Steph Tolev Lied to Bill Burr & Couldn’t Keep a Straight Face on Shane Gillis’ Tires | Dropouts EP 09: täielik transkriptsioon

1: One of the. 00:02:19 Speaker 2: Yes. I do think I am an actress. And they said, you're pining to be one. And I was like, I'm literally. 00:02:27 Speaker 1: On the number one show on Netflix. I happen to be on the number one. And I do want to say this because we had Stav. 00:02:33 Speaker 2: My husband. 00:02:34 Speaker 1: Yeah. And I realized I saw a clip and I just didn't register because I was quick scrolling. And I thought you two were married in real life. 00:02:43 Speaker 2: Do you want to hear something even crazier? 00:02:45 Speaker 1: I would love to. 00:02:46 Speaker 2: So I was just in Kelowna, B.C. 00:02:48 Speaker 1: First of all, don't flex on me this early in the morning, okay? 00:02:51 Speaker 2: I've got a lot of big credits in big Canadian markets. I was just doing this little Canada run last week, and the guy who booked the show didn't tell me until after. He goes, hey, I didn't want to scare you, but in Kelowna, they had to hire extra security because somebody posted that you were married to Shane Gillis, and they were coming to protest the show and try to get your show shut down. 00:03:15 Speaker 1: Okay, amazing. 00:03:17 Speaker 2: So that's just like, this person did no research of me at all. No. I'm also, if you were thinking of tires, it would be Stav. I'm not married to Shane in the show at all. 00:03:25 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:03:25 Speaker 2: And if you did, there's not even a single photograph of me and Shane Gillis on my Instagram account to think that. 00:03:31 Speaker 1: And top of show, we always like to ask, is there any adultery going on? 00:03:35 Speaker 2: There's absolutely zero adultery going on. If you've seen my fiance, I'm lucky to have him. He's very attractive. This nose and this personality, very hard to lock down a man, especially in LA. Also, this is my bad side for my nose. So I need everyone looking right now to go into my Instagram and see me from this. This is my good side. My nose looks a little smaller. Hard to say. But if I would just sit like this the whole episode, it does look a little smaller from the side. 00:03:58 Speaker 1: But we can't do that. I think everybody in LA, every nose looks the same. And I like a little character on a face. 00:04:05 Speaker 2: Okay, okay. 00:04:05 Speaker 1: So, I mean, you might see the nose as a negative, but I'm all in on the nose. 00:04:09 Speaker 2: Well, this is rare. Men aren't usually. Women are. Men, especially your age, have a problem with my nose. But this is nice. 00:04:16 Speaker 1: I assume, is it boyfriend, fiance, or husband? 00:04:19 Speaker 2: It's fiance. 00:04:19 Speaker 1: Fiance. Yes. Congratulations. Thank you. 00:04:23 Speaker 2: Blocking the nose. 00:04:24 Speaker 1: Okay. Was the nose a big factor in his devotion to you? 00:04:27 Speaker 2: No. He liked the nose. 00:04:28 Speaker 1: Oh, thank God. 00:04:28 Speaker 2: He's always like that. No, he wasn't like, the second we're married, you're chopping that off. He likes the nose. But

I just, I get trolled online so much for it. And I 100% will on your podcast. So I have to address it first. I look like Gru. I look like Penguin from Batman. 00:04:41 Speaker 1: I understand. 00:04:42 Speaker 2: I've said these before. They're all hack at this point. 00:04:44 Speaker 1: Do you have a pen? I want to cross out two things. 00:04:46 Speaker 2: Cross out two things. Cross out Nosferatu, which I am going for as Halloween this year, if you've seen that. Because I have the same nose as him. 00:04:53 Speaker 1: But it sounds like you're speaking negatively on the nose, but it feels like such an asset to you. 00:04:57 Speaker 2: I love the nose. 00:04:58 Speaker 1: I do. I love the nose. 00:04:59 Speaker 2: I get both of the nose. If I had the same nose as everybody else, first of all, I'd have no personality. 00:05:04 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:05:05 Speaker 2: Second of all, I got bullied young, so I had to get funny, and I wouldn't get booked. I get booked for this honker. 00:05:10 Speaker 1: Was there ever any bullying where you were like, that was kind of a good one on the nose front? 00:05:15 Speaker 2: I think the first time I heard Toucan Sam. The first Toucan Sam. I was like, that's funny stuff. 00:05:23 Speaker 1: But you're also like, I'm also eight and I'm just trying to learn math. 00:05:26 Speaker 2: And this hurts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was actually quite young. And then Dante's Peak was kind of original in high school. Yeah. Never saw the movie, but I assumed Mountain. So that was nice. And then the first time I heard Gru was funny. But now it's like my whole Instagram is just Gets. 00:05:40 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:05:41 Speaker 2: It's too on the nose. 00:05:41 Speaker 1: Literally. 00:05:42 Speaker 2: Literally. 00:05:43 Speaker 1: I'm whistling. I almost evaporated into heaven when you said that. You were like, and I was like, oh, that felt so good. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see if what I can come up with. No, I'm just kidding. Could you imagine? 00:05:54 Speaker 2: You have a hole. It's a sketch of my nose. 00:05:58 Speaker 1: It says lay flat and it's a sundial. Wow. 00:06:02 Speaker 2: That one's good. 00:06:02 Speaker 1: That one's rude. 00:06:03 Speaker 2: But that one is good. See, I like original. There's nothing written down here, by the way. 00:06:08 Speaker 1: Producer wrote that one. 00:06:09 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:06:11 Speaker 1: No, but I am super excited. I've actually seen your stand-up, I think, three times. 00:06:14 Speaker 2: Live or on the internet? Really? 00:06:16 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where? At the store. 00:06:18 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:06:18 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. 00:06:19 Speaker 2: So I'm probably screaming at a man. Yes. And I'm probably not doing a lot of material. 00:06:25 Speaker 1: No, actually, you did have material, but the volume was at such a place where it was passion and it wasn't annoyance, if that makes sense. 00:06:35 Speaker 2: Okay, so you liked it. 00:06:35 Speaker 1: Some

people could scream at you and be like, shut up. For you, I was like, I'm all in. I'm on her side. You made me feel like a lower tier warrior and I wanted to ride in the battle and kill people because of how much you rallied me with your voice. 00:06:51 Speaker 2: Wow, that's good. That's maybe one of the nicest compliments I've ever heard in my life. 00:06:55 Speaker 1: Well, I feel like I have to be nice to you today because of how rude the local London radio show was. 00:07:00 Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you. 00:07:02 Speaker 1: Also, nice eye makeup. 00:07:04 Speaker 2: You did mention that I have a nice gold palette, he said. A nice color palette. 00:07:08 Speaker 1: You have a shimmer. I'll tell you this. If I was a leprechaun, I'd head over to those eyelids and I'd take them with me. 00:07:13 Speaker 2: Wow. I would rather you didn't. But I'm not a leprechaun. No, but I'm like just taking the lids by themselves really upset me. Just to open holes all the time. Okay. 00:07:22 Speaker 1: I don't love that. We actually have a rule on the show. We do not say open holes. 00:07:27 Speaker 2: Oh, is that not allowed? YouTube can't have that? 00:07:29 Speaker 1: Well, yeah. 00:07:30 Speaker 2: Okay, what if I put open eye holes? Does that kind of cover it? 00:07:32 Speaker 1: It does help. It does help a lot. As long as you're not making fun of the blind. 00:07:37 Speaker 2: No, no, no. I'm making fun of people with no eyelids. 00:07:40 Speaker 1: What was it like stepping into the cast of Tires? Who was the hardest person to keep a straight face around? You like that? 00:07:48 Speaker 2: I do like that. 00:07:49 Speaker 1: And that came off straight from my brain. 00:07:50 Speaker 2: It was natural, I will say. Are you an actor? Because that seemed like you were. 00:07:55 Speaker 1: No, just a kid with a dream. 00:07:56 Speaker 2: Okay. I would say the hardest, if you watch this season, the newest season, season three, the scene with me, Stabby, and RuneDog, I think that's what he goes by on Instagram. 00:08:10 Speaker 1: Awesome. 00:08:11 Speaker 2: The guy I cheated on with Stabby, he was fucking killing the whole, when he ran off, because he was naked, first of all, so his dick was in this little bag. Yeah, just a little. Speaking of that, RepreCons, a little gold coin bag. It was a very small bag. 00:08:27 Speaker 1: Okay, that's not something we have to. 00:08:29 Speaker 2: Well, look, I'd like to let people know that it wasn't fitting in the bag. But when he left and was riffing, like the whole, every single person, even downstairs when they were off camera, because it was supposed to be a closed set, because we were. 00:08:40 Speaker 1: Well, I wasn't naked. 00:08:40 Speaker 2: He was naked. Because of the bag. Because of the bag. But he was really funny. 00:08:45 Speaker 1: Do you think if you had to be in a situation where you were a male naked on an episode of television, you would be able to perform... Would you be worried about the size...

No. Okay, because I am terrified just for him because, yeah, if it's a small bag, like I would never want someone to then come on to the airways and the YouTubes and be like, that guy was super funny, but small bag. 00:09:11 Speaker 2: Oh, no, no. I'm saying the bag was too small for him. 00:09:14 Speaker 1: Oh, I didn't realize that. I thought you were saying itsy bitsy bag. 00:09:18 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no. 00:09:19 Speaker 1: I'm saying genitalia could fit so easily inside that bag. 00:09:22 Speaker 2: I'm saying bag falling off too small bag. 00:09:26 Speaker 1: Hell yeah. 00:09:26 Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. 00:09:27 Speaker 1: That's exactly what I would want to hear. I mean, that guy had a Walmart trash bag on it, and that thing still couldn't fit. That's what I'm saying. That's what I would want to hear. 00:09:34 Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. Also, I shouldn't have even been looking, but. 00:09:38 Speaker 1: But I get why you did. 00:09:41 Speaker 2: Everyone looks. 00:09:42 Speaker 1: You have to. And it's not a sexual, I don't think it's like a, I can't wait to see. 00:09:45 Speaker 2: That bagged penis. 00:09:46 Speaker 1: No, I wasn't turned on. No, no, no. 00:09:47 Speaker 2: I was like, it was out. 00:09:48 Speaker 1: It was flopping. It's not often, there is a bagged penis in the room. 00:09:51 Speaker 2: There's never a bag. I'll tell you what, everyone, I saw even the director go, oh my God, because no one knew, we didn't understand what the bag was. I've never seen a bag. I had to wear a piece of yoga mat. 00:10:00 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:10:01 Speaker 2: In mine. You're saying yes, like you knew this. I did not know this. To make sure there's no touching. So he had the bag on. I had the yoga mat on in case. 00:10:09 Speaker 1: How? 00:10:09 Speaker 2: But there was no touching anyways. So it didn't matter. There's no. 00:10:12 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:10:13 Speaker 2: Because this was more of like a, like obviously a joke scene, but like when people do real intimate scenes, sometimes. 00:10:18 Speaker 1: Apparently the guy- actually enters the woman. 00:10:21 Speaker 2: No, it gets hard. You're thinking of a different show. 00:10:25 Speaker 1: You went like this. 00:10:26 Speaker 2: I meant hard. Not entering. 00:10:28 Speaker 1: I meant it coming. 00:10:31 Speaker 2: I see this does look like entering, though. 00:10:32 Speaker 1: Okay, I can see what you mean. Was this the foreskin? 00:10:34 Speaker 2: Yes, that was the foreskin. 00:10:36 Speaker 1: I was cut as a child. 00:10:37 Speaker 2: Oh, no. Do you still have it? 00:10:39 Speaker 1: What do you mean? 00:10:40 Speaker 2: Did they save it and put it in a baby book? 00:10:44 Speaker 1: No. My mom ate it for, she's going to hate that. They do that. That's more of a placenta thing. 00:10:48 Speaker 2: Placenta thing, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:10:49 Speaker 1: Yeah, my mom, if she ever listens, she's like, I didn't eat his foreskin. She's a very religious woman. Oh, wow.

That's actually at the more the end of what I wanted to talk about was someone nominated you as, was it the president of foreskin? What was it? 00:11:03 Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. I was, they were trying to make me like the face of foreskin. 00:11:08 Speaker 1: I want to know who. 00:11:10 Speaker 2: There's a foreskin society. I don't know how to word this. This sounds crazy. I posted one joke about how I like foreskin. 00:11:20 Speaker 1: What is the... First of all, it's rude to say with someone who can't get it back. But what is it about. 00:11:25 Speaker 2: You could get it back. 00:11:27 Speaker 1: Wow. 00:11:28 Speaker 2: I mean, there's a lot of surgeries out there now. 00:11:30 Speaker 1: But I don't think I. 00:11:31 Speaker 2: It wouldn't be your skin. It'd probably be somebody else's. 00:11:34 Speaker 1: Can you choose a different race? Is that racist? 00:11:36 Speaker 2: You probably could. 00:11:37 Speaker 1: Also. 00:11:37 Speaker 2: Well, I don't know if it's racist. If you want... I don't know. 00:11:40 Speaker 1: But I think if I become... I think whatever minority skin that I do obtain, I could probably say, once every 100 days, I can say the slur associated with that gender. 00:11:51 Speaker 2: Well, I don't think so, no. Because it's such a small amount of skin. 00:11:54 Speaker 1: That's why it's one out of every 100 days. 00:11:56 Speaker 2: But I feel like it's like, I feel like just get, maybe they would take your skin. You can take it from your butt. There's no extra butt skin. I don't want that skin. Elbow skin. It's already soft. It feels like foreskin. I wouldn't know. Take some of that. 00:12:09 Speaker 1: You felt more foreskin than I have. 00:12:11 Speaker 2: I hope so. 00:12:12 Speaker 1: Well, don't say you hope so because that's anti-gay. You notice you just were homophobic. 00:12:16 Speaker 2: No, I mean because I'm older. 00:12:17 Speaker 1: Straight to this camera. 00:12:18 Speaker 2: No, no, no. 00:12:19 Speaker 1: Tell them you're homophobic. 00:12:20 Speaker 2: I'm 41 years old. Tell them you hate the gays. I feel like I... What is this podcast? Are you trying to get me in some. 00:12:27 Speaker 1: Tell them you hate the gays, dude. 00:12:30 Speaker 2: I love the gays. I was gay. What are you talking about? You was? I was bi for like three months. I had a girlfriend. Is that not in your fucking menu? 00:12:39 Speaker 1: It is. 00:12:39 Speaker 2: God damn it. 00:12:40 Speaker 1: Okay, double clicking on that. So you chose to be gay, which is okay. 00:12:45 Speaker 2: I did actually kind of choose to be gay. I was having a really hard time with men. I thought I hated men for. 00:12:49 Speaker 1: A long time. 00:12:49 Speaker 2: When was this? Years ago. 00:12:51 Speaker 1: Okay. And you saw abroad. Did she resemble a traditional masculine? Very feminine. 00:12:56 Speaker 2: Very feminine, very tall, very pretty. She was from Amsterdam. Oh, and you were trying to... I was hanging out with a lot of lesbians. 00:13:04 Speaker 1: Congrats. 00:13:05 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was great. They were all my good friends. Still are. 00:13:07 Speaker 1: Still there, okay. 00:13:08 Speaker 2: And then we would go out to all these, like, gay clubs, and I've always looked and sounded like a lesbian, so. 00:13:15 Speaker 1: I would have said softball player, but keep going. 00:13:17 Speaker 2: Well, close enough. And then, yeah, we went to all these, like, gay bars and stuff, and then one night I was, like, dancing with this girl, and then we just started, like, fully making out. And then we dated for, like, three months. 00:13:29 Speaker 1: That's literally my dream. 00:13:30 Speaker 2: To just. 00:13:31 Speaker 1: Kiss a woman. 00:13:31 Speaker 2: Kiss a woman one time. 00:13:33 Speaker 1: Or multiple. Yeah. 00:13:35 Speaker 2: It was more than once. 00:13:36 Speaker 1: What was the temperance and the pressure of the female kiss? 00:13:41 Speaker 2: So much nicer. So nice. Soft. 00:13:43 Speaker 1: It's gentle, isn't it? 00:13:44 Speaker 2: It's so soft. 00:13:45 Speaker 1: That's what I enjoy. 00:13:46 Speaker 2: Gentle is nice. 00:13:47 Speaker 1: Every time I do participate in a smooch, I'm always like, so much soft. There's a plumpness to it that I really enjoy. 00:13:53 Speaker 2: There is a plumpness and there's a rhythm to it. Some men have rhythm. I will say my fiance, he's got some rhythm. Good kisser. Nice, soft kisses. 00:14:03 Speaker 1: Clean mouth. 00:14:04 Speaker 2: Clean mouth. Soft. 00:14:05 Speaker 1: What was your first kiss with that gentleman? 00:14:08 Speaker 2: My fiance? 00:14:08 Speaker 1: Yeah. What is his name? Jefferson. Jefferson. If you're watching. 00:14:12 Speaker 2: Well, the first kiss was also a first fuck. It was a combo. 00:14:16 Speaker 1: Okay. Can I, can I, can I, first of all, crass. 00:14:19 Speaker 2: I'm a pervert. 00:14:20 Speaker 1: No, I picked up on it. Can I, can I just say. Can I hope that you say, did you kiss before he entered? 00:14:29 Speaker 2: Yes. I'm not that disgusting. That's not also disgusting. We have been FaceTiming for four weeks straight. 00:14:36 Speaker 1: Okay. Where did you meet? Let's start there before we get to the kiss. 00:14:39 Speaker 2: We met at the Laugh Factory. 00:14:41 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:14:41 Speaker 2: He was there with his uncle, who is in fact Shooter McGavin, from Happy Gilmore, Chris from McDonald's. It's his real uncle. 00:14:48 Speaker 1: Can I tell you something beautiful that you're going to hate? I've never seen Happy Madison. 00:14:51 Speaker 2: Happy Gilmore? 00:14:52 Speaker 1: See? Wow. 00:14:54 Speaker 2: You really haven't? 00:14:55 Speaker 1: Swear on my life. 00:14:55 Speaker 2: Seems like something you look like the guy who would watch it. 00:14:58 Speaker 1: Don't be rude. Oh, I don't know if that's rude or not because I. 00:15:01 Speaker 2: Haven't seen it. I don't think it is. Yeah, I feel like your age, maybe a little young, but I feel like, anyways. 00:15:09

Speaker 1: I was about to make this about me. 00:15:10 Speaker 2: Whatever. It was a very big, it was a very, who cares? Everyone knows I have a camera. It was a Wednesday night at the Laugh Factory, 10 p.m. 00:15:17 Speaker 1: You remember the night. 00:15:17 Speaker 2: I remember it so vividly because there's nobody in the crowd. There's 14 people. Everybody was bombing. I was in a bad mood. I already had two good sets at the store. I wanted to go home. Sitting cross-armed, Shooter McGavin walks in and his nephew, at the time I thought it was his son, they look exactly alike. They sit in the back booth and I go, where the fuck is Shooter McGavin here right now? Now I have to be funny. So I'm panicking. I come in hot. You've seen my comedy. 00:15:41 Speaker 1: How many years ago was this, sorry? 00:15:42 Speaker 2: Three. Three and a half. 00:15:43 Speaker 1: This is all out in context. How long ago did it start accelerating for you, comedy? 00:15:49 Speaker 2: Probably around this time. 00:15:51 Speaker 1: Okay. So you were kind of a little bit on an uptick. 00:15:53 Speaker 2: Yes. But it's still like, the friends who kill had kind of just come out like maybe a year before that. So I had been like touring way more and that kind of got me onto Netflix. 00:16:03 Speaker 1: We'll get to Bill Burr. Cause I know that like he was definitely a, I don't know if milestone's the right word. 00:16:09 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:16:09 Speaker 1: Yeah, but okay, okay, okay. So you're in there. Things are kind of ticking up. 00:16:12 Speaker 2: Yes. 00:16:13 Speaker 1: But you're like, everyone's bombing. I have to do well tonight because big scoots here. 00:16:16 Speaker 2: I was planning on bombing. I was like, I can tell by the crowd. I see them. I'm panicking. 00:16:19 Speaker 1: You're like Trump and Iran. You're like, we're going to get them. 00:16:22 Speaker 2: I came in hot. Come on hot, yelling. I asked the question, who takes good dick pics? No one's answering. Finally, Jefferson from the back booth, who I can bluntly see, goes, me. And I go, in my head, I'm like, the fuck is Shooter McGavin's? And then I see Shooter hitting him to stop. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? He goes, yeah, yeah, I put like a tiny little etch-a-sketch on the tip of my penis. I laughed. I've never heard that one. That's quite funny. And I go, okay, whatever. I finished my set. Do as well as you could of 14 people. I get off stage. I never fangirl. I go over. I go, fuck it. I'm saying hi. I go, hi, Shane McGavin. Big fan. He's like, you're a hilarious woman. Thank you. Then I go. 00:16:57 Speaker 1: You're going to make it in this town. 00:16:59 Speaker 2: Well, he was pretty drunk. He didn't say that. 00:17:00 Speaker 1: You were going to be in a town. 00:17:03 Speaker 2: He said that. And I was like, that's it. And then Jefferson stood up and he went, can I give you a hug? And I was like. I'm like, he was a son, he's like more of a nephew. And I went, what the fuck? Then I hugged him. And normally men don't react the way you did. Scared, following me into battle maybe. Or repulsed and they hate my face and body. So I was alarmed by him. Men are turned on by me is what I'm saying after a set. 00:17:24 Speaker 1: After a set, okay. But you describe yourself like I have to solve a riddle to get past you. But you're not an ugly person. 00:17:30 Speaker 2: No, I'm not saying that. My persona on stage is so aggressive. And I'm usually yelling at a man. 00:17:36 Speaker 1: So I would assume. 00:17:38 Speaker 2: Most men watching me aren't like, oh, after I'm done. 00:17:40 Speaker 1: And sorry to be the person to come in and stop the self-doubt talk from you. But as one of your best friends now. 00:17:46 Speaker 2: And we are best friends. 00:17:47 Speaker 1: We just can't have this. 00:17:48 Speaker 2: No. So I hug him and I go, he goes, what are you doing now? Are you getting a drink? And I... Fully panic. I go, I'm going home to bed. 00:17:56 Speaker 4: Bye. 00:17:56 Speaker 2: I get in the car. Psycho. I'm driving home. I call my buddy, Alex Pavone, who's a massive fan of Shooter. He actually just hired Shooter to do a cameo to ask his groom's man to be in his wedding party. So it was a very, I called him. I go, oh my God, I just met him. I'm like, I'm going to try to fuck Shooter McGavin's son. This is the whole joke I started saying. 00:18:13 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:18:14 Speaker 2: I get home. He's already slept into my DMs. Asked me for coffee. And I was like, no, we're having sex. 00:18:19 Speaker 1: So. 00:18:20 Speaker 2: He ends up getting my phone number. We start, he calls me the next day. Immediately at like noon, we talk for like an hour and a half. And then we talked every single day from them for the next three and a half weeks. He was doing a play in Nashville and I go, I'm going to fly out and see you. 00:18:33 Speaker 1: That's beautiful. 00:18:33 Speaker 2: And I went and I met him and I saw, I met him at, after a show and, um, we kissed and then, uh, we. 00:18:40 Speaker 1: Where was the kiss? Hold on. Hold on. We don't need to get, we don't need to get to Expedia this fast. 00:18:47 Speaker 2: We had a smooch right there. So he was doing a play. He was doing a play in the theater, in the area. 00:18:54 Speaker 1: After the show? 00:18:54 Speaker 2: After the show. That's sweet. It was sweet. 00:18:56 Speaker 1: Wait, he kissed you? 00:18:58 Speaker 2: We kissed each other. We walked up to each other, gave each other a huge kiss. Because we've been FaceTiming so much. 00:19:01 Speaker 1: Oh, you knew the kiss was coming. 00:19:03 Speaker 2: We knew the kiss was coming. We went to the bar. We both got a margarita. His friend was there. We had one drink. And then I go, he's like, let's go. We went for a date. We're going to go for dinner. And then we get in the back. We get in the car. We're loading the car. And I go, I need to have sex with you now. 00:19:17 Speaker 1: Sorry, we're going to get

into the coitus. I hate that word. 00:19:22 Speaker 2: Coitus is worse than anything else. Coitus? 00:19:25 Speaker 1: Yes. 00:19:26 Speaker 2: It feels like it's wet. 00:19:28 Speaker 1: It should be. 00:19:29 Speaker 2: Well, it better be. 00:19:31 Speaker 1: It better be, unless you have a medical issue. 00:19:33 Speaker 2: You have a problem with people with dry... Look at the camera. He's coming at people with dry vaginas. Here it is. 00:19:38 Speaker 1: Hello, anyone over 85 that has dust instead of lube in their. 00:19:42 Speaker 2: They actually are horny as hell when they're older. 00:19:44 Speaker 1: Oh, I've heard. 00:19:45 Speaker 2: Anyways. 00:19:45 Speaker 1: Um, no, but isn't that the best feeling when something's like new and you guys are kind of giddy and like talking to each other. But when you first, um, we're going to see them in real life after all the FaceTiming. Did it feel a little bit... You remember when you were in school and you would kind of text someone late at night or like talk to somebody and then you see them at school the next day? 00:20:03 Speaker 2: Oh, I was so nervous. 00:20:04 Speaker 1: Yeah, you were just like. 00:20:04 Speaker 2: Oh, I couldn't go inside. I was pacing. I've never been this giddy or nervous in like years. 00:20:10 Speaker 1: You're like, remember when I said I wasn't going to spin on it? I was just... It was late at night. I'm sorry I said that. Okay, so first kiss and then first... Yeah, right after. 00:20:19 Speaker 2: And then we went out for dinner. It was nice. We had a nice date. 00:20:22 Speaker 1: Well, the irony is you did it in a rental, but he wanted to buy... your love forever. 00:20:28 Speaker 2: He did. Wow. 00:20:29 Speaker 1: Wow. Okay. So, so the first interaction, the backseat positive, you go to dinner straight after that's gorgeous. I've heard, I've heard, um, like relationship therapists say you should have sex before you go out to dinner. 00:20:46 Speaker 2: I think it's, it's a way better option. You're not tired. 00:20:48 Speaker 1: You're not tired. And you're like more connected at the thing. Okay. So the, but It was very nice. 00:20:54 Speaker 2: And I will say, the issue is too, he did send me that dick pic he had with the Etch-a-Sketch on it. And this was before you? Before we met up. And I was like, yeah, need to see that. Need to see that. 00:21:06 Speaker 1: You just sent back, oink, huh? Because you want to learn how to talk back to it. 00:21:10 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:21:11 Speaker 1: That's beautiful. And how long have you guys been together now? 00:21:14 Speaker 2: About three and a half years. We got engaged four months ago. 00:21:19 Speaker 1: How do you do it? 00:21:20 Speaker 2: In our backyard. Just classic. Our dog was there. She was sick and she was dying, so this was the one day. He did it. I know, very sad. One day he did it right when she was still alive and she's in all the photos. It was perfect. He did good. 00:21:33 Speaker 1: Are

you smitten as a kitten? Are you like, this is my fantasy? Are you playing the wedding? 00:21:38 Speaker 2: Yeah, we're doing a Vegas wedding, actually. Just the two of us. 00:21:42 Speaker 1: My grandpa did the same thing in the 50s or 60s. 00:21:46 Speaker 2: White Wedding Chapel? 00:21:46 Speaker 1: Yeah. Classic? Yep. Do you still have the photos? I don't know if he knows if there were photos. 00:21:51 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:21:51 Speaker 1: There probably was. But we maybe have a photo. Okay. Sorry. 00:21:55 Speaker 2: That's it. 00:21:56 Speaker 1: I love love, so that was kind of. 00:21:57 Speaker 2: Well, you do. 00:21:57 Speaker 1: That was beautiful. 00:21:58 Speaker 2: Yeah. You're not... Are you single? 00:22:01 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:22:02 Speaker 2: I'm good at setting people up. 00:22:04 Speaker 1: Nice. 00:22:05 Speaker 2: That doesn't... You don't... Thank you. Like that? 00:22:07 Speaker 1: I just don't... You said you're only friends with lesbians. 00:22:09 Speaker 2: Well, I did say that, so that makes sense. 00:22:11 Speaker 1: I was participating in a... Not a will they, won't they. Not necessarily an on and off, but my love was a little squandered by distance. Uh-huh. You couldn't make it work? 00:22:26 Speaker 2: You couldn't move? They couldn't move? 00:22:28 Speaker 1: Yeah, they couldn't move. There's a lot of moving parts in both of our lives. 00:22:34 Speaker 2: Okay, okay. 00:22:35 Speaker 1: It felt a little selfish to. 00:22:38 Speaker 2: Make them move for you? 00:22:39 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh God, I would love it if they did. But it's hard to be like, change your life for someone that you didn't know prior to a year ago. 00:22:48 Speaker 2: But I feel like if, I mean, he wasn't planning on, he was probably gonna move to New York and he moved here for me. So I feel like maybe if. 00:22:58 Speaker 1: Did you threaten with a weapon? 00:23:00 Speaker 2: Oh yeah. 00:23:01 Speaker 1: Right. 00:23:01 Speaker 2: With these mitts. No, I was like, you need to come here. I feel like if, if it's meant to be, well, and I hate saying that, that sounds cheesy and stupid, but. 00:23:09 Speaker 1: Well, the crazy thing about this woman is I've, I've never believed in soulmates until this person. I've always been very logical. And the thing I like most about her is she makes, you know, when you're younger and there's so many possibilities and it's like, is Santa real? Is it not? There's like a little bit of magic in the world. I see. I still have that little bit of magic with her. 00:23:29 Speaker 2: And you, what'll happen is you're going to date. No, you're going to probably try dating other people and realize that she is the one and then it'll work out. 00:23:38 Speaker 1: Oh, a hundred percent. I mean, I already knew that part. 00:23:40 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:23:40 Speaker 1: I think it's more. 00:23:41 Speaker 2: And I think she'll see it too. 00:23:42 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:23:42 Speaker 2: Because did she also say soulmates back to you too? Did she use that word? No. 00:23:47 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:23:47 Speaker 2: Well, that's not great. 00:23:48 Speaker 1: But she likes me. 00:23:51 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:23:52 Speaker 1: Okay. And we'll do a double date maybe or just. 00:23:54 Speaker 2: Well, sure. 00:23:55 Speaker 1: Oh, wow. 00:23:55 Speaker 2: This is moving quickly. Okay. 00:23:58 Speaker 1: In friendship, can friendship move too quickly? 00:24:01 Speaker 2: I guess not. No. I guess double dates are good because it's people to bounce off of. 00:24:05 Speaker 1: Can I add ADHD into this conversation? 00:24:07 Speaker 2: Do we both have it? 00:24:09 Speaker 1: No. I'm wondering how you got your teeth so white. 00:24:11 Speaker 2: Are they? 00:24:11 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:24:12 Speaker 2: Jefferson, his teeth are fucking translucent. He uses white strips all the time. I brush my teeth, average now, four or five times a day. 00:24:18 Speaker 1: Do you use white strips? 00:24:20 Speaker 2: Not as much as I should. I keep slurring. I have Invisalign, and I put the dots in the back, thinking that they would help. 00:24:28 Speaker 1: I didn't even know that was an option. 00:24:29 Speaker 2: Don't fucking do it. I can't talk. I'm slurring when I'm kind of tired. I just have a little bit of a slur. 00:24:34 Speaker 1: But a lisp, it can be endearing to the people. 00:24:37 Speaker 2: No, I don't need a lisp. 00:24:39 Speaker 1: I keep feeling like you're going to do this. 00:24:41 Speaker 2: I got all this. What's next in the menu? 00:24:45 Speaker 1: Yeah. Let me, let me, Oh, a clown college. That is something I thought was a myth. And I just want to hear what led, what, how your life led to getting into clown college and that entire experience. 00:24:58 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:24:58 Speaker 1: And also I live, I used to live with 10 people in a two bedroom, 900 square feet and you live with eight people. So I think we have similar experiences. Go. 00:25:07 Speaker 2: I'll do it quick. 00:25:08 Speaker 1: Thank God. 00:25:08 Speaker 2: In Toronto, there used to be a two year comedy writing and performance program. 00:25:13 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:25:13 Speaker 2: So right out of high school, I auditioned for a bunch of acting schools, got into none of them. 00:25:17 Speaker 1: And you just knew at a young age that you're like, I love entertaining. I'm going to figure this out. 00:25:22 Speaker 2: In high school, I started doing plays and stuff. And my two drama teachers were the ones that were like, you need to do this. 00:25:27 Speaker 1: Was your family supportive of? 00:25:29 Speaker 2: Not really. They were like, this is no money. Yeah. What do you think you are? 00:25:32 Speaker 1: What is your family known for? 00:25:33 Speaker 2: Like, is it like, my mother's a Highland dancing teacher, uh, the Scottish dancing with the kilt bagpipes. She does, she judges, examines and teaches still. My father worked for the Toronto hydro, which is like, um, water and power. 00:25:46 Speaker 1: Okay. So

very, very like blue collar. Yeah. Okay. 00:25:49 Speaker 2: Very blue collar family. Uh, we, we missed her. We started working with like 12, 13 babysitting. We've worked, I worked for the city Toronto. My sister still works at the city Toronto now. Um, I don't get into any schools. There's a poster in my drama room, the comedy writing performance, like you should try out for this. I wrote a five-minute stand-up set, never done stand-up, did it my first time in this audition, got in. There were eight women, I believe, and 50, 60 men. So there's like two women per class. There's three classes. Two-year program, we do improv, stand-up, sketch, writing, history of comedy, clown. Actually, it was my favorite class. We did clown. And then that was it. You graduated with a, we took like a couple other, I took like a biology class, an English class because you have to take something else. And then you graduate and you're a clown. You're whatever the hell you are. I will say the people I met from that program, great. I still have those friendships. My writing partner, Allison, we're pitching a show to Netflix next week, literally. We still work together. I'm very glad I met her. But everything else, it's like not, I think the two biggest people to come out of that program right now were Nathan Fielder and me. Were the success stories on the website. 00:26:59 Speaker 1: I just, have you seen the new movie? 00:27:00 Speaker 2: No, have you? 00:27:01 Speaker 1: I saw it two nights ago. It's my favorite piece of media I've seen in the last year. 00:27:07 Speaker 3: Really? 00:27:07 Speaker 1: Okay. It is, like, because I heard it was so, like, I've heard it was very heptastic. There's no way this is going to be. I was so floored. And it's like three hours. Two hours. And I was locked in the whole time. Okay, okay. First of all, the cinematography that he was able to capture with something that is technically a documentary was mind-blowing to me. Like it was so intimate. You got to know people and such. And he's so good at revealing the joke or information in a way that will make you laugh but is also like very stimulating. 00:27:37 Speaker 2: And very original. 00:27:39 Speaker 1: Very original. 00:27:39 Speaker 2: He's always been like that. I remember watching him years ago in Toronto. I have this small, insane show. And he would come and do this whole bit where somebody called him on a shoe. And he would just do this whole set talking to a shoe. And you'd be like, is there actually a phone on there? You'd believe it by the end of it. 00:27:54 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:27:54 Speaker 2: He's incredible. 00:27:55 Speaker 1: I love the people that can do things that are something I could never do. And I just can marvel at it. and he's just one of those people where you just have to go, yeah, that guy's a genius in ways I'll never be able to understand, but I can appreciate what he's doing. LSU versus Alabama. Two Goliaths facing off on the gridiron. Zach, Alabama's

got the track record. They're obviously going to win. In my heart, I got LSU. They're playing for something bigger, and that's the entire heart of Louisiana. Yeah, so basically I'm putting my prediction onto LSU. mostly because we beat LSU and then Alabama beat us. So in my mind, I'm a Kentucky fan, if LSU beats Alabama, it's kind of like a circle thing, and then Kentucky's good to make the playoffs. Kalshi is an exchange where you can trade on what you think will happen across sports, politics, culture, whatever's on your mind. You're going up against other traders directly. There's no house setting the odds or taking their cut. It's just people putting their money behind their opinion. So if the market changes, you can cash out for a profit, or you can hold it till the end. The benefit of trading on Kalshi is the cash button works. is never grayed out, so you can exit a trade whenever you want. Trade $ 25 with code DROPOUTS, and Calistry will throw in another $ 25 instantly. Trade responsibly. Fall is all about getting cozy, and when you get cozy, sometimes other humans are involved, and their hands could be on your tummy, and they could be like, that's a big tummy, or they could be like, that's a nice tummy. What I'm trying to say is FitBod helps you get that nice tummy. So when hands are on you, you want them on you. If you're just starting to work out, learning how to use fitness equipment, it can be intimidating. So download the FitBot app and access step-by-step instructions and video demos of machines so you feel like a pro. Whether you're working out at home, a gym, or a college dorm, the great thing about FitBot is it customizes workouts based on what equipment is available to you. Workouts adapt to your growth, so each session is challenging enough to push you to make progress. FitBod builds the plan, you build the strength. Get 25% off your FitBod subscription or try the app free for seven days at FitBod.me slash drop. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash drop. Okay, Bill, he came into your life, changed it, apparently. Let's hear it. 00:30:09 Speaker 2: Bill, I posted this stupid clip going, I'm walking here in New York City, stupid sketch. Next day I open my phone and I have like 500 new followers. I'm like, that was years ago. This is random. Oh, I'm like, Bill Burr shared it? I'm like, what the fuck? So I like DM'd him. 00:30:26 Speaker 1: What year was this, sorry? 00:30:28 Speaker 2: Seven years ago. Seven years ago, okay. 00:30:29 Speaker 1: Maybe. Did he have hair then? 00:30:31 Speaker 2: No. 00:30:31 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:30:32 Speaker 2: Maybe a light fuzz. 00:30:33 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:30:33 Speaker 2: And I go, I DM'd him. I go, hey, thanks for sharing my video. I was panicking. I didn't know what to do. And he had me laughing over here. And I was like. So I hearted it, and I'm like, put the phone away. Don't be stupid, because I want to keep going. I'm like, don't be dumb. And then his next message was, would you want to open for me? And I'm like, well, now it's a bot, and now I'm being trolled. This guy's a liar. And I was like, okay. So I sent him my phone number, text me an hour later. Hey, this is Bill. I'm actually working on some stuff right now, but I'll get back to you about dates in a bit. And I was like, okay, not going to bother Bill Burr. 00:31:05 Speaker 1: Hey, okay. 00:31:06 Speaker 2: Then I see he's in Toronto, my hometown. And I go, fuck it. fuck it. When do I, when do I ever ask? Turns out also asking for things is how you get a lot of things in comedy. So I go, hello Bill. 00:31:16 Speaker 1: I see that you're, I think also a lesson for people is the people that seem unreachable. Everyone else also has that thought process. So no one actually ever reaches out to them as much as you think they would. And they're a lot more accessible than you think. 00:31:28 Speaker 2: Especially like if he gives you your phone number, if he already said like you're, somebody already says you're funny. 00:31:32 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:31:34 Speaker 2: It wasn't like random. 00:31:34 Speaker 1: It wasn't me. 00:31:35 Speaker 2: Asking him randomly on DMS because now his DM is probably out of control. But I just wrote back, I go, hey, I see you're in Toronto at the Scotiabank Arena, which is the biggest arena we have in Canada. And I go, I'm going to be in Toronto, which I actually was. And I'd love to open for you if that offer was still standing. He goes, yeah, no problem. I'll send my manager the info. That's crazy. 19,000 people. Two nights straight. 00:31:54 Speaker 1: Oh, my God. 00:31:55 Speaker 2: I don't know. I can't explain. I also, okay, this is so embarrassing. I don't think I've ever talked about this because I was mortified. I told him I drum. I'm like, I'm trying to get into drumming. 00:32:04 Speaker 1: You just randomly, I also am a drummer. 00:32:05 Speaker 2: I want to be a drummer. My fiance just bought me a drum kit. I've been 10 years of trying to drumming. He goes, yeah, I actually got a friend of mine to come set up this drum kit. I'm going to play in the empty theater. Come by and play a bit with me. And I'm like, I've made a huge mistake. So I go, there's Bill playing. The whole fucking social media arena is empty. He's playing on the strum kit and I come up and he's like, here, here. I go, no, you get out of here, man. I can't play in. 00:32:29 Speaker 1: Front of you. 00:32:29 Speaker 2: He's like, no, no. I'm like, Please go, I can't play in front of you. So he leaves and there's this guy with a drum kit standing there. He's like, okay. And I'm like, I can't play drums, man. I don't know, I fucking panicked. Please help me here. He's like, okay, I didn't know you were a drummer. Long story short, he ends up being friends with this guy in a band, Alexis on Fire, that I knew. 00:32:46 Speaker 1: Wait, so you actually had not been practicing drumming? 00:32:48 Speaker 2: I never practiced drums. I don't know why I said that. 00:32:50 Speaker 1:

You just lied about the drumming. I said I could drum. 00:32:52 Speaker 2: I never practiced in my life. 00:32:53 Speaker 1: That's hilarious. 00:32:54 Speaker 2: I panicked. And then he laughed and I was like, ah, two seconds of drumming. 00:32:58 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:32:58 Speaker 2: So now I've taken classes since, but I'm like, I just got a new drum kit. Anyways, he laughed and he never knew that I didn't really. 00:33:03 Speaker 1: Play the drums. That's really funny. 00:33:04 Speaker 2: I was so embarrassed. Why did I say that? Like, sometimes you lie about things. Like, why am I making this? I can't back this up. 00:33:10 Speaker 1: Yeah. I tell women I'm a good person sometimes. 00:33:12 Speaker 2: That's bad. 00:33:12 Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm like, I'm a good guy. That's the worst one. 00:33:14 Speaker 2: Don't be a bad guy. 00:33:15 Speaker 1: That's actually, that's really funny. 00:33:17 Speaker 2: It was psychotic. Please stop. You're laughing so hard that it is distracting how funny you find it. So. 00:33:23 Speaker 4: Oh yeah I got a you don't laugh no it's a problem what is that I don't know I go to comedy shows and I like I can think someone's really funny and like really appreciate it but I don't I'm not. 00:33:36 Speaker 5: A laugh out loud guy you're lucky I didn't see you in a comedy store I always feel so bad I used to love when it was COVID because we could wear the mask inside the comedy store and I could just kind of watch because I appreciate it so much I'm like oh that is so intelligent I love the way they crafted. 00:33:49 Speaker 1: That oh there's the punchline and it's you literally But I'm like, I'm having a great time. 00:33:54 Speaker 2: But your tallest people can see you, so you have to make sure you're sitting in the back. You can never be up front. I know, it's bad. You'll get ripped in half. 00:33:59 Speaker 1: Yeah, so, well, I will do a.... 00:34:02 Speaker 2: Okay, that's not bad. 00:34:04 Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. 00:34:04 Speaker 2: A couple of those, even like one or two hand, even like a. 00:34:07 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:34:07 Speaker 2: One of those, one of those is good. 00:34:09 Speaker 1: I do feel bad. The one like crossover we have, I've only done stand-up a handful of times, and pretty much the first time I ever did it, I got, it was at the comedy store in like the smaller room, the belly room. The belly room, yeah. And I got bumped by Bill Burr. And so he goes up and he Tommy guns for about 20 minutes. And then I go up after as a guy that doesn't know how to form a sentence apparently. And I'm just like, guys, just as a group, this isn't going to be good. Especially after what you just saw. And then there's also such a thing where people have laughed so much they're kind of done with it. 00:34:46 Speaker 2: Yes. 00:34:47 Speaker 1: And I'm going up with jokes that aren't funny and just being like, You got what you paid for. 00:34:54 Speaker 2: You're done now. Let's all go home. Yeah, yeah. 00:34:56

Speaker 1: But I still had to get up there and. 00:34:59 Speaker 2: That is... I'm glad you pointed that out. Sometimes I feel like that is very true, especially at the comedy store when they've seen like banger after banger. Like I'll go on at like 11.30 after they've already seen like every single person in the lineup. And then I'm like. 00:35:11 Speaker 2: What do you want from me? 00:35:12 Speaker 1: You can get laughed out. 00:35:13 Speaker 2: It's three hours in. You're fucking tired. You haven't gone to the bathroom once. You're like, who is she? I think I know her from TikTok. Like, you're confused. 00:35:22 Speaker 1: I also didn't, like, I was young, but I didn't know. It was my first time at the comedy store. And I was, you know, very excited, very famous place. It was killer, killer, killer. And then I didn't realize there wasn't an end to the show, essentially. So I'm there at, like, hour four. 00:35:36 Speaker 2: I'm like, no, no, no. 00:35:38 Speaker 1: And there's no one there. And it's just me. And there's a guy that's a school teacher. And he's saying jokes that aren't funny. But I'm trying to be supportive. But also, I'm like, I don't want to be rude and leave. 00:35:47 Speaker 2: No, no, no. 00:35:48 Speaker 1: Good job. 00:35:49 Speaker 2: Yeah. You've got to go. You can leave at that point. 00:35:51 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:35:51 Speaker 2: Because at that point, you're not helping anyways. Yeah. Just by being a body in a room. Yeah, I'm just not waiting to go. 00:35:58 Speaker 1: That guy just shouted vagina and thought it was funny. 00:36:00 Speaker 2: Yeah. At that point, people are getting desperate, too. 00:36:03 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. It was very interesting. But okay, so... Was that, you do the arena. 00:36:09 Speaker 2: Do the arena. And then I was in his movie, Old Dads. 00:36:13 Speaker 1: Nice. 00:36:14 Speaker 2: He wrote me into that. I played a little wacky character. 00:36:16 Speaker 1: I auditioned for that movie. 00:36:18 Speaker 2: Did you? 00:36:18 Speaker 1: Didn't even get close to a callback. 00:36:20 Speaker 2: Here's what I'm realizing. Unless you know somebody in that TV show or are good friends with them, it's very hard to get a part. 00:36:30 Speaker 1: I've realized that. That is the antithesis of just L.A. in general. It is. 00:36:35 Speaker 2: Yeah. And I feel like any part I've ever gotten, I've either known somebody or my audition was like for... I didn't know Shane when I got Tyrus. 00:36:44 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:36:45 Speaker 2: I was like... I think I was the only person, one of the only, I guess, more brought back characters that wasn't good friends with him. I just. 00:36:54 Speaker 1: Which I don't think is telling people don't do the work. 00:36:57 Speaker 2: I'm not saying that at all. 00:36:58 Speaker 1: But I think you have to do the work and then it also, there's a little bit of luck, but you have to be prepared for when the luck comes to you. Because then it's like, okay, I can perform now. I got this break. I can't squander it because they don't come very often. 00:37:10 Speaker 2: No, but I will say there are other parts where like, you know, I was up for something pretty big. I'm not going to get into it, but I found out that the part went to this person's. Best friend. And I was like, well, I was never going to get it then. I had like six callbacks. I was never going to get it. Never. 00:37:28 Speaker 1: And then you just go home. 00:37:30 Speaker 2: And I cry and I cry. And I'm like, that would have changed my career. I wouldn't be here right now. 00:37:35 Speaker 1: You wouldn't be on this stupid show. 00:37:37 Speaker 2: I would be. I would be. I don't know what I would be. I'd be in a much better place probably. 00:37:42 Speaker 1: But anyways. And then your agent manager is just going to be like, but they are going to remember you. 00:37:46 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:37:46 Speaker 1: You left an impression. 00:37:47 Speaker 2: Yeah, sure. 00:37:48 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:37:49 Speaker 2: Anything I get now, I know I have a chance if it's like, hey, they asked for this or they're like, I got an offer on the other day for a cartoon. Love an offer only. 00:37:57 Speaker 1: That's cool. 00:37:58 Speaker 2: Where I played literally me. 00:38:00 Speaker 1: Have you done a lot of voiceover? 00:38:02 Speaker 2: I wish I did more. I feel like I have a good voice for it. 00:38:04 Speaker 1: Great voice for it. 00:38:04 Speaker 2: It's hard to get into voice. God, it's hard. I've been trying for 20, what? I'm almost 25 years in now. 25 years I've been trying. 00:38:10 Speaker 1: I can't imagine in two years not everything's just going to be AI voiced. Just voiceover especially. 00:38:16 Speaker 2: That's so fucking shitty. 00:38:16 Speaker 1: I feel like that's going to be the easiest for them to take over. Does that make sense? 00:38:20 Speaker 2: I hate that. That's so sad. You know Sherry O'Terry? 00:38:23 Speaker 1: Nope. 00:38:24 Speaker 2: From SNL? She was like super spartan. Yep. 00:38:27 Speaker 1: Okay. I'm really bad with names. 00:38:29 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:38:29 Speaker 1: Great with, if you tell me information. 00:38:30 Speaker 2: She's so fucking funny. I see her. We passed the voiceover the other day. I get in and she came out of the room and I was like, oh my God. I don't like fangirling a lot, but there's certain people I fangirl. She's one of them. I go, hi, are they fun in there? 00:38:40 Speaker 1: She goes, yeah. 00:38:41 Speaker 2: She goes, what's your name? I go, Steph. She went, Seth? 00:38:43 Speaker 1: And I went, And I drum. 00:38:45 Speaker 2: I just said, I don't know why. I'm like, I'm drumming Seth. And she shook my hand. Big fan. And she's like, all right. I made her so uncomfortable. I'm like, why did I do that? 00:38:53 Speaker 1: It could have been. 00:38:53 Speaker 2: A nice interaction. 00:38:54 Speaker 1: You just like neck kiss her. She's like, now it's a crime. 00:38:58 Speaker 2: So awkward.

00:39:00 Speaker 1: Okay, filth queen. Explain. Explain? Why do you think you're so filthy? 00:39:06 Speaker 2: Here's my explanation. 00:39:07 Speaker 1: Because I think, anyway, go ahead. I'll give my breakdown after, but go ahead. 00:39:12 Speaker 2: This is what I say for myself. I don't, if you see my stand-up live, even my crowd works dirty. I'm not trying to be dirty. I think, like, I fucked my fiance the first night I met him. I'm a pervert. 00:39:25 Speaker 1: Let's cut to a clip. 00:39:28 Speaker 2: I'm a pervert. I always think, like this since middle school. My nickname was Sven Fallopian Tubes Nipple. My old email address is Sven underscore nipple. 00:39:37 Speaker 1: Do you find yourself actually actively very horny or you just find the dirty jokes funny? 00:39:41 Speaker 2: Both. 00:39:42 Speaker 1: Awesome. 00:39:42 Speaker 2: And I'm not even like... It's not like I even find them funny. My favorite comic right now is like Rory Scoville. He's not very dirty. But I'm like, I just like that. And I think I make my... dirtiness, a little silly, so it's not so fucking nasty, but I'm not trying to think like this. Every time I write a joke, I'm like, oh, let's do another labia riff. I don't want to, I know there's nothing to talk about, but this is just like what comes naturally. 00:40:05 Speaker 1: The labia liaison, that's what they should call you. 00:40:07 Speaker 2: That's good. That's good. The labia liaison, that's good. 00:40:11 Speaker 1: That's your next special. 00:40:11 Speaker 2: That might be, actually. I'm like, that might be, that's pretty, I'm going to be stealing that. I'll give you credit. 00:40:16 Speaker 1: It's okay. They're going to be like, who? Who? 00:40:20 Speaker 2: That's my thing is I'm not trying to be dirty. I just am. 00:40:24 Speaker 1: Yeah, I get it. 00:40:25 Speaker 2: And recently, especially talking more about like my labia and how it's supposed to look and whatever, more women are like really supportive of how I'm being so open about how it doesn't look like it's supposed to look or whatever. Society thinks it's supposed to look. 00:40:40 Speaker 1: It just looks like a landmine hit it. 00:40:43 Speaker 2: Worse than a landmine. 00:40:43 Speaker 1: Oh my God. 00:40:44 Speaker 2: A couple landmines. 00:40:45 Speaker 1: That's beautiful. Yeah. Sometimes you got to peel back the layers. 00:40:50 Speaker 2: Literally, it's like a blooming onion down there. 00:40:51 Speaker 1: That's beautiful. What was I going to say? Is it weird? Not weird, but we're not, I try not to, I don't know. I try to be funny sometimes, but I don't like categories myself maybe as a comedian in the same sense that you are. But people that are trying to be funny, at least online or in front of people, you know, I'm a semi-normal person off camera. And when people come up to you, is it like they just like, hundred percent like, yeah, your vagina. And you're like, okay, it's a Tuesday at noon. 00:41:25 Speaker 2: A lot. 00:41:25

Speaker 1: What is that like? 00:41:26 Speaker 2: It's bizarre, especially in like in person when they're saying something like that. Um, but normally it's nice. I have like, I'd say my fan, I don't know my fan base at all now. I don't know what's happening. I, there's an older couple at the airport today. Like I'm talking like, they were like, we're huge fans. And I was like, Mima, like old. I'm like, I don't know where I'm, what, what's happening, but it's not that bad after my shows. It is. In the meet and greet lines. That's when people are like, you want to see my hemorrhoids? I'm like, I don't want to see your hemorrhoids. Please, please put them away. 00:41:55 Speaker 1: Do you find it when you do self-deprecating humor, it feels like sometimes the fans can also pile on and be like, yeah, you are. And you're like, it's rude. 00:42:05 Speaker 2: I'm actually very sensitive. As much as I'm crass and make fun of myself, if you DM me something really mean, I might cry. I get a lot of mean shit. Actually, it was funny one yesterday. Somebody said, put your honker here, and emailed me, and it was just a photo of their ass, but like in pants, but with a big wedgie. 00:42:24 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:42:25 Speaker 2: But I couldn't tell if it was trolling or trying to be funny. 00:42:28 Speaker 1: They don't know either. What is that? 00:42:30 Speaker 2: Emailing me, the. 00:42:31 Speaker 1: Headline, put your honker here. Emailing it makes it a lot funnier? 00:42:34 Speaker 2: It does. And then it said, if you need somewhere to sit, I want you to put your, something like a sit on my, I want to sit on your honker or something like that. 00:42:43 Speaker 1: So they want your nose in there, and then that made you weep. 00:42:48 Speaker 2: That did, that made me laugh. 00:42:49 Speaker 1: Okay, good. 00:42:49 Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll get like just a DM that's just like, you're so fucking ugly. I'm like, okay. Or the other day this guy said, I can't believe anyone puts a dick in you. And I went on his page and he had like two white eyes, like a white walker. I'm like, you've got, how can you even see any of those? 00:43:03 Speaker 1: Yeah, I try not to put a lot of energy into it because it is someone just sitting there. Because imagine any sensible person that you know. 00:43:10 Speaker 2: No, it's crazy. 00:43:11 Speaker 1: Pulling out their phone and being like, you're ugly. And then putting it away. Like you would never... exist in the same orbit as that person. 00:43:17 Speaker 2: But where are they, though? Who are these people? That's what I want to know. 00:43:20 Speaker 1: That one was me, but everyone else you're talking about, I don't know who it was. 00:43:23 Speaker 2: That was your ass? 00:43:25 Speaker 1: Mine was a... Yes. Well, I BCC'd in like. 00:43:28 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did see the BCC. 00:43:30 Speaker 1: Yeah, because I was trying to do an arena. I was trying to open for you an arena. 00:43:33 Speaker 2: Well, we'll see. 00:43:34 Speaker 1: Yeah, take your time. 00:43:35 Speaker 2: I feel like... I always say that if anyone's listening, and no matter if it's your wife, your girlfriend, if you see someone doing that, don't stay with that person. That's crazy. Could you imagine walking in and seeing your soulmate commenting on some woman, you ugly fucking bitch? You'd be like, what is this? 00:43:54 Speaker 1: It's so strange. She was ugly. 00:43:56 Speaker 2: She was ugly. 00:43:57 Speaker 1: First of all, you nailed it, but that's not how we treat other women, sweet girl. Now let's go get some fro-yo. 00:44:02 Speaker 2: There you go. 00:44:03 Speaker 1: What is your fro-yo toppings? This is a deep show. 00:44:06 Speaker 2: All of them. 00:44:07 Speaker 1: Go back to roommates. 00:44:08 Speaker 2: Go back to roommates. Oh, when I lived with all those guys. 00:44:11 Speaker 1: Oh, it was guys. For some reason, when you said you were in college, it was the eight women. I thought it was the eight women, but it was guys. 00:44:16 Speaker 2: No, it was guys. It was all guys. Yeah. Three layers. I ended up dating one for five years. 00:44:20 Speaker 1: In the home? 00:44:21 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. One of them was my boyfriend. 00:44:24 Speaker 1: Bizarre. How much? 00:44:25 Speaker 2: Didn't have a sense of smell. 00:44:27 Speaker 1: He didn't. 00:44:28 Speaker 2: Oh, I farted all the time. 00:44:29 Speaker 1: Oh, dude. COVID patient zero. 00:44:31 Speaker 2: No. Oh, way before COVID. I farted during sex all the time. Could he hear? Yeah, but he's never smelt in his life. 00:44:39 Speaker 1: But yes, but even. 00:44:41 Speaker 2: Even what? Picture this. You've never smelt. You don't know a fart is stinky. 00:44:45 Speaker 1: But if I hear a butt queef, I'm still going to be like, why are you tooting in the bed? 00:44:48 Speaker 2: Why wouldn't I? It's funny to him. He found every fart funny. 00:44:52 Speaker 1: But if... Okay, so you're having funny sex. 00:44:54 Speaker 2: Well, I was 18 years old. I think I'm having romantic sex at 18. You don't even know what's going on yet. It's still... You're fiddling around down there. 00:45:01 Speaker 1: What I feel... I feel this more strongly that if you're 18... sex is so new, the nerves to fart, that would be a, that's a bold thing to do. 00:45:11 Speaker 2: I feel like at 18, you really don't know what's going on. Also, we had a very traumatic, the first time we had sex, I was sent to the ER because I bled so badly. I had a very thick hymen. 00:45:20 Speaker 1: I was going to say, he's the Heisman of breaking hymens. 00:45:23 Speaker 2: He broke the hymen and it was so bad, I had to literally go to the hospital and then we didn't have sex for months after that. So it was like, we had a weird relationship to be honest. So I think the farting just maybe literally loosened it up a little more. Also, picture this. 00:45:39 Speaker 1: I don't want to. 00:45:40 Speaker 2: You've never smelled in your life. I'm just saying, I'm

picturing the smell thing. Nothing is a smell. You've never smelled anything. Farting is just funny. It's just a funny sound. 00:45:49 Speaker 1: Well, I don't know. I just think I know. Like, I still know that it's like poop particles in the air while I'm trying to throw hog. 00:45:55 Speaker 2: I feel like you don't, but you don't know what a poop particle even is. 00:46:00 Speaker 1: Yes, he's not. 00:46:02 Speaker 2: Well, you don't know what a poop particle is. You've never smelled it. He only ate hot dogs and chips. 00:46:07 Speaker 1: Was this man verbal? 00:46:08 Speaker 2: He was verbal. 00:46:09 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:46:09 Speaker 2: He only ate hot dogs and chips. 00:46:11 Speaker 1: He didn't have a good body. 00:46:12 Speaker 2: He actually wasn't bad, shockingly. But he was immune to textures. 00:46:21 Speaker 1: Okay, you were blessed with the gift of not being able to smell, which means that your taste is also affected. So why would you not eat healthy at that point? 00:46:29 Speaker 2: I don't know. It was bizarre. 00:46:31 Speaker 1: So you were shacking up with a guy who would only eat hot dogs and chips. 00:46:35 Speaker 2: Pretty much, yeah. 00:46:35 Speaker 1: And you would fart on him as often as you could. 00:46:38 Speaker 2: Yep, that's correct. 00:46:39 Speaker 1: During penetration. 00:46:41 Speaker 2: That's actually exactly it. 00:46:42 Speaker 1: Let's cut to a commercial break. 00:46:42 Speaker 2: Let's cut to a clip. 00:46:45 Speaker 1: And we're back. It's just like, how do you have that? 00:46:49 Speaker 2: I was young. I was young. It's whatever. I feel like I don't know what you're doing. You're not really having. 00:46:54 Speaker 1: I know I wouldn't be farting. With Hot Dog Boy. 00:46:57 Speaker 2: You know what? 00:46:57 Speaker 1: You don't know. 00:46:59 Speaker 2: During? 00:46:59 Speaker 1: Yes. 00:47:00 Speaker 2: I try not to. 00:47:01 Speaker 1: But if it sneaks out? 00:47:03 Speaker 2: If it sneaks out, it sneaks out. But I'm actively holding it. 00:47:06 Speaker 1: And you're like, sorry, baby. 00:47:08 Speaker 2: No, no. Jefferson would not be okay with it. He would be very mad if I farted in bed. He's a very clean man. When I fart in general, he doesn't like it. And he thinks that's going to affect me and it makes me laugh and I do it more to annoy him. 00:47:23 Speaker 1: You guys have reversed roles a little bit. 00:47:24 Speaker 2: We have big time reversed roles. He hates me. 00:47:26 Speaker 1: Have you ever heard him lay out a toot? 00:47:29 Speaker 2: Always. 00:47:29 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:47:29 Speaker 2: Not always. Oh, we're farting a lot. Yeah. Well, I'm marrying somebody. I'm not farting around. I will die on this hill. If you're not farting in front of your significant other after years, something's fucking wrong with you. In Filth Queen, I address this. Couples, 10 years, women right into the other room, your stomach. 00:47:47 Speaker 1: Where can people see Filth Queen? 00:47:49 Speaker

2: On Netflix. Go watch it. 00:47:50 Speaker 1: Nice plug. Oh, wait, what was I going to say here? Uh, wait, wait, wait. 00:47:53 Speaker 2: Did you not fart in front of your soulmate? I'm not saying forcing them. I'm saying. 00:47:57 Speaker 1: I'm not a big farter. I also don't... Okay. 00:48:00 Speaker 2: Did she fart in front of you? 00:48:01 Speaker 1: No. 00:48:02 Speaker 2: Never? Never. I don't trust couples. 00:48:04 Speaker 1: I'm sure she did, though. 00:48:06 Speaker 2: Of course she did. You're not going to hold a man all day. 00:48:09 Speaker 1: But I don't think she made it a... Like, I don't think she, like, would love to. At what point with a normal relationship should the first fart be initiated? 00:48:20 Speaker 2: I'm farting pretty goddamn soon. I'm a gassy gal. 00:48:24 Speaker 1: I picked the fart. 00:48:25 Speaker 2: I'm a gassy gal. 00:48:26 Speaker 1: I've tasted it today. 00:48:27 Speaker 2: I actually shockingly haven't farted yet. I wouldn't fart on your podcast. 00:48:31 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. 00:48:32 Speaker 2: I'm not that gross. In this room, no. There's no air circulation. On this? 00:48:36 Speaker 1: A closed car, no farting. 00:48:38 Speaker 2: No, I don't do cars. I'm from a family of farters. I feel like we're the clumps. We have been farting our whole life, so I've always found it funny. 00:48:46 Speaker 1: Would you fart at a restaurant? 00:48:48 Speaker 2: No, that's gross. 00:48:48 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:48:49 Speaker 2: No, I'm not gross. I'm just saying, if I'm in my own goddamn house. 00:48:53 Speaker 1: You're not gross. Filth Queen is the name of the special. 00:48:56 Speaker 2: No, I'm not like a gross person in general. I'm very clean. I shower two, three times a day. Two or three times? I'm always showering now. 00:49:02 Speaker 1: What's the third time for? 00:49:03 Speaker 2: Every time I shit, I shower now because that's what Jefferson does. So now it's trained me and it's nice. 00:49:08 Speaker 1: Have you thought about introducing a bidet into your home? 00:49:11 Speaker 2: Yeah, we got one. It doesn't matter. 00:49:12 Speaker 1: Bidet and the shower seems excessive. It's nice. I've been trying to lead people into the bidet circuit. 00:49:19 Speaker 2: How people think no to this this is. 00:49:20 Speaker 1: Have you have you okay you get a little poo-poo on your hand imagine that let's just wipe it till we don't see it definitely still there i'd wash my hands we're gonna do the same thing for the sphincter i don't think so let's throw some water up there oh it's gay. 00:49:32 Speaker 2: Is that why people are doing. 00:49:34 Speaker 1: It i've heard many of men say that feels gay. 00:49:38 Speaker 2: That's the craziest thing to say for that. 00:49:41 Speaker 1: There's a man in this office who thinks that. 00:49:43 Speaker 2: That's... Bring them in right now. They need help. They need to go to a therapist. 00:49:47 Speaker 1: Are you serious? Riley, can you find Gabe, please? 00:49:51

Speaker 2: Bring Gabe in here right now. Gabe? 00:49:54 Speaker 1: And here's the thing about Gabe, and I don't know if... I don't know if he wants this on there. He has Crohn's. So he is absolutely... Then he's the number one... He's throwing mud about absolutely as much as someone can. 00:50:06 Speaker 2: He needs... He needs a bidet installed now. 00:50:11 Speaker 1: Yeah. And we have them in the office. He could use them anytime. 00:50:14 Speaker 2: First of all, it's also like, why are men so offended by anything back there being gay? A woman's finger isn't gay. 00:50:22 Speaker 1: I will say this. 00:50:23 Speaker 2: Water, not gay. 00:50:24 Speaker 1: I have heard that the participation of a finger is quite positive for the male experience. 00:50:30 Speaker 2: If you want that, yes. 00:50:32 Speaker 1: I'm a little scared to do it. 00:50:34 Speaker 2: Because of the poopoo caca or because you think it's gay? 00:50:36 Speaker 1: I don't think it's gay because it's with a woman. But I think you were trained almost your whole life to be like, don't put something up your butt. Yes, I understand that. But then you're like, it's a little demasculating. 00:50:45 Speaker 2: But it's also, that's where your button is in there. That's where your. 00:50:51 Speaker 1: Don't call it my button. 00:50:52 Speaker 2: I don't know what it's called. Your prostate. 00:50:54 Speaker 1: Gabe, get in here. 00:50:55 Speaker 2: Get your ass in here right now. 00:50:57 Speaker 1: Come sit down. 00:50:58 Speaker 2: Get in here right now. Gabe, I can't believe this. Sit down. 00:51:01 Speaker 3: I don't know what's happening. 00:51:02 Speaker 2: No, you're going to learn. Sit down. 00:51:04 Speaker 1: Gabe. 00:51:06 Speaker 2: Now I'm taking my progress. 00:51:07 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:51:08 Speaker 2: We heard from Steph. 00:51:10 Speaker 1: By the way. 00:51:10 Speaker 2: Nice to meet you. 00:51:11 Speaker 1: You're going to have to carry a lot of this because he's going to have to use my mic. 00:51:13 Speaker 2: I'm carrying the whole thing. You have Crohn's. Sorry if you have Crohn's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:51:17 Speaker 3: No, go ahead. 00:51:18 Speaker 2: Sorry. A lot of people do. I have IBS. I'm shitting all the time. Okay, great. I can't believe I'm wearing white. Nightmare. Yeah, there's probably shit. 00:51:24 Speaker 3: I don't have that problem. 00:51:26 Speaker 2: Well, I do. Anyways, you do not have a bidet. because you think it's homosexual? Is this what we've come to hear? 00:51:34 Speaker 1: This is what we've been told. Not that he's scared to be a homosexual. 00:51:38 Speaker 2: What do you think? 00:51:40 Speaker 6: So I was at an Asian friend's house of mine a few years ago, and they have the one where you press the button on the wall, and it heats it up, and it does the whole thing. 00:51:49 Speaker 3: And I actually have a video of my reaction. No, we don't need that. No, it was just my face. 00:51:53 Speaker 2: And you're orgasmic. 00:51:55 Speaker 3: No, I was not. 00:51:56 Speaker 1: I was disturbed. 00:51:57 Speaker 3: I was uncomfortable and scared and. 00:52:00 Speaker 2: And scared of having the cleanest asshole you possibly could have. 00:52:03 Speaker 1: Because I just spoke to her about, again, if you had poop on your hand and you just wiped it until you didn't see it, you would know your hand is still dirty. 00:52:10 Speaker 3: Yes, you know, totally. 00:52:11 Speaker 2: But here's the thing. I understand the first time your ass is being blasted with this water, it's a lot. Also, if it was an Asian friend, it was probably a very high-end system. But not all like that. You get a regular one. 00:52:22 Speaker 3: I was given one as a groomsman gift. 00:52:27 Speaker 2: And you have not used it. 00:52:28 Speaker 6: I installed it at my house and then I moved and left it because it. 00:52:32 Speaker 3: Was so uncomfortable. 00:52:33 Speaker 6: But what I would do is I would turn it on and it would spray 20 feet into the wall. 00:52:37 Speaker 2: Well, you're turning it on too high. Why don't you put a little trickle? A little water fountain like this. A nice little drizzle. You don't have to blast your ass. This is on you. You're doing this. 00:52:46 Speaker 3: I don't want to feel anything. 00:52:48 Speaker 1: It's not about the feeling. 00:52:49 Speaker 2: It's about the cleanliness. Are you single? 00:52:52 Speaker 3: Yes. Well, get a clean ass. 00:52:54 Speaker 2: Do you know if you're single or not? What's going on right now? 00:52:57 Speaker 1: That's crazy. 00:52:57 Speaker 2: No, I'm not single. 00:52:58 Speaker 3: I have a girlfriend. 00:53:00 Speaker 2: You have a girlfriend. Okay. So you're straight. 00:53:02 Speaker 3: There you go. 00:53:03 Speaker 1: Yes. 00:53:03 Speaker 2: If you're questioning that, that's what you're worried about. You don't think your girlfriend would want a clean ass. 00:53:08 Speaker 1: He's thinking the water might make him question it. He's not questioning it now. 00:53:11 Speaker 3: No, not even that. 00:53:13 Speaker 2: Then what? What? 00:53:14 Speaker 3: I don't know. I just don't want to feel stuff down there. 00:53:17 Speaker 2: You're a hairy man. I can tell by your head and your chin. I know your ass hair. It's out of fucking control. 00:53:22 Speaker 3: She knows it? 00:53:23 Speaker 2: Yes, trust me. 00:53:24 Speaker 1: She drew it from memory earlier. 00:53:25 Speaker 2: I've sniffed around a lot of butts in my life. 00:53:27 Speaker 3: You sniffed around? 00:53:28 Speaker 2: I've been in a lot of butts in my day. You have a hairy asshole, I can just tell. You must get the water back there and just spray the shit off. It's not being clean. Are you showering after your shits? 00:53:37 Speaker 3: I'm just going to shower later. Later? 00:53:39 Speaker 2: Not after your shits! What are you talking about, man? 00:53:43 Speaker 1: You can't just say, do you even wipe at this point? 00:53:45 Speaker 3: No, listen. 00:53:46 Speaker 2:

How many shits are you doing a day with Crocs? 00:53:48 Speaker 3: Six. 00:53:49 Speaker 2: Oh my God. I'm just kidding. I'm going to go install one of your asses right now. 00:53:53 Speaker 1: I'm kidding. 00:53:53 Speaker 3: Probably once or twice. 00:53:54 Speaker 2: Once or twice. So you're right now, you're pooing your ass. Right now. 00:53:58 Speaker 6: Essentially, along with every other person on the planet. 00:54:01 Speaker 1: No, we all have the days. 00:54:03 Speaker 3: Okay, what about the little wipey things that's kind of wet? 00:54:06 Speaker 2: Are you using those? 00:54:07 Speaker 1: Every day? 00:54:08 Speaker 2: Every time you should? 00:54:08 Speaker 3: When I'm here. 00:54:09 Speaker 1: When you're here. And you just learned about them when you started working here. 00:54:13 Speaker 3: No, I've always known about it. I just didn't have them. 00:54:15 Speaker 1: Okay, it's the same thing. 00:54:16 Speaker 2: Okay, so when you're doing that, are you not doing a nice little caress down there? You're not going in hot. 00:54:21 Speaker 3: It's the same thing as the toilet paper. 00:54:25 Speaker 2: That quickly? 00:54:25 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:54:26 Speaker 2: If that's how you're wiping? 00:54:28 Speaker 1: You windshield wiper it and you head out? 00:54:29 Speaker 2: What are you talking about? 00:54:30 Speaker 1: Do you even look? You have to peek. 00:54:31 Speaker 2: No, you need a bidet. This is unbelievable behavior. 00:54:33 Speaker 3: I have one. It's just at someone else's house. 00:54:35 Speaker 2: Then buy a new one. They're $ 20. I don't want one. Get your girlfriend on the phone. 00:54:41 Speaker 3: She's on the phone. She's listening. 00:54:42 Speaker 1: Is she really? 00:54:44 Speaker 3: I think she's listening in the other room. 00:54:45 Speaker 1: Did you hear you say that you were single? 00:54:47 Speaker 3: No, it was a brain fart. 00:54:48 Speaker 1: Okay, sure. Well, you wouldn't wipe that either. 00:54:50 Speaker 2: Put some water on that. Hold on. 00:54:52 Speaker 1: He said, moving on. Can you do something for us? Can you just go try out the bidet really quick and then come back and give us the information while we close out? 00:54:58 Speaker 3: Are you for real? 00:54:59 Speaker 1: Is that okay? 00:55:00 Speaker 3: I don't think I want to. 00:55:01 Speaker 1: Okay, that's only fine. 00:55:03 Speaker 3: You're just fired. 00:55:03 Speaker 2: You know what? It's not gay. 00:55:04 Speaker 3: Would you guys actually use it every time? 00:55:06 Speaker 2: Every time I should, I use a bidet. So does my fiance. So does he. And guess what? We have clean butts. You, on the other hand, crusted ass. I don't need a clean butt. 00:55:14 Speaker 1: I don't need it. 00:55:15 Speaker 2: Don't say that. 00:55:16 Speaker 1: Why don't you? 00:55:16 Speaker 3: Because listen, my hands, they need to be clean because I touch, I eat, whatever. That has to be clean. My butt, I'm not touching anything with my butt. 00:55:23 Speaker 1: Do you wipe with your gloves on? No. 00:55:25 Speaker 2: Does your girlfriend not suck your balls? What? 00:55:28 Speaker 1: He's saving himself from marriage. 00:55:30 Speaker 2: I'm a virgin. 00:55:30 Speaker 1: Okay. Is this serious? This is not a bit. He's a virgin. 00:55:33 Speaker 2: This is real? Yeah. 00:55:35 Speaker 3: I've done nothing sexual in my whole life. 00:55:38 Speaker 1: Don't you pressure him. 00:55:39 Speaker 2: Don't you pressure him. I didn't say anything. 00:55:41 Speaker 1: 25. 00:55:42 Speaker 2: 25. And is she also a virgin? 00:55:45 Speaker 3: Yes, I think. 00:55:45 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:55:46 Speaker 2: You don't know anything about this woman. It's almost as if she's not real. 00:55:51 Speaker 1: He doesn't know if he's dating her. 00:55:52 Speaker 2: Okay, okay. Okay, well, that changes things. 00:55:54 Speaker 3: I've never been put on the spot like this. 00:55:56 Speaker 1: This is a lot. We will say this is a lot. 00:55:58 Speaker 3: I'm flustered. 00:55:59 Speaker 2: I will say, okay, you know what? This is changing it for me now. To be honest, I didn't know that you've had nothing. I assumed she was down there sucking your taint, licking your balls, getting close to the asshole. If this isn't happening, then guess what? Maybe you can have a dirty butt. 00:56:12 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:56:12 Speaker 2: That's changing. 00:56:13 Speaker 3: There's no, there's no need for it to be clean. 00:56:15 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:56:15 Speaker 3: Also, how's the pepper going to come out of here if there's no grinder? These are full. 00:56:19 Speaker 2: That's what you have to take away from all this? That's what I think. That's what you have to take. Also, the fact that you're wearing a mental health matter shirt is hilarious. 00:56:26 Speaker 1: Your shirt says mental health matters, but physical health means nothing. 00:56:29 Speaker 3: Mental health doesn't matter. I just like the camo. 00:56:31 Speaker 1: Okay. 00:56:32 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:56:32 Speaker 1: Thank you. All right. 00:56:33 Speaker 2: Thanks, Gabe. 00:56:34 Speaker 1: You're okay. We had a great time with you. All right. 00:56:36 Speaker 2: Thank you. Sorry about all that. No, you're good. 00:56:37 Speaker 1: This was amazing. I'm sorry. I just got to do some rapid fires before we get you the hell out of here. Okay. How does a girl who isn't Scottish get into competitive Highland dancing? 00:56:50 Speaker 2: It doesn't make any sense. My grandmother forced my mom into it. 00:56:53 Speaker 1: Great. You were aspiring Guinness World Record breaker? 00:56:57 Speaker 2: Where did you guys get these facts from? 00:56:59 Speaker 1: Is that a fake fact? 00:57:00 Speaker 2: No. I was trying to grow my armpit hair out in grade eight because it was growing at quite a speed that I didn't think was normal. So I was going to try to grow it out and see if I could be the longest. armpit hair. 00:57:13 Speaker 1: And that is a perfect time for every one of your peers going

through puberty to not make fun of you. 00:57:17 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:57:18 Speaker 1: Your podcast, Steph Infection, is all about bodily ailments. You apparently had a gnarly case of pink eye. 00:57:26 Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Jefferson jizzed in my eye one of the first times we hooked up and it was like, sperm can actively live in your eyeball for quite some time. It's an open hole. Sorry to say it again. But they were swimming around and it became quite infected and it's hard to Get sperm out of your eye. 00:57:49 Speaker 1: I need to hear how you saved someone's life from a toilet seat. 00:57:52 Speaker 2: From a toilet seat? 00:57:54 Speaker 1: You were on the toilet and somebody fell through the roof. 00:57:57 Speaker 2: Oh, I was, no, I was holding in my shit. I couldn't shit when I was a kid. And I was sitting cross-legged in Scotland at this gift shop. I couldn't shit publicly when I was a kid. Anyways. I was sitting and this woman fell 10 feet to the ceiling and landed on my large child body and I saved her life. 00:58:15 Speaker 1: No followups. So this show is called dropouts, not only because I'm a college dropout, but because I decided to drop out of other people's expectations. So my last question that we ask all the guests is what was your dropout moment? It could be something simple. It can be something big. 00:58:28 Speaker 2: What was my dropout moment? I mean, I, I've wanted to quit comedy several times, several times. I feel like my big dropout moment, my mom really wanted me to be a Highland dancing teacher. She wanted me to take over her dancing school. And I did start teaching in high school. I was teaching some kids in our basement. But then I got into Humber. Because at that point, if I didn't get into anything, there would have been a big switch of careers. I wanted to be a radio DJ at some point. Could you believe that? After all I've been through. 00:59:00 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to Da-Da-Da-Da-Da. Today we have Taylor Swift right after a little Ed Sheeran. 00:59:06 Speaker 2: But I feel like after getting three rejections and then getting the one comedy thing, that kind of did it. 00:59:15 Speaker 1: That's cool. Okay, where should people find you? Is there anything happening where they need to? 00:59:21 Speaker 2: Yeah, Instagram is where I have all my stuff, all my tour dates. I'm on tour for the rest of my life. 00:59:27 Speaker 1: Oh, nice. 00:59:27 Speaker 2: I will be on tour. So please come see me live on the road. It's much more fun than this. 00:59:31 Speaker 1: Is that on our website? 00:59:32 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all on my Instagram. The link in my bio is all there. And my podcast, Step Infection Witch, if you want to come do it. 00:59:37 Speaker 1: If you ever want me, I'm there. 00:59:38 Speaker 2: Do you have body issues? 00:59:41 Speaker 1: I can find some. 00:59:42 Speaker 2: Go get a couple. Have Gabe throw some of these giant peppercorns in your eye. 00:59:46 Speaker 1: I will do that. Or we could have your fiancé take a gander at my eyes. 00:59:50 Speaker 2: There we go. 00:59:51 Speaker 1: Thank you for being here today. 00:59:52 Speaker 2: Thanks for having me. 00:59:52 Speaker 1: I appreciate you. 00:59:53 Speaker 2: Thank you. 00:59:54 Speaker 1: Go follow her. Link's in the description. I love God. I love you. 00:59:58 Speaker 2: Bye. Two hours later. You know what's going to happen? You're going to turn 30 and be a fucking pervert. You're going to be crazy. 01:00:05 Speaker 3: I'm saving myself for marriage. 01:00:06 Speaker 2: And then, no, then you're going to be a... Why do I have to be a. 01:00:08 Speaker 3: You're going to be hanging. 01:00:09 Speaker 2: From the ceiling with your fucking nuts and a vice is what's going to be happening. You're going to be hanging your cock and balls from the ceiling. 01:00:14 Speaker 3: Like, me and my wife are going to set that up? 01:00:16 Speaker 1: That's what. 01:00:17 Speaker 2: Yes, you are. There's a lot of... Seriously? I'm going to send you to sleep. I'm going to send it to you. 01:00:22 Speaker 3: That's going to kill me. 01:00:23 Speaker 2: You're going to put a little cage around your cock and balls. 01:00:27 Speaker 3: And I'm going to hang from it. It's not going to kill me? You're going to come. From hanging. 01:00:35 Speaker 2: You do that with your husband. 01:00:36 Speaker 1: I don't do that. 01:00:38 Speaker 2: That's crazy. 01:00:39 Speaker 3: So why would I do that? Because you've been depraved. 01:00:42 Speaker 2: You're saving it all up. Once you release it at this old age, you're going to be moved. Your nuts are going to be dragged and they're going to be sucked on. 01:00:52 Speaker 1: All right, guys. Come on, Gabe. I'm sorry. Please subscribe to this podcast. It really helps us out. And also give us five stars and a little review. And I'll come over there and kiss you. Unless you don't want that. Then I'll hug you. Unless you don't want that. Then I'll wave from afar. Also, we're taking questions from you. We want to include you guys in the show, so leave your questions, life advice, anything you guys want us to weigh in on. It can be deep. It can be trivial. It can be funny. It can be sad. It can be anything. Just send us a little email at podcast at dropoutsmedia.com, and we'll include you in the show.