Money, Relationships & Divorce: What Every Woman Needs to Know | Liz Harrington: täielik transkriptsioon

primary um breadwinner, have maybe taken a career break or worked part-time, or think, oh, I'll have my own business. 00:05:49.040 --> 00:05:54.160 So they haven't paid into a private pension, and you know, we're massively on the back foot. 00:05:54.319 --> 00:06:02.160 And actually, if you do protect yourself, it's not about, oh, well, surely if I trust my husband, then I shouldn't need to do this. 00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:04.560 Like, I think everyone should absolutely always have a prenup. 00:06:04.720 --> 00:06:10.399 There's no way my kids are getting married without one, I'm not getting ever married ever again without one, it's just not happening. 00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:16.000 Um, they are good because they force the conversations that you should be having anyway, and hopefully you'll never need it. 00:06:16.079 --> 00:06:18.720 But if you do, it's gonna be so much kinder. 00:06:18.959 --> 00:06:23.439 And um, and it's not about mistrust or like tempting fate. 00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:27.920 It's actually if you do this and you don't break up, you're gonna have more money in your retirement. 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:30.160 It's good for both of you, not just you. 00:06:30.240 --> 00:06:36.560 Yeah, so it's a it's a complete no-brainer, but we just don't know until very often it's too late. 00:06:36.879 --> 00:06:37.279 Yeah. 00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:45.759 And I guess also, sorry, not to skip back, but it's almost like, and it's I think again, especially for women, it kind of goes back to that mindset thing, doesn't it? 00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:48.800 That starts way before this kind of situation. 00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:53.439 It's like as women, we we ask for less, we're paid less. 00:06:53.600 --> 00:06:58.959 There is, you know, these things exist, like a pay gender, gender pay gap. 00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:04.319 All of this is real, like these are things that we all feel and see every day. 00:07:04.399 --> 00:07:07.360 I mean, and that's just like the the big obvious ones. 00:07:07.680 --> 00:07:26.000 But in general, we're already at a bit of a disadvantage um in that way from where we come from, a mindset position, and never mind before you add in all of our generational things around money, what we could ask for, what we should ask for. 00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:33.759 And yeah, I guess in that way, like it's yeah, it's it might it blows my mind um when you think when you think about that. 00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:43.600 And especially I think as well, when you and I'm saying from my own my own uh perspective, it's like I was the first to go to university from my family. 00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:55.279 And in that way, it's almost like you outperform um you know your parents in like that socioeconomic status and gone through the kind of ceiling. 00:07:55.759 --> 00:07:57.279 You've gone through that ceiling, haven't you? 00:07:57.439 --> 00:08:10.160 And it's like even if you don't, you know, yeah, it just from doing that, you it just puts you in a completely different perspective, and it it's like you're not used to that, it's different to what to what you you have known. 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:11.600 Yeah, absolutely. 00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:13.680 There's so much in what you say, Karen. 00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:29.839 Like I agree with every word, and um one of the reasons I love doing this work is because it's so it's just so interesting, and um, you know, everyone has money programming from when they were little, and one of the processes I do is going back to that through visualization and then the tapping. 00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:32.720 And what was your early money, earliest money memory? 00:08:32.960 --> 00:08:44.000 And obviously, for women, it's often their mums, and their mums are what's given a an allowance quite often back then, counting the pennies and um you know, having to balance the books. 00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:49.120 Money was scarce a lot more than it is now, it wasn't as accessible, not for everyone, obviously. 00:08:49.279 --> 00:08:55.840 Um, and then there might be control around money if the man of the house went out to work and was like, Well, what have you spent money on? 00:08:56.000 --> 00:09:10.399 And you know, it's so all those things, and I think it is very different messages that we as women, as young little girls, absorb as opposed to little boys, you know, because you can't you can't deny there's that gender, gender difference. 00:09:10.559 --> 00:09:24.320 Um, and uh really interesting what you say about the going to uni, because we all have a family set point, and we can make um subconscious and conscious, but very often subconscious vows to remain loyal to our family struggle. 00:09:24.480 --> 00:09:44.480 So I know when I was at work, I really struggled to get over 50 grand a year because I felt like I was being disloyal to my dad because that's he he earned like 49 or something, and I just felt like, gosh, I don't want to shame, I don't want my dad, you know, don't want him to feel bad about himself, even though I I wouldn't have ever told him what I was earning. 00:09:44.639 --> 00:09:49.279 I guess I would if I if he'd asked, but um, and that in itself is an interesting con conversation. 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:50.799 Why don't we talk about what we earn? 00:09:50.960 --> 00:09:54.480 You know, there's so much shame and and worry about it. 00:09:54.799 --> 00:09:58.240 So um, yeah, that that family set point is a huge thing. 00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:00.639 And some people might make a conscious decision. 00:10:00.879 --> 00:10:04.240 Well, I am going to, I'm not going to be poor like my family were. 00:10:04.320 --> 00:10:06.159 I'm going to make it and I'm going to do really well. 00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:15.840 And often they do, and they earn a lot of money, but then they might not feel comfortable having it, so they throw it away, they spend a lot, um, or they or they give it away to other people. 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:26.639 So um, or they just feel

really bad about it, and they can end up being one of those people that earns loads, crashes out, earns loads, crashes out, you know, makes really bad investment decisions or whatever. 00:10:26.799 --> 00:10:34.000 Um, and it's all almost always, well, in my world, I've always been able to relate it to how they grew up around money. 00:10:34.159 --> 00:10:34.399 Yeah. 00:10:34.720 --> 00:10:39.440 And and and also traumatic experiences with relationships with bosses. 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:43.840 Bosses can have a massive influence on our kind of earning set points. 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:46.720 So right, what in house what do you mean? 00:10:47.200 --> 00:11:10.320 Well, um, so I think I I've had quite a few um entrepreneurial clients who have come from jobs where they were either let go of um, maybe it was really difficult and and quite conflicted, or even a redundancy situation, but um, but quite often, so so that is trauma in itself and creates a I'm not good enough feel, I'm not good enough to charge. 00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:12.879 How how can I earn more than I earned when I was at work? 00:11:13.039 --> 00:11:21.360 Um, but often if you had a difficult boss that wouldn't promote you or wouldn't put you above a certain amount of money, then you you carry that through. 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:26.799 It's like this little invisible voice that keeps telling you, Oh, who do you think you are earning that much money? 00:11:27.279 --> 00:11:32.320 And and I I did have a difficult boss like that, and I knew I I should earn more. 00:11:32.559 --> 00:11:35.679 Um, but he I don't just don't think he liked me. 00:11:35.759 --> 00:11:38.639 I was too straight talking and not sort of corporate enough for him. 00:11:38.799 --> 00:11:43.200 And I didn't have a degree, um, which he he really didn't like. 00:11:43.360 --> 00:11:51.519 So I was forced upon him because I was transferred from another company into his, and he never would have given me a job if um that hadn't been forced upon him. 00:11:51.919 --> 00:11:56.879 So, you know, that that was I have had to do work on that because it really damaged my self-esteem. 00:11:57.039 --> 00:12:04.159 Um yeah, it's it's it's quite funny now looking back, but at the time it was it was you know it was significant, absolutely. 00:12:04.639 --> 00:12:04.799 Yeah. 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:21.679 And I think in that way as well, it's like I love how and like Gabor Mata, he always talks about like big T, little T, trauma is trauma, whether it's you know huge or perceived, uh death is whatever, it's still trauma if it's things that you would carry around. 00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:31.279 And I think I see this um in my um coaching practice with some of my clients who have massively outperformed. 00:12:31.360 --> 00:12:37.120 Um, and I'm saying outperform, that sounds so harsh, but I mean it it's fact, it's that's that's the word, right? 00:12:37.440 --> 00:12:53.840 But um of where their family, uh family basis came from, like maybe you know, they were very working class when they were um a child, but now they're a hundred percent some bougie, lovely lifestyle that they're loving, but they also feel really guilty about it. 00:12:54.000 --> 00:13:22.159 And I think sometimes that's where you can also get really disconnected from yourself somehow because you start performing different things for different people and in different roles because oh god, I can't be too much there, I can't talk about oh, I just bought a lovely bag who did do all of these different things, they don't have that, so I can't talk about this, I can't do this with my family because then they're gonna think who the bloody else you think she is, kind of thing, like and then again with friends, with whatever. 00:13:22.320 --> 00:13:26.720 Yeah, and I think it's so it's just a really, really tricky sense, isn't it? 00:13:26.799 --> 00:13:34.080 And then in the end, you're living your life for lots of other people and not really for you for your your own self in that in that way. 00:13:34.399 --> 00:13:35.279 Absolutely, yeah. 00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:56.720 And I think we always have to remember that other people have exactly the same, um, not the same beliefs, and but the and it I'm thinking about my sister and um specifically, but like they can have exactly the same upbringing as you, the same kind of influences, but can feel completely different for whatever reason, and can get very triggered by you if you're really successful. 00:13:56.879 --> 00:14:04.879 So I remember I was um I paid, I got front row tickets for um the ABBA musical, whatever I can't remember what it was called. 00:14:06.159 --> 00:14:07.840 No, no, no, sorry, yeah. 00:14:08.480 --> 00:14:21.039 Years this was years and years ago, and um and I was really excited to my mum, I was gonna take my mum and my sister, I thought it'd be a really nice day in London, it was my treat, and my sister went nuts and it was just like that's just you flashing your cash, and she didn't come in the end. 00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:26.399 Um yeah, and it was it was devastating at the time, really, really devastating. 00:14:26.559 --> 00:14:33.120 And I'm like, that was the I was so far from the truth, but that was her truth, and she put me over it. 00:14:33.279 --> 00:14:41.279 Um, you know, when I moved into this house, um they my dad told she's finding it really difficult because you know, you've done so well out of your divorce. 00:14:41.519 --> 00:14:49.039 And I'm like, she's literally looked at right move and probably assumed I've sold my house for a million pounds and moved into this one, which was a lot less than that. 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:52.960 Um, but I didn't sell it for it sold for a million, but it was mortgaged up to the hilt. 00:14:53.039 --> 00:15:08.480 So it's not the money I got, and it's just like we so often don't know the full story, but we make these assumptions, and um, and it's really sad because it has it's massively

impacted our relationship, and and then you have to work that through or make peace with it or do whatever. 00:15:08.639 --> 00:15:15.600 So yeah, so a lot of every a lot of the stuff I hear, I'm like, yeah, I've kind of been as always. 00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:17.039 I get that, yeah, yeah. 00:15:17.360 --> 00:15:20.720 Yeah, yeah, which which clients tend to like generally. 00:15:20.799 --> 00:15:21.200 So yeah. 00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:24.639 Yeah, well, yeah, I guess in that way, like you can relate, can't don't you? 00:15:24.960 --> 00:15:37.360 So in that way, what would be like what are the most common sort of limiting beliefs that you find around that you hear um around money and what are the things that we can do? 00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:44.720 Um, which I'm alluding to lead on to some Yeah, yeah, but um yeah, what are the biggest things that you hear? 00:15:45.360 --> 00:15:57.039 I think the biggest thing is for me, and especially in my work with divorcing women, is that they don't see their, they don't value their contribution. 00:15:57.360 --> 00:16:12.320 So take a, for example, a stay-at-home um wife or someone that has really put their career on the back burner, and they don't see the their contribution, they don't value it, um, especially if the kids are older. 00:16:12.399 --> 00:16:22.799 And and and there's an injustice, and they're like, I've spent my whole life raising the kids, and now if I went and got a job, I'm being told to get a job for the first time in 20, 30, sometimes 40 years, what can I do? 00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:24.399 I'd be minimum wage. 00:16:24.559 --> 00:16:26.799 Like, how can I pay a mortgage on that? 00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:36.159 And um and and they don't realise, and this is partly a legal thing, that actually it's a marital pot, and 50-50 is only starting a starting point. 00:16:36.399 --> 00:16:44.480 You don't get compensation for the fact that you gave up your work and you know have not really got much career prospects now, sadly. 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:50.159 You don't get compensated for it, as in actual compensation, but that does come into it. 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:53.120 So, therefore, you might get a bigger portion of the pot. 00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:56.559 You know, you might be able to get some spousal maintenance for a while. 00:16:56.720 --> 00:16:59.200 You used to be able to get that quite easily, it's really hard now. 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:16.079 Um, but I don't want to get too into the legalities, but the like until we get their belief system running, which is a balance because you don't want to get them too sort of angry and like, oh, I deserve loads of money for everything I've given up, because actually, if they don't get it, they're gonna feel really awful. 00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:42.880 So it is a balance, but to have that feeling of like actually, like, and one of the exercises we do, I've well got a um one of our um free um resources, is actually adding up what you do at home, you'll

you would be not if if you if you'd had to employ someone to do that, you'd be paying them about 50 grand at least, and a lot of other calculations are like it's between 50 and 80 grand for for everything you do. 00:17:43.039 --> 00:17:48.240 So start valuing yourself so that you've got the confidence to say, actually, that's not fair. 00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:52.640 Um, but it's it runs so deeply, and it's very much well, that's his money. 00:17:52.799 --> 00:17:59.920 And I see this with I've got um some really dear friends, there's four of us that go out, and their husbands earn a lot of money. 00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:20.079 And I I know that obviously they'll spend happily spend it on the house and stuff like that, but when we go out and it's just us four, there is a consciousness of money, and and it might be just because they earn a lot more than me, and um, I've been a bit cash-strapped since my divorce a few times, but um, you know, I know there's a discomfort and they don't see it as their money. 00:18:20.160 --> 00:18:23.839 I'm like, you've been married to him for like 20 years, of course it's your money. 00:18:24.079 --> 00:18:35.200 And um, we don't really have those conversations, but um, but we occasionally we we sort of touch on them, and and I just think, oh, after all that time, you're still viewing it as his money. 00:18:35.440 --> 00:19:08.400 Look at everything you've done and and how you've contributed to him getting where he's got, which is amazing, and and you know, because they are very clever or very career-driven, whatever, but um, but they they're not always recognising their part in that, and um and and that I mean I used to get really cross about it, I don't get cross about it anymore, but um I do I I guess I sometimes get a bit frustrated, um, because in the end it comes back to us not valuing our worth and our contribution, and it's massive, it's it's huge. 00:19:08.720 --> 00:19:09.920 It's yeah, it's huge. 00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:17.200 I think there's I it took me about three years to read this book, not because it was boring, it was just so much information to take in. 00:19:17.519 --> 00:19:28.480 But there's a book called um donor economics, and this lady, she's a she's an economist who was coming out of university saying like this model's broken, it doesn't work like this. 00:19:28.559 --> 00:19:38.319 So she wanted to look at a different way of um economics, and so she's got like obviously the donut, and there's I think I can't remember now, I think there's like eight different chapters around it. 00:19:38.559 --> 00:19:42.240 She called Kate Rew, Rareworth, Raw, something like that. 00:19:42.720 --> 00:20:10.559 And one of them is about the unpaid community, and that's around like women who women who um stay at home to take care of their children, um, or even like that the part-time um role that they might take, the discrepancy between working and then taking time out to have children and the dropping your pension pots and things like this, and then also moving on from that. 00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:33.759 Um if you are working part-time, actually, if you incorp incorporate into that the full-time job of your mother job, if we just say it's a job, then actually like your hourly rate is pretty fucking shit because you're basically working 24 hours a day for very, very little. 00:20:34.160 --> 00:20:34.480 Yeah. 00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:51.839 And then when you factor on top of that, like the grandparents who might come in and help that are not being paid either, like that's such a huge part that helps our economy function and operate, but it's just not acknowledged in in any way. 00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:52.319 Yeah. 00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:53.920 It I completely agree with you. 00:20:54.079 --> 00:21:06.640 And on grandparents, like it's very often the mothers, the the or the female, even if you don't have children, the female um person that is doing the care of the elderlies, even if it's their in-laws and not their direct parents. 00:21:06.799 --> 00:21:08.480 You know, it's it's very often that. 00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:17.119 Um, and you know, it's yes, we're more caring and nurturing and all those things, but it's not it's not equitable, it's not fair. 00:21:17.440 --> 00:21:31.519 Um and we might want to do that, and that's lovely, but I think when you know it's not just about the money you have in your pocket and feeling good about yes, this is my money, it's not just my husband's money, it's family money, but it is also, like you say, the the pension. 00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:38.480 Um, and you know, and and also let's be realistic, women tend to live longer than men. 00:21:38.720 --> 00:21:51.200 So if if you're not married, you don't have access to their pension, or they haven't got a death in service payment, or you know, various things, or life insurance, that kind of thing, which generally men often take care of those things. 00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:56.000 We don't necessarily worry about them, they're not sort of in our consciousness a lot of the time. 00:21:56.160 --> 00:22:02.240 Um, and so it might not be divorce, it might be just Sadly, the death of your spouse. 00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:07.519 And if you don't know anything about the finances, what even to the point where like who do we bank with? 00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:08.799 Some people don't even know that. 00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:11.359 Or how do I get into our joint account? 00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:21.440 If you haven't got the thing set up, like not just a will, but power of attorney and lasting power of attorney, it's like those things that I don't know loads about, but I know enough. 00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:27.440 Like they're really important because you're like, oh well, I'll just get their money if they die. 00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:29.920 Well, it takes a long time and it's a lot of work. 00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:37.039 And if you're dealing with your grief, sorting out like funerals and

all that kind of stuff, looking after your kids if you've got them with their grief. 00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:42.799 How are you supposed to do all that as well when you're starting from scratch and you haven't got a clue and you can't even get you don't even know the passwords? 00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:45.279 Like, yeah, it's it's awful. 00:22:45.519 --> 00:22:46.640 That is terrifying. 00:22:46.799 --> 00:22:47.920 I didn't realise. 00:22:48.319 --> 00:22:53.759 Um I was reading uh somebody actually it's from Doing a Will, that's what it was. 00:22:54.000 --> 00:23:04.160 We recently um was doing a will, and she was talking about lasting power of attorney, and I'm like, we're just trying to sort that out for my mum now, but you know, that's what happens when you're old. 00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:14.799 And she um was telling a story about um Pate Darrowway, the TV presenter, and that was it sends chills down my spine, even thinking of that now. 00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:19.839 That her husband was nearly died, or maybe he has died, I don't know. 00:23:20.079 --> 00:23:20.720 Anyway, he's died. 00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:21.839 Yeah. 00:23:22.559 --> 00:23:30.960 So when he got COVID and was in hospital completely unresponsive, she couldn't access his bank accounts, she wasn't able to do anything. 00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:42.000 I think like his car got stolen, and she couldn't even claim on the insurance because it wasn't in her name, it was all in his name, and she didn't have power of attorney. 00:23:42.079 --> 00:23:45.680 So yeah, it's not actually about only when somebody dies. 00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:53.200 It's things like that, and that's shocking because I mean, unfortunately, accidents and things happen all the time, don't they? 00:23:53.519 --> 00:23:54.720 They really do, they really do. 00:23:54.880 --> 00:24:02.000 And like Kate Garraway, she you think, well, she earns her own money, you know, she's she's very successful, she's got her head screwed on. 00:24:02.160 --> 00:24:07.599 Um, but even someone like her, it's so there's no shame in the fact you don't know this, you've just got to start knowing it. 00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:13.359 No, and um, you know, but she had a big house, I think, I think North London, I think, and you know, children. 00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:17.200 So even though she had a big income, it wasn't enough to to survive on. 00:24:17.279 --> 00:24:19.839 She had to access all those things. 00:24:20.079 --> 00:24:35.519 So, and and I think actually, Karen, in in terms of how you have that delicate conversation with your spouse, if you if you do find it really hard to to discuss money, um, I think you just need to say, look, if you died, I wouldn't have a clue. 00:24:35.680 --> 00:24:37.359 Can you just can we just have some time? 00:24:37.519 --> 00:24:39.920 Can we make some time to go through everything? 00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:41.680 So I at least know what we've got. 00:24:41.839 --> 00:24:53.920 And and actually, if I'm talking to someone that's getting divorced or what is thinking about getting divorced, and they have no clue where to start, that's where I say, Well, get get a will, because then you can find out everything, and at least then you know what you're dealing with. 00:24:54.160 --> 00:25:07.680 Um, um, because it's much easier to find out all that stuff when you're amicable than when you've already broken up, when things can start being hidden and um and not not completely um honest truth. 00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:09.759 Yeah, yeah. 00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:12.960 Yeah, because that's what pe some people do do that, don't they? 00:25:13.359 --> 00:25:23.920 Um they want to they want to protect they don't what they what's there is and not kind of bringing it into the the relationship, so to speak. 00:25:24.240 --> 00:25:24.559 Absolutely. 00:25:24.799 --> 00:25:30.319 Yeah, it's quite a it's it's just it's a massive mindfield, really, isn't it? 00:25:30.480 --> 00:25:39.440 It's like such a huge topic of like how any of this even works, like where you've only literally been talking for 15 minutes and it's like shit. 00:25:39.519 --> 00:25:48.000 I've got about four different topics that I want to move on to move go through here now because it's also so like so so interesting in that way. 00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:59.440 But if we just pop back to um so we're in limiting beliefs, we're talking about it with the client, um limiting beliefs are identified. 00:25:59.680 --> 00:26:08.319 Um, what's the types of conversations you're having with your clients then that then moves into um that the tapping and release? 00:26:08.640 --> 00:26:09.519 Yeah, sure. 00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:19.440 So um obviously when I start working with a client, I have a really good chat with them beforehand, find out their their goals and what what they're trying to get out of it, why why have they picked up the phone to me basically? 00:26:19.599 --> 00:26:21.839 Um, but it nearly always starts with childhood. 00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:26.720 So it's usually the one of the first sessions I do is on that childhood programming. 00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:29.039 Um, how were they brought up around money? 00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:30.640 What's their earliest memory? 00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:34.559 What's their um what's their how are their parents behaving around money? 00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:39.759 Um, and and very quickly, quite often it's like, oh my parents got divorced. 00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:44.319 So, you know, that that adds another dimension to it completely. 00:26:44.480 --> 00:26:51.440 So before, you know, within very early on in the first session, we've got so much to work with already, and then it's exploring that. 00:26:51.599 --> 00:26:56.160 Another um process we do is especially around um charging. 00:26:56.240 --> 00:27:31.359 So do this with the entrepreneurs, definitely, um, is visualising yourself standing on a stage with a sign saying how much you earn, and um, and looking at

everyone in the audience, and you've got everyone there, like your family, your friends, your colleagues, your your business coach, your fellow people that you might mastermind or network with, um, grandparents, even if they're not here anymore, and um, and people at school, old bosses, colleagues, and um, and you see, and they're like, Oh my god, my mum's like I had one lady, my mum's just got up and walked out, she's so disgusted with me. 00:27:31.680 --> 00:27:34.000 And um, and you know, that's a massive thing. 00:27:34.079 --> 00:27:39.519 If they don't want to say, Yeah, I earn this much money, or I mean, they're not, they don't actually have to do it. 00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:41.359 This is all through visualization. 00:27:41.759 --> 00:27:46.480 Um, but it's the subconscious judgment that drives our behaviour. 00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:52.799 And it's like if you've got that belief that your mum's going to be disgusted with you earning more money, it's gonna be very hard to put your prices up. 00:27:53.039 --> 00:27:54.880 It's it's a very simple link. 00:27:55.039 --> 00:28:02.640 So, um, so doing that kind of work is um is really invaluable, and there's there's loads of other so um processes that we do. 00:28:02.799 --> 00:28:12.480 Um do sorry to interrupt you, do people are people always surprised when you start going through like what was it like, what was money like in your household, whatever? 00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:17.519 Do people kind of go like, oh fuck, no, I I see. 00:28:17.680 --> 00:28:20.640 Oh, and it's it's almost like it's it's a surprise. 00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:28.000 Yeah, yeah, it's like it's a shock, but then it's like the penny drops, you can almost hear it, like, wow, that's why. 00:28:28.240 --> 00:28:32.480 And I'm like, is it any wonder you're doing this when that was your programming? 00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:35.839 And it's so freeing because you're just like, oh, it's not my fault. 00:28:36.000 --> 00:28:38.720 Because we blame ourselves so often, especially around money. 00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:39.839 It's like it's not my fault. 00:28:39.920 --> 00:28:46.079 That's not not taking responsibility and moving forward, it's just like actually where I am right now is not my fault. 00:28:46.160 --> 00:29:00.000 That's not in a blame way, it's just like your parents can be really can have done their absolute best that there's always going to be something, and actually, it was a man that I was working with, but um, I was just like not sure how this is gonna go. 00:29:00.079 --> 00:29:08.559 I think he's it seems pretty all right to me, and um and he had a some subconscious limit lipid limiting belief. 00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:10.319 So I can't get my words out today. 00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:16.960 Um, he wasn't married, he didn't have kids, but his whole thing was I don't want to throw myself too much into my career. 00:29:17.039 --> 00:29:18.720 He was a coach, he was a really good coach. 00:29:18.880 --> 00:29:26.880 Um, I

don't want to throw myself too much and go all in, like sacrifice my life, like a lot of coaches seem to want to do. 00:29:27.200 --> 00:29:30.559 Um, because and he was like, Why? 00:29:30.720 --> 00:29:31.599 Why aren't I doing this? 00:29:31.759 --> 00:29:33.440 Why can I not work a bit harder? 00:29:33.599 --> 00:29:38.160 Why am I so obsessed with finishing early on a Friday and you know keeping strict hours? 00:29:38.240 --> 00:29:44.000 Which on the surface, you go, Well, that's great, that's really healthy work-life balance, and you're earning good money, you know, what's the dream? 00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:47.039 Yeah, it's is yeah, it's most of our dreams. 00:29:47.200 --> 00:29:51.839 But he did want to earn more money, but he couldn't quite just get there. 00:29:52.240 --> 00:30:06.079 And um, and we figured out that actually it was because his parents had a really successful business, and his parents went to every single match that he played in at school, he went to private school, and um, and they always do lots of sport at private school. 00:30:06.240 --> 00:30:14.559 So his both parents were always there at every single match, and he's got this subconscious belief if I work too hard, then I'm not gonna be able to do that for my kids. 00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:16.640 He didn't even have kids, he wasn't even married. 00:30:16.880 --> 00:30:22.559 But it was, and that was the thing, that was the key that turned the locks, that just opened things up. 00:30:22.640 --> 00:30:25.519 And he didn't start flogging himself or working really, really hard. 00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:37.440 He put his prices up, he um, you know, he was a bit more flexible, but not too not, he wasn't anal about it, and um, and he just his his earnings went literally through the roof. 00:30:37.759 --> 00:30:39.519 I mean, it was the easiest client I've ever had. 00:30:39.599 --> 00:30:41.680 It was so easy and really interesting. 00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:43.359 Um I should have charged with that. 00:30:49.680 --> 00:30:56.640 Yeah, but maybe that was a part of it, but um, you know, how wonderful, and you would never think that there was a problem there, but there was, yeah. 00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:58.559 So yeah, really interesting. 00:30:58.640 --> 00:30:59.920 Yeah, and that's it, isn't it? 00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:09.359 It's even when and some that's why I think sometimes it goes back to it's like big T, little T, trauma is trauma, and somehow that's something that was holding him back. 00:31:09.519 --> 00:31:15.519 So even though it sounds like idyllic, it was, you know, weren't in that way that his parents were always showing up for him. 00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:23.200 Actually, somehow it had he'd created a different story out of that later in life that put so much pressure, it was stopping him from taking action. 00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:24.400 Yeah, absolutely. 00:31:24.559 --> 00:31:30.640 I mean, crazy how the mind works, and it and it he was so far from that, but it was still there a hundred percent. 00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:37.119 And it was like this future image of what life might be like if I go down this route, which it's never been. 00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:40.079 He's still got amazing work life balance and he has tons of money. 00:31:40.240 --> 00:31:41.039 Good on him. 00:31:41.279 --> 00:31:42.079 Love it. 00:31:44.319 --> 00:31:54.640 Um, so on that note, what are the things then that we start to do when um the the God sorry, brain fog. 00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:57.039 Um when the limiting beliefs come up. 00:31:57.359 --> 00:31:57.759 Thank you. 00:31:57.920 --> 00:31:58.240 Yes. 00:31:58.400 --> 00:31:59.759 What's the next steps from there? 00:31:59.839 --> 00:32:00.480 What happens? 00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:10.000 Well, I I think for a lot of people, uh it is so subconscious, they might know that there's a problem, but they don't necessarily know what it is or where it stems from or whatever. 00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:19.920 Um, and we can do a very simple process around just identifying your relationship with money and really because most people just don't think about it because they don't want to, so they just carry on. 00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:26.319 But actually, even just the process that I think we should do um is is can be you know mind-blowing. 00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:29.839 Um, but then I think it can be really subtle as well. 00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:45.359 So a lot of people that procrastinate, self-sabotage, um, you know, might not, I don't know, they miss the closing date for a round of funding or for um for an awards, an award that they'd really like to go for. 00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:51.519 Um, they talk themselves out of stuff, and and very often it's like, oh, I just ran out of time or I was busy doing this. 00:32:51.759 --> 00:33:01.680 But very often it is a subconscious fear that's playing out that's creating these distractions, creating this procrastination, um, because of a fear of success. 00:33:01.839 --> 00:33:05.119 And a fear of success is obviously massively related to money. 00:33:05.359 --> 00:33:14.240 Um, and I I was talking to someone um once about what I was doing, and I talked about fear of success, and they were just like, what fear of success? 00:33:14.319 --> 00:33:27.920 Like, it like that doesn't exist, and they had never ever thought that, and and they didn't have it, they did not have a fear, they had a massive fear of failure, and that had driven them on really, really well, um, probably a bit too much at times. 00:33:28.079 --> 00:33:31.839 Um, but the fear of success, they just could not get their head around it. 00:33:31.920 --> 00:33:34.240 And I'm like, no, that is what it's like for people. 00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:41.440 Some people, they like you were saying, I don't want to shine too much because then I'm gonna get the people saying, Who do you think you are? 00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:44.799 And and then also, this is a massive one that comes up as well.

00:33:45.039 --> 00:33:54.079 What happens, and they don't, again, they don't think this logically or consciously always, um, but when I get there, oh my god, then I've got to stay there. 00:33:54.319 --> 00:34:02.880 Like when I get that 10k month, which is for coaches, a lot of the you know, oh 10k months, um, what have I got to do to what's it gonna take me to get there? 00:34:03.039 --> 00:34:06.160 And I had this myself, my first 10k month. 00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:11.760 My the only thing my husband said was, well, you've got to stay at that now, haven't you? 00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:13.440 Or you've got it, you've got to keep it at that now. 00:34:13.599 --> 00:34:15.199 Not well done, that's amazing. 00:34:15.440 --> 00:34:16.559 I'm so proud of you. 00:34:16.800 --> 00:34:17.440 None of that. 00:34:17.599 --> 00:34:19.360 Well, you've got to carry it on now. 00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:22.719 Yeah, and it kind of sets the precedent, then does it? 00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:31.199 It's like, shit, this can't be the it can only go higher, it can't, you know, fluctuate and flow like as yeah as life does. 00:34:31.360 --> 00:34:31.679 Yeah. 00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:35.679 But then you also get the sort of the sort of slightly devilish side. 00:34:35.840 --> 00:34:48.880 Um, the um the ones that want to I always forget this word, um uh reb rebel, sorry, rebel against um someone's expectations. 00:34:49.360 --> 00:34:53.280 And um and you can kind of do the F you, I won't, I won't do it then. 00:34:53.360 --> 00:35:00.960 If you're gonna put that much pressure on me, you can you can just jog on and um and go back to being the breadwinner, because actually I don't need that kind of pressure. 00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:02.159 And I did do that a bit. 00:35:02.320 --> 00:35:05.199 I was just like, what's the point? 00:35:05.360 --> 00:35:07.440 What is the point if you're not even proud of me? 00:35:07.599 --> 00:35:15.920 Because throughout my life I've always wanted people to be proud of me, my parents mainly, and then my husband, and I just felt, well, you're not proud of me, so what's the point of this? 00:35:16.079 --> 00:35:20.960 It wasn't about the money, it was about an achievement, you know, a measure of success. 00:35:21.199 --> 00:35:22.480 And I didn't even get that. 00:35:22.559 --> 00:35:27.760 So I had a lot of work to work through on that side as well, and hence the reason we're not married anymore. 00:35:27.840 --> 00:35:32.400 Not the only reason, but one of the very many ones, in a nutshell. 00:35:33.119 --> 00:35:43.119 Yeah, but I guess in that way as well, like as you were talking then, um, it's like that fear of success, fear of failure, and they're just the same thing, but at the opposite ends of the scale, isn't it? 00:35:43.199 --> 00:36:14.960 And in the end, it's about coming back to balance, and I think absolutely it's like all of lots and lots of different values that we might have, you know, independence in balance is great, but out

of balance, then you're super, super isolated, and then under balanced, then you are maybe feeling like you're um you're in prison and you're really yeah, it's just like that there's uh the that middle point just helps everything become a bit more cohesive, doesn't it? 00:36:15.280 --> 00:36:16.000 Absolutely, yeah. 00:36:16.079 --> 00:36:19.039 Yeah, it is all about balance and and awareness. 00:36:19.119 --> 00:36:22.800 You can't change any of this unless you at first you become aware of it. 00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:31.039 So and I think that's what I also find um a lot with the ladies that I work with in coaching is that awareness. 00:36:31.199 --> 00:36:37.280 Like people people think they know things like, oh, I know my triggers, I know this, I know that. 00:36:39.039 --> 00:36:45.039 And when you start asking some questions, then all of a sudden it's like, oh shit, I didn't realise that that was a thing. 00:36:45.199 --> 00:36:45.440 Yeah. 00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:59.519 And you know, I say it's like having a filing cabinet of the filing cabinet of crap that you've just put in your brain and you keep storing and storing and storing, and then you bring them out and it kind of like, where has that come from? 00:36:59.679 --> 00:37:01.360 How am I even still thinking about that? 00:37:01.519 --> 00:37:03.599 It's so you know, old. 00:37:03.920 --> 00:37:19.199 Absolutely, and all these things we've been carrying around in our subconscious that we're suddenly conscious of, and it it's like, yeah, we need to take them, like remove them somatically through our body because they're literally held in our brains and in our bodies, yeah. 00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:22.880 Um, hence, you know, and it creates that disconnect as well, though, doesn't it? 00:37:23.039 --> 00:37:24.880 Yes, oh god, I love that book. 00:37:25.360 --> 00:37:28.559 Um, and I guess that that's it creates a disconnect, doesn't it? 00:37:28.639 --> 00:37:36.880 Like when your mind gets so powerful in that way that I mean it's just trying to be safe and secure, but actually in the end it just keeps you small. 00:37:37.039 --> 00:37:37.440 Yeah. 00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:43.440 But actually you you don't feel anything then, you're so disconnected from you and who you are. 00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:49.679 Sorry, I don't even know if you can hear this, but this bleming dog is going crazy and blessed. 00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:52.079 She's gone. 00:37:52.320 --> 00:37:54.400 You're just in a hat in the garden. 00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:57.199 Um but yeah, and then that's the thing, isn't it? 00:37:57.360 --> 00:38:05.440 Your body keeps score, it keeps you small, it keeps you stuck in a in a in a place that that's not where you you actually you want to be. 00:38:05.599 --> 00:38:14.000 You want to be able to let go, or you kind of you you know that something's not right, but when you don't know what it is, it's just so frustrating. 00:38:14.239 --> 00:38:16.159 Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yeah. 00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:19.440 It's um thank heavens for people like us that can figure it out. 00:38:19.679 --> 00:38:20.639 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:33.199 And then so what would be what's the next step then after when you identify and like right, okay, we know what the um the trauma is, we know what the limiting belief is, what what happens next? 00:38:33.440 --> 00:38:48.159 Well, we do so each of those processes I do separately, and we do the visualization, then we do the tapping around it, and then I'll get them to visualize it again, and the picture has always changed, and and that might be enough, or we might need to do some more tapping on how the picture's changed, and then it changes again. 00:38:48.320 --> 00:38:51.119 Um, and it's it's always very healing. 00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:56.320 Um, and it's very, very healing with the um like with motherhood wounds. 00:38:56.480 --> 00:39:06.559 So, you know, if you've for example, if you've always wanted your parents to be proud of you, um, you know, that standing on a stage thing at the end of it, oh yeah, mum and dad are clapping now. 00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:19.039 Mum's come and this woman I worked with, mum's come back in the room and she's like nodding and smiling, and um, you know, she's not standing up and clapping, she never do that, but um, but she, you know, it's it's very healing. 00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:22.639 So um, yeah, and then measuring it as we go through. 00:39:22.719 --> 00:39:32.320 So I usually work with clients over um six or twelve sessions, um, measuring it as we go through, checking back in on their objectives and their aims, are they putting their prices up? 00:39:32.480 --> 00:39:35.360 Are their sales conversations feeling easier? 00:39:35.519 --> 00:39:37.920 Um, obviously in the divorce space, that's not relevant. 00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:51.519 You know, are they able to have a more powerful conversation with like in mediation, or if they're working with one of our um one of the people we work with quite a lot of is amicable, where there's like one person and a couple? 00:39:51.599 --> 00:40:09.519 Um, or are they able to to challenge what they're not necessarily challenge, but question or query, I guess query is the right word, what their solicitor is saying, because we're very good at with especially with solicitors going, oh okay then, but actually, and part of us is like that doesn't feel right, there's something not right there. 00:40:09.679 --> 00:40:15.840 And solicitors are great, this isn't knocking them at all, but sometimes there might be another way to do things. 00:40:16.079 --> 00:40:22.559 Um, and we know we're very good at knowing what the likely response would be rather than just like I've got to win this case. 00:40:22.800 --> 00:40:26.960 So it's you know, it's it's that kind of it's all about human behaviour, really. 00:40:27.280 --> 00:40:30.559 So um yeah, does that answer that question? 00:40:30.880 --> 00:40:33.519 Yeah, and

I guess like it's the nuances around that, isn't it? 00:40:33.599 --> 00:40:38.000 It's not as black and white as win, lose, that kind of thing. 00:40:38.079 --> 00:40:40.480 It's like there's lots of other things that come into it. 00:40:41.039 --> 00:40:48.719 And what is the what's the kind of science around tapping that um that says it works? 00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:50.800 Like why why does it why does it work greatly? 00:40:51.519 --> 00:40:54.320 So when I discovered it, I was like, oh my god, this is crazy. 00:40:54.400 --> 00:41:00.079 I've I like walked into some cult, all these people tapping, and like I was just thinking, it's just crazy. 00:41:00.239 --> 00:41:13.119 Um, but it works and um it works on the subconscious, it releases trauma from our body, and um and the theory is if you think about how well proven acupuncture is, it's kind of the same. 00:41:13.280 --> 00:41:18.960 Um we're tapping on our acupuncture, accura sorry, acupressure points. 00:41:19.119 --> 00:41:21.679 Um, I'm I'm just demonstrating the points that you use now. 00:41:21.760 --> 00:41:25.119 Some people go under the arm, um, we usually use the top of the head. 00:41:25.199 --> 00:41:26.960 There are points on the hand as well. 00:41:27.119 --> 00:41:37.760 Um, and they're these acupessure points that literally, if you think about your energy system as a bit like your veins and and your heart's pumping the blood around them. 00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:54.880 If you're healthy and everything's okay, then the heart's gonna work well, the blood's gonna run through the veins, the brains are the brain, the the blood isn't sorry, the veins aren't gonna get furry because you're healthy, the heart's gonna be pumping optimally optimally. 00:41:55.280 --> 00:42:03.280 Um obviously physical stress and trauma can affect you physically, but what it absolutely does is affect your energy system. 00:42:03.440 --> 00:42:08.800 So if you think, well, my energy system is just like my heart pumping everything round and everything should flow. 00:42:08.960 --> 00:42:16.800 But what happens is you get trauma throughout your life, little little T, big T, whatever it is, it creates chinks and breaks in that energy system. 00:42:17.280 --> 00:42:28.239 And um and you might feel suboptimal because you've got lots of little chinks, or you might go through a massive trauma, quite often massive trauma we can cope with, and then something small happens and we can't cope with it. 00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:30.960 And we're like, but I coped with that, why can't I cope with this thing? 00:42:31.119 --> 00:42:35.039 But it's just like your body is like, I can't take any more, I need some help. 00:42:35.199 --> 00:42:52.400 And what the tapping is doing is resetting that, it's fixing the um the chinks, it's ironing out the chinks, it's fixing the brakes, repairing them, putting it all back together again, basically, so your energy system can can flow that being in flow and alignment and and all those things. 00:42:52.639 --> 00:43:01.199 So, um, and when you use it with a lot of people I work with, they they're really into like law of attraction and positive affirmations. 00:43:01.599 --> 00:43:06.960 I think a lot of the self-development and self-help stuff out there is kind of that way inclined. 00:43:07.199 --> 00:43:17.760 Um, but what it doesn't account for is it actually for some people, especially highly sensitive people, um, that's just kind of putting a sticking plaster on it and pushing it away. 00:43:18.000 --> 00:43:35.280 And I always say if you liken it to do a lot of inner child connection work, like with those visualizations, um, and if you think about how you um would interact with a toddler, if you just pacify it and just go, oh, you know, have a bar of chocolate, take your mind off of it, yeah, that will work in the moment. 00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:37.920 But once the chocolate's gone, they're still going to want your attention. 00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:43.840 Basically, they want your love, they want your security and safety and love and validation and all those things. 00:43:44.079 --> 00:43:53.679 If you get down on their level um and talk to them and really validate them, validate the things, especially if they're hurt or upset, rather than just go, it's not that bad. 00:43:53.840 --> 00:43:55.599 You go, that must be really tough. 00:43:55.760 --> 00:44:02.639 And actually start how we're educated to talk to children, but if you Do any kind of parenting class, they always tell you that kind of stuff. 00:44:02.800 --> 00:44:08.559 But actually, if we just could parent ourselves a bit better and say, okay, well, part of me, this isn't me triggered. 00:44:08.719 --> 00:44:15.199 This isn't, I'm not terrible and broken, but a part of me is really triggered and upset right now. 00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:17.039 What is that part and why is it? 00:44:17.199 --> 00:44:26.480 And we can just be really validating and take the blame away, stop beating ourselves up, and then just get some clarity and then know what to tap on. 00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:31.920 And um, and and if you do the tapping, with the tapping, we always do the negatives first. 00:44:32.079 --> 00:44:34.159 And some people are like, shouldn't I be doing the positives? 00:44:34.239 --> 00:44:45.440 It's like, no, we start with the negatives to get it out, and it's like if you've got a wound, you don't just shove a plaster on it, you flush it out, you wash it out, and then it might need stitches and dressing, and then you can put a plaster on it. 00:44:45.599 --> 00:44:53.360 Um, but if you don't do the first bits, which are sometimes more painful, but actually are needed so that can heal properly. 00:44:53.599 --> 00:44:56.000 So um that's that's how I kind of explain that. 00:44:56.079 --> 00:44:57.199 Does that make sense? 00:44:57.440 --> 00:45:01.760 Yeah, yeah, I guess it's like it's like well, the wheel analogy is great. 00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:04.880 It's like

clearing out the negative energies. 00:45:05.280 --> 00:45:11.199 There's no point putting a plaster on top of a negative energy because all you do is push it down and it doesn't go away, does it? 00:45:11.360 --> 00:45:12.079 Well, yeah. 00:45:12.239 --> 00:45:30.239 So it's almost like um I see it somehow in line with the chakras, like your energy is a bit blocked, and so things are either getting stuck and not moving, but it's really sort of bringing yourself back into releasing and then bringing yourself back into uh back into alignment. 00:45:30.400 --> 00:45:31.519 Yeah, absolutely. 00:45:31.840 --> 00:45:34.159 And then does the tapping, it follows. 00:45:34.400 --> 00:45:38.960 I've never had acupuncture, well, I can't even say the word, I've never had acupuncture. 00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:42.639 So does it follow the lines of tapping? 00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:46.480 I mean, there's there's kind of like a recipe that most of us follow. 00:45:46.639 --> 00:45:51.519 I don't do under the arm because I just find it a bit, you know, you can't you have to have the camera in the right place. 00:45:51.599 --> 00:45:55.679 It's a if I'm treating clients in person, which I used to do, I hardly ever do anymore. 00:45:55.840 --> 00:45:57.760 I've got to lift keep lifting their arm up. 00:45:57.920 --> 00:45:59.760 So I don't I miss that point out. 00:45:59.840 --> 00:46:07.280 But um, but I know the guy that um taught me, I was taught by a um husband and wife team, um, he just taps in random places. 00:46:07.440 --> 00:46:13.760 Like he doesn't follow a he just goes intuitively where he feels he needs to, um, which is quite quite interesting. 00:46:13.840 --> 00:46:14.559 It's just a bit different. 00:46:14.719 --> 00:46:17.760 Keeps you on your toes when you're working with him because you're like, where are we going next? 00:46:18.000 --> 00:46:20.400 Um yeah, but it's good. 00:46:20.480 --> 00:46:22.159 But um, should we should we give it a go? 00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:23.119 Do you want to experience? 00:46:23.599 --> 00:46:24.159 I'd love to. 00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:25.119 I thought you'd never ask. 00:46:25.920 --> 00:46:26.480 Give it a go. 00:46:27.039 --> 00:46:27.840 Okay, cool. 00:46:28.079 --> 00:46:35.199 So um I'm gonna keep it quite what I never want to do, and this is why I don't have loads of free videos on YouTube and stuff. 00:46:35.360 --> 00:46:38.000 I never want to trigger someone and open something big up. 00:46:38.079 --> 00:46:42.800 So I when I'm doing it in a group or I know people are gonna watch it and I'm not there, I keep it quite light. 00:46:42.880 --> 00:46:51.280 I always say if this does trigger anything, then always please um get in touch with me and we can have a session or it might just be a quick chat to make it okay. 00:46:51.360 --> 00:46:55.599 Um, but I know you've done quite a lot of work, so this won't be this might not be massive for you. 00:46:55.679 --> 00:47:03.920 Um it'd be great if it was, but um, it's

I'm gonna just talk about money generally, um, and then we don't need to get into personal stuff either. 00:47:04.159 --> 00:47:13.679 Um, so if um if everyone that is doing this, listening, hopefully they can um they can do this if they're walking their dog at the time, it might be a bit difficult. 00:47:13.840 --> 00:47:16.400 But come back to this part of the of the podcast. 00:47:16.639 --> 00:47:27.119 And um, and if you just want to close your eyes and put your hand on your heart and make sure your legs or your ankles or knees aren't crossed, ideally, if your feet are flat on the ground, that's brilliant. 00:47:27.360 --> 00:47:34.719 Some people like to kick off their shoes and just take some nice deep breaths and just feel the mind slowing down. 00:47:34.880 --> 00:47:39.199 There's always loads of busyness and things flying around in our brains. 00:47:39.440 --> 00:47:45.440 We might have been rushing around, so just able to let some oxygen in your lungs. 00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:54.880 Obviously, I can't do it as much as I'd like because I'm talking, but just really take those nice deep breaths, and I always put my hand on my heart so I can just feel that connection into the heart space. 00:47:56.400 --> 00:48:11.599 And um and I'll do the visualization, but just before we do that, when we start tapping, you literally just I'll say the points as I'm as I'm doing them, but um, so anyone that's listening that can't see us, you can still um understand where the points are. 00:48:11.920 --> 00:48:18.079 But um yeah, just literally copy what I say, be my echo, and then and tap on the points. 00:48:18.159 --> 00:48:22.480 And you can tap with two or three fingers, you can use your left hand, right hand, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. 00:48:22.559 --> 00:48:28.400 It's very hard to do it wrong, you're not going to do it wrong, and you'll never make things worse rather than better. 00:48:28.719 --> 00:48:42.159 So, um, Karen and the listeners, what I want you to do is just imagine that um you're in a room and there is a pile of money in the room, and it might be in a corner. 00:48:42.320 --> 00:48:44.079 For most people, it's in a corner. 00:48:44.320 --> 00:48:53.039 Um, you might be really conscious about where the door is or where you're standing, and whatever your mind is painting a picture of is brilliant. 00:48:53.280 --> 00:48:56.000 Um now most people can visualize. 00:48:56.159 --> 00:49:14.880 If anyone's listening that can't, I know occasionally there are people that can't do, can't have pictures in their heads, then um just think of a photograph of money and imagine like that you're you can open your eyes even or and you can actually put a pile of money um in front of you or bring it up on your screen or something and look at it. 00:49:15.199 --> 00:49:20.559 And as you're looking at that pile of money, just notice how your body's feeling. 00:49:20.960 --> 00:49:23.599 So, does it feel at all different? 00:49:23.840 --> 00:49:26.000 Do you feel at all nervous? 00:49:26.159 --> 00:49:28.000 You might feel really excited. 00:49:29.039 --> 00:49:34.400 Um, for some people, it's like, oh, I don't even want to look at it, I just want to run out of the room. 00:49:34.639 --> 00:49:36.880 Um, it doesn't feel safe to be here. 00:49:37.039 --> 00:49:41.920 I feel I feel really, really nervous being here, feel a bit sick. 00:49:42.239 --> 00:49:44.400 Um like money. 00:49:46.159 --> 00:49:51.760 And if money could talk to you, what would it say? 00:49:52.320 --> 00:49:54.559 What would it want to say to you? 00:49:55.440 --> 00:50:00.480 And for some people it might be, you know, it's okay, I'm fine, I'm just money. 00:50:01.119 --> 00:50:05.119 And you know, if that's the case, you're already healing just by doing this visualization. 00:50:05.519 --> 00:50:17.119 Um, but for others, it is like oh, it just it's got like this cartoon voice, and it looks evil, and it's just telling me that I'm not allowed to have it or I'm not good enough for it. 00:50:17.280 --> 00:50:21.119 Um, I don't deserve all this money, I only deserve a bit of it. 00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:24.159 Those are the classic things that come up when I do this. 00:50:24.559 --> 00:50:28.639 So um, and Karen, do you mind me asking what's what's coming up for you? 00:50:29.599 --> 00:50:30.880 Yeah, no, that's fine. 00:50:31.119 --> 00:50:32.559 Um, yeah, it's funny. 00:50:32.800 --> 00:50:48.239 I could see in a room, it was actually in the middle of the room on a table, but there was like the rest of the room was quite dark, and there was just a big spotlight, um spotlight over the money, so it was like illuminated. 00:50:49.199 --> 00:50:53.920 Um and I felt um when you were saying then what does how do you feel? 00:50:54.079 --> 00:50:55.599 I actually I felt really excited. 00:50:55.760 --> 00:51:01.920 I was just like, oh, like this is exciting, like the things that this can do, and da da da. 00:51:03.440 --> 00:51:16.000 Um but then when you said uh what is it, what is it telling you or what is it doing, it almost sort of like changed into a little thing, it's like, I'm here, come get me. 00:51:16.639 --> 00:51:18.159 You know, okay. 00:51:18.400 --> 00:51:18.719 Yeah. 00:51:18.880 --> 00:51:20.960 Um that's brilliant, that's really good. 00:51:21.119 --> 00:51:21.599 Yeah. 00:51:21.920 --> 00:51:30.639 And so and so for you, and I will bring this in towards the end of the tapping, like we could go straight to the more positives um if we were working one-to-one. 00:51:30.960 --> 00:51:46.880 Um, and that would probably get you in the space of like, oh my god, I've been procrastinating on that project, didn't realise why, just thought I was really busy, and you would literally go and do it, and you would, you know, it'd be out there and done in a couple of hours, say, and you've been maybe sitting on it for weeks. 00:51:47.039 --> 00:51:48.400 So that's that's really good. 00:51:48.480 --> 00:51:56.960 So you and that

shows you've already done a lot of you, you know, that's why you're interviewing me because you're really interested in this and you've done work on it already. 00:51:57.199 --> 00:51:59.199 Um, so it's it's brilliant. 00:51:59.360 --> 00:52:00.719 That's that's fantastic. 00:52:00.880 --> 00:52:06.079 Um, but for other people listening, they might have more of a negative impact, like I was saying. 00:52:06.320 --> 00:52:16.559 Um, so we'll we'll do a little bit on the on the negatives, and then we'll basically just gently turn it into the positives and then get that and get you really let's go kind of thing. 00:52:16.639 --> 00:52:16.800 Yeah. 00:52:17.039 --> 00:52:18.480 Does that sound okay? 00:52:18.880 --> 00:52:28.239 That sounds fine because the thing that's coming up for me now, as I see that, it's almost like you know, people um talk about leaving money on the table. 00:52:28.480 --> 00:52:43.280 And actually, the thing that comes up for me then is while I'm really excited buying things, it it it's kind of making me think, I'm leaving, I'm not um, yeah, I'm leaving money on the table. 00:52:43.440 --> 00:52:43.760 Yeah. 00:52:44.000 --> 00:52:50.000 That's what's coming up for me now when I think about it, and I hadn't yeah, I hadn't thought about it in that way, actually. 00:52:50.320 --> 00:52:51.039 That's interesting. 00:52:51.280 --> 00:52:54.960 Yeah, and that's um, yeah, that is really interesting. 00:52:55.199 --> 00:52:59.440 And um, and you've just made me think as well, I'm kind of like that with my book. 00:52:59.519 --> 00:53:03.599 I just need to get it finished and out there, you know, it's just that last bit. 00:53:03.840 --> 00:53:06.000 So um maybe I'll go and finish it this weekend. 00:53:06.079 --> 00:53:06.400 Who knows? 00:53:06.559 --> 00:53:07.119 There we go. 00:53:07.599 --> 00:53:08.239 Thank you. 00:53:09.519 --> 00:53:10.480 Double bonus. 00:53:10.719 --> 00:53:12.079 Um, okay, cool. 00:53:12.239 --> 00:53:15.760 So we're gonna start um tapping on the side of the hand. 00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:22.000 So this is what we call the setup, and um and just repeat, and you can tap left or right hand, doesn't matter. 00:53:22.079 --> 00:53:30.719 So it's two or three fingers tapping on what we call the karate chock point, which is literally the side of a of your hand that would you would do a karate chock point with. 00:53:30.960 --> 00:53:32.960 Um karate chop with, even. 00:53:33.360 --> 00:53:37.920 Um so and we start by saying, even though, so you just repeat after me. 00:53:38.159 --> 00:53:41.599 Even though there's all this money there. 00:53:42.079 --> 00:53:43.760 There's all this money there. 00:53:44.719 --> 00:53:48.000 And even though part of me is excited. 00:53:48.480 --> 00:53:54.719 And even though part of me is excited, part of me might be a little bit scared. 00:53:55.119 --> 00:53:57.360 Part of me might be a little bit scared. 00:53:58.000 --> 00:54:01.360 And I'm realising that I'm leaving money

on the table. 00:54:01.760 --> 00:54:05.119 And I'm realising that I'm leaving money on the table. 00:54:05.840 --> 00:54:10.400 And obviously for people listening at home, you can tweak these words so they're more specific to you. 00:54:10.800 --> 00:54:15.920 Um and um but so other people at home can can do that now. 00:54:16.320 --> 00:54:24.800 Um and even though I'd like not to leave money on the table. 00:54:25.360 --> 00:54:28.559 I'd like I'd like not to leave money on the table. 00:54:29.039 --> 00:54:32.320 I totally honour and accept myself anyway. 00:54:33.039 --> 00:54:36.559 I totally honour and accept myself and I. 00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:38.079 Anyway. 00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:39.760 Anyway, yeah, anyway. 00:54:40.320 --> 00:54:40.719 Perfect. 00:54:40.960 --> 00:54:45.920 Okay, so tapping on the point, so we start on the eyebrow point, literally where your eyebrow begins. 00:54:46.480 --> 00:54:48.400 Um, all this money. 00:54:48.880 --> 00:54:51.519 All this money outside of the eye. 00:54:52.559 --> 00:54:55.599 All this money staring at me or in front of the eye. 00:54:55.840 --> 00:54:59.760 All this money staring at me under the eye. 00:55:00.719 --> 00:55:03.280 A part of me feels really excited. 00:55:03.760 --> 00:55:06.239 A part of me feels really excited. 00:55:06.639 --> 00:55:08.000 Under the nose. 00:55:08.719 --> 00:55:11.360 But maybe a part of me is really scared. 00:55:11.920 --> 00:55:14.480 But maybe a part of me is really scared. 00:55:15.280 --> 00:55:17.039 On the um on the chin. 00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:23.280 Maybe a part of me is a bit resistant to having this money. 00:55:24.000 --> 00:55:29.599 Maybe a part of me is a bit resistant to having this money on the collarbone. 00:55:30.079 --> 00:55:32.719 Maybe I'm feeling really resistant right now. 00:55:33.360 --> 00:55:36.880 Maybe I'm feeling really resistant right now. 00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:38.880 And also, Karen, don't worry. 00:55:39.039 --> 00:55:42.320 If you're not feeling that, you're gonna not gonna make yourself feel like that by doing this. 00:55:42.400 --> 00:55:43.760 So don't worry about that. 00:55:44.239 --> 00:55:49.280 Um, on the top of the head, all this money right in front of me. 00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:52.480 All this money right in front of me. 00:55:53.119 --> 00:55:54.400 On the eyebrow. 00:55:55.360 --> 00:55:58.800 It's right there, but sometimes it feels so far away. 00:55:59.679 --> 00:56:03.119 It's right there, but sometimes it feels so far away. 00:56:03.840 --> 00:56:05.280 Outside of the eye. 00:56:05.679 --> 00:56:10.239 Sometimes it feels like I have to work really hard for money. 00:56:11.119 --> 00:56:14.880 Sometimes it feels like I have to work really hard for money. 00:56:15.199 --> 00:56:16.559 Under the eye. 00:56:17.679 --> 00:56:21.119 And I think people are gonna judge me for earning money. 00:56:21.440 --> 00:56:24.719 And I think people are gonna judge me for earning money. 00:56:25.360 --> 00:56:26.559 Under the nose. 00:56:26.880 --> 00:56:29.440 Especially if I earn more than them. 00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:33.039 Especially if I earn more than them. 00:56:33.840 --> 00:56:34.800 On the chin. 00:56:35.039 --> 00:56:38.639 Especially if I earn more than all of my family members. 00:56:39.440 --> 00:56:42.719 Especially if I earn more than my family members. 00:56:43.360 --> 00:56:44.480 On the collarbone. 00:56:44.639 --> 00:56:49.280 I don't want to upset anyone or feel like I'm being disloyal. 00:56:49.679 --> 00:56:53.360 I don't want to upset anyone or feel like I'm being disloyal. 00:56:54.079 --> 00:56:55.119 Top of the head. 00:56:56.000 --> 00:56:59.039 And I totally honour all of these feelings. 00:56:59.360 --> 00:57:02.480 And I totally honour all of these feelings. 00:57:02.800 --> 00:57:03.840 On the eyebrow. 00:57:04.000 --> 00:57:07.119 I honour this fear and anxiety around money. 00:57:07.760 --> 00:57:11.519 I honour this fear and anxiety around money. 00:57:11.920 --> 00:57:13.519 Outside of the eye. 00:57:13.840 --> 00:57:17.360 I honour all my programming around money. 00:57:18.000 --> 00:57:21.519 I honour all of my programming around money. 00:57:22.079 --> 00:57:23.039 Under the eye. 00:57:23.280 --> 00:57:26.719 I honour the times I found money really difficult. 00:57:27.440 --> 00:57:30.800 I honour the times I found money really difficult. 00:57:31.440 --> 00:57:32.480 Under the nose. 00:57:32.639 --> 00:57:36.719 And I honour the times I've had a great relationship with money. 00:57:37.039 --> 00:57:41.199 And I honour the times I've had a great great relationship with money. 00:57:41.599 --> 00:57:42.480 On the chin. 00:57:42.719 --> 00:57:45.519 It's safe to have a great relationship with money. 00:57:46.159 --> 00:57:49.199 It's safe to have a great relationship with money. 00:57:49.679 --> 00:57:50.960 On the collarbone. 00:57:51.440 --> 00:57:53.360 Money can be my friend. 00:57:54.159 --> 00:57:55.760 Money can be my friend. 00:57:56.480 --> 00:57:57.440 Top of the head. 00:57:57.840 --> 00:58:03.360 Money can make me uh money can help me to do some really good things. 00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:06.800 Money can help me to do some really good things. 00:58:07.280 --> 00:58:08.320 On the eyebrow. 00:58:08.639 --> 00:58:11.519 To make more of an impact on other people's lives. 00:58:12.000 --> 00:58:15.199 To make more of an impact on other people's lives. 00:58:15.760 --> 00:58:16.880 Outside of the eye. 00:58:16.960 --> 00:58:19.280 And I deserve to earn money for doing that. 00:58:19.840 --> 00:58:22.239 And I deserve to earn money for doing that. 00:58:22.800 --> 00:58:23.679 Under the eye. 00:58:24.320 --> 00:58:26.000 It's safe to earn money. 00:58:26.880 --> 00:58:28.400 It's safe to earn money. 00:58:29.280 --> 00:58:30.880 Under the nose. 00:58:32.159 --> 00:58:36.239 I'm open to feeling completely at ease around money. 00:58:37.280 --> 00:58:40.960 Open to feeling completely at ease around money. 00:58:41.440 -->

00:58:42.320 On the chin. 00:58:42.719 --> 00:58:44.559 I'm safe and I'm okay. 00:58:45.199 --> 00:58:46.960 I'm safe and I'm okay. 00:58:47.519 --> 00:58:48.719 On the collarbone. 00:58:49.920 --> 00:58:55.119 I'm open to appreciating what money can do for me and others. 00:58:56.000 --> 00:59:00.719 I'm open to appreciating what money can do for me and others. 00:59:03.199 --> 00:59:06.239 It's safe to have a great relationship with money. 00:59:07.280 --> 00:59:10.000 It's safe to have a great relationship with money. 00:59:10.480 --> 00:59:10.719 Okay. 00:59:11.039 --> 00:59:13.360 Put your hand on your heart, take a nice deep breath. 00:59:16.400 --> 00:59:23.519 Some people may want to have a stretch or move their shoulders around, really notice if there is any tension or anything. 00:59:23.679 --> 00:59:28.400 You might want to do some more tapping and say this this tension in my shoulders, if it's still there. 00:59:28.559 --> 00:59:36.000 You might want to repeat what we've just done again, if there's still some some sort of anxiety and strange feelings around money. 00:59:36.239 --> 00:59:45.519 But um, can I ask you, Karen, to just put your hand on your heart and close your eyes again and just go back to that picture and tell me how it's changed. 00:59:50.719 --> 00:59:59.840 Actually, and when I think back to it, the initial um excitement was also not necessarily around oh, what can I do with money? 01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.679 What can um what can I buy with that? 01:00:03.920 --> 01:00:07.039 It was around like what can I do with this? 01:00:07.440 --> 01:00:10.400 And I think that's more prevalent now. 01:00:11.599 --> 01:00:22.320 It's not just about um me, but it's funny because when we first started, I could feel like I felt a bit sort of sicky in my in my stomach. 01:00:22.400 --> 01:00:29.679 And now, excuse me, but I'm burping because it feels like there's that sort of yeah, yeah, like a release somehow. 01:00:30.079 --> 01:00:30.880 I don't feel that. 01:00:31.440 --> 01:00:34.559 Um I don't feel that now. 01:00:34.880 --> 01:00:35.519 That's amazing. 01:00:36.239 --> 01:00:37.679 Yeah, that's really strange. 01:00:37.920 --> 01:00:47.440 Oh, I'm so glad you shared that because I should have said, um, like burping is really common, or just like needing to clear your throat, especially if it's around not speaking your truth. 01:00:47.599 --> 01:00:50.000 Um, like your stomach might start rumbling. 01:00:50.159 --> 01:00:57.360 People often yawn a lot, and obviously yawning is a bit impolite, so it's like oh god, yawn away, you do not have to stifle a yawn with me. 01:00:57.440 --> 01:01:03.119 It's like if I if I've got clients yawning in front of me, I know they're releasing, and it's like really, really cool. 01:01:03.280 --> 01:01:06.400 And they're like, Wow, I don't have to stifle a yawn, that's brilliant. 01:01:06.639 --> 01:01:10.079 Um, I I spent a lifetime stifling yawns at my work. 01:01:10.159 --> 01:01:12.400 I used to fall asleep in meetings, they were so dull. 01:01:13.440 --> 01:01:15.920 Not my work now, when I was in corporate. 01:01:16.159 --> 01:01:23.679 Um, so yeah, it's um, you know, that little exercise, you know, it's it's a decent difference, isn't it? 01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:24.800 So yeah, yeah. 01:01:24.960 --> 01:01:30.239 And also the light had turned up the the spotlight, it it felt like a spotlight on the knee. 01:01:30.400 --> 01:01:34.960 And now when I looked at it then, the the room was warm. 01:01:35.119 --> 01:01:40.800 It wasn't stark, bright light, but the room, the whole room was warm as in warmers light. 01:01:41.039 --> 01:01:41.599 Yeah, yeah. 01:01:41.679 --> 01:01:42.880 I thought you were gonna say that. 01:01:42.960 --> 01:01:45.360 That's because that is yeah, quite typical. 01:01:45.519 --> 01:01:45.760 Yeah. 01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:46.079 Yeah. 01:01:46.239 --> 01:01:53.840 And then what what we can say is like take a picture of that and imagine you're filing it into your brain, like your little brain opening a filing cabinet. 01:01:54.000 --> 01:02:01.679 Into the filing cabinet, and um, or saving it as a computer file if you're younger than us and don't remember actual filing cabinets. 01:02:02.000 --> 01:02:11.360 Um, and um, and by doing that, you're literally making new neuropathways in your brain to say that money is safe, basically. 01:02:11.440 --> 01:02:16.079 It's safe for me to do that and like remembering that rather than the bad stuff. 01:02:16.320 --> 01:02:18.000 So, yeah, that's how it all works. 01:02:18.159 --> 01:02:18.880 Yeah, that's funny. 01:02:18.960 --> 01:02:27.039 It's making me think actually about um the package that I'm working on, and I have been procrastinating a bit. 01:02:27.199 --> 01:02:34.880 I mean, there's been a lot of life lifing, but um I have been procrastinating on that, and I think um yeah, I just need to get it finished. 01:02:35.039 --> 01:02:36.480 Yeah, yeah, get it out of there. 01:02:37.599 --> 01:02:39.440 Oh, that's amazing, Liz. 01:02:39.599 --> 01:02:39.920 Thank you. 01:02:40.559 --> 01:02:42.559 So, should I would I do that again? 01:02:42.719 --> 01:02:51.119 Um, or like as in do this five times over the next week or whatever, or it's just as you feel it, or something like that. 01:02:51.360 --> 01:02:52.639 What's the follow-up you do? 01:02:52.960 --> 01:02:57.039 If you've if you've been, I mean, if we were working together, we'd obviously have more sessions. 01:02:57.199 --> 01:03:02.960 So, um, and you can have a massive breakthrough, but then that leaves the space for the next thing to come up. 01:03:03.119 --> 01:03:09.599 Um, you know, but but equally, just what we've done, you could listen to it again, just listen to the pod your own podcast again. 01:03:09.760 --> 01:03:12.079 Um, or it's good for ratings. 01:03:12.320 --> 01:03:13.760 Yeah, absolutely. 01:03:14.960 --> 01:03:27.519 And um and then maybe just think, okay, um, and and I wouldn't

always advise other people to do this, but I know um, because I know you anyway, I know you'd be safe doing this, but you could have a think about okay, how do I feel about money? 01:03:27.599 --> 01:03:36.159 How do I feel about what what fe what feelings am I aware of in my body when I think about raising my prices or pricing my new program? 01:03:36.639 --> 01:03:44.719 Like if I um like a lot of coaches would just go, well, triple your prices, and and I used to say that too, but actually it's I think it's a bit different, you know. 01:03:44.800 --> 01:03:50.719 We can't always, I won't get into it a lot, but I think the market's changed slightly, so that's not always appropriate. 01:03:50.880 --> 01:03:56.639 But it's like, okay, if that's what I'd love to be earning, then um, you know, how do I feel? 01:03:56.800 --> 01:04:00.000 Do I actually feel aligned to that or is there fear there? 01:04:00.159 --> 01:04:10.719 And then you can tap it when I look at that figure or when I think about charging that to clients, I feel nervous, I feel a flutter in my stomach, butterflies, or my chest feels tight, whatever it might be. 01:04:10.880 --> 01:04:15.760 And then once you get rid of those feelings, you can feel aligned with that price, you can go and charge it. 01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:17.840 Um, and and experiment, okay. 01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:21.360 Well, it feels that feels too much of a stretch, but that feels okay. 01:04:21.519 --> 01:04:24.559 And actually, I know that's too low, and I was gonna charge it at that. 01:04:24.719 --> 01:04:27.119 So maybe I don't straight up there yet. 01:04:27.199 --> 01:04:38.320 Maybe I go in the middle or push it a bit the middle a bit further up, but I know once I've got three clients on that price, I can then go up again and just keep on doing the work around it. 01:04:38.719 --> 01:04:39.199 Yeah. 01:04:39.920 --> 01:04:41.440 Oh gosh, that's so interesting. 01:04:41.519 --> 01:04:44.639 Like I yeah, I think I need to go back and have a little think about that. 01:04:44.800 --> 01:04:47.840 Um, and now what that uh you know, what that looks like. 01:04:48.719 --> 01:04:50.079 Yeah, that's incredible. 01:04:50.719 --> 01:05:04.880 And do you find then from the beginning session to if you were say like you were doing 12, then there's really quite a big, I mean, you gave the example anyways at the beginning of the guy that you were working with who completely changed his his model of what he was doing. 01:05:05.119 --> 01:05:06.159 Yeah, absolutely. 01:05:06.320 --> 01:05:07.519 It was massive for him. 01:05:07.679 --> 01:05:15.679 We only did three sessions, um, and the other sessions were, you know, they were significant, but that was the key, that was the real like point. 01:05:16.079 --> 01:05:18.960 Um, so um what was the question? 01:05:19.039 --> 01:05:20.559 Sorry, I've forgotten what you asked. 01:05:20.719 --> 01:05:22.400 What just that then? 01:05:22.480 --> 01:05:23.840 Like, do you see such a big thing? 01:05:23.920 --> 01:05:24.880 Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry. 01:05:25.599 --> 01:05:27.039 Yes, yes, yeah, I do. 01:05:27.199 --> 01:05:28.800 And and this is why I love doing what I do. 01:05:28.880 --> 01:05:30.880 So I used to do business coaching. 01:05:31.039 --> 01:05:43.360 Um, and when I started doing the business coach, only because I was networking, and people get asking me because I've kind of my HR background-ish, and I was actually building quite a successful online business. 01:05:43.440 --> 01:05:52.159 So the people that I was networking with in person hadn't like this was a long time ago now, 15 years ago, when people weren't really doing stuff online. 01:05:52.639 --> 01:05:55.199 And um, and so I was doing business coaching. 01:05:55.280 --> 01:05:59.599 Then what I ended up finding was my business coaching clients that were just doing business. 01:06:00.159 --> 01:06:09.760 Coaching compared to the ones that I was doing this money mindset with, the differences in their successes was huge, and they were getting exactly the same business advice. 01:06:09.920 --> 01:06:18.559 But the ones that were doing the tapping and the money mindset work were just like 10xing their results. 01:06:18.880 --> 01:06:23.360 So, um, so and and that one of the reasons I love money mindset, you can measure it. 01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:32.719 You can like, well, you don't just feel better about money, but you have increased your prices, or you now find it much easier to sell and you're getting more clients. 01:06:32.880 --> 01:06:36.400 And it or it might just be, you know, I don't just work with entrepreneurs. 01:06:36.480 --> 01:06:41.119 It might be, you know, you're not feeling bitter and twisted about your divorce because actually you did really badly out of it. 01:06:41.280 --> 01:06:44.320 You've let that go now and you can focus on moving forwards. 01:06:44.480 --> 01:06:58.239 It might be, you know, you've sorted out all your like bad relationship with money, so now you can put in place a will, insurances, you're gonna get that power of attorney that you've been putting off for two years or that you didn't even have space to think about. 01:06:58.400 --> 01:07:02.639 So I'm not a financial advisor at all, but I know the basics of what everyone should have in place. 01:07:02.800 --> 01:07:06.079 And I can say, right, that that's your next step to go and get go and get that done. 01:07:06.239 --> 01:07:09.039 Go and do a budget because now actually it's not gonna make you feel sick. 01:07:09.280 --> 01:07:15.280 You can actually look at the numbers without feeling awful and like you're failing and you know, being really crap. 01:07:15.519 --> 01:07:21.280 You can actually look at your budget or what you're spending, where you're spending your money, um, which is a great exercise. 01:07:21.360 --> 01:07:27.679 And I'm not like, oh, stop spending five pounds a day on coffees if that's really makes you happy, carry on spending it. 01:07:27.920

--> 01:07:33.280 But um, actually, you know, that bottle of wine you're buying three times a week from Tesco's, do you need it? 01:07:33.519 --> 01:07:41.280 Um because actually that's costing you this much money over a year, and you're telling me you want to save money, and also that's going to make you so much more healthy. 01:07:41.440 --> 01:07:45.920 And yeah, I'm not teetotal, I do buy wine from Tesco's and other stores. 01:07:46.079 --> 01:07:48.559 Um, but um other stores available. 01:07:48.800 --> 01:07:49.519 Yes, exactly. 01:07:49.679 --> 01:07:59.199 But you know, it's just like by doing that exercise myself, I realised we were spending about 1200 quid a year on after school snacks for the kids and literally the odd bottle of wine from Tesco's. 01:07:59.280 --> 01:08:01.280 And I'm like, quite a lot of money. 01:08:01.440 --> 01:08:03.039 Um, this was quite a few years ago as well. 01:08:03.199 --> 01:08:09.360 And I'm like, and also spending that that's a hell if I imagine how much chocolate that must be that I'm giving my children. 01:08:09.599 --> 01:08:10.719 Like, what am I doing? 01:08:10.880 --> 01:08:21.359 Um, so poor kids, they did start having like crudettees when I picked them up in little boxes and stuff, but um weren't very long to be fair. 01:08:21.520 --> 01:08:29.279 But um, but you know, it's stuff like that, and it's not always, you know, it's not always massively measurable, like with the entrepreneurs. 01:08:29.520 --> 01:08:31.760 Oh, I've tripled my prices and I'm getting loads more clients. 01:08:31.840 --> 01:09:01.359 It could be those little changes that actually over time make a big difference, or like, oh, I can talk to my husband now about money, and I totally get where he's coming from now because we've been able to have this conversation, and now I know where our money is, I know when we're gonna pay off our mortgage, I know what our financial freedom number is, which I won't go into, but it's a calculation that you you understand how much you need for retirement, and I know that he has got a pension that's worth this, and I've realized that actually we're gonna set one up for me as well. 01:09:01.520 --> 01:09:12.319 Um, with with um a few clients, I had so I always tell them go basically go through if you've got an old CV, go through your old CV and contact all your old employers and ask them if you've got a pension with them. 01:09:12.479 --> 01:09:15.039 You can do it online as well, there's a pension tracking service. 01:09:15.199 --> 01:09:19.119 But I had a client um find out that she had a pension that was worth 15 grand. 01:09:19.439 --> 01:09:24.720 I had one that found out she had a pension that was worth 40,000 pounds and she didn't know about it. 01:09:24.880 --> 01:09:29.760 And they never come knocking on your door saying, Oh, excuse me, because you've usually moved, they got no way of accepting it. 01:09:30.399 --> 01:09:33.920 They don't come knocking on your door and saying, Oh, we've

got your money, would you like it, please? 01:09:34.239 --> 01:09:38.560 Um, you know, we have to be proactive, and that's life-changing for that person. 01:09:39.439 --> 01:09:39.840 100%. 01:09:40.159 --> 01:09:43.279 I mean, finding 40 grand underneath the sofa kind of thing. 01:09:43.359 --> 01:09:45.920 Like that's uh that's quite nice, yeah, yeah. 01:09:46.239 --> 01:10:13.279 Yeah, and I guess also in that way, um, all of these things, what it does really is it gives you control back, and when you feel like you are in control, it makes you feel powerful because you understand and you know, and from that position, the conversations that you can have because you are clear, you're in clarity, you know what things are, you can advocate for yourself much better. 01:10:13.520 --> 01:10:24.239 Um, you know, whether you're in in bliss or in um yeah, in turmoil, divorce and health. 01:10:24.560 --> 01:10:30.239 Either way, within that, you you can advocate for yourself more because you just you know exactly where you stand. 01:10:30.319 --> 01:10:39.760 Because I think sometimes it's like all of that unknowing, all of that uncertainty, that's a really tricky um that's the situation where you feel disempowered. 01:10:39.840 --> 01:10:44.239 Yeah, yeah, there's no respect, you don't feel seen, even if you are in bliss. 01:10:44.640 --> 01:10:46.399 There's there's parts around that, right? 01:10:46.479 --> 01:10:49.119 So yeah, gosh, honestly, Liz. 01:10:49.199 --> 01:10:51.359 I feel like I could I think we need part two. 01:10:51.439 --> 01:10:55.439 I feel like we could uh go on for days and days and days. 01:10:55.760 --> 01:11:02.560 Yeah, it's just so interesting, and I think it's like you said at the top, it's just things that we don't talk about. 01:11:02.720 --> 01:11:19.199 We don't talk about finances, and it's so much to even in bliss, it's so much to our detriment that we don't know where we're where we're heading to, and yeah, you know what life down the line really sort of like looks like for us right now, completely. 01:11:19.359 --> 01:11:26.479 And you know, a lot of what I do with the tapping, the visualization, you can say it's quite woo-woo, but then there's such a practical element to it as well. 01:11:26.720 --> 01:11:37.680 And in order to make that practical element easy and doable um and get it done is by doing the softer stuff and exploring your feelings and all that kind of stuff. 01:11:37.760 --> 01:11:48.720 So we've got the healing element, but then I always say inform, empower, and go into action, get get the shit done because it's such a great feeling when you know you're sorted. 01:11:48.960 --> 01:12:11.439 I mean, I even though my income was um obviously my financial situation is vastly different from when I was married, um, it's it's actually I feel because I feel informed and in control and empowered, I feel so much more comfortable because I haven't got all these question marks buzzing around, floating around like they're always there and never quite answered. 01:12:11.520 --> 01:12:14.560 I'm like, I don't understand how we're ever gonna pay the mortgage off. 01:12:14.880 --> 01:12:17.199 Please make please make that make sense. 01:12:17.439 --> 01:12:20.479 And we wouldn't have done because he was just completely bullshitting. 01:12:20.640 --> 01:12:27.199 But um, I know exactly when I'm well, not exactly, I'll have to check my spreadsheet, but I know more or less when I'm gonna pay my mortgage off. 01:12:27.439 --> 01:12:31.359 And I know about um ICERs using up my ICER allowance now. 01:12:31.520 --> 01:12:35.439 I've got a private pension, I'm saving money for my kids. 01:12:35.680 --> 01:12:43.039 Um, and he's the flipping millionaire that's earning£230,000 a year, and he's got none of that in place. 01:12:43.199 --> 01:12:46.159 So you know that's the thing, isn't it? 01:12:46.319 --> 01:12:47.439 Everything's relative, you know. 01:12:47.520 --> 01:12:52.000 You could it's how you how you organise and how you strategize, isn't it? 01:12:52.079 --> 01:13:04.159 You can have loads of money, uh like you can earn loads of money, but if you're earning that and you're spending that and you're not actually putting anything else aside, yeah, then you're not gonna be earning that forever, are you? 01:13:04.319 --> 01:13:09.520 Like at one point you are gonna want to retire, and then it's like, oh shit, what do I do now? 01:13:09.680 --> 01:13:10.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:13:10.800 --> 01:13:19.600 And although, you know, yes, my financial situation could be better than it is, I'm I'm I'm in control of it and I know what I've got to do to to continue to improve it. 01:13:19.760 --> 01:13:25.920 And I know also that because of this, I can now teach my kids really good financial, financial sense. 01:13:26.159 --> 01:13:27.119 I'm a bit of a bore. 01:13:27.199 --> 01:13:30.319 Like, right, let's set down and set up a pension for you both. 01:13:30.560 --> 01:13:31.840 They're just like, What? 01:13:32.239 --> 01:13:32.640 What? 01:13:33.439 --> 01:13:34.000 School mom. 01:13:34.479 --> 01:13:36.560 I know, but I'm like, no, I'm doing it now for them. 01:13:36.640 --> 01:13:37.920 I'm literally that's on our list. 01:13:38.000 --> 01:13:40.800 Um, we'll do it before Christmas, hopefully. 01:13:40.960 --> 01:13:50.479 Um, like I'm gonna set them up a pension I want them to realise because I think, especially like if you've got kids, I think there's a real pressure to be like, oh, I've got to save for their university fees and everything. 01:13:50.640 --> 01:13:54.239 Yes, ideally that would be great, but how are they ever gonna buy a house? 01:13:54.479 --> 01:13:56.640 Like, yeah, you know, all those kinds of things. 01:13:56.720 --> 01:14:09.439 I think any child now that is not educated about investing, um like actually in like stocks and shares and stuff, and and growing their money, even if it's just a tiny percentage. 01:14:09.520 --> 01:14:16.399 So I

always say, guys, if you save 10% of everything you ever earn, you'll be a millionaire by the time you're my age. 01:14:16.800 --> 01:14:17.680 You can't not be. 01:14:17.920 --> 01:14:21.600 Like it's the the sums are the proof, it actually works. 01:14:21.920 --> 01:14:23.439 And I didn't do that. 01:14:23.600 --> 01:14:25.439 No one told me to, so I didn't do it. 01:14:25.920 --> 01:14:26.239 Yeah. 01:14:26.640 --> 01:14:36.479 I guess that's the thing actually, when you think about it now as well, for kids going into you know, I had pocket money, I had physical money in my hands. 01:14:36.720 --> 01:14:45.520 So if I spend my£10 or whatever it was, then I had nothing left, but I could physically see, have nothing left. 01:14:45.680 --> 01:14:49.600 Whereas now it's almost like how do kids even know about money? 01:14:49.760 --> 01:14:53.279 Because everything's on your phone, it's on a card, it's on a something. 01:14:53.359 --> 01:14:55.279 So like you don't physically see it. 01:14:55.359 --> 01:14:57.680 Yeah, it's like where does where does it even come from? 01:14:57.840 --> 01:14:58.960 Does it grow on trees? 01:14:59.039 --> 01:15:00.960 Because like, you know, that's what I thought when I was a kid. 01:15:01.039 --> 01:15:07.520 It's like we're gonna go into this pound, it's gonna grow into a pound tree, we're just gonna like we're gonna grow, we're gonna be millionaires. 01:15:08.239 --> 01:15:12.960 Um but and I guess in this like now, yeah, like does it come from the ether? 01:15:13.279 --> 01:15:14.880 Like, what's going on? 01:15:15.279 --> 01:15:16.640 It's really funny actually. 01:15:16.800 --> 01:15:22.239 So um I had I looked after my friend's dog in the in the summer holidays, and I and she gave me some cash. 01:15:22.319 --> 01:15:27.840 So I had all this cash, but it didn't feel like real money because I'm so used to it was almost the opposite of what you say. 01:15:27.920 --> 01:15:33.840 I'm so used to using my card, it was like it it didn't have a value, and I was just oh yeah, I'll buy it. 01:15:34.000 --> 01:15:35.600 Let me pay, let's let's go out for dinner. 01:15:35.680 --> 01:15:44.960 I've got all this cash, and like and it was really it was so interesting because I thought this is gonna be really good for the kids to see cash, and they do see cash, but not loads. 01:15:45.119 --> 01:15:52.399 Um, but it was almost the opposite, and I'm like, wow, we're already so indoctrinated in plastic and our phones to pay for things. 01:15:52.720 --> 01:15:53.680 Cash was it. 01:15:53.840 --> 01:16:03.680 I was just so surprised, it was it was a real shockingly weird thing because it didn't feel real, and I'm like, that's me at 47 who's been brought up around cash. 01:16:03.840 --> 01:16:05.840 So you know, but it's really interesting. 01:16:06.000 --> 01:16:09.520 Um yeah, that is it's strange that it's almost like it's the refaire. 01:16:09.840 --> 01:16:12.479 Yeah, it's like this isn't real, it's like monopoly money. 01:16:12.640 --> 01:16:16.159 Yeah, just like yeah, it was that's what it was, and then it's gone. 01:16:16.479 --> 01:16:19.520 And you're like, shit, I've actually got to feed this dog. 01:16:22.640 --> 01:16:24.399 So interesting. 01:16:24.640 --> 01:16:28.960 Yes, it's super interesting, but oh my gosh, thank you so so much. 01:16:29.119 --> 01:16:36.000 There's um I have learned so much um from this conversation, and I hope that listeners do too. 01:16:36.159 --> 01:16:49.279 So um I will take all of your details and then if um anybody wants to contact you about EST tapping, your um family flow, which is I guess it's focusing more on divorce, isn't it? 01:16:49.359 --> 01:16:53.119 And helping women through um through that time. 01:16:53.600 --> 01:16:59.039 Um I'll get your details and add them in the um in the show notes. 01:16:59.439 --> 01:17:00.319 Thanks so much, Liz. 01:17:00.560 --> 01:17:01.600 Yes, right, exactly. 01:17:02.000 --> 01:17:03.359 We both know exactly what it's like. 01:17:03.520 --> 01:17:08.239 Yeah, I mean, just just to let people know, if they want to look me up or anything, website's probably the best. 01:17:08.399 --> 01:17:17.199 The eftcoach.com is anything that's not divorce related, and then familyflow.co.uk is for all the divorce related stuff. 01:17:17.439 --> 01:17:18.720 Yeah, thank you. 01:17:19.119 --> 01:17:19.840 Oh, brilliant. 01:17:19.920 --> 01:17:20.720 Thanks so much, Liz. 01:17:20.880 --> 01:17:22.880 It's been an absolute pleasure. 01:17:23.680 --> 01:17:31.279 Well, I hope that you all enjoyed that as much as I loved chatting to Liz. 01:17:31.920 --> 01:17:39.119 It was so interesting when I was editing the episode and listening back to us talking about money. 01:17:39.359 --> 01:17:44.239 At first I got really this iffy feeling and it just felt really quick. 01:17:44.479 --> 01:17:48.640 Like, is this what we want to be talking about? 01:17:48.960 --> 01:17:49.600 Money. 01:17:50.239 --> 01:17:58.720 And it's so yeah, it just made me think, wow, it really is such a big topic that we generally seem to avoid. 01:17:58.880 --> 01:18:14.880 Finances, we all have them, we all work with them, but we really don't often talk about them, whether that's uh to our friends, to our family, to our partners at work, and more often than not, within we tend to downplay our successes. 01:18:15.039 --> 01:18:27.520 And it was really interesting hearing Liz talk about how she had kind of given herself asked about what she could add based on what her dad today. 01:18:28.399 --> 01:18:40.479 And it just made me think that there are so many stories that we do compiling into what I like to call the filing code. 01:18:41.600 --> 01:18:42.800 We just operate. 01:18:43.439 --> 01:18:48.960 We just collect stories subconsciously also, like we just do it all the time. 01:18:49.119 --> 01:19:00.159 We don't we don't realize it, we don't know that we're storing these things, and our brain is making decisions for us based on old information. 01:19:00.880 --> 01:19:12.640 We don't go back, we're not looking at the delete of these files and really crappy stories that we've been telling ourselves either constantly or subconsciously for so long. 01:19:12.800 --> 01:19:14.079 We've just forgotten about it. 01:19:14.239 --> 01:19:18.159 So it's very interesting how it's really related. 01:19:18.800 --> 01:19:30.319 And a lot of that comes back to the focus of listening work, women taking time out to have and then care for children, going back into the whitelist, part-time hours maybe. 01:19:30.720 --> 01:19:38.239 It all adds up to the pay gap increasing, and we don't think about our long term when we're in love and everything's great. 01:19:38.399 --> 01:19:44.239 It's only in times of crisis that we start to think about that long term and what it looks like for us. 01:19:44.479 --> 01:19:50.880 It's really given a lot of good thought on this topic, and I've put little details in the show notes for anyone. 01:19:51.199 --> 01:19:52.399 Join me next week. 01:19:52.479 --> 01:19:56.159 I'll be trying to feel a fairy about blowing up her lights. 01:19:56.399 --> 01:20:00.880 Her, not me, and starting again in the lovely Lake District. 01:20:01.119 --> 01:20:02.720 So see you next week. 01:20:02.880 --> 01:20:03.279 Ciao!