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You're listening to WGSNDB Go and Solo Network Singles Talk
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radio channel, where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach
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to discussions on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting,
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being single, relationships, building, dating, and yes sex. Join our
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listeners and begin living your best life.
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Hey there, and welcome to Undoing We, Divorce and life
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conversations on wgsn dB Going, Solo Network Radio podcast and TV.
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I'm your host, Marty wender Adams. I'm a divorce coach,
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a mediator, and someone who's been through exactly what you're
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going through. This show is all.
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About helping you get through the tough stop.
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The overwhelm of divorce, the what now moments, and the
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messiness of trying to rebuild your life. We're going to
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talk about real life challenges, share expert advice, and give
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you practical tools you can use to move forward with
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your life. Are you ready to start shifting from we
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to meet? Grab a coffee, sit back, and let's get started.
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Hello and welcome to Undoing We. This episode is one
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that touches home for a lot of people going through divorce,
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and that is all about we are their hidden assets,
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or is somebody playing funny business with the money in divorce.
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So my guest today is the perfect expert, and I'm
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so glad that I'm able to share this clip with you.
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Tracy Conan has been investigating fraud for more than twenty
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five years, both on the corporate side as well as
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for individuals. She has a criminology degree, but she's also
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an accounting She's done economics courses, she is a CPA,
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And now what she does is she works specifically with
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corporate fraud cases and high network divorce where people may
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be playing fast and loose with the money. And one
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of the things I really admire about Tracy is not
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only is she this huge expert in the field, but
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she really has some amazing resources for people who maybe
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aren't looking at a high net
Load full transcript
worth divorce, but they
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still have real concerns about whether there are as Tracy
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puts it, Shenanigan's with the money. So listen into this
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clip and then we're going to highlight some of the
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key points she made on the other side, and in
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the show notes, you're going to find where you can
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access Tracy's resources. Well, I always say, what you don't
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know about the money and divorce can hurt you. So
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this is a great topic to talk about.
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As you said, I've been a forensic account for more
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than twenty five years doing all sorts of fraud investigations,
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some of it in the divorce space. Typically for people
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who have a lot of money, because they have complicated issues,
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they have the resource is to hire a forensic accountant.
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And a couple of years ago, I was really frustrated
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because I wasn't, in my opinion, helping enough people. There
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are so many people with average divorces where there aren't
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really complicated money issues, but there are still money questions
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that the people have. So I came up with the
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concept for the Divorce Money Guide to help get resources
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and tools in the hands of average people divorcing. And
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we do talk a lot about hidden money or money shenanigans,
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or what your spouse might have been doing with the
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money that you don't know about that is improper, and
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that's certainly a concern when people get divorced. But what
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I find more so is there's often a spouse who
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just doesn't know what they don't know. They haven't been
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in charge of the money, they've been hands off with it,
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which is perfectly normal, nothing to be ashamed of. When
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you marry someone, you trust them, they say they have
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your best interest at heart. They say, let me handle
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the money. You might not be a numbers person. You
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right say, this is great, I don't have to worry
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about it. But when divorce times time comes, I say
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to people, you cannot settle that divorce. You cannot agree
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to anything final on the financial front until you know
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your numbers right.
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And I think so, I think you touched on something
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really important. And I really like that you said that
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nobody should feel bad if they said to their spouse,
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you take care of the money. That's it's very normal
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in a relationship to have a division of property. And
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then you walk, as a woman, you walk if your
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husband or your partner has taken care of the money,
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you walk into your attorney's office, and the attorney says, well,
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we need this and this and this and this and this,
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and you kind of give them that deer in the
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headlight look because you don't even know what they're talking about.
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And then it's almost like you feel guilty, or you're
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made to feel guilty that you don't have that kind
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of information available. And I did one of your courses
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online and it was just like a one hour course webinar,
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and it was fascinating about how you could actually just
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look at a bank statement or a credit card statement,
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or any kind of financial document and recognize if something
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maybe wasn't in alignment. That's a real skill for people
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to have.
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Well, I love telling people that the numbers are easy
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to understand. You don't have to be good with numbers.
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You don't have to be a mathematician or an accountant
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to be able to look at your stuff in your
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divorce and know what's going on. And people say, sure, sure,
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that's easy for you to say you're an accountant. But
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the way that it goes in most of these average divorces,
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they are about ten or twelve ways that money is
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hidden or used improperly, And all I have to do
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is tell you what to look for. So here's one
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example that we talk through in the Divorce Money Guide.
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If someone has a secret bank account, they have to
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get money in that account somehow. So let's say your
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husband goes and opens an account at the bank that
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you never knew about because he wants to squirrel money
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away without your knowledge. How's he going to get money
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in that account. Usually it's one of two ways. He's
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either going to transfer money straight from your joint checking
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account to the new one, or he's going to do
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a larger withdrawal from that joint account and take that
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cash and put it into his new account. Either way,
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there's evidence there within your joint account that something happened.
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And so I just teach people to go through these
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account statements line by line and look for a transfer
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to an account you never knew about, a withdrawal of
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money that was larger, seeing done usual or something like that.
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You didn't need any special accounting skills to identify those transactions, right.
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Right, right, And I think it's that getting in the
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habit of checking those accounts. And I really believe, like
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I honestly believe that if you're in a healthy relationship,
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and I hope you are, but to take that do
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that as a couple on a monthly basis, like pull
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your pull your monthly statement, get it online, or sit
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down at the computer with a coffee or a glass
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of wine or whatever you want and go through, go
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through it and say did you spend this? What you
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know because you don't know what else is going on
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in your accounts, let alone your spouse doing something funny.
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There can be other things going on. So I love
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that advice. What you getting all the info? Like, what
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are some what are some ways that if I if
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I've never had anything to do with the finances and
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I don't even I don't even know if there are
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these other accounts? Is there is there a way that
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you can simply recognize that there may be these other accounts.
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Yeah. What we do in the Divorce Money Guide is,
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first of all, I have a really comprehensive financial document
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checklist all the kinds of things that you should think
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about gathering in your divorce. So of course it's account statements, right,
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but it's things that you might not think about, like
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track down your insurance policy for your house, track down
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auto insurance policies, auto titles, track down wills and things
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like that. There's all sorts of things that you can
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think about getting. And as you're tracking these things down,
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sometimes you come across information about other accounts. But the
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way that we really end up finding these other accounts
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is I have a process to help you gather those
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account statements. So first we make a list of all
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the accounts that you know about, or even if you
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don't know about a specific account, but you think there
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might be an account at Wells Fargo Bank. I've heard
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my husband talk about that, but I've never seen anything.
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But I don't know why he's been talking about it. Great,
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let's put Wells Fargo on the list, so we know
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that's something to follow up on. Once we have a
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comprehensive list of what we know, we also know what
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we don't know. Right, we know that there's some gaps,
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some potential accounts. You can start gathering statements for accounts
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that have your name on them. For accounts that don't
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have your name on them, your attorney can start sending subpoenas.
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And then the next piece of the process is we
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get the statements and we start doing that process of
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going through and looking for transactions that might indicate something
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else is going on.
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I love that And and again, you don't have to
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be an accountant. You just have to grab some paper
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and take a look at it, and you know it
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was It was funny. This happened to a lot of
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my clients during COVID because a lot of the spouses
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that had these secret accounts were getting things mailed to
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their office. Well, when COVID shut everything down, there was
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somebody in the office gathering all that mail and forward
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to ins people's homes and all of a sudden, credit
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card statements and bank accounts and I already you know,
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retirement savings plans all started coming to the surface where
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a lot of my clients did not know those existed. So, yeah,
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it's awesome.
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Yeah, Well, like you said, you said, it's not that hard.
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What I explained about going through making an account list
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and getting the statements and looking through the statements. Here's
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what I've found. It is overwhelming to people who haven't
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been involved, and so what they need is a process,
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and that's what I give them, is a process with
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checklis and steps to take, and we break it down
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little by little.
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You know.
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First step is just start thinking about what accounts do
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you know about and kind of brainstorm that and sit
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on it for a few days and marinate on it,
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and all of a sudden you're gonna think, hey, wait
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a second, there was a loan that we took out
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a few years ago. I didn't put that on the list.
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Let me write that down. It is that process and
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those tools that walk you through that take someone from
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being completely overwhelmed and thinking, oh my god, I could
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never do this with the numbers, to taking them through
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the baby steps. Okay, one by one, here we go.
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Right, right, And I think, like I said, I really
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appreciate what you're saying here. I had another client who
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found out that her husband had taken a heelock against
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the house and she didn't know that. So what she
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thought was the value of the house turned out to
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be a lot less because there was that line of
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credit home equity line of credit on their home that
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he had just been using as a bank account to
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pull out of.
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Right. There are two things like that that I find
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are often hidden. It's the drawing on the home equity
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line of credit and taking an early distribution from a
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retirement account.
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Oh I never thought of that.
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Yeah, yes, And so we walk through how would you
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figure out if there was that early distribution? Because there
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are clues left behind, and it's all about the tax records.
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So again, taxes are something that are overwhelming and intimidating
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their ugly forms. I walk you through, here's what you need,
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here's how you get it directly from the irs without
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even having to ask your spouse for permission or anything
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like that, and then here's what we look for once
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we have those records. Yeah, and so I hope that
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when people are listening to this that the idea of
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if you're thinking about a divorce, before you start talking
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divorce with your partner, start working on this financial stuff
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because if it is likely that they're going to do something,
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play shenanigans with the money, as you say, trace see
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if you don't have that information and then you say
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the word divorce, it'll start disappearing like it'll just be gone. Yes,
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so lose access to accounts, you the money will get
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taken out of accounts. Which is why I created a
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free resource for people to get them started on this,
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and it's found at planning for divorce dot com. You
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just put in your email address. It's a little download
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and it is all about planning for divorce. What are
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some steps you need to take as far as securing
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some money, securing account statements when you're thinking about this
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divorce or maybe even early in the process to really
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protect yourself, right right, And so thank you for that.
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I'll make sure that that gets in the show notes
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so people can go grab it. Let's talk about if
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you don't mind, let's talk a little bit about something
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that I hear, well, I've been hearing this for about
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the last
seven or eight years, that partners are concerned
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that the other person has bitcoin or cryptocurrency wallets or accounts.
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And I know that that's really on the forensic accounting
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side to start dealing with that. But what are some
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of the warning sides that signs that that might be
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an issue? Or or is it really as prominent as
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people think it is that somebody's got these hidden cryptocurrency accounts.
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It's not as prominent as people think it is. However,
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there's an easy way you know if your spouse is
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talking about it, obviously that's one way you know about it.
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But again, crypto accounts are kind of like a secret
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bank account. The money has to get there somehow, So
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you might see a transfer to coinbase or another exchange
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that does the crypto trading, or you might see a
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larger cash withdrawal and you don't know where that money went.
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There's usually some evidence that's left behind that there is
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the crypto that exists. Now, what do you do about it?
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Because of course, your spouse is going to say, I
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don't remember my key to my wallet, right, we can't
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possibly get into it. The best way I've found to
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approach this with the divorce court is to say, listen,
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here's the evidence that ten thousand dollars was transferred to
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a bitcoin wallet of some sort, and he's telling us
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he can't access it. He doesn't know what it's worth.
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We have no idea how many bitcoin is owned. We
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just want credit for the ten thousand dollars that went out.
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End of story. That's the easiest way to get that
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money back. And I know that people get a little uncomfortable.
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They say, well, what if that crypto is worth thirty
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thousand dollars right now, I get it. It might be
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worth thirty thousand, It might be worth two thousand. You
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don't know. The easiest thing to prove is that money
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that went out the door to crypto, and it's easy
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for the judge to understand that and award you back
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your half.
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Right. That is a great thing, and I want to
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so that brings us into the next part here that
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I'd like to touch base on. It's that reality checking
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about what the financial plausibilities are for some these things,
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like I really appreciate that you offer this extremely low
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cost option, or you let people walk, you give them
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all the tools they need to do this on their own,
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because hiring a forensic accountant can be a huge expense
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in a divorce. And how do you approach that, Like,
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how do you get people to reality check is it
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worthwhile hiring a forensic accountant or are they you know,
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like with the crypto coin thing, are they making assumptions
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that there's all this money out there? How do you
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reality check that for people?
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When I'm having consultations with potential clients, I'm asking them
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questions to try to figure out what do they know?
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Right there, there's kind of this spectrum where some people
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just have wild suspicions with nothing to back it up.
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There are the people who have already found instances of
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secret accounts, and they're on that other end of the
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spectrum where they already know that there's been some shenanigan
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and they need to know the totality of it. And
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then somewhere in the middle is someone who who might say,
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you know, I thought we had an account at this
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bank and there isn't one there and I don't know why.
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So they've got a nugget of actionable information, but they're
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not sure where to go with it. Once I ask
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those questions and no is what is our level of proof?
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What do we know about the facts. At this point
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I can actually make a recommendation. And I will also
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talk about, Okay, if you have some of these suspicions,
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what's your gut feel about how much money could be missing?
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Are we talking about ten thousand dollars? Are we talking
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about one hundred
thousand dollars? Are we talking about five
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hundred thousand dollars? And depending on what they come up with,
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you know, I can make a recommendation to say, you know,
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you're probably going to spend anywhere from ten to twenty
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thousand dollars on the forensic accountant. Then you've got to
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pay your attorney the fees to go into court and
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fight over the money. Now, if there's a very large
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sum of money at stake, certainly it's worth it. They
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can make the cost benefit analysis. And if they asked
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me my opinion, what would you do if this was me,
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I will give them my honest opinion. There are cases
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where I say I would not spend the money. I
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do what I can to run some things down, not
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spend the money. And there are other cases where I say,
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you know, I don't know if we're going to find
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anything you can use, but for my peace of mind,
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I would want to go through the process, and I'd
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be willing to commit ten or fifteen thousand dollars of
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this to just get the answers because I have too
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many questions.
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Right, Yeah, And I think that's the That is exactly
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what a lot of people need, is they need to
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have somebody who's not going to try to sell them
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a service they don't need, but also is going to
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acknowledge that there may be a potential issue here. So
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speaking with somebody like Tracy in a consultation call can
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be really beneficial to you to know should you should
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you invest the money or should you not invest the
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money on about out of country stuff. And I get
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this with some of my clients I work with, or
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they are concerned that the spouse either has citizenship or
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you know, is a US permanent resident alien resident and
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has you know, put the potential to have been sending
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money overseas just as a general not with anything specific.
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What does the court do with like overseas accounts? Or
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overseas assets
in the United State if the divorce is
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being filed here in the United States.
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It's hard because the courts in the United States have
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very little say so over what goes on overseas, and
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so if we find money overseas, it's very very hard
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to get that money back into the country. You have
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to go through the legal process in that country to
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be able to access that money. It's expensive, it's difficult,
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and it may be really hard to get that money
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back here. So what I do with clients is we
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still try, of course figure out if there is money
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that has gone overseas and how much has gone then
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from what we own in the US that we can access,
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we make the case that the judge award my client
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more of that to make up for what went overseas.
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So he or she has that money overseas and isn't
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going to give it back to us. Fine, whatever is
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in the United States is hopefully enough to.
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Make up that difference, right right, Yeah, And that's so
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that's another really good thing because I could see that
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could be a potential rabbit hole of costs for both
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attorneys attorneys in another country dealing with the tax system
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in both countries and everything else. So Tracy, this is
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I mean, you have shared a ton of information and
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I really appreciate the fact that you offer this program
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for people that don't have ten or fifteen thousand dollars
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to hire somebody like yourself. So can you tell us
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just a little bit more about your program and what
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it entails.
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The Divorce Money Guide is an online video course. We
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also have a program where you can get access to
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me with weekly question and answer sessions, additional content, additional tools.
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I sort of have a whole lot of stuff available
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for the people who want to try this do it
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yourself way of looking at the money, walk you through
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things in a very easy fashion, as we've talked
about
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everything that you ever want to know about. The Divorce
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Money Guide is found online at Divorce Moneyguide dot com
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or you can find me on all the socials. My
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handle everywhere is Divorce Money Guide. I do a lot
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of short videos with tips and things to help you,
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things to get you thinking. My goal is to really
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have actionable resources out there for people that don't cost
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them anything, but if they are in a position to
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get a little bit of help, they could come and
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do one of my programs at the Divorce Money Guide.
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I told you this was going to be interesting. I
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hope that you found that Tracy's approach, which is very
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practical and very down to earth, can really help you
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get a clear idea of First of all, are there
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some red flags and some signs that you need to
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be aware of or And I'm seeing this more and
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more often where people just are making a lot of
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assumptions that.
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The other person is hiding money.
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And yes, you have every right to check that out
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and make sure that that's not what's going on. But
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you also don't want to get pulled down the rabbit
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hole of spending tens of thousands of dollars to track
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assets that maybe don't even exist. It's just kind of
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a game they're playing to get live, rent free in
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your mind, as they say. So let's highlight a few
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of the things that Tracy mentioned that I think are
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really critical. So the first thing is it is important
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to understand finances in divorce. Your attorney is not necessarily
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a financial expert, and this is where I see a
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lot of people run into problems because they are relying
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solely on their attorney's information. Your attorney represents you in
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the legal aspects of your case. They are not going
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to be able to let you know whether, again, things
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are being done funny with the finances. But as Tracy
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talks about, there are some really simple steps that you
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can use. If you can see the money coming into
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a joint account, and you can see unaccounted money going
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out of the joint account, it's going somewhere.
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But if all the.
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Money is coming in, or all the money that you
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were aware of is coming in, there's not a lot
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of options a forensic account and can't just go in
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and start randomly searching every possible bank and financial institution
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or crypto thing or whatever it may be. So it
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is important that you understand your finances to see if
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there even is the potential that there could be some
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kind of fraud or financial shenanigans going on in the relationship.
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The second thing, and that kind of leads into it,
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is that you don't need to be an accountant to
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spot those red flags. Just going over your account statements
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is often the first step, so and again Tracy's tool
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of the Divorce Money Guide can be super helpful in
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taking you through step by step what to look for
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on those financial statements and how to note if there
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could potentially be an issue to take to a forensic accountant.
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And again, this is not something you want to do
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lightly because it is going to be fairly cost intensive
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because as you can tell, there's a lot of research
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and there's a lot of man hours and resources that
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go into tracking down these issues. The third point that
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Tracy really points out is that early preparation is critical
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to your divorce and this goes for everybody. I'm just
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going to say that before you start talking about divorce,
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make sure that you gather the financial documents if you're
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the one that's filing for the divorce. So what does
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that mean. It means just kind of find out where
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the finances are. Even if you don't know the specific
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account numbers and all the details of it, at least
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make sure that you are capturing what financial
institute they're in. Ideally,
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if you can get the account numbers, that makes it
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a lot easier. But you need to also make sure
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that you are aware of where the money is going,
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what assets you may have. Are there four oh one ks?
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Are there? Are there savings accounts? Are there? Uh? Trading accounts?
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You know what may there be and once you start
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talking about divorce, and once people kind of get into
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their own camps, that's when the money can start to
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disappear quickly. So you want to make sure that you
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have access to that as early as possible. And if
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you are the one filing for divorce, definitely do that
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before you start talking about divorce to the other person.
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If you have concerns about this. If you don't have concerns,
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that's okay too, So that's good if you don't have concerns.
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And then the fourth part that I think is really
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practical and down to earth is do a cost benefit
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analysis before hiring a forensic accountant. This can be a
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lot of money. And again, like I said, if you're
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you know, if there's twenty thousand dollars out there that
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you're concerned about and it's going to cost you ten
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thousand dollars to track it down, you're probably only entitled
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to half of that anyhow, So chances are you're going
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to end up with absolutely nothing out of it, and
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you're going to be down ten thousand dollars. You would
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have been far better better to just hold on to that,
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hold on to, you know, the ten thousand dollars you
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spent on the forensic account So not every relationship needs
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a forensic accountant. Not every person that goes through a
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divorce is going to play, as I said, fast and
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loose with the money. As a matter of fact, most
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people don't because I think now people are more aware
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that there are ways to track this. However, that doesn't
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mean that if you believe that there's a significant amount
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of money out there and that your partner or you're
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soon to be ex partner is lying or misrepresenting that
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on their disclosures and discovery information, that you wouldn't want
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to go forward. But again it's a case by case assessment,
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so make sure you grab Tracy's free resources take a
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look at them. That may give you the basics to
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understand whether or not you want to move forward. Thanks
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for sharing your time with me on Undoing we If
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this episode resonated with you, be sure to share it
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with a friend, and don't forget to hit subscribe so
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you don't miss the next one. If you're looking for
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some more support, be sure to grab my guide five
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strategies for better communication during divorce and other life transitions.
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The link is going to be in the show notes,
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and remember, no matter what you do today, thing special
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for yourself because you deserve it.
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You're listening to WGSNDB Going Solo Network Singles Talk Radio Channel,
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where we take a lighthearted and candidate approach to discussions
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on the journey of relationship, laws, divorce, parenting, being single, relationships, building, dating,
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00:27:19.599 --> 00:27:23.559
and yes sex. Join our listeners and begin living your
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best life.