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Grace Notes

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WEBVTT 00:00:02.240 --> 00:00:05.200 Let's talk about 1968. 00:00:07.440 --> 00:00:15.039 And before you get comfortable, I should tell you that this is going to become a nicer conversation than the beginning might suggest. 00:00:15.359 --> 00:00:17.519 But we have to start somewhere. 00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:21.920 And 1968 gives us quite a place to start. 00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:26.640 Some years acquire a reputation, you know. 00:00:27.199 --> 00:00:28.800 We give them a personality. 00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:38.560 We remember them as the year everything changed or the year everything went wrong, or the year we'd would prefer never to experience again. 00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:42.880 Sometimes that judgment's personal. 00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:48.880 The rest of the world may have had a perfectly satisfactory year, but you didn't. 00:00:49.200 --> 00:00:56.640 But sometimes a year seems to keep handing everybody another reason to say, what no? 00:01:00.159 --> 00:01:02.799 1968 was one of those years. 00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:16.719 Twenty-three days in, North Korea seized the USS Pueblo, an American intelligence ship, and captured its crew. 00:01:16.959 --> 00:01:20.799 The surviving crew members would remain prisoners until December. 00:01:22.799 --> 00:01:24.400 Think about the length of that. 00:01:24.640 --> 00:01:30.000 Everything else we're about to talk about happened while those men were still being held captive. 00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:36.400 At the end of January, the Tet Offensive began in Vietnam. 00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:41.680 Americans had been hearing assurances about progress in the war. 00:01:42.079 --> 00:01:45.840 Then they saw widespread attacks and devastating fighting. 00:01:46.719 --> 00:01:53.840 Whatever the military outcome of individual battles, the offensive shook confidence in the story people had been told. 00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:57.760 There was the war itself. 00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:02.959 And then there was the growing question of whether the people explaining the war could be trusted. 00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:10.000 On April 4th, Martin Luther King Jr. 00:02:10.080 --> 00:02:12.080 was assassinated in Memphis. 00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:21.599 A man who had spent his life insisting on the possibility of change through nonviolence was murdered. 00:02:22.719 --> 00:02:25.039 Grief and anger spread across the country. 00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:28.560 Riots followed in American cities. 00:02:29.120 --> 00:02:30.400 People died. 00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:32.639 Buildings burned. 00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:34.479 Troops were deployed. 00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:39.280 And the loss was larger than one terrible day. 00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:44.000 People lost someone who helped them imagine a different future. 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:54.240 In May, France was shaken by student protests, clashes with the police, and strikes that spread through the country. 00:02:54.639 --> 00:02:56.400 Millions of people stopped working. 00:02:56.639 --> 00:03:01.599 Factories, transportation, ordinary public life was just completely disrupted. 00:03:02.800 --> 00:03:08.000 This was not a year whose upheaval stayed politely within national borders, okay? 00:03:10.400 --> 00:03:19.439 Then, shortly after midnight on June fifth, Robert Kennedy was shot in Los Angeles. 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:27.280 After wounding the California Democratic Pennsylvania presidential primary, he died the following day. 00:03:30.159 --> 00:03:36.400 Two months after King's assassination, another major American figure was gone. 00:03:37.919 --> 00:03:45.840 Another family grieving, another crowd stunned, another possibility for the future suddenly cut off. 00:03:48.479 --> 00:03:53.840 In August, Soviet-led forces invaded Czechoslovakia. 00:03:56.159 --> 00:04:01.199 The Prague Spring had brought political reform and the possibility of greater freedom. 00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:05.280 Tanks arrived to establish the limits of that possibility. 00:04:08.240 --> 00:04:12.800 And later that same month, the Democratic National Convention took place in Chicago. 00:04:13.840 --> 00:04:19.519 Outside the convention, demonstrators and police confronted each other on August twenty-eighth. 00:04:20.079 --> 00:04:25.040 Police violence against protesters unfolded before television audiences. 00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:36.560 People sitting in their living rooms watched Americans being beaten in American streets while a national political party met to choose its presidential nominee. 00:04:39.759 --> 00:04:41.040 So there you are. 00:04:42.399 --> 00:05:00.879 War, captivity, assassinations, cities burning, strikes, tanks, violence on television, arguments about what was true, who could be trusted, and where any of this was going. 00:05:03.600 --> 00:05:09.360 And beneath the headlines, all the ordinary difficulties continued right on. 00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:12.000 People still got sick. 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:16.319 Families still argued, somebody still lost their job. 00:05:17.199 --> 00:05:22.560 Somebody still sat alone at a kitchen table trying to figure out how they were going to get through tomorrow. 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:30.560 History doesn't suspend your personal problems while it attends to the bigger ones. 00:05:30.879 --> 00:05:32.480 It just adds more. 00:05:35.519 --> 00:05:41.040 By December, you can imagine people being ready to put the year down. 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:42.800 Enough. 00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:49.839 Whatever else you have for us 1968, perhaps you could keep it. 00:05:52.319 --> 00:05:55.759 And then three men left Earth. 00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:08.959 On December 21st, 1968, Frank Borman, Jim Lovell, and Bill Anders launched aboard Apollo 8. 00:06:10.399 --> 00:06:12.879 Their destination was the moon. 00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:17.040 And they weren't gonna land on it. 00:06:17.360 --> 00:06:18.879 That would come later. 00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:21.600 They're gonna travel there. 00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:25.199 Orbit it and come
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home. 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:29.759 Which, you know, when you say it quickly, sounds almost manageable. 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:32.639 Travel to the moon, go around it, return. 00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:38.160 There are errands that I find more complicated. 00:06:39.199 --> 00:06:42.160 But of course, this was an extraordinary undertaking. 00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:47.519 Three human beings were going further from home than human beings had ever gone. 00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:52.879 And on Christmas Eve, they entered lunar orbit. 00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:59.600 And during that journey, they saw Earth rising above the lunar horizon. 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:01.600 We know the photograph. 00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:03.920 It's called Earthrise. 00:07:06.639 --> 00:07:12.000 A bright living world above a gray landscape surrounded by darkness. 00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:19.040 We've seen it so often that we can forget how unfamiliar that view once was. 00:07:20.959 --> 00:07:25.920 People had maps, globes, pictures of portions of Earth from space. 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:35.120 But here was the place everybody lived, seen by human beings who had traveled to another world. 00:07:36.399 --> 00:07:38.560 Everybody you loved was there. 00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:41.680 Everybody you disliked was there too. 00:07:42.800 --> 00:07:46.000 They made the trip into the photograph without asking. 00:07:46.879 --> 00:07:53.680 All the arguments, all the borders, all the armies, every kitchen, every hospital. 00:07:55.040 --> 00:08:00.000 Every person who thought their particular corner of the world was the center of everything. 00:08:02.000 --> 00:08:03.120 There it was. 00:08:05.600 --> 00:08:10.800 On Christmas Eve, the astronauts broadcast from lunar orbit and read from Genesis. 00:08:12.079 --> 00:08:16.560 People listened to human voices coming from the vicinity of the moon. 00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:23.759 After your year in which so much had divided people, there was something people could watch together. 00:08:23.920 --> 00:08:26.639 They could be astonished together. 00:08:27.920 --> 00:08:32.320 For a few minutes, there was room for another feeling. 00:08:36.320 --> 00:08:40.799 Apollo eight returned safely on December twenty-seventh. 00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:47.600 And among the messages Frank Borman received was an anonymous telegram. 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:53.519 It said, Thank you, Apollo Eight. 00:08:54.480 --> 00:09:11.120 You saved nineteen sixty-eighths. 00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:52.720 Somebody down the way the messing up is third cord is down the right and you haven't fixed me. 00:10:53.039 --> 00:10:54.639 I haven't fixed you. 00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:02.080 Welcome or welcome back to the Anne Levine show with Michael over there. 00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:03.200 I'm Michael over there. 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:03.600 Hello. 00:11:06.960 --> 00:11:08.720 You saved 1968. 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:13.200 That is quite a thing to tell somebody. 00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:23.440 And obviously,
the person who wrote it understood that the astronauts had not gone backward through the calendar repairing everything. 00:11:25.039 --> 00:11:26.720 King was still dead. 00:11:27.039 --> 00:11:28.320 Kennedy was still dead. 00:11:28.480 --> 00:11:29.759 The war continued. 00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:31.919 The grief was real. 00:11:34.399 --> 00:11:36.639 But something had been added. 00:11:39.759 --> 00:11:41.519 Something beautiful. 00:11:42.960 --> 00:11:44.879 Something astonishing. 00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:50.480 Something that gave the end of the year a different feeling. 00:11:51.519 --> 00:11:54.399 The year now contained that too. 00:11:56.639 --> 00:12:06.480 I think about that telegram because it manages in a few words to describe something that can be surprisingly difficult to explain. 00:12:09.120 --> 00:12:12.799 A terrible experience can remain terrible. 00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:18.879 And a moment within it can still change how you carry it. 00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:24.080 And that brings me to grace notes. 00:12:27.919 --> 00:12:36.000 In music, a grace note is a small ornamental note added to a phrase. 00:12:36.399 --> 00:12:39.519 You don't have to read music to understand the effect. 00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:52.960 You can hear a melody played plainly, and then hear a musician add a little turn, a little movement, something that, you know, gives the phrase another quality. 00:12:53.200 --> 00:12:58.559 But the basic mem melody, you know, it's there, remains recognizable. 00:12:59.919 --> 00:13:04.399 But there's no more feeling there in the way that it reaches you. 00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:09.840 And I've been thinking about the human version of that. 00:13:12.240 --> 00:13:25.200 The little thing somebody adds, a gesture, a kindness, a moment of beauty, an unexpected acknowledgement. 00:13:25.440 --> 00:13:39.440 Something that may be in the larger, you know, scale of events, it might be small, but enormous in the experience of the person receiving it. 00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:41.759 And small, of course, is relative. 00:13:44.080 --> 00:13:46.399 Apollo 8 was an immense achievement. 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:50.960 Calling it a grace note doesn't make the achievement smaller, though. 00:13:52.879 --> 00:14:01.600 I'm thinking about the place it occupied that year and the emotional meaning it acquired for someone who sent a telegram. 00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:09.840 Against everything else that happened that year, it gave the year a different sound. 00:14:12.960 --> 00:14:15.120 There are quieter versions. 00:14:17.360 --> 00:14:21.440 You can do everything required of you and then add a little more attention. 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:26.879 You can complete the transaction and make the person feel welcome. 00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:32.799 You can say goodbye and give somebody a reason to smile after you leave. 00:14:41.679 --> 00:14:47.919 Sometimes the effect is immediate, you know, you know, you know, right away when someone has made an awful day easier. 00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:57.360 Sometimes you remember it 20 years later and realize you've been carrying it all that time. 00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:03.039 And sometimes the responsible person has no idea. 00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:08.240 They've gone on with their life, and you're still remembering what they did. 00:15:12.639 --> 00:15:18.399 On April 9th, 1865, Robert E. 00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:22.080 Lee surrendered his Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. 00:15:22.159 --> 00:15:24.559 Grant at Appomattox Courthouse. 00:15:25.919 --> 00:15:35.840 The meeting belongs to the, of course, enormous story of the Civil War, but there's a smaller detail in it that interests me. 00:15:37.600 --> 00:15:48.080 The surrender terms allowed Confederate offers to officers to retain their keep their private horses and other personal property. 00:15:49.519 --> 00:16:05.679 Lee explained that some of the enlisted men who owned horses and mules allowed those men, claiming those animals, to take them home. 00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:09.679 He understood that they would need them for farming. 00:16:10.960 --> 00:16:12.720 For spring planting. 00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:17.279 And that's the detail I want to stay with. 00:16:17.519 --> 00:16:19.279 The spring planting. 00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:30.639 After all the marching, the fighting, the casualties, and the destruction, there would have to be another season. 00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:33.120 People would have to grow food. 00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:40.720 Grant also arranged for rations for the hungry surrendered army for twenty-five thousand of them. 00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:46.639 These were practical decisions made with immediate consequences. 00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:56.240 A man could go home with the animal he needed to work his land. 00:16:56.399 --> 00:16:58.159 Hungry men could eat. 00:16:59.600 --> 00:17:05.200 None of this settles the larger history or erases what the Confederacy fought to preserve. 00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:11.759 We can acknowledge a humane decision without losing sight of the cause of the war. 00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:20.799 But at that particular moment, the victorious commander considered what the defeated soldiers would need. 00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:25.680 That ability matters. 00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:30.480 When a conflict ends, somebody has to think beyond the final argument. 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:33.839 What happens tomorrow? 00:17:34.079 --> 00:17:37.119 What will people need in order to live? 00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:45.519 Even in our, you know, much smaller disagreements, we can become so occupied with winning that we forget. 00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:48.559 There will be a mourning afterward. 00:17:48.880 --> 00:17:50.400 There will still be people. 00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:53.039 There will certainly be consequences. 00:17:54.240 --> 00:18:06.000 At Appomattox, among the documents and military arrangements, there was this consideration of a horse, a mule, a field, and another season. 00:18:06.799
--> 00:18:11.279 I find something quietly powerful in that. 00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:44.720 I mean, what happened was a little more local, more uneven, and more complicated. 00:18:46.880 --> 00:18:50.720 There were places where men stopped fighting and met between the lines. 00:18:50.960 --> 00:18:55.839 There were exchanges, conversations, opportunities to recover the dead. 00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:05.599 One documented episode involved the sixth Gordon Highlanders and German soldiers taking part in a joint burial service. 00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:11.920 A British chaplain and a German divinity student conducted it. 00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:16.000 Consider the scene. 00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:23.440 Men who had been trying to kill one another were now standing together to bury men who had been killed. 00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:28.319 They did not suddenly resolve the war. 00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:33.039 They did not agree on everything that brought them there. 00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:40.000 But for that service, they recognized a shared obligation. 00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:43.519 These bodies belong to people. 00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:45.359 They deserved to be buried. 00:19:48.799 --> 00:19:58.079 There's an extraordinary change in the way you see another person when you witness their grief. 00:20:00.319 --> 00:20:05.119 Someone who had existed mainly as a threat becomes a man standing beside a grave. 00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:11.920 You may not understand his language, but you can understand why he's there. 00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:17.519 The fighting continued, the war continued for years. 00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:22.960 And that's part of what makes the moment moving. 00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:27.680 The men could not guarantee what would happen next. 00:20:27.839 --> 00:20:36.559 They would they would still have to choose how to behave during the moment available to them, though. 00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:45.599 We often imagine that a worthwhile jester, you know, must solve the larger problem. 00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:52.480 But a shared burial did something real. 00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:55.279 It allowed dignity. 00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:57.279 It allowed mourning. 00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:06.720 It allowed briefly a different relationship between the people who had s been assigned to be enemies. 00:21:09.519 --> 00:21:11.599 That belongs in history too. 00:21:15.119 --> 00:21:16.480 Now to Berlin. 00:21:21.440 --> 00:21:26.960 The Soviet blockade cut off surface access to the western controlled parts of the city. 00:21:27.519 --> 00:21:32.640 And the Berlin airlift brought in food, fuel, and other essential supplies. 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:35.440 It was a vast operation. 00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:45.519 Within it, an American pilot named Gail Halverson had an encounter with children outside the fence at Tempelhof Airport. 00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:47.839 He spoke with them. 00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:54.640 And when he looked for something he could give them, he found two sticks of chewing gum in his pocket. 00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:59.759 Two sticks for a group of children. 00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:04.799 Not much of a distribution system really. 00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:06.720 But he shared what he had. 00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:12.640 The encounter led to a promise to bring more sweets. 00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:18.559 He been he he started dropping candy beneath little parachutes. 00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:22.079 The idea grew. 00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:23.920 Other people helped. 00:22:24.240 --> 00:22:32.079 Candy and parachutes arrived from donors, and the effort became known as Operation Little Vittles. 00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:34.640 I love that freaking name. 00:22:36.240 --> 00:22:40.480 The planes were already carrying what people needed to survive. 00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:45.839 And then there were suites floating down for children. 00:22:46.880 --> 00:22:47.839 An addition. 00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:51.440 A pleasure. 00:22:52.799 --> 00:22:54.640 Something to anticipate. 00:22:56.799 --> 00:23:02.799 I like this story because adults can become very efficient about deciding what children need. 00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:06.559 Food, shelter, clothing, medicine. 00:23:07.119 --> 00:23:09.839 And of course, they do need those things. 00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:15.440 But children also need moments in which being a child is possible. 00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:18.640 A surprise. 00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:19.920 A treat. 00:23:21.519 --> 00:23:25.599 Something that lets the day contain more than waiting and worry. 00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:34.559 There's a difference between being sustained and being remembered as a person who might enjoy something. 00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:39.680 That difference applies to adults too. 00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:48.480 If you've ever been ill and somebody brought you what you needed, you know the value of practical care. 00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:59.200 And if they also brought the particular thing you like, you know what that addition can mean. 00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:05.039 They remembered you inside the situation. 00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:12.960 Halverson was part of an operation carrying enormous quantities of necessities. 00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:20.240 This other thing began with what happened to be in his pocket. 00:27:28.319 --> 00:27:33.119 Her voice could draw audiences and admiration across countries. 00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:41.519 Yet when she came to Princeton in nineteen thirty-seven, racial discrimination kept her from obtaining the hotel room. 00:27:45.599 --> 00:27:50.240 Think about that distance between public acclaim and private humiliation. 00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:53.759 People wanted to hear her sing. 00:27:54.960 --> 00:27:58.480 An institution still refused to accommodate her. 00:28:01.039 --> 00:28:09.839 Albert Einstein heard about her difficulty and invited her to stay in his home. 00:28:12.079 --> 00:28:15.279 That invitation began a lasting friendship. 00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:20.240 It's a very simple action
to describe. 00:28:20.559 --> 00:28:22.400 He opened his home. 00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:27.680 But the circumstances gave that action its meaning. 00:28:29.119 --> 00:28:33.839 Somebody had told her, in effect, there was no place for her there. 00:28:35.359 --> 00:28:37.359 Somebody else made a place. 00:28:40.160 --> 00:28:43.839 Hospitality can carry a surprising amount of information. 00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:46.880 You are welcome. 00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:49.039 You can put your things down. 00:28:50.160 --> 00:28:56.000 You don't have to remain outside negotiating whether you deserve ordinary treatment. 00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:57.279 Come in. 00:28:59.440 --> 00:29:02.319 We know Einstein for many great things. 00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:07.359 The invitation doesn't require us to understand any physics. 00:29:08.720 --> 00:29:13.440 We know Anderson for a voice that people struggle to describe adequately. 00:29:14.720 --> 00:29:18.240 This moment doesn't require us to hear a recording. 00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:23.440 We can understand an open door. 00:29:23.839 --> 00:29:26.079 We can understand a closed door. 00:29:27.599 --> 00:29:29.920 And there are everyday equivalents. 00:29:31.039 --> 00:29:34.799 Inviting the person, the new person, to sit next to you. 00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:38.160 Making sure someone has a place at the table. 00:29:38.720 --> 00:29:43.440 Noticing that everybody else has found their group and one person is still standing. 00:29:45.440 --> 00:29:50.960 Sometimes belonging begins with somebody making a very practical adjustment. 00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:56.400 Another chair, another plate, a place to stay. 00:30:01.200 --> 00:30:07.440 This next story may be the smallest physical gesture in this whole conversation. 00:30:09.920 --> 00:30:14.960 Desmond Tutu recalled an encounter from his childhood in South Africa. 00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:22.400 He was with his mother, a black domestic worker, when a white priest named Trevor Huddleston passed them. 00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:27.599 Huddleston lifted his hat respectfully to her. 00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:30.000 How was it? 00:30:31.039 --> 00:30:33.920 A greeting, a courtesy. 00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:40.960 For Huddleston, something appropriate to do when encountering a woman. 00:30:43.599 --> 00:30:47.920 For the child watching, something startling. 00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:55.839 He lived in a society that treated black people as inferior. 00:30:56.960 --> 00:31:01.440 And here was a white man acknowledging his mother with respect. 00:31:03.599 --> 00:31:07.039 Tutu remembered that impact into old age. 00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:11.759 The movement of that hat would have taken seconds. 00:31:12.640 --> 00:31:14.720 The memory lasted decades. 00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:22.720 This is why it can be difficult to measure the importance of what we do. 00:31:25.279 --> 00:31:29.279 The effort visible from the outside may be tiny. 00:31:31.119 --> 00:31:34.000 But the person receiving it has a history. 00:31:35.279 --> 00:31:40.079 They've had other encounters that day, other encounters in their life. 00:31:41.839 --> 00:31:49.599 They may have become accustomed to being overlooked, dismissed, or treated as an inconvenience. 00:31:50.400 --> 00:31:52.799 Then somebody behaves differently. 00:31:53.359 --> 00:31:55.440 The difference registers. 00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:01.279 You may think you're simply greeting someone. 00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:04.799 They may feel that they've been recognized. 00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:11.440 And a child standing nearby may learn something about what's possible between people. 00:32:13.599 --> 00:32:19.039 We do not control every meaning that our actions acquire. 00:32:19.920 --> 00:32:22.319 But that's a reason to pay attention. 00:32:24.079 --> 00:32:28.720 There may be more happening in a moment than we can see. 00:32:29.359 --> 00:32:30.640 You take drugs, Danny? 00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:31.119 Every day. 00:32:31.359 --> 00:32:32.000 Good. 00:32:32.240 --> 00:32:33.119 So what's the problem? 00:32:33.279 --> 00:32:34.160 I don't know. 00:32:34.480 --> 00:32:35.359 I don't know. 00:32:36.400 --> 00:32:44.079 Long before Louis Armstrong became Louis Armstrong in the world's imagination, he was a boy in New Orleans. 00:32:44.799 --> 00:32:50.079 He worked for the Karnovskys, a Russian Jewish immigrant family. 00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:54.240 They lent him money to buy his first cornet. 00:32:56.640 --> 00:33:01.440 And now because we know the ending, it's tempting to make the story sound inevitable. 00:33:01.599 --> 00:33:04.240 Of course, you help Louis Armstrong get a horn. 00:33:04.480 --> 00:33:06.799 That seems an excellent decision. 00:33:08.079 --> 00:33:14.319 But they weren't lending money to a monument or a legend or a man whose recordings would be heard around the world. 00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:16.400 They were helping a boy. 00:33:19.039 --> 00:33:21.759 They knew the child in front of them. 00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:26.480 This is how encouragement usually works. 00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:30.160 You don't have access to the future. 00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:34.640 You don't know whether the instrument will produce a world-famous musician. 00:33:34.799 --> 00:33:42.000 You don't know whether the notebook will lead to a book or whether the person you're encouraged will ever do the thing professionally. 00:33:45.839 --> 00:33:50.799 An instrument can matter to someone who plays only at home. 00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:56.400 A notebook can matter to someone who writes for themselves. 00:33:58.400 --> 00:34:04.000 Encouragement can give a person permission to take their own interests seriously. 00:34:04.480 --> 00:34:10.639 And the value of help doesn't depend on fame arriving later. 00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:18.639 Sometimes the practical obstacle is quite small from the perspective of the person who can remove it. 00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:27.840 From the other side, it may be the whole distance between wanting to begin and
being able to begin. 00:34:30.320 --> 00:34:34.480 We remember Armstrong's cornet because of everything that followed. 00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:43.920 But the human moment belongs to an earlier time when someone decided a boy should have a chance to play. 00:34:48.320 --> 00:34:58.000 On December 23rd, 1862, Abraham Lincoln wrote a letter to Fanny McCullough, whose father had been killed in the Civil War. 00:34:59.199 --> 00:35:02.159 Lincoln was presiding over a country at war. 00:35:02.559 --> 00:35:05.760 There were enormous demands on his attention. 00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:09.760 He wrote to a grieving daughter. 00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:15.760 And what interests me is the way he addressed the experience of grief. 00:35:18.159 --> 00:35:22.239 He understood that she could not imagine feeling better. 00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:26.800 That's one of grief's peculiar powers. 00:35:27.920 --> 00:35:30.880 It can make the present seem permanent. 00:35:32.000 --> 00:35:38.480 People can tell you things will change, and you may understand the words without being able to imagine the experience. 00:35:41.440 --> 00:35:45.840 Lincoln offered reassurance from his own knowledge of sorrow. 00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:55.920 He wrote, The memory of your dear father, instead of agony, will yet be a sad, sweet feeling in your heart. 00:35:58.559 --> 00:36:00.719 A sad, sweet feeling. 00:36:02.800 --> 00:36:06.480 There's room for more than one emotion in that description. 00:36:08.079 --> 00:36:10.159 The sadness can remain. 00:36:11.840 --> 00:36:14.480 The memory can acquire sweetness. 00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:23.199 I don't think comforting words work like a repair performed on another person. 00:36:23.679 --> 00:36:29.360 You can't reach into somebody's grief and rearrange it because you've found a good sentence. 00:36:30.159 --> 00:36:32.000 But you can keep them company. 00:36:33.679 --> 00:36:35.840 You can acknowledge where they are. 00:36:36.880 --> 00:36:41.280 You can offer the possibility of a future they can't yet picture. 00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:47.760 And you can resist the temptation to hurry them there. 00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:55.360 Sometimes the most useful thing you communicate is that their sorrow has reached another person. 00:36:56.159 --> 00:36:57.679 It's been heard. 00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:09.280 A president writing to a young woman that didn't change the course of the war. 00:37:11.039 --> 00:37:16.480 The letter occupies a small space beside the larger events, obviously. 00:37:16.800 --> 00:37:26.239 But that small space contains attention, experience, and an attempt to make someone's suffering a little less lonely. 00:37:31.199 --> 00:37:42.320 In nineteen sixty nine, Fred Rogers shared a little waiting pool with Francois Clemens, who played Officer Clemens on Mr. 00:37:42.400 --> 00:37:44.079 Rogers Neighborhood. 00:37:44.480 --> 00:37:46.480 They cooled their feet. 00:37:47.119 --> 00:37:48.719 A simple scene. 00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:56.239 But American swimming pools had been places of racial exclusion and confrontation. 00:37:56.639 --> 00:38:02.960 The sight of a white man and a black man sharing that water carried meaning. 00:38:04.960 --> 00:38:08.239 And what I like about the scene is its ordinariness. 00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:10.880 Here are two people. 00:38:11.119 --> 00:38:12.239 It's warm. 00:38:12.559 --> 00:38:13.519 There's water. 00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:14.880 Come sit down. 00:38:17.760 --> 00:38:23.840 Children watching could encounter the image as part of ordinary life in the neighborhood. 00:38:25.760 --> 00:38:28.960 Belonging was something they could see practiced. 00:38:30.719 --> 00:38:34.639 This is one of the things we communicate through our everyday behavior. 00:38:34.960 --> 00:38:36.480 Who gets welcomed? 00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:38.159 Who gets listened to? 00:38:38.320 --> 00:38:40.400 Who's allowed to be comfortable? 00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:45.360 Who is treated as someone whose presence makes sense? 00:38:46.559 --> 00:38:49.119 Children notice those arrangements. 00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:51.840 Adults notice them too. 00:38:52.639 --> 00:38:56.239 We learn from the way people make room for one another. 00:38:57.920 --> 00:39:04.960 A little pool on a children's television program can become an image people remember for decades. 00:39:07.599 --> 00:39:15.360 Again, the gesture's scale and the gesture's meaning are different measurements. 00:39:19.039 --> 00:39:25.280 Satako Sasaki survived the atomic bombing off Hiroshima as a very young child. 00:39:26.960 --> 00:39:30.079 Years later, she developed leukemia. 00:39:32.000 --> 00:39:35.440 During her illness, she folded paper cranes. 00:39:37.119 --> 00:39:39.360 She died in 1955. 00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:47.280 Her story's kind of widely known, but I want to stay with what happened afterwards. 00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:54.559 Her friends and classmates helped begin an effort to create a monument. 00:39:56.880 --> 00:40:06.800 The Children's Peace Monument was unveiled in Hiroshima on May 5th, 1958, honoring children who died because of the atomic bombings. 00:40:07.920 --> 00:40:10.400 And people continue. 00:40:11.119 --> 00:40:14.800 They continue to bring folding folded cranes. 00:40:16.079 --> 00:40:21.440 Something a child can make with their hands, something that requires a little time and attention. 00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:31.760 There's a particular tenderness in young people trying to decide what to do with the loss of a friend. 00:40:35.039 --> 00:40:36.639 They can remember her. 00:41:02.719 --> 00:41:04.480 The offering continues. 00:41:06.159 --> 00:41:08.559 Remembrance often works that way. 00:41:09.599 --> 00:41:18.800 A photograph displayed, a recipe made again, a name spoken, a story told to someone who wasn't there. 00:41:20.159 --> 00:41:25.360 These acts allow life to remain present in the life of other people. 00:41:26.320 --> 00:41:34.239 And sometimes an act begun by a few people becomes
something generations continue. 00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:48.079 Now, after astronauts, generals, famous musicians, presidents, I want to I want to bring this a little closer. 00:41:49.280 --> 00:41:53.519 Because most grace notes probably never make it into a history book. 00:41:54.320 --> 00:41:56.320 They happen in kitchens. 00:41:57.039 --> 00:42:04.400 At the door, in the car, in a conversation that neither person thinks to write down. 00:42:05.760 --> 00:42:08.559 Somebody remembers how you take your coffee. 00:42:08.800 --> 00:42:10.559 And I mean remembers. 00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:14.559 You don't have to provide the instructions again, you know. 00:42:16.400 --> 00:42:21.679 Your particular way of liking a small thing has found a place in another person's mind. 00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:25.760 Somebody saves something for you. 00:42:27.199 --> 00:42:28.559 The piece you like. 00:42:28.880 --> 00:42:30.400 The last of the desserts. 00:42:31.039 --> 00:42:32.960 Something they saw in a shop. 00:42:34.400 --> 00:42:37.280 They saw it and thought of you before you were there. 00:42:39.280 --> 00:42:41.760 That can be a lovely thing to discover. 00:42:44.079 --> 00:42:45.599 Somebody makes room. 00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:52.000 They scoot over on the bench, pull up a chair, shift their belongings. 00:42:53.039 --> 00:42:55.920 They change the arrangement so you fit into it. 00:42:58.079 --> 00:43:00.880 Somebody knows us you haven't spoken. 00:43:03.440 --> 00:43:10.639 A group can be they can become a very efficient machine for allowing the same three people to keep talking. 00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:15.440 And then when a person turns and asks you what you think and waits. 00:43:17.280 --> 00:43:19.280 The waiting is part of it. 00:43:20.239 --> 00:43:24.000 Otherwise, we've simply added another question to the noise. 00:43:25.679 --> 00:43:27.599 Somebody asked how the appointment went. 00:43:27.679 --> 00:43:29.280 You mentioned it days ago. 00:43:29.599 --> 00:43:31.039 They remembered. 00:43:32.559 --> 00:43:37.920 And now you know that a detail of your life remained with them after the conversation ended. 00:43:40.400 --> 00:43:43.199 There's practical kindness too. 00:43:43.519 --> 00:43:46.079 Someone carries the awkward thing. 00:43:46.559 --> 00:43:49.599 Someone sees you looking for your glasses and hands them to you. 00:43:49.840 --> 00:43:50.719 Thank you. 00:43:52.000 --> 00:43:57.519 Someone takes care of a small task because they know you have more than enough to do. 00:43:58.480 --> 00:43:59.599 Sometimes they ask first. 00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:04.559 Sometimes they know you well enough to understand what would help. 00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:08.960 And sometimes the grace note is restraint. 00:44:10.159 --> 00:44:13.199 They notice your mistake and tell you quietly. 00:44:14.239 --> 00:44:17.280 They allow an awkward moment to pass. 00:44:18.480 --> 00:44:23.280 They don't turn your embarrassment into the entertainment portion of the afternoon. 00:44:23.679 --> 00:44:26.079 That can be an enormous gift. 00:44:27.840 --> 00:44:34.159 You may never thank them for it because you may never realize what they chose not to do. 00:44:37.039 --> 00:44:41.360 I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. 00:44:44.800 --> 00:44:46.880 And I'm all out of bubblegum. 00:44:47.119 --> 00:44:50.239 Here's another way to recognize these moments. 00:44:51.119 --> 00:44:54.800 The practical purpose of the encounter has already been served. 00:44:55.039 --> 00:45:00.159 The meal's been made, the information's been delivered, the visits ending. 00:45:00.320 --> 00:45:03.440 Then somebody adds something. 00:45:04.639 --> 00:45:07.519 A meal comes with your favorite little extra. 00:45:09.199 --> 00:45:12.960 A message includes a sentence that makes you feel remembered. 00:45:14.719 --> 00:45:19.440 A goodbye includes a moment in which nobody is rushing away. 00:45:21.039 --> 00:45:23.679 Someone waits until you're safely inside. 00:45:25.039 --> 00:45:28.400 Someone stays inside with you while you wait. 00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:34.719 Someone knows something beautiful and they share it. 00:45:34.880 --> 00:45:36.079 Look at that bird. 00:45:36.320 --> 00:45:37.519 Look at the sky. 00:45:37.760 --> 00:45:39.199 Oh, you have to taste this. 00:45:39.360 --> 00:45:40.800 Listen to this part. 00:45:42.719 --> 00:45:46.320 We invite other people into little pleasures all the time. 00:45:46.639 --> 00:45:50.079 And it's easy to underestimate that invitation. 00:45:51.840 --> 00:45:55.920 A moment ago you were occupied with whatever was going on in your own mind. 00:45:56.159 --> 00:45:59.440 Then someone drew your attention to something worth enjoying. 00:45:59.679 --> 00:46:02.400 Now your day contains that too. 00:46:04.159 --> 00:46:08.320 A funny picture arrives because someone thought it would make you laugh. 00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:11.039 They have imagined your reaction. 00:46:12.719 --> 00:46:17.519 They've taken a moment to deliver a little pleasure to you. 00:46:18.239 --> 00:46:21.360 This attention is traveling across a distance. 00:46:21.920 --> 00:46:24.559 We have very convenient ways to do that now. 00:46:24.880 --> 00:46:27.440 We can send a photograph in seconds. 00:46:28.639 --> 00:46:32.320 Convenience does not make the thought behind it meaningless. 00:46:32.800 --> 00:46:34.800 Somebody still thought of you. 00:46:35.760 --> 00:46:38.159 Somebody still decided to share. 00:46:53.119 --> 00:46:55.280 Somebody tells a joke. 00:46:55.599 --> 00:46:57.679 You let yourself enjoy it. 00:46:58.800 --> 00:47:00.559 Somebody shows you something they made. 00:47:00.719 --> 00:47:01.360 You look. 00:47:03.280 --> 00:47:06.880 You give it enough attention to understand what they're offering. 00:47:07.760 --> 00:47:10.800 Somebody tells you a story they've been waiting to tell. 00:47:11.039 --> 00:47:14.239 You don't immediately replace it with your own. 00:47:14.559 --> 00:47:18.159 You allow
their story to occupy the room for a while. 00:47:19.199 --> 00:47:23.599 You know what it feels like when our effort, you know, reaches another person. 00:47:24.320 --> 00:47:27.039 They laugh, they notice, they remember. 00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:29.280 They ask another question. 00:47:30.880 --> 00:47:35.039 And we know what it feels like when the effort seems to fall through the floor. 00:47:36.480 --> 00:47:39.280 So receiving can add something as well. 00:47:40.320 --> 00:47:42.320 A little enthusiasm. 00:47:42.960 --> 00:47:44.800 A specific thank you. 00:47:46.400 --> 00:47:50.079 A response that makes it clear you saw the care. 00:47:52.480 --> 00:47:54.000 That was thoughtful of you. 00:47:54.239 --> 00:47:55.599 Can be true. 00:47:57.280 --> 00:47:59.360 You've remembered that I like this. 00:47:59.679 --> 00:48:02.559 Tells the person exactly what reached you. 00:48:03.519 --> 00:48:06.559 And sometimes we are uncomfortable receiving. 00:48:06.960 --> 00:48:07.599 I am. 00:48:09.679 --> 00:48:11.360 We dismiss the compliment. 00:48:11.599 --> 00:48:14.480 We explain why the gift was unnecessary. 00:48:14.960 --> 00:48:17.679 We insist that nobody should have gone to any trouble. 00:48:17.840 --> 00:48:20.320 But yeah, I understand that impulse. 00:48:21.679 --> 00:48:26.639 But occasionally we can let the trouble be something another person wanted to take. 00:48:27.920 --> 00:48:31.840 We can allow them the pleasure of having made us happy. 00:48:32.159 --> 00:48:34.079 That's part of the exchange. 00:48:38.639 --> 00:48:45.280 The difficulty with things that happen regularly is that regularity can make them disappear into the background. 00:48:46.559 --> 00:48:49.440 Someone always makes sure you have what you need. 00:48:50.239 --> 00:48:52.159 Someone always asks. 00:48:53.119 --> 00:48:54.800 Someone always waits. 00:48:56.800 --> 00:48:58.559 At first you notice. 00:48:59.679 --> 00:49:01.920 Eventually you come to expect it. 00:49:02.880 --> 00:49:06.960 The kindness becomes part of the way you believe the day naturally works. 00:49:07.599 --> 00:49:12.719 And then when it's absent, you discover how much was being added. 00:49:14.400 --> 00:49:16.559 There was a person doing that. 00:49:18.719 --> 00:49:20.960 There was attention behind it. 00:49:22.239 --> 00:49:27.599 There was a choice repeated so often that it began to look like part of the furniture. 00:49:30.079 --> 00:49:35.039 I think this is one reason it's useful to look at ordinary life a little more carefully. 00:49:36.480 --> 00:49:38.000 Who makes it easier? 00:49:38.159 --> 00:49:39.599 Who makes it warmer? 00:49:40.719 --> 00:49:43.119 Who notices the thing you forget? 00:49:44.800 --> 00:49:48.880 Who adds a little pleasure without asking for recognition? 00:49:49.840 --> 00:49:52.719 Sometimes the answer will be someone close to you. 00:49:53.920 --> 00:49:56.960 Sometimes it'll be a person you know only briefly. 00:49:57.280 --> 00:49:59.440 A stranger who gives
you the time. 00:50:00.559 --> 00:50:04.559 Someone at a counter who treats your confusion gently. 00:50:06.159 --> 00:50:10.880 A person who sees you're having a difficult moment and adjusts their tone. 00:50:11.599 --> 00:50:13.679 They may never know your name. 00:50:14.000 --> 00:50:15.840 You may still remember them. 00:50:17.679 --> 00:50:20.719 And perhaps you've been that person for somebody else. 00:50:21.039 --> 00:50:22.480 You might not remember. 00:50:23.599 --> 00:50:24.480 They may. 00:50:29.199 --> 00:50:31.039 Here's a thought I like. 00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:36.159 Somewhere there may be a person carrying a memory of something you did. 00:50:36.960 --> 00:50:39.360 That you've completely forgotten. 00:50:40.639 --> 00:50:42.960 You said something encouraging. 00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:45.360 You included them. 00:50:46.639 --> 00:50:49.840 You helped them through an awkward few minutes. 00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:53.840 I don't know, you behaved as though their present mat presence mattered. 00:50:54.960 --> 00:50:56.800 For you the day continued. 00:50:57.679 --> 00:51:00.159 For them the moment acquired a place. 00:51:03.360 --> 00:51:08.079 We often look for evidence that what we do has an effect. 00:51:09.119 --> 00:51:11.440 Sometimes there is evidence. 00:51:12.320 --> 00:51:15.599 Sometimes the effect belongs to someone's private life. 00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:17.760 And you'll never get the report. 00:51:19.840 --> 00:51:23.039 The priest tips his hat, and the child remembers. 00:51:26.000 --> 00:51:27.840 A family lends money. 00:51:28.159 --> 00:51:29.920 A boy gets an instrument. 00:51:31.280 --> 00:51:34.320 Someone opens a door and a friendship begins. 00:51:36.800 --> 00:51:40.400 We know those particular stories because they became visible. 00:51:42.000 --> 00:51:47.280 But there must be many others that remained entirely between the people involved. 00:51:48.719 --> 00:51:52.400 The absence of a record does not make them less real. 00:51:56.320 --> 00:51:58.559 I want to come back to that telegram. 00:51:58.880 --> 00:52:00.400 Thank you, Apollo eight. 00:52:01.039 --> 00:52:04.000 You saved nineteen sixty eight. 00:52:05.760 --> 00:52:09.760 What do you think this sender meant by saved? 00:52:12.800 --> 00:52:25.280 Perhaps that the year had become easier to remember Perhaps that after so much grief and violence there was finally something magnificent to look toward. 00:52:28.400 --> 00:52:32.719 Perhaps it meant um I needed that more than you could have known. 00:52:34.880 --> 00:52:37.679 We can't ask the anonymous sender. 00:52:39.679 --> 00:52:41.760 But we can recognize the feeling. 00:52:44.000 --> 00:52:45.440 A day's been difficult. 00:52:45.760 --> 00:52:47.039 Someone does something. 00:52:48.880 --> 00:52:52.079 The day becomes a day in which that happened too. 00:52:53.920 --> 00:52:55.760 A period of your life has been painful. 00:52:55.920 --> 00:52:57.119 Somebody stays. 00:52:59.519 --> 00:53:03.199 You remember the pain and you remember the person who stayed. 00:53:06.239 --> 00:53:09.360 That's one of the reasons these moments matter. 00:53:09.519 --> 00:53:11.360 They become part of the account. 00:53:12.400 --> 00:53:14.320 They give us something to carry. 00:53:16.159 --> 00:53:19.119 Most of us will never travel around the moon. 00:53:20.960 --> 00:53:25.119 Our available materials are considerably more locally based. 00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:29.440 A chair, a cup of coffee, a message. 00:53:30.079 --> 00:53:31.039 A little time. 00:53:31.840 --> 00:53:34.639 The willingness to remember what someone told us. 00:53:36.400 --> 00:53:40.239 The willingness to notice that they could use a moment of care. 00:53:42.880 --> 00:53:47.840 And sometimes simply the willingness to share something lovely while it's happening. 00:53:50.239 --> 00:53:52.559 You don't need to know whether the moment will last. 00:53:52.639 --> 00:53:54.159 You can offer it anyway. 00:53:55.840 --> 00:53:58.800 Perhaps someone's done that for you recently. 00:53:58.960 --> 00:54:01.280 Perhaps someone did it years ago. 00:54:01.599 --> 00:54:03.199 And you still remember. 00:54:05.119 --> 00:54:09.280 Perhaps you've been doing it for someone else without giving it a name. 00:54:10.079 --> 00:54:11.360 A little addition. 00:54:12.960 --> 00:54:17.119 A change in how the phrase reaches us. 00:54:18.880 --> 00:54:25.679 Something that lets an ordinary moment hold a little more tenderness. 00:54:25.920 --> 00:54:28.239 When it's all too a grace note. 00:54:33.360 --> 00:54:41.440 And hey, feeling just as before the day's over, there'll be an opportunity. 00:54:42.000 --> 00:54:44.320 Sometimes I close my eye. 00:54:45.679 --> 00:54:47.760 And imagine who you'll be. 00:54:48.400 --> 00:54:56.480 Maybe a friend I have in there that somehow sets me free. 00:54:56.719 --> 00:54:58.480 Maybe just by putting a light on. 00:55:12.719 --> 00:55:14.559 I'll find you.
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