رونوشت کامل Educators Aren't Fine

honest with you all, I'm gonna be it in anyways. 00:02:39.199 --> 00:02:40.960 I wasn't really asking, I was kind of telling. 00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:46.080 Most of us are professionals at saying that we are fine and we're not. 00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:48.319 I want you to introduce you to someone. 00:02:48.560 --> 00:02:50.479 Her name is Miss Carter. 00:02:51.520 --> 00:02:54.879 Miss Carter is in her eighth year of teaching. 00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:57.919 She is the first car in the lot. 00:02:58.400 --> 00:03:01.439 She covers classes when a sub doesn't show. 00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:06.400 She is the one new teachers go to when they are drowning. 00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:12.319 Somebody passes Miss Carter in the hallway and they say, Miss Carter, how you doing? 00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:14.400 She smiles. 00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:17.840 I'm fine, blessed and highly favored. 00:03:18.319 --> 00:03:22.000 Everyone laughs, everyone keeps moving. 00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:25.520 Meanwhile, Miss Carter is sleeping five hours a night. 00:03:25.759 --> 00:03:27.599 Miss Carter is exhausted. 00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:33.039 Miss Carter sits in her car on Monday mornings for 10 minutes before she can even walk into work. 00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:38.960 And back in November, Miss Carter quietly updated her resume because she's exhausted. 00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:40.479 Nobody knows. 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:44.080 And every time someone asks Miss Carter, How are you doing? 00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:46.639 She says, I'm fine. 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:53.039 And every time that she said fine, they believed her because she was so good at it. 00:03:53.280 --> 00:03:55.039 So why do we do that? 00:03:56.319 --> 00:03:57.919 Part of it is who we are. 00:03:58.159 --> 00:03:59.599 Educators are caregivers. 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:10.719 We are wired to take care of everyone else first, and admitting that we're not okay can feel like we're taking something away from the kids. 00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:15.759 The other part is that nobody wants to be the one who can't handle it. 00:04:16.160 --> 00:04:19.759 You look down the hallway and everyone else seems to have it all together. 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:22.480 So you keep your face on too. 00:04:22.959 --> 00:04:30.639 What I've learned is that they're looking down the hallway at you thinking the exact same thing. 00:04:37.279 --> 00:04:43.199 And all these other people in the building are looking down the hallway at you like he or she has got it together. 00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:44.639 And we don't. 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:47.120 News flash. 00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:50.160 The majority of adults don't have it together. 00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:52.639 Some of us are hanging on by a thread. 00:04:53.439 --> 00:05:00.240 Fine, the word fine, air quotes, for those that can't see me, costs you something. 00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:05.759 46% of teachers said their job left them too tired for a personal life. 00:05:06.079 --> 00:05:09.360 For similar adults, 13% that's only 13%. 00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:13.519 Fine at school turns into empty at home. 00:05:13.759 --> 00:05:17.600 And the people we love the most get whatever is left. 00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:28.399 How many of you have pulled into your driveway after school and just sat there, engine off, phone in your lap, quiet, no music for five to ten minutes? 00:05:31.040 --> 00:05:38.560 Those minutes in the car are what all those fines are adding up to. 00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:40.480 It costs the kids too. 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:43.120 Students read us better than we think. 00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:47.920 When the adults in our building are pretending, kids pick up that pretending is the rule. 00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:52.959 Then we wonder why a student tells us everything is fine before everything falls apart. 00:05:53.600 --> 00:05:55.120 They have learned from watching us. 00:05:55.199 --> 00:06:00.959 Our kids at home have learned from watching us, pretending that everything is fine. 00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:07.439 The teacher who said fine in September is often the one whose resignation letter surprises everyone come March. 00:06:07.600 --> 00:06:08.160 That's Mrs. 00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:09.040 Carter. 00:06:09.279 --> 00:06:10.959 It shouldn't have been a surprise. 00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:13.920 We just never got the real answer from her when we asked. 00:06:14.079 --> 00:06:15.680 Blessed and highly favored, dear. 00:06:15.839 --> 00:06:17.920 We all know that teacher that says that. 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:21.360 But is that actually where they're at? 00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:29.279 Yes, we may be blessed and highly favored, but fine is not fine if you're not fine. 00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:44.560 I want people to understand that I can't, or I want you to understand that I can't change your schedule from behind this microphone. 00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:49.199 But you control more of it than you may think. 00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:52.399 Start by changing the question that we ask. 00:06:52.639 --> 00:06:53.759 How are you? 00:06:54.240 --> 00:06:55.680 Is a greeting. 00:06:56.319 --> 00:06:59.759 Nobody treats it like a real question, so nobody gives a real answer. 00:06:59.839 --> 00:07:00.639 It's just like our default. 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:02.160 You get an elevator, like, hey, how are you doing? 00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:02.959 Hey, I'm I'm fine. 00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:03.439 How are you? 00:07:03.600 --> 00:07:07.519 Like that is just it's like a salutation for us. 00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:11.920 So try something more specific when you're walking past teachers. 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:15.759 Ask them, you know, what has been the heaviest part of your week? 00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:18.399 Were you really on a scale of one to ten? 00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:25.759 Sometimes we have to ask the honest questions so we can get the honest answers from the people that are around us. 00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:31.680 A specific question tells the other person you

actually want to hear the answer. 00:07:34.319 --> 00:07:40.480 Try asking what's something you need right now that you haven't asked for. 00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:42.079 Then wait. 00:07:42.240 --> 00:07:43.680 Don't feel a silence. 00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:47.680 The first answer is probably gonna be nothing. 00:07:47.920 --> 00:07:48.720 I'm good. 00:07:49.279 --> 00:07:51.120 And stay there for a second longer. 00:07:51.360 --> 00:07:54.319 Because that second answer that comes after that is usually the real. 00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:58.639 Then give one person the honest answer. 00:07:58.800 --> 00:08:04.480 A few episodes, maybe three or four episodes back, talked about you are doing enough. 00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:12.160 I talked about us finding one person who gets the honest version of us every single day. 00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:14.319 This is where that pays off. 00:08:14.560 --> 00:08:17.920 You don't have to tell the whole staff lounge that there's a challenge. 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:20.000 You just need that one person in your building. 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:23.519 And when that person asks, you have to tell them the truth. 00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:31.920 Now let's talk about the entire building because this can't rely on one good listener in the hallway. 00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:36.480 It has to be built in how our schools feel and how our schools run. 00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:42.159 If you lead anything, maybe it's a grade level team, a department, a whole school, whatever it is, maybe it's just your classroom. 00:08:42.320 --> 00:08:43.600 You have to go first. 00:08:45.279 --> 00:08:51.039 People won't be honest with you until they have watched you be honest with them. 00:08:51.679 --> 00:08:56.320 So I want you to picture a principal at that October staff meeting. 00:08:58.080 --> 00:09:02.159 Before she touches the agenda, she says, I want to be honest with you all. 00:09:02.480 --> 00:09:05.200 This month has been difficult for me. 00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:14.000 I've been taking work home, I've been short with people that I care about, and if I've been short with you, I am sorry. 00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:19.200 Then she sits down, the entire room goes quiet. 00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:27.360 And then after the meeting, over the next couple days, a couple teachers stop, a couple people and staff members from building stop in her office. 00:09:27.919 --> 00:09:32.639 Each one of them has a version that sounds like, I've been feeling the same. 00:09:33.039 --> 00:09:42.240 So one honest minute in front of an entire room gave everyone else permission to be honest and a space to say, your feelings are validated. 00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:46.080 Your honesty can be, can be um safe here. 00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:48.240 We are here to support you. 00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:56.159 Open your team meeting with a two-minute round where everyone answers one real question. 00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:57.759 Nobody fixes everything. 00:09:57.919 --> 00:09:59.120 We are just listening. 00:09:59.279 --> 00:10:03.519 If you're not in charge of that meeting, you can do this with your grade level team or at your lunch table. 00:10:03.679 --> 00:10:09.600 And when someone finally gives you the real answer, we have to stop trying to rush to fix it. 00:10:09.840 --> 00:10:12.320 Just say, thank you for telling me. 00:10:12.799 --> 00:10:20.639 As educators, as people, oftentimes when people have a problem, our initial instinct is that we have to fix and solve that problem. 00:10:21.279 --> 00:10:23.519 In this moment, I'm not asking you to fix it. 00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:25.759 I'm just asking you to hear it and acknowledge. 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:28.080 Thank you for telling me that. 00:10:28.960 --> 00:10:34.559 A building where the adults can tell the truth about how they're doing is a building where the kids can too. 00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:39.519 So this week, I want you to notice when you say fine, even though you're not. 00:10:39.759 --> 00:10:45.120 And I want you to notice when you hear it, because I guarantee you you hear it multiple times a day and we don't even realize it. 00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:49.679 And then I want you to pick one person to ask that better question to. 00:10:49.919 --> 00:10:53.279 And here's where I'll leave you for this episode. 00:10:54.399 --> 00:11:00.799 If the people in your building told you the truth tomorrow, what do you think that you would hear? 00:11:02.960 --> 00:11:06.240 And the follow-up question is what would you tell them? 00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:16.159 If this episode landed for you, uh send it to someone in your building, share this with an educator, um, like, subscribe, leave reviews. 00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:22.960 Again, that always gets me up an algorithm for more educators like yourself to find us. 00:11:23.200 --> 00:11:28.240 But I am encouraging you if you're not doing fine, stop telling people that you're doing. 00:11:29.039 --> 00:11:30.720 Thank you for spending this time with me. 00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:33.039 You have been present for homeroom attendance. 00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:36.159 Class is dismissed.