Empath Energy Protection: How to Stop Carrying Everyone Else's Pain | Lisa Campion

WEBVTT
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Close your eyes and imagine.
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What if the things in life that caused us the greatest pain, the things that bring us grief, are challenges.
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Challenges designed to help us grow to ultimately become what we were always meant to be.
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We feel like we've been buried, but what if, like a seed, we've been planted?
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And having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree.
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Now, open your eyes.
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Open your eyes to this way of viewing life.
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Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature.
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This is Grief to Growth, and I am your host, Brian Smith.
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Hey there, welcome back to Grief to Growth.
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I'm Brian Smith, and if you're new here, I'm so glad you found us.
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This show is about making sense of life, especially when life doesn't seem to make sense.
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We talk about grief, loss, and the questions that keep us up at night.
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Who are we?
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Why are we here?
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And what's actually going on beneath the surface of our ordinary lives, that most of us were never taught to see?
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I bring guests on to help illuminate the path, no matter how dark or confusing it seems to get.
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Lisa Campion is what happens when a psychic kid grows up and decides the world needs way more healers and a whole lot less hiding.
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She's the best-selling author of The Art of Psychic Reiki, the founder of Quantum Lightwave Healing, and she's spent a career training the sensitives, the skeptics, and the soul-seekers who refuse to play small.
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She's part quantum geek, part spiritual guide, and all heart.
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And the work she does is for the people who spend a lifetime feeling everything everyone else is feeling and wondering why they always come home from the grocery store exhausted.
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In this episode, we're going to talk about what it actually means to be an impact.
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Not as a personality quiz buzzword, but as a real way of moving through the world.
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We'll get into why being wired this way can feel like a superpower one day and occurs the next.
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And what changes when you finally learn to manage it instead of letting it manage you?
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We're also going to go deep on energy vampires, what they are, how they operate, how to recognize when someone is draining you.
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And the harder question most of us don't want to ask, what if I'm one?
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Lisa is going to walk us through grounding boundaries, psychic protection, and the practical tools that turn sensitivity from a liability into your greatest gift.
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So if you've ever walked into a room and instantly known who was upset before anyone said a word, if you're the one your friends or family always come to with their pain and you wonder why you're so tired all the time, if you've ever wondered whether your sensitivity is a problem to fix or a gift to develop, this conversation is for you.
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And if you want to continue the conversation after the episode, head over to grief to growth.substack.com.
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It's grief, the number two growth.substack.com.
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And there you're going to find an article about today's discussion where you can comment and connect with me with other listeners.
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So with that, let's get started and welcome Lisa Campion.
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Thanks so much, Brian.
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Thanks for having me on your podcast.
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Yeah, it's great to have you here, Lisa.
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So I guess your journeys start like all of us as a child, but you were a particularly sensitive child, it sounds like.
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Yeah, I was.
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And not just as an empath, too, but also as a psychic.
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So I grew up, I was born in the 60s and I grew up just outside Boston and I was one of those like I see dead people kids.
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So I was seeing spirits and of course, Murphy's law has it that my house is incredibly haunted, like big old giant Victorian house, super haunted.
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And I just saw colors around people.
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I saw angels and shadow spirits.
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I used to wake up in the middle of the night and see what I called the gray people standing around my bed.
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And it took me a while to figure out they were ghosts.
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And we would we would chat in the middle of the night and then they feel better.
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They feel better and drift away, you know.
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And so I was having really these intense psychic experiences during a time when this was not really a conversation we could have.
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We couldn't be talking about this.
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Like they put you in a mental hospital or, you know, drag you to the church and throw holy water on you for, you know, the kind of experiences that I was having.
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And and so I spent the first 20 years of my life trying to figure out what was going on, how to turn it off, you know, how to pretend to be normal in public and just like why was I having, you know, this experience that other people weren't having.
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And being an empath and a sensitive was definitely a part of that psychic nature that I have.
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But the whole thing was was pretty intense.
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So so not just being an empath, which we'll talk about, but also this ability, this psychic ability, and you said seeing dead people.
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How did you did you talk to anybody about this?
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Did you hold it to yourself?
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You know, there really wasn't a way to talk about it.
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You know, I went, I remember going to the library when I was like 10 years old and like looking for books on it and there was nothing.
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My parents who were hippies and they were pretty spiritually open, but they didn't know it wasn't really part of the common conversation.
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It wasn't part of the mainstream conversation.
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So when I was a kid, I was told I just had a good imagination.
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You know, you're imagining, you know, that's your imagination.
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And I was like, is it so really like I don't think it is, you know, um, but it wasn't, it wasn't until I was in college, it was in the 80s.
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That the new age, you know, that's sort of the dawn of the new age.
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And then there were books, there were, um, new age bookstores, there were teachers that the conversation became sort of more public.
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And that's where I really got a lot of my training.
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And actually, when I started working as a psychic, I was only 19.
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So, you know, I've been doing it for that long.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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So when you start working as a psychic, where you work as a medium, or what you're doing, like psychic readings?
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Yeah, more I was working.
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I mean, I can, I always say I'm not a medium, but medium shit happens.
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You know, it does happen when it needs to happen.
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And I think my gift is a psychic is more kind of a soul reader, like looking at who you are on the level of your soul.
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Okay.
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Might be like who you were in your past lives, what your soul contracts are with your people, what your future holds, what your life purpose is, what came here to do, and what's blocking you from doing that.
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So kind of looking at that level is my, I think my gift is a psychic.
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Okay.
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Yeah, that makes sense.
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So we're also going to talk about being empathic.
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And, you know, that's a word that's thrown around a lot lately.
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People are saying, I'm an empath.
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So for people that don't know, first of all, let's talk about what an empath is.
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Yeah, being an empath is different from just feeling empathy.
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Feeling empathy is like, you notice somebody who's suffering, you know, like, oh, I feel bad for that.
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It's like sympathy or, you know, like, oh, that looks painful.
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You know, being an empath, which is a good thing.
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We all need that being an empath is slightly different.
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That's when we literally absorb the energy, thoughts, feelings, experiences of the people around us.
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So it might be that you're the person you're sitting next to on the bus is having a really bad day.
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And if you sit in close proximity, you suddenly feel their headache.
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Their depression, their, you know, hear their thoughts even.
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So we absorb and experience those things as if it's happening to us.
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So you're like, I don't know why I feel so depressed all of a sudden.
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I don't know why I have a headache.
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Like, so we're absorbing and carrying the experiences, energy, thoughts, feelings of other people.
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That's really different from just noticing it.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So as an empath and as a psychic person, you said, I think you said you start working as a psychic at the age of 19.
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So that was that when you decided that you need to try to help people heal, because, you know, the world, there's a lot of stuff going on.
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There's a lot of stuff going on.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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And when I was 19, I was still in university and, you know, you don't know anything when you're 19.
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Right.
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So I started working and I quickly learned I didn't have enough skills to actually help people.
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So when I finished with the university, I went back to school and became a therapist.
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Oh, okay.
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And for a long time, I combined psychic work with therapy.
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And then that was really a really good combination to help people.
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Then in 1999, I learned Reiki and sort of added energy work to the mix.
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And I had a big private practice for many, many years, 25 years I was seeing clients.
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And then recently, I feel like more called to write and teach, because I love helping the people that are undergoing a spiritual awakening as a sudden psychic opening.
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Maybe you realizing that you're an empath.
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Help.
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I like to help them do it more easily and gracefully than I did it because I just did it school of hard knocks, you know, totally like difficult, like making every mistake in the book, figuring it all out the hard way.
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And so it's really beautiful for me to try and help all the people that are awakening now to their gifts to this to this larger world, do it more gracefully than I did it.
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I feel like my mission in life is to, you know, help psychics, emerging psychics, healers, and then possibly really fully step in and own their gifts.
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Because I really think the world needs all the healers they can get.
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And my mission in life is to really create an army of healers to go out there and save the world.
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I think that is awesome.
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I'm fascinated that my daughter is a mental health therapist.
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And I've interviewed a couple, only one or two.
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I can think of one in particular, who is a mental health therapist who actually admits that they're they have psychic ability and uses it in their work.
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It's kind of frowned on in the mental health field, isn't it?
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For sure.
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Yeah.
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I mean, I went through like a more holistic program that wasn't like a licensed program because I knew they would just yank my laces for me in a minute because I touch all my clients.
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I have them on a Reiki table and, you know, it's not standard mental health care.
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And there is like a sad sort of dilemma there, I think, because a lot of times people's mental health problems are worsened if you're a sensitive and you're an empath and you don't know it, or if you're a psychic and you don't know it.
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I always say there's only a few letters difference between psychic and psychotic.
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Yeah.
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And, you know, I think getting training for those things can really often really help people with mental health issues.
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Yeah, I feel like a lot of the medical industry only treats part of the person, whether it becomes whether it's medical doctors, even mental health counselors who don't, you know, transpersonalize what they're calling people now that are treating the whole person, including the spirit of the soul or everyone to call that.
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And I think that's, that's the opportunity that we're missing.
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We've got people who are trying to do mental health work that aren't qualified, frankly.
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We've got people that are mental health people, but they don't treat like the soul.
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They don't treat, you know, the whole person.
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And I have so many people coming to me and I'm just a grief coach, but they come to me and say, I've been seeing a therapist for like a while and they're not doing anything for me.
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They're not helping me at all.
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Yeah, it's tricky.
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I mean, I think like, first of all, it's really good to find a good, you know, finding a good therapist when you really resonate with, I mean, there comes a point where we're just sort of recycling our trauma and that's not really that helpful.
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You know, we're just kind of spinning our wheels and talking about the same things over and over again.
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And that's where going into like energy work or body work or psychic work or soul level work and add in to a different dimension.
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I think if we do need to know, you know, know the story, see the patterns, you know, understand things from that sort of emotional mental perspective, but there are other layers of our being that need attending to.
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And I think those big core wounds we have, we have to look at it from the body, from the nervous system, from the, you know, spiritual level, like what happened in your past lives?
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What is your ancestors bringing into you?
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Like your ancestral trauma bringing to you.
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So we got to look at it kind of from all those angles.
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I think they get deeper healing.
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Yeah, that's, I agree.
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And it's just, it's really great to see people that are, that are doing this, that are doing kind of, like I said, kind of the crossover, because I think that's where the real opportunity is being, being missed where, like I said, you go to a mental health therapist and they're like, they won't touch you.
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My daughter, she's like, you know, I can't hug my patients, right?
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You know, I can't touch them.
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That's right.
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Yeah, yeah.
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She wants to keep her license.
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That's for sure she can't, you know, and that's why I never, I never sort of went that route.
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I went into a very alternative, holistic program because I knew, I knew I would never be a licensed mental health therapist.
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That's a little too far in the box for me.
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Yeah.
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So let's talk about the empath and some of the struggles of people who are, who are empaths that they have.
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Yeah.
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It's really, really, really painful for so many people until you understand what you are, you know, until you understand what it is, because we might feel really overwhelmed and crowds.
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We all, and that's, I think struggle with, not all, but certainly many with depression, anxiety, addiction, things that we do to sort of shut down our oversensitivity, right?
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Our, you know, feeling so much, and it's very hard to be an empath in the world right now because the collective consciousness of humanity is so miserable and freaked out and anxious and scared.
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I mean, it's pretty crazy out there, right?
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So I think we, you know, it can get to the point where like, you don't leave your house.
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You're on the couch with your cat, watching Netflix, and that's like all you can do, you know?
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So it, and that can, you know, that causes a lot of problems.
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People get very physically ill sometimes until we learn how to manage our energy.
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So there's sort of basic, fundamental energy clearing.
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We need to clear ourselves.
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We need to, that's like releasing the energy that we pick up from other people.
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We need a ground, get back in the body, and we need to learn how to protect ourselves.
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It's the really basic energy management we have.
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And then when we do, that's not hard to do.
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It's, you know, just some has to be done daily or sometimes multiple times a day.
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Then we can sort of engage in the world.
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You know, we can move about the world again.
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You can go back to going to Walmart and, you know, get on an airplane and go into doing, and there's this weird catch-22 there because so many empaths are called into service work.
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I think that we are helpers.
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We're like the helpers, healers, caregivers of the world.
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Maybe we want to work with children, animals.
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You know, one of my students was really called a hospice work, which is such a beautiful kind of work and really hard if you're an empath.
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And, you know, she would just come home from her shift and just like lie on the couch.
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And she had no energy or time for her husband, for her children, and it got to a breaking point, like where she's like, I'm gonna have to quit doing this because I can't function.
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And my husband's ready to divorce me and I can't keep, and I'm sick and I can't keep doing this.
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So that's when, you know, that's when we got really deep into how do we manage our energy?
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How do we set better boundaries?
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And then when we do that, when we know how to set boundaries and we can manage our energy here, I think that's the superpower.
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Like we are here to help.
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You know, in all the ways that we are, all the way is a beautiful calling to be working in hospice.
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Once she figured out how to manage your energy, she could go back to hospice work and really, she's so gifted at it without it sort of taking a bite out of her like it was in the past.
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Yeah, and just say that I'm thinking about, again, my daughter being in the field and how quickly people get burned out in some of those fields.
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And, you know, because I think, you said a lot of them are empaths.
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They're dealing with people that have, they're having issues.
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They're picking up the energy.
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They don't know how to, I guess, block it or shield themselves or how to ground or how to, how to rid themselves of it.
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And, and they're, frankly, they're fields where they're not treated very well.
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So it's, it is a tough field to be in, but they do it because they want to help people.
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So I love it.
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I love what you're doing to try to, you know, equip people to be able to handle that.
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Yeah, that's really what it is.
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And my goal is to, and I wrote a book called Energy Healing for Empaths where I have all of this information in there.
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And my goal is to sort of liberate the empaths to, to feel empowered, kind of go from feeling like I'm victimized by the world, which is often how empaths end up feeling.
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To being, you know, understanding that there's a powerful healers that they are.
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Because if you think about it, like, you know, you, let's say you're a kindergarten teacher or you're working with animals or you're, you know, working with the populations, elderly people, these are often the populations that are brought to you.
00:19:54.759 --> 00:20:02.519
And, you know, those people, you put your hands on them and you suddenly know how they feel, where their pain is, what their mood is.
00:20:02.959 --> 00:20:06.539
And it's, it's sort of like having a built-in MRI x-ray machine.
00:20:06.539 --> 00:20:13.859
It's like a diagnostic tool that we can use to help us understand, you know, what somebody else is experiencing.
00:20:14.019 --> 00:20:18.139
It's that massage therapist who knows just where to put their hands without you saying a thing.
00:20:18.559 --> 00:20:19.000
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:19.139 --> 00:20:20.359
They know just where your pain is.
00:20:20.779 --> 00:20:22.599
And that's such a beautiful gift.
00:20:23.259 --> 00:20:33.759
But it sort of puts us in the line of fire, you know, we're in, we're in difficult situations for us in a hospital, at a school or wherever we are.
00:20:34.379 --> 00:20:39.859
And I really love to help liberate those people and help them really step into their power.
00:20:40.539 --> 00:20:52.059
Yeah, it's such a good point because, you know, one of the things that I've read kind of in introductions, a lot of times when people are sensitive, we don't know whether it's a superpower or something we need to get rid of.
00:20:52.539 --> 00:20:55.179
Because the world will tell you there's something wrong with you.
00:20:55.459 --> 00:20:55.759
Absolutely.
00:20:56.419 --> 00:20:58.019
Yeah, they'll tell you you're too sensitive.
00:20:58.479 --> 00:21:05.839
Every empathic child on the planet's hard, like, stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about, or like, you know, you're too sensitive.
00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:07.039
We've all heard that.
00:21:07.979 --> 00:21:09.599
And it's really not that we're too sensitive.
00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:13.199
It's just that we don't have the tools to manage our sensitivity.
00:21:14.500 --> 00:21:19.899
And then when we do, and it is quite torturous until we have those tools.
00:21:20.439 --> 00:21:24.459
And then it is, we can see sort of the other side where it is a beautiful gift.
00:21:25.019 --> 00:21:26.079
Yeah, that's interesting.
00:21:26.299 --> 00:21:30.619
Because, you know, I was, I remember here when I was a kid, Brian's the sensitive one.
00:21:30.839 --> 00:21:32.839
You know, I got that a lot.
00:21:32.839 --> 00:21:35.339
And it's not said as a compliment, right?
00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:42.740
So being able to empower people that have this to know that there's not something wrong with you.
00:21:43.500 --> 00:21:47.279
And again, I see so many people going into these healing professions.
00:21:48.399 --> 00:21:52.240
Because they want to help because they know how other people are hurting.
00:21:52.919 --> 00:21:57.419
But then they're not, they're just not equipped, you know, to be able to stay in that long term.
00:21:58.240 --> 00:21:59.279
I think it's really hard for men.
00:22:00.179 --> 00:22:02.539
You know, it's hard for all impossibly empathic men.
00:22:02.539 --> 00:22:10.240
I think it's especially difficult because it's like even less okay to be sensitive if you're a man, especially, you know, in the older generations.
00:22:10.979 --> 00:22:15.519
I'm hopeful that the younger generations are maybe it's a little easier, you know, for them.
00:22:16.259 --> 00:22:28.000
Like in my generation, being a empathic man was really, really, it's got must have been really hard because it's just not like sort of the macho made up was growing up in the 70s.
00:22:28.019 --> 00:22:30.859
And, you know, sort of the macho man thing was the thing, right?
00:22:30.859 --> 00:22:38.379
And, and so I think it's, it's women have like a little bit more leeway to be emotional, I think.
00:22:38.659 --> 00:22:39.779
And I really hope that changes.
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:42.679
So I don't think that's, that's not fair.
00:22:43.000 --> 00:22:44.159
That's not how it really is.
00:22:44.419 --> 00:22:46.039
Yeah, I don't think it's, I don't think it's right either.
00:22:46.039 --> 00:22:51.039
But it's interesting because I was thinking about the healing professions outside of medical doctors.
00:22:51.439 --> 00:22:58.759
They're just dominated by women, which I think unfortunately, because of sexism is one of the reasons they're not treated very well.
00:22:58.939 --> 00:23:00.139
They're not paid very well.
00:23:00.139 --> 00:23:01.439
They're not valued.
00:23:02.959 --> 00:23:04.619
So unfortunate, isn't it?
00:23:04.619 --> 00:23:06.019
It really is.
00:23:06.339 --> 00:23:07.179
It really is.
00:23:07.419 --> 00:23:13.619
So yeah, I like this, you know, again, giving people understanding that this is not something wrong with you.
00:23:13.740 --> 00:23:17.619
This is actually an ability that you have, that humanity needs.
00:23:17.979 --> 00:23:21.000
Yeah, and imparts are generally conflict avoidance.
00:23:21.479 --> 00:23:22.419
We don't like conflict.
00:23:22.719 --> 00:23:24.599
We tend to, you know, right first.
00:23:24.879 --> 00:23:29.339
So, you know, we're the wheel that doesn't that doesn't squeak.
00:23:30.379 --> 00:23:38.319
So, you know, oftentimes, we always can, you know, feel how the other person feels like it's very hard for us to say no to set boundaries.
00:23:39.000 --> 00:23:42.599
We tend to attract the energy vampires who are like to walk all over us.
00:23:42.759 --> 00:23:49.579
And that might be the users, the takers, the, you know, mean bosses that were very susceptible to that.
00:23:49.919 --> 00:23:57.500
So I think part of stepping into our power and I think that's why we sort of put up with a lot of, you know, bad treatment, you know.
00:23:58.779 --> 00:24:06.259
I also think like they should put us in charge of the world because, you know, what we do is so people wouldn't go hungry.
00:24:06.459 --> 00:24:07.359
People wouldn't suffer.
00:24:08.019 --> 00:24:16.579
People, you know, would get sort of basic human rights and dignities would be really focused on because that's what we care about.
00:24:17.259 --> 00:24:19.279
Yeah, I couldn't agree with you more.
00:24:20.319 --> 00:24:29.559
You know, it's kind of interesting to me because I look around and I'm like, how can people not understand that everybody deserves to have food, you know, everybody deserves to have clean water.
00:24:29.939 --> 00:24:31.199
You could solve that problem.
00:24:31.639 --> 00:24:35.159
Yeah, the children shouldn't have to live in, children shouldn't have to live in fear.
00:24:35.379 --> 00:24:43.339
You know, so I think there is a huge lack of the ability to put ourselves in other people's shoes in our world.
00:24:43.879 --> 00:24:52.599
And there's kind of this like polarity with empaths on one side and narcissists and energy vampires on the other side.
00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:56.539
And, you know, that's sort of a broad generalization.
00:24:56.659 --> 00:25:01.139
Of course, it's not that simple, but it's the narcissists that end up ruling the world.
00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:02.159
You know, absolutely.
00:25:02.539 --> 00:25:03.740
They make the decisions.
00:25:03.740 --> 00:25:08.359
They get the position to power their own politics and corporate CEOs and all the things, right?
00:25:08.859 --> 00:25:14.179
And it and sort of by definition, they lack empathy as a narcissist to somebody here.
00:25:14.279 --> 00:25:18.699
I'm not saying, of course, everyone is like that, but I see like a general trend towards that.
00:25:19.099 --> 00:25:24.619
And so we have the people in charge of things who don't understand, can't put themselves in other people's shoes.
00:25:25.240 --> 00:25:28.839
Can't do like feel that sort of natural thing that empaths do.
00:25:29.099 --> 00:25:31.539
And of like, how would somebody else feel?
00:25:31.740 --> 00:25:39.679
How would I feel if I was in that position and the sort of emotional intelligence that comes as sort of second nature part of the package of being an empath.
00:25:40.079 --> 00:25:53.799
And it's just because we don't like conflict and because we sort of get stamped, stomped over by the narcissistic energy vampire types, we don't end up very often in positions of power.
00:25:54.019 --> 00:25:55.059
You know, you talked about doctors.
00:25:55.259 --> 00:25:59.899
Well, you're not going to survive medical school if you're an empath or they're going to just beat it out of you.
00:26:00.059 --> 00:26:00.459
You know what I mean?
00:26:00.879 --> 00:26:03.559
Like, so unfortunately that's the way it is.
00:26:03.719 --> 00:26:07.479
Same thing for sort of those higher level positions of power.
00:26:07.819 --> 00:26:12.240
And I just think it's and of course it's not across the board.
00:26:12.379 --> 00:26:17.459
I know, you know, super powerful people who are really, really gentle hearted and empathic.
00:26:18.339 --> 00:26:19.839
But I think it is a trend.
00:26:20.039 --> 00:26:23.519
Well, we're talking about generalities and we're also talking about extremes.
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:30.879
I think everybody's probably a little bit of each and you talked about situational energy vampires, which we'll talk about also.
00:26:31.419 --> 00:26:34.479
But we're talking about the extremes and the general thing.
00:26:34.500 --> 00:26:44.859
And I've heard people go as far as to say, like, for example, there are no moral billionaires because you can't get to be a billionaire without stomping on a lot of people.
00:26:45.019 --> 00:26:46.219
Now, again, that's an absolute.
00:26:46.240 --> 00:26:47.979
I don't really believe in absolutes.
00:26:48.419 --> 00:26:55.740
But I think generally speaking, those are the people who are willing to do whatever it takes and crush whoever they need to crush to get there.
00:26:55.939 --> 00:27:00.519
Whereas we're like, oh, well, how would I feel someone did that to me, you know?
00:27:00.679 --> 00:27:01.799
And so we don't do it.
00:27:02.399 --> 00:27:02.500
Right.
00:27:03.039 --> 00:27:04.399
Yeah, that's it.
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:17.759
So in terms of impasse to help people who are empathetic, how can we how can we navigate the world better and protect ourselves some, at least?
00:27:18.679 --> 00:27:24.479
I think it's about starting on energy hygiene or energy management basics.
00:27:25.419 --> 00:27:37.619
So that means learning and I do it as a like kind of a visualization in a breathing technique, kind of like a guided meditation of getting back in your body.
00:27:37.819 --> 00:27:40.179
Because as impasse we tend to leave our bodies.
00:27:40.319 --> 00:27:41.379
We dissociate a little bit.
00:27:43.799 --> 00:27:48.579
We just get under stress and we kind of like leave, you know, pop out of our bodies.
00:27:48.599 --> 00:27:49.879
So you have to be in your body.
00:27:50.339 --> 00:27:56.899
And that's part of being grounded when, you know, you say you're when people say they're not grounded, they're not in their body and they're not connected to the earth.
00:27:57.019 --> 00:27:58.179
So we need a grounding practice.
00:27:58.639 --> 00:27:59.979
We need to learn how to stay.
00:28:00.219 --> 00:28:05.699
And I learned that as a youngster because I was a martial artist I was fascinated with martial arts.
00:28:05.979 --> 00:28:08.159
I think I really just wanted to be a Jedi knight.
00:28:09.259 --> 00:28:14.399
And so I stuck in martial arts and it taught me how to be very embodied.
00:28:15.299 --> 00:28:16.179
So we need that.
00:28:16.299 --> 00:28:20.439
And we need then a method to clear the energy that we pick up from other people.
00:28:20.439 --> 00:28:36.359
I imagine standing under a waterfall of light in that waterfall, like standing in a shower and with some breathing, sort of deep breathing, breathing in the top of your head, breathing down your spine, releasing it out the bottoms of your feet to sort of wash away the energy we pick up from other people.
00:28:36.579 --> 00:28:41.439
And then we need to be protected, you know, and a little with a little shielding.
00:28:41.879 --> 00:28:44.179
So you might get in your bubble of light.
00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:52.159
You might, you know, be inside a boundary an energetic boundary that protects you from the world.
00:28:52.339 --> 00:28:53.179
So that's what I do.
00:28:53.179 --> 00:28:58.539
Like before I go into Costco or Walmart or one of those big box stores, which are really, really hard for most empaths.
00:28:58.539 --> 00:29:04.099
I sit in the car and I ground myself, I clear my energy and I put my bubble up.
00:29:04.459 --> 00:29:09.119
And then I go in and I have to do it about halfway through Costco.
00:29:09.379 --> 00:29:15.479
Otherwise I get halfway through Costco and I can't remember my name or where I parked my car and I'm like going to cry, you know?
00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:17.459
And so energetically overwhelming.
00:29:17.459 --> 00:29:22.240
And then when I get in my car, I do it again, you know?
00:29:22.859 --> 00:29:24.719
That's how I am in between.
00:29:24.839 --> 00:29:26.279
That's what I do in between clients.
00:29:26.479 --> 00:29:28.079
That's what I do before I get on the airplane.
00:29:29.579 --> 00:29:34.259
And a good tip is like, go excuse yourself to the restroom, even wash your hands.
00:29:34.479 --> 00:29:37.740
You know, with this water, I wash away the energy that I pick up from other people.
00:29:38.259 --> 00:29:39.119
Breathe a few times.
00:29:39.399 --> 00:29:46.439
Get in your body, reset your boundary, like just imagine that you're inside that bubble and then you can go out, you know, out and about in the world.
00:29:46.439 --> 00:29:53.859
So these energy management practices are, if we do them over time, it's sort of like going to the gym.
00:29:54.039 --> 00:30:06.079
It like builds more strength and better boundaries, more strength in our energy field and then better boundaries kind of give us a leg to stand on to do the harder work, which is actually learning how to say no.
00:30:06.599 --> 00:30:09.819
Saying no is very hard for empaths because we really care.
00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:11.919
We really feel the other person.
00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:14.159
We really are like, well, I can do that, you know?
00:30:14.959 --> 00:30:16.859
Then we need both.
00:30:17.079 --> 00:30:22.119
So we need the energetic boundary and then the sort of more relational boundary of learning how to say no.
00:30:22.939 --> 00:30:24.699
Yeah, that's very helpful and it's interesting.
00:30:24.899 --> 00:30:41.819
I just finished reading a book actually just this morning called The Mindful Body and this person did a ton of research into mindfulness and the mind body connection stuff and one of the things she found that is that if you're sitting with the person, then she did these experiments that that person is mindful.
00:30:42.699 --> 00:30:50.359
The other person could actually pick up on it and they perform better on tasks and there's no materialistic explanation for why this works.
00:30:50.579 --> 00:30:52.199
It's I think it's an energy thing.
00:30:53.059 --> 00:31:03.000
So when you're talking about these grounding and shielding and cleansing things, people might be going, well, there's no such thing as picking up energy from other people.
00:31:03.599 --> 00:31:07.559
There's no mechanism for that, but there absolutely is.
00:31:08.459 --> 00:31:09.379
Sure, there is.
00:31:09.759 --> 00:31:16.719
And as empaths and psychics and sensitives, we have like, because I see that energy field.
00:31:16.839 --> 00:31:18.119
That's why I can see auras, right?
00:31:18.879 --> 00:31:28.359
And our auras have layers to them and that very outside edge of your aura is a boundary layer, like the outside membrane of a cell or like your skin.
00:31:28.879 --> 00:31:36.719
It keeps everything on the inside and the world on the outside and empaths have a very porous energy field.
00:31:36.879 --> 00:31:37.699
So it's like a sponge.
00:31:38.439 --> 00:31:45.819
And back then, paths are often called psychic sponges because we go into a room and we absorb all of the energy, the pain.
00:31:47.139 --> 00:31:51.779
And I remember doing this when I was really little, like two or three.
00:31:52.419 --> 00:31:56.639
And I knew if I did that, I could like calm down my parents, right?
00:31:56.879 --> 00:31:59.379
If I absorbed all that energy, my parents would like calm down.
00:32:00.679 --> 00:32:04.939
And then they would like behave better and the family would be like a little less rocky, right?
00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:07.879
And I think we learn how to do that.
00:32:08.599 --> 00:32:12.240
We learn that if we absorb that, we like take pain away from people.
00:32:13.199 --> 00:32:14.939
Emotional pain, even physical pain.
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:24.439
So it's sort of a, it's sort of a, I think it's our nature of who we are, but it's like also an adaptive strategy of how we can survive difficult childhoods.
00:32:26.519 --> 00:32:29.979
And then everybody feels better when they're around you.
00:32:30.579 --> 00:32:32.339
But it takes a bite out of you.
00:32:32.519 --> 00:32:34.240
Like there's a strong cost to that.
00:32:34.779 --> 00:32:34.919
Yeah.
00:32:35.439 --> 00:32:36.459
Well, that's, yeah.
00:32:36.799 --> 00:32:37.500
So that's interesting.
00:32:37.699 --> 00:32:41.959
As you said, I remind of a story, I can't remember the details of it, but there was a healer.
00:32:42.759 --> 00:32:50.079
It was, I know they were in Africa and they were healing all these people, but they had this giant tumor that started growing in their stomach and they looked like they were pregnant.
00:32:50.259 --> 00:32:56.699
They weren't pregnant, but it was the energy that they were absorbing and they weren't, they didn't realize how to get rid of it, right?
00:32:56.959 --> 00:32:57.079
Yeah.
00:32:57.439 --> 00:33:01.539
So if you're going to do that, if you're going to absorb that negative energy and make everybody else feel better.
00:33:02.099 --> 00:33:02.779
Okay, great.
00:33:02.959 --> 00:33:05.539
But now you've got to find a way to rid yourself of that.
00:33:05.619 --> 00:33:06.079
That's right.
00:33:08.039 --> 00:33:08.479
Yeah.
00:33:09.240 --> 00:33:16.299
So energy vampires, it's a term that we've heard before and I know you even talked about situational energy vampires.
00:33:16.479 --> 00:33:22.359
So let's talk about what an energy vampire is and how maybe we're, some of us are maybe energy vampires and not realize it.
00:33:22.699 --> 00:33:23.139
Yeah.
00:33:23.699 --> 00:33:29.459
So, you know, I mean, I think we could look at it as there are just not people who are naturally giving in the world.
00:33:30.059 --> 00:33:31.399
Empaths are just givers, right?
00:33:31.659 --> 00:33:34.299
And then there's people who are sort of more naturally takers.
00:33:35.879 --> 00:33:42.319
And sometimes where there's a flow, and if you're in a really healthy relationship, there's a flow between these giving and taking and it's more or less equal.
00:33:42.819 --> 00:33:48.039
And we know when we're in a relationship like that, because it doesn't feel, we don't feel resentful.
00:33:48.119 --> 00:33:49.079
It doesn't feel burdensome.
00:33:49.179 --> 00:33:50.399
It just feels like there's a flow.
00:33:51.159 --> 00:33:54.959
And then sometimes there are people who are just really wired to take.
00:33:55.579 --> 00:33:57.339
And we can call them narcissists.
00:33:57.519 --> 00:33:59.419
We can call them energy vampires.
00:33:59.619 --> 00:34:12.159
There's all, you know, and there's a range there that go from sort of like, that's what you're doing today to, you know, you have a personality disorder to like, you know, you're more in the psychopath sociopath department, right?
00:34:12.440 --> 00:34:13.780
There's a whole wide range there.
00:34:15.260 --> 00:34:25.119
And they often, because, you know, this polarity that exists, they often just are energy vampires are attracted to empaths.
00:34:25.219 --> 00:34:28.099
It's like a little dance that goes on between us.
00:34:29.240 --> 00:34:33.840
And they can see us as sort of a supply, like a battery, you know.
00:34:33.840 --> 00:34:41.380
And in the narcissistic abuse recovery movement, they call, you know, empaths the batteries.
00:34:42.559 --> 00:34:48.599
Because that's what, you know, that we're just supplying the energy for people that don't know how to do that, that don't know.
00:34:48.820 --> 00:34:51.659
And the truth is really, nobody knows how to source their own energy.
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:55.380
Nobody knows how to get energy from legit sources.
00:34:55.380 --> 00:34:58.500
So we're all always stealing energy from other people all the time.
00:34:58.780 --> 00:35:00.000
That's, I think, what's really true.
00:35:00.420 --> 00:35:02.340
And then some people are just more wired to that.
00:35:02.340 --> 00:35:16.460
So energy vampires learn how to sort of hook you and they'll take your time, your attention, your money, you know, the gas in your car, the food in your fridge, whatever it is, is sort of, you're the supply for that.
00:35:18.380 --> 00:35:22.420
And sometimes there are some that do it in a very predatory way.
00:35:23.179 --> 00:35:26.719
And that would be like the real narcissists or psychopaths.
00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:28.059
They're like, I'm going to get you.
00:35:28.179 --> 00:35:30.460
Like, you look like pretty tasty, so I'm going to get you.
00:35:31.280 --> 00:35:34.820
Most of the time they're not, they're not doing it consciously.
00:35:35.519 --> 00:35:40.219
They're just doing it because that's what they learned or how they're wired, you know.
00:35:41.699 --> 00:35:45.099
I call them victim vampires and they've just been through a lot.
00:35:45.260 --> 00:35:47.719
They've had some really horrible things happen to them in life.
00:35:48.420 --> 00:35:55.719
And then they kind of realize that their trauma sort of gives them a lot of leverage over other people.
00:35:56.440 --> 00:35:58.360
You know, like, well, I can't, will you do it for me?
00:35:58.440 --> 00:35:59.340
Because I can't, you know.
00:36:00.480 --> 00:36:06.820
And then sometimes there are situational energy vampires, which is like, could be any of us.
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:17.300
You go through something really hard, you know, which you have brain and a lot of people who are listening to your podcast have any one of us could be in a situation like that and just have nothing, nothing to give.
00:36:17.719 --> 00:36:20.280
And we just become really needy for real.
00:36:20.659 --> 00:36:25.059
And we need, we need a lot from other people because we don't have anything, you know, to give.
00:36:25.340 --> 00:36:27.719
And that that's could be a loss.
00:36:27.940 --> 00:36:34.019
It could be you lose your job or you have a health diagnosis or, you know, a tornado knocks down your house or whatever it is.
00:36:34.019 --> 00:36:36.039
Like, we all can be in that situation.
00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:37.880
We all have been in that situation.
00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:44.620
And hopefully, you know, we recover from that and turn things around and go back to being somebody who's able to give.
00:36:45.640 --> 00:36:54.579
And I think sometimes this is where, you know, I think that it's the hard conversation to have is oftentimes the biggest energy vampire in the room is an empath.
00:36:55.559 --> 00:37:06.880
So the empaths, you get really, really drained and haven't learned how to set boundaries and say no and protect their energy can be so empty and so tired and burned out.
00:37:07.140 --> 00:37:19.720
And, you know, like, like the therapist or the kindergarten teacher who's got nothing left and is so drained that they now then become somebody who's an energy and energy vampire takes some other people.
00:37:20.320 --> 00:37:28.000
So I think the bottom line to this is we all need to learn how to manage our energy and it's on us to learn how to do that.
00:37:28.579 --> 00:37:35.840
And there's freedom and liberation in that and power in that where we're not expecting other people to take care of us or carry the load for us.
00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:41.300
Of course, sometimes that's nice when it happens, but we know how to do it ourselves.
00:37:41.500 --> 00:37:54.019
We know how to replenish our energy, how to take care of ourselves, how to do self-care, how to fill our own tanks so we don't become and we know how to set boundaries so we don't leak energy and we can restore our energy.
00:37:54.280 --> 00:37:56.440
That's how you not not become an energy vampire.
00:37:57.000 --> 00:37:58.059
Yeah, well, thank you.
00:37:58.160 --> 00:38:00.340
That's really fascinating to me.
00:38:00.559 --> 00:38:13.059
An analogy I use all the time is that the human beings are basically rechargeable batteries and that once you run out of your supply, you can't keep giving.
00:38:13.320 --> 00:38:20.579
And so a lot of my clients seem to be empaths and we do tend to, I guess, have energy drained or give it away or whatever.
00:38:20.780 --> 00:38:29.059
And so we have to find a way to restore that energy and that's exactly kind of what you're talking about.
00:38:29.220 --> 00:38:35.160
And so if you're around energy vampires that are draining your energy, that's going to make you run out even faster.
00:38:35.500 --> 00:38:36.079
That's right.
00:38:36.260 --> 00:38:41.960
So there's sort of two sides of it is we have to set tighter boundaries with the draining people in our life.
00:38:43.460 --> 00:38:51.680
And it's thought it was easy because it's your boss or your spouse or your parent or your kid, you know, or whoever it is, but still it's on us to learn how to say no.
00:38:52.039 --> 00:39:00.300
And we can sort of a red flag if we feel resentful, resentment is a red flag that we're over giving in a situation.
00:39:01.300 --> 00:39:10.940
So if we feel like I always ask people to write a resentment inventory, sit down and write every single situation relationship that you feel resent you're feeling resentment for in your life.
00:39:11.440 --> 00:39:15.099
And that is a sign for you that you need to reset your boundary in that situation.
00:39:15.780 --> 00:39:18.820
You're over giving, you're giving more than you're getting back.
00:39:19.579 --> 00:39:24.180
And so I think resentment is a really important thing to pay attention to.
00:39:24.579 --> 00:39:30.220
And maybe it's that, you know, that friend who calls you and they want to talk for an hour and they're always talking about the same drama trauma.
00:39:30.480 --> 00:39:31.620
They never take your advice.
00:39:31.740 --> 00:39:32.760
They don't really want to change.
00:39:33.420 --> 00:39:40.700
And it, you know, you can feel your battery draining while you're on the phone and then they're like, oh, oh, I just so wanted to check in with you, but I got to go quick.
00:39:41.880 --> 00:39:59.980
And that person, maybe you only talk to them for 10 minutes, maybe only once a month, maybe never, you know, you're going to learn how to set boundaries so that you're making a conscious decision on how much you're giving and really, really minding your own self.
00:40:00.240 --> 00:40:03.680
So like I've learned that I never say yes.
00:40:04.140 --> 00:40:09.960
When somebody, if somebody asks me to do something, I never give them an answer in the moment because I'm going to say yes.
00:40:10.760 --> 00:40:12.500
And then I'll be like, why didn't I say I would do that?
00:40:13.920 --> 00:40:16.599
And so I say, can I get back to you tomorrow?
00:40:16.900 --> 00:40:17.740
Can I get back to you on Friday?
00:40:18.360 --> 00:40:23.720
And then I literally have to sit in a room alone in my calendar and be like, do I really want to do this?
00:40:23.720 --> 00:40:25.079
Why do I want to do this?
00:40:25.559 --> 00:40:31.280
Can I fit it into my, you know, I have to kind of feel it whether I'm a yes or a no to it.
00:40:31.500 --> 00:40:34.599
And then I had to learn a lot of really, really nice ways to say no.
00:40:35.660 --> 00:40:39.720
Because I think as empaths we need lots of nice kind ways.
00:40:40.620 --> 00:40:45.260
It can't be like it's so hard for it feels mean to say no anyway, right?
00:40:45.660 --> 00:40:49.539
So we're like, oh, I'd so love to help you, but I can't or no thank you.
00:40:49.740 --> 00:40:52.700
I'm just so, I really care about your thing, but I'm so busy right now.
00:40:52.780 --> 00:40:53.320
I just can't commit.
00:40:53.320 --> 00:40:59.440
You know, we have to find those nice ways and and it's hard because we don't like conflict.
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:11.460
Yeah, you know, that's so so much good stuff there because you know, I think I'm learning about, you know, I deal with a lot of people pleasers I've been trying to help people who are people pleasers.
00:41:11.460 --> 00:41:14.380
But the thing is, how do I know if I'm a people pleaser, right?
00:41:14.720 --> 00:41:19.880
Because I think I'm just a generous person and we're not telling people don't be generous.
00:41:19.880 --> 00:41:21.300
You know, don't be gracious.
00:41:21.320 --> 00:41:22.579
Don't don't help people.
00:41:22.579 --> 00:41:28.579
But your resentment test is I think that's really the thing that people can help people understand.
00:41:29.099 --> 00:41:35.840
If you're saying yes to something and you really wanted to say no, or you're saying yes to something and then you're resentful about it.
00:41:36.240 --> 00:41:42.800
That's when you know that, you know, you're giving away your power, your energy and I'm just learning this at my age.
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:50.660
Now I'm learning how to say no and and being able to because I did find people are at because people love to ask me to do stuff for free.
00:41:50.660 --> 00:41:58.660
Like all the time I would be booked 24 seven and I'm like, I have to say no sometimes and it's still hard for me to do that.
00:42:00.039 --> 00:42:01.640
Yeah, I hear that too.
00:42:02.099 --> 00:42:14.320
And you know, I just think we have to sort of find a pathway to do that and be like, you could be like, well, I'm happy to book an appointment with you and then give them give me your appointment, you know, calendar for your coaching sessions, right?
00:42:15.780 --> 00:42:18.380
And you just sort of like close that door.
00:42:19.340 --> 00:42:25.220
Yeah, I just just a real quick story I might with my podcast, it's getting more popular.
00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:29.860
So people the published the publicists have found out that you know, I'm available.
00:42:30.620 --> 00:42:37.160
So they keep you know, I keep getting and I would say yes to everybody and then I'd have people and I'm like, why am I talking to this person?
00:42:37.340 --> 00:42:40.980
I really did not want to have them on and then my calendar now it's full.
00:42:41.120 --> 00:42:43.079
It's as May it's full like till December.
00:42:43.579 --> 00:42:52.760
So I'm starting to have to tell people I'm not booking any appointments right now and that was really hard for me to do but I realized I didn't do that for my own mental health.
00:42:52.840 --> 00:42:54.640
I'll be booking two years out.
00:42:54.860 --> 00:42:58.640
And then when somebody I want to have on, I can't have them.
00:42:59.300 --> 00:43:01.200
Yeah, that's so such a great realization.
00:43:01.620 --> 00:43:06.960
And first of all, congratulations for having an awesome podcast and for having me on your awesome podcast.
00:43:08.280 --> 00:43:13.380
And I think that's a really great example of that and like learning using leaning into your discernment.
00:43:13.720 --> 00:43:20.840
So getting your really polite no ready and really looking through all the list and seeing like who do you really resonate with?
00:43:21.000 --> 00:43:24.480
Who do you really, who are you a yes to and who are you a no to?
00:43:25.059 --> 00:43:28.360
And it's really hard to feel that when we're in people pleaser mode because you're right.
00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:29.260
We want to help everybody.
00:43:29.880 --> 00:43:34.460
But the more you're able to discern the better it is for you and the actually better it is for them too.
00:43:34.940 --> 00:43:39.780
Because you know, we don't really do anyone a favor when we say yes and we need to say no, right?
00:43:40.140 --> 00:43:40.460
Exactly right.
00:43:41.160 --> 00:43:48.140
Like if you've ever been on the receiving end of that, like when somebody said yes to you and you knew they didn't want to because you're going to feel it because you're an empath.
00:43:48.260 --> 00:43:49.260
It feels kind of gross.
00:43:49.500 --> 00:43:53.440
Yes, it's kind of like, you like I don't know where I am with this person now.
00:43:53.559 --> 00:43:54.320
Like it's kind of icky.
00:43:54.599 --> 00:44:03.380
They I feel like now they're not at me or they're upset and I you know, we're not doing any anyone any favors by not being clear with our yes and no.
00:44:04.380 --> 00:44:04.900
Yeah, exactly.
00:44:05.200 --> 00:44:07.720
And the other thing is again back to the energy thing.
00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:09.539
Energy is a limited resource.
00:44:09.880 --> 00:44:10.740
You only have so much.
00:44:11.720 --> 00:44:20.340
So if you're saying yes to everyone, then in my example, my little silly example is then you can't say yes to the people that you really want to say yes to, right?
00:44:20.700 --> 00:44:24.039
So you someone asked you to go to a party on Saturday.
00:44:24.240 --> 00:44:27.280
Really don't want to go to and you just say yes because you feel obligated.
00:44:28.000 --> 00:44:29.920
And someone asked you to go to a really great concert.
00:44:30.280 --> 00:44:32.900
And now you can't go because you committed to the other person.
00:44:35.829 --> 00:44:40.050
Yeah, and that's such a typical thing that we get ourselves into as empaths.
00:44:40.070 --> 00:44:43.769
And I think the other thing I'm going to throw in here is something I call the empath trap.
00:44:44.510 --> 00:45:04.329
And that's when we don't say like somebody will ask you something and you say yes because if you say no, you're going to have to deal with their hissy fit or their flip out or their freak out when you when they hear no, people don't really like hearing no, especially people that were we haven't said no to a lot, you know, if it's your spouse or your kids or whoever.
00:45:04.750 --> 00:45:07.470
And it's sort of like we train people how to treat us.
00:45:07.610 --> 00:45:08.010
Yes.
00:45:08.650 --> 00:45:13.329
And if they're used to always hearing a yes from you, they're not going to like it when they hear no.
00:45:13.470 --> 00:45:16.570
And sometimes we're like, I don't want to deal with that person's fit.
00:45:16.829 --> 00:45:18.130
So I'm just going to say yes.
00:45:18.130 --> 00:45:22.110
And if you say and that's bad, right, that's bad for really everybody.
00:45:22.550 --> 00:45:28.870
So we have to learn how to sort of have some resiliency for other people's feelings.
00:45:29.070 --> 00:45:30.849
So you have to learn how to say no.
00:45:31.150 --> 00:45:40.170
And then like allow either person to have their feelings because otherwise what happens is we feel guilty for saying no.
00:45:40.269 --> 00:45:44.030
And then we're absorbing all the static they're giving us from the fact that we said no.
00:45:44.309 --> 00:45:45.410
And it's like a double whammy.
00:45:45.630 --> 00:45:47.530
So that's the empath trap.
00:45:47.530 --> 00:45:50.710
We say yes, because we don't want to deal with somebody else's feelings.
00:45:51.750 --> 00:45:55.970
You know, they're negative feelings when they or they're harsh feelings when they hear no.
00:45:56.410 --> 00:46:07.410
So we have to learn sort of some tolerance, some resilience to let that person, you know, like when your kids are three and you know, they have a fit and you're like they have a tantrum and they're like, you can go to your room, you can have all your feelings.
00:46:07.530 --> 00:46:08.650
We don't take it personal, right?
00:46:08.910 --> 00:46:10.630
We don't generally absorb it.
00:46:10.890 --> 00:46:14.730
We have to learn how to you have your feelings over there, but you can't take your feelings out on me.
00:46:15.510 --> 00:46:25.590
We have to learn that with everybody so that we can say no and really lean into the conflict and understand everyone's going to survive.
00:46:26.190 --> 00:46:27.630
Eventually that person will calm down.
00:46:28.390 --> 00:46:29.650
Your no isn't going to kill them.
00:46:30.170 --> 00:46:33.050
And but we have to disconnect kind of like a codependency actually.
00:46:33.370 --> 00:46:36.269
Codependency is if you're not okay, I'm not okay.
00:46:37.150 --> 00:46:41.230
Therefore, you know, therefore I have to make you be okay because I can't tolerate it when you're not okay.
00:46:41.829 --> 00:46:42.910
Yeah, that's the trap.
00:46:43.750 --> 00:46:48.090
Yeah, and it kind of it also comes back to you talked about like the boundaries things.
00:46:48.349 --> 00:46:50.769
And I've realized again, it's just very personal for me.
00:46:50.870 --> 00:46:53.970
It's like not everything is my problem.
00:46:54.690 --> 00:47:00.210
So I have to I have to set boundaries like what if this is my problem or this is your problem.
00:47:01.130 --> 00:47:07.809
So when that technique you talked about like setting boundaries you know energetic boundaries and the grounding and the clearing.
00:47:08.510 --> 00:47:16.070
Sometimes I just have to say, okay, I know that I don't feel really great about how I made this person feel because I told them no, but that's not my problem.
00:47:17.090 --> 00:47:19.170
It's for them to deal with.
00:47:19.550 --> 00:47:19.870
Absolutely.
00:47:20.250 --> 00:47:21.010
That's so smart.
00:47:21.230 --> 00:47:25.010
And also not only is it not your problem but it may not also be your feeling.
00:47:25.670 --> 00:47:30.530
So when we have strong feelings as empaths, the first thing we have to ask is this is mine.
00:47:31.910 --> 00:47:35.210
The first time I ever noticed I was an empath it was in the 80s.
00:47:35.349 --> 00:47:39.329
I was at university and I went to like I was a freshman.
00:47:39.530 --> 00:47:43.030
I went to my first house party and I got there and I was all excited.
00:47:43.250 --> 00:47:43.769
It was fun.
00:47:43.769 --> 00:47:46.230
And I sat next to this guy and he was like having a bad day.
00:47:46.309 --> 00:47:47.490
He was like crying into his beer.
00:47:47.630 --> 00:47:56.010
He had a big sob story and I'm sitting next to him listening to him because you know when you're an empath everyone that's got a problem from a mile away comes up and talks to you.
00:47:56.090 --> 00:47:58.390
They stop you in the supermarket and tell you their whole deal.
00:47:58.970 --> 00:48:05.390
And so he's telling me and all of a sudden I'm like, oh my god, I was like suicidally depressed and I was like, I have to leave the party.
00:48:06.010 --> 00:48:07.269
Like what's wrong with me?
00:48:07.990 --> 00:48:12.590
And I walked out and I just I really think spirit turned my head.
00:48:12.590 --> 00:48:17.730
I looked through the window and I could see him crying into his beer and I'm and I was like, oh I'm okay.
00:48:18.030 --> 00:48:20.870
And that moment is when I realized it wasn't me.
00:48:21.289 --> 00:48:26.710
That it wasn't my feelings and I was like, oh and this was this was in the 80s.
00:48:26.769 --> 00:48:28.349
There was really no bird for empath.
00:48:28.570 --> 00:48:31.410
There was no language around this but that's when I learned it.
00:48:31.470 --> 00:48:33.530
And I think the first thing we have to do is ask.
00:48:33.690 --> 00:48:38.430
Like if you all of a sudden are overcome with something out of the blue and emotion or a physical thing.
00:48:38.789 --> 00:48:40.050
You ask, is that me?
00:48:40.250 --> 00:48:42.809
Is what I'm feeling mine?
00:48:43.430 --> 00:48:46.250
And if it is, then you you know you can attend to yourself.
00:48:46.250 --> 00:48:50.829
But if it isn't, then you do the energy clearing protocol to release what isn't yours.
00:48:51.150 --> 00:48:54.710
Because not only is it not your problem, but it might also not be your feeling.
00:48:56.230 --> 00:48:57.670
Yeah, that is really great point.
00:48:57.809 --> 00:49:00.750
And that's not something that again, it's not really talked about much.
00:49:00.870 --> 00:49:01.990
We talk about empaths.
00:49:03.210 --> 00:49:09.269
You know, it's it's and there's a difference I guess between empathy and sympathy as you said at the very beginning.
00:49:09.269 --> 00:49:12.450
There's one thing about like, oh I feel bad that they feel bad.
00:49:12.550 --> 00:49:14.970
But it's also like, okay, now I feel bad.
00:49:15.370 --> 00:49:16.829
I feel like them.
00:49:17.010 --> 00:49:18.309
I feel like I'm going through it.
00:49:21.210 --> 00:49:24.110
So when it comes to we talked about energy vampires.
00:49:24.250 --> 00:49:27.309
And of course, we always think someone else is the energy vampire, not me.
00:49:27.870 --> 00:49:29.970
How do I know if I'm being an energy vampire?
00:49:31.490 --> 00:49:36.390
Well, I think that you know, if you have really good friends, I'll tell you.
00:49:36.990 --> 00:49:37.450
Maybe they won't.
00:49:38.530 --> 00:49:41.430
But you know, do they run away when you when they call when they see you coming?
00:49:42.690 --> 00:49:46.930
But I think whatever, you know, are you leaning on other people a lot?
00:49:47.170 --> 00:49:50.030
Are you like, do you have to get on the phone and talk for an hour?
00:49:50.130 --> 00:49:52.390
Do you have to like control the situation?
00:49:52.590 --> 00:49:57.010
Do you feel so depleted that you have to have this person sort of take care of you?
00:49:57.450 --> 00:50:02.250
And I think that that our goal here is to learn how to refill our own tank.
00:50:02.430 --> 00:50:05.210
Like you said the battery we have to we're rechargeable batteries.
00:50:05.370 --> 00:50:07.250
How do we fill the battery back up?
00:50:08.030 --> 00:50:12.690
That means, you know, finding some things in your life that refill your tanks.
00:50:12.750 --> 00:50:17.230
It's kind of fun because it's usually about play and creativity.
00:50:18.150 --> 00:50:22.550
You know, of course, it might be sleep and rest and nourishing food and self care.
00:50:22.730 --> 00:50:23.890
Yes, we have to do all of that.
00:50:24.250 --> 00:50:26.829
But a lot of times what really feels our energy tank is play.
00:50:27.690 --> 00:50:35.750
So, you know, get maybe playing pickleball or, you know, gardening or dancing or singing or playing, you know, what do you do for fun?
00:50:36.450 --> 00:50:42.769
Because what we do for fun and our creative pursuits tend to be what fill our energy tanks the most.
00:50:43.329 --> 00:50:50.050
Yeah, as adults in this really busy world we live in, we sort of poo poo that if it's not productive, it's sort of a waste of time.
00:50:50.630 --> 00:51:10.610
But I don't think that's that's good because those things that you do even as simple as singing in the shower or dancing in your kitchen or playing with your kids like the real fun you have that fills your refills your energy tanks a real creative pursuits that you do refill your energy tanks.
00:51:10.789 --> 00:51:13.910
So we have to collect being out in nature really does.
00:51:14.730 --> 00:51:16.829
Getting a little sun on your skin really does, right?
00:51:18.210 --> 00:51:34.030
And we do all those things and then and then we really just manage, you know, so we're not leaking energy like we are careful with our boundaries and we're refilling our energy tanks with play and fun and creativity and rest and self-care that I think we're good.
00:51:34.670 --> 00:51:40.430
Yeah, it goes back to something you said earlier about we're all running around taking energy from each other.
00:51:41.829 --> 00:51:48.210
But you also just gave a really good example of where we can go to get the energy from inexhaustible sources.
00:51:49.170 --> 00:51:53.809
And as we're talking and we're spiritual people there's also we can always just go to source.
00:51:55.269 --> 00:51:57.710
That's the ultimate it's kind of like the sun.
00:51:58.370 --> 00:52:00.570
The sun is the source of all the energy on the earth.
00:52:00.970 --> 00:52:03.349
Every bit of energy is here comes from the sun.
00:52:03.630 --> 00:52:05.090
It just goes through different forms.
00:52:05.769 --> 00:52:10.829
So instead of us going to grab energy from each other we could go we could go to source to get our energy.
00:52:11.430 --> 00:52:16.090
A hundred percent and that might be literally standing with your bare feet on the ground because we also get it from the earth.
00:52:16.690 --> 00:52:23.769
You know that's why being in nature we absorb energy from the earth might be in the water go into the ocean swimming and you know swimming in the lake.
00:52:24.190 --> 00:52:24.289
Yeah.
00:52:24.670 --> 00:52:28.410
Getting sun on your skin and also meditation you know spiritual.
00:52:28.670 --> 00:52:29.269
Yeah, exactly.
00:52:29.490 --> 00:52:33.470
Like our deep spiritual practices are also an incredible source.
00:52:33.590 --> 00:52:35.470
So we actually have a lot if you think about it.
00:52:35.710 --> 00:52:43.269
Yeah, and that's what I said I've used the sun as the analogy I really meant source as in our source like God, you know meditation.
00:52:43.630 --> 00:52:45.269
Yeah, yeah, both.
00:52:45.670 --> 00:52:56.010
So you know physically we have the sun that represents that but we also have access to that that infinite amount of energy that we can tap into instead of going and grab it from each other.
00:52:56.849 --> 00:53:05.329
And again, you know, it's just really this is really great because you know I have a lot of rechargeable batteries around the house and so every time I use the analogy all the time.
00:53:05.329 --> 00:53:09.210
So I think when I'm talking to people and I think of myself I'm a rechargeable battery, right?
00:53:09.630 --> 00:53:22.370
So if I'm feeling burned out I will take off in the afternoon I'll go I'll go watch a movie, you know go to the theater or it's you were talking earlier recording this in May it's still cool where you are but we're having a few sunny days here.
00:53:22.750 --> 00:53:26.150
I'll go sit on my deck and just sit in the sun for 20 minutes.
00:53:26.910 --> 00:53:35.190
And that's the way I feel that recharges my battery but you've got to you've got to have that I guess gauge, right?
00:53:35.190 --> 00:53:37.750
You've got to have the gauge and figure out when it's starting to go low.
00:53:38.070 --> 00:53:45.750
And I think like having like a right down on your fridge like 10 things you can do to refill your tank, right?
00:53:46.070 --> 00:53:59.090
And maybe that means like you're going to play the guitar you're going to take a nap you're going to sit on your back I'm going to get in my garden you're going to sit on your porch like I'm going to walk the dog like all the things we have 10 things on that list.
00:53:59.329 --> 00:54:03.349
So when you're feeling really drained you can kind of go down that list and be like well what do I need to do?
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Today sort of help help with that and that you know and thank God we have those inexhaustible supplies so we have the earth and source like you said God you know pray you know meditate do some yoga whatever it is it helps you connect deeply with source because that is ultimately the never-ending supply.
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Yeah well I really appreciate this conversation again growing up as the sensitive one when I was a kid and you know I'm also very introverted so I remember several years ago I wrote a book called The Introvert Advantage and my girls are both basically kind of introverts and I remember giving the book to my daughter when she turned a certain age I was like here I want you to understand the being an introvert is not a bad thing all right the world will say you know what's wrong with you why do you like to just read you know as opposed to doing this or why you know why are you this one and I think I think empaths are treated a lot by the world the same way and I want people to understand being an empath is a good thing you just we have to learn how to manage it 100% and almost all empaths are also introverted so it's really we need a lot of alone time in the alone time quiet time alone time is how we refill our text right I mean not all there's some ambiverts or extroverted empaths who really want to go be around the peoples but I think wherever you are in that spectrum knowing not and respecting that about yourself like I'm also an introvert and I love like grandma hobbies so I want to like feed the birds and do jigsaw puzzles crochet knit you know sourdough bread it's like all those thankfully they're in vogue again which is sort of so sweet but I think everybody's gonna have a really personal list of what recharges you you know and it's really it's sort of sacred it's not like optional yeah it's not like oh that's something you do to scribe off working it's not it's required self-care for empaths and sensitive exactly and really actually everybody I think but yeah you're absolutely right and that's another thing I have to try to convince people because we've been taught well that's that's selfish you know you know and it's it's not it's necessary for you to continue to function in the world especially if you go into one of these fields like we're talking about if you go into one of the healing fields it's it's even more important to do these self-care things to do the ground and to do this to do the shielding to do the recharging it just makes it more important not less important hundred percent and you know empaths in general have great emotional intelligence they make great therapists counselors grief coaches you know I'm sure that's why you're an excellent coach and why you know grief you're able to work in that space because that's not something everyone can do right it's really a tough and you know having great sensitivity great empathy great emotional intelligence is what makes a great healer so those are those are that's the superpower that's where the gift is yeah so I think you know for people that we talked earlier how the you know it's the other it's the narcissist and the the energy vampires that seem to quote get ahead in terms of the way of the world and again even even in the feels like like my daughters and mental health counseling and stuff you know they don't make a lot of money right so you you've got to really get your validation from internally and understand you're doing something very important and a lot of times the most important work that we do teachers not the most valued work I know and I I think it's really old soul stuff so I think empaths tend to be old souls and as our souls mature and grow and evolve we become more sensitive more empathic so my theory is that sort of newbie souls are the are that coming up very narcissist pattern that sort of psychopaths sociopath new souls and old souls as we sort of mellow out and get more compassionate we get more compassion as we've lived more and suffered or because suffering is when really teaches compassion right unfortunately then you know old souls are called into service work we're not here for the power sex money that drives the new soul we're here to be of service to humanity and so to me it's a very high beautiful calling you know to sort of let go a little bit of the sort of the need and greed of the ego itself right and move more into the higher self the soul self which is all about compassion empathy care of other people care of the people who can't take care of themselves you know children elders plants all you know all kinds of people so I think it's it's very sacred and and very beautiful even though our society doesn't look at it that way always yeah well that's I love being able to do what I do because I get to have these these types of conversations and I've spoken with so many people that have had near death experiences that have crossed over to the other side and have their life review and stuff in fact I was just listening to a guy yesterday I've had on the program his name is Jonathan Ashford and he was a total materialist and sea level executive and you know all the stuff had all the toys motorcycles boats cars you know and then he has this near death experience and he comes back and quits his job the next day and says I'm never going to exchange my time for money again I'm just giving everything away and the guy's gone to the total opposite extreme so now it's but my point is when people have that kind of experience they learn that these things that some of the people are chasing that's not what it's about you know they learn it's about services it's about love etc but this world will beat you up if you let it so while we're doing that we have to protect ourselves yeah we have to protect ourselves good boundaries good energy hygiene good you know that those energy fundamentals and because really we can't do our work unless we're doing that we can't really you know you'll be stuck on your couch watching Netflix not being you know sick anxious so you you actually can't until you learn these things or you really struggle doing it so it's not selfish it's just what we need to do so we can complete our mission here right yeah that's that's so great given given people permission to take care of themselves so Lisa I know you have you've written a few books so tell people about your books and where they can find them so my first book is called The Art of Psychic Reiki and that's really a blend of psychic development and Reiki my second book is the one we've been talking about energy healing for impacts my third book is Awakening Your Psychic abilities it's just it's a book for to wake up your psychic and then it goes it comes with the psychic awakening journal which is my fourth book we're here my fifth book right now inner child work it's called sacred reparenting it'll be out in just in December if it doesn't kill me first you might kill me but I think I think I'll survive and you can find them all anywhere you can buy books and you can find me at my website lisacampian.com well Lisa it's been fantastic talking to you this afternoon thanks for sharing what you've shared thanks for being who you are and for you know saying okay the world needs more healers I'm going to help the healers because we need people to help the healers yeah thank you Brian thanks for your beautiful work in the world in your podcast and thanks for having me on all right enjoy your afternoon