EP 3:45 How To Stop Repeating Patterns in Chemsex Recovery with Juan

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You're still maybe repeating the patterns.
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Yep.
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Most likely you are still repeating the patterns.
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That you're aware of it.
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It's not like you're not asleep anymore.
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You're aware that it's happening.
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You can't stop it because you're still here.
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Right?
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You haven't really descended into the body.
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So it's still very much a nervous system response with insight, with awareness, which is chemsex.
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Sexualized drug use among men who have sex with men, typically involving methamphetamine, methadrone, and GHB, among others.
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Chemsex misuse is a worldwide epidemic that needs attention, dialogue, and hope for those lost in it, which is the purpose of the Aftermath Podcast.
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Please note the views expressed by the host and guest on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice, and the content around sex and drug use can be triggering.
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Welcome back to the Aftermath Podcast.
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I'm your host, Dallas.
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Thank you for being here.
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Thank you for tuning in.
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Really, really appreciate it.
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And just a reminder, you know I have to say it.
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Please take a moment to rate and review the podcast.
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Like it, share it.
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I would love to see somebody share it on their Instagram story.
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I have not ever seen that yet in our over three years.
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Um but yeah, let's do that.
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But I appreciate you helping the algorithm pick up the podcast and get it to where it needs to go.
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Thank you for helping AI pick it up.
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That's actually where I'm hearing more and more and more still.
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Um AI is telling people to come listen to the podcast.
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So thank you, AI, whoever you are out there, really appreciate that.
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Um, today we're talking about something that I think is going to be extremely helpful for you and your recovery, and that's breaking away from repeated patterns.
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I get asked so many times, why do I keep doing this?
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Why do I keep finding myself back in the same, doing the same thing?
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Uh why do I keep dating the same guy?
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Why do I keep doing this over and over and over like Groundhog Day?
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And our guest today, Juan, has all the answers.
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And I'm really excited to introduce you to Juan.
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Juan Galan is a spiritual teacher, identity alchemist, and life coach for gay men navigating transformation.
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Through his coming home coaching program, he guides queer men through deep identity work and spiritual reclamation.
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He's also the founder of Mystic Misfits Society, a spiritual community exploring consciousness, shadow work, and what it means to live as a remembering being.
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Juan is also an Adobe ambassador and AI content creator.
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Hey.
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And he believes God is his CEO, that every collapse, every initiation, every pivot is divinely orchestrated toward wholeness.
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I vibe with all of that, Juan.
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Thank you, and welcome to the podcast.
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Thank you so much for having me.
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I'm honored.
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I want to stop for a second.
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And you know, I I try to read the the bios before I do the before I read them, but I didn't this time.
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I just want to say I didn't send it to you, so you're I could have proofread.
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I could have proofread.
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Um, but I just want to say for you listening, listen to this that every collapse, every initiation, every pivot is divinely orchestrated toward wholeness.
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If we could just encapsulate that, if we could just embody that, if we could just lay that over our our chemsex experience and understand that it is an initiation.
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You know, we we've we've done we've I've talked about a dark night of the soul on the podcast.
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I've talked about making making sense and making meaning of our experience.
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Like whatever it was was divinely orchestrated for you to find wholeness.
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You had to go through that to get to where you're destined to be.
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But you won't find that if you continue to place a negative, horrible meaning on the experience and on yourself.
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And so what listen to really what Juan has to say here, and I'm just so excited to dig dig deep into this.
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Thank you, Juan.
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Thank you.
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Thank you for that beautiful introduction, and uh thank you for the work that you do.
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It's so necessary in our community.
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Um I talk to so many gay men that are still lost uh in the pattern, whatever the pattern is, whether that is through drugs or alcohol or sex or chasing unavailable people, there are so many different ways in which the pattern shows up.
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And maybe there there are and maybe there are multiple ways in which it shows up in you.
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So thank you for the work that you do.
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Um, because we really need it.
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Well, thank you.
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Appreciate that.
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And we need you.
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I'm gonna put your Instagram page up here.
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We met on Instagram.
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You came up in my algorithm and instantly caught my attention.
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So I try to be I try to be a creator, not a consumer as much.
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Um, because I don't want I don't want to scroll that much.
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But you know, it's like on TikTok or Instagram, whatever, to to log in.
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Sometimes you just things pop up, you know.
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But but you popped up and instantly I was in it.
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And so you do really, you're just engaging.
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I think that to me, it feels like you are tuned in to something, something, something above infinite intelligence or something kind of divine, something, but you're tuned in because you're it comes through your content, and I just really appreciate that.
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And it's inspiring to me, and it's helped me step back and say, when are you making content that feels forced and obligated, or when are you making content that you're really channeling what needs to be said to those out there?
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And I think you seem to be totally tuned in when you make your content, I'm guessing.
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It's true.
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I do feel like I um receive downloads and revelations from the divine.
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For well, for me, the divine is God, but not God as the white bearded daddy in the sky judging you.
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Maybe God is something else.
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But I do feel that there's this like download, well, after download, and it's very interesting that you pointed this out because I've been in the online space for five years, over five years.
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And when I first started, even though I did see some success, it was all very forced.
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And it wasn't until I went through this deep healing journey, which I know we're gonna talk about, what I call now the remembrance method.
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And the last step of this, uh or the last stage of this method was uh the return.
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And that's when I started feeling a connection to something bigger than me, and when I started shifting really my identity in, or not shifting, but really standing on my true identity on who I always was always meant to be, and that's when this started happening.
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I also, as you mentioned before, I also have a separate business, it's uh a spiritual community, and that part that works also exploding and bringing a lot of uh interest.
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So I believe that once you've truly find your purpose, things start shifting really fast.
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But to find your purpose, you really need to go through a deep healing journey first.
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Yeah, yes, that's right, that's right.
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Um, it it's hard to know that while you're in it, you know, it's hard to, you know, and it it it almost seems a little it almost seems a little um I don't know.
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Uh my brain's not firing today, as I said earlier.
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Um but to say that to somebody while they're in it sometimes can backfire.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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100%.
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100%.
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And um I see that this quite a lot.
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And uh, you know, I try to be positive and I I I share my story from you know, when you share a story, you you can share it from the open wound or from the scar.
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And most of the times I try to share it from the scar because once you have a scar, it means you've like processed everything, you've integrated everything, and you already learned something that you can share with people.
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So I always try to share it from the scar.
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Uh, but a lot of people don't don't take it like that, don't take it well, they take it personal as a personal attack.
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And um, some people can be really mean, and I understand because, as you said, when you are right in the midst of everything, like living in the chaos, in the pattern, like you can't see anything else.
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So um, I try to just have compassion for them and be like, I understand where you're coming from.
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I I've been there.
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I've been there, I was there for many years, so yeah, it's just really uh having a different perspective about the situation.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I I remember though, there were times in my when I in my active use when I did think to myself, one of these days, I even had a vision once, and that vision has kind of now been um articulated into my logo, but I had a vision of me rising up out of this huge muck, right?
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And I was just had my hands up.
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I was coming down off, you know, a bender or something.
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But I I did always kind of know like one of these days, I'm going to make something of this, right?
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I'm going to help other people.
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I did have that thought um while I was going through it, but again, it's like it's hard to tell people that.
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But I just want to say you're you're talking about remembering who we are.
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Right.
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And and and I've always said like this chem sex recovery is not it's not learning something new, it's forgetting everything we thought we knew.
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Yes.
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About about ourselves.
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Yes.
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Right.
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And what the world has made us.
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And and that's not who we are.
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And so it really is a return to our soul self, our real self, our true self.
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Exactly.
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Yeah.
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And that's why I have alchemy, as you know, the title in my use, you're an identity alchemist, I think is what it said, right?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Um, and that's what I think I I I see this vision this process as alchemy, as we have these impurities put on us from the world, the socialization, the conditioning of life, and it's alchemized, it's taken off through recovery to shine, and our light shines.
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The light that was always there shines, but we have to go through it.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So healing with one, and just from the Instagram page, I had it up on the screen, and now uh we got sidetracked, but it's so you were high for the high achieving gay man stuck in the same cycle.
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Right?
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Yes.
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You know what's happening, but you can't stop it.
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We've all been there.
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Right.
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Right.
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So I want to talk about this if you if you're okay.
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There's so much on your page that we could talk about.
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Um, and I probably we could have another podcast or two because I really want to talk about the religious shame too.
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But I think it's the I I see this in the DMs I get in the clients that I have, is why do I keep doing this?
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Right.
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Like there was a there was a post yesterday or this morning in one of the chats, and he was the guy, you know, that he was like, I want part of I I have my clients say, part of me wants to use meth, not I want to use.
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Because the I you are does not want to use meth, or you wouldn't be in a program to stop.
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But there is a part of you that wants to use.
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So if we can say it that way, we can start to observe it.
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Yes.
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But you know, he was like, I've gone through this cycle now so many times.
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Why do I keep doing it?
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Um, and my guess is that if you're listening and you're stuck in a relapse cycle, you're also repeating patterns in other aspects of your life.
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Right?
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You're getting fired from jobs, or you're getting, or you're in jobs and making the same errors, you're dating the same man, you're going back to the same habits you didn't want to do, you know, you're you're back to eating shit instead of healthy food.
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You're all of that stuff.
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You're like you're back to watching too much porn.
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I mean, you know, it's like we veer back into the same patterns.
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And the age old question here in the million dollar question is how do I break free from that?
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And it looks like you have a remembrance method to help us crack the code.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Well, I I called it the remembrance method.
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Um, but before explaining a little bit about what that is, which is really it's based on my own healing journey and the path that I've walked and the path that I now help my clients walk.
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But the the thing with repetitive patterns is that they were created many years ago for whatever experience we went through.
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I mean, as gay men, we obviously, especially our generation, maybe younger generations, not so much, but as our generation growing up as gay men, we were basically forced to hide ourselves, to perform, to maybe, I don't know, maybe you had uh uh a dysfunctional family or a father who left, you know.
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So many things that happen that could have happened to you are the things that created that pattern in the first place.
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That so what you're living right now is really a body response, a nervous system response, a nervous system that has been living and reliving that pattern over and over and over again because it's what's familiar, right?
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So, what happens is that when we try to heal and we do therapy, we read books, self-help, you know, all of that is great.
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All of that gives us insight and it gives us awareness and helps us understand.
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As you were saying, your client is like, I know what's happening.
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A part of me wants to do this, but I don't want, right?
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That's because there's a dissonance between thought and body response.
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The pattern has been living in your body for 10, 20 years, uh for basically your entire life.
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It lives in your body, it's energy stuck.
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I've been reading a little bit about uh trauma, for example, and trauma is really something you experience as a child that is not allowed to move through the body and release, so it gets stuck as energy, and that is what creates the nervous system response over and over and over and over again.
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And until you don't understand that to release that, you can't just think your way through it.
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You need to go back into the body and do different types of body work.
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You're not gonna be able to release because what you're experiencing when you want to relapse, or when you want to hook up, or when you wanna uh drink one, have one more drink is not uh a thinking pattern, is a body response.
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So I wanted to differentiate that because that is key in understanding why we keep repeating the same patterns.
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Now, the remembrance method, it's uh uh a path that I created based on my own healing journey, and it consists of four phases or four stages.
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The first one is the trance, and when you are in trance, you are in like a different state of consciousness, right?
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It's like you're not aware of anything else, you are in a trance.
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So when you are in the trance, your identity is fused to the pattern, and this is when you think this is just who I am, I'm not gonna change, I can change, I have bad luck, I am broken, right?
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You are the pattern, but the reality is that you are not the pattern, the pattern was created for X, Y, or Z.
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It lives in your body, but it's not your true essence, right?
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It's not who you were born to be.
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So you keep repeating the pattern over and over again, you keep thinking it's who I am until something happens, right?
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And then for the first time ever, you ask why is this happening?
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What's going on, right?
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That first moment of conscious awareness is when you actually enter the next stage of this process that is called the witnessing.
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Okay, so it's when you are able to see yourself for the first time doing what you always do, but there's some sort, there's like a little gap, a little space where, like, okay, this is not me.
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But the pattern is still running the show, right?
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You're still repeating the same things, but you can now see yourself doing it, and that's where most people are living.
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Like, I'm assuming most of the listeners and your clients are like, I keep doing this.
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Why do I keep doing this?
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Right?
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It's like you you start becoming curious, but the pattern's still running.
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Then the next stage is when this curiosity grows, right?
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And you're like, okay, why do I do this?
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Where is it coming from?
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What is it protecting me from?
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I really want to understand, and that's the next stage, which is called the descent.
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And the descent is really the the hardest part for everyone, and is where most people um don't are not brave enough to enter, because to descend, you have to go within, you have to look, you have to really look at all your wounds, the shadows you've been carrying, the things that you've suppressed or repressed, the things that you've exiled since you were a little boy.
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And that is very uncomfortable.
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Maybe there is a lot of shame, maybe there is grief that was never processed, maybe there are fears that you were never allowed to let yourself feel.
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So going within is the hardest part, but is really where the transformation is going to happen.
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And uh, this is when you start doing more than therapy, you start doing shadow work, you you you could use other tools.
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For example, one thing that really helped me is uh psilocybin.
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So I did two psilocybin journeys um as a ritual that allowed me to go within.
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And for example, one thing that I discovered is that I had been for so long suppressing my softness, my feminine part, like my feminine energy.
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And if I didn't bring it back, if I didn't allow it to be part of myself, I was never going to be whole.
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So that's something that I'm reclaiming now and trying to like being more in tune with that.
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But I was not aware of that until I did that journey.
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Now, I'm not saying that you have to do psilocybin journeys if you want to uh to heal, but there are tools, you know, there are many different tools.
00:19:56.799 --> 00:20:02.079
Breath work is a fantastic tool for this, which I recommend I do it every day.
00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:12.960
And once you've gone within and you've you are facing your true self and with all the things that you've been carrying for so long, it's your time to return.
00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:15.119
Return to your essence.
00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:25.119
To once you've stripped yourself from all the masks, all the layers, all the conditioning, and you've brought these parts back home, you can return to who you've always been.
00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:50.720
And uh for me, that's when I found my purpose, and that's when I realized that I was I spent my entire life trying to find validation from strangers, trying to be chosen by strangers, most specifically masculine men, um until I returned to myself and I connected with this higher power, this divine intelligence got that made me remember that I had always been chosen.
00:20:50.799 --> 00:21:11.119
And when I remembered that I had always been chosen and that everything that I went through, everything, all the ups and downs, the challenges, the relapses, the heartbreaks, the shame, the the rich, all of that was actually a preparation for understanding my true purpose and for the work that I am doing now.
00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:13.759
So that's when I returned to my true essence.
00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:20.720
So the trans, the witnessing, the descent, which is the hardest part, and most people skip the part, and then the return.
00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:22.640
So that is the remembrance method.
00:21:23.759 --> 00:21:24.400
Wow.
00:21:24.640 --> 00:21:25.680
I love it, love it.
00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:29.839
It reminds me, it reminds me of the hero's journey almost.
00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:30.640
Yeah.
00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:38.400
You think you accept the challenge and you go into the darkness, you know, the cave and come out.
00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:39.359
Um, yeah.
00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:42.079
So I want to talk about these, if that's okay.
00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:43.519
I want to pick these apart a little bit.
00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:45.599
The trance, you know.
00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:45.920
Yeah.
00:21:46.079 --> 00:21:59.759
And this is what this is what I say also to my clients is that if you didn't go through this addiction, you might still be in this trance that so many people are in.
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:08.240
And I th when I think of this trance, I think of what well, I don't know, some people call it um non-playing characters.
00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:16.400
You're like, you know, they're they're getting up, they're going to work, they're coming home, they make dinner, they watch Netflix, they go to sleep, they go back to work.
00:22:16.559 --> 00:22:17.119
Yeah.
00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:17.759
Yeah.
00:22:18.400 --> 00:22:26.799
Always thinking that that that everything around them is just happening to them.
00:22:27.039 --> 00:22:27.279
Right.
00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:28.559
Right.
00:22:28.720 --> 00:22:31.440
They just like they, you know, it's whatever.
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:36.079
My job is terrible, and this and this, and this and this, and that, you know, they're asleep.
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:37.119
They don't, they don't know.
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:39.519
They don't they don't understand their shadows, right?
00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:53.119
And so some of some of us have the privilege of trying crystal meth and getting addicted to it, because through that, we break out of this trance real fast, right?
00:22:53.599 --> 00:22:59.680
Because we if we want to stop, we're forced to go through the recovery process, and that is the wake-up call.
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:01.759
Do you agree with that?
00:23:02.079 --> 00:23:04.079
I do agree with that 100%.
00:23:04.799 --> 00:23:11.839
Yeah, it's it's like, as we said at the beginning, every collapse is divinely orchestrated.
00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:23.039
And for some of so for some people, it's through crystal meth, for some people, is through sex addiction, from some people, it's something completely different.
00:23:23.279 --> 00:23:30.000
But I do believe that everything that happens to us is actually happening for us.
00:23:30.079 --> 00:23:32.720
It's it has a bigger purpose.
00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:42.880
And when you are able to pass through it and like be on the other side, as you said, like when you are outside, it's con you see it completely differently.
00:23:43.200 --> 00:23:48.799
And um, it gives you like a different sense of meaning and purpose.
00:23:50.079 --> 00:23:50.480
Yeah.
00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:51.279
Yes.
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:54.720
One of the pillars of our program is everything is happening for you.
00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:57.759
Like my clients probably get tired of hearing me say that.
00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:01.119
But even with a relapse, you know, it's happening for you.
00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:07.039
It's happening here, here's here's a gift for you, a relapse, because it's going to show you your learning.
00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:09.680
It's going to show you where you're not, where you're missing the mark.
00:24:09.839 --> 00:24:11.920
It's going to show you what you're overlooking, right?
00:24:12.319 --> 00:24:16.480
Um, and so so in this, we're out of this trance, something breaks us.
00:24:16.720 --> 00:24:19.920
So for the listeners, maybe you know, a methodiction.
00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:25.200
And then we keep and then we try to stop and we keep relapsing, and we're asking, why is this happening?
00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:38.319
So I like that you use the word curious, because there's a big difference between asking why is this happening from a place of curiosity and why is this happening from a place of condemnation?
00:24:39.279 --> 00:24:40.240
Condemning ourselves.
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:42.240
100% shame.
00:24:43.039 --> 00:24:43.519
Shame.
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:44.799
Right.
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:48.559
So your next phase is witnessing.
00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:53.920
So in the witness, you're still maybe repeating the patterns.
00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:54.720
Yep.
00:24:55.039 --> 00:24:57.599
Most likely you are still repeating the patterns.
00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:00.160
But you're aware of it.
00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:02.079
It's not like you're not asleep anymore.
00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:03.680
You're aware that it's happening.
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:06.720
You can't stop it because you're still here, right?
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:09.599
You haven't really descended into the body.
00:25:10.319 --> 00:25:24.240
So it's still very much a nervous system response with insight, with awareness, which is again what where most people stay stuck in, which is what uh most of the self-help work stays at.
00:25:24.400 --> 00:25:26.400
And I'm not saying that self-help is bad.
00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:30.720
Therapy has been an incredible tool for me.
00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:41.759
Uh, but depending on the therapy that you do, it always stays in insight and awareness and like understanding, but it's not really going into the body where everything lives.
00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:52.640
But the body is so powerful, and our society has made us uh has yeah, made us be so disconnected from our body.
00:25:52.880 --> 00:25:57.200
Uh the body is is like the temple of God, right?
00:25:57.279 --> 00:26:08.559
Is we're and I always tell people, um if you want to get a little bit spiritual here, that I believe that God speaks through the body.
00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:18.799
And the devil, which I don't believe there's a devil, but if we wanted to say the the the enemy, which is really here, the enemy lives here, right?
00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:25.039
And it will like it will be here, your mind telling you all the things you do wrong, why you're not worth it, why you're broken.
00:26:25.279 --> 00:26:42.400
But if you're able to go down into the body and connect with it and feel that God is speaking to you through love, through expansion, through softness, it's such a different experience, and you're able to differentiate it.
00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:46.079
I want to share a story, if I can, about something that I experienced.
00:26:46.559 --> 00:26:49.599
One of one of my uh biggest triggers.
00:26:49.759 --> 00:26:53.440
So I I have uh anxious attachment style, right?
00:26:53.599 --> 00:27:02.319
So it comes obviously from my wound of being um feeling rejected from a very young age.
00:27:02.559 --> 00:27:08.400
My parents also got divorced for a bit, so when the masculine my dad left, for me, the masculine was abandoned.
00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:16.799
Me, so it created this really neat this need of reaching for the masculine to prove that I was that I was worth staying for, right?
00:27:17.119 --> 00:27:34.400
So it's been a big problem for me when I'm meeting someone and I get attached very fast, and then it's like mess I want to be messaging all the time to just reassure that the person is still there, and I tend to attract avoidance style, right?
00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:37.440
It's just it's just in the rule, it always works like that, right?
00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:50.480
So for the longest time that was an issue, and I would become super intense, and obviously that would make the people that the person uh pull away faster, and then that just confirmed my thoughts that I wasn't worth staying for, that I was broken, blah, blah, blah.
00:27:50.640 --> 00:28:16.400
Anyway, so after I've been doing this work, I recently met someone that has the same thing, like very slow responding messages, sometimes takes days, and uh, it was a very interesting to very interesting thing to observe because for the first time I was able to separate my mind and my body, and my mind was telling me it's happening again, uh, it always happens to you.
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:19.119
It should hurt because it always hurts.
00:28:19.279 --> 00:28:20.720
And I was like, okay, wait a minute.
00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:22.160
What is my body telling me?
00:28:22.319 --> 00:28:27.039
And my body was at peace, my body was expansive, my body was just soft.
00:28:27.200 --> 00:28:29.279
I was like, it doesn't affect me anymore.
00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:35.519
My mind can tell me all these stories, but my body's telling me another thing, and I trust my body more than I trust my mind.
00:28:35.680 --> 00:28:36.640
And it didn't affect me.
00:28:36.720 --> 00:28:40.400
I was like, okay, well, if he's not gonna reply, whatever is not the right one.
00:28:40.480 --> 00:28:40.880
Next.
00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:42.400
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:28:42.640 --> 00:28:43.440
Love that.
00:28:43.839 --> 00:28:51.839
That's if you're listening, I mean, I keep saying if you're listening, for those of you who are listening, go back and listening.
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:52.720
Yeah, I hope they're listening.
00:28:53.119 --> 00:28:54.000
Paying attention.
00:28:55.359 --> 00:28:56.079
Oh, God.
00:28:56.319 --> 00:29:08.000
Uh rewind, rewind and listen to that, because this gap that Juan is talking about between the thought and the body response, so important.
00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:22.880
And it comes with loneliness, it comes with rejection, any of these strong feelings that we we want to get hurry up and cover up with meth instead of instead of feeling going into our body.
00:29:23.039 --> 00:29:24.720
And feeling it, we run from it, right?
00:29:24.799 --> 00:29:25.839
We avoid it.
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:31.119
Um, we numb it with the substance or with the activity, with the with the habit, right?
00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:36.319
Um yeah, it's just there there's something about that too.
00:29:36.640 --> 00:29:47.200
I read this book already free, and it's kind of um Western psychology and Buddhism, and we're finding like a way to put them together.
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:57.039
But she in the book, or he says in the book, when that feeling comes that you're talking about, which I I am also anxious attachment.
00:29:57.200 --> 00:29:59.599
I'm also like, why isn't he texting me back?
00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:04.240
I'm also like it feels like life or death, you know?
00:30:05.119 --> 00:30:18.640
Um, in that, look, you feel there's a rejection feeling right now, and it you you will feel rejected on and off for the rest of your life, probably.
00:30:19.519 --> 00:30:20.079
Right?
00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:22.799
And but what do you feel in your body?
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:24.720
Your body is just having a sensation.
00:30:24.880 --> 00:30:25.359
That's it.
00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:30.960
Caused by caused by those thoughts, like you said, the enemy, the ego.
00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:44.720
Um, the the the adversary as really uh the adversary is the English word for the Hebrew word for Satan.
00:30:44.880 --> 00:30:45.200
Yeah.
00:30:45.519 --> 00:30:46.079
Satan.
00:30:46.160 --> 00:30:46.319
Yeah.
00:30:46.480 --> 00:30:48.720
So it's actually an adversary that lives here.
00:30:48.880 --> 00:30:53.920
It's not an entity following you trying to make your life miserable.
00:30:54.559 --> 00:31:00.480
I would love to go through and talk about the Bible sometime and what it really means with you.
00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:03.839
Um, because I think it'd be very helpful for for all of us too.
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:04.480
Yeah.
00:31:04.559 --> 00:31:12.480
So this thing about the the gap between the thought and the body response, too, is that chemsex is known as a full body takeover.
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:16.240
It's very much in the body because it's fused to your libido.
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:20.240
You know, the meth and the sex get fused together.
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:24.720
So when you have horniness, when you have libido, it's a trigger in the beginning.
00:31:24.960 --> 00:31:25.359
Yep.
00:31:25.519 --> 00:31:31.519
And and there's no stronger, really, there's no stronger energy than sexual energy than libido.
00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:33.359
100%.
00:31:34.079 --> 00:31:35.519
And that's your trigger.
00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:42.880
You know, here's the other, here's the other benefit of a chem sex recovery is you have to connect with your body.
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:46.160
You have to be in the body.
00:31:46.319 --> 00:31:50.640
You have to learn how to control this body if you want to stop using math.
00:31:51.200 --> 00:31:51.839
Yep.
00:31:52.640 --> 00:31:53.359
Yep, 100%.
00:31:53.759 --> 00:32:17.759
I love that you mentioned that sexual energy is the more powerful, the most powerful energy we have, because that's something I also talk about a lot, and it's part of the work that I do with men is not to control our sexual energy, but to transmute it, to turn it into something more beneficial, I guess, for not only for you, but also for the people around you.
00:32:17.920 --> 00:32:19.680
And that's a beautiful work as well.
00:32:19.759 --> 00:32:21.759
It's called sexual transmutation.
00:32:22.960 --> 00:32:23.759
Yes, sir.
00:32:23.920 --> 00:32:25.039
We've talked about that.
00:32:25.200 --> 00:32:37.519
Yeah, it's in the I have a free course and I go through what I did early was use breath work that I found to transmute that sexual energy from down here.
00:32:37.759 --> 00:32:39.359
I moved it up my body.
00:32:39.599 --> 00:32:40.559
Yeah, I love that.
00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:41.279
It's insane.
00:32:41.599 --> 00:32:46.960
Like the changes that you experience and the the presence and this yeah, the clarity.
00:32:47.119 --> 00:32:53.200
I've actually um already, this is my second time doing uh 90-day semen retention.
00:32:53.279 --> 00:32:55.759
So it's actually it's been like 97 days already.
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:58.079
And nice, I do this work every day.
00:32:58.240 --> 00:33:00.880
Every morning, I transmute my energy.
00:33:01.279 --> 00:33:01.599
Yeah.
00:33:01.759 --> 00:33:03.759
And it's it's been transformative.
00:33:04.559 --> 00:33:06.480
Agree, agree, agree.
00:33:06.640 --> 00:33:06.960
Thank you.
00:33:07.119 --> 00:33:08.000
Thank you for mentioning that.
00:33:08.160 --> 00:33:10.960
I think we should do a whole podcast on sexual transmutation too.
00:33:11.039 --> 00:33:11.759
And semen reading.
00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:14.720
So we need like two or three more podcasts then.
00:33:15.039 --> 00:33:15.680
We do.
00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:16.799
We do.
00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:21.279
Um, okay, so we're in the witnessing, which is like you said, where a lot of people are, you know?
00:33:21.519 --> 00:33:21.759
Yeah.
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:24.400
Like a lot of people will say, Oh, I just keep doing this.
00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:29.279
You know, well, I'm just this, or you know, and they they do accept it as they become aware of it.
00:33:29.359 --> 00:33:35.759
Here's the thing I I'd say to my clients a lot, too, is look, you're aware of what's happening.
00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:40.079
You are a level above most of the rest of the world here.
00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:43.759
The awareness is the big hump to get over.
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:44.799
Yeah.
00:33:45.039 --> 00:33:48.960
You're far much farther along than you could ever imagine.
00:33:49.119 --> 00:33:54.720
So you know, let's let's get keep going, which you say the next level is the hardest.
00:33:54.880 --> 00:34:05.119
The next level, the next stage is the descent, the shadow work, the descent into into what you the things we're avoiding, yeah, into the body.
00:34:06.000 --> 00:34:06.640
Exactly.
00:34:06.960 --> 00:34:14.239
So, how would you define we had a a whole podcast on shadow work, but how would you talk about and explain shadow work?
00:34:14.800 --> 00:34:20.000
Yeah, so I uh base my work a lot on Carl Jung's work.
00:34:20.079 --> 00:34:38.719
I'm a huge fan of his work, and basically shadow work is understanding the parts that you exiled from a very young age, understanding what was exiled, understanding what was it protecting you from.
00:34:39.679 --> 00:34:50.400
And uh instead of feeling shame about it, to try to face it with more compassion.
00:34:50.719 --> 00:35:09.360
And what one thing that I love to do is to really look at your inner child and really feel love and compassion for this little boy or this little girl that had to exile all these parts, all these parts that were actually part of their beautiful essence, right?
00:35:09.519 --> 00:35:15.199
As I was telling you before, for me, it was my softness, it was my my my feminine aspect.
00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:30.320
And when I talk about masculine and feminine, I'm not talking about genders, it's more about the energy that we all carry, we all carry masculine energy, and shadow work is also being able to integrate both parts, the masculine and the feminine, to create wholeness.
00:35:31.039 --> 00:35:32.960
Um, so that's the work that I do.
00:35:33.199 --> 00:35:38.559
Like the the shadow work that I do, it's really focused on um Carl Jung's work.
00:35:38.719 --> 00:35:53.199
Um, I actually have uh an entire course that I did with my business partner for my other for the spiritual community that is called Jung and Jesus, and it's a six-week initiation into shadow work and Christ consciousness, and it was a beautiful experience to to host.
00:35:53.360 --> 00:35:53.760
Yeah.
00:35:54.079 --> 00:35:55.199
Wow, love that.
00:35:55.360 --> 00:35:55.920
I love that.
00:35:56.079 --> 00:35:56.639
Thank you.
00:35:56.880 --> 00:36:02.159
Yeah, and it so for the listeners, what was it protecting me?
00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:03.920
What is it protecting me from?
00:36:04.079 --> 00:36:10.559
Like, so these these patterns that we try to demonize actually saved us.
00:36:10.960 --> 00:36:13.440
Yeah, they were 100%, right?
00:36:14.239 --> 00:36:15.039
They saved us.
00:36:15.280 --> 00:36:17.760
That's why compassion is needed instead of shame.
00:36:19.280 --> 00:36:19.679
That's right.
00:36:19.920 --> 00:36:20.960
They were protecting you.
00:36:21.039 --> 00:36:27.119
And and the thing is that the nervous system turned that into something familiar.
00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:39.440
So if you think about it, when you have these compulsive behaviors or these these patterns are taking over, for your brain, this is actually still a protective mechanism.
00:36:39.519 --> 00:36:46.000
It's like your body is still trying to protect you, where in reality, it's actually not protecting you.
00:36:46.079 --> 00:36:49.760
But this is, you see, like the the irony there.
00:36:51.519 --> 00:36:54.239
It's a protecting protective mechanism.
00:36:54.480 --> 00:36:54.880
Right.
00:36:55.119 --> 00:36:55.760
Yeah.
00:36:56.159 --> 00:37:05.440
So this just like any, just like any spiritual growth or mental growth or emotional growth is about perspective shifts.
00:37:05.679 --> 00:37:05.920
Yeah.
00:37:06.079 --> 00:37:07.039
You know, right?
00:37:07.920 --> 00:37:10.480
Um, are you familiar with Of Course in Miracles?
00:37:10.559 --> 00:37:11.760
I'm guessing that you are.
00:37:12.159 --> 00:37:13.280
I am, correct.
00:37:13.760 --> 00:37:14.800
Yeah, I guess you are.
00:37:14.960 --> 00:37:18.000
Yeah, it's a perspective shift, is the miracle, right?
00:37:18.079 --> 00:37:19.760
It's just shifting the perspective.
00:37:19.920 --> 00:37:23.599
And so, okay, I've I'm repeating this pattern.
00:37:23.679 --> 00:37:25.599
It served me at one time.
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:27.280
I'm okay.
00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:29.119
It's pretty it was protecting me.
00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:35.360
And my poor inner child had to had to have safety somehow, had to find safety at some point, right?
00:37:35.519 --> 00:37:35.920
Yeah.
00:37:36.079 --> 00:37:36.320
Yeah.
00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:45.760
And I and I've told this story before, but you know, when I was little, my mom caught me walking on my tiptoes, acting like I I guess I was acting like Dolly Parton or something.
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:46.239
I don't know.
00:37:46.320 --> 00:37:50.480
But uh, you know, I was on a stage, I was performing, right?
00:37:50.719 --> 00:37:53.280
But I was in high heels, you know.
00:37:53.440 --> 00:37:54.960
I mean, not in my mind.
00:37:55.679 --> 00:38:00.239
But I was just penalized and brutally like yelled at.
00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:07.039
And she she's told me later that she was afraid my dad would see me, is why she she acted in such a way.
00:38:07.199 --> 00:38:08.559
She was trying to protect me.
00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:09.599
Exactly.
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:10.320
Exactly.
00:38:10.880 --> 00:38:17.039
But I at that point, that's what I remember when I exiled that part of me.
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:17.760
Yeah.
00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:23.280
That that feminine part of me, that act like a girl part of me, that gay part of me, right?
00:38:23.440 --> 00:38:25.119
That's when I rejected him.
00:38:25.360 --> 00:38:25.679
Yeah.
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:27.599
And that's where shame came from.
00:38:28.000 --> 00:38:29.039
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:29.119 --> 00:38:34.079
Which is so common for for gay men, like rejecting or suppressing that feminine part.
00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:35.599
Yes.
00:38:35.760 --> 00:38:36.079
Yeah.
00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:37.199
For most of us.
00:38:37.519 --> 00:38:37.840
Okay.
00:38:38.639 --> 00:38:45.519
So when we're going within, we're looking at these parts, we're accepting them with compassion, we're looking at our shadows.
00:38:45.679 --> 00:38:47.199
You use psilocybin.
00:38:47.679 --> 00:38:50.320
Um, I've talked about it on I've talked about it here.
00:38:50.400 --> 00:38:55.199
I've also I also use psilocybin for the same for the same purposes.
00:38:55.440 --> 00:38:59.599
Um, I had a Valent let recently had a Valentine's date with psilocybin.
00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:01.920
Amazing.
00:39:02.880 --> 00:39:04.559
As a week you need one as well.
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:05.599
Yeah, yeah.
00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:15.840
Well, it's such a it's such a again, good way to just shift perspective on my life, you know, and see things from a different angle and then in a new way.
00:39:16.079 --> 00:39:18.960
Yeah, really is it opens up your mind.
00:39:19.440 --> 00:39:20.480
Yes, yeah.
00:39:20.880 --> 00:39:23.920
Okay, and then so your last phase is the return.
00:39:24.159 --> 00:39:27.119
This is when we're returning to our true self, right?
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:28.000
Correct.
00:39:28.239 --> 00:39:44.239
Um, and I have And there for uh and for me, sorry, there there is uh there has to be some sort of spiritual component because when you return, um you realize that you've never been alone, right?
00:39:44.400 --> 00:40:09.280
So I'm not telling you that you need to believe in one thing specifically, but there's a sort, there's some kind of surrender that is needed for you to be able to return to like let go of all the control, of all the fears, let go of all the things that you've been clinging on to for so long, so that you can actually return to your true essence as uh as a soul.
00:40:11.280 --> 00:40:14.000
And and one of the things she says, I have been chosen.
00:40:14.079 --> 00:40:18.239
Like this is preparation to understand my purpose, right?
00:40:18.400 --> 00:40:24.559
Yeah, and I think this is uh again where that everything has happened for me comes into play, right?
00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:25.760
Yeah, exactly.
00:40:25.920 --> 00:40:26.239
Exactly.
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:32.239
Even as we were talking it before, remember that you told me that um it seems that I'm really good at content.
00:40:32.400 --> 00:40:36.559
And I was like, well, actually, my first business was content and Instagram coaching.
00:40:36.800 --> 00:40:46.000
Um but then if I think about all the because I have pivoted so many uh so many times, I am the king of pivoting.
00:40:46.320 --> 00:41:05.360
And uh now that I look back, I'm like actually every single step of my journey, if we're talking like my business journey, let's say, was preparing me for this thing that I'm doing right now, for this one thing that I'm doing right now, which I truly believe is my my want purpose in this life and is to work with gay men.
00:41:05.599 --> 00:41:06.320
Mm-hmm.
00:41:06.480 --> 00:41:06.960
Mm-hmm.
00:41:07.440 --> 00:41:07.920
Yeah.
00:41:08.159 --> 00:41:13.679
It's it's it's just this really highly individualized curriculum, isn't it?
00:41:13.920 --> 00:41:14.400
Yeah.
00:41:14.639 --> 00:41:16.639
That we could never really understand.
00:41:17.119 --> 00:41:17.679
Mm-hmm.
00:41:18.400 --> 00:41:21.119
But we just have to have certainty that it is.
00:41:21.440 --> 00:41:22.079
Yeah.
00:41:22.719 --> 00:41:23.199
Exactly.
00:41:24.079 --> 00:41:25.360
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:25.679 --> 00:41:29.599
Okay, so in this return phase, what do we do?
00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:40.000
Like, so if if I've gone through this, these phases with you, and let's say I find myself, maybe this pattern is showing up again.
00:41:40.159 --> 00:41:43.199
You know, maybe I see it kind of rearing its head.
00:41:43.679 --> 00:41:47.119
What are some what what are some ways to respond to that?
00:41:47.280 --> 00:41:53.119
And what would you say to somebody who said, now wait a minute, I thought that I I thought you helped me get rid of this.
00:41:53.360 --> 00:41:55.599
You know, why how why is it coming back?
00:41:55.760 --> 00:41:57.920
What's wrong with me, or what's wrong with the process?
00:41:58.079 --> 00:41:59.519
You know, what would you say to that?
00:41:59.760 --> 00:42:00.159
Yeah.
00:42:00.400 --> 00:42:14.719
So the truth is that it's very likely that the patterns are still going to trigger because, as I said before, your nervous system, your body has been living in this constant um drive over and over again.
00:42:14.880 --> 00:42:19.039
And you cannot destroy that or change that from one day to another.
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:21.760
What you do is that you become conscious, right?
00:42:21.920 --> 00:42:24.480
And then there's something that's called the window of tolerance.
00:42:24.559 --> 00:42:37.280
So the window of tolerance is where you stay in um homeostasis state where like you are relaxed where you are, you know, in your center, and then you have hyper-arousal or hypoarousal.
00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:43.840
The idea is that you expand this window of tolerance and you create your own set of tools.
00:42:44.400 --> 00:42:55.679
What there's so many different tools, again, like breath work, uh, movement, um, sound, whatever works best for you to help you stay in this window of tolerance.
00:42:55.760 --> 00:43:03.519
So when the pattern comes, when it triggers, you have that extra moment to consciously choose.
00:43:03.679 --> 00:43:05.280
Okay, this is happening.
00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:16.800
I know where it's coming from, I know it's protecting me for, I know what it's caused me in the past, I can feel where it's in my body, I know what to do now.
00:43:17.440 --> 00:43:17.760
Right?
00:43:17.920 --> 00:43:20.000
So you consciously choose, okay?
00:43:20.320 --> 00:43:30.639
There is this rule called the 90-second rule that says that every single trigger that you experience will go away in 90 seconds if you really stay with it, right?
00:43:31.280 --> 00:43:41.280
So if you there's something that has happening to you that's triggering you, you name it, you feel it, and you stay with it for 90 seconds.
00:43:41.360 --> 00:43:43.199
And after 90 seconds, it's gone.
00:43:43.519 --> 00:43:43.920
Yeah.
00:43:44.239 --> 00:43:44.559
Yeah.
00:43:44.719 --> 00:43:44.880
Right.
00:43:45.119 --> 00:43:50.159
So there's different tools that work for some people, other tools that work for other people.
00:43:50.320 --> 00:43:55.280
The idea is that after this process, you know, you've really come back to yourself.
00:43:55.519 --> 00:43:59.760
And again, healing is not a destination, healing is a process.
00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:03.920
Healing is a remembering over and over and over and over again.
00:44:04.159 --> 00:44:08.639
So you now get to consciously choose how to react.
00:44:09.039 --> 00:44:13.679
And again, you might react in the opposite way, and that is fine as well.
00:44:13.920 --> 00:44:20.320
At the end of the day, we're humans, and uh we should remember that part of the human experience is making mistakes.
00:44:20.480 --> 00:44:25.679
And uh, if you make a mistake, then there's gonna be a new lesson there.
00:44:26.000 --> 00:44:33.760
So um the idea is to kind of like reduce the number of times you react in the way that you used to.
00:44:34.159 --> 00:44:35.119
It's a process.
00:44:35.199 --> 00:44:38.480
Uh I always say that's that healing is more of a spiral, right?
00:44:38.639 --> 00:44:47.280
Sometimes you're up here, sometimes you spiral down, and your goal is to consciously know how to bring yourself back here, and it's always going to be like this.
00:44:47.760 --> 00:44:54.639
Without shame, always the most important thing is to let go of shame because with shame healing cannot happen.
00:44:55.599 --> 00:44:56.559
Right, right.
00:44:56.800 --> 00:45:09.360
So this this idea, this is where I think a lot of people are are stuck, and sometimes it's hard for me to try to articulate, is that feeling it, right?
00:45:09.679 --> 00:45:17.599
When you when it comes, you're saying to to be with it, to feel it, reduce it.
00:45:17.679 --> 00:45:19.599
I'm sorry, I I can't read my writing now.
00:45:19.760 --> 00:45:25.280
Um, but when it comes when it comes back, let's say it is loneliness, right?
00:45:26.159 --> 00:45:31.840
Or or let's say, yeah, you're you're responding again to why am I why am I so alone?
00:45:32.079 --> 00:45:32.239
Right?
00:45:32.880 --> 00:45:34.159
And all that kind of thing.
00:45:34.320 --> 00:45:36.880
And that that emotion comes up.
00:45:37.119 --> 00:45:45.039
And so the re the repeated pattern for me would be, I'm gonna go use so that I can feel like I belong somewhere, right?
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:45.840
Yeah.
00:45:46.159 --> 00:45:55.199
How do I feel that loneliness for 90 seconds, but not not accentuate it, not help it?
00:45:55.599 --> 00:45:57.519
Uh yeah, how do I not activate it?
00:45:57.599 --> 00:46:00.079
How do I keep from being in it?
00:46:00.320 --> 00:46:02.480
Like to observe it, but not of it.
00:46:02.800 --> 00:46:03.440
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:03.599 --> 00:46:06.880
Well, I'm gonna answer by sharing another story if that's fine.
00:46:07.119 --> 00:46:07.360
Sure.
00:46:07.599 --> 00:46:22.079
So one of the other compulsive behaviors for me was uh my addiction to grinder, and I was in grinder a lot, and again, looking for validation, looking for my worth on other people, other people's bodies, uh, looking for that masculine to finally choose me.
00:46:22.239 --> 00:46:25.920
And uh what I really wanted was just to be seen, was just to be chosen, right?
00:46:26.079 --> 00:46:31.360
So I made the conscious decision a couple of months ago that I'm not gonna be in the apps anymore.
00:46:31.519 --> 00:46:32.960
I do want to meet someone.
00:46:33.199 --> 00:46:43.199
I am open to you know, to to receiving whatever is coming, but I wanted to be real, organic, not through the apps.
00:46:43.280 --> 00:46:44.480
And this is just a personal choice.
00:46:44.559 --> 00:46:48.639
I'm not saying that people are can't find a partner in the apps, right?
00:46:49.360 --> 00:46:50.800
But for me, it was a problem.
00:46:51.599 --> 00:46:53.519
So it's been fine.
00:46:53.679 --> 00:47:02.960
I actually, and I think the the semen retention part has allowed me to, you know, to really be present in my body and and not relapse for in that specific sense.
00:47:03.280 --> 00:47:15.840
But recently, last week, I was in gay pride in Madrid, and obviously, well, there was a lot of really good-looking guys, and I was with a group of friends that they were all coupled up, they were all in in relationship.
00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:25.199
I was the only single gay guy, and it was really nice to see them like you know, uh celebrating love together and witnessing each other and you know being intimate with each other.
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:32.639
But there was a part of me that started feeling this, this, this longing, because that's what I want, and I feel that's what we all want at the end of the day, right?
00:47:32.960 --> 00:47:37.280
So um I was walking back home with my friend, it was 3 a.m.
00:47:37.599 --> 00:47:38.719
and I started feeling it.
00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:48.400
I was like, uh, in a moment like this, this is when I would reach for grinder and just find anyone to hook up so that I feel chosen, right?
00:47:48.480 --> 00:47:48.880
Yes.
00:47:49.119 --> 00:47:52.960
Uh but I didn't have grinder, so I was like, okay, I'm just gonna let it go.
00:47:53.039 --> 00:47:58.880
But then we got home and then she went to sleep, and I was like, it was getting stronger and stronger.
00:47:59.119 --> 00:48:00.320
This really, this urge.
00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:01.599
Uh, so I was like, you know what?
00:48:01.679 --> 00:48:06.480
I'm just gonna download it and just just crawl for a bit for a bit and see what's out there.
00:48:06.639 --> 00:48:07.920
So I downloaded it, right?
00:48:08.079 --> 00:48:16.639
And that was scrolling, and at this while I was scrolling, I could see myself, I could witness myself, I could understand, okay, this is not what I want.
00:48:16.719 --> 00:48:18.800
But it was like a very strong pull.
00:48:19.280 --> 00:48:20.239
So what did I do?
00:48:20.480 --> 00:48:29.199
I put my phone down, I took a couple of very deep, slow breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth, and then I went and I took a cold shower.
00:48:29.280 --> 00:48:32.480
And in the meantime, I was okay, what's happening?
00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:44.480
I went to Pride, I saw a lot of people uh in relationship in couples, it made me made me feel this longing because this is exactly what I want and this is what I've been looking for.
00:48:45.119 --> 00:48:48.719
Their reaction is a typical reaction that I've had in the past.
00:48:48.880 --> 00:48:52.800
Is it going to give me that that the what I need?
00:48:53.199 --> 00:48:56.400
That feeling of of being seen and chosen by someone special?
00:48:56.639 --> 00:49:00.719
No, okay, fine, okay, it's not gonna give me what I need, it's gonna make me feel worse.
00:49:01.119 --> 00:49:04.559
And I was able to bring myself back to to center, back home.
00:49:04.960 --> 00:49:09.119
And uh I deleted the app and I didn't do I didn't accidentate.
00:49:09.199 --> 00:49:20.400
But it was this process, you know, like I could be the observer from the moment it started until the moment I was able to calm myself down and be like, this is not what I want.
00:49:20.719 --> 00:49:22.480
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:22.719 --> 00:49:23.519
Thank you.
00:49:24.239 --> 00:49:29.519
Because when I when I say to people, feeling is healing, right?
00:49:29.679 --> 00:49:37.039
In terms of feeling it, observing it, but not being but not letting it take you away, not like being of it.
00:49:37.119 --> 00:49:51.360
It's it's hard to ar it's hard for me to articulate that that that what you're saying, what you're describing here helps because it also isn't just sitting with the feeling, it's asking some questions of curiosity.
00:49:51.679 --> 00:49:57.840
Curiosity, you know, what is it you really want right now, and why is it your back?
00:49:58.559 --> 00:49:59.199
You know.
00:49:59.920 --> 00:50:06.880
Um something similar like this happened to me recently, where I found myself on sniffies.
00:50:08.320 --> 00:50:11.920
And um, and I was on, you know, in it.
00:50:12.000 --> 00:50:16.480
Like when I get on it, I become that uh that sniffies character, right?
00:50:17.119 --> 00:50:24.079
And not me, but you know, I was I was I was uh reflecting on it later and I was like, what?
00:50:24.239 --> 00:50:26.239
Let me let me retrace my steps here.
00:50:26.559 --> 00:50:28.159
Why why are you doing this, right?
00:50:28.239 --> 00:50:32.400
And it all started when a date canceled on me.
00:50:33.519 --> 00:50:42.880
Um and that date canceled, and it just then then this happened, then that happened, and then I then I started noticing, oh, wait a minute, he didn't text me back either.
00:50:43.199 --> 00:50:45.039
Wait a minute, I haven't heard from that person.
00:50:45.199 --> 00:50:52.480
Like I was in that mode all day, which led up to I gotta get somebody's gotta, like you said, choose me.
00:50:54.079 --> 00:51:00.079
And and so when I was able to see that, I was like, oh, so this is the pattern, right?
00:51:00.159 --> 00:51:07.119
If I could just observe it and be curious, I can see like next time I need to put something into place, I'm gonna be more aware of it.
00:51:07.280 --> 00:51:08.159
I'm gonna be aware.
00:51:08.400 --> 00:51:10.719
Now, again, hey, I might repeat that again.
00:51:10.960 --> 00:51:13.039
Yeah, and it's fine, right?
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:16.239
No shame, no shame, no shame.
00:51:16.880 --> 00:51:30.719
Like if I would have if I would have if I would have not deleted the op and ended up meeting up someone and having sex with this person, I would have had compassion for myself because I understand where it's coming from and no shame.
00:51:30.960 --> 00:51:31.679
No shame.
00:51:31.840 --> 00:51:33.119
No shame, no shame.
00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:33.840
Yeah.
00:51:34.079 --> 00:51:34.400
Good.
00:51:34.559 --> 00:51:35.039
Thank you.
00:51:35.199 --> 00:51:41.199
Well, I don't it it's hard to go into, I would say, this dissent phase on the podcast.
00:51:41.360 --> 00:51:46.719
Um, I would think, you know, if you are listening and it sounds vague, you know, what does it mean go within?
00:51:46.800 --> 00:51:48.079
What does it mean go with my body?
00:51:48.159 --> 00:51:50.320
What does it mean my XL parts, my shadow work?
00:51:50.559 --> 00:51:54.239
So all of that I think could be answered if you take Juan's program.
00:51:54.800 --> 00:51:55.440
Yes.
00:51:55.760 --> 00:51:56.400
Right?
00:51:56.800 --> 00:51:59.599
They're also mini version.
00:51:59.840 --> 00:52:02.480
I also have a mini version of the program because the program is deep.
00:52:02.559 --> 00:52:06.400
It's one-on-one, like the support for 90 days.
00:52:06.559 --> 00:52:06.719
Yeah.
00:52:06.880 --> 00:52:10.000
I actually released a challenge that's called Five Days to Come Home.
00:52:10.159 --> 00:52:17.280
And it's a mini version to give you like a taste of what it is to get out of your mind and into the body into all these parts.
00:52:17.360 --> 00:52:23.920
So that's something if if you are inter if you're listening and you're interested, um, I'll share the link with you as well.
00:52:24.320 --> 00:52:25.280
Yeah, great.
00:52:25.519 --> 00:52:34.079
Yeah, because this descent just kind of if you think about it, you're descending into maybe a darkness, the shadows.
00:52:34.639 --> 00:52:39.280
It it would always help to have somebody to to be your guide, right?
00:52:39.440 --> 00:52:40.079
To be your guide.
00:52:41.360 --> 00:52:42.719
Back to the hero's journey.
00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:45.599
You know, the the hero always has a guide, you know.
00:52:46.480 --> 00:52:55.679
And then they the guide steps back when it's into the final challenge so that he can show himself he can do it, but the guide helps him through that cave.
00:52:55.760 --> 00:53:01.760
And so I think having you as a guide would be would be ideal for anyone wanting to go through this process.
00:53:03.119 --> 00:53:03.599
Thank you.
00:53:03.760 --> 00:53:04.079
Yeah.
00:53:04.880 --> 00:53:09.760
So what did I leave out today, besides all the other topics we want to get to?
00:53:09.840 --> 00:53:16.480
But in terms of what our subject is today, was there something that you wish we would have covered or something that I missed or didn't understand?
00:53:16.880 --> 00:53:19.519
No, I think you did an excellent job, to be honest.
00:53:20.800 --> 00:53:21.679
Thank you.
00:53:22.480 --> 00:53:24.559
I'm surprised, to be honest with you.
00:53:24.719 --> 00:53:29.519
Uh, the way my my brain was firing before this happened, but uh, I didn't get a lot of sleep either.
00:53:29.599 --> 00:53:32.079
Um, but anyway, we we are connected.
00:53:32.320 --> 00:53:35.440
We are connected to the field, so we're both downloading right now.
00:53:35.760 --> 00:53:36.639
Yes, yes.
00:53:36.880 --> 00:53:37.840
I you know what?
00:53:37.920 --> 00:53:49.440
That's just that's so true because sometimes I I stop a podcast, I'm like, I don't know what the hell I said or at or what was said at all in that podcast because something else took over and asked the questions.
00:53:49.599 --> 00:53:50.559
It wasn't me.
00:53:50.719 --> 00:53:53.440
Um I go back and listen to it, I'm like, oh wow.
00:53:54.639 --> 00:53:55.039
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:53:55.199 --> 00:53:56.719
First time I've heard that as well.
00:53:58.800 --> 00:54:02.960
Um yeah, for so for you listeners, this is this is it.
00:54:03.199 --> 00:54:05.119
Like we we can repeat this.
00:54:05.199 --> 00:54:16.159
That this is what what Jan is saying is is a lot of what we've covered in different segments in different parts, but it's kind of it's kind of reconciled into one process.
00:54:16.480 --> 00:54:26.480
But listen, you you're looking and looking, looking for a quick fix when it's really this this descent is where is where it it is.
00:54:26.639 --> 00:54:27.760
That's what it takes.
00:54:28.480 --> 00:54:40.800
And it's it's setting in with those emotions and figuring out what they are wanting with compassion, observing, uh, finding out more about yourself.
00:54:40.960 --> 00:54:42.239
That's what this is all about.
00:54:42.400 --> 00:54:48.880
And like, and like Juan said, some people never go into the descent, and you see them in recovery.
00:54:49.280 --> 00:55:04.000
They're they're in recovery, quote unquote, in terms of they've quit the substance, but they're not, they're still repeating the same patterns over and over and over, and they're not growing, they're not getting anywhere, they're buffering in life.
00:55:04.239 --> 00:55:08.000
And this is where this is what it takes to get out of that.
00:55:08.159 --> 00:55:11.920
So I hope that you can benefit from it and hope you'll listen to it again and again.
00:55:12.159 --> 00:55:15.760
And thank you, Jan, for being here, giving us your time.
00:55:15.920 --> 00:55:18.480
I know you're a busy man, you have a lot happening.
00:55:19.119 --> 00:55:20.880
You're all busy, but I it was a pleasure.
00:55:20.960 --> 00:55:21.679
I really enjoyed it.
00:55:21.760 --> 00:55:22.639
Thank you so much for having me.
00:55:23.119 --> 00:55:23.360
Good.
00:55:23.519 --> 00:55:24.079
Thank you.
00:55:24.320 --> 00:55:26.079
All right, guys, that's it for this week.
00:55:26.239 --> 00:55:30.719
If you want to engage in the conversation, you can comment on Spotify, you can comment on YouTube.
00:55:30.960 --> 00:55:34.960
If you want to DM me, I'm on all social platforms at all times.
00:55:35.119 --> 00:55:36.079
Just give me a ring.
00:55:36.239 --> 00:55:37.599
We'll talk about the subject.
00:55:37.679 --> 00:55:44.400
And also don't forget we do have a Facebook group, the Aftermath Podcast Facebook group, where we talk about the podcast on there too.
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Hope you'll join and see you next time.