Success Won't Save Your Marriage Until You Hear This Truth | Part 1: täielik transkriptsioon

actually left California. 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:47.039 We actually crossed the border from California into Arizona, your home state, on our anniversary day on our way here to North Carolina, our new home, right? 00:02:47.680 --> 00:02:49.199 Lake Norman Radho Charlotte. 00:02:49.360 --> 00:02:53.199 So definitely our stories our story's uh evolving as we go. 00:02:53.280 --> 00:02:56.960 And so yeah, we're husband and wife again twenty celebrate 20 years. 00:02:57.039 --> 00:03:00.240 You know, we've met on online and all that. 00:03:00.800 --> 00:03:02.639 And uh, you know, we love each other. 00:03:02.719 --> 00:03:07.360 We don't have any kids, we just have our dog, but uh we have our our business that we've been doing. 00:03:07.439 --> 00:03:12.719 Actually, when we met, I was a I was in corporate, I was in marketing and sales for a pharmaceutical company. 00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:18.000 And um about 10 years ago, I left that to consult family business. 00:03:18.159 --> 00:03:26.400 And uh in the process, we found that these uh business owners love their love their business, love what they do, but they were really enslaved to it. 00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:35.599 In fact, I would say their business was the mistress in the marriage because they're so all in and they're so focused on that that uh it took up all their most of their personal time. 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:41.759 And even when they're home, they were um still thinking and talking, if they weren't talking about it, they were still thinking about it. 00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:51.280 And if they weren't even just thinking about it, they were at least doing something in the business that's like responding to a text or just you know, making, you know, writing doing work on computers or something like that. 00:03:51.439 --> 00:04:07.599 So, anyways, that's when we started digging into understanding the problem of not just the business, but how it's affecting home and started to deal with this thing holistically because 10 years ago or about eight years ago when we I really identified and solved this issue, but it's a recurring issue. 00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:11.520 It wasn't just a one-off, it was a recurring issue with one client after another. 00:04:11.919 --> 00:04:19.199 Started looking for resources for married business owners to not just deal with marriage or just deal with business, but how to deal with the entirety of it. 00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:25.920 Um, because you can't separate the two, but that's kind of the help that's out there for married business owners are either your marriage or your business. 00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:28.480 But nothing about how to do both. 00:04:28.800 --> 00:04:29.120 Right. 00:04:29.360 --> 00:04:30.959 And that's a special skill. 00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:34.160 And that's where we saw a major gap. 00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:47.040 And so we said, hey, we can do business, but we also appreciate how we need to be intentional at home because trying to a lot of thinking

is if the business is successful, then we can focus on home. 00:04:47.279 --> 00:04:59.360 But that's not how it works because the definition of success kind of d changes as you meet one goal, one milestone over another, then that success metric is actually changing. 00:04:59.439 --> 00:05:03.279 And so the goalpost is always moving forward and we're never getting there. 00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:07.600 And so that's where we decided, hey, we need to let's do something about it. 00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:09.199 Right. 00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:13.439 Especially since you all are in in the line of fire. 00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:15.519 I call it the line of fire. 00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:20.879 It's like, you know, they never put a nurse practitioner to train firefighters. 00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:23.680 It's firefighters that train firefighters. 00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:26.480 You guys are in the line of fire. 00:05:26.720 --> 00:05:41.360 So I wanted to talk about in this episode a lot about what happens after the dream truly starts working when the business is growing, when the responsibilities increase, the opportunities arise, when life gets busy. 00:05:41.680 --> 00:06:00.720 Because I think that's where many couples begin to struggle and have so have you all found that success itself can sometimes become the challenge in those relationships where they're building a business, or they're at least one even one entrepreneur in that marriage. 00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:03.600 Yeah, I saw that growing up. 00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:10.959 My dad worked seven days a week, or six days a week, sorry, and a lot of holidays, not the major ones, and it was just wasn't home. 00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:13.199 And it really fractured our family. 00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:19.920 And when you're a child, you just want your dad to be home with you, to play with you, spend time with you, to hang out. 00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:24.079 But when you're always working, it's tough on the family to thrive. 00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:25.680 And it's tough on relationships. 00:06:25.839 --> 00:06:26.879 My mom, God bless her. 00:06:26.959 --> 00:06:32.639 I don't know how she did it with four strong little children while my dad was away. 00:06:32.720 --> 00:06:36.959 And sometimes I think he liked to be away so he didn't have to deal with his kids. 00:06:37.199 --> 00:06:45.920 But yeah, he yeah, sometimes I think dads get the option, at least back in the days now, it's a little bit different. 00:06:46.240 --> 00:06:51.839 But I feel like dads do get the opportunity to escape a little bit of the home stuff. 00:06:52.160 --> 00:07:04.959 And a lot of times back in the days, those I hear a lot of stories about, oh, I wasn't really ready, but once you start talking to a girl, you kind of have to you kind of have to commit to them. 00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:13.759 So sometimes I say, well, there's a whole lot of lotta going on behind those stories, but the pressure is definitely there when you're building. 00:07:13.920 --> 00:07:22.160 I as a you know, a single woman not married uh for the last 10 years, I I I don't date. 00:07:22.240 --> 00:07:27.040 Uh and I I guess a little bit on purpose too, but I wouldn't even have the time. 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:32.160 I don't have the time to sit there and go through a bunch of conversations. 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:36.319 So because I am one of those people who are locked in. 00:07:36.480 --> 00:07:38.560 I've missed a lot of family things. 00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:49.519 And so in the last year, it's been intentional to say, okay, this is my family time, because yes, I don't have a direct uh husband or kids in the home with me. 00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:56.319 So I have a lot of time to kind of do what I want in terms of keeping focus locked in and on the grind. 00:07:56.639 --> 00:08:03.759 But that also for me, I can tell it's not it's not enough for my whole being not to have time. 00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:13.519 So when you're working with couples, what is that number one challenge that you all find that they're having that you're working through with them? 00:08:14.240 --> 00:08:16.399 Well, I think you you kind of said it. 00:08:17.199 --> 00:08:26.079 Single or married, a lot of times our and back to your question earlier too, it kind of bleeds into this, but you asked about definition of success or success and the challenge of success. 00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:33.679 Whether you're single or married, a lot of time we typically our metric on success is what we achieve professionally. 00:08:34.399 --> 00:08:36.080 And so our business, right? 00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:41.200 So we have to build this thing so then we can enjoy life later. 00:08:42.159 --> 00:08:50.879 And so we're postponing pleasure, and then what happens is like I said earlier, is that goalpost is always moving. 00:08:51.039 --> 00:09:01.200 That that success metric, whatever that is, whether it's a dollar amount or the size of the business, I mean you name it, that changes as you reach that that pinnacle, right? 00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:03.279 Or that milestone or that goal. 00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:11.200 And so what happens is we postpone the really what is to us the definition of success is the health of our relationships. 00:09:11.600 --> 00:09:14.320 Because at the end of the day, that's all we're gonna have. 00:09:15.039 --> 00:09:20.879 I mean, right now, I mean, we're in the midst of, you know, her dad is having some health challenges. 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:27.360 And, you know, we le the day we left California, we made sure we said bye because we didn't know. 00:09:27.440 --> 00:09:29.600 And certainly it's it's not looking good right now. 00:09:29.759 --> 00:09:34.480 And so, you know, and right now it's all about family, it's all about relations, right? 00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:40.399 And so what happens though when you don't have the relationship you have with your kids? 00:09:40.559 --> 00:09:45.919 Like one of my good friends, he just

wrote an article about, you know, he didn't have a great relationship with his dad. 00:09:47.279 --> 00:09:52.559 And so, because it was always about driving for success, which is more on the professional side. 00:09:52.720 --> 00:09:52.960 Yeah. 00:09:53.200 --> 00:10:01.120 And so if we don't include the relational aspect of our lives as part of that definition of success, then we're gonna miss out. 00:10:01.759 --> 00:10:06.399 And so what happens is we're gonna be driving, driving, driving for the business. 00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:13.039 And then being single is even more challenging because we don't have those re responsibilities, quote unquote, right? 00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:14.080 So guess what? 00:10:14.240 --> 00:10:16.639 You're just all in on the business and nothing else. 00:10:16.879 --> 00:10:25.200 And then next thing you know, year after year after year, you know, whether you want to have a relationship or not, that's another thing, but you still have relationships when it comes to family or friends. 00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:26.320 That's right. 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:27.200 Right? 00:10:27.519 --> 00:10:31.279 And so you've got to put that in and you gotta be very intentional about that. 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:42.559 And, you know, 22, 24 years ago, you know, my big aha was when I kissed my wife goodbye one morning right before Christmas, a week before Christmas. 00:10:43.440 --> 00:10:44.559 She drove off to work. 00:10:44.720 --> 00:10:47.360 I you know, hugged her, kissed her, she drove off to work. 00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:51.600 Ten minutes down the road, she gets in a car accident and dies at the scene. 00:10:52.159 --> 00:10:53.279 This is my first wife. 00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:55.279 I remember, yeah. 00:10:55.759 --> 00:10:59.840 And so at that moment, everything changes, right? 00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:03.600 All the whatever the business stuff that we were working for. 00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:06.000 I mean, we were both our both our careers are going up. 00:11:06.159 --> 00:11:09.039 We just bought our first home, just got a new dog, and all that stuff. 00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:11.840 All you know, we were having some of those, you know, relationships. 00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:15.600 We had some, we're checking the boxes, and then professionally we're still we're definitely checking the boxes. 00:11:15.759 --> 00:11:28.559 But then when you go from losing it all, you don't have that moment to, you know, experience what you wanted to later in life, you know, that retirement stuff that we talk about, right? 00:11:29.279 --> 00:11:33.440 I didn't get that ex experience, that chat that that that that opportunity. 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:35.519 And so everything shifts. 00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:48.720 And so during the that period, you know, it was really I realized that man, if you don't have if you don't enjoy the moments as you're moving towards success professionally, you never know. 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:49.200 Right. 00:11:49.360 -->

00:11:52.240 You hear about that, you can't, you know, tomorrow's not guaranteed. 00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:57.039 And certainly I know that more than any most people, especially at the young age of thirty. 00:11:57.120 --> 00:11:58.879 I was thirty f I was only thirty-five. 00:11:59.200 --> 00:12:02.159 And so you're you're thinking about the rest of your life. 00:12:02.399 --> 00:12:05.360 We have to enjoy life later. 00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:06.240 Yes. 00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:06.799 Right. 00:12:07.039 --> 00:12:11.440 But then now for us or for me in that relationship, that later never came. 00:12:11.759 --> 00:12:16.159 And so now, fast forward, it's just like, man, I gotta be all in now. 00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:17.360 We gotta enjoy life now. 00:12:17.440 --> 00:12:20.960 So even this move to North Carolina, some people were thinking, is this a retirement move? 00:12:21.120 --> 00:12:24.080 I said, no, we're not that, we're not that close to retirement yet. 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:32.399 But it was it was about we had started talking about this move to Lake Norman right outside of Charlotte when we first found it six years ago. 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:35.919 And we said, Hey, you know, what if? 00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:36.879 Right? 00:12:37.039 --> 00:12:40.159 And so, and why wait to retirement? 00:12:40.720 --> 00:12:41.120 Right. 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:44.639 I was like I was like, why wait to retirement when we're old? 00:12:45.200 --> 00:12:47.200 Why not enjoy it when we're young? 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:48.799 Exactly. 00:12:49.200 --> 00:12:53.759 And so instead of and so we just started taking some baby steps towards this move here. 00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:57.440 So it didn't take, you know, it wasn't overnight, but it was over five, six years. 00:12:57.759 --> 00:13:01.759 But we started to say we we need to take the moment. 00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:02.720 Yeah. 00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:04.159 We need to take the moment. 00:13:04.320 --> 00:13:05.919 We can't just wait and push it off. 00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:11.840 Let's let's if we can, let's let's move towards that aspect of our life to enjoy the site. 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:30.720 So now, you know, here we are at Lake Norman and um you know, we're um we're we're working as normal, but uh we're also taking that next from our from our personal life, we're we're taking that moment to really enjoy and really start looking at what and start living out this fullness of what we feel success is for our life. 00:13:31.039 --> 00:13:49.360 And it was a dream of ours, something we've been talking about and wanting to do, and we thought, oh my gosh, that we gotta like start taking some action steps towards this besides just talking about it, because time goes by so quickly, and we're like, oh my gosh, you know, I've been talking about that for 20 years, and I just never heard anything about it. 00:13:49.440 --> 00:13:57.440 So we're like, we need to take some some movement, make some movement forward exactly to do what we want to do. 00:13:58.399 --> 00:14:05.919 And that's that's sometimes the toughest things, and that's the beauty of having I think the partnership. 00:14:06.080 --> 00:14:11.440 And sometimes it could be the reason why you don't, because one might feel ready and the other one might not. 00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:12.480 The fear. 00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:24.879 I remember buying my first home with my ex-husband, and we thought we were ready, and I was in, and then once I got to the step close with it, it I freaked out, and I was like, no, we're not ready for that responsibility. 00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:27.279 And it took me two months to get back on the wheel. 00:14:27.360 --> 00:14:47.279 We were right there at a home that we both loved, but I was like, no, I I don't want to do this, and so it's it could be such a blessing to have someone to help you with these big decisions, but it also could be a challenge at the same time because let's be honest, entrepreneurs are wired differently. 00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:52.159 We see possibilities everywhere, we carry vision, right? 00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:57.679 We often think about what's next before we've even finished what's happening right now. 00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:08.320 How do you know when ambition has stopped serving your marriage and started competing with that relationship, particularly? 00:16:13.329 --> 00:16:25.089 Well, that that's why we have to have those regular conversations, like our weekly meetings and our quarterly getaways and all that stuff, because because we want to make sure we're on the same page of what we want to accomplish together. 00:16:25.329 --> 00:16:38.129 And even when we're talking about big goals, whether it's our business, what's the next step in our business, or even like what's the next step in our life, like where we're gonna live, you know, it's a major decision, that's a major life-changing decision. 00:16:38.370 --> 00:16:48.449 Having those ongoing conversations helps us, and we've also learned to how to regulate like sometimes I want to move faster than she does, and sometimes she wants to move faster than I do, right? 00:16:48.529 --> 00:16:50.769 And it's in every relationship that that's kind of like that. 00:16:51.009 --> 00:17:04.450 And we've had to under come to an understanding that we need to move at the pace that's good for us as a couple, as opposed to just what's what I want to do or what she wants to do at the moment. 00:17:05.170 --> 00:17:10.289 And we found that, you know, sometimes when we're like if I want to move faster, she needs to think about it. 00:17:10.370 --> 00:17:13.490 Sometimes I in the past, I've and sometimes I still get that. 00:17:13.650 --> 00:17:17.410 I've I still think that sometimes, but I've learned to to back myself up. 00:17:17.490 --> 00:17:19.569 But sometimes I think she's holding me back. 00:17:19.970 --> 00:17:21.809 Or sometimes vice versa, right? 00:17:21.970 --> 00:17:29.410 I think this the th

the one that wants to slow down, the ones that wants to move fast feels like, oh, you're slowing me down, you don't want me to achieve, you don't trust me, whatever. 00:17:29.490 --> 00:17:31.970 There's all kinds of stuff that comes out, and then we're we have conflict. 00:17:32.210 --> 00:17:39.650 And what I've learned to appreciate in those moments when she needs to slow down, and when I've been very intentional about, okay, let's pull back a little bit. 00:17:39.890 --> 00:17:51.650 What I've seen and I've noticed is that we actually have better opportunities, come to better decisions when we actually move at the pace that's good for us in tandem. 00:17:52.049 --> 00:17:53.410 I don't know if that makes sense. 00:17:53.970 --> 00:17:59.250 But sometimes you need to slow down, like sometimes, like sometimes there's a business opportunity that comes up. 00:17:59.650 --> 00:18:06.130 And we've had a number, whether it's an investment or a business opportunity, and a lot of times they're pressuring you to make a decision. 00:18:06.289 --> 00:18:08.290 Yeah, if this has ever happened to you. 00:18:08.610 --> 00:18:12.130 You've got to do this now, you gotta do this today, by the end of the week, whatever, right? 00:18:12.370 --> 00:18:16.290 And there's that kind of FOMO that kind of comes up, that fear of missing out, right? 00:18:16.450 --> 00:18:16.850 Yes. 00:18:17.090 --> 00:18:21.490 And so as an entrepreneur, as a deal maker, you want to move, right? 00:18:21.810 --> 00:18:30.290 Well, I've learned over the years, especially when those fast moves have cost us six figures, that maybe we need to slow down a little bit. 00:18:30.370 --> 00:18:44.290 And what I've learned, and when we've been able to slow down, or especially for me, when I've been able to slow down to match her pace, we uncover different information than that wasn't disclosed in the in the beginning. 00:18:44.450 --> 00:18:56.130 And sometimes that's what that that the other party that's that wanted you to make a fast decision is because maybe, I don't know, maybe they don't want you to see really what's going on in this in this business. 00:18:57.250 --> 00:18:57.890 Yes. 00:18:58.370 --> 00:19:06.690 And so I've it's been it's been time after time I've been I've seen where things unraveled when I've slowed down. 00:19:06.930 --> 00:19:07.250 Yes. 00:19:07.490 --> 00:19:10.690 And I was like, that you're that wasn't disclosed before. 00:19:11.170 --> 00:19:11.650 Right. 00:19:11.810 --> 00:19:12.050 Right. 00:19:12.370 --> 00:19:19.570 Or you're not doing as good as what you had initially said, or whatever, or just things start to unravel and that tr and more truth comes out. 00:19:19.730 --> 00:19:33.570 And so so, anyways, all that to say is we've learned to now in those, in those, just having those constant conversations about the next move, the next move, that next move, we've learned to kind of move at a at the speed that's good for us. 00:19:33.730 --> 00:19:43.570 And

that's kind of what has helped us really stay in balance and also not to move faster than the spouse is comfortable with. 00:19:43.730 --> 00:19:49.170 And it's not about the speed so much, it's about what's the best move, what's the best decision for us. 00:19:49.330 --> 00:19:55.330 And let's move at the pace for us, not about what how fast I want to go or how fast she wants to go. 00:19:55.650 --> 00:19:56.050 Right. 00:19:56.210 --> 00:20:00.130 And Kaylee, which one of you are to is the speedy Gonzalez? 00:20:00.450 --> 00:20:01.490 It depends what it is. 00:20:01.650 --> 00:20:09.090 Like I could come up with a million ideas for things we should do, but my husband is the one that implements, and he's like, honey, you're stressing me out. 00:20:09.330 --> 00:20:13.250 He's like, I cannot implement a million things, and it could change every day. 00:20:13.330 --> 00:20:13.810 You know what I mean? 00:20:13.890 --> 00:20:15.810 I can come up with a million other things to the next one. 00:20:15.970 --> 00:20:20.690 Yeah, so you're the creative, you're the creative, and he's the executioner. 00:20:20.930 --> 00:20:21.330 Yeah. 00:20:21.570 --> 00:20:27.570 And it can you get to choose when you have another person, but I have these conversations in my own head. 00:20:27.730 --> 00:20:33.090 I'm like, wait a minute, Elisa, that's not gonna work because who's gonna do that, that, that? 00:20:33.490 --> 00:20:39.330 So one being, and I'm like, uh-uh, and you can't afford to pay people to do that at that speed. 00:20:39.490 --> 00:20:42.130 So all I get to do is write and wait. 00:20:42.290 --> 00:20:51.490 Like you guys say, you have to wait for the right pace because a lot of times you're presented with opportunities and they're moving like a magician. 00:20:51.650 --> 00:20:56.130 The reason a magician moves that fast is so you don't see the moves, right? 00:20:56.450 --> 00:21:06.050 But if you slow down maybe a recording of the magician's moves, you will find this the secret to his magic, right? 00:21:06.210 --> 00:21:07.810 And that's always the case. 00:21:08.050 --> 00:21:09.250 So go ahead, Kaylee. 00:21:09.410 --> 00:21:28.610 You were gonna share your aspect on like what what that slowdown looks like, and and maybe you can share with us what are some of those early signs that couples ignore when it comes to really keeping the marriage in in tandem with the relationship, the the business and the work. 00:21:28.930 --> 00:21:35.570 Well, I have to say, like, for example, we just did this move, and so there was no way it was a two and a half week road trip. 00:21:35.650 --> 00:21:39.009 So there was no way with our clients that we could keep up with that pace. 00:21:39.250 --> 00:21:45.650 And so, and we love our clients, but we know we want to give them great service and our full attention. 00:21:45.810 --> 00:22:00.290 So we had to say no with boundaries to a lot of things, like no, not right now, or we schedule things when we would land in North Carolina with our clients because we just knew it would be too much and it was gonna total stress me out. 00:22:00.370 --> 00:22:04.290 Like, oh my gosh, like we have this call today, where are we gonna take it out? 00:22:04.370 --> 00:22:08.370 We need to find a Starbucks or somewhere where they have internet, you know what I mean? 00:22:08.450 --> 00:22:10.450 And so and hope it works, yeah. 00:22:10.690 --> 00:22:11.730 Yeah, exactly. 00:22:11.890 --> 00:22:29.570 So we I learned to like slow down and uh you know, and by slowing down in that pace, I also found too that it opens up other opportunities because along our road trip, we gave ourselves some extra time to do some fun things or just something came up. 00:22:29.730 --> 00:22:34.450 And a lot of times somebody would say to us, we'd stop and visit a friend, oh, you need to meet so-and-so. 00:22:34.769 --> 00:22:40.930 You need to meet so-and-so, and they would connect us along the trip and we would call and meet up, and we because we love to meet new people. 00:22:41.170 --> 00:22:41.490 Yes. 00:22:41.890 --> 00:22:50.850 We had enough margin of time to do that where we weren't like so back to back every second of our trip that it's stressful and there's no breathing room. 00:22:51.490 --> 00:22:53.330 That's that's exactly. 00:22:53.490 --> 00:23:03.170 And that's again, like you said, if if there are singles listening like me to this conversation, these are conversations you're probably gonna have to have with yourself. 00:23:03.810 --> 00:23:06.210 That's what I call clarity, right? 00:23:06.370 --> 00:23:08.769 And strategy is what you're giving us. 00:23:08.930 --> 00:23:14.130 I think many listeners assume successful couples have figured everything out. 00:23:15.090 --> 00:23:17.090 But that's not reality, right? 00:23:17.250 --> 00:23:30.850 Can you share a reason that challenged you as a couple or a season, sorry, that may have challenged you as a couple outside of, I mean, I think you guys kind of planned this one out, the last one. 00:23:30.930 --> 00:23:35.009 It was challenged, but it wasn't challenging your relationship as much, I guess. 00:23:35.250 --> 00:23:35.970 I'm hearing. 00:23:36.210 --> 00:23:40.690 Maybe a period where life and business or expectations just put pressure on the relationship. 00:23:40.769 --> 00:23:42.690 What did you guys learn from it? 00:23:43.410 --> 00:23:48.130 Well, this move has been, to be honest, been for me very uncomfortable. 00:23:48.930 --> 00:23:50.210 Something from California. 00:23:53.170 --> 00:23:54.370 It's very uncomfortable. 00:23:54.450 --> 00:24:00.529 You know, we left California and we had no place to live in Lake Norman. 00:24:00.610 --> 00:24:04.769 And people thought we were crazy, we shouldn't go, what are you doing? 00:24:05.250 --> 00:24:12.930 But we thought in our minds, if we don't move, you know, we got a moving truck here, we got, you know, certain things you have to set up. 00:24:13.170 -->

00:24:18.850 If we wait till we have everything lined up and perfect to order our ducks, we probably won't go. 00:24:19.090 --> 00:24:20.050 You know what I mean? 00:24:20.210 --> 00:24:20.529 Right. 00:24:20.769 --> 00:24:23.410 And so at some point, Robert's like, we just have to go. 00:24:23.490 --> 00:24:24.930 So we just have to go. 00:24:25.009 --> 00:24:25.250 Yeah. 00:24:25.490 --> 00:24:32.769 And four weeks out, or sorry, four days out until we got here, we didn't have a place till Robert found us a place. 00:24:32.850 --> 00:24:35.090 And now we have a place for a month. 00:24:35.250 --> 00:24:39.570 He was able to negotiate through our VBO, R V VBO, how do you call it? 00:24:39.730 --> 00:24:42.690 VRBORBO for a month. 00:24:42.850 --> 00:24:45.090 And so now we are looking for a place. 00:24:45.170 --> 00:24:54.290 And it's kind of stressful, to be honest with you, because you know, our stuff is in storage in California because we don't have anywhere to send it to. 00:24:54.690 --> 00:24:55.170 Right. 00:24:55.410 --> 00:24:59.250 And part of me, when we first got here, I'm like, oh, we just need to find something. 00:24:59.330 --> 00:24:59.890 You know what I mean? 00:24:59.970 --> 00:25:04.930 Like, do I just settle and take the first thing that comes because I just want to settle in? 00:25:05.170 --> 00:25:06.690 And Robert's like, no. 00:25:07.009 --> 00:25:09.330 He's like, honey, we gotta get what we want. 00:25:09.650 --> 00:25:17.730 And so I think there was a little, there was a little friction there, uh, Polly on my part because I was just like, I just want a home. 00:25:18.050 --> 00:25:19.330 You just want a home. 00:25:21.009 --> 00:25:29.170 This move was challenging for sure because it is something like we're both I was actually born in Hawaii, but we moved to California when I was when I was nine years old. 00:25:29.250 --> 00:25:30.450 So I really grew up in California. 00:25:30.769 --> 00:25:31.330 California too. 00:25:31.650 --> 00:25:32.210 She's born and raised. 00:25:32.450 --> 00:25:33.490 Kelly's born and raised. 00:25:33.570 --> 00:25:37.330 You know, we're living, we're married and living in Pasadena, same place for 20 years. 00:25:37.650 --> 00:25:37.890 Wow. 00:25:38.130 --> 00:25:44.769 And so moving to the other side of the country, you know, away from our roots, you know, that's that's a huge, huge change. 00:25:44.930 --> 00:25:46.130 And so that can challenge. 00:25:47.650 --> 00:25:49.090 It's every kind of change. 00:25:49.490 --> 00:25:51.890 That can that can challenge even the best of couples. 00:25:51.970 --> 00:25:57.090 And so certainly we've had our we had our moments, but we just learned over the years how to kind of work through it, right? 00:25:57.170 --> 00:25:58.610 How to resolve some of these issues. 00:25:58.769 --> 00:26:13.970 And so, but still, you know, one of the major challenges, you know, especially for something like as big a move as this, whether it's whether it's where you

live or it's a major business decision and major pivot, that's gonna challenge a husband and wife. 00:26:14.210 --> 00:26:14.690 Yes. 00:26:15.170 --> 00:26:18.769 Because we're gonna have differences in opinions of how we execute on this. 00:26:18.850 --> 00:26:30.290 Um, and again, speed, like one's I'm more adaptable, even though uh we moved around a lot when I was a when I was a kid, so I've kind of learned to be very adaptable and when it comes to moving. 00:26:30.450 --> 00:26:35.250 She's born and raised in one area, just same house in LA for you know decades. 00:26:35.570 --> 00:26:38.290 And so that's more challenging for her. 00:26:38.450 --> 00:26:46.210 And so what we had to do was, and again, this you gotta understand the principles because you can apply it not just in personal life but in business. 00:26:46.290 --> 00:26:50.210 But whenever we make a big decision like this, right, you don't just jump in. 00:26:50.290 --> 00:26:51.410 Like one wants to jump in. 00:26:52.529 --> 00:26:58.290 We don't just jump in because we need to get more perspective, more understanding, more clarity. 00:26:58.450 --> 00:27:04.850 And so over the last six years, when we found first found Lake Norman, we just started visiting in this place once a year. 00:27:05.090 --> 00:27:09.330 Just it was sometimes it's business, sometimes it's pleasure, sometimes it's combination. 00:27:09.570 --> 00:27:10.769 You know, it's for a few days. 00:27:10.850 --> 00:27:15.730 And then last year we decided, hey, let's spend the month on the lake. 00:27:16.050 --> 00:27:20.529 So we got an Airbnb on Lake Norman, waterfront, everything. 00:27:20.690 --> 00:27:25.170 And then now this year we said, okay, now we like that, so now let's spend the year. 00:27:25.490 --> 00:27:32.210 So we haven't sold our place back home back in Pasadena, so we're renting that place out just in case, right? 00:27:32.529 --> 00:27:33.810 This case takes your mind. 00:27:34.290 --> 00:27:36.290 Yeah, because you never know, right? 00:27:36.610 --> 00:27:41.970 And so we kind of have our plan B, but we're still moving forward as though this is where we're gonna live. 00:27:42.130 --> 00:27:47.090 At the same time, we're still testing them waters and we're just going deeper and deeper and deeper in. 00:27:47.330 --> 00:27:51.330 In the meantime, we're getting more and more comfortable with North Carolina. 00:27:51.570 --> 00:27:53.970 Yeah, because this isn't brand new for us, right? 00:27:54.450 --> 00:27:56.529 It's still new, but it's not brand new. 00:27:56.610 --> 00:28:03.730 We've we've over the years we've established yes, you've courted the area and the exactly. 00:28:04.130 --> 00:28:13.330 And so, you know, when we came into town, I mean, the first thing we did is like one of the pastors here we've we've got good relationships with, like one, we have to ship our car, her car. 00:28:13.490 --> 00:28:15.170 We drove my car, we shipped her car. 00:28:15.250 --> 00:28:19.410 So we need the place to ship the car to, since as Kaylee said, we don't have a place to live. 00:28:19.650 --> 00:28:23.170 So we called our pastor friend and said, Hey, can you accept the car and hold it till we get there? 00:28:23.330 --> 00:28:24.290 And so he said, Yes. 00:28:24.370 --> 00:28:29.090 And so when we got into town, the first thing they did is the pastor and wife took us out for dinner, right? 00:28:29.250 --> 00:28:33.650 And then we and then other people said, Hey, I heard you're in town because we're posting off social media. 00:28:33.730 --> 00:28:35.090 Hey, we're in town, let's get together. 00:28:35.250 --> 00:28:39.090 And then so next thing you know, right, we're not just strangers in a strange land. 00:28:39.330 --> 00:28:39.570 Right. 00:28:39.650 --> 00:28:40.769 There's that warmth. 00:28:40.930 --> 00:28:42.450 That's a brilliant plan. 00:28:42.930 --> 00:28:45.009 So business, it could be the same thing. 00:28:45.090 --> 00:28:46.850 You just got to test the waters, right? 00:28:46.930 --> 00:28:52.450 You just like whenever you're launching a new product or service, it's you test, right? 00:28:52.610 --> 00:28:58.290 You don't just jump in and spend all that money and marketing and whatever to for something that may not work out. 00:28:58.529 --> 00:29:01.730 You you test first, you create a minimum viable product. 00:29:01.810 --> 00:29:08.050 What is the bare minimum thing we can actually get to market and then get feedback and before we do a full full launch, right? 00:29:08.450 --> 00:29:11.410 Well, our life moving was we did the same thing. 00:29:11.570 --> 00:29:16.130 We just we tested the we tested the market, created the MVP, right? 00:29:16.529 --> 00:29:21.570 Which right now is the well, really the MVP was kind of last year for a month. 00:29:21.890 --> 00:29:24.050 Now this year it's a it's a year. 00:29:24.290 --> 00:29:29.650 And then we like it, we're gonna plant our flag, we're gonna find a place to buy, and then we'll sell our place back home. 00:29:30.450 --> 00:29:33.570 And I think I think too, for me, a lot of it is mindset. 00:29:34.290 --> 00:29:35.330 Where's your mindset? 00:29:35.490 --> 00:29:38.610 Is your mindset holding you back in fear and anxiety? 00:29:38.769 --> 00:29:39.810 Oh my gosh, I can't do this. 00:29:39.970 --> 00:29:40.690 All the what ifs. 00:29:40.930 --> 00:29:41.410 And you know what? 00:29:41.490 --> 00:29:42.529 The what ifs come up? 00:29:42.690 --> 00:29:44.050 What if I don't make friends? 00:29:44.210 --> 00:29:46.210 What if I make a lot of great friends? 00:29:46.370 --> 00:29:47.570 What if I don't like it there? 00:29:47.730 --> 00:29:49.009 What if, you know, turn it around. 00:29:49.090 --> 00:29:51.009 What if it's like what if I love it here? 00:29:51.170 --> 00:29:51.970 You know what I mean? 00:29:52.210 --> 00:29:56.690 So, you know, changing the mindset to the this is doable. 00:29:56.769 --> 00:29:59.810 I could do this, I want to do this, I choose to do

this. 00:30:00.130 --> 00:30:00.769 Right. 00:30:01.009 --> 00:30:01.890 I love that. 00:30:02.050 --> 00:30:02.850 I I love it. 00:30:02.930 --> 00:30:09.970 And I think that time we allowed ourselves to do it allowed Kaylee to get comfortable because it would be a big shift for her. 00:30:10.210 --> 00:30:14.450 But also we learned a little bit more about the era where even where we wanted to live. 00:30:14.610 --> 00:30:17.970 Because a lot of people, when they move, we've heard a lot of people from California, right? 00:30:18.050 --> 00:30:19.009 They're leaving California. 00:30:19.090 --> 00:30:23.250 But they I know people we just stopped, saw a friend in Texas along the way. 00:30:23.410 --> 00:30:30.130 They'd move to bother house, sight unseen, you know, just pictures and whatever, you know, video walkthroughs and other fine. 00:30:30.370 --> 00:30:35.970 And a lot of people did that, and there's a lot of people we know that are kind of miserable where they ended it. 00:30:36.130 --> 00:30:43.330 And they're flying right back to yeah, and I I met someone just recently who did move to Arizona like that. 00:30:43.490 --> 00:30:48.450 She didn't buy though, she rented, and I guess I don't know what she did with the lease. 00:30:48.529 --> 00:30:55.009 She got someone to take it over, but she went right back to California because she did not, she had not lived here. 00:30:55.170 --> 00:30:56.850 It's a different culture. 00:30:57.250 --> 00:31:06.769 And while things are less expensive and you have more property and things like that, and all this stuff, it's a different culture. 00:31:07.009 --> 00:31:17.650 And sometimes that culture does not work for everyone, or like you all did, you have to warm up to it to see what other possibilities are. 00:31:17.890 --> 00:31:21.970 So you're weighing your pros and cons according to your likeness. 00:31:22.130 --> 00:31:23.250 Her friends loved it. 00:31:23.330 --> 00:31:29.090 She loved coming out to visit her friends, but she does not like doing life here for herself and her son. 00:31:29.170 --> 00:31:30.290 So she went right back. 00:31:30.370 --> 00:31:31.810 I was like, what do you mean? 00:31:32.050 --> 00:31:35.250 She's like, Yeah, she's like, I hate it here. 00:31:37.009 --> 00:31:39.490 But you know, that's how it is. 00:31:39.730 --> 00:31:41.570 I think there is a lie. 00:31:41.810 --> 00:31:51.650 Many entrepreneurs believe if I can just get the business to the next level, everything's gonna get better, you know. 00:31:51.810 --> 00:32:01.570 But money doesn't fix communication, revenue doesn't fix uh resentment, growth doesn't automatically create correction e connection either either. 00:32:01.810 --> 00:32:03.650 So talk to us about that. 00:32:04.930 --> 00:32:08.690 Yeah, I I think it goes to what Kaylee said earlier, it was just mindset. 00:32:08.850 --> 00:32:09.970 So even with business, right? 00:32:10.210 --> 00:32:11.330 Talk about success. 00:32:13.410 --> 00:32:19.250 We we know this, we know the mantra that uh money doesn't buy happiness, yet that's kind of what we expect. 00:32:20.690 --> 00:32:25.730 It's still like all roads lead to money buying our happiness, right? 00:32:25.970 --> 00:32:26.450 Exactly. 00:32:26.769 --> 00:32:27.890 And absolutely doesn't. 00:32:27.970 --> 00:32:36.290 It's just for us, you know, it's really about being financially free so you can do what you want to do. 00:32:36.529 --> 00:32:36.690 Right. 00:32:36.930 --> 00:32:41.009 And that doesn't mean financially free doesn't mean you have to be a billionaire. 00:32:41.810 --> 00:32:46.850 It's not a doll, it's not a dollar amount, it's that we're not tied down to anything like debt, right? 00:32:46.930 --> 00:32:53.330 We don't have a mortgage, like none of our properties, whether it's our residence or rental properties or investments, have debt. 00:32:53.570 --> 00:32:56.210 So now we're like, what should we do? 00:32:56.370 --> 00:32:56.690 Right. 00:32:56.930 --> 00:33:02.050 So now we have to work to that point, but even in the meantime, right, we took we took different steps. 00:33:02.210 --> 00:33:08.690 Like we as we're growing our business, we wanted to be very intentional about enjoying life. 00:33:08.930 --> 00:33:15.170 It wasn't about waiting for the business success to enjoy life, it's and let's enjoy life as we're building it. 00:33:15.330 --> 00:33:23.170 And as we're building it, our level of enjoy not say level of enjoyment, but our level of what we do gets bigger and bigger too, right? 00:33:23.410 --> 00:33:27.410 We can do the three weeks in Italy last year 20 years ago. 00:33:27.570 --> 00:33:31.410 But as our business grew and as our finances grew, we were able to do that. 00:33:31.570 --> 00:33:33.970 But 20 years ago, we still went on vacations. 00:33:34.050 --> 00:33:40.450 They weren't may not be elaborate, but we took the time to enjoy life and enjoy the journey. 00:33:40.690 --> 00:33:57.970 So that's why it's you know, there's too many times we've seen and we talked to and we've seen entrepreneurs that are in their 60s or 70s that reached a pinnacle of success, whatever it is that how they define it, yet are miserable because their kids don't talk to them. 00:33:58.769 --> 00:33:59.410 Come on now. 00:33:59.730 --> 00:34:04.370 And they miss some of the best years, health years of their life in travel. 00:34:05.410 --> 00:34:11.969 Because we have some good friends, very good friends of ours, that they were waiting to retirement to travel. 00:34:12.529 --> 00:34:12.929 Mm-hmm. 00:34:13.650 --> 00:34:17.090 And so the wife retired first and then the husband. 00:34:17.730 --> 00:34:24.130 When the husband retired, he had a health issue, and they were never able to really travel the way they wanted to. 00:34:24.369 --> 00:34:27.650 They tried it out on a cruise and whatever, but he couldn't make it. 00:34:27.969 --> 00:34:30.289 So they never were able to do it. 00:34:31.570 --> 00:34:35.570 And so waiting

for the business success to enjoy life. 00:34:35.809 --> 00:34:40.690 Well, the business might succeed, but you may not be able to enjoy life, even when you have the money. 00:34:40.929 --> 00:34:41.250 Yeah. 00:34:41.489 --> 00:34:43.730 And so, and then for me, right? 00:34:43.889 --> 00:34:49.329 I don't get to enjoy life with my first wife because she passed away before we achieved that level of success. 00:34:49.489 --> 00:34:49.730 Right. 00:34:49.969 --> 00:34:57.170 And so money is just not going to help you to enjoy life if you're not able to enjoy life. 00:34:57.889 --> 00:34:58.529 Exactly. 00:34:58.690 --> 00:35:01.730 And that time is always in the present. 00:35:01.969 --> 00:35:13.730 It's like this weekend, I spent the weekend in Canada with my family, my mom and her sisters and cousins on that side of my family. 00:35:13.889 --> 00:35:17.569 We're a small family, but we're spread out throughout the United States. 00:35:17.649 --> 00:35:21.489 And then my one aunt who's lived in Canada my entire life. 00:35:21.730 --> 00:35:23.089 And we spent so much. 00:35:23.250 --> 00:35:30.289 We spent the whole, I guess we started arriving on Thursday, and it was her 70th birthday. 00:35:30.769 --> 00:35:42.049 And that time was so important from the cooking to we made bread, we made different types of favorite meals, we had the surprise party for her. 00:35:42.369 --> 00:35:47.569 And I'm looking through my phone and I'm like, wait a minute, where are the photos? 00:35:49.489 --> 00:35:55.009 I guess we did not oh, I didn't take a photo with you, and we didn't take a photo with this. 00:35:55.170 --> 00:35:59.809 And you know what I what it it told me that we were so present. 00:36:01.649 --> 00:36:06.129 And if you look on our social medias, we have nothing posted. 00:36:06.769 --> 00:36:12.690 Like there are other family members who knew this was happening, and they're probably waiting for those pictures to go. 00:36:13.409 --> 00:36:38.690 Not there, because we don't even have a lot of them, but we had such an amazing time because always it's for me, it's in the now, and I'm like, okay, you have got because I'm the photographer in the family, and I realized that I didn't do my job, and that's because my goal has been presence, especially as an entrepreneur, especially as a visionary, a builder, a founder. 00:36:39.009 --> 00:36:43.649 It is so important for me to take that time out and be all the way out. 00:36:43.809 --> 00:36:52.769 People reached out, and because I was in the on the continent, I still my phone works in several different countries because of how I set up my plan. 00:36:52.849 --> 00:36:56.690 And I'm like, hey, I'm out for the next few days. 00:36:56.769 --> 00:36:58.529 I'll let you know when I'll be back. 00:36:59.329 --> 00:37:02.369 And no one, no one forced the issue on me. 00:37:02.449 --> 00:37:07.089 And one person tried, and I just, you know, silenced them for the weekend. 00:37:07.649 --> 00:37:08.049 Yeah. 00:37:08.929 --> 00:37:10.210 And that was success for you. 00:37:10.289 --> 00:37:12.210 We need to define what success is. 00:37:12.529 --> 00:37:18.609 And when I say that, I'm not talking about keeping up with the Kardashians and all the glitz and glamour. 00:37:18.769 --> 00:37:21.170 I'm talking about individual or as a couple. 00:37:21.489 --> 00:37:23.730 What does success look like to you? 00:37:23.969 --> 00:37:26.929 And it sounds like your party was a huge success. 00:37:27.089 --> 00:37:27.569 You know what I mean? 00:37:28.129 --> 00:37:28.369 It was. 00:37:28.929 --> 00:37:29.329 It is. 00:37:29.489 --> 00:37:41.329 For me to sit here, have this conversation with you, go out there and make my money and have meaningful time with my family at 45, that is the absolute definition of success. 00:37:41.889 --> 00:37:53.250 Because the mouth of work I put put in when I'm not with my family has earned me the freedom to be able to travel for an extended weekend and spend time. 00:37:53.409 --> 00:37:59.089 And the reason I say that, because there were a few years ago when that freedom was not an option for me. 00:37:59.250 --> 00:38:02.769 Getting on a flight to go anywhere was like, are you kidding me? 00:38:02.849 --> 00:38:04.049 I don't have the money. 00:38:04.929 --> 00:38:06.529 And no one would ever guess. 00:38:06.609 --> 00:38:11.730 But I was in such build mode, I did not create the space for that. 00:38:11.969 --> 00:38:24.289 And at that time, maybe it wasn't the most important thing for me because there was a period in my life when all roads led to whatever was happening with my family, and there was no me or my vision or my dream. 00:38:24.529 --> 00:38:32.690 So you overindulge, but then I found this sweet spot where it's like, okay, this is how I carve out what's successful for me. 00:38:32.769 --> 00:38:44.129 And from that place I show up for clients for for family, for and for myself, and for my partner, or whoever I'm I'm serving outside of myself. 00:38:44.289 --> 00:38:45.809 And you're right, Kaylee. 00:38:46.289 --> 00:38:47.569 And that's very important, right? 00:38:47.809 --> 00:38:50.769 You gotta define what success looks like for you first. 00:38:51.089 --> 00:38:52.769 And redefine too, right? 00:38:53.089 --> 00:38:59.489 Right, because sometimes we our definition of success is a lot of times by other people's expectations, right? 00:38:59.969 --> 00:39:01.969 And so that's where we get messed up. 00:39:02.129 --> 00:39:05.009 And so we really gotta step step back and think about it. 00:39:05.089 --> 00:39:08.690 What does success look like for for me or and as a couple for us? 00:39:09.009 --> 00:39:17.649 And get over the the myth that if you focus on your relationship, your personal life, that your business is gonna suffer. 00:39:17.809 --> 00:39:21.089 If you turn off your phone for the weekend, that all of a sudden you're gonna lose out. 00:39:21.170 --> 00:39:22.369 That's absolutely false.

00:39:22.769 --> 00:39:23.489 That phone won't. 00:39:23.809 --> 00:39:30.929 In fact, all the data, research data, when it gets the productivity data and health data, shows the benefits of making sure you're rested. 00:39:31.089 --> 00:39:32.849 And not rested means just sleep. 00:39:32.929 --> 00:39:34.289 That's part of it, but not just sleep. 00:39:34.369 --> 00:39:36.849 Just it's about disconnecting from business from work. 00:39:37.009 --> 00:39:40.449 You're a lot more productive once you get back to work because you're rested. 00:39:40.609 --> 00:39:42.529 Your mind is sharper, you have more clarity. 00:39:42.690 --> 00:39:47.649 In fact, even in those periods of rest, a lot of times we get our best ideas. 00:39:47.730 --> 00:39:52.129 And as entrepreneurs, right, we live and breathe by ideas, good ideas, right? 00:39:52.529 --> 00:39:55.889 And my best ideas come just from my dog walks. 00:39:55.969 --> 00:39:58.449 It's just walking the dog because you're you're clear. 00:39:58.690 --> 00:39:59.569 And I don't take my phone. 00:39:59.809 --> 00:40:01.170 I see people working with their phone. 00:40:01.329 --> 00:40:03.569 I say, no, I gotta, I want to have a clear mind. 00:40:03.649 --> 00:40:06.129 I just want to enjoy the walk, and especially now we're at the lake. 00:40:06.210 --> 00:40:07.489 I want to enjoy the lake. 00:40:07.730 --> 00:40:16.449 So, and then all of a sudden, ideas just start flowing and flowing and flowing because they can't come, great ideas can't come in the busyness of what you're doing. 00:40:16.769 --> 00:40:16.929 Right? 00:40:17.089 --> 00:40:19.409 Never does, it never hardly ever comes that way. 00:40:19.569 --> 00:40:24.609 It's always into some, you're on the toilet, you're in the shower, you're shopping. 00:40:25.009 --> 00:40:26.929 I love to talk about the toilet. 00:40:28.449 --> 00:40:28.690 Right? 00:40:28.849 --> 00:40:37.569 And so you need those periods of breaks, because that's not just get those ideas, but it's to refresh and re-energize so that you can do really good work. 00:40:37.809 --> 00:40:40.210 And also just for your health. 00:40:40.849 --> 00:40:45.009 The there's there's there's the World Health Organization, the Who? 00:40:45.409 --> 00:40:57.250 World Health Organization released a study in the Lancet Medical Journal just a few years ago, is that the people that work over 50 hours a week of work have a 35% increase in heart attacks. 00:40:57.569 --> 00:40:58.690 Yes, they do. 00:40:59.170 --> 00:40:59.969 Yes, they do. 00:41:00.289 --> 00:41:04.369 And that's you're gonna have a heart attack before you're able to spend that money if you made it. 00:41:04.609 --> 00:41:04.849 Right. 00:41:05.170 --> 00:41:12.529 And I can go date after date on the health risk of overworking and then the health benefits of working just responsibly. 00:41:12.690 --> 00:41:20.690 Like Ford, Henry Ford, he found that there was no benefit to his his assembly line workers working over 45 hours a week

of work. 00:41:20.849 --> 00:41:22.929 There was there was getting a diminishing return. 00:41:23.250 --> 00:41:28.289 So it says, okay, why pay him for 60 hours when I can pay him for 40 and get the same amount of work done? 00:41:28.449 --> 00:41:32.769 And then I can hire more people with the with the same payroll amount. 00:41:33.009 --> 00:41:34.049 With the 20, yeah. 00:41:34.289 --> 00:41:34.449 Right. 00:41:34.609 --> 00:41:35.569 Yeah, to get more done. 00:41:35.969 --> 00:41:37.250 To get more done, right? 00:41:37.409 --> 00:41:42.690 And so, anyways, there's so much data out there that really speaks against overworking. 00:41:42.929 --> 00:41:43.329 Right. 00:41:43.489 --> 00:41:46.690 And from a productivity and also from a health standpoint. 00:41:46.849 --> 00:41:53.969 And so definitely stepping back and enjoying life is not gonna be it's not gonna be detrimental to your business. 00:41:54.129 --> 00:41:56.129 In fact, it's only gonna help your business. 00:41:56.769 --> 00:41:57.489 Exactly. 00:41:57.649 --> 00:41:58.129 Exactly. 00:41:58.289 --> 00:41:59.009 I agree with that. 00:41:59.089 --> 00:41:59.809 I love that. 00:42:00.049 --> 00:42:13.649 So, what are some of those relationship problems that tend to get bigger when people see that increase in success in their work, whether, you know, they're an entrepreneur in general as a couple. 00:42:14.690 --> 00:42:17.649 Well, I think is that feeds the animal, feeds the beast. 00:42:17.889 --> 00:42:18.049 Right? 00:42:18.369 --> 00:42:21.170 Because we're driven by, you know, professional success, right? 00:42:21.250 --> 00:42:29.889 We're we've grown up by our identity and our accolades are based on what we accomplish, right? 00:42:29.969 --> 00:42:37.569 So we come in and fast forward into business, then of course, as we get more and more success in the business, we just it just feeds us, right? 00:42:37.649 --> 00:42:40.049 It just feeds our identity, feeds, feeds us. 00:42:40.129 --> 00:42:43.649 And so the more success we get, just the more we want. 00:42:43.969 --> 00:42:50.929 And so we're never gonna we're never gonna fully satisfy our need for accomplishments. 00:42:51.250 --> 00:42:53.170 And so that's where you say that again. 00:42:53.409 --> 00:42:55.329 I don't think as humans we get that. 00:42:55.409 --> 00:42:58.289 I I'm so happy I have gotten that. 00:42:58.609 --> 00:43:00.929 It was around I was around 30 years old when I did it. 00:43:01.170 --> 00:43:01.809 Oh, good for you. 00:43:02.049 --> 00:43:03.809 Well, yeah. 00:43:04.210 --> 00:43:07.170 Yeah, I mean we'll never feed that satisfaction, right? 00:43:07.329 --> 00:43:09.730 And so that's where it's not supposed to be fed. 00:43:09.889 --> 00:43:13.250 But it's not supposed to be you're not supposed to be done. 00:43:13.489 --> 00:43:13.730 Right. 00:43:13.969 --> 00:43:21.329 It's like you're always gonna But having having our relationships, having good relationships, I mean that that fulfills you. 00:43:21.969 --> 00:43:29.569 But if your business is successful and you lose it at the you know, your whole family and your relationships, that's a high price to pay. 00:43:29.809 --> 00:43:30.129 It is. 00:43:30.449 --> 00:43:32.769 And then it's like, are you really successful then? 00:43:33.569 --> 00:43:33.889 Exactly. 00:43:34.129 --> 00:43:42.129 I mean, don't you want to, you know, have a healthy family and spend time with them and them to be successful as well? 00:43:42.609 --> 00:43:47.009 And again, it goes back to you running yourself in the ground and becoming ill. 00:43:47.170 --> 00:43:49.489 Like, who do you call then? 00:43:51.889 --> 00:43:53.889 Who are you gonna what do you need then? 00:43:54.049 --> 00:43:54.929 You need people. 00:43:55.409 --> 00:44:03.969 Like I've seen and I I I started reading a book and I was pulling it up to to say which one it was, but that's how he opened the book. 00:44:04.129 --> 00:44:13.250 He was at the highest level, had all these homes, he had houses on the lake, had a daughter and a wife, and the wife packed up. 00:44:13.329 --> 00:44:27.649 She and she didn't even want anything in the divorce because quote unquote success had become something that she and the daughter despised because of their loss of his presence throughout their lives. 00:44:27.889 --> 00:44:34.769 And so he was like, you know, begging them to even take some of the they're like, no, we don't want that. 00:44:34.929 --> 00:44:42.609 For them, it was like having blood on their hands, and then he became very still, both physically and mentally. 00:44:42.769 --> 00:44:50.049 And, you know, this is the reality of it, you know, that risking it all for what? 00:44:50.849 --> 00:44:52.849 Now I get everybody's different. 00:44:53.089 --> 00:44:55.170 We are not gonna go against that. 00:44:55.649 --> 00:45:02.049 Some folks say, hey, I was left in an orphanage at five, and it's just been me. 00:45:02.210 --> 00:45:03.170 I don't care about family. 00:45:03.969 --> 00:45:09.409 But I believe that everybody wants to be seen, heard, know that they matter. 00:45:10.049 --> 00:45:13.329 And so the only way you do that is through relationships. 00:45:13.889 --> 00:45:17.409 This is the most, I feel like we don't talk enough about it. 00:45:17.569 --> 00:45:19.809 That's why I wanted to have you all back. 00:45:20.129 --> 00:45:22.929 So we can dive in a little bit into your work. 00:45:23.329 --> 00:45:30.049 What are some of the surprises that couples experience once they've reached the goal they've been achieving? 00:45:30.690 --> 00:45:35.809 I mean, I'm gonna just go on a pack to maybe what are some of the unsatisfactions? 00:45:35.969 --> 00:45:40.529 They have the money, they have the options, but what surprises them the most? 00:45:41.409 --> 00:45:45.329 I think then then they get there and they're like, is this it? 00:45:45.730 --> 00:45:50.609 Like they're expecting like it to be fulfilling. 00:45:50.929 --> 00:45:51.569 Yes.

00:45:52.049 --> 00:45:55.009 And they get there and they're like, we worked so hard to get to this place. 00:45:55.170 --> 00:45:57.730 We've been, you know, been in most of our lives. 00:45:58.210 --> 00:46:00.129 And then we get there, and this is it. 00:46:00.210 --> 00:46:02.849 And it could be an awful lonely place, too. 00:46:03.409 --> 00:46:03.889 You know? 00:46:04.129 --> 00:46:04.369 Right. 00:46:04.529 --> 00:46:05.170 Yeah, right. 00:46:05.569 --> 00:46:08.849 It's over and over, it's the same, same thing, right? 00:46:09.009 --> 00:46:16.210 Because and the ones that are still just killing themselves achieving, achieving, achieving, is because we haven't read they haven't reached that satisfaction yet, right? 00:46:16.449 --> 00:46:18.769 And they haven't, and it hasn't hit them in the face. 00:46:18.849 --> 00:46:20.210 That it's never happening. 00:46:20.369 --> 00:46:25.969 Like I'm never if you ever feel satisfied and comfortable with where you're at, you're dead. 00:46:26.690 --> 00:46:28.849 The only place, I mean, Dr. 00:46:29.009 --> 00:46:29.969 Kareem talks about it. 00:46:30.049 --> 00:46:33.569 He's like the casket is the best comfort zone you're ever gonna find. 00:46:33.809 --> 00:46:36.849 That's when you you you cannot be any more satisfied. 00:46:37.089 --> 00:46:41.809 Look at the body in the casket, they're always cushioned and propped up really well. 00:46:41.969 --> 00:46:47.009 They're not there, but the body is there, and that's the only comfort you're ever, that's when it stops. 00:46:47.170 --> 00:46:55.089 Otherwise, it's and I wish I know some people are hearing us say that and they're like, Well, I'd want to see for myself, go for it. 00:46:55.250 --> 00:46:56.049 Let me know. 00:46:56.369 --> 00:46:58.690 Because it's gonna hit you. 00:47:09.569 --> 00:47:12.849 Wow, what a powerful conversation. 00:47:13.170 --> 00:47:22.690 Today, Robert and Kaylee reminded us that success is not just about revenue, growth, achievement, or checking the next box. 00:47:22.849 --> 00:47:44.289 It's about relationships, it's about being present, it's about understanding that if we spend our entire lives chasing the next milestone without enjoying the people we're building it with, or even for, we may arrive at success only to discover we've missed the moments that mattered most. 00:47:44.529 --> 00:47:57.329 We talked about ambition, we talked about defining success on our own terms, we talked about the danger of constantly moving the goalposts and believing that happiness lives somewhere in the future. 00:47:57.489 --> 00:48:04.769 And perhaps most importantly, we talked about the courage to start living now instead of waiting for someday. 00:48:05.089 --> 00:48:10.369 But we're just getting started because in part two, we're going even deeper. 00:48:10.529 --> 00:48:23.329 We're going to unpack communication, resentment, emotional connection, conflict, identity, fate, and what it really takes to stay connected when life and business gets busy. 00:48:23.489 --> 00:48:28.049 And trust me, you don't want to miss that conversation. 00:48:28.210 --> 00:48:32.769 So make sure you're subscribed to Mindset Mastery Moments wherever you're listening. 00:48:33.009 --> 00:48:43.730 And if today's conversation resonated with you, share it with another entrepreneur, leader, or even your spouse, or a couple who needs this message. 00:48:44.049 --> 00:48:46.690 For Robert and Kaylee, I am Dr. 00:48:46.849 --> 00:48:49.569 Elisa and keep mastering your mindset. 00:48:49.809 --> 00:48:52.289 Think, speak, do, become. 00:48:52.529 --> 00:48:53.569 We'll see you on part two. 00:48:53.889 --> 00:48:54.929 Let's get in there.