WEBVTT
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Chemsex.
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Sexualized drug use among men who have sex with men, typically involving methamphetamine, methadrone, and GHB, among others.
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Chemsex misuse is a worldwide epidemic that needs attention, dialogue, and hope for those lost in it, which is the purpose of the Aftermath Podcast.
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Please note the views expressed by the host and guest on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice, and the content around sex and drug use can be triggering.
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Alright, welcome back to the Aftermath Podcast and the solo episode.
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Don't forget there is a supplemental study guide that goes along with this episode.
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The links in the show notes.
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Please remember to like, subscribe, and rate the podcast so we can get the algorithm to place it in the ears and eyes of those who need it.
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All right, so you know there's one huge differentiating advantage, uh incentive, I think, of being a client in my program.
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And that is learning recovery, like doing the tools in real time.
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But while you're out there living your life.
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Right.
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Like like like in in-person treatment has its advantages.
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I I think IOP, all of that has its advantages.
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But actually how better really to use the tools and retain in your body what it's like to say no, in your body what it's like to process a craving, and and to to really um reorient the brain, how to not use meth, then really this direct experience of living life and making the decision on your own.
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Right?
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Look, you are going to encounter so many situations that activate these old patterns that you were not even aware of before because you've been running on autopilot for so long that you're going to discount a lot of triggers that are there that you you can't name.
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If I tell you what's triggering to you, you're not going to be able to think of, well, in in September, it's the anniversary of my mother's death, and I usually go on a bender.
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You're not going to really, that's probably, for the most part, maybe not come to mind as a trigger because it only happens once a year, and it may be very much on autopilot and subconscious.
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So, really, this is a lot like shadow work.
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You can see a certain apartment building, you can see a hotel, a street, you know, pride, holidays.
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It really takes an entire year or more of living your life to really observe exactly what is going to trigger you and you and to assess kind of how best to process each one.
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So one of these huge causes of chemsex relapse that you don't expect, you may know happens, but you don't really list it as a trigger is what I call re-entry.
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So re-entry is when you return home from a trip.
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So it could be a personal trip, it could be business, whatever.
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It could also be returning home from treatment as well, right?
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You're coming back to the same environment.
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So this little phenomenon here will catch men off guard every single time.
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Because while you're away, maybe it's on vacation, especially on vacation or holiday or business.
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You feel strong, you feel resolved, like you're loving life, and unless you go on a bender while you're on vacation.
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And that's a whole other situation, but you know, that usually will continue when you come home too.
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But we're going to pretend that you were you were a good boy on vacation.
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Um but as soon as that plane begins to descend, you're going to get the meth brain.
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It's going to kick in.
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It's very common for men to start texting their dealer while in flight, or to take an Uber directly from the airport to the dealer's house.
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So this is something that treatment or therapist or whatever you're at simply sometimes have a very hard time preparing you for.
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Especially if they haven't been there.
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For somebody like me who has done it all, I can anticipate how you're going to think, and I can call bullshit on a lot of excuses and loopholes that you try to make.
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So let's talk about re-entry and how to return home meth-free, but better yet, how to return home with a renewed trust in yourself.
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Look, here's the goal for me, for you.
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One day I want you to just go on vacation, return home, like all the other normies, not be anxious, not be s plotting, not be scheming, and not have to put so much energy into avoiding meth.
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Right.
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Like this is the goal.
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Right.
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Okay, so here's what's actually really happening um in the brain with with re-ent with re-entry and why it's a uh a trigger.
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So you've been away for a week, right?
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You've been on this dopamine drip.
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New places, new faces, like sunlight, ocean, relaxation, adventure, right?
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It's novelty, novelty, novelty.
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It's all new.
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And your brain gets used to this flood of novelty, but then you come home and it shuts off, right?
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Even on the plane, even when you see your airport, there your predictable environment, the same walls, the same commute, the same apartment, like it produces all none of that stimulation.
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The novelty's gone.
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So your brain, like on this ride of flood, meets the drought.
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Like it's that flat, kind of empty, hollowed out feeling.
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It's a novelty crash.
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So now you stack everything else on top of that.
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You're exhausted.
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You've crossed time zones.
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You didn't sleep well, you're grumpy, you're tired.
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How is it?
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You know, sometimes vacation is great, but you're more tired when you get back than you came with than you were when you left, right?
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Sleep deprivation.
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Sleep deprivation is going to knock this prefrontal cortex offline.
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And you're not going to be able to make the decisions that you want to make.
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You're going to go into autopilot.
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That part that resists the impulses, right?
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It pauses.
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So you're running on autopilot, and autopilot knows it goes into default mode.
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What do we always do when this happens?
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And what we always do is we make plans to use and we go use, right?
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You're walking back into the environment where you used.
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So look, these environmental cues are going to fire before you can even think about it.
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That's why you have to build the safeguards before so that while you're in it, you cannot decide to use or not use.
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You have to have no choice because those cues will change your mindset.
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You you might be at a 10 when you leave vacation.
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I'm not going to use.
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You get the airplane lands, you can get to a two or a one real fast.
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Those the cue reactivity happens unconscious in your unconscious awareness.
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So the craving arrives before any reasoning does.
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So all this relapse prevention tools, you've been rehearsing and writing down and working out worksheets, they felt really strong, but they all go out the window.
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And then comes that still small little voice, like, let me just text Mr.
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Dealer.
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Let me just see if he answers.
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If he answers, you know, blah, blah.
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You know, it's like you're putting this test out in the universe or something like that.
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And then there's, you know, of course, this unconscious thought of let me just fit one in before real life begins.
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Let me fit one in before I go back to work.
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You're you're scheming in your mind, like, okay, if I start here and then I have, I can quit after this many hours, and then I can rest, and then I can be working, like all that bullshit.
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It's all bargaining.
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There's this liminal space right between the vacation and the grind.
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You're not back to the grind yet.
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And that feels like a permission, like a last hour.
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But beneath all of this is a thing that we're not saying out loud is sometimes that vacation was an escape for you.
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And now you're back in contact with the very thing you're trying to avoid for some of you.
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And for some of you, maybe life is great, but it's it's it's just the environmental cue of being back.
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It could be many, many, many different things, right?
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It could be many, whatever for you.
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But the thing is, is that this is one of the top reasons that men will relapse.
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So what I did is I in my program, and I'm gonna share this with you.
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It's a Google Doc.
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Um, it's called a re-entry plan.
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So it's a planning tool.
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I'm gonna provide it to you for free, but I use it with my clients to walk through re-entry, right?
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And so that they can come home meth-free.
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So it's four phases.
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We're gonna look at it.
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So I'm gonna bring it up here and we're gonna take a look um at it.
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If you are listening, then you'll just have to pretend you can you can look at it later or um just listen to me, you'll be able to get the point.
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Okay.
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So we want to start pre-departure.
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We want to get ahead of this.
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So if you do make it home, like we want you to come, you want to come home to a nice clean house or apartment, whatever.
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If you come home to clutter, there's something about that that says, I'm getting out of here, right?
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Or uh let me clutter more, right?
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Um, you want to have food, fresh food ready, not fresh, food ready, something in the refrigerator, or something that's non-perishable, something that you're not hungry.
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And if you're a bottom, make it something that spicy.
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You know, something that'll kind of inhibit you for wanting to go out and have a fuck fest, right?
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You just kind of look at yourself.
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Like I, before I leave, I'm gonna make my bed, I'm gonna set everything up so that I come home to a smooth transition into a nice, organized, clean space.
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Organized, clean space on the outside reflects what's on the inside, right?
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So we're gonna out, you know, you're gonna do your there's a checklist here, right?
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Like, what is my high risk specifically?
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So you gotta kind of ask yourself, what have in the past, what has triggered me before?
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Is it vacation mindset?
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Is it being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?
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Is it coming home to a mess?
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Whatever it is.
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Um, okay.
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I'm not gonna go ever over every line, but when before you do, so before you leave, you need to make sure your, of course, your apps are deleted, are blocked from your phone, not just deleted.
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Um, that'll help you not go on the vacation binge and disappear, and everybody's got to go on Grinder to find out where you are.
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Do not do that.
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It's embarrassing.
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Um stock your fridge, all of that stuff, right?
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That's what you're going to do beforehand.
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Okay.
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So when you're in transit, this is when you're coming home, right?
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You want to start checking in with yourself before you get on the plane.
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Am I hungry?
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Am I feeling lonely?
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Am I having a am I having a dopamine drip, a novelty drip?
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How am I feeling?
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Am I started that dive yet?
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Keep checking in and communicating that with your team, whoever that is, even if it's just one friend.
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You want to start this communication back and forth of this is what I'm feeling.
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What could I do?
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Like, okay, I'm feeling a little dip.
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What can I do to raise my dopamine?
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Maybe I give a little face time to my dog back home.
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Maybe my dog's waiting for me.
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And that's that kind of lifts me up.
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Whatever it is, all right, um, the sadness of leaving the vacation or whatever, maybe you could look through pictures.
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Be creative here.
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You want to put the meth thinking cap on that you use to find ways to use, to find ways not to use.
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It's the same energy.
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You just have to use it for good.
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Right.
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I say good, but in alignment with your desires and your goals, right?
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Um, are you are you bargaining with yourself?
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Has there been any fleeting thoughts to use, any tiny plan to use?
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Has there been anything in the back of your mind you want to call that out immediately?
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You want to text somebody, you want to call somebody, you want to voice memo somebody, you want to write it down.
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You want to call that out because if you keep ignoring that still small voice, it becomes a strong voice and it takes over when you go offline.
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Okay, while you're in transit.
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So I I actually I say that guys need to I need to update this form.
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To do this while you're on vacation or your business trip is begin to visualize yourself coming home from the airport, immediately unpacking, and everything that you're going to do and how good, clear it feels, how much pride you have in yourself.
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You want to start visualizing this ASAP while you're on vacation.
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You want to get this in your mind.
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The subconscious doesn't know the difference between reality and imagination, and it, you're giving it a plan B.
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You're giving it a way to avoid going into the default mode of what you normally do.
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This is you're giving it a new way of being, a new, you're remembering your future.
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You want to start doing that on vacation while you're laying on the beach, visualize yourself how it's going to feel to come home and having interrupted the same damn cycle that happens every time.
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So this is a very important part.
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But you want to do this on the plane too.
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Now you might be sleeping, which I do, you know, I suggest melatonin, whatever you have, a good old trazi, something like that to put you to sleep.
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I don't think you take a trazz that on the on the plane, but it depends on the flight, I guess.
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Um, but you you want to start visualizing that on the plane the best that you can, as much as you can.
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Um, while you're falling off, while you're falling asleep, all of that.
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You want to really want to lock into this is how I'm going to be, this is how I'm going to feel, this is what I'm going to do when I get home, when the plane lands.
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Okay.
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And then you're going to put it here, like, okay, when I walk through the door, here are the first things I'm going to do.
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You're going to know when I walk through that door first, I'm going to put my bags down.
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I'm going to grab some food.
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I'm hungry, some water.
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Then I'm going to take my bags and I'm going to unpack them right away.
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I am going to tell and signal to myself that I am in order.
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That I am in order.
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That I am in control.
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I'm calling the shots here.
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I'm putting everything away.
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I'm putting my suitcases away, and now I'm ready for whatever is next.
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Hopefully you have something planned.
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Don't leave it to chance.
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If it's just you and Bravo for the night, chances are you're going to be getting on your phone and it the chances of you using go up.
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So you have to, for the most part, make a plan with somebody or something, a movie or something like that, unless you're exhausted.
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And that's fine too.
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And then what you won't do, you know, I'm not going to open the apps.
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I'm not going to reach out to the people who use this, right?
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I'm not going to do these things.
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All right.
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So the important part of this too is the check-ins.
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You want to schedule a check-in and you want to do it in a way that's most inconvenient for you, probably a video check-in with your team, whoever they are.
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You want to check in before the plane lands.
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You want to check in exactly when that plane hits the ground.
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And you want to share, you can share flight details now with anybody.
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Share the flight details with your team.
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They need to know when you land, and you need to tell them exactly what questions to ask because our meth brain kicks in and we will answer the way we think we need to answer to get away with it.
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Hey, I landed, I'm great.
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See you in a few minutes or whatever.
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And then we don't hear from you for three days.
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Right.
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Like you want to know, like I wanted this person to ask me, hey, have you had any thoughts of using?
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Have you been making any plans?
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Have you been texting anyone?
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Have you tried?
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Like very specific questions to hold you accountable so that you can't wiggle out of and hold back.
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Then I suggest having someone pick you up from the airport.
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Don't rely on an Uber.
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Don't rely on yourself.
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Have someone picking you up and taking your ass home.
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And if they can, staying with you.
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If it's your partner, of course they they will, right?
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But a friend stay with you for the night.
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This seems extreme, but it is not.
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This is literally often in early chem sex recovery what it requires.
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You have to be chaperoned, I'm sorry.
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You have to give up your privacy, I'm sorry.
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But you will feel so good after it's done.
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You will know what it's like.
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You've interrupted the pattern, you've given the subconscious something new.
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And then you reinforce that every time.
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So you don't have to have these boundaries and all of this every for the rest of your life, but and but for a while, and then you can start loosening them up a little bit, you know, and and then taking the training wheels off.
00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:56.319
And then all of a sudden you're a normie, right?
00:17:56.480 --> 00:17:59.920
You just land and you go the fuck home and you don't think about it.
00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:01.039
Like that's the goal.
00:18:01.279 --> 00:18:08.319
But placing your phone as soon as you get home, placing your phone in another room, turning your phone off, all of that stuff, grounding yourself.
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:10.480
There's a lot of things on here that you want to think about.
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:14.640
The first 30 minutes, like I have you schedule the first 30 minutes of what you're going to do.
00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:20.559
You're going to take a shower, you're going to change in the clothes, you're going to make some hot tea, you know, you're going to check in, you're going to call.
00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:24.559
Checking in has to be planned, has to be scheduled.
00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:26.480
And that person needs to know.
00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:31.920
And by the way, we're making all of this an app that I'm really excited to release soon.
00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:32.720
I say soon.
00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:33.440
I don't know when.
00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:35.599
This will be an app on your phone.
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:40.480
So that person, that that uh accountability partner will get a notification.
00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:41.440
Have you called him?
00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:43.119
Have you asked him this question?
00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:44.079
Right.
00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:48.160
Um, and so that's going to be really good.
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:53.920
Anyway, so you want to have these check-ins and you want to do that throughout the night unless that person's staying with you.
00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:55.359
Maybe you go for a walk.
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:57.119
Here's what I won't do.
00:18:57.680 --> 00:19:01.119
I won't lie down to just rest and scroll.
00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:03.039
Probably that's a trouble zone.
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:04.160
I won't grab my phone.
00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:05.119
I won't check my apps.
00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:06.160
I won't contact anybody.
00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:06.640
I shouldn't.
00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:09.839
I won't tell myself, eh, I'll just do all this tomorrow.
00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:12.079
That's setting you up for failure.
00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:15.119
So then I have the first 48 hours.
00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:17.119
Detailed schedule.
00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:24.960
What are you doing with your time between your time you get home and when you go back into your job or your life?
00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:30.640
Who are you making plans with and are they strategically placed?
00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:40.400
In other words, if I get home on a Friday, I want to make sure on Saturday morning I have plans I can't get out of.
00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:45.279
I told grandma I'd call her at 7 a.m.
00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:47.119
and have a conversation with her.
00:19:47.359 --> 00:19:50.319
That's something that you can't get out of for the most part.
00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:52.319
Or something along those lines.
00:19:52.559 --> 00:19:57.839
Pay for a show, uh uh, whatever, a uh prepay for uh massage, something.
00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:00.880
Make a work meeting if you can.
00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:04.960
Whatever you have to do, again, put on your myth thinking cap.
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:08.400
How do I sabotage myself from using?
00:20:09.279 --> 00:20:19.839
If you leave windows open like a Friday night, you don't have a plan, you don't have check-ins scheduled, you're setting yourself up.
00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:23.039
You're subconsciously leaving a door open.
00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:25.279
I don't really need that.
00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:26.880
Fine.
00:20:27.200 --> 00:20:28.240
Let's see.
00:20:28.559 --> 00:20:29.680
Let's test it.
00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:32.880
So 48 hours are all planned.
00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:40.880
Um, where everything you're doing, when you're going to bed, when you're putting your phone away, who you're calling, when you're calling them, what are you doing, um, phone and safeguards.
00:20:41.119 --> 00:20:46.720
This is I'm zipping through this now, and emergency protocols about what you do when you're struggling in the moment.
00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:51.039
So there's there's the the gist of it.
00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:52.720
I'm gonna stop sharing.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:21:01.039
So again, I I'll put this form in the in the show notes.
00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:10.799
You're getting you're you're beginning to see whether you like it or not, what this requires.
00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:17.839
Underneath all of this, it requires a decision on your part.
00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:22.880
Who do I want to be?
00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:32.960
Am I someone who is chem sex-free or am I somebody who is chem sex-free with some caveats here and there?
00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:39.359
Am I somebody who is willing to do what it takes?
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:48.960
Because with chemsex, as you've heard people like Mel McCracken from No Matter What say, This phone is paraphernalia.
00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:51.839
It might as well be a pipe or a needle.
00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:59.119
That phone is the end all be all to chemsex.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:02.480
Relapse, re in chem sex recovery.
00:22:04.079 --> 00:22:13.279
So you want to put in all these safeguards and communicate and be honest, open, and transparent.
00:22:13.839 --> 00:22:18.640
But most of all, who do you want to show up as?
00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:22.079
What is it that you want and why?
00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:27.599
Why do I want to come home from vacation and not use in return to my life?
00:22:27.839 --> 00:22:28.480
Why?
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:33.839
Is it because it's is it from the head in terms of this is what I'm supposed to do?
00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:35.200
I'm not supposed to use meth.
00:22:35.279 --> 00:22:38.000
It's not good, you know, all of those things.
00:22:38.400 --> 00:22:41.039
Like it's of course, I'm not supposed to do this.
00:22:41.920 --> 00:22:42.880
That's not good enough.
00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:45.279
It has to be dropped down into the heart.
00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:49.599
Where does it lie in your identity?
00:22:50.799 --> 00:22:56.559
Am I someone who is willing to do what it takes?
00:22:56.720 --> 00:23:05.680
Am I someone whose identity lines up with somebody who is chemsex free?
00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:14.720
And if I am, I'm going to fall in line with this whole plan without question.
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:27.359
And I'm going to do everything it says to do, and I'm going to I am going to surrender to the process because this is what it takes, and I want it.
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:29.519
This is not me anymore.
00:23:29.839 --> 00:23:34.240
Meth is not a part of my identity and my life.
00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:42.400
And now my behaviors are going to align with my desire.
00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:44.960
And that's what this helps you do.
00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:55.039
It helps you practice what it takes, and then you do it one more time, and then you do it again, and then you do it again when it's just all natural.
00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:56.319
It's something you enjoy.
00:23:56.400 --> 00:23:58.160
You know it's something that you have to do.
00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:02.400
And then eventually you just live.
00:24:02.799 --> 00:24:04.400
What would it be like?
00:24:04.799 --> 00:24:10.640
What would it be like to stop fucking talking about meth for a day for a vacation?
00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:18.000
To stop thinking about all the ways I don't want to use and do I want to use and just let's just accept it.
00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:20.480
This is what it takes.
00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:33.039
I'm going to return home, safe, proud, at peace, hydrated, food in my body, my skin looks good.
00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:37.680
I return to work, and people are like, wow, that vacation did you a lot of good.
00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:40.160
Usually you come in here dragging.
00:24:40.400 --> 00:24:43.440
That's because I've been on a binge for the last 48 hours.
00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:46.400
So I hope this helps.
00:24:46.559 --> 00:24:52.000
This is the practical stuff that I don't hoping this helps you as a podcast episode.
00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:57.839
I'm going to start going through some and more of these because there's also uh chem sex-free event planning.
00:24:58.000 --> 00:25:08.160
So you want to still go, if you want to still go join your friends at the club or at Pride or birthday parties or whatever, but you don't want to use and you usually use there, there's a plan for that.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:10.319
There's a plan for your danger zone.
00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:13.599
If your danger zone is every weekend, let's make a plan.
00:25:13.759 --> 00:25:17.119
Listen, proactivity is the key here.
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:23.440
In my program, there's three pillars: consistency, proactivity, and certainty.
00:25:23.839 --> 00:25:28.000
You have to have all three, but proactivity is so important.
00:25:28.720 --> 00:25:39.839
You have to think ahead of the subconscious and be proactive and align yourself with boundaries so you don't have the option to use.
00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:41.680
You don't have open windows.
00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:49.200
Because in early recovery, then it's just left to you and your free will and your willpower and your self-control.
00:25:49.359 --> 00:25:54.480
And that is a finite resource, especially at night when it's the most important.
00:25:55.359 --> 00:26:01.599
All right, I'm going, I'm uh I'm going on on now, but I hope this helps you and uh let me know if it does.
00:26:01.759 --> 00:26:06.240
If you want to join in the conversation, you can comment on YouTube, you can comment on Spotify.
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:10.240
I'd love to hear from you, or you can DM me on any social media platform.
00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:11.440
All right, bye.
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:01.360
Chemsex.
00:00:01.760 --> 00:00:09.199
Sexualized drug use among men who have sex with men, typically involving methamphetamine, methadrone, and GHB, among others.
00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:18.399
Chemsex misuse is a worldwide epidemic that needs attention, dialogue, and hope for those lost in it, which is the purpose of the Aftermath Podcast.
00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:28.239
Please note the views expressed by the host and guest on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice, and the content around sex and drug use can be triggering.
00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:33.039
Alright, welcome back to the Aftermath Podcast and the solo episode.
00:00:33.200 --> 00:00:36.399
Don't forget there is a supplemental study guide that goes along with this episode.
00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:37.679
The links in the show notes.
00:00:37.759 --> 00:00:44.960
Please remember to like, subscribe, and rate the podcast so we can get the algorithm to place it in the ears and eyes of those who need it.
00:00:45.200 --> 00:00:54.320
All right, so you know there's one huge differentiating advantage, uh incentive, I think, of being a client in my program.
00:00:54.719 --> 00:01:02.799
And that is learning recovery, like doing the tools in real time.
00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:06.640
But while you're out there living your life.
00:01:07.040 --> 00:01:07.359
Right.
00:01:07.599 --> 00:01:11.920
Like like like in in-person treatment has its advantages.
00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:15.040
I I think IOP, all of that has its advantages.
00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:42.159
But actually how better really to use the tools and retain in your body what it's like to say no, in your body what it's like to process a craving, and and to to really um reorient the brain, how to not use meth, then really this direct experience of living life and making the decision on your own.
00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:42.799
Right?
00:01:43.040 --> 00:02:00.480
Look, you are going to encounter so many situations that activate these old patterns that you were not even aware of before because you've been running on autopilot for so long that you're going to discount a lot of triggers that are there that you you can't name.
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:08.879
If I tell you what's triggering to you, you're not going to be able to think of, well, in in September, it's the anniversary of my mother's death, and I usually go on a bender.
00:02:09.199 --> 00:02:19.039
You're not going to really, that's probably, for the most part, maybe not come to mind as a trigger because it only happens once a year, and it may be very much on autopilot and subconscious.
00:02:19.280 --> 00:02:21.599
So, really, this is a lot like shadow work.
00:02:22.479 --> 00:02:27.520
You can see a certain apartment building, you can see a hotel, a street, you know, pride, holidays.
00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:42.000
It really takes an entire year or more of living your life to really observe exactly what is going to trigger you and you and to assess kind of how best to process each one.
00:02:42.560 --> 00:02:53.039
So one of these huge causes of chemsex relapse that you don't expect, you may know happens, but you don't really list it as a trigger is what I call re-entry.
00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:57.199
So re-entry is when you return home from a trip.
00:02:57.360 --> 00:03:00.879
So it could be a personal trip, it could be business, whatever.
00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:04.159
It could also be returning home from treatment as well, right?
00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:05.759
You're coming back to the same environment.
00:03:05.919 --> 00:03:11.199
So this little phenomenon here will catch men off guard every single time.
00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:17.360
Because while you're away, maybe it's on vacation, especially on vacation or holiday or business.
00:03:17.520 --> 00:03:25.039
You feel strong, you feel resolved, like you're loving life, and unless you go on a bender while you're on vacation.
00:03:25.520 --> 00:03:30.719
And that's a whole other situation, but you know, that usually will continue when you come home too.
00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:34.240
But we're going to pretend that you were you were a good boy on vacation.
00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:38.800
Um but as soon as that plane begins to descend, you're going to get the meth brain.
00:03:38.960 --> 00:03:40.240
It's going to kick in.
00:03:40.560 --> 00:03:49.680
It's very common for men to start texting their dealer while in flight, or to take an Uber directly from the airport to the dealer's house.
00:03:50.800 --> 00:03:59.280
So this is something that treatment or therapist or whatever you're at simply sometimes have a very hard time preparing you for.
00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:02.240
Especially if they haven't been there.
00:04:02.560 --> 00:04:12.479
For somebody like me who has done it all, I can anticipate how you're going to think, and I can call bullshit on a lot of excuses and loopholes that you try to make.
00:04:12.719 --> 00:04:21.439
So let's talk about re-entry and how to return home meth-free, but better yet, how to return home with a renewed trust in yourself.
00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:24.879
Look, here's the goal for me, for you.
00:04:25.600 --> 00:04:38.959
One day I want you to just go on vacation, return home, like all the other normies, not be anxious, not be s plotting, not be scheming, and not have to put so much energy into avoiding meth.
00:04:39.360 --> 00:04:39.519
Right.
00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:41.199
Like this is the goal.
00:04:41.839 --> 00:04:42.160
Right.
00:04:42.800 --> 00:04:50.639
Okay, so here's what's actually really happening um in the brain with with re-ent with re-entry and why it's a uh a trigger.
00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:54.000
So you've been away for a week, right?
00:04:54.079 --> 00:04:56.240
You've been on this dopamine drip.
00:04:56.639 --> 00:05:00.800
New places, new faces, like sunlight, ocean, relaxation, adventure, right?
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:02.639
It's novelty, novelty, novelty.
00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:03.839
It's all new.
00:05:04.079 --> 00:05:10.879
And your brain gets used to this flood of novelty, but then you come home and it shuts off, right?
00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:24.560
Even on the plane, even when you see your airport, there your predictable environment, the same walls, the same commute, the same apartment, like it produces all none of that stimulation.
00:05:24.720 --> 00:05:26.000
The novelty's gone.
00:05:26.240 --> 00:05:31.920
So your brain, like on this ride of flood, meets the drought.
00:05:32.079 --> 00:05:35.040
Like it's that flat, kind of empty, hollowed out feeling.
00:05:35.199 --> 00:05:36.959
It's a novelty crash.
00:05:37.360 --> 00:05:39.360
So now you stack everything else on top of that.
00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:40.480
You're exhausted.
00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:42.480
You've crossed time zones.
00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:45.680
You didn't sleep well, you're grumpy, you're tired.
00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:46.480
How is it?
00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:51.120
You know, sometimes vacation is great, but you're more tired when you get back than you came with than you were when you left, right?
00:05:51.600 --> 00:05:52.720
Sleep deprivation.
00:05:52.879 --> 00:05:56.079
Sleep deprivation is going to knock this prefrontal cortex offline.
00:05:56.399 --> 00:05:59.199
And you're not going to be able to make the decisions that you want to make.
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.120
You're going to go into autopilot.
00:06:01.839 --> 00:06:04.240
That part that resists the impulses, right?
00:06:04.319 --> 00:06:05.120
It pauses.
00:06:05.279 --> 00:06:09.920
So you're running on autopilot, and autopilot knows it goes into default mode.
00:06:10.079 --> 00:06:11.680
What do we always do when this happens?
00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:15.360
And what we always do is we make plans to use and we go use, right?
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:19.040
You're walking back into the environment where you used.
00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:26.480
So look, these environmental cues are going to fire before you can even think about it.
00:06:27.279 --> 00:06:37.120
That's why you have to build the safeguards before so that while you're in it, you cannot decide to use or not use.
00:06:37.199 --> 00:06:42.800
You have to have no choice because those cues will change your mindset.
00:06:43.040 --> 00:06:46.079
You you might be at a 10 when you leave vacation.
00:06:46.319 --> 00:06:47.360
I'm not going to use.
00:06:47.759 --> 00:06:52.399
You get the airplane lands, you can get to a two or a one real fast.
00:06:53.680 --> 00:06:59.040
Those the cue reactivity happens unconscious in your unconscious awareness.
00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:02.879
So the craving arrives before any reasoning does.
00:07:03.120 --> 00:07:11.759
So all this relapse prevention tools, you've been rehearsing and writing down and working out worksheets, they felt really strong, but they all go out the window.
00:07:12.079 --> 00:07:16.399
And then comes that still small little voice, like, let me just text Mr.
00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:17.120
Dealer.
00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:18.720
Let me just see if he answers.
00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:20.399
If he answers, you know, blah, blah.
00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:25.120
You know, it's like you're putting this test out in the universe or something like that.
00:07:25.360 --> 00:07:32.800
And then there's, you know, of course, this unconscious thought of let me just fit one in before real life begins.
00:07:32.959 --> 00:07:35.199
Let me fit one in before I go back to work.
00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:44.639
You're you're scheming in your mind, like, okay, if I start here and then I have, I can quit after this many hours, and then I can rest, and then I can be working, like all that bullshit.
00:07:45.040 --> 00:07:47.120
It's all bargaining.
00:07:47.439 --> 00:07:51.040
There's this liminal space right between the vacation and the grind.
00:07:51.120 --> 00:07:52.560
You're not back to the grind yet.
00:07:52.720 --> 00:07:55.439
And that feels like a permission, like a last hour.
00:07:56.639 --> 00:08:03.759
But beneath all of this is a thing that we're not saying out loud is sometimes that vacation was an escape for you.
00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:09.839
And now you're back in contact with the very thing you're trying to avoid for some of you.
00:08:10.079 --> 00:08:16.079
And for some of you, maybe life is great, but it's it's it's just the environmental cue of being back.
00:08:16.240 --> 00:08:19.360
It could be many, many, many different things, right?
00:08:19.519 --> 00:08:21.040
It could be many, whatever for you.
00:08:21.199 --> 00:08:26.639
But the thing is, is that this is one of the top reasons that men will relapse.
00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:32.639
So what I did is I in my program, and I'm gonna share this with you.
00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:33.919
It's a Google Doc.
00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:36.000
Um, it's called a re-entry plan.
00:08:36.480 --> 00:08:37.840
So it's a planning tool.
00:08:37.919 --> 00:08:43.919
I'm gonna provide it to you for free, but I use it with my clients to walk through re-entry, right?
00:08:44.080 --> 00:08:47.039
And so that they can come home meth-free.
00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:48.320
So it's four phases.
00:08:48.399 --> 00:08:49.279
We're gonna look at it.
00:08:49.440 --> 00:08:55.360
So I'm gonna bring it up here and we're gonna take a look um at it.
00:08:55.679 --> 00:09:05.679
If you are listening, then you'll just have to pretend you can you can look at it later or um just listen to me, you'll be able to get the point.
00:09:06.080 --> 00:09:06.399
Okay.
00:09:08.240 --> 00:09:11.279
So we want to start pre-departure.
00:09:11.519 --> 00:09:12.960
We want to get ahead of this.
00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:24.320
So if you do make it home, like we want you to come, you want to come home to a nice clean house or apartment, whatever.
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:30.159
If you come home to clutter, there's something about that that says, I'm getting out of here, right?
00:09:30.399 --> 00:09:33.519
Or uh let me clutter more, right?
00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:45.519
Um, you want to have food, fresh food ready, not fresh, food ready, something in the refrigerator, or something that's non-perishable, something that you're not hungry.
00:09:46.639 --> 00:09:50.159
And if you're a bottom, make it something that spicy.
00:09:50.720 --> 00:09:56.399
You know, something that'll kind of inhibit you for wanting to go out and have a fuck fest, right?
00:09:56.639 --> 00:09:57.919
You just kind of look at yourself.
00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:09.200
Like I, before I leave, I'm gonna make my bed, I'm gonna set everything up so that I come home to a smooth transition into a nice, organized, clean space.
00:10:09.600 --> 00:10:13.440
Organized, clean space on the outside reflects what's on the inside, right?
00:10:13.600 --> 00:10:17.440
So we're gonna out, you know, you're gonna do your there's a checklist here, right?
00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:20.559
Like, what is my high risk specifically?
00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:24.240
So you gotta kind of ask yourself, what have in the past, what has triggered me before?
00:10:24.399 --> 00:10:25.840
Is it vacation mindset?
00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:28.240
Is it being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?
00:10:28.399 --> 00:10:29.759
Is it coming home to a mess?
00:10:29.919 --> 00:10:31.039
Whatever it is.
00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:33.039
Um, okay.
00:10:33.279 --> 00:10:44.320
I'm not gonna go ever over every line, but when before you do, so before you leave, you need to make sure your, of course, your apps are deleted, are blocked from your phone, not just deleted.
00:10:44.559 --> 00:10:50.159
Um, that'll help you not go on the vacation binge and disappear, and everybody's got to go on Grinder to find out where you are.
00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:51.200
Do not do that.
00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:52.799
It's embarrassing.
00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:57.600
Um stock your fridge, all of that stuff, right?
00:10:57.679 --> 00:10:59.200
That's what you're going to do beforehand.
00:10:59.360 --> 00:10:59.679
Okay.
00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:04.399
So when you're in transit, this is when you're coming home, right?
00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:09.279
You want to start checking in with yourself before you get on the plane.
00:11:09.440 --> 00:11:10.639
Am I hungry?
00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:12.320
Am I feeling lonely?
00:11:12.399 --> 00:11:15.440
Am I having a am I having a dopamine drip, a novelty drip?
00:11:15.840 --> 00:11:16.480
How am I feeling?
00:11:16.639 --> 00:11:18.159
Am I started that dive yet?
00:11:18.399 --> 00:11:25.519
Keep checking in and communicating that with your team, whoever that is, even if it's just one friend.
00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:31.120
You want to start this communication back and forth of this is what I'm feeling.
00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:32.159
What could I do?
00:11:32.320 --> 00:11:34.080
Like, okay, I'm feeling a little dip.
00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:35.679
What can I do to raise my dopamine?
00:11:35.840 --> 00:11:38.960
Maybe I give a little face time to my dog back home.
00:11:39.120 --> 00:11:40.559
Maybe my dog's waiting for me.
00:11:40.639 --> 00:11:42.639
And that's that kind of lifts me up.
00:11:42.799 --> 00:11:48.240
Whatever it is, all right, um, the sadness of leaving the vacation or whatever, maybe you could look through pictures.
00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:49.440
Be creative here.
00:11:49.600 --> 00:11:55.679
You want to put the meth thinking cap on that you use to find ways to use, to find ways not to use.
00:11:55.919 --> 00:11:57.519
It's the same energy.
00:11:57.919 --> 00:11:59.519
You just have to use it for good.
00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:00.080
Right.
00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:03.840
I say good, but in alignment with your desires and your goals, right?
00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:06.960
Um, are you are you bargaining with yourself?
00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:13.360
Has there been any fleeting thoughts to use, any tiny plan to use?
00:12:14.159 --> 00:12:21.360
Has there been anything in the back of your mind you want to call that out immediately?
00:12:21.519 --> 00:12:25.759
You want to text somebody, you want to call somebody, you want to voice memo somebody, you want to write it down.
00:12:25.919 --> 00:12:35.840
You want to call that out because if you keep ignoring that still small voice, it becomes a strong voice and it takes over when you go offline.
00:12:38.399 --> 00:12:40.559
Okay, while you're in transit.
00:12:40.639 --> 00:12:45.200
So I I actually I say that guys need to I need to update this form.
00:12:45.440 --> 00:13:04.879
To do this while you're on vacation or your business trip is begin to visualize yourself coming home from the airport, immediately unpacking, and everything that you're going to do and how good, clear it feels, how much pride you have in yourself.
00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:12.000
You want to start visualizing this ASAP while you're on vacation.
00:13:12.240 --> 00:13:14.399
You want to get this in your mind.
00:13:14.559 --> 00:13:21.519
The subconscious doesn't know the difference between reality and imagination, and it, you're giving it a plan B.
00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:27.919
You're giving it a way to avoid going into the default mode of what you normally do.
00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:33.200
This is you're giving it a new way of being, a new, you're remembering your future.
00:13:34.000 --> 00:13:47.039
You want to start doing that on vacation while you're laying on the beach, visualize yourself how it's going to feel to come home and having interrupted the same damn cycle that happens every time.
00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:49.440
So this is a very important part.
00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:51.440
But you want to do this on the plane too.
00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:59.519
Now you might be sleeping, which I do, you know, I suggest melatonin, whatever you have, a good old trazi, something like that to put you to sleep.
00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:02.799
I don't think you take a trazz that on the on the plane, but it depends on the flight, I guess.
00:14:02.879 --> 00:14:09.919
Um, but you you want to start visualizing that on the plane the best that you can, as much as you can.
00:14:10.000 --> 00:14:12.879
Um, while you're falling off, while you're falling asleep, all of that.
00:14:12.960 --> 00:14:23.679
You want to really want to lock into this is how I'm going to be, this is how I'm going to feel, this is what I'm going to do when I get home, when the plane lands.
00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:24.159
Okay.
00:14:24.480 --> 00:14:28.960
And then you're going to put it here, like, okay, when I walk through the door, here are the first things I'm going to do.
00:14:29.039 --> 00:14:32.399
You're going to know when I walk through that door first, I'm going to put my bags down.
00:14:32.480 --> 00:14:33.600
I'm going to grab some food.
00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:35.919
I'm hungry, some water.
00:14:36.159 --> 00:14:39.679
Then I'm going to take my bags and I'm going to unpack them right away.
00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:44.960
I am going to tell and signal to myself that I am in order.
00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:47.519
That I am in order.
00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:49.279
That I am in control.
00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:52.240
I'm calling the shots here.
00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:53.679
I'm putting everything away.
00:14:53.759 --> 00:14:56.960
I'm putting my suitcases away, and now I'm ready for whatever is next.
00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:59.200
Hopefully you have something planned.
00:14:59.440 --> 00:15:00.799
Don't leave it to chance.
00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:09.440
If it's just you and Bravo for the night, chances are you're going to be getting on your phone and it the chances of you using go up.
00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:16.559
So you have to, for the most part, make a plan with somebody or something, a movie or something like that, unless you're exhausted.
00:15:17.440 --> 00:15:18.960
And that's fine too.
00:15:19.919 --> 00:15:23.440
And then what you won't do, you know, I'm not going to open the apps.
00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:25.279
I'm not going to reach out to the people who use this, right?
00:15:25.360 --> 00:15:26.240
I'm not going to do these things.
00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:26.879
All right.
00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:31.200
So the important part of this too is the check-ins.
00:15:31.600 --> 00:15:42.960
You want to schedule a check-in and you want to do it in a way that's most inconvenient for you, probably a video check-in with your team, whoever they are.
00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:46.480
You want to check in before the plane lands.
00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:52.879
You want to check in exactly when that plane hits the ground.
00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:56.159
And you want to share, you can share flight details now with anybody.
00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:58.799
Share the flight details with your team.
00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:12.480
They need to know when you land, and you need to tell them exactly what questions to ask because our meth brain kicks in and we will answer the way we think we need to answer to get away with it.
00:16:12.799 --> 00:16:14.559
Hey, I landed, I'm great.
00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:17.600
See you in a few minutes or whatever.
00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:20.240
And then we don't hear from you for three days.
00:16:20.480 --> 00:16:20.799
Right.
00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:26.480
Like you want to know, like I wanted this person to ask me, hey, have you had any thoughts of using?
00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:28.080
Have you been making any plans?
00:16:28.240 --> 00:16:29.519
Have you been texting anyone?
00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:30.320
Have you tried?
00:16:30.480 --> 00:16:39.919
Like very specific questions to hold you accountable so that you can't wiggle out of and hold back.
00:16:41.120 --> 00:16:47.279
Then I suggest having someone pick you up from the airport.
00:16:48.159 --> 00:16:49.759
Don't rely on an Uber.
00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:51.919
Don't rely on yourself.
00:16:52.480 --> 00:16:56.000
Have someone picking you up and taking your ass home.
00:16:56.399 --> 00:16:58.639
And if they can, staying with you.
00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:01.519
If it's your partner, of course they they will, right?
00:17:01.759 --> 00:17:04.720
But a friend stay with you for the night.
00:17:04.960 --> 00:17:09.599
This seems extreme, but it is not.
00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:17.279
This is literally often in early chem sex recovery what it requires.
00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:21.119
You have to be chaperoned, I'm sorry.
00:17:21.519 --> 00:17:24.240
You have to give up your privacy, I'm sorry.
00:17:24.559 --> 00:17:29.200
But you will feel so good after it's done.
00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:31.680
You will know what it's like.
00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:37.039
You've interrupted the pattern, you've given the subconscious something new.
00:17:37.920 --> 00:17:40.559
And then you reinforce that every time.
00:17:40.720 --> 00:17:53.599
So you don't have to have these boundaries and all of this every for the rest of your life, but and but for a while, and then you can start loosening them up a little bit, you know, and and then taking the training wheels off.
00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:56.319
And then all of a sudden you're a normie, right?
00:17:56.480 --> 00:17:59.920
You just land and you go the fuck home and you don't think about it.
00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:01.039
Like that's the goal.
00:18:01.279 --> 00:18:08.319
But placing your phone as soon as you get home, placing your phone in another room, turning your phone off, all of that stuff, grounding yourself.
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:10.480
There's a lot of things on here that you want to think about.
00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:14.640
The first 30 minutes, like I have you schedule the first 30 minutes of what you're going to do.
00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:20.559
You're going to take a shower, you're going to change in the clothes, you're going to make some hot tea, you know, you're going to check in, you're going to call.
00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:24.559
Checking in has to be planned, has to be scheduled.
00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:26.480
And that person needs to know.
00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:31.920
And by the way, we're making all of this an app that I'm really excited to release soon.
00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:32.720
I say soon.
00:18:32.799 --> 00:18:33.440
I don't know when.
00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:35.599
This will be an app on your phone.
00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:40.480
So that person, that that uh accountability partner will get a notification.
00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:41.440
Have you called him?
00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:43.119
Have you asked him this question?
00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:44.079
Right.
00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:48.160
Um, and so that's going to be really good.
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:53.920
Anyway, so you want to have these check-ins and you want to do that throughout the night unless that person's staying with you.
00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:55.359
Maybe you go for a walk.
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:57.119
Here's what I won't do.
00:18:57.680 --> 00:19:01.119
I won't lie down to just rest and scroll.
00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:03.039
Probably that's a trouble zone.
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:04.160
I won't grab my phone.
00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:05.119
I won't check my apps.
00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:06.160
I won't contact anybody.
00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:06.640
I shouldn't.
00:19:06.880 --> 00:19:09.839
I won't tell myself, eh, I'll just do all this tomorrow.
00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:12.079
That's setting you up for failure.
00:19:12.240 --> 00:19:15.119
So then I have the first 48 hours.
00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:17.119
Detailed schedule.
00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:24.960
What are you doing with your time between your time you get home and when you go back into your job or your life?
00:19:26.000 --> 00:19:30.640
Who are you making plans with and are they strategically placed?
00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:40.400
In other words, if I get home on a Friday, I want to make sure on Saturday morning I have plans I can't get out of.
00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:45.279
I told grandma I'd call her at 7 a.m.
00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:47.119
and have a conversation with her.
00:19:47.359 --> 00:19:50.319
That's something that you can't get out of for the most part.
00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:52.319
Or something along those lines.
00:19:52.559 --> 00:19:57.839
Pay for a show, uh uh, whatever, a uh prepay for uh massage, something.
00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:00.880
Make a work meeting if you can.
00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:04.960
Whatever you have to do, again, put on your myth thinking cap.
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:08.400
How do I sabotage myself from using?
00:20:09.279 --> 00:20:19.839
If you leave windows open like a Friday night, you don't have a plan, you don't have check-ins scheduled, you're setting yourself up.
00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:23.039
You're subconsciously leaving a door open.
00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:25.279
I don't really need that.
00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:26.880
Fine.
00:20:27.200 --> 00:20:28.240
Let's see.
00:20:28.559 --> 00:20:29.680
Let's test it.
00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:32.880
So 48 hours are all planned.
00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:40.880
Um, where everything you're doing, when you're going to bed, when you're putting your phone away, who you're calling, when you're calling them, what are you doing, um, phone and safeguards.
00:20:41.119 --> 00:20:46.720
This is I'm zipping through this now, and emergency protocols about what you do when you're struggling in the moment.
00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:51.039
So there's there's the the gist of it.
00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:52.720
I'm gonna stop sharing.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:21:01.039
So again, I I'll put this form in the in the show notes.
00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:10.799
You're getting you're you're beginning to see whether you like it or not, what this requires.
00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:17.839
Underneath all of this, it requires a decision on your part.
00:21:20.480 --> 00:21:22.880
Who do I want to be?
00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:32.960
Am I someone who is chem sex-free or am I somebody who is chem sex-free with some caveats here and there?
00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:39.359
Am I somebody who is willing to do what it takes?
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:48.960
Because with chemsex, as you've heard people like Mel McCracken from No Matter What say, This phone is paraphernalia.
00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:51.839
It might as well be a pipe or a needle.
00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:59.119
That phone is the end all be all to chemsex.
00:22:00.079 --> 00:22:02.480
Relapse, re in chem sex recovery.
00:22:04.079 --> 00:22:13.279
So you want to put in all these safeguards and communicate and be honest, open, and transparent.
00:22:13.839 --> 00:22:18.640
But most of all, who do you want to show up as?
00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:22.079
What is it that you want and why?
00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:27.599
Why do I want to come home from vacation and not use in return to my life?
00:22:27.839 --> 00:22:28.480
Why?
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:33.839
Is it because it's is it from the head in terms of this is what I'm supposed to do?
00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:35.200
I'm not supposed to use meth.
00:22:35.279 --> 00:22:38.000
It's not good, you know, all of those things.
00:22:38.400 --> 00:22:41.039
Like it's of course, I'm not supposed to do this.
00:22:41.920 --> 00:22:42.880
That's not good enough.
00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:45.279
It has to be dropped down into the heart.
00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:49.599
Where does it lie in your identity?
00:22:50.799 --> 00:22:56.559
Am I someone who is willing to do what it takes?
00:22:56.720 --> 00:23:05.680
Am I someone whose identity lines up with somebody who is chemsex free?
00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:14.720
And if I am, I'm going to fall in line with this whole plan without question.
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:27.359
And I'm going to do everything it says to do, and I'm going to I am going to surrender to the process because this is what it takes, and I want it.
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:29.519
This is not me anymore.
00:23:29.839 --> 00:23:34.240
Meth is not a part of my identity and my life.
00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:42.400
And now my behaviors are going to align with my desire.
00:23:42.960 --> 00:23:44.960
And that's what this helps you do.
00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:55.039
It helps you practice what it takes, and then you do it one more time, and then you do it again, and then you do it again when it's just all natural.
00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:56.319
It's something you enjoy.
00:23:56.400 --> 00:23:58.160
You know it's something that you have to do.
00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:02.400
And then eventually you just live.
00:24:02.799 --> 00:24:04.400
What would it be like?
00:24:04.799 --> 00:24:10.640
What would it be like to stop fucking talking about meth for a day for a vacation?
00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:18.000
To stop thinking about all the ways I don't want to use and do I want to use and just let's just accept it.
00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:20.480
This is what it takes.
00:24:20.799 --> 00:24:33.039
I'm going to return home, safe, proud, at peace, hydrated, food in my body, my skin looks good.
00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:37.680
I return to work, and people are like, wow, that vacation did you a lot of good.
00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:40.160
Usually you come in here dragging.
00:24:40.400 --> 00:24:43.440
That's because I've been on a binge for the last 48 hours.
00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:46.400
So I hope this helps.
00:24:46.559 --> 00:24:52.000
This is the practical stuff that I don't hoping this helps you as a podcast episode.
00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:57.839
I'm going to start going through some and more of these because there's also uh chem sex-free event planning.
00:24:58.000 --> 00:25:08.160
So you want to still go, if you want to still go join your friends at the club or at Pride or birthday parties or whatever, but you don't want to use and you usually use there, there's a plan for that.
00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:10.319
There's a plan for your danger zone.
00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:13.599
If your danger zone is every weekend, let's make a plan.
00:25:13.759 --> 00:25:17.119
Listen, proactivity is the key here.
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:23.440
In my program, there's three pillars: consistency, proactivity, and certainty.
00:25:23.839 --> 00:25:28.000
You have to have all three, but proactivity is so important.
00:25:28.720 --> 00:25:39.839
You have to think ahead of the subconscious and be proactive and align yourself with boundaries so you don't have the option to use.
00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:41.680
You don't have open windows.
00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:49.200
Because in early recovery, then it's just left to you and your free will and your willpower and your self-control.
00:25:49.359 --> 00:25:54.480
And that is a finite resource, especially at night when it's the most important.
00:25:55.359 --> 00:26:01.599
All right, I'm going, I'm uh I'm going on on now, but I hope this helps you and uh let me know if it does.
00:26:01.759 --> 00:26:06.240
If you want to join in the conversation, you can comment on YouTube, you can comment on Spotify.
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:10.240
I'd love to hear from you, or you can DM me on any social media platform.
00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:11.440
All right, bye.
