High-Functioning, Silently Unravelling | Dr Tuesday Watts on Modern Motherhood: täielik transkriptsioon

people give credit to. 00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:04.480 It's so underestimated, like just the mental and emotional toll that that takes. 00:05:04.639 --> 00:05:08.160 And that's very much this messy middle territory that I speak to. 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:17.360 Is that, you know, we're not we're not kind of glowing, grateful, gliding through motherhood, but also we're not kind of at crisis point. 00:05:17.439 --> 00:05:28.720 We're in this very messy, very kind of turbulent middle ground where we kind of oscillate between I'm drowning and oh, maybe it isn't that bad, I'm doing okay. 00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:35.600 We kind of move between these like states, if you like, and we're trying to make sense of it as we go. 00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:44.399 We're learning whilst we teach, we're finding our feet as we move through this space, and it's really complicated and messy and overwhelming and hard to make sense of. 00:05:44.560 --> 00:06:06.000 And there is no map or rule book for any of this because we are literally learning in real time, but whilst also kind of holding close this hyper-awareness we all have now of you know, what might damage our children, what what might cause trauma, how to, how to foster a secure attachment. 00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:16.319 Like there is so much information that we are that is taking capacity from us whilst we kind of learn and teach emotional literacy in real time. 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:17.600 It's a lot, it's messy. 00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:19.600 It's so, it's so much. 00:06:19.680 --> 00:06:25.439 And if you add the layer of some physiological things that can be out of your control. 00:06:25.600 --> 00:06:33.920 So, for example, you know, if you are dealing with postpoderum anxiety or depression, or there's just some level of hormone shift. 00:06:34.079 --> 00:06:40.959 And I, you know, I found, I think you and I actually we must follow the same account on Instagram because I I noticed we like the same thing. 00:06:41.199 --> 00:06:47.519 This peanut campaign with Tommy TP around the word matrescence and how powerful. 00:06:47.680 --> 00:06:50.879 I mean, up until six months ago, I had never heard of the word matrescence. 00:06:50.959 --> 00:06:51.920 I had no idea what it was. 00:06:52.000 --> 00:07:06.399 And isn't that crazy to think that it is the term that describes the actual physiological, hormonal, um, neurological shift that actually happens to you during pregnancy and birth? 00:07:06.720 --> 00:07:13.279 It is the same, or not the same, but it is equivalent to the midlife version of adolescence. 00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:15.199 And it's massive. 00:07:15.600 --> 00:07:16.000 Massive. 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:22.879 And nobody, it was just this thing of that's just what women do, that's just what mums do. 00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:37.360 And as you said, uh, with the generational piece with being a millennial, my fear was before being open and speaking about the feelings we just talked about, is that it was a sign of

weakness, it was a sign that I wasn't coping. 00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:51.360 Um, it was it was really difficult to be vulnerable, but there's obviously so many women out there who want to have the terminology and want to have these discussions because what in four months you got 200,000 followers. 00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:53.680 So yeah, yeah, exactly. 00:07:53.839 --> 00:08:12.000 And I think that's what really struck me through like all of the stuff that I was sharing on social media is that, you know, especially as a psychologist, I I kind of I felt a bit like I needed to share a solution or like a fix or like, you know, offer some tips or ways of making it all feel a bit easier. 00:08:12.079 --> 00:08:14.879 But that's not actually why people were coming. 00:08:14.959 --> 00:08:27.439 It was because finally someone was saying something out loud that they had felt but couldn't find the words for, and and they were looking for language, and it was language that, you know, generations before us never had. 00:08:27.600 --> 00:08:32.879 No previous generation has had this language, these words to describe these feelings. 00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:35.759 And that's what people are craving at this point. 00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:42.559 It's what I was craving, you know, as a psychologist in the thick of this kind of messy middle territory. 00:08:42.720 --> 00:08:50.080 I was like, I can't, I almost can't make sense of what I'm living through, but it's because I'm not seeing it anywhere. 00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:56.000 No one's really talking about how complicated and messy this process is. 00:08:56.080 --> 00:09:05.600 There's like so many things happening at the same time, so many feelings colliding and overlapping with each other and kind of hard to pick apart and make sense of. 00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:12.480 And that's when I started just saying it, just speaking like in real time, what I was feeling, what I was going through. 00:09:12.639 --> 00:09:15.519 And that's what's kind of drawn so many mothers in. 00:09:15.679 --> 00:09:19.840 It was like, oh, I see someone actually living the same life as me. 00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:24.399 And I can see glimpse, I can see glimpses of myself in that, and that's what we need. 00:09:24.480 --> 00:09:35.279 And you know, we talk and hear a lot about the missing village, and you know, it's not just for practical support, it's so that we can see a likeness with other people. 00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:46.240 We can see like that common humanity, that thread that kind of unites us and makes our experiences feel a little bit more tolerable because they're more normalized. 00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:50.480 And I think that's the most important thing is to normalize them. 00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:54.000 I I see it the shift in my own group of girlfriends. 00:09:54.320 --> 00:10:01.759 We had a great relationship, um, and we talked as mums do, but we weren't really telling the truth. 00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:15.440 But the point being is now we'll walk in, and one of the women the other week was like, I just screamed so loud at my child because I I feel so bad, but I was just up to my eyeballs and I've just had whinging all day. 00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:17.200 And she got it off her chest. 00:10:17.679 --> 00:10:22.080 We all gave her a hug and we were like, Oh babe, we get it, we've all been there. 00:10:22.240 --> 00:10:32.399 And it felt so freeing and liberating to actually be able to have that conversation with our friends, and you do need that village to support. 00:10:32.559 --> 00:10:38.879 So, do you find did you feel when you went and pressed post on Instagram? 00:10:39.279 --> 00:10:45.279 Was it an immediate sense of liberation, or were you worried about what the response would be? 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:46.720 Um, or in terms of it? 00:10:46.960 --> 00:11:07.919 No, I think it was immediate, it was immediately a sense of like relief, like, oh, like finally I've got that off my chest, because it was taking way more energy from me and way more capacity from me to pretend that things were different or that I had it all together or that it was somehow easier than it actually was. 00:11:08.080 --> 00:11:12.559 Like it just it took way less energy just to say it as it really was. 00:11:12.720 --> 00:11:14.000 Yeah, and that's what I like. 00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:15.200 I say that to people all the time. 00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:18.320 They always say, Oh, thank you for being like so honest and authentic. 00:11:18.639 --> 00:11:24.799 Like it would take so much more from me to be anything else and to be anything different, and I just don't have it. 00:11:24.879 --> 00:11:28.159 I just don't have a lot because the load is heavy. 00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:29.039 The load is heavy. 00:11:29.279 --> 00:11:29.840 It's so heavy. 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:33.120 I just don't have the capacity to pretend. 00:11:33.440 --> 00:11:52.000 And I think when I moved into motherhood, which I had always wanted to be a mum, and I have adored most of the moments, not every moment, but I it took me a while to accept that I had to meet new versions of myself that I didn't recognize and nor did I like all of the time, actually. 00:11:52.080 --> 00:12:01.919 And it's pretty layered, it's not just with my kids, it links to my ambition, it links to um my relationship so much, which we will get dig into. 00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:13.519 But if we focus on that identity and ambition piece, I mean, you were high performing, as you mentioned, being a millennial, go to school, get good grades, go to university. 00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:15.200 You trained as a psychologist. 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:25.840 I mean, I suppose it must have felt hard to that you should have all the tools in your toolbox to be able to deal with motherhood, and then it completely floored you. 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:33.200 I mean, how how do you feel about that whole part of perfectionism and ambition when it links to motherhood? 00:12:33.759

--> 00:12:36.399 I mean, it's perfectionism. 00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:44.559 I can kind of look back on it fondly in that it got me to where I wanted to be, career-wise, ambition-wise. 00:12:44.720 --> 00:12:53.360 Like I can very much see that it was my, it was like a motor, like driving me forward to just keep achieving, achieving, achieving. 00:12:53.600 --> 00:13:05.840 But I can also look back and see just how much it crushed me and just how much it cost me as well, because perfectionism ultimately is a survival mechanism for so many of us. 00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:14.080 We, you know, we perform and we try and get it right and we achieve in order to feel good enough. 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:21.200 Like our self-worth is really heavily tied to our performance, and there's a huge control piece to it as well. 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:27.120 Like, you know, achieving and performing means that you get to kind of control other people's perceptions of you. 00:13:27.279 --> 00:13:36.159 Um, and so there's a really kind of heavy cost in terms of like management, like managing yourself, managing other people's perceptions. 00:13:36.320 --> 00:13:40.320 There's a lot of energy that's required to kind of maintain that. 00:13:40.480 --> 00:13:44.480 It's all it's like that analogy of the swan, like we see and hear it all the time. 00:13:44.559 --> 00:13:57.519 You know, on the surface, you look calm and graceful and like you have everything all together, you're perfectly composed, but beneath the surface, you're just like pedaling like hell to keep pace with everything, with all of the demands. 00:13:57.759 --> 00:14:10.480 And I think what kind of broke down for me when I became a mother was that I could no longer get, you know, a certain outcome or output based on my efforts. 00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:13.519 Like it didn't really matter what I did. 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:24.480 I couldn't get the output or the result that I was hoping to, or I couldn't control it in the way or manage it in the way that I had managed everything up to that point in my life. 00:14:24.639 --> 00:14:31.919 It wasn't like the harder I tried, the easier it became, and the more I achieved, which is the formula that had always worked for me. 00:14:32.159 --> 00:14:33.360 It didn't work anymore. 00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:44.639 I was putting, you know, I was doing everything by the book, I was checking all the boxes, doing all of the things that I thought made me a good mum, that I thought were really good for like my baby's development. 00:14:44.799 --> 00:14:59.600 I was going to all the baby classes, I was doing all of the things, but I was still, I still felt like I was failing, and I still had this baby who didn't seem to enjoy or cooperate. 00:14:59.759 --> 00:15:14.960 Or, you know, he wasn't this calm and happy baby, like everyone said he would be if I was calm and happy and you know, just meeting all of his needs and and making sure he got everything that was required, like he would just be this calm and content baby. 00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:20.720 He wasn't, and that you know, it made me immediately question my worth. 00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:24.799 And it made me question everything, everything fell apart because I was like, Who am I? 00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:27.440 Like, you know, I'm I'm no good at this. 00:15:27.759 --> 00:15:33.759 Do you think I've been thinking about this a lot um before speaking with you? 00:15:33.919 --> 00:15:38.320 Because I think the temperament of your child determines so much, right? 00:15:38.399 --> 00:15:38.799 So much. 00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:39.519 It does. 00:15:39.679 --> 00:16:00.240 Um, and it cracks you open in ways that are so painful, but actually, are they also incredibly powerful because they make you look at a version of yourself that was probably there all along, but for year from in my case anyway, I think there was years of masking, years of performance. 00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:03.840 Um and when my daughter came along, she was so chill. 00:16:03.919 --> 00:16:04.799 I kept that up. 00:16:05.039 --> 00:16:09.919 And then he came, and it wasn't a case that people say, Oh, you're probably just tired. 00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:12.240 Don't be so silly, don't be blowing it up your life. 00:16:12.399 --> 00:16:15.600 It was that I had to really dig deep. 00:16:15.679 --> 00:16:21.200 And when I dig deep, I realized there was so much missing that I wanted to do. 00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:27.120 And a lot of people are calling it the millennial mom or the millennial career crisis. 00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:32.240 Um, and when you had that experience with your son and you dig deep, you quit your job, right? 00:16:32.399 --> 00:16:33.919 And I have just quit my job. 00:16:34.159 --> 00:16:36.000 So yeah, literally. 00:16:36.240 --> 00:16:55.039 It was like um uh it well, motherhood is like a total deconstruction and like unmasking, like you really have to you come face to face with who you really are in so many ways, and all of the coping tools and strategies that have kept you afloat, that's what it felt like for me. 00:16:55.200 --> 00:17:10.720 I was kind of coming face to face with all of the ways that I had kept myself going for all of this time that just weren't really working because underneath it all, you know, I was stretched thin inside my own life before I even became a mum. 00:17:10.799 --> 00:17:28.319 So, how on earth was I supposed to cope when suddenly I had to like lend my nervous system to another person who was learning how to regulate their own emotions and find their footing, like it was just never going to be a success with the tools and strategies that I had in place. 00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:37.200 So there was a real like kind of crisis moment of like, I can't do this like this anymore. 00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:38.960 I have to find another way. 00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:40.880 And it does call everything into question. 00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:46.240 And like suddenly, when I

had my firstborn, nothing made sense anymore. 00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:47.519 Like, nothing made sense. 00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:54.240 I'd spent nearly eight years building a career in academia, and I was like, this just isn't me. 00:17:54.400 --> 00:17:59.519 Like I just do not fit this frame anymore, like relationships, friendships as well. 00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:04.319 I was like, I just I can't relate to these people anymore. 00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:06.880 I don't feel like I fit in that group anymore. 00:18:06.960 --> 00:18:09.680 I'm just completely changed, like inside and out. 00:18:09.759 --> 00:18:13.200 And like you spoke about matrescence, like it makes so much sense. 00:18:13.359 --> 00:18:19.440 I was just, I felt like every piece of who I was and every piece of my life was just overhauled overnight. 00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:33.920 And suddenly I was left kind of gathering up the pieces of this kind of fragmented life and identity and trying to fit them back together again, um, and struggling with that because it doesn't happen in an instant, it doesn't happen overnight. 00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:56.319 It's something that takes time and like it takes a while to kind of make sense of how the pieces then come back together again to create this new version of you that's absolutely and it's really it's very disconcerting and it can break a lot of people, and as you said, it's trying to be kind to yourself and and give yourself the time to do that. 00:18:56.480 --> 00:18:59.440 And you mentioned there, I can't do this anymore. 00:18:59.599 --> 00:19:03.200 But was there also an element where you just didn't want to do it anymore, right? 00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:04.000 Yeah, correct. 00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:04.720 Yeah, exactly. 00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:12.319 And I mean, so much of what I was doing, like when I had my firstborn, like all of the baby classes and things like that, I didn't want to do it. 00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:16.079 I hated, I hated them, like with a passion. 00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:21.680 I felt like overstimulated by them, which makes so much sense for me. 00:19:21.839 --> 00:19:28.880 Um, but I felt like I had to, and like I was pushing myself to do that for him because I thought that that's what he needed. 00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:31.920 Yeah, but he hated it too, because he's like me. 00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:39.920 And so when you say like just to give some context to people listening, you you reference it as kind of sensory sensitive. 00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:40.799 Yeah, exactly. 00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:42.400 And that you are sensitive. 00:19:42.480 --> 00:19:47.039 And I think looking back now, I am absolutely the same. 00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:49.200 Like I get quite overstimulated. 00:19:49.359 --> 00:19:57.440 I mean, I can't, if the dryer is beeping and the kids are screaming and there's something else, I literally like it, it actually hurts my brain. 00:19:57.680 --> 00:20:00.960 And my horses all levels just go through the roof.

00:20:01.279 --> 00:20:05.599 Um so when you say that, and then did you accept? 00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:07.680 So we're we're at this crisis point. 00:20:08.400 --> 00:20:13.200 You've realized not only that you can't do it, but you don't want to do it that way. 00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:33.599 So you give up your role as a lecturer in the university, and then you're trying to find this new path, um, of which we we hear about a lot, because again, I'm gonna say it the millennial career crisis is this term that's thrown around because a lot of women are getting to the point and they're not giving up work because they want to stay at home baking cookies with the kids. 00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:34.880 And if you want to do that, great. 00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:42.720 But they're giving up work to navigate and pivot their career to something that fills their cup that they want to do. 00:20:43.039 --> 00:20:54.400 Um, but with that, because I'm going through the exact process right now and I'm only at the infancy, it's cracking me open in ways that I never expected. 00:20:54.559 --> 00:20:56.079 Like I feel like I'm on my knees. 00:20:56.160 --> 00:20:58.640 I feel less confident than ever before. 00:20:58.799 --> 00:21:03.839 I'm questioning my self-worth and self-doubt because I'm not at the top of my game anymore. 00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:05.519 I don't know what I'm doing. 00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:05.920 Yeah. 00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:08.480 Um, how did how did you manage that? 00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:10.559 Oh, it's so hard. 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:14.000 And like it, it's it didn't happen overnight. 00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:17.119 I mean, it sounds like a quick process, but it really wasn't. 00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:19.359 Like deciding to leave academia. 00:21:19.440 --> 00:21:30.640 I'd made that decision that that's what I was gonna do when I had my son, but I was already, I had already agreed to start a new academic position at a new university. 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:33.519 So I knew that I was gonna have to do that. 00:21:33.839 --> 00:21:39.279 Um, and that it would take me some time to figure out what I was gonna do next. 00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:50.480 So I went along with that for a bit and went to that new academic position and and made it work for the best part of 18 months, I think it was in the end. 00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:52.559 I'd had my second baby in that time as well. 00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:55.920 So it wasn't an overnight experience by any means. 00:21:56.000 --> 00:21:59.759 I didn't just like wake up, decide I wanted to do different, leave the job. 00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:04.079 And then, you know, I was suddenly trying to find what I was going to do. 00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:09.599 It was like a years of like figuring out and trying and testing. 00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:15.920 And like when I had my by the time I had my second baby, I knew I wanted to work with mothers in some way. 00:22:16.079 --> 00:22:17.279 I didn't know what that was. 00:22:17.359 --> 00:22:18.799 I was still trying to figure it out. 00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:20.960 So I did lots of different things. 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:27.920 I trained to be a hypnotherapist, thinking I might help support them in the perinatal period with hypnotherapy. 00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:29.920 I trained to do hypnobirthing. 00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:34.000 So I was helping people like get ready for birth and make sense of all of that time. 00:22:34.160 --> 00:22:41.519 I was still tweaking and trialing and, you know, figuring out in that time until I really landed in the space where I am now. 00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:47.359 But that took like three years to really fine-tune and figure out where I was going to be. 00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:55.359 And exactly the same as you, like it brought me to my knees at so many points because suddenly I wasn't achieving. 00:22:55.599 --> 00:23:04.640 I wasn't like, you know, high flying, and I didn't have any like tangible like results or output where I could say, like, this is a success. 00:23:04.880 --> 00:23:06.319 And so I'm worthy. 00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:13.200 Like it really, it really forced me to confront where do I get my feelings of self-worth from? 00:23:13.279 --> 00:23:27.839 And I really had to unpick and unpack and like detach myself from performance in order to kind of rebuild a new sense of inner, like worth, self-trust, self-confidence. 00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:30.640 But that took years for me to do that. 00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:33.599 And I think it's a really powerful process to go through. 00:23:33.680 --> 00:23:34.240 It's not easy. 00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:36.960 I'm going through it myself, and it feels a lot easier. 00:23:37.119 --> 00:23:39.920 Some days I'm like, what the fuck have I done? 00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:44.160 And I said to my part the other day, I need to crawl back to corporate and ask for a job back. 00:23:44.319 --> 00:24:01.440 But I know because I follow people like yourself and some other just unbelievably inspirational women out there that you know, there's that cheesy saying that it's easier, it's easier to stay in what's easy. 00:24:01.519 --> 00:24:04.160 Um no, what what is the term I'm looking for? 00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:06.319 It's easier to stay in what you know. 00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:10.799 Um but actually pushing through the pain, it does get better on the other side. 00:24:10.880 --> 00:24:21.200 It's so cliche, it's so cheesy, but it is true that I I'm I'm grappling all of these feelings because I kind of know when I get to the other side, it's gonna be extremely freeing. 00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:24.400 I don't know what that's gonna look like from a monetary perspective. 00:24:24.640 --> 00:24:28.880 I, you know, not everybody is in the position that they are able to do that. 00:24:29.440 --> 00:24:33.200 And if I do go back to corporate, at least I know I truly gave it my all. 00:24:33.279 --> 00:24:42.160 And what I would say to women, and I'd love to hear

what you would, if you're in this crisis point and you are thinking about pivoting, try it. 00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:42.960 Just try it. 00:24:43.039 --> 00:24:53.599 If you're in the position to do it, yes, it's hard, all of those feelings of confidence and self-worth and comparison, and and we'll touch on that, but it is so powerful. 00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:55.039 Would you say the same? 00:24:55.359 --> 00:24:56.319 Oh gosh, yeah. 00:24:56.400 --> 00:25:01.119 It is it's really powerful, but it's really testing as well at the same time. 00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:17.440 And I remember hearing someone um say something along the lines of, I wish people were more patient with themselves in the process of becoming, like it takes such a long time to become and to arrive at your destination. 00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:21.519 And I by no means feel like I've arrived at my final destination. 00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:24.160 I feel like I'm on more solid ground. 00:25:24.400 --> 00:25:25.680 That's where I feel now. 00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:27.759 And now I can start to build. 00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:36.480 But for such a long time, I felt like I don't know what my next step is gonna be because I can't see like the ground in front of me. 00:25:36.559 --> 00:25:43.200 I'm just stepping and and and leaping and hoping that I'm gonna land somewhere and not being sure where I'm gonna land. 00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:46.720 And, you know, that's such a human experience, too. 00:25:46.880 --> 00:25:49.839 We like exactly as you just said, we like what we know. 00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:55.039 That's how we're wired because what we know is easy to predict. 00:25:55.200 --> 00:25:57.440 It, you know, it's a safety signal. 00:25:57.599 --> 00:26:00.640 What we know and can kind of predict its movements. 00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:02.240 We know exactly what that's gonna do. 00:26:02.319 --> 00:26:08.480 So that means that we can be fairly confident that we're gonna be safe and survive, whatever that thing is. 00:26:08.720 --> 00:26:21.839 But when we start taking steps out of our comfort zone and start venturing into areas that we we understand less and are less familiar with, that really challenges our sense of safety. 00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:25.519 And so we feel like, oh, I want to retreat, I want to go back to what I know. 00:26:25.680 --> 00:26:27.440 Like you say, I want to crawl back to corporate. 00:26:27.599 --> 00:26:28.799 And I had like many points. 00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:39.039 So I was like, oh, maybe I just need to start reaching out to universities and just see, you know, if there's something that I can do that can fit around what I'm doing now. 00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:44.079 Like it, yeah, it's a really disorienting phase. 00:26:44.400 --> 00:26:45.839 A really disorienting phase, yeah. 00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:52.799 The way I keep trying to pull myself back is just one step at a time. 00:26:52.960 --> 00:26:59.440 And I am and like what you just said there, I find the idea of not being able to see the future really, really difficult. 00:26:59.599 --> 00:27:13.680 Um because I didn't wake up one day and have an amazing idea of a product or whatever, like I'm not sure what what I'm navigating, but I was like, I'm just gonna do one thing, and then for example, this podcast, and everyone's like, but you've never done a podcast. 00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:19.759 I worked it out, I worked it out, and we thought it was gonna be the small little thing, and then all of a sudden we're in the Apple charts. 00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:29.440 And and the the point being is that those small little things can lead to the bigger things, you just have to take a chance, try something new and give it a go. 00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:39.200 And I think in this world in 2026, the hustle culture of especially online, where you have to be a millionaire in six weeks. 00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:42.799 I launched a digital product and now I'm worth five million. 00:27:43.279 --> 00:27:52.559 It's really difficult to be patient and it's really difficult to have a mature mindset and take your time to iterate and build and to feel good about it. 00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:53.680 What would you say? 00:27:53.759 --> 00:28:03.200 Like, how dangerous, not just in the career side, but on the mothering side, how dangerous do you think social media is for women and mothers these days? 00:28:03.519 --> 00:28:05.680 Oh, I mean, immensely so. 00:28:05.839 --> 00:28:06.240 I think. 00:28:06.319 --> 00:28:07.839 I mean, there's two sides of it, right? 00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:10.319 Like, obviously, I'm not anti-social media. 00:28:10.400 --> 00:28:12.960 I think it it's extremely powerful. 00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:20.720 And, you know, for me, it's it's allowed me to build a community of women who aren't living locally to each other. 00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:24.079 And that's that's unbelievable in so many ways. 00:28:24.319 --> 00:28:35.039 But I think that there is a really dark side to it, and like you say, it kind of removes this messy process, like both in career and in motherhood. 00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:47.279 We don't see the messy journey, we don't see the missteps, we don't see, you know, the chaos of real life a lot of the time in motherhood and in career. 00:28:47.359 --> 00:28:59.920 We very much see the end result, we see the six figures, we see the glossy family days out that's so wholesome, and everyone's in their matching outfits and it looks amazing. 00:29:00.079 --> 00:29:05.039 Um, we we don't see the messy behind the scenes a lot of the time. 00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:11.359 And I think, you know, we we spend a lot of time on social media as millennials as well. 00:29:11.440 --> 00:29:27.839 We're kind of we're straddling these two parallel worlds, you know, the digital ones that we carry around in our pockets all the time, and our messy, chaotic, like high pressure, overwhelming, overstimulating real life environments. 00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:36.319 Like we're

trying to live in two parallel worlds that literally look like completely different, complete opposite ends of the spectrum. 00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:57.599 And that's really hard mentally to navigate all of that because, as well, we're holding like all of those things, the glossy end results, the kind of wholesome family days out, the beautiful organic home-cooked meals that someone's done for their children on, you know, the beautiful aesthetic plates where everything looks really symmetrical and beautiful. 00:29:57.839 --> 00:30:11.440 We're holding all of that in our minds that's literally taking, like it's loading on us cognitively, and it's taking capacity, it's taking space from us as we navigate our messy real lives. 00:30:11.599 --> 00:30:22.640 And I think when you are in the trenches and when you know you have to cook the same food every day that ends up on the floor anyway, and you know, all of the usual stuff. 00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:42.319 What happens then is you're holding the glossy, beautiful Instagram version of that in your mind, and you're comparing your messy real life to it, and suddenly it feels less than, suddenly, it feels like there's a lot of room here for improvement, and ultimately it's failing. 00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:44.240 Like what I'm doing here is a failure. 00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:48.319 The messiness, the chaos, that is less than. 00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:50.640 And why aren't I doing better? 00:30:50.799 --> 00:30:52.160 Why aren't I coping better? 00:30:52.319 --> 00:30:54.400 Why can't I do it that way? 00:30:54.559 --> 00:30:57.200 That you know, it is really dangerous in lots of. 00:31:07.119 --> 00:31:07.920 It's a spiral. 00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:12.880 And I think that's why we set up mother loading because I was like, hang on, I don't understand. 00:31:13.039 --> 00:31:15.119 Like, why are we not talking about this stuff more? 00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:17.039 Why is there still so much shame? 00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:19.039 Why is everyone performing? 00:31:19.279 --> 00:31:21.440 And maybe my experience was different. 00:31:21.599 --> 00:31:27.519 My kids are, let's use the term spirited um and feral. 00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:29.200 And yeah, mine or two. 00:31:29.519 --> 00:31:30.559 Yeah, and they don't sleep. 00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:32.720 So maybe my experience was slightly different. 00:31:32.960 --> 00:31:39.839 But yeah, to your point, we we we cannot be comparing ourselves to this, you know, pinky. 00:31:40.319 --> 00:31:41.440 We can't, but we do. 00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:46.720 Yeah, because you know, yeah, because as humans, we're wired for social comparison. 00:31:46.880 --> 00:31:50.720 It provides us with a lot of information about how well we're doing. 00:31:50.799 --> 00:31:52.160 So we are wired toward it. 00:31:52.319 --> 00:31:53.680 We can't help ourselves. 00:31:53.920 --> 00:32:05.599 And I think, you know, spaces like social media are just they're like breeding grounds for comparison and holding

your life up against the images and the things that you're being fed on there. 00:32:05.759 --> 00:32:15.680 And that's when you have to be really discerning about what you are taking in, um, you know, who you are paying attention to. 00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:32.160 There are so many ways that we can kind of claw back our attention and be a bit more mindful around what we are exposing ourselves to, especially if we're in a in a very like vulnerable point in a very like taxing season of life. 00:32:32.319 --> 00:32:36.640 I think that's even more important to be mindful of what you're consuming. 00:32:36.880 --> 00:32:50.480 Well, thank you so much also for putting yourself and your vulnerabilities and authenticness on social media because though you said actually it's more freeing for me, it can be uncomfortable for some people. 00:32:50.799 --> 00:32:53.200 But having the balance is so important. 00:32:53.519 --> 00:33:06.240 And I saw something that you put up on on Instagram about how your you struggle with that with your partner because he is also, as is mine, overstimulated and depleted. 00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:12.960 Um, so can you talk to me a bit about like what boundary is resentment often pointing to? 00:33:13.039 --> 00:33:22.400 And then I don't want to say tips or tricks to save your relationship, but how it does impact your relationship with people and especially around intimacy and stuff. 00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:25.200 I think it's really important to talk about that piece too. 00:33:26.319 --> 00:33:31.119 So resentment, just like any other emotion, is a signal. 00:33:31.279 --> 00:33:35.599 It's pointing us towards something, it's asking us to take a closer look at something. 00:33:35.759 --> 00:33:46.559 And resentment is so often pointing us toward imbalance, like some need that's going unmet, some support that isn't being given, some load that isn't being shared. 00:33:46.799 --> 00:33:57.039 Um, so resentment when it crops up is always like waving a little red flag to me, like, oh, there's something here that needs tending to and needs some attention. 00:33:57.359 --> 00:34:06.640 And exactly what you just said, like I'm in a season of life, as is my husband, where we are stretched thin inside our experiences of parenthood. 00:34:06.799 --> 00:34:15.280 Like our children are seven, four, and one, and require a lot, and we are a very neurodivergent household. 00:34:15.519 --> 00:34:18.000 We are both neurodivergent as well. 00:34:18.239 --> 00:34:32.639 Um, and so it's very taxing trying to maintain careers, trying to give our children exactly what they need, especially when their needs and temperaments are especially intense. 00:34:33.119 --> 00:34:39.440 Um, it's it's a lot, plus trying to keep a marriage alive and going. 00:34:40.000 --> 00:35:01.519 You know, it takes everything to remember each other in all of that when a lot of the time we're just kind of keeping our heads above water, and you know, we can both agree that we're in a very difficult kind of phase, not in terms of us, but in terms of everything that we're navigating and juggling while still trying to remain the team. 00:35:01.920 --> 00:35:07.599 Because, as well, like I put this up on social media recently, and so many people resonated with it. 00:35:07.760 --> 00:35:15.280 When things feel hard, we can have a tendency to turn on each other and be like, Well, it's you, you're not doing this, you're not doing that. 00:35:15.440 --> 00:35:26.480 And it, you know, you can go into a very defensive, like self-defense mode, which is like normal, human, like our brain is telling us almost like there's a threat here, like you're under attack. 00:35:26.559 --> 00:35:31.119 So you turn and like lash out at the person standing next to you. 00:35:31.440 --> 00:35:51.760 But I think what's really been helpful for us is just having really honest conversations about like this is what not as an attack, not as an a defense, but literally just laying out on the table, like this is what I'm juggling, this is what I'm finding hard, this is what I don't have capacity for right now. 00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:56.320 Where do you have some capacity to help me with, you know, this, that, and the other? 00:35:56.559 --> 00:36:14.159 And just really laying out on the table where we both are, like emotionally as well, like creating space for those conversations where we can, like within reason, because often we are juggling a lot and there isn't the time and space for lots and lots of these conversations. 00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:25.440 They have to be very intentional and very like when the kids have gone to bed, and when we both feel like we have the energy to really sit in a conversation like that. 00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:28.639 I think as you said intention, yeah, it can be rare. 00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:34.239 And I think as you said, intention is so important because it is in season one. 00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:50.719 I opened up that we had started couples counseling, um, and a lot of people think, oh, they're on the brink of of breaking up because they the statistics show that 50% of divorces are actually when your children are under the age of five, because when you are in the trenches, it is so difficult. 00:36:50.880 --> 00:36:53.519 Um, there's so many layers of emotions that happen. 00:36:54.000 --> 00:37:02.400 But we had to go to counseling because we I we found it difficult to have those honest conversations and conflict resolution was a real problem. 00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:38.159 And I would say to anybody, if you can do it the way you have and you can sit at home, and now we do have the tools that we're able to sit down and have those conversations, it is so, so important because I think if you don't, there's this un unhidden language that sorry, there's this hidden language that you're you're both speaking potentially a different language, and there's assumptions being made, and there's resentments being built, and

the load is heavy enough already, and it can have a really detrimental effect on you as an individual, but then also on your relationship. 00:37:38.400 --> 00:37:42.320 So thank you for sort of reminding us to keep that space. 00:37:42.480 --> 00:37:47.920 And you know, a big, a big one that we hear a lot from the women that we speak to. 00:37:48.079 --> 00:37:58.719 And I had a very emotional moment with Michelle, my co-host, on a podcast recently, where we talked about different parts of grief that we have for our body. 00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:04.719 Um, and hers, she's just had a newborn baby, so a lot of hers is is her physical feelings. 00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:10.159 And I was saying to her, mine actually isn't aesthetics, it's more my function. 00:38:10.320 --> 00:38:12.159 So, you know, I had kids later in life. 00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:21.199 I'm going from postpartum to perimenopause, and we talked about different things, grief, like hormonal grief, um, cognitive grief. 00:38:21.360 --> 00:38:42.960 But the big one for me was libido grief and intimacy grief because when you're carrying the mother load and your own personal journey, and there's a nervous system issues, losing that part of you, or maybe just letting go of it for a little while is is really painful, actually. 00:38:43.119 --> 00:38:50.400 Um it's painful deep down, it hurts me because I I want to be, I want to try. 00:38:50.719 --> 00:38:52.320 I want to be there for myself. 00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:57.119 I want to show up in a in a sexual way for myself, from my partner, but I just can't. 00:38:57.679 --> 00:39:01.119 I physically just can't get there, and it's so frustrating. 00:39:01.679 --> 00:39:15.119 Um so I just wonder like I don't I don't want to have you open up about your sex life, but just from speaking to mums and like that bridge between psychology and actual lived motherhood and intimacy. 00:39:15.679 --> 00:39:17.039 Do you have any thoughts, Ryan? 00:39:17.360 --> 00:39:23.199 That I mean, listening to you talk, my my grief wasn't necessarily around intimacy. 00:39:23.360 --> 00:39:33.599 I think my grief in within the context of my relationship was for the experience I thought we would have as a family for us anyway. 00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:36.639 And I think that's been a really big theme for us. 00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:48.719 Like as parents, I think going into this, we had this vision of like, you know, wholesome family life and everyone being happy and you know, doing all of the things that we dreamed of. 00:39:48.960 --> 00:39:57.679 And obviously, as a neurodivergent household, the reality is far from the expectations that we held close. 00:39:57.760 --> 00:40:06.320 And there's that we have so many conversations of like, not why does it have to be like this, but I wish it wasn't like this sometimes. 00:40:06.559 --> 00:40:19.280 And for us, like as a couple and as a family, there's a lot of grief around that, of like, this isn't what we thought it would be

sometimes, and that's really hard to sit with. 00:40:19.519 --> 00:40:32.960 Um, and like it was a big thing for me just as a mother, like on my own, just being like, you know, I had so many expectations, and and there's been a death of my expectations, and so a grief around those. 00:40:33.199 --> 00:40:33.760 Oh, for sure. 00:40:33.840 --> 00:40:41.039 A friend of mine once said to me, Um, expectations are disappointments and resentments waiting to happen. 00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:46.079 And when she first said that, I was like, don't be so cynical. 00:40:46.480 --> 00:40:48.960 I I completely understand what she's saying. 00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:50.000 Yeah, yeah. 00:40:50.079 --> 00:40:54.400 And like for us, you know, I think that's where our grief has sat, really. 00:40:54.559 --> 00:41:07.599 It's less around things like intimacy and more around things like this just isn't what we thought it was, and and we wish it was different sometimes, and it wasn't so hard in the ways that it is hard. 00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:09.519 That's quite a big theme for us. 00:41:09.679 --> 00:41:16.400 And I think, you know, with something like grief, there isn't a solution or silver bullet for grief. 00:41:16.559 --> 00:41:20.480 Grief, essentially, like I was saying, all of our feelings are signals. 00:41:20.639 --> 00:41:28.320 Grief is a signal that something feels different, that something needs to be witnessed and spoken about and brought into the light. 00:41:28.400 --> 00:41:45.760 And I think just having conversations like these where we're open about the things that feel different or like they have changed, that in itself is a step toward moving through it, not moving away from it, but it it makes it a bit easier and a bit lighter to carry, doesn't it? 00:41:46.000 --> 00:41:46.960 Yeah, absolutely. 00:41:47.119 --> 00:41:47.840 It really does. 00:41:48.079 --> 00:41:54.719 And I and thank you for allowing this safe space for us to have the conversation. 00:41:54.800 --> 00:41:57.920 It it means a lot, and I know it's going to mean a lot to listeners out there. 00:41:58.079 --> 00:42:11.599 And you know, what I keep saying when we reference back to the generational piece, it's funny because I saw a post on Instagram the other day that someone older said, I don't understand why parents just can't parent these days. 00:42:11.840 --> 00:42:14.960 And again, I know it brought it back to this shame and guilt. 00:42:15.039 --> 00:42:21.519 And sometimes I look at my parents, I'm making an assumption here because they're, you know, very supportive. 00:42:22.000 --> 00:42:26.880 But since I've been doing all this, they're almost looking at me like, what why are you talking about all this? 00:42:27.039 --> 00:42:28.800 Like, why are you feeling all this? 00:42:29.039 --> 00:42:33.199 And almost I wonder, do they think I feel like this all the time? 00:42:33.440 --> 00:42:34.079 I don't. 00:42:34.320 --> 00:42:35.280 Of course I don't. 00:42:35.440 --> 00:42:37.760 Like life is full of ups and downs. 00:42:37.920 --> 00:42:41.679 But when we do feel to feel it, we should be able to talk about it. 00:42:41.840 --> 00:42:50.159 And we should be able to talk about it confidently so that we can potentially move past it or not just not feel so bloody alone sometimes. 00:42:50.400 --> 00:42:50.719 Yeah. 00:42:50.800 --> 00:42:56.960 And I mean, look, ultimately, we are helping to create that safe space for future generations, right? 00:42:57.280 --> 00:43:03.440 Like, look how long it's taken us to feel safe enough to say things like this out loud. 00:43:03.599 --> 00:43:26.480 The hope for me, definitely, you know, certainly, is that one day my children won't hesitate in turning to say, this feels hard because X, Y, and Z, like I'm having a really hard time with this, and not feel an ounce of shame, not worry about judgment, but just be so tapped in to who they are and how they're feeling about something that they feel able to share without judgment. 00:43:26.719 --> 00:43:32.079 Like that's the hope is that we're creating that emotionally safe space for future generations. 00:43:32.239 --> 00:43:35.039 So it's like, you know, it's building blocks essentially. 00:43:35.119 --> 00:43:37.679 And and our parents didn't really have that. 00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.000 And so we didn't have that in the beginning. 00:43:40.079 --> 00:43:52.000 And it's very much a space that we have cultivated through kind of this learning on the job and realizing that actually there's a missing piece here, and we didn't feel that emotional safety to begin with. 00:43:52.079 --> 00:43:57.199 So it's something that we're gonna have to learn and reclaim whilst on the job. 00:43:57.360 --> 00:44:03.679 Like there's a lot going on, and so when Older generations, you know, say things like, Why can't you just get on with it? 00:44:03.920 --> 00:44:04.960 Like we did. 00:44:05.440 --> 00:44:13.280 No, because we are cultivating something much deeper and safer for future generations. 00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:14.559 Oh, for sure. 00:44:14.639 --> 00:44:17.039 And and they say, Why didn't you just get on with it? 00:44:17.920 --> 00:44:20.400 On with it at a price and a trade-off. 00:44:20.719 --> 00:44:20.960 Exactly. 00:44:21.199 --> 00:44:25.119 And exactly, you know, you may not want to admit it and it may be uncomfortable. 00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:45.039 And I often think it'll be so interesting if God, I mean, there's lots going on in the world, lots going on with social media, but if we do get to a point where we can have more emotional freedom and stability, it'd be interesting to see if there's an impact on physical ailments within people because emotions manifest themselves physically so much. 00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:47.280 It would be so interesting to look back. 00:44:47.519 --> 00:44:52.960 So on that, um, I think I'd mention to you, we have a segment that we do for each guest in each week. 00:44:53.039 --> 00:45:00.400 It's

kind of the invisible load exposed, and it's almost like a little mini audit, a mother loading audit as such. 00:45:00.639 --> 00:45:05.039 And guests rate kind of where they're at emotionally versus like practically. 00:45:05.199 --> 00:45:07.519 And because most women don't burn out from one thing, right? 00:45:07.599 --> 00:45:08.800 They have 50 million things. 00:45:08.960 --> 00:45:10.719 My brain is a hundred tabs open. 00:45:11.039 --> 00:45:21.920 And we want to get to a point where people are recognizing where the load sits sometimes so that they can potentially delegate it and they can, you know, give themselves a break, stop giving themselves a hard time. 00:45:22.079 --> 00:45:25.599 So I'm gonna do a rapid fire to you now, Tuesday, okay? 00:45:25.840 --> 00:45:26.480 Go for it. 00:45:26.719 --> 00:45:33.119 So on from one to ten, mental load, remembering everything, carrying everything, where are you at? 00:45:34.159 --> 00:45:38.000 In terms of my share or how I'm feeling about how you're feeling. 00:45:38.719 --> 00:45:40.320 Um, probably a seven. 00:45:40.639 --> 00:45:42.880 Seven, emotional load. 00:45:44.559 --> 00:45:45.679 Probably an eight. 00:45:46.800 --> 00:45:48.079 Ambition load. 00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:51.679 I feel pretty good about that one. 00:45:51.760 --> 00:45:54.159 So I'm gonna go one or two. 00:45:54.480 --> 00:46:01.440 And isn't it great to remind ourselves of what we feel good about because we forget to do that, we focus on the negative sometimes. 00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:03.199 Identity load. 00:46:03.679 --> 00:46:04.800 I would say one or two. 00:46:04.880 --> 00:46:05.679 I feel good about that. 00:46:05.840 --> 00:46:07.440 Oh, I'm so I'm so happy. 00:46:07.599 --> 00:46:08.719 I love this for you. 00:46:08.960 --> 00:46:10.480 Uh body load. 00:46:11.119 --> 00:46:13.840 Oh, I would say about four or five. 00:46:14.159 --> 00:46:14.480 Right. 00:46:14.639 --> 00:46:19.840 So I was gonna say which is the loudest right now, but I think the mental and emotional oh yeah. 00:46:19.920 --> 00:46:20.000 Yeah. 00:46:20.159 --> 00:46:21.840 Oh yeah, but that's not news to me. 00:46:22.480 --> 00:46:25.679 So, what what do you do to work actively manage that? 00:46:26.159 --> 00:46:35.039 Um, just basically like what you've just done, just have an audit and just really sit with, you know, what what feels taxing in that load right now? 00:46:35.199 --> 00:46:42.000 And some of that load can't be shifted, like because of the nature of my family and their needs and things like that. 00:46:42.239 --> 00:46:51.360 But acknowledging it, I think, is a really important first step and really looking at the way that it does weigh on you, I think is really important. 00:46:51.679 --> 00:47:01.760 So if if a woman was listening today and she's at 10 on a few of those tipping points, you would say set your boundary as acknowledgement, acknowledge where you can. 00:47:01.920 --> 00:47:02.719 Yeah, I say the same all. 00:47:03.280 --> 00:47:03.679 Totally. 00:47:03.760 --> 00:47:04.719 It's a first step. 00:47:04.880 --> 00:47:11.440 Like, don't underestimate that first step because so many people just keep pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing until they can't anymore. 00:47:11.599 --> 00:47:15.440 And I think the first step has to be acknowledgement and noticing. 00:47:15.679 --> 00:47:16.079 For sure. 00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:24.239 I mean, my co-host makes fun of me a little bit because when I was going through my midlife reshuffle, as I want to call it now, as opposed to a crisis. 00:47:24.639 --> 00:47:25.280 Thank you. 00:47:25.440 --> 00:47:31.360 Uh, I had to sit down and build out a framework which included this invisible load audit. 00:47:31.440 --> 00:47:33.440 And she was like, that's such a nicky thing to do. 00:47:33.679 --> 00:47:35.599 But actually, it was so powerful. 00:47:35.760 --> 00:47:42.079 It was so powerful to see it down in black and white because otherwise it was just all this noise that I just could not control. 00:47:42.800 --> 00:47:47.599 Um what is one thing that you do not say out loud? 00:47:48.559 --> 00:47:50.719 Oh, I say a lot of things out loud. 00:47:50.960 --> 00:47:54.639 Yeah, I feel like you're the worst person to ask this because you don't hold back. 00:47:54.719 --> 00:47:55.440 You're so unfair. 00:47:55.840 --> 00:47:57.360 No, that's the thing. 00:47:57.599 --> 00:48:00.639 I don't think there's anything that I don't say out loud now. 00:48:00.800 --> 00:48:14.719 I think for a while there there was a lot that I didn't say, but I honestly can't say that there's anything like I would share my ugliest thoughts, like with my husband um or with a close friend. 00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:17.760 I don't think there's anything I haven't said. 00:48:18.000 --> 00:48:18.400 I love that. 00:48:18.480 --> 00:48:21.360 And the fact you said, and I just it made me laugh so much. 00:48:21.519 --> 00:48:29.599 You were like, it's this lovely video of you kind of dancing, smiling, and you're like being an angry mum has changed my life. 00:48:29.760 --> 00:48:29.920 Yeah. 00:48:30.159 --> 00:48:30.960 But you just said it. 00:48:31.119 --> 00:48:42.159 And it's not that you're angry all the time, but like with so many of us have moments of being an angry mum, and I thought, I love that she is making this so accessible to so many women out there. 00:48:42.320 --> 00:48:42.880 So thank you. 00:48:43.039 --> 00:48:52.079 And Tuesday, if for people who want to who don't already follow you or they want to find you, and I know you do work with corporates, which is amazing. 00:48:52.239 --> 00:48:54.960 We didn't get a chance to cover that, but maybe we will do it again. 00:48:55.119 --> 00:48:58.239 Uh, you're doing some great work with brands like Boogaboo. 00:48:58.559 --> 00:49:00.079 Are you writing a book? 00:49:00.400 --> 00:49:02.559 I am, but it hasn't been announced yet. 00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:03.679 Oh, okay, okay. 00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:05.519 Well, keep us posted. 00:49:05.599 --> 00:49:08.000 And if you want any announcement, let us know. 00:49:08.159 --> 00:49:09.599 But where can people find you? 00:49:09.920 --> 00:49:13.440 I'm on Instagram at Iam DoctorTuesday. 00:49:13.519 --> 00:49:20.400 That's where you'll find me kind of sharing and saying the ugly, unspeakable truths and parts. 00:49:20.719 --> 00:49:24.480 It's not, and you do an incredible job for a psychologist. 00:49:24.639 --> 00:49:27.679 Did you teach yourself all you're very good at editing? 00:49:27.760 --> 00:49:29.519 Your videos are oh yeah. 00:49:29.599 --> 00:49:31.760 I just enjoy that part of it. 00:49:32.000 --> 00:49:33.280 Yeah, I enjoy that part of it. 00:49:33.440 --> 00:49:37.039 I do it all myself, but I'm quite creative, so I love all of that stuff. 00:49:37.280 --> 00:49:37.920 Okay, amazing. 00:49:38.000 --> 00:49:38.800 Because it's amazing. 00:49:39.119 --> 00:49:48.320 For me, I'm 44 and I've recently taught myself Canva, Cap Cut, and because everyone's saying, Oh, have you a PR team? 00:49:48.400 --> 00:49:49.440 Like, are the studio doing this? 00:49:49.519 --> 00:49:50.800 And I'm like, no, we did it. 00:49:50.960 --> 00:49:56.000 And it's so it feels amazing to think it's fun, yeah. 00:49:56.239 --> 00:49:56.639 Yeah. 00:49:57.039 --> 00:50:07.440 I mean, sometimes when it's late at night and you know, I've been working all day and I've got the kids, and you're doing, you're like, oh God, but it's it's just it's exhilarating to learn something so new. 00:50:07.599 --> 00:50:11.440 It doesn't have to be the the Gen Z and the Alphas. 00:50:11.760 --> 00:50:15.679 We us as women, we can do whatever we want whenever we want. 00:50:15.760 --> 00:50:17.119 We just have to give it a try. 00:50:17.360 --> 00:50:17.599 Yeah. 00:50:17.840 --> 00:50:18.159 Dr. 00:50:18.320 --> 00:50:21.920 Tuesday, thank you so much, and we look forward to talking to you soon. 00:50:22.159 --> 00:50:23.360 Yeah, chat soon. 00:50:23.440 --> 00:50:24.079 Thank you for having me. 00:50:24.719 --> 00:50:25.280 Bye. 00:50:26.159 --> 00:50:31.519 Mother Loading is proudly sponsored by the Body Club, more than just a gym and reformer studio. 00:50:31.679 --> 00:50:41.119 It's a safe space for women and mums to connect, grow, and build a community, and to feel their best selves through every version of themselves. 00:50:41.360 --> 00:50:46.400 Thriving, not just surviving, through hormones, pregnancy, metaphors, and beyond. 00:50:46.559 --> 00:50:51.840 Visit their Instagram, the BodyClub UK, spelled V-O-D-H-I. 00:50:52.400 --> 00:50:56.480 To learn more about the Altringham and Northwood studios.