رونوشت 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:53.210 --> 00:00:53.769
Hello.
00:00:53.929 --> 00:01:00.250
Tonight is the new moon in Virgo, and that represents health, practical routines, the body, service, and discernment.
00:01:00.729 --> 00:01:06.569
One of the things we want to think about is before you plant anything new, what has to be seen clearly and released first.
00:01:07.049 --> 00:01:09.049
So I'm gonna tell you a little story, okay?
00:01:09.289 --> 00:01:11.209
Recently I had a tooth that was bothering me.
00:01:11.370 --> 00:01:16.489
If I drank something too hot or too cold, or I ate something too sweet, it would let me know it was unhappy.
00:01:16.650 --> 00:01:18.730
It was uncomfortable, but not quite painful.
00:01:18.969 --> 00:01:21.849
I didn't need to call my dentist for an emergency appointment quite yet.
00:01:22.009 --> 00:01:26.409
I knew though that if it wasn't dealt with, it would likely escalate into a bigger problem.
00:01:26.650 --> 00:01:33.449
But because I had switched plans, insurance plans, and I hadn't been on the new plan very long, I believed my dental plan wouldn't cover the work.
00:01:33.609 --> 00:01:36.890
Also, I had previously had a PPO, but now I had an HMO.
00:01:37.049 --> 00:01:44.890
For my international friends, for simplicity, I'll say a PPO gives you a lot more freedom and flexibility than an HMO usually does, but at a higher monthly premium.
00:01:45.289 --> 00:01:47.930
So I kept putting off scheduling the appointment.
00:01:48.090 --> 00:01:51.129
I thought, I can't get this work done because my insurance won't cover it.
00:01:51.289 --> 00:01:52.170
I felt trapped.
00:01:52.329 --> 00:01:55.449
I thought, I have no choice but to wait until the probation period is up.
00:01:55.609 --> 00:01:59.049
I thought, I can't go to the dentist because I don't have a PPO anymore.
00:01:59.289 --> 00:02:02.650
You might be listening and thinking, why didn't you have a better plan?
00:02:02.810 --> 00:02:05.849
Or insurance sucks, that's terrible that you had to wait.
00:02:06.010 --> 00:02:08.810
Or you might be shaking your head, you should have called them right away.
00:02:08.889 --> 00:02:10.170
You can't mess with your health.
00:02:10.409 --> 00:02:12.490
Whatever you're thinking, you're right.
00:02:12.650 --> 00:02:13.530
I agree with you.
00:02:13.689 --> 00:02:15.449
But that's not the point of the story.
00:02:15.689 --> 00:02:20.969
I want to demonstrate a flaw in thinking that keeps so many of us stuck in inaction and uncertainty.
00:02:21.129 --> 00:02:24.810
It takes the form of I have to X because why?
00:02:24.969 --> 00:02:26.009
I don't have a choice.
00:02:26.250 --> 00:02:29.849
Sometimes this shows up as someone has to, and there's nobody else, so it has to be me.
00:02:29.930 --> 00:02:35.449
This could be like doing dishes or cooking or picking something up or anything like that at work, any of that.
00:02:35.689 --> 00:02:42.569
But when we think of things in this way, we're not able to find a solution because it's like tugging at one end of the puzzle and then that unravels the other end.
00:02:42.969 --> 00:02:44.490
So I want you to picture this.
00:02:44.730 --> 00:02:51.050
Picture two circles overlapping, like a Venn diagram where it's almost 100% one circle on top of the other.
00:02:51.530 --> 00:02:57.050
In that circle, think of the words, or if you're at a place where you could actually write this out, that's probably better.
00:02:57.209 --> 00:03:00.490
I can't go to the dentist because my insurance won't cover it.
00:03:00.810 --> 00:03:06.490
Now I want you to pull them apart so that they're a little bit of overlap in the center, but you can still see that they're two separate circles.
00:03:06.569 --> 00:03:10.169
And in one side, I want you to put the phrase, I can't go to the dentist.
00:03:10.330 --> 00:03:16.009
And then the other side, I want you to say, My insurance won't cover my appointment, or my insurance won't cover it.
00:03:16.569 --> 00:03:21.289
So now let's pull them apart even further so that they're two distinct circles.
00:03:21.449 --> 00:03:27.370
And then I want you to draw a squiggly line down the middle vertically, like from top to bottom, like to make like a wall between those two circles.
00:03:27.609 --> 00:03:31.530
Same so same words, I can't go to the dentist, my insurance won't cover it.
00:03:31.849 --> 00:03:35.370
So what we've just done is we've uncollapsed circles.
00:03:35.530 --> 00:03:43.770
We've taken one idea or one thought that we thought was one idea, and we've separated it into its two parts so that we can actually see those clauses more clearly.
00:03:44.009 --> 00:03:45.530
This is a collapsed circle.
00:03:45.689 --> 00:03:51.129
When we have this, it makes our thinking rigid and makes us feel trapped and stuck.
00:03:51.370 --> 00:03:58.169
When we pull them apart, then we're able to see each piece separate, and then we can decide if it's true or if it's helpful or if it's immutable.
00:03:58.330 --> 00:04:01.050
So we're creating space to look for solutions.
00:04:01.210 --> 00:04:03.530
So we're gonna do this with a few more ideas.
00:04:04.009 --> 00:04:08.810
Sometimes these show up in the format of I can't because that's my dentist story.
00:04:08.889 --> 00:04:10.490
I can't do this because of that.
00:04:10.650 --> 00:04:13.609
Um, often there's more than two circles, though we'll start with two.
00:04:13.689 --> 00:04:18.730
So for example, for nonprofits, I can't ask for a raise because we're nonprofit and money is tight.
00:04:18.889 --> 00:04:24.169
So in those circles, it would be I can't ask for a raise, and then the other one would be we're a nonprofit and money is tight.
00:04:24.330 --> 00:04:28.569
And for those of you who are a couple steps ahead of me, you might have actually seen that there's three circles here.
00:04:28.730 --> 00:04:32.730
I can't ask for a raise, wear a nonprofit, money is tight.
00:04:32.970 --> 00:04:35.689
When we examine each class
Load full transcript
separately, we can find solutions easier.
00:04:35.769 --> 00:04:37.129
So I can ask for a raise.
00:04:37.210 --> 00:04:41.129
I may or may not believe I'll receive it, they may or may not give it to me, but I can ask.
00:04:41.449 --> 00:04:42.810
Wear a nonprofit.
00:04:42.970 --> 00:04:44.090
That's simply a fact.
00:04:44.169 --> 00:04:46.330
It has no bearing on the other two pieces.
00:04:46.569 --> 00:04:47.610
Money is tight.
00:04:47.769 --> 00:04:51.370
Okay, spoiler alert here: money is always tight, and also money is never tight.
00:04:51.610 --> 00:04:54.649
Money it tight is a subjective thought.
00:04:54.970 --> 00:04:59.930
We have X dollars, you know, my request is a percentage of those dollars.
00:05:00.009 --> 00:05:03.529
Okay, now we're talking math, but tight is subjective.
00:05:03.850 --> 00:05:11.450
But what tight is doing in this place is it's fusing those two circles together and making it like a fixed fact that money is tight, so I can't ask for a raise.
00:05:11.610 --> 00:05:16.250
Instead of separating them out, money being tight doesn't mean you're not allowed to petition for an increase.
00:05:16.490 --> 00:05:25.769
On a different episode, we'll tackle money mindsets, but for now I simply want you to see how these ideas, how those clauses are actual separate ideas inside of one thought.
00:05:26.169 --> 00:05:28.809
So here's a more sophisticated set of collapsed circles.
00:05:28.970 --> 00:05:33.289
I have to stay late because they need me at work, but I have to go home because the kids need dinner.
00:05:33.529 --> 00:05:38.330
I can't leave work early because they need me to stay, I can't stay at work late because they need me at home.
00:05:38.490 --> 00:05:40.169
So in this case, you lose either way.
00:05:40.330 --> 00:05:42.889
The need for you to be in each place feels like a trap, you can't escape.
00:05:42.970 --> 00:05:46.970
You either feel pulled in two directions, home and work, they're in opposition.
00:05:47.129 --> 00:05:53.769
So, but if we separate these circles, the first would be I can't leave work early, and the second is they need me to stay at work.
00:05:53.929 --> 00:05:59.450
And then for the second clause, the first is I can't stay at work late, and the second is they need me at home.
00:05:59.690 --> 00:06:02.570
When you split them in this way, you can see the all or nothing thinking here.
00:06:02.649 --> 00:06:03.850
You can see the either or.
00:06:04.009 --> 00:06:05.929
And then you can go to work solving the equation.
00:06:06.169 --> 00:06:10.730
I can stay an hour later, and then I will leave to honor my home obligation.
00:06:10.970 --> 00:06:15.289
Or I will order food delivered and ask someone else to pick it up, or I will work from home.
00:06:15.450 --> 00:06:17.529
Like we don't know what the solutions are, that's up to you to decide.
00:06:17.610 --> 00:06:25.210
But when you take those clauses apart, you can see that I'm addressing each clause as a separate puzzle
piece rather than trying to do the whole thing at once.
00:06:25.769 --> 00:06:32.169
These collapsed circles often show up when we're ready to expand or up level, and our brain wants to keep us right where we are because that seems safer.
00:06:32.490 --> 00:06:34.490
When you're wanting a new job, for example.
00:06:34.730 --> 00:06:37.210
I have a great job, so I shouldn't want to leave.
00:06:37.370 --> 00:06:39.370
And this may even take a more shaming tone.
00:06:39.529 --> 00:06:40.490
This is a really good job.
00:06:40.570 --> 00:06:42.009
It would be stupid of me to leave.
00:06:42.250 --> 00:06:47.049
Know how great job and shouldn't want to leave yet treated as one idea.
00:06:47.210 --> 00:06:55.769
But if you separate it, then you can see gratitude and appreciation in one circle and wanting something more or different are separate circles and separate ideas.
00:06:56.409 --> 00:07:02.490
Whenever we want to create change in our health and our money and our situations, we can often see these same collapse circles.
00:07:02.570 --> 00:07:05.850
And we stop realizing that they were actually two separate ideas.
00:07:06.009 --> 00:07:12.809
We think that they're just one married idea, and it doesn't give us any leeway to find change or solutions.
00:07:13.610 --> 00:07:16.889
Another common shape that the collapse circles take are if-then statements.
00:07:16.970 --> 00:07:19.850
So if I don't do the dishes, then my partner will be mad at me.
00:07:20.009 --> 00:07:23.049
If I quit my job, then I won't be able to pay my bills.
00:07:23.289 --> 00:07:25.690
So these are still thoughts, right?
00:07:26.409 --> 00:07:34.809
The idea of then, if something, then something is like mind reading or future casting, predicting the future.
00:07:35.129 --> 00:07:38.090
We don't really know what's happening, it's only what we think is gonna happen.
00:07:38.250 --> 00:07:41.210
And then it feels so convincing and so true.
00:07:41.450 --> 00:07:47.129
But if we separate it out, then we can decide what we want to think about each piece and if that serves us or not.
00:07:47.289 --> 00:07:50.090
And we can decide who we want to be inside of that conversation.
00:07:50.330 --> 00:08:00.169
So, for an example, um, I may quit my job, and if I do, how will I create revenue exchange or barter or some other arrangement to pay the bills?
00:08:01.129 --> 00:08:09.529
When the dish is one, we could decide I just don't do dishes, and my partner's gonna be mad or he's not gonna be mad, or we're gonna have a conversation or we're gonna find an alternative solution to the dishes getting done.
00:08:09.769 --> 00:08:17.769
Or we might decide, okay, I'm gonna do the dishes because I want to, because I want to be somebody who does dishes, but it isn't because I don't have a choice.
00:08:17.929 --> 00:08:21.610
That's really the point of separating these circles out, is to give us agency.
00:08:22.330 --> 00:08:31.929
So Virgo season is about health and practical routines, and sometimes when we're eager to make a change, we create those routines such as habit stacking or doing habit trackers, which are great practices.
00:08:32.090 --> 00:08:36.490
Yeah, if we don't examine the premise that the routine is built on, we can miss considering variables.
00:08:36.730 --> 00:08:43.929
So then it's two unconfirmed thoughts fused into one with the added problem of missing ingredients and missing information.
00:08:44.250 --> 00:08:45.929
So let's use this one.
00:08:46.090 --> 00:08:48.009
If I work out, then I will lose weight.
00:08:48.169 --> 00:08:49.850
Let's use that as an example.
00:08:50.169 --> 00:08:55.049
But then if you think that and you work out and you don't lose weight, now you're stuck.
00:08:55.370 --> 00:08:55.850
Why?
00:08:56.169 --> 00:08:58.250
Because there are pieces missing.
00:08:58.490 --> 00:08:59.370
What are you eating?
00:08:59.529 --> 00:09:00.970
How much stress is in your daily life?
00:09:01.129 --> 00:09:03.289
How much exertion do the workouts actually require?
00:09:03.450 --> 00:09:05.850
How often and for how long are you moving?
00:09:06.090 --> 00:09:07.289
Those are two separate thoughts.
00:09:07.450 --> 00:09:08.970
I work out, I lose weight.
00:09:09.289 --> 00:09:10.809
We look at those pieces separately.
00:09:10.970 --> 00:09:12.889
Conversely, we can believe the opposite is true.
00:09:13.049 --> 00:09:15.529
If I weigh too much, then it's because I'm not disciplined enough.
00:09:15.690 --> 00:09:19.450
Okay, this one's a double whammy because first, do you see the collapsed circle?
00:09:19.610 --> 00:09:23.049
We think it's cause and effect, yet there's so many pieces to this equation.
00:09:23.210 --> 00:09:30.889
The first is, well, okay, well, the first is who decides what too much is and not enough is, but in order to give your mind space to see this, we just need to separate the circles.
00:09:31.129 --> 00:09:32.250
I weigh too much.
00:09:32.490 --> 00:09:33.370
Is that true?
00:09:33.610 --> 00:09:34.570
What does that mean?
00:09:34.730 --> 00:09:36.970
Is weight the actual metric you want to measure?
00:09:37.050 --> 00:09:40.170
Or would you prefer to measure health, strength, stamina, flexibility?
00:09:40.410 --> 00:09:44.090
Would you enjoy checking in with yourself to see if you feel good or unwell?
00:09:44.250 --> 00:09:49.129
And then beyond that, the second clause, I'm not disciplined enough, that doesn't serve you at all.
00:09:49.290 --> 00:09:51.529
It paints the whole if-then as a losing battle.
00:09:51.690 --> 00:09:56.090
There's not a way to feel complete about it because your brain is going to go to work looking for proof that you aren't disciplined.
00:09:56.250 --> 00:09:58.649
It will also look for proof that your weight is not what it should be.
00:09:58.889 --> 00:10:04.570
You trap yourself into a never-ending chase, the outcome of which is often feeling unnecessary shame or guilt.
00:10:04.889 --> 00:10:06.570
Instead, let's
separate the circles.
00:10:06.810 --> 00:10:11.529
I weigh too much becomes I am strengthening, feeling, resting my body.
00:10:11.769 --> 00:10:12.810
I weigh X.
00:10:13.050 --> 00:10:13.769
I eat Y.
00:10:14.170 --> 00:10:16.410
I get X number of hours of sleep.
00:10:16.649 --> 00:10:19.129
These are concrete, measurable outcomes.
00:10:19.370 --> 00:10:21.769
Then the discipline clause gets examined also.
00:10:22.009 --> 00:10:29.210
Rather than I'm not disciplined, we can choose more helpful phrases such as I'm learning to listen to what my body needs rather than operate on autopilot.
00:10:29.370 --> 00:10:33.050
I'm practicing a protocol, I'm noticing what occurred when I did not follow that plan.
00:10:33.210 --> 00:10:34.410
We're information gathering.
00:10:34.490 --> 00:10:36.250
There's no judgment in that piece, you see?
00:10:36.490 --> 00:10:39.370
I personally don't have an opinion on your health goals or plans for the record.
00:10:39.450 --> 00:10:40.330
Those are for you to decide.
00:10:40.410 --> 00:10:43.690
I'm only using this as an example because it's one that's familiar to most people.
00:10:43.930 --> 00:10:50.009
The point here is that an if then can feel true and still be missing half its inputs.
00:10:50.330 --> 00:10:51.370
So now you try it.
00:10:51.450 --> 00:10:53.529
Here's a few sentences clients tell me frequently.
00:10:53.690 --> 00:10:58.889
So in sustainability, I often hear, I can't get a job in sustainability because I don't have enough credentials on my resume.
00:10:58.970 --> 00:11:03.610
Or another one, it's impossible to get building owners to build green because they only care about saving money.
00:11:03.850 --> 00:11:08.410
Or in my nonprofit clients, I hear, if I don't post every week, then no one will sign up for my program.
00:11:09.370 --> 00:11:12.330
I'm not asking you to decide if you agree with those statements or not.
00:11:12.490 --> 00:11:18.570
I'm asking you to see how that they are two separate ideas into one sentence, and I'm asking you to uncollapse those circles.
00:11:18.810 --> 00:11:21.930
So think of something that's been sitting heavy or feeling stuck for you.
00:11:22.090 --> 00:11:26.410
Is there something that you feel like you don't have flexibility around?
00:11:26.970 --> 00:11:32.810
Say that out loud, and then, or write it down if you can, into like one circle.
00:11:33.050 --> 00:11:40.170
And then draw two circles overlapping and put one half of the sentence in one circle and the other half in the other circle.
00:11:40.410 --> 00:11:50.649
Then draw two circles completely separate with the vertical line from top to bottom and put those same clauses in each two separate circle so that your brain can actually see them as separate ideas.
00:11:50.810 --> 00:11:59.690
We want your eyeballs to see them or your imagination to see them somehow, so that your brain can process them as separate pieces of the puzzle.
00:12:01.050 --> 00:12:04.170
And then once you have
done that, you can look at each clause and examine it.
00:12:04.250 --> 00:12:04.970
Is this true?
00:12:05.129 --> 00:12:06.250
Does this serve me?
00:12:06.410 --> 00:12:08.009
Is this a thought or a fact?
00:12:08.250 --> 00:12:09.529
Is this who I want to be?
00:12:09.769 --> 00:12:11.690
Is this important to me to pursue?
00:12:11.850 --> 00:12:12.889
Is it a priority?
00:12:13.050 --> 00:12:14.730
But you look at each piece separate.
00:12:15.529 --> 00:12:20.810
We build routines around our physical bodies, our health, our fitness, our rest, time in nature, the sun, movement.
00:12:20.970 --> 00:12:24.810
Those routines often get built on top of collapsed circles, so they're assumptions that we never checked.
00:12:24.970 --> 00:12:29.690
And a routine built on a shaky assumption has a shaky foundation, no matter how disciplined the routine itself is.
00:12:29.930 --> 00:12:34.889
This goes for like the homes we live in, our belongings, our workplaces, our cars, where we spend our physical lives.
00:12:35.210 --> 00:12:42.009
Sustainability habits can include things like recycling, water conservation, mindful consumption or reuse items.
00:12:42.570 --> 00:12:44.730
We want to do the mind-body connection too.
00:12:44.810 --> 00:12:46.170
We want to pay attention to how we're feeling.
00:12:46.250 --> 00:12:49.769
Do we listen to what the body is telling us about our physical health and about our emotions?
00:12:50.009 --> 00:12:54.009
Do we override it with a routine that we didn't question because we have an if-then statement?
00:12:54.250 --> 00:12:56.250
An I can't because statement.
00:12:57.050 --> 00:12:59.769
A collapsed circle can be felt in the body.
00:13:00.090 --> 00:13:06.889
If you have tension or fatigue, resistance to a routine, if you feel trapped or stuck, often that's a signal.
00:13:07.210 --> 00:13:13.850
That's a signal to look and see if you've got if-then statements that are collapsed circles that you can take apart.
00:13:16.170 --> 00:13:21.210
So before we create something new, it's helpful to see where we've collapsed those circles into immovable truths.
00:13:21.529 --> 00:13:26.490
And for the new moon in Virgo, take one collapsed circle and reopen it into two separate thoughts.
00:13:26.889 --> 00:13:31.129
Then decide if those thoughts are true, helpful, and if they have all the information.
00:13:31.450 --> 00:13:34.410
Then choose a solution for each half of the equation.
00:13:37.450 --> 00:13:44.250
And as we're entering the new moon in Virgo, I felt it was the perfect tool to give you for the next few weeks.
00:13:44.490 --> 00:13:46.970
I would love to know how you use this in your life.
00:13:47.210 --> 00:13:55.129
If you have questions about it, if you're finding it helpful, please reach out to me at Instagram at ZetaRose or LinkedIn at Zeta Rose Ibanas.
00:13:56.009 --> 00:13:57.610
I love sharing these tools with you.
00:13:57.690 --> 00:14:02.410
If you're enjoying them and you want more of them, I'm excited to tell you that I'm opening a community called the Grove.
00:14:02.649 --> 00:14:08.090
And if you want to join the wait list, it's community.zetarose Ibanas.com backslash waitlist.
00:14:08.250 --> 00:14:09.529
You want to be in this room.
00:14:09.690 --> 00:14:18.810
It's curated space for sustainability professionals, nonprofit leaders, and social impact advocates where restoration, strategy, and honest peer connection happen alongside your mission.
00:14:19.050 --> 00:14:20.090
I cannot wait.
00:14:20.170 --> 00:14:21.450
It's gonna it's coming soon.
00:14:21.610 --> 00:14:24.170
I'll give you more details soon, but join the wait list.
00:14:24.490 --> 00:14:25.850
You want to be in this room.
00:14:26.090 --> 00:14:26.649
All right.
00:14:26.810 --> 00:14:30.009
I will talk to you soon, and until then, keep going.