Dr. Ardeshir Mehran Interview Notes
Psychologist, psychoanalyst, transformation leader, and leadership coach
Book: “You are Not Depressed. You are Un-Finished: Use Feelings of Depression and Anxiety to Fuel a Soaring Life”
YouTube: “Arash’s World Interview with Dr. Ardeshir Mehran on Healing Depression by Reclaiming Your Emotional Rights”
Podcast: “Healing Depression with Belonging, Mattering, Creating and Soaring: Dr. Ardeshir Mehran on Claiming and Reclaiming Your Own Individual Emotional Rights”
In this episode, I have the great pleasure of speaking with Dr. Ardeshir Mehran, a psychologist, psychoanalyst, transformation leader, and leadership coach who has the mission of bringing a cure to depression and whose book “You are not depressed. You are un-finished” works as a guide, a resource, and an inspiration to ease the emotional and physical pain and suffering of people worldwide.
It comes down to respecting, honoring, and fulfilling your seven emotional needs, which are in fact rights and not privileges and that many of us either neglect, do not know about, or are not familiar with. It ranges from the need to belong and to matter up to the need to soar and go beyond self-actualization. This bill of emotional rights also includes the need to create.
We also talk about how men and women often try to compensate for this lack and how even executives and senior managers experience not only stress but depression and are simply not aware of it. Their emotional lack is often manifested in symptoms of the body ranging from headaches, neck, and back strain to gastrointestinal issues to cardiovascular ailments and conditions. While we tend to run to medication for relief, they do not treat the root causes and cannot possibly heal us. Since depression is a consequence and not the cause, medication can merely make us functional at best.
Depression may be classified as a mood disorder, but it is rather a signal, a symptom, and a warning sign with much deeper root causes in effect and at work. It often points towards missing or neglected emotional needs and experiences in our lives and is a reminder that "mental health" affects the whole body and entire being, and not just the head. In fact, the opposite of depression is not happiness but personal fulfillment, which can be attained by focusing on your body and mind with their unexpressed and unfulfilled emotional needs and rights.
00:28: Personal Intro:
Single mission life: Bringing a cure to depression, to humanity, and easing the suffering of people worldwide. Why depression is so hard to treat and how to actually heal it.
00:58:
Talking about the book “You are not depressed. You are un-finished” and his definition of depression. What is its cause and how can we deal with it? A psychologist trained to be a psychoanalyst started working with corporate psychology. Executives tend to mask their depression. They don't talk about depression because they don't know it. Some of them have elevated depression, a sense of heaviness on their soul, on their mind, a sense of grieving and loss, and yearning. “Someday I will do this or that”, they trend to say.
03:04:
Depression often manifested in their bodies. Women have gastrointestinal issues and men have cardiovascular conditions. 1/3 of hospital patients due to depression-related symptoms, functional and psychosomatic conditions. A lot of aches and pains including migraines, shoulder and neck problems are unresolved causes of depression.
05:28:
People can be severely depressed, but from the outside they look great. Dr. Ardeshir was suffering from depression but in 2012 he had an epiphany. Depression is hard to heal because people are trained to heal the symptoms thinking that depression is a mood disorder. Medication as a way of suffering less. But depression is a signal or symptom and not a cause. Once healed from depression, you will not be depressed but “pressed” and not wanting to waste any more time anymore. Depression is an SOS to wake up certain emotional experiences that are missing and did not happen to you.
08:04:
The opposite of depression is not happiness, it's fulfillment. We are designed to be fulfilled as human beings. There are reasons why we end up feeling depressed. Certain emotional needs are lacking in our lives, but we need to know them, honor them, and fulfill them. We have a scientific gap and don't know as much about being emotionally healthy, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and Frankl’s search for meaning but we tend to have a much longer and expansive list of pathologies and diseases.
9:29:
When you listen to depressed people tell their story, they tell it in three narratives. The first one that “life sucks” and they are frustrated and angry or feeling flat emotions. CBT and certain thought processes come in on why we feel that way. But then a longing comes in with “I wish I was in a better place in life”. That seeking and longing are universal, they are basic human needs we have. No one gives us these emotional rights to be experienced.
12:01:
Realizing how certain people or jobs do not fulfill our emotional needs and are not right for us. I can be better but have been playing small.
12:25:
Looking at each of the seven Emotional Rights. First need happening at birth is “I belong” the initial connection to life, the quality of being held, seen, loved, and touched. A sense of attachment and connection between the caregiver and oneself. It starts with the mother and the importance of having a safe connection. Often we start off in isolation.
14:33:
Currently challenging Attention Deficit Disorder and referring to it as Attachment Deficit Disorder. ADHD is not in your head; you are scanning the environment to get emotional and nervous system regulation. Medication basically defers it. With trauma care and somatic work, one can help the mind settle and bring in some regulation to the nervous system. That brain calms down. That's the heart of attachment, the connection of and parallels with depression as an alleged biochemical imbalance. Depression is a consequence not the root cause. Medication merely makes us functional.
16:40:
The next need is “I am boundless”. Our body and how we basically become “talking heads”. Even the term “mental health” comes with the belief that it is in our heads. It is in reality our entire being. Emotions are in our bodies. The brain follows the body. Freud's psychoanalysis and its connection and relation to the body. Fear and butterflies in our stomachs. You need to reach the body and its memories for full expression and healing.
17:56:
The next level is “I am complete”. There is no such thing as past. Emotions are in the body which has no sense of time. You cannot fool the body with words. It requires and needs to see action in the here and now. Use the here-and-now to reconstruct a different narrative. Healing happens in the moment. Your emotional baggage is waiting for action. You create a different experience then.
20:08:
A sense of agency. We often feel powerless due to our previous narrative holding us back and down. Once you learn how to do it, you can self-heal yourself. Like fixing your car, you can manage it on your own afterward. Talk therapy not enough. Once the body is involved, healing happens a lot faster and you can guide it.
22:58:
The next need is “I matter”, whoever and wherever you are. Even in the corporate world, there are people who are and feel “invisible”. Mass shooters in the US often feel that nobody sees them. In their act of vengeance and violence, they scream “I exist”. Honoring, respecting, and allowing a space by inviting people and essential need of human dignity. At the end of the day, we're all human beings.
24:57:
Next need “I make”. Many workers feel disengaged. The job you do may not be your job. You may be good at it, but it's not you. He left the corporate world because he was a healer deep inside. When engagement is low, there's a higher rate of depression and anxiety.
26:17:
The need of “I am”. This is your soul voice, your conviction. Whatever you say, it may be stupid, but it's your idea. Are you sharing what you believe in? Are people hearing you? Women constrain the vocal cords as a way to fit in. Men tend to be yelling, and they overshoot as a way to be heard. This is about how you share what's in your heart. In therapy sessions, he would play Katy Perry's song “Roar” to help finding your own voice.
27:44:
The last need is “I soar”. Quote of Maya Angelo on the untold story inside of you. When you know your story, you will be alive. Intuition as a connecting force. It can also be restlessness and frustration. Use it as data to move toward and onward. Use your angst and follow the energy. Bodily pain is energy ignored as it sits in our tissues.
32:05:
Difference from Maslow's self-actualization, but with “I soar” there's no end to it as you don't actually self-actualize. You are always unfinished as you go forward. Further roads keep opening up. “Journey of growth is the journey of endlessness pursued”.
33:09:
We can fulfill our needs at any point in our lives, it's never too late to change. We all have so much to do and so much to give at any age. The journey of emotional needs is lifelong until our last breath. You have a lot of story inside of you.
35:14:
Once you start to change the family and work system, they don't want a member to change because you disrupt the whole system. When you heal, their wounds become evident. Then you can start reconnecting instead of preaching. Be that person that creates openness. People change when they see safety.
36:51:
Bringing healing, especially when there is generational trauma in the family. Be the source of acceptance. Personal responsibility for each of us to heal. You can heal now and get rid of the emotional baggage. We are free to choose, and it is immensely powerful. Your parents did not have the chance to heal their trauma. In some ways, it was passed onto you. Don't screw up. You do the work on their behalf as well.
39:51:
Adversity as a great opportunity for learning and growth. You create a positive change with what you have learned and pass it on to the next generation of yours. If you are in pain, don't despair. There's a bigger, better, and fuller life waiting for you, and it's yours to take.
Psychologist, psychoanalyst, transformation leader, and leadership coach
Book: “You are Not Depressed. You are Un-Finished: Use Feelings of Depression and Anxiety to Fuel a Soaring Life”
YouTube: “Arash’s World Interview with Dr. Ardeshir Mehran on Healing Depression by Reclaiming Your Emotional Rights”
Podcast: “Healing Depression with Belonging, Mattering, Creating and Soaring: Dr. Ardeshir Mehran on Claiming and Reclaiming Your Own Individual Emotional Rights”
In this episode, I have the great pleasure of speaking with Dr. Ardeshir Mehran, a psychologist, psychoanalyst, transformation leader, and leadership coach who has the mission of bringing a cure to depression and whose book “You are not depressed. You are un-finished” works as a guide, a resource, and an inspiration to ease the emotional and physical pain and suffering of people worldwide.
It comes down to respecting, honoring, and fulfilling your seven emotional needs, which are in fact rights and not privileges and that many of us either neglect, do not know about, or are not familiar with. It ranges from the need to belong and to matter up to the need to soar and go beyond self-actualization. This bill of emotional rights also includes the need to create.
We also talk about how men and women often try to compensate for this lack and how even executives and senior managers experience not only stress but depression and are simply not aware of it. Their emotional lack is often manifested in symptoms of the body ranging from headaches, neck, and back strain to gastrointestinal issues to cardiovascular ailments and conditions. While we tend to run to medication for relief, they do not treat the root causes and cannot possibly heal us. Since depression is a consequence and not the cause, medication can merely make us functional at best.
Depression may be classified as a mood disorder, but it is rather a signal, a symptom, and a warning sign with much deeper root causes in effect and at work. It often points towards missing or neglected emotional needs and experiences in our lives and is a reminder that "mental health" affects the whole body and entire being, and not just the head. In fact, the opposite of depression is not happiness but personal fulfillment, which can be attained by focusing on your body and mind with their unexpressed and unfulfilled emotional needs and rights.
00:28: Personal Intro:
Single mission life: Bringing a cure to depression, to humanity, and easing the suffering of people worldwide. Why depression is so hard to treat and how to actually heal it.
00:58:
Talking about the book “You are not depressed. You are un-finished” and his definition of depression. What is its cause and how can we deal with it? A psychologist trained to be a psychoanalyst started working with corporate psychology. Executives tend to mask their depression. They don't talk about depression because they don't know it. Some of them have elevated depression, a sense of heaviness on their soul, on their mind, a sense of grieving and loss, and yearning. “Someday I will do this or that”, they trend to say.
03:04:
Depression often manifested in their bodies. Women have gastrointestinal issues and men have cardiovascular conditions. 1/3 of hospital patients due to depression-related symptoms, functional and psychosomatic conditions. A lot of aches and pains including migraines, shoulder and neck problems are unresolved causes of depression.
05:28:
People can be severely depressed, but from the outside they look great. Dr. Ardeshir was suffering from depression but in 2012 he had an epiphany. Depression is hard to heal because people are trained to heal the symptoms thinking that depression is a mood disorder. Medication as a way of suffering less. But depression is a signal or symptom and not a cause. Once healed from depression, you will not be depressed but “pressed” and not wanting to waste any more time anymore. Depression is an SOS to wake up certain emotional experiences that are missing and did not happen to you.
08:04:
The opposite of depression is not happiness, it's fulfillment. We are designed to be fulfilled as human beings. There are reasons why we end up feeling depressed. Certain emotional needs are lacking in our lives, but we need to know them, honor them, and fulfill them. We have a scientific gap and don't know as much about being emotionally healthy, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and Frankl’s search for meaning but we tend to have a much longer and expansive list of pathologies and diseases.
9:29:
When you listen to depressed people tell their story, they tell it in three narratives. The first one that “life sucks” and they are frustrated and angry or feeling flat emotions. CBT and certain thought processes come in on why we feel that way. But then a longing comes in with “I wish I was in a better place in life”. That seeking and longing are universal, they are basic human needs we have. No one gives us these emotional rights to be experienced.
12:01:
Realizing how certain people or jobs do not fulfill our emotional needs and are not right for us. I can be better but have been playing small.
12:25:
Looking at each of the seven Emotional Rights. First need happening at birth is “I belong” the initial connection to life, the quality of being held, seen, loved, and touched. A sense of attachment and connection between the caregiver and oneself. It starts with the mother and the importance of having a safe connection. Often we start off in isolation.
14:33:
Currently challenging Attention Deficit Disorder and referring to it as Attachment Deficit Disorder. ADHD is not in your head; you are scanning the environment to get emotional and nervous system regulation. Medication basically defers it. With trauma care and somatic work, one can help the mind settle and bring in some regulation to the nervous system. That brain calms down. That's the heart of attachment, the connection of and parallels with depression as an alleged biochemical imbalance. Depression is a consequence not the root cause. Medication merely makes us functional.
16:40:
The next need is “I am boundless”. Our body and how we basically become “talking heads”. Even the term “mental health” comes with the belief that it is in our heads. It is in reality our entire being. Emotions are in our bodies. The brain follows the body. Freud's psychoanalysis and its connection and relation to the body. Fear and butterflies in our stomachs. You need to reach the body and its memories for full expression and healing.
17:56:
The next level is “I am complete”. There is no such thing as past. Emotions are in the body which has no sense of time. You cannot fool the body with words. It requires and needs to see action in the here and now. Use the here-and-now to reconstruct a different narrative. Healing happens in the moment. Your emotional baggage is waiting for action. You create a different experience then.
20:08:
A sense of agency. We often feel powerless due to our previous narrative holding us back and down. Once you learn how to do it, you can self-heal yourself. Like fixing your car, you can manage it on your own afterward. Talk therapy not enough. Once the body is involved, healing happens a lot faster and you can guide it.
22:58:
The next need is “I matter”, whoever and wherever you are. Even in the corporate world, there are people who are and feel “invisible”. Mass shooters in the US often feel that nobody sees them. In their act of vengeance and violence, they scream “I exist”. Honoring, respecting, and allowing a space by inviting people and essential need of human dignity. At the end of the day, we're all human beings.
24:57:
Next need “I make”. Many workers feel disengaged. The job you do may not be your job. You may be good at it, but it's not you. He left the corporate world because he was a healer deep inside. When engagement is low, there's a higher rate of depression and anxiety.
26:17:
The need of “I am”. This is your soul voice, your conviction. Whatever you say, it may be stupid, but it's your idea. Are you sharing what you believe in? Are people hearing you? Women constrain the vocal cords as a way to fit in. Men tend to be yelling, and they overshoot as a way to be heard. This is about how you share what's in your heart. In therapy sessions, he would play Katy Perry's song “Roar” to help finding your own voice.
27:44:
The last need is “I soar”. Quote of Maya Angelo on the untold story inside of you. When you know your story, you will be alive. Intuition as a connecting force. It can also be restlessness and frustration. Use it as data to move toward and onward. Use your angst and follow the energy. Bodily pain is energy ignored as it sits in our tissues.
32:05:
Difference from Maslow's self-actualization, but with “I soar” there's no end to it as you don't actually self-actualize. You are always unfinished as you go forward. Further roads keep opening up. “Journey of growth is the journey of endlessness pursued”.
33:09:
We can fulfill our needs at any point in our lives, it's never too late to change. We all have so much to do and so much to give at any age. The journey of emotional needs is lifelong until our last breath. You have a lot of story inside of you.
35:14:
Once you start to change the family and work system, they don't want a member to change because you disrupt the whole system. When you heal, their wounds become evident. Then you can start reconnecting instead of preaching. Be that person that creates openness. People change when they see safety.
36:51:
Bringing healing, especially when there is generational trauma in the family. Be the source of acceptance. Personal responsibility for each of us to heal. You can heal now and get rid of the emotional baggage. We are free to choose, and it is immensely powerful. Your parents did not have the chance to heal their trauma. In some ways, it was passed onto you. Don't screw up. You do the work on their behalf as well.
39:51:
Adversity as a great opportunity for learning and growth. You create a positive change with what you have learned and pass it on to the next generation of yours. If you are in pain, don't despair. There's a bigger, better, and fuller life waiting for you, and it's yours to take.
