رونوشت کامل Session No. 30

unless Tess: But yeah, it should be interesting. lexi: Yah. Tess: Usually if I give them like a good speech fifty percent literally fifty fifty because there's two of them, but like fifty percent of the battle is Grace. If Lamar and I are like Addy Grace, we know and we always validate her and say, Listen, we know crew can be annoying. We're with you, we get it. Like we know that, you know that, but like your reaction can make or break the entire situation. Is that always fair? lexi: He is not annoying. Tess: He can be. lexi: And neither is she, they are angels sent from the heavens. Tess: No. Right, yes. Mm-hmm. Anyways. her reaction can make or break the situation. Is that fair for her to always have to carry? No, and I don't want her to always carry that. But like ten hours in a car by myself driving, I'm going to need her to like just lexi: Can we take a pause? Tess: Sure. lexi: How old is she going to be this week? Tess: Eleven. lexi: Eu Tess: No, I know. Don't even get me started on that. lexi: No. Ow. Tess: No, I can't think about it. I'm so serious. Like, we are like right there. Like I am teenager is within breathing distance. Like I'm starting to smell it. And boy lexi: Yeah. Smell it. Power to wear deodorant. Pretty sure she's worn deodorant since she's been like six. Just because that's how she is. Tess: Yeah. Yeah. Mom would yeah, mom would buy her a little lady stick from Ollie's for 79 cents. lexi: It got her in the habit. Tess: Okay, so yes, vacation. Are you packed? lexi: No. Tess: Me neither. Girl, I did start. I did start. I have like most of my outfits planned. And actually in the suitcase. Now you said you're taking dresses, I'm kinda thrown off a little bit, but honestly at this point I might just go with it. lexi: Yeah. Tess: Because The thought of having to reevaluate. Granted, a dress is a dress. You don't have to think about it too much. So like I could maybe toss in like one or two. I did have my C cell lexi: That's why I'm backing them. Tess: Huh? lexi: So that's why I'm packing them. Tess: Yeah. I did have my seashell dress laid out. lexi: Did you put it back? Tess: I did put it back. lexi: Why? I wish I could stop yawning. Sorry guys. I like can't stop. Tess: Maybe Honestly I if I would have had more time again, you guys know me, I was more ready today than what I normally am. I wasn't I just had to put on my jewelry quick, but if I would have had more time, work caught me right right as it was almost time for me to go. I was actually gonna go get another coffee 'cause I'm tired. lexi: Well I I don't even like feel like super tired. I just like I cannot stop yawning. Tess: Yeah. Anyways, maybe I'll pull the seashell dress back out. I just like I can't wear a bra with it. And so lexi: Yeah, can you bring me some pasties? Tess: Sure. Do you actually need some? lexi: Unless unless I find some today. Tess: Yeah. I mean I can. lexi: All real talk Tess: Zero chill. lexi: It in the thing Antiways Tess: Yes. But I'm excited.

Even the drive and stuff. Like I'm just yeah. It'll be good. lexi: What we find? Tess: Lamar got the drains done. lexi: Good. Tess: Yeah. he did Tuesday afternoon he was crawling under the house finishing up the drains. lexi: Mah. Tess: What a man. lexi: He's still not coming to the beach. What a loser. Tess: Well, to be honest, like the way things some things have played out, he almost could for a couple of days. But Penelope. Yes. If it wasn't for her, he would probably plan to come for a couple of days. and I just don't really know I don't know what I like I don't want to pay to board her. my goodness, it would be so expensive. I assume. I've never looked into it, but like plus like she would be scared to death. Like she can't walk past a dog park without like trying to literally jump into my arms. lexi: Yeah. Tess: She's scared of moths so like the thought of just like f putting her with people and other dogs for a couple days, is she just dog? Would she be fine? Yes. But I'm just like, mm, I don't know. lexi: Yeah. Tess: So Yeah. Even if we could work it out as far as like some of the house things, because now he potentially would not have anything to work on until Wednesday. We'd have to figure out something very last minute for Penny. But he did get the drains done, which he wanted to. So we'll see. Feels like we could be the on the end of it, depending on how some things go, and also feels like we could just be getting started. lexi: Yeah. Tess: So y'all keep praying for us. lexi: Need it. Tess: Yeah, just like direction, you know, what we should do, how we should handle it'd be great. Lamar said that he's felt like he said like, I don't know. Like we'll discuss something and we'll like kind of see and he goes, I don't know what to do. He's like, I feel like I've said that so many times over the last thirty days. I'm like, I don't know what to do either. I like not only this out of your wheelhouse, I'm not even on the same street. I don't know what a wheelhouse is, but like, is it an actual house? Is it on the street? I'm not on the street. lexi: Yeah, I don't actually know either. So I'm probably not the person at Tess: Time out, Lamar's gonna tell me, what's a wheelhouse? Is it a house? Do wanna come on camera? Do you wanna come on sound? P doesn't know what it is. lexi: Uh-huh. Tess: Whoa whoa. lexi: Why is he being so difficult? Tess: Just if you stand right there and speak loud enough, should be good. Pretty sure Louder. I'm pretty sure it's in reference to a baseball pitch being in a spot where you can really hammer it. It's called like that's in your Okay, fine. I'm not even in the outfield then. Barely in the stadium. lexi: Yeah. Tess: Definitely not a real house. lexi: I didn't really think that it was a real house, but then when you said it I was like, maybe it Tess: Ha ha. lexi: is? Yeah. Tess: my. So anyways, I had a lot of fun editing last week's episode. lexi: Did you laugh? Tess: I did laugh. Every time we said anything about David. lexi: Well like he was doing too much. Tess: and whenever you said you're gonna start calling people Pharisees, killed me. lexi: I'm gonna do that too. Forget mean names, I'm just gonna call you a Pharisee, which is probably the meanest name or one of. Tess: I mean I don't wanna be one. Well lexi: Right. Tess: that's not true. Like They could have been it all came down they weren't necessarily doing bad things, they just weren't doing them for the right reasons. lexi: That's a whole thing. Tess: Which I guess, yeah, technically is the whole thing. You're so right. So Michael's in the woods today. lexi: Michael is in the woods. That is his happy place. He woke up this morning. I'm t he couldn't even go to sleep last night. You know how you you know how you get like even now as an adult, you get that feeling like Christmas Eve, like you're just like Tess: Uh-huh. lexi: You know either for yourself or like for your ki it's a whole thing. I don't have kids, but like even for like your kids and teachers' kids, I'm like Tess: Yeah. lexi: But like that was him. He could not go to sleep. And he was waking up at three. He jumped out of bed this morning. Well Tess: Ha ha ha. lexi: like he he got out and then he did a little jump. Cause I had heard him get out of bed. He did a little jump and he was like, It's hunting season. I was like, yeah I was like, Yeah, it is. Tess: my word. It it's just so funny 'cause like I can so not relate to the hunting I relate to the Christmas thing. The hunting lexi: Yeah. Tess: thing, I'm just like happy for you. And I am. Like I love whenever lexi: Yeah. Tess: somebody's passionate about anything. Like I love that. I think it's a good lexi: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Tess: sign of like a good personality. But hunting for me, like lexi: Bur me. Tess: And I was cracking lexi: Yeah. Tess: up, did he have like a whole loaf of bread in his bag? lexi: He did. So they're he's so funny. But so yesterday we kind of spent the day getting things ready for this trip. So he is packing the truck, doing the things. Well I had got him that bag that I told you I was gonna get him at Walmart. Just like one of those bog bags, but not a bog bag. And then I made him a snackle box with like gummies and candy, because he he likes to he likes to just like you know, sour candy, anything like that. So I yeah. Yeah. So he like he I made him that, I made him a snack a box, and then I got him some chips, granola bars, other kind of like bar things. And gushers. Tess: Of course. lexi: He loves the gushers. so I got him that and that bag, but the bag that you saw, those were that was his bread, mayo. That was stuff that needed to go in the cooler. Bread, mayo, Chicken, lunch meat, cheese, and ham. Tess: Who is he going with? lexi: Caleb. Tess: And where were they going? It's not local archery season, is it? Okay. lexi: it's Maryland. Tess: I mean I don't keep up with a lot of things, but I was pretty sure that it wasn't. PA's archery season. lexi: Yeah,

they're sleeping in tents tonight. Tess: What? lexi: They're sleeping in tents tonight. Tess: he's a so you've said goodbye to him for the week. lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: I didn't realize they were staying over. lexi: How am I doing? Just don't. Just don't get me started. Tess: Great. lexi: Anyway. But his tent. Michael's a big guy. Tess: He is a big guy. lexi: I don't say like big as in like pff I don't even like to say the word fat, but like fat? He's yes. Tess: Well he's like stocky, he's built. He's he's a big guy. He's not like he's not just six four and a hundred and sixty pounds. He's six four lexi: Yeah. Tess: and two hundred pounds. Like he's a stocky, well built man. You guys need to do lexi: Yes. Tess: that real, where it's like, what's he do for a job? And you're like, he's six five. What's he do for fun? He's six five. Like lexi: Yeah, yeah. He he'll love that you said he was 200 pounds. but because that's not how much he weighs, so he'll take that as a compliment. But so anyway, he's a big guy and he has this one person tent that when he Tess: Yeah. lexi: lays in it you can see the outline of his head. Tess: No, he's gonna have a cool cause it's gonna condensate. Like it's gonna you you remember, okay, whenever we were growing up, we were not rich and so we were happy to go camping, but like we had can't everybody around us was in a camper, but we were in a tent and like you lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: didn't sleep on the edges because you would get wet. lexi: Yes. So I said, Michael, I said, times are not that tough. Tess: Mm-hmm. lexi: We can get you a bigger tent, like maybe a two or four-person tent. I said, I'm not saying anything huge, but just like one that you can fit in. Tess: Yeah. lexi: He's like, no, like this is what that I'm like, okay. So yes, they're tenting camping. I had to get him. Tess: Then he leaves. lexi: Yes. Then he leaves for work? Yes. Tess: He comes back and leaves. Wait, You say. lexi: So he's staying from tonight to tomorrow night. Then he's coming home, going to church and eating at our aunt and uncle's on Sunday. Leaves for work Monday morning, gets home from work Thursday ish, goes to Illinois to scout there. Tess: Okay, I thought it was more of the week that he was gonna be in Illinois. It's like late weekend. lexi: Mm-mm. Yeah. Tess: So when's he come home from there? lexi: Saturday. Tess: So you'll both get back home Saturday. That's good though. lexi: Yeah. Tess: That you guys are both going at the same time. 'Cause then it's not like lexi: Yeah. Tess: not that you don't wanna get back, but like it's different lexi: Yeah. Tess: if he's not even there. Do you know what I mean? lexi: Yeah. Tess: Okay. And when does he go to Illinois? November. lexi: I mean Tess: This is it's you're coming in too. Lexi is it her widow season is upon us. lexi: Pray for me. Tess: And we will. lexi: Is he and thank you because until Tess: You're wrong. lexi: you're in this season Tess: Right. lexi: You don't know. You don't know the

toll it takes emotionally, mentally, physically, because you're just trying to keep yourself busy. Tess: Yeah. lexi: I digress. Just know I'm in the trenches. It's honestly not that bad. Yet last year was rough. But we were also just freshly ish dating. So I was like, he doesn't want to spend time with me. He hates being around me. This is the end. But now I'm like now I'm like s like I'm like I miss him when he's not around, obviously. But like I'm not like, he hates me. Yeah, no. I'm just like, okay. Tess: You're not questioning your relationship. And plus like you're gonna go with him, I'm assuming once PA comes in. lexi: Yes, I I do I do have a bow, a compound bow and a long bow. I obviously will not be shooting the long bow. Although I do like I do Tess: Yeah. lexi: like that it gives me a like a primal sense, you know? Tess: Yeah, you look like what's a catness? lexi: Yeah. Yeah. And like that's what I feel like. But my practice so far is not showing that I'm catniss. Tess: Yeah. lexi: I'm so serious, it's not good. But with my compound one, I'm actually okay. So I will be doing that. And then what? And then rifle and then it's a whole thing. But like I kinda have a record where like first day I go out, I shoot, you know, and I get so Tess: Which if you have to go, that's what I would want to do. lexi: Yeah. 'Cause yeah. Tess: I don't got the fever. I never had the fever. lexi: Like, don't get me wrong, it's fun and like I like being with him, so like Tess: I don't like lexi: I'm not Tess: wanna have to like hunt. Like I d like I don't get the thrill out of like wonder if they're gonna come in today. Yeah. lexi: You're a gatherer. Tess: Wonder if they're gonna come in today. Wonder like lexi: Yeah. When I'm out there though, I don't really like wonder. Like I hope, but like I'm not like not seeing anything. It's usually just us giggling. Tess: Right. I mean people who are like, Okay, they came on the trail, came right this time. I have to be in the woods at this time. Will they come through this time? Which is Michael and I love that for him. Again, I ex lexi: And see, that's the beauty of hunting with him is because he is like that. So like more than likely I'm gonna see something and get the opportunity Tess: Yeah. lexi: without doing all that. I don't want to. I am a hunter and a gatherer, but more of a gatherer. I wear both hats, but the gatherer, I am more I resonate with that a little bit more. Tess: Yeah. Anyways. lexi: Yes. Tess: So I do have a topic for today. lexi: What is that? Tess: I'm nervous because I feel like as soon as people hear it, they're gonna like turn it off. Like I just need you to hang with because it's probably not going the way you think it is. lexi: What if you just say what it is and I just leave the chat? Tess: I don't think you will. lexi: Perf. What is it? Tess: legalism versus discipline. lexi: What? Tess: Legalism? lexi: You might think I'm stupid. What do we tal like explain? Tess: Okay, like you don't know what legalism is? lexi: Like I do, but like what do we what's No Yes. Tess: Not like the legal system like within like religion. Like I'ma tell you, you know what? I just tell Yes. lexi: That's what I was saying. I said just go ahead and tell Tess: like like what you're saying about like the Pharisees, like they weren't like whenever it came down to it, they was like wrong because it was like for the wrong reasons, but they weren't like bad like they weren't. Okay, don't get it twisted. The Pharisees, like murdered Jesus. So like understand that part, but like as far as like just in general, like keeping the law, like they thought they were doing the right thing. And so do a lot of people today with just things that we are the differences. Okay. See this is okay, I'm gonna read my notes. lexi: Dude, just spit it out. Who cares if they leave? Let leave. Tess: Okay. What's the difference between being a disciplined Christian and a legalistic Christian? lexi: You want me to tell you or was that a rhetorical question? Tess: No, bear with me. For some reason my notes feel different than whenever I type them up. Okay. lexi: Guys, we might have to take a brief intermission till Tessa gathers her thoughts here. Tess: Okay. Hmm. lexi: You should have shared those with me, how to set it. Tess: No no no, it's not that. I just like genuinely like because I feel like what I want to say is down here, but then that other stuff is up at the top. So I'm trying to like figure out, okay. Let me tell you what legalism is first, since that's what I said. Legalism is turning obedience into a way of earning God ex God's acceptance, righteousness, approval, spiritual status. Okay, works. That's what I was trying to say. Biblical discipline, which I think is so important, is intentionally training yourself to live according to God's ways because you love Him and want to be more like Him. So, like, both good things in their context. Okay. So 'cause I actually disagree with the logic that you can be a Christian and then go live however you want and absolutely there is nothing in your life that shows any fruit of like being saved. but I don't think that it becomes with like this whole list of constantly striving to earn that salvation. Still kinda feel like I'm not saying it well. Hopefully as we continue on, it'll start to make more sense. lexi: I mean I know what you're saying, that helps. Tess: Yeah, okay, so like if you here's a couple self-evaluation questions. Like if you're kinda like, well, like am I like a little bit closer to like the legalistic side is like if you ever felt like you weren't doing enough spiritually, if you were ever if you ever confused being a quote good Christian with Following a list of roles. lexi: Here come the nervous giggles. Tess: I guess I guess like and again, don't misunderstand I this is coming from a place of like encouragement. Again, this is not like a defense. This is me trying to say like if you're struggling with these

things, like this should be so encouraging that like you don't have to do that. Like your spirituality is not based on the things that you're doing, on how often you read your Bible, for how long you read your Bible, for how many times a week you go to church. Like that should be encouraging. Because like I just remember and again, this is speakly strictly speaking for me and my personality, like I just remember growing up, like I was just like never doing enough. Like I was just always like God was like, You're not doing this enough. You're not doing this enough. You're struggling with this too much. Like and it was like never about and again, my interpretation, I'm not saying that like it was specific to anything in particular about how I was raised. I was just saying like I felt like that on my own. So, like we said, legalism is turning obedience into a way of earning God's acceptance, righteousness, approval of spirit. So you're like constantly striving for something that's like you never have to strive for. And it feels like it gets very discouraging and very you get burnt out. Like it's no wonder that some people are like, I don't want to do this. Like it's so much work because like you don't there's no joy in it because you're doing it because you feel like you have to. And not because you have to Like maybe because of like other people, but because you have to for like God to even love you. Galatians two sixteen says a person is not justified by the works of the law, but through faith in Jesus Christ. Through faith, not works. It's not because you've never missed a Wednesday night service, or it's not because you read your Bible for an hour every day and pray for six. speak. lexi: That's a work day. Tess: That is a work day. and that, circling back to the Pharisees, was what Jesus was constantly confronting them about is because they were extremely religious and disciplined outwardly, but like their hearts weren't in the right place. So like none of it matters. Like you can be the quote best Christian, you can be in church every time the doors are open, every revival, you can pray for six hours a day. You can do all the things that you think you need to do, but like if you're just doing them as like a check mark or like because you are trying to strive for something, like it doesn't even matter. The problem was that the Pharisees' outward obedience had become more important than the condition of their heart. If you're still confused, on if you fall into or struggle with again, like there are some of these things that I still struggle with. Like I didn't, like I kinda put down and realized it wasn't like that, but then the more as you like kinda do it a routine, it's kinda like, my word, I missed my devotions today. Like lexi: Yeah. Tess: So here's some ways that legalism can sound. If I do enough of the right things, God'll accept me. If I miss my Bible reading, I'm a bad Christian. A real Christian would never settle would never struggle

with this. God will love me more if I behave better. My way of Christianity is the right way and everyone else needs to do it that way too. So then let's look at biblical biblical w Discipline. W lexi: She's having oak. She's fine. Tess: I have every week. Biblical discipline lexi: Biblical discipline. You're welcome. Tess: Thank you. Is inten it's intentionally training yourself to live according to God's ways because you love him and want to become more like Christ. Okay, so and here is where I'm gonna free ball here for a little bit, so it might be choppy. Bear with me. I think whenever people hear this conversation, this is why I said like a joked about people turning it off or like whatever, is because like as soon as you hear this, people are automatically like, you're trying to do like an easier way. Like you don't want to have any standards, you don't want to have any rules or guidelines for your life. And like that's just like not the case. The difference is, and here are just like a couple of examples of like what I can think of. Okay, so Legalism is saying Sunday is the Sabbath. Biblical discipline is saying that God rested, I should also take a d day to rest. Please don't shoot me, but it doesn't have to be Sunday. lexi: Great news, the world's still intact. Tess: Yeah. Like it does I think it's important and I think it and it's like I'm gonna explain my point even further because if you're still kinda like it has to be Sunday, it doesn't have to be Sunday. For one thing The whole Jewish calendar, the beginning of the week was Saturday. I'm not even gonna get into it, but like it doesn't have to be Sunday. And in fact, on that note, like if you are in like ministry and like service, if you're preaching, please, for the love of everything, pick Saturday, Monday, Friday, any other day to be your Sabbath. Because you're working on Sunday. Like and usually lexi: Yeah. Tess: like if you're preaching, like it's a pretty stressful day, especially if you're doing like Sunday morning, Sunday evening, like you're usually like preparing in the afternoon for the evening. You're probably preparing Saturday. I know like in some ways you're probably preparing the whole week, but like that is not a Sabbath, in my opinion. Like, you should take Monday and lexi: Yeah. Tess: like treat it like a Sunday where you spend family time, don't make any plans, don't do any work, like You don't have to it doesn't have to be Sunday. It doesn't have to be Sunday. But legalism would say the Sabbath is Sunday. That's it. which was just like one example. 'Cause like I think it's good to be disciplined enough to put a day in place. Like it is very hard. Like in today's society, it is very hard to set aside a day. Like lexi: Yeah. Tess: everything about it feels like, I can fit this in, I can fit this in, I can fit this in. And like, sure, like again, don't shoot me, but like there's a lot of things that like I do on Sunday now that I didn't do growing up. But like Anyways, but it comes back to like the heart of the matter. Like am I prioritizing specifically like resting in my spirit on this day and setting it aside from responsibilities? And that looks different for everybody. And I think that's the biggest issue is that people think that their Sabbath should look like my Sabbath and my Sabbath should look like his s Sabbath. But like they're just never gonna be. What's restful for me might not be restful for you. And so like that's the difference is whenever you expect your obedience to God to also be everybody else's. Anyways, if you guys want scriptures as far as like biblical discipline, you can look at first Timothy for time's sake. I'm not gonna read them this time. First Timothy four, seven basically says like to train yourself for godliness, and then you can also read Hebrews twelve, ten, and eleven, and that talks about God's discipline producing righteousness in us in us in us. What is happening? lexi: I don't know, Tess: Okay, so like I said, biblical discipline kind of dis talked about what that was, and legalism. Some examples of biblical discipline are praying even when you don't feel like it, reading and studying scripture, fasting, setting healthy boundaries around temptation. That one is t a good one. Practicing generosity, choosing obedience when your feelings tell you otherwise. Guys, why are we letting our feelings lead us with anything? Feelings are so deceitful. It's crazy. Have you ever seriously felt something and been like you almost feel like you need to like repent because you're like, I don't even like Lord, I that thought just came through lexi: Even want that? Tess: Yeah. Or like a feeling. Like you're kinda like what why did that why did I feel that way towards that or whoever? And I'm like, I I didn't that was not of me. lexi: Yeah. That's like a couple weeks ago. The kids were running around at the house and like I was like, what if I just suck my leg out? Why would I do that? Would I do that? Yeah. To be funny? No, let me tell you something about Kru and his intrusive thoughts. He he like gets the slightest twinge Tess: Mm. lexi: that he should do something and boom, done. Tess: Yeah, yeah, he doesn't give it a s he doesn't give it a second to filter. Anyways, choosing obedience when your feelings tell you otherwise. And repenting when you sinned and turning back towards God. So we've kinda talked about like what the two of them are. hopefully you kinda got the difference. But like the big difference is, discipline is saying, Because God loves me, I want to live differently. Legalism is saying, if I live differently enough, maybe God will love and accept me. Very small difference in wording, but like wildly different. lexi: Here's the thing with that. Are you doing these things to be rewarded? Or are you doing these things because you want to be more like him? Hello. Like, Tess: No, I know. lexi: no, like here's the thing. We don't have to earn his love. We don't have to

earn salvation or like sanctification. Now, do we have to work at it? Tess: Yeah. lexi: Sure. Tess: Die daily, as the great Paul said. lexi: Literally like so like yes, but like to feel like you have to earn his love Tess: Yeah. lexi: No. As long as you are the here's the thing. Tess: But like did you feel like that? Or was I crazy? lexi: I felt I I was never under the impression that he wouldn't give his love. Tess: Yeah. lexi: But as things progressed, I felt like I constantly was not doing enough to keep the love. Like I constantly Tess: Yes. And like lexi: was like And don't get me wrong, you do you should do your devotions and you should obviously pray and you should do all these things, but it was very like do your devotions at this time, do your prayer at this time, do-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da. I'm not saying that that's how it was said. I'm saying that's how I interpreted it. Tess: Right. lexi: And dare I say, it got confusing Tess: It got Go ahead. lexi: because it was like Tess: And exhausting. lexi: yes, because it was like, he loves you. He wants he like free like he died for you. Like he wants to freely give. And then when you make that choice to to to surrender and to, you know, I don't even like to say that because surrender to me sounds like you're being held at gunpoint. You know what I'm saying? So that's probably not the best term. Tess: Yeah, yeah. That's a great analogy. lexi: Yeah. So like once you make that choice, then it like flips somehow. Cause then God is scary. Tess: Yeah. lexi: He and like not in the way that like the devil is scary because the devil's scary for other reasons because he's the worst. Tess: Yeah. Eu lexi: but like but like if you didn't do some of these things or you didn't live this way, got like God you're done. Like how do I want to compare? Okay, so you're on a team. And if you fail, the coach is gonna yell at you. And you're gonna Tess: Yeah. Or your mom and dad like your dad. lexi: Yeah. And you're gonna get benched. And you're not gonna play anymore. Obviously, that does something to you mentally. Same deal. You got on the team, things were good, you made a mistake, you missed a shot, you struck out, benched, your coach is yelling at you. That is what it felt like to me. Tess: And honestly that was a great analogy because, like in the sense of like the team members, because not only is your coach yelling at you, but like all your team members are looking at you being like, You failed. You messed up. Yes. lexi: You lost the game. You lost the game for us. Yeah. Tess: And like that's how it felt too, as in like your team members being like fellow Christians, those people around you being like She she messed up. lexi: Yeah. Tess: Like she's out. Like she like so and like going back to what you were saying about the the devotions and stuff, like yes, like start your day off with it. And like I like to because I feel like it puts me up in our s headspace. But like I certainly don't lexi: Yeah. Because it's a good time for you. Tess: Yes, yes. lexi: Not because, okay, you're doing this, this, this, this, this. And if you miss them one day because, say you oversleep, you can do them later. Is it gonna get you out of your routine? Tess: Mm. Or the next day. lexi: Yes. Is it gonna get you out of your routine? Sure. But that's just because we're creatures of habit. We like a routine, it makes us feel more grounded. But if you do your devotions later, or you miss a day, or you miss a week. Tess: Yeah, I've been there. Moving and stuff. Like I've had times where I'm just like lexi: Like it is okay. It is okay. Tess: The difference is, yes, the difference is is like are you doing this because like somebody sells us to do my devotions at six AM lexi: Exactly. Tess: in the morning? Or am I doing it because like man like I love God and lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: I am trying to grow my relationship and I know that like reading his like reading the word is like one of the be the best way. I don't know, I really love worship and music, so like but like lexi: Don't don't get Tess: like obviously like The Bible is God's love letter to us. So like but I do it because I want to, because I love him and I'm like, what can I learn today? Like what are you gonna lexi: Yeah. Yeah. Tess: show me? Like I love it. Not because I'm like, I have to do this or like God's not gonna let somebody's gonna check mark, check mark, and like lexi: Yeah. Here's the thing. God knows your heart. Okay? Tess: Yes. lexi: Let's not forget that. When Tess: Yes. lexi: being in whatever situation you're in, like if you're just doing it because well then if mom asks me later if I did it, I can say that I did it. Your heart now, you're I mean, in a way, honoring your father and mother. So like If she tells you to do your emotions, then you should. Tess: And it's and it's and it is their job to like guide like I get but I I understand where you're going, so lexi: Yes, like he knows your heart. He knows if you're sitting there and you're just like, I don't know why she makes me do this. I don't know why she Here's the thing. We all have a little bit of a rebellious spirit. So it might be harder for you if like you're being told to your devotions. Do your cause you're like, I don't even want to do it, you know. But if you do it on Like say in the morning when you get up, because it makes you feel better. It makes you feel like you can relax and really focus on what you're doing. You might learn a little more than being like And he said it unto me, Come and make you fishers of men. No. Tess: And whenever it's Yes, and whenever it's sorry. Yes, and whenever it's brought across that way, then it's almost like you have to come up not like a lie, but like I definitely remember feeling like I have to come up with like some way to like say whereas honestly if I if I would have felt because I felt again, I my mom was doing the best she could. This is not like anything like that. I'm just saying like I

felt like because of like some other things, I felt like I was a bad person if I didn't. So instead of feeling the freedom of being able to be like, hey, you know what, mom? Honestly, like I missed today. I just like got super busy. Like not because I didn't want to, it just like but like that's the beauty of not having to like check mark and strive and like lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: just doing it because you want to, not being like, no mom, I will I did really quickly I prayed on the way to school. Like do know what I mean? Like lexi: Yeah. Tess: somehow to like just like make sure you did something where you could pull something that you did that day to like to get the approval. And again, parents are there to guide so like this is not about this is not discrediting my mom. I'm just using it as an example of like how I felt being like, I have to do this. lexi: Yeah. Well, Zach and I got lucky because at some point I think I might have been in high school, maybe. She was like doing them with us like at breakfast, like before school. Always ideal. No. But again, she was doing the best that she could and she was there to to guide. Does that make sense? You know Tess: Yeah. Set an example, yeah. lexi: Yes. That was I could not tell you what the devotion said at that time. I couldn't, but I do remember her taking the time out because she she was the mother of four. She's a Tess: Mm-hmm. lexi: mother of four. She didn't have a ton of time. And she is a little bit of we've said this before, she has a little bit of a problem, a little problem with time management. So we are probably in a rush anyway. But she said, Tess: Yeah, late. lexi: you know, she was setting an example like this is and she still does it to this day. Sometimes Tess: Yeah. lexi: I'll go up in the morning and she'll be sitting at her table with her coffee and reading her devotion thing. So like although I don't remember exactly what the devotion said, I do remember her doing that. And that to me says more not more. Okay, yeah, more than what I was taking in at that time, as far as what she was saying. Yes. Tess: They do be louder. lexi: Yeah. Yeah. Tess: Yeah. So like And like the order is really important because if like if obedience is first, there's like I have to do this, I have to do this, I have to do this, and then maybe I'm worthy, maybe I'm worthy, and then hopefully, like maybe and hopefully, no, thank you. lexi: Yeah, I know. Tess: Maybe he'll love me. Hopefully he accepts me. Absolutely not. I'll tell you what lexi: Yeah. Tess: I'm not living with in this day and age, and I did for a lot of for a long time. not doing that anymore. Whereas whenever you freely accept the grace and the love and you build that relationship, then you want to do those things. And it's like Lexi said, it all comes down to the The why, your heart behind why you're doing the things that you're doing. And the reason I'm hoping that this is like encouraging to people is like if you're kind of stuck in that cycle and like it looks different for a lot of people, but like hopefully you realize like, like I don't have to beat myself up. God didn't take away his love because I haven't read my Bible for a week. will your relationship grow? Yes. Will you feel him speak to you and like will you feel closer? Absolutely, but like he is not mad at you or like because you didn't and life happens and like and sometimes even like it's just to kind of continue on with like the heart behind it, is that even discipline, good discipline can end up like turning into legalism. I think this is why I also needed this today because like I would say like I pretty much like don't get too hung up on like feeling like I have to earn God's love. I wouldn't say I really struggle in that. But what I can catch myself doing is like all of a sudden, like so there was legalism and then there's biblical discipline and obedience. And then it kind of can like turn back into like n almost legalism again. lexi: Yeah. Tess: like healthy discipline would say like I want to spend time in God's Word because I want to know him. And I can struggle with what we just said like last week. Like we thought we were doing like these really good things that God wanted us to, but like we had a hiccup along the way. But like God, I doing all these things, we're doing what you want us to do. Like, shouldn't lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: it be like a bed of roses? Sh didn't we earn in our lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: obedience your good favor? It's lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: just not like the way I don't know. It's just not the way that it works. So I can give a couple more examples in different areas of like one versus the other. So like in in prayer we've talked about discipline says I want to talk to God. Legalism says I have to pray for 30 minutes or I've failed God. Church attendance. Discipline says gathering with believers helps me grow. So like you want to go because you want to be there. Legalism says if I miss church, God is angry with me. Or the rest of the ball team. Modesty, discipline, and conviction says I want to I want to honor God with how I dress. Legalism says people who dress differently differently from me aren't godly. Fasting discipline says this is for dad. I'm just kidding. Fasting. lexi: Dad does fast. He doesn't eat anything all day till supper. Yeah, well you know what? That's about to be cooked in T minus two days. Tess: Uh-huh. Fasting discipline says I'm setting something aside to intentionally seek God. Legalism says God will reward me because I fasted. So those are just like a couple examples. And honestly though, another thing that should be like really encouraging, go away. me or lexi: Like you Tess: something that should be like really encouraging is like and this is why I think sometimes people don't like this term is because they think that like if you give up legalism you're just giving up all discipline and all boundaries. But like what did the great Lamy Yoder say in his podcast

years ago? lexi: Guys, Lamar had a podcast. You know those Tess: Wild. lexi: things you like think about and you're like, I didn't appreciate that as much as I should have. Tess: Yeah, 'cause now we can't listen to lexi: It's just gone. Tess: Just gone. lexi: Anyway. Tess: Yes, he had a whole episode dis related to discipline bringing freedom. And so like that's why it should be so encouraging whenever you take away the like striving and the like and the the striving and the trying to earn. Because like like I said in the beginning, like I think that there should like as your relationship grows in Christ, truly, like if you are trying, like your life will just show it. It just will. There'll be things you do differently, there'll be things you whatever do or don't do. Again, relate it to yourself. Not something you should, you know, it's personal. lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: but that doesn't mean that it's you should expect everybody to be the same. And I think whenever people hear people speaking against legalism, they're like, well they don't have any standards. They don't, you know, they don't they don't believe anything. And that's just not true. In fact, once you once you nail down the discipline part, then it just becomes such freer living. lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: Like, I don't feel like everybody needs to do the devotions in the morning. But the discipline for me is to do in the morning because once my day starts, I just I just know. Like, I I will not fit it in the rest of the day. I'm not saying never, but like I will not. So that's just a discipline that I choose. Some people's discipline might be I I don't even know. I guess what's a good way to explain this? I don't fault people. And I'm just gonna say this 'cause there was a time that I was like I was like mad at people for like okay, not mad at people. Not mad at specific people, just mad at people in general because of some things that were passed off as like black and white and I would say that I'm not mad anymore. In fact, I can even appreciate it. So like I'm gonna say it again. Like, so while I don't hold the same modesty standards that I did at one time, it's not because I how do I say this? Just because I don't hold those same standards, I respect instead of being mad at the people who do, I respect them for doing it. In the sense that like for them and their discipline, if it's easier if they're just like if my skirt's below my knees, if my sleeves are below my elbows, I know. You know what I mean? Like the discipline in that brings me freedom in knowing that like I'm good. I don't have to think about it. I respect that. And that's just like another example of how like living a disciplined life brings so much freedom. Whenever you get rid of like the earning, the striving, the I'm doing this because God will be mad at me if I don't. lexi: Mm-hmm. Tess: so I respect actually I have a really high respect for boundaries. because then you're safe within them. lexi: Yeah. Tess: And that's what we're all looking for. Anyways, so just to kind of wrap this up, because we're already long. where was I? yeah, it comes down to the heart. Why am I doing this? discipline produces growth, legalism produces performance. Ouch. That's where I was, okay? I'll just be honest. Again, speaking for myself, I was doing everything that I was doing was to perform for People watching. So, and did it produce growth? Not exactly. lexi: Right. Tess: Yeah. I will give you this to read because first of all I love Romans anyways, but Romans fourteen is about like how believers can navigate differences in conscience and like, you know, differences in like own spiritual walk. So because a personal conviction isn't automatically a universal command. Can I say that again? lexi: No, say it louder. Tess: A personal conviction isn't automatically a universal command. Something might be wise and helpful for you without being something you require of every other Christian. Again guys, this is not like a in your face. This should be like a whoo Thank you, Jesus. Like it should be. lexi: Yeah. Yeah. Tess: Do you know how exhausting it is to like have your own things that you want to all uphold and then like first of all get your eyes off people but also like to be like they're not doing it. They're not doing it that way. They need to be doing it that way. Like I'm just tired thinking about it. so just a couple reminders. We don't have to perform our way into God's love. Christ has already done. Jesus has already done what we could never do for ourselves. Our obedience isn't payment for his grace. It's a response to his grace. And here's the final takeaway. Legalism says, I obey so that God will accept me. Discipline says God has accepted me through Christ, so I want to follow him. And perhaps the biggest heart check is: is my obedience making me more like Jesus or simply making me feel like a better Christian? And honestly, I need to think on that myself. For real. For real. like I genuinely like I want it to be encouraging. Like fourteen year old me? lexi: Yeah. And it will be it will be if you're taking it the correct way and not just being like, Well, they said this, they said that and I'm not saying anyone Tess: Yeah. lexi: will, but like I can kind of see where a person could come come Tess: Yeah. lexi: into it with that attitude. Tess: Do you ever see like those like the cartoons where they're like on ice and like their feet are just like going, going, going so fast but like they're not going anywhere? That was me. lexi: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Tess: Like I was trying so hard and literally making no progress. In fact, in a lot of ways I don't know, there's probably some sort of physics that if something's going forward fast enough, does it start to go backwards? I should look into that, 'cause that'd be a great analogy, but like but lexi: Yeah. Tess: like I don't know. Anyways, so hopefully it's encouraging. I honestly have some things to think on myself, so I'm I'm gonna take this with me. I'm gonna ponder in my heart, like Mary. lexi: Tell crew. Tess: I will. Do you know what I was thinking of? This is so like we're gonna end with this and it's not even related to anything other than I was thinking right before we were getting ready to start, I like, like I was just like do you ever like want a piece of gum? Like lexi: Yeah. Tess: I just was like, man, I wish like I could chew gum on the podcast, but like my those closest to me are very honest about me and the way I chew gum, which is like fair, 'cause like I've seen it sometimes. I think I can record a video or something. And I'm chewing gum in it and I'm just like And then do you know what I thought of? That time we were going to shoot, I forget, honestly, I forget where we were even flying to. One of our trips, but we were on the way to the airport and I was eating an apple. And I think you were sitting up front, were you? Cause I feel like I was sitting behind you. Like Lamar's driving, you were up front. Or I was eating an apple. And you were like, you sound like a horse. lexi: You don't understand she does. And like it's like very like. I mean it was early in the morning too. I think Tess: It was lexi: we were flying two PA. Tess: Maybe. lexi: It was like early and I was like Did we stop at a stable? Tess: And like I think I think Addie Grace and Lamar said something too. They were like, Are you good? Like I'm just I'm just like lexi: was like Lamar was like, you are ridiculous and Addie Grace was like, Yeah, that's annoying. Tess: just like end it guys, I'm not trying to be like obnoxious or like even impolite. Like to me I'm just eating an apple, but apparently lexi: Yeah. She can't hear either, so that doesn't help. Tess: Yeah. lexi: Crew unfortunately got that trait. Grace is pretty good. I never really hear her, but Crew will be like Tess: He'll do it on purpose. You lexi: Yeah. Tess: should see him sometimes. I'm like, stop. Crew lives for lexi: He's so funny. Tess: the laughs. If he's a c if he's not a comedian, like I could see him being a comedian whenever he gets older, 'cause he just like lexi: And let me tell you something. I laugh. I'll give him the laughs. Tess: I know. lexi: He's hilarious. Tess: And it just it just spurs him on. lexi: Then consider me spurring because I just Tess: Anyways, that was just funny. It like right before we sat down and I like, I wish I could chew like gum. I'm like, you can't chew gum. And then I thought of the apple thing and I just like cracked up. I was like, lexi: Yeah. Tess: Nope. Nope chewing gum on the podcast for me. lexi: bye. Alright. Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Tess: Yeah. Until next time. All right. Yeah, see tomorrow. All right. Have a good weekend, everybody. We'll see you back next time. Bye.