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She didn't know, but she's right and strong.
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Because the life wasn't yours.
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You belong.
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She didn't know.
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She didn't know.
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Welcome back to SDK Wednesdays with your girl Ash.
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Today we have Trish with us.
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Welcome to the show, Trish.
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Thanks, Ash.
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Well, I will go ahead and let you tell your story.
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All right.
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Thank you for having me, Ash.
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My name is Trish Lacey.
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I'm a mother.
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I'm a leader in people and culture.
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I am an author.
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But before any of those titles, I was a woman sitting in her own life trying to understand why something didn't feel right.
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She didn't know, like in the theme of your of your podcast, she didn't know that you can look like you have like you have it all together and still feel like you're falling apart.
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Absolutely.
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She didn't know that you can be loved and still feel completely alone.
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She didn't know that the life she was trying to hold together was quietly breaking her.
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But I know her because she was me.
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So she didn't know that it wouldn't start with pain.
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It really started with a connection, a strong connection with attention, with feeling chosen.
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And if you spent your life being strong, being the one everyone depends on, that kind of attention feels like relief sometimes, you know?
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It feels like finally.
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So she didn't know that what she felt, what felt like being seen would slowly turn into being questioned.
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Like there were little things at first.
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Conversations that quite didn't sit right, moments where I walked away thinking, why do I feel off?
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But I just brushed it off because nothing really looked bad enough.
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Um, how confusing things will become sitting in silence.
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I started replaying conversations, just trying to figure things out, like what just happened.
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She didn't know.
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She didn't know that she would start second guessing herself, her tone, her delivery, her um, her intentions.
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I just didn't know.
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I didn't know that I would be the one that would start apologizing, just an intention in the house, not because I was wrong, but because I was just tired.
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Does that make sense?
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Absolutely.
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I absolutely understand exactly where you're coming from.
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Yeah.
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Um, she didn't know how well she was hiding everything.
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Because on the outside, I was still successful, I was still leading, I was still showing up.
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People saw strength, they saw my confidence, they saw someone who had it together.
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But behind closed doors, I was questioning everything about myself.
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I remember looking at pictures, smiling, I was present, I was put together, and I was thinking no one would ever know.
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And the truth is, I didn't know either.
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She didn't know that the moment would be quiet, it wasn't loud, it was not dramatic, it was just the moment when something in me finally said, This doesn't feel like love.
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And that thought, it honestly, it changed everything for me.
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Because once you allow yourself to feel that, you you can no longer go back to just ignoring it.
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So she didn't know that the hardest truth wasn't what was happening to her, it was what she had been accepting.
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That I had been shrinking myself to make something else work, that I had been extending grace over and over again while I was abandoning myself.
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And when I realized that, that really hurt.
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It really wakes you up.
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I didn't know how hard it was gonna be to choose myself because leaving, leaving didn't mean just leaving a person.
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It was leaving a a version of myself that learned how to survive something, something that not only myself but my child never had to endure, should have never had to endure.
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It's walking into the unknown without a clear picture of what comes next.
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But knowing you can't stay where you are.
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Um, she didn't know that one day she would have the courage to put her story into words, to stop hiding it, to stop minimizing it, to finally start telling my truth.
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And that's why I wrote my book, Erased in My Home, because what I experienced wasn't just something I went through, it's something so many people are still trying to understand while they're still living in it.
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And that's why I needed to give it a voice.
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So for people I think listening to your podcast, she didn't know.
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She didn't know
Load full transcript
that she deserved peace.
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She didn't know that love was never supposed to cost her her identity.
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Um, she didn't know that choosing herself would be the moment everything changed.
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But now she does, and now I do.
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And if you're listening to this and something in you feels oddly familiar, let me tell you um what she didn't know or what I didn't know that you need to hear today.
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Um, you're not too much, you're not the problem, and you do not have to disappear to be loved.
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She didn't know, but maybe you do.
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So I encourage everybody else to go out and um purchase my book, um Erased in My Home on Amazon is out now.
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But really being in relationships, Ash, that don't feel like love, that are not grounded, that are heavy, that are I would say abusive, but there are no physical scars, are some of the toughest ones to overcome and to get over.
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I absolutely agree.
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And especially if you're staying in a situation like that, you're losing yourself every single day.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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So that's I think that's what's beautiful about your podcast because you give people the space and the opportunity to tell their stories um to people who are listening.
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And even though um you don't necessarily have to have a face, right?
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But everyone can feel and everybody has their own journey.
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And I also and I also wanted to know, so you said you wrote a book, so was your book specifically about the situation, or was it just an overall of relationships that you have been in?
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No, my book was very specific about my 15-year marriage.
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I was married to a malignant narcissist, and um within that time frame, I watched myself completely deteriorate from the inside out.
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You know, like I had zero um sense of self, zero self-confidence when I would say when I realized what was happening to me, I I eventually left the situation.
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I had I sought therapy, got a life coach, and I started to repair my life for myself and for my child.
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But once, you know, once you realize what's happening, it's almost like it's it's it's too many, it's too late.
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And I'm grateful that I had the support system that I do have and that I had, because so many people don't make it out of those situations, especially when you are not brave enough to tell other people what's happening inside your house.
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You know, for for years, I think growing
up, or um, you know, I think my grandparents, great-grandparents, you know, you grew up saying what happens in your home stays in your home.
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Yes.
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Yes, they do.
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And so for me, it was like a very being a very private person for that reason.
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And there was just so much shame.
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Like, how could I have allowed a person to treat me a certain way or to make me feel a certain way about myself?
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And a part of that was just not having self-worth and then being ashamed of myself for not having self-worth, you know.
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So there was a lot that that comes along with that, but just learning to love yourself.
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That's number one, and building from there, that's the start, exactly.
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And everything else changes once you start to love yourself, everything in your life changes.
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Professionally, you can start to see changes in your home life.
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You you can become a better parent.
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Like your children deserve better from you.
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And and when you start to love yourself, they start to feel it too.
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And they definitely I'm sorry, go ahead.
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Yeah.
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Oh, go ahead.
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I was gonna say there's a lot of people I know that stay together just for the kids, and it's doing more damage than it is helping them.
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Oh my goodness, you won't believe how many times I have had to tell people that you you say you think you're doing a good thing by staying for the children, and so there's so many times you're doing the kids a disservice by staying, by putting them in, uh leaving them in that toxic environment.
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But not every case is the same, not all of them are are 100% the same, but majority of the time the kids can sense what's happening, and they're picking up um habits that you don't necessarily want them to carry with them and through through life from being in that environment.
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Absolutely not.
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Yeah, and so that is my story.
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And thank you so much for telling it.
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Um, is there a way that people can contact you?
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Yes, people can contact me on trishlacey.com.
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That's T-R-I-S-H-L-A-C-Y.com.
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They can reach out to me also on TikTok at I am uneased.
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I'm also on IG at sincerely underscore Trish as well.
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So definitely um reach out, purchase the book also on Amazon for more.
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Thank you so much, and I will leave all of that information in the description of this episode.
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And so with that, SDK fam, I will see you next Wednesday.
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Y'all it's ash on the mic, we out, that's the end.
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If you felt this one, hit share, tell a friend.
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Thanks for riding with me.
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Every take every chance.
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See you next Wednesday, SDK fan.
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See you next Wednesday, talk in on my friends.
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Thank you for the day one.
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See you next Wednesday, SDK Fan.