, you were wrong, or you shouldn't have said this.
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Okay.
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But when I'm in public and we out here, I'm gonna have your bag because I'm loyal to you.
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I gotta go home with you.
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And so I just look at it like that.
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So I think we all have different perspectives, or there's multiple instances where I just feel like people take things the wrong way, they they take things out of context.
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And I know, like sometimes when you're reading things, everybody interprets and comprehends everything differently.
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And so I think it's important to make sure that we get an understanding of what the person is trying to say before we jump to conclusions.
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Because just because I say, if you don't like my sister, you don't like my cousin, and you don't like my aunt, then you don't like me.
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We come as a package.
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Just because I say that doesn't mean that I hate you, doesn't mean that I dislike you.
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I'm just saying we're all kind of alike.
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We all are together.
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Like we come as a package deal.
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There's no way you're gonna like me if you don't like my sister.
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You're just not gonna like me.
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Because there's something that we have in common.
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I mean, we're blood.
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I'm not gonna say we're the exact same person, but again, we come as a package deal, and my loyalty lies with my sister.
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So that's the example that I used on social media, y'all.
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And I had the girls in a frenzy, okay?
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Uh I really thought I was about to go viral yesterday.
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I was like, oh, we need to start having these conversations more often.
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We need to, we need to start talking about this more often.
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So loving people doesn't require giving everyone the same level of access to you.
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It just doesn't.
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Okay, just because I love you doesn't mean I gotta give you access.
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I don't have to give you the same access I give my cousin.
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I don't have to give you the same access that I give my sister.
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Okay, I can still love you though.
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I can be cordial, I can be respectful, I can pray for you, I can wish you well and still maintain my distance.
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And that's okay.
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That is totally okay.
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And I think we really need to think about the point to where loyalty becomes unhealthy because there does become a point, but I think when I made the comment, I was coming from a more surface level um basis, and so I think sometimes we can go
too deep too quick.
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Okay, it we can go too deep too quick.
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Now, if loyalty requires you to compromise your values, you constantly have to defend this person.
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Um, there's always an issue when this comes to this person, you're trying to cover things up for them, you are abandoning yourself because you're so loyal.
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Now that's what that's when loyalty becomes a problem.
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And it doesn't matter if it's your sister or your cousin.
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So I understand where some people were coming from.
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It's just that y'all took me too deep too quick.
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Y'all took me too deep too quick.
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And so I said, oh my God, we have to do an episode on this because I'm all for holding people accountable.
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I'm all for not covering up people's wrongs, not being an enabler, right?
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So I just wanna I just wanna clear that up.
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I'm not saying that you should cover it up or you shouldn't hold them accountable.
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Definitely do that.
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And I think that comes with being loyal.
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Because if I'm loyal to you, that means that I love you deeply.
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Of course, I'm gonna love my sister a little more than I love a random person.
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Of course.
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So that means that I want to see you win.
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I want to see you do great things, I want to see you be a great person.
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I want you to get all of the blessings, I want you to get access to everything.
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I'm cheering for you on the sidelines.
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Like, that's like going to a game to support someone in your family or to support somebody that's doing something great, and you're cheering only for them because you're there for them.
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And I think that's the perfect perfect example of loyalty.
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It's like I'm here for them.
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Like, of course, everybody else is here, but I'm cheering for the person that I came to see.
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And so I feel like it works the same way.
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So, who actually has earned your loyalty?
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Like, who do you think has earned your loyalty?
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Because when I say my cousin, my aunt, my sister, when I say those things or I mention those people, it's because they've literally earned my loyalty.
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That means that every time I've ever had anything go on, these people have supported me.
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They're always there.
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I know they're gonna be there.
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They've been there my entire life, whether we talk every day or not, they've been there.
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So I want you to think about it for a second.
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Who has actually earned your loyalty?
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Because there's multiple times where we're loyal to people who's not loyal to us.
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You're like so loyal, you'll just stand on business about this person when they don't really deserve it.
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And that could be family, that could be friends, that could be a spouse, that could be business relationships.
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I mean, the list goes on.
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So, should loyalty automatically come with history?
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Should it come with, oh, I've known you for a long time?
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No, I don't think so.
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So we have to think about is it trust, is it history, is it consistency, is it how someone treats you?
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Like you have to think about what really matters to you in order for that person to really earn your loyalty or deserve your loyalty.
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So I want you guys to enter the chat, ask me questions, comment, leave your thoughts below because I love when you guys interact with me, but I also love when you interact with each other because it just gives us different perspectives because everybody looks at this word differently.
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Everybody acts on this word differently because what you think displays loyalty, I may not think that displays loyalty.
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Okay.
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There's a lot of different scenarios when it comes to this word.
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Does being loyal mean choosing someone even when they're wrong?
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And is there ever a point where someone loses your loyalty?
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Those are questions that I want you to ponder on because I think uh the answer to both of those questions are yes.
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Yes, absolutely.
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But again, everybody has their their thoughts and their opinion.
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So, girl, I want to hear what you think.
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I really do.
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Enter the chat, enter the chat, enter the chat.
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Y'all gonna hear me say that a lot because I really want to chat with you guys.
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I really want you guys to interact.
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And whatever season you're in in your relationships, remember to always, always allow yourself grace.
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Y'all, I deserve grace too.
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Give me some grace because I'm not always
right, which is why I'm always open to your thoughts and what you have to say about loyalty.
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But one thing about me is that when I'm loyal, like I'll go to bat for you.
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Like, I'm going all the way with you, okay?
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I'm with you, I'm with you.
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But if you're wrong, yeah.
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But again, it's like us being in a situation to where we're out and you're getting jumped, and I'm like, yeah, but you were wrong.
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Like, nah, sis.
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I'm gonna get in and throw a couple hints too.
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Like, we might we might go down together, but I ain't gonna let you go down by yourself.
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That's the type of loyalty I think about when I think about sisterhood, when I think about family, when I think about relationships.
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It's like, no matter what, I'm gonna have your back as long as you reciprocate the energy and you don't give me a reason to doubt you as a friend, to doubt you as a sister, to doubt you as a cousin.
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But I'm not going to allow someone to say, Oh, I don't mess with you.
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I mean, I don't mess with your sister, or I don't mess with your cousin, but I mean, you cool.
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No, we come as a package deal.
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So I'ma speak to you.
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I'll say hello to you, I'll be cordial with you, I can wish you well.
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You need me to pray for you, all those things, but you're never gonna get as close to me as my sister.
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And so I don't know, I just feel different about that.
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And I know that everybody has different relationships with their family, but I really want y'all to think about that word loyalty.
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What does that really mean to you?
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What are your expectations of people when you're wanting them to be loyal, you wanting them to support you, and you're like, oh, well, nobody's ever loyal to me.
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You might want to do a little bit of self-reflecting because it could be something that you need to change, you need to work on as a person.
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You know, a lot of times we want to look at, you know, what someone else is doing, how they're interacting, you know, all the things we do as women, like, oh, I don't like the way she moves, I don't like the way she acts, oh, she this way.
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I'm telling you because I've done it, I still do it sometimes.
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And there's times where we prejudge people and we don't think about like, okay, maybe this person is this way because, or maybe they really have this going on.
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We're like automatically making these assumptions about them and we don't know anything.
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And so I think it's important to get to know people for yourself, but also when it comes to the people you love and the people that you're loyal to, you have to draw a line when it comes to people who have confrontation with them or have some type of negative energy towards them.
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I know people tell you not to pick the side, but to me, in sisterhood and friendship, that's not an option.
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It's not an option, it's not an option when it comes to that.
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Because it's like if you're gonna go sit at the table with someone that I don't talk to or they don't like me, I'm not telling you not to talk to them because I don't want to stop anybody from talking to people they don't want they want to talk to or interacting with them.
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But if you're gonna go sit at the table with people who are talking about me, disgusting me, don't like me, or we've had this big issue, then I'm I'm never gonna be loyal to you again because I don't trust you.
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And I think that's valid in friendships, but people want to act like, oh, because you don't talk to me, you're trying to keep everybody from talking to me.
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It's like, no, that person literally has to choose a side.
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And y'all, we can agree to disagree on this.
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But yes, as if you're my friend, I'm expecting you to choose a side.
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I'm not saying you have to be mean to the person, I'm not saying you gotta be like, I hate the person.
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No, but I'm saying you do have to pick a side.
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And we again, we can agree to disagree on that, but I just feel like sisterhood is much more than just saying you're someone's friend, your actions have to align.
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I need to know where your loyalty lies at the end of the day.
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Are you gonna roll with me or are you gonna go roll with my enemy?
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Which one are we gonna do?
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And I think that's fair.
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So when someone has an issue with someone, hear them out and understand where they're coming from.
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Because I guarantee you, if you put yourself in their shoes, you will probably feel some type of way.
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You will feel a way, okay?
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We're all human, our feelings are valid, and I think loyalty is more about love.
00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:58.000
Like to me, love is a is a word that people throw around so easily.
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Oh, I love you.
00:20:00.079 --> 00:20:01.200
Uh, do you?
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Because when
you love someone, you gotta show up.
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When you love someone, you have to be loyal.
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So those are things we gotta look at when we look at sisterhood.
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And you know, I'm a person that I I really don't gravitate to a lot of women quickly.
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I don't really do well um with a lot of women, but I do well with women who are real and they're honest and they are vocal about how they feel.
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:30.960
They don't just walk away from things, they talk about them.
00:20:31.599 --> 00:20:35.839
I may be mad at you, but I'm gonna text you the next day and be like, hey, what's up?
00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:37.759
You know, like those are the things.
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:46.160
And I think as we grow older, as we mature, because I'm not gonna let me not say that because maturity definitely doesn't come with age.
00:20:46.319 --> 00:20:48.319
I think it just depends on the person.
00:20:49.119 --> 00:20:58.880
As we become more mature, we notice like some stuff is just really minute, and a lot of things are common sense.
00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:06.240
But like we've heard time and time again, common sense is not what is not common for everybody.
00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:17.119
And I think that's where the phrase treat people how they treat you or treat people how you want to be treated, it's not treat people how they treat you.
00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:18.400
I'm gonna take that back.
00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:20.640
Treat people how you want to be treated.
00:21:20.880 --> 00:21:22.960
That's where that phrase comes from.
00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:33.359
And it's like, if I want to be treated with respect, I want to be retreated, treated with loyalty, like I'm expecting the same.
00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:35.359
I'm expecting the same.
00:21:35.519 --> 00:21:44.400
We've watched time and time again friendships break up in the public eye, um, business partnerships break up in the public eye.
00:21:44.640 --> 00:21:49.759
You know, people that like, oh my god, they were besties, now they don't talk anymore.
00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:58.400
These things happen right before our eyes, and 90% of the time it's because of loyalty.
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The loyalty is not there.
00:22:01.119 --> 00:22:07.039
That person did something that was like, oh wow, that's what we're on.
00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:08.960
That's what we're doing.
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You ever been in a friendship or relationship like that?
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You're like, oh, that's what we on, that's what we're doing.
00:22:15.519 --> 00:22:19.200
Time and time again, time and time again, that happens.
00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:23.839
And so that's what I wanted to chat about today.
00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:27.119
And I hope you guys have enjoyed this episode.
00:22:27.279 --> 00:22:30.160
It feels so good to be back.
00:22:31.039 --> 00:22:41.039
And I can't wait for you guys to see all the new things that Allow Yourself Grace has and ponder on this question: where does your loyalty lie?
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With whom?
00:22:43.599 --> 00:22:45.599
I'll see you guys in the next episode.
00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:49.759
Don't forget to like, share, subscribe, and hit that notification bell.
00:22:49.920 --> 00:23:00.160
And make sure that you're following Allow Yourself Grace on all platforms: Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, follow us.
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:02.000
We're over there, we're everywhere.
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:04.079
And I'll see you in the next episode.
00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:04.799
Peace.
00:23:04.960 --> 00:23:07.119
And that concludes today's episode.
00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:11.119
Thank you guys so much for tuning in to today's episode.
00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:13.039
I'm so happy to be back.
00:23:13.279 --> 00:23:21.279
Guys, don't forget to like, share, subscribe, and leave me a review and let me know how you enjoyed today's episode.
00:23:21.519 --> 00:23:24.240
I will see you guys in the next one.
00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:25.039
Peace.
00:23:25.279 --> 00:23:27.519
Well, guys, that concludes our episode.
00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:32.079
Thank you guys so much for tuning in to the Allow Yourself Grace podcast.
00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:38.880
For additional information about today's episode, please click the link in the show notes below.
00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:48.640
To learn more about our Grace Girls community and other resources we have to offer, head over to www.allowyourselfgrace.com.
00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:51.599
Until next time, Grace Girls, I love you all.
00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:54.640
Be blessed and continue to strive for success.