RaDonda Vaught on Life After Nursing, Shame, and the Mistake Every Nurse Fears

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Welcome to Club Nurse.
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I'm Colton Lord, your host.
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By you being here today, it shows me that you are someone who wants to learn, grow, laugh, connect, and just let your emotions flow.
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We are here to share real stories and share real life experiences from real people.
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It's here to episode with someone you love.
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Now, let's dive into today's conversation.
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Welcome back to the Club Nurse Podcast.
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My name is Colton Lord, your host, and today we have a guest on.
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I'm super excited to talk to.
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I know over the last you know few weeks, probably actually a couple months, I've just been doing solo news episodes.
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So excited to have a guest back here on the podcast.
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Um we have Redonda Vott, which I'm sure most of you listening have either heard that name or you know know something about um what had happened with Redonda.
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So I'm super excited to uh have you here today to have you talk about your story and just to really provide your insights because I think that it is important for us as nurses who are we're all vulnerable to anything happening to us at any time.
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Um so I'm excited to have you here.
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So welcome to the Club Nurse Podcast.
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Thanks.
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Thanks for having me.
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Happy to be here.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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So things that I want to point out.
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Number one, this is not just my story.
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And I always try to be really clear about that.
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I'm the one that narrates it a lot, but it doesn't belong to me.
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And there were many this is a story of about an event.
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I just happen to be the one that's telling it.
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You know, this is Charlene's Murphy, Charlene Murphy's story as much as it is anyone else's.
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Yeah, it's a whole community worth of people.
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It's it's all of their story.
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And we are all vulnerable, ourselves, our patients.
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It's a very vulnerable career field that we work in with a very vulnerable group of people that we're caring for.
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Yeah, yeah.
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No, totally, absolutely.
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Um, I'll give like, I'll just give like a brief kind of overview.
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Then I think it would be best maybe if you give us just kind of the for anyone who does who maybe doesn't know, just give us kind of the rundown of what happened.
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Um, and then of course, like I said, I know that you've that people can find all the all the information that they want.
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Um, but obviously it's I think best to hear it from the source as well.
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So I know you worked for Vanderbilt University Medical Center, um, was in Nashville, correct?
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Yeah, in Nashville, uh was a neuroICU nurse there.
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I started in October of 2015, like a fairly new nurse.
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I had about nine months of med surge experience at a smaller hospital.
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And then this particular event happened about 26 nights into my career.
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So it was December, end of December of uh 2017.
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So I'd been there for about over two years.
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Okay.
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Well, yeah, why don't why don't you just give us kind of the brief overview of kind of what happened there?
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Um, so I was working there, it was my dream job.
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This was the day after Christmas.
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I was working in a help-all role, so not a float role.
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It was essentially a resource nurse for our critical care unit.
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I was also um orienting um someone that was part of our nurse residency program in our unit.
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So he was a newly licensed nurse.
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And um I made a med error.
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I gave a patient Becky Ronium, a paralytic agent, instead of the versed that she had been prescribed for her claustrophobia and anxiety for our PET scan.
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And she was unmonitored and alone.
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And she ultimately um sustained an anoxic brain injury and passed away as a result of that error.
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Um, full transparency.
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You know, I as soon as I was aware of the mistake, I reported it.
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I told all the people, did all the things.
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Ultimately, Vanderbilt did decide to terminate me pretty quickly within within a week.
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The Board of Nursing investigated, you know, ultimately there were two investigations.
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The first one ended with nothing happening, the second one ended with me losing my license.
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I was arrested for two felony charges in February of 2019 and then convicted in 2022 of criminally negligent homicide and abuse of an impaired adult.
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Served three years of probation, and now I am I'm here to I'm here to steer this back in a better direction because it happened and it nothing about it was pleasant for sure.
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But one thing I will say is you have to find a silver lining.
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Right.
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And the silver lining in this particular event is that uh I have no strings attached.
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I can discuss whatever I want.
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I don't even have to worry about violating HIPAA because all of these medical records and documents were provided in a court of law, including, you know, my incident reports, just hundreds and thousands of pages of evidence and information that we normally don't ever get a chance to assess and look at and really learn from.
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And learning from them is the point.
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We don't get a chance to do that because we were are restricted in so many ways.
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First and foremost, federal law is going to prevent those conversations from happening.
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And then you have, you know, your license and what it's okay for you to do professionally, what your standards and ethics say that you can and can't engage in conversation and try to talk about things.
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Um, your workplace, you have to worry about losing your job, potential retaliation, etc.
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So there's a lot of reasons.
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Um, and I feel like this case became one more reason for people not to report and not just to not report, you know, events, but also near misses, the really low-hanging fruit, the stuff that we could be working on.
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But there was a lot of fear around that.
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So the silver lining here is that, you know, I I want to be a part of correcting that.
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I don't want to be the reason why more people are hurt.
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And when I say more people, I mean patients and health workers.
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I don't want to be the reason why that happens.
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So yeah, I think it's important that I have this chance to just just talk and share.
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Yeah.
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Nothing else, people are having the conversation, right?
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Yeah, yeah.
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I mean, I I I think it's great, first of all, because you know, you don't have to do this, right?
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You don't have to share your story, you don't have to keep kind of bringing it up, you don't have to keep reliving um, you know, what happened in in uh that situation.
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Uh, but uh that is kind of something like that I wonder is what is your what is your outlook on on people reporting?
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Like, do you feel like if you had not, I mean, obviously you would have had to live with that because you knew it had happened, but do you do you think if you had never said anything, do you think the hospital would have investigated the, you know, the death?
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Like, do you think that it would have ever ended up where it did?
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Or I mean, I know it's kind of maybe hard to say, but like what do you think?
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No, I don't think it's hard to say at all.
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Um, and listen, I'm not gonna go down the rabbit hole here, but I can tell you that given the hospital's response in the immediate months after this event happened, um, had I said nothing, had we just, you know, had there been nothing on paper, and the only thing really on paper was my incident reports and then a few notes.
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And there's it's not even documented by me that I gave her the medication.
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Again, I don't want to get into the weeds with all that, but based on what factually, not throwing Vanderbilt under the bus.
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It's I'm you're never gonna hear me do that.
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But factually, based on what happened, no, I don't think that we would have heard about this.
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It would have just gone.
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It would have been another unheard of event.
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And what good does that do?
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Right.
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Which is which which points to the issue of why, you know, healthcare professionals and specifically nurses feel scared to say anything, even if they did make an error that, you know, didn't didn't fatally harm anybody or even maybe didn't even bring any injury to them.
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It's just the you know, the these these hospital systems tell us, you know, that they they want these reports because they just want to, you know, improve processes and uh yada yada yada.
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Um, but the reality is is when you do report something, we can be criminally charged, we can be lose our license.
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And um, you know, that's it's I don't know, it's it's hard to know like what is, you know, in my opinion, I think obviously you did the right thing because you, you know, you notice, oh my gosh, I made a mistake.
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I need to make sure this everyone's aware.
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And I'm sure that that, you know, that was years of you know, so much so much stress.
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I mean, just the fact that you had to, you know, go through the whole trial and like that was years of your life of just like not knowing what's gonna happen.
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Yeah.
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That's it, not knowing what was gonna happen.
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I lived in limbo just every waking minute of every day.
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It was rough.
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It was rough, but it certainly wasn't worse than what that patient went through.
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It wasn't worse than what her family had to go through, and having to watch it unfold on their end, you know, um, and have this very deeply personal situation play out.
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Yeah.
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Publicly.
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Um yeah, it was hard all around.
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I will say we're having conversations now that we weren't having years ago, whenever I was in nursing school.
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No one was talking about this.
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Yeah.
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No no one talked about what's the what's the expectation.
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You know, no one talked about the fact that really bad things, not if but when, real bad things are going to happen in your career.
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Yeah.
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You're not just gonna make a little mistake and give, you know, ibuprofen instead of aspirin.
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You're big things are going to happen, bad things are going to happen because we are human in the line of work that we have, the mistakes that we make are going to have higher consequences.
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So we're having conversations now, just simply talking about the shame Gremlin, as Brenette Brown would say, just simply talking about it.
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I love her.
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I'm gonna let her.
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I was listening to her podcast earlier today.
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Like amazing.
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Anytime I need a little pick-me-up, I'm like, she could be talking about anything, and I'm like, I feel better.
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Like, I feel better.
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I feel better.
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She's talking about she's talking about the World Cup right now, and I'm like, I don't even watch sports.
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I never watched a single minute of it, but still I feel better.
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Yeah.
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No, I I agree, I agree.
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I I think, but like, you know, the message that she drives home with shame and vulnerability, it's it's all it's amazing.
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But yeah, listening to her talk about anything.
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You know, speaking to nurses out there, or really anybody, I suppose, in healthcare, like how do you accept a situation like this and move on?
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Is it something that you've had to just accept, or is it just something that you live with?
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Like, how how does one move on from um, even if it's not something fatal, but if it's just like a big mistake that they made, like how do you deal with that and move on, in your opinion?
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Do you know what my the the dean of my nursing school said to me on the first day?
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Not to leave it to all 125 of us.
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How do you eat an elephant?
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One bite at a time.
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One bite at a time.
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Yeah.
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That's it.
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One bite at a time.
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Okay one bite at a time.
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There is no magic.
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There is no magic recipe.
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There is no I can give you a pep talk, I can give you words of wisdom.
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I think the biggest thing that we can do for one another is to connect and and in our own lived experience share and bond with other people when they're having that same lived experience.
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So these shame gremlins of, you know, I would never I I would never do that.
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Oh, of course you would not intentionally ever at a mistake is not a a choice.
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It only looks like a choice in hindsight.
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Does that make sense?
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It's not a choice, it's you doing what you feel like is the right thing in the moment, and maybe you miss a few details here and there, but you're certainly not setting out to create this intended negative outcome.
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Right.
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Otherwise, you would have made different decisions, technically attempted that, right?
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So it's one day at a time, and it's recognizing if you see someone else going through something like that, if you have a little bit of experience, be there for that person.
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Right.
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Right.
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I remember before I was arrested, before any of this had publicly even came out, I I had taken about six months off of work, and then I started working in a C V I C U in another hospital in Nashville.
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And one of our newer nurses who was orienting, I was already off of orientation, and I was getting report from her.
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She was still on orientation and she had she had mixed up this patient's drip when she originally hung it, um, right after they'd come out of the OR, a fresh heart patient.
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And she'd she'd mix it up and she'd it had been caught very quickly.
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Nothing, no harm came to the patient.
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You know, I I want to say the drip was probably up for less than a couple of minutes, right?
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Very quickly caught, very quickly fixed.
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But she was emotionally affected, strongly emotionally affected.
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Yeah.
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She was in tears trying to get through a report.
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And I sat down with her and I was like, you know what?
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And I had never said anything about this event outside of the very few people that were very close to me.
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This is before it was like a public.
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Oh, yeah.
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This was before CMS report had come out.
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This is before anyone knew about it.
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Um, I sat down with her and I was like, you know what, this this feels like a moment where I think I I can share with you.
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And I was like, look, we've all made mistakes.
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And I said, this is a learning opportunity for you.
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You you did not intend to make that mistake.
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It happened.
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It happened because you're human.
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And I can tell you that I've I know how you're feeling right there, right right now.
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I know how you're feeling.
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I know how you're feeling because I've made a really bad mistake.
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I made mistakes, but I've also made a really bad one.
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A mistake that had consequences that we could not return from.
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Right.
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Someone lost their life because of a mistake that I made.
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And I told her that in that moment.
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And I think what it she wrote me a letter after I gotten arrested.
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And she said, I will never forget how you treated me in that moment.
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Right.
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Your your kindness and you recognizing that I was going through something and giving me the just sitting down, spending five minutes of the time we needed to get report on this patient to talk about this and say, I see you where you are.
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It's it's okay.
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Right.
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Right.
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I'm not saying it's okay for us to be willy-nilly making mistakes.
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Right.
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I'm not saying it's okay for us to not pay attention.
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I'm saying making a mistake is part of your human lived experience.
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And most important thing that you can do is take a few deep breaths and look at this factually and realize, recognize what can I learn from this.
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Right.
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Be grateful for the fact that nothing bad happened to the patient and be grateful for the opportunity that you have to learn.
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Because I'm telling you, this is not going to be the last time you're ever going to make a mistake.
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You won't make this mistake again, though.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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You bet your ass you won't make this mistake again.
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But you'll make others.
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Correct.
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And again, you will see other people making mistakes.
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Our job inherently is to continue to learn and to be advocates for ourselves and for our patients.
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In order to do that, we need to be continuously learning.
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We need to be supporting one another.
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Correct.
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We need to be creating a culture where we are talking about mistakes because who knows what was really happening in that room, right?
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Was this a look alike, sound alike?
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Right?
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Did someone just hand you a bag of medications and say, hey, go run and hang this?
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Were the were you changing out a medication?
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Was this there could have been a number of other things.
00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:46.240
So trying to calm that emotional response in the moment while it's still fresh and while you have the opportunity, and to go look and say, what can I learn from this?
00:16:46.480 --> 00:16:50.720
Let me take a step back and look at this from a human factors standpoint.
00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:56.639
What was going on in my brain that made me make the decision to hang this drug and administer it this way?
00:16:56.799 --> 00:16:57.519
What was happening?
00:16:57.600 --> 00:16:59.679
What were the other things that were happening around you?
00:16:59.840 --> 00:17:14.400
And if we don't take the moment the the moments immediately after that or in that time frame to support people, calm them down, and allow them sort of shift the direction to say, let's go learn it from this now.
00:17:14.720 --> 00:17:17.440
We're just we're driving that reporting culture down, right?
00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:18.960
That's the most important thing you can do.
00:17:19.039 --> 00:17:24.640
And I think I I I mean, you you really touched on it earlier of like uh or hit the nail on the head.
00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:25.759
It's it's it's shame.
00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:34.400
I think that's that's like the biggest thing for people and you know, for nurses is it's the shame of like, oh my God, I I made a mistake, I I did something.
00:17:34.559 --> 00:17:39.599
And it's it it is just unfortunately, it's just it is the culture in nursing, you know.
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:46.559
It's like there's a lot of there's a lot of ego in nursing, especially when you get into these critical care, like the ER, the ICU.
00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:50.319
Um, there's there's a lot of patient as that you're confident in what you're doing, right?
00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:53.759
Yeah.
00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:54.319
Yeah.
00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:54.880
Yeah.
00:17:55.039 --> 00:18:03.759
And I I mean I've I you know, as you're talking, I'm even reflecting on times in my career where I've done things where like I'm like, oh my god, like I and I I will I'll ruminate on it for days.
00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:09.920
Um and it it's like no one, you don't want to say anything to people because you don't want the judgment, right?
00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:11.519
Or you don't want it to lead to something else.
00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:19.200
And you know, I I've talked about this before, but like early in my career, I had a, I was maybe been a nurse for about six months.
00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:22.960
I had had a patient who took his own life on my, you know, he was one of my patients.
00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:23.759
It was terrible.
00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:26.480
It took me so long to like, you know, process that.
00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:38.000
And, you know, luckily enough, I at some point it was just like random chance, um, a family member of that patient had like spoken to a social worker who was also there that day at like a church event or something.
00:18:38.079 --> 00:18:43.839
And she ended up relaying that information back to me that just like gave me the closure of like, you know, like it wasn't my fault.
00:18:43.920 --> 00:18:44.720
Because I carried that.
00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:48.240
And I think again, that's what that's what nurses do, it's just human.
00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:52.480
You know, we are we are human and we we carry those things and we carry that guilt.
00:18:52.559 --> 00:19:01.599
And like, you know, like you said, it's not this is not just your story, this is the the patients, the families, and um yeah, it's just hard.
00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:04.559
I think it's every nurse's story in a way.
00:19:04.799 --> 00:19:27.359
You can take my name out of it, you can take the context specifically of what this patient was, what was going on with this patient, but if you really dumb it down to the lowest level of details, it's every nurse's, probably every doctor, every provider, anyone who works in direct patient care, it it's everyone's worst nightmare.
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:40.079
And I think every that I guess that's part of what really made this take off the way that it did is especially happening um right after going to court right after COVID.
00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:50.160
The amount of things that we had seen in healthcare throughout that pandemic did enough damage, I think, on its own.
00:19:50.480 --> 00:19:55.519
And then to see, oh my god, now we're gonna be criminally prosecuted.
00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:59.440
Like, do you know what kind of a crap show?
00:19:59.599 --> 00:20:07.200
Like everyone was they were literally just barely getting by the worst possible conditions.
00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:07.759
Right.
00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:12.640
And now we have this to deal with, you know, I I think it was too much.
00:20:12.799 --> 00:20:17.599
And they were like, pump the brakes, this is not okay, right?
00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:19.920
Yeah, two wrongs don't make a right, right.
00:20:20.240 --> 00:20:31.839
Criminally prosecuting someone for something that they did not intend to do and were completely transparent about is not going to make people in hospitals any safer.
00:20:31.920 --> 00:20:33.359
In fact, it only does the opposite.
00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:35.039
It drives reporting underground.
00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:43.519
What we need to do is think about human behavior and what is going to how are we gonna have a better outcome, not a worse outcome?
00:20:43.839 --> 00:20:46.079
Because I don't know what right looks like, but that ain't it.
00:20:46.319 --> 00:20:46.480
Yeah.
00:20:46.799 --> 00:20:47.039
Right.
00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:47.599
Yeah.
00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:57.039
I had a lot of empathy for the people who were working actively because I I was was still licensed, but I was never working in a clinical role through COVID.
00:20:57.279 --> 00:20:57.839
No, yeah.
00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:59.519
But I it was at the time.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:00.319
Yeah.
00:21:00.400 --> 00:21:04.000
I I I can see, you know, what was my worst day.
00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:08.720
I can see that in their experience and what we do, yeah, it is highly emotional.
00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:11.119
We are highly connected to the work that we do.
00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:12.079
Yeah, right.
00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:20.559
And then that that kind of that's a great kind of segue into like what I wanted to ask you about how how have you, and again, I don't know if you have an answer for this.
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:21.839
Do any of us have answers for anything?
00:21:21.920 --> 00:21:59.119
But in your in your perspective, like how how do you find how have you been able to, I guess, like separate your because I think a lot of us, again, identify with being a nurse so much that like how do you separate yourself from that when again, all of us are vulnerable to that being taken away from us, whether it's something like your situation or whether that's an injury that you're now not able to carry out the work that you've been doing at the bedside, or again, whatever it may be, like how have you been able to yeah, like separate yourself from like I am, you know, I'm a nurse, it's part of who I am, versus like that's you know, yes, it's what I do, it's how I make my living.
00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:00.480
It's I I enjoy it.
00:22:00.559 --> 00:22:02.160
Like how have you been able to separate that?
00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:04.240
I don't think you ever do mentally.
00:22:04.480 --> 00:22:04.799
Right.
00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:06.960
I I think it's I think it's still there.
00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:12.799
It's it's like um it's like breaking up you know with somebody that you really love.
00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:17.839
I guess I mean I I don't know Yeah.
00:22:18.079 --> 00:22:20.960
You know or or maybe having them break up with you.
00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:23.200
To be like having them break up with you.
00:22:23.359 --> 00:22:24.799
The option's not there anymore.
00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:25.200
Yeah.
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:27.920
Like I've given all this to you and now you're gonna leave me here.
00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:28.240
Yeah.
00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:31.440
Yeah it's which it's time for us to go our separate ways.
00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:31.920
Yeah.
00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:36.319
There there is there you know we're never we're never ever ever getting back together.
00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:38.640
Uh in the words of Taylor.
00:22:38.880 --> 00:22:39.119
Yeah.
00:22:39.359 --> 00:22:40.640
That's kind of what it's like.
00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:43.279
You just have to sort of accept it.
00:22:43.440 --> 00:22:45.759
The emotional pain is still there.
00:22:46.079 --> 00:22:48.240
Legally I have to be very clear.
00:22:48.480 --> 00:22:54.240
I am not a licensed nurse and I do not hold any sort of professional license.
00:22:54.319 --> 00:22:59.200
So I'm every time I speak publicly I'm that's in there somewhere.
00:22:59.599 --> 00:23:02.160
Because you know I have to make that extremely clear.
00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:05.759
So it's really like in a situation I have to be clear.
00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:09.119
I have to just you know very black and white I have to be black and white about it.
00:23:09.279 --> 00:23:12.400
And I would never want to go back to working at the bedside.
00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:13.119
Do I miss it?
00:23:13.279 --> 00:23:16.160
Yeah I I miss connecting with people.
00:23:16.559 --> 00:23:18.240
I love connecting with people.
00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:19.599
I'm an evil person.
00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:20.079
Yeah.
00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:22.559
And but that never goes away.
00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:22.880
Yeah.
00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:28.559
Or I don't I don't need to be taking care of people at the bedside to connect with people to be a helpful person.
00:23:28.720 --> 00:23:33.279
I I think I can continue to do good things and connect with people.
00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:35.200
You just have to find a different way to use it.
00:23:35.359 --> 00:23:45.920
Nursing is an art and a science right it's a balance and so there's your heart and there's your mind and it doesn't really turn off but I just have to know like you can shift.
00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:46.400
Yeah.
00:23:46.640 --> 00:23:46.880
Right.
00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:49.200
It doesn't have to be one or the other.
00:23:49.440 --> 00:24:00.400
There's a million things you can do in nursing and correct yeah and now I'm no I'm not a nurse but no level of charging me criminally is going to take away the education that I have.
00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:01.039
Correct.
00:24:01.359 --> 00:24:04.880
I still put BSN behind my signature because I work hard for that.
00:24:05.119 --> 00:24:06.720
Still paying the student loans on it.
00:24:07.039 --> 00:24:16.240
Jesus reclaiming that that BSN then for sure yeah I guess technically I don't know I don't know that you ever really turned it off.
00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:22.640
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00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:32.480
Okay.
00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:34.880
Yeah I mean I feel like that's yeah that's a totally fair answer.
00:24:34.960 --> 00:25:01.200
I just I just wonder that because I think again when you get when you're especially when you're a new grad nurse it's like you're so proud to be like I'm a nurse and and even today I mean I I still feel proud to like be able to you know to say that I just think you know when you get to a point in you know obviously you didn't have the choice to um have to like leave you know leave the bedside versus when people get to a point in their career where you know and I I have these thoughts all the time of just like what am I doing?
00:25:01.359 --> 00:25:15.279
Like do I really want to keep doing this and um and I you know again I just you've when you've lived this long and doing the same job and it's like this is what people kind of know me as I have all the social media and the podcast that's nursing and it's just like you know it becomes part of your identity.
00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:15.839
Yeah.
00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:18.400
Nursing will forever be a part of my identity.
00:25:18.559 --> 00:25:18.880
Yeah.
00:25:19.359 --> 00:25:23.759
You know um it will never not be a part of my identity.
00:25:24.079 --> 00:25:29.839
And just like we grow then you don't want to stay stuck in the same place.
00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:34.880
Just because nursing is a part of your identity doesn't mean that you have to stay where you are right now.
00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:36.720
It's a part of your life.
00:25:36.799 --> 00:25:43.519
It's a part of the road that you walk down if you want to make a left and take a different path you should do that.
00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:44.000
Yeah.
00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:45.839
That's okay, right?
00:25:46.480 --> 00:26:06.720
Um we put so much pressure on ourselves and I think a lot of that is it's on ourselves and then it's it's also kind of driven in culturally like the empathy manipulation that you know nurses kind of get yeah forced into yeah right yeah it's again it's just part of it's part of healthcare culture.
00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:14.799
Um I think taking care of yourself is the most important thing that you can do.
00:26:15.039 --> 00:26:25.200
And then it doesn't matter what you're doing because if you're taking care of yourself, your body, your mind, your like your spidey senses are going to tell you it's time for me to take a break from this.
00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:44.160
And yeah that's listening it's listening to that that's the most important right it's listening to that and knowing that you have to step away from the hero syndrome right you gosh yes hook your oxygen mask on before you help others around you.
00:26:45.440 --> 00:27:04.559
Because that goes to another I mean that goes to another like another point of like if you don't I feel and I'm I'm sure that there are studies on this um but if you if you're if you're not listening to that part of you I feel like you're probably more apt to make an error or things to happen because if you're not right if you're not feeling not saying that's what happened to you.
00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:08.640
The cognitive load needs to be focused 100% on that.
00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:28.960
You need to be rested you need to be fed you need to be taking care of yourself mentally physically you need to be healthy you need to be hydrated you need to be taking care of yourself in order to be the best version of yourself when you show up for these people who are vulnerable who don't have a choice to be there.
00:27:29.279 --> 00:27:44.480
You owe it to yourself and to the people that you're taking care of and to your coworkers right because you're gonna have to watch their patients when they go take two seconds to go to the bathroom right you're gonna have to be the one to hand off report to someone else or get report from someone else.
00:27:44.640 --> 00:27:48.000
You need to show up at your best taking care of ourselves we're not great at it.
00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:55.680
We're not right at it I think this younger generation is doing a better job maybe I think so or maybe they're maybe they're just maybe it looks like they're doing a better job.
00:27:56.000 --> 00:28:05.119
I think they're more I think the more like I ride the line I'm like literally if you Google it it I'm like I am like the year of like where millennial ends Gen Z starts.
00:28:05.200 --> 00:28:16.240
So like I have a lot of like the millennial kind of traits but like Gen Z, I really yes I I do think that they're less like Gen X to mill technically I'm a millennial.
00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:22.799
Okay yeah but I still have a lot of like I'm not that far off from from the Gen X people.
00:28:23.039 --> 00:28:23.200
Yeah.
00:28:23.440 --> 00:28:32.880
I mean raised in the South where everyone's like super closed minded about things and not very progressive like a lot of a lot of Gen X type of things like growing up that way.
00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:40.559
So it is interesting to watch this new generation of nurses come in.
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:46.400
I can't you know what I can't wait for what are these what are they called they're honey badgers or what what are they?
00:28:46.559 --> 00:28:48.000
Is it the is this the new generation?
00:28:48.240 --> 00:29:23.039
Uh yeah they're like no idea I don't know there's this lady on social media and I remember her describing them like I don't know they're just with they're whatever it's after is it alpha that's next yeah I don't know yeah I don't I don't have no idea aging ourselves I'm like I don't actually know well there's a little there's there's a group of little honey badger piranhas in the works and when those people get into healthcare they'll be the ones taking care of us when we're in the nursing home like you know I got Dr.
00:29:23.119 --> 00:29:29.440
Dre on in the background we're all repping our tramp stamps and they're gonna be the ones taking care of us.
00:29:29.519 --> 00:29:30.400
So it's gonna be great.
00:29:30.480 --> 00:30:04.240
But I can't wait to see them because it it's interesting to see people evolve a general generationally evolve and I feel like the generations that are coming in they're using their voice more they're more comfortable to say no I don't think so right whether they realize it or not they're learning from the lessons of people before them because we've put practices into place and we put boundaries into place and they're learning how to create those boundaries for themselves.
00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:07.599
And that also means creating boundaries for yourself in your workplace.
00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:19.680
Part of that is saying yeah no my limit is here I don't I'm not I'm I'm not comfortable and it's not safe for me to take any more patience um I will be taking my 30 minutes for lunch.
00:30:19.839 --> 00:30:25.759
I will not be not clocking out I will not be clocking out and not taking lunch.
00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:26.240
Right.
00:30:26.400 --> 00:30:31.519
If I need to go to the bathroom I'm gonna go to the bathroom we're gonna need to have someone here to cover that for me.
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:32.319
Right?
00:30:33.119 --> 00:30:53.680
Basic human rights basic function right it and having the courage um and just the sense of self to say yeah I am going to advocate for me to be the best version of myself today so that I can be the best version of the nurse taking care of these patients is it's important.
00:30:54.079 --> 00:30:54.559
Correct.
00:30:54.720 --> 00:31:18.400
And it's just just trickles down the if like we're talking about if if the nurse is taken care of it just trickles down to better patient care, better outcomes just you know it has to it just it has to I mean talking about all that I mean I I've I'm I'm in California now and I I've I've been in disbelief at my new job because they working in the ER because they they send a break nurse to you and you don't have a choice and you go take an hour.
00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:36.640
I take an hour break and it's like oh this is like I've one full hour like and it's like I mean I've been so I just go outside like get some sunshine just like actually go take one of those walks that like all of these healthcare institutions are like ways to stress.
00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:49.599
And I do walk outside walk outside what nurse sees the outside for 13 hours a day unless you've had to wheel your patient downstairs and take them out you know you're discharging you.
00:31:49.839 --> 00:31:50.240
Yep.
00:31:50.400 --> 00:31:57.519
It's amazing and they it's not like you're feeling any kind of guilt because you're leaving your coworkers with your assignment it's it's a break nurse who is that's their job.
00:31:58.400 --> 00:31:59.119
It's their job.
00:31:59.599 --> 00:32:01.359
Yeah it's it's it's fabulous.
00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:29.200
What is um I'm curious what is like what is your life looking like you know how how how is your life different how are your self-care um you know um practices different after after life at the bedside how is that looking different for you or how does your I I'm just curious for like like people to like see like oh there is life beyond this if it's you know I think some people love the bedside but if you don't if someone listening doesn't love the bedside and they're looking for something else like what is is there life after?
00:32:29.599 --> 00:32:58.960
There is life after look if anyone if anyone can say there's life after you know I I think I'm I'm proof of that there is life after um it it took a long time it took a long time for me to even feel like you know taking a shower and brushing your teeth on a regular basis was you know that I that I was worthy of even taking care of myself because again the shame is really strong.
00:32:59.359 --> 00:33:04.000
Uh but I don't know that most people are leaving in that situation.
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:12.000
But maybe you just hold the guilt of leaving there is absolutely life after you can do so many things.
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:26.000
Look my husband wanted to be a farmer since he was little we started this farming thing while I was still working as a nurse and then grew it over the course of all these other things happening.
00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:33.279
But I can tell you my nursing education and experience absolutely come into handy doing that.
00:33:33.680 --> 00:33:38.240
There are there are so many other things you could do in life.
00:33:38.559 --> 00:33:50.720
I think that I think that our um not to interrupt you but I have said this before to people and I something I always need to remind myself nursing and the skills that we obtain is so transferable to so many things.
00:33:51.119 --> 00:33:53.359
Transferable so transferable.
00:33:53.680 --> 00:34:15.760
What I've what I've taken from this conversation today is really just accountability having resilience telling the truth and just how you know I I I keep getting stuck on like maybe well you know what if you hadn't reported it but I think you know in my opinion I feel like you would probably be in a worse place because you'd still be carrying that because you knew right so like just telling the truth and then also on the other side like a worse place.
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:29.199
Yeah yeah because you would hold that it would be in your body and maybe you would have told a therapist or something I don't know but like you you would just you know who knows what you would be doing because we we wouldn't be able we we can't know that obviously but yeah I think it would be in a worse place.
00:34:29.280 --> 00:34:57.599
But I and I then I also think what I've taken from this is as a nursing community being being kind to one another and not being you know so ego driven and so judgy towards other people and understanding that any of us no matter how much how competent you are how many years of experience you have what you've done any of us are um vulnerable to making a mistake and our career completely being changed in in a second so in our life.
00:34:58.079 --> 00:35:05.119
Your life could change in a second whether it's in it inside your career or out of it you you never know what's about to happen in the next minute.
00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:11.599
You said one thing and this is a word that like it strikes a nerve every time I hear it and it's accountability.
00:35:12.320 --> 00:35:13.679
Can I ask you a question?
00:35:14.000 --> 00:35:14.320
Sure.
00:35:14.559 --> 00:35:16.320
What does accountability mean to you?
00:35:16.639 --> 00:35:18.559
What does accountability mean to me?
00:35:19.199 --> 00:35:28.320
Accountability it would to me just means taking yeah taking responsibility for my what I've done, my actions, my choices.
00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:31.519
When you say taking responsibility say more about that.
00:35:31.840 --> 00:35:50.559
Oh gosh okay well I guess I'm kind of I'm kind of stuck on that so if I'm if I'm being offer you something please please we talk about accountability and there's a lot of discussion around this we use accountability a lot and I feel like it's turned into a really dirty word.
00:35:50.800 --> 00:35:51.119
Okay.
00:35:51.360 --> 00:35:55.840
You know we say that person needs to be held accountable.
00:35:56.159 --> 00:36:13.119
I see okay and we make accountability a a thing that we feel like and I say we like the population in general people feel like we should do like I can make this person I can hold them accountable.
00:36:13.360 --> 00:36:16.719
Accountability is an an act of one person.
00:36:16.960 --> 00:36:23.119
Instead of account it's their ability to account for their actions.
00:36:23.360 --> 00:36:28.239
And an account means a story like this is the account of what happened.
00:36:28.400 --> 00:36:38.480
It's their ability to tell their own version of what happened to be able to account for your actions you can't make someone do that.
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:49.679
So so let me so let me just make sure I understand so so like in so like in your situation would it would accountability just be you saying oh I I made this error I gave this med instead of this med?
00:36:49.920 --> 00:37:09.280
Is that like what you're saying is yeah accountability is your willingness to bear all okay your willingness to say hey this is what happened um here you know here are the details and I'm gonna show up for a conversation about that.
00:37:09.440 --> 00:37:27.679
Like I'm willing to come to the table and engage you know with with whatever comes next I'm willing to accept the consequences of my actions but mostly it it's the initiation has to be the coming like I'm going to tell you what happened.
00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:28.400
Gotcha.
00:37:28.800 --> 00:37:31.280
I'm going to account for my actions.
00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:31.920
Okay.
00:37:32.559 --> 00:37:37.440
I think that's what accountability looks like it means I'm gonna stick through it when it's uncomfortable.
00:37:37.519 --> 00:37:39.599
I'm I'm here for the uncomfortable truth.
00:37:39.679 --> 00:37:40.719
We're gonna talk about it.
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:43.519
I'm gonna I'm gonna bear it all out here, right?
00:37:43.599 --> 00:37:56.239
I'm not I'm not it doesn't always mean that you're like falling on your sword, but it means that you're willing to have that conversation about the difficult thing, the thing that went wrong, right?
00:37:56.639 --> 00:38:01.760
I'm willing to take ownership for my role in what that looked like.
00:38:02.239 --> 00:38:07.519
So are you saying so is this because like we're people um saying like oh like she should be held accountable for what she did?
00:38:07.679 --> 00:38:23.840
Is that why and you're like well I am saying Yeah I'm and I and not just you know not just um me personally but it's like when you buy a a car and like it's a certain type of car, a certain color you never notice it before but then you notice it afterwards.
00:38:24.079 --> 00:38:24.320
Correct.
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:32.000
So yeah during court obviously they were really looking to the district attorneys were looking to hold me accountable for my actions.
00:38:32.480 --> 00:38:32.800
Right?
00:38:33.119 --> 00:38:34.880
I've already held myself accountable for my actions.
00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:35.360
Okay.
00:38:35.440 --> 00:38:48.400
Yeah yeah yeah I've already Okay hello that's you're like that's why we're here yeah that's why we're here we're we're here because you know had I not been transparent we wouldn't even have known this happened let's be clear about that.
00:38:48.559 --> 00:38:54.239
So there's a three page document in which I accounted for my actions.
00:38:54.559 --> 00:38:59.840
Amazing right I took ownership of my role in what happened here.
00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:11.440
That's what accountability looks like and I I think our culture isn't super super great about allowing people to be accountable for what's happening.
00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:21.440
They were really quick to blame and accountability kind of become synonymous and accountability becomes punishment.
00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:28.639
And it's not yeah yeah I told I yeah I've never I have never had somebody explain accountability to me.
00:39:28.800 --> 00:39:30.960
So that makes total sense what you're saying.
00:39:31.039 --> 00:39:31.599
Yeah.
00:39:32.400 --> 00:39:41.039
It's it's like it's one of those things that kind of sticks with me a lot and when I hear it I'm always I don't want to like challenge you but like I I do want to chat I want to challenge you.
00:39:41.519 --> 00:39:52.480
Yeah just you totally you got me I was like I don't I guess I my my interpretation was just yeah being responsible but yeah what you're saying like you literally just broke the word down and it makes so much sense.
00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:53.199
Yeah.
00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:59.039
So I always like to like open people's minds like it's just a way to think about something a little bit differently.
00:39:59.679 --> 00:40:05.039
Things like that are what move us forward in our life, in our profession.
00:40:05.599 --> 00:40:20.880
And I think just as as people it makes us a better person to say um I'm I'm gonna hold back my blame, my my shame, my judgment of you and I'm gonna allow you to account for your actions.
00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:22.960
And then we're gonna move forward together.
00:40:23.199 --> 00:40:23.599
Yeah.
00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:26.079
I love that yeah I do I love thank you.
00:40:26.239 --> 00:40:34.800
Yeah I thank you for kind of for giving me that yeah little switch in my brain that's again I've never had anybody kind of explain or I guess I've never thought much about breaking down that word.
00:40:34.880 --> 00:40:36.079
So yeah.
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:36.639
Yeah.
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:38.320
Thanks for indulging me.
00:40:39.119 --> 00:40:43.280
Of course um before we end Redonda do you do you have any parting words?
00:40:43.440 --> 00:40:54.639
Do you have any any words of wisdom anything that's just on your heart that you would that you would share with any new nurse, any experienced nurse, any nurse who's going through whatever in their career um any any parting words?
00:40:55.119 --> 00:41:41.840
I would never I would not be where I am today right now if it were not for millions of nurses across this country who in some way shape form or fashion chose to um be kind whether it was donating five dollars to a GoFundMe instead of getting Starbucks that night whether it was writing uh a letter or a message whether it was showing up you know to rally at the courthouse whenever I was being convicted the acts of kindness that I received man I'm so grateful for that and I'm so thankful for that.
00:41:42.079 --> 00:41:57.360
And so if you were one of those people that I'll never meet and I'll never get to say thank you to um like thank you it changed my life and it was what I needed when things were not not good.
00:41:57.760 --> 00:42:05.920
And so thank you if you were one of those people and if you weren't that's okay um kindness goes a long way.
00:42:06.159 --> 00:42:09.039
You never know what someone else is going through.
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:26.079
Absolutely the amount of times I work I was working for from June until February so eight eight months you know and no one knew it was happening and I would just go into the respiratory closet at three o'clock in the morning and cry and go back to work.
00:42:26.320 --> 00:42:32.079
You don't know what other people are going through and a little bit of kindness goes so far.
00:42:32.159 --> 00:42:32.239
Yeah.
00:42:32.559 --> 00:42:33.360
It goes so far.
00:42:33.440 --> 00:42:35.360
So kindness is free.
00:42:35.679 --> 00:42:38.000
Yeah yeah thank you to be kind.
00:42:38.239 --> 00:42:42.960
Well thanks Redonda I appreciate your time today thanks yeah thanks for having me on.
00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:47.679
From the bottom of my heart I wanted to thank you for being here at Club Nurse.
00:42:48.000 --> 00:42:50.559
I hope you gained something valuable from today's episode.
00:42:50.719 --> 00:42:54.159
And if you did remember to share this episode with someone that you love.
00:42:54.559 --> 00:43:09.360
Follow me on social at Nurse.org or call and be sure to follow nurse.org to stay informed with call of the way to take care of it