رونوشت کامل Embracing the New Chapter: Love, Respect, and Self-Discovery

you just have fun and you don't think about him at all. 00:02:20.717 --> 00:02:23.557 That means you are ready. I think so, too. 00:02:24.077 --> 00:02:26.277 I don't think I talked about my ex once. 00:02:26.917 --> 00:02:31.897 I know. I don't think I even, even when she was, even when our friend was goading 00:02:31.897 --> 00:02:33.617 me a little bit, I didn't say anything. 00:02:34.057 --> 00:02:40.177 So, yeah. That's amazing. You, you've been cured. I've been cured. 00:02:40.817 --> 00:02:43.517 But I think I reconnected with myself pretty deeply, though. 00:02:43.697 --> 00:02:47.597 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think a year and a half is more than enough time. 00:02:48.157 --> 00:02:51.957 But you, I had to say, though, you came out very quickly. A year and a half. 00:02:51.957 --> 00:02:54.757 Oh, you didn't see me right after. I was a mess. 00:02:55.037 --> 00:02:58.317 But I'm great now. Yeah. But some people take, 00:02:58.878 --> 00:03:02.878 More than five years. I know. Well, they're not me. 00:03:03.138 --> 00:03:07.038 Yeah, so. I did a lot of therapy and journaling and, you know. 00:03:07.298 --> 00:03:11.138 Yeah. And I went out a lot by myself. Yeah. And I think that's empowering, too. 00:03:11.378 --> 00:03:16.518 I think that's crucial to rediscover yourself and just find pleasure and love yourself. 00:03:16.738 --> 00:03:20.618 Mm-hmm. And when you do that, then I think you heal faster. Yeah. 00:03:21.118 --> 00:03:24.538 So you need to be clearer, I think, too, on what you're looking for. 00:03:25.178 --> 00:03:28.518 Definitely. And here's the thing. I think it changes as we get older. 00:03:29.078 --> 00:03:33.718 Oh, yes. Yes. You know, when you're younger, you're looking for the guy that everybody likes. 00:03:34.658 --> 00:03:38.058 You're looking for the guy that everybody thinks is good looking. Right. 00:03:38.338 --> 00:03:42.818 You're looking for the guy that everybody thinks is, you know, 00:03:42.918 --> 00:03:44.478 the life of the party. Uh-huh. 00:03:44.858 --> 00:03:47.938 And when you get older, you don't really want the life of the party anymore. 00:03:48.298 --> 00:03:53.338 I think when you get older, like my husband and I, we're content just by ourselves. 00:03:54.098 --> 00:03:58.058 Yeah. I think because we're older, too. Yeah. You want a guy that's respectful. 00:03:58.378 --> 00:04:03.678 Yeah. That treats you with respect, that treats you with kindness, maybe chivalrous. Yes. 00:04:04.058 --> 00:04:06.898 And you want a guy that is good to you. 00:04:07.358 --> 00:04:12.758 I know. I think, like you said, in the 30s, you always have to go out, 00:04:12.798 --> 00:04:16.578 have fun, find the people, you have to find something to do all the time. 00:04:17.038 --> 00:04:22.798 But at this day and age, I don't know, we get older and in this age, I'm comfortable. 00:04:23.638 --> 00:04:28.198 We're just comfortable, just be home. Yeah. And I loved it, you know? 00:04:28.198 --> 00:04:33.438 So you're looking for someone to be a partner that maybe you want to be a homebody with. Right. 00:04:33.958 --> 00:04:37.838 At this age, yeah. Those party days are over for me. Party days are over. 00:04:37.938 --> 00:04:40.598 So you don't want the guy that's out there drinking it up at the bar. 00:04:40.738 --> 00:04:43.898 You want somebody that you can Netflix and chill with. 00:04:44.198 --> 00:04:49.258 Yeah, you're 50. You're 50, yeah. Or even 40s. 40s, 50s, 60s. 00:04:49.538 --> 00:04:52.478 You know, you're looking for an emotionally mature person, I think, now. 00:04:53.038 --> 00:04:55.918 Yeah, yeah. Somebody that you're comfortable just to, like. 00:04:56.969 --> 00:05:00.889 Cuddle in the couch and watch Netflix. You know, I used to want somebody that 00:05:00.889 --> 00:05:04.069 had potential, but now I don't. I don't want any more projects. 00:05:05.049 --> 00:05:09.169 You and your project. No more projects. I have so many projects I want to do 00:05:09.169 --> 00:05:11.449 around the house. I don't want a man that's a project. Right. 00:05:11.789 --> 00:05:15.389 And I think I also am looking for someone with a growth mindset. 00:05:15.929 --> 00:05:20.669 Right. You know, here's the thing. I think about 80% of the people do not have a growth mindset. 00:05:21.029 --> 00:05:23.929 Only about 20% of the people out there really truly can 00:05:23.929 --> 00:05:26.729 say they have a growth mindset and a growth mindset is someone that 00:05:26.729 --> 00:05:29.929 is not a victim okay that is out there 00:05:29.929 --> 00:05:35.849 doing stuff that is someone that is not constantly calling you and complaining 00:05:35.849 --> 00:05:39.629 about their day telling you how rough it is texting you what they had to go 00:05:39.629 --> 00:05:47.069 through i can't stand it's somebody that is you know confident uh-huh masculine 00:05:47.069 --> 00:05:49.869 yeah and is there to support you. 00:05:50.409 --> 00:05:55.029 But don't think that you get to have a weak mindset if you're going to go after 00:05:55.029 --> 00:05:57.429 someone that's got a growth mindset. I know. 00:05:57.749 --> 00:06:02.309 Because you have to not be a victim. You have to be strong-willed and you have 00:06:02.309 --> 00:06:05.229 to have matured emotionally yourself. 00:06:05.769 --> 00:06:12.129 Yeah. I think it's someone constantly texting you how bad, how good the day went. 00:06:12.369 --> 00:06:14.709 It's just looking for sympathy and attention. 00:06:15.089 --> 00:06:17.749 They're looking for validation. I like it when I get texts and saying, 00:06:17.889 --> 00:06:18.769 hey, I'm having a great day. 00:06:18.769 --> 00:06:21.729 How's your day right but if somebody's sitting there texting 00:06:21.729 --> 00:06:24.949 me oh it's terrible today oh this terrible thing it's like 00:06:24.949 --> 00:06:27.689 okay you need to work on you yeah you're not ready to 00:06:27.689 --> 00:06:33.389 date uh-huh you need to go work on you right because people that

have a growth 00:06:33.389 --> 00:06:37.789 mindset they number one thing is they are responsible for their lives and they 00:06:37.789 --> 00:06:42.169 take accountability and when things are going shitty because everybody goes 00:06:42.169 --> 00:06:47.509 through shit right when things are going shitty they take a step back Maybe they go internally. 00:06:47.909 --> 00:06:51.609 I mean, when I have shit going, hitting the fan, I don't put my shit on other 00:06:51.609 --> 00:06:55.169 people. Oh, no, no, no. I very rarely tell people. I, like, go inward. 00:06:55.529 --> 00:06:58.589 I mean, I didn't even tell my friends I was in the hospital until I had to. 00:06:58.809 --> 00:07:03.109 Right. I go inward, and I just focus on healing myself. Yeah. 00:07:03.469 --> 00:07:06.409 I didn't call you when I got out of the hospital complaining every day how much 00:07:06.409 --> 00:07:08.469 pain I was in. No. You didn't even know. 00:07:09.049 --> 00:07:11.329 Yeah. But I knew you didn't clean. Well, but that's the thing. 00:07:11.449 --> 00:07:15.269 I was like, okay, if you're looking externally, right? 00:07:15.577 --> 00:07:18.537 To fix yourself, even when you're in pain and you're like, oh, 00:07:18.637 --> 00:07:20.857 somebody's got to take care of me. Somebody's got to help me. 00:07:21.397 --> 00:07:24.757 I'm sorry, but the only person that's responsible for you is you. 00:07:25.297 --> 00:07:29.517 And you can have support friends, but you can't lean on them for everything. 00:07:29.797 --> 00:07:33.237 Yeah. And you really need to be, you need to warm it up, if you will. 00:07:33.377 --> 00:07:34.717 You need to get a little tougher. 00:07:34.937 --> 00:07:39.237 Get a little tough. Because if you can be strong and accountable for you, 00:07:39.377 --> 00:07:44.897 you're going to find the person that in the worst of times will be there for 00:07:44.897 --> 00:07:46.837 you. but you shouldn't be relying on them. 00:07:47.317 --> 00:07:50.977 It's kind of like crying wolf. You shouldn't be relying on them for every little thing. 00:07:51.297 --> 00:07:54.857 Oh, yeah. You need to be on your own. You need to be able to stand on your own. Right. 00:07:55.077 --> 00:07:58.437 Because if you cry wolf and complain and you're a victim and everything going 00:07:58.437 --> 00:08:02.857 wrong and you're poor, like... That gets all quick. Nobody wants you. Yeah, nobody wants you. 00:08:03.097 --> 00:08:06.437 Well, actually, you will find a person that wants you and it'll be another person 00:08:06.437 --> 00:08:08.377 that is a project that is also a victim. 00:08:08.797 --> 00:08:11.557 Yeah, you don't want a project anymore, do you? No. No, you're done. 00:08:11.837 --> 00:08:15.897 Emotional maturity means you've evolved to a state of taking responsibility 00:08:15.897 --> 00:08:19.437 and accountability for your life. All the good, bad, and ugly that's happened. Yeah. 00:08:20.017 --> 00:08:23.517 And again, I always tell people the bad is

the time you learn. 00:08:23.677 --> 00:08:28.397 The bad is when you get those great lessons in life that make you a better person. Make you stronger. 00:08:28.717 --> 00:08:33.957 Right. So once you become emotionally mature, then you can get out there and date. Right. 00:08:34.297 --> 00:08:36.657 And you can date by online dating. 00:08:37.277 --> 00:08:41.897 You can date by asking friends. Or, I mean, I guess you could go to a bar, 00:08:42.017 --> 00:08:43.557 but you're going to get somebody that's a drinker. 00:08:43.997 --> 00:08:48.477 Yeah. And I like the networking sites lately. A lot of people have been telling 00:08:48.477 --> 00:08:50.257 me about these different networking things. 00:08:50.437 --> 00:08:53.857 And some of them, there's different groups that are happening that you actually 00:08:53.857 --> 00:08:55.817 have to join, like meet up and things. 00:08:55.977 --> 00:08:59.237 And then there's other groups that you have to get approved to get into. 00:08:59.517 --> 00:09:03.337 Okay. And people are meeting people in these types of groups as well. 00:09:04.077 --> 00:09:07.317 Oh, all those social. Social things. Yeah. Yeah. 00:09:07.537 --> 00:09:10.257 Social networking events where you actually go and meet people. 00:09:10.457 --> 00:09:12.377 Yeah. And then you could do a matchmaker. Right. 00:09:12.577 --> 00:09:16.157 Those only last an hour. So you know, you know, it's good or bad. 00:09:16.377 --> 00:09:19.017 And there's speed dating and all kinds of things that you could do. 00:09:19.137 --> 00:09:21.817 But I think it's easier now to meet people. 00:09:21.857 --> 00:09:25.477 It's just a question of how do you meet quality people? Yes. 00:09:25.817 --> 00:09:29.017 That's why matchmaking, I think, is good. If you're fluent, if you can do a 00:09:29.017 --> 00:09:31.237 matchmaker, I think that's a good way to go, too. 00:09:31.817 --> 00:09:36.797 But only when you're emotionally ready to take the next step. 00:09:37.317 --> 00:09:40.457 Don't hire a matchmaker if you don't want to get married. Because the people 00:09:40.457 --> 00:09:43.177 hiring matchmakers are in it to find a partner. 00:09:43.457 --> 00:09:45.977 A partner. Whether they're going to get married or just have a life partner, 00:09:46.137 --> 00:09:49.097 they're in it to find a partner, a forever partner. Yeah. 00:09:49.657 --> 00:09:55.597 I think when you're ready, you'll know. When you're ready, you'll know. Yeah. 00:09:55.997 --> 00:10:00.377 And there's so many easy ways to find dates these days that you don't have to push. 00:10:00.657 --> 00:10:06.017 No, you don't need to push. You don't need to do much, I don't think. 00:10:06.137 --> 00:10:11.357 I think all of my dates lately have either been from a dating app or from... 00:10:12.274 --> 00:10:19.274 Past ex-boyfriend from college or high school. How does an ex-boyfriend go? 00:10:19.854 --> 00:10:24.354 The ex-boyfriends were fun. Okay. Yeah. We're not going to go there. 00:10:24.514 --> 00:10:27.574 You're not going there. Okay. No, they were good. 00:10:27.894 --> 00:10:30.014 Yeah. They were good. 00:10:31.774 --> 00:10:34.954 You know, the nice thing about going out with an ex, I will say, 00:10:35.014 --> 00:10:36.374 is there's a certain level of comfort. 00:10:36.914 --> 00:10:40.154 Yeah, like you knew each other. We knew each other. And you know what? 00:10:40.534 --> 00:10:46.374 I mean, we changed. Yeah, for sure. But when you know each other in a deep level 00:10:46.374 --> 00:10:49.894 or a deep way, there's a connection that you're not going to find on a first 00:10:49.894 --> 00:10:52.314 date with another person. Yeah. 00:10:52.674 --> 00:10:56.114 Because on a first date, you don't know anything about the other person. 00:10:56.214 --> 00:10:58.934 I mean, you might have texted and talked on the phone and you think you know 00:10:58.934 --> 00:11:00.914 stuff, but you really don't. Right. 00:11:01.234 --> 00:11:04.074 And it's interesting learning people again. 00:11:04.514 --> 00:11:08.474 It's challenging, though. Oh, it's hard. Is it? Yeah. 00:11:08.894 --> 00:11:12.674 At this age, getting to know people deeply is challenging. 00:11:13.494 --> 00:11:16.814 I see, yeah. And when you have children, it's even more challenging. 00:11:17.294 --> 00:11:22.914 I see. Like younger children like I have. Right. And the other side also have the children, too. 00:11:23.174 --> 00:11:26.554 Oh, sometimes the other side has children, too, and it makes it even more challenging. 00:11:26.954 --> 00:11:30.034 The Brady, the, oh, you could be the Brady Bunch. 00:11:30.194 --> 00:11:33.514 It works. The Brady Bunch, yeah. We could be the Brady Bunch, 00:11:33.574 --> 00:11:35.794 but no, I, I just, I find it. 00:11:36.283 --> 00:11:40.503 Meshing a family together like that one thing you need to think of when you 00:11:40.503 --> 00:11:46.203 start dating again is if you get married are you going to merge families and 00:11:46.203 --> 00:11:49.763 and there's times where you're dating and you have young children and they don't 00:11:49.763 --> 00:11:51.943 or they have young children and you don't, 00:11:52.563 --> 00:11:59.043 and the young children don't like your choice of a new partner yes i agree i've 00:11:59.043 --> 00:12:03.363 heard a lot of people that say that not to mix families. 00:12:04.103 --> 00:12:07.023 That wait till the kids are out of school if they're close enough. 00:12:07.383 --> 00:12:12.543 Oh, wow. Because it's a lot to bring a partner into a family dynamic. 00:12:12.863 --> 00:12:17.663 Yeah. I don't even recommend introducing a potential partner for six months. 00:12:18.263 --> 00:12:22.243 I think if they are little, little, that will be easier. 00:12:22.663 --> 00:12:27.583 Or either that, they're out of house. In between age, that's when the middle 00:12:27.583 --> 00:12:28.883 school and the high school age. 00:12:28.963 --> 00:12:31.583 The middle and high school is difficult.

Although if they're close to high school, 00:12:31.703 --> 00:12:34.043 you'd only have two or three years or four years to wait. 00:12:34.283 --> 00:12:37.403 But it is challenging. And here's the thing. 00:12:38.003 --> 00:12:43.883 If let's say it was a divorce or death of a spouse or just a guy that was around 00:12:43.883 --> 00:12:48.883 for a while, you're bringing a new man or a new woman into a household. 00:12:50.823 --> 00:12:55.283 And that person is going to have to bend their personality a lot in order to 00:12:55.283 --> 00:13:00.843 make sure that they don't offend the child. And then there's the question of, you know, discipline. 00:13:01.203 --> 00:13:03.443 Right. I came from a mixed family, too. 00:13:03.863 --> 00:13:07.643 Because my dad passed away when I was young. And then my mom remarried again. 00:13:07.823 --> 00:13:10.203 Did she take you into consideration before she married? 00:13:10.403 --> 00:13:15.983 Yeah, she talked to all of us, yeah. And then my stepdad also had five kids of his own. 00:13:16.103 --> 00:13:19.063 Oh, my goodness. So it was a total mesh of a family. 00:13:19.203 --> 00:13:22.323 Right. But the good thing is we live in different continents. 00:13:22.623 --> 00:13:29.103 That's why we talk, we keep in touch. But now it seems like we're all here together. Yeah, I think, 00:13:29.739 --> 00:13:33.319 The time that we're here together, right now we are older, so we don't have 00:13:33.319 --> 00:13:37.379 those drama. But did you have drama when you were growing up because of the mixed family? 00:13:37.599 --> 00:13:42.679 No, we don't because we live in a different country. So that makes a big difference. Gotcha. Yeah. 00:13:43.279 --> 00:13:46.379 Well, I think when you mix families, you have to be careful. 00:13:46.679 --> 00:13:50.379 Oh, yeah. The thing is, is that a lot of people will find that, 00:13:50.599 --> 00:13:54.479 let's say a man comes into your household and he wants to discipline your children. 00:13:55.579 --> 00:13:58.559 Some women don't like the way men discipline their children. and 00:13:58.559 --> 00:14:01.339 some women are okay and then some men don't like 00:14:01.339 --> 00:14:04.379 the way the woman disciplines the children yeah and 00:14:04.379 --> 00:14:07.539 then some men are okay i mean it depends yes actually some 00:14:07.539 --> 00:14:10.279 of them break up after that because a lot of 00:14:10.279 --> 00:14:13.059 people will break up yeah when they're dating someone new 00:14:13.059 --> 00:14:16.239 when they introduce them to the family because it's just not a match it's 00:14:16.239 --> 00:14:19.259 not a match and then you have to remember if you're 00:14:19.259 --> 00:14:22.659 dating someone new and you already have your own kid you're 00:14:22.659 --> 00:14:25.439 always going to be the primary for your kid yeah i agree with 00:14:25.439 --> 00:14:28.419 that yeah i think if a woman has a strong just 00:14:28.419 --> 00:14:31.319 like i i love my children right oh my 00:14:31.319 --> 00:14:34.139 children are very close right but i also have a strong 00:14:34.139 --> 00:14:36.779 disciplinary like they know not to 00:14:36.779 --> 00:14:39.459 get out of line right and my kids are really good you've seen 00:14:39.459 --> 00:14:42.919 them yeah and they're very respectful i would 00:14:42.919 --> 00:14:46.259 like to bring a man in that teaches them how to be manly 00:14:46.259 --> 00:14:48.959 and how to be chivalrous better than i 00:14:48.959 --> 00:14:51.719 can but i think i should be 00:14:51.719 --> 00:14:54.899 the primary for discipline and i shouldn't be putting that on 00:14:54.899 --> 00:14:57.879 a partner a partner no yeah i totally agree 00:14:57.879 --> 00:15:00.579 you should be the primary because now and i. 00:15:00.579 --> 00:15:03.319 Don't know if i would get upset if if a 00:15:03.319 --> 00:15:06.279 partner disciplined my children but it would depend on 00:15:06.279 --> 00:15:09.259 how extreme they were right because like i don't 00:15:09.259 --> 00:15:12.119 ever hit my children and i don't ever abuse my children 00:15:12.119 --> 00:15:15.419 and i discipline but i discipline that the discipline 00:15:15.419 --> 00:15:18.239 i set is within reason yeah and if i brought 00:15:18.239 --> 00:15:21.179 someone in they might over the top discipline right 00:15:21.179 --> 00:15:25.179 so then you have to have that conversation when you're dating as well yeah oh 00:15:25.179 --> 00:15:31.059 yeah definitely yes see the challenge i mean when you date and you have children 00:15:31.059 --> 00:15:36.459 it's almost like not only do you need to find a man partner for you but you 00:15:36.459 --> 00:15:40.219 also need to find a man that would be good fit for your children, 00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:44.639 and that's the challenge oh yeah yeah i 00:15:44.639 --> 00:15:48.919 feel really i feel really difficult for 00:15:48.919 --> 00:15:52.159 the men and women nowadays it's challenging to 00:15:52.159 --> 00:15:55.119 be mixed family it is and then you have the teenagers 00:15:55.119 --> 00:15:57.979 that don't want to pay attention to you anyway right they don't want to get 00:15:57.979 --> 00:16:02.559 your face yeah you know my my son said mom you're not going to remarry until 00:16:02.559 --> 00:16:06.339 i'm out of high school is this really he laid down the law he's like well you're 00:16:06.339 --> 00:16:11.419 not getting remarried i go honey that's not for you to say right but thank you 00:16:11.419 --> 00:16:13.539 for your input but he doesn't want me to. 00:16:14.273 --> 00:16:17.473 I think it was a teenager stage. Well, here's the problem. 00:16:17.773 --> 00:16:21.013 By the time he gets out of high school, my other one will be going into high 00:16:21.013 --> 00:16:23.993 school. You see, next thing you know, you'll be too old. I know. 00:16:24.333 --> 00:16:27.773 So you're never too old. Never too old. I know. I take that back. 00:16:27.933 --> 00:16:29.833

You're never too old. Never too old. 00:16:31.333 --> 00:16:34.413 You do need to realize that they are going to have a strong opinion. 00:16:34.633 --> 00:16:38.133 Yeah. And you have to take that into consideration. 00:16:38.733 --> 00:16:42.333 Yeah. You're never too old to fall off. I know why. Because my mom in nursing 00:16:42.333 --> 00:16:47.033 home right now. The 75-year-old and the 80-years-old, they so much in love to 00:16:47.033 --> 00:16:48.613 meet each other in the nestling home. 00:16:48.793 --> 00:16:51.053 Remember, my dad got married after 14 days. 00:16:51.413 --> 00:16:55.653 I know. You can find love again. You see, I take that back. 00:16:56.053 --> 00:16:58.913 So the big thing, though, is to respect yourself. 00:16:59.893 --> 00:17:02.033 Respect your partner. Respect your limits. 00:17:03.393 --> 00:17:06.633 And don't put someone in a situation that you know is not going to work. 00:17:06.693 --> 00:17:11.613 For instance, I dated guys where their places were meticulous. 00:17:12.353 --> 00:17:15.113 And super clean and you could tell they've 00:17:15.113 --> 00:17:18.553 been a bachelor and bringing them 00:17:18.553 --> 00:17:21.433 into my house where i have dogs and 00:17:21.433 --> 00:17:24.093 cats and kids and i have a 00:17:24.093 --> 00:17:27.233 i keep my house decent but i'm not meticulous anymore 00:17:27.233 --> 00:17:31.713 i can't be i will be once my kids are gone when those dogs are gone you got 00:17:31.713 --> 00:17:37.433 three big dogs i have three big dogs so and three cats thanks for telling everybody 00:17:37.433 --> 00:17:44.813 my my zoo situation so she's And I have frogs and turtles and fish and ants, 00:17:44.893 --> 00:17:46.933 too. We have ants. Ants are part of the family now, too. 00:17:47.133 --> 00:17:50.053 We have an ant collection. So, yes, we have a zoo here. 00:17:51.133 --> 00:17:55.433 But once they're gone, things will be more meticulous because I used to live 00:17:55.433 --> 00:17:57.413 very meticulously before the children, I will say. 00:17:58.533 --> 00:18:04.373 So that you have to realize there are men that can't handle the chaos of what 00:18:04.373 --> 00:18:08.193 a family is like, especially if their children are grown. Right. 00:18:08.467 --> 00:18:14.947 I, oh my God, I agree. So introducing someone into that chaos is, would be a challenge. 00:18:15.127 --> 00:18:19.807 And I don't like to change people. And I wouldn't want to put anyone in a situation 00:18:19.807 --> 00:18:20.967 they don't feel comfortable in. 00:18:21.287 --> 00:18:23.607 Well, I'll tell you something. I always be a mess. 00:18:24.327 --> 00:18:26.567 You're always, yeah, you're always a mess. I'm always a mess. 00:18:26.567 --> 00:18:29.247 But your, your husband found you a mess. 00:18:29.467 --> 00:18:33.107 You haven't changed. You've been a mess the whole time. And he accepted my mess. 00:18:33.107 --> 00:18:34.387 And he loves your messiness. 00:18:34.707 --> 00:18:37.707 Right. Well,

he may not love it, but he's, he endures it. 00:18:37.867 --> 00:18:43.747 Yeah. He accepted it. And he's in the men still fold the underwear the way coming 00:18:43.747 --> 00:18:46.667 out from the package. Yes. He's very meticulous. 00:18:47.627 --> 00:18:50.807 But he accepts my mess. And he accepts your messiness. And that's fine. 00:18:50.807 --> 00:18:52.827 But you've been married for a while. 00:18:52.967 --> 00:19:00.507 I'm talking about dating someone that is living in their perfect little peaceful 00:19:00.507 --> 00:19:01.947 harmony. And I love peace. 00:19:02.067 --> 00:19:05.307 Don't get me wrong. I have peace, but I make my own peace in every situation 00:19:05.307 --> 00:19:06.147 because I have children. 00:19:07.167 --> 00:19:10.387 And I they have their own peace and 00:19:10.387 --> 00:19:14.327 their own joy and I have my own peace and joy over here even though it's chaotic 00:19:14.327 --> 00:19:20.307 yeah and I get that my life is a little chaotic and rushed and because I'm running 00:19:20.307 --> 00:19:24.227 around always I mean when I'm not working and doing stuff for me I'm doing stuff 00:19:24.227 --> 00:19:29.567 for the kids in the household and then you have the challenge when you're dating of finding time, 00:19:30.147 --> 00:19:34.487 because when you're running around with the kids from drop-off, 00:19:34.587 --> 00:19:39.627 pick-up, drop-off, pick-up on top of working full-time, on top of taking care of your self-care, 00:19:40.147 --> 00:19:41.967 now you got to add a man into that. 00:19:42.738 --> 00:19:49.638 That man better be flexible and he better be supportive because he's not going 00:19:49.638 --> 00:19:51.178 to be another one for you to take care of. 00:19:51.218 --> 00:19:53.798 No, I can't take a project. I don't need more projects. Yeah. 00:19:54.058 --> 00:19:58.138 No, but they have to be understanding that your schedule is not your own yet. Right, right. 00:19:58.518 --> 00:20:01.118 Yeah, they need to understand that. And they need to kind of, 00:20:01.258 --> 00:20:04.198 whenever you have availability, be able to weave in and out. 00:20:04.458 --> 00:20:06.978 Yeah, especially you. You have your kids full time. I do. 00:20:07.298 --> 00:20:13.598 You know? I have my kids full time. Yeah, so whoever that walked into your life 00:20:13.598 --> 00:20:18.018 at this stage, they need to be very, very understandable for that. 00:20:18.178 --> 00:20:19.998 I know, and that's hard to find. 00:20:20.358 --> 00:20:23.478 On top of the fact that they have to be freaking awesome to be with me. 00:20:24.598 --> 00:20:29.878 I'm telling you, there's always someone for someone. God always gives you the right person. 00:20:29.998 --> 00:20:34.198 I'm telling you, you just need to open your heart, open your ear, open your eyes. 00:20:34.798 --> 00:20:38.958 All right, I'm looking. I'm looking. All right. So you need to make sure you're 00:20:38.958 --> 00:20:41.118 respectful of you, respectful of them. 00:20:41.638 --> 00:20:45.238 I say at this age, you should not be playing games. 00:20:45.598 --> 00:20:48.718 No, no playing game and no hiding corner. You know what I mean? 00:20:48.878 --> 00:20:51.218 What do you mean hiding? Like, lay it out on the table. 00:20:51.638 --> 00:20:57.158 Yeah, don't hide or lie. Yeah. If you're hiding and lying dating, here's the thing. 00:20:57.298 --> 00:21:01.878 If I find out you're lying to me while we're dating or hiding shit while we're dating, we're done. 00:21:02.278 --> 00:21:07.298 Yeah. I was with a spouse that lied. I don't want that S-H-I-T anymore. 00:21:08.498 --> 00:21:13.078 I don't want that shit anymore. So I think. I won't put up with it. Yeah. 00:21:13.498 --> 00:21:16.838 You agree or not? Like, you're just first dating, right? You should be truthful 00:21:16.838 --> 00:21:18.298 to each other. You should not hide. 00:21:18.658 --> 00:21:21.298 Like, a trip you're going to take with your girlfriend, you should be able to 00:21:21.298 --> 00:21:23.418 tell them. Oh, yeah. Right? Absolutely. 00:21:23.818 --> 00:21:27.678 Yeah. Like, something wrong with you, you should be able to tell them. 00:21:27.798 --> 00:21:30.678 Yeah, if you have health issues, you should disclose that. 00:21:31.118 --> 00:21:35.358 Right? Well, maybe not right up front, but before you start dating them, 00:21:35.438 --> 00:21:38.538 they should know. Right. Because they may not want to date you. Right. 00:21:38.918 --> 00:21:42.078 Regardless, you know, you have a financial issue or whatever, 00:21:42.238 --> 00:21:45.158 but you're tripping your friend. You should go to tell your... 00:21:45.520 --> 00:21:48.220 Whoever you're dating that you can you do it right away yeah 00:21:48.220 --> 00:21:51.140 you should tell them you're going on trips you should also be honest 00:21:51.140 --> 00:21:54.000 whether you're dating other people why you should be honest 00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:56.920 whether you're ready to get married yeah you should be honest whether 00:21:56.920 --> 00:21:59.900 you're ever wanting to get married because some people they 00:21:59.900 --> 00:22:03.040 come out of a divorce they come out of the death of a spouse and they 00:22:03.040 --> 00:22:05.700 want to date but they just do that because they want to 00:22:05.700 --> 00:22:09.000 spend time with people they don't want to get married again yeah and especially you 00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:11.860 if you're gonna plan to be with 00:22:11.860 --> 00:22:14.740 this person you should be able to not hiding 00:22:14.740 --> 00:22:18.280 anything yes and don't let 00:22:18.280 --> 00:22:22.180 talk about who you are reveal yourself don't 00:22:22.180 --> 00:22:27.180 future fake and what a future fake is is where you talk about the future with 00:22:27.180 --> 00:22:32.160 someone that you have no intention of actually performing and there are people 00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:36.640 out there that make promises and they'll say oh we should go to

italy together 00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:40.180 soon or oh we should take a trip to the Alps, 00:22:40.200 --> 00:22:43.140 or we should go to Florida, or we should go to Mexico, or wherever. 00:22:43.520 --> 00:22:46.660 Or, oh, I would love to spend the weekend with you. And then they cancel. 00:22:47.260 --> 00:22:52.800 And I've had that in my dating, where I've had a person make promises to go 00:22:52.800 --> 00:22:54.140 somewhere, and then they cancel. 00:22:54.660 --> 00:22:57.500 Or say they want to be with me, and then they cancel. 00:22:58.060 --> 00:23:03.380 And I don't know if it's insecurity, if it's fear of attachment. 00:23:03.420 --> 00:23:08.840 I don't know if it's just future faking or lying. But it's a red flag to me. 00:23:09.060 --> 00:23:13.860 And if somebody tells me they're going to show up and they don't, I don't trust them. 00:23:14.180 --> 00:23:18.000 And if it happens more than once, I don't really want to be with them. 00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:24.040 And so don't fantasize, you know, don't make these future fantasies about what 00:23:24.040 --> 00:23:27.120 you're going to do with somebody or make promises you're not going to keep. 00:23:27.768 --> 00:23:31.648 Because that's lying, as far as I can say. That goes both ways, 00:23:31.668 --> 00:23:32.688 though. It goes both ways. 00:23:32.868 --> 00:23:37.048 And then on your own, don't fantasize about a future that doesn't exist just 00:23:37.048 --> 00:23:39.068 because you dated a couple people. 00:23:39.328 --> 00:23:42.068 Uh-huh. And don't become a stalker. 00:23:42.348 --> 00:23:45.768 Uh-huh. Because there's lots of people out there. Oh, my God. 00:23:45.908 --> 00:23:50.148 There are so—and I, you know, I'm in my 50s. And they say, oh, 00:23:50.228 --> 00:23:52.628 it's hard to date in your 50s. I say BS. 00:23:52.948 --> 00:23:57.008 No, no, no. I call bullshit bullshit. Right. Because I'm not finding it very hard to date. 00:23:57.008 --> 00:24:02.568 And there's so many people out there i could go out with and what i'm finding is how to. 00:24:03.168 --> 00:24:06.028 Eliminate the creepoids because there's some creepy people out there 00:24:06.028 --> 00:24:08.988 there's some people that you message once 00:24:08.988 --> 00:24:11.888 and they are like like i messaged a guy one 00:24:11.888 --> 00:24:14.768 time and he friended me on facebook friend of me on instagram started 00:24:14.768 --> 00:24:17.888 online stalking me all over the place messaging me 00:24:17.888 --> 00:24:20.948 every morning and night and i'd only messaged him. 00:24:20.948 --> 00:24:23.788 Once and i had like 10 messages and that's 00:24:23.788 --> 00:24:26.688 a little much yeah and I had to I unfriended him 00:24:26.688 --> 00:24:29.728 because it was it was becoming creepy and stalking 00:24:29.728 --> 00:24:33.128 and I blocked him on everything because I was just like dude I 00:24:33.128 --> 00:24:35.968 messaged you once and now you're like asking me you 00:24:35.968 --> 00:24:38.868 know what my favorite position is and what my favorite I 00:24:38.868 --> 00:24:42.448 mean I was like creeped out it was gross and scary and 00:24:42.448 --> 00:24:46.208 it was too much that's the 00:24:46.208 --> 00:24:49.188 hard part is keep the creeps away while you 00:24:49.188 --> 00:24:52.048 know entertaining the people that are decent and then 00:24:52.048 --> 00:24:55.168 trying to find from that decent pool of people 00:24:55.168 --> 00:24:58.268 uh-huh the the ones that are exceptional and 00:24:58.268 --> 00:25:01.408 then from the exceptional ones then finding your wand because there 00:25:01.408 --> 00:25:04.568 are plenty there's hundreds of people out there that maybe 00:25:04.568 --> 00:25:07.528 thousands in my age group that i could entertain that 00:25:07.528 --> 00:25:10.208 is scary though it is scary you gotta stay away from the 00:25:10.208 --> 00:25:13.328 stalkers yeah yeah because the 00:25:13.328 --> 00:25:16.468 stalkers always lead to accept obsession it 00:25:16.468 --> 00:25:19.868 does right yeah it does i've seen in movie yes 00:25:19.868 --> 00:25:23.088 i also think that you shouldn't rush 00:25:23.088 --> 00:25:25.808 intimacy even at our 00:25:25.808 --> 00:25:29.208 age yeah totally agree now 00:25:29.208 --> 00:25:32.348 everybody has different ideas of rushing 00:25:32.348 --> 00:25:37.168 but chemistry doesn't mean you're going to be compatible and here's the other 00:25:37.168 --> 00:25:42.508 thing i've realized you can have sexual chemistry you can have emotional chemistry 00:25:42.508 --> 00:25:46.568 you can have financial chemistry or compatibility you can have you know physical 00:25:46.568 --> 00:25:49.888 but it's it's challenging to find all in one person. 00:25:50.088 --> 00:25:53.668 Like, do they do you physically connect? Like, do you like the way they look? 00:25:54.008 --> 00:25:57.348 Wow. Is different than do you have sexual chemistry? 00:25:58.128 --> 00:26:01.208 Because you could not like the way they look. 00:26:01.941 --> 00:26:06.181 And get really turned on by them. Huh, how that works. 00:26:09.321 --> 00:26:12.541 Well. What are you trying to beat race? Well, Diva Cat. 00:26:12.841 --> 00:26:15.521 Well, we talk about detail, right? We're talking about details. 00:26:15.801 --> 00:26:18.141 You could be like, okay, they're okay physically. 00:26:18.461 --> 00:26:21.921 I may not like the way they look physically, but when they kiss you, 00:26:22.141 --> 00:26:25.041 you're sexually turned on. 00:26:25.261 --> 00:26:30.321 Oh, I see. And you get wet, if you want the details, from kissing them. 00:26:30.321 --> 00:26:37.141 Or you get it's just passionate like butterfly like butterflies like passionate 00:26:37.141 --> 00:26:42.281 kissing see there's a sexual chemistry there and i'm not saying you've had sex 00:26:42.281 --> 00:26:46.721 already but you can tell from kissing a person if you have a sexual chemistry 00:26:46.721 --> 00:26:48.261 so when you go out

on these dates, 00:26:48.941 --> 00:26:52.721 some people don't say say don't kiss on the first date i'm all about kissing 00:26:52.721 --> 00:26:57.101 on the first date because I don't want a second date if I don't like the way they kiss. Right. 00:26:58.581 --> 00:27:04.161 And if I don't kiss a person on the first date, the first date really sucked. 00:27:04.261 --> 00:27:05.941 Right. And I definitely don't want a first date. 00:27:06.101 --> 00:27:10.261 So, like, if I'm willing to kiss you at the end of a first date, 00:27:10.281 --> 00:27:12.661 I think it's because the first date went well. 00:27:13.921 --> 00:27:17.601 And that's kind of like the cherry on top to determine whether I want a second date. 00:27:17.901 --> 00:27:24.401 I see. Does that make sense? Yeah. So, like, I'll give a person a hug or a handshake 00:27:24.401 --> 00:27:27.261 at the end of a date if that was it. 00:27:27.541 --> 00:27:30.181 Yeah. So, it might be, like, in your eyes. It might be, like, 00:27:30.201 --> 00:27:33.921 he's just okay looking. He's okay. But he could turn on. But, boy, that kiss. 00:27:34.101 --> 00:27:37.001 Oh, okay. That's defined. There's actually something that kiss. 00:27:37.201 --> 00:27:41.421 I mean, that, you know, when they kiss you, if they can make you, 00:27:42.101 --> 00:27:45.941 give you butterflies or turn you on, there's something there. 00:27:46.701 --> 00:27:52.321 I've had people that the first date went okay, and then they kiss me and they turn me off. 00:27:52.981 --> 00:27:55.801 And even though you're attracted by the way they look? 00:27:56.141 --> 00:28:00.001 I was attracted intellectually because they were super smart. Okay. 00:28:00.281 --> 00:28:06.181 I was attracted kind of emotionally, although they looked a little still traumatized 00:28:06.181 --> 00:28:08.881 from their last relationship. But it was workable. 00:28:09.881 --> 00:28:13.841 And I was physically and sexually attracted to them. 00:28:13.841 --> 00:28:17.381 From talking to them on the phone I thought and then 00:28:17.381 --> 00:28:20.661 I kissed them and odor for 00:28:20.661 --> 00:28:23.661 me is a big thing if you have body odor it's a no-no oh no yeah 00:28:23.661 --> 00:28:27.021 kissing if you make my face wet it's a no-no don't 00:28:27.021 --> 00:28:30.701 don't don't slobber all over my face yeah no I mean everybody's different some 00:28:30.701 --> 00:28:36.761 people may like the slobber who knows but if after kissing them it does I don't 00:28:36.761 --> 00:28:41.801 go on a second date yeah and I had one guy like pin me up against a car and 00:28:41.801 --> 00:28:44.081 I mean it was what I was supposed to be a pet kiss, 00:28:44.241 --> 00:28:48.421 and he ended up making it a makeout session with my face, and I had to pull away. 00:28:49.149 --> 00:28:53.489 I gave him a hug and said, I'm not into PDAs in a parking lot in front of children 00:28:53.489 --> 00:28:54.589 because there were children nearby. 00:28:55.129 --> 00:29:00.469 Yeah. And I was like, oh, my gosh. And it was, I mean, I gave him a quick peck 00:29:00.469 --> 00:29:04.329 goodbye and it was it turned into a makeout session that he was making out with 00:29:04.329 --> 00:29:05.969 my face. And I was kind of just standing there. 00:29:06.469 --> 00:29:10.489 So that was not a good end to a first date. It would have been. 00:29:10.609 --> 00:29:12.349 I would have gone on a second date. Uh-huh. 00:29:12.589 --> 00:29:16.909 But he kind of ruined it. So after that, it was just the end of it. After that, it was done. 00:29:17.249 --> 00:29:21.209 Mm-hmm. I would say the majority of my dates are hugs or handshakes at the end. 00:29:21.889 --> 00:29:25.569 So you can cycle through a lot of guys. Go for coffee. 00:29:25.769 --> 00:29:31.269 I mean, I think coffee's great because then you're not committed to anything. Yeah. 00:29:31.869 --> 00:29:37.349 Coffee's quick. Yeah. And if you're consistent and you're emotionally available 00:29:37.349 --> 00:29:39.849 and you're clear to the other person on what you're looking for. 00:29:41.049 --> 00:29:43.529 And they are too, you can see green and red flags. 00:29:43.629 --> 00:29:47.249 Now, here's the thing. my red flags aren't 00:29:47.249 --> 00:29:50.069 other people's red flags right like if if 00:29:50.069 --> 00:29:53.529 someone's a victim that's a red flag for me yeah but 00:29:53.529 --> 00:29:56.309 some other people may like oh i can help 00:29:56.309 --> 00:29:59.389 you with that and some people like projects some people 00:29:59.389 --> 00:30:02.509 do some people do they're attracted to that and they 00:30:02.509 --> 00:30:05.389 don't care as long as the guy has money or they don't care as long 00:30:05.389 --> 00:30:08.149 as the guy looks good i'm not attracted to that 00:30:08.149 --> 00:30:11.909 right i want a masculine man that's not a project yeah 00:30:11.909 --> 00:30:14.709 but my green flags are different than 00:30:14.709 --> 00:30:17.769 other people's and my red flags are different than other people's really different 00:30:17.769 --> 00:30:21.549 than yours for sure yeah for sure yeah i know i've been the same guy for the 00:30:21.549 --> 00:30:26.049 past 25 years yeah but you've gone through things right and there's been red 00:30:26.049 --> 00:30:30.689 flags and green flags don't ever stop when you're married the reason why you 00:30:30.689 --> 00:30:35.969 have boundaries in your marriage is because you block any red flags. 00:30:36.129 --> 00:30:39.589 Like if you're, let's say, and I'm not saying your husband is, 00:30:39.689 --> 00:30:43.029 let's say you're with a partner and they hit you. Mm-hmm. 00:30:43.694 --> 00:30:50.074 Do you stay? I just saw a movie about that. Did you? Yeah. You watch so many darn movies. 00:30:50.674 --> 00:30:53.234 What are you going to do? You know, we can be on the internet. 00:30:53.414 --> 00:30:57.714 Open bottle. Oh, well, you can come over here or you can help me with my

landscaping. Oh, yeah, no. 00:31:00.254 --> 00:31:03.814 So, let's say you're with a partner and they hit you. For me, 00:31:03.994 --> 00:31:06.894 that's a red flag. No, to me, it's when it gets physical. 00:31:07.414 --> 00:31:12.814 Is it a red flag for you? Oh, yeah, no. So, you have a boundary so that if your partner ever hit you. 00:31:13.134 --> 00:31:18.134 No. In a marriage, you would be gone. Oh, yeah. Other people would not. 00:31:18.854 --> 00:31:23.094 Yeah. They would stay. That's true. They'd say it's just once. 00:31:23.274 --> 00:31:26.574 And maybe it is just once. Most of the time it's not, though, by the way. It's not. 00:31:27.114 --> 00:31:32.054 Let's say your partner yells at you. Is that a green flag or a red flag? It's a red flag. 00:31:32.294 --> 00:31:35.634 See, some people, I took a lot of yelling and abuse. Abuse? 00:31:36.414 --> 00:31:40.774 Verbal abuse. There's verbal abuse. There's physical abuse. It comes all kinds. 00:31:40.934 --> 00:31:45.054 Yeah. Some people yell at you, no. No one, no. No one yelled at me. Uh-uh. 00:31:45.554 --> 00:31:49.094 See, so there, and see, I didn't have a boundary before, but now I do. 00:31:49.294 --> 00:31:53.554 So if someone yells at me now, I'm out the door. Right. Whereas before, I took it. 00:31:54.134 --> 00:32:00.334 Oh. I had that boundary a long time ago, but I had to remember that boundary after I got divorced. 00:32:00.614 --> 00:32:04.294 So hopefully, it never happens again, but those are boundaries. 00:32:04.294 --> 00:32:08.014 So if you're emotionally available and you're clear on what you want, 00:32:08.234 --> 00:32:11.454 you may find a person that's wonderful. 00:32:11.654 --> 00:32:16.034 And then as time goes on, six months in, nine months in, 12 months in, 00:32:16.154 --> 00:32:19.874 they switch and they change their personality a little bit. 00:32:19.954 --> 00:32:22.354 And that's the challenge, too. You got to trust your gut. 00:32:22.774 --> 00:32:26.794 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because if you start seeing red flags nine months in, 00:32:26.994 --> 00:32:28.154 it's only going to get worse. 00:32:28.154 --> 00:32:33.194 And if you have boundaries And you know You say no You can't treat me that way 00:32:33.194 --> 00:32:38.054 It might be time for you to walk Yeah Nine months I think If it's gonna red 00:32:38.054 --> 00:32:42.174 flags The first couple days You should red flags you already Yeah I think you 00:32:42.174 --> 00:32:44.654 do I think you see red flags Right in the beginning Unless you. 00:32:45.306 --> 00:32:49.326 Decide not to see it and keep continuing. But that just means you're not emotionally 00:32:49.326 --> 00:32:51.406 ready to date. Yeah. It really does. 00:32:51.746 --> 00:32:56.006 Here's one thing I think we need to remember. When we come out of a divorce 00:32:56.006 --> 00:33:00.966 or a long relationship or a narcissistic relationship, a tragedy, 00:33:01.126 --> 00:33:06.606 a death of a spouse, we have to remember that we are important. Mm-hmm. 00:33:06.866 --> 00:33:09.826 And our value is important. Yes. 00:33:09.986 --> 00:33:14.686 And how we feel is important. And if we don't respect ourselves first, 00:33:14.726 --> 00:33:19.086 there is no way that we can find a partner that fits us. 00:33:19.326 --> 00:33:22.706 Yeah, me come first. I had this discussion with my trainer today. 00:33:22.946 --> 00:33:29.146 I said it's so important that you value yourself first and that you fill your 00:33:29.146 --> 00:33:31.466 cup up first before you start dating again. 00:33:32.106 --> 00:33:36.946 That way, if people start to disrespect you, you can just walk away. 00:33:37.586 --> 00:33:41.226 If you don't fill your cup up or if you don't realize your value, 00:33:41.526 --> 00:33:47.506 you'll cling to that person and stay in a bad relationship much longer than you should. 00:33:47.786 --> 00:33:51.366 Remember we talked about that in one episode, miserably comfortable. 00:33:51.586 --> 00:33:54.246 Yes, miserably comfortable. If you're miserably comfortable, 00:33:54.546 --> 00:33:58.926 you will stick around. Yeah, yeah. So fill your cup up. Make sure you're happy. 00:33:59.686 --> 00:34:03.206 Know your worth. Know what you bring to the table. And don't, 00:34:03.326 --> 00:34:08.166 you can date here and there, but don't get into a relationship until you're 00:34:08.166 --> 00:34:10.586 at a place where you're fully loving yourself. 00:34:10.906 --> 00:34:16.206 Yeah. So now after you're dating, you see a person, when do you know the first 00:34:16.206 --> 00:34:17.306 time you're going to make out? 00:34:17.732 --> 00:34:20.792 How'd you know? You come naturally? Well, that's the second date. 00:34:23.352 --> 00:34:29.152 Well, you know, it depends. No, usually it's not the second date. 00:34:29.352 --> 00:34:34.392 Like it's third, fourth, fifth, somewhere in there. I don't think there's a rule. 00:34:34.772 --> 00:34:39.772 I think it depends on how connected you're feeling to someone. 00:34:39.992 --> 00:34:41.892 And are you leveling up? Are you leveling down? 00:34:42.232 --> 00:34:46.152 Is there sexual chemistry? Is there physical chemistry? Is there emotional, mental? 00:34:46.332 --> 00:34:52.212 Here's the thing. I can be sexually attracted to a guy that I'm intellectually attracted to as well. 00:34:53.272 --> 00:34:58.132 Physically, maybe they're not all that, but they're smart, and I'm attracted 00:34:58.132 --> 00:34:59.352 because they're so smart. 00:34:59.672 --> 00:35:03.792 Yes, I love that. There's a physical attraction that that leads to a sexual 00:35:03.792 --> 00:35:05.772 attraction. I think you have to have two. 00:35:06.092 --> 00:35:09.672 That's where it really... I mean, a guy can turn me on because they're smart, 00:35:09.832 --> 00:35:12.732 because I'm sapiosexual, where you're turned on to smart people. 00:35:12.972 --> 00:35:16.152 But a guy with a really good body could turn me on as well. 00:35:16.992 -->

00:35:20.872 And so if they're physically attractive, I could be sexually attractive. 00:35:21.032 --> 00:35:24.232 Now, I don't know if the physically attractive will turn into a relationship 00:35:24.232 --> 00:35:27.032 because there has to be something behind the physical. 00:35:27.792 --> 00:35:31.612 Like they could be a play toy for a while. And I'm sorry, I mean, 00:35:31.632 --> 00:35:33.392 I said that, but that's how women talk. 00:35:34.072 --> 00:35:36.652 Men talk about that as women and women talk about that as men. 00:35:36.792 --> 00:35:40.792 They could be a sexual play thing for a while where we're having fun. 00:35:40.792 --> 00:35:44.032 But there has to be something more than just a physical body, 00:35:44.592 --> 00:35:47.892 sexual chemistry. There has to be something you have in common. 00:35:48.352 --> 00:35:51.072 Right. Some intellectual thing you can talk about, you know. 00:35:51.172 --> 00:35:53.512 Sometimes they're smart. Maybe it's spiritual things. 00:35:53.692 --> 00:35:57.852 Maybe it's holistic things. Something that you have in common. 00:35:58.132 --> 00:36:00.872 Otherwise, there's nothing there. Yeah. 00:36:01.978 --> 00:36:06.338 So, some people connect. You know, I do yoga. And I've seen a lot. 00:36:06.478 --> 00:36:09.058 Some people are very connected spiritually. 00:36:09.478 --> 00:36:12.998 Yes. Some people have sex on the first date. I just don't. Yeah. 00:36:13.558 --> 00:36:16.818 Or some people have sex with a yoga instructor, but we're not going to go there. 00:36:18.978 --> 00:36:24.258 I don't think there's a magic number. I think you have to align with the other person. 00:36:24.498 --> 00:36:27.598 Right. I think you have to align with your values, your energy, 00:36:27.678 --> 00:36:31.898 and your self-worth. I don't think you should go have sex with someone until you're ready. 00:36:32.758 --> 00:36:35.858 And if it's been a long time oh like 00:36:35.858 --> 00:36:38.978 yes it's been a long time for me yes i understand diva 00:36:38.978 --> 00:36:41.678 cat and you may go through dry spells you may date with 00:36:41.678 --> 00:36:45.438 somebody for a while and then you go 00:36:45.438 --> 00:36:48.718 through a dry spell of four or five months i know 00:36:48.718 --> 00:36:51.798 it was really rough and you go 00:36:51.798 --> 00:36:54.598 through a dry spell of no sex and when do 00:36:54.598 --> 00:36:58.318 you have sex and i will say it's challenging 00:36:58.318 --> 00:37:02.538 amazing or challenging it's challenging to stay celibate 00:37:02.538 --> 00:37:05.678 for four or five months it's challenging right to 00:37:05.678 --> 00:37:08.798 not have sex for that long yeah and then to 00:37:08.798 --> 00:37:11.658 reconnect you said being human with a human yeah of course 00:37:11.658 --> 00:37:15.138 a self-pleasure is different yeah self-pleasure sex 00:37:15.138 --> 00:37:17.978 with another person it it's it's different 00:37:17.978 --> 00:37:20.758 yeah then when you have self-pleasure it's 00:37:20.758 --> 00:37:23.618 you miss it yeah you miss that 00:37:23.618 --> 00:37:26.758 you miss the connection and i will say sex with 00:37:26.758 --> 00:37:29.598 a person is different because when i have sex with a person i don't 00:37:29.598 --> 00:37:32.478 need it right away again yeah whereas if i 00:37:32.478 --> 00:37:35.298 you know if there's a masturbation thing going on i 00:37:35.298 --> 00:37:38.038 need it every day you know that's true but when i 00:37:38.038 --> 00:37:42.958 have sex with a man it's it's for it fulfill you well i'm a little sore afterwards 00:37:42.958 --> 00:37:49.418 too but yeah it's fulfilling oh yes there's that yeah so if there if you've 00:37:49.418 --> 00:37:57.358 not had sex for a while ladies and you work out a lot you get tighter down there and you're 00:37:57.729 --> 00:38:01.549 Then when you have sex again, you've got to be careful not to hurt yourself. 00:38:02.369 --> 00:38:05.529 So you may be turned on and think, oh, it's fine, but you may still need some 00:38:05.529 --> 00:38:07.809 lube on top of that. So you've got to be careful. 00:38:08.209 --> 00:38:11.809 You'll be sore for the next five days. Because you might be a little sore. 00:38:11.829 --> 00:38:15.269 I don't have fun in the next five days, but you might be a little sore afterwards. 00:38:15.609 --> 00:38:19.289 Yeah, because it's been a long time. Yeah, it's been a long time. 00:38:20.109 --> 00:38:24.329 Wow. Yeah. Sex isn't a reward. It's a choice. You get to choose. 00:38:24.489 --> 00:38:26.329 And it's got to be your choice, not theirs. 00:38:26.649 --> 00:38:29.969 Yeah. It had to be your choice. It had to be pleasurable. 00:38:30.329 --> 00:38:34.389 Yeah. And you had to be the right person, I think. I think so, too. Yeah. 00:38:35.089 --> 00:38:40.029 Yeah. My son told me there's this podcast. I'm not a podcaster. This YouTuber. 00:38:40.589 --> 00:38:45.349 Uh-huh. Or maybe TikTok or somewhere where this woman said she's had sex. 00:38:45.449 --> 00:38:48.389 She's in her 30s with over 2,000 men. 00:38:49.089 --> 00:38:53.689 And I said, you had never be with a woman like that. That is disgusting. 00:38:54.549 --> 00:38:58.489 2,000? I'm going to judge on that one. If you've had sex with more than 2,000 00:38:58.489 --> 00:39:01.229 people, what is your self-worth? 00:39:01.709 --> 00:39:06.409 I think maybe that person have addiction. It could be. Yeah, it's kidney therapy. 00:39:06.709 --> 00:39:13.849 Could be. I mean, the level of sexual transmitted diseases in 2,000 men scares 00:39:13.849 --> 00:39:16.549 me, just first of all. That's just gross. It is kind of gross. 00:39:16.849 --> 00:39:19.829 So check yourself is all I'm saying. 00:39:20.009 --> 00:39:24.969 You do your values. You do your self-worth. You do however many people you want to have sex with. 00:39:25.529 --> 00:39:31.169 I don't think you need a rush. No. And I will say you'd get a little sore afterwards. 00:39:32.269

--> 00:39:39.009 And there's no one size fix all as far as dick size or as how soon you should have sex. 00:39:39.749 --> 00:39:46.409 Well, women, our body surprisingly very adjust to what it needs. Don't you think? 00:39:46.769 --> 00:39:52.249 It does. But I will say I was shocked that it was a little sore. 00:39:52.709 --> 00:39:55.969 That's awesome, though. Is that a good feeling though? It was. 00:39:56.369 --> 00:39:58.509 Look at you turn beet red. It was. 00:39:59.949 --> 00:40:05.809 I like this. I think you have to be emotionally safe first and comfortable with the person. 00:40:06.309 --> 00:40:10.149 You don't have to know them fully. It's going to take months and months and 00:40:10.149 --> 00:40:11.169 months to know someone fully. 00:40:11.649 --> 00:40:14.589 And some people wait for marriage still. 00:40:15.392 --> 00:40:20.372 Is there really? They'll leave a marriage and they'll wait to get married or 00:40:20.372 --> 00:40:24.772 to have sex with that second person or third person to when they're married again. 00:40:25.232 --> 00:40:28.892 Wow. And then when they get married, it didn't last them for not even a week. 00:40:29.092 --> 00:40:33.932 I did have a friend that he only has sex with people that he's married to and 00:40:33.932 --> 00:40:35.192 he's been married twice. 00:40:35.452 --> 00:40:41.072 He's, I think, 28 and he won't have sex until he's married. 00:40:41.332 --> 00:40:46.672 Okay, first of all, how the heck did we know if we're compatible sexually? Right. That's just me. 00:40:46.972 --> 00:40:50.792 I wouldn't wait for marriage just because I need to know if I'm sexually compatible. 00:40:50.992 --> 00:40:53.732 Kissing is one thing, but sexually compatible for me. 00:40:54.052 --> 00:40:57.972 Yeah. I've seen a lot, though, like the people that wait and after, 00:40:58.252 --> 00:41:03.452 that wait before marriage, after the marriage, either they're not happy with 00:41:03.452 --> 00:41:08.812 it, they stay with it just because, you know, miserable casual and the society 00:41:08.812 --> 00:41:12.132 make them to stay together, but they're not really happy. Yeah. 00:41:12.592 --> 00:41:15.072 You have to try it out for it, just like car or shoes. Well, 00:41:15.352 --> 00:41:18.392 there's oral sex you could try out before. Some people don't think that's sex. 00:41:18.412 --> 00:41:19.552 I think that's still sex. 00:41:19.712 --> 00:41:22.312 But oral sex is one thing. 00:41:22.592 --> 00:41:27.892 But for me, if you're having oral sex, most likely it's going to lead to intercourse 00:41:27.892 --> 00:41:29.512 anyway. That's what I'm saying. 00:41:30.172 --> 00:41:33.492 Yeah. So it's... You know, because that's on the start, no? 00:41:33.892 --> 00:41:37.672 I agree. But for me, I would say that there's no rush. 00:41:37.892 --> 00:41:42.132 And you don't have to have sex even on the fourth or fifth day. 00:41:42.252 --> 00:41:45.392 You could wait. There's a woman out there that says you should wait 90 days. 00:41:45.572 --> 00:41:49.072 You should date someone for 90 days before you have sex. That's her rule. 00:41:49.252 --> 00:41:55.412 And so every time she dates someone, she waits for 90 days to see how the first 00:41:55.412 --> 00:41:57.212 90 days is all about getting to know them. 00:41:57.572 --> 00:42:00.652 And then after 90 days, and I don't know how often she's dating, 00:42:00.732 --> 00:42:01.932 maybe once or twice a week. 00:42:02.512 --> 00:42:06.012 After 90 days, then she would have sex with them. 00:42:06.712 --> 00:42:11.012 But the problem I see is she keeps having her 90 days over and over again. 00:42:11.012 --> 00:42:14.532 And I'm wondering if she's just not making it to 90 days because the guys lose 00:42:14.532 --> 00:42:15.752 interest. But that may be. 00:42:16.592 --> 00:42:19.352 Because some guys don't want to wait 90 days. That's true. 00:42:19.792 --> 00:42:22.612 You know, that's a long time to wait. That's a long time to wait. 00:42:22.872 --> 00:42:25.392 Especially if you have a really strong connection with someone. 00:42:26.592 --> 00:42:30.052 So I think it's more about the emotional connection and if you feel safe. 00:42:30.292 --> 00:42:33.852 Do you trust that person? And have they earned access to your body? 00:42:33.972 --> 00:42:35.252 I mean, honestly, that's the thing. 00:42:35.472 --> 00:42:38.932 I think that's number one. Do they have the right to touch you? 00:42:39.232 --> 00:42:43.132 Yeah. Do they have the right to be intimate with you? And sometimes people... 00:42:43.668 --> 00:42:46.968 Are together after talking on the phone and texting for a long time, 00:42:47.068 --> 00:42:49.328 those could be considered pre-dates as well. 00:42:50.028 --> 00:42:52.228 But I don't think you should be anxious or unsure. 00:42:52.948 --> 00:42:58.828 Because I think all of this stuff, there's no set written rules, 00:42:58.968 --> 00:43:00.148 right? It's how you feel. 00:43:01.168 --> 00:43:05.768 You know what I mean? Yeah. So there's no rules like, okay, you should not do 00:43:05.768 --> 00:43:08.328 this, you should not do that. But when you feel right, you feel right. 00:43:08.668 --> 00:43:11.888 I think it's more important if they're aligned. Alignment, I think, 00:43:11.968 --> 00:43:15.368 is the new buzzword that everybody's talking about. But I think alignment is important. 00:43:15.748 --> 00:43:20.088 Are they aligned with you? Are they also aligned with what you want in the future? 00:43:21.228 --> 00:43:25.648 This is one thing that I've been struggling with lately. I think if I found 00:43:25.648 --> 00:43:27.268 the right person, I would get married again. 00:43:28.648 --> 00:43:33.268 However, it's going to take a lot, you know, for me to commit to someone. 00:43:33.548 --> 00:43:35.748 There's a trust issue they've got to overcome. 00:43:36.448 --> 00:43:40.288 And it's not their fault. It's because of a trust issue I had in my last relationship. 00:43:40.828 -->

00:43:46.448 And on top of that, they have to fulfill, you know, a lot of things on my checklist. Yeah. And... 00:43:46.909 --> 00:43:54.169 If not, I'm still okay dating someone for fun and to have fun with someone that's a fun partner. 00:43:54.529 --> 00:43:58.109 But then I need to let them know that I'm not seeing a future. 00:43:58.509 --> 00:44:03.429 Right. And that's a challenge because then I'm turning them into a friends with benefits situation. 00:44:04.109 --> 00:44:11.069 And that may not be what they want. Well, some people chose to be together but not get married. 00:44:11.269 --> 00:44:13.429 Remember, Kodihon and Kodihon, they don't get married. 00:44:13.649 --> 00:44:16.589 That's true. And especially if you have, like, going back to the beginning of 00:44:16.589 --> 00:44:20.509 this podcast, you know, two families emerging. You may want to take your time as well. 00:44:20.749 --> 00:44:23.889 Yeah. Some people decide not to marry. Yeah. 00:44:24.449 --> 00:44:30.649 And I don't. This is from my own experience, my own family. They were together for 13 years. 00:44:31.149 --> 00:44:34.169 So they wait, you know, the kids out of the house, you know. 00:44:34.629 --> 00:44:37.929 And then they decide to get married. It didn't last them for a year. 00:44:38.369 --> 00:44:40.889 I don't know what happened. So they were together for 13 years. 00:44:40.909 --> 00:44:43.829 They got married and they only married for a year. Yeah. See, 00:44:43.889 --> 00:44:45.609 I don't want to do that. You see? 00:44:46.089 --> 00:44:49.269 See, the nice thing is, is they waited to be together until, 00:44:49.609 --> 00:44:53.129 but... Yeah, they waited until... Then they moved in together and found out 00:44:53.129 --> 00:44:54.229 that they hated each other. 00:44:54.569 --> 00:44:58.789 Yeah, no, no, they lived together as anything, but they just don't get married. Interesting. 00:44:59.149 --> 00:45:04.249 Yeah, they waited until the kid out of the house, you know, because each of them had two kids. Yeah. 00:45:04.749 --> 00:45:09.069 So they waited all of that. Interesting. And then they decided to get married 00:45:09.069 --> 00:45:11.969 and didn't last them for a year. See, that's expensive. 00:45:12.589 --> 00:45:16.429 Yes. First you're paying for a wedding and then you're paying for divorce. 00:45:16.609 --> 00:45:18.709 And divorce to me is very expensive. Yeah. 00:45:19.169 --> 00:45:24.669 Even with prenups, it can get pricey. So there's no reason to do that. 00:45:24.829 --> 00:45:28.189 I mean, that's the challenge. We're older, right? So what do we really want? 00:45:28.729 --> 00:45:32.869 I think I do. I would get married again. I think if I found the right person, 00:45:33.069 --> 00:45:35.049 I would totally get married again. 00:45:35.769 --> 00:45:41.349 I just don't know if I will in this lifetime. And I'm okay with that. 00:45:41.969 --> 00:45:47.329 But in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy myself, and I'm going to have fun

with a select person. 00:45:47.429 --> 00:45:52.629 Person, yes. Yeah, and as I enjoy myself, as long as I tell them, 00:45:52.769 --> 00:45:56.129 look, this is not—maybe it's more situationship. 00:45:56.329 --> 00:46:00.129 Mm-hmm. If I have a situationship with someone like we talked about before where, 00:46:00.349 --> 00:46:05.129 based on a situation I see you once in a while, it's comfortable for me because 00:46:05.129 --> 00:46:08.769 it's so challenging to connect. But I think you're going to get married. 00:46:08.949 --> 00:46:13.889 You think so? And I'm going to be made of honor. Are you? Oh, that sounds nice. Yes. 00:46:14.269 --> 00:46:19.709 I feel it. I think consistency and respect are two huge things for me. Yes. 00:46:19.949 --> 00:46:24.729 Like, for instance, if you're intimate with someone, they should text you the next day. 00:46:25.385 --> 00:46:31.005 Well, what if they're busy? I don't care. Let's say you've been dating for a while. Uh-huh. 00:46:31.425 --> 00:46:35.645 And you finally have sex with the person. Uh-huh. And they don't text you the 00:46:35.645 --> 00:46:39.185 next day just to check in, say hi, that was fun last night. 00:46:39.385 --> 00:46:42.805 Uh-huh. Or I miss you or something. 00:46:43.505 --> 00:46:47.965 Yeah. It's disrespectful. I think they should text you. I think they should. 00:46:48.305 --> 00:46:52.425 Eventually, they'll text you. Eventually, they do. But if they wait a full day. 00:46:52.425 --> 00:46:56.445 I think to me, that's my written rule. 00:46:56.565 --> 00:46:59.745 If you're going to be intimate with a partner, if you have sex with someone, 00:46:59.885 --> 00:47:04.985 and you want to have sex with them again, and you don't text them the next day, 00:47:05.145 --> 00:47:07.205 good luck recovering from that. 00:47:08.125 --> 00:47:12.905 Well, you have to make them work harder. You do. And you should not be responding 00:47:12.905 --> 00:47:15.745 right away to their text if they do text you two or three days later. 00:47:16.285 --> 00:47:18.405 Two or three days? Yeah, it's ridiculous. 00:47:18.985 --> 00:47:24.005 No. It's disrespectful. Yeah. Even between friends. 00:47:24.185 --> 00:47:27.125 I invite you over for dinner. I would text you the night. 00:47:27.405 --> 00:47:30.105 I would either text you that night or in the morning and tell you how great 00:47:30.105 --> 00:47:31.485 dinner was. Who's high? Yes. 00:47:32.265 --> 00:47:35.965 Even just between friends. And that's dinner. That's not dinner on me. 00:47:36.645 --> 00:47:39.385 That's what I'm saying. That's just dinner. Yeah, exactly. 00:47:40.505 --> 00:47:44.185 So it's respectful to text. I think so, too. If you're out there. 00:47:44.185 --> 00:47:47.225 For the first time, I agree with you. And I think it should be the man texting the woman. 00:47:47.845 --> 00:47:50.385 Of course. I don't think the woman should be texting the man. 00:47:50.385 --> 00:47:55.205 If you text a man after sex and they don't text you back, you need to dump them. Yeah. 00:47:55.465 --> 00:48:01.725 And if a man doesn't text you after sex within 24 hours, he's not the right man for you. 00:48:02.525 --> 00:48:06.785 Maybe you might give them it. You want to give them 36 hours? Maybe 30 hours. 00:48:07.305 --> 00:48:10.525 36. Let's do 36. You're just saying that. But not 48. 00:48:11.625 --> 00:48:15.725 Not 48. It's a sign of disrespect to not text a woman after you have sex with 00:48:15.725 --> 00:48:19.025 them. I think, honestly, they should text you that night. Yeah. 00:48:19.453 --> 00:48:23.753 After you get home, unless you stay in over, of course. And then I think that 00:48:23.753 --> 00:48:25.313 they should also text you the next day. 00:48:25.853 --> 00:48:32.213 I think they should make you a priority if you are giving your body to a man and intimate with a man. 00:48:32.733 --> 00:48:38.493 I think a sign of respect is that they should text you or call you or communicate with you somehow. 00:48:38.753 --> 00:48:41.713 I'm actually agreeing with you. You know, the best is if they sent you a flower 00:48:41.713 --> 00:48:44.333 or some roses the next day. That would be wonderful. 00:48:44.913 --> 00:48:49.533 Well, maybe they may. Oh, let's put this this way. If they're 36 hours, 00:48:49.833 --> 00:48:51.513 maybe the flowers should come. 00:48:52.013 --> 00:48:55.873 It would be nice. But regardless, the next day they should touch you. 00:48:56.153 --> 00:49:00.353 Yes, because it's important when a woman gives her body to a man. Yeah. It is. 00:49:01.093 --> 00:49:03.373 It's trusting. It's intimate. 00:49:04.553 --> 00:49:08.793 It's all of the above. You know what I mean? And if you have any health issues, 00:49:08.993 --> 00:49:12.153 actually, I think anybody at our age should also be getting your partners tested 00:49:12.153 --> 00:49:13.893 before you actually have sex with them. 00:49:14.433 --> 00:49:17.693 Especially at this age. We're not teenagers. You know what I mean? 00:49:17.893 --> 00:49:20.593 It's one of those honest conversations. You just say, hey, look, 00:49:20.733 --> 00:49:24.193 my health is important to me, especially if you have like an autoimmune or something. 00:49:24.473 --> 00:49:30.413 You just say my health is important to me and I need you before we become intimate. I need you to get tested. 00:49:31.173 --> 00:49:35.273 Yes. And this includes oral sex. You shouldn't be having oral sex with somebody if you're not tested. 00:49:35.593 --> 00:49:40.113 You could get disease from that. And I do think you should require that they 00:49:40.113 --> 00:49:42.433 email you the results. Do not trust what they say. 00:49:43.733 --> 00:49:47.153 Okay. So make sure they email you the test results. 00:49:47.153 --> 00:49:49.953 And you can email them yours so you should be getting 00:49:49.953 --> 00:49:52.693 tested too that way that you're on the 00:49:52.693 --> 00:49:56.473 same page you can't trust what someone says

especially 00:49:56.473 --> 00:50:01.893 nowadays so many dates well and it's empowering i will say because you're taking 00:50:01.893 --> 00:50:06.853 control of your sexual health too yeah and you take care yourself otherwise 00:50:06.853 --> 00:50:09.413 you're going to regret it if you get a sexually transmitted disease and you 00:50:09.413 --> 00:50:13.473 didn't have a basic conversation with somebody that you have sex with can you imagine yeah, 00:50:14.061 --> 00:50:19.221 Oh, my God, no. Here's the real question to ask yourself before you have sex with them. Okay. 00:50:19.961 --> 00:50:23.881 Will you be disappointed if after sex it doesn't become a relationship? 00:50:25.341 --> 00:50:32.501 I think I would be. Would you? Mm-hmm. See, I'm okay if it doesn't as long as 00:50:32.501 --> 00:50:35.601 I go into it with that mindset. Now, if I was wrapped up in someone, 00:50:35.781 --> 00:50:40.041 I think I would actually not have sex as early. 00:50:40.581 --> 00:50:44.661 Oh, I see. You know what I mean? I would take my time to make sure that, 00:50:44.941 --> 00:50:48.381 like, let's say I meet the person I think is the one. Okay. 00:50:48.821 --> 00:50:52.221 I think I would take longer before I had sex with them. 00:50:52.961 --> 00:50:56.801 I think I would take a step back. Take to know them. Oh, I see. 00:50:57.001 --> 00:50:58.621 Make sure they're the right person. 00:50:59.421 --> 00:51:02.041 Now, if I'm going to do a friends with benefit type of thing, 00:51:02.201 --> 00:51:04.461 I could have sex with them earlier. Okay, I see. 00:51:04.721 --> 00:51:08.101 Because I know that they're not, but maybe, it's not that I'm bored, 00:51:08.221 --> 00:51:10.681 it's just that I need a connection, if you will. 00:51:11.481 --> 00:51:15.121 I don't know. It might lead to something, too. And that's the thing. You don't know. 00:51:15.401 --> 00:51:18.781 Right. Sometimes you go into it thinking this person's going to be a friends 00:51:18.781 --> 00:51:21.141 with benefit or a situationship. 00:51:21.481 --> 00:51:23.401 And that's a situationship. Next thing you know, he's a boyfriend. 00:51:23.541 --> 00:51:26.301 And it turns into something bigger. Yeah. You see? 00:51:26.801 --> 00:51:30.521 You never know. There is no written rules. That's what I'm trying to say. 00:51:30.741 --> 00:51:32.181 There's no written rules. No. 00:51:32.521 --> 00:51:40.261 So here's a general. Okay. I think the first date, first, second date, you should be flirty. 00:51:40.261 --> 00:51:43.121 There's chemistry you're checking each other's vibes see 00:51:43.121 --> 00:51:46.321 if there's any intellectual chemistry i think intellectuals important 00:51:46.321 --> 00:51:50.601 obviously and see if you guys get along by the 00:51:50.601 --> 00:51:53.481 second date if you haven't kissed them by the second day i think it's you 00:51:53.481 --> 00:51:57.241 can give them a kiss yeah some people say wait till the third but i think first 00:51:57.241 -->

00:52:03.181 second is fine by date three or four you should be having deeper conversations 00:52:03.181 --> 00:52:07.981 are they emotionally available i think on the first or second date you should 00:52:07.981 --> 00:52:10.741 find out if they cheated on their spouse. Just saying. 00:52:11.477 --> 00:52:14.897 I like to know up front, because if they cheated on their spouse, 00:52:15.037 --> 00:52:16.977 there's no third or fourth date for me. Yeah. 00:52:17.477 --> 00:52:20.737 Because I don't want them to cheat on me. And typically people that cheat are 00:52:20.737 --> 00:52:24.477 going to cheat again. So I don't really date people that are cheaters. So there. 00:52:24.817 --> 00:52:27.877 There you go. That eliminates half the male population right there. 00:52:30.097 --> 00:52:34.217 That's going to be hard. I've already knocked out 50% of the men. 00:52:34.457 --> 00:52:36.297 50? I think I'm already 70. 00:52:36.717 --> 00:52:40.297 Oh, I don't know if it's that high. But so I've knocked out a good chunk of 00:52:40.297 --> 00:52:42.057 the male population because I won't date cheaters. 00:52:42.377 --> 00:52:45.157 And then you have a deeper conversation on the third or fourth date. 00:52:45.317 --> 00:52:48.897 And then by the fifth date, you can play around. 00:52:49.277 --> 00:52:52.117 Yeah, why not? And some people do on the third or fourth date. 00:52:52.237 --> 00:52:53.937 But it depends, you know, where you're connected. 00:52:54.077 --> 00:52:59.317 But I think by the fifth date, if you're aligned, that's when people play around a little bit. 00:52:59.957 --> 00:53:03.237 And that's where things can proceed. It could be sixth, seventh, 00:53:03.397 --> 00:53:04.317 eighth, ninth, tenth date. 00:53:04.437 --> 00:53:08.397 I don't know if you have a number. Some people say on the sixth day you could have sex. 00:53:08.957 --> 00:53:14.257 Sex at sixth is what I've heard. But it just depends on how secure you are with 00:53:14.257 --> 00:53:16.817 that person. Those just general rules? 00:53:17.497 --> 00:53:21.677 Well, it's just a general mindset. I mean, sex at sixth is what I've heard. 00:53:22.057 --> 00:53:25.497 But don't trade sex to get attention. 00:53:25.877 --> 00:53:29.457 Yeah, right. And let's talk about West syndrome for a little bit. 00:53:29.577 --> 00:53:32.897 You guys, if you haven't heard me say on the podcast before what West syndrome 00:53:32.897 --> 00:53:35.477 is, I call it wandering eye syndrome. 00:53:36.077 --> 00:53:42.277 It's when you go on a date and the guy is constantly looking around at other people. 00:53:43.477 --> 00:53:46.957 And every once in a while, you might even catch him checking out another woman. 00:53:47.517 --> 00:53:53.637 No. Or if he talks about another woman, like if he's flattering or complimenting 00:53:53.637 --> 00:53:56.197 another woman. To me, that's a red flag. 00:53:57.017 --> 00:54:01.037 Like if they say, oh, he's like, oh, you've got a nice figure to a friend of

00:54:01.037 --> 00:54:02.217 yours. That's a red flag. 00:54:03.217 --> 00:54:06.597 You know, instead of talking about you, he's looking at her, 00:54:06.617 --> 00:54:09.457 looking at her figure and telling you how thin she is. 00:54:10.136 --> 00:54:16.056 No, it's a red flag. Yes. And so wandering eye syndrome is when they're checking 00:54:16.056 --> 00:54:23.156 out other women at a restaurant or at a bar or at a wherever you're going on a hike. And I get it. 00:54:23.536 --> 00:54:27.536 I think that people do glance here and there at other people. 00:54:27.636 --> 00:54:32.496 But if you're with a guy and he's staring at another woman when he when he's with you, run. 00:54:33.396 --> 00:54:35.796 I mean, I would honestly get up from the table and leave. 00:54:37.076 --> 00:54:41.416 Because it's so rude. It's so disrespectful. 00:54:41.916 --> 00:54:45.516 And when I'm with a man, I'm not checking out other men. What if he just check 00:54:45.516 --> 00:54:47.976 out surrounding, like places or tenderly? 00:54:48.356 --> 00:54:53.316 If he's that nervous and uncomfortable, then he's very insecure. 00:54:53.956 --> 00:54:57.396 And I don't know if he's the right person either. So it's another red flag, 00:54:57.496 --> 00:55:01.716 right? If you're in an elevator and he compliments a woman or talks about a 00:55:01.716 --> 00:55:03.956 woman in front of you, that's happened to me, too, before. 00:55:04.416 --> 00:55:06.856 Is it real? Swear to God. I've had it all, girl. 00:55:07.416 --> 00:55:10.276 I have had some of the most disrespectful men in my life. 00:55:10.436 --> 00:55:16.476 Here again, this is why respect is such a big part of me being intimate with someone. Yeah. 00:55:16.836 --> 00:55:19.156 Because if someone's disrespectful to me, I don't want them. 00:55:19.596 --> 00:55:25.576 No. Yeah. How could you go out on a date and compliment some other woman in the elevator? 00:55:25.716 --> 00:55:28.596 Exactly. or stare at another woman oh my god no 00:55:28.596 --> 00:55:31.536 exactly and guys are so 00:55:31.536 --> 00:55:34.996 clueless sometimes how disrespectful yes 00:55:34.996 --> 00:55:37.936 that's what i disrespect how disrespectful it is 00:55:37.936 --> 00:55:41.956 to a woman that you're with to not be focused on that woman she's done her nails 00:55:41.956 --> 00:55:47.036 she's got a facial probably she did her hair she took an hour picking out an 00:55:47.036 --> 00:55:52.156 outfit she's gotten all dressed up to look perfect for you and a man has the 00:55:52.156 --> 00:55:57.836 audacity to talk about another woman or to look at another woman while you're on a date? No. 00:55:58.488 --> 00:56:02.428 Exactly. Mm-mm. So, men, I hope you hear me. 00:56:02.768 --> 00:56:07.408 Mm-hmm. Now, if you're with a woman and she's checking out other men while you're 00:56:07.408 --> 00:56:11.008 on a date, it's disrespectful, too. And you should run. 00:56:11.348 --> 00:56:15.968 Because when you're connecting with someone, you should be present in the present 00:56:15.968 --> 00:56:18.728 moment with them and only them. Mm-hmm. 00:56:19.028 --> 00:56:22.348 Just saying. Let's go both ways. I think you should speak your truth. 00:56:22.648 --> 00:56:25.328 If you're wanting someone to be respectful, you should tell them. 00:56:25.448 --> 00:56:27.968 If they're disrespectful, I think you should tell them. You should tell them. 00:56:28.388 --> 00:56:30.348 Definitely. And I have. 00:56:31.048 --> 00:56:35.548 Yeah. I have. And I said, I found it's completely, and the person actually apologized 00:56:35.548 --> 00:56:36.988 because he said he didn't realize 00:56:36.988 --> 00:56:39.448 he was doing it, but then he did it again, so then it was like done. 00:56:39.868 --> 00:56:44.228 Oh, my God. But, you know, I did tell them, I gave them a warning, 00:56:44.508 --> 00:56:49.008 I gave them a second chance, and there's no third chances is the thing with me. 00:56:49.868 --> 00:56:52.608 And then let's say you want to move slower physically. Say, look, 00:56:52.688 --> 00:56:54.188 I'm just not in a rush to be intimate. 00:56:54.408 --> 00:56:59.688 Okay. You need to let them know, too. Mm-hmm. I value a connection other than sexual or physical. 00:57:00.148 --> 00:57:02.808 Yeah. I want to be connected to you. I find you interesting. 00:57:03.168 --> 00:57:07.048 I want to see where this can go. I find you intellectually stimulating. 00:57:07.748 --> 00:57:12.028 I enjoy being with you, although intellectually stimulating is such a turn on for me. 00:57:12.348 --> 00:57:16.888 So I want to see where it can go. It's up to you, but you need to choose a partner 00:57:16.888 --> 00:57:21.028 who respects you and is going to respect your pace and is not going to pressure 00:57:21.028 --> 00:57:23.388 you into doing something you don't want to do. Right. 00:57:23.848 --> 00:57:28.708 But you need to be able to tell them, though, what you don't like. 00:57:28.928 --> 00:57:33.428 If they disappear because you won't have sex with them, honestly, 00:57:33.428 --> 00:57:36.288 at our age, you don't need that. You don't need that. 00:57:36.388 --> 00:57:39.348 And if they disappear after you have sex with them and they don't text you or 00:57:39.348 --> 00:57:43.008 whatever, you don't need that either. Yeah, no. 00:57:43.648 --> 00:57:48.668 Yeah. It's not about when you sleep with one. It's someone about why you're doing it. Right. 00:57:49.168 --> 00:57:52.568 And you shouldn't be doing it just, well, some people do it just to get laid. 00:57:52.568 --> 00:57:53.888 But you shouldn't be doing it. 00:57:54.668 --> 00:57:57.868 You shouldn't be doing it just because they're pressuring you. 00:57:58.028 --> 00:57:58.848 You should do it when you're ready. 00:57:59.708 --> 00:58:02.828 Sometimes it's been a long time. That's why you have to do it. Don't you think? 00:58:03.493 --> 00:58:07.773 Sometimes you get an itch. You see, right? But that's when you bring somebody

00:58:07.773 --> 00:58:08.853 in that's a friend with benefits. 00:58:09.053 --> 00:58:11.893 Oh, I see. I don't think you should just be going out and sleeping on a one-night 00:58:11.893 --> 00:58:14.353 stand. I mean... No, no one-night stand. 00:58:15.113 --> 00:58:16.853 There's plenty of men out there, ladies. 00:58:17.913 --> 00:58:20.653 But you need to be intentional about what you want with them. 00:58:20.793 --> 00:58:22.953 I have a friend right now interview one by one. 00:58:23.493 --> 00:58:27.693 That's what she does. She interviews them. She interviews them first. Yeah. 00:58:28.153 --> 00:58:31.953 Well, you know, there's that. You can interview them. You can send them a questionnaire. 00:58:31.953 --> 00:58:33.933 Some people won't fill it out. Yeah. 00:58:34.193 --> 00:58:37.353 She had to, she made a list and she interviewed them based on her list. 00:58:37.413 --> 00:58:40.513 Well, that's a person that's grounded and feels in control of her. 00:58:40.653 --> 00:58:42.533 Or super control. Yeah. Yeah. 00:58:42.913 --> 00:58:46.293 And then she just decided, that's it. Just me, myself. I love myself. 00:58:47.533 --> 00:58:52.093 Yep. And it's about her, but I think when you're on a date, though, 00:58:52.173 --> 00:58:54.873 it needs to be about the other person. Right. That's what I think. 00:58:55.293 --> 00:58:59.253 I think a date, especially a first date, you should be asking a lot of questions. 00:58:59.593 --> 00:59:02.773 Mm-hmm. You have to. I went on a date with a guy. 00:59:02.973 --> 00:59:07.873 He was younger and I think he was 36, pretty young for me. I don't usually go that young. 00:59:08.313 --> 00:59:11.253 And the guy was really into himself. 00:59:12.553 --> 00:59:15.993 And he just sat there and talked about himself for the whole date. 00:59:16.153 --> 00:59:19.613 And I couldn't wait till the date was over. It was like 30 to 40. 00:59:19.773 --> 00:59:21.053 First of all, he showed up late. 00:59:21.953 --> 00:59:24.953 Disrespectful. Did not have any chivalry in his body. 00:59:25.253 --> 00:59:28.393 I mean, did not pull out my chair, was not respectful. Well, 00:59:29.033 --> 00:59:32.813 you know, I had to sit with my back to the door so I could see if I needed to 00:59:32.813 --> 00:59:34.753 exit quickly. I could. Oh, my God. 00:59:35.513 --> 00:59:39.253 Or I mean, my back was I was facing the door and I. 00:59:40.373 --> 00:59:43.293 But you're always facing the door. I love to face the door. 00:59:43.613 --> 00:59:49.813 Yes. That's my thing. So thank you for that. But I was talking to him and I 00:59:49.813 --> 00:59:52.333 asked him a few questions and he just he droned on. 00:59:52.873 --> 00:59:56.653 I don't think he asked me one question. Oh, my God. And. 00:59:57.525 --> 01:00:02.505 Well, he was young, too. He was young. And I don't know if he was nervous, but he was young. 01:00:04.265 --> 01:00:09.185 He was a black man. And he just was really into himself, really cocky. 01:00:09.665

--> 01:00:13.605 And he just talked and talked and talked. The date lasted 30 to 45 minutes. 01:00:13.765 --> 01:00:17.405 And afterwards, I think I shook his hand. And then he came in for a hug. 01:00:17.685 --> 01:00:20.385 And then he asked for a second date. And I said, I'll let you know. 01:00:20.745 --> 01:00:24.805 And I said, well, I should have just said no. It's OK. But not for nothing, though. 01:00:24.865 --> 01:00:28.125 Some people could feel very intimate. and intimidated by 01:00:28.125 --> 01:00:31.125 you oh that's their problem not mine 01:00:31.125 --> 01:00:34.265 oh that's the thing if if a guy's intimidated 01:00:34.265 --> 01:00:37.125 by me on a first date he's not 01:00:37.125 --> 01:00:40.145 the one for you he's not the one i see if if 01:00:40.145 --> 01:00:43.205 they can't handle me on i'm such a pussycat on 01:00:43.205 --> 01:00:46.425 a first date i am not over the top strong i 01:00:46.425 --> 01:00:49.245 am not showing off at all on a first date 01:00:49.245 --> 01:00:52.505 i am really listening to who they are i'm not 01:00:52.505 --> 01:00:56.285 really even talking a lot about myself so if 01:00:56.285 --> 01:01:00.225 they're intimidated by just my presence they don't 01:01:00.225 --> 01:01:04.805 need a second date that's not the one no you want a strong woman you know and 01:01:04.805 --> 01:01:09.305 you're a prize right i'm a prize yeah you know you need to bring your value 01:01:09.305 --> 01:01:13.285 to the date but you don't have to be over the top and being strong does not 01:01:13.285 --> 01:01:18.605 mean being controlling it just means that you are comfortable in who you are Mm-hmm, 01:01:18.765 --> 01:01:21.105 mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't know. 01:01:21.585 --> 01:01:26.045 It's so hard to be single, right? Oh, my goodness. It's a challenge. 01:01:26.245 --> 01:01:27.405 I'm telling you, connecting. 01:01:28.025 --> 01:01:33.925 Like, connecting with a person is so unique when we're in our age. You know, before... 01:01:34.272 --> 01:01:38.232 I didn't sleep around when I was in college either, though. But I think when 01:01:38.232 --> 01:01:41.832 I was younger, it was easier to find someone you would connect with because 01:01:41.832 --> 01:01:43.672 we were all stupid kids, right? Right. 01:01:43.872 --> 01:01:47.032 We were all, I mean, we all looked good. Right. It was college. 01:01:47.352 --> 01:01:51.732 We all were in probably really good shape. And our shit don't sting. 01:01:51.852 --> 01:01:54.712 The hair, big hair. The big hair. The hairspray hair. 01:01:55.812 --> 01:02:00.112 The Bon Jovi hair. Right. And everybody looked good. 01:02:00.312 --> 01:02:04.712 Yeah. And it was more of a physical sexual chemistry back then. Yeah. 01:02:04.992 --> 01:02:07.832 And as you get older, you want more of an intellectual chemistry. 01:02:08.312 --> 01:02:12.432 Yeah, because the physical faints away. The physical doesn't have to fade away. 01:02:13.012 --> 01:02:16.012 The physical doesn't have

to. You have to work very hard. You have to work very 01:02:16.012 --> 01:02:16.932 hard to keep your physical. 01:02:17.112 --> 01:02:20.532 But the physical doesn't have to fade away. But it's not going to be like 16-year-old, 01:02:20.652 --> 01:02:24.412 17-year-old sex. No. Or 18-year-old sex. Or 22-year-old sex. Twenty-nothing sex. 01:02:24.712 --> 01:02:28.192 Yeah. Yeah. It's not going to be that way. so when 01:02:28.192 --> 01:02:31.112 you're older the sex 01:02:31.112 --> 01:02:33.972 still has to be good though oh yeah you know 01:02:33.972 --> 01:02:37.272 i'm telling you if the sex isn't good and if a guy can't pick me up and throw 01:02:37.272 --> 01:02:42.572 me against a wall well not physically hurt me but like push me against a wall 01:02:42.572 --> 01:02:45.632 and have sex with me i love having sex up against a wall i really do i told 01:02:45.632 --> 01:02:52.112 you that one before i need that too and when they're older a lot of times they 01:02:52.112 --> 01:02:53.432 can't do it You cannot do it. 01:02:54.332 --> 01:02:57.572 So there's the sexual chemistry. And this is also a reason why I would want 01:02:57.572 --> 01:03:00.152 to have sex before I would get married to someone. 01:03:00.472 --> 01:03:04.152 It's a requirement for me. I'm sorry. I see. I see. 01:03:06.302 --> 01:03:09.522 I just need it i don't know why but it's 01:03:09.522 --> 01:03:12.302 true no that's your that's your thing it's my thing 01:03:12.302 --> 01:03:14.982 i i like to be in different places i like to 01:03:14.982 --> 01:03:18.682 be in different positions i like to be athletic in the bedroom and 01:03:18.682 --> 01:03:21.582 if i can't do that with a man or he can't last 01:03:21.582 --> 01:03:24.242 long enough and he doesn't want to do some people don't want to do 01:03:24.242 --> 01:03:26.882 testosterone and that's i think something a lot of men 01:03:26.882 --> 01:03:29.762 need we talked about that too i think all men after 01:03:29.762 --> 01:03:32.462 50 should i think after 45 all men 01:03:32.462 --> 01:03:35.082 should be on testosterone but especially if they want to 01:03:35.082 --> 01:03:37.782 have a sex life into their 70s and 01:03:37.782 --> 01:03:40.462 80s and honestly i if i find a 01:03:40.462 --> 01:03:43.522 man again to marry they better be prepared 01:03:43.522 --> 01:03:46.302 to go up to 100 years old still having sex with 01:03:46.302 --> 01:03:50.002 me or more that'd be 01:03:50.002 --> 01:03:56.282 crazy huh another 50 years of sex that's awesome another 50 years of sex oh 01:03:56.282 --> 01:04:01.862 i'm shooting for 20 now here's the other thing you can read people's vibes too 01:04:01.862 --> 01:04:06.502 If you're on a date and they're talking about their ex the whole time and complaining 01:04:06.502 --> 01:04:09.362 about their ex and they're playing the victim with their ex, 01:04:09.662 --> 01:04:11.742 that's a red flag. No. 01:04:12.002 --> 01:04:15.702 I don't care if their ex did cheat on them. If they sit there and talk the whole 01:04:15.702 --> 01:04:20.102 time about how they were betrayed and cheated on and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 01:04:20.682 --> 01:04:25.262 That's a red flag because what's going to happen is they're not healed. 01:04:25.942 --> 01:04:30.402 And I went out with a guy like that, too, that he wasn't healed and he wasn't ready to date. 01:04:30.962 --> 01:04:35.562 And if the whole date is about their ex, there's no place for you. 01:04:35.762 --> 01:04:38.662 There's no room in their life. There's no room in their head for you. 01:04:39.222 --> 01:04:43.782 And you can't be with a person that's not healed. And some people don't heal. 01:04:44.526 --> 01:04:49.566 Some people stay that way, though. Some people will take five years and they're still broken. Mm-hmm. 01:04:49.926 --> 01:04:52.646 And then they just go into another relationship because they're lonely. 01:04:53.046 --> 01:04:55.986 Yeah. And they bring all that baggage into their next relationship. 01:04:56.086 --> 01:04:58.786 Yeah. And I don't want that because I have leveled up. 01:04:59.166 --> 01:05:01.366 Yeah. And I only want someone healed. Right. 01:05:01.906 --> 01:05:04.146 The next thing you know, it's going to be another project. 01:05:04.846 --> 01:05:08.086 Yes. Right. Another project, yep. Yeah, you don't want that. 01:05:08.146 --> 01:05:10.146 Your project, you'd paint the wall, not that. 01:05:11.986 --> 01:05:18.226 No, I hired that out, too. Yeah, you see? I can see it behind a poop scooper. 01:05:18.506 --> 01:05:19.846 That's like blows my mind. 01:05:21.146 --> 01:05:26.526 Okay. Anyway. So you have to wear something on this date that makes you feel 01:05:26.526 --> 01:05:27.686 really confident and sexy. 01:05:28.546 --> 01:05:33.026 I go for black dress. Without slutty. I love my little black dress though. 01:05:33.606 --> 01:05:36.666 Yes. Little black dress. You can't go wrong with that. And then you should wear 01:05:36.666 --> 01:05:38.106 a fragrance, but don't overdo it. 01:05:39.106 --> 01:05:43.066 And then you should, you know, stay hydrated. Don't start coughing in the middle 01:05:43.066 --> 01:05:44.346 of the date. Stay hydrated. 01:05:44.526 --> 01:05:47.706 Stay focused nice shoes are cute nice purse 01:05:47.706 --> 01:05:50.946 definitely makeup nails done hair 01:05:50.946 --> 01:05:53.866 done there's a lot of work it is 01:05:53.866 --> 01:05:56.846 a lot of work so guys if we're going on a date with you i know 01:05:56.846 --> 01:06:02.146 don't show up in a t-shirt that's wrinkly and cargo pants yes if you do you 01:06:02.146 --> 01:06:05.106 won't get a second date that guy that slammed me against the car he did that 01:06:05.106 --> 01:06:08.866 too so that was like multiple red flags no no if you show up i don't care if 01:06:08.866 --> 01:06:14.066 it's a polo shirt if it's wrinkly and doesn't have a collar no uh-uh No. 01:06:14.246 --> 01:06:17.406 No. You can't get a high-class woman if

you're dressed like a bum, 01:06:17.586 --> 01:06:19.766 guys. This is not backyard party. 01:06:20.066 --> 01:06:24.166 And this is not college. It's not like you're a frat guy anymore. Right. So. 01:06:24.626 --> 01:06:28.026 No. You have some respect. I know. 01:06:28.566 --> 01:06:32.886 No. And I do have to practice slowing down because I think I do talk really 01:06:32.886 --> 01:06:35.086 fast sometimes. You do? I do. 01:06:35.606 --> 01:06:41.186 So I actually work at it. Even on this podcast, I work on speaking slower. Mm-hmm. No, but. 01:06:41.727 --> 01:06:44.187 That's your voice, though. You have that power before you. I do. 01:06:44.347 --> 01:06:47.327 I do. But you got to listen with intention and talk and listen. 01:06:47.827 --> 01:06:51.927 I see. It's a connection, just listening to another person. Mm-hmm. 01:06:52.227 --> 01:06:57.807 And you can learn so much by watching and observing and listening to other people. Mm-hmm. 01:06:58.287 --> 01:06:59.947 And don't be nervous. 01:07:00.587 --> 01:07:05.587 Yeah. I just need to speak clearly. You got to speak clearly, yes. Yeah. 01:07:05.827 --> 01:07:08.827 I'm working on it, though. And be curious. I mean, honestly, 01:07:08.967 --> 01:07:14.107 if you're looking to date with intention to find a partner, and I think that's 01:07:14.107 --> 01:07:17.687 what most people are wanting, although some people are just looking to date 01:07:17.687 --> 01:07:18.887 to get laid. There are that. 01:07:19.267 --> 01:07:23.747 Yeah. Or all those. But if you're looking to truly find a partner, 01:07:24.027 --> 01:07:26.227 you need to be curious about the other person. 01:07:26.407 --> 01:07:30.007 And to be curious means to ask questions, not to talk over them. 01:07:30.307 --> 01:07:32.527 I see. Right? Mm-hmm. 01:07:33.087 --> 01:07:36.967 And then, you know, work on your goddess energy. I think that's important, 01:07:37.007 --> 01:07:42.667 too. You got to work on your self-power, your soft power, I guess it is. Like your posture? 01:07:42.967 --> 01:07:44.967 Your posture, your femininity. 01:07:45.407 --> 01:07:49.207 And I have to work on this because I do have a strong masculine side to me, 01:07:49.207 --> 01:07:52.127 I will say, as I talk lower in my voice. 01:07:52.927 --> 01:07:58.747 I do have a strong masculine side to me that I have to work on being feminine. 01:07:58.987 --> 01:08:02.187 Like I went on a date with a guy that was very gentleman. 01:08:02.547 --> 01:08:06.527 It was so respectful. Oh, I love that. And I ended up, 01:08:07.068 --> 01:08:09.988 grabbing the car door when i got to the car just 01:08:09.988 --> 01:08:12.768 because it was habit right right and he grabbed it away from me 01:08:12.768 --> 01:08:15.568 and it was so cute and i was i loved it 01:08:15.568 --> 01:08:18.948 that he ended up opening the car door i was like oh crap i forgot i'm with a 01:08:18.948 --> 01:08:23.888 gentleman here i'm with a very respectful man yes you know when i stood up he 01:08:23.888 --> 01:08:27.748 would stand up yeah when i went to the bathroom he would come and he would push 01:08:27.748 --> 01:08:34.568 my chair and it was it was nice always open the doors for me it was so respectful see you know Well, 01:08:34.748 --> 01:08:39.628 it's nice to be with a high-quality man that's respectful. Right. 01:08:39.968 --> 01:08:43.928 There's not enough of you men out there that do this. No. And if you want a 01:08:43.928 --> 01:08:47.608 woman and you want a high-quality woman. Right. You need to start. 01:08:48.268 --> 01:08:51.248 Right. And that's one thing I've been working with my children on. 01:08:51.388 --> 01:08:54.668 Mm-hmm. To make sure that they always open the door. Mm-hmm. 01:08:55.128 --> 01:08:56.808 And that they're always respectful. 01:08:57.288 --> 01:09:00.788 Mm-hmm. And if you open the door for a woman, that goes a long way. 01:09:01.008 --> 01:09:04.588 Oh, yeah. Let alone if you stand up when she goes to the bathroom and you push 01:09:04.588 --> 01:09:07.488 in her chair and then you ask her if she needs any more water. 01:09:07.888 --> 01:09:11.648 I mean, literally, my date was filling my water the whole night when the waiting 01:09:11.648 --> 01:09:14.728 wasn't. I know the little things. The little touches. 01:09:15.288 --> 01:09:22.248 Yes. Will make you want to stay with a person. Make you feel really special. Special and respected. 01:09:22.548 --> 01:09:26.508 And I need to step into my femininity and allow it and receive it. 01:09:26.668 --> 01:09:30.588 That's what I was going to say. You need to mellow down and receive it. 01:09:30.588 --> 01:09:34.168 But I did a good job, right? You did a good job. You did a good job. I did a good job. 01:09:34.568 --> 01:09:38.108 I give you A+. All right. So I worked at it. It was interesting. 01:09:38.768 --> 01:09:40.808 I don't think I've been out with a lot of gentlemen. 01:09:41.788 --> 01:09:45.468 No? No. I think the Southern Gentleman charm is wonderful. 01:09:46.268 --> 01:09:49.888 I love men that are attentive to their women. Mm-hmm. 01:09:50.388 --> 01:09:53.428 Because what happens is then I want to reciprocate. Right. 01:09:53.648 --> 01:09:57.708 When a man leads, and this is the thing, ladies, when a man leads, 01:09:57.888 --> 01:09:59.968 you want to reciprocate. 01:10:00.659 --> 01:10:05.659 You have to let them, though. You have to let them. Let them lead you. Let them guide you. 01:10:06.279 --> 01:10:09.339 Don't be too pushy. And then be reciprocal. 01:10:09.939 --> 01:10:14.139 And I was very respectful to him. I think it's really super sweet. 01:10:14.239 --> 01:10:19.139 And it was a nice mutual respect thing going on. 01:10:20.059 --> 01:10:24.559 And I would never talk down to him. Never. I would never be disrespectful to him. 01:10:24.619 --> 01:10:28.139 In fact, I was astonished at another woman that talked down to her husband. 01:10:28.719 --> 01:10:36.919 I just don't do that. And it was a nice

communication and so enjoyable. 01:10:37.419 --> 01:10:41.399 I love that. It was almost like a fairy tale enjoyment. 01:10:41.699 --> 01:10:45.239 Finish a double date again. I know. It was nice. Oh, you just want him to teach 01:10:45.239 --> 01:10:46.359 your husband how to treat you. 01:10:48.419 --> 01:10:51.099 Might as well need to push the... Here's the thing, husbands. 01:10:51.159 --> 01:10:53.759 You should still do it when you're married. I know. 01:10:54.359 --> 01:10:57.619 And don't think that you should stop because women, you 01:10:57.619 --> 01:11:00.419 will have that woman wrapped around your finger if you 01:11:00.419 --> 01:11:03.139 treat her that respectfully and then she will treat you with a level 01:11:03.139 --> 01:11:06.039 of respect you've never received right and it's 01:11:06.039 --> 01:11:09.239 a mutual thing and respect is so very important 01:11:09.239 --> 01:11:12.319 and if you want to have a perfect marriage and a 01:11:12.319 --> 01:11:15.539 perfect relationship and non-stop sex 01:11:15.539 --> 01:11:18.479 with your woman treat her with that level of respect because you 01:11:18.479 --> 01:11:21.639 will get more and more respect back and the 01:11:21.639 --> 01:11:24.559 reciprocity will be amazing okay husband 01:11:24.559 --> 01:11:28.739 make sure you are listening yes this now 01:11:28.739 --> 01:11:31.939 let's talk safety though too we have to talk about that because safety 01:11:31.939 --> 01:11:36.979 matters too now okay if you're with a respectful man like i was uh-huh i safety 01:11:36.979 --> 01:11:40.639 it was still a concern right because you never know who they really are right 01:11:40.639 --> 01:11:45.319 so you need to let people know where you're going oh i see all right and typically 01:11:45.319 --> 01:11:48.619 they're not going to pick you up right you're going to meet them on a first 01:11:48.619 --> 01:11:51.699 date now if It's like the third, fourth, fifth date, something like that. 01:11:51.819 --> 01:11:54.319 They can pick you up if you're comfortable with the person. 01:11:54.639 --> 01:11:57.619 But on your first date, you need to let somebody know where you're going. Right. 01:11:58.119 --> 01:12:04.479 And pack breath mints and lip balm and cash just in case you need it. 01:12:05.059 --> 01:12:08.519 And don't arrive late. I never have cash. 01:12:08.599 --> 01:12:11.459 When you're rushed, I mean, I was really rushed the other day, 01:12:11.559 --> 01:12:14.899 but when you're rushed, it scatters your energy and it takes a little bit to refocus. 01:12:15.759 --> 01:12:19.199 So if you can get ready in advance, pick out your outfit the night before, 01:12:19.299 --> 01:12:23.819 like you told me I should have done, and, you know, get yourself organized. 01:12:23.819 --> 01:12:27.099 You're not going to be scattered, and you're going to be able to listen better. 01:12:28.399 --> 01:12:32.179 So it's important. It's important. If you have a date going on, 01:12:32.299 --> 01:12:33.659 pick out your outfit the night before. 01:12:33.859 --> 01:12:37.119 Try on, be shoes on, all of that stuff. And men should, too. 01:12:37.559 --> 01:12:40.119 Right. I think a man should have clean-cut hair. 01:12:40.779 --> 01:12:43.919 Definitely. I think if they shave, they should be freshly shaven. 01:12:44.719 --> 01:12:47.639 I don't think you should be scruffy. I don't think you should come in looking 01:12:47.639 --> 01:12:50.239 like you just did landscaping with dirty nails. No. 01:12:50.639 --> 01:12:54.099 I think they have to smell good. That's a must. If you... 01:12:54.681 --> 01:12:57.881 If you are sweaty, you better run that air conditioner in your car a lot. 01:12:58.001 --> 01:13:02.581 Right. And you better not walk into a date stinky. If you come in stinky, I'm done. 01:13:02.881 --> 01:13:04.921 Right. Because I have a really good nose. 01:13:05.481 --> 01:13:09.041 And I will just walk out. I'll be like, oh, I can't do it. Yeah. 01:13:09.081 --> 01:13:11.461 Because if your body stinks, I know down there stinks. Yeah. 01:13:11.561 --> 01:13:12.821 So it's not happening. No. 01:13:13.341 --> 01:13:16.981 And your breath can't stink. Uh-huh. Your skin has to be clean. 01:13:17.481 --> 01:13:20.481 If you don't have good hygiene, it's like I'm out the door. Well, 01:13:20.521 --> 01:13:25.261 I have to say, though, I give both of you A+. Oh, for our attire? 01:13:25.421 --> 01:13:27.261 For this weekend, yeah. Attire, everything. 01:13:27.521 --> 01:13:30.761 Even though I was rushed, I still showed up, okay? Yeah. Okay, 01:13:30.841 --> 01:13:32.501 good. I'll give you A+. All right, good. 01:13:33.261 --> 01:13:37.501 Well, and you can't have wrinkly shirts. I don't know about that. Or dresses. 01:13:37.941 --> 01:13:41.481 Well, sometimes then you wear linen. Linen's supposed to look good wrinkled. 01:13:41.781 --> 01:13:43.081 Linen does not look good wrinkled. 01:13:44.961 --> 01:13:50.021 I don't know how to iron, so I do. Oh, I do love linen. That's why you get a steamer. 01:13:50.561 --> 01:13:54.141 You get one of those steamers, or you just send it out to the dry cleaner. but you 01:13:54.141 --> 01:13:57.041 should not people shouldn't be wearing linen if it's all wrinkly on the 01:13:57.041 --> 01:13:59.941 first date they really shouldn't yeah i don't 01:13:59.941 --> 01:14:02.821 think they should and yes when you sit down linen gets wrinkly 01:14:02.821 --> 01:14:05.561 but i get it but it shouldn't be like crumbled wrinkly and 01:14:05.561 --> 01:14:08.441 if you came out of the dryer that's kind of how it looks and don't 01:14:08.441 --> 01:14:11.581 wear shorts gym shorts or sweatpants i can't i 01:14:11.581 --> 01:14:14.321 can't see oh yeah talking about the guy that 01:14:14.321 --> 01:14:16.981 talked about himself yeah that i hugged at 01:14:16.981 --> 01:14:19.681 the end he came in and oversized gym shorts because 01:14:19.681 --> 01:14:22.621 he's oh and i was like oh no no and the

01:14:22.621 --> 01:14:25.561 tank top i can't stand tank t-shirts tank 01:14:25.561 --> 01:14:29.161 tops no i can't stand it it's gross i think 01:14:29.161 --> 01:14:32.281 kind of like a when you go for a job interview i think 01:14:32.281 --> 01:14:35.101 you should dress for success i would wear a 01:14:35.101 --> 01:14:38.141 suit to a job interview as a barista honestly i would 01:14:38.141 --> 01:14:41.261 dress up i always dress a level above of what 01:14:41.261 --> 01:14:44.181 i think is required yeah now i'm not saying we're 01:14:44.181 --> 01:14:47.201 like a you always have a sport jacket over 01:14:47.201 --> 01:14:50.401 you always have a sports jacket i'm not saying you have to dress super high 01:14:50.401 --> 01:14:53.501 end yeah but yeah it's it's important 01:14:53.501 --> 01:14:56.281 to dress up and your nails should be done your toes should be done but 01:14:56.281 --> 01:14:59.061 there should be too they should 01:14:59.061 --> 01:15:01.961 have good hygiene and if they don't go get their nails done i 01:15:01.961 --> 01:15:04.761 mean it's gross to see a man that you're going on a date with and 01:15:04.761 --> 01:15:08.061 flip flops and they have fungus on their toes oh yes 01:15:08.061 --> 01:15:10.681 that's gross right gross they need to take care of 01:15:10.681 --> 01:15:14.581 themselves and fungus contagious yes 01:15:14.581 --> 01:15:17.601 it is no nice jeans 01:15:17.601 --> 01:15:20.541 showing off their butts nice too you know i love or. 01:15:20.541 --> 01:15:23.481 Like khaki pants one of the two either tight well not 01:15:23.481 --> 01:15:26.041 super tight jeans i don't like super tight jeans but jeans where their butt. 01:15:26.041 --> 01:15:30.501 Is nice or when they're like khaki pants that are pleated those are nice even 01:15:30.501 --> 01:15:37.561 just a jean polo shirt and a sport jacket that just sets it already yes yes 01:15:37.561 --> 01:15:41.541 something yeah but no t-shirt because. 01:15:42.178 --> 01:15:44.978 The wee neck no no and don't wear clothes that are too small or 01:15:44.978 --> 01:15:48.378 too big oh my god no where are things that fit you so 01:15:48.378 --> 01:15:51.298 that you feel confident too you don't want to wear something too small and then burst 01:15:51.298 --> 01:15:54.418 your pants or you know but break a 01:15:54.418 --> 01:15:57.178 break a button and now your boobs are hanging out during the date i mean that'd 01:15:57.178 --> 01:16:00.078 be embarrassing right make sure it fits that 01:16:00.078 --> 01:16:03.078 same covid woman too and shoes are important too oh 01:16:03.078 --> 01:16:05.978 good shoes take you good places i always say that good shoes 01:16:05.978 --> 01:16:09.018 take good places men actually i got compliments 01:16:09.018 --> 01:16:11.718 on my shoes from the guy i dated he actually liked my 01:16:11.718 --> 01:16:14.638 shoes and my toes because i got really pretty toes see 01:16:14.638 --> 01:16:17.498 yeah shoes i always say 01:16:17.498 --> 01:16:20.458 that to everyone shoes take you good 01:16:20.458 --> 01:16:24.918 places so make sure you have a nice shoe and the right shoe for all occasions 01:16:24.918 --> 01:16:31.298 yeah so when a man dresses nicely it makes all the difference yes it makes all 01:16:31.298 --> 01:16:36.118 the difference and people don't realize how much your appearance matters and 01:16:36.118 --> 01:16:40.258 how you're going to be much more self-confident if you look good. 01:16:40.978 --> 01:16:46.878 Yes. It's so very important. Yes. I teach my son that too, all the time. 01:16:47.338 --> 01:16:50.218 Oh, it's so important. It's super important. 01:16:50.698 --> 01:16:54.418 You got to dress for success, both men and women. Yes. 01:16:54.998 --> 01:17:00.818 Now, let's say that you've been on three or four dates and you've been going 01:17:00.818 --> 01:17:04.118 out for a while or you're just getting back into it. 01:17:04.198 --> 01:17:07.838 You've been dating for a while, and you're ready to make the next move. 01:17:08.018 --> 01:17:10.238 What do you do? Is laundry important? 01:17:10.838 --> 01:17:12.618 Well, yes, your laundry is important. 01:17:14.198 --> 01:17:21.398 So you're ready to have sex with the man. I don't think it's the woman's job to make the first move. 01:17:21.718 --> 01:17:23.578 No. No, I don't think so. 01:17:23.998 --> 01:17:29.278 Now, I will say that one person I was intimate with, we had the phone conversation 01:17:29.278 --> 01:17:32.038 about it first. And then we had, 01:17:32.690 --> 01:17:38.110 A text conversation about getting tested second before anything happened, which is fine. 01:17:39.450 --> 01:17:42.350 And there's still no pressure. Let's say you decide that one night you're going 01:17:42.350 --> 01:17:45.450 to have sex and then it just doesn't feel right. Don't do it. 01:17:46.550 --> 01:17:51.270 But you've got to be comfortable in your body, too. So if you're out of shape 01:17:51.270 --> 01:17:55.430 and you're not going to be comfortable having sex with someone, don't have it. Yeah. 01:17:56.010 --> 01:17:59.670 Get in shape or get to the level you want to be before you can have it. 01:17:59.710 --> 01:18:01.570 Because you've got to be confident enough to have sex. 01:18:01.730 --> 01:18:05.950 Right. And then you'll feel beautiful, right? Yes. I always feel beautiful, though, regardless. 01:18:06.310 --> 01:18:10.050 I think so, too. You don't have to be perfect, but you have to be confident. Mm-hmm. 01:18:10.350 --> 01:18:13.150 And you have to be with someone that's not going to be disrespectful of your 01:18:13.150 --> 01:18:16.010 body either. Yeah, no. But if you're at the fourth or fifth date, 01:18:16.150 --> 01:18:18.230 you're probably already comfortable enough with your body. 01:18:19.090 --> 01:18:23.430 And here's the thing, ladies. Most men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, 01:18:23.530 --> 01:18:25.630 they have dad bods anyway. Right. 01:18:25.930 --> 01:18:27.970 And

so they're not perfect. 01:18:28.450 --> 01:18:31.870 They have their little belly. It's nice when you can find someone that's in 01:18:31.870 --> 01:18:33.950 shape if you're in shape, but it's not always. 01:18:34.310 --> 01:18:38.250 No, not always. And sometimes you have to grow together and get in shape together. 01:18:38.490 --> 01:18:42.310 Yeah. And some people just, they'll just always have a dad body. You just don't know. 01:18:42.650 --> 01:18:44.650 Yeah, some people have that indentation. 01:18:45.210 --> 01:18:49.130 Yeah. Some people are in shape, some people aren't. It's nice when they're in shape. 01:18:49.510 --> 01:18:53.390 Yeah, but it's work to be in shape. It's a lot of work. 01:18:53.450 --> 01:18:56.910 A lot of work. I will say I see a lot more bachelors that have been bachelors 01:18:56.910 --> 01:18:59.310 for a long time in shape than people that have come out of marriages. 01:18:59.810 --> 01:19:02.870 That's true. I'm seeing that a lot more. So people that have been in marriages, 01:19:03.150 --> 01:19:07.690 especially if they were unhappy, whoever was the most unhappy in the marriage 01:19:07.690 --> 01:19:10.690 usually comes out of that marriage out of shape. 01:19:10.970 --> 01:19:15.010 Right. I agree. Yeah. So if you were very unhappy, you're coming out of marriage 01:19:15.010 --> 01:19:17.350 out of shape. So maybe it's time to focus on you and spend time. 01:19:17.450 --> 01:19:21.750 But let's say you've gotten in shape to where you're comfortable enough. 01:19:22.310 --> 01:19:25.150 And you're ready to have sex with somebody. And you've gone four or five dates. 01:19:25.310 --> 01:19:28.130 And you feel safe. And it's time. 01:19:28.900 --> 01:19:33.940 Life happens, right? Mm-hmm. And I think you should still take it slow, 01:19:33.960 --> 01:19:38.340 but you really want to have that first time after to be a little romantic. Mm-hmm. 01:19:38.780 --> 01:19:41.360 Solo intimacy is you're going to be doing all the time anyway. Right. 01:19:41.720 --> 01:19:44.760 And you need to be comfortable and have had a couple discussions. 01:19:44.760 --> 01:19:46.420 I don't think you should rush into it. 01:19:46.620 --> 01:19:50.660 Mm-hmm. I don't think it should be a drunken screw fest, personally. 01:19:50.900 --> 01:19:52.020 Not for your first time after. 01:19:52.420 --> 01:19:57.160 I really don't think so. Mm-mm. And you need to let the other person know about 01:19:57.160 --> 01:19:58.100 your boundaries sexually. 01:19:58.700 --> 01:20:00.720 You know what I'm talking about, right? Right. There's safe words. 01:20:01.100 --> 01:20:03.600 Well, there's safe words. I mean, that's if you're doing bondage. 01:20:03.740 --> 01:20:08.620 But there's boundaries that you have the things you don't want to do. Right. 01:20:08.880 --> 01:20:11.380 Some people don't want to have sex against a wall. 01:20:12.440 --> 01:20:17.300 Some people just want to have missionary. Some people don't like it doggy style. 01:20:17.520 --> 01:20:21.260 Right. You need to open conversation. Some people don't do oral sex. 01:20:21.520 --> 01:20:28.040 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right? So those are things that you need to have a discussion with. Yeah. 01:20:28.780 --> 01:20:34.740 And there's no reason you can't have that discussion well before you have sex. Yeah. It worked. 01:20:35.200 --> 01:20:39.440 It had to both, both of you had to work together. I think so. 01:20:39.940 --> 01:20:43.240 I think so. And because you're going to be vulnerable when you're naked. 01:20:43.620 --> 01:20:48.000 Mm-hmm. And you got to be comfortable enough to allow that vulnerability. 01:20:48.600 --> 01:20:52.460 Mm-hmm. To exist in front of someone you haven't been naked with in the past. 01:20:53.200 --> 01:20:56.420 Yes. So being, going slow, being playful, talking. 01:20:57.760 --> 01:21:02.340 Asking what you like and don't expect your moans to tell your partner what you 01:21:02.340 --> 01:21:07.400 like there's nothing wrong with asking them and there's nothing wrong with them asking you, 01:21:08.040 --> 01:21:14.740 i see oh it's true yeah you're different because you know what each other like 01:21:14.740 --> 01:21:19.520 at this point at this point but in the beginning i bet you asked yeah we actually 01:21:19.520 --> 01:21:23.180 had conversation yes and give yourself permission to laugh. 01:21:24.080 --> 01:21:26.160 Yeah. And don't feel bad about it. No. 01:21:26.938 --> 01:21:34.058 Be careful when you laugh, ladies. If you laugh because they finished early, that's not a good thing. 01:21:34.478 --> 01:21:39.498 But, like, if you laugh because it's been a long time and if they ask you, 01:21:39.598 --> 01:21:41.638 what are you laughing at? Just say, it's been a while. 01:21:42.298 --> 01:21:47.038 I forgot what this felt like. Yeah. You know, I mean, you can laugh about that, 01:21:47.218 --> 01:21:48.498 but don't laugh on their performance. 01:21:48.918 --> 01:21:52.298 It'll kill a guy's ego. I don't care who they are. It'll kill a guy's ego. 01:21:53.298 --> 01:21:58.498 And it's a new shared experience. Now, they may have had more experience than you. I don't know. 01:21:59.478 --> 01:22:05.258 Or you may have more experience than them. But if it's your first time back, it's enjoyable. 01:22:06.158 --> 01:22:09.158 I think you should wear lingerie. Oh, lingerie is a must. 01:22:09.478 --> 01:22:13.238 It's not. I have talked to men. Some men like it. Some men don't. 01:22:13.358 --> 01:22:18.018 Some men say they just like you very naked. Some men say they just want you naked. 01:22:18.318 --> 01:22:20.878 I will say it's fun. 01:22:21.938 --> 01:22:25.058 Although it comes off very quickly. Right. Even it comes off quickly. 01:22:25.058 --> 01:22:26.358 I just like to be in laundry. 01:22:26.958 --> 01:22:30.298 Make you feel comfortable. I think it's good for married couples, 01:22:30.318 --> 01:22:33.838 too. Yeah. Because with married couples, it spices things up.

01:22:34.238 --> 01:22:36.518 I love my lingeries. Yeah. 01:22:36.938 --> 01:22:39.718 And I think you should have proper lighting. 01:22:40.198 --> 01:22:44.178 I don't think it should be bright. You know what I really like is those yellow 01:22:44.178 --> 01:22:45.958 lights that are more orange. 01:22:46.218 --> 01:22:49.298 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amber is what they call them. Right. The amber lights, 01:22:49.438 --> 01:22:52.358 whether it's an amber candle or an amber light. 01:22:52.778 --> 01:22:57.778 Not the LED bright. No, not the LED. The amber lights make it so romantic feeling. 01:22:58.758 --> 01:23:06.318 And then you can have sexual eye contact. You can flirt. You can use toys even. Toys are fun. 01:23:07.178 --> 01:23:09.158 I'm actually thinking to redo 01:23:09.158 --> 01:23:12.918 my bedroom in one of the bedrooms that the interior designers suggest. 01:23:13.298 --> 01:23:17.598 They have a, you know, the, you know how you have a tool reading lamp? Uh-huh. 01:23:18.138 --> 01:23:20.518 So you could switch to like little flicking candles. 01:23:21.258 --> 01:23:25.758 That's nice. Yeah. Or just get an amber candle. Yeah. I have an amber nightlight. 01:23:26.018 --> 01:23:29.458 Yeah. That you can leave turned on. That's got the perfect light. 01:23:30.398 --> 01:23:34.038 And then, you know, just the fact that you're getting back out there, 01:23:34.238 --> 01:23:36.298 you should celebrate this. 01:23:36.498 --> 01:23:39.278 It should be empowering for you. I think so. 01:23:39.958 --> 01:23:44.038 And then, you know. Yeah, it should celebrate. It's like somebody just lit up 01:23:44.038 --> 01:23:45.518 your firecracker. They did. 01:23:45.898 --> 01:23:48.978 See? And it's going to be different than it was before. Of course. 01:23:49.198 --> 01:23:50.878 The sex is going to be completely different. 01:23:51.158 --> 01:23:54.538 Mm-hmm. and it may suck how that's 01:23:54.538 --> 01:23:57.978 gonna be sucked despite it you haven't done well you may not have done it for 01:23:57.978 --> 01:24:03.318 a while but you remember when you were a virgin oh i see and you hadn't had 01:24:03.318 --> 01:24:08.738 sex before and it was your first time oh a disappointment it was so your first 01:24:08.738 --> 01:24:13.198 time with a person may not be the best and then try it again, 01:24:13.867 --> 01:24:17.987 Yeah. Because sometimes it takes a little bit to learn each other's bodies and 01:24:17.987 --> 01:24:22.227 your intricacies because they may not have had sex with a person and they may 01:24:22.227 --> 01:24:24.507 be having sex the way they had sex with their wife. 01:24:24.807 --> 01:24:28.787 That's why it's important that you can talk it out. You talk it out. 01:24:29.047 --> 01:24:34.247 You do. Tell them what you like and they tell you what they don't like. Just be playful. 01:24:35.367 --> 01:24:39.707 Play. Yeah. Life is all about fun. It is. 01:24:39.887 --> 01:24:44.267 About fun. It's all about fun. When you're having fun, everything will be better. 01:24:44.507 --> 01:24:49.707 It is. And I encourage sex. I encourage people to fill out their bodies, 01:24:49.887 --> 01:24:55.107 enjoy themselves, and make sure that the woman comes first or at least comes 01:24:55.107 --> 01:24:56.567 during the intercourse. Yes. 01:24:56.787 --> 01:25:01.807 Because, man, if you're with a woman and you have sex and she does not get off, 01:25:02.387 --> 01:25:04.167 you might get away with it once or twice. 01:25:04.587 --> 01:25:08.127 But if it's a consistent problem, and it is a problem. 01:25:08.567 --> 01:25:12.107 You can have multiple orgasms. And women can have multiple orgasms, so don't stop at one. 01:25:12.307 --> 01:25:18.307 But if it becomes a consistent issue where the woman's not getting off, then there is an issue. 01:25:18.427 --> 01:25:21.547 And she won't want to have sex with you. And ladies, stop faking it. 01:25:21.947 --> 01:25:24.927 Right. You need to stop. If you fake it, you're never going to have pleasure. 01:25:25.247 --> 01:25:29.887 So stop faking it. If he doesn't please you, don't fake it just to have him 01:25:29.887 --> 01:25:31.747 stop doing it. Say, you know what? I don't enjoy that. 01:25:32.147 --> 01:25:36.327 Let's try something different. Be communicative. Right. But don't ever fake 01:25:36.327 --> 01:25:39.787 it. I don't think after the age of 30 you should ever fake an orgasm. No. 01:25:40.007 --> 01:25:42.847 Now, you should have orgasms and enjoy them. 01:25:43.127 --> 01:25:46.847 Life is too short to be fake. Yes, life is too short to be fake. 01:25:46.967 --> 01:25:48.667 And orgasms are very important. 01:25:48.807 --> 01:25:51.127 That's number one. Orgasms are the whole point. 01:25:52.187 --> 01:25:55.007 It's more important for the woman to get off than it is the man, honestly. 01:25:55.817 --> 01:25:58.797 And it doesn't take much for a woman to have opiasome, I don't think. 01:25:59.177 --> 01:26:02.477 It doesn't. Well, it may take five minutes. I mean, ten minutes. 01:26:02.557 --> 01:26:04.877 Depending on the woman. Some women take longer than others, right? 01:26:05.457 --> 01:26:09.177 But again, men, most of the time a woman's going to need an external clitoral 01:26:09.177 --> 01:26:12.077 stimulation before she actually has an internal. Yeah. 01:26:12.397 --> 01:26:16.157 So remember that. You G-spot second. First base is the clit. 01:26:16.337 --> 01:26:20.277 Second base is the G-spot. Third base is deeper inside. 01:26:20.817 --> 01:26:23.837 Toys. And you can have like cock rings with vibrators on it. 01:26:23.877 --> 01:26:27.497 There's all things you can do. if the man is having difficulty pleasuring you. 01:26:27.877 --> 01:26:30.877 Right. There's fingers, there's mouths, there's all kinds of things. 01:26:31.057 --> 01:26:33.537 We have so many discussions about that. Uh-huh. 01:26:33.997 --> 01:26:40.917 But I think that's another podcast. Oh, I think we need to do just that separate. We do. 01:26:41.217 --> 01:26:48.897 Mm-hmm. So if you have finally gotten the guts to go out again, I encourage you to do it. 01:26:49.077 --> 01:26:53.277 Mm-hmm. I challenge you to document the things you like when you're dating. 01:26:53.577 --> 01:26:55.857 Mm-hmm. And to not settle. 01:26:56.437 --> 01:27:00.537 Right. Because life is too short to settle. And there's so many people out there. 01:27:00.857 --> 01:27:04.957 We live in a wonderful time. And we can find the people because there's things 01:27:04.957 --> 01:27:10.697 called dating apps and meetups and social networking and friends and family. Yeah. 01:27:11.077 --> 01:27:13.377 All of them both. There's a ton of opportunity. 01:27:13.937 --> 01:27:17.897 And you can find exactly what you're looking for. Yeah. No need to cut yourself short. 01:27:18.057 --> 01:27:22.837 So I encourage it. And I think we've covered it all today, DevaCat. I think we do. 01:27:23.497 --> 01:27:28.117 Well, this is Diva Mia signing off, wishing you the best of luck on your dates. Yes. 01:27:28.637 --> 01:27:33.417 Same here. Wishing you all the best. Take care. Have a great week. 01:27:35.377 --> 01:27:41.097 Thanks for tuning in. Like, subscribe, and drop a comment. We love hearing from you. 01:27:41.337 --> 01:27:44.457 Visit thedivadetails.com to connect. 01:27:44.777 --> 01:28:17.657 See you next week for more. Thank you. in the podcast are researched and accurate 01:28:17.657 --> 01:28:18.857 to the best of our knowledge at the time of recording. 01:28:18.937 --> 01:28:20.857 Information may change over time. No guarantees are made regarding the accuracy, 01:28:20.957 --> 01:28:22.677 completeness, or reliability of any statements or opinions presented. 01:28:22.677 --> 01:28:24.857 It is a responsibility of the listener to verify any and all facts that may 01:28:24.857 --> 01:28:25.437 influence their decision. 01:28:25.517 --> 01:28:27.477 This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only and should not 01:28:27.477 --> 01:28:28.477 be considered professional advice.