Discovering My Scars: Chapter 11 "Faith": täielik transkriptsioon

with my family. 00:04:05.786 --> 00:04:09.568 Sometimes on my work breaks, I would walk around the mall and call my mom. 00:04:09.568 --> 00:04:16.725 In these calls, she told me about the many meals she, my dad, brother, sister-in-law and nephew all shared together. 00:04:16.725 --> 00:04:21.511 I would hear of the weekends when they had just hung out, not doing much, but doing it together. 00:04:21.511 --> 00:04:25.750 I longed to be a part of the nothing and everything they did together. 00:04:26.279 --> 00:04:29.769 The burden of being four hours away from my family started to take a toll. 00:04:29.769 --> 00:04:33.930 My second nephew was set to be born right before Christmas 2012. 00:04:33.930 --> 00:04:39.812 I smiled nonstop when my store leader, marco, gave me the time off to be in Tallahassee for the birth. 00:04:39.812 --> 00:04:43.512 But with all my planning, you can't really plan a natural birth. 00:04:43.512 --> 00:04:46.103 And of course, he was born a week late. 00:04:46.103 --> 00:04:50.850 He came into this world in the early morning of the day I needed to go back to Orlando. 00:04:50.850 --> 00:04:54.009 I saw him for about 20 minutes before I had to drive away. 00:04:54.009 --> 00:04:57.228 It pained me so much to leave him so soon. 00:04:57.228 --> 00:05:03.286 When I wasn't with my two nephews, my heart felt like a slinky One part in Tallahassee and one in Orlando. 00:05:03.286 --> 00:05:08.911 When I was in Orlando, it constantly wanted to slinky back to Tallahassee, to be all in one piece. 00:05:08.911 --> 00:05:12.509 I felt whole in Tallahassee, but not in Orlando. 00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:18.148 Back at Apple after the birth, I did my job, but my heart was not into the daily grind anymore. 00:05:18.148 --> 00:05:23.925 I had reached the five year mark working for Apple a few months before and the job had started to feel stale. 00:05:23.925 --> 00:05:25.702 I needed to clear my head. 00:05:25.702 --> 00:05:29.711 So Jason suggested we go to one of my favorite places the beach at night. 00:05:29.711 --> 00:05:36.391 On the night of January 1st 2013, we headed to Cocoa Beach, about 45 minutes from our apartments. 00:05:36.391 --> 00:05:42.709 When we arrived, it was perfect the surface calm and the air was crisp, cool and peaceful. 00:05:42.709 --> 00:05:47.130 Jason walked a few paces behind me so I could walk alone on the wet sand. 00:05:47.922 --> 00:05:53.716 All right, so I wanted to have you pause it there, because that's pretty cool that you saw Steve Jobs in person. 00:05:53.716 --> 00:05:55.124 Yeah, it was pretty cool. 00:05:55.124 --> 00:06:03.127 Also, I don't really believe you when you say I was cool people I really was, that you were slow and casual and how you turned around. 00:06:03.127 --> 00:06:04.483 I'm not sure I believe you. 00:06:04.483 --> 00:06:13.718 I think maybe in your own mind you were slow and casual and if I saw it in real life you were like the Tasmanian devil, like whipping around as fast

as you could to see him. 00:06:14.023 --> 00:06:16.651 I didn't run up to him or anything, so I was cool. 00:06:16.651 --> 00:06:17.439 In that sense. 00:06:17.439 --> 00:06:20.127 I mean, I think that counts as being cool. 00:06:20.127 --> 00:06:24.646 I mean, how many people can say they've seen Steve Jobs in real life? 00:06:24.646 --> 00:06:26.966 I mean, he's been dead over. 00:06:26.966 --> 00:06:29.704 I can't remember what year he passed, I think it was 09. 00:06:29.704 --> 00:06:31.607 So I mean, it's been a long time. 00:06:31.607 --> 00:06:32.588 Yeah, I mean. 00:06:32.629 --> 00:06:34.081 I can't say that I've ever seen yeah. 00:06:34.322 --> 00:06:39.959 I mean I didn't realize, like, how soon he was gonna pass after that. 00:06:39.959 --> 00:06:41.565 So you know, that was. 00:06:41.565 --> 00:06:46.620 I mean he created this whole thing Like obviously it's more complicated than that. 00:06:47.084 --> 00:06:47.548 Like there's two. 00:06:47.569 --> 00:06:48.680 Steve's that were really involved. 00:06:48.680 --> 00:06:57.202 Steve was, and Jobs was really more the businessman, the marketing man, which which is necessary, really everything. 00:06:57.202 --> 00:07:00.904 Yeah, you could have the best product in the world, but if no one knows about it, there you go. 00:07:00.904 --> 00:07:07.389 Shark Tank tells us that, but yeah, so it was definitely like a cool thing. 00:07:07.389 --> 00:07:13.588 But I've also seen Was Steve Was who actually created the hardware of the Apple computer. 00:07:13.588 --> 00:07:22.944 He came to Tallahassee a couple years ago to do a talk and I got to see him and that was so cool, like so I have seen both Steve's in my lifetime, so that's pretty cool. 00:07:23.319 --> 00:07:24.805 I mean, I see a special Steve every day. 00:07:25.744 --> 00:07:26.428 You see a pretty cool Steve. 00:07:26.428 --> 00:07:27.658 Yeah, you have a pretty cool Steve. 00:07:27.658 --> 00:07:29.425 I see my husband Steve every day. 00:07:29.425 --> 00:07:31.110 Do you call him? 00:07:31.129 --> 00:07:31.290 Steve. 00:07:31.290 --> 00:07:33.206 No, I call him Steven I call him Steven. 00:07:34.541 --> 00:07:39.545 So I wanna ask you something else, but you don't have to leave this in because I don't know, like I don't wanna create trouble. 00:07:39.545 --> 00:07:50.259 In this excerpt that we just listened to, you know, you talk about the importance of being with family and let me just say like it makes sense to me that Steve Jobs' biggest regret was not spending more time with his family. 00:07:50.259 --> 00:07:55.348 Like there's an expression about how nobody ever puts on their tombstone. 00:07:55.348 --> 00:08:08.026 You know, wish I had worked more, like that's not a thing, but you and your brother have not been especially close, but you're very attached to his children, which I think is kind of interesting. 00:08:08.661 --> 00:08:09.947 What do you find interesting about it? 00:08:09.947 --> 00:08:14.766 That I have a closer relationship with my siblings than my sibling? 00:08:14.980 --> 00:08:37.447 Yeah, yeah, because I think what I have observed other times is like people who are kind of not close to their siblings kind of go, are not usually that close to the siblings' children either, because it's like, well, I don't really wanna, I don't really wanna hang out with my sibling, but if I hang out with my siblings' kids, I'm gonna hang out with my sibling. 00:08:37.447 --> 00:08:37.889 You know what I mean. 00:08:37.889 --> 00:08:38.850 So it's like that thing. 00:08:39.581 --> 00:08:45.544 Yeah, I do see what you're saying because yeah, that's definitely like a thing that goes along usually. 00:08:45.544 --> 00:08:53.470 Yeah, I don't know, I do feel very close to my nimblings and I like doing life with them. 00:08:53.470 --> 00:09:06.006 Which is what was cool when we lived close is just doing stuff together, having meals together, hanging out, not having to do anything fancy, just like doing life. 00:09:06.519 --> 00:09:12.687 But I mean from the moment each of them was born, they were very important to you, which I think is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. 00:09:12.687 --> 00:09:20.769 It's just interesting to me that comes from a place other than being close to a sibling. 00:09:22.101 --> 00:09:22.602 And I do. 00:09:22.602 --> 00:09:31.062 Growing up I was never close to my aunts and uncles and it was just kind of like this is what you have to do, because this is family. 00:09:31.062 --> 00:09:34.245 You see them one point, two times a year and stuff like that. 00:09:34.245 --> 00:09:46.947 But and I remember that and I wanted to be different from my nimblings, I wanted to be like an involved aunt and I wanted them to like wanna spend time with me, or if they don't wanna spend time with me, that's totally fine. 00:09:46.947 --> 00:09:50.125 I wanted to like make it not like this is something you have to do. 00:09:50.125 --> 00:09:56.025 I just wanted to be like more of a presence in their life than just like this like obligation thing. 00:09:57.200 --> 00:10:09.888 So I think that concept came from how I was raised and I was like I want not necessarily how I was raised, just like how it was because we weren't close to you weren't geographically close, yeah, and so that kind of just was. 00:10:09.888 --> 00:10:31.385 So I knew I wanted to be more of a presence and I don't know, they're just great kids and maybe the fact that I never wanted to have kids really and never like had a desire, I think a lot of times most of my aunts and uncles have kids and so they're involved with their kids and so, and then I have an aunt and uncle that don't have kids but always wanted kids. 00:10:31.385 --> 00:10:33.307 So I was never really close to them either. 00:10:33.307 --> 00:10:38.227 So maybe they didn't really wanna get close to us because they were upset about not having kids, I don't know. 00:10:38.227 --> 00:10:49.451 So maybe that's why I feel close to them,

because I never wanted my own kids and I wanted to be present in their life. 00:10:49.451 --> 00:10:50.985 So maybe that's kinda how it came about. 00:10:52.639 --> 00:10:59.326 Cause you even say in the book and we just heard it when I wasn't with my two nephews my heart felt like a slinky, one part in Tallahassee and one in Orlando. 00:10:59.326 --> 00:11:05.543 So again, that attachment to them was really strong and really beautiful from the beginning. 00:11:06.206 --> 00:11:12.945 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it was just kind of like an instant thing and it wasn't any like, it wasn't something that I was like. 00:11:13.427 --> 00:11:16.145 Yeah, it wasn't a conscious thing, it just kind of happened yeah. 00:11:16.799 --> 00:11:26.465 You know, since this time we're getting into it, I'm gonna be moving closer to them in the book, but since this time in real life, they have moved to Orlando and I'm still in Tallahassee. 00:11:26.465 --> 00:11:28.447 So we have this like we swapped. 00:11:28.447 --> 00:11:32.368 We swapped Also, your niece was born after this and I have an niece. 00:11:32.368 --> 00:11:34.346 Yeah, so I have three, three niblings. 00:11:34.346 --> 00:11:45.264 But it's not the exact same feeling as it was back then of like, oh, like I miss them, because I do see them fairly often. 00:11:45.264 --> 00:11:58.480 Um, possibly once a month I see them, not like like if you were to like average it out, but usually they stay with us over the summer and like, so I do get like a good time with them and I'm about to see them. 00:11:58.541 --> 00:12:00.033 In a week we're going to Orlando. 00:12:00.033 --> 00:12:02.080 So, like we, we travel fairly often. 00:12:02.080 --> 00:12:10.735 As I walked, I talked to God about my life and where I was headed, I asked for his guidance and direction. 00:12:10.735 --> 00:12:12.561 There was darkness all around me. 00:12:12.561 --> 00:12:16.629 The only light coming from the bright moon was reflected in the water. 00:12:16.629 --> 00:12:23.033 It felt like God was walking with me, holding my hand down the beach, no longer walking on sand. 00:12:23.033 --> 00:12:25.942 It felt like we were walking on water together. 00:12:26.811 --> 00:12:35.772 Okay, I'll just stop you again, because it's like that poem about the footprints, about how there there were two sets of footprints and then there were one and it was like God, where did you go? 00:12:35.772 --> 00:12:38.116 And then God's like hey, I was carrying you. 00:12:38.116 --> 00:12:40.442 It's like you had a moment like that. 00:12:41.130 --> 00:12:43.440 I did yeah, and I know that poem. 00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:44.363 That's like a very like. 00:12:44.363 --> 00:12:46.070 Every Christian has that poem. 00:12:46.070 --> 00:12:46.432 I know what? 00:12:46.432 --> 00:12:47.395 Can I just tell you that? 00:12:47.738 --> 00:12:53.157 a couple of weeks ago, hannah, who's my daughter, who's been on the podcast, she texted it to me like she had just discovered it. 00:12:53.157 --> 00:12:57.073 It was precious, it was absolutely precious. 00:12:57.073 --> 00:12:59.058 I was like, oh, what a neat poem. 00:12:59.058 --> 00:13:02.696 I was like, by the way, your grandparents had that hanging on the wall when I was a kid. 00:13:02.696 --> 00:13:05.001 It's been around a bit. 00:13:06.230 --> 00:13:06.611 It's cute. 00:13:06.611 --> 00:13:07.815 It's cute when people discover things. 00:13:07.815 --> 00:13:16.974 But you know, I don't know if I had knew that poem, then, like, I feel like probably did, like it's such a like cliche, like been around. 00:13:16.974 --> 00:13:19.159 In the moment you discovered you're like, oh my gosh, wow. 00:13:19.159 --> 00:13:25.839 And then the moment you discovered again and again you're like, oh, okay, I mean it's so cool, but yeah, it's like it's been around. 00:13:26.962 --> 00:13:30.360 Yeah, I didn't mean to make light of a moment, but it really did make me think of that poem. 00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:35.250 All right, so let's go back to look, you're walking on the beach with God as you do. 00:13:38.134 --> 00:13:41.539 In that moment I had no words, I just listened. 00:13:41.539 --> 00:13:44.945 My mind went blank and I only heard his voice. 00:13:44.945 --> 00:13:49.942 He told me it was time to leave Apple and that I had done good and enough there. 00:13:49.942 --> 00:13:52.817 It was time for me to leave my job. 00:13:52.817 --> 00:13:54.061 That much was clear. 00:13:54.061 --> 00:13:57.513 But God wouldn't tell me what job I was to take next. 00:13:57.513 --> 00:13:59.860 He made it clear that it would be revealed later. 00:13:59.860 --> 00:14:02.149 All I had to do was follow his path. 00:14:02.149 --> 00:14:04.211 God knew my concerns. 00:14:04.211 --> 00:14:07.134 He knew my hesitations, without me expressing them. 00:14:07.134 --> 00:14:12.754 After the walk, jason and I got into the car, but I didn't tell him what had just happened. 00:14:12.754 --> 00:14:15.446 It was too intense and personal to say. 00:14:15.446 --> 00:14:22.585 In that moment, with mustard seed faith, I scheduled time with my store leader, marco, to tell him I was leaving. 00:14:23.066 --> 00:14:26.562 Over my years with Apple, marco had become a great mentor to me. 00:14:26.562 --> 00:14:36.902 He had given me the month off to take care of my mental health, had helped me develop leadership skills and Encouraged me every chance he could, and over the summer he had delivered some validating news. 00:14:36.902 --> 00:14:43.524 Every year, while I was at Apple, employees would receive a 2 to 5% Raise based on achievements during the year. 00:14:43.524 --> 00:14:50.048 I had pretty much received a 3% raise each year, but in the summer of 2012, things had changed. 00:14:50.048 --> 00:14:58.164 Normally, my direct superior would give me the news about my race, but that summer, marco had wanted to meet with me instead. 00:14:58.164 --> 00:15:01.235 In the meeting, he told me my performance have blown

him away. 00:15:01.235 --> 00:15:09.703 He also told me I was the first person who would learn about their raise and that he wanted to share it with me Personally because it was the highest in the store. 00:15:09.703 --> 00:15:15.126 After hearing that, I got a little nervous and excited about what he might say next. 00:15:15.126 --> 00:15:20.785 He told me he had looked into my salary and the salary of others in my same position. 00:15:20.785 --> 00:15:24.142 Based on his review, he wanted to bring my pay up substantially. 00:15:24.142 --> 00:15:29.518 Then he gave me the news I would be getting a 25% raise Instantly. 00:15:29.518 --> 00:15:30.860 That number empowered me. 00:15:30.860 --> 00:15:32.884 The raise spoke louder than words. 00:15:32.884 --> 00:15:37.491 It said you are doing a great job, you are noticed, you are valued. 00:15:37.491 --> 00:15:44.749 Now, here I was just a few months later, making more money than I ever had before, and I was preparing to quit a great job. 00:15:44.749 --> 00:15:49.424 It was a huge move, but with God's direction, I was determined to do it. 00:15:49.644 --> 00:15:51.107 The day came to meet with Marco. 00:15:51.107 --> 00:15:56.335 I was so nervous I took a 15 minute break right before the meeting to get myself together. 00:15:56.335 --> 00:16:00.514 During my break I checked the email on my phone and read a message from my mom. 00:16:00.514 --> 00:16:05.927 It said the director of technology ministry position had just opened up at my hometown church. 00:16:05.927 --> 00:16:09.605 Mom didn't know the details but she had talked to the pastor in charge. 00:16:09.605 --> 00:16:15.727 The pastor knew me from high school and I had interned with the former director of technology ministries back then. 00:16:15.727 --> 00:16:19.947 Given my history, he was very interested in having me apply. 00:16:19.947 --> 00:16:22.235 My heart pounded hard than harder. 00:16:22.235 --> 00:16:23.217 This was it. 00:16:23.217 --> 00:16:24.822 This was the next step. 00:16:24.822 --> 00:16:25.924 I just knew it. 00:16:25.924 --> 00:16:29.480 I put my phone away, went to meet with Marco and I quit. 00:16:29.480 --> 00:16:36.500 I gave him a month's notice so I could finish up any projects and get the new Lee Creative set up for success. 00:16:36.500 --> 00:16:39.447 We set my last day in the store as February 1st. 00:16:39.447 --> 00:16:45.054 Marco was very sad to see me go and he did ask if he could do anything to make me stay. 00:16:45.054 --> 00:16:49.533 But he understood why I wanted to be closer to family and respected my decision. 00:16:49.553 --> 00:16:58.195 As January progressed I had two phone interviews for the director of technology ministries position, but I never told the church I had already left my job. 00:16:58.195 --> 00:17:02.235 The interviews went really well and I knew a few people on the hiring committee. 00:17:02.235 --> 00:17:08.689 My last day in the Apple store arrived, although I was to be paid my

official last work check on February 9th. 00:17:08.689 --> 00:17:13.914 During the first week of February I rented a moving truck and packed up my Orlando apartment. 00:17:13.914 --> 00:17:18.674 I had an in-person interview slash campus visit for the director position in Tallahassee. 00:17:18.674 --> 00:17:24.167 I heard the job had come down to me and a 55 year old man who had a load more experience than I did. 00:17:24.167 --> 00:17:26.002 But that didn't stop me. 00:17:26.002 --> 00:17:28.414 Deep down I knew the job was mine. 00:17:28.414 --> 00:17:31.994 I drove the moving truck to my parents house and unloaded it. 00:17:31.994 --> 00:17:37.734 I planned on starting to look for a house in the next week, as I had been wanting to own my own home for some time. 00:17:37.734 --> 00:17:40.884 The next day I headed to the church for my campus visit. 00:17:40.884 --> 00:17:47.974 I dined with staff members, had a short informal interview with the hiring pastor and got the job on February 9th. 00:17:48.819 --> 00:17:51.615 In that moment the power of God was not lost on me. 00:17:51.615 --> 00:17:57.445 I realized that my last official day with Apple was the same day that Calarn United Methodist Church. 00:17:57.445 --> 00:17:58.828 Calarn hired me. 00:17:58.828 --> 00:18:01.343 My new job and new life began. 00:18:01.343 --> 00:18:04.775 I could see my family practically every day and I did. 00:18:04.775 --> 00:18:07.661 I found the perfect three bedroom and two bath house. 00:18:07.661 --> 00:18:10.548 It was rough around the edges, but I could see its potential. 00:18:10.548 --> 00:18:13.624 It was rough around the edges, but I could see its potential. 00:18:13.624 --> 00:18:16.994 I became a first-time homeowner in May 2013. 00:18:16.994 --> 00:18:18.720 Everything felt right. 00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:23.503 The pieces were falling into place and that's the house we sit in today. 00:18:24.337 --> 00:18:25.023 Here we are. 00:18:25.023 --> 00:18:29.925 I bet when you bought it oh, I wonder, when you bought it Did you think this would be a podcast studio? 00:18:30.796 --> 00:18:31.740 This was a guest room. 00:18:31.740 --> 00:18:33.776 Yeah, so no. 00:18:34.037 --> 00:18:35.980 I can be it still is. 00:18:36.382 --> 00:18:39.887 Yeah, the couches, but it's a it's a lot of things. 00:18:39.887 --> 00:18:42.748 Yeah, it's bursting at the seams with. 00:18:42.748 --> 00:18:43.714 That's what it is. 00:18:44.656 --> 00:18:47.865 It's very multi-purpose and very comfortable actually I like this room. 00:18:48.125 --> 00:18:48.586 That's nice. 00:18:48.586 --> 00:18:59.644 So I really relate to the moment you had with God on the beach where God was like this chapter is over, you know, your season at Apple is over. 00:18:59.644 --> 00:19:01.308 That's what you need to know right now. 00:19:01.308 --> 00:19:10.000 Yeah right, you don't need to know the next thing or the next five things, just take this next step. 00:19:10.000 --> 00:19:18.681 I relate to

that because I feel like that's often how it is with me and God, like that if I knew the next Five steps, I would totally get ahead of myself. 00:19:18.681 --> 00:19:20.767 Right, I have come to peace with. 00:19:20.767 --> 00:19:23.661 Usually I'm only gonna know the next right thing to do. 00:19:23.661 --> 00:19:26.857 Just do the next right thing and then More will. 00:19:26.857 --> 00:19:28.021 Then I'll understand better. 00:19:28.021 --> 00:19:29.065 You know what to do after that. 00:19:29.935 --> 00:19:31.119 Yeah, that's actually a. 00:19:31.119 --> 00:19:42.739 It's like a song or theme within the frozen 2 movie is the next right thing, and and I still haven't seen that frozen to well, both frozen and frozen 2 are great, but I actually like frozen 2 more. 00:19:42.739 --> 00:19:54.181 There's kind of a really like very Low moment for the on a character where she's like just has to like put one foot in front of the other and that's like all she can do and it's um. 00:19:54.181 --> 00:20:06.720 Yeah, I think there's some really good moments in that movie, but anyways, yeah, I agree, like there's definitely times where I like get one step but don't know like the 10 steps after. 00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:08.457 And I've kind of come to peace with that. 00:20:08.549 --> 00:20:14.615 Like you know, and a lot of things, the older I get, I realize it's feelings and I have to trust those feelings. 00:20:14.615 --> 00:20:18.796 It's like this feeling is telling me this, this feeling is telling me that, and it's just it's hard. 00:20:18.796 --> 00:20:26.692 I also feel like it's harder as life gets progresses, because I feel like you have natural endings when you're younger in life, like you have. 00:20:26.692 --> 00:20:35.219 Like I'm graduating high school, I'm graduating college, you know I'm starting my first job, I'm, you know, getting my first house. 00:20:35.219 --> 00:20:49.478 You know you have these like natural kind of like places, but then, as you get older, it becomes more muddy and you can easily just continue doing what you're doing for a very long time, because there's no natural the next thing? 00:20:49.829 --> 00:21:04.073 Yeah, and maybe that's even more true when you are self-employed, because you don't have an annual review where someone is, you know, marking time for you and you don't have someone saying oh you know, you've got two weeks of vacation, use it or lose it. 00:21:04.073 --> 00:21:12.175 You really are, you really are on your own to discern what the next steps are and to sustain everything. 00:21:12.175 --> 00:21:14.296 So I think time does feel different. 00:21:14.296 --> 00:21:21.532 Time progresses differently as we get older, but also I think that that time moves differently when you're self-employed. 00:21:22.190 --> 00:21:22.833 Yeah, for sure. 00:21:22.833 --> 00:21:29.598 So have you ever done something like I did here, where I just like quit a job and you didn't know what you were doing next? 00:21:29.598 -->

00:21:38.356 You just knew that you were done with that job, Not in a like I'm quit way, but just like in a I know this is over and that I don't know what's next. 00:21:39.289 --> 00:21:41.994 I've definitely never quit a job without knowing what was next. 00:21:41.994 --> 00:21:46.099 I've always needed a reason, you know, to move on. 00:21:46.099 --> 00:21:48.278 So I had to know what was next to know, and you did. 00:21:48.278 --> 00:21:54.555 I mean, you knew that coming to Tallahassee to be closer to your family was the right thing, was the next thing. 00:21:54.555 --> 00:22:00.038 I think for me it's more that I've started things without really knowing beyond the next step. 00:22:00.038 --> 00:22:13.174 You know like I agreed to be an interim director of children's ministry at the same church at Calarn, but I was really adamant that it had to be on an interim basis, that I knew that wasn't what I was supposed to do longterm, but it was what I was supposed to do, right then. 00:22:13.869 --> 00:22:14.634 How long were you interim? 00:22:15.150 --> 00:22:20.317 Just a school year, so just nine months, which was Really which was much longer than what I had agreed to. 00:22:20.710 --> 00:22:22.797 It was only nine months, and that's where we met. 00:22:23.017 --> 00:22:23.258 Yes. 00:22:23.849 --> 00:22:25.656 I thought we worked together the whole time. 00:22:25.656 --> 00:22:27.363 No what in the world? 00:22:27.363 --> 00:22:28.246 Oh, because then-. 00:22:28.246 --> 00:22:30.454 But then I did volunteer for you, you volunteered for me. 00:22:30.454 --> 00:22:32.214 That's what it was Okay. 00:22:32.234 --> 00:22:38.118 Because when I wasn't working there, then I could volunteer on Sunday mornings, and so I volunteered in the sound booth. 00:22:38.118 --> 00:22:39.054 The sound booth, okay. 00:22:39.950 --> 00:22:55.116 So that's why I feel like we worked together a lot, because you were working there as the director of children's ministry at the beginning and then you were done with that, but then you volunteered for tech and then you and I got to hang out a bunch during that. 00:22:55.116 --> 00:23:02.255 Okay, that's why I feel like we worked together, because we did in like, yeah, different ways, different ways, yeah, okay. 00:23:02.255 --> 00:23:08.061 So what was the next thing after the interim director that you did? 00:23:08.931 --> 00:23:13.890 Well, while I was the interim director, I brought back a program called Bible Basics. 00:23:13.890 --> 00:23:22.143 We would give Bibles to third graders and I created my own curriculum and taught it and really liked doing that. 00:23:22.143 --> 00:23:26.698 And then one of the parents came to me and said this is embarrassing, but can you do a Bible Basics for adults? 00:23:26.698 --> 00:23:30.420 And I was like, yes, I can, let's do that. 00:23:30.420 --> 00:23:37.358 And at the same time I knew from other things that were happening in the church that nobody was going to commit to like a six-week study or a six-month study. 00:23:37.358 --> 00:23:45.579 I don't know how we got through our step study, but because people, that was not a thing that people were committing to, and so I was like I'm going to do it as a one off workshop. 00:23:45.579 --> 00:23:51.095 So that's when I created Bible 100, which is where I kind of do an overview of the Bible in 100 minutes or less. 00:23:51.095 --> 00:23:52.660 It's never or less, though. 00:23:52.660 --> 00:23:55.678 In fact I just did it a couple of weeks ago and it took me 120 minutes. 00:23:56.118 --> 00:23:58.115 Oh no, did you have your timer going? 00:23:58.329 --> 00:23:59.675 You're like really, fast or is the end? 00:23:59.675 --> 00:24:06.269 Yeah, I have my timer going and then I just turned it off and then at the end somebody was like that was a really good Bible 120. 00:24:06.269 --> 00:24:08.705 Oh, my gosh, sassy, sassy. 00:24:08.705 --> 00:24:09.108 I know. 00:24:09.108 --> 00:24:13.849 I was like well, you know, I had to add some extra stories and that added some time. 00:24:13.970 --> 00:24:15.854 Did people ask questions that you could blame it on that? 00:24:15.854 --> 00:24:18.778 No, no, it could be like it was all me, you were the reason. 00:24:18.778 --> 00:24:24.234 I was the reason for the video of it, because, because you edited it yeah. 00:24:25.691 --> 00:24:29.157 I worked for the production company that did editing, for the company that produced it. 00:24:29.157 --> 00:24:29.499 Yeah, yeah. 00:24:29.499 --> 00:24:58.200 So I'm remembering a story involving your husband and because there was like places where you could volunteer within the church and he worked on a committee that was part of getting transitioning a new pastor into the church and I think, for some reason, like I was like making a video about the new pastor but no one was supposed to know about him yet, so it was just me and your husband and this new pastor, and maybe you were there. 00:24:58.200 --> 00:24:59.481 Yeah, I think you were there too. 00:24:59.481 --> 00:25:09.577 I was like in the back of the church, like I just remember it specifically because I was in the back of the church and I had just started doing Mother of our projects, like a couple of weeks before or something. 00:25:09.577 --> 00:25:13.901 I had just started like posting these videos of like doing projects around the house with my mom. 00:25:14.770 --> 00:25:16.256 And I remember Stephen, your husband. 00:25:16.256 --> 00:25:17.835 I remember him being like so. 00:25:17.835 --> 00:25:18.416 So what is this? 00:25:18.416 --> 00:25:20.155 What is this video stuff you're doing? 00:25:20.155 --> 00:25:21.434 And I was like, oh, you know, just for fun. 00:25:21.589 --> 00:25:23.538 He's like are you going to quit and do this full time? 00:25:23.538 --> 00:25:26.417 I was like whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, this isn't my job. 00:25:26.417 --> 00:25:27.300 What do you know? 00:25:27.300 --> 00:25:28.914 No, no, no, no, oh, my

goodness. 00:25:28.914 --> 00:25:45.323 And he was like, oh, okay, but I just remember that so distinctively because you know that was so foreign, that concept was such a foreign concept to me, like I couldn't even imagine like doing that full time and like not having a standard nine to five job. 00:25:45.323 --> 00:25:47.336 And I was like, oh, I could never do that. 00:25:47.509 --> 00:25:51.775 And you were doing that, like you were doing this online content, you had done Bible 100. 00:25:51.775 --> 00:25:54.838 Like you were kind of, and you were doing speaking events, like you were doing that. 00:25:54.838 --> 00:25:59.849 And I remember like thinking like I could never do that, like just have like my own job and all that stuff, like. 00:25:59.849 --> 00:26:07.016 But he was the first person that like put that into my head of like, but it totally made me think the opposite. 00:26:07.016 --> 00:26:08.817 Like, no, I am not. 00:26:08.817 --> 00:26:10.474 But then it was six months later. 00:26:10.474 --> 00:26:16.539 Yeah, I freaking quit that job and I went full time, and so he was right, he was right, he was right. 00:26:16.539 --> 00:26:18.895 He basically just wasn't right on the timing. 00:26:18.895 --> 00:26:19.873 I wasn't quitting that day. 00:26:19.873 --> 00:26:27.816 But just six months later I was, I was there, I quit, um, so I don't know that just made me think of like him asking me that and I was just like what? 00:26:28.211 --> 00:26:29.474 Yeah, that's not at all. 00:26:29.675 --> 00:26:34.140 Yeah, so I don't think that's the reason why, because a white man suggested it. 00:26:34.140 --> 00:26:36.577 I don't think that's why let's not give him too much power. 00:26:36.577 --> 00:26:43.853 But uh, it was the first time to like, really like, just make me like think, like, no, no, no, I could never, right. 00:26:43.853 --> 00:26:45.295 So this is just a side hustle. 00:26:45.315 --> 00:26:45.957 This is just a hop. 00:26:45.977 --> 00:26:48.621 Yeah, this is just, you know, for fun, we're just doing this, yeah. 00:26:50.509 --> 00:26:53.957 You were far more successful as an online content creator than I ever was. 00:26:53.957 --> 00:26:56.961 You had good content. 00:26:56.961 --> 00:26:57.903 I had good content. 00:26:57.903 --> 00:27:00.778 It was not, um, I never was good at monetizing it. 00:27:00.778 --> 00:27:02.454 Well, that's cool. 00:27:02.454 --> 00:27:07.859 That's that, that my Steve, my Steven was a small part of your story, or that you even have that memory. 00:27:07.859 --> 00:27:08.760 That's cool, I like that. 00:27:10.309 --> 00:27:16.278 I really liked that idea of like the next right thing, of knowing the next right thing but not knowing knowing like the next 10 right things. 00:27:16.278 --> 00:27:18.532 And I always struggle like when? 00:27:18.532 --> 00:27:20.878 When people are like what is your 10 year plan? 00:27:20.959 --> 00:27:22.211 What is your next 10 year plan you? 00:27:22.310 --> 00:27:29.512

look like I never have a good answer for that, because I am somebody that really tries to live in every day and I don't. 00:27:29.512 --> 00:27:31.559 I have no idea what's going to look like in 10 years. 00:27:31.559 --> 00:27:35.084 Like I just learned last year that I'm a lesbian. 00:27:35.084 --> 00:27:36.269 Like that's huge. 00:27:36.269 --> 00:27:41.182 Like I, if you had to, if I had had had a 10 year plan, that wouldn't have been in it. 00:27:41.182 --> 00:27:43.217 Like well, this year, learn your own lesbian. 00:27:43.217 --> 00:27:56.660 Like you know, there's just so many things that I have, no, I can't see the future of, and so if I was to make a 10 year plan, I feel like it would just box me in so much to something that I don't even know, like what that's going to look like. 00:27:56.660 --> 00:28:13.339 So, yeah, I like that concept of like the next right thing, cause, as we're, you know, reading this chapter, like it's cool to kind of see, like remember this period of my life, but I'm almost in another transition period of, like you know, 10 years later, what does that next transition look like? 00:28:13.339 --> 00:28:15.936 And all I know is the next right thing. 00:28:16.238 --> 00:28:22.790 Right and and it's okay to lean into the next right thing and trust that after that you'll know the next right thing Exactly. 00:28:28.470 --> 00:28:45.335 So, beth, as we're talking about the next right thing, something that me and you have talked about recently is that, after we have finished going through every chapter of the book, that we are going to transition out of the podcast. 00:28:45.335 --> 00:28:50.743 We have made that decision, which it doesn't come lightly. 00:28:50.743 --> 00:28:54.140 This is something that's been part of our lives for five years. 00:28:54.140 --> 00:29:00.075 It'll be five years and we started 2019,. 00:29:00.075 --> 00:29:07.909 May 31st was our first date and that will be our end date, just in 2024. 00:29:08.432 --> 00:29:12.878 Yeah, from May 31st 2019 to May 31st 2024. 00:29:13.320 --> 00:29:20.699 Yeah, which just seems like a pretty little bow to have on there, and we've already planned the next, all the next episodes. 00:29:20.699 --> 00:29:25.674 We have a lot of good stuff coming up and finishing up the book, so there's definitely more content to come. 00:29:25.694 --> 00:29:30.640 Yeah, and we're going to end well, we're not just forgetting about this project or just abandoning it. 00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:34.096 No, we're going to end well, I think we always do things with intention. 00:29:34.349 --> 00:29:36.111 It's not just like and it's done, we're like. 00:29:36.111 --> 00:29:37.174 There's intention behind it. 00:29:37.516 --> 00:29:40.094 Yeah, so we're discerning the next right step. 00:29:40.434 --> 00:29:46.430 Yes, yeah, at the end of each episode we end with questions for reflection. 00:29:46.430 --> 00:29:53.220 These are questions based on today's show that Beth will read and leave a little pause between for you to answer to yourself, or you can find the written in the description. 00:29:54.122 --> 00:29:58.559 Number one have you had the experience of knowing only the next right step? 00:29:58.559 --> 00:29:59.751 What was that like? 00:29:59.751 --> 00:30:03.597 Number two Reflect on the transitions in your life. 00:30:03.597 --> 00:30:08.137 What is it like when a transition isn't attached to a life event, like graduating from school? 00:30:08.137 --> 00:30:15.259 Number three have you ever had a God moment or a sense of knowing like Steph had on the beach? 00:30:15.259 --> 00:30:19.497 And number four what does having faith mean to you? 00:30:21.789 --> 00:30:23.416 This has been the Discovering Our Scars podcast. 00:30:23.416 --> 00:30:28.450 Thank you for joining us.