رونوشت 🔗
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We don't have to self abandon to be full mothers.
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And the narrative for the past couple of generations has really perpetuated this.
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And so being honest with ourselves, what's true?
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What makes me the best mother?
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When do I feel most alive for my children?
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And it's actually when you're most connected to yourself.
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and welcome to the latest episode of the Unapologetically Yours podcast.
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I'm your host Ashley Logan and I'm so happy to have you here today.
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Unapologetically Yours is a podcast for the doers, the dreamers, the changemakers, people
who are ready to step courageously outside of the box and examine what's true versus what
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we've been told.
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Because in a world where we've been taught to play by the rules, it's time to live
unapologetically.
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I want to talk about something that just
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makes me so mad.
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Mad, mad, mad.
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And it is the phrase, you got this mama.
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You got this mama.
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You got this mama.
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So I am a mom of three and a working one at that.
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And I know that whether you are working for the man, working for yourself, have a side
hustle or managing your household, that motherhood is
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overwhelming and it is very very easy to lose sight of who you are simply by having kids
and because we've just been sort of taught to put our kids first.
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Okay now this is gonna sound bad.
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I put my kids first.
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My dog is sitting here and she's just trying to get in my lap in case you're watching.
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So
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Here's the thing is that yes, we should put our kids first, but if we are burnt out and we
are shells of ourselves, we're not going to be good parents.
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We're not gonna be embodied leaders of our household.
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We're not going to maintain strong relationships with our partners.
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We're not gonna maintain strong relationships in our professional lives.
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It's just impossible.
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But here's the thing about this, like you got this mama culture.
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It teaches us
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that one, we're alone, one, we can figure it out, and two, that we've got to find the
answer and the resources independently of leaning into each other and speaking truth about
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how absolutely fucking hard it is to do it all, to have it all.
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And listen, there's so much talk right now about like trad wife life.
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I would love me a farm.
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I would love me a farm.
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I want a horse.
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I would love land.
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I would love a farm where I can wake up with a cup of coffee and pace around my unmowed
field and go put my hands on big oak trees and breathe in fresh air and have like a barn
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cat and a place where I like to build fires.
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Like I want that so bad.
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I would love to raise my own vegetables.
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I would love to live on a farm.
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And I want that for myself and I want that for anyone who wants that for themselves.
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I want to have a barn where I can remake furniture to my heart's desire and painted bold
jewel tones and add fun little new handles and shit like that.
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Like I want to live on the land.
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I want to create from the land.
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I want to be inspired by it.
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And I want all of those things.
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I want my kids to like go fetch eggs from the hen house.
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So nothing against tradwives.
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I get it.
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I would love to have that.
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But here's the part about it that is so alarming to me is that so much about that culture
is about self abandonment.
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And that is where I think that we lose our life force energy.
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We forget to remember that we as women are
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creators like we get to represent and be the image of God and bring life into the world
and we get to be the leaders of our households and Help to teach our children what it
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means to be magical empowered alive creative unique beings and God that is so fucking
beautiful But when we are burnt out, how can we do that?
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So what ends up happening is our schedules are packed with kids activities.
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No time for connection with friends
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No time for self-care and meditation creativity because we've been taught that that is
trivial and I am here to tell you that it is fucking not.
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It is not.
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It is so
Load full transcript
important because if you burn out the household disappears.
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When you burn out your kids stop having someone to look to who is embodying the life that
we all should want to live.
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We are not just pawns.
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of a capitalistic society.
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Okay, we are all pawns of a capitalistic society.
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What I'm trying to say, y'all, is that we need a village.
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We need to stop abandoning ourselves as women and remember that we can lean into our own
beautiful, wonderful communities.
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And if we don't have those resources ourselves, we can create them.
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So let's talk a little bit about.
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Here's a story and it starts with getting pregnant with my first daughter.
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And my God, she's just like the light of my life.
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And when she was born, she was particular.
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She is still very, very particular.
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And I heard so much of that dreaded vernacular, you got this mama.
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And it made me feel alone.
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It made me feel ashamed to ask questions about, I doing this right?
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What feels good?
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And honestly, like I did lean into my instincts a lot more after the birth than during the
birth.
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That's a whole different story.
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But she was a traumatic birth.
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What's called a shoulder dystocia where her head came out and shoulders didn't.
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I've talked about it before, unpleasant.
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She was just fine though, thank God.
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So in those early days, it just felt like you're on your own kid.
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And even my sister had a baby just a couple months after I did, and we weren't in
community about our experiences sharing, texting late night, or doing any of those things
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that show that like we're in camaraderie with one another and being truthful about the
facts that our nipples were bleeding from breastfeeding and that we were pounding tea for
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breast milk.
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production around the clock to make sure we had enough to feed our babies.
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Like all of those things were true and they were happening in silos.
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And so this like, you got this mama culture was what laid the framework for me to over the
next nine years.
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My daughter's nine now.
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I'm no longer operating in a state of burnout, but there was moments that peaked probably
when she was maybe six years old where I thought I was going to die.
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I thought I wasn't going to make it.
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I had lost myself so deeply and it was for my children that I remembered that if I don't
come back home to myself, who's going to be the beacon to show them what this whole life
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is all about?
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And if I'm not living that life for them to see, then how are they gonna get that for
themselves?
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Light bulb moment, light bulb moment.
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So let's talk about what needs to happen in your life.
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to reclaim your power, reclaim your identity so that you can show your kids that path too.
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They are not mutually exclusive.
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It's vital that these things are happening together.
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So if we want our kids to go play sports, we need to also move our body.
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If we want our kids to be musicians.
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then we must play music, make music, sing.
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If we want our kids to be artists, then we must also be artistic.
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Otherwise, what's the point?
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So like, you can go paint pretty pictures and then go work for some jemoke and for not
that much money at a desk for your whole rest of your life?
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No, it's about embodiment.
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It's about being creative.
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It's about learning to think for yourself and carving your own path.
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So for me, where this started was my grandma knew that I had made music.
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for most of my life I loved to sing since I was a little girl.
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I was always singing and making up songs and little tunes and singing along and it was my
favorite thing.
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And then she asked me what songs I sang to my daughter.
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And I realized that I wasn't singing to my children at all.
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And that's when everything sort of started to unravel for me where I was like, wait, I
can't even find it within myself to sing the songs that are in my cells to my children.
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Wow.
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I am really, really, really disembodied right now and something's got to change.
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As I started to connect more with myself, my relationship with my children improved
exponentially, starting with my daughter, because I
could see myself in her and she could
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see herself in me.
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And that was such a beautiful dichotomy and a beautiful reflection and beautiful sense of
self for all of us that how, again, like I'm repeating myself, but like, how can I teach
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her to be?
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everything that she's gonna be if I'm sitting on the sidelines of my own damn life.
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How could I expect my children to be everything they should be in the world if I am
sitting on the sidelines of my own damn life?
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Fuck that.
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No.
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So, but you're not alone.
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If this is resonating with you, if you've got habits and hobbies that you've abandoned or
you're not making time to take care of yourself, let's start unwinding and going back to
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the beginning.
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So it starts with connecting back with your body and yourself and your presence, figuring
out what's true for you and what's true, what someone else is.
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So that to me looked like asking myself and tuning into my body and finding out, okay, do
I want pizza?
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Yes or no?
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Very simple questions.
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I've talked about this before, but really getting clear about what's a yes for me and then
honoring it.
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That's embodiment, that's attunement.
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And it starts with.
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listening to what our bodies have to say about what we want, what's desires, what are our
hopes, what makes us feel alive and leaning into it.
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Oh my God, just honoring it.
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And even if in that moment you can't follow through, you can't run away from the carpool,
think of line, at least acknowledge the truth in yourself.
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And then you can start to set your sights on what is possible for you, what could be next.
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thinking about, I'm gonna move my body more.
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I'm gonna take a few moments of just quiet introspection.
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Okay, and I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
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Taking five minutes to yourself in the car, in the driveway before you go into the house,
you're allowed to take that time and not feel guilty for one second.
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Those moments, that's when you can catch your breath and it starts small.
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It starts with those little.
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moments where you can reclaim your time, reclaim your thoughts and reconnect with what's
true for you.
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The other piece is starting to get back into creative expression.
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What a gift it is to be human.
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We are all creators.
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I believe this very, very, very deeply.
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We are all artists.
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We all have music in our veins that wants to come out and art in our fingertips and oh
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And it's about expression.
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It's about allowing ourselves to like not be in a state of self-loathing, judgment, just
for a little while and let yourself express.
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So whether that's like going to whatever art store, hobby store, craft store and picking
up a cheap paint set and just like, if you're the drinkin' type, pour yourself a glass of
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wine and just see what comes out on the paper.
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If it's starting to express yourself through journaling, let yourself see what comes out
on the page.
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Give yourself.
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chance for your voice and your desires and your creativity and your play to just come out.
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It's essential and that connection to yourself to that creator energy that mother the
feminine energy within you it deserves to be seen it deserves to come alive and you'll be
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amazed about how much lighter you feel.
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So like, this applies to like, if you're thinking about starting a side hustle and you're
like, oh, I don't know, like I'm not even making any money from it.
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No, do it because it brings you joy.
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It's a chance for expression.
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It's a chance for you to just be alive and have something that's outside of the
expectations, that's outside of the grind, that can give you a little bit of life and a
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little bit of joy.
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It is so vital.
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Do it, have something, have something now.
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If you need something, I've got all sorts of recommendations of different art schools,
teachers, singing groups, oh anything that you can join that'll help you to just remember
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that you have a creator inside of you that is dying to be expressed because that's your
truth and it's beautiful thing.
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And I can't wait to see what you come up with.
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So the other piece of this is honoring what's aligned and what's not and starting to set
down those things that aren't.
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true for you anymore.
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I look at the way that my life has changed over since realizing that I wasn't singing to
my daughter.
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It took some courage to look at what wasn't working.
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It took some courage to take action about what wasn't working and those things were on
very different timelines, let me tell you.
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First was the knowing and settling in to that and then where was the action but
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We need to be honest with ourselves about what's true for us and then act on it in again
in embodiment.
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And that means setting boundaries.
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And for women, at least from this particular adorable woman, um setting boundaries is
really hard because I love people.
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I love them so much.
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and I want to make them happy because I love them and I see all of the beauty in them and
I want to bring it out and I want to like make them laugh, make them smile and serve.
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That's a natural healer in me, but also that doesn't work if it's at the expense of me.
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So it is a-okay to be a little bit selfish once in a while and be able to say, no, I don't
got this mama.
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I am not going to sign up for this committee and go do this thing that's going to
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burn me out, make me tired, make me miss time that I want to be painting or walking by
myself or just like sitting in my driveway alone.
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If it's gonna take away from those things that are gonna recharge my battery, it's a no.
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And it's not just a no, it's a hell no.
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That's okay.
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You are allowed to set boundaries to protect your peace.
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And here's like a secret that I tell like when clients or people are looking to schedule
time with me, I have to remind myself like they can't see my calendar.
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They don't know if the time that's blocked could be viewed as superfluous, the time I've
blocked out for a walk or to record a podcast or to play my singing bowls or to just be.
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They don't know that that time could be up for grabs in case of an emergency.
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And in case of an emergency, yes, I would give that time up.
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But it's OK to push people a few days to the future or a few weeks to the future if you've
got something that is important to you.
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That is how you take care of yourself so that you can show up in this life as the strong,
powerful being that you
are and you deserve to be taken seriously in that light.
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The other piece here when it comes to being a woman that is just so exhausting is a
judgment against ourselves.
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And I know for a fact that most people are more worried about themselves than they are
about other people.
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But what happens in some circles is
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talking shit about people and all of like that negative energy that can be present in that
like toxic femininity.
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And I have to say that I'm delighted because I just maybe everyone's talking behind my
back.
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They probably are.
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No, I'm not going to assume that.
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I don't care.
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Here's the thing is that people don't talk shit to me very often because I'm just not
there for that.
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Like I'm a positive person and I really like to focus on people's strengths and that's
much more empowering to me.
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But we have so much self
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loathing for how we look, what we wear, what our bodies are doing.
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And that comparison to other women is just so exhausting.
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And I think that one of the ways to solve for that is just by being in community and by
being vulnerable and by speaking your truth and asking for help and voicing it when it's
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like, you know what?
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I feel off right now and I don't know what it is.
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and I need help right now and I don't know why and or I feel burned out right now.
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Are you feeling this way too?
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That is the way instead of loathing yourself, instead of talking shit about other people,
use what's going on inside of you to form authentic connection.
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Be vulnerable, share your truth and see how your relationships become stronger, more
authentic, more real and more rewarding because authenticity is a
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vibration and you can feel it in yourselves for sure when someone is showing up in their
fullest expression.
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It feels safer.
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It feels better to be around people like that because you know what to expect and you know
that you can believe them.
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And so I think that that's one of the most important things for women these days is that
establishing connection.
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Okay, so what's the point of this whole thing?
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I, one, feel so much sorrow.
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for
the women of this generation.
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But I also feel so much hope because we have never been more free or safer to create the
life of our dreams, but it requires us being radically authentic about what is working and
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what is not.
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And when those lies have been passed down for generations, like you got this mama or
pregnancy glow and all of those things about.
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motherhood that are like, yes, we love the absolute sweet potatoes out of our kids.
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Yes.
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And we miss dancing on tables with our best friends.
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Those things can be true and we can be the best mom and we could still go dance on tables.
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I'm really talking dance on tables, but know, safety first.
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But what I'm saying is that we don't have to self abandon to be full mothers.
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And the narrative for the past couple of generations has really perpetuated this.
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And so being honest with ourselves, what's true?
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What makes me the best mother?
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When do I feel most alive for my children?
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And it's actually when you're most connected to yourself, when you have had a moment to
recharge your battery, when you've had a moment of reflection, when you've been able to
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create, and when you've been able to fill your own motherfucking cup.
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So fill your motherfucking cup.
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but we've got to be honest about what our needs are so we can change the narrative for the
next generation.
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One of the things that I do is I host workshops, events, retreats to help primarily women.
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We've got some events for men coming up in the future, but primarily women remember who
the fuck they are.
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Reset their nervous system, connect with their bodies, connect with their creativity,
connect with that sense of self again.
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so that they can show up in their truest expression and live a life that feels good so
they can be in their bodies and feel fucking good so that they aren't walking around with
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that feeling of just being alone without community, without connection.
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So I am launching my first ever cohort in January and I cannot freaking wait.
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And over the course of eight weeks, we are going to lean into one group coaching.
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So building connection among all the people who sign up.
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We are also going to be connecting through somatic practices like breath work and sound
healing.
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And we are going to remember what it feels like to live in our bodies and out of our heads
so that we can be one whole ass person.
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not a fragmented person changing hats all day long and running from a frantic state of
burnout so we can be embodied in our truth, in our fullest expression and in the company
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of other like-minded women.
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I am so excited about this.
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please visit my website, ashleydlogan.com and sign up for my newsletter so you can be the
first to know, get on the wait list, we'll share it in the show notes and so that you can
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sign up for this if you're in the Chicacaland area.
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But guess what?
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There is going to be a virtual option coming in the spring.
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So if.
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You're not local to Chicago, but this still appeals to you.
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I still want you to sign up for the wait list and tell me what you're thinking, what you
have in mind.
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And then we'll make sure that we get this, get you added to the spring cohort because this
work is so important.
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I will tell you that I had to burn my whole life down.
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I left my business that I ran for over a decade.
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I left my marriage that was...
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almost for 10 years because I was so disconnected from myself and my truth and I've gotten
so off course and untangling those threads was brutal.
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Going into the depths of my soul and my pain to remember who the fuck I am was one of the
most excruciating, expansive journeys that I can...
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One day I will have all the words to express the journey that I've been on.
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But the reason why I do this work, the reason why I want to tell these stories is so that
you don't have to, that you don't have to unwind your whole life, that you can, and maybe
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you want to, so I've got tools for that too, but that you can be fully empowered in
whatever choice you want to make, that you are doing it from a place of surrender, a place
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of self-reflection.
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place of truth, a place of trust, and a place of embodiment.
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And that whatever choice that you make in your life that you can do it with a regulated
nervous system, with presence of mind, and in full truth.
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So thank you so much for tuning in today.
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This was a fun one and let me tell you this.
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It's not you got this mama.
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I got you mama.
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If you need anything reach out you can
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Find me at hello at ashleydlogan.com over email, Instagram at Ashley D.
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Logan or by podcast.
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Well, you're listening.
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I wanna hear from you.
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Send me a message anytime.
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I love you.
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I'm here from you.
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And until next time, I'm Ashley Logan and I am unapologetically yours.