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True happy change has to come from a place of self-acceptance.
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You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
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I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
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On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
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And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
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Hi, friend.
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Thanks for joining.
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Today we have a guest, Elizabeth Dall.
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And I asked her to be on the podcast today because I think what she's talking about in terms of our bodies and food freedom and accepting the bodies that we have today is a realistic and kind and empowering approach that I was really attracted to.
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Elizabeth is a nutritionist and a personal trainer and the host of the Woman of Wellness podcast.
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When you listen today, you'll learn why true change in your body starts with acceptance instead of restriction and what that looks like in action, how comparing yourself to others and even including your past self, like saying, Oh, when I was in high school or when I got married, sabotages your progress and keeps you stuck.
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What to do instead of falling into that cycle of shame and starting over and giving up again and again.
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So if you've ever thought, I know what I should be doing, but I just don't do it, this conversation will help you understand why and show you how to start from a place of self-compassion instead of punishing yourself.
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So thank you so much, Elizabeth, for being with us today.
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Welcome to the Overwhelmed Working Woman Podcast.
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Thanks for having me.
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I'm excited for this conversation.
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Yes.
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Tell us, please, why are you even working in this industry?
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Tell us your backstory for how you got here.
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Long ago, I was headed toward to nursing school, actually.
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I always wanted to help people.
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I knew that I wanted to help people.
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And I got a particular assignment on a floor where it was like preventative care could have helped many of these people.
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And long story short, I decided that I wanted to be on the preventative end.
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I wanted to help prevent some of these diseases and these struggles that people had.
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And so I decided to go down the route of like exercise and sports science, nutrition, all of that.
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And I became a personal trainer.
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And I thought, this is it.
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This is it.
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This is what I'm gonna do.
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I'm gonna be a personal trainer.
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And so I would give my clients these textbook perfect plans, right?
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The plans they tell you to follow, you'll get the results.
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And what happened very quickly is I realized my clients were coming back not following the plan.
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I was seeing a couple days a week in the gym.
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And then the rest of the week it was like life got in the way.
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I got busy.
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I got overwhelmed.
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I emotionally ate all of that.
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And what really led me to where I am right now is realizing that health is not a cookie cutter plan.
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We have to learn how to incorporate health into our own lives and create what that looks like for us so that we can show up for our best life.
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And we have to learn how to navigate health in an imperfect life, a busy life, an overwhelmed life, and all of that because that's what we have to work with.
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Yes.
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Oh my gosh, I totally agree.
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I can't wait to hear what your magic is for this because I think I can speak for almost everybody who's listening, because obviously everybody's an overwhelmed working woman if they're listening to the podcast.
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Most of the time when I get a new client and I ask them about all the different areas of their life, the one that I can say consistently that doesn't get a great score is usually their health.
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And they say things like, I just can't get it together to do like meal prepping every week and work out five times a week and all of these specific things that they're unable to do for themselves, even taking a walk, etc.
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And there are lots of things I know to unpack about why that is and why women aren't willing to take care of themselves in that way.
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But what I also see is that they're fighting a lot against the body that they have, meaning they're unhappy with the body that they have.
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Is that very common for you to hear as well?
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And then how do you approach that?
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Very common.
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I think anyone listening might have those feelings.
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And it usually stems
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from comparison.
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And it's three different areas of comparison that we typically struggle with.
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It's comparison to others, right?
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You see someone on social media, sister, whatever, comparison to an ideal or a standard.
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This is what you're supposed to look like.
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And then this one that people don't think about a lot, but it's very common is comparison to what you used to be.
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So your 40-year-old body compared to your 20-year-old body is going to look very different.
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It's going to function differently.
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But we get in our heads that I was better here, even though lots of women say I didn't love my body anymore here versus there.
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It stems from that comparison.
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And we create the story from there that our body is less than hers, less than the ideal, less than what it used to be.
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And that's really the root of it for women is that they start in comparison before we even get anywhere.
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It's like I'm already comparing myself to potentially something that's unrealistic or even just unworthy to compare to.
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Yes.
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Oh my gosh, I love this.
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I'm sure you're gonna go on, but I want to pause right now and just say a couple things based on what you talked about.
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I think the one that I had never thought about in terms of comparison is the comparison to self.
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It feels like right now the standard of beauty is changing, is a little bit different and wider than it used to be, as far as you don't have to be stick skinny or super ripped or whatever.
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It feels like there's a wider, socially acceptable.
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I mean, it should be anybody as acceptable, but you know what I'm saying in comparison to how it was, at least when I was growing up.
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But I think always looking back on ourselves and saying that is how I used to look.
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And why don't I weigh what is it about the wedding day?
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On my wedding day, I weighed X, Y, Z.
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Why is that always the time that we choose?
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It's such a big event.
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And I just think it's funny that we do that anyway without even considering it.
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Like I just texted my best friend from high school.
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I found some pictures from our senior year spring break, and I texted her some silly pictures of us and we're wearing our bikinis, and I was like, that was such a fun time.
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And also, we probably thought we didn't look good in these bikinis.
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And now when I'm looking back at it, I was like, dang, I should have been appreciating that.
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Okay, so once we realize that we're doing this comparison, that was a real eye-opener to me, the self one.
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But if we're comparing to our sister, the media, whatever it is, and somehow that gives us the message of what I am is not right.
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Like there's something wrong with me.
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And then it makes us mad towards our body.
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So what do we do with that?
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I'm sure realizing it is one step in the right direction, but what else should we do?
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What I like to tell women is that true happy change has to come from a place of self-acceptance.
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I have worked with numerous women who have changed their bodies, they've lost weight from a shame-based perspective, a restrictive place.
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And when they get to their goal weight, they tell me I don't feel any better in my body than I did before, even though I've lost the weight.
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And we think, wait, I thought I would feel better.
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I thought I would look better, I thought I would have more love for my body.
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And it's really important that we start there and recognize that change can be good, body change can be good, but it has to come from a place of body acceptance.
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This is the body that you have right now.
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And we can recognize that it's gone through some war, maybe, right?
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Maybe we've been through babies and maybe we've been through medical things, and our body maybe has let us down sometimes.
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Those things happen, but we can look at it and say, it's also gotten me to this place, right?
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I am where I am right now, and this is what I have.
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And I like to relate it like a significant other or romantic relationship.
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If you're just getting started with a relationship with someone, if you, you know, are sweet to them and communicate with them and spend time with them, and that relationship grows and it gets stronger.
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It's not perfect, but you're committed to growing it and improving it and working with it.
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If you ignore the relationship, ignore the person, if you're unkind to them or don't build them up, that relationship is going to crumble.
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It's going to struggle always.
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And it's the same thing with our bodies.
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We don't realize it, but we're in a relationship with our bodies because our bodies are what give us the signals for everything in our lives.
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Our bodies say, Hey, you're stressed, do something about it.
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Hey, you're hungry, do something about it.
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Hey, you're feeling good.
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It really does give us everything we need.
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And I always tell women, you have the ability to know and meet the needs of your own body.
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So we have to start there by saying, you know what?
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I have to be committed to a positive relationship with this body in order for me to create any sort of significant happy change.
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Okay, that makes so much sense.
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So, what does it look like to accept your body as is?
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Good question.
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That is like a question I think a lot of people struggle with.
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And I like to answer it by saying that body acceptance is not a noun.
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It's not a I just love you as you are.
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Body acceptance is I appreciate this.
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We don't even have to use the word love.
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Everyone's on a different level of their relationship with their body.
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And I recognize that we can be at love, we can be acceptance, we can be at neutrality.
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Hey, my body does things for me.
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That's great.
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But in order for us to create that change, we have to recognize that acceptance is about doing something.
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So body acceptance is not, I can do whatever I want because I love my body.
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And I think there's a little bit of a message sometimes you can get from the body love movement that it's whatever I want to do, I can still love my body.
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And of course, I think there's some truth, like we want you to love your body, but being able to serve your body and give it what it needs, that is true body acceptance.
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A lot of women go from a place of body shame and disgust, right?
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I want to escape my body.
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So I enter a diet, I restrict, I punish my body in order to escape it.
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But body acceptance is a place of I nurture and nourish my body to change.
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So I make different choices when I choose acceptance as this verb, as something that I do.
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I love that.
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That's such a great answer.
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And that seems so clear and actionable.
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I love if you tie that in with your example of thinking about it, like being in relationship with someone.
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And if you wanted to help someone else change, you would encourage them, ask, what do you need?
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What can I do for you to help you do this change?
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But we're so much meaner to ourselves than we are to other people.
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So that's a great tip too, to think about it like a relationship and that you're doing the things that you need to do out of love in order to help make that change possible.
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That's awesome.
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Okay, so once we accept our body as it is today and we're actively doing that and giving it the things that we need, then what?
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Is it okay to want our body to look different than it does?
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Absolutely.
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I like to tell women our your body will match your habits.
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If we're mad at our bodies, I usually say, let's shift the blame a little bit and not get mad at our bodies.
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Let's get mad at our habit for a minute, or at least let's take a good look at them.
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Are we nourishing our body with movement and nutrition and maybe some stress management techniques?
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Are we doing nurturing exercises or are we looking for that escape method?
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Are we looking to punish?
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Um, and a lot of women say the only way I've ever been able to do it is by restriction.
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And it's a hard mindset shift, but it's a necessary mindset shift to say, okay, I can now recognize that it's my habits that are going to create the body that I want.
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And I have to go deep here and say, what life do I want to live?
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It goes into the vision of the woman of wellness that you want to become.
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What does that look like?
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I have a woman in my membership who wants to water ski in a moo moo when she's 80.
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And she said, And she's, I don't even care what my body looks like in the moo moo.
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She doesn't even care about the weight loss.
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She's I want to be able to do those things.
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Do it, yes.
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And I love that visual because everybody thinks that health is a size.
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Health is not a size, it's a lifestyle.
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And we have to look at our habits and say, where are my habits not in alignment with the lifestyle that I want to live?
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And as soon as you start to realign that, your body naturally begins to change as well.
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Yes, I love that.
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Oh my gosh.
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P.S.
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My mom is 76 and she waterskied last year on our family vacation.
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Yeah, she's getting there.
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I know.
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I hope I have those good jeans.
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I love that.
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And just thinking about the bigger why or what are those big goals.
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But I also think that sometimes it can be shaming, like that whole idea of so you just want to look good in a pair of jeans.
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And is it okay just to want that?
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Absolutely.
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When you look good, you feel good, right?
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And so I feel good when I put on a little bit of makeup.
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I'm not crazy about my makeup, but I do feel more presentable.
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And I have a six-year-old daughter, and I'm trying to teach this concept to her.
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When you go out, we want to make sure that you look respectful.
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And I think that's important.
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And so it's okay.
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And on the flip side, it's also okay to not feel like the goal is to look in a mirror and love everything about yourself.
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We're looking at a body that's been through a lot.
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There's some flaws, there's some things that are different and things that have changed.
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And it's okay to also say, yeah, maybe that's not my favorite part of my body.
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Or I don't necessarily have to look at my body in the mirror and be like, I love everything about this.
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It's okay to say, yeah, my body's here and it's good and it does good things.
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And I can present it well.
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I can dress the body that I have, the shape that I have, and I can still look good in whatever size clothing.
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Being able to say, I look good makes me feel good.
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But often looking good goes back to the comparison and we set a standard for ourselves.
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We've got to get away from the standard and say, looking good for me, what does that look like right now?
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Yes, that's so great.
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Okay.
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So if we want to take one small step, what would you recommend?
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Commitment.
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I would say let's commit to that positive, nurturing relationship with your body.
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That's where it all starts.
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That's where any relationship thrives.
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Saying, I'm committed to this.
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I am committed to a really good outcome.
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I'm committed to going through the bumps and the bruises.
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I'm committed to the good times.
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I'm committed to the hard times.
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And when I say I'm committed, that's a verb, right?
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I'm committed.
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That means I do things.
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I spend time on my body.
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I'm worthy of that time.
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I'm also worthy of it taking time.
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This stuff takes time.
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It's not going to come overnight, but knowing that I can commit to that positive outcome and positive relationship helps it changes your choices.
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And if someone hasn't been in that mindset before, it can feel a little foreign.
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But I want to challenge you to try it to say, if I'm nurturing this body today, what does it look like versus punishing this body?
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Most of the clients who I work with are feeling so overwhelmed and they are in a habit of shaming themselves about getting more done and being more productive.
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And it's a really similar attitude of in order to push myself, I have to be unkind to myself.
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I have to talk in a mean tone to myself.
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So I feel like that is a message that people who are listening to this podcast are familiar with being kinder to yourself.
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And I love applying that to the body.
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Shame is never a great emotion to get us to do anything.
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Just makes us feel stuck and alone and isolated.
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And once you move into acceptance and kindness and commitment, it sounds like what you're saying is that we can get there.
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We can get where we want to be with our body.
00:16:16.480 --> 00:16:19.840
Yeah, I have a unique definition of sabotage, actually.
00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:24.320
And I think shame could be paralleled with this the expectation of perfection.
00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:29.600
Especially women that are ambitious, we have in our mind that it needs to look perfect.
00:16:29.600 --> 00:16:32.320
And so when it doesn't, we sabotage.
00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:33.679
We stop doing it.
00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:40.480
If we can't fit it in, if it's too much, if we miss a day, if we can't perform perfectly, we sabotage.
00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:43.120
And what does sabotage look like in that example?
00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:45.039
Like from for your clients?
00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:50.720
It's a typical kind of diet cycle scenario where someone says, I want to escape my body.
00:16:50.720 --> 00:16:51.519
I don't like my body.
00:16:51.519 --> 00:16:52.399
I want to lose weight.
00:16:52.399 --> 00:16:53.759
I'm ready to lose the weight.
00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:58.879
And we enter some plan program diet of restriction.
00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:00.639
I eliminate this food group.
00:17:00.639 --> 00:17:01.840
I eliminate that.
00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:05.119
And it depends, everybody's different on how long they last.
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:07.680
But eventually life gets in the way.
00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:16.319
And when we can't figure out how to fit the perfect plan into our imperfect life, we get stressed, we get overwhelmed, we emotionally eat, and then we just say, screw it.
00:17:16.319 --> 00:17:17.839
I've already lost control.
00:17:17.839 --> 00:17:22.960
I might as well keep going until the next time I get desperate enough to lose the weight.
00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:27.519
We sabotage and we repeat that cycle over and over again.
00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:32.640
I love that definition of sabotage of being basically anything less than perfect, and I'm out.
00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:34.160
I can't do this anymore.
00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:34.640
Okay.
00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:35.759
Okay, great.
00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:40.160
I want to ask you the two questions that I ask everybody who's on the podcast.
00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:45.039
And the first is what's something you do when you feel overwhelmed to make yourself feel better?
00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:46.160
I love this question.
00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:49.279
A few years ago, I was in a place where I was just overwhelmed.
00:17:49.279 --> 00:17:51.039
And I was needing a nap almost every day.
00:17:51.039 --> 00:17:53.359
I was feeling like my body was just so worn out.
00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:56.160
And I discovered this little meditation.
00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:57.839
It's called Yoga Nidra.
00:17:57.839 --> 00:18:02.240
I had never heard of it before, but it guides you through awareness of your body.
00:18:02.240 --> 00:18:06.400
And whenever I feel like I need to reset, I do that.
00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:08.000
Sometimes I'll fall asleep with it.
00:18:08.000 --> 00:18:14.240
Other times it just resets my body, but it's magic for me when I can just calm my body down.
00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:20.079
It's 20 minutes long, so it's not a long time, but it helps me release that overwhelm.
00:18:20.319 --> 00:18:22.240
I absolutely love that suggestion.
00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:23.200
And me too.
00:18:23.200 --> 00:18:24.559
I love Yoga Nidra.
00:18:24.559 --> 00:18:27.519
I read about it in the book Do Less by Kate Northrop.
00:18:27.519 --> 00:18:32.079
And she talks about doing Yoga Nidra at her most exhausted, overwhelmed point.
00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:38.079
And she said, I felt like I slept for four hours from doing this 45 minutes of Yoga Nidra.
00:18:38.079 --> 00:18:40.799
I
was like, I don't know what this is, but I'm gonna try it.
00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:42.640
And I do it all the time too.
00:18:42.640 --> 00:18:48.240
The one I do, I think is 21 minutes and it wakes you up, brings you back to consciousness at the end.
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:55.039
And I often think, did I fall asleep or did I don't know what exactly just happened, but it feels amazing.
00:18:55.039 --> 00:18:56.400
So I second that.
00:18:56.400 --> 00:18:56.880
I love it.
00:18:56.880 --> 00:18:58.880
I've never shared that on the podcast before.
00:18:58.880 --> 00:18:59.680
So thank you.
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:03.599
And then what is something you do to save time or do less?
00:19:03.839 --> 00:19:05.920
Oh, this is a really good question.
00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:10.880
You know what I do is I just erase things off the to-do list.
00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:12.559
And I'm practicing this.
00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:14.960
So I am not gonna say I'm the best at this.
00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:16.319
I love a good to-do list.
00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:17.759
I'm a type A personality.
00:19:17.759 --> 00:19:20.799
I've always been someone that's gotta get as much done as I can.
00:19:20.799 --> 00:19:22.319
That's just how my brain works.
00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:27.680
And so I have been practicing over the last little bit to say this just doesn't need to be on the list.
00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:31.680
It doesn't need to be here, or it can be done later, or it can be done by someone else.
00:19:31.680 --> 00:19:36.319
And it's really freeing for me to realize I don't have to have a huge list.
00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:41.200
Get out your erasers, everybody, and just start erasing your stuff off the to-do list.
00:19:41.200 --> 00:19:41.839
I love that.
00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:42.400
That's great.
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:42.799
Okay.
00:19:42.799 --> 00:19:48.880
Is there any question that I didn't ask you or anything that you want to say that I didn't give you a chance to talk about?
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:57.599
Gosh, I think we covered it, but I guess I just want to remind anyone here, anyone listening, that you really are capable of knowing and meeting the needs of your own body.
00:19:57.599 --> 00:20:05.599
And if you've existed in a place of body shame and body disgust for a long time, it might feel very foreign because we've disconnected.
00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:13.519
We've disconnected with our body being able to tell us what it needs because we've been taught to ignore, to suppress, to follow their plan.
00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:17.519
And so I just want to invite you to know that you have that gift inside of you.
00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:18.400
We were all born with it.
00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:22.559
I have a toddler who will like stop eating when she's full and eat when she's hungry.
00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:24.079
And it's just like really simple.
00:20:24.079 --> 00:20:27.119
She listens to her body and everybody has that.
00:20:27.119 --> 00:20:30.319
We just have to create that reconnection again.
00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:31.440
What's within you?
00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:37.200
Your body will give you the signals that you need, but start with that nourishing connection.
00:20:37.440 --> 00:20:38.160
I love that.
00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:40.880
That is so great and so hopeful and optimistic.
00:20:40.880 --> 00:20:45.119
And where can people find you if they're interested in learning more about you or your work?
00:20:45.359 --> 00:20:46.559
So I also have a podcast.
00:20:46.559 --> 00:20:48.400
It's called the Woman of Wellness Podcast.
00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:59.200
We talk a lot about relationship with food, relationship with body, how to create those healthy habits that fit into your lifestyle and the life of health that you want to live.
00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:03.279
And I am semi-active on Instagram.
00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:06.160
I'm working on it, but I'm at a woman of wellness over there.
00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:08.559
And just my website is a woman of wellness as well.
00:21:08.799 --> 00:21:09.759
Okay, wonderful.
00:21:09.759 --> 00:21:11.359
Thank you so much for being here.
00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:12.559
I really appreciate it.
00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:19.759
I learned so much, which is the best when you have a podcast and you get to interview someone where you're like, I just benefited a lot from that myself.
00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:21.440
So I hope everybody else does too.
00:21:21.440 --> 00:21:22.240
I know they will.
00:21:22.240 --> 00:21:23.680
So thank you so much.
00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:24.799
Thank you.
00:21:24.799 --> 00:21:32.160
Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:38.240
If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at MichelleGauthier.com.
00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:40.079
See you next week.