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I just hated myself.
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I was bullying.
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I was suicidal.
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Tried to take my life.
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Sextras, rock and roll, you name it.
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I did it.
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If I didn't learn people and learn myself, I wasn't gonna make it.
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Jill, you are only the most condescending, demeaning bitch we've ever met in our lives.
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We have no idea how you're successful.
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And that was my moment of like one thing she does well today for a week.
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So the first day I kid you not, I write down she's human.
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Day two, she breathes.
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By day three, she actually started to improve quite fastly.
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By day seven, she included.
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Welcome to the Swedish 12th Institute podcast.
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I am your host, Dania Wood.
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As a leader, we want to build stronger relationships, create deeper trust, and you know, become the kind of person that people genuinely want to work with.
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The truth is, most people don't fail in leadership because they're not smart enough or they don't have a good strategy or they're not ambitious enough.
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They fail because they don't connect with their team.
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So if you feel like that's happening to you, this episode is going to be absolutely amazing because I'm sitting down with Jennifer Hill.
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She is one of the best connectors in the world that I've ever met.
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She will show you how she went from what she calls her asshole era to becoming one of the most connected people in the world.
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Why self-mastery, self-awareness, nervous system regulation, and inner work are critical for leadership and how to use tools like human design, heart-focused breathing, and the plus two method to help understand people, build trust, and create stronger connections.
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This episode was huge for me as a leader, and I think it can be for you.
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So I look forward to sharing this episode with you.
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Let's get into it.
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When did you realize that connection, not skill, was really the key for leadership?
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After I spent the first 20-some odd years of my life as an asshole, Daniel, quite honestly.
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Yeah, people say, How did you crack the code of human connection?
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And truly, Daniel, it was out of survival.
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If I didn't learn people and learn myself, I wasn't going to make it.
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I, you and I were talking a little bit before we went live.
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There was a period of what I call my asshole era of when I was about 16 to in my 20s, where I just hated myself.
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I was bulimic, I was suicidal, tried to take my own life, sex, drugs, rock and roll, you name it, I did it.
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And more than anything, I just hated myself.
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And I took out that anger and that self-hatred on anybody who came into my life.
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And out of that, I had a series of broken relationships, misunderstandings, heartache.
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There was a period where I didn't talk to my dad for a few years, and many of my friends broke up with me.
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One of my best friends who actually just called me right before we had jumped on here.
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She had to break up with me twice because of what a jerk I was.
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I lied to her one time.
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And so then midway through in my 20s, I had an aha moment where a woman actually called me out on being an asshole in a personal development class.
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In fact, in her exact words, it was, you are a nasty thing.
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You are one of the most powerful women I've ever met in my life.
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Except you know what?
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You're like Godzilla walking through a city with a huge tail swinging behind you, knocking down buildings wherever you go.
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Except you know what?
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Those aren't buildings, those are people whose lives you're destroying.
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And that was really my catalytic wake-up call moment to realize, oh shit, I'm not the person I thought I was.
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Despite all this, I didn't even realize what a jerk I was.
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I was sitting there in a personal development class, judgy, being what I call a judgy bunny.
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I was judging everybody else.
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And lo and behold, here it was.
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It was just I hated myself.
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And so that was the moment that was, whoa, I have a choice in how I get to show up in the world.
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And it's been 20 years of deep spiritual work, studies.
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I spend two hours a day in prayer, meditation, and reflection.
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And now I have this sixth sense in gift.
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And most people have told me that the connections I've provided them have literally changed their lives.
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What's interesting there too is you became successful as an asshole.
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I was remotely successful.
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I think I was making maybe$100,000 a year when I was 23.
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And I was so I was like the first job I ever really got out of college.
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I left high school early because I was also a dick during high school.
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And I really didn't like being around other people.
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My brain worked differently, and yet I didn't know I was autistic till about eight years ago.
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And so I left high school at 16, went straight to college.
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After I graduated college, I wound up calling the guy who hired me in my first really successful job.
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And I cold called him, I said, This is Jennifer Hill.
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You're gonna hire me, and I'll be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you, and I'll break every company record you ever have.
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So I was all piss and vinegar, and the guy hired me, and it was at that company that I was working at already relatively successful that I figured I was an asshole.
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And when that woman said that to me, I went into my office the next day and I said, Guys, I have a question for you.
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Was I maybe ever condescending, demean, or rude to any of you in the time we've worked together?
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And Daniel, the office went so quiet.
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You could hear a pin drop.
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And then this one woman burst out laughing and said, Jay Hill, you are only the most condescending, demeaning bitch we've ever met in our lives.
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We have no idea how you're successful.
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And that was my moment of like, oh, I have a choice now.
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Every day I get to choose to be an asshole or something else.
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Right.
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And so, so what did you see as the difference when you decided to change?
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How did that change your life?
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Like, what was asshole version and post-asshole?
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Well, so asshole version was stole$2,000, my mom's car flew to Hawaii, lived in Hawaii under a fake name.
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That's the opening story of the Recovering Asshole book coming out later this year.
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Later in my life, I still, even after that moment, even after that woman said I was an asshole, I still thought people were just being obstinate, stubborn jerks.
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Like I once, a few years after that incident, I sent an all-caps email to my team when I was building my own company.
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Are you all a bunch of fucking morons?
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Why are you not working harder, faster, smarter, all in caps, all in the subject line?
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And it was around that time I hired my first business coach who really radically changed my life.
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He's like, Jen, how about we soften the language on your future emails and how about I help you proofread all of them?
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Right.
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And so Julian taught me that everybody else, I just thought everybody else was as quick as I was, and that they were just being lazy and idiots.
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And then when Julian said, Jen, you're designed differently, they're designed differently.
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And that's how I've now accumulated 180 tools to better understand myself and others to develop compassion.
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And that's what I do with others.
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I work with executives, high net worths, I run a community of 320 entrepreneurs, thought leaders, billionaires, people around the world.
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And my goal is to reflect back and see the spark of light in everybody I meet, and even the people who are going through the hardest times.
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There's a great quote by this from Neil Donald Walsh that says, let this be your greatest joy, let this be your greatest task, to give people back to themselves, even in their darkest hour, especially in that hour.
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And I feel like that's my purpose is to listen for the spark of light in every human I meet and reflect it back to them when they've forgotten.
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Give us a couple examples of these 180 tools.
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Like how do you how do you read people using these?
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It's a whole multitude.
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I recently published them on social.
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So if you follow me on LinkedIn or on Facebook, yeah, I'll actually be sure to pin.
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We'll link to that in the show notes so everyone can find it.
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Exactly.
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So some of my favorite tools, I love human design.
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Are you familiar with that one at all?
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Yes, but for our listeners, let's walk them through it.
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Okay.
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So I'll give you a great example.
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In human design, there are five types of designs.
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And this is an amalgamation of things like the Yi Ching, Chinese medicine, Arivada, Kabbalah, astrology.
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It's basically amalgamated all of this into a systematic formula to understand people.
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So Julian, my uh prior business coach, helped me understand this.
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He did my design.
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And when we did my design, um, I'm one of the five types.
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So there are two types that make up 70% of the world called generators and manifesting generators.
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And what defines them as such is they have their sacral area defined.
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And that just means they're like an energizer bunny.
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So if you've ever seen those ads from back in the day, it means they can go, go, go and just have unlimited energy that they have to deplete throughout the day.
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My type is called a projector.
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That's 20% of the population.
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By the way, you can find out for free.
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I'm not an affiliate of them, but you can go to freehumandesignchart.com or there's an app that you can pay for called Align that I love that I work with on all my clients.
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And so my type is called a projector.
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That's 20% of the world.
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Obama, for example, was a very famous projector.
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Projectors are meant to be leaders.
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We're meant to guide people's energy around things.
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And so what was funny was so 20% is projectors.
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I'll I'll close this out before I get to the story.
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Then 10% of the world is a type called a manifester.
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You'll know you've met a manifester because they tell you what to do.
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They're like the generals, they just dictate.
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And uh, it's funny, in one of the books I read about this called Understanding Your Clients Through Human Design by Robin Wynn, she says manifestors almost can have a repelling aura if they haven't done work on themselves, because it's a very thwarting, thrusting sort of energy.
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It's my way or the highway.
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Exactly, when they haven't done the personal work.
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And then 1% of the population, which is very, very rare, and I know a disproportionate amount of people of these types, I don't know how, but 1% has nothing to find and they just channel.
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They're some of the best intuitives in the world.
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I did meet one one time who was an attorney, and I'm like, shit, you're an attorney.
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That's pretty incredible that you're able to be an attorney and be this type because they tend to be radically intuitive and just reflect the world around them.
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So I'll take it back to my type.
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I'm 20% of this population called a projector.
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And building my first company, Julian comes in and starts teaching me about this and says, Jen, we should really look at your team and how they're defined.
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Now, in a cohesive team, it's great to have one of each.
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So in my teams, I would often, before I even knew about this, would have a projector, a couple of generators, a manifesting jar, a manifestor, although we didn't often have reflectors who worked for us because again, that was a little bit 1% very rare.
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So here we are one day, and there's a woman I'm working with, and I am about to fire her.
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And two things happened that were radically incredible and shifted how this whole story turned out.
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One, Julian did her human design chart.
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It turned out she was my type of projector, and I was treating her like that other 70%, that worker bee type, and she's not designed for that.
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So she wasn't returning client emails on time, she wasn't getting back to people, phone calls.
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I had all these complaints.
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So the first thing Julian said is, Jen, you have her in the wrong role.
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She's a projector, she should be the middle manager between you and the team, but you have do not have her as a worker bee if she'll fail.
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So he tells me this, but I'm still pretty pissed off because she's been failing up till this point, right?
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So he says, Jen, I'm gonna teach you a couple of things.
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He was an expert in neurolinguistic programming and neuroscience.
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So Jules said, Jen, every second of every day, we have 11 million bits of information hitting us at a subconscious level per second.
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But do I know how many of those we pay attention to consciously?
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Any guesses, Daniel?
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I mean, we're talking 0.01%.
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Even less than that.
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Of 11 million bits per second, Daniel, we're only at a conscious level paying attention to 50 to 120 bits per second consciously.
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And it's crazy.
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Like if you get into psychedelics, there's actually there's a great book by Dan Brown that just came out called Secret of Secrets, where they get into how our brain has, I think it's like gamma or GABA or something that helps inhibit the world around us so we don't go crazy with all the stimuli.
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So that's what a GABA inhibitor will then Exactly.
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So then you see more reality, etc.
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That's where you get into psychedelics.
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So let's backtrack for a moment.
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So Julian teaches me this.
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I was like, whoa, wait a second, Jules, hold on one moment.
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Sorry about that.
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I had a tickle in my throat.
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So here we were, and Julian tells me all of this.
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And so I said, Julian, it's kind of like you're in an infinitely large, pitch black warehouse, and you can't see your hands in front of your face, and all you really have is this little miner's helmet with an itty-bitty little light, and whatever this light points at, which is those 50 to 120 bits of conscious attention we're putting on things, is what we're gonna see.
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And Julian's like, Jen, that's it.
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So here I am.
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I'm still pretty frustrated with this with this woman.
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We now know her human design is the same as mine and that she's not in the role she's meant to be in.
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And he says, Jen, before you put her on a performance improvement plan or before you fire her, I want you to write down one thing she does well a day for a week.
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And I'm like, Huh, I still was pretty, I was still in the middle of my asshole period.
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I was still very early on in this.
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So I was still pretty skeptical about this.
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I was like, fine, fine, I'll try this.
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So the first day, I kid you not, I write down she's human.
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Day two, she breathes, day three.
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So I'm writing all this down without telling her.
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By day three, she actually started to improve quite vastly.
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By day seven, Daniel, she was extraordinary.
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Now, here's what happened.
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Not only did I not fire her, she went on to be one of our most successful team members.
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And when I sold the company in 2018, she took it over from me and allowed me to exit the company three years early so I could move to Europe.
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And that's all because I didn't buy her because of these wonderful techniques.
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And because you found that she's actually a superstar in the wrong role.
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Yeah.
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You were trying to shove a round uh a round peg into a square hole and it just wouldn't work.
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Yeah, exactly.
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Like manifestors get them in sales roles, but they do not take direction as well.
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You have to give them a lot of autonomy.
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So when you start to understand this, it goes back to that famous book, Good to Great.
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It was one of the earliest business.
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Oh, I love that one by Jim Collins.
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Exactly.
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Such a good book, right?
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It was one of the earliest business books I ever read.
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And Jim talks about getting the right people on the bus.
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So I want you to look at your team right now.
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If you're somebody who's managing a team or you work with other people and ask yourself, do I like the people I'm on the bus with?
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Because if you do and they might not be performing, then perhaps it could be something as simple as just shifting the role that they're in.
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Yeah.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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So so tell us more about the techniques you use for yourself to connect with people.
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When, like for someone when that doesn't maybe come naturally for you, how do how are you compensating?
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So one of my favorite techniques that's been studied scientifically for over 40 years is a technique by HeartMath called heart focused breathing.
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Have you ever heard of it before, Daniel?
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Yeah, Marcy Shimoff talked about that on uh an earlier episode when I interviewed her.
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I love it.
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Yeah, so I've been very privileged to get to do work.
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I co-produced a show with a HeartMath team called the Global Cook Here and Pulse, the third Saturday of every month.
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It's free if people want to attend.
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And we have experts and leaders who come on and teach these methods.
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So essentially, I'm not sure what Marcy covered, but I'll give you a quick recap.
00:14:52.639 --> 00:15:00.480
The reason so many of us fail to develop intimacy with ourselves or one another is we're in fight freeze or flight 24-7.
00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:04.080
Now, years ago, we had this part of our brain called the amygdala.
00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:14.799
When we were being chased by tigers and trying to forge for food and survive, it was a very valuable part of our brain that would turn on and go, danger, there's a tiger, danger, we have no food, whatever it is.
00:15:14.879 --> 00:15:25.600
But the problem is with social media, with media, with life now, that amygdala is activated 24-7 unless we proactively turn it off.
00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:38.240
In fact, our higher parts of our brain, our mammalian part of our brain and our prefrontal cortex, our capacity for love, connection, and imagination, cannot function, Daniel, until the lower part of the brain feels safe.
00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:42.639
So this is why when you meet somebody new, you're not thinking about developing intimacy.
00:15:42.879 --> 00:15:44.159
You're going, like, do they like me?
00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:45.919
Oh God, do I have stuff in my teeth?
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:46.960
Am I wearing the right thing?
00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:47.919
Did I say the right thing?
00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:49.360
Oh God, they're not gonna like me.
00:15:49.440 --> 00:15:51.200
Oh shoot, I said the wrong thing again, right?
00:15:51.360 --> 00:15:54.559
That's all your amygdala acting like it's been chased by tigers.
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:56.000
So here's a simple technique.
00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:57.120
I'm gonna take you through it.
00:15:57.279 --> 00:15:59.039
You can do it with your eyes open or closed.
00:15:59.200 --> 00:16:04.639
When I work with leaders on this, I encourage people if you are in a place where you can shut your eyes to do it.
00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:08.799
But if you're driving or if you're listening to this while walking your dog, you can also do it with your eyes open.
00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:09.679
Are you ready?
00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:10.320
Right.
00:16:10.639 --> 00:16:13.039
If you are driving, please stop the car and then do this.
00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:14.559
We don't want anyone crashing.
00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:16.799
It is very safe as long as you keep your eyes open.
00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:19.519
So you can do this with eyes open or closed.
00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:20.879
It's actually really good to regulate.
00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:24.240
If you're getting road rage and your eyes are open, you can do it with your eyes open.
00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:31.120
For those of you who are in a place who can stop and just listen, then I would encourage you the first time you try it to shut your eyes.
00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:32.480
So are you ready to do this, Daniel?
00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:33.200
I'm ready.
00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:33.679
I'm in.
00:16:33.759 --> 00:16:35.600
I'll be your your testing money here.
00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:36.000
All right.
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:39.120
So let's first check in then, just so we can help the audience with this too.
00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:42.240
On a scale of zero to five, where are you at today?
00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:45.759
Five, meaning you're like, oh, I feel like a billion dollars.
00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:46.559
I'm amazing.
00:16:46.639 --> 00:16:47.600
I'm feeling great.
00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:52.480
Zero is like the kids were screaming all night, I'm depleted, I have nothing to give you, Jen.
00:16:52.639 --> 00:16:53.600
Let's just talk for a second.
00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:55.440
Where are you at emotionally right now?
00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:58.240
Not good or bad, just kind of an observation.
00:16:58.639 --> 00:17:00.159
Let's call me a three today.
00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:01.200
Okay, you're a three.
00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:02.080
Again, no judgment.
00:17:02.159 --> 00:17:06.000
I invite those of you listening and watching to kind of reflect internally for yourself.
00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:10.400
I would say I'm at about at about a three myself today, so I'm gonna give myself about a three as well.
00:17:10.480 --> 00:17:12.319
And I checked in and that feels about right.
00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:13.839
So just notice where you're at.
00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:16.720
And now if you are in a place that you can shut your eyes, feel free to do so.
00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:19.519
Or if you're driving or walking, feel free to keep your eyes open.
00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:24.720
Begin to focus your attention in the area of your harder chest.
00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:36.559
Imagine that your breath is flowing in and out right through the center of your harder chest, breathing a little slower and a little deeper than usual.
00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:40.799
Finding an easy rhythm that's comfortable for you.
00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:45.839
As you continue, allowing slow, deep, hard-focused breaths.
00:17:46.000 --> 00:18:01.200
I invite you to play with the rhythm of your breath and see if you can breathe in to the count of five, two, four, three, two, two, one, two, three, three, and breathe out one, two, two, three, three, four, three, five.
00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:07.519
Now as you continue to find your own rhythm, imagine your heart itself is doing the breathing.
00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:16.480
Imagine the breath is flowing into the center of your heart or chest area, and out through the center of your heart or chest area.
00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:21.039
On the next inhalation, I invite you to breathe in the feeling of calm.
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:23.519
Imagine a time where you felt calm.
00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:29.920
Maybe you were laying in bed, relaxed, or sitting by the seaside, or your favorite lake or river, or forest.
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:38.240
Whatever that time is where you felt that sense of calm, I invite you to breathe in that feeling of calm right through the center of your heart or chest.
00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:43.519
And then breathe out and send that calm to somebody else who might need it.
00:18:43.599 --> 00:18:47.839
Maybe you have a loved one or a pet or friend or colleague who needs it as well.
00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:49.519
So let's do that a few more times.
00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:55.200
Allowing another slow, deep hard focus breath in through the center of your heart or chest.
00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:59.119
Feeling that felt sense of calm light up every cell of your body.
00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:03.839
And once more radiate and pulse that calm to everything and everyone around you.
00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:10.240
Let's do this one more time together, allowing one more slow, deep hard focus breath.
00:19:11.119 --> 00:19:14.480
Feeling that calm is a felt sense in your body.
00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:19.359
And one last time that's radiate that calm to everyone and everything.
00:19:20.240 --> 00:19:27.519
As you come back into this moment, if your eyes were shut, you can gently begin to open them and wiggle your fingers and toes and peel your feet upon the floor.
00:19:28.079 --> 00:19:30.640
And then just notice where your internal space is.
00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:32.319
Daniel, do you notice a difference?
00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:34.960
Did it go up or down?
00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:40.400
Yeah, I think I I feel a lot more calm, a lot more centered.
00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:41.519
That was really nice.
00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:42.880
We could have kept going.
00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:45.440
My clients always say that to me.
00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:45.920
It's amazing.
00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:48.559
I would say I went up to about a four, and you'll notice this.
00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:58.400
So one of the things we teach is that when you do this, in the same way we need to recharge our phone, imagine you used your phone all day and you didn't recharge it, it would be dead, right?
00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:00.079
The same is true of our bodies.
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:10.720
Every time we go through something that upsets us, a triggering email, an issue with the kids at school, the dog is sick, whatever it is, that activates and triggers the amygdala part of the brain.
00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:18.240
If we don't re-regulate our nervous system using heart-focused breathing, vagal nerve breathing, box breathing, take your pick, whichever one you choose.
00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:24.079
I just happen to prefer heart-focused breathing by heart math, then you're going to be carrying that with you all day.
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:26.720
And then you're in a state of what's called incoherence.
00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:30.079
And that right there, Daniel, is what inhibits human connection.
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:38.000
The reason so many of us fail to connect to others is number one, we're in constantly this state of fight, fright, flight, or freeze.
00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:41.359
But number two, we also are missing connection to ourselves.
00:20:41.519 --> 00:20:53.519
So as much as I spent decades in broken relationships and misunderstandings and pain and suffering for myself and others, the other big secret is when you learn to love and accept yourself.
00:20:53.599 --> 00:21:09.440
And I know it sounds cliche, and there are actual tools that I teach people to use to do this, but then you become the most radiant, sexiest, desirable person that everybody wants to be friends with, do business with, date, have in their lives because you're already whole, complete, and perfect.
00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:11.920
Most of us, Daniel, spend our whole lives.
00:21:12.079 --> 00:21:17.440
I don't care if you're worth billions of dollars, if you have millions of followers, tens of millions of followers.
00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:23.440
I don't care who you are, but so many people are looking for something or someone to fill them up.
00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:34.799
That's why we go to drugs, to alcohol, to validation, to the likes on social media, to the news, we're looking for anything to feel that aching, the pain, that loneliness within us.
00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:51.440
But what most people don't know, and I call this the golden triangle of connection, is if we don't have that connection to ourselves, which quieting the brain, the amygdala helps with that, if we don't first connect to ourselves, then we won't be able to connect to others or our purpose, and it all falls down like a house of cards.
00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:59.759
However, when we create that deep intimacy with ourselves and we stop trying to take energy from the people we're dating.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:08.720
Meeting our spouses, our children, our friends, our business colleagues, and you show up whole and clean and clear to every meeting, you become free.
00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:10.000
It's true liberation.
00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:11.039
Wow, yeah.
00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:23.599
And what's what what's interesting to me about you is going from having all this trouble connecting with people, you are now probably the most connected person I've ever met.
00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:25.839
And that's basically what you do.
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:31.680
Like I jump on a call with you, and all of a sudden I'm connected to another 10 absolutely amazing people.
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:37.440
And it's like I'm afraid to jump on a call and super excited because, like, oh my God, all these amazing people.
00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:39.920
Like, how am I going to handle all these new relationships?
00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:51.920
So, how do you go from not being able to connect at all to like knowing all these exciting people and being the center, you know, the spider of the spider web of connecting?
00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:53.519
You know, it takes work.
00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:54.640
It's every single day.
00:22:54.720 --> 00:22:57.039
It's we get to choose who we want to be in the world.
00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:02.559
And so that's why I am unyielding and uncompromising of my two-hour practice every day.
00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:04.799
I've cultivated it over 13 years.
00:23:04.960 --> 00:23:06.079
It started off years ago.
00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:12.319
Transcendental meditation was really cataclysmic for me in learning how to quiet my mind.
00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:13.440
I remember the first time.
00:23:13.599 --> 00:23:14.480
I love massages.
00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:15.680
I get a massage once a week.
00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:18.400
That's also something that helps support my regulatory system.
00:23:18.640 --> 00:23:21.039
But I remember the first masseuse I ever worked with, Natalia.
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:27.519
And I'm sitting at her house and she says, Okay, Jen, I want you to meditate for 30 seconds before the massage, it'll make it more effective.
00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:29.200
I was like, Are you crazy?
00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:30.720
Have you been inside my head?
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:32.319
I was like, that's impossible.
00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:35.839
And then 13 years ago, I got introduced to transcendental meditation.
00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:39.920
And of all the types, I use that as one of the types of meditation I do every morning.
00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:41.039
That's how I start.
00:23:41.279 --> 00:23:45.839
But that combined with Kabbalah has really been the secret to happiness.
00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:48.559
I mean, one of my teachers, David Guillaume, has exploded.
00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:52.880
He is one of the most famous thought leaders in the world right now on spirituality.
00:23:53.039 --> 00:23:57.440
And I had the privilege and honor of studying under him for quite a few years in LA when I was with him.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:24:00.000
He taught me how to mentor people and how to learn.
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:04.160
And one of the things he taught me was the rules for the game of life.
00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:16.799
It's kind of like Daniel, when we go to play a video game, say Super Mario Brothers, or we go to play a board game like Monopoly, you cannot win at a game, Daniel, if you don't know the rules to the game.
00:24:16.960 --> 00:24:19.519
Did anybody give you the rule book on how to win it life?
00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:20.160
Did you ever get that?
00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:21.519
Was it given to you at birth?
00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:22.079
No.
00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:25.200
None of us were ever given the rule book for how to win at life.
00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:31.440
So you can't hit AAB, get the stars, grab the coins, defeat the bad guy, unless you know the rules of the game.
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:51.279
So when I took the wisdom of transcendental meditation and started applying that daily, combined that with Kabbalah and then the 178 other tools that I've cultivated, I don't always do the exact same thing every morning, but the things that I'm non-negotiable on are my Kabbalistic studies, transcendental meditation, a variety of affirmations and other things I do.
00:24:51.440 --> 00:24:56.160
And another technique I learned several years ago that's been utterly transformative called Psyche.
00:24:56.799 --> 00:25:01.920
And it's all about realizing we're holy and perfect human beings and we're doing our best each and every day.
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:04.400
And it's not about expecting perfection.
00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:13.359
In fact, one of my um things I do every night, I call spiritual accounting before I go to bed every night, is I write down how could I have lived today better?
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:14.960
How could I have lived today better?
00:25:15.119 --> 00:25:16.000
Was I rude?
00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:17.119
Was I not present?
00:25:17.200 --> 00:25:28.319
Like last night, as I was reflecting before bed, my husband and I were engaged in a deep conversation and I was on my phone and I was like, ooh, yuck, I could have been present with him instead of like doing two things at once, right?
00:25:28.480 --> 00:25:36.640
So whether or not anybody else ever calls me out on it, I write down how I could have lived each day better in reflection, not in judgment, in quiet observation.
00:25:36.960 --> 00:25:40.079
Then I write down, what am I proud of myself for?
00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:46.400
Like last night, I don't eat pork and uh I happen to have really good like pepperoni, like turkey pepperoni.
00:25:46.559 --> 00:25:48.079
And so we had pepperoni pizza last night.
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:48.799
It was so good.
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:51.839
And I was like, you know how you want that third piece of pizza?
00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:52.559
I restricted.
00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:55.920
So I was very proud of myself that I did not have the third piece of pizza last night, right?
00:25:56.079 --> 00:25:57.279
Nobody else might have ever known it.
00:25:57.359 --> 00:25:59.119
Obviously, I'm sharing it on the show right now.
00:25:59.279 --> 00:26:00.640
But what are you proud of yourself for?
00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:04.960
I meditated, I did qigong, I did, you know, whatever it was that I did.
00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:07.519
And then I finish off with what am I grateful for?
00:26:07.599 --> 00:26:09.599
And what were the miracles of my life?
00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:13.920
I had this wickedly intelligent scientist doctor several years ago, Dr.
00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:18.160
Todd Obachitis, who challenged me on a show when I was interviewing him.
00:26:18.799 --> 00:26:24.160
And he said, Jen, I know you already have this very robust practice, and I'm gonna add one more thing to it.
00:26:24.319 --> 00:26:32.160
I encourage you every day, write down your moments of awe, synchronicity, wonder, and miracles.
00:26:32.319 --> 00:26:33.920
Now, why does this matter, Daniel?
00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:52.400
Because as we talked about earlier, about that little miner's helmet and what we're looking for, if I spend my day looking for miracles, if I spend my day looking for how does life get any better than this, my mom plays this game, my nephew plays this game, anybody who knows me plays the how does life get any better than this game that I've learned from several teachers throughout the years.
00:26:52.640 --> 00:27:05.279
And by looking for those miracles, for identifying, for writing down the miracles, the synchronicities, I am intentionally directing that little light from the miner's helmet to the things that show me how miraculous life is.
00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:10.720
I could very easily turn my head and look for war and disaster and all the awful things.
00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:12.160
It doesn't mean I ignore it.
00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:17.039
It means that I put my attention where I know it'll best serve me so I can help more people.
00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:18.480
I I really like this.
00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:26.319
I mean, we are Swedish Wealth Institute methodology, step one is your outer world is a reflection of your inner world.
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:37.119
So I really like that you're doing this two-hour practice to really just put yourself in the right state of mind and state of being to be able to go out and be your best in the world.
00:27:37.359 --> 00:27:41.599
And and I really like that that kind of review you're doing at the at the end of the day.
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:53.680
It reminded me of a story I heard of the the Roman Emperor Titus Vespicianus, who realized one day that that day he hadn't done a single favor for another person that day.
00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:58.960
And he turns to his inner circle and he says, My friends, I have wasted a day.
00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:08.960
She's incredible.
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:11.599
She has a whole program called Unmessable With, right?
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:16.640
And so Jocelyn was doing these 30 days of videos, and I was a few days behind I've been traveling.
00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:25.359
And it was midday one day, a couple days ago, and one of her videos said, do three acts of kindness for a stranger and expect nothing in return.
00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:27.359
And it was like one o'clock the day I'm watching the video.
00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:28.400
I was like, oh, I already did.
00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:31.440
And I can look back in my mind and be like, oh, cool, I already did that today.
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:35.119
But it's just a nice little reminder of acts of kindness.
00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:40.000
In fact, a guy I know, Kevin Smith, I think is his name, he created World Kindness Week.
00:28:40.079 --> 00:28:42.960
And it was all because he ran to the grocery store one day.
00:28:43.119 --> 00:28:47.920
He was going to the grocery store, had to pick something up, gets home, realizes he forgot his wallet.
00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:50.319
And he's like, Oh God, I have to cancel all my credit cards.
00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:52.079
He calls a grocery store, it's not there.
00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:59.680
And not 10 minutes later, does a young woman come and knock at his door and brings him and hands him the wallet, all the credit cards, all the money intact.
00:28:59.759 --> 00:29:04.720
And it actually turned into a whole movement he's created vis-a-vis kind of like the pay it forward method.
00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:08.799
And that's what's possible when we treat one another with human dignity and kindness.
00:29:09.440 --> 00:29:11.200
Yeah, those things stick with you too.
00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:19.920
I remember as a teenager, my my then girlfriend and me were going to dinner just at a at a food court and then to the movies.
00:29:20.079 --> 00:29:21.920
I was, you know, 15 years old.
00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:26.319
And uh I realized I I couldn't afford two dinners and the movie.
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:28.240
So I'm I'm standing there in line.
00:29:28.319 --> 00:29:29.680
I'm going, like, all right, you know what?
00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:31.039
We'll buy you something.
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:35.119
I'll steal a couple of your French fries and then we'll go to the movie.
00:29:35.599 --> 00:29:39.599
And we s sit down at our table after ordering.
00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:50.240
And it turns out someone else in line had heard this, and he just comes by and drops a play, you know, a tray of food in front of me and says, I think you deserve dinner as well.
00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:51.279
And walks away.
00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:52.880
I didn't, I never even saw his face.
00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:54.559
He just dropped it down and left.
00:29:54.720 --> 00:30:01.599
And, you know, this is over 20 years ago, and I'll never forget that that man just going, You deserve dinner as well.
00:30:01.759 --> 00:30:03.119
And it was just incredible.
00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:04.240
I love that.
00:30:04.319 --> 00:30:07.599
I will always remember the couple probably never know who I am.
00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:10.799
I used to love to do this thing, and actually it's a good reminder to start doing it again.
00:30:10.960 --> 00:30:13.119
I live in Europe, so I'd be curious to see how people take it.
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:16.319
But in the US, it used to make people so happy.
00:30:16.400 --> 00:30:17.599
I would do two things.
00:30:17.759 --> 00:30:29.599
One, I would often go in Starbucks and I would buy a hundred dollar Starbucks gift card, and I wouldn't tell them and I'd say, use this to treat whoever's online after me, no matter what they ordered, just treat it for them and give it to them as a gift.
00:30:29.680 --> 00:30:30.960
So I'd do that sometimes.
00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:34.960
Or the other until they used it up for everyone.
00:30:35.119 --> 00:30:35.759
Oh, that's so cool.
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:36.240
Exactly.
00:30:36.319 --> 00:30:37.119
So I loved doing that.
00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:38.799
And this is the first time I'm ever sharing this.
00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:49.200
And then the other thing I would do, I remember I was in Honolulu one day, and there was a lovely couple, and I think I was there for a conference, and I'm sitting having dinner by myself, and I'm just watching this couple who's celebrating something.
00:30:49.279 --> 00:30:50.559
And I pulled the waiter aside.
00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:53.039
I said, Could you just treat them for me and put it on my bill?
00:30:53.119 --> 00:30:54.960
And actually, I became friends with people who did this.
00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:58.720
I was in South Africa another time, and this woman and her husband, my husband couldn't join me.
00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:01.200
I think he was sick at the time when we were out to dinner.
00:31:01.359 --> 00:31:04.079
And this couple and this woman and man are next to me.
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:08.559
And I would always try to do it anonymously, but sometimes, you know, they would catch me before I would leave.
00:31:08.720 --> 00:31:12.240
And this woman and her husband became dear friends of mine because they were so honored.
00:31:12.319 --> 00:31:19.359
Or I would give people things like I have this rule that if it's something I bought myself and you like it, I will take it off my back and give it to you.
00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:25.440
And a couple years ago, I was at a wedding and I had just bought myself a quite expensive, beautiful, beautiful yellow dress.
00:31:25.519 --> 00:31:27.680
That the first time I was ever wearing it was at the wedding.
00:31:27.839 --> 00:31:31.920
And this woman comes up to me, Sophie, and she's like, You look beautiful.
00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:33.119
That dress is amazing.
00:31:33.279 --> 00:31:34.799
That is the most beautiful dress I've ever seen.
00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:36.160
I was like, Oh, we're about the same size.
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:36.799
Would you like it?
00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:37.680
And she's like, What?
00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:39.519
And I was like, Yeah, I have a suitcase of clothes.
00:31:39.599 --> 00:31:40.400
Why don't I just give it to you?
00:31:40.559 --> 00:31:43.200
And I literally gave it to her, and we're still friends on Facebook to this day.
00:31:43.279 --> 00:31:44.319
It's hilarious.
00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:45.839
Oh, that's awesome.
00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:55.200
Yeah, let's let's get into because again, one of the things that stood out for me with with getting to know you is just how amazing you are at connecting people.
00:31:55.359 --> 00:31:58.319
Let's let's talk about the the mechanics of that.
00:31:58.480 --> 00:32:01.759
Like, how did you become this kind of a connector?
00:32:02.160 --> 00:32:06.960
As somebody who was so crushingly lonely, Daniel, that I wanted to take my own life.
00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:12.880
I now put myself in everybody else's shoes and I ask myself, how would I like to be treated?
00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:17.839
So if I'm ever in a group and if I ever notice, I throw a lot of parties, I throw four big parties a year.
00:32:18.079 --> 00:32:23.440
If I ever notice somebody standing off to the side where somebody's not included, I will always open it up.
00:32:23.599 --> 00:32:27.759
I will always take that person, I will hand introduce them to somebody else.
00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:37.920
Or if we're in a meeting, or if I notice such somebody shy, like even just yesterday, there was a lovely gentleman I met who gave a pitch for a product to something, but he did it the way I used to do it.
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:41.359
So I it's taken years for me to learn to put joy on my face.
00:32:41.440 --> 00:32:46.000
I was once doing an interview with a game as thought leader, and you know, you should never read the comments, right?
00:32:46.160 --> 00:32:49.119
And it literally said, Who is the robot interviewing this person?
00:32:49.279 --> 00:32:50.559
And I'm like, oh God.
00:32:50.720 --> 00:32:52.720
And so it's taken me years.
00:32:52.880 --> 00:32:55.680
And just smiling, there's so much evidence about this.
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:59.039
Putting joy on your face makes it more approachable.
00:32:59.119 --> 00:33:02.720
Now it's not comfortable for me being a- I mean, it even works on a phone call, too.
00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:04.240
People feel that energy.
00:33:04.319 --> 00:33:10.000
Like if you're talking to someone on the phone, just put a smile on your face and something changes.
00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:11.119
Exactly.
00:33:11.359 --> 00:33:12.240
110%.
00:33:12.640 --> 00:33:13.279
You are so right.
00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:15.359
I mean, they've scientifically studied this.
00:33:15.519 --> 00:33:19.200
So I've noticed now I used to have resting robot face, resting bitch face.
00:33:19.359 --> 00:33:21.440
I remember an assistant I had said, um, Jen would be.
00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:35.839
And so it's taken me years of working with one of the top vocal coaches in the world, Arthur Samuel Joseph, who's like, put joy on your put um.
00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:37.519
That's what he calls it.
00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:44.559
And so I've learned now that just by smiling, it just allows other people to feel safe in my presence.
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:55.920
And as somebody who felt so unsafe and so ostracized and alone and scared of people for so many years, I do everything I can to be sure people feel included.
00:33:56.000 --> 00:34:03.759
If you ever come to a party that I host, I immediately greet you at the door, I hug you, and I immediately introduce you to somebody who might be valuable for you.
00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:07.039
So for me, when I get on calls with people, here's a fun little technique.
00:34:07.200 --> 00:34:10.239
This came from a couple friends, Randy Mullen and Mark Fujiwara.
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:12.960
So Mark is a friend who has a financial planning company.
00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:23.920
And one day, Mark's little girl, he worked downstairs in his office and he goes upstairs where his like two, three-year-old daughter is, and he comes upstairs and she says, Daddy, why are you fake smiling?
00:34:24.079 --> 00:34:26.559
And he's like, Honey, I'm not fake smiling.
00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:28.480
She's like, Yeah, daddy, you fake smile.
00:34:28.639 --> 00:34:32.320
So he goes to his wife, he's like, Honey, our daughter just said that I was fake smiling.
00:34:32.559 --> 00:34:33.199
What is that about?
00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:35.599
She says, Oh, honey, you always fake smile on Thursday.
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:38.400
You have that client who's a jerk to you, and then you take it out on us.
00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:39.760
And he's like, What?
00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:40.880
Mind blown.
00:34:41.039 --> 00:34:47.119
So, Mark, being the financial guy he is, he starts to measure his time and notice like what's going on with it.
00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:49.840
Well, he shares this with another mutual friend of ours, Randy Mullen.
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:53.599
We all did um a podcast all just about this thing called the plus two method.
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:56.239
So Randy then turns it into a formula.
00:34:56.400 --> 00:35:02.880
And after every call, so I now keep a running spreadsheet of every person I've ever met, and I write down their first name, last name.
00:35:03.039 --> 00:35:05.599
I write down who referred them so I can always thank.
00:35:05.760 --> 00:35:06.480
That's really critical.
00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:09.679
If you get referrals, be sure to thank the people who referred you.
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:15.360
And if it wasn't aligned, give the person feedback about what was missing so they can give you better referrals in the future.
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:19.360
And then I take extensive notes about what matters to that person.
00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:23.519
That's another key thing is I ask every person I meet, what matters to you?
00:35:23.679 --> 00:35:24.559
What lights you up?
00:35:24.639 --> 00:35:25.840
What's alive for you?
00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:29.599
And then I write down what matters to them to see how I can be of service in the future.
00:35:29.679 --> 00:35:32.320
Like just recently, I'll digress for a moment.
00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:38.480
Just recently, I had a friend who was throwing a longevity cruise in Antarctica with Dave Asprey, and they're like, Yeah, we're looking for longevity people.
00:35:38.559 --> 00:35:39.199
I was like, Oh, perfect.
00:35:39.280 --> 00:35:45.280
So I went to my spreadsheet, and there were like seven people that I, some of whom I hadn't talked to for a year, who I had the word longevity coded in there.
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:49.280
So I immediately introduced them, but then taking it back to the plus two method.
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:54.800
So this is Randy and Mark's kind of combinative thing that they created.
00:35:55.039 --> 00:35:59.039
So after every call, I rate my energy, not the person.
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:00.320
I rate my energy.
00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:02.400
Is my energy plus two?
00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:09.280
Does it mean that after I get off a call, like when you and I get off a call, Danielle, I feel more energized, more invigorated after the call.
00:36:09.519 --> 00:36:10.719
Well, I'm happy you feel that way.
00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:11.679
I feel the same way.
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:13.519
So that's it's good that it's mutual.
00:36:13.599 --> 00:36:13.760
All right.
00:36:14.400 --> 00:36:14.639
Exactly.
00:36:14.719 --> 00:36:16.000
So we call this the plus two.
00:36:16.159 --> 00:36:17.280
Is it plus one?
00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:19.280
Plus one means there's a little zing there.
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:23.039
Maybe you didn't have enough time to drop in, but there's some curiosity kind of peaked, right?
00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:24.719
The plus one is like, ooh, that's curious.
00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:25.599
I want to know more.
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:27.119
Zero means net zero.
00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:29.840
You felt nothing, you probably won't remember them the next day.
00:36:30.159 --> 00:36:33.039
Minus one is a little bit of a negative energy.
00:36:33.119 --> 00:36:37.599
Maybe there was taking energy, a little awkwardness, a little guardedness.
00:36:38.000 --> 00:36:42.079
And then minus two is you will never respond to that person again except via email.
00:36:42.239 --> 00:36:45.599
I've had a couple, I've met two minus twos in the last four years.
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:47.519
I have something called the anti-asshole prayer.
00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:49.840
Anybody can go to anti-assholeprayer.com.
00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:56.400
And the anti-asshole prayer normally stops any assholes from even coming into my inbox or into my phones.
00:36:56.559 --> 00:37:06.880
But anyways, two people have come, and the the ones who are the minus twos is it's just like taking and they talk at you, and it's just like, ugh, you just like want to get the ick off of you, right?
00:37:07.119 --> 00:37:08.800
Or maybe there was just no synergy there.
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:10.079
Maybe it just depleted you.
00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:13.840
Might be just completely different communication styles that totally clash.
00:37:14.079 --> 00:37:14.320
Exactly.
00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:16.960
So that could be it too for minus two, which is really interesting.
00:37:17.199 --> 00:37:23.119
So we rate people minus two to plus two, and then we all have an agreement that we refer each other at the plus twos.
00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:29.760
And then I go back through all of my best plus two meetings and I see who was my best plus two referral of the prior year.
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:31.280
I will always prioritize that person.
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:33.440
I will always go out of my way to help them.
00:37:33.599 --> 00:37:37.280
Like, who gave me my best plus two referrals of the prior year?
00:37:37.519 --> 00:37:39.760
Now, here's what's funny, because I study human behavior.
00:37:39.840 --> 00:37:41.679
So I sold one company in recruiting.
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:49.440
Then after we sold that, Julian Adler, who was my business coach, came to me and said, Jen, why don't we create an algorithm based on your intuition for matching people?
00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:51.760
And I was like, shit, can we do that?
00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:54.480
I'm not a mathematician or a tech person or a scientist.
00:37:54.639 --> 00:37:57.039
He's like, Yeah, you're a genius mathematician.
00:37:57.199 --> 00:38:03.199
So Jules and our original co-founder Moon Chow, we spent eight months pulling out of my brain how I intuitively match people.
00:38:03.280 --> 00:38:04.960
And that here's what's mind-blowing.
00:38:05.119 --> 00:38:08.079
I've had many, because we've had thousands and thousands of people answer it.
00:38:08.159 --> 00:38:10.880
It's ohm.app forward slash survey if you ever want to try it.
00:38:11.039 --> 00:38:16.000
But of the thousands of people I've met, most of the people I've ever met have also answered our matching survey.
00:38:16.159 --> 00:38:23.760
There seems to be correlative data to indicate if I consider you a plus two, we're also going to match according to our algorithm, which is based on how you're motivated.
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:35.920
So I have a theory of motivation that states if my motivators and your motivators are aligned and in harmony, we're automatically going to rate each other plus two more likely than if we're adversely motivated to each other.
00:38:36.639 --> 00:38:36.880
Okay.
00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:38.320
So this is really interesting.
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:44.559
You're essentially running a high-level CRM system on every single connection you make.
00:38:44.719 --> 00:38:49.679
I I've tried to do that the pa in the past, but it just didn't come naturally for me.
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:51.920
So it kind of fits and starts.
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:58.639
Like what kind of tools do you use and and how do you how do you make sure to maintain it so it doesn't pitter out?
00:38:59.039 --> 00:39:05.599
The connections or the the your your organization system for for keeping an eye on the whole thing.
00:39:05.840 --> 00:39:08.719
Well, one, I have my Excel spreadsheet that I list.
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:12.239
I'm looking at right now, I have 1,222 people.
00:39:12.719 --> 00:39:15.039
And the other thing is too, I also have my tribe.
00:39:15.199 --> 00:39:21.360
So it's really helpful that I have this group called the Gen Hill Tribe slash the love club that's 320 entrepreneurs and so forth.
00:39:21.519 --> 00:39:27.119
And so I always kind of have them in my awareness because the tribe is extremely active and we do monthly calls.
00:39:27.199 --> 00:39:29.599
So I always keep those people in my awareness.
00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:36.559
And community is hugely popular right now, Daniel, as I'm sure you've seen is what you're doing with the Swedish Folk Institute, right?
00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:40.320
People more than ever before are hungry for community.
00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:47.840
So one way I do it is I be sure that anybody who's important who I want to be sure is in my inner circle is invited into the tribe.
00:39:48.079 --> 00:39:51.760
And then two, is I ping people every time I think of them.
00:39:51.840 --> 00:39:57.119
Like the other day I was updating our tribe directory, and there were probably 10 of our tribe members I hadn't talked to in a few months.
00:39:57.280 --> 00:40:01.280
And so I just ping people, I'll send them voice tech notes, text notes on WhatsApp.
00:40:01.599 --> 00:40:12.800
And it's just about uh one of my friends, Charles Byrd, actually changed my life when he taught me about referral parties and having these calls where you get on a call with a friend and then you ask, like, who are you looking for?
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:13.840
Who are your best referrals?
00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:17.199
And then you send each other referrals in real time on a call.
00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:18.079
Right.
00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:19.760
Oh, that's so cool.
00:40:20.639 --> 00:40:35.760
So one of the things I we have a lot of people who in our network who consider themselves to be connectors, and one of the things I see for a lot of them that that's like a recurring issue is that they don't get a lot of value out of it.
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:44.880
Like they'll connect to people who go off and have this amazing relationship or business, but but not a lot of that value is retained for the for the connector.
00:40:45.119 --> 00:40:51.920
How how do you make sure that you know you're also benefiting and growing as you're making these connections?
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:53.360
It's a great question.
00:40:53.440 --> 00:40:54.480
So, two ways to do that.
00:40:54.559 --> 00:40:56.559
One, as I mentioned, I have the Gen Hill tribe.
00:40:56.639 --> 00:40:58.880
The Gen Hill tribe, people pay$99 a month.
00:40:58.960 --> 00:41:03.840
They have to have personally met me to be approved to be in the tribe because I want to maintain the integrity of it.
00:41:04.079 --> 00:41:09.760
And so if you're a part of the tribe, then you're already paying me a monthly fee, and I'm not charging a huge amount.
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:16.800
And if you want, there's a higher level tier where you get to pay me for 30 minutes of my time, and I basically just channel your best connection.
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:22.320
So, like level one, you pay$99 a month, and then there's different tiers after that, depending on how much of my time you want.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:32.159
But so obviously that's a value, value grab for you, not in a negative way, but you're generating a value for yourself and you're providing extra value out.
00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:34.480
Yeah, there has to be an energetic exchange.
00:41:34.559 --> 00:41:40.159
I was doing it for free at first, and then I was like, oh, and all of my mentors and business advisors said you have to honor your time.
00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:45.679
They're like, people have told me I should be charging$10,000 a month just or$10,000 a year just to be a part of the tribe.
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:48.800
But I'm like, listen, I don't want to just take money for the sake of it.
00:41:48.880 --> 00:41:51.760
I just want to have there be integrity around the energetic space.
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:55.599
The other thing is I get checks often from people who do things.
00:41:55.760 --> 00:42:00.880
So I tell people, like, I was on a call last night with a referral partner of mine, and we were talking about a pretty big potential deal.
00:42:00.960 --> 00:42:04.559
And I was like, okay, well, let's just be sure that you and I see a piece of it if it happens.
00:42:04.719 --> 00:42:10.320
And so I have these agreements with people where they give me 10%, 20% of a deal if it gets closed.
00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:17.039
But you have to have so you actually put that in writing when it's a proper, larger deal that you're facilitating.
00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:18.320
Big, big deal, yes.
00:42:18.480 --> 00:42:36.400
I have some joint, I have a lot of joint ventures, highly recommend that people look into joint ventures, affiliate relationships, strategic alliances, some all the JVs I have that are really formalized, where people I've actually done formalized profit sharing things where it's like 50-50 or 60-40 splits, those I have JV agreements for.
00:42:36.559 --> 00:42:40.559
A lot of my friends, we just have a gentleman's handshake where it's just like, oh, you refer me this person.
00:42:40.639 --> 00:42:42.800
Like, I got money deposited in my bank account on Monday.
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:44.400
And I was just like, oh, that's nice.
00:42:44.559 --> 00:42:45.440
Thank you for that.
00:42:45.840 --> 00:42:47.599
So oh, that's great.
00:42:47.760 --> 00:42:56.079
So tell us a story about like a special, like one referral that you've made or that someone made for you that just sticks with you.
00:42:56.480 --> 00:42:59.039
You know, I have to take it to a friend of mine, Johan.
00:42:59.360 --> 00:43:03.679
I would not have the Gen Hill tribe if it weren't for one of the greatest gifts I've been given.
00:43:03.840 --> 00:43:05.360
So as I said, you know what it's like.
00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:06.320
You've been on calls with me.
00:43:06.400 --> 00:43:08.000
I channel people and I don't even know.
00:43:08.079 --> 00:43:10.880
It's like it's just like whoosh, it's like a boss that gets open in my brain.
00:43:10.960 --> 00:43:16.159
I kind of say it's like X-Men, Xavier from X-Men, when he puts on the helmet and can see every human on the planet.
00:43:16.239 --> 00:43:17.599
That's what it's like to be in my brain.
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:21.840
And so a friend of mine, this new guy, Johan and I, got referred about a year and a half ago.
00:43:22.000 --> 00:43:25.360
So a few months into me knowing him, he puts on big events.
00:43:25.440 --> 00:43:30.320
He's a prolific um entrepreneur out of Australia and does a lot of big like thousand-person plus events.
00:43:30.400 --> 00:43:34.800
So I referred him a bunch of AI people and speakers and podcasters and thought leaders.
00:43:34.960 --> 00:43:38.400
And then one day in February, a year ago, he says, mate, he's Australian.
00:43:38.480 --> 00:43:39.599
He's like, I have a gift for you.
00:43:39.760 --> 00:43:40.559
Get in your WhatsApp.
00:43:40.719 --> 00:43:41.440
I was like, huh?
00:43:41.599 --> 00:43:44.400
And he's like, no, it's like, it's literally the best gift ever.
00:43:44.480 --> 00:43:45.360
I was like, okay.
00:43:45.519 --> 00:43:46.719
And so we're in different time zones.
00:43:46.800 --> 00:43:48.000
I'm in Lisbon, he's in Australia.
00:43:48.079 --> 00:43:48.880
I get in there.
00:43:49.039 --> 00:43:59.760
He took the 36 original people I referred to him over three months, put it into the WhatsApp group, called it the Gen Hill tribe, custom built out the whole thing for me, and that now is the 300.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:02.880
120 person group that we run around the world.
00:44:03.280 --> 00:44:03.920
Oh, wow.
00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:08.880
So he created the core as a gift of what that's amazing.
00:44:09.039 --> 00:44:09.679
That is so cool.
00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:13.280
It was one of, I mean, I've received so many extraordinary gifts.
00:44:13.360 --> 00:44:16.960
I actually, another friend of mine, Giovanni Marcico, was life-changing.
00:44:17.119 --> 00:44:18.800
Shout out to Genevieve Hart.
00:44:19.119 --> 00:44:23.119
She introduced me to Gio, and we were just immediately like brother and sister.
00:44:23.199 --> 00:44:41.519
I went to two of his events last year in Toronto and in Austin, respectively, met some of the best business connections of my life at his events, all because Genevieve introduced me, and I may be getting my book published, The Recovering Asshole, with one of the connections I met because of Geo's event, who was like this guy who wrote 300 award-winning best-selling books.
00:44:41.599 --> 00:44:45.440
And I he was keynoting at my friend Geo's conference in Toronto.
00:44:45.599 --> 00:44:49.199
And I was just starting to get the bare bones of the book written.
00:44:49.360 --> 00:44:50.639
And this was last September.
00:44:50.719 --> 00:44:51.760
And I said, Do you mind?
00:44:51.840 --> 00:44:53.199
You know, you're a prolific author.
00:44:53.280 --> 00:44:57.519
Can I read you this to see if I'm like high and hallucinating or if this actually is worth something?
00:44:57.760 --> 00:45:00.800
So I read him the opening of the book and he did a double take.
00:45:00.880 --> 00:45:03.679
He's like, Did you say that's your first draft of that?
00:45:03.840 --> 00:45:04.559
I said, Yeah, why?
00:45:04.639 --> 00:45:05.519
He's like, it's insane.
00:45:05.599 --> 00:45:06.639
And he approached me the next morning.
00:45:06.719 --> 00:45:08.159
He's like, I can't stop thinking about your book.
00:45:08.239 --> 00:45:11.119
It is so and coming from a guy who's written 300 award-winning.
00:45:11.679 --> 00:45:14.239
That's that would have never happened if it weren't for Giovanni.
00:45:14.800 --> 00:45:15.760
Oh, that's amazing.
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:19.039
Well, it does help that your book was really good, too, to be fair.
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:23.199
You still had a little bit of a part of that as well.
00:45:23.679 --> 00:45:24.000
Yeah.
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:24.639
All right.
00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:28.960
We end every interview with uh a round of rapid fire questions.
00:45:29.440 --> 00:45:33.760
So I'm gonna ask you five questions and you just answer the first thing that comes to mind.
00:45:34.320 --> 00:45:34.960
You ready?
00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:36.320
All right.
00:45:36.639 --> 00:45:40.559
First one one behavior that destroys trust instantly.
00:45:40.880 --> 00:45:41.599
Fear.
00:45:41.840 --> 00:45:46.480
What is one behavior that rebuilds trust that has been lost?
00:45:46.960 --> 00:45:48.079
Curiosity.
00:45:48.400 --> 00:45:52.239
What is one leadership myth that you'd retire today?
00:45:52.800 --> 00:45:55.280
That you have to be an asshole to get things done.
00:45:55.599 --> 00:45:55.920
Yeah.
00:45:56.159 --> 00:45:59.599
One question people should ask before reacting.
00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:01.760
How could I see this differently?
00:46:02.079 --> 00:46:03.199
Alright, final one.
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:06.639
What is one thing you are still working on personally?
00:46:07.119 --> 00:46:09.280
Every day I have a fear of rejection.
00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:13.920
And in fact, I read, I'm reading a book right now called Rejection Proof, which I highly recommend.
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:26.639
And I just wrote an article this week on my Inspired Living Tools newsletter I drew on LinkedIn about rejection and how a lot of people would probably be shocked to know that my deepest, darkest fear is rejection because I was so awkward when I was younger.
00:46:26.719 --> 00:46:31.199
I was awkward, I didn't know how to make friends, I was ungodly lonely.
00:46:31.519 --> 00:46:37.920
And so a lot of people think, oh, you have a network of tens of thousands of people around the world, you're loved by many, blah, blah, blah.
00:46:38.079 --> 00:46:42.000
And I'm always terrified that I've said or done something wrong that offended people.
00:46:42.079 --> 00:46:43.599
So every day I work on that.
00:46:43.920 --> 00:46:44.239
All right.
00:46:44.400 --> 00:46:54.559
So we, as you know, we love spoiling our audience and making sure they're always getting the best and getting to connect directly with our amazing speakers and partners.
00:46:54.800 --> 00:47:00.800
If someone wants to learn more from you or connect with you, what is what do you got?
00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:19.679
So I recommend going to anti-assholeprayer.com, just like it sounds anti-assholeprayer.com, no hypens, and you'll be able to download a free copy of my 21 magical mantras that I use every day, including the anti-asshole prayer that literally everybody I've ever met is like, please can I have the anti-asshole prayer?
00:47:19.760 --> 00:47:23.119
That's why I just decided to make it a free gift for when I appear on shows like this.
00:47:23.199 --> 00:47:26.960
And that'll also keep you alert of any other speaking opportunities.
00:47:27.119 --> 00:47:34.159
It'll tell you when the book comes out, and you'll get special offers from partners and things like that, and opportunities and articles that I share.
00:47:34.559 --> 00:47:35.039
Amazing.
00:47:35.199 --> 00:47:36.880
We'll link to that in the show notes, guys.
00:47:36.960 --> 00:47:38.400
So go and grab that.
00:47:38.639 --> 00:47:40.400
Jennifer, thank you so much for joining us.
00:47:40.480 --> 00:47:44.079
Do you have any final words of wisdom before we part ways?
00:47:44.559 --> 00:47:47.039
Thank you, Daniel, for all of you out there.
00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:49.360
I know things may look great now.
00:47:49.519 --> 00:47:58.159
I know that I'm not a big fan of the media and the news, but I know if you do read it, there's a lot of things out there about hate and divisiveness and fear.
00:47:58.559 --> 00:48:06.000
And I would say that the only thing you are ever gonna have control over is your choice to respond versus react.
00:48:06.239 --> 00:48:14.079
So do the work proactively, do the work so that when life comes barreling towards you, you have tools in your super tool belt.
00:48:14.239 --> 00:48:19.840
I always like to say that Batman is one of the only superheroes who is not superhuman.
00:48:20.320 --> 00:48:24.159
What him what makes him superhuman is his super tool belt.
00:48:24.320 --> 00:48:26.719
So go out there, develop your own super tool belt.
00:48:26.800 --> 00:48:39.119
So when you find yourself falling off of a proverbial cliff, somebody betrays you, something awful happens in the world, have the tools to put yourself back into a state of resilience and live your life proactively rather than reactively.
00:48:39.840 --> 00:48:43.519
Yeah, Bad Bunny said it well in the Super Bowl half sh halftime show.
00:48:43.599 --> 00:48:45.760
The only thing more powerful than hate is love.
00:48:46.079 --> 00:48:49.119
So let's put ourselves and give us those those tools.
00:48:49.280 --> 00:48:51.280
Jennifer, thank you so much for joining us today.
00:48:51.360 --> 00:48:52.079
I appreciate you.
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:52.960
My pleasure.
00:48:53.119 --> 00:48:54.159
Thank you, Daniel.
00:48:59.760 --> 00:49:03.199
Thank you so much for joining us for this episode with Jennifer Hill.
00:49:03.360 --> 00:49:05.840
It is time for my favorite part of the show.
00:49:06.000 --> 00:49:11.760
This is where we break down the episode into clear actional insights for you to implement right away.
00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:17.360
Because here at the Swedish Wealth Institute, we're always searching for the answer for one simple question.
00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:20.559
What is the difference that makes the difference?
00:49:20.639 --> 00:49:24.639
Why do some people become wildly successful while others don't?
00:49:24.800 --> 00:49:29.760
Well, here are the five takeaways from today's episode that you can implement into your life.
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:36.719
So the first takeaway me and the team found was connection starts with the relationship you have with yourself.
00:49:37.039 --> 00:49:39.920
So Jennifer shared something incredibly important.
00:49:40.159 --> 00:49:45.519
If you're disconnected from yourself, it becomes very difficult to truly connect with other people.
00:49:46.079 --> 00:49:53.840
Many leaders try to build stronger teams, networks, relationships while internally operating from stress, fear, or rejection.
00:49:54.880 --> 00:50:01.920
If you fix your own relationship with yourself, you can show up cleaner, calmer, and more present with others.
00:50:02.559 --> 00:50:06.960
Two, you do not need to be perfect, but you do need to be self-aware.
00:50:08.000 --> 00:50:15.679
So for me, my big takeaway from Jennifer's story was her honesty of you know, leaving her asshole era.
00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:20.639
You know, she built success, but she was damaging relationships while working in it.
00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:28.880
For her, it changed when she started looking at herself honestly and choosing a different way to show up.
00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:31.840
So for me, that's leadership.
00:50:31.920 --> 00:50:37.920
It's not knowing that you not pretending that you know everything, it's being willing to grow every single day.
00:50:38.960 --> 00:50:42.639
The right person in the wrong role can look like the wrong person.
00:50:42.800 --> 00:50:44.400
That's our third takeaway.
00:50:44.719 --> 00:50:50.960
Jennifer's story about almost firing a team member was really, really eye-opening.
00:50:51.119 --> 00:50:56.800
Sometimes the issue is not the person, it's the role, the environment, or the way their strengths are being used.
00:50:57.199 --> 00:50:59.599
So don't necessarily just write someone off.
00:50:59.840 --> 00:51:03.440
Ask yourself and them if they are on the right seat.
00:51:04.559 --> 00:51:08.400
Four, better relationships come from curiosity, not judgment.
00:51:09.039 --> 00:51:15.360
So when trust is ja damaged, Jennifer said that one of the most powerful tools for rebuilding is curiosity.
00:51:15.599 --> 00:51:21.360
So instead of reacting, attacking, or assuming the worst, ask how can I see this differently?
00:51:22.559 --> 00:51:27.760
That one question can change everything and create space for a better response.
00:51:28.400 --> 00:51:32.800
Five, your network compounds when you treat it intentionally.
00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:43.840
So Jennifer doesn't connect people randomly, she tracks relationships, she pays attention to energy, remembers what matters to people, and looks for aligned introductions.
00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:48.400
Now, she doesn't hold all this in her head, she holds this in an Excel spreadsheet.
00:51:48.639 --> 00:51:58.000
So she then uses her plus two method to remind her network of what is the right person to connect this to?
00:51:58.239 --> 00:52:04.000
What will be the quality of energy, trust, and value that can flow through these relationships.
00:52:04.639 --> 00:52:09.360
So before you go, we've given you some, we've prepared something really special for you.
00:52:09.519 --> 00:52:16.559
If you are in North America, we have tomorrow the Financial Freedom Summit starting.
00:52:16.880 --> 00:52:26.079
It has Robert Kiyosaki, Les Brown, Nick Vuyacich, Brian Tracy, Marcy Shimoff, Jack Canfield, Janet Atwood, and more amazing speakers.
00:52:26.159 --> 00:52:46.880
And we will teach you the seven steps to greatness that were created in a mastermind between us and a whole bunch of these absolutely amazing speakers, people of the who have literally written the book on how to become a successful debated what is the actual seven steps to greatness.
00:52:47.039 --> 00:52:50.239
It's an absolutely amazing process that we'll share with you.
00:52:50.480 --> 00:53:00.559
If you're in Europe or Asia, we have the Business Wealth Forum coming up the 9th and 10th of May that you are more than welcome to join.
00:53:00.719 --> 00:53:06.880
We'll share the link in the show notes to our events page where you can claim your free ticket for either of these.
00:53:07.119 --> 00:53:14.639
Now, before you go, if you have someone that you think would benefit from listening to this episode, please feel free to share it with them.
00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:24.800
And uh of course, don't forget to do as thousands of other people all over the world already have done, and follow or subscribe so that you don't miss what's coming next.
00:53:24.960 --> 00:53:29.199
And if you want to give us a five-star review, it means the world to us.
00:53:29.280 --> 00:53:30.480
So we really appreciate that.
00:53:30.639 --> 00:53:37.360
Depending on what platform you are, give us a like, give us a comment, or review the podcast with a five-star review.
00:53:37.440 --> 00:53:39.360
It truly means a lot.
00:53:39.599 --> 00:53:58.480
Next week, we have an incredible episode with Uzanna, where she actually uses me as a guinea pig, where we look at how identity is only the tip of the iceberg and how you can work on the origin seeds to make changes in your life.
00:53:58.719 --> 00:54:00.639
It was really, really exciting.
00:54:00.800 --> 00:54:08.480
I learned a lot, and uh, you'll truly see me be very open and vulnerable as we walk me through this process.
00:54:08.559 --> 00:54:12.079
So I hope you join us for that, and I'll see you next week.
00:54:12.239 --> 00:54:12.800
Thank you so much.
00:54:12.880 --> 00:54:16.719
This is Daniel Wood and the Swedish Wealth Institute podcast.
00:54:17.519 --> 00:54:28.000
I'm the one that managed to find or generate 100,000 euros in one day, 200,000 euros in another day, and I lost 350,000 euros in another day.
00:54:28.239 --> 00:54:32.800
I realized now that I was chasing success.
00:54:32.960 --> 00:54:36.639
I wanted success, but I could not hold success.
00:54:36.800 --> 00:54:42.559
It's one thing to be able to achieve something, and it's another thing to leave at that level.
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:01.199
I just hated myself.
00:00:01.280 --> 00:00:02.000
I was bullying.
00:00:02.240 --> 00:00:03.040
I was suicidal.
00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:04.080
Tried to take my life.
00:00:04.240 --> 00:00:06.080
Sextras, rock and roll, you name it.
00:00:06.160 --> 00:00:06.879
I did it.
00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:11.279
If I didn't learn people and learn myself, I wasn't gonna make it.
00:00:11.599 --> 00:00:15.519
Jill, you are only the most condescending, demeaning bitch we've ever met in our lives.
00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:17.600
We have no idea how you're successful.
00:00:17.839 --> 00:00:23.839
And that was my moment of like one thing she does well today for a week.
00:00:23.920 --> 00:00:26.480
So the first day I kid you not, I write down she's human.
00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:27.839
Day two, she breathes.
00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:30.800
By day three, she actually started to improve quite fastly.
00:00:30.960 --> 00:00:32.719
By day seven, she included.
00:00:34.479 --> 00:00:37.200
Welcome to the Swedish 12th Institute podcast.
00:00:37.280 --> 00:00:39.520
I am your host, Dania Wood.
00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:48.960
As a leader, we want to build stronger relationships, create deeper trust, and you know, become the kind of person that people genuinely want to work with.
00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:58.399
The truth is, most people don't fail in leadership because they're not smart enough or they don't have a good strategy or they're not ambitious enough.
00:00:58.560 --> 00:01:03.200
They fail because they don't connect with their team.
00:01:03.920 --> 00:01:13.280
So if you feel like that's happening to you, this episode is going to be absolutely amazing because I'm sitting down with Jennifer Hill.
00:01:13.439 --> 00:01:17.680
She is one of the best connectors in the world that I've ever met.
00:01:18.079 --> 00:01:26.560
She will show you how she went from what she calls her asshole era to becoming one of the most connected people in the world.
00:01:26.799 --> 00:01:44.319
Why self-mastery, self-awareness, nervous system regulation, and inner work are critical for leadership and how to use tools like human design, heart-focused breathing, and the plus two method to help understand people, build trust, and create stronger connections.
00:01:44.959 --> 00:01:49.280
This episode was huge for me as a leader, and I think it can be for you.
00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:53.120
So I look forward to sharing this episode with you.
00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:54.159
Let's get into it.
00:01:54.400 --> 00:01:59.439
When did you realize that connection, not skill, was really the key for leadership?
00:01:59.760 --> 00:02:03.920
After I spent the first 20-some odd years of my life as an asshole, Daniel, quite honestly.
00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:07.280
Yeah, people say, How did you crack the code of human connection?
00:02:07.439 --> 00:02:09.360
And truly, Daniel, it was out of survival.
00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:13.599
If I didn't learn people and learn myself, I wasn't going to make it.
00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:16.560
I, you and I were talking a little bit before we went live.
00:02:16.800 --> 00:02:24.080
There was a period of what I call my asshole era of when I was about 16 to in my 20s, where I just hated myself.
00:02:24.159 --> 00:02:29.520
I was bulimic, I was suicidal, tried to take my own life, sex, drugs, rock and roll, you name it, I did it.
00:02:29.680 --> 00:02:31.680
And more than anything, I just hated myself.
00:02:31.759 --> 00:02:35.919
And I took out that anger and that self-hatred on anybody who came into my life.
00:02:36.080 --> 00:02:42.960
And out of that, I had a series of broken relationships, misunderstandings, heartache.
00:02:43.120 --> 00:02:47.439
There was a period where I didn't talk to my dad for a few years, and many of my friends broke up with me.
00:02:47.520 --> 00:02:50.639
One of my best friends who actually just called me right before we had jumped on here.
00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:53.759
She had to break up with me twice because of what a jerk I was.
00:02:53.840 --> 00:02:55.199
I lied to her one time.
00:02:55.439 --> 00:03:02.319
And so then midway through in my 20s, I had an aha moment where a woman actually called me out on being an asshole in a personal development class.
00:03:02.560 --> 00:03:07.039
In fact, in her exact words, it was, you are a nasty thing.
00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:09.759
You are one of the most powerful women I've ever met in my life.
00:03:09.919 --> 00:03:10.879
Except you know what?
00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:18.159
You're like Godzilla walking through a city with a huge tail swinging behind you, knocking down buildings wherever you go.
00:03:18.319 --> 00:03:19.199
Except you know what?
00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:22.080
Those aren't buildings, those are people whose lives you're destroying.
00:03:22.240 --> 00:03:29.120
And that was really my catalytic wake-up call moment to realize, oh shit, I'm not the person I thought I was.
00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:31.680
Despite all this, I didn't even realize what a jerk I was.
00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:36.240
I was sitting there in a personal development class, judgy, being what I call a judgy bunny.
00:03:36.319 --> 00:03:37.919
I was judging everybody else.
00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:39.599
And lo and behold, here it was.
00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:40.879
It was just I hated myself.
00:03:40.960 --> 00:03:46.159
And so that was the moment that was, whoa, I have a choice in how I get to show up in the world.
00:03:46.319 --> 00:03:49.759
And it's been 20 years of deep spiritual work, studies.
00:03:49.919 --> 00:03:52.879
I spend two hours a day in prayer, meditation, and reflection.
00:03:53.039 --> 00:03:55.199
And now I have this sixth sense in gift.
00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:59.439
And most people have told me that the connections I've provided them have literally changed their lives.
00:03:59.680 --> 00:04:04.240
What's interesting there too is you became successful as an asshole.
00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:06.560
I was remotely successful.
00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:09.680
I think I was making maybe$100,000 a year when I was 23.
00:04:09.759 --> 00:04:13.599
And I was so I was like the first job I ever really got out of college.
00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:16.560
I left high school early because I was also a dick during high school.
00:04:16.639 --> 00:04:19.600
And I really didn't like being around other people.
00:04:19.759 --> 00:04:24.079
My brain worked differently, and yet I didn't know I was autistic till about eight years ago.
00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:27.199
And so I left high school at 16, went straight to college.
00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:33.040
After I graduated college, I wound up calling the guy who hired me in my first really successful job.
00:04:33.199 --> 00:04:35.839
And I cold called him, I said, This is Jennifer Hill.
00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:40.800
You're gonna hire me, and I'll be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you, and I'll break every company record you ever have.
00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:48.959
So I was all piss and vinegar, and the guy hired me, and it was at that company that I was working at already relatively successful that I figured I was an asshole.
00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:55.040
And when that woman said that to me, I went into my office the next day and I said, Guys, I have a question for you.
00:04:55.199 --> 00:05:01.279
Was I maybe ever condescending, demean, or rude to any of you in the time we've worked together?
00:05:01.439 --> 00:05:03.839
And Daniel, the office went so quiet.
00:05:04.000 --> 00:05:05.600
You could hear a pin drop.
00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:12.319
And then this one woman burst out laughing and said, Jay Hill, you are only the most condescending, demeaning bitch we've ever met in our lives.
00:05:12.480 --> 00:05:14.399
We have no idea how you're successful.
00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:17.439
And that was my moment of like, oh, I have a choice now.
00:05:17.519 --> 00:05:20.639
Every day I get to choose to be an asshole or something else.
00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:21.519
Right.
00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:25.279
And so, so what did you see as the difference when you decided to change?
00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:26.959
How did that change your life?
00:05:27.120 --> 00:05:30.160
Like, what was asshole version and post-asshole?
00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:36.720
Well, so asshole version was stole$2,000, my mom's car flew to Hawaii, lived in Hawaii under a fake name.
00:05:36.800 --> 00:05:40.639
That's the opening story of the Recovering Asshole book coming out later this year.
00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:50.079
Later in my life, I still, even after that moment, even after that woman said I was an asshole, I still thought people were just being obstinate, stubborn jerks.
00:05:50.160 --> 00:05:56.639
Like I once, a few years after that incident, I sent an all-caps email to my team when I was building my own company.
00:05:56.800 --> 00:05:58.879
Are you all a bunch of fucking morons?
00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:02.720
Why are you not working harder, faster, smarter, all in caps, all in the subject line?
00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:07.199
And it was around that time I hired my first business coach who really radically changed my life.
00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:13.199
He's like, Jen, how about we soften the language on your future emails and how about I help you proofread all of them?
00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:13.680
Right.
00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:21.839
And so Julian taught me that everybody else, I just thought everybody else was as quick as I was, and that they were just being lazy and idiots.
00:06:22.079 --> 00:06:26.639
And then when Julian said, Jen, you're designed differently, they're designed differently.
00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:32.399
And that's how I've now accumulated 180 tools to better understand myself and others to develop compassion.
00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:33.759
And that's what I do with others.
00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:40.800
I work with executives, high net worths, I run a community of 320 entrepreneurs, thought leaders, billionaires, people around the world.
00:06:40.879 --> 00:06:48.959
And my goal is to reflect back and see the spark of light in everybody I meet, and even the people who are going through the hardest times.
00:06:49.120 --> 00:07:02.800
There's a great quote by this from Neil Donald Walsh that says, let this be your greatest joy, let this be your greatest task, to give people back to themselves, even in their darkest hour, especially in that hour.
00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:08.639
And I feel like that's my purpose is to listen for the spark of light in every human I meet and reflect it back to them when they've forgotten.
00:07:08.959 --> 00:07:11.519
Give us a couple examples of these 180 tools.
00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:14.800
Like how do you how do you read people using these?
00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:16.480
It's a whole multitude.
00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:17.839
I recently published them on social.
00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:21.120
So if you follow me on LinkedIn or on Facebook, yeah, I'll actually be sure to pin.
00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:23.360
We'll link to that in the show notes so everyone can find it.
00:07:23.680 --> 00:07:24.000
Exactly.
00:07:24.160 --> 00:07:26.639
So some of my favorite tools, I love human design.
00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:28.319
Are you familiar with that one at all?
00:07:28.800 --> 00:07:31.839
Yes, but for our listeners, let's walk them through it.
00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:32.240
Okay.
00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:33.600
So I'll give you a great example.
00:07:33.759 --> 00:07:37.360
In human design, there are five types of designs.
00:07:37.519 --> 00:07:44.319
And this is an amalgamation of things like the Yi Ching, Chinese medicine, Arivada, Kabbalah, astrology.
00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:49.199
It's basically amalgamated all of this into a systematic formula to understand people.
00:07:49.439 --> 00:07:53.199
So Julian, my uh prior business coach, helped me understand this.
00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:54.399
He did my design.
00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:57.120
And when we did my design, um, I'm one of the five types.
00:07:57.199 --> 00:08:02.959
So there are two types that make up 70% of the world called generators and manifesting generators.
00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:07.040
And what defines them as such is they have their sacral area defined.
00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:09.519
And that just means they're like an energizer bunny.
00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:17.519
So if you've ever seen those ads from back in the day, it means they can go, go, go and just have unlimited energy that they have to deplete throughout the day.
00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:19.360
My type is called a projector.
00:08:19.439 --> 00:08:20.720
That's 20% of the population.
00:08:20.879 --> 00:08:22.399
By the way, you can find out for free.
00:08:22.480 --> 00:08:30.639
I'm not an affiliate of them, but you can go to freehumandesignchart.com or there's an app that you can pay for called Align that I love that I work with on all my clients.
00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:32.799
And so my type is called a projector.
00:08:32.879 --> 00:08:34.000
That's 20% of the world.
00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:37.039
Obama, for example, was a very famous projector.
00:08:37.279 --> 00:08:38.960
Projectors are meant to be leaders.
00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:42.240
We're meant to guide people's energy around things.
00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:45.840
And so what was funny was so 20% is projectors.
00:08:45.919 --> 00:08:48.720
I'll I'll close this out before I get to the story.
00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:51.759
Then 10% of the world is a type called a manifester.
00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:55.360
You'll know you've met a manifester because they tell you what to do.
00:08:55.440 --> 00:08:57.759
They're like the generals, they just dictate.
00:08:57.919 --> 00:09:11.759
And uh, it's funny, in one of the books I read about this called Understanding Your Clients Through Human Design by Robin Wynn, she says manifestors almost can have a repelling aura if they haven't done work on themselves, because it's a very thwarting, thrusting sort of energy.
00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:13.279
It's my way or the highway.
00:09:13.519 --> 00:09:15.679
Exactly, when they haven't done the personal work.
00:09:15.840 --> 00:09:25.840
And then 1% of the population, which is very, very rare, and I know a disproportionate amount of people of these types, I don't know how, but 1% has nothing to find and they just channel.
00:09:25.919 --> 00:09:27.519
They're some of the best intuitives in the world.
00:09:27.600 --> 00:09:30.720
I did meet one one time who was an attorney, and I'm like, shit, you're an attorney.
00:09:30.799 --> 00:09:37.600
That's pretty incredible that you're able to be an attorney and be this type because they tend to be radically intuitive and just reflect the world around them.
00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:39.200
So I'll take it back to my type.
00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:42.240
I'm 20% of this population called a projector.
00:09:42.399 --> 00:09:49.600
And building my first company, Julian comes in and starts teaching me about this and says, Jen, we should really look at your team and how they're defined.
00:09:49.679 --> 00:09:53.039
Now, in a cohesive team, it's great to have one of each.
00:09:53.120 --> 00:10:05.360
So in my teams, I would often, before I even knew about this, would have a projector, a couple of generators, a manifesting jar, a manifestor, although we didn't often have reflectors who worked for us because again, that was a little bit 1% very rare.
00:10:05.600 --> 00:10:09.840
So here we are one day, and there's a woman I'm working with, and I am about to fire her.
00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:16.159
And two things happened that were radically incredible and shifted how this whole story turned out.
00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:18.960
One, Julian did her human design chart.
00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:26.879
It turned out she was my type of projector, and I was treating her like that other 70%, that worker bee type, and she's not designed for that.
00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:31.440
So she wasn't returning client emails on time, she wasn't getting back to people, phone calls.
00:10:31.600 --> 00:10:32.639
I had all these complaints.
00:10:32.720 --> 00:10:36.559
So the first thing Julian said is, Jen, you have her in the wrong role.
00:10:36.799 --> 00:10:43.440
She's a projector, she should be the middle manager between you and the team, but you have do not have her as a worker bee if she'll fail.
00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:48.399
So he tells me this, but I'm still pretty pissed off because she's been failing up till this point, right?
00:10:48.720 --> 00:10:50.799
So he says, Jen, I'm gonna teach you a couple of things.
00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:54.399
He was an expert in neurolinguistic programming and neuroscience.
00:10:54.559 --> 00:11:05.600
So Jules said, Jen, every second of every day, we have 11 million bits of information hitting us at a subconscious level per second.
00:11:05.919 --> 00:11:09.200
But do I know how many of those we pay attention to consciously?
00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:10.480
Any guesses, Daniel?
00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:13.519
I mean, we're talking 0.01%.
00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:15.200
Even less than that.
00:11:15.440 --> 00:11:25.360
Of 11 million bits per second, Daniel, we're only at a conscious level paying attention to 50 to 120 bits per second consciously.
00:11:25.519 --> 00:11:26.159
And it's crazy.
00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:39.279
Like if you get into psychedelics, there's actually there's a great book by Dan Brown that just came out called Secret of Secrets, where they get into how our brain has, I think it's like gamma or GABA or something that helps inhibit the world around us so we don't go crazy with all the stimuli.
00:11:40.159 --> 00:11:44.480
So that's what a GABA inhibitor will then Exactly.
00:11:44.639 --> 00:11:46.240
So then you see more reality, etc.
00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:47.840
That's where you get into psychedelics.
00:11:47.919 --> 00:11:49.360
So let's backtrack for a moment.
00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:50.399
So Julian teaches me this.
00:11:50.559 --> 00:11:53.360
I was like, whoa, wait a second, Jules, hold on one moment.
00:11:53.600 --> 00:11:54.240
Sorry about that.
00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:55.600
I had a tickle in my throat.
00:11:55.840 --> 00:11:58.320
So here we were, and Julian tells me all of this.
00:11:58.399 --> 00:12:17.279
And so I said, Julian, it's kind of like you're in an infinitely large, pitch black warehouse, and you can't see your hands in front of your face, and all you really have is this little miner's helmet with an itty-bitty little light, and whatever this light points at, which is those 50 to 120 bits of conscious attention we're putting on things, is what we're gonna see.
00:12:17.360 --> 00:12:19.039
And Julian's like, Jen, that's it.
00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:20.399
So here I am.
00:12:20.480 --> 00:12:22.480
I'm still pretty frustrated with this with this woman.
00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:26.559
We now know her human design is the same as mine and that she's not in the role she's meant to be in.
00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:36.879
And he says, Jen, before you put her on a performance improvement plan or before you fire her, I want you to write down one thing she does well a day for a week.
00:12:36.960 --> 00:12:41.039
And I'm like, Huh, I still was pretty, I was still in the middle of my asshole period.
00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:42.320
I was still very early on in this.
00:12:42.399 --> 00:12:44.000
So I was still pretty skeptical about this.
00:12:44.080 --> 00:12:46.000
I was like, fine, fine, I'll try this.
00:12:46.159 --> 00:12:48.799
So the first day, I kid you not, I write down she's human.
00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:50.960
Day two, she breathes, day three.
00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:53.200
So I'm writing all this down without telling her.
00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:56.480
By day three, she actually started to improve quite vastly.
00:12:56.639 --> 00:13:00.000
By day seven, Daniel, she was extraordinary.
00:13:00.159 --> 00:13:01.440
Now, here's what happened.
00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:06.159
Not only did I not fire her, she went on to be one of our most successful team members.
00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:13.440
And when I sold the company in 2018, she took it over from me and allowed me to exit the company three years early so I could move to Europe.
00:13:13.600 --> 00:13:16.960
And that's all because I didn't buy her because of these wonderful techniques.
00:13:17.440 --> 00:13:23.360
And because you found that she's actually a superstar in the wrong role.
00:13:23.759 --> 00:13:24.320
Yeah.
00:13:24.639 --> 00:13:29.440
You were trying to shove a round uh a round peg into a square hole and it just wouldn't work.
00:13:29.679 --> 00:13:30.320
Yeah, exactly.
00:13:30.399 --> 00:13:34.399
Like manifestors get them in sales roles, but they do not take direction as well.
00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:36.159
You have to give them a lot of autonomy.
00:13:36.320 --> 00:13:40.559
So when you start to understand this, it goes back to that famous book, Good to Great.
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:41.759
It was one of the earliest business.
00:13:42.159 --> 00:13:43.759
Oh, I love that one by Jim Collins.
00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:44.320
Exactly.
00:13:44.480 --> 00:13:45.360
Such a good book, right?
00:13:45.440 --> 00:13:47.440
It was one of the earliest business books I ever read.
00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:50.480
And Jim talks about getting the right people on the bus.
00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:52.480
So I want you to look at your team right now.
00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:59.120
If you're somebody who's managing a team or you work with other people and ask yourself, do I like the people I'm on the bus with?
00:13:59.279 --> 00:14:05.840
Because if you do and they might not be performing, then perhaps it could be something as simple as just shifting the role that they're in.
00:14:06.159 --> 00:14:06.720
Yeah.
00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:08.399
Absolutely.
00:14:08.639 --> 00:14:09.519
Absolutely.
00:14:09.759 --> 00:14:15.200
So so tell us more about the techniques you use for yourself to connect with people.
00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:21.840
When, like for someone when that doesn't maybe come naturally for you, how do how are you compensating?
00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:29.360
So one of my favorite techniques that's been studied scientifically for over 40 years is a technique by HeartMath called heart focused breathing.
00:14:29.440 --> 00:14:30.639
Have you ever heard of it before, Daniel?
00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:35.120
Yeah, Marcy Shimoff talked about that on uh an earlier episode when I interviewed her.
00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:35.840
I love it.
00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:38.240
Yeah, so I've been very privileged to get to do work.
00:14:38.320 --> 00:14:43.279
I co-produced a show with a HeartMath team called the Global Cook Here and Pulse, the third Saturday of every month.
00:14:43.360 --> 00:14:44.960
It's free if people want to attend.
00:14:45.120 --> 00:14:48.639
And we have experts and leaders who come on and teach these methods.
00:14:48.879 --> 00:14:52.159
So essentially, I'm not sure what Marcy covered, but I'll give you a quick recap.
00:14:52.639 --> 00:15:00.480
The reason so many of us fail to develop intimacy with ourselves or one another is we're in fight freeze or flight 24-7.
00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:04.080
Now, years ago, we had this part of our brain called the amygdala.
00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:14.799
When we were being chased by tigers and trying to forge for food and survive, it was a very valuable part of our brain that would turn on and go, danger, there's a tiger, danger, we have no food, whatever it is.
00:15:14.879 --> 00:15:25.600
But the problem is with social media, with media, with life now, that amygdala is activated 24-7 unless we proactively turn it off.
00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:38.240
In fact, our higher parts of our brain, our mammalian part of our brain and our prefrontal cortex, our capacity for love, connection, and imagination, cannot function, Daniel, until the lower part of the brain feels safe.
00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:42.639
So this is why when you meet somebody new, you're not thinking about developing intimacy.
00:15:42.879 --> 00:15:44.159
You're going, like, do they like me?
00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:45.919
Oh God, do I have stuff in my teeth?
00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:46.960
Am I wearing the right thing?
00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:47.919
Did I say the right thing?
00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:49.360
Oh God, they're not gonna like me.
00:15:49.440 --> 00:15:51.200
Oh shoot, I said the wrong thing again, right?
00:15:51.360 --> 00:15:54.559
That's all your amygdala acting like it's been chased by tigers.
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:56.000
So here's a simple technique.
00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:57.120
I'm gonna take you through it.
00:15:57.279 --> 00:15:59.039
You can do it with your eyes open or closed.
00:15:59.200 --> 00:16:04.639
When I work with leaders on this, I encourage people if you are in a place where you can shut your eyes to do it.
00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:08.799
But if you're driving or if you're listening to this while walking your dog, you can also do it with your eyes open.
00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:09.679
Are you ready?
00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:10.320
Right.
00:16:10.639 --> 00:16:13.039
If you are driving, please stop the car and then do this.
00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:14.559
We don't want anyone crashing.
00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:16.799
It is very safe as long as you keep your eyes open.
00:16:16.879 --> 00:16:19.519
So you can do this with eyes open or closed.
00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:20.879
It's actually really good to regulate.
00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:24.240
If you're getting road rage and your eyes are open, you can do it with your eyes open.
00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:31.120
For those of you who are in a place who can stop and just listen, then I would encourage you the first time you try it to shut your eyes.
00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:32.480
So are you ready to do this, Daniel?
00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:33.200
I'm ready.
00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:33.679
I'm in.
00:16:33.759 --> 00:16:35.600
I'll be your your testing money here.
00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:36.000
All right.
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:39.120
So let's first check in then, just so we can help the audience with this too.
00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:42.240
On a scale of zero to five, where are you at today?
00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:45.759
Five, meaning you're like, oh, I feel like a billion dollars.
00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:46.559
I'm amazing.
00:16:46.639 --> 00:16:47.600
I'm feeling great.
00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:52.480
Zero is like the kids were screaming all night, I'm depleted, I have nothing to give you, Jen.
00:16:52.639 --> 00:16:53.600
Let's just talk for a second.
00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:55.440
Where are you at emotionally right now?
00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:58.240
Not good or bad, just kind of an observation.
00:16:58.639 --> 00:17:00.159
Let's call me a three today.
00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:01.200
Okay, you're a three.
00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:02.080
Again, no judgment.
00:17:02.159 --> 00:17:06.000
I invite those of you listening and watching to kind of reflect internally for yourself.
00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:10.400
I would say I'm at about at about a three myself today, so I'm gonna give myself about a three as well.
00:17:10.480 --> 00:17:12.319
And I checked in and that feels about right.
00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:13.839
So just notice where you're at.
00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:16.720
And now if you are in a place that you can shut your eyes, feel free to do so.
00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:19.519
Or if you're driving or walking, feel free to keep your eyes open.
00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:24.720
Begin to focus your attention in the area of your harder chest.
00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:36.559
Imagine that your breath is flowing in and out right through the center of your harder chest, breathing a little slower and a little deeper than usual.
00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:40.799
Finding an easy rhythm that's comfortable for you.
00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:45.839
As you continue, allowing slow, deep, hard-focused breaths.
00:17:46.000 --> 00:18:01.200
I invite you to play with the rhythm of your breath and see if you can breathe in to the count of five, two, four, three, two, two, one, two, three, three, and breathe out one, two, two, three, three, four, three, five.
00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:07.519
Now as you continue to find your own rhythm, imagine your heart itself is doing the breathing.
00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:16.480
Imagine the breath is flowing into the center of your heart or chest area, and out through the center of your heart or chest area.
00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:21.039
On the next inhalation, I invite you to breathe in the feeling of calm.
00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:23.519
Imagine a time where you felt calm.
00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:29.920
Maybe you were laying in bed, relaxed, or sitting by the seaside, or your favorite lake or river, or forest.
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:38.240
Whatever that time is where you felt that sense of calm, I invite you to breathe in that feeling of calm right through the center of your heart or chest.
00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:43.519
And then breathe out and send that calm to somebody else who might need it.
00:18:43.599 --> 00:18:47.839
Maybe you have a loved one or a pet or friend or colleague who needs it as well.
00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:49.519
So let's do that a few more times.
00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:55.200
Allowing another slow, deep hard focus breath in through the center of your heart or chest.
00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:59.119
Feeling that felt sense of calm light up every cell of your body.
00:18:59.759 --> 00:19:03.839
And once more radiate and pulse that calm to everything and everyone around you.
00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:10.240
Let's do this one more time together, allowing one more slow, deep hard focus breath.
00:19:11.119 --> 00:19:14.480
Feeling that calm is a felt sense in your body.
00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:19.359
And one last time that's radiate that calm to everyone and everything.
00:19:20.240 --> 00:19:27.519
As you come back into this moment, if your eyes were shut, you can gently begin to open them and wiggle your fingers and toes and peel your feet upon the floor.
00:19:28.079 --> 00:19:30.640
And then just notice where your internal space is.
00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:32.319
Daniel, do you notice a difference?
00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:34.960
Did it go up or down?
00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:40.400
Yeah, I think I I feel a lot more calm, a lot more centered.
00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:41.519
That was really nice.
00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:42.880
We could have kept going.
00:19:44.079 --> 00:19:45.440
My clients always say that to me.
00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:45.920
It's amazing.
00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:48.559
I would say I went up to about a four, and you'll notice this.
00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:58.400
So one of the things we teach is that when you do this, in the same way we need to recharge our phone, imagine you used your phone all day and you didn't recharge it, it would be dead, right?
00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:00.079
The same is true of our bodies.
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:10.720
Every time we go through something that upsets us, a triggering email, an issue with the kids at school, the dog is sick, whatever it is, that activates and triggers the amygdala part of the brain.
00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:18.240
If we don't re-regulate our nervous system using heart-focused breathing, vagal nerve breathing, box breathing, take your pick, whichever one you choose.
00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:24.079
I just happen to prefer heart-focused breathing by heart math, then you're going to be carrying that with you all day.
00:20:24.240 --> 00:20:26.720
And then you're in a state of what's called incoherence.
00:20:26.799 --> 00:20:30.079
And that right there, Daniel, is what inhibits human connection.
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:38.000
The reason so many of us fail to connect to others is number one, we're in constantly this state of fight, fright, flight, or freeze.
00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:41.359
But number two, we also are missing connection to ourselves.
00:20:41.519 --> 00:20:53.519
So as much as I spent decades in broken relationships and misunderstandings and pain and suffering for myself and others, the other big secret is when you learn to love and accept yourself.
00:20:53.599 --> 00:21:09.440
And I know it sounds cliche, and there are actual tools that I teach people to use to do this, but then you become the most radiant, sexiest, desirable person that everybody wants to be friends with, do business with, date, have in their lives because you're already whole, complete, and perfect.
00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:11.920
Most of us, Daniel, spend our whole lives.
00:21:12.079 --> 00:21:17.440
I don't care if you're worth billions of dollars, if you have millions of followers, tens of millions of followers.
00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:23.440
I don't care who you are, but so many people are looking for something or someone to fill them up.
00:21:23.599 --> 00:21:34.799
That's why we go to drugs, to alcohol, to validation, to the likes on social media, to the news, we're looking for anything to feel that aching, the pain, that loneliness within us.
00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:51.440
But what most people don't know, and I call this the golden triangle of connection, is if we don't have that connection to ourselves, which quieting the brain, the amygdala helps with that, if we don't first connect to ourselves, then we won't be able to connect to others or our purpose, and it all falls down like a house of cards.
00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:59.759
However, when we create that deep intimacy with ourselves and we stop trying to take energy from the people we're dating.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:08.720
Meeting our spouses, our children, our friends, our business colleagues, and you show up whole and clean and clear to every meeting, you become free.
00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:10.000
It's true liberation.
00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:11.039
Wow, yeah.
00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:23.599
And what's what what's interesting to me about you is going from having all this trouble connecting with people, you are now probably the most connected person I've ever met.
00:22:23.759 --> 00:22:25.839
And that's basically what you do.
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:31.680
Like I jump on a call with you, and all of a sudden I'm connected to another 10 absolutely amazing people.
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:37.440
And it's like I'm afraid to jump on a call and super excited because, like, oh my God, all these amazing people.
00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:39.920
Like, how am I going to handle all these new relationships?
00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:51.920
So, how do you go from not being able to connect at all to like knowing all these exciting people and being the center, you know, the spider of the spider web of connecting?
00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:53.519
You know, it takes work.
00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:54.640
It's every single day.
00:22:54.720 --> 00:22:57.039
It's we get to choose who we want to be in the world.
00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:02.559
And so that's why I am unyielding and uncompromising of my two-hour practice every day.
00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:04.799
I've cultivated it over 13 years.
00:23:04.960 --> 00:23:06.079
It started off years ago.
00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:12.319
Transcendental meditation was really cataclysmic for me in learning how to quiet my mind.
00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:13.440
I remember the first time.
00:23:13.599 --> 00:23:14.480
I love massages.
00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:15.680
I get a massage once a week.
00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:18.400
That's also something that helps support my regulatory system.
00:23:18.640 --> 00:23:21.039
But I remember the first masseuse I ever worked with, Natalia.
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:27.519
And I'm sitting at her house and she says, Okay, Jen, I want you to meditate for 30 seconds before the massage, it'll make it more effective.
00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:29.200
I was like, Are you crazy?
00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:30.720
Have you been inside my head?
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:32.319
I was like, that's impossible.
00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:35.839
And then 13 years ago, I got introduced to transcendental meditation.
00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:39.920
And of all the types, I use that as one of the types of meditation I do every morning.
00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:41.039
That's how I start.
00:23:41.279 --> 00:23:45.839
But that combined with Kabbalah has really been the secret to happiness.
00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:48.559
I mean, one of my teachers, David Guillaume, has exploded.
00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:52.880
He is one of the most famous thought leaders in the world right now on spirituality.
00:23:53.039 --> 00:23:57.440
And I had the privilege and honor of studying under him for quite a few years in LA when I was with him.
00:23:57.519 --> 00:24:00.000
He taught me how to mentor people and how to learn.
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:04.160
And one of the things he taught me was the rules for the game of life.
00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:16.799
It's kind of like Daniel, when we go to play a video game, say Super Mario Brothers, or we go to play a board game like Monopoly, you cannot win at a game, Daniel, if you don't know the rules to the game.
00:24:16.960 --> 00:24:19.519
Did anybody give you the rule book on how to win it life?
00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:20.160
Did you ever get that?
00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:21.519
Was it given to you at birth?
00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:22.079
No.
00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:25.200
None of us were ever given the rule book for how to win at life.
00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:31.440
So you can't hit AAB, get the stars, grab the coins, defeat the bad guy, unless you know the rules of the game.
00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:51.279
So when I took the wisdom of transcendental meditation and started applying that daily, combined that with Kabbalah and then the 178 other tools that I've cultivated, I don't always do the exact same thing every morning, but the things that I'm non-negotiable on are my Kabbalistic studies, transcendental meditation, a variety of affirmations and other things I do.
00:24:51.440 --> 00:24:56.160
And another technique I learned several years ago that's been utterly transformative called Psyche.
00:24:56.799 --> 00:25:01.920
And it's all about realizing we're holy and perfect human beings and we're doing our best each and every day.
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:04.400
And it's not about expecting perfection.
00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:13.359
In fact, one of my um things I do every night, I call spiritual accounting before I go to bed every night, is I write down how could I have lived today better?
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:14.960
How could I have lived today better?
00:25:15.119 --> 00:25:16.000
Was I rude?
00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:17.119
Was I not present?
00:25:17.200 --> 00:25:28.319
Like last night, as I was reflecting before bed, my husband and I were engaged in a deep conversation and I was on my phone and I was like, ooh, yuck, I could have been present with him instead of like doing two things at once, right?
00:25:28.480 --> 00:25:36.640
So whether or not anybody else ever calls me out on it, I write down how I could have lived each day better in reflection, not in judgment, in quiet observation.
00:25:36.960 --> 00:25:40.079
Then I write down, what am I proud of myself for?
00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:46.400
Like last night, I don't eat pork and uh I happen to have really good like pepperoni, like turkey pepperoni.
00:25:46.559 --> 00:25:48.079
And so we had pepperoni pizza last night.
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:48.799
It was so good.
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:51.839
And I was like, you know how you want that third piece of pizza?
00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:52.559
I restricted.
00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:55.920
So I was very proud of myself that I did not have the third piece of pizza last night, right?
00:25:56.079 --> 00:25:57.279
Nobody else might have ever known it.
00:25:57.359 --> 00:25:59.119
Obviously, I'm sharing it on the show right now.
00:25:59.279 --> 00:26:00.640
But what are you proud of yourself for?
00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:04.960
I meditated, I did qigong, I did, you know, whatever it was that I did.
00:26:05.039 --> 00:26:07.519
And then I finish off with what am I grateful for?
00:26:07.599 --> 00:26:09.599
And what were the miracles of my life?
00:26:09.759 --> 00:26:13.920
I had this wickedly intelligent scientist doctor several years ago, Dr.
00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:18.160
Todd Obachitis, who challenged me on a show when I was interviewing him.
00:26:18.799 --> 00:26:24.160
And he said, Jen, I know you already have this very robust practice, and I'm gonna add one more thing to it.
00:26:24.319 --> 00:26:32.160
I encourage you every day, write down your moments of awe, synchronicity, wonder, and miracles.
00:26:32.319 --> 00:26:33.920
Now, why does this matter, Daniel?
00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:52.400
Because as we talked about earlier, about that little miner's helmet and what we're looking for, if I spend my day looking for miracles, if I spend my day looking for how does life get any better than this, my mom plays this game, my nephew plays this game, anybody who knows me plays the how does life get any better than this game that I've learned from several teachers throughout the years.
00:26:52.640 --> 00:27:05.279
And by looking for those miracles, for identifying, for writing down the miracles, the synchronicities, I am intentionally directing that little light from the miner's helmet to the things that show me how miraculous life is.
00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:10.720
I could very easily turn my head and look for war and disaster and all the awful things.
00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:12.160
It doesn't mean I ignore it.
00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:17.039
It means that I put my attention where I know it'll best serve me so I can help more people.
00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:18.480
I I really like this.
00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:26.319
I mean, we are Swedish Wealth Institute methodology, step one is your outer world is a reflection of your inner world.
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:37.119
So I really like that you're doing this two-hour practice to really just put yourself in the right state of mind and state of being to be able to go out and be your best in the world.
00:27:37.359 --> 00:27:41.599
And and I really like that that kind of review you're doing at the at the end of the day.
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:53.680
It reminded me of a story I heard of the the Roman Emperor Titus Vespicianus, who realized one day that that day he hadn't done a single favor for another person that day.
00:27:53.839 --> 00:27:58.960
And he turns to his inner circle and he says, My friends, I have wasted a day.
00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:08.960
She's incredible.
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:11.599
She has a whole program called Unmessable With, right?
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:16.640
And so Jocelyn was doing these 30 days of videos, and I was a few days behind I've been traveling.
00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:25.359
And it was midday one day, a couple days ago, and one of her videos said, do three acts of kindness for a stranger and expect nothing in return.
00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:27.359
And it was like one o'clock the day I'm watching the video.
00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:28.400
I was like, oh, I already did.
00:28:28.480 --> 00:28:31.440
And I can look back in my mind and be like, oh, cool, I already did that today.
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:35.119
But it's just a nice little reminder of acts of kindness.
00:28:35.200 --> 00:28:40.000
In fact, a guy I know, Kevin Smith, I think is his name, he created World Kindness Week.
00:28:40.079 --> 00:28:42.960
And it was all because he ran to the grocery store one day.
00:28:43.119 --> 00:28:47.920
He was going to the grocery store, had to pick something up, gets home, realizes he forgot his wallet.
00:28:48.000 --> 00:28:50.319
And he's like, Oh God, I have to cancel all my credit cards.
00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:52.079
He calls a grocery store, it's not there.
00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:59.680
And not 10 minutes later, does a young woman come and knock at his door and brings him and hands him the wallet, all the credit cards, all the money intact.
00:28:59.759 --> 00:29:04.720
And it actually turned into a whole movement he's created vis-a-vis kind of like the pay it forward method.
00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:08.799
And that's what's possible when we treat one another with human dignity and kindness.
00:29:09.440 --> 00:29:11.200
Yeah, those things stick with you too.
00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:19.920
I remember as a teenager, my my then girlfriend and me were going to dinner just at a at a food court and then to the movies.
00:29:20.079 --> 00:29:21.920
I was, you know, 15 years old.
00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:26.319
And uh I realized I I couldn't afford two dinners and the movie.
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:28.240
So I'm I'm standing there in line.
00:29:28.319 --> 00:29:29.680
I'm going, like, all right, you know what?
00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:31.039
We'll buy you something.
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:35.119
I'll steal a couple of your French fries and then we'll go to the movie.
00:29:35.599 --> 00:29:39.599
And we s sit down at our table after ordering.
00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:50.240
And it turns out someone else in line had heard this, and he just comes by and drops a play, you know, a tray of food in front of me and says, I think you deserve dinner as well.
00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:51.279
And walks away.
00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:52.880
I didn't, I never even saw his face.
00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:54.559
He just dropped it down and left.
00:29:54.720 --> 00:30:01.599
And, you know, this is over 20 years ago, and I'll never forget that that man just going, You deserve dinner as well.
00:30:01.759 --> 00:30:03.119
And it was just incredible.
00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:04.240
I love that.
00:30:04.319 --> 00:30:07.599
I will always remember the couple probably never know who I am.
00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:10.799
I used to love to do this thing, and actually it's a good reminder to start doing it again.
00:30:10.960 --> 00:30:13.119
I live in Europe, so I'd be curious to see how people take it.
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:16.319
But in the US, it used to make people so happy.
00:30:16.400 --> 00:30:17.599
I would do two things.
00:30:17.759 --> 00:30:29.599
One, I would often go in Starbucks and I would buy a hundred dollar Starbucks gift card, and I wouldn't tell them and I'd say, use this to treat whoever's online after me, no matter what they ordered, just treat it for them and give it to them as a gift.
00:30:29.680 --> 00:30:30.960
So I'd do that sometimes.
00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:34.960
Or the other until they used it up for everyone.
00:30:35.119 --> 00:30:35.759
Oh, that's so cool.
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:36.240
Exactly.
00:30:36.319 --> 00:30:37.119
So I loved doing that.
00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:38.799
And this is the first time I'm ever sharing this.
00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:49.200
And then the other thing I would do, I remember I was in Honolulu one day, and there was a lovely couple, and I think I was there for a conference, and I'm sitting having dinner by myself, and I'm just watching this couple who's celebrating something.
00:30:49.279 --> 00:30:50.559
And I pulled the waiter aside.
00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:53.039
I said, Could you just treat them for me and put it on my bill?
00:30:53.119 --> 00:30:54.960
And actually, I became friends with people who did this.
00:30:55.039 --> 00:30:58.720
I was in South Africa another time, and this woman and her husband, my husband couldn't join me.
00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:01.200
I think he was sick at the time when we were out to dinner.
00:31:01.359 --> 00:31:04.079
And this couple and this woman and man are next to me.
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:08.559
And I would always try to do it anonymously, but sometimes, you know, they would catch me before I would leave.
00:31:08.720 --> 00:31:12.240
And this woman and her husband became dear friends of mine because they were so honored.
00:31:12.319 --> 00:31:19.359
Or I would give people things like I have this rule that if it's something I bought myself and you like it, I will take it off my back and give it to you.
00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:25.440
And a couple years ago, I was at a wedding and I had just bought myself a quite expensive, beautiful, beautiful yellow dress.
00:31:25.519 --> 00:31:27.680
That the first time I was ever wearing it was at the wedding.
00:31:27.839 --> 00:31:31.920
And this woman comes up to me, Sophie, and she's like, You look beautiful.
00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:33.119
That dress is amazing.
00:31:33.279 --> 00:31:34.799
That is the most beautiful dress I've ever seen.
00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:36.160
I was like, Oh, we're about the same size.
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:36.799
Would you like it?
00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:37.680
And she's like, What?
00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:39.519
And I was like, Yeah, I have a suitcase of clothes.
00:31:39.599 --> 00:31:40.400
Why don't I just give it to you?
00:31:40.559 --> 00:31:43.200
And I literally gave it to her, and we're still friends on Facebook to this day.
00:31:43.279 --> 00:31:44.319
It's hilarious.
00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:45.839
Oh, that's awesome.
00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:55.200
Yeah, let's let's get into because again, one of the things that stood out for me with with getting to know you is just how amazing you are at connecting people.
00:31:55.359 --> 00:31:58.319
Let's let's talk about the the mechanics of that.
00:31:58.480 --> 00:32:01.759
Like, how did you become this kind of a connector?
00:32:02.160 --> 00:32:06.960
As somebody who was so crushingly lonely, Daniel, that I wanted to take my own life.
00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:12.880
I now put myself in everybody else's shoes and I ask myself, how would I like to be treated?
00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:17.839
So if I'm ever in a group and if I ever notice, I throw a lot of parties, I throw four big parties a year.
00:32:18.079 --> 00:32:23.440
If I ever notice somebody standing off to the side where somebody's not included, I will always open it up.
00:32:23.599 --> 00:32:27.759
I will always take that person, I will hand introduce them to somebody else.
00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:37.920
Or if we're in a meeting, or if I notice such somebody shy, like even just yesterday, there was a lovely gentleman I met who gave a pitch for a product to something, but he did it the way I used to do it.
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:41.359
So I it's taken years for me to learn to put joy on my face.
00:32:41.440 --> 00:32:46.000
I was once doing an interview with a game as thought leader, and you know, you should never read the comments, right?
00:32:46.160 --> 00:32:49.119
And it literally said, Who is the robot interviewing this person?
00:32:49.279 --> 00:32:50.559
And I'm like, oh God.
00:32:50.720 --> 00:32:52.720
And so it's taken me years.
00:32:52.880 --> 00:32:55.680
And just smiling, there's so much evidence about this.
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:59.039
Putting joy on your face makes it more approachable.
00:32:59.119 --> 00:33:02.720
Now it's not comfortable for me being a- I mean, it even works on a phone call, too.
00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:04.240
People feel that energy.
00:33:04.319 --> 00:33:10.000
Like if you're talking to someone on the phone, just put a smile on your face and something changes.
00:33:10.319 --> 00:33:11.119
Exactly.
00:33:11.359 --> 00:33:12.240
110%.
00:33:12.640 --> 00:33:13.279
You are so right.
00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:15.359
I mean, they've scientifically studied this.
00:33:15.519 --> 00:33:19.200
So I've noticed now I used to have resting robot face, resting bitch face.
00:33:19.359 --> 00:33:21.440
I remember an assistant I had said, um, Jen would be.
00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:35.839
And so it's taken me years of working with one of the top vocal coaches in the world, Arthur Samuel Joseph, who's like, put joy on your put um.
00:33:36.160 --> 00:33:37.519
That's what he calls it.
00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:44.559
And so I've learned now that just by smiling, it just allows other people to feel safe in my presence.
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:55.920
And as somebody who felt so unsafe and so ostracized and alone and scared of people for so many years, I do everything I can to be sure people feel included.
00:33:56.000 --> 00:34:03.759
If you ever come to a party that I host, I immediately greet you at the door, I hug you, and I immediately introduce you to somebody who might be valuable for you.
00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:07.039
So for me, when I get on calls with people, here's a fun little technique.
00:34:07.200 --> 00:34:10.239
This came from a couple friends, Randy Mullen and Mark Fujiwara.
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:12.960
So Mark is a friend who has a financial planning company.
00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:23.920
And one day, Mark's little girl, he worked downstairs in his office and he goes upstairs where his like two, three-year-old daughter is, and he comes upstairs and she says, Daddy, why are you fake smiling?
00:34:24.079 --> 00:34:26.559
And he's like, Honey, I'm not fake smiling.
00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:28.480
She's like, Yeah, daddy, you fake smile.
00:34:28.639 --> 00:34:32.320
So he goes to his wife, he's like, Honey, our daughter just said that I was fake smiling.
00:34:32.559 --> 00:34:33.199
What is that about?
00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:35.599
She says, Oh, honey, you always fake smile on Thursday.
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:38.400
You have that client who's a jerk to you, and then you take it out on us.
00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:39.760
And he's like, What?
00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:40.880
Mind blown.
00:34:41.039 --> 00:34:47.119
So, Mark, being the financial guy he is, he starts to measure his time and notice like what's going on with it.
00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:49.840
Well, he shares this with another mutual friend of ours, Randy Mullen.
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:53.599
We all did um a podcast all just about this thing called the plus two method.
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:56.239
So Randy then turns it into a formula.
00:34:56.400 --> 00:35:02.880
And after every call, so I now keep a running spreadsheet of every person I've ever met, and I write down their first name, last name.
00:35:03.039 --> 00:35:05.599
I write down who referred them so I can always thank.
00:35:05.760 --> 00:35:06.480
That's really critical.
00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:09.679
If you get referrals, be sure to thank the people who referred you.
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:15.360
And if it wasn't aligned, give the person feedback about what was missing so they can give you better referrals in the future.
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:19.360
And then I take extensive notes about what matters to that person.
00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:23.519
That's another key thing is I ask every person I meet, what matters to you?
00:35:23.679 --> 00:35:24.559
What lights you up?
00:35:24.639 --> 00:35:25.840
What's alive for you?
00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:29.599
And then I write down what matters to them to see how I can be of service in the future.
00:35:29.679 --> 00:35:32.320
Like just recently, I'll digress for a moment.
00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:38.480
Just recently, I had a friend who was throwing a longevity cruise in Antarctica with Dave Asprey, and they're like, Yeah, we're looking for longevity people.
00:35:38.559 --> 00:35:39.199
I was like, Oh, perfect.
00:35:39.280 --> 00:35:45.280
So I went to my spreadsheet, and there were like seven people that I, some of whom I hadn't talked to for a year, who I had the word longevity coded in there.
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:49.280
So I immediately introduced them, but then taking it back to the plus two method.
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:54.800
So this is Randy and Mark's kind of combinative thing that they created.
00:35:55.039 --> 00:35:59.039
So after every call, I rate my energy, not the person.
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:00.320
I rate my energy.
00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:02.400
Is my energy plus two?
00:36:02.639 --> 00:36:09.280
Does it mean that after I get off a call, like when you and I get off a call, Danielle, I feel more energized, more invigorated after the call.
00:36:09.519 --> 00:36:10.719
Well, I'm happy you feel that way.
00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:11.679
I feel the same way.
00:36:11.760 --> 00:36:13.519
So that's it's good that it's mutual.
00:36:13.599 --> 00:36:13.760
All right.
00:36:14.400 --> 00:36:14.639
Exactly.
00:36:14.719 --> 00:36:16.000
So we call this the plus two.
00:36:16.159 --> 00:36:17.280
Is it plus one?
00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:19.280
Plus one means there's a little zing there.
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:23.039
Maybe you didn't have enough time to drop in, but there's some curiosity kind of peaked, right?
00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:24.719
The plus one is like, ooh, that's curious.
00:36:24.800 --> 00:36:25.599
I want to know more.
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:27.119
Zero means net zero.
00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:29.840
You felt nothing, you probably won't remember them the next day.
00:36:30.159 --> 00:36:33.039
Minus one is a little bit of a negative energy.
00:36:33.119 --> 00:36:37.599
Maybe there was taking energy, a little awkwardness, a little guardedness.
00:36:38.000 --> 00:36:42.079
And then minus two is you will never respond to that person again except via email.
00:36:42.239 --> 00:36:45.599
I've had a couple, I've met two minus twos in the last four years.
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:47.519
I have something called the anti-asshole prayer.
00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:49.840
Anybody can go to anti-assholeprayer.com.
00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:56.400
And the anti-asshole prayer normally stops any assholes from even coming into my inbox or into my phones.
00:36:56.559 --> 00:37:06.880
But anyways, two people have come, and the the ones who are the minus twos is it's just like taking and they talk at you, and it's just like, ugh, you just like want to get the ick off of you, right?
00:37:07.119 --> 00:37:08.800
Or maybe there was just no synergy there.
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:10.079
Maybe it just depleted you.
00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:13.840
Might be just completely different communication styles that totally clash.
00:37:14.079 --> 00:37:14.320
Exactly.
00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:16.960
So that could be it too for minus two, which is really interesting.
00:37:17.199 --> 00:37:23.119
So we rate people minus two to plus two, and then we all have an agreement that we refer each other at the plus twos.
00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:29.760
And then I go back through all of my best plus two meetings and I see who was my best plus two referral of the prior year.
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:31.280
I will always prioritize that person.
00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:33.440
I will always go out of my way to help them.
00:37:33.599 --> 00:37:37.280
Like, who gave me my best plus two referrals of the prior year?
00:37:37.519 --> 00:37:39.760
Now, here's what's funny, because I study human behavior.
00:37:39.840 --> 00:37:41.679
So I sold one company in recruiting.
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:49.440
Then after we sold that, Julian Adler, who was my business coach, came to me and said, Jen, why don't we create an algorithm based on your intuition for matching people?
00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:51.760
And I was like, shit, can we do that?
00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:54.480
I'm not a mathematician or a tech person or a scientist.
00:37:54.639 --> 00:37:57.039
He's like, Yeah, you're a genius mathematician.
00:37:57.199 --> 00:38:03.199
So Jules and our original co-founder Moon Chow, we spent eight months pulling out of my brain how I intuitively match people.
00:38:03.280 --> 00:38:04.960
And that here's what's mind-blowing.
00:38:05.119 --> 00:38:08.079
I've had many, because we've had thousands and thousands of people answer it.
00:38:08.159 --> 00:38:10.880
It's ohm.app forward slash survey if you ever want to try it.
00:38:11.039 --> 00:38:16.000
But of the thousands of people I've met, most of the people I've ever met have also answered our matching survey.
00:38:16.159 --> 00:38:23.760
There seems to be correlative data to indicate if I consider you a plus two, we're also going to match according to our algorithm, which is based on how you're motivated.
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:35.920
So I have a theory of motivation that states if my motivators and your motivators are aligned and in harmony, we're automatically going to rate each other plus two more likely than if we're adversely motivated to each other.
00:38:36.639 --> 00:38:36.880
Okay.
00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:38.320
So this is really interesting.
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:44.559
You're essentially running a high-level CRM system on every single connection you make.
00:38:44.719 --> 00:38:49.679
I I've tried to do that the pa in the past, but it just didn't come naturally for me.
00:38:49.760 --> 00:38:51.920
So it kind of fits and starts.
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:58.639
Like what kind of tools do you use and and how do you how do you make sure to maintain it so it doesn't pitter out?
00:38:59.039 --> 00:39:05.599
The connections or the the your your organization system for for keeping an eye on the whole thing.
00:39:05.840 --> 00:39:08.719
Well, one, I have my Excel spreadsheet that I list.
00:39:08.800 --> 00:39:12.239
I'm looking at right now, I have 1,222 people.
00:39:12.719 --> 00:39:15.039
And the other thing is too, I also have my tribe.
00:39:15.199 --> 00:39:21.360
So it's really helpful that I have this group called the Gen Hill Tribe slash the love club that's 320 entrepreneurs and so forth.
00:39:21.519 --> 00:39:27.119
And so I always kind of have them in my awareness because the tribe is extremely active and we do monthly calls.
00:39:27.199 --> 00:39:29.599
So I always keep those people in my awareness.
00:39:29.760 --> 00:39:36.559
And community is hugely popular right now, Daniel, as I'm sure you've seen is what you're doing with the Swedish Folk Institute, right?
00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:40.320
People more than ever before are hungry for community.
00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:47.840
So one way I do it is I be sure that anybody who's important who I want to be sure is in my inner circle is invited into the tribe.
00:39:48.079 --> 00:39:51.760
And then two, is I ping people every time I think of them.
00:39:51.840 --> 00:39:57.119
Like the other day I was updating our tribe directory, and there were probably 10 of our tribe members I hadn't talked to in a few months.
00:39:57.280 --> 00:40:01.280
And so I just ping people, I'll send them voice tech notes, text notes on WhatsApp.
00:40:01.599 --> 00:40:12.800
And it's just about uh one of my friends, Charles Byrd, actually changed my life when he taught me about referral parties and having these calls where you get on a call with a friend and then you ask, like, who are you looking for?
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:13.840
Who are your best referrals?
00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:17.199
And then you send each other referrals in real time on a call.
00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:18.079
Right.
00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:19.760
Oh, that's so cool.
00:40:20.639 --> 00:40:35.760
So one of the things I we have a lot of people who in our network who consider themselves to be connectors, and one of the things I see for a lot of them that that's like a recurring issue is that they don't get a lot of value out of it.
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:44.880
Like they'll connect to people who go off and have this amazing relationship or business, but but not a lot of that value is retained for the for the connector.
00:40:45.119 --> 00:40:51.920
How how do you make sure that you know you're also benefiting and growing as you're making these connections?
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:53.360
It's a great question.
00:40:53.440 --> 00:40:54.480
So, two ways to do that.
00:40:54.559 --> 00:40:56.559
One, as I mentioned, I have the Gen Hill tribe.
00:40:56.639 --> 00:40:58.880
The Gen Hill tribe, people pay$99 a month.
00:40:58.960 --> 00:41:03.840
They have to have personally met me to be approved to be in the tribe because I want to maintain the integrity of it.
00:41:04.079 --> 00:41:09.760
And so if you're a part of the tribe, then you're already paying me a monthly fee, and I'm not charging a huge amount.
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:16.800
And if you want, there's a higher level tier where you get to pay me for 30 minutes of my time, and I basically just channel your best connection.
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:22.320
So, like level one, you pay$99 a month, and then there's different tiers after that, depending on how much of my time you want.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:32.159
But so obviously that's a value, value grab for you, not in a negative way, but you're generating a value for yourself and you're providing extra value out.
00:41:32.480 --> 00:41:34.480
Yeah, there has to be an energetic exchange.
00:41:34.559 --> 00:41:40.159
I was doing it for free at first, and then I was like, oh, and all of my mentors and business advisors said you have to honor your time.
00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:45.679
They're like, people have told me I should be charging$10,000 a month just or$10,000 a year just to be a part of the tribe.
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:48.800
But I'm like, listen, I don't want to just take money for the sake of it.
00:41:48.880 --> 00:41:51.760
I just want to have there be integrity around the energetic space.
00:41:52.000 --> 00:41:55.599
The other thing is I get checks often from people who do things.
00:41:55.760 --> 00:42:00.880
So I tell people, like, I was on a call last night with a referral partner of mine, and we were talking about a pretty big potential deal.
00:42:00.960 --> 00:42:04.559
And I was like, okay, well, let's just be sure that you and I see a piece of it if it happens.
00:42:04.719 --> 00:42:10.320
And so I have these agreements with people where they give me 10%, 20% of a deal if it gets closed.
00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:17.039
But you have to have so you actually put that in writing when it's a proper, larger deal that you're facilitating.
00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:18.320
Big, big deal, yes.
00:42:18.480 --> 00:42:36.400
I have some joint, I have a lot of joint ventures, highly recommend that people look into joint ventures, affiliate relationships, strategic alliances, some all the JVs I have that are really formalized, where people I've actually done formalized profit sharing things where it's like 50-50 or 60-40 splits, those I have JV agreements for.
00:42:36.559 --> 00:42:40.559
A lot of my friends, we just have a gentleman's handshake where it's just like, oh, you refer me this person.
00:42:40.639 --> 00:42:42.800
Like, I got money deposited in my bank account on Monday.
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:44.400
And I was just like, oh, that's nice.
00:42:44.559 --> 00:42:45.440
Thank you for that.
00:42:45.840 --> 00:42:47.599
So oh, that's great.
00:42:47.760 --> 00:42:56.079
So tell us a story about like a special, like one referral that you've made or that someone made for you that just sticks with you.
00:42:56.480 --> 00:42:59.039
You know, I have to take it to a friend of mine, Johan.
00:42:59.360 --> 00:43:03.679
I would not have the Gen Hill tribe if it weren't for one of the greatest gifts I've been given.
00:43:03.840 --> 00:43:05.360
So as I said, you know what it's like.
00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:06.320
You've been on calls with me.
00:43:06.400 --> 00:43:08.000
I channel people and I don't even know.
00:43:08.079 --> 00:43:10.880
It's like it's just like whoosh, it's like a boss that gets open in my brain.
00:43:10.960 --> 00:43:16.159
I kind of say it's like X-Men, Xavier from X-Men, when he puts on the helmet and can see every human on the planet.
00:43:16.239 --> 00:43:17.599
That's what it's like to be in my brain.
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:21.840
And so a friend of mine, this new guy, Johan and I, got referred about a year and a half ago.
00:43:22.000 --> 00:43:25.360
So a few months into me knowing him, he puts on big events.
00:43:25.440 --> 00:43:30.320
He's a prolific um entrepreneur out of Australia and does a lot of big like thousand-person plus events.
00:43:30.400 --> 00:43:34.800
So I referred him a bunch of AI people and speakers and podcasters and thought leaders.
00:43:34.960 --> 00:43:38.400
And then one day in February, a year ago, he says, mate, he's Australian.
00:43:38.480 --> 00:43:39.599
He's like, I have a gift for you.
00:43:39.760 --> 00:43:40.559
Get in your WhatsApp.
00:43:40.719 --> 00:43:41.440
I was like, huh?
00:43:41.599 --> 00:43:44.400
And he's like, no, it's like, it's literally the best gift ever.
00:43:44.480 --> 00:43:45.360
I was like, okay.
00:43:45.519 --> 00:43:46.719
And so we're in different time zones.
00:43:46.800 --> 00:43:48.000
I'm in Lisbon, he's in Australia.
00:43:48.079 --> 00:43:48.880
I get in there.
00:43:49.039 --> 00:43:59.760
He took the 36 original people I referred to him over three months, put it into the WhatsApp group, called it the Gen Hill tribe, custom built out the whole thing for me, and that now is the 300.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:02.880
120 person group that we run around the world.
00:44:03.280 --> 00:44:03.920
Oh, wow.
00:44:04.079 --> 00:44:08.880
So he created the core as a gift of what that's amazing.
00:44:09.039 --> 00:44:09.679
That is so cool.
00:44:10.079 --> 00:44:13.280
It was one of, I mean, I've received so many extraordinary gifts.
00:44:13.360 --> 00:44:16.960
I actually, another friend of mine, Giovanni Marcico, was life-changing.
00:44:17.119 --> 00:44:18.800
Shout out to Genevieve Hart.
00:44:19.119 --> 00:44:23.119
She introduced me to Gio, and we were just immediately like brother and sister.
00:44:23.199 --> 00:44:41.519
I went to two of his events last year in Toronto and in Austin, respectively, met some of the best business connections of my life at his events, all because Genevieve introduced me, and I may be getting my book published, The Recovering Asshole, with one of the connections I met because of Geo's event, who was like this guy who wrote 300 award-winning best-selling books.
00:44:41.599 --> 00:44:45.440
And I he was keynoting at my friend Geo's conference in Toronto.
00:44:45.599 --> 00:44:49.199
And I was just starting to get the bare bones of the book written.
00:44:49.360 --> 00:44:50.639
And this was last September.
00:44:50.719 --> 00:44:51.760
And I said, Do you mind?
00:44:51.840 --> 00:44:53.199
You know, you're a prolific author.
00:44:53.280 --> 00:44:57.519
Can I read you this to see if I'm like high and hallucinating or if this actually is worth something?
00:44:57.760 --> 00:45:00.800
So I read him the opening of the book and he did a double take.
00:45:00.880 --> 00:45:03.679
He's like, Did you say that's your first draft of that?
00:45:03.840 --> 00:45:04.559
I said, Yeah, why?
00:45:04.639 --> 00:45:05.519
He's like, it's insane.
00:45:05.599 --> 00:45:06.639
And he approached me the next morning.
00:45:06.719 --> 00:45:08.159
He's like, I can't stop thinking about your book.
00:45:08.239 --> 00:45:11.119
It is so and coming from a guy who's written 300 award-winning.
00:45:11.679 --> 00:45:14.239
That's that would have never happened if it weren't for Giovanni.
00:45:14.800 --> 00:45:15.760
Oh, that's amazing.
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:19.039
Well, it does help that your book was really good, too, to be fair.
00:45:20.320 --> 00:45:23.199
You still had a little bit of a part of that as well.
00:45:23.679 --> 00:45:24.000
Yeah.
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:24.639
All right.
00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:28.960
We end every interview with uh a round of rapid fire questions.
00:45:29.440 --> 00:45:33.760
So I'm gonna ask you five questions and you just answer the first thing that comes to mind.
00:45:34.320 --> 00:45:34.960
You ready?
00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:36.320
All right.
00:45:36.639 --> 00:45:40.559
First one one behavior that destroys trust instantly.
00:45:40.880 --> 00:45:41.599
Fear.
00:45:41.840 --> 00:45:46.480
What is one behavior that rebuilds trust that has been lost?
00:45:46.960 --> 00:45:48.079
Curiosity.
00:45:48.400 --> 00:45:52.239
What is one leadership myth that you'd retire today?
00:45:52.800 --> 00:45:55.280
That you have to be an asshole to get things done.
00:45:55.599 --> 00:45:55.920
Yeah.
00:45:56.159 --> 00:45:59.599
One question people should ask before reacting.
00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:01.760
How could I see this differently?
00:46:02.079 --> 00:46:03.199
Alright, final one.
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:06.639
What is one thing you are still working on personally?
00:46:07.119 --> 00:46:09.280
Every day I have a fear of rejection.
00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:13.920
And in fact, I read, I'm reading a book right now called Rejection Proof, which I highly recommend.
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:26.639
And I just wrote an article this week on my Inspired Living Tools newsletter I drew on LinkedIn about rejection and how a lot of people would probably be shocked to know that my deepest, darkest fear is rejection because I was so awkward when I was younger.
00:46:26.719 --> 00:46:31.199
I was awkward, I didn't know how to make friends, I was ungodly lonely.
00:46:31.519 --> 00:46:37.920
And so a lot of people think, oh, you have a network of tens of thousands of people around the world, you're loved by many, blah, blah, blah.
00:46:38.079 --> 00:46:42.000
And I'm always terrified that I've said or done something wrong that offended people.
00:46:42.079 --> 00:46:43.599
So every day I work on that.
00:46:43.920 --> 00:46:44.239
All right.
00:46:44.400 --> 00:46:54.559
So we, as you know, we love spoiling our audience and making sure they're always getting the best and getting to connect directly with our amazing speakers and partners.
00:46:54.800 --> 00:47:00.800
If someone wants to learn more from you or connect with you, what is what do you got?
00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:19.679
So I recommend going to anti-assholeprayer.com, just like it sounds anti-assholeprayer.com, no hypens, and you'll be able to download a free copy of my 21 magical mantras that I use every day, including the anti-asshole prayer that literally everybody I've ever met is like, please can I have the anti-asshole prayer?
00:47:19.760 --> 00:47:23.119
That's why I just decided to make it a free gift for when I appear on shows like this.
00:47:23.199 --> 00:47:26.960
And that'll also keep you alert of any other speaking opportunities.
00:47:27.119 --> 00:47:34.159
It'll tell you when the book comes out, and you'll get special offers from partners and things like that, and opportunities and articles that I share.
00:47:34.559 --> 00:47:35.039
Amazing.
00:47:35.199 --> 00:47:36.880
We'll link to that in the show notes, guys.
00:47:36.960 --> 00:47:38.400
So go and grab that.
00:47:38.639 --> 00:47:40.400
Jennifer, thank you so much for joining us.
00:47:40.480 --> 00:47:44.079
Do you have any final words of wisdom before we part ways?
00:47:44.559 --> 00:47:47.039
Thank you, Daniel, for all of you out there.
00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:49.360
I know things may look great now.
00:47:49.519 --> 00:47:58.159
I know that I'm not a big fan of the media and the news, but I know if you do read it, there's a lot of things out there about hate and divisiveness and fear.
00:47:58.559 --> 00:48:06.000
And I would say that the only thing you are ever gonna have control over is your choice to respond versus react.
00:48:06.239 --> 00:48:14.079
So do the work proactively, do the work so that when life comes barreling towards you, you have tools in your super tool belt.
00:48:14.239 --> 00:48:19.840
I always like to say that Batman is one of the only superheroes who is not superhuman.
00:48:20.320 --> 00:48:24.159
What him what makes him superhuman is his super tool belt.
00:48:24.320 --> 00:48:26.719
So go out there, develop your own super tool belt.
00:48:26.800 --> 00:48:39.119
So when you find yourself falling off of a proverbial cliff, somebody betrays you, something awful happens in the world, have the tools to put yourself back into a state of resilience and live your life proactively rather than reactively.
00:48:39.840 --> 00:48:43.519
Yeah, Bad Bunny said it well in the Super Bowl half sh halftime show.
00:48:43.599 --> 00:48:45.760
The only thing more powerful than hate is love.
00:48:46.079 --> 00:48:49.119
So let's put ourselves and give us those those tools.
00:48:49.280 --> 00:48:51.280
Jennifer, thank you so much for joining us today.
00:48:51.360 --> 00:48:52.079
I appreciate you.
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:52.960
My pleasure.
00:48:53.119 --> 00:48:54.159
Thank you, Daniel.
00:48:59.760 --> 00:49:03.199
Thank you so much for joining us for this episode with Jennifer Hill.
00:49:03.360 --> 00:49:05.840
It is time for my favorite part of the show.
00:49:06.000 --> 00:49:11.760
This is where we break down the episode into clear actional insights for you to implement right away.
00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:17.360
Because here at the Swedish Wealth Institute, we're always searching for the answer for one simple question.
00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:20.559
What is the difference that makes the difference?
00:49:20.639 --> 00:49:24.639
Why do some people become wildly successful while others don't?
00:49:24.800 --> 00:49:29.760
Well, here are the five takeaways from today's episode that you can implement into your life.
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:36.719
So the first takeaway me and the team found was connection starts with the relationship you have with yourself.
00:49:37.039 --> 00:49:39.920
So Jennifer shared something incredibly important.
00:49:40.159 --> 00:49:45.519
If you're disconnected from yourself, it becomes very difficult to truly connect with other people.
00:49:46.079 --> 00:49:53.840
Many leaders try to build stronger teams, networks, relationships while internally operating from stress, fear, or rejection.
00:49:54.880 --> 00:50:01.920
If you fix your own relationship with yourself, you can show up cleaner, calmer, and more present with others.
00:50:02.559 --> 00:50:06.960
Two, you do not need to be perfect, but you do need to be self-aware.
00:50:08.000 --> 00:50:15.679
So for me, my big takeaway from Jennifer's story was her honesty of you know, leaving her asshole era.
00:50:16.000 --> 00:50:20.639
You know, she built success, but she was damaging relationships while working in it.
00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:28.880
For her, it changed when she started looking at herself honestly and choosing a different way to show up.
00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:31.840
So for me, that's leadership.
00:50:31.920 --> 00:50:37.920
It's not knowing that you not pretending that you know everything, it's being willing to grow every single day.
00:50:38.960 --> 00:50:42.639
The right person in the wrong role can look like the wrong person.
00:50:42.800 --> 00:50:44.400
That's our third takeaway.
00:50:44.719 --> 00:50:50.960
Jennifer's story about almost firing a team member was really, really eye-opening.
00:50:51.119 --> 00:50:56.800
Sometimes the issue is not the person, it's the role, the environment, or the way their strengths are being used.
00:50:57.199 --> 00:50:59.599
So don't necessarily just write someone off.
00:50:59.840 --> 00:51:03.440
Ask yourself and them if they are on the right seat.
00:51:04.559 --> 00:51:08.400
Four, better relationships come from curiosity, not judgment.
00:51:09.039 --> 00:51:15.360
So when trust is ja damaged, Jennifer said that one of the most powerful tools for rebuilding is curiosity.
00:51:15.599 --> 00:51:21.360
So instead of reacting, attacking, or assuming the worst, ask how can I see this differently?
00:51:22.559 --> 00:51:27.760
That one question can change everything and create space for a better response.
00:51:28.400 --> 00:51:32.800
Five, your network compounds when you treat it intentionally.
00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:43.840
So Jennifer doesn't connect people randomly, she tracks relationships, she pays attention to energy, remembers what matters to people, and looks for aligned introductions.
00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:48.400
Now, she doesn't hold all this in her head, she holds this in an Excel spreadsheet.
00:51:48.639 --> 00:51:58.000
So she then uses her plus two method to remind her network of what is the right person to connect this to?
00:51:58.239 --> 00:52:04.000
What will be the quality of energy, trust, and value that can flow through these relationships.
00:52:04.639 --> 00:52:09.360
So before you go, we've given you some, we've prepared something really special for you.
00:52:09.519 --> 00:52:16.559
If you are in North America, we have tomorrow the Financial Freedom Summit starting.
00:52:16.880 --> 00:52:26.079
It has Robert Kiyosaki, Les Brown, Nick Vuyacich, Brian Tracy, Marcy Shimoff, Jack Canfield, Janet Atwood, and more amazing speakers.
00:52:26.159 --> 00:52:46.880
And we will teach you the seven steps to greatness that were created in a mastermind between us and a whole bunch of these absolutely amazing speakers, people of the who have literally written the book on how to become a successful debated what is the actual seven steps to greatness.
00:52:47.039 --> 00:52:50.239
It's an absolutely amazing process that we'll share with you.
00:52:50.480 --> 00:53:00.559
If you're in Europe or Asia, we have the Business Wealth Forum coming up the 9th and 10th of May that you are more than welcome to join.
00:53:00.719 --> 00:53:06.880
We'll share the link in the show notes to our events page where you can claim your free ticket for either of these.
00:53:07.119 --> 00:53:14.639
Now, before you go, if you have someone that you think would benefit from listening to this episode, please feel free to share it with them.
00:53:14.960 --> 00:53:24.800
And uh of course, don't forget to do as thousands of other people all over the world already have done, and follow or subscribe so that you don't miss what's coming next.
00:53:24.960 --> 00:53:29.199
And if you want to give us a five-star review, it means the world to us.
00:53:29.280 --> 00:53:30.480
So we really appreciate that.
00:53:30.639 --> 00:53:37.360
Depending on what platform you are, give us a like, give us a comment, or review the podcast with a five-star review.
00:53:37.440 --> 00:53:39.360
It truly means a lot.
00:53:39.599 --> 00:53:58.480
Next week, we have an incredible episode with Uzanna, where she actually uses me as a guinea pig, where we look at how identity is only the tip of the iceberg and how you can work on the origin seeds to make changes in your life.
00:53:58.719 --> 00:54:00.639
It was really, really exciting.
00:54:00.800 --> 00:54:08.480
I learned a lot, and uh, you'll truly see me be very open and vulnerable as we walk me through this process.
00:54:08.559 --> 00:54:12.079
So I hope you join us for that, and I'll see you next week.
00:54:12.239 --> 00:54:12.800
Thank you so much.
00:54:12.880 --> 00:54:16.719
This is Daniel Wood and the Swedish Wealth Institute podcast.
00:54:17.519 --> 00:54:28.000
I'm the one that managed to find or generate 100,000 euros in one day, 200,000 euros in another day, and I lost 350,000 euros in another day.
00:54:28.239 --> 00:54:32.800
I realized now that I was chasing success.
00:54:32.960 --> 00:54:36.639
I wanted success, but I could not hold success.
00:54:36.800 --> 00:54:42.559
It's one thing to be able to achieve something, and it's another thing to leave at that level.
