People-Pleasing, Perfectionism & Survival Mode: Why You're Not the Problem: täielik transkriptsioon

understanding that we're not just heads walking 00:04:45.164 --> 00:04:49.014 around on these bones and tissues and things. 00:04:49.339 --> 00:04:55.564 That our body is actually a very important part of how we make decisions, 00:04:56.064 --> 00:04:57.384 how we feel, how we think. 00:04:57.704 --> 00:05:02.104 A very important part of our being. And we can actually use it when we learn 00:05:02.104 --> 00:05:04.264 to understand it and speak its language. 00:05:04.653 --> 00:05:10.444 We can actually use it as a much more reliable compass and guide than our mind could ever be. 00:05:10.884 --> 00:05:16.644 And so somatics really teaches how we can understand what's going on in the 00:05:16.644 --> 00:05:22.643 body and then how to use that in order to create, help us create the lives that we want to. 00:05:23.740 --> 00:05:28.965 As far as how I got here, you know, they say that we teach what we need to learn. 00:05:29.487 --> 00:05:34.917 And that was certainly the case for me. So, you know, my story very much mimics 00:05:35.329 --> 00:05:41.768 the book and my work, naturally, because that's how I came to build it and to put it together. 00:05:41.768 --> 00:05:49.658 But I had a lot of circumstances in my early childhood, and those circumstances 00:05:49.658 --> 00:05:54.563 caused to me to develop certain adaptations because that's what we humans do. 00:05:55.057 --> 00:05:59.598 We're constantly adapting to our circumstances and our environment. 00:05:59.598 --> 00:06:06.083 So I developed certain patterns of thought, such as, if I perfect myself, 00:06:06.745 --> 00:06:10.350 people will stop doing bad things to me. People will love me, right? 00:06:11.163 --> 00:06:16.978 Wonderful adapted thought. I developed adaptations of the nervous system. 00:06:16.978 --> 00:06:24.826 I became hypervigilant and also learned how to basically shut down when things got too much. 00:06:25.470 --> 00:06:32.698 And I developed patterns of behavior. So people-pleasing and perfectionism and emotional eating. 00:06:33.645 --> 00:06:38.161 And then I went on to build a life around those adaptations. 00:06:38.161 --> 00:06:42.422 And a life built on adaptations is not an authentic life. 00:06:42.747 --> 00:06:44.999 And it's very often a very painful life. 00:06:45.626 --> 00:06:51.216 And so the life that I created was not authentic to who I was. 00:06:51.744 --> 00:06:58.651 And I honestly looked around one day and I realized that all of the things that 00:06:58.651 --> 00:07:04.633 I thought was going to bring me happiness and peace did not. 00:07:05.405 --> 00:07:12.493 You know, I had graduated from the Harvard Law School. I was married with six beautiful children. 00:07:13.381 --> 00:07:16.861 I had a big house and, and, you know, from the outside looking in, 00:07:16.861 --> 00:07:19.163 you'd be like, oh, how lovely. 00:07:19.598 --> 00:07:21.433 And it was not lovely at all. 00:07:22.095 --> 00:07:28.211 And I was miserable. And so that's when I realized that the things that I was 00:07:28.211 --> 00:07:35.298 counting on to bring me peace, joy, happiness were not the things that were going to work. 00:07:35.792 --> 00:07:40.709 And so I was left in a space of wondering, well, now what? 00:07:41.341 --> 00:07:46.021 If that's not going to do it for me, what the hell will? And that was a very 00:07:46.021 --> 00:07:48.045 confusing and scary moment. 00:07:48.643 --> 00:07:54.134 But it was also the moment when I decided that I was going to have to figure it out. 00:07:55.022 --> 00:07:56.391 And that's when I dove into the 00:07:56.391 --> 00:08:02.679 world of behavior change and trauma and somatics and the nervous system. 00:08:03.335 --> 00:08:10.351 And through that exploration for myself, I learned what I needed to in order to. 00:08:11.565 --> 00:08:16.464 Start to shift my life into something that was true to, to who I am. 00:08:17.091 --> 00:08:23.750 And it took a while, but eventually I left my career and began practicing because 00:08:23.750 --> 00:08:29.927 I thought, man, if one person can have the experience that I had, it's totally worth it. 00:08:30.437 --> 00:08:33.700 It, it is a completely different life over here. 00:08:34.251 --> 00:08:40.460 And it is my absolute joy to get up and, and show other people through the framework, 00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:41.980 how they can have that for. 00:08:41.980 --> 00:08:45.870 Themselves trauma really does haunt people 00:08:46.456 --> 00:08:50.950 in a lot of ways like in like straight up right it's something that you can't 00:08:50.950 --> 00:08:56.420 quite see but is there it appears when you're getting comfortable and scares 00:08:56.420 --> 00:08:57.543 the crap out of you i mean like 00:08:58.147 --> 00:09:01.380 legit that's like literally what it does so 00:09:02.110 --> 00:09:05.915 in terms of i guess my first question would be 00:09:07.240 --> 00:09:11.400 what brought you to what you're doing now like what was the the thing that you 00:09:11.400 --> 00:09:15.560 were like okay i need to understand my nervous system i need to understand how 00:09:15.560 --> 00:09:20.666 somatic works like what what gave you there instead of you know another direction 00:09:21.670 --> 00:09:27.597 Yeah. And I love this question because in all honesty, my journey looked like 00:09:27.980 --> 00:09:31.794 one of those corn mazes that we see around Halloween time. 00:09:32.131 --> 00:09:34.494 Right. It's like turn left. Nope. 00:09:34.627 --> 00:09:35.041 Okay. 00:09:35.481 --> 00:09:41.813 Oh, my boots are stuck in the mud over here. It was, I didn't know where I was headed. 00:09:42.207 --> 00:09:44.732 Right. And it was really like following breadcrumbs. 00:09:45.266 --> 00:09:48.521 And I tried on a lot of things. I tried on a lot of things that worked. 00:09:48.521 --> 00:09:50.142 I tried on a lot of things that didn't work. 00:09:50.496 --> 00:09:56.391 And what was frustrating is that there wasn't a single place where I could go

00:09:56.391 --> 00:09:59.936 to find all of the pieces kind of all in one stop. 00:10:00.516 --> 00:10:07.211 And so that's really what I wanted for in order to share with other people is 00:10:07.211 --> 00:10:12.129 kind of here's all the pieces put together because there's mind work, right? 00:10:12.518 --> 00:10:17.271 There's the somatic piece. There's the nervous system. And then underlying all 00:10:17.271 --> 00:10:19.881 of that is our adaptations. 00:10:20.891 --> 00:10:28.128 What we learned and formulated as a result of those experiences. 00:10:28.511 --> 00:10:34.009 And I just want to be really clear that we don't only adapt to trauma. 00:10:34.639 --> 00:10:38.208 We adapt to everything that we experience. 00:10:38.324 --> 00:10:43.301 So for one person, we might be talking about an adaptation they developed because 00:10:43.301 --> 00:10:47.746 the kind of care that was available wasn't the kind of care that they needed. 00:10:48.228 --> 00:10:52.881 And it wasn't that the care that was offered, you know, was necessarily negligent, 00:10:53.361 --> 00:10:56.101 or anything, but it wasn't what was needed. 00:10:56.101 --> 00:11:02.101 There wasn't that match there, right? It could be not being invited to the kindergarten birthday party. 00:11:02.101 --> 00:11:05.471 It can be being bullied at school, right? It doesn't need to be the kind of 00:11:05.471 --> 00:11:12.179 trauma that rises to a particular level in order for you to have had made these adaptations, right? 00:11:13.549 --> 00:11:17.590 I think this is so powerful. And this is, this is very, like, 00:11:17.590 --> 00:11:20.960 it gives me goosebumps to think that listeners might be hearing some of these 00:11:20.960 --> 00:11:27.440 things for the first time and be like, oh my gosh, okay, it's not just me. 00:11:27.440 --> 00:11:31.880 Or I, I, I don't feel alone in this. This is making sense. Right. 00:11:31.880 --> 00:11:34.169 And so that's exciting for me. 00:11:34.303 --> 00:11:37.977 And by the way, when you talked about corn mazes, I hate those fucking things. 00:11:38.174 --> 00:11:38.870 Right. 00:11:39.190 --> 00:11:42.679 I, those, no, I, those are hard paths for me, 00:11:43.209 --> 00:11:47.990 but that visual of what you were explaining was so apropos because it's like, 00:11:47.990 --> 00:11:49.810 yes, that's, you know, when you do, 00:11:50.310 --> 00:11:53.660 you know, get through parts of our lives, you know, some, some are smoother 00:11:53.660 --> 00:11:57.400 than others, but when you, you are in these stages where you do feel stuck and 00:11:57.400 --> 00:12:00.601 you feel like, oh my gosh, something has to change. It is like a corn maze. 00:12:01.025 --> 00:12:03.390 You know, you, you turn left and you think, okay, this is the way. 00:12:03.390 --> 00:12:05.251 And then, no, definitely not. 00:12:05.646 --> 00:12:08.540 The other thing that was like a light bulb for me is when you said, 00:12:08.540 --> 00:12:11.468 you know, these adaptations

are not our authentic self. 00:12:12.075 --> 00:12:18.113 Like that made me kind of go, like take in my breath a little bit because it's like, oh, my gosh. 00:12:18.754 --> 00:12:22.450 It kind of makes me emotional, actually, because we as women, 00:12:22.450 --> 00:12:27.508 I think, too, we are constantly performing and we are constantly... 00:12:28.402 --> 00:12:31.873 Doing all the things that we think are going to make us, you know, 00:12:31.873 --> 00:12:37.102 loved, valuable, you know, worthy, all of it. And it's not who we are. 00:12:37.218 --> 00:12:42.643 These masks that we wear, this performance that we put on, it's not our true selves. 00:12:42.643 --> 00:12:46.893 That's so important what you said because we often think that we are. 00:12:46.893 --> 00:12:52.584 Oh, that's just how I am, you know, because it happened so early in most cases. 00:12:53.002 --> 00:12:58.446 And we've just become so normalized to it that we don't even think to question, is this me? 00:12:59.753 --> 00:13:07.184 And when we don't know, like I didn't know who I was, I had never experienced that before. 00:13:07.318 --> 00:13:12.002 So how in the hell are we supposed to know who we actually are? 00:13:12.896 --> 00:13:17.432 It's a crazy question, but so often we don't know the answer to it. 00:13:17.955 --> 00:13:23.403 And I think the tendency is for women to look internally. Like, 00:13:23.403 --> 00:13:25.797 it's the last thing in the world for us to go, oh, 00:13:26.749 --> 00:13:30.337 well, maybe I'm not the problem. Maybe it's this other stuff. 00:13:30.337 --> 00:13:32.502 Like the go-to is, well, there's something I'm doing. 00:13:33.241 --> 00:13:37.467 Like that, and I'm not saying everybody's like that, but more often than not, 00:13:37.467 --> 00:13:39.551 that's kind of the first. 00:13:40.108 --> 00:13:44.407 Hey there, I'm Lisa Coracella McDowell, your midlife Pacific Northwest princess, 00:13:44.407 --> 00:13:47.010 here to guide you in the art of next leveling your life. 00:13:47.486 --> 00:13:50.087 I'm passionate about women's health and wellness in midlife, 00:13:50.319 --> 00:13:53.546 especially for moms parenting kids with unique needs like I do. 00:13:54.005 --> 00:13:58.007 I truly believe we can learn, grow, advocate, and care for the planet while 00:13:58.007 --> 00:14:01.273 taking care of ourselves and our families. And I'd love to help you do the same. 00:14:01.459 --> 00:14:05.687 And I'm beyond excited to tell you about my membership for maxed out mamas just 00:14:05.687 --> 00:14:09.747 like me, the Empowered Parent Collective. It's a space for parents to confidently 00:14:09.747 --> 00:14:13.377 advocate for their kids, build inclusive communities, educate themselves, 00:14:13.377 --> 00:14:15.507 and find balance and support along the way. 00:14:15.872 --> 00:14:18.947 To find out more about the Empowered Parent Collective, my classes, 00:14:18.947 --> 00:14:23.707 wellness offerings, parenting tips, advocacy resources, and exclusive drinks 00:14:23.707 --> 00:14:27.470 with the girls goodies, head to next level life with lisa.com 00:14:27.870 --> 00:14:31.429 let's survive and thrive in the messy middle together first thing people think 00:14:31.667 --> 00:14:35.962 so it sounds like you went through that piece so what made me made you finally 00:14:36.386 --> 00:14:38.586 kind of that penny drop and be like oh 00:14:39.236 --> 00:14:43.667 i wonder if this isn't me it's actually whatever my circumstances the trauma 00:14:43.667 --> 00:14:46.638 like what what was kind of the thing that turned that light bulb on for you 00:14:47.648 --> 00:14:53.781 Yeah, it was a little bit unrelated, but it was the start of that light bulb 00:14:53.781 --> 00:14:59.997 coming on. And what it was, was I signed up for a interview series. 00:15:00.322 --> 00:15:05.027 And the series was about our behaviors with food. 00:15:05.643 --> 00:15:09.311 And at the time, I had been an emotional eater for decades. 00:15:09.654 --> 00:15:15.401 And I was signing up because I wanted to learn like, okay, I've been trying 00:15:15.401 --> 00:15:17.451 every single thing for forever. 00:15:17.771 --> 00:15:21.471 And I want this interview series to tell me what is the thing that's going to 00:15:21.471 --> 00:15:22.687 allow me to control myself. 00:15:23.479 --> 00:15:29.811 And instead, that interview series talked about a lot of the reasons why we 00:15:29.811 --> 00:15:32.041 have the relationship with food that we do. 00:15:32.186 --> 00:15:35.971 And it was centered more on, it had more of like a food addiction slant, 00:15:36.552 --> 00:15:38.813 but it did something powerful for me. 00:15:39.498 --> 00:15:43.022 It gave me the opportunity to say, huh, 00:15:44.037 --> 00:15:47.462 I wonder if I'm not the problem, 00:15:48.328 --> 00:15:52.711 and hence the title of the book many many years later because, 00:15:53.558 --> 00:15:57.001 even trying on the idea that maybe I wasn't the problem, 00:15:57.729 --> 00:16:03.122 allowed me to start asking different questions and to view myself differently 00:16:03.383 --> 00:16:08.915 and it was fascinating to find out why I did the things that I did. 00:16:09.584 --> 00:16:13.149 And it was such a relief. There was so much, there was so much less confusion 00:16:13.514 --> 00:16:15.209 and certainly less shame. 00:16:15.842 --> 00:16:22.652 Just that word relief, I think is very powerful because it's like, oh, phew. 00:16:23.337 --> 00:16:30.511 Yeah. Now I know why I overthink every single decision I make ad nauseum, 00:16:30.511 --> 00:16:32.894 you know, or things like that. It's like, oh, okay. 00:16:33.521 --> 00:16:35.390 Things start are starting to make sense. 00:16:36.365 --> 00:16:40.102 Well, and that image of the masking thing, like my daughter's neurodivergent 00:16:40.102 --> 00:16:43.233 and she was diagnosed with autism until she was 13. 00:16:43.685 --> 00:16:46.382 And without, I mean, listeners have heard me tell

the story, 00:16:46.382 --> 00:16:50.733 but for the longest time, we thought it was some type of a sleeping disorder, 00:16:50.947 --> 00:16:54.117 like narcolepsy or something, because she would just fall asleep. 00:16:54.517 --> 00:16:57.132 And teachers would be like, she's faking it, like this and that. 00:16:57.132 --> 00:16:59.842 Yeah, we went to a sleep specialist the whole nine yards. 00:17:00.074 --> 00:17:05.222 Well, come to find out that she was, are you familiar with girls and autism 00:17:05.222 --> 00:17:06.848 and the concept of masking at all? 00:17:07.803 --> 00:17:13.492 No, not really. The tiny version of it is exactly what you described, right? 00:17:13.492 --> 00:17:19.252 But girls with autism tend to do that on steroids, this idea of masking and 00:17:19.252 --> 00:17:20.792 looking around and looking for 00:17:20.792 --> 00:17:27.592 social cues to put on them that isn't who they are, but to pass, right? 00:17:27.592 --> 00:17:30.862 And again, without going down the rabbit hole of why it's overdiagnosed and 00:17:30.862 --> 00:17:31.457 this and that and the other. 00:17:31.724 --> 00:17:35.097 And so bottom line was she was so exhausted from doing that, 00:17:35.416 --> 00:17:38.852 her body just shut down and she went to sleep. 00:17:38.852 --> 00:17:45.842 And so I really identify that idea with this mask that you put on that you think 00:17:45.842 --> 00:17:48.652 is palatable to the outside world. 00:17:48.652 --> 00:17:53.262 And how do you take that off and say, well, I don't really care if you like 00:17:53.262 --> 00:17:54.572 the unmasked version. Yeah. 00:17:55.321 --> 00:18:00.018 That's me, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how do you begin to pick that apart? 00:18:00.678 --> 00:18:05.780 Yeah. And it sounds so brave, right? And there's, you know, a version of us 00:18:05.780 --> 00:18:10.239 that, you know, I think really longs for all of us to be able to say that, 00:18:10.721 --> 00:18:12.194 like, you know, I'm just going to be me. 00:18:12.409 --> 00:18:16.014 But if one of the adapted beliefs is, you know, 00:18:16.770 --> 00:18:23.650 if I actually do show up in the world as I really am, not who others want me 00:18:23.650 --> 00:18:27.751 to be or need me to be, then I'm not going to be loved. 00:18:28.459 --> 00:18:34.840 And if that's an adapted belief, and I'll also say that we come hardwired into 00:18:34.840 --> 00:18:38.356 our DNA, the desire to fit into the group. 00:18:38.867 --> 00:18:44.556 Because if we, you know, sprained an ankle or caught the flu or whatever, 00:18:44.980 --> 00:18:49.788 if we were alone back when we were hunters and gatherers, we would die within days. 00:18:50.421 --> 00:18:54.226 And so we really, you know, feel that. 00:18:54.597 --> 00:19:01.100 And there's nothing wrong with that. But it's also when we start to go against 00:19:01.100 --> 00:19:08.850 ourselves in order to please others that we really start to run into, you know, every manner. 00:19:09.710 --> 00:19:12.193 Of complication for our lives. 00:19:13.010 --> 00:19:19.410 We do lose touch with who we are and we very often become resentful and develop 00:19:19.410 --> 00:19:24.400 patterns like emotionally drinking scrolling whatever it is to deal with the discomfort of, 00:19:24.910 --> 00:19:31.158 showing up every day as a version of ourselves it's not true and not not authentic. 00:19:31.379 --> 00:19:36.560 What are some of the like everyday ghosts that women carry around from the past 00:19:36.560 --> 00:19:43.417 without even realizing it and what would those be protecting them from, if that makes sense? 00:19:44.405 --> 00:19:50.862 Yeah. So, you know, so many ways we could think about some of what we've already 00:19:50.862 --> 00:19:52.322 talked about, which is, you know, 00:19:52.762 --> 00:19:59.757 I, it's selfish for me to, to consider myself in, in my needs. Right. 00:20:00.123 --> 00:20:06.022 So that might present as, you know, someone who is, wants to achieve certain 00:20:06.022 --> 00:20:09.082 things, but it's going to take time and effort. Right. 00:20:09.522 --> 00:20:14.482 And she won't spend the energy on that because then that might mean that somebody 00:20:14.482 --> 00:20:18.032 is going to be disappointed when, you know, she's not cooking dinner or she 00:20:18.032 --> 00:20:21.070 didn't go to the school concert or whatever it is. Right. 00:20:21.558 --> 00:20:28.138 And and then, of course, you know, she lives her life in a way that is not fully expressed. 00:20:28.895 --> 00:20:36.632 It can look like I have to be perfect in order to be loved. And it could be 00:20:36.632 --> 00:20:38.114 perfect in a certain area. 00:20:38.293 --> 00:20:40.726 Like, you know, I need to weigh a certain number of pounds. 00:20:41.080 --> 00:20:43.651 I need to have these certain achievements. 00:20:44.069 --> 00:20:47.494 I need to, you know, have some people, I need to be married. 00:20:47.924 --> 00:20:53.142 I need to have this many kids. You know, where we have these parameters for 00:20:53.142 --> 00:20:56.062 our lives that are required for us. 00:20:56.062 --> 00:21:00.222 So that's going to present like this poor woman, right? She's showing up every 00:21:00.222 --> 00:21:06.552 day. She's exhausted. She's trying to be all of these things because her literal 00:21:06.552 --> 00:21:09.904 worth is on the line every second, you know, if she's not. 00:21:10.106 --> 00:21:15.002 And so not only is she exhausted and probably pretty miserable, 00:21:15.002 --> 00:21:21.882 but she probably has behaviors that are helping her cope with those difficult feelings. 00:21:21.882 --> 00:21:28.892 And that's so often our unwanted behaviors are just ways that we have found 00:21:28.892 --> 00:21:34.689 to meet our needs in a maladaptive way because the real need can't be met. 00:21:35.485 --> 00:21:42.519 For one reason or another, can't be in a way that's consistent with the adaptation, I should say. 00:21:42.844 --> 00:21:46.019 So

those are some of the ways, you know, that shows up. 00:21:46.359 --> 00:21:48.611 And we could probably list about 100 more. 00:21:49.081 --> 00:21:55.869 So, you know, we talk about, I guess, as people that help other people with 00:21:55.869 --> 00:21:59.989 our businesses, what I hear people say a lot is the journey, right? 00:21:59.989 --> 00:22:05.868 The transformation, the I help people do something and get to something. 00:22:06.246 --> 00:22:10.088 So if you were going to fill in that blank of that transformation, 00:22:10.431 --> 00:22:15.469 what are typically the client issues that women come to you with? 00:22:15.469 --> 00:22:17.467 And what is that transformation? 00:22:17.652 --> 00:22:21.299 Like, what does it really look like on the ground in terms of how you use these 00:22:21.299 --> 00:22:24.740 tools to help them process through and get to a better place? 00:22:25.485 --> 00:22:29.455 Yeah, a lot of it is, you know, it's all centered around adaptations. 00:22:29.455 --> 00:22:32.869 So whether that is adaptations of thought. 00:22:33.333 --> 00:22:36.955 So I don't feel like I'm good enough, right? 00:22:36.955 --> 00:22:42.405 Adaptations around behavior, emotional eating, drinking, scrolling, 00:22:42.814 --> 00:22:47.755 people pleasing, shopping, gambling, you name it, right? All the things that 00:22:47.755 --> 00:22:51.312 we turn to in order to help us cope. 00:22:51.742 --> 00:22:56.475 And a big one is, you know, getting out of survival mode. And survival mode, 00:22:57.435 --> 00:23:01.413 is something that is going to impact every area of your life. 00:23:01.976 --> 00:23:05.307 Some people come when they're in overwhelm. 00:23:05.714 --> 00:23:11.333 You know, I literally can't get myself to get through my life anymore. 00:23:11.637 --> 00:23:16.535 And some people feel like they're running from tigers all day and they're starting 00:23:16.535 --> 00:23:20.999 to very often experience the health consequences of that as well. 00:23:21.721 --> 00:23:29.805 And so those are the kinds of things that we can essentially work on and that 00:23:29.805 --> 00:23:35.665 shift out of survival mode does so much with respect to what then becomes possible. 00:23:35.665 --> 00:23:43.129 Why does change feel so scary? Like if we have these adaptations and we might know in our brain 00:23:43.763 --> 00:23:48.035 that they're not good for us, you know, whether it's the behaviors or even the 00:23:48.035 --> 00:23:54.275 thoughts, like we might have the mental awareness, but making the change, 00:23:54.275 --> 00:23:58.553 like changing those behaviors can feel so hard. 00:23:59.635 --> 00:24:02.377 Why is that? And how do you help women cross that bridge? 00:24:02.997 --> 00:24:08.754 Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a thought or one that we can use as an example? 00:24:09.178 --> 00:24:12.795 Oh, yeah. Pull it out of my bag. 00:24:13.335 --> 00:24:14.303 Let me pull my... 00:24:16.181 --> 00:24:21.107 Because that kind of correlates to one of my other questions about how when 00:24:21.107 --> 00:24:24.317 one of these minor things surrounding these thoughts happen, 00:24:24.317 --> 00:24:26.700 you literally feel like you're being chased by tigers. 00:24:27.014 --> 00:24:30.167 Even though somebody else would look at you and go like, you're crazy. 00:24:30.167 --> 00:24:30.804 What are you talking about? 00:24:31.158 --> 00:24:36.247 So one of my thoughts is, because I was raised believing that conflict was really 00:24:36.247 --> 00:24:41.246 bad. Like you just, you don't make waves. You don't, we don't do conflict. 00:24:41.755 --> 00:24:49.537 So if I ever get into a conflict with somebody, it literally makes me feel like 00:24:49.537 --> 00:24:51.374 I am being chased by bears. 00:24:52.393 --> 00:24:58.194 And so the thought around that is, I must be bad. It's my fault. 00:24:58.339 --> 00:25:03.877 I'm wrong because this person has a different view. This person's upset with me, 00:25:04.661 --> 00:25:11.507 Et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. And basically it's, I can't be safe if there's conflict. 00:25:11.507 --> 00:25:14.535 I can't be safe if someone disagrees with me. 00:25:14.789 --> 00:25:19.333 And, you know, the reason why is because at some point in your life, 00:25:19.746 --> 00:25:25.290 that was true, right? And it was a very dangerous situation at the time. 00:25:26.115 --> 00:25:30.347 So, you know, maybe you were three years old and you were, there was, 00:25:30.347 --> 00:25:35.006 maybe you observed conflict or maybe, you know, you got into conflict. 00:25:35.291 --> 00:25:37.379 Maybe let's just make something up, you know. 00:25:37.693 --> 00:25:41.344 You wanted to go to the zoo, and your mom said it's time for school, 00:25:41.762 --> 00:25:46.383 and you guys got into, you know, this conflict, and, 00:25:47.207 --> 00:25:51.227 this whatever bad thing happened, you know, maybe you got a spanking, 00:25:51.227 --> 00:25:54.781 or it seemed like or felt like mom took her love away. 00:25:55.721 --> 00:26:01.137 And in that moment, and after repeated experiences, and maybe without, 00:26:01.137 --> 00:26:04.523 you know, the counterbalance type of experiences. 00:26:04.907 --> 00:26:12.674 Now your tiny system has learned, oh, conflict is really bad. Got it. 00:26:13.841 --> 00:26:22.943 And so our adaptations don't update when our circumstances do unless we create. 00:26:25.936 --> 00:26:29.177 The internal conditions for them to update. 00:26:29.769 --> 00:26:36.616 And so it doesn't matter if now you're a grown-up and nobody can tell you and 00:26:36.616 --> 00:26:40.276 then you have complete control over your life and everything. 00:26:40.276 --> 00:26:45.286 It doesn't matter. It still feels like to your system that something really 00:26:45.286 --> 00:26:48.783 bad is going to happen if there's conflict involved. 00:26:48.951 --> 00:26:54.116 The secondary part to that is, so how do you help your clients or women that 00:26:54.116 --> 00:26:56.288 come

to work with you bridge that gap? 00:26:57.187 --> 00:27:02.411 Yeah. So when we can identify kind of where that came from, right, 00:27:02.411 --> 00:27:09.331 to understand, like, in my situation, I was pretty chubby as a young girl. 00:27:09.691 --> 00:27:12.861 And that led to a lot of bullying at school. 00:27:13.400 --> 00:27:17.471 And I remember when I started to look at the adapted belief that. 00:27:19.991 --> 00:27:24.931 I wasn't enough, that I wasn't worthy, I wasn't lovable, et cetera, 00:27:24.931 --> 00:27:29.760 et cetera, I started to trace back to, you know, where did I learn that? 00:27:30.154 --> 00:27:31.811 And one of the things that really, 00:27:32.291 --> 00:27:36.946 kept coming up was this boy on the bus every day on the way to school. 00:27:37.486 --> 00:27:42.351 And he will always have a comment about me. One day I wore my hair up in this 00:27:42.351 --> 00:27:45.541 little bun thing that was kind of messy, whatever. 00:27:45.611 --> 00:27:48.202 He said, you look like a pig with a fountain on your head. 00:27:48.968 --> 00:27:52.941 Another day he asked me do you paint your clothes on because they were very 00:27:52.941 --> 00:27:59.307 tight my mom actually bought me a size down to motivate me to lose weight and my clothes were lord, 00:28:00.131 --> 00:28:05.791 yeah and so as i thought about that like those were experiences and they were 00:28:05.791 --> 00:28:08.740 very real and my body held on, 00:28:09.379 --> 00:28:14.961 to the awful feelings of i would get sick to my stomach when i would see the 00:28:14.961 --> 00:28:16.531 flashing lights of the bus, you know. 00:28:18.391 --> 00:28:21.581 To tell like other cars to stop. I'd be like, oh my God, the bus is here. 00:28:22.260 --> 00:28:27.481 And so those experiences really, you know, set in stone for me, 00:28:27.481 --> 00:28:33.713 essentially for my system, that I wasn't worthy, that I was gross, that I was disgusting. 00:28:34.554 --> 00:28:41.230 And those feelings stayed with me, you know, and way, way, way into adulthood. 00:28:41.230 --> 00:28:46.610 So when I looked back at that and was able to identify some of the contributing 00:28:46.610 --> 00:28:51.023 factors to this belief, I was like, oh, my gosh, seriously? 00:28:51.458 --> 00:28:55.890 I'm going to let Randy, you know, dictate my life still, you know, 00:28:55.890 --> 00:28:58.586 from 40 years ago or whatever it is. 00:28:58.912 --> 00:29:02.420 And it really helps to put a little bit of distance there, you know, 00:29:02.420 --> 00:29:05.650 to understand, oh, that makes sense. 00:29:05.650 --> 00:29:09.870 My name is Karen Shatafian, and I am a shameless coffee addict and empowerment 00:29:09.870 --> 00:29:12.809 coach for women, and my love language is authenticity. 00:29:13.157 --> 00:29:17.552 My mission is helping women unapologetically design a life they're in love with. 00:29:17.824 --> 00:29:21.250 Because what the hell are we waiting for? My website, KarenShatafian.com, 00:29:21.250 --> 00:29:25.475 has all my coaching packages and free offers like my midlife reclamation guide. 00:29:25.758 --> 00:29:29.460 In it, you'll find tools to help you decide how to create the most inspired 00:29:29.460 --> 00:29:32.150 and empowered version of yourself and your life. 00:29:32.609 --> 00:29:36.350 You can find me on Facebook and Instagram talking about ways women can show 00:29:36.350 --> 00:29:39.627 up for themselves after decades of showing up for everyone else. 00:29:40.138 --> 00:29:43.841 Join me as we throw off the shackles and live our best freaking lives. 00:29:44.206 --> 00:29:46.720 See the show notes for all the details. Cheers. 00:29:46.854 --> 00:29:54.270 And then we actually have incredibly powerful tools that we can use to find 00:29:54.270 --> 00:29:59.508 where that pain essentially is located in our body. 00:29:59.985 --> 00:30:07.440 When I think about getting on the bus, oh my gosh, I could feel like in my stomach 00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:10.111 the knots in the tension, right? 00:30:10.459 --> 00:30:16.007 And so somatically we can go and we can tend to that, that feeling. We could do that, 00:30:17.337 --> 00:30:24.173 In many ways, but one of the ways is simply by offering that area, allowing it to be there. 00:30:24.881 --> 00:30:29.077 But this time, we're not allowing it to be there alone, sitting in the bus seat 00:30:29.077 --> 00:30:33.600 by yourself, feeling like you just want to melt into the red leather. 00:30:34.050 --> 00:30:35.602 Instead, you're there. 00:30:36.189 --> 00:30:40.447 You're holding that version of you. You're comforting that version and offering 00:30:40.447 --> 00:30:44.008 her what she needed in that moment on the bus. 00:30:44.501 --> 00:30:46.225 Love and support and care. 00:30:46.889 --> 00:30:52.157 And in that way, it starts to soften. And now you can reprogram, 00:30:52.157 --> 00:30:54.627 essentially. You can bring in something new. 00:30:55.050 --> 00:30:57.402 Well, what is true about my worth? 00:30:58.093 --> 00:31:03.757 Now that the volume on that has been turned down somatically, 00:31:04.057 --> 00:31:06.523 and my system can accept it, essentially, 00:31:07.115 --> 00:31:14.465 and now I can start the process of working with the new thoughts that I want to bring in instead. 00:31:15.097 --> 00:31:20.757 So take us through your process, right? Like client comes to you, 00:31:21.097 --> 00:31:24.937 they have issues with X. Like what's the first thing you're going to do with 00:31:24.937 --> 00:31:26.300 them? How do you, you know, 00:31:27.165 --> 00:31:31.223 assess or plan what's going to happen? What can people expect when they work with you? 00:31:31.891 --> 00:31:36.900 Yeah. So, you know, my system is really broken down into three parts. 00:31:36.900 --> 00:31:42.079 And as we talk about it, it'll become very clear why it's broken down into three parts. 00:31:42.543 --> 00:31:48.662 The first part is what book one, You're Not the Problem, is all

about and what it addresses. 00:31:49.108 --> 00:31:52.480 And if you think of like what we want to build together your life, 00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:58.237 your life of authenticity, your life of peace, right? It's like a beautiful mansion. 00:31:58.910 --> 00:32:05.992 And the bottom or the foundation of that beautiful mansion is your nervous system. 00:32:06.642 --> 00:32:11.390 And if your nervous system is healthy and well-regulated, then we're going to 00:32:11.390 --> 00:32:14.541 be able to build the next two levels. 00:32:15.123 --> 00:32:21.436 And so the foundation, this concrete basement, if you will, is made up of three things. 00:32:21.628 --> 00:32:24.882 It's safety, capacity, and energy. 00:32:25.800 --> 00:32:30.803 And when we bring those to your nervous system, then we have what we need in 00:32:30.803 --> 00:32:33.532 order to work in the next two levels. 00:32:34.403 --> 00:32:39.213 So in the second level, we discover who you are, right? We talked a lot about 00:32:39.213 --> 00:32:43.638 the fact that many of us don't really know. We think we're our adaptations, but we're not. 00:32:44.126 --> 00:32:48.085 And so in the second phase, we're going to figure out who you are. 00:32:48.688 --> 00:32:53.483 And of course, the nervous system is going to help us to do that because that 00:32:53.903 --> 00:32:57.550 alignment is going to, you're going to feel it in your body. 00:32:57.666 --> 00:33:03.027 And so we're going to be able to build and figure out who might I have been 00:33:03.184 --> 00:33:05.337 had I not had those experiences. 00:33:05.935 --> 00:33:11.263 And then in the third phase, now we're well regulated. We have safety, 00:33:11.263 --> 00:33:13.470 energy, capacity. We know who we are. 00:33:13.904 --> 00:33:17.773 And in the third phase, we're going to go on to to own that and to build the 00:33:17.773 --> 00:33:24.363 life that has been seeking you essentially with with the actual structures, because you get to, 00:33:24.823 --> 00:33:29.123 phase three here and you're like, oh, my gosh, I want these 50 things. 00:33:29.483 --> 00:33:33.193 How do I bring that into being? It's like overwhelming. It's it's so much. 00:33:33.193 --> 00:33:38.733 And so that's this third phase where we learn how to bring all about those ideas 00:33:38.733 --> 00:33:41.601 into tangible real life. 00:33:42.449 --> 00:33:48.794 So that is the process. And really, it's, you know, the assessment is what's going on in your life. 00:33:49.264 --> 00:33:53.297 Like, how are you sleeping? Are you able to focus? Usually, you know, 00:33:53.297 --> 00:33:56.945 they're sharing with me what isn't working right. I don't have to go looking. 00:33:57.380 --> 00:34:03.247 They're letting me know, you know, I have these behaviors that are so frustrating 00:34:03.247 --> 00:34:06.082 me. I have these health conditions. I'm not sleeping. 00:34:06.494 --> 00:34:11.327 I, you know, I always feel like I am, you know, being chased by these tigers 00:34:11.327 --> 00:34:13.163 and bears that we've been talking about. 00:34:14.465 --> 00:34:18.837 I haven't been able to focus. It's a whole, it's the whole gamut because the 00:34:18.837 --> 00:34:23.400 nervous system impacts every area of our being. 00:34:24.207 --> 00:34:29.427 And so that's where we start with an understanding. And sometimes we start somewhere 00:34:29.427 --> 00:34:32.527 and we realize, oh, that really wasn't the problem at all. 00:34:33.020 --> 00:34:37.676 It was it was really what was was a few layers underneath and that's okay. 00:34:38.521 --> 00:34:41.023 I was just thinking of the picture of an onion where it's like, 00:34:41.348 --> 00:34:45.632 yeah, you usually have to peel some of those layers of the onion before you 00:34:45.632 --> 00:34:51.906 get to really what's going on. So what you just described, this is your freedom framework? 00:34:52.638 --> 00:34:53.972 Correct. Yeah. 00:34:54.272 --> 00:34:58.212 Okay. So I'm a coach myself. I work with midlife women. 00:34:58.552 --> 00:35:03.212 I've done my fair share of therapy over the years, done a lot of personal growth 00:35:03.212 --> 00:35:04.383 work, worked with coaches. 00:35:04.754 --> 00:35:08.412 And so a lot of what you're talking about sounds very similar to coaching, 00:35:08.412 --> 00:35:13.212 to therapy, but I know that there's the somatic piece. So you're not just talking 00:35:13.212 --> 00:35:15.342 about your feelings. You're not just talking about things, right? 00:35:15.342 --> 00:35:18.012 You're, you're asking like, well, where is it in the body? 00:35:18.267 --> 00:35:23.122 But tell us a little bit more about how it differs from like coaching or therapy, 00:35:23.122 --> 00:35:27.542 the work that you do and, you know, what it took for you to get to this point, 00:35:27.542 --> 00:35:29.482 like what you had to do to become, 00:35:30.109 --> 00:35:34.805 I don't know if it's a certified somatic healer or what the verbiage is. 00:35:35.490 --> 00:35:42.972 Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, there's a lot of pieces and therapy has such 00:35:42.972 --> 00:35:44.899 an important place in the world, right? 00:35:45.515 --> 00:35:49.772 Right. And I've also worked with a lot of people who say, you know, 00:35:49.772 --> 00:35:55.932 OK, I've been through therapy. I understand a lot better. I have some good tools 00:35:55.932 --> 00:35:59.581 for, you know, what happens when when I get to that point. 00:36:00.086 --> 00:36:04.192 But they come kind of seeking. I want something different in my life. 00:36:04.192 --> 00:36:09.258 I don't want to keep having the same situations just because I can deal with them better. 00:36:09.973 --> 00:36:16.726 And so the work that I do, it actually finds the root of the experience and, 00:36:17.467 --> 00:36:22.401 why I'm having that issue or challenge in the first place. 00:36:22.941 --> 00:36:31.254 And we have so much power to be able to go back and unravel those and plant something new. 00:36:31.381

--> 00:36:33.857 And I think that's really the difference. 00:36:34.304 --> 00:36:37.956 There are certainly therapies that have that in mind. 00:36:38.351 --> 00:36:42.722 But when I was trying to piece together what I needed to heal. 00:36:43.626 --> 00:36:48.096 I mentioned the corn maze because I kept going down and exploring all of these 00:36:48.096 --> 00:36:50.596 different types of therapies and modalities. 00:36:50.596 --> 00:36:58.128 And I just felt that I was pulling from so many because there wasn't one place, a one-stop shop. 00:36:58.372 --> 00:37:05.486 And so that's when I really, I looked into a lot of different avenues for myself 00:37:05.826 --> 00:37:09.116 once I decided I want to do this with other people. 00:37:09.812 --> 00:37:13.506 And again there wasn't a program or a, 00:37:14.006 --> 00:37:20.236 you know a license of of sorts and so i decided to kind of very carefully craft 00:37:20.236 --> 00:37:25.688 my my own basis of of knowledge and so that started with a 00:37:26.106 --> 00:37:29.854 three-year behavior certification coaching certification, 00:37:30.335 --> 00:37:34.506 and a behavior change and from there, I started pulling in. 00:37:34.506 --> 00:37:38.966 I received numerous certifications in the biology of trauma, 00:37:38.966 --> 00:37:43.678 which is an understanding of how trauma impacts us on a cellular level. 00:37:44.212 --> 00:37:48.482 And then came in the somatic training and parts training. 00:37:48.859 --> 00:37:52.706 I'm a psychedelic somatic facilitator. I've not used that. 00:37:53.246 --> 00:37:58.906 I don't facilitate regularly, but just all of these pieces come together and 00:37:58.906 --> 00:38:04.276 they each bring something very unique. And, and I would also say that I don't 00:38:04.276 --> 00:38:05.611 believe there is one approach. 00:38:06.334 --> 00:38:12.150 For any individual. And I think that's really important to note because people 00:38:12.150 --> 00:38:16.575 who have tried something and it hasn't worked for them. 00:38:17.850 --> 00:38:24.540 It doesn't mean that you're so broken, nothing is going to work or that you were doing it wrong. 00:38:24.540 --> 00:38:31.770 There really is a, I think, a magic to finding the tools and the way of seeing 00:38:31.770 --> 00:38:34.137 the world that matches who you are. 00:38:35.037 --> 00:38:41.569 And so I love being able to pull out of my bag of tricks, you know, oh, that didn't go well? 00:38:42.030 --> 00:38:47.461 No problem. We've got 47 other things that we can try, and we are going to find 00:38:47.763 --> 00:38:49.766 that one that feels aligned for you. 00:38:50.437 --> 00:38:54.720 So in a lot of ways, I'm really grateful that I had the opportunity to craft 00:38:54.720 --> 00:38:59.906 that and to build it in a way that most matched my personal experience. 00:39:01.288 --> 00:39:07.748 So, typically, what point are women at when they come and see you? 00:39:07.748 --> 00:39:11.938 Like, who, I'm just trying to get an idea of, like, I'm sure there's things 00:39:11.938 --> 00:39:15.498 that you see all the time from midlife women. 00:39:15.498 --> 00:39:20.658 So, take me through kind of the typical client that usually comes to you and 00:39:20.658 --> 00:39:26.504 where do you start? And, I mean, I know there's all these different pathways, but where do you begin? 00:39:27.162 --> 00:39:33.496 Yeah. You know, because the nervous system is the basis for essentially everything 00:39:33.809 --> 00:39:38.018 in one way or another, there is not one typical client. 00:39:38.018 --> 00:39:42.268 A lot of people come, and I originally started with the emotional eating piece 00:39:42.268 --> 00:39:46.818 because that was, for me, it was the biggest challenge in my life. 00:39:46.818 --> 00:39:52.821 It was really devastating. It took up all of my time and energy. 00:39:53.430 --> 00:39:58.308 And so originally my practice was was centered around that but you know after 00:39:58.308 --> 00:40:02.858 we got through the first three or four weeks we never talked about the food 00:40:02.858 --> 00:40:06.003 anymore because it was never about the food, 00:40:06.595 --> 00:40:11.858 and so I really I didn't want that lane where where only people who were struggling 00:40:11.858 --> 00:40:17.228 with food could could have access to the tools and so as it's broadened it's 00:40:17.228 --> 00:40:19.528 people who are again experiencing. 00:40:20.368 --> 00:40:23.438 The health consequences of living in survival mode. 00:40:23.902 --> 00:40:30.278 It's people who do have behaviors that they either want to end or why the hell 00:40:30.278 --> 00:40:34.818 can't I do these behaviors that I really want, right? And I know are good for 00:40:34.818 --> 00:40:37.027 me. So a lot of it is behavior change. 00:40:37.410 --> 00:40:44.277 It's relationships. I keep finding myself in the same relationship over and over. 00:40:44.886 --> 00:40:47.713 I feel so unfulfilled in my life. 00:40:48.422 --> 00:40:53.293 All of these kinds of things, and they're showing up differently for different 00:40:53.293 --> 00:41:02.163 people, but that's the type of, in a broad sweep, that's the type of person that finds the work. 00:41:03.093 --> 00:41:07.793 So, Lori, we are nearing the end of our public episode, and I want to make sure 00:41:07.793 --> 00:41:09.733 listeners know where to find you. 00:41:10.093 --> 00:41:13.403 If they're curious, if they want to know more about you or even work with you, 00:41:13.403 --> 00:41:17.143 what would you suggest? Like socials, what's the best way for people to find you? 00:41:17.893 --> 00:41:22.999 Yeah, you know, when I was figuring out where the hell I was going to try to 00:41:22.999 --> 00:41:29.029 figure the answers out in my own life, I really benefited from people's free resources. 00:41:29.029 --> 00:41:33.969 And so that was something that I really wanted to make sure that I did myself. 00:41:33.969 --> 00:41:39.779 And so everything lives on

the website, laurimontree.com. There's a lot of free 00:41:39.779 --> 00:41:43.256 resources there, links to the YouTube channel and all the socials. 00:41:44.269 --> 00:41:50.002 There's free guides and you can also find the book on the website. 00:41:50.472 --> 00:41:55.229 And I'll also mention that one of the things that I'm really excited about that 00:41:55.229 --> 00:41:58.649 I've just started is while I was writing the book and 00:41:59.029 --> 00:42:03.299 realizing, you know, books that ask something of people, they end up collecting 00:42:03.299 --> 00:42:06.065 dust, the nightstand. It's just how it goes. 00:42:06.493 --> 00:42:10.476 And so I really wanted to make sure that there was a place where people could 00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:14.498 come for support and guidance and to stay engaged with the book. 00:42:14.806 --> 00:42:22.549 And so on August 17th was our very first reader circle. It's a weekly Zoom where 00:42:22.549 --> 00:42:24.878 readers can come and be supported. 00:42:25.018 --> 00:42:30.899 And like I said, we speak the same language there and we recommit to the journey 00:42:30.899 --> 00:42:38.857 together. It's my mission space for meaningful, affordable support for as many as I can reach. 00:42:39.483 --> 00:42:44.180 Listeners, go over to Lori's website. Check her out. We will put it all in the show notes. 00:42:44.737 --> 00:42:49.543 And I love that this episode has kind of taken us to this place of, 00:42:49.896 --> 00:42:53.205 you know, maybe things aren't quite as scary as we thought. 00:42:53.826 --> 00:42:56.989 You know, maybe it's not really something wrong with us. 00:42:56.989 --> 00:43:00.869 It's just these adaptations that we've learned. And in After Hours, 00:43:00.869 --> 00:43:05.989 where we're headed next for our Patreon members, we are going to really kind of dive into that. 00:43:05.989 --> 00:43:09.639 Lisa and I are going to look at some of our own patterns, some of the things 00:43:09.639 --> 00:43:16.479 that we've used for protection, and things that keep showing up that maybe aren't 00:43:16.479 --> 00:43:18.147 really in our best interest. 00:43:19.320 --> 00:43:24.328 So we would love to see you all on the Patreon. What is that you ask? 00:43:24.328 --> 00:43:27.172 Well, I'm glad you asked, even though you didn't ask it. 00:43:27.997 --> 00:43:31.328 So Patreon is our after hours section. 00:43:31.328 --> 00:43:34.718 It's where we do our bonus content. It's our membership, essentially. 00:43:34.718 --> 00:43:38.768 So the bonus content is where we go deeper. You know, Karen and I have talked 00:43:38.768 --> 00:43:43.118 about launching Drinks with the Girls 2.0, and that's this. And we found that 00:43:43.118 --> 00:43:45.928 like a lot of the best stuff happened when we turned the mics off. 00:43:45.928 --> 00:43:48.243 So no more. We are keeping the mics on. 00:43:48.621 --> 00:43:52.434 And you will get that in the bonus content that is only found there. 00:43:52.858 --> 00:43:56.832 You will also get the access to the episode before everybody else. 00:43:57.232 --> 00:44:01.468 But most importantly, it's a way that you can support us. And I think we've 00:44:01.468 --> 00:44:04.288 talked about this before. We've been doing this for two years and we've gotten 00:44:04.288 --> 00:44:08.758 to the point where the podcast is really about to explode. And Karen and I need 00:44:08.758 --> 00:44:12.105 some support to kind of keep that going. There's a lot that goes into this. 00:44:12.734 --> 00:44:17.488 So for literally half the price of a bougie cocktail per month, 00:44:17.982 --> 00:44:21.627 you can help us do that by supporting us by becoming a Patreon member. 00:44:22.086 --> 00:44:25.299 We'll do an outro here that'll give the information, but literally go to Patreon 00:44:25.299 --> 00:44:29.023 and search Drinks with the Girls and you will be right there. 00:44:29.452 --> 00:44:34.219 However, if this is where we leave you, thanks so much for being here and we 00:44:34.219 --> 00:44:36.199 will see you next week on Drinks with the Girls. 00:44:36.199 --> 00:44:39.679 Well, we've reached the part of the conversation where we probably should stop talking. 00:44:39.679 --> 00:44:40.549 But we never do. 00:44:40.989 --> 00:44:44.819 We really don't. But hold up. You're probably wondering where the rest of this episode went. 00:44:44.819 --> 00:44:48.499 I got you. This is why we have one brain. We've launched Drinks with the Girls 00:44:48.499 --> 00:44:50.754 2.0, and it's over on Patreon. 00:44:51.027 --> 00:44:55.202 We've realized some of our best conversations happen after we've officially wrapped things up. 00:44:55.411 --> 00:44:58.959 This is where you'll get the end of the conversation, plus early access to all 00:44:58.959 --> 00:45:01.163 the episodes so you never miss Last Call. 00:45:01.628 --> 00:45:05.439 You'll get the stories we probably shouldn't share, the things we weren't planning 00:45:05.439 --> 00:45:09.559 to say, the random rabbit holes that somehow become the best part of the conversation. 00:45:09.559 --> 00:45:12.489 Basically, all the stuff that happens when the microphones are still on, 00:45:12.489 --> 00:45:15.479 but we're no longer behaving ourselves like that ever happens. 00:45:15.479 --> 00:45:18.999 And best of all, you'll get in on the ground floor of the rocket ship that is 00:45:18.999 --> 00:45:20.669 Drinks with the Girls 2.0. 00:45:20.669 --> 00:45:23.629 We've been teasing this for a while now, and it's finally here. 00:45:23.629 --> 00:45:27.959 You'll get to own your very own slice of Drinks with the Girls 2.0 and help 00:45:27.959 --> 00:45:30.309 us launch this sucker into the stratosphere. 00:45:30.309 --> 00:45:33.749 So if you'd like to pull up a seat for one more round or join us for a coffee 00:45:33.749 --> 00:45:36.419 date, come join us on Patreon. The link is in the show notes. 00:45:36.419 --> 00:45:38.385 We'd love to have you, and we're saving you a seat. 00:45:39.209 --> 00:45:42.729 Wait, why are you still here? Head over to Patreon and join us now. We'll be right back.