THE COACH
PILOT SCRIPT (Intuition)
By
Eric McKeever
(SOUND -THEME MUSIC begins. The Theme Music fades but can be heard underneath the Narrator’s opening.)
NARRATOR
New York City, the place where people spend day and night wrestling with their dreams. DREAMS being an acronym for Disastrous Results Every Auditionee Must Suffer. One of those people is EVAN NIXON, a very attractive African American man in his mid-30s who used to be a performer but is now sitting on this city bus starting a brand-new adventure. He has a broad smile on his face and is seated next to a pleasant looking OLDER WHITE WOMAN who notices.
(SOUND – Music stops. The hustle and bustle of NYC and people talking are heard in the BACKGROUND underneath the scene.)
OLDER WOMAN
Why are you so smiley, Mr. Smiley Smile?
EVAN
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
NARRATOR
He hands her his business card. It says: "Evan Nixon, Life Coach Extraordinaire."
OLDER WOMAN
(Under her breath)
Oh, God, not another freakin' life coach.
EVAN
I know what you're saying: "Not another freakin' life coach." It does seem to be the job du jour. But after you hear my story, you'll know I am on the right path. I was a struggling actor, like so many, then one day, I had an epiphany.
(SOUND – FLASHBACK SOUND)
NARRATOR
We flashback to a Brooklyn Subway, two and half years ago.
(SOUND – Subway Voice, A subway train whizzes by, another subway door is opening, people are crowding on.)
NARRATOR
Evan is sitting on a bench holding a Little Black Girl and looking very confused.
BLACK GIRL
Epiphany!
NARRATOR
We return to the present on that NYC Bus.
(SOUND – NYC and bus are the background.)
EVAN
And after giving her back to her mother, I had my own epiphany. I was heading to an audition where I was up for a role in a new musical about a jellyfish, some pantyhose and their wacky cross-country adventure when—
(SOUND – A bell dings.)
OLDER WOMAN
Sorry, this is my stop.
NARRATOR
She stands up, gathers her things and immediately moves… two seats up.
EVAN
(To himself)
I guess I should have told her that I am a certified life coach.
(SOUND – THEME MUSIC INTERLUDE.)
((SOUND – Miss Erica’s Theme Underscore.)
NARRATOR
We flashback to two years earlier. Welcome to a classroom filled with students at Miss Erica's Life Coaching Institute and Cross-Dressing Academy. MISS ERICA is striking, elegant and African American. She appears to some as a woman and to others as someone in drag. The point is it doesn't matter what she appears to be, it's her spirit and energy that are her truth. Evan is sitting with several other students.
(SOUND – Music stops.)
MISS ERICA
Intuition. In-to-I-, and inside a circle with a line through it is the word, “Shun.” This is our gut feeling, how we receive information and get a "sense" of things. We all have it within us to be intuitive. For example: Dennis, what am I thinking?
DENNIS
That I should have worn something else?
NARRATOR
DENNIS is wearing a ratty bathrobe.
MISS ERICA
That is correct. Now go home and change. And don't come back wearing those sweat-pant dress pants! (BEAT) Evan, what am I thinking?
EVAN
How to best impart your wisdom. By creating situations for us to work on our intuition, you are showing us that it is something we can cultivate.
MISS ERICA
(Clearly impressed)
That is absolutely correct. By the way, Evan, can you see me after class?
CLASS
Ooooooo.
EVAN
Yes, Miss Erica.
SUSAN
(Whispering)
Maybe you can settle the debate of whether she is a real woman or not.
MISS ERICA
What was that, Susan?
SUSAN
What? I didn't say anything. It was Dennis. He's distracting the class by wearing his new Taco Cat Romper.
DENNIS
It’s like being a kitty cat. Meow.
(THEME MUSIC INTERLUDE.)
NARRATOR
Later that day in a hallway outside Miss Erica’s office, Evan is about to knock.
MISS ERICA
Come in.
NARRATOR
Evan enters as Miss Erica swivels around with elegance.
(SOUND - A Harp Glissando accompanies a series of whispered voices saying “elegance.”)
MISS ERICA
Thank you for coming. I wanted to have a brief conversation regarding your career as a Life Coach.
EVAN
I truly love it!
MISS ERICA
Tell me more about your performance past. Why did you quit?
EVAN
(Nervous)
I wasn't… It wasn't… I just quit. It was time to quit.
MISS ERICA
But I feel there is something holding you back.
EVAN
(To himself)
Like my constant need for approval, my crippling self-doubt, and my unnatural fear of beards?
MISS ERICA
What?
EVAN
Nothing.
MISS ERICA
Evan, what made you stop performing?
EVAN
I wanted more out of life besides constantly being told "no.” So, I came here to Miss Erica's Life Coaching Institute.
MISS ERICA
…and Cross-Dressing Academy.
EVAN
I’m only here for the first part.
(SOUND – A Haunting, Mysterious sound.)
MISS ERICA
Someone’s at the door.
(SOUND – There is a knock at her door.)
NARRATOR
FIVE BALD, BEARDED MEN OF VARYING HEIGHTS (THE JEFFS) enter.
MISS ERICA
Evan, these are the Jeffs.
EVAN
(To himself)
Oh my God! They all have beards!
MISS ERICA
Oh, forgive me. Let me be more specific. This is Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff and last, but not least, Jeff.
EVAN
Um, hello?
JEFF #1
Hi, I’m Jeff number 1.
NARRATOR
The other Jeffs do not speak.
MISS ERICA
I need to have an emergency session with the Jeffs. Can you please excuse me?
NARRATOR
Evan walks by the Jeffs staring at them like one would a sideshow attraction. The four who don't speak begin to gesture wildly.
JEFF#1
I just want to make certain that my voice is heard—
MISS ERICA
One at a time, please!
(THEME MUSIC INTERLUDE.)
NARRATOR
Back to the present. Evan is walking down a quiet hallway. He turns to his right and stares at a non-descript door that says:
EVAN
"Evan Nixon, Certified Life Coach."
(SOUND – A door opening.)
NARRATOR
Waiting for him is Jeff #1.
JEFF #1
Your secretary let me in.
A VOICE
I told you I'm the janitor!
(SOUND – The door closes.)
EVAN
So, Jeff—
JEFF #1
I'm Jeff Number 1.
EVAN
What? Oh, okay. So, what brings you here Jeff Number 1?
JEFF #1
I remembered you from the office of Miss Erica's Life Coaching Institute and Cross-Dressing Academy.
EVAN
I only went for the first part. (BEAT) Did she recommend me?
JEFF #1
No. She's off the grid these days. But I need someone to help me with my… situation. We met in her office a couple of years ago, so I decided to look you up.
EVAN
Well, what is your problem?
JEFF #1
You may recall that I have four other friends, also named Jeff, and that they don't speak.
EVAN
Very hard to forget.
JEFF #1
They don't want me talking for them anymore.
NARRATOR
The other Jeffs are standing in a cramped corner of Evan's office holding a sign that says: "I can speak for myself."
EVAN
What was your first sign? Uh, okay, anyway, my instincts tell me that they might want to speak for themselves.
JEFF #1
That’s just it! They don’t talk!
EVAN
You've spent quite a bit of time speaking for others, but tell me Jeff #1, what is it that you want to say?
NARRATOR
The other Jeffs are now holding a sign that says: "It better be something good."
JEFF #1
(Emotional)
This is all very confusing. I don't know what to do!
(SOUND – Door opening and Jeff #1 running down the hall.)
EVAN
Would you like to discuss what just happened?
NARRATOR
The other Jeffs now have a sign that says: "You're a terrible Life Coach." They flip it, it says, "We're leaving." They flip it again, it now says, "That shirt makes you look fat."
(SOUND – The Jeffs footsteps can be heard walking out.)
EVAN
Wait! Where are you going? Why don't you speak? (BEAT) This shirt was supposed to be sliming.
(THEME MUSIC INTERLUDE.)
(SOUND – Kevin and Evan Theme Underscore.)
NARRATOR
Let’s visit the home of Evan Nixon and his husband, KEVIN RUSSELL. Kevin is sitting on a couch reading a legal brief.
(SOUND – Door opens, then slams.)
KEVIN
How was your day?
NARRATOR
Evan, trying to stifle tears, runs down the hall into a bedroom.
(SOUND – Footsteps running.)
KEVIN
Remember, they took the old bed out because the new one is being delivered tomorrow.
EVAN
(In the distance)
Dammit!
KEVIN
What's wrong?
EVAN
(Getting closer)
Kevin, I'm a failure! Today was my first day as a life coach and my meeting with my client was horrible! I said all the wrong things. That $5,000 I took from our vacation account to rent my office space was a waste of money!
KEVIN
Honey, it's going to be… wait, you took out $5,000?
EVAN
(Aware that he is caught)
Didn't I tell you? I meant to tell you. So, now I’ll tell you: I took out $5,000 from our vacation account—
KEVIN
I got it! (BEAT) Breathe and tell me what happened.
EVAN
I was talking to my new client and then I said something that made him leave the room. I caught him before he got on the elevator and talked him into coming back into my office.
KEVIN
That doesn't sound so bad.
EVAN
Then things got weird.
NARRATOR
Flashback to Evan’s Office.
(SOUND – Flashback sound.)
EVAN
Gray skies are gonna clear up,
Put on a happy face.
Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha
Brush off the clouds and cheer up,
put on a happy face.
Is any of this helping?
JEFF #1
(BEAT)
No.
NARRATOR
Back to the present at Evan and Kevin’s.
KEVIN
You sang to him?
EVAN
I panicked.
KEVIN
Maybe you need to talk to someone else about this. What was the name of the person who ran Miss Erica's Life Coaching Institute and Cross-Dressing Academy?
EVAN
You mean Miss Erica?
KEVIN
Hmm, seemed too obvious. Yes, go see her.
EVAN
I think that's a splendid idea. It's been a few years… but I’m pretty sure she’ll remember me.
NARRATOR
Flashback again to Miss Erica’s Life-Coaching Institute and Cross-Dressing Academy. Everyone is standing still as water sprinklers are showering them at full blast. Evan is standing by the lever.
(SOUND – Water sprinklers at full blast are showering the classroom.)
MISS ERICA
(Calmly, but clearly irritated)
Evan, I appreciate that you wanted to stop the class from arguing and "keep this fire from spreading," but next time just let me handle things.
NARRATOR
SUSAN, who has big hair, now has now big wet hair.
SUSAN
My hair is ruined!
NARRATOR
And behind her is Dennis.
DENNIS
Honey, it was ruined way before now.
(SOUND – Water Sprinkler sound stops.)
NARRATOR
We return to the home of Evan and Kevin in the present.
KEVIN
Well, give her a call. (BEAT )I love you.
(SOUND – “Awwww” Sound FX.)
EVAN
Latrice, find me the number for Miss Erica's Life Coaching Institute and Cross-Dressing Academy.
(SOUND – Beeping Sound FX.)
LATRICE
Why the hell you want to find that place? Alright, hold on.
(SOUND - Annoyingly loud HOLD MUSIC. She interrupts the music to say:)
LATRICE (CONT’D)
That shit burned down a few weeks ago. No new number. All mail can be sent to MDLL-Men That Dress Like Ladies.
EVAN
MDLL? Latrice, find the address for—
LATRICE
135 West East South Street. I was looking it up, impatient ass.
EVAN
Thanks, Latrice.
LATRICE
You welcome, baby!
NARRATOR
We cut to a call center filled with drag queens acting as personal phone assistants. LATRICE is, in fact, a voluptuous Caucasian woman.
(SOUND – Phones ringing, people talking.)
“FEMALE” VOICE
Girl, stop pretending. You’re not black… or even a drag queen!
NARRATOR
Meanwhile, back at Evan and Kevin’s…
(SOUND – A phone rings twice.)
(SOUND – Phone Call Underscore.)
RECEPTIONIST
Hello, Men That Dress Like Ladies, how may I direct your call?
EVAN
Hello. I'd like to speak with… Miss Erica.
RECEPTIONIST
You'll have to be more specific. We have three Miss Ericas. Do you want Miss Erica, the Lion Tamer? Oh, wait. She's in the ICU, Bronx Zoo mishap. Or Miss Erica the undocumented descendant of film star George Hamilton, although pulling her out of the tanning bed is as dangerous as trying to be a Lion Tamer at the Bronx Zoo. Or would you like the other Miss Erica?
(SOUND – Underscore stops.)
EVAN
(Beat)
Um, I guess the other Miss Erica.
(SOUND – Underscore begins again.)
RECEPTIONIST
Patching you through. Latrice, please connect me to Miss Erica.
(SOUND – Beep, Beep Sound FX.)
LATRICE
Which one, baby?
RECEPTIONIST
The other one.
LATRICE
Hold on, sugar.
RECEPTIONIST
Good luck. She hasn't been the same since… the incident.
EVAN
The incident?
(SOUND – Underscore stops. Annoyingly loud HOLD MUSIC. The Hold Music stops.)
RECEPTIONIST
She's not answering. Should I leave a message?
EVAN
No thanks.
KEVIN
Did you get in touch with her?
EVAN
No. She's in some place called Men That Dress Like Ladies. They put me through to her room, but there was no answer. Something’s not right.
(SOUND – The same Haunting, Mysterious Sound from earlier.)
EVAN
I just feel it.
KEVIN
I'll call a lawyer friend of mine in the morning and we'll look to see if there have been any complaints filed.
EVAN
But I want to do something now!
KEVIN
Please tell me you're not going to do something crazy like put on a disguise and try and rescue Miss Erica.
NARRATOR
Evan appears dressed as a doctor in a lab coat and stethoscope.
KEVIN (CONT'D)
Where did you even find that outfit?
EVAN
I saw it in a window.
NARRATOR
Evan’s DOWNSTAIRS neighbor is staring at an exact cut out of a lab coat and stethoscope from his front curtains.
DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBOR
Dammit, Evan!
EVAN
I’m heading out. I love you.
(SOUND – “Awwww” Sound FX.)
EVAN (CONT’D)
And yes… I have bail money.
(THEME MUSIC INTERLUDE.)
(SOUND – Minxy’s Theme Underscore.)
NARRATOR
We arrive at a hip Brooklyn Apartment. The home of MINXY, a 30-something, stylish New Yorker and Evan's Ride or Die.
(SOUND – Underscore stops. A doorbell. Then the SOUND of a door opening.)
MINXY
Who are we saving today?
EVAN
Hey Minxy. Remember the woman that was my mentor while I was in Coaching School—
MINXY
Miss Erica of Miss Erica's Life Coaching Institute and Cross-Dressing Academy, but you just did the first part, right? Yes, I remember. Come in, this calls for a drink. Cocktail?
EVAN
No thanks.
MINXY
I'll have yours then.
(SOUND – During the next dialogue Minxy pours the ingredients into a shaker and shakes vigorously. She then plops two large ice cubes into two glasses. She then pours the cocktail into two glasses.)
EVAN
My intuition says she's being held hostage and I want to—
MINXY
Break her out by pretending you're her long-lost doctor. And you want me to dress up and act like your assistant?
EVAN
Um, yes
(SOUND – Minxy gulps down her first drink.)
MINXY
I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in getting mixed up in another Evan Nixon misadventure. I'm still picking glitter out of my hair.
EVAN
Please. No one is better at mischief and mayhem than you. By the way, what’s up with the glitter exploding all around you?
MINXY
If I knew, I’d patent it, market it and sell it to cheerleading squads.
(SOUND – Minxy gulps down her second cocktail.)
MINXY (CONT’D)
When do we start?
EVAN
Right now. Let’s go!
(THEME MUSIC INTERLUDE.)
(SOUND – MDLL Underscore Music.)
NARRATOR
It’s later that evening. We are now at Men that Dress Like Ladies inside a dark room. Miss Erica is lying in a hospital-style bed.
(SOUND – Underscore stops. A knock at the door.)
MISS ERICA
(With some difficulty)
Come in.
(SOUND – A door opening.)
EVAN
Miss Erica? I'm so glad I found you. I need your help.
MISS ERICA
Can I ask you a question?
EVAN
Anything.
MISS ERICA
Who the hell are you?
EVAN
Miss Erica, I'm Evan Nixon. You were my mentor, remember? (BEAT) Think fire alarm.
NARRATOR
And Flashback again to Miss Erica’s Classroom.
(SOUND – Water sprinklers in the background.)
EVAN
Sorry.
SUSAN
My hair!
DENNIS
Still ruined.
(SOUND – Water sprinklers stop.)
NARRATOR
And back to the present.
MISS ERICA
I do remember you. Why are you dressed like a doctor? And why is she dressed like… ?
NARRATOR
Minxy is dressed up like a devil.
MINXY
I heard Men that Dress Like Hades.
EVAN
Ah, now it makes more sense. (BEAT) Miss Erica, I’m dressed like this because I wanted to sneak in and see you.
MISS ERICA
Evan, I need your help.
EVAN
What’s wrong?
MISS ERICA
They won't let me go home and see my Harold. You've got to help me escape!
EVAN
Miss Erica, I was hoping you could help me. Today was my first day of being a life coach and I failed miserably. I sang to my client. (BEAT) Sang!
MISS ERICA
You do like to sing.
(SOUND – Shuffling of papers.)
MISS ERICA (CONT'D)
Let’s see… Nestor, Nims, Ah, Nixon. Here, read this.
(SOUND – Sweet Music Underscore.)
EVAN
Mr. Nixon is smart, funny, sensitive, a good listener and most of all, caring. He can be a leader but is also good at being a team player. Most importantly, his desire to help seem wholly genuine. But if he touches that fire alarm one more freakin’ time—
(SOUND – Music abruptly stops.)
MISS ERICA
You get the point.
(SOUND – Sweet Underscore begins again.)
EVAN
You really think those things about me?
MINXY
You do have a weird propensity for touching fire alarms.
MISS ERICA
Evan, my dear, you were selected to be in the Life Coaching Institute from a large pool of applicants.
(SOUND – Music abruptly stops.)
NARRATOR
Little did he know it was a swimming pool filled with lots of resumes.
(SOUND – Sweet Music begins again.)
MISS ERICA
In-to-I…
MISS ERICA EVAN
Shun. Shun.
(SOUND – Music abruptly stops.)
MINXY
What in the hell are you two talking about? (BEAT) Are we breaking you out of here or not? I have a date.
MISS ERICA EVAN
You do? You do?
MINXY
It's with a bowl of ice cream (BEAT)and I'm not cancelling.
MISS ERICA
The home is having a party tonight— Samba for Spina bifida—and we can sneak out before Nurse Nachtmerrie shows up!
MINXY EVAN
Who? Who?
(SOUND – Suspenseful music begins.)
MISS ERICA
Nurse Nachtmerrie is the head nurse here at MDLL. She's as scary as a drag queen doing her own make-up for the first time. She skulks about injecting things into people all the while pretending she cares. She's the one that won't let me see my Harold! I don’t belong here. I need to escape!
(SOUND – Miss Erica continues crying.)
EVAN
We’ve got to get her out of here!
(SOUND – The same Haunting, Mysterious Sound.)
MINXY
I have an idea.
(SOUND -THEME MUSIC INTERLUDE.)
NARRATOR
Evan and Minxy are now pushing a wheelchair-bound Miss Erica down an MDLL hallway. They are all dressed like Calypso dancers. (IMPROV)
MINXY
It's amazing what gets left behind in the Lost and Found.
EVAN
My outfit smells like…
NARRATOR
Evan lifts his arm. A piece of bologna falls out.
MINXY
You think it’s still good? I’m starving.
(SOUND – Eerie music is in the background.)
MISS ERICA
If we get past Nurse Nachtmerrie we are home free.
(SOUND – Several whispered voices are heard saying “NURSE NACHTMERRIE.”)
MISS ERICA
(Terrified)
Ah! Nurse Nachtmerrie!
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
Schöne grüße, Miss Erica. Are you heading to the dance?
EVAN
Yes! But first, we were going to get some fresh air.
NURSE NACTMERRIE
Und you are?
MINXY
We are her children. Twins.
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
I wasn't aware that you had… children.
ELKA
(In Hungarian-like accent)
Is impossible.
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
Well-said, Elka. Do explain.
EVAN
Run!
(SOUND – Chase music Underscore.)
NARRATOR
And they’re off! Minxy runs past Nurse Nachtmerrie and Elka while Evan turns and pushes Miss Erica in the opposite direction. A keystone cop chase ensues with Miss Erica sometimes being wheeled by Evan, sometimes Evan being wheeled by Minxy, and sometimes just the wheelchair whizzing by with everyone (except Miss Erica) chasing it.
(SOUND – Chase Music ends.)
NARRATOR
Eventually Evan, Minxy, and Miss Erica sneak back into Miss Erica’s room.
ELKA
Is time to stop.
NARRATOR
Surprised by Elka, glitter shoots from behind Minxy.
(SOUND – Glitter SFX.)
MINXY
How?!
EVAN
You can't treat people like this!
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
Let me guess, she told you we are keeping her against her will and that we won't let her see her Harold. Am I right?
EVAN
Well, yes.
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
You see, Miss Erica is suffering from eine Täschung… a delusion. She was in a long-term relationship with a man named Harold Johnson. But Harold passed away last year. In his will he left a large sum of money designating MDLL to be her primary care giver in her, wie sacht man? Her advanced years.
EVAN
How do I know you're telling the truth?
NARRATOR
Elka pulls a newspaper clipping out of her bra.
(SOUND – Paper being removed.)
EVAN (CONT’D)
Harold’s obituary?
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
Jawohl. Miss Erica gets it into her head every few weeks or so that we are keeping her against her will and she tries to escape. (With warmth) But I must say, this is the first time someone has come to help her. She must be someone very special to you.
EVAN
She's pretty much my role model.
ELKA
Is horrible idea.
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
I’ll give you a few moments. Come Elka, schnell!
(SOUND – A door opens and closes.)
(SOUND – Tender Music Underscore.)
EVAN
Miss Erica, I remember you telling me that sometimes people miss things so much that they deny that they are gone. They sometimes fabricate very elaborate stories.
MISS ERICA
You don't believe me? They won't let me see my Harold.
EVAN
Harold is in a different place, and you can’t be with him right now.
MINXY
(With awkward tenderness)
Not until you're dead. (BEAT )It’s the glitter. It makes me say crazy things!
EVAN
This obituary says that Harold passed away a few weeks ago.
MISS ERICA
My Harold? I loved him so much. We had such a wonderful love affair. He was so strong and open and understanding—
MINXY
Because of the cross-dressing?
(SOUND – Music abruptly stops.)
MISS ERICA
Because I’m a Life-Coach!
(SOUND – A door opens.)
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
Time to go to the dance, Miss Erica.
EVAN
Miss Erica, I promise I’ll come visit. And thank you for offering me words of advice. I think I can do this Life Coaching thing!
NARRATOR
Elka wheels Miss Erica away.
(SOUND – Wheelchair.)
MINXY
Drag queens are weird.
EVAN
Child, everyone is weird. Also, I don’t think she’s a drag queen.
MINXY
Wait… what?
(THEME MUSIC INTERLUDE.)
NARRATOR
It’s the next day. Evan is finishing up a session with Jeff #1.
EVAN
Jeff #1. You've been so quiet today, but I think I know why. The silence of the other Jeffs has inspired you to look inward.
(SOUND – Door opens.)
JEFF #1
Sorry, I was running late.
(SOUND – Door closes.)
JEFF #1 (CONT’D)
Get up!
EVAN
That makes more sense. Will they be at all our sessions?
NARRATOR
The Jeffs have a sign that says, “Duh.”
EVAN
What I was saying is that now is the time to find your own voice. You are no longer bound to speak for others, just yourself.
JEFF #1
I’m speechless.
(THEME MUSIC INTERLUDE.)
KEVIN
So, he just needed permission to use his own voice?
EVAN
Yes! And the other Jeffs seemed quite happy about it. Although I can only assume that, because they don't speak. When I was talking to Miss Erica, she was telling me how wonderful her relationship with Harold had been. He made her so happy. I hope you know that's how I feel about you. I feel so blessed to have someone so understanding of my…
NARRATOR
Evan uses air quotes for…
EVAN (CONT’D)
… crazy.
KEVIN
Oh, honey, you don't have to use air quotes. You really are crazy. But I love you all the same.
(SOUND – “Awww” SFX.)
(SOUND – Soothing “hospital” music.)
NARRATOR
Meanwhile, back at MDLL, Miss Erica is sitting in her room. Nurse Nachtmerrie enters.
(SOUND – A door opens.)
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
Guten Abend, Miss Erica. Time for your shot.
MISS ERICA
I really hate that damn thing. What is it again?
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
This shot is a way to guarantee that you get your vitamins and other medications. This way you don't have to worry about daily doses. One shot every thirty days keeps our residents vital und active.
(SOUND – Shot being administered SFX. Snoring SFX.)
(SOUND – Soothing Music gradually fades as Sinister Music emerges.)
NURSE NACHTMERRIE (CONT’D)
There you go, meine schöne Engel, meine kleine geliebte kartoffel… potato.
NARRATOR
Nurse Nachtmerrie leaves. She walks down a long hall where several residents are also getting shots. They all respond exactly the way Miss Erica did. At the end of the hall is a door.
(SOUND – A code being entered followed by a large door creaking open.)
NARRATOR
Inside this secret room is A MIDDLE-AGED MAN (HAROLD)strapped to a chair. He is coming to.
HAROLD
(Groggy)
What... What day is it?
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
Don't you worry your pretty, little head about such trivial things as the date, or the time of day, or if Kanye has said something crazy. He has always said something crazy. We've got work to do meine kleine Zwiebel. Mister Harold Johnson, are you ready for your treatment?
HAROLD
Not again, please. I beg you!
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
It's for your own good.
Grey Skies are going to clear up
Put on a…
NARRATOR
Nurse Nachtmerrie flips a switch sending a surge of electricity through Harold.
(SOUND – An electrical surge.)
HAROLD
Ahhhhh!
(SOUND – All sounds stop.)
NURSE NACHTMERRIE
…happy face.
NARRATOR
This ends episode one of “The Coach.”
CREDITS.
