TRANSKRIPTIO 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:14.800
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Changewired Podcast.
00:00:15.199 --> 00:00:16.640
Guys, welcome back.
00:00:16.879 --> 00:00:20.800
I feel like I haven't been recording for ages.
00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:30.640
But the truth be told, I've been recording quite a lot of interviews past week, and so I managed to only release one episode to you.
00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:52.399
But hopefully you enjoyed that one was Alone Race and his amazing hero's journey that happened inside that allowed him to achieve such a just fascinating transformation in the results in business, in this personal impact and wealth.
00:00:52.560 --> 00:00:56.560
But it all, as Alon shared, it started within.
00:00:56.799 --> 00:01:16.159
At some point, the most transformational moment of his life, his career, his business, was the moment when he realized that the only reason why he either achieves or doesn't achieve certain results was inside of him, his personal growth and development.
00:01:16.239 --> 00:01:22.000
And once he started focusing on that, everything else changed.
00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:40.400
And listen, you can listen to that episode in its entirety, which I've been getting such great reviews, and people were sharing it more than any other episode, and sending me thank yous and all the takeaways that they got from that episode, and saying just yeah, some good stuff there.
00:01:40.560 --> 00:01:43.359
So listen to that episode with Alone Race.
00:01:43.680 --> 00:01:46.480
It's the the one before this one.
00:01:46.719 --> 00:02:02.879
Today, guys, I want to share with you a little bit of fascination with in my personal life, what I absolutely love exploring these days, coming back to my roots, what fascinated me when I was a kid, when I was a teenager for whichever reason.
00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:16.240
And as always, you're gonna get a very simple practical tool to help you navigate turns and transitions and twists in your own in your own life journey.
00:02:16.960 --> 00:02:24.400
Specifically, life journey when it takes you on a loop or it takes you somewhere where you didn't want to go.
00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:39.599
You know, especially in midlife, it feels sometimes that a lot more things are taken away from us, things that we don't necessarily wanna give up or uh separate always with.
00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:45.520
But sometimes it feels like a lot more things are taken away than we are given.
00:02:45.759 --> 00:03:18.240
But no matter what, guys, no matter how it feels, we can be happy with exactly how our life is, not pretending to be happy, but truly genuinely happy with what is how our life unfolds, and maybe, just maybe, realizing that that is that is exactly how our most our happiest, most fulfilling life is supposed to go versus what we expected it to go, and then it didn't quite turn out that way.
00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:36.319
And you're gonna learn, you're gonna have a five-step, very simple process that will help you to create more happiness, more joy, more genuine fulfillment in your life, no matter what life gives you on any given day.
00:03:36.560 --> 00:03:40.800
And I would argue that is one of the most important skills to make yourself happy.
00:03:40.879 --> 00:03:50.560
You know, all the sages and the wisest people and philosophers and thinkers and meditators, that's what they talk about.
00:03:50.800 --> 00:03:53.360
Learning how to make yourself happy.
00:03:53.520 --> 00:04:05.120
And it is a skill, and there is a process, and you're gonna learn one of those really good processes that I learned from people wiser, smarter, and more enlightened than myself.
00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:15.680
I'm gonna be reading to you parts from the blog that I just finished, the many doors to your happiness you haven't tried opening yet.
00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:18.399
Chase the feeling, not the thing.
00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:32.399
I'm gonna open up with a client's quote, not word-by-word quote, but something that I heard quite a few times working with ambitious, purpose-driven midlifers who kind of lost their way.
00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:38.720
And a little bit of the joy and happiness and drive and fulfillment and meaning that they used to have.
00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:45.439
The quote, but it gives me this feeling of being alive and groundedness.
00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:48.000
It makes my life feel meaningful.
00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:53.279
A client was frustrated with not being able to do rock climbing after injury.
00:04:53.519 --> 00:04:54.639
Another one.
00:05:12.079 --> 00:05:20.639
Before guys, before I left home many, many years ago to study at a university in a city far away, I loved my life.
00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:27.279
Being close to family, my neighborhood, my home, the comfort, the familiarity of it all.
00:05:27.519 --> 00:05:29.759
And yet I chose to leave.
00:05:34.319 --> 00:05:46.560
Those first few weeks that I moved to that another city, Cuman, if you're curious, in Siberia, Russian Siberia, I cried those first few weeks consistently.
00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:50.079
Everything felt boring and comfortable and familiar.
00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:52.800
I would talk to myself, like, why did I do that?
00:05:52.959 --> 00:05:53.759
Why did I leave?
00:05:53.839 --> 00:05:55.360
Why didn't I stay?
00:05:55.759 --> 00:05:59.439
And yet, deep down I knew it was the right choice.
00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:05.759
The way to explore my life, to grow into the person I was becoming.
00:06:07.519 --> 00:06:13.360
There were relationships in my life that also were comfortable, good even.
00:06:13.600 --> 00:06:17.680
And yet some was inside of me said, it doesn't feel right.
00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:20.079
You gotta take a different turn here.
00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:22.879
It wasn't comfortable, scary.
00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:26.160
And every time I listened, I felt at peace.
00:06:26.399 --> 00:06:29.920
Maybe not right away, when I had a lot of doubt.
Load full transcript
00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:31.519
I'm like, Angela, did you do it again?
00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:33.839
Did you just screw it all up?
00:06:34.319 --> 00:06:39.600
But I felt a deeper kind of peace, even when I didn't know why.
00:06:40.800 --> 00:06:42.399
Another story from my life.
00:06:42.560 --> 00:06:45.839
15 years ago, so I had a really bad accident.
00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:51.360
Six broken ribs, a shorter, a shattered shoulder blade, a punctured lung.
00:06:51.839 --> 00:06:55.199
It forced a turn in my career and in relationship.
00:06:55.279 --> 00:07:00.879
I thought I had it all figured out, and the path was so clear, and that that happened.
00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:03.839
Part of me was bitter, resistant.
00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:06.399
Why did this have to happen to me?
00:07:06.639 --> 00:07:07.759
Why right now?
00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:13.600
I was so sure that that path I was on before the accident was the right one.
00:07:14.720 --> 00:07:23.120
Then at some point I had to sit down and make peace with what was and ask myself, what if this is the right path?
00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:26.240
What can I try to make myself happy still?
00:07:26.639 --> 00:07:33.439
I looked at my options while recovering, not having much to do, but a lot of thinking.
00:07:33.680 --> 00:07:45.759
And then I signed up for an integrative health coaching course in the US with integrative, what is it, integrative school for integrative health or something like that in New York City.
00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:50.240
Today I think it was the best thing that could have happened to me back then.
00:07:50.959 --> 00:07:54.959
I also reconsidered my biking habit, that was the cause of my accident.
00:07:55.600 --> 00:08:02.639
Maybe I thought to myself, I could get the same chills from spitting on rollerblades with a lot less chance of dying.
00:08:02.959 --> 00:08:03.920
Turns out I could.
00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:05.759
I love my rollerblades these days.
00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:10.800
Yes, I get some bruises, but nowhere near close to dying and broken all of my ribs.
00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:14.160
Today I'm still finishing that.
00:08:14.399 --> 00:08:18.879
I was listening to Robert Green on the Huberman Lab podcast.
00:08:19.279 --> 00:08:28.000
His whole plan for writing his new book, Sublime, I haven't read it yet, but on my list after I'm finishing his the book before Mastery.
00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:42.399
So his new book, Sublime, his whole plan for writing it was to chase all these crazy experiences from psychedelics to swimming with dolphins to get this sublime feeling.
00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:44.720
And then he had a stroke.
00:08:45.279 --> 00:08:47.039
And he couldn't leave his house.
00:08:49.679 --> 00:08:52.240
Frustrating to say the least, wouldn't you say, guys?
00:08:52.480 --> 00:09:01.120
But he realized it forced him to go slower, deeper into his writing, and made him a better writer, a better thinker.
00:09:02.559 --> 00:09:08.879
It woke up some missing,
what felt like missing emotional part of him.
00:09:09.679 --> 00:09:24.159
He couldn't type only write by hand, he had to write and rewrite and with his hand, and it took him like forever to finish things, but that took deeper roots, that created deeper thinking.
00:09:25.200 --> 00:09:34.159
He couldn't travel, so he had to figure out how to experience the sublime within constraints of his room, his regular, quite ordinary routine.
00:09:34.960 --> 00:09:38.720
And that he realized was actually far more relatable.
00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:42.960
Not everyone can swim with freaking dolphins and go on psychedelic trips.
00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:49.360
Everyone kind of mostly has their ordinary day, ordinary life, ordinary room.
00:09:51.440 --> 00:10:08.720
Talking to my clients recently and just reflecting on my own life and learning from thinkers like Green, it seems like you know, finding life's path, purpose, figuring out life's journey is kind of a theme in the literature world.
00:10:09.120 --> 00:10:16.720
So learning again from my clients, thinkers like Green, reflecting on my own life, I keep arriving at the same place.
00:10:17.679 --> 00:10:22.639
We're not really chasing the bike, the city, the relationship, the plan.
00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:24.799
We're chasing feelings.
00:10:25.200 --> 00:10:26.799
And this is a good news, guys.
00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:28.240
Very good news.
00:10:29.360 --> 00:10:36.960
You know, we're chasing the feelings of being fully alive, living a life true to ourselves, meaning, connection, groundedness.
00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:46.799
And the good news is the sources of your feelings, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like that.
00:10:46.960 --> 00:10:48.879
Any feeling, a plenty.
00:10:50.000 --> 00:11:05.759
And a big part of life is learning to find those feelings not only in what you ideally want or thought you wanted, or in how you think your life should look or go, but in how life actually unfolds right in front of you.
00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:13.919
In the trade-offs we have to make, in embracing change instead of clinging to how we always thought it should be.
00:11:15.679 --> 00:11:19.600
What if the feeling was never tied to a third thing, to the thing?
00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:32.720
And here is an exercise I share with clients the five-step process that I promised to you in the beginning to help my clients and you navigate the twists and turns of life in midlight, especially.
00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:37.279
Especially when it feels like so much is being taken away from you.
00:11:37.759 --> 00:11:40.240
Like things just slipping through your fingers.
00:11:40.480 --> 00:11:47.519
So the five-step process to find many doors to your happiness, joy, and fulfillment.
00:11:47.840 --> 00:11:49.759
Number one, name the feeling.
00:11:49.919 --> 00:11:51.039
Like name it.
00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:55.519
What feelings do you want more of every single day?
00:11:55.759 --> 00:11:57.840
What feels like it's missing?
00:11:58.000 --> 00:11:59.440
What is the feeling?
00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:02.480
Number two, go back.
00:12:03.279 --> 00:12:04.639
Learn your history.
00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:06.960
Research your history.
00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:10.159
Brainstorm everything that used to give you that feeling.
00:12:10.320 --> 00:12:14.320
Childhood, teenage years, uni, early adulthood.
00:12:16.720 --> 00:12:18.879
Three, go wide.
00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:20.480
Go into the future.
00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:23.679
At least new things to try that could give you that feeling.
00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:26.720
Brainstorm is clawed or Chat GPT if you get stuck.
00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:30.799
Think of all the things that you wanted to put on your calendar, but never did.
00:12:31.519 --> 00:12:35.919
Like going and learning kintsugi for me.
00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:37.840
I'll explain a bit later.
00:12:38.399 --> 00:12:39.360
So go wide.
00:12:39.519 --> 00:12:39.840
Three.
00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:40.639
Go into the future.
00:12:40.799 --> 00:12:46.480
Brainstorm all the ideas that all the things that might give you that missing feeling.
00:12:46.720 --> 00:12:48.960
Number four, dip your toes.
00:12:49.360 --> 00:12:53.039
Put the ones that resonate most on your calendar.
00:12:54.159 --> 00:13:03.360
I uh I thought of Kintsugi, this Japanese art of golden what let me read, golden joinery.
00:13:03.519 --> 00:13:03.840
Right?
00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:05.440
I thought about it for so many times.
00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:08.480
I'm like, okay, I'm freaking doing it right now.
00:13:08.639 --> 00:13:13.840
I opened up my Google and typed in Kintsugi Cape Town.
00:13:14.000 --> 00:13:19.840
And there was one class upcoming Thursday, and it was first Thursday in Cape Town, which is kind of artsy, I think.
00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:21.840
And there was this class.
00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:30.639
And I immediately invited a friend, and on the same day we booked the class, and two days ago we went to that class.
00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:30.879
Right?
00:13:31.039 --> 00:13:32.480
So deep your toes.
00:13:32.639 --> 00:13:40.639
The purpose of that exercise is to actually try things, not just think about the things.
00:13:41.120 --> 00:14:01.360
And number five, which is also key, the key step for you to learn more about yourself right now, not as a concept you thought about in the past or for the future, but as you are right now exploring the terrain of you, how you are today.
00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:02.480
Reflect.
00:14:02.720 --> 00:14:12.559
After each experience, ask, after each experiment, each test asked, what turned out as expected, what went better, what went unexpectedly worse, why?
00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:15.679
Then keep exploring.
00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:20.000
Keep something, toss something, keep reinventing yourself.
00:14:20.639 --> 00:14:22.559
You can't make a transition, guys.
00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:24.879
Become someone new, embrace a new path.
00:14:24.960 -->
00:14:32.399
If you keep telling yourself you already know how you should be, how your life must turn out, you can't make a transition like that.
00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:37.039
So, what will you try this week?
00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:44.240
We're gonna recap the episode and five steps in a minute, but before that, a little bit of a personal story.
00:14:44.399 --> 00:15:00.639
And don't forget, guys, if you're finding good value in this podcast, please share it with someone you love, someone you want to thrive and flourish, someone you'd like to find a better way of living their life, more joyful with more happiness, more meaning.
00:15:00.720 --> 00:15:00.960
Right?
00:15:01.039 --> 00:15:05.039
Share this podcast episode or rate and review, especially if you are on Apple Podcasts.
00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:09.279
For self-whiche reason, it really helps with promotion of the podcast.
00:15:09.440 --> 00:15:20.799
So please take a little bit of time, rate, review, give us some golden stars to reach more people, to help more people live a happier, fulfilling life.
00:15:21.679 --> 00:15:38.320
So, Kintsuge, as I shared with you on Thursday with a friend, uh we went and we broke some dishes and joined the pieces together with uh using some golden dust, not like golden made of gold, but color, the sparkles of gold.
00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:44.720
And Kintsugi, the ancient Japanese craft of golden joinery.
00:15:45.120 --> 00:15:57.600
And guys, uh, while I experienced the thing, I I don't know if I'll ever do it again, but I realized that it brought me closer to following my intuition, not just my to-do list.
00:15:57.679 --> 00:16:00.080
And that's what I was feeling.
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:15.200
The lack of me being in a flow of life, listening not just to my schedule, but also what life has to offer in every single moment when it feels right, say yes to that.
00:16:15.679 --> 00:16:18.480
That was the main purpose for me.
00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:27.360
Starting to say yes to things that feel right, not just to my to-do list that my logical brain says is right.
00:16:28.799 --> 00:16:41.120
And maybe, just maybe, guys, the break of you of life, is of your plan, is where the gold is supposed to flow.
00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:46.720
Maybe, just maybe, the break is where the gold is supposed to flow.
00:16:47.840 --> 00:17:02.159
And so now we're gonna recap the five-step process to open many more doors, possibilities to your happiness, more fulfillment, and joy every single day.
00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:04.880
Number one, name the feeling.
00:17:05.039 --> 00:17:07.200
What feelings do I want more of every day?
00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:08.480
What's the missing feeling?
00:17:08.640 --> 00:17:11.440
Number two, go back, research your history.
00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:14.880
What used to give you joy and the feeling that you're missing right now?
00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:19.200
Childhood, teenage years, uni, early adulthood.
00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:22.720
Remember the time when you really felt happy.
00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:24.480
What did you do more of back then?
00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:31.839
Number three, go wide, go into the future, think through all the things that you wanted to do, but never put them on your schedule.
00:17:32.079 --> 00:17:34.240
Put an idea list together.
00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:36.480
Ask Lord, ask ChatGPT.
00:17:36.880 --> 00:17:38.720
Number four, dip your toes.
00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:41.279
Don't think about it, try it.
00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:46.480
Put the ones on your schedule that resonate most with you.
00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:48.240
And number five, reflect.
00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:50.240
What turned out as expected?
00:17:50.400 --> 00:17:51.039
What went better?
00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:53.119
What went unexpectedly worse?
00:17:53.279 --> 00:17:53.599
Why?
00:17:53.759 --> 00:17:55.200
What can you learn from that?
00:17:55.359 --> 00:18:00.079
What then keep exploring, keep something, toast something, keep reinventing yourself.
00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:01.759
Again, you can't make a transition.
00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:08.160
Become someone new, embrace a new path if you keep telling yourself you already know how you should be, how your life must turn out.
00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:11.359
So, what will you try this week?
00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:21.200
When you finish this podcast episode, think about one thing that like I always wanted to do it for like weeks and months, sometimes decades.
00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:28.880
Figure out the way to try it and put it on your calendar right now, right after finishing listening to that podcast.
00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:34.640
No matter how crazy that idea, how childish, how it doesn't make sense to your logical brain at all.
00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:36.880
Figure it out, put it on your schedule.
00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:41.200
I can guarantee you 100% that you won't regret it.
00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:45.359
Or if you do regret it, you learn something about yourself.
00:18:45.680 --> 00:18:49.599
A lesson or a heart full of joy.
00:18:50.319 --> 00:18:51.920
Thank you guys for tuning in.
00:18:52.160 --> 00:18:53.200
Thank you for listening.
00:18:53.359 --> 00:19:03.680
Hopefully, this podcast episode was useful to you, enriching your life, leading you towards more doors that can lead to your happiness.
00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:05.279
Thank you guys for tuning in.
00:19:05.440 --> 00:19:06.319
Thank you for listening.
00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:13.039
Until next time, keep exploring and keep growing your true self.