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Welcome to our little show.
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There are some things that you should know.
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We've practiced what we're gonna say, but it will go wrong anyway.
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We've got the facts, we've got the charts, just not the social graces parts.
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So settle in and press that play and let awkward lead the way.
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It's the Certifiably Awkward Podcast.
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It's the Certifiably Awkward Podcast.
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Welcome back to the Certifiably Awkward Podcast.
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This is episode four, and I'm your host, Amy.
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I'm Gabriela, and I'm Lena.
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Today we're going to share some awkward stories that were written and shared with us from listeners.
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And the first one says, I was at Blockbuster, yes, I know, I just dated myself, with my then soon-to-be husband on a Friday night after work.
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We were having a hard time finding a movie, so we split up on our search for a movie or two.
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I found him sometime later and was talking to him about a movie.
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I had found he wasn't responding to me.
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I was getting more and more frustrated, but in kind of a funny way.
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I grabbed his hand in a very flirty kind of way and he jumped away from me, which wasn't like him at all.
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My awkward self at this very moment realized it was not my soon-to-be husband at all or anyone I even knew.
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Oh my gosh.
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Oh my goodness, I was all sort of red and I couldn't breathe.
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I was so embarrassed, and when I turned around, my soon-to-be husband and my parents were there almost on the floor laughing because they just watched me do the whole thing.
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I waited in the car while they finished picking out our movies.
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That's hilarious.
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I love that story.
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That is what I love is that they sat there and watched her do it.
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I know.
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That's evil.
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And she still married this man.
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It's totally something.
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Totally something I would do.
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100% something I would do.
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So I feel for that person.
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I feel for the person in the video store next to her as she's suggesting a movie and talking to him, and he's just like going, okay, right.
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And then she's getting irritated with him, and and then
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she grabs his hand.
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I I can't even imagine how he felt at that moment.
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He loved it.
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I'm gonna go with that.
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He loved it.
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He loved it.
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He loved it.
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I've definitely done that a couple of times too.
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You've started talking to someone.
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Yeah.
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Oh, I've grabbed somebody's hand.
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Grab somebody's hand that wasn't the person.
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Lena! Is that not normal?
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Has it ever happened to you?
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I don't know if it has happened to me.
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I love that you have a story that I know that I haven't experienced.
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This is great news.
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It's happened to me multiple times.
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It's embarrassing.
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So this happened.
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You thought it was your boyfriend, you just went up and grabbed his hand.
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Well, no, one time I thought it was my cousin, so I grabbed them like on the arm.
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Okay.
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And I looked and I went, oh, never mind.
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That's hilarious.
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I thought you were someone else.
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Another time I was really small, and I thought it was my mom, so I went and held the lady's hand.
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It wasn't my mom.
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I got embarrassed, and then I ran out of the grocery store crying and sat on the curb until my mom came and caught me.
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I remember doing the only time I remember doing that also was as a child.
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I remember running up to a man that I thought was my dad and hugging him.
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I was probably five or six at the time.
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And then when I realized it wasn't him, just like you just feel horrified, right?
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You're just like, what what just happened?
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Stranger danger.
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I'm glad that that's happening to other people, though.
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Thank you.
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Thank you for your submission.
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And lucky him, she still married him.
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Right.
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Alright, our next story.
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I have an embarrassing story from when I was in my late teens or early twenties that still makes me laugh and cringe.
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After church, everyone would hang out in the foyer for a while,
chatting before heading home.
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A friend of ours had just started dating a new guy, and he had recently become recently begun coming to church with her.
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The only detail you need to know is for this story is that he was black.
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We were all standing in a circle talking, and for the life of me, I couldn't remember his name.
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So I asked, What's your name again?
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He smiled and said, Wayman.
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Without thinking, I blurted out, Oh yeah, Wayman, that's white.
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The second those words left my mouth, I realized what I'd actually meant to say was, that's right.
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Right with an R.
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I tried to recover, but it was way too late.
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My face turned about 18 shades of red.
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Everyone burst out laughing, and I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.
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Thankfully, Wayman was a great sport about it, but to this day I still think about that moment and laugh while dying a little inside.
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That's so funny.
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That's white.
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That's white.
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Wayman?
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That's white.
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I mean, right?
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Oh my god.
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That's something that would happen to you.
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Totally.
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A thousand percent.
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Yes.
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It would.
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I don't know.
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I think maybe I would have just played it off like I actually said right and you heard it wrong.
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I don't know.
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Would I have corrected myself?
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I don't know.
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Would you have corrected yourself?
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I think in my late teens I probably would have.
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Early 20s, I probably would have now.
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I'd have just like let it go.
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Let it go.
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But back then I think I probably totally would have corrupted myself.
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Yeah, probably, especially at church.
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Yeah, exactly.
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When everyone is supposed to feel welcomed and you're pointing out colors that shouldn't be pointed out.
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Oh, that's hilarious.
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Well, it kind of reminds me of a story of just like misunderstandings or maybe not speaking clearly enough.
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Um, my brother gave me permission to share this story, so I'm gonna go ahead and share it.
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He didn't want to call in or share it himself.
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No, I don't think so.
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Um, so he was up um visiting and he was telling us stories.
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He's I don't know if he was a paramedic at the time or a fireman, but one of those times um he was he was telling a story of what happened.
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So he got on a call and so he was going to this person's house.
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And um when he got there, the guy answered the door and was saying, Chicken bread?
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And my brother's like, uh no thanks.
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No thanks.
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I I'm not hungry.
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And he's like, No, chicken bread.
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And he's like, seriously, I'm just ate.
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I don't even know what chicken bread is.
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Chicken bread.
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Chicken bread.
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Chicken bread, I don't bread, but I don't I don't I I don't want any chicken bread.
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Thank you.
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Well, I don't want any chicken bread either.
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And so finally he's like, No man, she got bread, and he points over to his wife, and so finally it dawns on him like she can't breathe.
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So he goes over and feeds or helps feeds, he goes over and helps um the person and is able to like make sure that she's okay.
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But the funny part of that story is is that when he was trying to tell the story, he was like, Yeah, I got to the door, and he's like, Man, chicken breath.
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And I'm like, Oh my god, she can't breathe.
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And you understand it right away.
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Right away.
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And he's like, What do you mean?
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You like what?
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He's like, What do you what are you talking about?
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And I'm like, she can't breathe.
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What happened?
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Like, what did you do?
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Like, what was the procedure that happened?
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Was she choking?
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Like, what happened?
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And he's like, Let me finish the story.
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So he goes on and tells the story, but I already knew the punchline, obviously, because I knew that.
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And he's like, How did you figure that out?
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And I was hello, we come from a family that my mother speaking Spanish speaking, and my mother has an accent, so we hear weird words all the time.
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So why wouldn't he know that?
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Like, why my question was like, dude, why didn't you know that?
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So that's kind of funny, and also he does this job in Texas where there is a large population of Spanish-speaking people, right?
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I'm surprised he didn't catch up.
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That's what I said.
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I was like, huh.
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But that's what was so bad.
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He heard chicken bread right off, and then that it was stuck on hungry man.
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And who makes chicken bread?
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I don't even know.
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I want to know what that is.
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What is chicken bread?
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I'm envisioning some sort of freeze-dried chicken pulverized into uh flour.
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Oh, jeez.
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That's wrong picture.
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I was just thinking of some bread, not some chicken on top.
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Pulverizing chicken.
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Oh my god.
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Let all that aggression out.
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No, it's not aggression.
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I'm talking about like high protein, healthy food here.
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Using protein flour.
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That's what I'm thinking of.
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I'm thinking of chicken on pizza.
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Yeah, you're the totally chicken bread.
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Me too!
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Chicken bread.
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Chicken bread, man.
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Yeah.
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I mean, my mom has done like a lot of like growing over the years, and I remember I was like probably a freshman in high school.
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My brother played baseball, and um, he was a senior, and we were at a baseball game.
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And mind you, the stands were pretty full.
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Like they were like for a high school game, they were pretty full.
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And I don't remember what was happening, and I said, Oh man, we need a grand slam.
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And my mom got angry, like, so mad at me.
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She's like, not now.
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And I was like, Well, actually, that would be the perfect time because then we would be ahead.
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Like, I was like, Yeah, right now, and she's like, No, not now.
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And I was like, Yeah, like I really think, and she's like, I am not ready for it.
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And I'm like, who cares if you're ready?
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No, I am not ready for a grandson, yeah, exactly.
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I was like, who cares if you're ready for it or not?
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And so we went back and forth about this, and finally I was like, What did you hear?
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Because clearly we are not on the same page, and she heard grandson, and so she thought that I was pregnant.
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We need a grandson, yeah.
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How old were you?
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I was like freshman, so 15, 16.
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Oh my god, and she's thinking, no, yeah, not now.
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Not now.
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No, 10 years from now.
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Maybe.
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Oh my goodness.
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Yeah, so we've done that a lot of times, but she just like she heard what she and she couldn't get it out.
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So I guess I mean there's misunderstandings all the time.
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So that's actually the same things happened to me because my family's, you know, my dad's first language is first language is Korean, my mom's first language is Japanese.
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Oh goodness.
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So like growing up, neither of them spoke very good English.
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I once got in trouble because um my brother and I both did because one of us said um we're freaking out.
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And he was like, freaking.
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Are you are you swearing?
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Are you cursing in front of me?
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And we got in big trouble, but then I had to kind of be like, No, dad, we're freaking out.
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Like, I don't think you understand what we're saying.
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We're freaking out.
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I'm freaking out even more now because I'm in trouble.
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I can imagine that would be very difficult for someone who's not an English first language speaker because so many people use freaking instead of the F-word.
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Yeah, right?
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Like, are you freaking kidding me?
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Right, and then you say I'm freaking out.
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And so he's like, What?
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Yeah, what are you doing?
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Yeah, and when I was in first grade and still learning English myself, my dad had, you know, he was in the army, so he was speaking English at work, so he like he knew more English than I did at that point, and so one day he asks me in like Korean or something, and he's like, Do you know how to say butt, like your your butt in English?
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And I didn't know how to say it really, but I I had heard it, so I was like, I think it's but and he goes, No, it's ass.
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And I'm in first grade, and he goes, It's ass.
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And I'm like, no, I think it's but and he goes, No, it's ass.
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And he was so proud of himself, he was like, I know a word that you don't know.
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That's hilarious.
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Did you go share that with your teachers the next day?
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Oh no.
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Thank God.
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Could you imagine?
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Well, you couldn't get in trouble because your dad told you to say it.
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That is true.
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I well again, mom, English is our second language, but she had heard the word turd being used.
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Yeah, and so she liked the sound of it, and so she was talking to her.
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Like it was just not a yeah, it's not a word you say, like even like the sounds aren't similar in Spanish.
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And so she she called her boss a turd.
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Oh my god because she didn't know, and she thought like she had heard it, and so I remember um her boss calling my dad and was like, I think you need to explain to your wife what the word turd is, and probably not call people that.
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Oh no.
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So I thought it was kind of funny too.
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That is awful.
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Your poor mom.
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She was like, I just like the word, it sounds so nice.
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It's rough out here for us not native.
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It really is.
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I had no idea.
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English is a hard language.
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So did you grow up speaking Korean or Japanese in the home, both in the home?
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Simultaneously.
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Oh my goodness.
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And then then learned English.
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Yeah, first grade, they just threw English at me, and then I was just They said figure it out.
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Yeah.
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And she did.
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And she did, because she's brilliant.
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Yeah.
00:13:58.240 --> 00:14:02.559
But uh also kids learn languages so incredibly fast.
00:14:02.799 --> 00:14:04.080
But yeah.
00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:07.200
I don't know that I could do it again.
00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:18.879
No, as an adult, I've been trying to learn another language for about six months now, and I think I can say uh hello, thank you, and uh I would like something to eat.
00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:21.360
So that's pretty good.
00:14:21.919 --> 00:14:23.039
Yours back in the day.
00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:33.600
I was, you know, it was much easier to pick up on a language, but if I could choose a language to learn now, it would be Chinese, so that I could complete my Asian trifecto.
00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:37.919
Aren't there other languages?
00:14:38.639 --> 00:14:41.120
I mean, there's other Asian languages, why Chinese?
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:44.799
I mean, it's just it's so broadly spoken too and it's all right there.
00:14:45.039 --> 00:14:45.440
Yeah, yeah.
00:14:45.919 --> 00:14:46.480
Well, not really.
00:14:46.559 --> 00:14:48.879
Japan's not connected to anything in the Rhode Island.
00:14:49.600 --> 00:14:50.559
But it's close.
00:14:50.960 --> 00:14:51.279
Yeah.
00:14:52.399 --> 00:14:54.799
I get mistaken for Chinese very often.
00:14:55.120 --> 00:14:55.440
Do you?
00:14:55.679 --> 00:14:56.159
I do.
00:14:57.039 --> 00:15:01.519
Especially because my last name's Chun, and that's a very common Chinese last name.
00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:04.159
Let's just expose my last name on here.
00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:05.120
It's fine.
00:15:05.440 --> 00:15:26.080
I would like listeners to know that when you said that, that you would like to complete your Asian trifecta, you actually made a triangle with your fingers and slowly brought them together as if it was some sort of special symbol for the trifecta Asian speakers.
00:15:26.480 --> 00:15:27.039
To all come.
00:15:27.279 --> 00:15:28.080
To all come.
00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:29.279
We are one.
00:15:30.159 --> 00:15:30.799
The trifecta.
00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:33.279
Yes, exactly.
00:15:35.919 --> 00:15:41.440
Well, you know, the guy I talked about in the last podcast, he too spoke one of those languages.
00:15:41.519 --> 00:15:42.720
So did he?
00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:44.240
Oh, yeah, right.
00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:46.799
The one who wanted to give me a massage.
00:15:48.639 --> 00:15:51.360
He too might be part of that lumin Illuminati.
00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:55.440
That's so funny.
00:15:55.679 --> 00:15:56.639
A lot of grace though.
00:15:56.799 --> 00:15:57.440
A lot of grace.
00:15:57.759 --> 00:15:58.320
Absolutely.
00:15:58.399 --> 00:16:06.480
And no, I mean, I like I said, I to all of you who come to try and learn English.
00:16:07.840 --> 00:16:09.759
Because there's so many different words that we use.
00:16:10.159 --> 00:16:11.200
Oh my gosh, I know.
00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:12.879
It's just crazy.
00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:15.919
I still struggle with English to this day.
00:16:16.320 --> 00:16:18.639
I struggle with English to this day.
00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:21.039
You don't struggle with English, do you?
00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:21.519
Yeah.
00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:29.759
I mean, I struggle with English because of my midlife brain fog, but that's nothing to do with, you know, a language barrier.
00:16:29.919 --> 00:16:31.039
It's just my brain.
00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:34.000
But what do you give me an example of you struggling with English?
00:16:34.399 --> 00:16:37.279
Just words that don't come to don't come to mind.
00:16:38.159 -->
00:16:38.799
Does a Spanish word?
00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:42.320
I think of it in Spanish, and then I can't think of what it is in English.
00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:42.639
Yeah.
00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:44.799
And I'm just like, it'll come.
00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:45.120
Yeah.
00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:52.879
It's like I can think of it in every other language, but the one I'm trying to look for and do you find yourself trying to describe what you're talking about?
00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:53.600
Yeah.
00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:54.320
I don't.
00:16:54.399 --> 00:16:55.919
I just sit in the awkward silence.
00:16:56.559 --> 00:17:04.880
I did it to you earlier today where I was like, you know, the thing, the thing, and I just make hand gestures until I which I never realized.
00:17:04.960 --> 00:17:05.920
Like I never remembered what that was.
00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:07.440
Were you thinking of binder clip?
00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:08.880
What are we doing here with our hands?
00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:10.000
I don't know.
00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:14.319
That's what came to mind when she did that for me.
00:17:14.480 --> 00:17:15.519
A binder clip.
00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:21.279
That's what I was trying to- Oh my god, this is so I was trying to say I was gonna piggyback off of something you said.
00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:23.519
Oh like Oh, so it was like a phrase, yeah.
00:17:24.000 --> 00:17:25.279
So then I was like.
00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:26.880
I called it Pac-Man.
00:17:27.039 --> 00:17:27.279
Yeah.
00:17:27.519 --> 00:17:28.640
Because she was going like that.
00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:30.720
Yeah, I was making Pac-Man gestures.
00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:34.319
I don't know why, like, in my mind, this one meant piggyback.
00:17:34.480 --> 00:17:34.799
Yeah.
00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:36.880
Yeah, that's true.
00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:39.119
And some, you know, American phrases.
00:17:39.279 --> 00:17:46.559
I won't even say English because that's, you know, English have their own phrases that I don't understand, but American phrases make zero sense.
00:17:46.880 --> 00:17:47.200
100%.
00:17:47.599 --> 00:17:48.400
So yeah.
00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:49.759
Yeah, very true.
00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:52.559
Lena, did you have a story you wanted to share today?
00:17:52.799 --> 00:17:55.279
Um I think you oh my gosh.
00:17:55.440 --> 00:18:01.119
Well, this kind of ties in ties in with my um failure to speak good English.
00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:07.839
Well, it's not really speaking good English, it's more of like a realization of what I had said.
00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:09.759
It didn't really click.
00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:12.960
Um so Amy doesn't know the story.
00:18:13.599 --> 00:18:21.440
So I was at work very long ago, um, and somebody asked me for help with something.
00:18:21.839 --> 00:18:22.160
Right?
00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:24.880
And he comes up to me and he says this all the time.
00:18:25.039 --> 00:18:26.640
He goes, Hey, hey, Lena, do you have a sec?
00:18:26.960 --> 00:18:27.680
Do you have a second?
00:18:27.759 --> 00:18:28.240
Do you have a second?
00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:31.039
And I'm like, Yeah, I'm always happy to help, you know, whatever.
00:18:31.279 --> 00:18:34.000
This time around, he asked me, Hey Lena, do you have a sec?
00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:36.400
And I went, yeah, I have all the sex.
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:43.279
Lena, you have all the sex.
00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:47.279
I mean that that is wonderful.
00:18:47.599 --> 00:18:50.160
But why are you talking about it with a coworker?
00:18:51.200 --> 00:18:55.920
It was more like at what point did you recognize like did you realize he was?
00:18:56.640 --> 00:19:02.720
I made direct eye contact and it took us about a millisecond and we went.
00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:09.519
So um, did he laugh?
00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:14.160
Oh, was this someone like in a position of authority?
00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:15.039
Okay.
00:19:16.640 --> 00:19:17.200
Thank God.
00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:21.039
Because I'm like, oh my goodness.
00:19:21.440 --> 00:19:25.119
He's now come to me a couple of times asking, do you have a sec?
00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:27.839
And I'll look at him and we'll just start laughing again.
00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:28.799
Just one.
00:19:29.119 --> 00:19:30.240
I have just one.
00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:31.920
I don't have all of them.
00:19:32.319 --> 00:19:33.039
Just one.
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:38.640
Yeah, or just say, um, I do not have a sec, but I have a second.
00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:41.920
We're not shortening words anymore around here.
00:19:43.039 --> 00:19:44.079
Oh my goodness.
00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:44.880
Oh my goodness.
00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:48.799
Did anyone else hear?
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:50.400
Um, I don't even remember.
00:19:50.480 --> 00:19:55.519
It was so long ago, but we talk about it so often because it's such a stupid story.
00:19:55.759 --> 00:19:57.519
No, I can remember it vividly.
00:19:57.680 --> 00:20:05.519
Her Lena coming back to the desk, and Lena at that time sat next to each other, and she's like, Oh my god, I have to tell you a funny story.
00:20:05.759 --> 00:20:08.799
Because I'm always the one who's like, oh my god, I have to tell you a funny story.
00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:11.759
This time it was Lena coming to me, and we died laughing.
00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:12.160
Yeah.
00:20:12.319 --> 00:20:14.480
It was a good time when we used to sit by each other.
00:20:14.640 --> 00:20:14.880
Yeah.
00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:17.200
We had our little diversity corner.
00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:21.200
Meaning, uh not your unofficial diversity corner.
00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:21.920
Okay.
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:22.880
Yeah.
00:20:23.359 --> 00:20:30.000
Um, so you had Gabriella, who is uh of Hispanic origin, you of Asian.
00:20:30.160 --> 00:20:30.880
Who was the other one?
00:20:30.960 --> 00:20:31.680
Was there another one?
00:20:31.920 --> 00:20:34.000
We were the only two in the entire office.
00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:36.720
Shoved in the corner.
00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:38.880
You were literally shoved in the corner.
00:20:39.279 --> 00:20:40.640
But it was a good time in the corner.
00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:41.440
It was.
00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:45.519
It tends to be where the outcasts are.
00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:50.319
It is what it is.
00:20:50.880 --> 00:20:54.559
And then people find their way to you because that is where the fun is.
00:20:54.720 --> 00:20:55.759
Yep, that's true.
00:20:56.000 --> 00:20:57.680
You you got a lot of visitors.
00:20:57.920 --> 00:20:58.240
I did.
00:20:58.400 --> 00:20:58.640
Yeah.
00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:00.559
People love coming to talk to you.
00:21:00.799 --> 00:21:01.440
Yeah.
00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:02.880
I don't know why.
00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:04.960
I fear people fear time.
00:21:05.440 --> 00:21:06.640
Apparently they are scared of time.
00:21:06.720 --> 00:21:07.680
It's your awkward nature.
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:10.799
Maybe they're scared of me, but then they like to laugh with at me.
00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:12.720
Maybe that's what it is.
00:21:13.039 --> 00:21:15.759
They laugh at us listening to this.
00:21:16.799 --> 00:21:18.079
Yeah, exactly.
00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:18.880
That's true.
00:21:19.119 --> 00:21:20.880
Or giving them the platform to laugh at.
00:21:21.359 --> 00:21:22.000
Yeah, exactly.
00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:23.119
That is exactly it.
00:21:23.200 --> 00:21:26.880
Now they can uh uh officially, without guilt or shame, laugh at you.
00:21:27.279 --> 00:21:27.839
Yeah, 100%.
00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:29.039
And we hope that they are.
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:29.440
Yeah.
00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:30.799
Keep laughing, guys.
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:32.400
Yeah, keep laughing.
00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:36.880
And on that note, while you're laughing, please rate the podcast.
00:21:37.119 --> 00:21:44.720
Follow us on whichever platform you uh listen to us on Spotify, YouTube, iHeartRadio.
00:21:44.799 --> 00:21:46.240
Yeah, iHeartRadio, Apple Music.
00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:47.759
Or Apple Music.
00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:50.000
Um, but please like and follow.
00:21:50.240 --> 00:22:00.079
And um, if you have any stories to share, please email them to us at certifiably awkwardpod at gmail.com or send us a DM on our socials.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:01.680
Have a great day.
00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:02.559
Bye.
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:03.359
Bye.