رونوشت 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:01.199
Have you ever done this?
00:00:01.360 --> 00:00:02.399
I know I have.
00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:10.160
I stood up, I started being real, and about 90 seconds into it, I felt the whole room shift.
00:00:10.320 --> 00:00:12.880
Like people started looking at their feet.
00:00:13.199 --> 00:00:14.800
Somebody's checking their phone.
00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:22.879
Not because they didn't care, but because it stopped feeling like an imitation and started feeling like a burden that they didn't sign up to carry.
00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:24.079
Here's the thing.
00:00:24.239 --> 00:00:28.960
I thought I was doing exactly what we've been talking about this whole series.
00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:31.440
Being vulnerable, dropping the armor.
00:00:31.679 --> 00:00:34.640
And in a way, it was brave to try.
00:00:34.880 --> 00:00:38.799
I just didn't know where the line was yet.
00:00:38.960 --> 00:00:41.520
So today, let's find the line.
00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:43.920
This is the Reluctant Leader Podcast.
00:00:44.079 --> 00:00:44.719
I'm Paul.
00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:49.920
And this is part five in our series on vulnerability in leadership.
00:00:50.079 --> 00:00:52.640
And we've built a lot over the last few episodes.
00:00:52.799 --> 00:01:00.880
We've talked about the bulletproof leader being a myth and how power gets made perfect in weakness, not around it.
00:01:01.119 --> 00:01:06.400
How performing and pretending to be strong actually costs our body something real.
00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:12.319
And that identity has to come before activity, or we'll never stop performing.
00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:21.120
But I bet what a lot of you have been sitting with this whole series, especially if you've tried this before and it went badly, is this.
00:01:21.359 --> 00:01:22.319
Okay, Paul.
00:01:22.640 --> 00:01:27.200
But if I open up, how do I keep this from becoming a mess?
00:01:27.439 --> 00:01:32.959
And that's a fair question, and it deserves a real answer, not just be brave.
00:01:33.200 --> 00:01:39.680
So here's the simplest way that I can put the difference between vulnerability and oversharing.
00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:43.040
Vulnerability serves the listener.
00:01:43.359 --> 00:01:47.040
Oversharing serves the speaker.
00:01:47.599 --> 00:01:48.319
That's it.
00:01:48.480 --> 00:01:49.359
That's the test.
00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:53.840
It's not about how much you say or how emotional it gets or whether people cry.
00:01:54.000 --> 00:01:56.959
It's about who the moment is actually for.
00:01:57.519 --> 00:02:03.920
Vulnerability sounds like, hey, I struggled with this, and here's what I learned, and here's where God met me in it.
00:02:04.239 --> 00:02:15.199
The struggle is named, but it's in service of something the listener can actually use hope, permission, maybe to give them a category for their own life.
00:02:15.360 --> 00:02:18.719
It's processed enough to be given away.
00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:26.800
But oversharing sounds like I'm really struggling with this right now, and I need you to help me carry it.
00:02:27.199 --> 00:02:30.319
Even if the words are almost identical, the direction is reversed.
00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:36.560
Now the room isn't receiving something from you, they're being asked to hold something for you.
00:02:36.719 --> 00:02:44.000
And listen, your congregation, your staff, your kids, they can't be your primary source of emotional processing.
00:02:44.159 --> 00:02:47.599
That's not their role, and it's not fair to put them in it.
00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:50.879
Now, here's the question that helps me tell the difference in the moment.
00:02:51.039 --> 00:02:58.479
Have I already brought this to God or to a counselor or to a trusted few before I bring it to the many?
00:02:58.719 --> 00:03:08.240
Vulnerability from the stage is almost always vulnerability that's already been processed somewhere smaller and safer first.
00:03:08.800 --> 00:03:20.479
Oversharing is raw processing happening in real time in public with people who didn't consent to be your processing partners.
00:03:20.879 --> 00:03:25.919
This isn't about waiting until everything's resolved before you're allowed to talk about it.
00:03:26.080 --> 00:03:29.199
Some of what you share will still be ongoing, and that's fine.
00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:30.800
Sometimes that's even powerful.
00:03:30.960 --> 00:03:33.199
The test isn't, is this finished?
00:03:33.439 --> 00:03:43.199
The test is have I done my own work on this somewhere else first, so that what I'm handing the room is a gift and not a wait.
00:03:43.439 --> 00:03:50.560
So practically, before you share something vulnerably publicly, ask yourself three quick things.
00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:52.719
Number one, who is this for?
00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:57.680
Am I looking for something from the room or am I giving something to it?
00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:03.919
Number two, have I processed this somewhere smaller first with God or a counselor or a friend?
00:04:04.240 --> 00:04:06.240
Or am I working through it live?
00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:13.919
And number three, if nobody responds to this the way I need them to, am I still going to be okay?
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:19.279
And if the answer to that last question is no, it's not ready for the stage yet.
00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:26.720
It might be ready for your community group, it might just be ready for a counselor's office, and that's not failure, that's wisdom.
00:04:26.959 --> 00:04:30.000
The goal was never share everything.
00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:36.560
We said back in episode one that the crack in the armor is the opening, not the leak.
00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:42.800
And a leak is exactly what happens when vulnerability skips the metabolizing step.
00:04:42.959 --> 00:04:48.720
A crack opened on purpose after the hard work's been done somewhere smaller.
00:04:48.959 --> 00:04:57.279
That's what actually allows God's power through and lets your people receive something instead of having to carry something.
00:04:57.839 --> 00:05:04.480
Now, next episode is gonna be the last one in this series, and I'm gonna close it differently than I've closed anything else so far.
00:05:04.639 --> 00:05:08.399
Instead of another topic, I'm gonna tell you a real story.
00:05:08.560 --> 00:05:10.240
And it's gonna be mine.
00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:19.360
A season where I didn't get to plan the timing of my vulnerability or metabolize it privately first because life didn't really give me that option.
00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:25.040
I'll let you decide for yourself which side of the line I landed on.
00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:29.839
The line between oversharing and vulnerability.
00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:36.720
Now, if this episode was helpful, would you do me a favor and like it, share it with another leader who needs to hear it?
00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:42.480
It genuinely helps this show reach more reluctant leaders like you and me.
00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:46.639
Until then, keep doing your best and trust God with the rest.
00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:47.759
I'm Paul.
00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:52.399
This has been the Reluctant Leader Podcast.