00:00:00Living Life on Your Terms
00:13:17Staying True to Yourself
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Ever felt like you're living someone else's life, bound by expectations that aren't your own? In this week's episode, I explore the common struggle of high achievers' desire to please others and why connecting with and pleasing yourself is better for you and your community.
Together, we'll uncover why clarity in your core values is crucial for staying your course, even when faced with pushback.
Staying true to yourself is about more than personal happiness; it’s about inspiring those around you to embrace their authenticity, too.
This episode highlights the exhaustion and unhappiness that come from conforming to others' expectations and emphasizes the joy and fulfilment that come from aligning with your own desires and values.
Listen in to discover how living authentically creates a ripple effect that positively influences your community.
What's your one takeway from this episode? Send a text & let me know
Support the show
Buy me a coffee
Rate & review the podcast
🚀 Get my book, The Triple C Method®️
🚀 Get coached by me
🚀 Do yoga with me
Connect with me:
English
United Kingdom
SHOW NOTES 🔗
TRANSCRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:04.801
you're going to get some pushback because not everyone's going to like what it is that you're doing.
00:00:04.801 --> 00:00:06.807
Everyone's going to like the changes that you make.
00:00:06.807 --> 00:00:14.894
There's no one's going to like the new you that is embracing this growth and this new path that you have for yourself.
00:00:14.894 --> 00:00:18.791
You're listening to the Triple C Project.
00:00:18.791 --> 00:00:33.109
Welcome to the Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live life lit.
00:00:33.109 --> 00:00:42.923
I'm your host, ryan Spence, the Big Law Dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip-hop and big, hairy, audacious goals.
00:00:42.923 --> 00:00:54.045
If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be.
00:00:54.045 --> 00:00:54.947
So now we're friends.
00:00:54.947 --> 00:01:10.781
I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit was living a life that's lit.
00:01:10.781 --> 00:01:12.284
Welcome to episode 110 of the Triple C Project.
00:01:12.284 --> 00:01:12.984
Have you booked your spot yet?
00:01:12.984 --> 00:01:20.646
On the 5th of August 2024, I'll be hosting my webinar the High Performance Way Six Secrets of the World's Most Successful People.
00:01:20.646 --> 00:01:28.766
And, frankly, you're going to want to be in this webinar If you want to get ahead in life and live life on your terms, your way.
00:01:28.766 --> 00:01:29.688
Live life lit.
00:01:29.688 --> 00:01:49.245
You're going to want to know and then start to implement these six secrets, these practices that have helped me and have been instrumental in my transition from unfulfilled big law lawyer living in survival mode to purpose-driven big law dropout living and engaged, fulfilling life in survival mode.
00:01:49.245 --> 00:01:57.096
60 minutes of your time to change the way you see yourself and change the way you live your life Not a bad investment, I think.
00:01:57.096 --> 00:01:58.820
The webinar is free.
00:01:58.820 --> 00:02:04.789
It will be held on the 5th of August 2024 at 7pm UK time on Zoom.
00:02:04.789 --> 00:02:13.508
So head to subscribepageio slash six secrets or head to the link in the show description and book your spot.
00:02:13.508 --> 00:02:14.973
Can't wait to see you there.
00:02:14.973 --> 00:02:16.200
It's going to be lit.
00:02:16.200 --> 00:02:18.825
Okay, let's get to the show.
00:02:20.128 --> 00:02:23.941
So this week I've been keeping my head down in book editing.
00:02:23.941 --> 00:02:34.769
I got the edit back from my editor and started to read through and I've made a hell of a lot of changes to that, so that's kind of been taking up my time.
00:02:34.769 --> 00:02:53.365
I've also enrolled a couple of beta readers well, more than a couple actually, a couple actually and I'm really grateful for them taking the time to read and give me their feedback and insight before the book goes off to its next stage of being designed and formatted, ready for release later this year.
00:02:53.365 --> 00:03:16.169
I'll be sharing a little bit more in the coming weeks about how you can be the first to know about the release of the book, getting hold of the first chapter to kind of get yourself prepared to know what to expect, and other events, bonuses, things that I might come up with in the lead up to the launch of my book, the Triple C Project.
00:03:16.169 --> 00:03:21.362
Find your place, purpose and peace in a world that wants to box you in.
00:03:21.362 --> 00:03:24.325
So look out for that Cool.
00:03:25.467 --> 00:03:34.627
Now I'm going to talk this week about doing things for you, because you can't please everybody.
00:03:34.627 --> 00:03:47.181
As much as you might want to, as much as you might think that that's the way that you should go about your life, you can't please everybody, and I know for a lot of us, a lot of us high achievers we are people pleasers.
00:03:47.181 --> 00:03:50.487
We want to do things that make other people happy.
00:03:50.487 --> 00:03:55.305
We got to where we are because we did the things that were expected of us right.
00:03:55.305 --> 00:04:05.972
We went to the schools, we got the grades, we went to the universities, we got the job, we got on that train that's going to lead us to destination.
00:04:05.972 --> 00:04:08.563
Success with all that that entails, all of those trappings.
00:04:08.563 --> 00:04:19.233
So we did that, whether consciously or unconsciously, to please the people that put their faith in us our parents, our teachers, our mentors.
00:04:19.233 --> 00:04:26.894
We went for the promotion to please our bosses because of what they said, they saw in us and where they wanted us to go.
00:04:29.721 --> 00:04:33.612
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to make people happy, with wanting to please people.
00:04:33.612 --> 00:04:45.973
But when it comes to the detriment of your own happiness or of you being true to yourself, of living in alignment with your values, that's where the problem lies.
00:04:45.973 --> 00:05:02.620
And the thing is, when you start to become clear on what those values are and become committed to living in alignment with them, you're going to get some pushback because not everyone's going to like what it is that you're doing.
00:05:02.620 --> 00:05:04.624
Everyone's going to like the changes that you make.
00:05:04.624 --> 00:05:12.744
There's not one's going to like the new you that is embracing this growth and this new path that you have for yourself.
00:05:12.744 --> 00:05:19.161
And, as painful as it might be sometimes, you kind of got to be okay with that.
00:05:19.161 --> 00:05:27.634
And in order to be okay with that, you need to be very clear as to why you're making those changes, as to what those core values are.
00:05:27.634 --> 00:05:40.747
You've got to have that clarity, as I've said many times before, to allow you to keep on track, even when people try to pull you off, even when people are questioning well why are you doing that?
00:05:40.747 --> 00:05:46.242
That makes no sense, even when people just don't like what you're doing, whether they tell you or not.
00:05:46.242 --> 00:05:50.293
And that's something that I've had to learn.
00:05:50.293 --> 00:06:01.846
And the thing is that the more that I get that pushback, or the more that I don't see that support, the more entrenched I get, the more committed I get to that why?
00:06:01.846 --> 00:06:03.968
Because I'm forced to.
00:06:03.968 --> 00:06:07.814
I'm forced to in order to be able to keep moving forward.
00:06:10.141 --> 00:06:14.651
I'm going to share a quick story about something that happened to me last week in my yoga class.
00:06:14.651 --> 00:06:17.887
So, as you probably know, I teach yoga every week.
00:06:17.887 --> 00:06:19.130
I love teaching yoga.
00:06:19.130 --> 00:06:20.701
I love the space that I teach at.
00:06:20.701 --> 00:06:32.571
I've got a really good group of regular students now as well that usually fill my class, but this week I had someone I'd never seen in class before and that's cool.
00:06:32.571 --> 00:06:36.266
I often have the odd one or two new people in there and it's great.
00:06:36.266 --> 00:06:42.091
It's good to sort of see new people and figure out why they're there and kind of what they want to get out of it.
00:06:43.779 --> 00:06:46.449
Now, normally I make a point to greet new students as they arrive.
00:06:46.449 --> 00:06:51.110
I mean find out their name, kind of if they've done yoga before, that sort of thing.
00:06:51.110 --> 00:06:58.607
But this particular student arrived just as class was about to start, so I didn't really have the time to do my usual thing.
00:06:58.607 --> 00:07:00.391
But it's like cool, that's fine.
00:07:00.391 --> 00:07:08.401
So I started class and I noticed in the first few minutes that they just didn't seem comfortable.
00:07:08.401 --> 00:07:14.072
They just didn't seem to be getting the vibe and I mean that's not unusual.
00:07:14.072 --> 00:07:18.706
I mean, often people will do their own thing in class.
00:07:18.706 --> 00:07:23.564
I tell my students look, it's your practice and I'm only here to guide you.
00:07:23.564 --> 00:07:26.781
Your body will tell you what it needs, your mind will tell you where you need to go.
00:07:26.781 --> 00:07:39.055
So it's not unusual to see people maybe not doing exactly the thing that I've cued or maybe just taking a little bit more time, especially in the warm up phase, to kind of feel into their body.
00:07:39.055 --> 00:07:41.105
So I just noticed it.
00:07:41.105 --> 00:07:42.428
I was like that's cool.
00:07:42.428 --> 00:07:51.408
I noticed this continuing and so I kind of just looked over and acknowledged them as I was leading the class through and just check.
00:07:51.408 --> 00:07:52.990
You know what I mean mouth to them are you okay?
00:07:52.990 --> 00:08:04.742
And they nodded and said yes, and so I continued with the class and then, 10 minutes in, they got up and they walked out of the room and never came back.
00:08:04.742 --> 00:08:10.822
And that's never happened before in one of my classes, but I've no doubt it will happen again.
00:08:10.862 --> 00:08:14.254
I've heard lots of stories from many teachers where people would get up and walk out.
00:08:14.254 --> 00:08:18.326
I've been in classes myself as a student and people have got up and walked out.
00:08:18.326 --> 00:08:36.102
It happens that's just sometimes the case Now, as if I was still a brand new teacher and still kind of new to teaching teacher and still kind of new to teaching.
00:08:36.102 --> 00:08:39.312
Without doubt that would have thrown me, you know, because I would have wanted to please everybody.
00:08:39.312 --> 00:08:53.101
So I would have freaked out and told myself stories about the reason this person was leaving, that they were leaving because of me, because they hated my class, they hated the way that I taught, that I'm a bad teacher and I should just quit this yoga thing.
00:08:53.101 --> 00:08:57.957
This isn't for me, I'm useless, and I would have been telling myself.
00:08:57.957 --> 00:09:03.812
These stories are spinning out in my head, even though I actually have no idea whether any of that is true.
00:09:04.820 --> 00:09:05.902
I don't know why they left.
00:09:05.902 --> 00:09:17.304
They never told me they just left, and there could be many reasons told me they just left, and there could be many reasons.
00:09:17.304 --> 00:09:19.110
Maybe they weren't feeling well, maybe it wasn't the class for them.
00:09:19.110 --> 00:09:19.852
You know, my classes are quite.
00:09:19.852 --> 00:09:21.336
People say quite tough, quite hardcore.
00:09:21.336 --> 00:09:27.903
It's very much strength-based, it's flow and strength, and maybe that's not the vibe that they were looking for.
00:09:27.903 --> 00:09:29.605
Maybe they couldn't take it at that point.
00:09:29.605 --> 00:09:43.226
Maybe they are on their way back from injury and they thought, with the best will in the world, that they could get on the mat and practice, but when it got down to it, it just didn't feel good in their body.
00:09:43.226 --> 00:09:44.889
Who knows?
00:09:44.889 --> 00:09:48.863
No one knows why they left, except the student that left.
00:09:48.863 --> 00:10:09.582
And so, rather than freak out and let it throw me, as I maybe would have done back in 2020, 2021, when I was still very new at teaching, as they made their way out of the room, I registered their departure and I took a couple of seconds to think hmm, get curious about why.
00:10:09.582 --> 00:10:10.785
I wonder why they're going.
00:10:12.029 --> 00:10:34.673
But then, very quickly, I got back to teaching the other 10 students in the room that did want to practice, that did want to be on the mat and that wanted to flow through the sequence that I had prepared that week and my inner critic is wanting to tell me stories and create a narrative about this student.
00:10:34.673 --> 00:10:46.932
But I'm not letting it because I'm just very much rooted as to why I'm there and why I'm teaching and there's no evidence to support the stories that this inner critic wants to share with me.
00:10:46.932 --> 00:10:53.893
So I refuse to listen and I push those stories away.
00:10:53.893 --> 00:11:07.384
And how this ties into what I'm saying about being firmly rooted as to what you're doing and remembering you can't please everybody is.
00:11:08.566 --> 00:11:32.308
I had 10 people in the class who are there almost every week, who were committed to continuing their practice, and I had one person that left, for whatever reason, and if I'd spent all of my energy focusing on that one person that's left, that left, I would have been doing a disservice to the 10 people that stayed.
00:11:32.308 --> 00:12:02.644
And if I knew, for example, why that person left and it was something to do with the way that I teach and they wanted something that didn't feel right to me, that wasn't aligned to me, but I decided to adapt the way that I teach to meet what that person wanted I wouldn't be being true to the regular students that turn up every week to practice with me, and I wouldn't have be.
00:12:02.644 --> 00:12:04.772
I wouldn't be being true to myself.
00:12:04.772 --> 00:12:28.773
And if I'm not being true to myself, then the way that I'm teaching and what I'm sharing is not going to land in the way that I want it to land, it's not going to have the impact that I want it to have and it's going to add an additional layer of weight, it's going to expend additional energy because I'm trying to be something that I'm not.
00:12:28.773 --> 00:12:42.510
I'm trying to do what I always encourage people not to do, which is contort myself to fit into a box of what somebody else wants from me or what somebody else thinks that I should be.
00:12:42.510 --> 00:13:08.543
And this is probably something that you struggle with, because it's something that I see high performers struggle with, often struggling with the need to continue to pursue the path that they're on, continuing to sit on that train, even though they know that that train is heading to a place where, actually, they don't want to go anymore.
00:13:08.543 --> 00:13:14.446
Maybe they wanted to go, maybe they thought they wanted to go at one point, but now they're there, they're like I don't want to go anymore.
00:13:14.446 --> 00:13:17.673
Maybe they wanted to go, maybe they thought they wanted to go at one point, but now they're there and I don't want to go any further.
00:13:17.692 --> 00:13:23.184
But you feel that you have to be true to the image that other people have of you.
00:13:23.184 --> 00:13:31.585
You have to stay true to the path that other people believe that you should be following.
00:13:31.585 --> 00:13:36.682
But you can't do that and also be true to yourself.
00:13:36.682 --> 00:13:46.249
And if you're not true to yourself, life is just infinitely harder and it's just infinitely less joyful, because you're always playing a role.
00:13:46.249 --> 00:13:56.361
You're never fully yourself and, as I said at the top of the show, this doesn't mean that it's easy to stay true to yourself.
00:13:56.361 --> 00:14:03.870
It doesn't mean that it's easy to stay aligned with your values when everything else around you is pushing you to do something different.
00:14:04.712 --> 00:14:07.120
It's trying to tell you that you don't want to do that.
00:14:07.120 --> 00:14:17.835
You don't want to apply for that job, you don't want to start your own business, you don't want to learn that skill, because that's not what you're supposed to do.
00:14:17.835 --> 00:14:19.801
You're supposed to keep pushing forward.
00:14:19.801 --> 00:14:23.510
You're supposed to go for that next promotion, for that next pay rise.
00:14:23.510 --> 00:14:26.485
You're supposed to take on that next project.
00:14:26.485 --> 00:14:28.630
This is what is expected of you.
00:14:28.630 --> 00:14:30.701
You're a high performer, you're successful.
00:14:30.701 --> 00:14:32.783
Why would you want to throw it all away?
00:14:32.783 --> 00:14:44.403
But, as you know, like I do, that's exhausting and it only leads to lethargy, it leads to unhappiness, it leads to under-fulfillment.
00:14:44.403 --> 00:14:50.892
So you have to really drill down and get clear on what it is that you want.
00:14:50.892 --> 00:14:53.535
What do you want to do?
00:14:53.535 --> 00:14:58.369
Who do you want to be and why do you want to do and be that?
00:14:58.369 --> 00:15:08.032
And when you find the answers to those questions, you need to make the decisions that allow you to stay in alignment.
00:15:09.642 --> 00:15:17.888
You can't change everything that you do to fit the one or two people that disagree with the way that your life is going, with the path that you've chosen.
00:15:17.888 --> 00:15:23.157
You have to be well within yourself.
00:15:23.157 --> 00:15:39.918
You have to be aligned with what you want, with your values, so that you are best placed to then help and support the people around you, so that you then make and cause that ripple effect that gets others looking at you and thinking.
00:15:39.918 --> 00:15:41.801
That gets others looking at you and thinking.
00:15:41.801 --> 00:15:55.610
They seem so comfortable within their own skin, they seem so at peace, they seem so relaxed.
00:15:55.610 --> 00:15:56.072
How did they get there?
00:15:56.072 --> 00:15:57.835
How do I get some of that?
00:15:57.835 --> 00:16:18.173
Because the more that we have a world of people that are comfortable in their own skin, that understand themselves deeply, that stay true to their values and live every day in alignment with them, the better the world will be, not just your life, but the life of everybody else around you.
00:16:18.173 --> 00:16:24.080
So that's what I'd like to leave you with this week.
00:16:25.922 --> 00:17:11.143
You can't please everybody, so stop trying to stop trying to be all things to everybody else and instead take a step back and think who am I, do I want, why do I want it, and how can I make decisions each day that keep me aligned with that, that keep me true to myself, because there are going to be people around you that look up to you whether it's children, whether it's junior members of your team, whether it's people in the community and they're going to look to you for influence and they're going to follow your lead.
00:17:11.143 --> 00:17:33.792
And if they see you being true to yourself, they see you pushing back on things that don't serve you, If they see you implementing and maintaining strong boundaries, it's going to inspire and encourage them and almost give them permission to do the same, which is then going to positively impact their lives as well.
00:17:33.792 --> 00:17:53.281
And, as I have to say, there's a lot in this world that pushes us towards individualism, to just looking out for and thinking about ourselves, and that's not where I come at this personal development work from.
00:17:53.281 --> 00:18:06.172
I come at it as, yes, you need to look inward and work on yourselves and understand yourself, but in order to then benefit the wider community, the people around you.
00:18:06.172 --> 00:18:12.983
Because we're here, we will influence people, whether we like it or not.
00:18:12.983 --> 00:18:26.153
So why not work on ourselves, get that understanding within ourselves, live life on our terms so that we can influence the people around us to do the same in a way that's positive and serves them.
00:18:26.153 --> 00:18:29.643
That's what's going to make the world better.
00:18:32.651 --> 00:18:33.993
Okay, that's me for this week.
00:18:33.993 --> 00:18:42.156
I could just go on and riff on this for an hour or so, but it's time to land this plane and bring this episode to an end.
00:18:42.156 --> 00:18:57.938
A reminder to book your spot on the webinar 5th of August the High Performance Way Six Secrets of the World's Most Successful People Subscribeio slash six secrets.
00:18:57.938 --> 00:19:00.241
Head to the show description.
00:19:00.241 --> 00:19:09.317
Just click on the link there or drop me a message over on Instagram I am underscore Ryan Spence or over on LinkedIn and I will shoot you the link.
00:19:09.317 --> 00:19:13.571
And please leave a review.
00:19:13.571 --> 00:19:15.797
Share this episode and leave a review.
00:19:15.797 --> 00:19:16.458
Leave a review.
00:19:16.518 --> 00:19:21.016
Let people know why you listen to this show, why they should listen to this show.
00:19:21.016 --> 00:19:23.080
What's the benefit that you get?
00:19:23.080 --> 00:19:24.083
What do you learn?
00:19:24.083 --> 00:19:25.574
How does it make you feel?
00:19:25.574 --> 00:19:46.070
Because if you can share that again, you're creating that influence around you, that ripple effect, and you're also helping more people find the show and allowing me to understand what it is that brings you you here week after week, what it is that gets you to listen.
00:19:46.070 --> 00:19:51.461
So I encourage you, listen and leave a review rate and leave a review.
00:19:51.461 --> 00:20:07.653
Uh, there's a link in the show description and I I would love to just read and just just get a sense as to what it is that you get from this, what it is that I can do more of to help you go from a life of lethargy towards living a life that's lit.
00:20:07.653 --> 00:20:19.644
Thanks for being here, have a great week ahead, appreciate the support as always and until next week, stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit.
00:20:22.510 --> 00:20:24.737
Thanks for tuning in to the Triple C Project.
00:20:24.737 --> 00:20:37.923
In the spirit of the Triple C, here's three things that you can do to support the show Head to ratethispodcastcom, slash triplec or over to your favorite podcast app and leave a review.
00:20:37.923 --> 00:20:44.682
Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how the show can help them.
00:20:44.682 --> 00:20:47.895
Second thing you can do share.
00:20:47.895 --> 00:20:55.219
Share this episode, share a previous episode with a friend, someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing down on this here show.
00:20:55.219 --> 00:20:59.814
And number three head to IamRyanSpencecom.
00:20:59.814 --> 00:21:01.355
Get on the mailing list.
00:21:01.355 --> 00:21:12.723
I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to, my new book start writing soon, so to be the first to be in the know, you need to get yourself on the list.
00:21:12.723 --> 00:21:20.715
Really appreciate you being here and until next week, stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit.
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:04.801
you're going to get some pushback because not everyone's going to like what it is that you're doing.
00:00:04.801 --> 00:00:06.807
Everyone's going to like the changes that you make.
00:00:06.807 --> 00:00:14.894
There's no one's going to like the new you that is embracing this growth and this new path that you have for yourself.
00:00:14.894 --> 00:00:18.791
You're listening to the Triple C Project.
00:00:18.791 --> 00:00:33.109
Welcome to the Triple C Project, the podcast that helps you gain clarity, boost confidence, build courage so you can live life lit.
00:00:33.109 --> 00:00:42.923
I'm your host, ryan Spence, the Big Law Dropout, life coach, author, speaker, lover of hoodies, hip-hop and big, hairy, audacious goals.
00:00:42.923 --> 00:00:54.045
If you're tired of living the life you think you should want and ready to start living the life you do want, this podcast will help you get from where you are to where you really want to be.
00:00:54.045 --> 00:00:54.947
So now we're friends.
00:00:54.947 --> 00:01:10.781
I invite you to grab a drink, take a seat and allow me to guide you towards living a life that's lit was living a life that's lit.
00:01:10.781 --> 00:01:12.284
Welcome to episode 110 of the Triple C Project.
00:01:12.284 --> 00:01:12.984
Have you booked your spot yet?
00:01:12.984 --> 00:01:20.646
On the 5th of August 2024, I'll be hosting my webinar the High Performance Way Six Secrets of the World's Most Successful People.
00:01:20.646 --> 00:01:28.766
And, frankly, you're going to want to be in this webinar If you want to get ahead in life and live life on your terms, your way.
00:01:28.766 --> 00:01:29.688
Live life lit.
00:01:29.688 --> 00:01:49.245
You're going to want to know and then start to implement these six secrets, these practices that have helped me and have been instrumental in my transition from unfulfilled big law lawyer living in survival mode to purpose-driven big law dropout living and engaged, fulfilling life in survival mode.
00:01:49.245 --> 00:01:57.096
60 minutes of your time to change the way you see yourself and change the way you live your life Not a bad investment, I think.
00:01:57.096 --> 00:01:58.820
The webinar is free.
00:01:58.820 --> 00:02:04.789
It will be held on the 5th of August 2024 at 7pm UK time on Zoom.
00:02:04.789 --> 00:02:13.508
So head to subscribepageio slash six secrets or head to the link in the show description and book your spot.
00:02:13.508 --> 00:02:14.973
Can't wait to see you there.
00:02:14.973 --> 00:02:16.200
It's going to be lit.
00:02:16.200 --> 00:02:18.825
Okay, let's get to the show.
00:02:20.128 --> 00:02:23.941
So this week I've been keeping my head down in book editing.
00:02:23.941 --> 00:02:34.769
I got the edit back from my editor and started to read through and I've made a hell of a lot of changes to that, so that's kind of been taking up my time.
00:02:34.769 --> 00:02:53.365
I've also enrolled a couple of beta readers well, more than a couple actually, a couple actually and I'm really grateful for them taking the time to read and give me their feedback and insight before the book goes off to its next stage of being designed and formatted, ready for release later this year.
00:02:53.365 --> 00:03:16.169
I'll be sharing a little bit more in the coming weeks about how you can be the first to know about the release of the book, getting hold of the first chapter to kind of get yourself prepared to know what to expect, and other events, bonuses, things that I might come up with in the lead up to the launch of my book, the Triple C Project.
00:03:16.169 --> 00:03:21.362
Find your place, purpose and peace in a world that wants to box you in.
00:03:21.362 --> 00:03:24.325
So look out for that Cool.
00:03:25.467 --> 00:03:34.627
Now I'm going to talk this week about doing things for you, because you can't please everybody.
00:03:34.627 --> 00:03:47.181
As much as you might want to, as much as you might think that that's the way that you should go about your life, you can't please everybody, and I know for a lot of us, a lot of us high achievers we are people pleasers.
00:03:47.181 --> 00:03:50.487
We want to do things that make other people happy.
00:03:50.487 --> 00:03:55.305
We got to where we are because we did the things that were expected of us right.
00:03:55.305 --> 00:04:05.972
We went to the schools, we got the grades, we went to the universities, we got the job, we got on that train that's going to lead us to destination.
00:04:05.972 --> 00:04:08.563
Success with all that that entails, all of those trappings.
00:04:08.563 --> 00:04:19.233
So we did that, whether consciously or unconsciously, to please the people that put their faith in us our parents, our teachers, our mentors.
00:04:19.233 --> 00:04:26.894
We went for the promotion to please our bosses because of what they said, they saw in us and where they wanted us to go.
00:04:29.721 --> 00:04:33.612
And there's nothing wrong with wanting to make people happy, with wanting to please people.
00:04:33.612 --> 00:04:45.973
But when it comes to the detriment of your own happiness or of you being true to yourself, of living in alignment with your values, that's where the problem lies.
00:04:45.973 --> 00:05:02.620
And the thing is, when you start to become clear on what those values are and become committed to living in alignment with them, you're going to get some pushback because not everyone's going to like what it is that you're doing.
00:05:02.620 --> 00:05:04.624
Everyone's going to like the changes that you make.
00:05:04.624 --> 00:05:12.744
There's not one's going to like the new you that is embracing this growth and this new path that you have for yourself.
00:05:12.744 --> 00:05:19.161
And, as painful as it might be sometimes, you kind of got to be okay with that.
00:05:19.161 --> 00:05:27.634
And in order to be okay with that, you need to be very clear as to why you're making those changes, as to what those core values are.
00:05:27.634 --> 00:05:40.747
You've got to have that clarity, as I've said many times before, to allow you to keep on track, even when people try to pull you off, even when people are questioning well why are you doing that?
00:05:40.747 --> 00:05:46.242
That makes no sense, even when people just don't like what you're doing, whether they tell you or not.
00:05:46.242 --> 00:05:50.293
And that's something that I've had to learn.
00:05:50.293 --> 00:06:01.846
And the thing is that the more that I get that pushback, or the more that I don't see that support, the more entrenched I get, the more committed I get to that why?
00:06:01.846 --> 00:06:03.968
Because I'm forced to.
00:06:03.968 --> 00:06:07.814
I'm forced to in order to be able to keep moving forward.
00:06:10.141 --> 00:06:14.651
I'm going to share a quick story about something that happened to me last week in my yoga class.
00:06:14.651 --> 00:06:17.887
So, as you probably know, I teach yoga every week.
00:06:17.887 --> 00:06:19.130
I love teaching yoga.
00:06:19.130 --> 00:06:20.701
I love the space that I teach at.
00:06:20.701 --> 00:06:32.571
I've got a really good group of regular students now as well that usually fill my class, but this week I had someone I'd never seen in class before and that's cool.
00:06:32.571 --> 00:06:36.266
I often have the odd one or two new people in there and it's great.
00:06:36.266 --> 00:06:42.091
It's good to sort of see new people and figure out why they're there and kind of what they want to get out of it.
00:06:43.779 --> 00:06:46.449
Now, normally I make a point to greet new students as they arrive.
00:06:46.449 --> 00:06:51.110
I mean find out their name, kind of if they've done yoga before, that sort of thing.
00:06:51.110 --> 00:06:58.607
But this particular student arrived just as class was about to start, so I didn't really have the time to do my usual thing.
00:06:58.607 --> 00:07:00.391
But it's like cool, that's fine.
00:07:00.391 --> 00:07:08.401
So I started class and I noticed in the first few minutes that they just didn't seem comfortable.
00:07:08.401 --> 00:07:14.072
They just didn't seem to be getting the vibe and I mean that's not unusual.
00:07:14.072 --> 00:07:18.706
I mean, often people will do their own thing in class.
00:07:18.706 --> 00:07:23.564
I tell my students look, it's your practice and I'm only here to guide you.
00:07:23.564 --> 00:07:26.781
Your body will tell you what it needs, your mind will tell you where you need to go.
00:07:26.781 --> 00:07:39.055
So it's not unusual to see people maybe not doing exactly the thing that I've cued or maybe just taking a little bit more time, especially in the warm up phase, to kind of feel into their body.
00:07:39.055 --> 00:07:41.105
So I just noticed it.
00:07:41.105 --> 00:07:42.428
I was like that's cool.
00:07:42.428 --> 00:07:51.408
I noticed this continuing and so I kind of just looked over and acknowledged them as I was leading the class through and just check.
00:07:51.408 --> 00:07:52.990
You know what I mean mouth to them are you okay?
00:07:52.990 --> 00:08:04.742
And they nodded and said yes, and so I continued with the class and then, 10 minutes in, they got up and they walked out of the room and never came back.
00:08:04.742 --> 00:08:10.822
And that's never happened before in one of my classes, but I've no doubt it will happen again.
00:08:10.862 --> 00:08:14.254
I've heard lots of stories from many teachers where people would get up and walk out.
00:08:14.254 --> 00:08:18.326
I've been in classes myself as a student and people have got up and walked out.
00:08:18.326 --> 00:08:36.102
It happens that's just sometimes the case Now, as if I was still a brand new teacher and still kind of new to teaching teacher and still kind of new to teaching.
00:08:36.102 --> 00:08:39.312
Without doubt that would have thrown me, you know, because I would have wanted to please everybody.
00:08:39.312 --> 00:08:53.101
So I would have freaked out and told myself stories about the reason this person was leaving, that they were leaving because of me, because they hated my class, they hated the way that I taught, that I'm a bad teacher and I should just quit this yoga thing.
00:08:53.101 --> 00:08:57.957
This isn't for me, I'm useless, and I would have been telling myself.
00:08:57.957 --> 00:09:03.812
These stories are spinning out in my head, even though I actually have no idea whether any of that is true.
00:09:04.820 --> 00:09:05.902
I don't know why they left.
00:09:05.902 --> 00:09:17.304
They never told me they just left, and there could be many reasons told me they just left, and there could be many reasons.
00:09:17.304 --> 00:09:19.110
Maybe they weren't feeling well, maybe it wasn't the class for them.
00:09:19.110 --> 00:09:19.852
You know, my classes are quite.
00:09:19.852 --> 00:09:21.336
People say quite tough, quite hardcore.
00:09:21.336 --> 00:09:27.903
It's very much strength-based, it's flow and strength, and maybe that's not the vibe that they were looking for.
00:09:27.903 --> 00:09:29.605
Maybe they couldn't take it at that point.
00:09:29.605 --> 00:09:43.226
Maybe they are on their way back from injury and they thought, with the best will in the world, that they could get on the mat and practice, but when it got down to it, it just didn't feel good in their body.
00:09:43.226 --> 00:09:44.889
Who knows?
00:09:44.889 --> 00:09:48.863
No one knows why they left, except the student that left.
00:09:48.863 --> 00:10:09.582
And so, rather than freak out and let it throw me, as I maybe would have done back in 2020, 2021, when I was still very new at teaching, as they made their way out of the room, I registered their departure and I took a couple of seconds to think hmm, get curious about why.
00:10:09.582 --> 00:10:10.785
I wonder why they're going.
00:10:12.029 --> 00:10:34.673
But then, very quickly, I got back to teaching the other 10 students in the room that did want to practice, that did want to be on the mat and that wanted to flow through the sequence that I had prepared that week and my inner critic is wanting to tell me stories and create a narrative about this student.
00:10:34.673 --> 00:10:46.932
But I'm not letting it because I'm just very much rooted as to why I'm there and why I'm teaching and there's no evidence to support the stories that this inner critic wants to share with me.
00:10:46.932 --> 00:10:53.893
So I refuse to listen and I push those stories away.
00:10:53.893 --> 00:11:07.384
And how this ties into what I'm saying about being firmly rooted as to what you're doing and remembering you can't please everybody is.
00:11:08.566 --> 00:11:32.308
I had 10 people in the class who are there almost every week, who were committed to continuing their practice, and I had one person that left, for whatever reason, and if I'd spent all of my energy focusing on that one person that's left, that left, I would have been doing a disservice to the 10 people that stayed.
00:11:32.308 --> 00:12:02.644
And if I knew, for example, why that person left and it was something to do with the way that I teach and they wanted something that didn't feel right to me, that wasn't aligned to me, but I decided to adapt the way that I teach to meet what that person wanted I wouldn't be being true to the regular students that turn up every week to practice with me, and I wouldn't have be.
00:12:02.644 --> 00:12:04.772
I wouldn't be being true to myself.
00:12:04.772 --> 00:12:28.773
And if I'm not being true to myself, then the way that I'm teaching and what I'm sharing is not going to land in the way that I want it to land, it's not going to have the impact that I want it to have and it's going to add an additional layer of weight, it's going to expend additional energy because I'm trying to be something that I'm not.
00:12:28.773 --> 00:12:42.510
I'm trying to do what I always encourage people not to do, which is contort myself to fit into a box of what somebody else wants from me or what somebody else thinks that I should be.
00:12:42.510 --> 00:13:08.543
And this is probably something that you struggle with, because it's something that I see high performers struggle with, often struggling with the need to continue to pursue the path that they're on, continuing to sit on that train, even though they know that that train is heading to a place where, actually, they don't want to go anymore.
00:13:08.543 --> 00:13:14.446
Maybe they wanted to go, maybe they thought they wanted to go at one point, but now they're there, they're like I don't want to go anymore.
00:13:14.446 --> 00:13:17.673
Maybe they wanted to go, maybe they thought they wanted to go at one point, but now they're there and I don't want to go any further.
00:13:17.692 --> 00:13:23.184
But you feel that you have to be true to the image that other people have of you.
00:13:23.184 --> 00:13:31.585
You have to stay true to the path that other people believe that you should be following.
00:13:31.585 --> 00:13:36.682
But you can't do that and also be true to yourself.
00:13:36.682 --> 00:13:46.249
And if you're not true to yourself, life is just infinitely harder and it's just infinitely less joyful, because you're always playing a role.
00:13:46.249 --> 00:13:56.361
You're never fully yourself and, as I said at the top of the show, this doesn't mean that it's easy to stay true to yourself.
00:13:56.361 --> 00:14:03.870
It doesn't mean that it's easy to stay aligned with your values when everything else around you is pushing you to do something different.
00:14:04.712 --> 00:14:07.120
It's trying to tell you that you don't want to do that.
00:14:07.120 --> 00:14:17.835
You don't want to apply for that job, you don't want to start your own business, you don't want to learn that skill, because that's not what you're supposed to do.
00:14:17.835 --> 00:14:19.801
You're supposed to keep pushing forward.
00:14:19.801 --> 00:14:23.510
You're supposed to go for that next promotion, for that next pay rise.
00:14:23.510 --> 00:14:26.485
You're supposed to take on that next project.
00:14:26.485 --> 00:14:28.630
This is what is expected of you.
00:14:28.630 --> 00:14:30.701
You're a high performer, you're successful.
00:14:30.701 --> 00:14:32.783
Why would you want to throw it all away?
00:14:32.783 --> 00:14:44.403
But, as you know, like I do, that's exhausting and it only leads to lethargy, it leads to unhappiness, it leads to under-fulfillment.
00:14:44.403 --> 00:14:50.892
So you have to really drill down and get clear on what it is that you want.
00:14:50.892 --> 00:14:53.535
What do you want to do?
00:14:53.535 --> 00:14:58.369
Who do you want to be and why do you want to do and be that?
00:14:58.369 --> 00:15:08.032
And when you find the answers to those questions, you need to make the decisions that allow you to stay in alignment.
00:15:09.642 --> 00:15:17.888
You can't change everything that you do to fit the one or two people that disagree with the way that your life is going, with the path that you've chosen.
00:15:17.888 --> 00:15:23.157
You have to be well within yourself.
00:15:23.157 --> 00:15:39.918
You have to be aligned with what you want, with your values, so that you are best placed to then help and support the people around you, so that you then make and cause that ripple effect that gets others looking at you and thinking.
00:15:39.918 --> 00:15:41.801
That gets others looking at you and thinking.
00:15:41.801 --> 00:15:55.610
They seem so comfortable within their own skin, they seem so at peace, they seem so relaxed.
00:15:55.610 --> 00:15:56.072
How did they get there?
00:15:56.072 --> 00:15:57.835
How do I get some of that?
00:15:57.835 --> 00:16:18.173
Because the more that we have a world of people that are comfortable in their own skin, that understand themselves deeply, that stay true to their values and live every day in alignment with them, the better the world will be, not just your life, but the life of everybody else around you.
00:16:18.173 --> 00:16:24.080
So that's what I'd like to leave you with this week.
00:16:25.922 --> 00:17:11.143
You can't please everybody, so stop trying to stop trying to be all things to everybody else and instead take a step back and think who am I, do I want, why do I want it, and how can I make decisions each day that keep me aligned with that, that keep me true to myself, because there are going to be people around you that look up to you whether it's children, whether it's junior members of your team, whether it's people in the community and they're going to look to you for influence and they're going to follow your lead.
00:17:11.143 --> 00:17:33.792
And if they see you being true to yourself, they see you pushing back on things that don't serve you, If they see you implementing and maintaining strong boundaries, it's going to inspire and encourage them and almost give them permission to do the same, which is then going to positively impact their lives as well.
00:17:33.792 --> 00:17:53.281
And, as I have to say, there's a lot in this world that pushes us towards individualism, to just looking out for and thinking about ourselves, and that's not where I come at this personal development work from.
00:17:53.281 --> 00:18:06.172
I come at it as, yes, you need to look inward and work on yourselves and understand yourself, but in order to then benefit the wider community, the people around you.
00:18:06.172 --> 00:18:12.983
Because we're here, we will influence people, whether we like it or not.
00:18:12.983 --> 00:18:26.153
So why not work on ourselves, get that understanding within ourselves, live life on our terms so that we can influence the people around us to do the same in a way that's positive and serves them.
00:18:26.153 --> 00:18:29.643
That's what's going to make the world better.
00:18:32.651 --> 00:18:33.993
Okay, that's me for this week.
00:18:33.993 --> 00:18:42.156
I could just go on and riff on this for an hour or so, but it's time to land this plane and bring this episode to an end.
00:18:42.156 --> 00:18:57.938
A reminder to book your spot on the webinar 5th of August the High Performance Way Six Secrets of the World's Most Successful People Subscribeio slash six secrets.
00:18:57.938 --> 00:19:00.241
Head to the show description.
00:19:00.241 --> 00:19:09.317
Just click on the link there or drop me a message over on Instagram I am underscore Ryan Spence or over on LinkedIn and I will shoot you the link.
00:19:09.317 --> 00:19:13.571
And please leave a review.
00:19:13.571 --> 00:19:15.797
Share this episode and leave a review.
00:19:15.797 --> 00:19:16.458
Leave a review.
00:19:16.518 --> 00:19:21.016
Let people know why you listen to this show, why they should listen to this show.
00:19:21.016 --> 00:19:23.080
What's the benefit that you get?
00:19:23.080 --> 00:19:24.083
What do you learn?
00:19:24.083 --> 00:19:25.574
How does it make you feel?
00:19:25.574 --> 00:19:46.070
Because if you can share that again, you're creating that influence around you, that ripple effect, and you're also helping more people find the show and allowing me to understand what it is that brings you you here week after week, what it is that gets you to listen.
00:19:46.070 --> 00:19:51.461
So I encourage you, listen and leave a review rate and leave a review.
00:19:51.461 --> 00:20:07.653
Uh, there's a link in the show description and I I would love to just read and just just get a sense as to what it is that you get from this, what it is that I can do more of to help you go from a life of lethargy towards living a life that's lit.
00:20:07.653 --> 00:20:19.644
Thanks for being here, have a great week ahead, appreciate the support as always and until next week, stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit.
00:20:22.510 --> 00:20:24.737
Thanks for tuning in to the Triple C Project.
00:20:24.737 --> 00:20:37.923
In the spirit of the Triple C, here's three things that you can do to support the show Head to ratethispodcastcom, slash triplec or over to your favorite podcast app and leave a review.
00:20:37.923 --> 00:20:44.682
Reviews really help people checking out shows to see what they can expect and how the show can help them.
00:20:44.682 --> 00:20:47.895
Second thing you can do share.
00:20:47.895 --> 00:20:55.219
Share this episode, share a previous episode with a friend, someone who you feel could benefit from what I'm throwing down on this here show.
00:20:55.219 --> 00:20:59.814
And number three head to IamRyanSpencecom.
00:20:59.814 --> 00:21:01.355
Get on the mailing list.
00:21:01.355 --> 00:21:12.723
I'll be sharing news about the show, news about what I'm up to, my new book start writing soon, so to be the first to be in the know, you need to get yourself on the list.
00:21:12.723 --> 00:21:20.715
Really appreciate you being here and until next week, stop living a life of lethargy, start living life lit.
SEARCH PAST EPISODES
Search past episodes of The Triple C Project.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Ryan Spence, which is the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Listen Notes, Inc.
EDIT
Thank you for helping to keep the podcast database up to date.
