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The Shift EP 20261012 V2 ID3: Every single addiction is a deal with the devil. You just don't read the fine print until it's too late. The devil presents itself as an easy button, as a way out of the hard thing fast. You don't need to work that thing out. Let's throw on some fucking porn. You'll deal with that later. That friend will come around or the friend won't come around. Who gives a fuck? Possibility of a better tomorrow is absolutely destroyed by addiction. And you are only as sick as your secrets. The more secrets you keep, the sicker you get. The sicker you get, every other person that comes into contact with you is now encountering a sick person. The scary part is you might not look sick. So they don't actually know you're sick. Because on the surface, you're doing the best you can to present as healthy. And meanwhile, you are sick as fuck. Every single addiction is a deal with the devil. You just don't read the fine print until it's too late. Let's just use porn for an example, because that's what we've been talking a lot about lately. Imagine porn as the devil. You are having a rough day. You're stressed out. You come home. You got all these things you gotta do, and you got all these things on your mind. And you don't know how you're gonna manage it all. And all of a sudden, porn comes around. Hey man. Hey. You don't gotta worry about all that. Save that shit for later, man. We don't gotta worry about that stress at work and all those things that aren't going your way. And all those things that you wish were different. Don't worry about it. Just come over here. Spend ten minutes with me. Just watch some porn. Jerk off. Get the lube out. Have a good time. Get back to that stuff later. Now, this has nothing to do with scripture. I love God, but I am not religious. I don't identify as a Christian, as a Jew, as I was raised Jewish, but it's not. So this is not about a religious thing. So try to listen to this through the lens or through the ear of. We're using the devil to signify a force that is pulling you down, down, down in the wrong motherfucking direction. The devil offers deals. The devil offers instant relief. The devil presents itself as an easy button, as a way out of the hard thing fast. You're struggling with a friendship? Devil comes around and says, You don't need to call that friend. You don't need to work that thing out. Maybe you've outgrown that friend. There's no need to try to figure out what's going on with them to talk it through. That friend is just, they don't understand you. Let's throw on some fucking porn. You'll deal with that later. That friend will come around or the friend won't come around. Who gives a fuck? Just make yourself feel nice. Just hit the button, make yourself feel nice. Let's go do that. you're having troubles with your with your wife? your wife isn't putting out like she used to. She's not giving you sex the way she used to. She's not giving you blowjobs the way she used to. She doesn't feel
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as freaky. It's not as exciting as it used to be. You don't need to work it out. You don't need to go to couples counseling. You don't need to do any of those things. It's a waste of time. If you gotta go to couples counseling, the relationship is over anyway. Just put on some fucking porn and jerk off. She's never gonna give you what you can get in these videos anyway. Just fucking go for it. I'm right here. It's as easy as pie. Just click the fucking button. Now notice the devil, the porn devil that we're talking about, never ever, ever gives you advice or sends you a message that has anything to do with seeing other people. Why is that? Because the devil wants control. And how is it easiest for the devil to control you? When you are in isolation. And what do you do in isolation? You watch porn and you jerk off. Anytime that you're thinking about something that involves connecting, actual connection, and as we say in recovery, the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. Actual human connection, which is exactly what the devil slash The porn industry does not want. The more time that you are spending isolated in your apartment, the easier it is for that porn demon to come chirping in your ear, get a hold of you. why waste time sitting and working on that book that you've been talking about writing? It's gonna take too much time. It's gonna get frustrating. I know you what you said you wanted to start reading more. You start to read that book and then you you're a few pages in, it doesn't grab you right away. that starts chirping. Hey man, come come over here. Come over here, we can get out of that. I can make this, I can make this all nothing needs to be hard. That's what he's fucking telling you. Nothing needs to be hard. Everything, everything should be easy. So then what is the byproduct of that? The byproduct is, is not only do you become more isolated, less able to connect with others. You become less skilled. You become less resilient. It becomes harder and harder and harder for you to be able to do hard things, for you to start with something, for you to have patience, for you to have empathy, for you to have resilience, for you to have any of it. Because you are practicing letting the devil take you by the hand and lead you into 10 minutes to 10 hours. Of hitting the fucking easy button. And you know what the devil kills? You know what listening to the devil, being a slave to the devil, being a slave to addiction, you know what it kills? Possibility. Possibility of a better tomorrow is absolutely destroyed by addiction. So, why do I say that? Couples counseling, because you and your wife are not on the same page. There's some issues in the in the bedroom. You're not communicating the same way that you used to. And deciding, hey, we're gonna go to couples counseling because we're gonna try to work this out. We're gonna start to plan more date nights and we're gonna take some trips so that we can start to find new ways to connect because we're feeling like we're stuck in a rut right now. We're gonna grab books that are about couples and we're gonna read them. We're gonna go to chapter nine, which is a twelve-step program that's specifically for addicts and their partners. We're gonna do all these things, right? In an attempt for what? A better tomorrow. AKA possibility. What could be next? What might we experience if we were to go down this road together to work towards improving this relationship together? What might how might we grow individually and as a couple? And addiction says fuck the process. That's what that is. That's a process that you and your wife, or if it was just you in therapy, or if it was just you writing that book, whatever it is, those things don't happen overnight. The book, the relief of you and your wife coming together after months and months and months of therapy and date nights and all of a sudden finding yourself back into a better groove. All of that stuff is a process. It's not an immediate fix. The devil wants nothing to do with process. The devil says, come over here where I can get you out of it right motherfucking now. And when you let go of your attachment to the devil, when you start to actually be able to acknowledge that that voice that's coming into your head that is constantly, constantly, constantly telling you we can't handle this discomfort of this process. We want out of this situation right now. When you start to recognize that that voice is no longer yours, it's not actually your voice. Call it a force, call it the devil, call it learned behavior, call it your addict, call it another personality that you can actually give a name to and be like, Mine's Nigel. Hey Nigel, I hear you, and I'm not listening. Because you, Nigel, Are not looking for a better tomorrow. I started talking to Nigel like that a long time ago. What is this costing you? This deal with the devil, this easy button that you keep pushing. I've seen it ruin guys' lives. I've seen guys who, they show up late to pick up their kids from school because they're home jerking off the porn. And then the school has to call mom to find out why dad's not there to pick up the kids. And then dad has to lie to mom. And the kids about why he's late. So the lies just persist. Guys that show up late to Zoom meeting, you got a Zoom meeting at four o'clock with your co-workers, and you show up at 4 10 because you couldn't stop watching the scene that you were in. You needed to get that final nut off. And that's when what you're actually doing to yourself, the poison that you are feeding yourself starts to trickle out into the world and it starts affect affecting all the people around you. Your work relationships, your platonic relationships, your romantic relationships, they all start to suffer. Because you have to tell more and more secrets, and you are only as sick as your secrets. The more secrets you keep, the sicker you get. The sicker you
get, every other person that comes into contact with you is now encountering a sick person. The scary part is you might not look sick. So they don't actually know you're sick. Because on the surface, you're presenting as a healthy individual. You're doing the best you can to present as healthy. And meanwhile, you are sick as fuck, unwilling to face it. You've watched so much porn that your wife, who you were once really attracted to, Doesn't do it for you anymore. Because she's not getting gangbanged by twenty guys. She just wants to make love to you the way you used to make love. And that's not hitting on your attraction template anymore. You've blown way past that. And she's a human. How can she keep up? She can't. Nor should she have to. But you know what the devil will tell you? Man, fuck her. She's not looking as good as she used to. She used to be way hotter and do way more freaky shit. These girls in porn man they just get younger and hotter and they do whatever the fuck you want to do. Why waste your time trying to make things more exciting in the bedroom with her? it's never gonna be like this. Just come on over here. You type in whatever you want to fucking type in into that search bar, and I will give it to you. Whenever you want it. And the more you listen, the more he's got you. You've lost all control and you've given it all to him. So I have a question for you. What does your mother love about you? Let's sit your mom down and ask her to name the five things about you that she loves the most. Your laugh, how funny you are, how much you Love watching sports with the boys, how you help her make the turkey on Thanksgiving. The things that your mom knows about you that she loves, the the personality traits. And if we were to ask a couple other of your very, very close friends that have known you for a long time, or your wife, what would they say? Your compassion and how much of that is still around? And if it is still around. How diluted is it? How much less compassionate or less funny or less patient are you now than you were before you became a porn addict? What is porn taking away from you? What of your essence is being stripped away because of your addiction? Working through process is where you meet yourself. That is how you become fully formed. Three dimensional, interesting, exciting, attractive to others, to yourself. The addiction, the easy button, the devil will never ever take you there. He will take you in the completely opposite direction. So, what are you gonna do? I'm talking to you. It may not feel like you have a choice, but you do. You may be powerless in this moment, but with powerlessness, with an acknowledgement of powerlessness, comes freedom. That is actually where your freedom begins. I am stuck. I am powerless. The devil got a hold of me. I am addicted to porn and I cannot stop. I am lying to people, I am lying to friends, I am lying to my wife, I am lying to my kids, my co-workers. It is completely out of hand, and I need help. That is the beginning. And if you go somewhere, a 12-step meeting, a recovery center, hire a coach, a sex therapist. A sex addiction therapist, you will begin your proces. Your road to recovery, your road back to you, back to that version of you that your mother loves, that your wife loves, that your friends love, and most importantly, that you love. Amen. You sure you don't just want one more run with me? Just one more. Just ten minutes. It won't hurt. Nah, I think I'm good. I'm ready. I'm ready for a better tomorrow. And here's a really important question to ask yourself. What do you hope to find on the other side? What is the vision that you want of your life, and how is this behavior getting in the way? if you ask me, what is the vision of my life? I want to have a podcast that helps millions of men all across the world with their addiction. I want to make incredible music. I want to have incredible relationships. I want to be able to walk down the street and have a beautiful woman walk past me and not freak the fuck out because I want to go run over and try to holler at her. I want to be able to acknowledge her beauty and keep it moving. I want to be able to have peace and love in my heart. And I want to move through the world in a way that just feels completely in line with the truth of who I am and with my higher power. So I know that if I want that. I want to be a multimillionaire. I want to have a lot, all these things. I know the things that help me to get there, and I know the things that don't. And it became really clear to me a long time ago that listening to the devil, listening to Nigel, listening to that voice that wants me to hit that easy button, that wants me to move away from process, move away from relationships, go into isolation. Is taking me farther and farther and farther away from the vision that I really, really want for my life. So get clear on your vision. And then you will be clear on your why. Why you are putting it down. And remember, Rome was not built in a day. One day at a time. I love you. Peace.